Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I regret to inform you that what you ask for is impossible. Such spells no longer exist, as that they have been systematically removed from the repertoires of pony knowledge.

As you know, historically fillies were preferred to colts due to laws requiring a female heir and notions, completely unfounded and fallacious notions, that mares were inherently more intelligent and and magically capable than stallions.

However as you might not know, at certain times it was common practice by much of ponykind for spells to be used to permanently transform newborn colts into fillies using magic. Unfortunately this practice had serious repercussions; the magic lingered in those changed causing them to birth fewer colts. And as such magic does not dilute with the generations, the imbalance only grew as more colts were transformed.

Due to this, all spells meant to change a pony's sex from male to female were removed from all spell books and made illegal. But even with the stopping of the practice the accumulation of the magic still caused the near extinction of ponykind. In fact, the results are still felt today where the ratio of mares to stallions varies from as low as four to one (relatively speaking as four to one is still wildly unbalanced compared to the average of one to one that has been true for most of pony history) in places like Manehattan to as high as twelve to one in places like Ponyville.

This brings me to my next point: while I am sure that it would be well within your ability to recreate the aforementioned spells, the use of any spell that permanently transforms a stallion into a mare is highly illegal. The fact that you were originally a mare would not be accepted as a defence. And as the transformation would be considered by the courts of pony law to be high treason (and nearly a dozen different other crimes) there is nothing I could do to protect you, never-mind the disaster you could potentially cause by reinventing such a spell.

Unfortunately I cannot answer your other question either, as I have no idea why that spell would have had the effect of permanently changing your sex, then again Starswirl the Bearded was a True Genius, unlike anypony either Luna or I have ever known, and was always incredibly poor at describing how the spells he created worked. Nor was he the kind to do anything the easy way, in fact he seemed to take a perverse pleasure in making his spells as complicated as he possibly could. I often thought that he would be happy if nopony was ever able to use any of his spells.

On a much lighter note, you should spend some time getting used to your new body; you might just like it.

Your Loving Mentor,

Princess Celestia

Twilight reread the letter hoping that it had been misread the first five times and let out a sigh, a deep baritone sigh rather than the alto that was familiar. This was not the first time that she, or rather he, had been told he couldn't do something; however this was the first time he had been told that it was illegal rather than impossible.

He had done many impossible things: hatched a dragon egg, redeemed Princess Luna from the Nightmare, 'vanquished' an ursa minor and even become an alicorn. But this time it was far from impossible – Princess Celestia had said that its use had been rather widespread – however this time it not impossibility but rather legality separating him from his goal.

High treason was one of the only crimes in Equestria that still could carry capital punishment. He couldn't imagine somepony being hung for changing their gender, yet there it was. Granted the punishment seemed slightly less absurd when viewed against the problems that gender-flipping spells created (which was most likely why Celestia had chosen to include her little history lesson). But still, High Treason!

Being a princess (or rather, a prince) came with a certain immunity when it came to criminal, civil and magical law (not that Twilight ever had the need to use it ... much) but not even Celestia herself would be able to get away with high treason.

It was truly infuriating that he –alicorn prince of Equestria, Element of Magic, Duke of Ponyville, high lord of the noble House Twilight, arch-Magus on the unicorn Council of Magic, one of the most powerful magicians in history, the premier mind on no less than seven scientific and magical fields (three of which were pioneered by the lavender unicorn-turned-alicorn mare-turned-stallion) and many time hero of Equestria – could not use a simple transfiguration spell (in this case simple is extremely relative considering even the most simplistic transfiguration spell was several levels of difficulty beyond what most unicorns could do) because it's bucking high treason.

Now many spells are what most ponies consider illegal – like raising the dead or capturing a pony's soul and forcefully removing it from their body – but the spells were not illegal; rather the effects were (for example the soul manipulation spells can be used in many perfectly legal ways such as the healing of a fractured soul). In addition the spells were not criminally illegal (unless they were used to commit a crime) but rather forbidden by magical law and was therefor the jurisdiction of the Council of Magic and not the guard (a fact that was well known in House Twilight considering Twilight's (Or Sparkle as called by family members to avoid the inevitable confusion as to precisely which Twilight they are talking about) position as an arch-Magus and Shining Armour being the captain of the Royal Guard). Thirdly laws surrounding forbidden spells were not in any way set in stone and Twilight's position as prince and arch-Magus (not to mention former Element of Magic) would be enough to get away with the usage of all but the most heinous spells (a good example would be the corruption magic that she had used when searching for the crystal heart, and that was before becoming a princess).

But this spell was criminally illegal! If he went through with it's creation and use the nobility would be baying for blood. He (or she, depending how far Twilight got before getting caught) could be imprisoned, or banished, or imprisoned in the pace he was banished to (and for the first time in Twilight's life is this statement not a neurotic irrational exaggeration) or even executed (this is highly unlikely considering Princess Celestia's personal view on capital punishment and her relationship with the younger prince (no, not in that way) but logic is something that seems to loose itself in the mind of a panicking Twilight Sparkle)

His life would be forfeit. He would be hung, no drawn and quartered, no burnt at the stake, no tarred and feathered, no ... (Twilight had unfortunately recently read a book about the many highly 'imaginative' ways that ponies had used through history to dispatch their unwanted that went into extremely gruesome detail so therefore we will pretend the next few thoughts that want through his mind never happened) ... and the execution would take place in the Canterlot square with the entirety of Equestria there to witness his shame as he becomes the first pony to be executed in over 400 years. Of course many, if not most, of the the citizens would wonder what their prince had done to deserve such a sentence. For many the sentence would describe some utterly terrible crime, while those who know the truth would see a martyr for whatever cause they so choose.

The panic started to recede after the scenario had fully played out. Twilight would never go ahead with the spell when such heavy consequences could lay on such simple actions. However as the panic fled, it's place was taken by a new emotion, anger. She would be living her whole life in an unfamiliar body; she would be living as a he. All because of one bucking law. And it is not like Celestia couldn’t just remove that little law with one small decree (in truth it would require more than that, but it would still be fairly easy for the one hailed a the 'God Empress of All Ponykind'). Why wouldn't Celestia help him? And then there was the last line of the letter “you should spend some time getting used to your new body; you might just like it” it was almost like Celestia intended this to happen. And it was infuriating. Here Twilight was in unfamiliar territory and Celestia comes and bars the way back saying “you just might like it”. It was almost as if Celestia had banished Twilight from maredom and “you just might like it” means “sucks to be you; you will will never get back in, so get used to it”.

How dare she? Celestia had no right to do this to him; he wasn't technically even one of her subjects. Of course this could be a test. Another bucking test. Twilight was tired of Celestia's tests. In her mentorship under Princess Celestia there was always a test hidden around every corner and Twilight had often been blindsided by one. It was extremely stressful to never know when the next one was.

The tests continued even after she had moved to Ponyville; except then it was not only stressful for Twilight but for her friends too (a good example would be the entire fiasco with the Grand Galloping Gala (now one of Twilight's least favourite alliterations) starting with Celestia giving her two tickets when she had five friends and ending with Celestia telling them that the only reason that they were invited in the first place was to ruin the event for Celestia's amusement). However, Twilight just continued to be the faithful student blindly accepting whatever was thrown at her and her friends (be it “go talk that big fire-breathing potentially-carnivorous dragon into leaving his cave” or “I forgot to mention that the bird was in fact a bucking phoenix and you neither need to nor can help it Fluttershy”)

However the events that caused Twilight to finally wake up was her brother's wedding and the return of the Crystal Empire. When Twilight came out and confronted 'Cadence' (rather hysterically, but still confronted), and her friends abandoned her (she had specifically remembered a letter to Celestia about taking your friends problems seriously), her brother disowned her (he was under mind control so it wasn't his fault) and she was at her weakest point in quite possibly her whole life, Celestia didn't try to comfort or even talk to her. She put on the same face she does when confronting murderers and rapists (both are, thankfully, very rare in Equestria, however every one is taken directly to Celestia for trial) and said only “Twilight I am disappointed in you”. While her friends apologized to her as soon as the invasion was over, Princess Celestia couldn't even comprehend that she had done something wrong (to make it worse the Princess knew it was changelings that had threatened Equestria but failed to mention it to her student because she 'didn't want her to worry' and was so sure that nothing could get in that she didn't even conceive the idea that somepony might be an imposter).

Then three weeks later Twilight was called to Canterlot. Twilight thought Celestia had finally ponied up to apologizing but she had quickly learned that this was to be another test. Twilight and her friends were going to go into unknown territory to defend an unknown city in an unknown way from an unknown hostility with unknown abilities and the Elements of Harmony were to be kept safe in their vault in Canterlot (because it's not like they cannot be used without their bearers; oh wait, they can't). To make it worse, not only were they completely ignorant and unequipped, the entirety of Equestria hung in the balance. And that was her test.

So it was reasonable to believe that this was yet another test (especially since Celestia had been the one who sent her the spell in the first place), and Twilight was furious; throughout the previous tests Twilight had always been herself, but now the test had changed Twilight and changed him permanently. This was the last straw. Twilight had dreams of eventually finding a nice stallion and starting a family, being a mother. Now that dream had been ripped away. Twilight started to feel the anger build up to a boiling point. In a deep part of his mind he knew such powerful anger was dangerous, but he ignored it. He deserved this anger. It was righteous anger. His life had been unceremoniously bucked up by one spell and one law. The worst part was that if Celestia had really wanted to help she could have had that one law removed near instantaneously yet the eldest princess just sat on her flank and did nothing. How dare she? How! Dare! She!

Twilight was shocked out of his thoughts by the spontaneous combustion of the Princess's letter. He watched as the scroll was consumed by brilliant violet flames and left a small pile of ash on the floor.

“Soooooooooo, bad news?” Twilight had almost forgotten that Spike was in the room

“What tells you that?” Twilight responded with his trademark snark. The (admittedly melodic) baritone of his voice grating at his ears.

“So, the Princess didn't have a spell”

“No”

“So, you are going to spend every hour of the next few days manufacturing a counter-spell?”

“No.” The defeat was evident in Twilight's voice

“Why not?”

“Because that would be high treason”

Spike instantly fell to the floor laughing. “Oh, Twilight you had me going there.”

Twilight stared straight into Spike's eyes and the young dragon ceased his guffaws “I’m not joking.”

“But. But, high treason, that's absurd”

“Yes. It is completely absurd. Completely bucking absurd!”

“What are you going to do?”

“I, I, I don't know” At this Twilight broke into quiet sobs. He looked around the room. It was a large stone room with almost every wall covered with full bookshelves. However there was a small section of wall completely void of bookshelves where three banners hung. The first was obvious as it was Twilight's cutie mark on a field of lavender; it was his banner. The second was the familiar six gems arranged in a pentagonal pattern that was often used to symbolize the elements of harmony on a white field (The Elements of Harmony banners had been given to all the bearers but other than Twilight only Rarity and, interestingly enough, Rainbow Dash had actually put them up). The third banner was one that would be known by few outside of the nobility; it was three six-pointed stars, one magenta, one cyan and one yellow, and a yellow crown arranged in a triangular shape on a indigo field, with a – recently added – yellow crown above; it was the banner of House Twilight.

Twilight still missed the Ponyville library or “Golden Oaks Library” as he had heard some of the residents call it. Unfortunately, it was now a crater in the centre of Ponyville after Tirek had destroyed it. The crystal castle was great, but so often Twilight missed the simple life of a librarian.

Of course none of this was relevant at this point and he was most likely procrastinating from the important issues. In a very un-Twilight way, even five hours after his transformation into a stallion, he still didn't have a clue why it had even happened.

“I know what I am going to do” the lavender alicorn with a renewed confidence.

“What?”

“Even if the problem has no solution, it would be irresponsible to not find the cause.”

“Oh”

“Now the spell that caused this to happen was not a transfiguration spell so it technically shouldn't have been able to cause this transformation”

“But the spell that turned you into an alicorn was not a transfiguration spell either”

“No it was not; a very astute observation by you. I suspect that that spell used an indirect method for transformation. If a transfiguration spell was to be used it would have given me wings but not necessarily the pegasus magic associated with it. Rather this spell gave me the magic of an alicorn and let the magic transform my body into the shape of an alicorn. And that is not even mentioning that that spell also invoked the Elements of Harmony which seem to work under entirely different constrains than normal magic; they can cast a effective disjunction spell without exploding in our faces”

“Maybe this spell did something similar”

“No, it couldn't. The difference between the two sexes magically is less than the standard deviation of either; this method of transformation would not only require strong distinct differences in magical balance, but would require physical traits to be dependent upon said magical balance.”

“Well what was this spell supposed to do? I would think that would be a good place to start.”

“Yes, it is. This spell was a spell made by Starswirl the Bearded designed to clean all the body's ley gates of blockage and balancing the internal magic of the caster greatly increasing the caster's efficiency in casting future spells. However I haven't the slightest clue as to how this could translate into sex modification.”

And not once over the next three hours did this last statement diverge from the truth. Exhausted and discouraged Equestria's newest prince crawled dejectedly into his bed.

Well, here I am again. I have started renewing this fic. I have changed a number of things from older drafts:
1. This is now post s4 rather than post s3, no point making a contrived excuse as to why Twilight has a castle when I can just use the castle she gets in canon
2. I changed the letter significantly adding a lot more information, while I always had an idea of why Twilight couldn't become a mare again, I always had Celestia be incredibly vague and unreasonable
3. A number of rephrasing and assorted editing to make the story flow better

I will be editing all the chapters before continuing this story, I already have chapter 2 and 3 ready for re-release.

Twilight sat in the centre of a large room, surrounded on all sides by massive bookcases stretching as high as the eye could see and packed full of books, scrolls and tomes of all shapes and sizes. He was reclining in a nice (and rather expensive looking) chair set on a beautiful, intricate carpet and sipping at tea while sorting through dozens of scrolls. All in all it was exactly the kind of place that normally would have had Twilight bouncing in anticipation of potentially lost knowledge.

But as it were, it was not actually a place (well not by the most literal definitions of the word) but rather a metaphorical representation of a highly abstract concept, the innermost sanctum of Twilight's mind.

Twilight had originally built the place at a young age (perhaps at the youngest age anypony had ever built such a mental construct) as a place where she could retreat so that no bully could hurt her. Naturally, her mental control as a child was limited and the 'mind library' had been in constant flux. As Twilight grew in both age and control she had discovered additional uses for the library as a memory aid (contrary to popular belief Twilight did not actually have a photographic memory) and as a place to collect her thoughts of the past day (spending one hour sorting new memories made the remaining night on average thirty-five percent more restful and ninety percent less likely to spawn a nightmare).

And, right now sorting of recent events was desperately needed for the royal mare-turned-stallion.

The lavender alicorn sorted through the scrolls and papers floating around him, each one representing a fact or event from his waking hours. 'I am a stallion now', 'I am no longer a mare', 'I will be a stallion for the rest of my life' and 'I will never be a mare again' were all amongst the most prominent and important of the facts (redundancy never harmed anypony (except when the item of redundancy was intended to harm somepony (or when the redundancy distracted from an important thing intended to harm somepony (or when redundancy resulted in the abuse of parentheses causing readers to repetitively hit their heads against a wall (but that would never happen)))))

Twilight was having trouble completely accepting what had happened to him. He knew empirically exactly what he was now: male, colt, stallion, masculine, a mix of X and Y chromosomes rather than just X, but his subconscious was having trouble accepting the truth. It was like the deepest parts of his mind were still in denial (which was not surprising when you consider how traumatic an event as permanently changing one's sex is upon one's sense of self) and the whole issue was complicated furthermore by Celestia's letter. Twilight knew the eldest princess well enough to know that the letter meant much more than what it said, but he didn't know her well enough to know what it meant. It was sad, really, that, even with the many years Twilight spent with Celestia, Twilight had never gotten to truly know the princess (although not without trying, but every time Twilight had asked about the solar alicorn she had been met with many thousands of years worth of expertise at conversational manipulation).

Hay Twilight probably knew Luna better than Celestia, and the amount of time she had spent with the lunar princess was a mere fraction of the time she had spent with her elder sister.

Luna! The thought burst suddenly into his mind who would know Celestia better than her own sister.

Twilight decided that he would need to talk to Luna as soon as possible, and he was not comfortable revealing his change to the public yet

But Twilight would not need to go out in order to talk with Luna. After all, she was not called the 'Matron of Dreams' for nothing, and while a mental construct is not technically a dream, the difference was mostly theoretical. All Twilight would have to do is use a simple beacon spell and aim it into the Dream Realm, where Luna would most likely be watching over the dreams of the ponies of Equestria.

Luna was bored. She flew through the black void that composed the background of what was commonly called the Dream Realm; passing the little balls of light that represented the dreams of ponies (if another were to enter this realm they would be struck with how it was almost like flying among the stars in the night sky), and searching for even the smallest sign of distress. But it was to no avail; it seemed like everypony was sleeping soundly with happy dreams tonight (the closest thing to a nightmare that Luna had encountered so far was a mare dreaming about turnips, but right before Luna had intervened out of sheer boredom, she remembered she loved turnips rather than hated them). Luna would have even preferred to do her weekly night court (it had originally been nightly, but had been changed to weekly when nearly nopony showed up) over this. At least there was something to do during night court; even if it was listening to spoiled brats of nobles whine about something or other.

As Luna passed another dream she felt a burst of magic pulling her towards a particular point that seemed somehow more distant. Having nothing better to do the lunar princess allowed herself to be drawn in. As she drew near she could feel herself leaving the collective unconsciousness of ponies' dreams and entering this odd dream.

Suddenly, with an almost audible snap Luna felt her connection with the dream world snap and colour erupted around her with such intensity that her vision was blurred. Even with her sight impaired as such she could feel that this dream felt significantly more solid than most.

As Luna's vision cleared a familiar lavender shape coalesced in front of her.

“Twilight?”

“Yes it's me; I'm sorry about bothering you Luna but I really needed to talk to you” The lavender princess said in a comforting baritone.

What?! As Luna's vision refined further she noticed more than a few things off about the other alicorn, she had sharper and more defined features, smaller eyes, broader and taller shoulders, more pronounced muscular definition. I was almost like the younger alicorn had changed ... into a stallion. Luna's eyes widened as she realized what had happened, and proceeded to do the only thing that made sense in the situation.

“Twilight, we swear unto the Styx that 'twas not our actions that caused this strife to befall thee”

“What?!”

“Um, 'tis not our fault that thou wear the face of a stallion?” the statement sounded more like a question than anything else.

