The author would like to stress that the true ending to this story is the end of Chapter 4. This is an epilogue, written weeks after the completion of the story. For those who have enjoyed the story and are interested to know what happens following the events of Ch. 4, this is for you. I appreciate everypony’s patience! Thank you for reading and thank you for your encouragement!

A dark cloud hangs over the home of Twilight Sparkle. Outside, the town of Ponyville goes about its usual business, ignorant that its population has decreased by one. Inside, mentor and pupil embrace each other amidst a ghastly scene. The basement echoes with the sounds of sadness. Princess Celestia sits facing her former servant and tie to Ponyville, now stiff and cold on the basement floor. Tears trickle gently down her cheeks yet she maintains her stately, reserved composure. Beneath her and wrapped in her ethereal mane, Twilight Sparkle clutches at the princess and presses her sobbing face against her, soiling her royal fur. Twilight lacks the discipline of her mentor and her eyes are broken dams unable to hold back a deluge of pain.

The next hour passed somberly. Nary a word was spoken outside of a few whispered condolences. Twilights wailing ebbed and flowed like the tides as she cried heavily, then sobbed trying to regain her composure only to be brought back to bawling. Princess Celestia, while deeply saddened herself, was more concerned for Twilight. The princess harbored a maternal anger at Spike for having put her dear Twilight through such an unspeakable ordeal. She ran her hoof lovingly across her pupil’s back as she wept. Twilight’s pain was absolute. The pony ached inside. She felt like her guts had been tenderized with a hammer. Her mind struggled to keep up with the salvo of thoughts and questions that torn though her. Was there anything she could’ve done to prevent this? Should she have noticed something? What did this have to do with what Spike had been doing in Applejack’s barn? That last question was strong in her mind. Twilight wanted to know everything; each detail was another piece in a puzzle that Twilight yearned to finish. While the logical half of her mind was hard at work, the emotional side was spinning like a tornado as well. Memories of her beloved friend lashed her like a whip, each painful blow reminding her of just how much Spike meant to her and how nothing would ever be the same. She could hear his charming, childlike voice in her head, clear as it ever was.

“Hey Twilight. I’m going for a walk, I hope you don’t mind” Twilight repeated Spike’s final words to her in her head. She recalled her response “…don’t be surprised if I’m not home when you get back.” It didn’t seem fitting that their life-long friendship would part on such a casual exchange. Instead Twilight thought ahead to the letter Spike had written the Princess.

“Tell Twilight I love her…” Twilight read the words in Spike’s voice, stopping before reading the rest. Those five words repeated endlessly in Twilight’s mind. She wished she had just one more minute with Spike so she could tell him how much she loved him too, but such was not the case. All the purple pony could do was mutter “I love you too Spike” and hope that somehow, somewhere Spike was listening in some incorporeal form.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this, my sweet Twilight.” The princess’s voice brought Twilight back to reality. “This isn’t an experience a young pony should ever have.” Twilight stowed her tears and strained to control her quivering body. The room quieted as Twilight tried to find the strength to speak. When she finally spoke, her words came out like a whine.

“Spike was always s-so care-free and full of life… h-how could he do this???” her question was punctuated by another brief fit of blubbering. Celestia took pause at Twilight’s words and she massaged her back even firmer than before.

Finally the princess’s gentle voice replied back “You have no idea what would cause Spike to take his own life?” Twilight forcefully shook her head from side-to-side against the white alicorn’s coat. “Why don’t you tell me everything you know then?” A grief-stricken Twilight complied and brought her mentor up to speed. She told her about Spike’s morning walk, she reluctantly told her the things Applejack had said happened, and she vaguely described finding Spike’s body, not wanting to relive the experience through her words. “Oh my. It’s clear that something was troubling Spike… and unfortunate that he worked so hard to conceal it from us.” The princess bent her head down and nuzzled Twilight affectionately. “I’m so sorry for this Twilight.”

