No, it had impaled a crate with each wingblade.

Rainbow couldn’t help it, she broke out in mental laughter. Good going, dumbass.

“Silence fool; you are speaking to High Lady Twilight Aurora the Great.”

YOU. Rainbow had never heard anything spoken with as much rage and malice as the sword had put into a single syllable.

“Hmmm, how strange, does the host have a second mind? No, that isn't right.” Rainbow's head turned to look down her withers, and gasped, “The Infinity Sword!”

The name is Iridescence.

“Hmm, Iridescence, an odd name for a grey sword. It is wonderful that we have been reunited, that we have finally met our destiny and become one.”

Iridescence made mental sound of disgust, Not on your life, parasite. You were deemed unworthy when you were alive, and the situation has not improved with you shoving your soul into jewellery. I will tell you this only once, you WILL. LET. MY. BEARER. GO.

“Unworthy?! I am the most powerful mage in a thousand generations, a prodigy unparalleled, you dare call me unworthy!?”

Iridescence scoffed, Ah, there's that malignant tumour you call an ego, and you wonder why I found you wanting. I will admit, you were a unicorn of adequate capability the sword paused But that was then, now you're just a trinket with delusions of grandeur.

Rainbow felt her body scoff, “Hmph, you clearly have no discernment if you reject me and then accept this ...” Rainbow's forehooves gestured to her body, “... featherduster.”

Huh, I guess this featherduster is too inadequate to hold your esteemed presence, I guess you'll have to go find another 'host'.

“Ah, the host understands, but you are lucky enough to be blessed with my presence for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, few are as grateful for the honour of being my host.”

Do all the unicorns in the manor know how to ward against your influence, parasite? How unfortunate. Ha.

“You will learn to love my glorious presence, sword.”

You will learn to rue mine, lich.

“Ha, I take that as a challenge. And there's one thing you have to understand, I don't loose.” Rainbow felt her body start to move forward, only to be stopped by her impaled wingblades.

Forgot about that, didn't you, parasite? Now go ahead and retract my bearer's wings, won't you, you wouldn't want to loose to a pair of wooden crates, would you?

Rainbow felt her body start to squirm as the bodyjacker fruitlessly attempted to remove the wingbldes from the crates, unable to get much leverage without moving the pegasus' wings. Something that Aurora had yet to figure out how to do.

Oh, and be careful, if you – in your incompetence – spill even a drop of her blood, I WILL see to it that you are destroyed. Iridescence paused Hmm, Maybe I will see if you are as resilient to hellfire as I am, I bet you wouldn't last even five minutes, yet alone the three days I know I'm able to withstand FOR SOME REASON.

Uh, maybe I should do this, even expert flyers have been known injured themselves with wingblades and ... well ... you're a unicorn.

There was a brief pause, “... fine.”

Suddenly Rainbow felt a modicum of control return, she could move her wings. The mare wasted no time retracting her wings to land back on here forehooves. Forehooves that she was unable to control. Ow, thought Rainbow as she faceplanted on the floor.

“Huff,” The bodyjacker awkwardly stood Rainbow's body up off the ground, turning her head to scowl at the offending limbs, before stalking towards the mummified corpse. “So, Miss Soft Linen, look where your treacherous ways got you, you thieving rat ...”

'Soft Linen'? You got your phylactery stolen by the bucking help, parasite? Pathetic.

“... Young Velvet was a fool to trust you, and you were twice the fool to break that trust. Did you really think you could get away with it? That you could just steal from us. That you could steal me.” Aurora placed Rainbow's hooves on either side of the corpse's circlet, “I will admit, the use of the Spellbreak Circlet was a slightly cleverer plan than most of your kind could normally come up with, in fact it likely would have worked against the dimwit 'nobility' of Canterlot. Well, at least until one of their lowlife thugs stumbled upon you and left your intestines spilling out over the floor of whatever den of vice and debauchery you were intending to spend your ill gotten gains in. But we Twilights are a different breed, you would not have succeeded even if you had managed to escape the manor, no criminal with even a gram of self-preservation would touch our jewellery. Honestly I wish you had escaped, not just to see what happens when you try to fence the Strangleclasp to unsuspecting lowlifes, but because, then I wouldn't be trapped in your stupid bag for three decades with nothing to do but listen to the Strangleclasp babble about its disturbing neck fetish or, even worse, converse with the Stardrop Tiara, and her obnoxious 'friendliness'.”