“I know what you mean,” Twilight's eyes narrowed “but why would I suspect you?”

“Did sister never recount that story to thee?”

“What story?”

“Well, we may have done to our sister something similar to what happened to thee”

“You turned Celestia into a stallion?!” Twilight was shocked

“Um ... yes?”

“What happened”

“Well she adapted much better than we had anticipated and if not for the nature of temporary transformations, we'd wager near all of Equestria would be able to trace their lineage directly back to her; if thou knowest what we mean.”

“Ugh, I did not need to know that.” Twilight scowled, before his face fell into a resigned expression “So the spell was temporary?”

“Aye, 'twas a temporary spell lasting but a year.” Luna thought for a second “Art thou implying your change is not?”

“Yes, whatever caused my change is not temporary; it was the first thing I checked.” Twilight sighed

“Thou know not of what caused the change?”

“No I haven't the faintest clue. I was using a spell written by Starswirl designed to balance magic and clean the ley lines of the body when 'boom' the spell backfired, and when I awoke I was as you see me now.”

“Hm ... we cannot help thee, if you wish to change back. Thou must understand that, in a distant time, such spells nearly caused disaster.”

“I know, Celestia already gave me the history lesson, but that is not what I called you here for”

“Where is here exactly, 'tis much too solid for a dream”

“It is the physical representation of my mind, a mental construct solidified. I learnt how to build it from a tome on dream arts by a mare called Soul Song”

“Our student Soul Song? We thought our sister had destroyed all her work because 'twas too dangerous”

“Trying to get a Twilight to destroy a book is like trying to make a parasprite stop eating, it doesn't work very well. Even more so when it's an ancient book detailing a unique form of magic.”

Luna had heard of the incident involving the parasprites “That ... is an interesting metaphor young Twilight”

“Simile. I used to say it was like reforming Discord but then Fluttershy went and did it, and after he ate all my reformation spells.”

“Reformation spells? As in mind manipulation spells?” Luna asked worriedly.

“Oh, not at all. They were just designed to give large and painful electric shocks whenever he does something bad”

The lunar princess's eyes widened in shock. Sounds a little too much like a curse, We are not surprised he did not want that used upon him. “Yes, we understand. What was it for that thou called us here tonight?”

“Well, after searching my entire library for a counter-spell, I decided to send a letter to Celestia asking if she could help” Twilight's horn ignited and a scroll floated over to Luna “And this is what she sent back”

“'Tis not our sister's hoofwriting”

“No, it isn't. I do not have a photographic memory, and the original was destroyed, but these were her exact words”

Luna read the letter through. “'tis definitely Celestia. Our sister, like everypony, has a certain” Luna paused “way in which she speaks and writes that could not be falsified”

“You mean that you could tell if the letter was authentic just by the words that were used”

“No, not the words, but rather what lay behind, a kind of essence of the one writing or speaking. 'Tis very abstract.”

Twilight had a very skeptical look on his face “How very poetic of you Luna”

“We do not expect thou to understand, our sister never has, and most likely never will. As for the letter, we see nothing of an insidious nature. However, we have been away for quite a time and are no longer as close to our sister as we once were”

“What about the last line?”

“To tell thee the truth, we are not entirely sure. Although we think it may have been a statement from her own experience as a stallion. Or it may have been a statement trying to put thee at ease” Luna frowned, “And if anything, our sister is understating how near we came to disaster. If we remember correctly Equestria went nearly sixty years without a single colt birth.”

“Nearly sixty years, without any colts? How did ponykind survive?”

“'If they are not born, they must be made.'” Luna quoted an old “acquaintance”.

“Made? Do you mean that fillies were transformed into colts?”

“Aye,” Luna made a very sad face, “And doth thou recall The Third Law of Transfiguration.”

“'To undo is many times more difficult than to do; as to undo you must not only reverse the original transformation, you must do so while fighting the original magic' It's why nearly every transfiguration spell has an innate time limit built into the spell.” Twilight's eyes widened, “But with the hereditary lingering of many, many permanent spells, and since this was before the push to standardize spellcraft they would all be causing the same effects through many slightly differing means, combined with how chaotically spells tend to interact and magic's innate capability to take on a life of it's own ... to do such a thing would have been very difficult indeed.”

“Indeed, 'twas very difficult, in many different ways. With most of the greatest mages of the time working on the solution, we just barely succeeded. And the equine cost ... it still lays heavy on ourself and our sister.”

“The 'equine cost'? Do you mean ...”

“Yes.” Luna shed a tear, “Our counterspell was barely worthy of the term. Many, too many, of our little ponies didn't make it. And even more lost their lives in the pursuit of that goal.”

Twilight looked shocked,“That's horrible.”

“'Twas a very dark time in Equestria's history, but failure, extinction, was not an option.”

“I think I can understand why Celestia is so adamant about this. I'm still frustrated, but I understand.”

“That is all we can expect.”

“Thank you Luna, you were a great help.”

“No, we thank you young prince. 'Twas a very dull night before thou called us here. But we must not take anymore of thy time, thou must retire to thy dreams”

Luna felt herself leave Twilight's mind. She looked to her night sky above where she lay. Tonight was not as dull as we thought. And young Twilight makes quite the stallion. Luna blushed, not certain where that last thought had come from.

Here is the updated chapter 2, I significantly edited Luna and Twilight's conversation, the old version was based on the original chapter 1 where Celestia didn't explain why Twilight couldn't turn back and Luna barely even expanded on it. I hope I have made a it believable why transforming back is so illegal.

Twilight woke up well rested and yawned, surprisingly taking no adverse reaction to to his own obviously masculine voice. He felt as if he had completely accepted the events that had happened only yesterday and was ready to live the rest of his like as a stallion.

However the world had a way of reminding ponies, in the cruellest way possible, that even the most adaptable ponies would have trouble accepting such a major change in their body, mind and self-image in less than 24 hours (and no sane pony would consider somepony who had sent an entire town into anarchy and chaos because she was 'tardy' very adaptable). For as Twilight kicked off his bed sheets ...

... the realization of how wrong he was hit him hard as he came head-to-head with one proud new part making itself known to the world.

To say the least he was shocked. His mind ground to a halt as it was struck home, with an unnecessary amount of force, that he was a stallion in function and not just in token, that he was stricken with those bodily functions that Rarity had oft used in her, rather unladylike, jokes. He felt himself descending into a state of panic when, out of the blue, he was blindsided that, as he was observing his new part, he felt a sudden – and very, very, very alien – swell of pride, in the centre of his chest, that he was significantly larger than the average. And hence his panic was consumed by a great confusion.

Fifteen minutes and one unnecessarily cold shower later Twilight had finally cleared his mind from the conflicting thoughts that had been spawned from his rather enlightening wake-up. He was standing in front of his bathroom mirror and – for the first time since his transformation – thoroughly examining his body. The changes were massive: he stood a whole head taller than she had as a mare and had a much thicker, more muscular build (not quite Big Mac but still far from Caramel); his wings looked like they had almost doubled their surface area; his horn had increased in both length and breadth; his muzzle had become elongated and angular; his eyes became smaller. All in all he now looked very similar to Shining Armour (albeit a taller purple Shining Armour with wings), which was not surprising considering the common heritage.

Twilight trotted out of his washroom and into the hall, his hooves making a sharp clacking sound on the stone floor. He then proceeded to jump and glide down the staircase to the kitchen, or rather he tried to. Unfortunately he had not accounted for his increased wingspan and clipped his wings on the walls. Unable to right himself in the confined airspace and loosing all his lift; he bounced down the sharp stone steps and landed in a crumpled mess of limbs. Luckily it would take much, much more than a couple stairs to seriously harm an adult alicorn

“Hey, Umbra, look what the cat dragged in”

“Shut it, Shadow”

Dame Dark Shadow and Dame Black Umbra were made Twilight's personal guard shortly after some petty noble found some obscure law saying that a royal alicorn must have their own royal guard. Celestia, Luna and even Cadence had all offered to loan Twilight some of their guards but Twilight refused. She rather chose to transfer the twin mares from the Twilight House guard. Shadow and Umbra were the twin daughters of the late elder brother of Twilight's father. Unfortunately they were orphaned when they were foals and were practically adopted by Twilight house (family is of utmost importance to the Twilights) and were taught magic from an early age.

The shadow twins were a natural choice for Twilight's royal guard, they were very proficient in abjuration and evocation as well as being more than capable with most weapons and with several years in the house guard they would know what they were doing. In addition the family connection and familiarity would improve trust and loyalty. Unfortunately Twilight had conveniently forgotten exactly how lazy, immature and undisciplined the two could be and had regretted the choice ever since.

“Why princess, I figure there is something different about you this morning” Shadow commented with a cheeky smile (Most ponies would have been surprised to see that their cousin had turned themselves into a stallion. However most ponies had not been raised alongside a filly Twilight Sparkle) as Twilight lifted himself off the ground “and whatever it is, I like it.”

“I believe the word you are looking for is Prince, you dunce” Umbra sarcastically quipped at her sister.

To an unfamiliar eye the twins looked nearly identical with only their coats being slightly different shades (Shadow being a similar shade to Luna while Umbra had a slightly more grey tinge), their cutie marks (Shadow a black six pointed star and Umbra a black circle) and the way they style their black manes (Shadows was rather unkempt while Umbra kept hers in a short ponytail).

“Well, Prince Twilight you are looking mighty fine today” Shadow said with a coquettish grin.

“Two things Shadow, two things” Twilight gave the mare a intense glare “One, I have been a stallion for all of sixteen hours and two, I am your cousin”

“Neither of those are good reasons why I can't call a stud a stud”

Twilight rolled his eyes and changed the subject while making towards the kitchen “I don't remember seeing either of you yesterday; where were you?”

“We saw something suspicious in the billiards room and spent the night guarding it”

“So you spent the day playing pool.” Twilight sighed “I could have used your help last night”

“What? And end up with a snake in the grass?”

Twilight grimaced at the metaphor

“Buck no.”

“The spell only affected me, Spike didn't change at all.”

“Just because your puppy didn't become a bitch, doesn't mean I would have stayed a mare”

Twilight was not sure whether it was a legitimate delusion or a joke taken way, way too far, but Shadow seemed to think that Spike was a dog, much to the ire of Spike and annoyance of Twilight.

“Shadow you do realize that Spike is a dragon?”

“That's what they all say”

Twilight entered the kitchen to find that Spike had already fixed breakfast.

“Hey Twilight, feeling better today?” the young drake greeted him

“Yeah, much better ... I think.”

There was a short, and slightly awkward, pause as Spike brought out food for the three ponies.

Spike was the first to break the silence, “So when will you tell the girls?”

“Sorry? I wasn't listening” Twilight said sheepishly

“I asked when you are going to tell the your friends?”

“About what?”

Spike gave Twilight a deadpan stare “Really?”

“Oh ...” Twilight chuckled ashamedly before speaking again “... I don't really know how to break it to them”

“Don't worry, they're your friends, they will accept you regardless of your voice or face or body ...”

“Or what hides between your legs” Shadow received piercing glares from Twilight, Umbra and Spike “What? I'm just trying to help”

“What I am trying to say is that they are your friends and nothing, not even Discord, could change that”

“Thank you Spike”

Surprisingly Umbra was the next to speak up “While we are on the subject of telling your friends, Twilight, I will put in that the sooner you tell them, the better.”

“I hate to say this, but I agree with my sister; after all, you might not want to wait until we go into season. That would lead to ... um ... interesting situations, although, on the bright side, that would mean I would not have to rely on your mother's books quite as much”

“You actually read that garbage?” Twilight was aghast.

“What? They're actually pretty hot.”

“My mother's 'books' are an abomination against literature, and you know it!”

“You know,” Umbra drawled, “As fascinating as it is to watch you discuss the finer points of fetish porn, aren't you forgetting about something, something 'heated'.”

Oestrus! Twilight had forgotten – in the recent events – that the spring heat was estimated to be approaching in roughly two weeks time (and it was not unheard of for a mare to be a week, or even two, early). To make it worse, Twilight's friends had always relied on her to use her heat suppression charm on them when it got uncomfortable for them to work. Luckily oestrus is not as bad as it is often made out to be; mares don't suffer an overwhelming urge to mate, but rather feel hot and bothered (a very distracting predicament for somepony trying to get any kind of work done). Of course there are pheromones, but as long as you stay in open air and give a wide berth to ponies of the opposite sex, the urge to mate does not surpass an annoyance.

Nevertheless, it was asking for trouble to not tell his friends about his predicament before oestrus starts and every day increases the chance that one of them enters it.

“I'll do it today”

“Tell them today?” Spike asked

“Well, Rainbow Dash will have to wait until she gets back, but yes, they deserve to know, and as much as I loath to say this, Shadow is right. Every day I delay is one day closer to oestrus, and if I delay, something could happen that could threaten our friendships”

“Aww, buck. Why did I have to say anything.”

“Shut it Shadow.”

And with that Twilight's mind was set on what he had to do.

Not that many changes in this chapter, just assorted editing and a couple lines more banter.

Twilight walked down the main street of Ponyville with Shadow and Umbra trailing lazily behind. Naturally, because Twilight didn't want the whole town to know about his transformation, they walked under the effects of a fairly powerful 'not my problem' spell and went unnoticed by the townsfolk. It was somewhat concerning how effective the spell seemed to be in Ponyville, almost like the general population had already decided that their royal alicorn was already “not their problem”.

Twilight had chosen Rarity to be the first of his friends to be told as that she usually had the mornings free (Rarity did most of her work in the afternoon and evening) and was considered by Twilight to be one of his saner friends (sane being a very relative term). He was still worried about how his friends would receive his new development, but they are his friends and would never hold something so out of his control against him.

He suddenly found himself standing outside Carousel Boutique. Shadow and Umbra stayed outside as he entered the shop ringing the bell

“Hello and welcome to Carousal Boutique, where every thing is chic, unique and magnif ...” Rarity trailed of as her eyes drifted past the purple stallion that was definitely none of her business.

“There's nopony relevant here”

Rarity walked towards the door, walking around the stallion without consciously noticing him “Must have been the wind or something” Rarity checked the door to make sure it was closed, “Can't be too import ...”

“Rarity”

“... ant” Rarity was suddenly conciously aware of a large, well-built, very attractive stallion standing in the entrance to her boutique, and Rarity felt a headache coming on. “Who ...?” Rarity took stock of the potential customer: horn, wings, purple, strange perception altering magic, male. 4 out of 5 points to ... “Twilight?”

“Yes, Rarity, it's me”

“Spell backfire?”

“Why is that your first guess?”

Rarity gave a deadpan stare.

“Fine, yes.”

“Still working on reversing it?”

Twilight sighed “No.”

Rarity tilted her head in askance.

“It's illegal.”

“Why?” Rarity felt the headache growing.

“Something about it possibly meaning the extinction of ponykind.”

Rarity studied Twilight's face for a few seconds before her eyes widened “You're not kidding.”

“No.”

“Well, then I know what we need.” With a wince Rarity's horn lit up and crystal bottle holding a brown liquid flew into the room, followed by two matching glasses.

“Rarity, isn't it too early for alcohol?”

“Every rule has exceptions, dear, suddenly becoming a stallion and whatever that spell did to me are to exceptions to that rule.”

Twilight's eyes widened, “Oh, psychic whiplash, I'm so sorry Rarity. I guess my physical changes prevented you from subconsciously recognizing me, resulting in the spell effecting you at full power. I guess I probably shouldn't use the SEP field when visiting the rest of the girls then, maybe invisibility.” Twilight shuddered, “I hate invisibility. Did you know I was almost run over by three different carts last time I went out under invisibility, I swear this town ...” Twilight coughed and sputtered as a glass of sherry poured into his open mouth.

“Drink the booze, dear.” Rarity emptied her glass, “And then we can talk about how this all happened.”

Twilight had never known Rarity to use a word like 'booze', maybe the psychic whiplash was worse than I thought he worried as he overpowered Rarity's grasp on the glass in front of him, “It started when ...”

“Tut tut tut, dear. Booze then talk.”

Twilight sighed, then downed the liquor. “It all started three months ago when I visited the Canterlot archives while researching for one of my projects, while there I managed to find a small book knocked over behind the encyclopedia section. It was Starswirl the Bearded's first book of spells, strangely misplaced.

My first instinct was to find the horrible pony who misshelved a spellbook in the encyclopedia section, but I quickly realized that that was unlikely as the book had clearly been there for decades. So instead I decided to skim through it to see if there were any spells that I might be able to cast before returning it to it's proper place.

Most of the spells were, as expected, far beyond my capabilities, but I did manage to find one that looked to be within my own ability to cast ...”

“... and then I walked into your shop, and you know the rest.”

“So, you cast this spell.”

“Yes.”

“And it turned you into a stallion.”

“Yes.”

“And you don't know why.”

“It shouldn't even be possible, it's an purification spell, not a transfiguration spell.”

“And since turning colts into fillies almost caused ponies to go extinct, you can't turn back.”

“It's High Treason.”

“Oh, this is dreadful.”

“It's bucking infuriating.”

Rarity's eyes widened “Twilight! A gentlecolt should never swear in front of a lady!” she scolded

Twilight responded with a glare

“Now, now, don't be like that. You are a prince and a lord, what would the nobility think if they heard you swear?”

“'Hey, it's one of those Twilights, let's continue pretending they don't exist'”

“Exactly, they would be horrifi ... uh what?”

“I'm a Twilight, they're already horrified that I even exist, there is literally no way that swearing could make it worse.”

“I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand.”

“Of course you don't, now lets talk about literally anything else.” Twilight thought for a moment. “On the subject of literally anything else, you cannot rely on me to use the oestrus suppression spell on you, for obvious reasons”

“That is perfectly reasonable dear. We wouldn't want to have an ... incident, that we would regret”

Twilight grimaced at the thought “Rarity, you did not need to say that”

“Sorry, dear, but it is an entirely reasonable concern”

“I'm not stupid Rarity, I know what heat can do to ponies.”

“I, I would never! I know you are extremely intelligent, but you can be rather naive”

Twilight snorted and started to walk towards the door “Bye Rarity, I have to tell the others.” Twilight grimaced “And I have to start the paperwork required to change my gender on any number of important documents before revealing myself to the general public as a prince”

Rarity's eyes suddenly dilated. “This Is The. Worst. Possible. Thing!” she cried as she faux fainted on a couch that had not been there a second earlier.