Twilight shied away from the princess’s touch and mumbled “He was like a brother to me-e-ee…” stumbling on her last words as she sobbed.

“I know dear, it’s going to be difficult. You’ll need to rely on the strength of your friends to help you through this, as will they be relying on you.” Celestia continued, her voice hushed to almost a whisper. “Do you remember what you told me at the Grand Galloping Gala?” she didn’t pause to allow Twilight to answer “You said you’d learned that friends have a way of making even the worst of times into something… well, a lot better” Celestia stammered, rewording Twilight’s friendship lesson into something more appropriate given the somberness of the occasion.

“Yeah… Spike knew that all along…” Twilight sniffled as the memory came flooding back to her. Her memory of that day was so vivid it was as if it had happened yesterday. She remembered the big wooden table in Pony Joe’s donut shop; there she stood with her friends in their disheveled dresses. Spike stood beside her with a big smile on his face. He couldn’t really be gone could he?? Twilight’s head hurt from the thought of it. This was like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. She turned away from the princess and looked across the room to where Spike lay. He was frozen, unmoved from the position she had left him in.

“I’ll have Spike taken care of. I don’t want you to stress over this. I’ll take care of planning a service and…”

“NO!” Twilight snapped, backing away from the princess and towards Spike’s body. “HE’S NOT GONE HE CAN’T BE! THERE HAS TO BE A SPELL I CAN LEARN IN ONE OF MY BOOKS…”

“Twilight.”

“…I’LL FIND IT, I’LL FIND IT AND WE CAN BRING HIM BACK, I MEAN EVEN IF I CAN’T YOU CAN RIGHT? YOU CAN…”

“Twilight.”

“…MOVE THE SUN WITH YOUR MAGIC SO SURELY YOU CAN BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE CAN’T YOU? YOU MUST KNOW A WAY! YOU MUST!!”

“Twilight.” The princess looked down at the wide-eyed purple pony and felt a searing pain in her heart. Twilight stared into her mentor’s eyes and collapsed onto her rump as she saw in their empathetic gaze that there was nothing Celestia could do.

“Twilight, unicorn magic doesn’t work that way. It can’t be used to kill, it can’t be used to make somepony fall in love against their will, and it can’t restore life to the dead. What kind of a world would we live in if such things were possible?”

Twilight grumbled then spoke again, less enthusiastically this time “Th-then what about the Elements of Harmony???”

The princess reprimanded her “The Elements bring harmony to disharmony. Spike chose this path of his own free will; not even the most powerful magic in all of Equestria can undo that.” Twilight wept as her flash of denial was squashed by the princess’s wisdom. “I’m sorry Twilight there’s nothing I can do except be here for you.”

Time passed and Twilight calmed down. Princess Celestia stood and led Twilight out of the basement and into the brighter main room of the library. The princess repeated her promise to take care of Spike and his funeral. Twilight simply nodded and sat down near the bookcase. Celestia remained standing and with a sigh she spoke softly “…Your friends deserve to know…” Twilight didn’t react. “I think you should be the one to tell them.” This time Twilight looked up.

“Me?? But I…”

The princess cut her off “They’re all going to be hurt. It is better they hear it from a friend.” Twilight couldn’t bare the idea, but she knew it to be true that she was the best choice to deliver the terrible news. The purple pony nodded affirmatively and got to her hooves. The two parted ways and Twilight left on her heartbreaking errand, leaving the Princess and her guards to take care of things in the tree.

Twilight took deep breaths as she strode through Ponyville, trying her best to hide her sorrow. She cleaned and dried her face with a quick purple flash of her horn. She knew what she had to do, but she feared when the time came that she wouldn’t be able to find words. Twilight thought heavily about how to tell her friends. Was it best to just say it? Would it be better to use a more gentle approach? Or maybe it depended on who she was telling? She practiced the words in her head, determined to tell her friends no matter how hard it was. Just then she tripped over her own hooves and landed clumsily on the Ponyville street. Several ponies stared at her as she got to her feet and brushed the whole incident off as if it hadn’t happened. She was so consumed by her thoughts that she had forgotten to watch where she was going.