Hmm, there are other sentient jewellery here, Iridescence though, for the first time in the conversation taking a tone other than frothing rage and malice, Interesting.

“Bah, calling Stardrop sentient is a stretch, and Strangleclasp most certainly isn't.” Rainbow's forehooves pulled but the circlet was stuck firm, “Ha, even in death your avarice knows no bounds, rat. But it is no match for I.” the bodyjacker pulled harder.

There was a horrible tearing sound and Rainbow fell backwards, the dismembered head of the mummy held in her hooves, “Now, now, rat, no need to loose your head.” Aurora chuckled at her pun.

Five minutes later, the lich was still fruitlessly attempting to remove the circlet, “Why must you be so difficult rat?! Was it not enough that you stole me?! That you went and died, leaving me stranded in these ancient halls?! No, now you must hold onto that which is mine. Are you some kind of Spirit of Malice sent to torment me?! You will not defeat me!” The abandoned warehouse was filled with the horrific sounds of the shattering of dry bone and tearing of desiccated flesh as the lich stomped Rainbow's hoof down on the head in frustration.

---

Twilight trotted into the scrying room followed by his four present friends.

CIV's eyes fell upon the entrance, “Oh, Sparkles, you shouldn't have.” She said in a singsong voice before pouncing on Applejack, who had the misfortune to be directly following Twilight.

“What in tarnation?!”

Twilight quickly lit his horn and attempted to telekinetically intercept the filly, but it seemed that somepony had already taught the filly how to disrupt another unicorn's telekinesis. Of course the massive disparity in power between an adult alicorn and a blank-flank filly meant that such a disruption barely bought a fraction of a second.

Unfortunately for Applejack, a fraction of a second was all it took for the filly to latch onto her neck like a leech.

Twilight sighed and firmed his telekinetic grip on the filly and began the difficult task of disentangling the two without any further injuries.

A couple minutes later the six of them were sitting in awkward silence.

Twilight had scanned Applejack with a couple diagnostic spells and used what few minor healing spells that would be beneficial for the mare.

Unfortunately, there wasn't all that much that unicorn magic could do for her, there existed no spell to conjure blood and swift healing was swift on the order of days.

Thankfully, CIV had been interrupted before she had drained enough blood to cause any health issues beyond a couple hours of being lightheaded. She would be back to her normal self after a good night's rest, especially with her Earth pony constitution.

Ultimately, this is why he hated his house. CIV hadn't meant harm, he doubted the filly could even understand that she could cause harm. She most certainly didn't understand that – without intervention – she was minutes away from killing a mare. Nopony in the entire house had bothered to tell the filly that her biting could seriously hurt ponies. Just like how nopony had told a young Twilight Sparkle that Baleful Polymorph – while completely temporary physically – could permanently harm a pony's surprisingly fragile psyche. Just like how nopony had told her that the Nightterror spell was designed to drive a pony mad. Just like nopony had told her the dangers inherent to the summoning of Outsiders.

I had been sheer dumb luck that the young Twilight Sparkle had caused as little harm as she did. That her favourite polymorph form – a potted plant – completely lacked a mind and therefor the targets were put into suspended animation for the spells duration. That she lacked the magical control to even properly cast Nightterror and therefor burnt out the most harmful parts of the spell before she even finished casting it. That Twilight manor was warded against Outsider incursions to a degree that was beyond paranoid.

It was, of course, his dear mother's fault. That mare took pride in nurturing her children's worst impulses, it had been the case with Twilight, and it was clearly the case with CIV. Of course, that did not let off the rest of the house; cowards too afraid to the big, scary Twilight Velvet 'the Mad'.

Rarity was the one to break the silence, “Twilight, w-what was that.” She spoke with a quiver in her voice, her faux Canterlot accent absent in her fear.

“That, Rarity.” Twilight spoke in a tone harsher than warranted, “Is my little sister.”

Rarity shrank back, not knowing how to respond to that reply.

CIV, either unknowing or uncaring of the tense mood in the room extended her hoof towards the white mare, “I am Lady Twilight Twinkle the hundred and fourth of that name and spare heir for House Twilight but you can just call me CIV. It's is good to meet you.”

An awkward silence lingered for a moment.