Twilight rolled his eyes at her typical melodrama “What is it now Rarity”

“It is an utter travesty that such a handsome, attractive prince, such as yourself, does not have a single dashing suit in which to show yourself off to the mares”

Twilight just stared, unable to formulate his response. Completely ignoring the part about showing himself off to mares. Rarity had just called him handsome and attractive; two things that he had never expected to be called by the fashionista who seemed to have unreasonably high standards when it came to stallions.

“Oh, I-DE-A. I will make you an entire wardrobe that will make you the envy of all stallions and the desire of all mares”

Although he was disturbed by the 'desire of all mares' part Twilight knew better than to refuse a gift from the Element of Generosity “Well you have my measurements, I will be going now” he said as he turned to leave

Twilight felt himself being grabbed by a deceptively strong telekinetic field “Oh no you don't.” Rarity pulled him over to her and looked up at the taller stallion “I fear your measurements may have changed”

Twilight blushed abashedly and chuckled nervously. “But, I need to go. There are so many things to do”

“Come, we must get you properly dressed for your station” Rarity said as she dragged the uncooperative prince into the bowels of her shop “Don't worry I will be quick”

Two hours, forty seven minutes and thirteen seconds later Twilight was standing duty as the model to Rarity's creative whims.

Unfortunately Rarity – while a brilliant dressmaker – had little to no experience making suits (in fact her only experience with a male form was with a young drake with twenty to thirty years to go until puberty) and as such the last two and a half hours were among the most gruelling times in Twilight's life (which is saying something considering Twilight once had to hold an arcane shield for three hours against constant bombardment by eight guardsponies as part of a test). Between a large number of suits that were much too tight in all the wrong areas, a rather full (and terribly delayed) schedule and sheer boredom; Twilight had never been so anxious to leave a place before in his life.

“Twilight stand still”

“Whyyyyy?” Twilight moaned

“Oh, stop it Twilight; you're worse than Rainbow Dash”

“Rarity, we've been at this for almost three hours”

“You can't rush perfection dear. Anyways we would be done already if you did not complain every time you got slightly uncomfortable”

Twilight gritted his teeth “The pain was almost incapacitating, Rarity”

“Twilight, I am doing something nice for you, and all I get is negativity from you. Why don't you be a good stallion and stand there quietly?”

Rarity did have a point; Twilight had been rather negative about the whole ordeal. After all Rarity was making he an entire wardrobe for free, and Rarity hadn't even tried to put gems in the suits (Twilight's aversion to gems was entirely to do with not wanting his subjects to confuse him with a male hooker and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that gems aren't very masculine). Also Rarity's flanks were not bad to look at ... Twilight's mind ground to a halt, derailed by the immensely alien thought.

“See, Twilight, was it that hard to stand still. Although, you don't need to be that stiff”

Rarity walked right past Twilight – tail swaying happily – and levitated two practically identical rolls of dark blue cloth “Which colour should I use for the trim of this suit, Twilight”

While, before, Twilight hadn't noticed his glance fall on Rarity's backside, now it was all too apparent, as he was unable to take his eyes off of the mare's rear. He watched as the well groomed purple tail swayed left and right; enticing him with the possibility of revealing what was hidden beneath, but never revealing more than the slightest glimpse of the mare's most secret place.

“I understand, Twilight. It is so hard to choose. Luna's Canvas gives an air of mystery and subtle power. While Deep Indigo has a strong, powerful presence.”

Twilight – who would normally be wondering if there was any difference between the colour of the two rolls of fabric, other than their names – was much to enthralled by the mare's body to hear the mare's words.

“Oh, I-DE-A!” Rarity trotted over to a rather large chest “I think I have a small amount of it in here somewhere” She leaned into the chest, raising her rump into the air.

Twilight's eyes dilated and his pulse accelerated as he watched the white mare's hindquarters rose into the air; tail no longer capable of maintaining her modesty. Twilight knew it was wrong to look at his friend like this, but he was unable to turn away from the entrancing sight of Rarity's nether parts.

'Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiip'

Twilight was shocked out of his leering by the ripping and tearing of fabric.

“Twilight, dear, what was that?”

The answer to Rarity's question came to Twilight in the form of a rubbing sensation against his left rear leg. Mortified was much too weak a word to describe what Twilight felt.

Rarity pulled herself out of the chest levitating a smaller roll of fabric (that was also indistinguishable from the 'Luna's Canvas' and 'Deep Indigo' rolls of fabric) “Twilight, I found the perfect colour for your , it's called Black Amethyst. ”

Twilight, however couldn't care less about fabric at this point in time

Rarity turned around and walked around to the furiously blushing stallion while “Twilight, what is the probl ...” Rarity trailed off as she trotted behind the alicorn stallion “Oh, my”

Twilight's legs gave out and he fell to the ground in shame “I am so sorry Rarity, I was looking at you in bad ways, I just couldn't control myself.” Twilight started to sob “I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore, but please don't hate me”

“And ponies call me a drama queen It's okay, dear. I would never hate you and I would never abandon you at a time like this for such a thing. It is a natural urge that you have little control over. Anyhow ...” Rarity nervously chuckled “... it is really my fault. I should have been more considerate of you and never should have put you in such a ... compromising position”

“Thank you, Rarity. This is rather embarrassing, and quite stressful” Twilight got up and turned towards the mare

“That is understood, Twilight. It must be very difficult to adjust to a completely foreign body, with strange urges that you don't understand”

“I should have never doubted you, Rarity. You are a true friend” Twilight stepped forward and stood on his rear legs to give the mare a hug ...

... and was stopped short by a cyan magic field “I would hardly think that appropriate, Twilight, considering the circumstances”

Twilight returned to all fours and stepped back blushing fiercely “Oh!” He chuckled awkwardly “I'm sorry Rarity”

“Now, I think I have kept you long enough. I can finish the rest without you”

“I don't feel comfortable going out into town like this” He motioned at himself with his hooves

Rarity blushed slightly “You can take a cold shower in my washroom upstairs”

“Thanks, Rarity” He turned an walked halfway up the stairs

“And Twilight”

Twilight stopped and looked down “Yes?”

“A cold shower and nothing else”

“What do you mean by ...” Twilight trailed off “Ewwww! Rarity, that's disgusting!”

Here is the new and improved chapter four, the entire first half is significantly changed, but not that much has changed about the latter half.

Trixie struggled through a dark and ominous forest. It was not the Everfree forest (few ponies would last longer than a few days in the Everfree), but that did not make the travel that much safer or less terrifying. Or less humiliating.

After she had been defeated for the second time, Twilight Sparkle had promised Trixie redemption and forgiveness. She had said that Trixie could start afresh and rebuild her life in a better way. That Trixie could come to be loved by ponies of all ages across Equestria

Twilight Sparkle had lied.

There was no forgiveness. Every time Trixie walked into a town Trixie would be ostracized. Townsponies would stare and speak in hushed whispers about the atrocities that Trixie had committed. Mothers would steer their foals back telling their children to stay away from the “bad mare”. Shopkeepers would refuse Trixie service and innkeepers would give Trixie their worst room at twice the normal fare (that is if she got a room at all). Even the worthless beggars on the street would hurtle rocks and insults at Trixie.

Of course, that was only if Trixie had not been chased out of town by an angry mob armed with pitchforks and torches (Pitchforks and torches, why do they always have pitchforks and torches)

And now Trixie was pushing Trixie's way through some nameless Celestia-forsaken forest a thousand kilometres from any 'civilization' while the liar, Princess Twilight Sparkle, sat fat and happy, in her pretty little castle, loved by everypony.

It made Trixie sick to her stomach. That the Great and Powerful Trixie should live the life of a common outlaw while the weak, deceitful coward, Twilight Sparkle, gets everything. The worst part was that Twilight Sparkle had not even had the honour to face Trixie like a mare, and had resorted to underhanded tricks and treachery in order to defeat Trixie.

Trixie's mental rant was cut short by her faceplanting in the mud.

Trixie slowly got up while cycling through every cuss and swear that Trixie knew. As Trixie was standing up she saw a soft blue light off to her right.

Trixie cautiously approached the light and caught glimpse of an ethereal cerulean sphere.

Trixie recognized it instantly: a Will-O-Wisp, the rare and beautiful forest spirit that was renowned to bring to redemption or lure them to their doom.

The wisp floated in front of Trixie's head as if beckoning her to follow and zipped off into the foliage.

“Stop. The Great and Powerful Trixie commands you to stop” Trixie exclaimed.

The wisp stopped and flew right in front of Trixie's face; rapidly moving up and down as if saying 'hurry up' then hurried into the foliage again. This time followed by it's quarry

After following the wisp for an untold time through rough forest Trixie finally came to a clearing. The wisp flew off and stopped in front of the first pony-built structure Trixie had seen for three months.

It was a small cabin built entirely out wooden planks (that, had Trixie been observant, were much too straight and clean to be rough hewed from the forest) and had several small glass windows and a solid wood door.

Trixie walked right up to the door. Behind this door lay something important; something that could change Trixie's destiny. Something that could destroy her. Or something that could save her from her own destruction.

So Trixie did the only thing that she could do at that moment.

She opened that door.

The inside of the cabin was as unassuming as the exterior; the wooden walls were unadorned and the accommodations were spartan. Trixie looked around, eyes trailing from the couch to the small bed to the many drawers that covered the far wall.

“It has been so long since somepony had the heart to come to this old and decrepit cripple. So long indeed”

Trixie spun around and found herself muzzle to muzzle with a small, frail, and rather deformed, elderly stallion.

“I am Pravitas. What is your name?”

Trixie was caught slightly off guard but recovered quickly. “I'm the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Trixie exclaimed using her illusion magic to make faux fireworks above her head.

Pravitas smiled. “I am honoured to have one who is both great and powerful in my humble home”

Trixie scowled, as so many times before had she been mocked for her self-proclaimed title, but she softened her face as she noted the lack of any mocking tone.

“You have been betrayed, humiliated and cast away by the ponies of Equestria” the stallion limped around the Trixie, examining her.

Trixie didn't know what to think so she examined the stallion before her; his dismal grey coat was marred with black burn-spots and ugly pink wounds, the entire left side of his face was limp, he was missing most of his right ear and his left hind leg was little more than a stump. However two things stood out most of all: first was his cutie mark (or rather Trixie's inability to see his cutie mark (as that every time that Trixie tried to look at it, her eyes would drift elsewhere leaving her with a vague sense of dread)) and second was his wings. His wings were not feathered like a pegasus' or ever draconic like the thestrals', rather they mostly resembled the wings of a butterfly and seemed like they would have been very beautiful at a past time, but were blackened and burnt and full of holes.

“Trixie demands you tell her how you know this!” Trixie exclaimed with venom

“I may be lame, but I am not blind; the truth of your predicament is all too manifest on your pretty face.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I was once the same; my tribe feared me and what I could do so they cursed and exiled me.”

“What happened?”

The stallion smiled (an utterly terrifying expression on someone who had half their face melted off) and chuckled “they paid for their insolence”

Trixie decided against asking further questions on the topic

“Anyways enough about me.” the stallion took on a serious look “I have a proposition for you”

Trixie was intrigued “What?”

“I can make it so that you will never be mocked or humiliated again”

Trixie became excited “How?”

The stallion pulled a thin, nondescript, black book out of seemingly nowhere “All you have to do is take this”

Trixie was disappointed. A book? Who do I look like, Twilight Sparkle? “A book?”

“Knowledge is power, and this knowledge is more powerful than anything else.” Pravitas smirked “Is there anything wrong with a book?”

“Um ... no ... it's just that ...” Trixie tried to think of an excuse “... the pony that humiliated me is now an alicorn, and I don't think that one book will be enough”

“So you are wondering if I could make you one your self”

Trixie's eyes widened with excitement “Can you?”

“Depending on what you are willing to give up”

“Anything!”

Pravitas smiled again “Good enough for me”. He then proceeded to draw a circle surrounded by symbols that Trixie had never seen before with surprising speed and precision.

“Stand in the centre of the circle”

Trixie followed his command even though her every instinct screamed at her to run away and never look back

“This may hurt a bit” Pravitas said with his terrible smile and started to chant in a strange and grating tongue, each syllable leaving Trixie's mind as soon as it had entered, leaving nothing but dread and terror in it's wake.

Trixie felt the air fill with the thrumming of twisted and depraved black magic more powerful than anything she had ever felt in her life.

Then the pain came. The excruciating torment of her mind and body and soul being torn to pieces and remade in a terrible mockery of their original form.

Slowly the pain subsided, giving way to blackness. The last thing Trixie heard before slipping into unconsciousness was “Your move, Celestia. Let us see how well you play without your precious little heroes.

Did I say that next chapter was Fluttershy? I lied. Have some Trixie instead. This chapter introduces the arch-plot and the primary antagonist for the story; the flutterpony named Pravitas (bonus points for saying what his name means (it's Latin))

Edit: almost no change to this chapter, it was already almost perfect.

What looked like a wet, miserable, slightly scorched deep blue pegasus scowled as he tread on the rarely used path that leads to the edge of the Everfree forest and the cottage that lay there. Twilight had abandoned the invisibility spell five minutes after leaving Rarity's when a local weatherpony had lost control of a stormcloud and had instead settled on an glamour that hid his horn and changed his features. Why does this town only have one competent weatherpony?

“...And the look on your face was utterly priceless.” Shadow fell to the ground laughing.

“I know, Shadow” Twilight growled “You have repeated the story thrice since it happened, fifteen minutes ago!”

“Awww, is wittle Twily embarwesed?”

Twilight responded with a snort.

“Come on Twilight, you have to admit that the whole thing was bucking hilarious”

“No, they weren't funny when they happened, nor are they funny now that you have repeated the story three times over” Twilight retorted angrily “Anyways you were supposed to be guarding the door making sure nopony got in, not peeking in on my visit with Rarity. You not only abandoned your duties, you invaded my privacy!”

“Oh, don't be that way Twilight. Umbra can handle one door, isn't that right, sis?”

“You're and idiot, Shadow” Umbra said dryly.

Shadow continued on undaunted by her sister's comment “And it was well worth the risk. It was absolutely bucking hilarious, to see you getting stiff while staring directly at Rarity's pussy.” Shadow paused to take a breath “Although if I were in your situation, I imagine that I would have done the same thing. Well ... I am not sure that I could have stopped myself from pouncing her and rutting her sensl...” Shadow's voice suddenly went silent as a magenta aura appeared around her muzzle.

Twilight finished tying off her silencing spell and let out a breath of relief “That's much better.”

“You think you have it bad; I had to live with her.”

“We all lived in the same house.”

“True, but Shining never let her foul mouth near your young, impressionable ears.”

Twilight responded with a snort. “How is it that you two manage to remain so unseen by the townfolk anyways. What with the SEP field reacting poorly with my changes and this town seemingly having a vendetta against invisibility I don't really want to rely on something as unreliable as a glamour.”

“Why, Sparkle, I thought you would never ask. We become one with the shadows.”

“It's the middle of the day. The sun's shining overhead.”

“The brightest lights cast the darkest shadows.”

“There aren't any shadows to hide in.”

“One is never without a shadow, Sparkle.”

“Are you implying you hide in your own shadow? Because that makes no sense.”

“It's something that a pure arcane aligned mage like you simply couldn't understand.”

“Ugh, you elemental aligned types are always so cryptic.”

“It may be cryptic to you, but to us it's plain language.”

“I will continue to doubt that assertion.”

Umbra shrugged, “Sure, sure, believe what you like.” She made a sideways glance at the disguised stallion, “Maybe you should drop the glamour before meeting the quiet one, who knows how she'd react to a strange stallion showing up at her front door.”

Fluttershy was busy making salad for her cute little Angel Bunny when she heard a knock on her door.

Fluttershy didn't know who would knock on her door at this time, Rainbow was out of town, Pinkie, Rarity and Applejack busy at their places of work and Twilight rarely had the time to visit now that she was a princess. Maybe it was Iron Will returning to demand payment again, or a dragon coming to burn her to a crisp (it didn't even cross her mind that such a dragon would not be likely to knock) or maybe it was even – a possibility far more terrifying than even a fire breathing dragon – fans that had managed to discover the true identity behind her pen-name.

“Wh-wh-who's there?” Fluttershy asked

“Fluttershy, open up; it's Twilight”

Twilight's voice sounded different today; it was lower and had a slight tinge of urgency to it. Twilight could be sick. She could have a cold or the flu or bronchitis or pneumonia or pegapox or leprosy or throat cancer or ... or everything!

Fluttershy quickly opened the door and came face to face with the most stunning sight she had ever seen in her life. So stunning that she could do nothing but stare.

Twilight looked over the beautiful but immobile pegasus blocking his way. He was starting to unnerved by Fluttershy's stare (luckily it was just a stare and not The Stare). “Fluttershy are you alright?” He asked in a concerned voice

The timid mare's reaction was quick and threefold.

“Eeep”

*Pompf*

*Thump*

Twilight walked up to the mare splayed out in the doorway with her wings erect ignoring the other mare rolling around on the ground in silent hysteria several metres to the right. “Is she alright?”

“She just fainted. Probably from her biggest fantasy being fulfilled to the letter”

“What?” Twilight stooped down and placed the unconscious pegasus on his back (the thought of using magic to carry her strangely didn't pass the alicorn's mind) and carried her into the cottage

“Oh, just one of her friends showing up at her door as a rather attractive stallion”

“And you know this how?” Twilight gave Umbra a rather questioning look as he set Fluttershy down on a couch in her living room

“Because I have read several of her books”

“Fluttershy writes?”

“Yes, she uses the pen name Soft Quill, although you have probably never read anything of hers; they are about halfway between lighthearted romance and the stuff your mother writes”. Twilight visibly shuddered at the mention of her mother's not-literature

“And you never thought to tell me this?” Twilight raised an eyebrow

“I thought you knew. Anyways, I have been present for some your 'differences of opinion' with Lady Velvet on the 'definition of literature'. You Twilights go crazy when it has to do with books”

Twilight snorted “My mother is always crazy. She's completely bucking insane”

“And so is the pink menace, and the mint green lyrist, and her changeling friend, and the white wannabe noble, and for that matter most of the rest of Ponyville; including, on occasion, you.”

Twilight opened then closed his mouth, not a word escaping

*Yawn*

Twilight turned to see the bearer of Kindness stretching her hooves and rubbing her eyes making no move to try and hide her morning wing.

“Angel, I had the same dream again. It was Twilight; but this time and she ... um, he was ever hotter than I ever dreamed before” Fluttershy said in a volume that Twilight had rarely heard coming out of the shy pegasus's mouth (which barely approached the normal talking volume of most ponies).