The fall had made Twilight more aware of her surroundings and she continued on for another block or so before she saw something she didn’t want to see. It was Applejack. She was still looking for Spike with a determined and heated expression, and she was coming closer. Twilight panicked. She was in no mood to speak to AJ, not after everything that had happened. She’d have plenty to discuss with her orange, freckled friend and there were many questions on her mind, but it was a conversation the unicorn would need time to prepare for. Thinking quickly, Twilight lit her horn and in a matter of seconds she was gone in a flash of white light. She reappeared in front of Rarity’s boutique. This would be her first stop. She pressed a hoof against the purple door and felt butterflies in her stomach as she stepped inside. There was Rarity, wearing her red-framed glasses and slaving away over a sewing machine.

“Come In!! OH! Twilight! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here?” Rarity said, going back to her sewing.

“Umm, Rarity?” Twilight muttered, inaudibly under the noise of the machine. She stepped closer and tried again to get her friends attention.

“What’s that?? Can’t hear you dear, please speak up!” Rarity chimed, all the while concentrating on the garment she was busily manufacturing. Twilight stepped even closer, she was literally inches away from Rarity now. Twilight wanted Rarity’s full attention for what she had to say, but the painful message was burning a hole in her throat and she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Spike’s dead!” She launched the news at her fellow unicorn. Rarity’s hoof slipped, plunging her garment into the sewing machine. Rarity looked at Twilight with shock in her eyes as the sewing machine seized up and stopped on the bunched up fabric, her dress was ruined, but there were far more pressing matters that concerned her at the moment.

“Dead????” Rarity removed the gaudy glasses from her concerned face with her magic. Twilight tried not to cry, but it was to no avail. Rarity led Twilight into her parlor where the two ponies sat down and Twilight brushed the fresh tears from her cheek and continued.

“He… he…” The words were trapped in her stomach, so she did the only thing she could and told her story “…I came h-home and he… …he was in the basement… hanging…” Her voice squeaked the last word as more tears came to her eyes. Rarity stared at the purple pony who didn’t return her gaze. Rarity understood and tears began to appear around her eyes as well.

“I… ah… wha… b… but why????” asked Rarity, who was baffled that someone like Spike could commit suicide.

“…I don’t know either…” Twilight paused “…but I’m going to find out.” She said, thinking of Applejack. Rarity was speechless so Twilight continued. She told Rarity everything that had happened that morning; she even mentioned Applejack and the whole Winona fiasco. Once Rarity was up to speed she began to speak again.

“Who knows?” Rarity asked.

“Just you, Princess Celestia and myself at the moment.” Twilight said somberly. The room was quiet, Twilight spoke again. “I came here first. I know you probably spent more time with Spike than anypony other than me.” It was true. Rarity had a much closer friendship with Spike than the others. They hunted for jewels together; they worked on garments together sometimes. Spike was always eager to lend Rarity a hand and she enjoyed his company. “Spike… …you meant a lot to him Rarity.” Twilight added.

“Yes, that little dragon was quite infatuated with me.” Rarity quipped.

“He loved you.” Twilight responded. The room went silent. Rarity looked at Twilight and saw the sincerity in her eyes. She looked down to the floor and pondered Twilight’s statement. She thought back on all the times she’d been around Spike, and all the sacrifices Spike had made for her and suddenly she felt clueless, and selfish.

“I see…” she whispered. Twilight watched her friend react to the statement. Rarity clenched her eyes tight, taking in a deep breath. The room became silent enough to hear the plip-plop of a few tears that rolled off Rarity’s muzzle and hit the floor of the boutique. Rarity tried to speak, but it was clear that the emotional weight of what had happened was getting the best of her. “I… wish he… would’ve told me..”

There was a pause before Twilight asked “would you...”

