Skorpeon didn’t even look up from the parchment when he heard the door slam open. He deftly caught the few pages of his story that blew off in the sudden arrival of someone he figured.
“Something wrong Tia?” He turned, looking his sister-in-laws right in the eye. Luna looked up from her book.
“Is something wrong?” Celestia repeated, her magenta eye twitching. “I decide to visit you three, and what do I look upon in the backyard?”
Skorpeon grinned, “It were sport.”
Celestia held a small pink thing up, with three balloons drawn on it. “This was sport?”
Princess Cadence looked the fox in the eye, “You swore Fealty to us that you wouldn’t kill anypony.”
Skorpeon nodded, slipping his quill into his inkwell. “Aye. And I still hold true to that Fealty.”

Skorpeon flicked his wrist, a yellow creature materializing from a small device strapped to his wrist. He nodded once to her, then tossed a small black-and-green ball on the ground. There was a small flash of light, revealing a pink pony with cotton candy hair laid completely flat. He nodded to her, tapping a small device hooked to his ear. A steady techno beat transmitted between the three of them.
“You ready Rem?” Skorpeon slid a small card on his device, noting how Rem shuddered.
“Yes.” She replied, small flecks of energy playing at the tips of her three fingered hands.
He turned to the pony, “Ready Pinks?”
She nodded, twitching a little, “As I’ll ever be.”
Skorpeon grinned, baring his teeth a mite. As the lyrics kicked in, Skorpeon sang along with them, his voice reaching an insane-person pitch.
“I. Want to kill. Everypony in the world.” He saw a small yellow head poke around the corner of his cabin.
“Hey. Hey.” It said in a deep voice. “Ya’ll stay out of my--”
“Oh- ee oh-ee oh-ee-wee-oh.” He snickered, letting the final words fall from his mouth;
“I want to eat your heart.”
Skorpeon swung his sword, right when Pinks dove for another pony, burying her face in their chest. Both targets screamed under their separate wounds. Skorpeon’s tried to crawl away, her entrails flowing from her hips. Pinks’ pulled her face from the white pony’s chest, a pink pulsating object firmly in her jaws.
Rem hicced, letting a blast of energy from lips. Another pony vaporized in a scream reminiscent of a Construct. Three more took her place.
“Dash.” Skorpeon pointed to a cyan Pegasus. Rem pointed to the orange one with a hat. Pinks took the yellow one.
Skorpeon smiled, grabbing a tuft of rainbow-colored mane. He placed his sword against her throat, thrusting the object parallel to her windpipe. She gagged, feeling the cold metal piercing her heart.
Pinks grabbed the yellow one, smiling savagely as she sunk her Vorpal Blade into Fluttershy’s eye socket. “You’re the best in MY eyes.” Pinks cooned in the dead Pegasus’ ear, feeling another pony dive onto her back.
Skorpeon looked up, seeing a streak of cyan and rainbow. He aimed, throwing his sword with a deft flick. He turned to the tumult of ponies, noting how many there were there. He felt a pony dive onto his back, burying a knife in his spine.
“Call that paralyzing someone?” Skorpeon grabbed Apple Jack’s mane and tail in both hands, “This is how you paralyze someone.” He brought both hands to his chest, feeling the pony’s entire back break under the strain. Apple Jack shuddered, and was dead before she hit the ground.
Pinks looked towards two similar ponies. They both had her insane twitch. They both held their identical cotton-candy hair straight down. They both had identical knives in theor mouths.
“You two are imposters.” Pinks snorted, “Who did you kill?”
The one on the left smiled, “I did in Fluttershy. She did Rarity.”

Pinks smiled an insane smile, “Small world. Getting smaller.” She flicked her hoof, bringing a cobalt-black blade into the necks of the dopplegangers. “I did in Rainbow Dash. You two just copied me.”

The two ponies fell to the grass, each having a look of shock on their face, blood pouring from their throats.

Pinks grinned, turning to another Pony. “And what are you?”

The black pony smiled, revealing a maw of sharp teeth. “I’m Rainbow Dash’s long-lost brother!”

Pinks shook her head, bringing the horse head from her back. “You know what’s lost in you?”

The pony looked at her, “What?”

She smiled, licking the blood from her lips as she swung with all her might. “You’re head.”

The black pony felt something hit his head, then fire erupted on his neck as his head hit the ground.

Rem looked at three ponies. One had a cutie mark of a stringed rectangle, the middle a dagger with a red tip, and the third had three dollar signs.

“You guys are getting creepier by the wave.” Rem said, bringing her sword an inch from the pink one. “Especially your butt tattoos.” She swung her sword to the right, smiling at the three ponies to her left.

“If I were you, I’d duck.” She cackled when the three ponies obeyed, placing their heads right in the path of Rem’s sword as it came around.

She looked at the three ponies, the tops of their head cleaved right open. “Thank you.”