Twilight's mind was reeling, unable to comprehend what Fluttershy had just said.

Shadow was – once again – silently rolling on the ground laughing uncontrollably

Umbra was nearly unaffected, only sporting a smirk

And a small white rabbit was jumping up and down waving his paws right in front of the now-conscious mare

“What is it Angel? It wasn't a dream?” Fluttershy's eyes widened “Was I imagining that I had a dream? Is this bad?”

Angel slapped a paw against his face and pointed in Twilight's general direction

“What is it?” Fluttershy turned her head and looked directly into Twilight's eyes. Her face exploded into a blush so fierce that it travelled halfway down her neck “Oh my”

Fluttershy's awkward stare awoke something in Twilight, a fear that he hadn't even know he had until now. What if all his encounters with his friends were this awkward? They had previously been a group of six mares brought together, despite their differences, by the things they had in common.

But now Twilight was a stallion, and – if Twilight's encounters with Rarity and Fluttershy held true for the others – there would an unspoken awkwardness that would be a very definite elephant in the room (An idiom that is occasionally considered racist, but very accurate at the same time, as elephants tend to be loud, obnoxious, disrespectful and often have no concept of common courtesy). How would the synergy survive if they couldn't even talk freely with each other?

Deep down that was his greatest fear. Even greater than to disappoint Celestia (especially as that he was currently rather pissed at the princess due to her rather unsympathetic letter). He was afraid of losing his friends.

And now it seemed inevitable. Not from a fight that roiled their angers, nor an evil force intent on driving them apart. They would simply drift apart, unable to communicate on the deepest levels due to the invisible wedge of uncomfortable awkwardness driven in by his transformation. And it seemed that there was nothing that Twilight could do about it (short of high treason). Not even Discord had made Twilight feel so impotent and out of control of his own fate, and never had he ever felt such such an overwhelming sense of despair. Twilight fell to the ground and started to weep uncontrollably.

Shadow and Umbra were shocked and didn't know what to do, but Fluttershy did. The small pegasus mare walked up to and embraced the much larger alicorn stallion. “What's wrong, Twilight”

“This wasn't supposed to happen” Twilight managed between sobs

“It's okay, Twilight. I know that whatever happened to you to cause this was quite traumatic for you. But you are going to be okay”

“No, I won't”

“You will feel better if you tell somepony” Fluttershy said in a kind manner

Twilight looked deep into Fluttershy's eyes and saw the sincerity and unconditional love of a true friend. So he told her everything, about how the spell caused the transformation, about her letter to Celestia and the anger that came with her reply, about her meetings with both Luna and Rarity, and about his own fears and insecurities that led to his recent breakdown. Fluttershy didn't say a word, she just let him talk, lending a listening ear.

Only once Twilight was finished did Fluttershy open her mouth “Isn't it so much better to have all that off your chest?”

Twilight noticed that he was feeling almost physically lighter, and no longer had the weight of dread on his mind “Yes, thank you Fluttershy. I feel much better now”

Fluttershy just smiled and nodded

“I need to go now. I still need to tell Pinkie and Applejack about what happened”

“Okay, good bye”

Fluttershy watched as Twilight left, with her guards silently in tow. She silently wept, for she had finally found the one, and he may never look at her in the same way that she looked at him.

Once Twilight had left she turned around ...

... and nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw the smiling pink pony standing there.

“Come quickly Fluttershy. For we have a party to prepare!”

Pinkie grabbed the pegasus's hoof and – within the blink of an eye – they were no longer in the cottage.

Once again, significant changes to the front half but minimal changes to the latter half of the chapter (like chapter 4).

Twilight and his cousins were once again within the town limits, Twilight was now under Umbra's 'Hidden in the Secret, Silent Shadows' spell. The travel since the cottage had been silent as a result of both the silencing spell on Shadow and Twilight's recent breakdown.

“Ugh, finally” The long silence was broken by Shadow's voice.

“It took you a very long time to dispel that” Twilight observed “If this was magic school, you would have failed.”

“Yes, but magic school teachers don't use triple tied soul-bound enchantments.”

“My mother did.”

“Yes but High Lady Twilight Velvet is a completely utterly bat-shit crazy novelist with concept of boundaries and a tendency to take everything to an absurd extreme.”

Umbra rolled her eyes sarcastically, “Uh oh.”

Twilight looked menacingly into Shadow's eyes with a glint of maniac insanity and lifted her half a metre into the air with his magic “My mother is not a novelist! That stuff she writes is not literature! It is degenerate fetish smut! It has no right to exist! And it should all be purged from this world by fire ...”

“Twilight there is a limit to how much the spell can shift attention away from us, and it has a pretty bad backlash when forcefully broken” Umbra grit her teeth as her horn 'lit up' with darkness, gesturing to several ponies looking around the square perplexedly.

“Oh, yeah” Twilight said with a embarrassed giggle before giving Shadow a glare that said 'I'm not done with you yet.'

“Come on.”

“Who are we visiting?”

“Pinkie; Rainbow is currently in Cloudsdale attending a meeting for all executive weather ponies and Sugarcube Corner is significantly closer than Sweet Apple Acres.”

“And 'Shy's cottage is significantly further than either” Shadow put in.

Twilight gave Shadow another ireful look “Yes, but I much rather wait 'til lunch before I need to deal with pink insanity.”

“On that point, it is now past noon and I haven't eaten since breakfast.”

“Oh no, you have gone six and a half hours without food, you are going to wither up and die” Umbra said in a mocking tone.

“Yes, well you didn't experience the major magical exertion required to dispel a soul-bound enchantment from yourself.”

“You wouldn't have needed to remove it if you hadn't been such an idiot earlier.”

“At least I am not afraid to speak my mind.”

“At least I don't blurt out every perverted thing ever to cross my mind.”

“Oh yeah, at least ...”

“Would the both of you shut up!” Twilight's entire face was red with fury and he looked like he was ready to burst into flames at any moment (a very real possibility as that Twilight had done so on many previous occasions).

“Says the pony who gets worked up ...”

Shadow's mouth was promptly plugged by her sister before she said something she would later regret.

Umbra slowly removed her hoof from Shadow's mouth “... over the definition of literature.”

Umbra could do nothing but facehoof (unfortunately she used the same hoof that had been in her sisters mouth and got Shadow's slobber all over her face).

Twilight's eyes narrowed and his horn lit up.

Shadow barely had the time to realize how much she screwed up before she disappeared in a burst of green flame.

Meanwhile, Spike was busy resorting the castle library after Twilight's frantic research session the previous night when he felt flames building up in his stomach. He quickly dropped the books he was carrying and turned so he was in no danger of burning anything.

*Burp*

*Smash*

A dark unicorn had smashed into a bookcase across the room knocking every book down (most of which landed on the newly arrived mare).

“Ugh, now I have to resort all those books, again” Spike walked up to Shadow “What did you do this time?”

The mare replied with only a moan of nausea and pain.

“You know what; I don't care” Spike walked out of the library leaving Shadow alone and in pain.

“That was unnecessary and excessive” Umbra commented with a raised eyebrow “It could be construed as Cruel and Unnecessary Punishment, Abuse of Power or even Assault and Battery.”

“Hmph, she asked for it.”

“Twilight, you are acting like a minotauress during 'that' time of the month.”

“Testosterone is known to cause aggression.”

“Yeah, in mares. and you are going from happy to bawling your face off to blazing rage and back again with no warning.”

“The change must have significantly altered my body chemistry, and my body is trying to fix it.”

Umbra rolled her eyes “I realize that this has been hard for you, but you can't just take it out on other ponies, not even Shadow.”

“What? I am fine.”

“You have shown every stage of grief except bargaining, sometimes simultaneously.”

“That's nonsense.”

“Denial.”

Twilight snorted and looked away “Hey, look we're here, although it's strangely quiet.”

Umbra turned and faced the bakery and Twilight was right. Where there would normally be a constant drone of ponies talking and laughing the building was completely dead silent. In addition the lights were all out. Umbra smiled to herself, she knew what was going on.

Twilight opened the front door and found every light in the place was out he modulated his spell to allow other ponies to hear his voice “Pinkie are you here.”

“That depends, who are you?” answered the ominous voice of the party pony.

“It's me Twilight.”

“Oh, I didn't recognize your voice, come in.”

Twilight walked into the building followed by Umbra.

“Surprise!” Thirty-some ponies jumped out as the lights came on abruptly.

Twilight watched as Pinkie attempted a tackle-hug on the patch of air several metres to his left.

“Applejack?” Pinkie asked looking back towards the group of ponies.

“He's raht there” The farm mare answered while pointing a hoof at Twilight.

“Thanks” Pinkie gave it another try. This time she was headed straight for the stallion.

Two things happened: first, Pinkie collided with enough force to knock Twilight onto his back leaving the two of them in a very awkward position in front of the piercing eyes of several dozen ponies, and second, Umbra's spell cut out (whether it was due to the impact or the proximity of Pinkie was anyone's guess) causing a thump as the mare briefly lost motor control due to backlash from the spell.

Twilight tried to levitate Pinkie off himself but the mare held on tight “Pinkie, would you please get off of me?”

“Why? You're so soft and cuddly and warm and hot and sexy.”

Twilight managed to ignore Pinkie's last statements “Hmph, fine then” There was a flash of light and both Twilight and Pinkie were both standing several metres from each other. “Why are you throwing this party anyways Pinkie.”

“It's your 'Congratulations on Becoming a Stallion Party' silly.”

“Wait, how did you even know?”

“My Pinkie Sense silly; yesterday afternoon I felt a combo that I haven't felt in a long time: eye flutter, twitchy tail, creaky knee and spontaneous combustion which means that one of my close friends, who also happens to be an alicorn, had turned into stallion; of course Mr. and Mrs. Cake were scared by the last part, so I told them 'don't worry, it's just my Pinkie Sense, sillies' and I haven't seen them since.”

“Pinkie, has anypony told you how crazy you are?”

“Yes, my parents told me every day. They took me to see all kinds of fun people. Therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, criminologists and even one pony who was an exorcist – although my father always called him an extortionist so I told him 'you're putting extra letters in, silly' – that pony was the most fun; he would say things like 'by the power of Princess Celestia – reagent of the sun and all it shines on – I command you to leave this body' and I was like 'cool, I didn't know Celly could do that'” Pinkie took a massive breath “Wait, did she teach you how to do that?”

Twilight shook her head. This was not technically a lie, because while Twilight did know how to remove a soul from a body (a rather advanced use of soul magic ) he did not learn it from Celestia (in fact Twilight had come to doubt whether Celestia knew any soul magic at all).

“Aw. Well unfortunately he refused to see me any more after my father asked him to try trepanning, he he he it's such a funny word, trepanning, trepanning, come on everypony say it with me tre-pan-ning.”

Twilight felt slightly nauseous understanding exactly what the mare was talking about (even if she didn't) Twilight looked around and noted his friends' reactions to the pink pony's most recent story. Rarity, Fluttershy and – interestingly enough – Rainbow Dash all had uneasy expressions that showed they also had also understood, while Applejack had adopted the 'smile and nod' facade that many ponies used when around Pinkie. Wait, Rainbow was supposed to be in Cloudsdale attending a very important meeting why was she here. That slacker.

“Rainbow isn't here, silly” Pinkie bounced up to the pegasus and pushed on her nose. Rainbow fell over making the sound of heavy cardboard hitting the ground.

Twilight was flabbergasted, that piece of cardboard had looked real, he was even sure that Rainbow had moved.

“I keep cardboard cutouts stashed around Ponyville, in case of cardboard cutout emergencies.”

Twilight shuddered at the thought of what kind of emergency would require that.

Pinkie bounced over to a table and pulled another large cutout out of seemingly nowhere.

Twilight was shocked to see a pair of familiar violet eyes that seemed to stare even though he knew they were merely painted. What shocked Twilight further was that the cutout was of him post-transformation. Pinkie hadn't even known what he looked like before several minutes ago.

“Look at me, I'm Prince Dusk Shine, and I am the hottest stallion this side of reality and every mare that's seen me wants me, but don't tell me that, I haven't noticed.” Pinkie said in a faux baritone voice from behind the image.

Twilight's horn lit up slightly and his doppelganger was immolated leaving a confused Pinkie Pie “Dusk Shine?” he said with a harsh edge.

The Twilights had a number of things that that they got very intense about; books being the first, and their names a close second. Twilights got especially angry when they thought their name was being mocked. It was for this very reason that, on no less than seven instances in the last five-hundred years, the Sunset house had been almost entirely annihilated.

“Yeah, it's your stallion name, like if I was a stallion my name would be Bubble Berry, but I'm not so I'm good old Pinkie Pie. It's a rule and the fandom would never forgive you if you didn't change your name” Pinkie put her hoof to her chin like she was thinking “Well they would probably forgive you if you went and made every mare in this town into your personal harem, but still.”

“What!?” He'd been a stallion for all of twenty-four hours now and Pinkie had already suggested, not only changing his name but a harem. It's absurd. Although it was well inside his legal rights as a member of the royal 'family'; after all Celestia's Solar Guard was technically a harem (even if the mare did not use it as such) and even Blueblood was rumoured to have his own group of 'special friends' and he wasn't even a true prince (Princess Platinum had downright refused to let go of her title when Equestria was formed so her descendents still have it as an honourary). “Pinkie, three things: first, there is no way in Tartarus that I am changing my name; second, I don't know what you mean by it but 'fandom' is not a real word; and third, I have no interest in dating any mares right now.”

Pinkie's eyes went wide and she gasped loudly “You're not a colt cuddler are you?'

“No!” Twilight said automatically.

“Oh, good, that would have been such a travesty for all marekind.”

“Pinkie, why are you like this all of the sudden? What's gotten into you?”

“It's what hasn't gotten into me that's important” Pinkie waggled her eyebrows “If you know what I mean.”

“No, Pinkie, just no. Why would you even say such a thing.”

Pinkie giggled “You're so funny Dusk, I was talking about cake, silly” the pink pony bounced away into the crowd of talking ponies.

Twilight grit his teeth “No, Twilight, strangling one of your best friends is not the way to solve this problem.”

Umbra got up off the ground, still feeling the backlash and walked up to Twilight with a chuckle “In hindsight, I would probably say it was a good thing that you sent Shadow back when you did. I'd hate to see what she'd be like after that.”

Twilight laughed a little “I guess you're right, it is not as bad as it could be.”

“Hey whorse, whatchyah doing here” a rather inebriated Applejack said glaring accusingly at Umbra.

“I am sorry ma'am, but I fear you may have me confused with somepony else.” Umbra replied politely.

“No, was yah who trahd tah saductuse mah brother” Applejack's drawl combined with the slurring from the drink made her words almost incomprehensible.

“No, that was my twin sister, we even have different cutie marks” Umbra turned to the side to show Applejack before smirking “and I think the word you are looking for is seduce.”

“Whah are yah showin meh yah flank? What kand of mare do yah thank ah ahm.”

“A very drunk mare who should probably never had ingested any ethanol in the first place.”

“Yah thank yer so hah and mighteh with all yer big werds, but ah know yah are nothing more thaan a dumb whorse.”

“Applejack, that's a terrible thing to say, apologize and conduct yourself like a proper lady” Rarity looked utterly scandalized, “I don't believe we have met. I am Lady Rarity Belle.”

“I am Dame Black Umbra vassal to House Twilight and captain of Prince Twilight's royal guard” The last part, while being not entirely true, was not a terrible stretch as that Umbra was the one that Twilight always left in charge (for obvious reasons).

“Oh, I didn’t even know that Twilight had any guards.”

“There is some law that says that every member of the royal 'family' must have their own personal guards so Twilight hired me and my twin sister several months ago and we have mostly stayed out of the public eye since then.”

“I don't really want anypony to view me as the kind of pony who hides behind a wall of guards” Twilight added in.

“Where is your sister right now?”

“She got mailed back to the castle via dragonfire after saying several particularly stupid things.”

A slight grimace quickly passed across Rarity's face “Well it was nice to meet you but I think I hear my name being called.” Rarity left with some haste while dragging Applejack away.

“Aw, why did she have to take her away, drunk ponies are so much fun.”

“Really Umbra, you're supposed to be the good sister.”

Umbra ignored Twilight's statement, “well we might as well join the party.”

Twilight partied over the next several hours having fun with his friends (no, not that kind of fun) and many of the other townsponies. However there were several things that were bugging him, first was that there didn't seen to be any other stallions at the party; in fact – with the notable exception of himself – everypony at the party was a mare between twenty and thirty years of age (which is highly unusual considering Pinkie's parties usually draw a broader interest). The second was that Fluttershy seemed to have lost her ability to even speak to Twilight (even though they had a long conversation just hours earlier) and the third and most distressing thing was the attention he was getting from ponies he had never met. It almost felt like he was a rabbit that had strayed into a den of wolves.

Eventually Twilight got tired and he left with his sole guard in tow. When he got home he went into a deep and dreamless sleep; sure that whatever the next day may bring, he would be ready for it.

Here's chapter 7, not the most changes of a chapter, but not the least. The future chapters will have far more story changes.

Also, I am giving a bit of an announcement, I'm thinking of upping the rating on this story to M for chapter 10. While I probably won't write outright sex scenes (don't hold me to this), it will be rather sexually explicit. And frankly I'm honestly surprised this story lasted so long with a teen rating anyways.

Twilight awoke the next morning feeling surprisingly rested and ready to face the day. He made his way downstairs, drawn by the smell of Spike's signature pancakes. When he entered the kitchen (when there are only four of you, it makes little sense to sit in a dinning room built for more than a hundred ponies) he saw a very cheery Umbra talking to a rather dejected looking Shadow.

“... and Big Mac was there along with that weatherpony Thunderlane and that really strange clockmaker that calls himself 'The Doctor'.” Umbra lied so well that even her (equally deceptive) sister couldn't pick up on it, “We had the time of our lives.”

Twilight rolled his eyes and chuckled to himself.

“It's no fair, you got to go to a great party while I had stay here and helped Spike organize the bookshelves” Shadow pouted.

“Applejack was there” Twilight added as he sat down and grabbed several pancakes with his magic and began eating them whole in a way that would make Rarity cringe “And she was rather belligerent.”

“Then I would have challenged her to a duel and taken Maccie as a prize.”

Umbra snorted and chuckled at her sister's pet name for the stallion.

“You realize she's an earth pony, they don't even do duels, and what if he didn't want to be 'taken as a prize'.”

