“Now, remember, you’ve got to push it in carefully, as to not damage anything important,” Twilight instructed, glancing over her shoulder at me. Her wings flexed, her tail swishing back and forth.

I nodded absentmindedly, eyeing the opening carefully. Closing my bad eye, I tilted my head to the side to get a better look at it.

“But, you shouldn’t be afraid to use some force,” Twilight continued, “but not too much, or else you’ll get tired before we’re finished.” She paused, thinking. “You know what? Just go at a pace that feels good to you.”

I nodded again before, with a sigh, I stepped around Twilight. Moving forward, I crouched down and proceeded to shove the chimney brush into the fireplace and up the chimney as far as it would go. I was immediately rewarded with a shower of ash raining down upon my head. If it weren’t for the bandana currently covering my face (and the goggles protecting my eyes) I’m pretty sure I would have inhaled most of it.

Despite the protection, however, I proceeded to cough, the smokey taste of ash filling my mouth.

“Careful,” Twilight tsked, shaking her head. “I told you not to use too much force.” I glared at her, the effect lost as my goggles were currently covered in ash, blocking my vision. Nonetheless, I gave her general direction the meanest glare.

At least, I think it was her. It could have been the couch, though. Damned goggles.

I quickly rubbed at the goggles with a sleeve, trying my best to clean them, before returning my attention to the task at hand.

“And once you’re done with that, you can begin working on the upstairs one as well,” Twilight chirped, heading towards the kitchen and leaving me to my work.

What kind of home needs multiple fireplaces? I snorted loudly, working the brush up and down the inside of the chimney, trying to dislodge the accumulated ash from all the fires we had over the winter.

Pushing the brush up again, I paused when a loud chirping noise reached my ears. Blinking, I stared at the fireplace in confusion before leaning in and glancing up into the flue. The chirping stopped as a pair of yellow eyes locked onto me.

The raccoon latched onto my face before I even knew what was happening.

As I wiped ash from my face with a towel, trying to clean myself up as best I could, Twilight peered up the chimney, humming softly to herself.

“Not half bad,” she said, stepping back and nodding. “It’ll do. Now, onto the next thing.” Fuck you, Twilight. Do you know how long it took me to get that raccoon out the window? I had to wrestle that little bastard for nearly ten minutes before I was able to open the window and chuck him out. Stupid little piece of meat. I don’t care if Fluttershy had just woken them up from hibernation and he was looking for food.

When I finally got the window open, however, that was a different story. It was the first thing to go down in Raccoon Flight History! Foals would be telling their grandchildren about it. The day that raccoons flew. “I saw him streak across the sky, majestic as fuck!”

...okay, maybe not those exact words, but you get the picture.

Rainbow had been flying by the window when I had tossed the bastard out. I wasn’t even aiming, and it was sheer dumb luck that I happened to hit her. The raccoon flew at her and latched onto her face seamlessly.

She screamed, it squealed, and I laughed in victory. Then she flew off blind.

And that was the second thing to go down in Raccoon Flight History: the first supersonic flight of a raccoon.

After that, I was able to clean the chimneys, no problem.

“I’m actually impressed,” Twilight continued, pulling her head out of the fireplace. “It actually looks like you’ve done this before.” Turning, she opened her mouth, but paused upon looking at me. She closed her mouth with a ‘click’, blinking up at me.

Slowly, a smile spread across her face and she raised a hoof to stifle her laughter. I huffed, crossing my arms and pouting at her.

“Sorry,” she giggled. “It’s just, you look like a coal-mining human.”

~Give me a pick and I’ll dig you a hole~ I signed before scratching at my beard.

“Nope, I don’t think so,” she said, shaking her head. “There will be no digging today. However, you will be dusting the bookshelves next.” I glanced around at the shelves of books before glancing at Twilight and nodding.

It shouldn’t be that hard, I thought to myself. It should only take about half an hour to dust all the shelves—

“That means,” Twilight continued with a smirk, cutting my thoughts short, “you must take all the books off of the shelves, dust them and dust beneath them, and then put them back in their proper place. Also, no getting ash on the books.”

...fuck. I glanced around at the shelves full of hundreds of books, this time with trepidation, as Twilight trotted towards the front door. Looking down at my hands, I wiped them on my shirt futilely.

