“Um, Twilight? When was the last time ya got any sleep?”

“I’m telling you Applejack, I’m not going crazy. I know what I saw!”

"I’m not sayin’ ya are, sugarcube. I’m just sayin’ that perhaps ya didn’t see what ya thought ya saw.”

This is better than daytime television…

“I’m telling you Applejack, he did it right in front of me. Right in front of me! It was plain as day!”

“And I’m tellin’ ya, that it’s impossible. There’s no way in Tartarus ya saw that!”

“And I’m telling you, for the last time, I KNOW what I SAW! I wouldn’t be here otherwise!”

Where’s a tub of over-buttered, over-cooked, over-priced popcorn when you need it?

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, feeling the coarse hay underneath scratching at the soles of my feet. My “owner” and I were currently standing inside of a large barn, which was owned by one of her friends, an orange pony named Applejack. The two mares were having a heated debate at the moment, much to my enjoyment. Especially because it was something I had originally caused...

Did you know that Twilight reads out loud to herself? I learned that little fact quickly when she had sat down to read Your Human and You. She mutters under her breath, but when there are no other sound it’s actually quite loud. At first I thought it was extremely annoying.

That was, until she reached the chapter titled ‘Better Understanding of Your Human’. Did you know that humans from this world apparently can’t smile?

...no? I didn’t know that either. Needless to say, I had put this newfound knowledge to good use the next day, and now there we were, asking Applejack for advice and help.

“I’m telling you Applejack, I was just walking by him and he smiled at me! Just like a pony!” Twilight snorted, stomping her hoof on the ground and sending dust flying into the air.

“Twilight, ya know as well as I that humans can’t smile!”

“And to make matters worse,” she continued with a frustrated growl, mare continuing to ignore her friend, “he’s been doing it non-stop, but only when I’m the only one looking!” It was clear from Applejack’s expression that she was done arguing. Rolling her eyes, the orange pony simply lowered her hat further across her face and turned away from Twilight. She limped slightly, her back left leg bound around the ankle.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, but I simply don’t have time for this.” She huffed, returning to what she was originally doing when we had first arrived: feeding her humans. There were hundreds of them in the barn, packed into little enclosure-like areas around the walls of the barn. It kind of reminded me of an indoor cattle barn back home.

There were about an equal amount of males and females, each gender placed in separate pens. All the humans were naked, but after dealing with that for about three weeks now, I had become desensitized to it. They shuffled around, eyeing Twilight and me with an animalistic curiosity, grumbling and growling to each other. Have you ever seen a human growl like a monkey and actually mean it? It’s actually quite fitting.

Twilight sighed, defeated, her head hung low and ears splayed backwards. She looked tired, her hair disheveled and bags under her eyes. I took pride in her appearance. It had been hard work, after all.

“I’m sorry AJ. I’m just getting really stressed over this whole ‘owning a human’ thing. I didn’t realize it would be so much work. I don’t know how you manage it,” she said, looking around at all the humans housed in the barn. Applejack chuckled, glancing over her shoulder at Twilight.

“It ain’t all that hard, sugarcube. I barely have tah deal with these humans,” she said, waving a hoof around. “They’re meant for breedin’, so all I have tah do is keep ‘em fed and watered.” Twilight’s eyes widened at this.

“You breed humans?” she asked, looking at Applejack in awe. “I thought you just used them to help around the farm!” Applejack nodded, tossing a couple of more apples into a nearby pen. The humans inside descended upon the fruit like a swarm. The apples were gone in under thirty seconds, core and all.

As they fed, I got a closer look at them. Leaning in slightly, I saw that each human had an apple branded on each side of their hips, the letters ‘SAA’ filling the core of the apple. Seeing as this place was called Sweet Apple Acres, I assumed that the brand indicated that the humans belonged to Applejack. Or at least to her family.

I leaned back and scratched at my 'shirt' Rarity had made, although calling it a shirt was being too generous. It was an old potato sack with holes cut into it, and boy did it itch! My pants weren't any better, looking like she had simply combined parts of a couple of sacks into something that roughly resembled a pair of pants. They weren't the most comfortable things I have ever worn, but at least they protected me from the sun's rays, right?