“Eh, he's just a stallion.”

Umbra facehoofed while Twilight almost choked on a pancake.

“'Just a stallion'? What's that supposed to mean?” Twilight's asked accusingly at the dark mare.

“Um ... that he's a stallion?” Shadow asked nervously.

“And what's wrong with that?” Twilight gave the mare a glare that was only a few orders of magnitude less powerful than the dreaded Stare.

“Um ... nothing?” the mare managed to squeak out.

“So Twilight, are you ready for today's morning court?” Spike asked as he walked up while carrying a stack of pancakes twice his own height.

“Ah, I forgot that was today. I guess I should go get ready.” Twilight calmly walked out of the room.

The two mares and the dragonling looked at one another; “He was surprisingly calm.”

“Yeah, I still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Eh, I give him five minutes.”

Fifteen minutes later Twilight was sitting on his throne (which, with his larger stallion body, almost looked reasonable in size) in the aptly named throne room.

It had only taken Twilight a few minutes to figure out that there was, quite literally, absolutely nothing that he needed to prepare for his court; all surprisingly without a single bit of panic. He had checked on his regalia and found that they would no longer fit him, which had somehow surprised him. But it's not like Twilight had ever worn them outside of formal functions in Canterlot.

The ponies of Ponyville generally believe that wearing clothes of any sort was an arrogant statement of superiority along with a suspicious act of self-concealment; much like saying “I am too good to show you who I am” or something similar (Which made Twilight sincerely doubt a certain white mare's sanity who had set up a high class clothing boutique in what was basically a nudest colony).

Spike announced the first petitioners “Miss Diamond Pick and company.”

In entered three ponies who bowed out of respect. The first, a cerulean earth mare, started “Greetings, Your Royal Highness, I am Diamond Pick and we are here on a matter of business” Diamond turned towards the golden-brown unicorn mare to her right.

“And I am Golden Rod,” The unicorn shuffled nervously “We are here because I ... um ... we have recently found, what could quite possibly be, a very significant mineral deposit to the south-west of Ponyville.”

Twilight couldn't help but be intrigued “What minerals are we talking about anyways?”

“The divination revealed large amounts of copper and mythril ore with smaller veins of gold ore and there were minor indications of adamantite.”

Twilight's eyes widened slightly, adamantite, the ore of adamantium, was worth ten times it's weight in gold (and one mere gram of the refined metal was worth more than the average pony made in a lifetime).

“I'm sure we can work something out.”

And work something out they did, The miners left the throne room with mining rights and all the bits that they would need to establish their mine while Twilight remained with a rather significant stake in the operations.

However something left Twilight unsettled. The third pony in the group, a muscle-bound earth stallion, hadn't said anything, nor had Twilight even learnt his name. Instead he had just stood there quietly several steps back while the two mares had done the talking.

Normally, Twilight would have paid this fact little attention, but his cousin's words from breakfast came back to him 'he's just a stallion'. What if Shadow's words held more truth than he first thought.

A number of ponies came to through court. There were several buisnessponies and artisans looking to put up shop in the growing town of Ponyville, there was a handful of townsponies asking him to solve their trivial disputes, and there were a few scholars looking for a position at the eventually-to-be-built Everfree University of Magic (a place where young ponies could come and learn magic regardless of their tribe or social rank). Unfortunately Twilight had yet to find an earth pony willing to teach in the school (the earth ponies vehemently refused to teach their own unique magic to anyone who was not related directly by blood). He chuckled to himself, he never thought that it would be easier to find thestral professors than an earth pony professor.

By far the most infuriating ponies were the few mares who were brave enough to ask for studding contracts. Twilight may have been harsher than strictly necessary with such mares, but his Twilight upbringing was leaking through. Any Twilight would would sooner die than sell the rights to their children, so the entire House viewed the institution as an abomination.

Luckily, of the ponies that came to court, none of them were the whiny nobles that plagued Celestia's court. Twilight was not surprised at this; after all, most nobles in Equestria would sooner crawl into a dragon's mouth than deal with a Twilight.

Twilight was broken out of his thoughts by Spike announcing the next petitioner.

“Carrot Top of Golden Harvest Farms.”

“Ugh, and I was having such a good day.” Twilight groaned. Carrot Top was to Twilight like Blueblood was to Celestia (No, not his niece. Anyways Blueblood wasn't truly related to the solar diarch, that was merely a silly rumour). Carrot Top was a very vocal mare who would often come to Twilight's court demanding that portions of Sweet Apples Acres's land be turned over to her family, a ludicrous proposition as the Apple Clan had been permanently leased their lands by Princess Celestia. Twilight wasn't even one hundred percent sure that his position even had the legal authority to annul the lease.

The green maned orange earth mare entered with an intimidating almost military gait emanating a confidence that Twilight had never seen in the mare before.

“Hello Carrot Top” Twilight said icily to the mare that Rainbow had once joked was Applejack's archenemy.

“Hello Twilight Sparkle” the farm mare didn't bother to bow as she answered in emotionless monotony.

Twilight raised an eyebrow “What brings you here on this formerly wonderful morning.”

“As a concerned member of the community I demand that you release your hold on these lands and your titles.”

Twilight stared blankly at the mare before bursting into hysterical guffaws “So you want me to abdicate as a prince, something that probably isn't even legally possible, and give up the Duchy I was honourably bestowed upon me by Princess Celestia while turning my back on my family and everything I have worked for?”

“It is not a choice” The mare said unamused.

Twilight stopped laughing, the mare was clearly not joking “Why should I?”

“Stallions are not fit to rule, they belong under the mares they serve.”

Twilight blinked at that last statement. “And what if I refuse?” Twilight felt the beginnings of fury taking seed in his chest.

“Then you will be removed” the mare said smugly.

“Is that a threat?” Twilight said through gritted teeth barely holding in his anger.

“That's a promise” the earth pony replied darkly.

Twilight could no longer hold back the “HOW DARE YOU COME INTO MY COURT AND THREATEN ME, GO NOW AND NEVER ENTER MY PRESENCE AGAIN.”

Carrot Top was knocked back about ten metres from where she had been standing before by the sheer power of the Royal Canterlot Voice “You will come to rue this day Twilight Sparkle” she said calmly before turning tail (literally) and leaving.

Twilight thought about what Umbra had said yesterday, he couldn't lie to himself and say he wasn't incredibly quick to anger since the transformation. Sure he had been put under much stress due to his transformation, but he never reacted to stress in anger (rather he (well, she) would start a downward spiral of neurotic panic attacks and ever decreasing sanity). So why now? Twilight quickly racked his brain for and answer. Hormones! Every study had shown that the natural hormones in a stallion's body causes ponies to be more aggressive and quicker to anger (Twilight had laughed when she had first read that. Stallions were so calm and docile compared to mares that it was absurd to think that there natural body chemistry made them aggressive). 'Only in mares' Umbra's voice seemed to echo into Twilight's head. It may have been just a quip, but it was certainly correct that such studies only ever tested the hormones on mares. Twilight sighed, well at least he was feeling better now, even if he didn't know why.

“Spike, you can send the next petitioner in” Twilight said happily.

“There are no more petitioners Twilight.”

Twilight was shocked “I've only seen a few of the ponies who were waiting to see me.”

“Ponies that were waiting to see you” Spike pointedly said “They all decided that it would be better to wait 'til next week instead of facing an angry you.”

“But I'm no longer angry” Twilight pointed out.

“And that scares me more than anything from the deepest depths of Tartarus ever could.”

“Oh, don't be so dramatic, Spike.”

Spike took one look at his unstable mother/brother and turned away shaking his head “Not my problem.”

Twilight was lazily flying through the air in the general direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Since his court session had ended early he had decided to check up on Applejack. The fact that she was drunk early last night was highly worrying to the alicorn prince. Applejack could hold he liquor better than most ponies, so she must have drank a large quantity before the start of the party. So naturally Twilight was worried that something had driven the poor mare to drink.

“Heyya Twilight, whatcha doing?” Pinkie said below.

Twilight was surprised to see the pink pony bouncing down the road “I could ask you the same question Pinkie” Twilight said as he landed on the dirt road.

“Oh, I'm going to see Applejack, I have my family's special hangover cure and I think AJ might need it really, really bad!” Pinkie said in her typical singsong voice.

“I was wondering about that, Pinkie. Why was Applejack so drunk last night?”

“Well it all started when my Pinkie Sense told me that you had turned yourself into a stallion, then I thought that it a good reason for a party – but then again what isn't a good reason for a party – and I decided to make it a surprise party; except that it isn't a surprise because you already went to it, does that make it an unsurprise party! Is a surprise party still called a surprise party if it has already happened” Pinkie's eyes widened and she took a gasp of air “If a surprise party already happened and now isn't a surprise party, does that mean that nopony was actually surprised at all?” Pinkie's face now held a look of abject terror.

Twilight sighed “A surprise party is a surprise party regardless of whether it has happened yet. Now what does this have to do with Applejack being drunk last night.”

“Oh, yeah, well I started planning the party but I wanted a friend to help, but Rainbow is out of town and she is normally my party planning partner – he, he party planning partner – so I thought that Applejack can do alot of the things that Rainbow can – well except fly and control weather and be cool, awesome and radical all at the same time and be a favourite of the fandom – so I decided that she could help me plan my party. But she was all uptight like 'Pinkie ah've got work ta do' and 'Pinkie will y'all get off me' and 'goshdarnit Pinkie that's one place no mare should put her face' so I gave her some of my Pie Clan patented special rock vodka to get her to loosen up a bit; but it didn't work properly, she got all angry and paranoid and even more uptight, so I figured that batch was defective and I poured it into the water fountain.”

Rock vodka? Twilight had never heard about such an alcohol before. “Pinkie, what exactly is 'rock vodka'.”

“It's a family secret,” Pinkie put her hoof over her mouth, “but Pie Clan patented special rock vodka is the drink of choice of Princess Celestia, so you know it has to be good.”

Princess Celestia's binge drinking was actually one of the best kept secrets in Equestria, Twilight only knew because she had snuck into the Princess's bedchambers once when she was 13 years old. It had really surprised Twilight to find the normally disciplined Princess weepy and inebriated, and she never really understood why until the Elements of Harmony freed Luna from the Nightmare. “You gave Applejack alicorn grade alcohol?”

“Yep.” Pinkie jumped up and down, “She's really good at holding her liquor, so she needed something stronger.”

“Just how strong is this rock vodka anyways?”

“Over three hundred proof.”

“Pinkie, you do realize that proof only goes up to two hundred?”

“Bah, that's quitter talk.”

“Okay,” Twilight suddenly decided that Sweet Apple Acres would not be an opportune place to be in thirty minutes and remembered that he had some paperwork that desperately needed finishing.

Here is the next chapter. The most major changes are removing Twilight's panic attack, added mention of studding requests and made it so Pinkie didn't give Applejack literal poison but rather just impossibly strong alcohol.

Dame Arcane Theory made her way through the complex maze of halls that makes up the Twilight Manor, looking for one pony in particular. She cantered into the large courtyard and saw the telltale grey hanging off a nearby cumulus.

Theory cast a small amplification cantrip and yelled at the pegasus “Storm, get your lazy flank down here”

“Why?” Lady Twilight Storm, the only resident pegasus at Twilight Manor, was a unusual fluke. She was born to two unicorn parents, neither of whom had any pegasus heritage for at least fifteen generations. And like any pegasus of unicorn decent she had the misfortune of bearing one of the most stereotypical pegasus names in existence (although she should count herself lucky that she wasn't named Cloud, because Twilight Cloud just sounds awkward).

“I need you to transport some things.”

Storm casually floated down “Ugh, just because I'm the only pegasus here doesn't mean that I'm everypony's errand-filly, 'Storm would you be a dear and transport three tonnes of rock to Phillydelphia for me please', 'Storm, could you go and clear every cloud in ten kilometres of the manor please', 'Storm, I would like it if you could transport my exotic dildo collection to Princess Celestia's bedchambers for me', it's ludicrous and demeaning.”

“Don't throw a hissy-fit Storm, I just need you to transport a few artifacts to Ponyville for me”

“So, no dildos?” Storm hovered behind the unicorn mare as she led her through the labyrinthine mansion

Theory rolled her eyes “Not unless you're some sort of exotic sword-swallower”

The pegasus mare's eyes widened at that last statement “So, why do you want to go to Ponyville?”

“I have been working on divining the enchanting technique used on a number of artifacts and I can't focus with Lady Velvet constantly pestering me about whether I could enchant some sex toys for her.”

“So, dildos?”

“Yes, those. That mare may be my sister-in-law, but she's bucking infuriating.”

“Okay. Are you sure there aren't any other reasons you want to go to Ponyville.” Storm gave the other mare a wink.

“Well little Sparkle is a very accomplished scientist.”

Storm rolled her eyes “And the fact that 'little Sparkle' managed to transform 'herself' into a massive hunk of a stallion has absolutely nothing to do with it?”

“What?” Theory asked confused.

“Oh, don't be so embarrassed, it's perfectly natural for you to want to get there before he has more mares than he can handle. In fact, were I not his cousin, I would have done so yesterday.”

“Sparkle's a stallion now? And why?”

“Wait, how can you not know? Everypony in the manor already knows, Velvet did a little song and dance routine like the loon she is and every single mare who is not directly related has started plotting on how to get into his bed.”

“I have been packing the artifacts for travel for the last day and a half and haven't seen anypony since two days ago. Anyways, I'm her, his, aunt.”

“Wow, you really are a loner, aren’t you,” Storm winked. “And you're only his step aunt, there's no blood between the two of you so it's totally acceptable.”

“Ugh, tell me what happened.”

“Well, little Princess Sparky was testing some spell by Starswirl and was transformed irreversibly into a stallion.”

“That doesn't make sense, Starswirl didn't make any ...”

“... Any Transfiguration spells? Yeah, yeah, I know, it makes no sense really. But most mares are deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Theory grimaced at the idiom “Okay we are here. Do you want to see what I'm studying?”

“Not really, but I don't think that was a real question.”

“There are a number of artifacts with unique enchantments that I have been trying to understand”

“Yeah, yeah, get on with it”

Theory walked over to a long thin box and took out a massive sheathed sword. The sword was dull grey and nondescript with it's only marking a six-pointed star on the pommel and the sheath was simple and unadorned.

“It just looks like a big sword”

Theory oriented the sword so the grip was facing Storm “Try and unsheathe it”

Storm reached out a hoof and tried to grab the centre of the grip but it felt like she was trying to grasp nothing. Her hoof slid over the grey metal like oil over water “It a sword a pony can't grab, how fascinating.”

Theory put the sheathe and sword back into the box it came from “this is the most peculiar object we have, it seems to be completely immune to every type of magic known to ponykind, even the innate magic that allows ponies to grab objects with our hooves, so it's a good thing that it has a sheathe, otherwise it would be almost impossible to move. Also the design is strange, it is obviously pony made and big enough to be a greatsword, however the design suggests that it is actually a bastard sword. In addition the craftponyship is impeccable and it is at least a thousand years old yet the sword is without any maker's mark. And to top it all off I don't even know what metal it's made of.”

“Okay I get it. This sword is weird. Did you bring me here to tell me that or to transport your stuff to Sparkle's castle?”

“Not just that, The Great Lady Twilight Aurora was obsessed with this sword. She believed that it was the key to immortality.”

“Oh, wow, the crazy old lich was obsessed with this sword, such wow.”

“How do you speak of her in that way. 'Lady Aurora was a once in an ...”

“'...once in an era genius, who is single-hoofedly credited with the creation of nearly three thousand new spells, including the only easily cast teleportation spells. Not only was she an unequalled mage, her unmatched cunning and guile let House Twilight ascend from a minor, politically irrelevant house, to one of the most powerful unicorn houses in existence.' Yeah, I know who she is. The wings might confuse you, but I am her great great granddaughter after all. Can we leave now?”

Theory moved over and grabbed another artifact, this time an old oil lamp “And this object is also fascinating ...”

“Lady Velvet got out the Shipping Chart.”

Theory looked up in fear. “What!?”

“The. Shipping. Chart.”

“Oh, by all that is good and holy, we need to leave now!” The unicorn mare said in panic as she hurriedly levitated the sword's box and a few other objects into an already packed pegasus carriage before climbing into it herself “I have everything packed, you can take off any time now.”

“I thought you wanted to take a few artifacts, not the entire collection.”

“This is only a small fraction of the entire collection. Anyways the carriage is enchanted; it will be like flying a kite.”

“Hmph, fine. But you owe me. Let's get out of here.”

---

Trixie woke up gradually in the middle of a forest clearing to the chirping of birds.

“Damnable birds” Trixie grumbled angrily before trying to go back to sleep.

But the birds wouldn't stop chirping incessantly.

Trixie felt herself getting angry, without knowing what she was doing Trixie reached into her magic reserves and ...

*Pop*

*Pop*

*Pop*

... Trixie felt small drops of moisture landing on her coat.

“what was that?” Trixie said to herself as she got to her hooves and looked around. The formerly obnoxious birds weren't anywhere in sight, and the green leaves of the trees surrounding her seemed to be coated in tiny red dots. Trixie walked over to the leaves and noticed that the red dots were rather tiny beads of a red liquid ...

... Blood, bright sanguine blood. It struck Trixie instantly what had happened. She had killed three birds without even thinking about it. Trixie was frightened, she may have been viewed poorly by other ponies, but she wasn't a cold-blooded killer.

Then Trixie remembered, the creepy pony in the shack, he had done something to Trixie. Trixie remembered the pain and agony, twisting and changing her into something else.

Suddenly, Trixie became aware of a strange weight on her shoulders. She looked turned her head backwards and saw something out of place. Wings!

However these were not the wings of a pegasus or alicorn. Nor did they resemble the draconic wings of a thestral, the fly-like wings of a changeling or even the strange butterfly wings that the stallion had. Rather these wings seemed to be made out of sharp black crystal and looked like they were meant to be used as a weapon more then they were meant for flying.

If she now had sharp deadly wings what else did he change? Trixie conjured a small hoof mirror and looked at her reflection.

She was horrified, her formerly silver mane was now a dreary grey, her eyes now blood red and pupils slitted, her mouth now full of black jagged teeth. But worst of all was her horn; her formerly beautiful spiral horn had been replaced with a curved serrated monstrosity that was as dark as sin.

“Why did this happen to me?” Trixie burst into tears.

'Twilight Sparkle' replied a small voice in her head.

“Who are you?”

'You must kill Twilight Sparkle.'