Skorpeon cursed, holding his right arm to his side. “Why did I get her that sword?” he asked himself. He picked a stray Pegasus up by her pink mane. He laughed a cold laugh in her demonic face. “You my friend, are a fake.” He said, bringing his organic fist back. “An ugly, heartless fake.” He thrust his fist forward, punching a nice hole in her chest. He lowered his arm, looking at the heart laying on the ground. He sniffed. “I rest my case.”

Skorpeon felt another wave coming up. “Who’s up for round two?”

Pinks pulled an umbrella from her back, while Rem picked her sword up from the ground. They both nodded to Skorpeon, who smiled again.

“Let’s crack some skulls.” He said.

Skorpeon spun, neatly cleaving the heads from a small filly with a skull on her flank, as well as another pink pony with her flat hair. They both hit the ground, the heads sliding neatly with their forehead touching.

“And so ends the Cupcake Crusaders.” Skorpeon delivered a kick into a pale white unicorn, his pointed boot almost protruding through her back.

Pinkie Pie snapped at the identical pony. “Who are you?”

Pinks smiled, letting her eyes wander as they pleased, “My name is Pinkie Pie. But everypony calls me Pinks.”

Pinkie Pie laughed, placing her doctor’s visor back on her forehead. She pulled a small box from her back, pressing the single red button. “Nice knowing you, imposter.”

Pinks saw the flash of silver, rolling neatly from the saw blade. She felt it cut into her flank.

Pinkie Pie screeched in rage, pulling the chain on her saw. Pinks pulled her grinder out, sending five nice flecks of pepper in Pinkie Pie’s eyes. The pony screamed, dropped her chainsaw, and clutched at her eyes. A shockwave knocked the pony down. There was a high-pitched whine, a scream, a sound of shredded flesh, and Pinkie Pie was forced onto her back.

“Nopony. And I mean NOPONY! Imponynates the great PINKS!” Pinkie Pie felt her head get shoved into her own tool, and Pinks savored the blood and fluids that flew into her face as the pony at her hooves vanished in a blur of red.

Skorpeon got up from one knee, hearing the familiar sound of flesh and metal. He bunched his right paw up in a fist, shuddering at the memory. He screamed when a pony drove a knife into his tailbone. He spun, grabbed the pony by the hair, swung her around, and hit her into the ground. He tossed the head away, glaring down at the body. “Nopony sneaks up on me.” He growled, pulling the knife from his back.

Rem screamed, the burly stallion’s sharp teeth snapping for her face. She reached for her sword, but the stallion kicked it from her.

“You think you can fight me? Those no good lazy Crusaders couldn’t.”

Rem looked into the eyes of her attacker. “But they didn’t have one thing.”

The stallion smiled, “And what is that?”

Rem’s eyes glowed blue as she spread herself out as far as she could. “Diamond STORM!” Her voice echoed as the stallion felt thousands of shards of glass pierced his flesh. He roared, the force of Rem’s attack knocking him on his haunches.

Rem looked at the stallion, playing a small smile on her lips. “Yeah, you got owned by a girl.”

The workhorse glared at the yellow creature, taking in her white tufts of fur and purple gloves. “What are you?”

Rem redirected Skorpeon’s knife into the stallion’s neck, popping his head off like a Barbie doll.

“I’m complicated.” She said, letting the body of the stallion hit the ground with a massive thud.

Skorpeon looked his two friends in the eye, the mess of ponies littered about. The three of them were covered head-to-toe in blood and gore.

The three of then looked at each other as they made their way unspoken towards the cabin’s back entrance.

“There’s a bathroom by the laundry room.” He told Rem, “and Pinks, go ahead and use mine and Moony’s. No one will see you.”

The two nodded, slinking off towards the bathrooms. Skorpeon waited until they were inside.

“You can come out now, Gilda.”

He sensed her now, stronger than ever. She was shivering of fright.

“Why? So you can kill me?”

Skorpeon looked the griffin in the eye, “No. If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it with Rem and Pinks watching. I’m sorry you had to see it.”

Gilda crawled from under the bush, “You killed Rainbow Dash. I saw it.”

Skorpeon laughed, “Gilda, I killed like three Rainbow Dash’s just now. There’s more than the simple Pegasus you know out there.”

Gilda looked at the fox, ready to run if he made sudden movements. When he smiled kindly, stooping to her level, she sensed his kindness. “Why did you do it?”

Skorpeon clicked his tongue. I’ll tell you later. Come on inside, get something to eat, and I’ll be with you shortly.

He led Gilda inside, sitting her down at his table. “My wife is off with Dashie getting some supplies. They should be back before I get out.”

“Get out of where?” Gilda asked.

Skorpeon gestured to his blood-stained body. “If anypony, or anyone else, sees me like this, I’ll be kicked out of Equestria.”

Gilda nodded, trying not to imagine his body. She found him quite attractive. She could also feel a sense of security around him.

“Keep having thoughts like that Gilda,” Skorpeon chuckled, turning back around, “and I may not tell you to make yourself at home.”