CIV tilted her head in confusion, “Huh, that was supposed to work,” She brought her left hoof to her muzzle, “Hmmm ... Oh, I know what to do.”

The filly closed her eyes and lit her horn. She slowly rose into the air – seemingly surrounded with wisps of magic – her eyes opened – glowing magenta – and she spoke – her voice thundering with strange harmonics - “Hear me and despair, I am Twilight Twinkle the one hundredth and fourth, scion to the scion of the ancient and terrible House Twilight. Bow before me, peasants, and know that. I. AM. YOUR. GO... oof.”

The filly fell out of the air, her cantrips dispelled by a flash of the elder Twilight's horn.

CIV crossed her hooves and pouted, “Sparkles, I think you're minions are defective.”

Twilight sighed, “They're my friends, not minions, I don't have any minions ...”

“Except Shadow.”

“Hay, why am I the minion?”

“Because I outrank you.”

“Hmph.”

Twilight rolled his eyes. “So, as I was saying, these mares are my friends and I am unhappy with your attempts to scare them. Especially after you terrified them by attacking Applejack, and we are going to have words about that. Not now, because, frankly we don't have the time, but we will. Also, pretending to overchannel with illusions isn't going to impress anypony. In fact, many of our house's more ...” Twilight made a face of disgust, “... traditional ... members would frown on such a thing. What do you think Frost would say if he saw you do that?”

CIV frowned, “He would say 'Your foolish attempts of inflating your importance have brought shame upon our House' or something stupid like that” The filly made a surprisingly good impersonation of the stallion's monotone drone, “It's no fair, when you were my age you could overchannel, you don't know what it's like to be average.”

Twilight paused, oh. Honestly, it wasn't surprising that the filly felt that way. Especially with CIV still in their mother's delicate clutches. She probably has been feeding CIV's inferiority complex, just like she fed my mania. “CIV, you most certainly aren't average. Most fillies your age can't even manage telekinesis. Hay, most adult unicorns only know telekinesis and maybe a single spell from their special talent, something you're already well beyond”

CIV crossed her hooves and pouted, “Hmph, most 'adult unicorns' are worthless thaumlets who foolishly eschew the wonders of magic for reasons beyond reason. They have been deemed irrelevant and, therefor, have been excluded as outliers.”

“CIV, you can't just exclude the majority of the population as outliers.” Twilight tutted.

“When the majority of the population doesn't even bother to even try to use magic? Sure I can. A unicorn who refuses to cast spells is like a pegasus who refuses to fly or a changeling who refuses to transform.

“Changelings, where?”

“Magic is our birthright. So yes I'm excluding the majority of the population, because the majority of the population are big dumb dummies.” The filly pouted adorably in anger.

Twilight stifled a laugh, “Be that as it may. A unicorn is worth more than just her horn, you should not look down on others because they lack our affection for magic ...”

CIV stood up and looked into the eyes of the much larger alicorn. “Sparkles, can you imagine ...” she paused for dramatic effect, waking her forehooves “... having the infinite power and wonder of magic at the tip of your horn and rejecting ...” The filly put a surprising amount of malice into the word, especially considering her age. “... it in favour of something inane, stupid and useless like flower arranging or, ugh, fashion.”

Twilight was struck silent in shame; for no, he could not imagine, he could not understand, what could possess a unicorn to do such a such a thing. Over a decade under the tutelage of Princess Celestia – and several years in Ponyville – and still he failed to learn her very first lesson.

“I beg your pardon, dear. But fashion is not inane, nor stupid, nor useless. It both high art and eminently practical. I know that young fillies like you find such things boring, but when you grow up you'll learn the value of a beautiful dress.”

CIV seethed, grinding her teeth. “No, I don't think I will, Rarity. Such superficiality would be unbecoming of any Twilight.

Celestia was an unrivalled teacher and an even better proselytizer; the sun princess has expertly unwound the tight nest of anti-social behaviours and beliefs that the young filly was twisted into by dear mother Velvet with only limited collateral damage.

“'Superficiality'?! A good dress is so much more than just superficial, it can command the entire room and impress your peers. Art transcends the mere material.”

“Bah, power gained by the deceiving of fools is no power at all. And no peer of mine would be swayed by such a thing.”

Of course, the Princess's remaking of the young filly in her own image was never fully successful, no matter the Princess's applied charisma, delicately constructed arguments or well practiced sophistry. There were many parts of the young Twilight that were more innate than the confused mess of contradictions that her mother had left her. As they say, 'You can take a Twilight out of the Twilight, but you can't take the Twilight out of a Twilight'.