“You didn't answer my question.”

'Kill, her.'

“Why are you telling me to kill her?”

'Because she drove you out, it is her fault that this happened to you. Kill her'

“Why?”

'Because she tricked you, disgraced you, humiliated you and turned you into a monster.'

“But that stallion did this to me.”

'He never existed, Twilight did this to you.'

The voice was right; the stallion was fading, he had never existed at all. He was merely a ploy by Twilight to make her forget what had really happened. Her cruel face as she chanted the terrible words that changed and twisted Trixie into a monster beyond recognition.

“Yes, Twilight must die. I will train myself in her foul magics until she cannot hope to stand against me” Trixie didn't notice her voice distort as she took out the small nondescript black book that she remembered taking from the library and began to read it's foul spells.

---

Carrot Top made her the crowds of Canterlot unicorns. Most of whom turned their nuzzle up at her with mutters of 'filthy' or 'dirt pony'. Carrot smirked, the incompetent pin-heads wouldn't be saying such things if they knew who she truly was. Not Carrot Top the farmer, but Carrot Top the assassin and agent under the employ of Mother.

Carrot came to her destination, a particular piece of the castle wall that nopony noticed. A piece of wall that nopony could notice unless they had previous knowledge of it's location. And right in the centre of the wall was a small wooden door.

She opened the door without any worry of being watched. The perception filter that hid the door extended far enough out completely surround anypony entering or exiting the door. And descended down the narrow staircase.

The Matriarchal Sisterhood of the Zenith was the true ruling body of Equestria, led by the wise and glorious Mother, may she live forever. They pulled strings across the county and had the princesses dancing to their song. Nothing happened in Equestria without the Mother's knowledge and approval and nopony could escape either her gaze or grasp.

Carrot raced through the catacombs that ran directly under the royal palace passing other agents of the Sisterhood who stepped out of Carrot's way. After all Carrot was one of the Mother's highest ranking agents and was tasked with observing the Elements of Harmony and the other unholy presences in Ponyville, not to mention that she was one of the few mares that ever got to speak to the mother directly.

Carrot reached her destination, The Chamber of the Glorious Mother. She stopped and entered respectfully.

“Ah, Carrot Top, I was wondering when I would see you.”

“I came as quickly as I could Mother. There has been a development in Ponyville; Twilight Sparkle has turned herself into a stallion.”

“Yes, I knew that; a letter was sent to Celestia regarding that information. You seem exited for some reason.”

“I am anxious to test my venoms on an alicorn Mother.”

“Now, now, Carrot. Don't be to hasty, after that stunt you pulled today in threatening his life, you would be the first to be suspected.”

“No court would find me guilty”

“The Twilights do not try ponies in court” The Mother said sternly “No, for now we will bide our time and watch what unfolds.”

“Yes Mother” Carrot Top said obediently

The Mother watched as Carrot Top exited the room and sighed. Carrot was one of the best she had, but she was one of those unthinking zealots who thought their membership meant they could get away with anything. The Sisterhood had way too many of those. And the earth mare's blunder today had set her plans back several weeks at least.

One of the sisterhood's guiding purposes was to prevent stallions from moving above their place. Not, as so many members believe, because stallions are less intelligent, less moral or imbued with less strength of character. No, it was very simple, emancipated stallions produce less foals.

Due to the balance of sexes left from the old nobility's indulgences combined with the more recent pressures, every potent stallion needs to sire an average of nearly 20 foals just for the population to remain constant. Even worse is the increasing trend of impotence among stallions pushing that number ever higher even while leaving those still potent with less willingness and ability to complete the task. Even the most conservative estimates give less than 800 years before the last fertile stallion is born.

And that was the sole reason for the existence of the Sisterhood, the continuation of the pony species at any cost. A mission they were slowly loosing. And now her halfwit of an assassin had jeopardized the mission even further.

Mother growled in frustration, the Sisterhood had desired a male alicorn for about as long as it had existed. It had been long theorized that such a stallion could be used to forestall the impotency for at least a couple hundred years if not indefinitely. But why did that desired stallion have to be Twilight bucking Sparkle.

Although she would never let it show, the Mother was worried more than she had ever been since she had taken over for the previous Mother. Twilight Sparkle was intelligent, powerful and resourceful, he had friends in high places and was a member of one of the only houses that the Sisterhood had failed to penetrate.

The Twilights were an enigma to all outsiders, even the Mother. They used to just be the strange noble house who lived on the other side of the mountain, but then that insane arcanist became their high lady and terrified the degenerate cowards that seem to make up more of the noble courts every year. They were said to have entire libraries full of ancient, lost and forbidden knowledge (a claim Mother had always found doubtful, House Twilight, powerful or not, wasn't even an Old House) and were known to train their children in arts that most ponies never knew existed, but – with the notable exception of their young prodigy – almost never interacted with the outside world.

Yet still the other noble houses speak their name in whispers fearing the banner of three stars. And the young Twilight was no exception, she was the youngest pony ever to be accepted to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns – at the age of eight – and had become Princess Celestia's personal student. She had then become the first bearer of the Element of Magic in almost a thousand years, freed Princess Luna and saved Equestria several times. And now she was a stallion.

Unlike many in the Sisterhood the Mother knew that the transformation would not dull the alicorn's capabilities. Stallions tended to be subservient and incompetent by nature, but this stallion had been a mare for far too long to rely on that.

Mother scowled, it was all salvageable as long as the stallion remained ignorant, but then one of her stupid little assassins had gone and threatened a bucking Prince of Equestria.

She made up her mind, if the assassin was going to act like a liability, she would be treated like a liability. Mother lit her horn and small mirror appeared in her hoof. “Burn Notice.”

The image of a small orange pegasus mare in a fedora appeared on the mirror, “Yes, m'lady.”

“I have a new assignment for you.”

“Sounds fun, m'lady. Who d'ya want dead?”

“One of our assassins has made herself a liability to the cause. Her name is Carrot Top, she lives in Ponyville”

“Ooh, Carrot Top. She's got 327 confirmed kills, even more than me, sounds difficult. I like it.”

“And make it look like an accident. The last thing we need is one Twilight Sparkle getting himself mixed up in a murder investigation.”

“Aye, m'lady.”

---

Gentle Song was walking through one of the roughest neighbourhoods in Equestria's glorious capital city, Canterlot. And like anything, the brighter it shines, the more darkness it hides; her tribe had learned that lesson at a great and terrible cost.

Gentle entered a large dirty cement building that was heavily graffitied and nigh indistinguishable from it's brethren that crowded the street. Sighing heavily as she entered, she was a refugee of a different time, living in a world that she barely understood.

As she reached her room, 647 she took out her key and unlocked her the door.

The inside of the room provided a stark contrast with the surrounding environment. It's clean and bright walls seemed to stand defiance against the defeat that was palatable in the air. The many beds that orderly lined the walls, stood vigil against the decay that seemed to consume all that came into this terrible place.

She took off the decrepit rags and fluttered her – now free – wings. She felt a powerful despair; this is what they had been reduced to. The last of a once proud race, the tribe that was the envy of the world was now all but forgotten, hiding out in refuges that weren’t fit for animals. A tear escaped her eye as she remembered her home Midday Grove had been hardly the largest town in Flutter Valley, but it had been her home. And now it was gone leaving nought but a desolate wasteland. She remembered her friends and family, they would have been twisted into vile parasites and had died as such, unable to remember who they were.

She had survived while so many had lost. She had merely been in the right place at the right time. She had recently been hired as the concertmaster of the Crystal Empire Philharmonic Orchestra and was protected by the Crystal Heart from the vile curse that the perverted one had cast upon his own tribe. Only several hundred flutterponies had been left and had been taking refuge in the city when the crystal king went mad, the next thing Song had known was waking up a thousand years later and knowing that all hope of saving her family was gone.

The only thing that kept her going now was the feeble hope given by cryptic words spoken by a seer 'find the heir and your honour will be restored'

Gentle Song trotted over to her cot an pulled out a simple violin case. Song had bought it for a couple bits in a pawn shop that didn't know what they had. She didn't recognize the maker (not surprising considering she had missed a thousand years of history) but she could see the care put into the instrument. She pulled the violin and tuned it expertly.

The song was a song of her own make, a song that none would ever hope to copy or understand

It was a song of loss and despair that could make the coldest heart cry.

It was a song of treachery and betrayal of the worst kind.

It was a song of pain and suffering that could never be adequately described by words or rhyme.

It was a song of war and terror that rends upon soul and mind

But most of all it is a song of hope for future times

So here's the redone chapter 9, sorry for the wait. I had trouble finding somewhere to write.

Actually quite a few changes to both the Theory/Storm scene and the Sisterhood theme. The most significant being giving the sisterhood an actual motive (they literally didn't even have a motive in the old version) and Carrot Top being burned.

Also final warning, chapter 10 (which I just finally finished today) marks the point where this fic's rating will be bumped up to mature. Chapter 10 has the most changes of any chapter by at least an order of magnitude (the old version has almost 2000 words while the new version has almost 6000)

Twilight sat in his study uncomfortably bent over stacks upon stacks of paperwork.

“Ugh, why does there have to be so much paperwork?” Twilight asked nopony in particular. Of course the question was rhetorical; Twilight knew exactly why.

Every form that anypony filled out ever had two little check-boxes M or F; regardless if it was a for bank account that contained several million bits or a year-long membership to the spa given as a gift by a certain white unicorn who wasn't half as subtle as she thought she was. And now they all had to be changed.

“Prince Sparkle, there is somepony to see you.” Umbra

“This isn't the most opportune time; I'm busy.”

“She's most insistent.”

“Of course I'm insistent, you half brain-dead waste of a horn, I'm his cousin of house.”

Twilight glared at the grey pegasus that strode in like she owned the place “Hello Storm, I didn't expect to see you in Ponyville.”

“'Onward Free Twilight' li'l Sparky.” the pegasus said with an unnerving smile.

Twilight sighed, the house words were never meant as a casual greeting. “Why are you here Storm?”

“Arcane Theory wanted to come to Ponyville, something about Lady Velvet messing with her mojo.”

“I wouldn't expect Theory to ever leave the artifacts behind.”

“Trust me she didn't.”

“You do realize that you outrank her; you're a lady of house Twilight and Theory is a knighted commoner.”

“I ... um ... uh ...”

“What she means to say is that I caught her doing something rather embarrassing and she would rather your mother not find out.” Theory said as she entered the room

“I don't even want to know, Theory. I don't even want to know.”

“Are you sure Sparkle? Your mother could write a trilogy with it.”

“Ugh, no.” Twilight shook his head in dismay “How did you even convince my mother to let you bring priceless artifacts to Ponyville anyways”

“I didn't.”

Twilight groaned and rolled his eyes. “Ugh, fine. I'll put my neck out for you once. But next time you do something stupid, you're on your own”

“I knew you couldn't resist the lure of ancient magic relics of centuries gone by.”

Twilight sighed again. Damn Theory knew him too damn well

---

Rainbow Dash was bored. She sat in a large lecture hall that sat hundreds, if not thousands, listening to an old crotchety professor ramble on about something she already knew.

In fact Rainbow even had her name on the paper that the professor had based her lecture. Twilight had decided, several weeks ago, to see how the salt content in the air of coastal areas affects the inherent magic of storm development (a measurable increase of power by approximately 20 percent) and Rainbow had been her first choice for assistance.

And now she had to endure some old mare talking about how this new discovery would affect her job (which it wouldn't, Ponyville was completely landlocked).

Rainbow Dash was also anxious. Not nervous – being nervous isn't cool – but anxious.

The Ponyville weather team was one of the least experienced teams. With the exception of Rainbow herself, not a single one of the team had gone through formal weather training. It wasn't that she didn't have faith in her team, but they worked in one of the most dangerous locations, with storms randomly blowing in from the Everfree forest. In fact it seemed that every time she left Ponyville something was screwed up, be it as small as a missed light shower or as large as an F4 tornado (luckily nopony was seriously hurt in that particular event).

After spending a week at the weather convention Rainbow was anxious Ponyville wouldn't be there when she returned.

And to top it all off Rainbow was very uncomfortable. Four days ago Rainbow had felt the first warning signs of heat, and since then it had only gotten worse. To make things worse, this may be the strongest heat cycle Rainbow had experienced since puberty.

It was frustrating; normally the pegasus would get Twilight to cast her heat suppression spell on her, but she hadn't been allowed to spare the half hour required to make a round trip to Ponyville.

Aero Hurricane, the current head weather coordinator, had said that the convention was much too important to miss even one event; although Rainbow knew well enough that such a decision was motivated by spite rather than any kind of goodwill. Aero had only gotten her job because she was the daughter of a very powerful noble house, and been butting heads with Rainbow since her placement two years ago. Aero seems to think that she can use the weather teams as a tool to gain influence, while mistreating the workers; and that is something that Rainbow could never stand for.

Luckily this was the last day that Aero could legally hold the pegasi of the weather teams in Cloudsdale before the start of the mandatory spring holiday (or the “get yourself rutted” holiday as many mares put it). Rainbow had never been one to take part in the hedonistic nymphomaniacal culture that most pegasus mares seemed to be a part of. In fact her near asexuality had caused most pegasi to believe she was a filly-fooler, an unfortunate falsehood that had followed the chromatic mare through her entire life.

To put it simply, Rainbow was not in a good mood.

“Miss Rainbow Dash” said a small exited voice.

“What?!” Rainbow practically growled.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just go now.”

Rainbow turned around “No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be angry with you; I've just had a bad day.”

“I just wanted to say how much I admire you” said the young pegasus mare.

'Well I am awesome” came the long conditioned response of the chromatic mare.

The younger pegasus slowly shook her head “Yes you are.”

“Well I have to be going, the weather team in Ponyville needs me.”

“Good bye, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow walked into the head weather coordinator's office with a small amount of well concealed dread. “Aero, there is nothing you can legally do to hold me here, so I am going back to Ponyville”

“Hope you had fun” the noblemare replied with a cruel smile “You know; I'm pretty sure one of my brothers would be willing to help you with 'your condition'.”

“I'm not sure any of your brothers could help anypony after their multiple nights with you.”

Aero's face paled with rage “Oh, sorry, I forgot. You want to go back to spend some 'special time' with the mares of your weather team. Maybe that blind grey retard or the tongueless yellow waste of wings.”

Rainbow drew extremely close to the other mare “Insult me as much as you want, but never insult my friends” Rainbow turned and walked towards the door. She turned her head back towards Aero “Commander Hurricane would have gelded himself in shame if he had known what his descendants would become.”

Rainbow took one more look at the look of rage and hatred that had consumed Aero's face before exiting.

“How DARE you, I will have you ...”

Rainbow slammed the door closed, silencing the mare's threats. I wonder why Aero's office has such good sound proofing, Rainbow's face twisted in disgust, It's probably better I don't know.

Rainbow was relieved when she saw that Ponyville intact and in good condition. Even better there was no apparent threat looming in the skies, waiting to thunder down on the town.

Rainbow spotted a couple of familiar pegasi resting on a cloud.

“Flitter, status report”

Unfortunately it was not Flitter, but rather her sister that was the first to answer “What's up, Boss?”

“Cloudchaser, shut up. Flitter, status report.”

“Boss, why can't I give you a status report?”

“Because, Cloudchaser, the last time I asked you for one, you gave me a painfully in depth description of the last five stallions you bedded, and some kind of alcohol fuelled rant about how you were 'winning'.”

“But you liked it. I know you did.”

Rainbow groaned in frustration “I, quite literally, couldn't care less about your sex life, Cloudchaser. I just don't want to hear about it.”

“Fine, but Princess Twilight spread word around town that she wanted to see you when you got back in town. Said it's pretty urgent.”

Flitter's eyes widened and she started to say something but was cut off by Cloudchaser putting a hoof in her mouth.

“Everything's fine with the weather, you go see your friend.” Cloudchaser put on an innocent smile that filled Rainbow's heart with dread.

“Uh, okay. But I expect a full report on the weather when I come back” Rainbow fell into a nose dive before recovering and flying off towards the Castle.

Flitter spit out her sister's offending hoof “You realize that you just sent a mare that is in the worst parts of heat into a castle with a recently mare-turned-stallion alicorn prince? Both of whom have shown signs of significant emotional instability.”

“I'm not stupid, of course I know that. And it will do some good and loosen them up.”

Flitter brought her hoof to her face. “Why do you seem to think that any problem can be solved with sex?”

“Because it always worked for me.” Cloudchaser said with a smile.

“That just might be the most incorrect statement ever spoken by ponykind. If I remember correctly, nearly all your problems have been caused by sex and precisely zero have been solved by it.”

“That's not true, sex has always solved the 'I'm not currently having sex' problem, and that's my most common problem.”

“I much too often forget that you are a nymphomaniac with a clinical lack of shame and a depth that makes a puddle think it's a mighty ocean.”

“I think I understood half of the words in that sentence. Although I don't know what puddles have anything to do with sex.”

“Arrgh. It's a metaphor, and it doesn't have anything to do with sex.”

“A metal four? Do you take the numbers off the houses owned by the stallions that you have sex with too.”

“Dear, Celestia, Luna and Discord, my sister is an incompetent!”

“Hey, I wonder what a night with Discord would be like. Maybe I should ask Fluttershy?”

“And I tell you once again, just because Discord and Fluttershy are friends, that doesn't mean they're having sex.”

“I ... don't understand.”

Flitter sighed, “Of course you don't.”

The two sisters were quiet for a second.

“They're not actually going to have sex.”

“Hmm?” Flitter hummed.

“They're not going to have sex. Miss kissless virgin will shove her face into the Twilight's crotch and be disappointed when he doesn't rise to the occasion. Not even a sexy virgin can get a stallion up without chemical assistance.”

“I know, but that doesn't make it right.”

Twilight trotted down a narrow hallway, Shadow and Umbra had taken their leave to help Theory and Storm with the unloading of the numerous ancient artifacts that would now make their home at this castle.

As much as Twilight wanted to help catalogue the magical items, his next several hours were scheduled for his own research into cataloguing a number of spells crafted by Starswirl the Bearded.

Twilight turned a corner only to see a multicoloured blur flying on a collision course with himself ...

*Smash*

“Rainbow Dash, what did I say about flying around in my castle” Twilight said to the mare that was currently atop him.

“Cloudchaser said that you wanted to see me.” Rainbow had adopted an amateur version of a seductive voice before placing an inexperienced kiss on the top of Twilight's muzzle. “I can certainly see why.”