Skorpeon went up the stairs into his room. Morning Mist’s crib was empty, which meant that she took her with them. Skorpeon opened the door, leaning on the sink, looking at the steamy mirror.

“I’m still in here Skor.” Pinks called from the shower, “But I’m almost done.”

Skorpeon turned his head towards the shower curtain, “It’s alright Pinks. I can wait.”

He peeled his vest off, scanning the damage done to it. “Pity. I liked this vest.” He looked himself in the mirror, wiping a small hole in the fog. He pulled his eye patch off, slipping the camera from its socket.

“I’m done.” Pinks threw a towel over herself, trotting out the door with a small sly smile at Skorpeon.

“Thanks Pinks.” He called, closing the door. He pulled his boots off, tossing them into the tub. He pulled a shard of metal from his paw, setting it on the counter. He slid his hand over his shoulder blades, checking for the buildup again. He winced at the pain towards his left one, pinching the fur there.

Skorpeon sighed, slipped his pants off, then climbed into the shower. He turned the water as hot as it would go, trying his best to get the blood off his black and blue coat.

There was a tapping at the door, “Skor?”

He sighed, “Yeah Rem?”

Rem let herself into the bathroom, kicking Skorpeon’s pants into the clothing chute. “What time did you say she’s coming back?”

“I didn’t” Skorpeon said, rubbing the shampoo in his hair. “She’ll be home in about--”

“Skor? Skor we’re home!” he heard her voice from below.

Skorpeon sighed again. “Ten seconds?”

Rem giggled, jumping up on the sink. “How’s eights doing?”

Skorpeon placed another healthy amount of shampoo in his hair, “She’s doing fine. She just had her coronation. And guess who gave her her second sword?”

Rem pretended to think. “That short green guy? Maybe the Togruta?”

Skorpeon chuckled, “Nah, though you’re close on Obi Wan.”

Rem gasped dramatically, “Anakin?”

Skorpeon nodded, “Aye. She was the first Master he got to coronate.”

Rem stopped fiddling with the brush from the counter. “Wait. Master?”

Skorpeon tied the towel around his waist, stepping out of the shower. “Yeah, Eighty-Six is a Jedi Master. She took General Ti’s place.”

Rem’s eyes widened further. “I have been away for a while.”

There was another knock at the door. “You in there Skor?”

“Yeah, gimme just a sec.” Skorpeon called. “Can you slip me a jumpsuit?”

He heard hooves on the wooden floor retreat, then return. “Here babe.” A blue jumpsuit slid under the door.

Rem turned around, kicking the suit to the fox. “You said she got a second sword?”

Skorpeon nodded, dressing himself quickly. “Yeah. A red one with a curved hilt. Sound familiar?”

Rem growled. “Ventress.”

“Aye. Here, you need to meet her. She’s a gem.”

Rem stepped out of the way, “Who, Kursed? I already know her.”

Skorpeon opened the door, taking a look at the lovely mare sitting on the bed. “No. I mean Luna. My wife.”

Rem did a double take on the Princess. “I’m sorry. If I had know…”

Luna giggled, “It’s alright. Skorpeon’s told me about you.”

Pinks set Morning Mist back in her crib, placing a small kiss on the filly’s forehead. “She is beautiful.” The pony looked at Skorpeon, “You two are lucky.”

Luna smiled, “Thank you, Pinks.” Luna turned to Skorpeon. “What were the three of you doing?”

Rem looked at Skorpeon, who just shrugged. “Pest control. I was just cleaning myself up when you came home.”

Luna nodded, “Ah, what were you exterminating?”

“Rats.” Rem said automatically. “We were controlling rats.”

Luna nodded, “What kind?”

Skorpeon held his paws about six inches apart. “Those from the Forest.”

Luna nodded again, “Ah. I never knew they were so… persistent.”

“Beg pardon?”

Luna looked at Skorpeon, then stood, “I wasn’t aware rats could take a pony’s Cutie Mark off.” She turned Pinks around, revealing a bloody mess where her left Cutie Mark should have been.

Skorpeon dove towards her, wand in hand. He muttered the usual bit of Latin, healing her flank instantly. “You should have told me, Pinks. Those rats’ bites can spread infection.”

Pinks looked towards her own flank. “I didn’t even know.”

Skorepon muttered a bit more Latin, which revealed three balloons on the pony’s flank.

Luna cuffed Skorpeon on the ear. “I hope they were atleast the decrepit hollows.”

Skorpeon’s ears flattened shamefully, “Don’t let Cadence know.”

Skorpeon sighed, twirling his wand on his fingers. “You two know I only kill the ones whi will kill the others.”

Celestia looked at Cadence. “We all know that you have your reasons, Skor.” She turned back at the fox hanging his head. “But please. Take them somewhere else to exterminate them. Imagine in anypony sees it. Then you’ll be gone for sure.”

Skorpeon nodded, “I understand, dear sister.”