“I-I-I-I don’t know, but at least, I could have thought about it!” Rarity snapped, anticipating Twilight’s question. “He was quite the charmer!” Rarity added, trying to brighten the mood. Twilight started to giggle, but found herself unable to complete the simple vocalization.

The rest of Twilight’s visit was more of the same. The girls shared stories about Spike, trading tears and stifled laughter as they reminisced over what a wonderful friend and charming dragon Spike had been and how much they’d both miss him in their lives. They hugged and cried into each other’s withers at times. Rarity’s blue eye shadow ran down her muzzle. All the while, unbeknownst to either of the unicorns, a pair of concerned green eyes watched them from the banister to the far side of the room. On the top row of stairs coming down from her room, Sweetie Belle watched her big sister and Twilight as they mourned. She didn’t understand what was so upsetting, but she knew that something important had happened and wanted to know more. From what she could hear it had something to do with Spike and him being “gone”. I wonder where Spike went that has everybody so sad? wondered Sweetie Belle. She’d soon get the chance to talk to her sister in private and have all her questions answered as Twilight stood up to leave.

“Rarity, I’m sorry to be the bringer of bad news, and I’m sorry about your dress.”

“Oh it’s quite alright dear, and thank you, for telling me first, it means a lot.” Rarity retorted.

“Well, I better go tell the others.” Twilight returned.

“Yes, I would imagine you have a long day ahead of you. Please keep me in the loop. Oh, and Twilight, if you need somepony to talk to you know you can always count on me.” Rarity said with a weak smile which was returned by Twilight as she strode out the door and back into the streets of Ponyville.

“Hey sis? What’s going on? Where’s Spike?” an innocent voice floated down the steps to where Rarity was standing.

Twilight set off to her next destination. Her thoughts were slightly more optimistic, it had helped to talk with Rarity. I suppose, if this brings me and Rarity or any of my other friends closer together, then at least SOMETHING good can come from… this. Twilight thought to herself. As Twilight walked, however, the gains she’d made at Rarity’s slowly evaporated and by the time she stood in front of Sugarcube corner she was once again the gloomy, achy, maudlin unicorn she had been as she stepped into Carousel Boutique. It was a painful task telling her best friends the horrifying news. Each stop on her journey brought both the comfort of understanding eyes and friendly hooves on her back as well as the pain of reliving her horror through her friends as they reacted to what was the worst thing to have ever happened to them.

Each of her friends responded in similar fashion, each of their individual quirks and personalities affecting their reaction. The pink party pony’s hair deflated to the grim news, the fragile Fluttershy fainted, and Rainbow Dash seemed slightly more angry than sad, but Twilight became more and more curt with each visit, eventually telling Rainbow Dash to see Rarity for the full story. Twilight’s own emotions were reaching a boiling point and it was now or never, there was only one more pony she needed to talk to.

Twi had been working up the courage for this confrontation in the back of her head all day. If there was any missing piece to this puzzle, only Applejack would have it. Twilight contemplated where she might find the orange workpony, somewhere in town no doubt. Then a thought occurred to her, a negative consequence of her waiting so long to talk to AJ. Word of Spike’s untimely death would be spreading across Ponyville like a virus, Twilight wouldn’t want AJ to hear about it second-hand. Her concern was less for her friend and how she might feel if she was told by somepony not as close as Twilight was, but more for the edge she would lose in interrogation if Applejack was allowed to learn of this before Twilight reached her.

Now more focused than ever, Twilight selfishly lit up her horn. The world went darker and gained a bluish hue and the sounds around her distorted as she retreated into her mind, the purple unicorn sending invisible tendrils of her magic stretching down the streets around her, searching, probing the town for her friend’s whereabouts. A few seconds of concentration, or perhaps it was a few minutes, it was hard for her to tell, and she had Applejack's location. Mentally exhausted from her spell, the magical aura around Twilight’s horn dissipated and she began a gallop down Mane street.