“We use ‘em for both breedin’ and workin’,” she said, trotting to the next pen. “We just keep the workin’ ones in a separate barn so that they don’t get mixed up.”

“So you breed humans so that they can work on your farm?” Twilight asked, following close behind Applejack. I was pulled along with them, my leash still in Twilight’s magic. As I walked along, I eyed the cowmare.

She breeds humans, as well as uses them for manual labor? I’m not sure how I feel about that. Glancing at the humans around me, I noticed that a lot of them looked to be well fed. At least she was taking care of them.

“Not really. Most humans we breed tend tah go off tah an outside contributor. They pay fer the humans, we breed ‘em.” Applejack replied, flinging more food into a nearby pen. “And as fer ‘em working on the farm, we just mainly use ‘em fer the heavy liftin’. We still collect our apples with good ol’ fashioned pony power.”

“So, any advice you could give me about handling a human?” Twilight asked, her eyes lighting up with hope.

“In my experience, just keep ‘em well fed and comfortable and ya can’t go wrong.” Applejack said, turning towards her friend, wincing slightly as she put weight on her injured hoof. “If he’s happy, then ya’ll be happy too.”

I liked this mare already. She is alright in my book. Twilight frowned slightly, clearly not happy with the answer given.

“And if he continues to give you trouble after that?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Well, Twilight, the best way tah make sure he ain’t causin’ trouble is tah get ‘em neutered.”

I hate this mare. She needs to go die in a hole. Twilight blanched visibly.

“Neutered? Is that the only way?” She looked back at me with… was that pity? Sorrow? I couldn’t tell, but I didn’t really care right then. I was waiting for the answer. I needed to know if I had to fear for my man parts.

Please let me keep my balls, please let me keep my balls, please let me keep my balls.

“When any of these males here gets too worked up, we simply snip ‘em and send ‘em over to help with the labor. Quick, clean and they tend tah calm down fairly quick.” Twilight glanced back at me one last time before shaking her head.

“No, I couldn’t do that to him.” I relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief. Applejack simply shrugged, returning to her work.

“It doesn’t matter tah me, but just let me know if ya change your mind. I know a pony that can help out.” Reaching the end of the row of pens, Applejack handed Twilight an apple before throwing the remainder into the last pen, causing another feeding frenzy. Twilight floated the apple over to me. I took it and looked at it. It looked like an apple…

“Was there anything else ya need sugarcube? If not, I have tah get back tah work. I need tah get things prepared fer this year's harvest.”

“Are you going to be able to participate this year?” Twilight asked, glancing at Applejack’s injury. I sniffed the apple. It smelled like an apple…

“The doctor said it should be fully healed in two weeks,” Applejack said, smiling at Twilight. “Besides, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I bit into the apple, my eyes widening as I chewed. It tasted nothing like the apples back home, or even the ones Twilight had been feeding me. It was the most delicious, juiciest, and heavenliest apple I had ever tasted. Sadly, I consumed it too quickly, and before I knew it, it was gone.

“Okay, but don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it,” Twilight said, flashing Applejack a quick smile. I looked around for another apple, but sadly couldn’t find any more. The three of us headed towards the barn door, the mares talking quietly about the upcoming harvest. I was content to simply lick my hands clean of the remaining apple juice.

Reaching the barn door, we exited out into the heat of the summer sun. Closing the door behind us with a shove, Applejack turned to Twilight.

“It was a pleasure talking with ya, Twi,” she said, hugging her friend.

“Thanks for listening, AJ,” Twilight said, returning the hug. Releasing each other, Applejack limped off towards the house in the distance, waving back at us as she went.

As Applejack limped away, Twilight turned to look at me. We stared at each other for several seconds, each eyeing the other intently.

Then I smiled, flashing my teeth at her. Her eye twitched and she ground her teeth in frustration. My smile grew and I began to chuckle softly.

That mare had a set of lungs. She could scare away birds for miles with that scream of hers.

It had been nearly a week since I had arrived in the little town of Ponyville, and I decided to make Twilight’s life a living hell.

Why? Because I felt like it. And because if they were going to treat me like an animal, might as well act like one, right?