...

Sometimes Twilight Sparkle hated his family.

“Power?! How uncouth; it's not about power. It's about beauty and grace.”

“All beauty and grace belong to magic, anything else is but a pale imitation.”

Of course the unusual naming convention of the Twilights wasn't to be difficult ... well it wasn't solely to to be difficult, being difficult was a tertiary benefit at most. As everypony knows, a pony's name carries a prescient significance that is uniquely suited to the pony in question ... or, well, completely unsuited to that pony. Destiny does seem to like irony on occasion. But regardless, names held power in their meaning.

Rarity gave a patronizing smile, “You talk like that, but when you find a colt you like, suddenly you'll change your tune.”

“Bah, when it comes time for that, I will – like every daughter of Twilight before me – seek out a suitable husband and several sister-wives. And I, like those Twilights before me have enough honour to do so without machinations of fabric and lace. Not that any stallion capable of being hoodwinked in such a way would be suitable to father the next generation of Twilights.”

And no name held more meaning, more weight, than 'Twilight'. Twilight, the time between day and night, a time held sacred by all unicorns of arcane alignment since time immemorial. Twilight, the tallest mountain in the known world, standing alone; the spoke upon which modern Equestria spun. But, even more, Twilight was. A tribe within a tribe, a nation within a nation; a home, a people, a bloodline, a history, an ethos, a odd way of looking at the world, and a promise. Everything that made a Twilight a Twilight was contained in the their name, the name first given to each and every son and daughter of Twilight.

Rarity sighed, realizing that the argument she found herself in was fundamentally unwinnable, the young filly had some very silly beliefs about clothing. “Pardon me, did you say 'sister-wives'?”

“Of course,” CIV spoke slowly in a patronizing tone, “By the most recent census, there are, on average, more than six mares for every stallion living in Equestria, and those numbers only get worse when you exclude impotent stallions; although we have no idea how much worse. The bucking census doesn't deign to ask such a question.” CIV paused, “Even if the numbers are much better here in the Manor, it's still absurd for a mare to be selfish enough to demand a stallion for herself alone.”

And despite everything Princess Celestia had tried to teach, Twilight Sparkle was still – like every Twilight before her – a Twilight first and foremost.

Rarity was struck silent, she had heard talk of polygamy fairly often; it was one of the favourite topics of rumour mongers, but it was always spoken in the hushed whispers reserved for such taboo subjects. The idea that a small filly – one who hadn't even found her talent yet – would not only speak openly of the practice but outright state a preference for it? Rarity didn't know how to respond to that.

“Hah, a valiant effort, strange unicorn, friend of Sparkles, but ultimately the facts were not on your side.” CIV gave a quick mocking bow to Rarity before poking the seemingly paralyzed stallion, “Sparkles, I'm bored now, stop philosophizing and entertain me.”

Twilight shook his head as he came back to the present, he briefly looked around. Applejack was napping on the floor – probably for the best, CIV had drained a lot of blood – Rarity looked deeply conflicted about something, Fluttershy was giving him a look that made him fear for his nonexistent virginity and Pinkie was ...

... What? How?

Pinkie – despite being neither a unicorn nor a Twilight – had somehow managed to operate a scrying mirror and was spectating one of Twilight Manor's many duelling rings. The fight going on was between Flare and some non-Twilight unicorn mare Twilight couldn't recognize.

The fight was certainly a spectacle, Flare had quite a flare for the dramatic. She was clearly the better fighter of the two by a mile and seemed to be practically choreographing the fight for the audience she didn't know she had. Twilight watched flare sinuously dance out of the way of a manabolt with inequine grace before returning fire with a colourful bird shaped flame construct that harassed her opponent with tongues of fire. The normally extremely lethal spell merely singing her opponent.

Twilight shook his head and turned away from the scrying mirror. He turned to his younger sister and suddenly grabbed her in a bear hug, “I'm so sorry you think so lowly of yourself; you should not look down on yourself because you have less power than some other unicorns. You especially should not compare your power to mine; I'm an aberration whose power represented a clear and present danger to everypony who cared about me. Honestly, it still does sometimes, much to my shame. You are not a lesser unicorn just because your number is lower than mine. Anyways, your magic is very advanced for your age, most unicorns your age wouldn't be able to case a spell even if they had the inclination to learn, and you haven't even found your talent yet. You'll find that your power will rapidly increase once you do. The path of the mage is one that has never been accused of being quick nor easy, be patient with yourself CIV.” The stallion leaned in a kissed the filly on her forehead, “I love you, CIV; you will always be worth it, and nothing can change that.”