Twilight's mind was in turmoil. None of his other friends had reacted to his change like this; why would Rainbow, who was by all accounts the least interested in the other sex, be suddenly acting this way towards the former mare.

All of Twilight's questions were answered when he inhaled the frisky mare's scent. Her sweet, glorious musk. It all clicked, Rainbow must have entered her oestrus cycle a couple of weeks early. “By the Styx, Rainbow, you're in heat; get off of me”

“Don't want to.” Rainbow said as she shoved her muzzle into the larger stallion's crotch. His scent was powerful, masculine, beautiful, overwhelming, nothing like the rather anemic, slightly sour scent of a normal stallion. This is what a stallion should smell like Rainbow suddenly realized.

Twilight felt his member grow stiff as it peaked out of his sheathe.

“Wow...” Rainbow spoke with awe as she stared at the erection as it grew and grew and grew. It was far from the first erection Rainbow had seen – there was remarkably little privacy in Cloudsdale – but it was the first that she wanted. She stared intently at the beautiful pillar as it continued to grow. I wonder what it tastes like, Rainbow stuck out her tongue slowly leaning her head towards the tip of the monument of masculinity.

Twilight felt an alien surge of pride as he watched the mesmerized little mare inching towards his cock. Yes, this was what he was meant for, claiming cute little mares and making them his own. Wait, what? Twilight suddenly realized what he had been thinking, this was one of his closest friends. He pushed the small mare off of him, “Rainbow, please, I don't know how much longer I can control myself.”

“Then don't.”

Twilight picked up the smaller mare and stared into her beautiful rose eyes, “What? Rainbow, this isn't you, this is the heat speaking.”

Rainbow stared back into the larger stallion's violet pools, “No, Twilight. I am twenty-five years old, and not once in my life have I been even the slightest bit tempted to lay with a stallion during my heat. This is me, your friend Rainbow Dash, speaking, and I want you to stop holding back and rut me.” The rainbow mare pushed her muzzle into the alicorn stallion's, initiating a sloppy, inexperienced but nonetheless perfect kiss.

Twilight felt his own lips parting and giving the cerulean mare passage as the treacherous armies of animal lust conquered the fortress of his mind. The few loyal neurons in his cortex had lost all hope of adverting the imminent catastrophe and instead rallied their efforts towards damage control. And as such, the last conscious act of Twilight Sparkle on that day was to cast two spells.

The first was a powerful contraceptive.

The second teleported them both to Twilight's bedchambers.

Twilight lay in bed, curled around the smaller body of his little mare, Rainbow Dash. “So that's what sex is like.”

Rainbow nuzzled into the warm lavender coat of the powerful stallion. “Yeah, I can totally understand why so many ponies are so obsessed with it.”

Twilight sat up, “You, know, this is the first time that I've been happy to have been turned into a stallion. I've been dealing with the change, but it took my little Dashie to make me happy about it.”

Rainbow smirked, “I'm happy you're a stallion now, too.”

Twilight chuckled, a powerful burst of pride filling up his chest. “I know, I heard you scream my name; many, many times.”

Rainbow made a soft happy sound in her throat, content to silently bask in her post-orgasmic glow.

Twilight adopted a serious expression and broke the silence, “Rainbow, there's something I have to tell you.”

Oh, Rainbow's eyes widened in horror and grief before she averted her gaze from the stallion of her desires. Oh, no. She curled up into a miserable fetal position trying to hide her tears. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Twilight looked in confusion and sorrow as his one sentence turned his mare from her happy, confident self into a miserable weeping mess. He wondered what could possibly be wrong. No, now was not the time to be wondering, his little mare was hurting, and he needed to fix it. He grabbed Rainbow's chin and brought her eyes to his, “Rainbow, what's wrong?”

“It's, not, bucking, fair.” Rainbow choked out between sobs “I finally find you. The stallion I have dreamed about since I was a filly. And now we can't be together.”

Twilight couldn't help but growl – actually growl – in rage, “Who told you that we we couldn't be together?! You are mine.”

Rainbow's face took an expression of confusion, “But, that's what you were going to say. You are a lord of a major house, prince of Equestria and a duke, and you need to marry a noblemare, not some worthless commoner like me.”

“What?! Never call yourself 'worthless' again, you are the most important mare in Equestria as far as I am concerned. And do not put words into my mouth, that was not what I was going to say, House Twilight has never cared about noble titles in such a way. Anyways even if they did, I don't. And woe befall any who tries to take my mare from me.”

Rainbow started to laugh in-between sobs.

“What?”

“You were so offended for my sake, and so serious, and so possessive. I didn't think that stallions were supposed to be possessive about mares, but I think it's kind of hot.” Rainbow was reminded of the 'advice' her mother gave her as a filly – before the mare abandoned her husband and daughter – about how a mare should never surrender their authority to a stallion, that such submission was nothing but weakness. Her mother had told her 'horror stories' of empowered stallions murdering their mare in a jealous rage after finding her in bed with another stallion.

In truth, it had always rubbed Rainbow the wrong way how self righteous some pegasus mares – especially her mother – got about their promiscuity; like they thought it was their Celestia given right to buck whoever they wanted. She still remembered the despair in her father's face when he told her that 'Mother is over at a friend's', something she only understood much later.

“Well, you are mine.” Twilight said matter-of-factly.

Rainbow shuddered in excitement at her friend-turned-lover's self-assured possessiveness. She imagined her mother looking down at her in disapproval, and smiled, go buck yourself mother, I want this. She nuzzled into the large stallion.

“You are mine, and you are a strong, beautiful, powerful mare.” He wrapped his foreleg around the smaller mare.

Rainbow's face fell, “But, Twilight. What will other ponies think? you might not think status is important, but I know how the nobility operates, there will be an uproar if you don't choose a 'suitable' mate.”

Twilight chuckled, “No, there won't. House Twilight has been almost exclusively marrying commoners for our entire history as a noble house, and there's never been and uproar about it. Admittedly, it's probably because no significant noble house actually wants to marry a Twilight, but I'm not complaining”

Rainbow was incredibly confused, “If you don't marry other houses, how did your house become a major house so quickly. You're a new house right?”

Twilight laughed, “House Twilight isn't a major house because we have a tangled web of alliances with other houses. We are a major house because we're over two thousand strong between house members and sworn knights, more than half of whom are fully capable battlemages.”

“One thousand battlemages?”

“More that one thousand battlemages.” Twilight corrected. “How did you know that we are a major house. I know for certain that I never even mentioned my house.”

“Uh, your two guardmares. One of them let slip several weeks ago that they were formerly members of a 'Twilight House Guard'. There are only thirteen houses in Cloudsdale significant enough to have a house guard, and while I don't know much about Canterlot, there can't that many more such houses there.”

Twilight smirked, “There are nine Canterlot houses that have a house guard, but House Twilight is not one of them. Our manor isn't actually in the city, it's on the other side of the mountain, and of the forty something unicorn houses who do not call Canterlot home, nearly two thirds maintain a house guard, even if it's just twenty ponies with spears. Now how do you figure we're a new house?”

“I've never heard of a House Twilight, so you can't be an old or ancient house. Well unless your house changed your name, but that seems unlikely.”

What!? How could she be so confident in her knowledge of old and ancient houses? Twilight thought, Wait, she probably guessed, new houses do outnumber old and ancient houses combined nearly four to one, so it would be a pretty safe guess. The part about knowing the old and ancient houses was probably a joke. Twilight laughed, “Rainbow, always such a joker. Well, House Twilight is the rightful heir to the Ancient House Clover – along with a half dozen other, more minor, houses – but to say we are actually the same house would be a lie. Especially as the house was declared extinct before we even knew Equestria was a thing again. But we're not actually a new house, we're actually a Dark Age house.”

“A 'Dark Age house'?”

“Ah, yes, you wouldn't know about the Dark Age. Most ponies don't, because for some reason it isn't mentioned in any standardized education. Well it's a bit of a long story. So unicorns, and by extension alicorns, have something known as 'magical affinity' sometimes called 'alignment', it is a measure of what type of unicorn magic a given unicorn good at. A fire aligned unicorn would find that fire spells would be stronger for her, but might be completely unable to cast ice spells.” Twilight paused.

“Sorry if I'm prying, but you're pure arcane aligned correct?”

“Uh, Yes. You know about alignment?” That was odd, but not too odd, alignment was something that was taught in Magic 101. Admittedly it was unicorn Magic 101, but it wasn't unheard of for a young pony to be interested enough in the magic of a different tribe to learn such a thing.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, sorry, I just assumed. Well back in ancient times a group of hundreds of unicorns raised and lowered the sun and moon, but it wasn't one group that was responsible for both but two different groups. The Solar houses, composed of unicorns with a solar alignment, moved the sun, while the Lunar houses, composed of unicorns with a lunar alignment, moved the moon.”

“I know, but what does this have with this 'Dark Age'.”

“Well, the sun can only be moved by ponies with a solar alignment and likewise the moon requires a lunar alignment. Two alignments that are diametrically opposed. And that didn't change when the unicorn courts were replaced by two young alicorns. Celestia with an incredibly pure solar alignment raised and lowered the sun while Luna with a similarly pure lunar alignment raised and lowered the moon.”

“Yeah, I know.” Rainbow said before her eyes widened in horror and surprise. “Oh wait, but Celestia raised and lowered the moon for a thousand years. Oh Celestia, what did you do?”

That definitely was very odd, Rainbow apparently knew all about alignment and the Solar and Lunar Courts, but had apparently never connected it to Princess Celestia's seemingly impossible abilities. Every explanation of alignment Twilight had ever seen sited Princess Celestia as 'the exception that proves the rule'; some even claimed – falsely and without evidence – that alicorns were simply not beholden to alignment. “Nopony but Princess Celestia herself knows what she did. But whatever it was, it took somewhere between six and eight hundred years to do. Those six to eight hundred years are what are known as the Dark Age.”

“So Equestria went hundreds of years without anyone to move the moon? What about the Lunar Court, couldn't they move the moon?”

“It's more than that. Princess Celestia disappeared, presumably to do whatever allowed her control over the moon, so there was nopony to control the sun either, it wasn't uncommon to have an entire month of night followed by an entire month of day. And from what we were able to figure out, the Lunar Court at least attempted to wrest control of the moon several times. But every attempt was a failure, sometimes catastrophically so. There is some debate as to why they were unable to control the moon, with reasons ranging from Nightmare Moon's lingering influence, to a lack of spellpower, to simply a lack of experience or impurity of alignment.”

“And with the erratic heating from the sun, and cooling from the moon. The weather and seasons must have been impossible to control.”

“Yeah, there weren't terribly many crops that could survive a month without sunlight, and even less that could survive that, five years of constant snowfall, and seven years without rain. It took a many years to create crops that grew in such conditions. But it gets even worse: ponies turned to banditry due to starvation, gryphon cannibal cults started moving into pony lands, the caribou invaded and countless species of monster – many never seen before – spread throughout the land.”

“The caribou?” Rainbow shuddered. “It seems like this dark age was really, really bad. Almost unnecessarily so.”

Twilight chuckled darkly, “You could say that. And because it was so bad most of the powerful noble houses disappeared, not to return until the Dark Age was over. I don't even blame them for leaving, some of them even brought their vassals.”

“They 'disappeared'? To where?”

“We aren't sure where. At the time, ponies had just assumed they went extinct. Our best guess is they hid in terrestrial demiplanes, but we have never found any of these demiplanes, so they could have dug holes and put themselves into stasis for all we know.”

“That seems like a pretty reasonable guess, as the fact you haven't found any demiplanes isn't terribly surprising since demiplanes can only be entered from very specific locations.”

Wait what? Where did you learn planar dynamics Rainbow. No, no Twilight, let her have her secrets, she'll tell you when she's ready. Anyways it's not like I've been forthcoming about my secrets anyways. I didn't even tell my friends about Shiny until he invited us to his wedding, and Rainbow is the first one I've even told about House Twilight. “Yes. But it wasn't all doom and gloom. The remaining noble houses, mage guilds, weatherpony companies, Equestrian guard regiments, citizen's militias and assorted other military, paramilitary and civilian organizations came together to create the Orders Stalwart, we were the first line of defence against the many threats to ponykind.”

“So House Twilight was one of these Orders Stalwart?”

“Yes, before we were House Twilight we were the 'Order Stalwart of the Pillar of Twilight'.”

“Seems like quite the mouthful.”

“Yeah it's fairly verbose, we usually just shorten it to 'Stalwart of Twilight'. And, well, the Dark Age was a very different time...” Twilight shyly averted his eyes.

“It was a very different time...?”

“Well, we were fighting for survival, we did things differently than most modern ponies.” Twilight was looking away from the smaller mare.

“You did things differently?”

“We do things differently.” Twilight blushed in shame.

“Twilight you don't need to feel ashamed, I swear I won't judge you.”

“Um, well we don't marry for status, we marry for power.”

“I don't understand the difference.”

“Sorry, let me rephrase that, we marry for magical power. We Twilights look for magically capable individuals to seduce and bring into the family. Something I have managed to exceed all expectations with you.” Twilight blushed, “If you'll have me at least.”

Rainbow blushed at the compliment, “That doesn't seem that odd.”

“And we subsume the families that marry into our house.”

“You subsume families?”

“If you and I married, your siblings and possibly your parents would be inducted as vassals of House Twilight. Take my two guardmares for example, they are my father's nieces and are knights of House Twilight because my father married my mother.”

“Okay, interesting.”

“And every child of a Twilight is a Twilight, we don't follow the matrilinear conventions of most of the nobility.”

“I'm starting to understand why the rest of the nobility don't want to marry your family. But I don't even have a family name so it wouldn't be a problem.” Rainbow paused for a second, “Wait, if 'every child of a Twilight is a Twilight' what about your brother?”

“Who? Shiny? Oh, he's not a Twilight, he's technically my half-brother.” Twilight paused, “And we're omnivorous.”

“Omnivorous ? As in..”

“..we eat the flesh of dead animals? Yes”

“Okay that does seem weird. I didn't even think ponies could eat meat.”

“We have to cook it first, but the only thing really stopping ponies from doing it is the taboo.”

“Huh, I guess the meat Gilda dared me to eat was raw.”

“And we regularly practice dangerous and restricted magics.”

“Wow, I never would have guessed.” Rainbow quipped sarcastically.

Twilight blushed, “Is it that obvious?”

Rainbow deadpanned.

“Okay,” Twilight sighed, “And madness is endemic to our bloodline.”

“What?”

“We're all insane in some way. It varies from one Twilight to the next. For example I am cripplingly neurotic.”

“Wow, that's quite a doozy. I can see how you wouldn't want that spread around, it can't be fun.”

“Fun, it isn't. Can you imagine being unable to stop panicking about something despite knowing you are being irrational and there is nothing to panic about.”

“Oh, that sounds horrible.”

Twilight sighed “It is.” He said in a small voice.

Both ponies were silent for a second.

Twilight sighed. “And we're polygamous.”

“You're polygamous!?”

“Yes, every stallion in House Twilight is expected to marry multiple mares.”

“Huh, isn't that illegal?”

“No, it's taboo but one hundred percent legal.” Twilight looked down in shame. “I know you probably think I'm just making this up in a perverse effort to satisfy my base urges on multiple mares.”

“No, Twilight, I know you didn't.” Rainbow looked into the larger stallion's eyes.

“I ...” Twilight sighed and nuzzled the mare, “Thank you for trusting me. I really wish I could promise monogamy like you deserve but...”

“Your family wouldn't be happy?”

“No, they wouldn't be happy at all. There all already factions within House Twilight that think that I have been turned against the house by Princess Celestia. Even worse, the traditionalists are still angry with Shiny for eloping to Canterlot with Cadence. And he's only a knight from a half-sibling line, I'm the heir apparent of the house and an alicorn Prince of Equestria.”

“Well, monogamy is just a joke anyways, you viciously fight other mares for the attention of some stallion, and then stud him out to the many, many mares who loose that fight.”

Twilight snorted. “I hope you weren't planning to get rich off studding me out, we Twilights don't do that, ever.”

“'Every child of a Twilight is a Twilight', right?”

“Yeah, no Twilight would ever think of selling our children. In fact we view the entire institution as an abomination.”

“I can't really blame you for that, it's always made me pretty uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable when you put it like that.”

Twilight nodded.

Rainbow paused for a few seconds, “So ... polygamy.”

“Yes, I'm really sorry. I understand if you don't want to be with me now.”

Rainbow laughed and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, that's not going to happen,” The mare adopted a pensive look, “Twilight, I going to be honest here, and say something that goes against everything my mother ever told me about relationships – not that she has any authority after she abandoned us – you are the only stallion for me.”

“Wow,” Twilight blushed intensely, “That's uncharacteristically romantic of you Rainbow.”

“No!” Rainbow said curtly before taking a deep breath “It's desperate.”

“What?” Twilight looked confused.

“Twilight, you are the only stallion – no, the only pony – that I have ever felt any amount of sexual or romantic attraction to. You are literally the only stallion that I can even imagine being with and I would do anything to be with you. I'm yours.”

Twilight was struck dumb with an uncomprehending wide eyed stare. What?

Rainbow tilted her head as she watched the stallion. Huh, maybe I came on a little strong.

Did, did she just say that?

Rainbow waved a hoof in front of the stallion's face.

Yes, she is mylittle mare after all.

“Twilight?”

What, where did that come from, she's a friend, not my mare.

“Twilight, are you in there?”

That's not what what she said.

Rainbow rolled her eyes before grabbing the unresponsive stallion's muzzle in both hooves. She barely managed to budge the Twilight's muzzle as she stared into his vacant eyes, he's so strong. Rainbow slammed her muzzle desperately into the alicorn stallion's as she initiated the most intense kiss yet.

What, no that's not... *Clack*

Or at least she tried to initiate an intense kiss, what actually happened is their front teeth slammed together in a jarring uncomfortable collision.

Twilight pulled his head back chuckling, “Rainbow, did you just hit me in the face with your face?”

Rainbow averted her eyes and blushed heavily, “I was trying to kiss you.”

“Not very well apparently.”

“Well you were the one sitting there ignoring me, serves you right”

“You did drop a pretty major surprise on me Rainbow.”

Rainbow looked sheepish wincing slightly as her front teeth started to ache, “Well yeah.”

“It feels weird, we just had coitus for the first time and you are already declaring undying fidelity to me.”

Rainbow chuckled awkwardly, “Yeah, we're moving really fast. Probably too fast.”