Anyway, as I said, it’s been a week since Twilight had become my official “owner,” and she was already looking stressed.

The first morning when she had come down and discovered the little “present” I had left for her on the rug was truly memorable. Her expression had been priceless, and I had enjoyed watching her clean it up. Too often it had been me cleaning up after my dog, but now it was someone else’s problem to clean up after me.

I had been having a blast, until she locked me in the basement for the rest of the day to punish me. Two more “accidents” later and I was released from the basement and stuck in the yard. One thing I’ll say for that mare is that she learns quick.

Accidents aside, I went out of my way to frustrate her. When I was finally let back inside the library, I paced back-and-forth. This simple action seemed to drive her insane. Weirdly enough, she seemed quite fine with it when she was the one doing the pacing. She would yell at me to sit down, and I would. For about five minutes, then I would start pacing again.

Once she had left something she had called a “friendship report” laying around when she had visited her friends. Unfortunately for her she had left it just within my reach. Not taking the time to read it, I proceed to shred the scroll into pieces, flinging the tiny pieces of parchment into various corners of the room. I’m pretty sure she had an aneurysm when she had returned, and I got to have another trip to the basement.

There was also the matter of going outside. I would stand by the front door and nudge my head against it—something I had picked up after watching other ponies and their humans—indicating I wanted to go out. Once outside, I would nudge my head against the door again, indicating I wanted to go in. I could get away with repeating this action several times before Twilight would get fed up and either leave me outside, or keep me inside. It was especially fun to do this when she was trying to read.

Another fun time for me was bath time. Twilight had read in Your Human and You that you should bathe your human on a daily basis. Something about keeping our skin healthy or something like that. Needless to say, during these bathing sessions, I managed to empty the tub at least twice each time she bathed me. Even with her magic I was able to get her soaking wet by the end of the bath.

At night I would shuffle around downstairs, making as much noise as possible. As the night progressed I would start banging my fist on the wall and rapping on the windowpanes. Eventually, Twilight would come down to see what I was doing—Spike was still too terrified of me to be alone in the same room as me—and I would start nudging my head against the door. She would let me out and stand there as I wandered around the yard aimlessly. Frustrated, she would pull me back inside and head back upstairs. I would rest for a couple of hours, then start up again.

Needless to say, after a week of this Twilight looked stressed and tired, and I was actually beginning to enjoy myself. This whole 'being-in-another-world' thing might actually work out after all.

We returned to the library after our meeting with Applejack. Opening the door, Twilight entered and secured my leash to the wall as usual. Sighing, she climbed the stairs, her head hung low. Watching her go, I chewed on the inside of my cheek.

What’s bugging her? I thought as she disappeared upstairs. Oh yeah, me! I smiled at this, then proceed to sit down in my comfy little bed. It wasn’t that big, but my god was it comfortable. Even though I was lying on the floor, I never woke up with any back pains at all.

Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. Causing mayhem was tiring work.

I was alone in the Darkness. I couldn’t see anything. There was nothing there for me to see anyway. I was absolutely alone.

“I see you… Wanderer...” I whirled around, searching for the source of the voice. Darkness greeted my vision. There was nothing here.

“If.... there is nothing… what is talking?” The voice asked, amused. I started to run. I didn’t care where I was heading, I just had to get away. I ran, but only Darkness was with me. I was trapped in never ending blackness.

“You can’t run from me, Wanderer,” the voice said, growing stronger. My pace increased, though it did little good. I didn’t know what the voice was, or who it belonged to, but I had to get away from it. My heart thudded in my chest, practically ripping itself free of my ribcage.

“...please… help them...” another voice said, this one sounding sad. What the fuck was going on? I continued running until I couldn’t take another step. Crouched over with my hands on my knees, I gasped for air. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Something was near me. Something was watching. Standing up, I slowly turned myself around and what I saw made my heart stop.

A pair of giant red eyes stared down at me, surrounded by a yellowish glow. The pupils, slitted and demonic, constricted as they focused on me. I felt a scream rise up in my chest as my mind was consumed by those monstrous eyes. Laughter filled my head as I slowly began to fade.