The filly was still for a second before she started to squirm, “Ewww, Sparkles, stop being so gross.” She complained, seemingly unaware of the tears running down her muzzle.

Twilight let his little sister go, and ruffled her mane with a hoof while chuckling.

“Stahhhp~” The filly whined.

Twilight got down onto his barrel and lifted her muzzle with a hoof to look into her eyes whispering to the filly, “Now, CIV, I need your help. My good friend Rainbow Dash is lost somewhere in the Manor, alone and afraid. We need to find her before the worst happens.”

---

Rainbow – who was most certainly not alone and was not precisely afraid - found herself standing at the base of a grand spiral staircase. The walk through the bare tunnels had been largely silent after Iridescence had grown bored of needling the lich, with only the occasional incomprehensible mumble of dissatisfaction from the bodyjacker.

“This should not be here.” Spoke the lich with a mix of concern and curiosity.

It is rather out of place. Rainbow thought as her eyes traced the boundary where the rough cut basalt seamlessly transitioned to finely smoothed marble.

“Aye, but more significant is that it's out of space. The interior of this room protrudes more than three metres out of the plane. Not a large distance – not nearly enough to to clear the planar corona, yet alone to enter the interplanar chaos – but far enough that this most certainly is not natural.”

I would think that the marble staircase should make that obvious.

“Perhaps, but it would be hasty to simply assume a common cause. There is no reason why the staircase couldn't have been built after the spatial distortion.” Rainbow's own voice took a lecturing tone, before she felt herself trot into the room. “Nonetheless, something happened in the 30 years I have been missing.”

Rainbow suddenly felt the manor spirit touching her, it was trying to tell her something ... It was an Outsider incursion! She thought in terror.

“Hmm, yes, that does seem like the most likely culprit. It does make me concerned about what my descendants are doing, that they caused a category 5 outsider incursion. But that pales in comparison to my interest in you, my host. I was under the impression that geomancy was a dead art, lost with the Stalwart of Broken Stone; although I can't find it terribly surprising, it would be terribly in character for Earth pony mages to stay hidden for centuries.”

Category 5!? There's no way that this is the result of anything more than a category 2 incursion.

“You would think so, but there's one thing you're not taking into account,” Aurora spoke with an infuriatingly smug tone.

What?

“Wards. Twilight Manor is warded against just about anything and everything, including Outsider incursions.”

Wards?! What? How? Outsiders cannot be quantified, they defy classification and their very existence is harmful to reality. How do you possibly design wards that work against that?!

“Why, it's elementary my dear host; you design wards that protect from the unquantifiable, the unclassifiable and the inherently hazardous.”

What?

The bodyjacker sighed, “What does it mean for something to be from the Outside, to be an Outsider?”

The Outside is the hypothetical part of the planescape that IS NOT, it is the sum total of everything that that does not and cannot exist, yet it tries to anyways. It is inherently illogical and cannot be understood. Only ponies of particularly strong will can push through the mental strain of facing them and end the threat that they pose.

“Hmmm, interesting. I will not argue on the point of whether Outsiders are actually real, as that is just a morass of pedantry, but I will say that I have no use for a definition of 'real' that excludes something as self-evidently capable of influencing its environment.” The lich paused, “Outsiders are inherently self-contradictory, yes, but they follow their own strange form of logic. This logic – which is unfortunately called illogic – can be studied and understood, albeit with some significant difficulty and not inconsiderable danger. And therefor it can be warded against.”

Rainbow felt a spike of fear and horror.

“Oh host, you wound me with your implications. We are not outsider cultists, who blindly summon Outsiders out of some incredibly misguided delusions of power; quite the opposite in fact. We are the preeminent Normality Preservation Organization in Equestria. We merely study the nature of Outsiders so that we may better fight them. For example, did you know that the nature and logic of the Inside is just as corrosive to Outsiders as their nature and illogic is to us? Unless the Outsider summoned can either summon more Outsiders or draw power directly from the Outside, then the incursion is a self-correcting issue. Sometimes the best way to deal with an incursion is to cordon off the area and let the Outsider ablate into nonexistence on its own.”

