This is the 'before the editor' version. I wanted it to be out asap.

Chapter 6

Descent into Madness

What was this feeling inside of me? Fear? Anger? I didn’t even know myself. That last day passed like a blur, actually. As if I were drunk on adrenaline during the whole thing. Wake up in my room and poof, inside a laboratory getting kidnapped by a crazy scientist. Who said life had to be boring?

At first, when I felt the cold feeling of steel touching my skin, I thought I finally awoke from that dream my bothersome imagination tortured me with. It was obvious that all of this was a dream. A human turning into a colorful equine sounds like a plot for a game ranked around 1% on Metacritic.

So, following that logical train of thought, I’ve decided to find a reason why I’m stuck in someplace that has cold steel as the floor. It’s not everywhere that such a commonly used material is used as a floor. Places that do use it either use it because they were cheap or because the government was funding them… yeah, cheap in general.

Thus, I started making a mental list of places where cold ageless metal is used as flooring. That list came out with the incredible amount of one: it would have to be a cage. The question now is ‘why a cage?’ it’s not like I was an animal or anything. Even if my brain was trying to promote its idea of me being something that is excluded from humanity, I kept telling it that it was impossible and that it should check the newspaper for a new job.

Naturally, I could just open my eyes and answer each and every question that I’m asking myself, but there was a simple fact that kept preventing me from such a menial task. I was actually scared of what was behind those eyelids. Such a simple fear preventing the movement of muscle.

Behind those dark curtains were two realities. One of which makes obvious sense and the other straight out of the twisted mind of a chubby 16-year-old McDonald's employee working to become a game designer in Quebec. Why so specific? I don’t even know myself; I guess that’s how I’m made.

Either I was enclosed in a cage, surely in a mental institution where they thought that my sleepwalking was something to be scared of, or I really was what my brain was trying to push forward and met with the terrible fate of the animal control. Still, I’m not an animal… right?

So, all I have to do is to gather up my courage and open the veil enclosing my mind and expose my currently vulnerable state to the universe. It was a simple task with a simple payoff, but the metaphorical wall that was standing in front of me as an obstacle wasn’t really helping.

I raised them slowly, happy that my body was still intact after the shock I felt during that ridiculously long nightmare. Through my slight opening, I could barely see around me, but just enough to answer some questions that I asked myself earlier.

First, I was indeed in a cage.

Second, I was indeed on some cold steel.

Third, I indeed had a pink snout… wait.

That last realisation sent a signal to my eyelid. They closed harder than anything that can close in the universe. That sight was enough to place my body in some weird emergency state that I’ve never been before. Kind of like when you get a deja vu, but with something horrible that happened.

Right now, I was sure that my brain is scolding me for not listening to it… and even then, I will not bow to the pink pony overlord. I WAS A HUMAN, GOD DAMMIT! I was not a damn pink pony, my imagination must understand that fact. That fact that is laying there, in plain sight, every time I looked in the mirror. My humanity is not something to drop jokes upon.

It was during this moment I wished I had a brain switch to turn my imagination on or off. This way, I could be sure that nothing was going as an obstacle between me and reality. Still, if it was a figment of my imagination like it OBVIOUSLY was, I mustn’t let it stop me.

It took some negotiation between me, myself and I to unleash the locks holding my eyelids closed. Naturally, to prevent anything bad happening to my psyche, part of my brain was against the plan, but something worse could come and I wouldn’t see it.

Then, against all odds, I managed to open my eyes to the world of steel and light surrounding my laying body. I could still see all of what I’ve detected earlier. Meeting my vision was a cage, steel and the pink blob at the bottom of my vision.

I felt better now that I mustered the courage to open to my fate. Still, my rational side kept bothering me about that stain hanging low in my field of view. Thinking that it was something from inside the cage sticking on my nose, I started moving my facial muscles to get rid of it. Seeing that my lazy attempt of removing it proved to be fruitless, I’ve decided to do something more radical.

