The smell of grease filled my nostrils as I leaned over the hot grill. Sweat dripped from my brow as I hurried to remove the finished meat, placing it its proper tray. Throwing the grease-covered spatula on the top of the grill, I walked over and shoved the meat-filled tray into the heated slot with the other meat. After setting the timer, I turned my attention back to the grill.

“Regular meat is up,” I said loudly, trying to be heard over the other noises in the grill area. My manager, Charles, looked back at me from his position at the beginning of the assembly table.

“We need more nuggets down, Max,” he said. He had a thick Asian accent that made it almost impossible to understand him sometimes. It didn’t help that he was also fairly soft-spoken.

“They’re going down,” I said through gritted teeth, trying to clean most of the excess grease off of the grill. Giving up on getting the grill clean at the moment, I turned and opened one of the freezers located in the grill area. Pulling out two bags of nuggets, I tore a hole in the plastic and emptied both bags into a fry basket. I dipped the basket into the fryer and hit the timer. As the chicken nuggets began to cook, I glanced out at the lobby.

It was full of customers; the line at the cash registers was wrapping itself around the inside of the restaurant before heading out the door. The line of cars in the drive-thru lanes indicated that they too were similarly packed. As I looked out at the sea of people, I groaned inwardly.

“Another typical Friday in Hell,” I muttered under my breath, wiping my forehead with the back of my arm.

“I’ve got an order for twenty five cheeseburgers coming up!” one of the order-takers in the drive-thru yelled, covering her headset’s microphone with her hand. The entire kitchen staff, myself included, groaned aloud at that.

“You’re going to have to park them,” Charles called out before turning back to me. “Max, I need regular meat down right away.”

“On it,” I said, already heading to the proper freezer. Opening the lid, I reached down into the frozen depths, only to find it empty. Cursing, I straightened up.

“Charles, we’re out of regular meat!” He looked back at me and swore to himself in Korean. Pulling a ring of keys out of his pocket, he tossed them over to me.

“Head back to the freezer and grab a case,” he growled. I caught the keys deftly. As I hurried out of the grill and towards the back of the store, I heard the order-takers call back another big order.

“Who the hell orders seventeen Big Macs?” I grumbled, picking up the pace. Reaching the freezer door, I began flipping through the keys, looking for the right one. I found the bugger, jammed it into the lock, and twisted. Yanking the door open, I hurried inside. Glancing around, I shivered as the cold air of the freezer hit my skin, freezing the sweat on my arms and face. As my breath fogged the air in front of me, I hurried from box to box, looking for the one that I needed. Locating the required meat, I picked up the box and proceeded to head back out of the freezer. Putting my back to the door, I pushed against the frozen metal. The door swung open and I stepped backwards.

“What the fuck?!” I cried out in alarm as my foot fell through nothing. It felt as if the floor had just disappeared out from underneath me. Dropping the box of meat, I flailed my arms around as I tried to regain my balance. I remained suspended in the air for a brief moment before falling backwards. There was an immediate flash of blinding light and I closed my eyes in pain. As the light subsided, a burning sensation tore at my throat, causing my eyes to water. It felt like I had eaten a handful of habañero peppers.

As I coughed from the burning sensation in my throat, I tumbled through the air, my arms and legs flailing uselessly. I grunted in pain as I landed on my back with a thud. Blinking tears from my eyes, I tried desperately to regain my vision. Reaching my hand out to push myself up, I felt my fingers slowly sink into something coarse and warm. As my sight returned to me, I glanced down. My jaw dropped as I saw that I was currently lying on a pile of sand. Looking around quickly, I saw that I was surrounded by sand as far as the eye could see. Somehow, I had gone from the back of a McDonald’s to the middle of a fucking desert.

What the hell?! I said, or at least tried to say. As I opened my mouth to speak, a spike of pain ran through my throat, causing me to gag slightly. Rubbing my neck with a hand, I swallowed before trying to speak again. I was met with the same result: a spike of pain followed by a dull, burning sensation. For whatever reason, I was now mute as well.