“... I… see… you...”

I woke with a start to the sound of my heart beating in my ears. Looking around, I relaxed as I remembered I was in the library. Leaning back against the wall, I wiped the sweat from my brow.

The sound of hooves on wood drew my attention to the stairs as Twilight descended, her head still hung low. Walking over to her desk, she place a rolled up scroll on it before turning to me.

There was something in the way she looked at me that I didn’t like. It was almost like… regret.

What’s she up to? I wondered as she drew nearer. Reaching me, she checked to make sure the leash was secure to the wall before heading to the door. Opening it, she exited the library and closed the door behind her.

I watched her go. I wasn’t that concerned with where she was headed. She often head over to that one place, 'Sugarcube Corner' was it? She would meet up with her friends there to grab a bite to eat. She had taken me once, deciding that I should stretch my legs after being locked in the basement overnight.

I sat with my back against the wooden wall, wondering what I was going to do to pass the time. I thought about going back to sleep, but after that dream I wasn’t that sleepy anymore. I ran my hand along my leash absentmindedly as I thought. I froze as my fingers brushed over something.

Lifting the leash to my face, I ran an eye over the length of plastic. There, right in the middle of the leash, was a rip. It was so small that I barely noticed it, but it was still there. I felt a smile slowly spread across my face. If there was a tear, then that meant I possibly had a way out.

Standing up, I grabbed the leash in my hands and pulled. It quivered slightly as the material became taut, but it did nothing more. Grunting, I placed a foot against the wall and pulled harder. I saw the tear begin to grow. I was making progress.

Straining with all my might, I placed my other foot against the wall as well and pulled. I was basically standing against the wall, my body parallel to the floor as I strained against the leash. My face turned red as I strained. Finally, with one final tug, the leash snapped and I was free!

I immediately fell, bashing the back of my head against the floor. I simply laid there, staring up at the stars dancing around my vision. Sitting up, I shook my head. The leash dangled from my collar, no longer attached to the wall. After many failed attempts over the past week I was free. Now I could make a run for it. I could get to the forest before Twilight even knew I was gone. Spike wasn’t here; he was off having a sleepover with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, whoever the hell they were. There was no one stopping me from running now!

But first…

I glanced around the library, an evil smile on my face. I was going to leave Twilight a farewell present. Standing up, I began to look around for things to destroy. Twilight’s desk caught my eye, as did the scroll she had placed upon it before leaving.

Still smiling, I headed over to the desk and picked up the scroll. Popping the seal, I unrolled it and held it under a nearby light.

Let’s see what I’m about to destroy. My eyes scan the document in front of me. It was a letter, to Princess Celestia. Oh god, it’s not another one of those stupid ‘friendship reports, is it? Looking closer I noticed that there were teardrops on the scroll, as if she had been crying while writing it. Curiosity getting the better of me, I began to read.

Dear Princess Celestia,

It is with a heavy heart that I write to you today concerning the human you have placed in my care. I am not sure the reason you sent him to me, but I’m afraid whatever the reason was, I have failed you.

Ever since he has arrived, he has been causing me nothing but grief. Because of him I have gotten in a fight with my friend Rarity. He is constantly misbehaving, despite everything I have done to stop him and despite your reassurances that he was well behaved. He is causing havoc in the library and Spike is terrified of him, for reasons I don’t know. He is keeping me up at night, and preventing me from getting work done during the day.

I have tried to approach this with patience and an intelligent mind, but I cannot take it anymore. I have tried to treat him with the best care a pony can treat a human with, but he seems to fight me at every turn. I fear that, in the end, he may just be too wild to live peacefully around ponies.

Thus, once Spike returns from his sleepover, I shall be returning him to you to do with what you will. I am sorry to have let you down, but I was not prepared for this.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

I read over the letter several times before lowering it, my smile no longer present on my face. I should be glad, shouldn’t I? After all, that was my plan wasn’t it? To make Twilight so stressed she couldn’t stand it anymore? I should be happy, right? So why wasn’t I?

... because this isn’t me, I realized. Glancing over the letter again, I reread several key sentences.