“I have to go pick up some things in town,” she called back over her shoulder. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Have fun~~~!”

As the door closed behind her, I sighed loudly before I headed towards the far end of the library and started to take the books of off the shelf. A Book of Spells, volume One, A Book of Spells, volume Two, A Concise Treatise on the Art of Clouding, A History of Wing Fishing for Trout, The Abominations of Oakvale, About a Colt…

The sun was beginning to set by the time Twilight returned to the library, and I was barely even halfway done with the shelves. She glanced around at the piles of books I had taken off of the current shelf I was working on, before turning and trotting into the kitchen with her bags.

I watched her go, stifling a yawn, before returning to my duty. Picking up another book, I glanced at the title before placing it in its proper location. The dusting wasn’t the issue; it was putting all the books back where they belonged.

Twilight would know if I just placed them haphazardly.

She always knew.

You could switch two books, even if they were side-by-side, and she would be able to tell from across the room. It was kinda scary, actually.

Placing the last of the books upon the shelf, I sighed, before moving on to the next one. As I began to remove the books one by one, Twilight stuck her head out of the kitchen. “When you’re done with that, you can start cleaning the windows. I want you to finish with them tonight, got it?”

My forehead ‘thunk’ed against the shelf, and I groaned loudly. Dragging a hand down my face, I lifted the next book off of the shelf, only to yelp in surprise as it fell out of my hand and hit the ground hard.

I stared down at it, incredulously. Why the hell is it so fucking heavy?!

Nudging the book with my foot, I jumped back as it quivered, a muffled giggle coming from its pages. Tentatively, I approached the book, ready to bolt if it made any sudden movements.

I reached down and grabbed the cover carefully between my fingers, earning another muffled giggle from the book. Steeling myself, I took a deep breath…

...then flipped the book open.

There was an explosion of pink, and I fell backwards onto my ass. Blinking in surprise, I yelped when my entire vision was suddenly filled by large, sparkling blue eyes.

“Well, Hiya, Maxie!” Pinkie chirped, a large smile upon her face. I stared up at her with wide eyes, my heart trying frantically to escape from the confines of my chest. Where the hell did she—

My eyes slowly trailed down her body, and my brow furrowed in confusion (my right eye twitching) as I saw that the top half of her body seemed to be sprouting from the inside of the book, like a fucking weed. Seriously, her waist and the book appeared to be fused together.

I don’t even…

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Pinkie asked, lowering down so she could look into my eyes. She glanced down at the book before looking back up at me. Cocking her head to the side, she waved a hoof in front of my face. “Hello?”

I could feel my brain trying to commit suicide. It was soaking itself in gasoline and was looking for a match. There was no way it was going to try and process what the eyes were seeing. There was no fucking way. It would sooner send itself to the glorious cranium in sky than try and process the abomination of logic before me.

“Anyways,” Pinkie said slowly, giving me a concerned look. “I just happened to be in the neighborhood, and decided to stop in to say ‘hi’ and see how you’re doing after beating the mean old timberwolves. Oh, and Rainbow Dash wanted me to give this to you.” She reached into her mane, sticking out her tongue as she rummaged around in it. Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she pulled out that goddamn, fucking raccoon!

“She said you can have this little guy back,” she said, placing the raccoon in my lap. It glared up at me, fury raging within its little, yellow eyes. I swallowed thickly, licking my lips as I stared down at the furry abomination.

“Well, I’d love to stay and talk, but I have to get back,” Pinkie said, the smile back on her face. “I’m watching the twins tonight so that Mr. and Mrs. Cake can go out to eat!” She saluted once before—like someone sucking a golf ball through a garden hose—she was pulled back into the book with a sickening ‘ssssschlunk’. The book snapped shut, shivering once before remaining still.

The raccoon and I just stared at each other.

I slowly reached for the nearby feather duster.

The raccoon went for my face.

Twilight was pulled out of her book as the clock began to chime out the hour. Glancing over at the grandfather clock, she blinked in surprise when she saw that it was midnight.

Closing the book, she placed it on her bedside table. She moved to blow out the candle that had been providing her with light, but paused, her ears perked. After listening for several seconds, her brow furrowed. Something was wrong, she just couldn’t put her hoof on it.