Great, now I’m stuck in the middle of a desert, and I’m mute. How the fuck did this happen? I thought, holding my head in my hands. My eyes widened suddenly as I realized what I had thought.

Wait… I’m stuck in a bloody desert! I stiffened as I realized how screwed I was. I was in the middle of some unknown desert with no food, water, or anything that could be considered useful whatsoever. All I had on me was my work shirt, my McDonald’s visor, my car keys, my wallet (which was surprisingly lacking in the money department), and my cell phone.

I facepalmed as I remembered I had my cell phone on me. Dumbass, you have a means to call for help. As I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket, I gave silent thanks to Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and the poor little Chinese kid who had been forced to make it. I may have found myself suddenly mute, but at least I could still send text messages.

Turning on my phone, I held it up and waited for it to load. Finally, it fired up and the lock screen flashed across the surface. I glanced at the upper right-hand corner of the screen. I cheered silently as I saw that I had 82% battery life left. I hadn’t wasted it playing games before work earlier. Thank God for little miracles.

Now, let’s see if we can get a signal out here. Holding the phone up higher, I watched as the phone searched for a signal. Come on, baby, don’t let me down. It continued searching for several more minutes before a message saying “no signal” appeared on the screen. I stared up at it in horror.

No signal! Are you shitting me?! God damn it, Verizon. The one time that I ACTUALLY need you, and you failed me spectacularly. Dejected, I returned my phone to my pocket. As I sat there, depressed, I suddenly became aware of the scorching sun beating down upon me. Sighing heavily, I stood and brushed the sand off of my legs. Might as well get moving. Don’t want to roast out here. Glancing around, I saw sand, sand, and more sand. There was sand everywhere, in all directions. Not a single sign of life. No animals, no vultures circling in the distance, no rocky outcrops sticking out of the sand. There weren’t even any cacti anywhere. Just sand. Not knowing what else I could do, I picked a direction and started walking.

I now know what it feels like to be the meat I cook on the grill. The cruel sun beat down on me as I walked, slowly roasting me alive. I hadn’t ever sweated this much before in my life. At least the sweat meant I was still slightly hydrated. I hadn’t had anything to drink recently; my last beverage being a Red Bull several hours before ending up in this hellish landscape.

My visor rested low over my eyes. I was trying to protect them from the relentless attack of the sun, but it was pretty much useless. It wasn’t even a proper hat. It was basically a thin strip of black fabric with a visor attached to it. I don’t even think that McDonald’s thought the hat would be used for anything besides looks when they were designing their uniforms.

Sand continued to fill my shoes with each step I took. The gritty texture was starting to get very, very uncomfortable. It was almost like I wasn’t wearing shoes at all. Oh, enough of this bullshit. Sitting down, I quickly unlaced my shoes. Ripping them off of my feet, I held them in my hands, examining them.

…eeeeewwwww! The bottoms of the shoes were coated in a mixture of sand and grease. Trying to swallow down the bile rising in the back of my throat, I tossed my disgusting shoes as far away from me as possible. It wasn’t that big of a loss on my part; they were provided to me by the McDonald’s corporation. My sandy, sweaty socks soon joined the shoes. Standing, I grimaced as the sand shifted between my toes. Grumbling, I tried to ignore the sensation as I continued on my way.

Have you ever reached the point where you’re pretty sure that you’ve totally lost it? I think I may have passed that point about three hours ago. It may have just been the dehydration, or my imagination, but I felt like the sun itself was watching me, laughing at my attempts to survive. I pulled my visor down lower over my face. I didn’t quite feel like having a staring contest with the big ball of fire in the sky.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. Turning the black, leather object around in my hands, I stared down at it with a blank expression. Cracking it open, I glanced into its empty insides. Grunting in annoyance, I closed the wallet and chucked it as far as I could get the fucker to go. It was pretty much useless to me now, as it had only my driver’s license and my debit card in it. Besides, I really needed to throw something, and the phone was clearly more valuable.