'Preeminent Normality Preservation Organization'? What about the Department of Esoteric Affairs?

“The Moon Demon's Lunatics razed the city of Everfree to the ground, it turns out that centralizing your entire governance structure into a single poorly defended city is not an exceptionally good idea. A lesson that the Sun Princess has apparently refused to learn for Equestria version 3.0. The survivors of the DEA was actually one of the founding members of the Stalwart of Twilight, thus we inherited their duties. And it's not like the Sun Princess has bothered to reestablish any replacement for them in her millennia of rule. For most of that millennia we've been hesitantly awaiting when a bunch of overconfident, incompetent glowponies start showing up to Outsider incursions and shoving their muzzles where they don't belong. But that has never happened, and we've started wondering whether the Sun Princess is even aware of Outsiders.”

Celestia is aware of the threat Outsiders pose, if she hasn't reestablished the DEA, then that means that she hasn't felt like she needed to. Which, as much as it pains me to say this, speaks well of House Twilight's handling of Outsider incursions for the last thousand years. Rainbow paused, You said that you were the 'preeminant' NPO, that implies that there are others.

“Hah, not long ago I would have said that we were the only NPO in Equestria, but I have recently come into knowledge of a guild of geomancers that have as to now kept themselves obscured from our vision.”

A guild of geomancers?! What?

“Oh, please, don't play dumb, that's just insulting both of our intelligence. I know enough about geomancy to know that it is not innate or instinctual, unlike the majority of an Earth Pony's talents. It is one thing to draw on the strength of the earth, or to fortify crops; it is a very different thing to connect oneself directly to leylines and bend stone to your whim. One does not become a geomancer without instruction, nor does one trivially learn of Outsiders. Your unlikely knowledge has revealed the truth to me, host. I do not know how many of you remain, but I doubt it is more than a score.” Rainbow felt herself sigh, “Why do you earth ponies have to be so stubborn and secretive? So cagey about your own magic? Us unicorns and even the pegasi have schools designed to teach our magic, but your tribe refuses to even write anything down. Even bloody Starswirl the Bearded, overrated hack that he was, had the sense to write his spells down, even if he did nothing more.”

Rainbow was confused, I'm a pegasus, not an earth pony.

“Just because you grew those wings of yours, that doesn't mean that you're any less an earth pony, nor will you be any less a pegasus when your horn finally grows in.”

What? My wings didn't just 'grow', I was born with them, I'm from Cloudsdale.

The bodyjacker tilted Rainbow's head, “You are telling the truth.” She spoke with confusion, “Then, who taught you geomancy?”

I ... don't ... know.

---

Twilight frantically scryed the halls of the manor, becoming increasingly concerned. Rainbow was not in any of the populated portions of Twilight Manor, and that left unknown hundreds of increasingly distant kilometres to check.

“Twilight, dear.”

“Yes, Rarity?” His tone was harsh as he barely glanced at the mare.

Rarity flinched and took a half step back, “We need to talk.”

“We do.” Twilight lit his horn and cast a dome of silence around the to, “Talk.”

“It's about your, erm, sister.”

“Hmm ...”

“She said some ... alarming things.”

“Did she?”

“Of course she did, that whole thing about ...” Rarity paused and grimaced, “... 'sister-wives', it's just so ...”

“... Scandalous?”

“Yes, it's just not the sort of thing that ponies should be talking about like that, especially a filly as young as your sister.”

Twilight sighed, “Rarity, you have to understand that; while polygamy is considered taboo in Canterlot or even Ponyville, that is most certainly not the case here. In Twilight Manor, it is considered not only normal but outright obligated, and it has been for more than a thousand years. Nothing she said to you was anything that a Twilight would consider concerning, or even unusual. If anything, she was parroting orthodox Twilight dogma. Which is concerning in it's own way, but that's neither here nor there.”

“And, pray tell, does dear Rainbow Dash think of this? You have told her, haven't you?”

Twilight gave a side-eyed glance at the mare, “Oh, you care about Rainbow Dash now?” he snorted, “I'll have you know, I have been very forthcoming with her, she needed to know.”

“And we didn't?”

“Quite frankly; no, you didn't.”