I tried to move my arm, but was met with something preventing me. I turned my head to look at my arm which was laying on the same steel as my noggin’, but was met with a pink stump looking like a big middle finger to my humanity. There was also a chain attached to it, preventing any movement.

It was a surprise, even a shock to my internal Ministry of Rational Affairs. While three quarters of my mind converted to the pink empire, there was still a secluded group trying to suppress the constant screams of my brain trying to explain the situation. Why was I picturing my psyche as a government? Why not?

I pushed my numb body away from the cold steel floor and, seeing that my chain wasn’t long enough, stayed on all four. I needed to find out what the hell was going on. I mostly wanted to know my physical situation. Was I still insane as a pony or rational and human? I knew I wouldn’t get any answer if I just stayed lying down, trying to weave a protective mental bubble with parts of my sanity.

I wanted to find anything to pinpoint a location before diving into the discovery of my body, which I think would be a mental crippling experience, but was met with a whole load of nothing. Of the four walls surrounding me, there was three that my OCD wouldn’t bother with, being simple plain steel walls that were stereotypical for cages.

For the last wall, which was obviously the one with the steel bars, I was met with a rather… special surprise behind the blockade. While the wall was a mix of eggshell white and… milk white, nothing else could give me info on my location or the time. Still, there was a mirror staring at my body, giving me answers to every asked or unasked question.

Instead of pairs of legs and arms, I was met with four identical hooves.

Instead of two small eyes with a calm smile, I was met with giant scared globes and a shaking muzzle.

Instead of small unaligned blond hair, I was met with a flowing pink and yellow hybrid of a mane.

Instead of a man standing proudly over his 5 foot 8 inches, there was a frail little pink mare shaking from fear.

I wanted to back off, to go away from what people call the reflection of the mind, but quickly felt the chains holding my physical body in place. The image was like torture. All of it  going against the deep encryption hard-wired in my brain. It wasn’t my reflection… I was sure of it.

Still, any movement that I took, it would do it. Why was it doing that? It wasn’t supposed to follow me… it wasn’t me. At every second passing by, my mind was slowly getting corrupted by what I now considered the truth. I started to lower my head, every confused emotions jumping around whining inside of me like kids on ADHD without their precious chocolate.

I screamed. The only way that I could show how angry, lost and sad I was screaming at the top of my lungs. Not only that, but I started to flail my legs around. Behind the scenes, my mind was trying to find a solution, mostly on how to regain control of the now uncontrollable body.

The sudden increase of sound coming from their main prisoner alerted whoever was walking by. Somebody arrived in front of my cage, but I couldn’t recognize any specific characteristic. I was too busy trying to shout my way out of this nightmare.

Was the man talking? I didn’t care. I only wanted my old life back. A simple wish for a simple man… or mare. Even as I was wailing in a mix of emotion, I was still think about this ordeal. I became a pony and there was no way around it. Still, denial was in the human nature.

The man opened the cage, and it was at the same moment that I regained a particle of sanity. I looked behind me and saw that this wailing and flailing almost pulled the chains out of their walls. My animal instinct kicked in and I knew that it was my last chance.

When the man lowered his hand to hold my snout, I concentrated all of the energy made available by my recent mood milkshake and punched the man right in his face. The strength of the flying hoof was strong enough to rip the chain apart and collide with his face, launching him on the other side of the cage.

The vibration of my chain breaking resonated with the steel wall, making the other chains more fragile. It was when my animal instinct took over. If somebody would see me at this moment, they would see a red eyed mare with smoke coming out of her nose. Funny… but scary.

I launched forward, breaking everything that was holding me in place. I jumped out of the cage and went… somewhere. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew that wherever I went, there would be an exit.

I quickly realised that I was going the right way when goons started to block my path. I didn’t know how, but I managed to quickly get passed them. Did I injure them? Did I kill them? I didn’t know. My memory was only recording about one centimeter around my body and it’s about limited to my thoughts.

I looked up and saw exactly what I was looking for. Upstairs was a door with artificial light shining under it. I could hear the sound of modern life behind that wooden barricade made by members of humanity. All of me was agreeing on one thing : finally I can be free.