Oh God, I’m bored out of my mind! There was nothing to do in this desert except walk. I was possibly in a life-threatening situation, but I needed something to take my mind off of what was happening to me. Normally I would sing to myself, but thanks to my newfound muteness, that was out of the question. If only there was some way to pass the time…

I stopped mid-step and facepalmed. Of course I had a way to pass the time. I had an iPhone in my pocket that had over two-thousand songs on it. I wasn’t one of those weird people who had over ten-thousand songs loaded onto their phone, but it had enough to be satisfactory. Fishing around in my pocket for my new best friend, I pulled out my phone with a smile plastered on my face. Already hearing the music in my head, I turned the device on and proceeded to unlock it. As I looked for the music app, I happened to glance up at the battery icon.

35% power? How the hell is it that low already? I was horrified at the rate I was losing power. It didn’t make sense; I hadn’t used the phone since I found out that there was no… signal… here…

Oh shit. I cringed as I realized that the phone had been searching for a signal the whole time I had been walking. No wonder the battery had been drained so much. I quickly turned the dying phone off and returned it to my pocket, the smile no longer present on my face. I continued on my way, more sober than I was a few minutes ago. The universe was apparently out to screw me today.

As I walked along, the sun continued to watch me, mocking my torment.

I could feel my skin slowly beginning to burn as the sun beat down on me relentlessly. I trudged along, dragging my now blistered bare feet through the endless sea of burning sand. I had stopped sweating hours ago, and the inside of my mouth was bone dry. I licked my cracked lips, trying to relieve the pain. I was almost completely out of energy, and I had barely any strength left as I pulled myself up yet another sand dune. The sun was starting to set, casting a blood red hue across the sand. I had been wandering around the desert for what felt like hours, but I couldn’t tell if I had made any progress towards finding help. No, I mustn’t give up hope. Surely I was nearing some kind of shelter. Maybe an oasis, or a cave, or a sinkhole, or something useful.

I was snapped out of my daze when my foot struck something hard. I cried out as I fell flat on my face. Coughing and spitting, I sat up and clawed the sand from my eyes. My toes throbbed in pain. Glancing behind me, I spat more sand from my mouth. What the hell did I trip over? My eyes widened in horror as I saw the culprit.

Sticking out of the sand, still covered in a disgusting mixture of sand and grease, were my work shoes. I had tripped over my own goddamn shoes. Despair filled me as I realized that I was back where I had originally started; I was basically going around in circles! My scream of frustration echoed across the barren wasteland, unheard by any living creature. All that I achieved was to sap what little strength I had left.

The sun was only a few centimeters from the horizon, making my shadow long. Unable to muster enough strength to stand, I just sat there with my head in my hands, crying silently. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I sighed heavily, utterly defeated. I was going to die out here, in this hellish desert, and there was nothing I could do about it.

As the sun drew nearer to the horizon, I simply sat there, alone with my thoughts. I was exhausted, hungry, thirsty, and covered with burns. I was stuck in a desert somewhere, with no way of getting any help. I had a phone that didn’t have any service and was almost dead, as well as a set of car keys to a car that wasn’t currently present. I had nothing that could help me in any way possible. I groaned into my hands. I used to be in the Boy Scouts! How the hell was I not prepared for a survival situation?

…

Well, in my defense, I don’t think we ever covered being magically transported to a different location on any of our scouting events.

I fell backwards into the sand, staring up at the darkening sky. None of that mattered now, I guess. I was going to die out here no matter what, and no one would ever find my body. I sighed again and, closing my eyes, I let darkness claim me as the sun finally set beneath the horizon, plunging the desert into night.

Author's Notes:

Welcome to the ride...