“But, Twilight, you shouldn't hide things from us, we're your friends.”

Twilight turned to glare at the mare, “Being friends with somepony doesn't entitle you to their secrets, Rarity.” He examined the mare and sighed, “Rarity ... are we even friends anymore?”

Rarity recoiled as if struck, “Wha ... what are you talking about Twilight? Of course we're friends.”

“Really, because you haven't been treating me like a friend, Rarity. You've been treating me like the romantic mark of one of your awful romance novels. You've treating me like Blueblood. And I have not been enjoying it. I'm not Blueblood.”

“I know you're not Blueblood, Blueblood is an ignoble cur.”

“Blueblood, 'ignoble cur' or not, is the son of Lady Platinum. Even if you had managed to seduce him, his mother would have never approved the match. In fact, I would imagine that she would be rather displeased with you ...”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Umbra suddenly shouted, “Am I hearing correctly that you ...” the mare pointed at Rarity, “... attempted to poach bucking Prince Blueblood Platinum?! Because I really hope I didn't.”

“What? No! I was looking for love.”

“That sounds like poaching to me.” Drawled Shadow.

“Poaching?” Twilight had heard the term a few times before – mostly from Applejack – but never quite understood what it meant.

“Oh, you are just too innocent, young Sparkles.” Spoke Shadow as put a hoof over the larger stallion, “A poacher is a mare who tries to seduce a stallion without the approval of his mother slash sister slash other legal guardian. Some ponies frown on it, often through violence.”

“Like you are attempting with Big Mac?”

“Exactly.”

Twilight gave his cousin a look.

“Hay, the worst thing Applebuck over there can do to me is break a few bones, and to do that she'd have to catch me first (she'll never catch me). House Platinum is bucking scary, that filly is lucky she didn't end up shanked and bleeding out in a ditch.”

“Actually, House Platinum has never retaliated against any attempted poaching towards Blueblood and prosecutes 'successful' 'poachings' entirely through legal means.” Umbra spoke with scorn, “Of course with his normal studding cost the monetary penalties of that would be enough to ruin even a moderately sized noble house, yet alone an small independent dressmaker like yourself.” Umbra scowled, “Honestly, it appears that House Platinum only cares about their 'favoured son' so far as he makes them bits.”

Twilight was taken aback, how had he never heard of any of this. Twilight had always been rather insulated from wider society, first under his dear mother and then under Celestia. The young filly's preference for books over ponies certainly hadn't helped. It made sense that Lady Velvet had hid things from her in order to mould the little filly into a miniature version of herself ...

... except, was that what really happened? Twilight suddenly remembered the many times that Velvet had warned against ever fully trusting Equestrian mares with stallions, telling the young filly about how they didn't know how to treat stallions 'right'. As a mare, Twilight had always rejected such statements as the ravings of a paranoid mare – or perhaps as some weird fetish thing – but now as a stallion, he couldn't help but agree. If anything Aura or Umbra had told him is correct, the mares of Equestria do not treat stallions very well at all.

And then there was the tutelage under Celestia, where the Princess had endless effort drilling 'respect for the dignity of all sapient creatures' into the young filly. Respect and dignity that is apparently being outright denied to a sizable minority of the population, for whom being raped was legally indistinguishable from voluntary seduction, both of which are called 'poaching' and settled with a fine.

It was clear to him now that reality did not even resemble the idealistic vision that Princess Celestia believed in, and there was no doubt that the Princess did believe in it.

So then, why had Princess Celestia failed so catastrophically? Was the immortal alicorn who had moved the sun and moon for a thousand years that impotent? Did she even know how much she had failed?

“Sis, why do you know Blueblood's studding cost?”

“I was on the Shining Armour Protection Detail.”

“I know. That doesn't answer the question.”

“Prince Blueblood was a major case study for the detail, we studied every detail we could of the unmitigated disaster that is that stallion's life in order to understand the magnitude of our task; it was enlightening. Poor bastard.”

“That's no reason for him to be so rude.”

Umbra looked at the mare like she had grown a second head, “Are you bucking serious, filly. You were trying to poach him, he had every reason to be rude – or worse – considering how many mares in your position didn't take 'no' for an answer.”

Rarity was taken aback, “What? I would never.”