That’s when I felt it.

I never felt something like this before. At first, I felt an impact on the side of my body. Then, it was the electricity running through my body. My muscles tensed up, locking in place like wooden rods. That attack quickly erased any hope I had at the time.

I blacked out.

V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V

I woke up with a feeling of poking on my side. While my brain was awake, however, I didn’t want to open my eyes. It was the same feeling I had minutes ago when I woke up in that cage. This time, I didn’t felt anything cold under me. More like something warm and fuzzy, like a thick carpet.

I started to feel more poking, but this time, on my head. I wanted to open my eyes and finally stop this annoying feeling, but after all of what happened; my mind didn’t want to take another chance at exposing myself to this world of agony.

As I weighed the pros and cons of waking up, I felt the impact of a stick on my ribs, startling me and making my recoil in pain. I opened my eyes and raised my head, only to see people looking at me, happy that their little plan worked. I knew they were talking, but I couldn’t hear them. Either it was because all of these injuries made me deaf, or it was… because I was simply a dumb animal.

When they saw that I woke up, one of them motioned with his stick for me to stand up. As somebody that has the right to freedom, I refused to act like a trained animal and stayed on the ground. Anyway, while standing up felt comfortable for my badly positioned legs, the carpet felt cuddly and inviting.

I felt another impact on my ribs and heard a cracking noise. Seeing that I had to listen to them, I stood up, receiving a round of applause from whoever was around me. I felt disgraced and angry at the display. I was forced to do their biddings at the threat of breaking my ribs.

But isn’t it the fate that is waiting for me as an animal?

Then, the leader motioned me to follow him. I could have stayed there, my legs looking like lamp poles in a city, but I knew that it wouldn’t be healthy to receive another hit near my belly. So, I’ve decided to follow the new rule that I just learned and listen to him. Listen to every order he ask me to do.

As I followed him, I realised how weird I felt. All of this felt wrong. All of this felt painful. It was like if I was stripped of any power I had and forced to follow a higher up. Like black people in the past. Like kids in factories in China. Like slaves in history.

But isn’t it the fate that is waiting for me as an animal?

I followed him like he was holding a leash around my neck. Yet, I was doing this in free will. Well, as much free will as an animal has. In front of me was the leader, who was not even looking back at me. He looked sure that I wouldn’t run away, as if I were a trained little puppy.

Behind me were two goons holding the unholy sticks. The sticks that were preventing me from the great escape. Yet, why would I escape? The only thing stopping them from hitting me was to do what they tell me to do. I was sure I would receive something else besides hits. Maybe even a bit of freedom.

As this is the fate that is waiting for me, now that I’m an animal.

They led me to a room where color was a foreign word. It was a large room with immaculate white walls. Nothing on them could help me differentiate this room from any other. There was no window to look outside… and now that I think about it, if there were stairs, then we are underground. There were no pictures, paintings or decorations to give some warmth to the room. It was almost like those rooms in prison for… misbehaving prisoners.

That’s when I clicked. One light, no windows, iron door with rusty hinges. That place was going to be where I was going to be kept. I wasn’t claustrophobic, but I cared a bit about my future. I turned around to look at the door and my possibilities, but it seems that it was considered as an attack and received two hits in my face, one per goon. I fell on the floor near the chains, my face bleeding.

I cried. This was too much. At first, it was my mind that was broken… now it’s my body that was getting attacked. I looked up with tears and I saw the master laughing before scolding the goons. He crouched and started petting me, wiping the tears off my face.

Maybe… being an animal is not so bad…

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift off. After all that I’ve been through, I owed myself some rest. I didn’t know how long I was stuck in this living hell, due to the lack of clocks, but I knew that it has been more than a few hours.

I was glad to fall asleep after all that I’d been through. Surprisingly, I knew that my master would protect me. I don’t know why, but I trusted the chief of the goons. Is it because he petted and… ‘protected’ me? Was he the guy with the taser rod? All of these questions flew over my head as I slowly fell in Morpheus’ arms.