It was a short trip and Twilight was upon her friend in no time. Applejack was searching the area around Quills and Sofas, no doubt still looking for the dragon she’d never find. Oh good, then she hasn’t found out yet Twilight thought. She crept into Applejack’s view and immediately AJ began making a scene.

“Twa’light Sparkle, well if’n you haven’t been avoiding me ALL DAY! I reckon your hidin’ that dragon from me! I swung by your house earlier an’ there were royal guards there, now what in tarnation is goin’ on!!”

“AJ we need to talk.” Twilight said firmly.

“I agree! Now where’re y’all hidin’ Spike?! I promise I won’t muss him up too bad, but nobody hurts a member of the Apple family an’ gets away with it!” The pain in Twilight’s heart was an ember that flared with each mention of Spike’s name.

“Spike’s dead Applejack and you’re the last pony who saw him alive NOW I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!” Twilight’s calmness faded away as she screamed at her friend.

“H-wha did you jus’ say?”

“Dead! HE’S DEAD! He H-“ Twilight choked on her words, she couldn’t keep up her intensity while talking about this. Twilight swallowed and started again in a calmer, sadder tone. “He hung himself after he came home from Sweet Apple Acres.”

“Mah stars, I-I don’t know what ta say… I’m sorry sugarcube…”

“Don’t sugarcube me! I wanna know everything that happened this morning.”

“Of course, but I… I mean, why did y’all wait so long ta tell me??” Applejack’s eyes were those of compassion.

“I had to tell the others too.”

“I see, but I’ve been runnin’ all over Ponyville lookin’ for that… Spike. Couldn’t ya have told me first?”

“I … I … I …” Twilight’s head shrunk back into her body and the distress on her face told AJ everything.

“Ah understand. I truly am sorry for your loss Twa’light.” Applejack said apologetically “Do ya think we could go somewhere a lil more private?” Twilight looked at her friend with suspicious eyes, but then nodded. Twilight started walking in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres and Applejack followed. Once the two ponies had cleared the last few buildings and were alone on the dirt path, their conversation began again.

“So, would you please tell me everything that happened? Anything relevant, it doesn’t have to be something from this morning, maybe something you saw Spike do, or something he said?” Twilight asked.

“I told you earlier. I came home early after sellin’ a cart full-o-apples and when I looked in the barn there was Spike just-a-doin’ it with Winona!”

“And what happened then! What did you say? What did he say?”

“I yelled at him of course! Y’all woulda done the same thing! I said WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YA DOIN TUH MY DOG and he looked mighty scared, as well he shoulda been. He tried ta say he was sorry, an’ I told him he was GUNNA be sorry and then I tried ta grab him, but he ran off…”

“And that was it? You didn’t chase him? You’re one of the fastest ponies in Ponyville, don’t tell me you couldn’t catch him.”

“I had ta make sure Winona wasn’t hurt!” Applejack said defensively.

“And you didn’t say anything else to him! There has to be more then THAT!”

“Twa’light, I’m tellin’ the truth, I’m the element of honesty, remember?” Applejack said disarmingly. The two ponies reached the front gate of the Apple Family property. Applejack opened the gate and Twilight ran ahead, up to the barn and strode inside. It was an ordinary barn, hay strewn about, wooden floors and walls, everything checked out at first glance. On the floor Twilight noticed a small stain, the dried evidence of Spike’s misdeeds.

“Winona’s in the house now sugarcube.” Applejack said trotting up behind Twilight.

“I – I believe you Applejack.” Twilight said “I just – it doesn’t make any sense, Spike wouldn’t have done this and he certainly wouldn’t have taken his own life.. ever!”

“Maybe ya didn’t know him as well as ya thought ya did?”

“I KNEW Spike since he first hatched! We’ve been best friends forever! We shared everything… at least … at least I thought we did.” Twilight said

“Look sugarcube, I can’t forgive Spike for what he did, but I do know he musta been wrestlin’ with some mighty strong demons to put us through all this. We all may never know why he done did what he did, but I think it might be best for y’all if ya just try and put this all behind ya.” Twilight was opening sobbing now.