With a grunt, she hauled herself out of the warmth of her comforter. Grabbing the candlestick in her magic, she quietly tip-toed out of the room, careful to not wake Spike up in the process.

Carefully slipping down the stairs, she glanced into the living room. Unable to see through the dark, she lifted the candle higher into the air, the flame flickering softly. As more of the room was revealed, she blinked in surprise when she saw the couch vacant. That’s what was wrong, she realized with a soft smile. Max’s usual snoring was absent, a strange silence filling the living room.

Turning, she headed down the stairs in search of her human.

The main room of the library was empty. The bookshelves had been dusted, the books placed neatly back in place. No books out of place, no books missing.

Twilight sniffed, looking around the room in confusion. Then, where is—

A soft sounding caught Twilight’s attention, and her ears swiveled in the direction of the kitchen. Cautiously, she walked over and peeked inside. The sight that greeted her brought a smile to her lips.

Max, clearly asleep, was crouched in the corner of the room, his head resting on the bottom of an upside-down bucket perched precariously on his knee. A trail of drool ran from the corner of his mouth, disappearing into his beard. Every few seconds, a soft snore escaped his lips. A rag was clutched in his hand, slowly dripping water onto the floor beneath him.

Twilight watched him for a few more seconds before moving forward. As she trotted into the kitchen, she glanced around at the windows, pausing at what she saw. Even in the darkness, she could tell that they had been scrubbed vigorously, seeming to gleam in the candlelight.

Quickly sticking her head back into the main room, she saw that the same could be said for all the other windows as well. Her smile grew as she glanced back at the sleeping human.

“I think that’s enough,” she whispered, her horn glowing brighter. Pulling the rag from Max’s grasp, she wrung it out in the sink before using it to gently wipe some remaining ash from Max’s face.

He stirred, face scrunching up slightly, but he remained asleep. Twilight had to bite her lip to prevent herself from giggling.

Tenderly, she slipped tendrils of magic around Max’s body, lifting him slowly into the air. Levitating the empty bucket as well, she placed it gingerly beside the sink, careful to not make too much noise. Once that was done, she turned and—as softly as possible—she began to carry the sleeping human out of the kitchen and up the staircase.

Reaching the living room, Twilight used her magic to grab a clean shirt. Removing Max’s soiled shirt without waking him, she replaced it with the clean one. She left his pants alone to preserve his modesty. Yes, that was the reason she didn’t touch his pants. Although, they did look rather dirty as well...

Cheeks tinged slightly red, Twilight levitated Max, now with his clean shirt and pants, onto the couch. Trying to make him as comfortable as possible, she pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch, draping it over his sleeping form. Max snuggled into the sudden source of warmth, a small smile touching his lips.

This brought a smile to Twilight’s face as well, and she could feel butterflies flutter around in her chest. She watched Max for a few more moments before the smile was replaced with a nervous frown.

Nibbling on her bottom lip, she stared at the sleeping human. He had long since stopped snoring, the rise and fall of his chest accompanied by only the soft sound of him breathing.

The red in Twilight’s cheeks grew as she continued to stare at the sleeping form of Max. She really wanted to… but she really shouldn’t… but nopony was watching.

Swallowing, she glanced back over her shoulder to make sure that there was in fact nopony watching. Seeing nopony there, she turned and quickly leaned forward. With inches left to go, she closed her eyes tight, steeling herself.

The minute Twilight’s lips touched Max’s forehead, they were assaulted by a light tingle, as well as a pleasant salty taste. It felt like a small burst of electricity had raced through her system, the hairs on her neck and withers standing on end. She left her lips there for several seconds before backing off and opening her eyes again. Her face felt like it was on fire, but the butterflies in her stomach were going nuts.

Oh my gosh, I just kissed Max, she thought, giggling drunkenly to herself. I just kissed Max! She knew that it had only been on the forehead, but still her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest due to happiness.

Trying her hardest to stifle her giddiness, Twilight quickly turned and hurried up the stairs. Blowing out the candle, she dove under her covers, giggling to herself like a little schoolfilly as she snuggled into the sheets, the salty taste and tingling sensations still lingering on her lips.