I felt something going around my hooves as I tried to find peace, but I didn’t really care. I trusted that man who was supposedly standing over me. A man who attacked me and mostly chained me… I guess I really was stupid and gullible.

Like any other broken animal.

V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V^V

After leaving the realm of sleeping, I’ve decided to stay on the floor with my eyes closed. It was still the same ordeal as before. I didn’t want to open my eyes as I was way too injured to suffer anymore damage. Maybe if I kept my own consciousness away from reality, I wouldn’t occur the wrath at what was waiting for me.

I suddenly heard a sound near where I was laying. It didn’t sound like the walking cycle of my master, which consisted of the hard tap of work boots on these floor. This time, using my new animal ears, I could hear the faint noise of light shoes, almost like slippers, sliding on this white stone floor.

I knew that I didn’t had to worry because my master would prevent anything that could happen to me. Sure, I didn’t feel him under my head, but maybe it was because he was gone eating. That when I realized that I was so hungry right then.

Yet, I couldn’t decide when to eat. Deciding was no longer in my abilities.

When the sound of shoes stopped right near me, I calmed myself. Why should I be scared? I did nothing wrong, so nothing bad should happen. That’s how karma works, right?

Being relaxed didn’t help when I received around 1.5 million volts on the side of my head. I would have been knocked back a few meters if it wasn’t for the chains that was holding me still. While pain coursed throughout my flesh and bones, my mind was hard at work trying to find out why I was attacked again. Was I a bad animal for them? I did nothing!

He then tased where I was hit earlier, getting a scream from me. While that spot was still fragile from the impact of the rods earlier, more than a million volt racing through it should do the job of breaking the endorphin wall and tickle the pain trigger.

I managed to open my eyes slightly as I was laying on my back from the force of the impacts. I could fully see from the right one, but the left eye must have been swelling from the attack. Using my flexible neck, I managed to see the giant black bruise on my rib cage and could see something out of place, broken under the skin.

Then I saw the man, whom I recognized as the german who kidnapped me at the beginning of all this mess. He was holding two rods that looked ready to attack and his face was a mix of disgust and anger. He raised both arms and I prepared for impact.

For about five minutes he didn’t stop hitting me, sending an inhuman… or inpony amount of volt coursing through my body like track horses, each hoof stomp destroying more and more my muscles and organs. It was painful, but after a good minute, I couldn’t feel anything. I guess that voltage can remove any sensation in a body, or my endorphin generator exploded and released all of its content in my blood.

In between the initial screaming and hitting exchange between the german and I, I heard some words that explained the situation. The words sounded faint, my ears still injured by whatever injured them earlier, but I heard some things that can be linked together to form an explanation.

I heard ‘rampage’, ‘killed’, ‘men’, ‘dead or alive’, ‘contract’, ‘suffer’.

I could be silly and say that ‘during contracts, rampages of dead or alive men killed something’, but I knew better. With some intelligent links, I managed to deduce that I actually killed some people when I went berzerk. Now, he was avenging them because he could kill me and the contract would still stand. Still, he would like to make me suffer instead of ending me.

His reasons made sense, and he’s a human so violence is a second nature, but I was the one at the end of the lightning stick and it didn’t felt good. An understatement would be that I was in deep poop, but I knew that I was deeper than that and in something more disgusting.

I didn’t know what happened, but he stopped after five minutes. I guess he was either tired or I looked about dead. While I couldn’t feel anything, I still felt relief that this was all over. I knew that nobody could save me now. Whoever I used to call master forgot about me and I didn’t have any friend who knew about me getting kidnapped. And Regi? Bah, I should forget anything about this traitor.

I closed my eyes and sighed. This was it. I was all alone in what I think is a pool of blood. I was passed the breaking point, both physically and mentally. One more hit and I could die, one more mental assault and I would faint. I heard the sound of something rushing in the room, but I didn’t care. I literally hit rock bottom.

And that bottom was comfortable, yet cold. Like that cage where it all started.

I relaxed, letting everything flow away.

Letting my fears go away.

Letting my pain flow outside.

Letting my heart stop beating.