“But I have to know why! He was my best friend AJ, I just… I wanna remember him as the fun-loving, cocky, caring dragon I knew all these years, but…” Applejack allowed the purple pony to cry into her withers

“…but ya can’t get today outta y’ur head.” Applejack was visibly saddened, but was taking the news of Spike’s death better than the others had. Perhaps it was her tough, working-class upbringing, or just the fact that her recent experience with Spike made her understand that he was troubled. Whatever the reason, Applejack’s sadness was more for her friend whom she could tell was suffering. “I know it’s hard Twi; today’ll probably be the worst day y’all will ever know, but the pain’ll go away. These things take time sugarcube.”

“It… -sniff- it doesn’t feel like I could ever get over him. Everything reminds me of him AJ.”

“That’s natural Twi, but ah promise, with time, and good friends, you’ll get through this.”

“…and what about you? You’re not sad??”

“Course I am Twa’light, I mean, maybe it hasn’t fully hit me yet. I was madder than a bull at a rodeo at him this morning. I suppose I’m just takin’ it differently, but I’ll miss the little guy; we all will. I know how much Spike meant to you. If y’all ever need to talk to somepony, or just need a friend, I’m here for ya.” Applejack said with a caring smile.

“Thank you… I’m sorry… for everything”

“Don’chy’all be sorry for nuthin’, just do me a favor and try ta get some sleep and remember mah offer is always open!”

“Thank you.” Twilight whimpered.

As the sun finally went down on what had been the most stressful, emotional day of Twilight’s life, she wandered home, missing the feel of Spike’s weight on her back. The purple pony found her way upstairs and curled up in her bed. The silence was unnerving. It was the first time she’d slept alone in a great many years. Twilight missed the soft lilt of Spike’s slumbering breaths. The world melted away until all that was left was Twilight and her thoughts. All the comfort she felt when she was around friends didn’t seem to follow her into her thoughts when she was alone. Painful feelings swam in her mind. She felt her life was tapestry that had begun to unravel. She had had a good thing with Spike, but now she’d have to adjust to a completely new, more solitary life; she wasn’t sure if she could do it.

Twilight found herself wondering where Spike was, pondering the questions that had plagued great philosopher ponies for centuries. Despite all her intelligence, she had never really thought much about the afterlife, she was too young to think much about such things in great depth. She’d read a few different things about life after death in her travels through literature. There seemed to be a number of conflicting theories, something that annoyed her, and they all seemed to be tied to other beliefs and ideas, something which also annoyed her. Was Spike living out his greatest fantasies right now? Or was his soul simply, gone? Knowing Spike, Twilight figured if he had the option, he’d be silently watching her in some incorporeal form. The thought gave her comfort, but at the same time grief; She wouldn’t want Spike to see her in her current depressed state, let alone have him know that it was him who caused it. The purple unicorn rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow to hide her sobbing eyes from Spike’s apparition, wherever it may be.

“Oh Spike… Why? Why did you do this to me?” Twilight whispered to herself as darkness consumed her room, and her heart.

Word would spread to every pony in Ponyville in a day or two. In three days time, there would be a wake, “the saddest party ever” as pinkie would come to call it. Ponies from all over town came to offer their condolences to Twilight and her friends. The friendly faces would give Twilight a brief glimmer of happiness, but afterwards she’d go home and mope as usual. The funeral, the next day was supposed to bring closure to the tragedy, and while it did for some, it never would for Twilight. Only time would heal those wounded the deepest, and for Twilight this meant years. Twilight tried to put on a face around her friends, and with time it became more genuine, but she wasn’t as happy as she used to be. Twilight never took AJ or Rarity up on their offer to talk; she chose to deal with her emotions on her own. Life began again, sluggishly, like a dragon stirring from 100 years of slumber. Twilight would never forget Spike, although with time, his absence became less and less unnatural. Most importantly though, Twilight never got the answer to the question that chewed at her the most… why?