‘I have tried to treat him with the best care a pony can treat a human with’. I chewed on my lip, rereading that sentence again and again. To a pony, I was a human. To a pony, a human was nothing more than a mindless animal. Twilight wasn’t trying to treat me horrible because I was a human: she was treating me like she was taught to treat a human. It was no different than how we treated cows, horses and other such animals back home.

‘I fear that, in the end, he may just be too wild to live peacefully around ponies’. This statement made me wince slightly. She had called me ‘wild’. I had just been acting like a human, and she had called me wild.

No, I thought, my eyes widening. That was just it though, wasn’t it. I had been acting like a human. I was behaving like the humans that lived here, not like the human I was. I had been acting like a wild human of this world, instead of the intelligent humans of Earth.

This isn’t who I am. Raising my hand to rub my neck, my fingers brushed against the collar. Grasping the cool plastic in my hand, I held onto it as I slowly surveyed the room. My toys littering the room, the bed I slept in, the blankets bunched in the corner. All of it reminded me of my dogs back home. None of it said ‘intelligence’. Instead it clearly said ‘pet’.

A mirror hanging on the wall near the door caught my attention. I walked slowly over to it, dreading what I’d see. Reaching it, I gazed at my reflection. The face that stared back at me was that of a stranger.

When I had first arrived in this world, my appearance had been respectable. My hair neatly taken care of, my face clean-shaven except for the mustache that McDonald’s had allowed me to keep. I was clean, I was respectable, I was a human!

But the thing staring back at me from deep within the mirror was completely alien to me. My brown hair was now shaggy and a complete mess. Weeks without shaving had turned my clean-shaven face into a disaster. A scraggly beard covered most of my face, unkempt and untrimmed. Patches of dirt and grime covered the skin that I could see. I was horrid, I was disgusting, I was an animal.

I gazed into my own brown eyes. What gazed back at me was not something I recognized. They use to be filled with life, with happiness and hope. Hope for the life I had before, after I went to college and earned a degree. After I landed my dream job. After I had grown up.

Now, all that gazed back at me was emptiness and anger. No life was in my eyes anymore, just instinct.

I had gone from the human I used to be, to a human this world knew so well.

... this isn’t me. Tears slowly began to fall down my cheeks as I continued to gaze at my reflection.

When did this all go so wrong? Tearing my gaze away from the accursed mirror, I ran my fingers through my unkempt hair. Eyes darting around the room, I tried to find something, anything, that would help calm me down.

My eyes once again landed on Twilight’s desk. And the stack of papers on it. I walked over to the desk, feeling like I was underwater. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I searched the drawers of the desk until I found a bottle of ink and a quill. Unscrewing the cap, I dipped the quill into the ink. Grabbing a piece of paper, I placed the tip of the quill against the parchment.

I hesitated, just for a second, before finally beginning to write.

The sun had long since set by the time Twilight had returned home. I was content to wait for her, sitting in the dark of the library, alone with my thoughts.

The sound of hooves outside the front door was what alerted me that she was home. Opening the door, I saw her standing there bathed in moonlight. She had the saddest look on her face, and it brought tears to my eyes again, for I knew I was the one who had caused it.

She stepped into the library and closed the door, darkness enveloping us again. Sitting at her desk, perfectly still, I heard her shuffling around and then the sound of a lamp being turned on. A dim light filled the room, bathing everything in a golden glow.

She had her back to me so she didn’t see me right away. I saw her glance at my vacant bed. Her ears perked up immediately and she gasped as her eyes found the tattered bit of leash still sticking out of the wall.

She whirled around, wings flared, as she scanned the room for me. Her eyes found me, and I gazed back at her unblinking. I could see pain and fear well up in her eyes as tears began to form.

“You got loose,” she whimpered, still staring at me. “What in Tartarus did you destroy this time?” I did nothing. I just sat there, staring at the mare whose life I had turned into a living hell for the past week.

Slowly, steadily, I held up the parchment I had written on, showing it to Twilight. Squinting, she slowly approached me, trying to make out the words upon the parchment.

When she was just a few steps away from me she froze. Her eyes widened and her wings flared wider as she read the five words I had written upon that sheet of paper.

+Twilight, we need to talk+