“Not like he would have any way of knowing that.”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight shouted, “I created this sound ward was to have a private discussion with Rarity, not have some argument about Blueblood of all ponies. I don't really care about Blueblood, miserable life or not. Umbra, I know you mean well – I really do – but there is a time and place for such things, and this is neither.” Twilight sighed, “I don't mind your unsolicited comments most of the time, but, well, not when I'm having important conversations like this.”

“Ooh, somepony's in trouble~.”

Twilight lit his horn with a considreable amount of power and glared at Shadow, “It sounds like somepony wants to be fire-mailed, again.”

“Okay, point taken, shutting up now.”

“Good,” Twilight quickly recast the dome of silence, excluding his guards before turning to Rarity. “Now where were we before we were so rudely interrupted ...”

Rarity scowled at the place where the now invisible Umbra had been, “Why do you let them speak out like that, aren't Royal Guards supposed to be silent?”

“Ah, yes, that's another thing that's different about the Twilights, we're a lot less hierarchical – more meritocratic - than the Canterlot nobility, a lot more outspoken too. Banter is to be expected, even when – perhaps even especially when – there is such a large gap of status between us.”

“And the threats ...”

Twilight gave a predatory smile, “'Those aren't threats, they're promises.'”

Rarity eyes widened and she took a step back.

Twilight chuckled, “That's another thing that's different about us, we're more violent than the Equestrian norm, interequine conflicts are typically solved through force.”

“'Through force' ...”

“Aye, erm, yes. Typically such conflicts are resolved either with threats of violence or getting into a fight, either with hooves or with magic. Although in more significant cases, a formal chalange to a duel may be announced. Or sometimes in insignificant cases, some ponies just like to duel.”

“Duel? As in duel to the death?” Rarity was horrified.

“What? No, of course not ...” Twilight paused, “... well, not usually, duels to the death are only permitted for extremely severe grievances. There hasn't been one in the last hundred years as far as I know. There are dozens of different types of duels and the rules of a particular duel are largely up to the participants, first blood and first strike are always popular. Although duels until one of the parties is rendered incapable of fighting happen too, primarily between the more 'battle-junkie' types.”

“That's still awful, your noble house always fighting each other over minor perceived slights. How can you even live with each other.”

“Eh, it's not exactly like that, duelling is at least as much a sport as it is conflict resolution. There's rarely any actual bad blood behind a challenge, and when there is ... well, there's something rather cathartic about knocking the block off an infuriating bitch and putting her in her place.”

Rarity stared at the stallion like he had grown a second head.

Which, honestly he had just a couple days ago. Just not that kind of head. “Eh, sorry, Princess Celestia taught me that speaking like that was unbecoming of my position, especially since my ascension. I guess being back here in the Manor has affected me more than I realized.” Twilight chuckled nervously.

“Oh ...” Suddenly, the mare's face lit up with comprehension, “I was confused by the fact that you Twilights are technically a noble house, but you're not nobility, you're barbarians.”

Twilight sighed and facehoofed, “Rarity, barbarian is a pejorative.”

“What?”

“A pejorative, an insult. Nopony calls themselves barbarians, it's just what self-righteous Canterlot nobility call cultures that they look down upon as being 'uncultured'.”

Rarity giggled, “That's not a denial.~”

Twilight sighed, “Fine. Yes, House Twilight is what the Canterlot nobility refer to as 'barbarians'. No, we do not like being called such, at all. In fact, you should outright strike the word from your vocabulary.”

Rarity started salivating, “A barbarian prince~ ...” She giggled.

Twilight groaned, “Please, Rarity, do not go putting me in the box of another of the stupid tropes from your stupid romance novels. They do not resemble reality in the slightest.”

“I never imagined that Equestria would still have real barbarians. All the books were set in the distant past, it's a shame that you Twilights have been so hidden from the mares of Equestria.”

“Rarity ...”

“And you, Twilight Sparkle, you hid your heritage so well. When you first came to Ponyville, I had you pegged as a member of the petite bourgeoisie, you certainly didn't act like a noble, but you also never showed your primal nature. It must have been so hard on you to keep it hidden for so long.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Not really, Princess Celestia was pretty thorough in suppressing my – as you call it – ‘primal nature’.”

Rarity gasped and put a hoof over her muzzle, “That’s horrible.”

Twilight snorted, “You might not think that if you ever met young filly Twilight, I was horrible.”

“Was that young filly the kind of horrible to mindslave an entire town into chasing a doll?”

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