Twilight growled, “I wouldn't say 'too fast', more like 'just fast enough'”

Rainbow laughed. “By the Styx, Twilight. You really are a stallion unlike any other.”

By the Styx? Most modern ponies swear by Celestia. “What do you mean?”

Rainbow tilted her head, “Where do I start? You're confident, in control, possessive, tall, strong, virile, unreasonably handsome, wickedly smart, incredibly powerful, heir to a mysterious, powerful house, an actual alicorn stallion – you do realize there's only one of those – need I go on?”

“Oh,”

“Honestly you could have ten thousand mares and each and every one would be incredibly lucky to be yours.”

Twilight's eyes widened with terror, “Ten thousand mare's?!”

Rainbow smirked, “Ten thousand lucky mares.”

“How would that even work?”

Rainbow burst into laughter, “I'm just messing with you Twilight. Ten thousand is a bit much.”

“A bit much.” Twilight narrowed his eyes before widening them in surprise “Does this mean you're okay with ...”

“...with your harem building?”

Twilight pouted, “Uh, it's not a harem, it's a normal marriage, just with more than two ponies.”

“Doesn't sound very normal to me.” Rainbow smirked, “But didn't I say I would do anything for you.”

“Um, but do you want this, or is it just a begrudging acceptance?”

“I don't know, but it is growing on me. Anyways, ponies' obsession with monogamy is irresponsible and horribly unfair for most mares who end up having to buy affection and children.”

Twilight tilted his head, “That is a very Twilight point of view on the subject.”

Rainbow yawned, “Great minds, Twilight, great minds.”

Twilight chuckled before yawning in sympathy, “It's pretty late isn't it.”

“Yeah.”

“Hm.” Twilight stretched out and wrapped his larger body protectively around the smaller mare. “Goodnight, Rainbow.”

“Goodnight.”

Rainbow Dash looked in Twilight's eyes before stretching her neck out and presenting her unprotected throat to the large stallion.

...

Sigh, stupid Rainbow, it's a griffon gesture, why would Twilight even know how to... Rainbow felt strong powerful jaws encircle her vulnerable throat, sharp fangs softly biting into her flesh. She shuddered as her stallion literally held her life in his jaws. Wait, sharp fangs?

Here's chapter 10 redone, over 3 times the length of the old one. A lot of exposition too, maybe too much.

This also marks the point where I change the rating to M, but that should be obvious.

She stood there, looking down upon the battlefield. Her ponies, the newly reunited six tribes, held their own against their larger, more powerful foe, the griffons.

She spotted Steelwing, King of the Griffons, armoured in brilliant mithril plate; he had rallied the multiple independent griffon city states against the newly formed Equestria. The griffons believed that their former prey could not be given the chance to unite and must be destroyed before they could become a threat.

With one flap of her wings she took off with a velocity that no mortal pegasus could match. She drew her weapon, the large alicorn sized bastard sword, Iridescence. Iri's normal polychromatic ripples were dominated by a crimson that reflected her own rage.

“Steelwing, thy cowardly tactics wilt not save thy life today. I wilt end thy life with my own two hooves” She shouted using a simple voice amplification charm.

“Ah, yes, one of the three divine alicorns of ponykind. I wast wondering when thou wouldst join the fray. Today I wilt return victorious bearing the title of godslayer.” The massive griffon swung his oversized war-hammer catching a crystal pony in the side, shattering the poor mare without mercy.

“Only one of us wilt survive today, and it wilt not be thee.” She swung Iri in a broad sweep as she quickly neared the king.

The king raised his hammer to block but was caught off guard when she used the momentum from her swing to rotate midair and smash her left rear hoof into the griffon's visor, sending the king backwards into several unfortunate griffins.

She pulled her wings in and rolled several times before stopping. She pulled herself up and faced Steelwing in the large circular opening that had been created (after all, everything with half a brain knew better than to get between an angry alicorn and the object of her anger). “This is thy end. Thou wilt never again see the mountains of thy homeland. Hath thee any last words?”

Steelwing removed his massively deformed helmet revealing his bleeding face and cracked beak “The ponies wilt always be our prey, not even a goddess could change that. Even if thou slay me today; there wilt always be another to take up my mantle.”

“So be it.” She lunged at the griffon with a flap of her wings, who answered the charge with a downward swing of his hammer. She corkscrewed to the right, feathers grazing the side of the hammer, and managed a shallow cut in a small crack in the griffon's armour near his shoulder.

She landed and moved into a bipedal stance, her wings spread for balance. “Thou wilt never strike me, thou art too slow” She charged again; aiming a swing right at the unprotected neck of the leo-avian. The griffon king answered with a vertical swing of his own; no doubt expecting her to break off her attack to avoid injury. While she could easily continue trading blows with the king indefinitely, slowly wearing him down to the point where he keels over from exhaustion, her ponies could not. She needed to win this fight quickly; ponies, no matter how well trained, were not built for combat like the griffons were, and the advantage they held would be lost rather quickly. So she made no move to dodge, intent on finishing it.

She felt Iridescence bite into flesh before receiving the impact of the hammer in her side. She felt her armour dent and her ribs shatter as she was sent flying twenty metres as she felt Iridescence slip from her grasp. Nonetheless she was certain that the blade had hit his mark.

She picked herself up slowly glancing at her mangled wing in annoyance, she wouldn't be able to fly for at least a season. So much for a quick flight back to Castle Everfree.

It wasn't long before the battle rang with cries of “The king is dead”. Luckily griffons were quick to break once they lost their champion. It would likely be a hundred years before another griffon chief managed to raise himself to King of the Griffons, one hundred years for Equestria to grow strong. The fledgling nation was safe, at least for now.

Rainbow Dash slowly stirred in her bed the memory of her dream still fresh in her mind. The first sensation that came to her was warmth. This in itself – while expected by most land-dwelling ponies – was highly unusual for Rainbow Dash. She lived in a cloud house, and even the thickest blankets could only do so much against the freezing cold and the harsh winds of the upper troposphere. Not that this puzzling warmth was unwelcome in the slightest, and it made her want to lay in bed all morning.

Rainbow buried her muzzle in the soft lavender fur in an attempt to shield her eyes from the bright dawn that seemed intent on reminding her of her morning duties.

Lavender Fur?! Rainbow was shocked awake in an instant to find herself entwined in the hooves and wings of a large purple alicorn stallion.

“What?” Rainbow looked at the stallion that greatly resembled one of her closest friends as she slowly realized that last night wasn't some heat-induced fantasy, but had actually happened. She slept with the inexplicably masculine Twilight Sparkle. And it was awesome.

Rainbow's stomach grumbled loudly, Rainbow remembered that she had missed dinner last night, leaving her downright starving, and unfortunately, Twilight didn't seem like he was going to let her go any time soon.

Rainbow struggled against the stallion's grip to little avail. “Okay, Twilight, I'm going to need you to let me go now.”

Twilight however had different plans; he mumbled in his sleep and pulled the pegasus closer, nearly crushing the poor mare.

“Ugh, this is just great”

Rainbow was suddenly struck with a memory from last night, she managed to free her right hoof and reached for the lavender stallion's muzzle. As lifted Twilight's right upper lip, she saw a lethally sharp and very unponylike tooth. “Why, Twilight, do you have bucking fangs?”

Meanwhile, several floors down four mares and a mildly traumatized dragonling were seated at the dining room table for breakfast.

“I really never truly expected Sparkles to get get himself laid so quickly.”

“Heh, silly Storm, I'm surprised he made it through his first day without mounting every mare he saw.”

Umbra rolled her eyes at her sister. “And that is why the world is lucky that little Sparkle is the stallion and not you.”

“He's not so little any more; he stands taller than any other stallion. And from the sheer volume of the moans last night, I'd say he's generously proportional.”

“Trust me, that's an understatement Storm.”

“Ugh, will you stop talking about Twilight like that. She, um he, raised me and is like a mother to me. It's bad enough I had to hear him and Rainbow last night, but now you are talking about him in the weirdest way. You're his cousins, for crying out loud.” The young drake stalked off with a huff.

“Hmm, strange. I would have thought that he would be happy that his parents were finally getting together” Theory mused out loud.

The other three mares looked at Theory like she had grown another head.

“What?”

...

“Okay, when the young fillies and colts are asked to hatch the 'dragon egg' during the entrance exam to Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, they are expected to fail – the task is impossible, the 'dragon egg' is actually a painted stone, and no single pony can create new life – as Sparkle was going to, but then there was a large explosion of magic and suddenly Sparkle managed to hatch the 'egg' into an actual dragon. Now it was later discovered that said explosion was in fact the 'Sonic Rainboom' of another young filly, Rainbow Dash. Now I hypothesize that Dash's magic mixed with Twilight's to cause a magically induced pseudo-impregnation that Twilight managed to set inside the stone using her magic, thus turning the stone into a real egg which she then proceeded to hatch.”

“Interesting ... theory Theory.” Storm said slowly.

“I don't buy it.” Umbra stated, “Beyond the dubious implications of two prepubescent fillies having a child together, it seem incredibly unlikely for a pulse of raw wild magic to do something as fine and fragile as conceiving a child. It is far, far more likely that the painted stone was switched with a real dragon egg at some point and Sparkle just hastened the hatching.”

“Why would somepony do that?”

“I don't know, but it's certainly far more likely than birthing life from a rock.”

“Now while all this magic shit is just fascinating ...”

Three mares glared at the sole pegasus with eyes full of hatred.

“... when will you, Theory, be the one in the 'royal bedchambers' moaning loud enough for all of Ponyville to hear you.”

Theory sputtered and choked on a waffle “What?!”

“Oh, don't play dumb with me, I know exactly why you wanted to come here Theory.”

“I told you, I didn't even know Sparkle was a stallion when I laid my plans.”

“I didn't believe you then, and I don't believe you now. You honestly want me to believe that it was all just a happy accident?”

“Ugh, your impossible Storm.”

However Storm didn't manage a reply before Shadow greeted the fifth mare to enter the room “Hey, there's the lucky filly. You must be starving after last night”

Rainbow was flabbergasted. After an escape that would have made the Great Hoofdini proud, her hunger had driven towards the dining room, where not only Twilight's two twin cousins, but two mares she had never seen before, were eating at the table. Naturally Rainbow had been terrified; she had grown up hearing horror stories of what unicorn mares did to ponies they caught sleeping with their male relatives out of wedlock (or at least outside an active studding contract).

But when said mares showed not only a distinct lack of murderous intent, but a seemingly genuine friendliness, Rainbow didn't know what to think. Rainbow's instincts screamed that it was a trap.

Shadow lit her horn and Rainbow was levitated forward and placed in a seat. “Geez, relax. If I wanted to hurt you, you would already be dead. I'm a expertly trained member of the Twilight House Guard.”

Umbra guffawed. “You neglect to mention that the majority of your time 'training' was spent fawning over the various colts, many of whom are directly related to us.”

“Well at least I'm not a filly-fooler.”

“Yes, just because I don't leer at my cousins makes me a filly-fooler, impeccable logic my dear sister.”

Shadow glared at Umbra before turning back to Rainbow “What I was trying to say is, we aren't mad that you slept with Sparky, we're grateful. Even as a little filly, Sparkle was neurotic and tightly wound; it was obvious that she needed to get laid, badly. In fact several years ago Lady Velvet offered a thousand bits to whichever stallion managed to seduce her. A kind of price on her maidenhead.” Shadow laughed at what she thought to be a rather clever pun.

In light of what she had just been told, Rainbow didn't know what to think. “Lady Velvet?”

“High Lady Twilight Velvet is Twilight Sparkle's mother and current matriarch of house Twilight. Although, if I were you, I would put off meeting her for as long as possible; she's nuttier than your pink friend, and not nearly half as kind.” Umbra answered.

Rainbow doubted that anypony could come close to Pinkie's level of insanity. “And who are they?” Rainbow pointed her hooves at the two unfamiliar mares.

“I am Lady Twilight Storm the First, cousin to the great Prince Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville, and this my trusty knight Dame Arcane Theory”

Storm received three deadpan stares while Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Uh huh. And why are you here, if not to attack me?”

“We are here because, Dame Theory has put into play a dastardly plot to work her way into bed with my cousin, the prince, and she had to bring ten bucking tonnes of ancient artifacts in order to have a plausible alibi.”

“That is not true! I didn't even know Sparkle had turned herself into a stallion; at that time I had spent 36 hours straight packing for the move, during which time I hadn't seen a single pony.”

“Likely story” Storm rolled her eyes. “There isn't anything to be ashamed of; he's a prince, the heir to House Twilight, extremely rich and one hunk of a stallion. The only downside is he's slightly insane, but you've lived in the Twilight Manor for your entire life, so you should be able to handle him.”

“Yes, he is an absurdly attractive stallion, and yes, I wouldn't mind him making me his mare. But, my sole purpose in moving here was to put as much distance between my work and Lady Velvet as possible.”

“And by 'making you his mare', you mean 'rutting you senseless repeatedly until you pass out'?”

“Yes, I admit it! I want to sleep with Prince Twilight Sparkle. In fact that was the whole reason I decided to come here, even though I was completely unaware that he was a stallion at the time of my decision! There, you happy now?” Theory's face flushed in anger.

Storm chuckled “You're so funny when you're angry.”

Theory jumped out of her seat and lunged at Storm who was cackling like a madpony.

“Yes, mommy, hit me harder!”

Rainbow decided that it was time to leave, so she grabbed the plate of waffles and the syrup and walked out of the room unnoticed

Eventually Theory's burst of rage ran it's course, leaving a rather battered pegasus in the ecstatic throws of hysteria and pain induced euphoria.

“Yes, great idea. Violently assault the masochist. You do realize she gets off on that.” Umbra rolled her eyes

Theory got off the aroused mare, looking sheepish. She looked around the room and noticed the missing pegasus. “Where did Rainbow go?”

“I don't know, but she stole our waffles.” Shadow griped before turning and yelling loudly “Rainbow if you can hear me then I want you to know something: mares have died for less!”

“Oh, Shadow, this is easy to fix.” Storm said, giggling as she picked herself of the floor. “Spike, would you be a dear, and make another plate of waffles?”

Spike answered from the next room. “Make them yourself, you lazy mares.”

“You're going to regret that Spike.” Theory mumbled as she hesitantly followed the three other mares into the kitchen.

Rainbow walked into Twilight's room “Twilight, you awake?”

“Huh, Rainbow?”

“Yeah, I brought waffles. Figured you would be pretty hungry, I know I am.” Rainbow put the waffles and syrup on the bed and laid across from Twilight.

“Why are you here, Rainbow?”

“Why wouldn't I be, I'm not that kind of mare.” Rainbow said with a roll of her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked perplexedly.

“I wouldn't just leave after last night.”

“Last night?” Twilight made a face that Rainbow found both cute and hilarious.

“I'm offended, you don't even remember” Rainbow said with a snicker.

“Huh, remember what?”

“You, me, the bed, last night.”

Twilight was confused, to say the least. The only thing that had happened last night was a embarrassingly vivid dream involving Rainbow.

A very vivid dream.

Vivid to the point of realism.

Twilight's eyes widened in shock, it all fit together. I wasn't a dream!

A bone chilling falsetto wail ripped through the disaster zone that was the kitchen causing Storm to spill the batter on the floor for the seventh time.

Umbra rolled her eyes, “Shadow, you owe me ten bits.”

“Ugh, damn it Twilight Sparkle”

Arcane Theory stared on in horror, at the disaster that was unfolding, as milk dripped from her mane. “Why?”

Here is the redone chapter 11, no real significant changes asside from adding some banter and the usual editing.

“You feel better now?” Rainbow asked with a smirk.

“Yes, surprisingly. I feel like I should be panicking right now.”

“Honestly, first you forget our first night together and then you scream in horror. I'm not feeling very flattered right now.”

Twilight chucked, “Sorry Rainbow, it's just a lot to process.”

“That it is. If somepony told me last week that my best friend would turn into a stallion and rut me to Elysium and back, I would have laughed in their face. But Twilight, never let somepony say you're not awesome.” Rainbow glomped the stallion and squeed in joy. “Best heat ever.”

“Oh, oestrus.” Twilight's eyes widened as her irises shrunk to pinpricks, “I'm so, so sorry Rainbow, I'm an bad, awful, terrible, dreadful, atrocious, abominable, unspeakable friend. I violated your trust and exploited you at your greatest time of weakness. There is nothing I could repay you for what I have taken from you and if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I understand.” Twilight looked down, tears streaming down his face.

Rainbow sighed, and grabbed Twilight's chin, lifting his muzzle so she was staring directly in his eyes “Look at me Twilight. Do I look like a mare who feels like she has been taken advantage of?”

“No, but ...”

“No buts Twilight. I wanted this, more than you could imagine, more than I could imagine.”

“But ...”

“What did I say, Twilight, no buts. If anything it's me who should be sorry. If I hadn't been flying through the castle faster than I could see, I wouldn't have crashed into you and this would have never happened” In truth Rainbow mostly blamed Cloudchaser, but that hardly seemed to be the thing to say. It's not like she held too much malice for the mare who had facilitated such a wonderful night. Anyways, as much as Rainbow loathed it, Cloudchaser was a member of her weather team, and using your subordinates as scapegoats just wasn't on. It was the fastest way to loose any trust and loyalty they had for you.

“But...”

“No buts.”

“Rainbow, stop interrupting me, please. You were in your oestrus cycle; I knew that and I still couldn't stop myself from taking advantage of you. I don't deserve to be your friend.”

Rainbow sighed and rolled her eyes “Exactly, I was in heat. You're the egghead, tell me what a mare in heat does to stallions.”

“The pheromones released by a mare during her oestrus cycle cause stallions to experience a number of typical symptoms: increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, increased sexual desire, increased endurance, decreased inhibition and judgement impairment. Such symptoms are most prevalent in full grown stallions with limited exposure to mares and in some extreme cases can result in a complete loss inhibition and judgement.”

“And you have to be the most extreme case I know; I mean – unless you have something you want to tell me – you couldn't have been a stallion for more than a week. Hay, you didn't even need Stallion Up to preform, and that's unheard of.”

“It has been about sixty hours since I became a stallion.”

“See, you shouldn't beat yourself over something that wasn't in your control.”

“That's just it. I am a royal alicorn; I can't afford to lose control like that. If I can't even control myself, how can I even hope to rule.”

“Everypony does things that they aren't proud of, even the coolest pegasus in all of Equestria has done some things that she regrets.”

“Yeah, Fluttershy was rather ashamed of the whole Iron Will incident”

Rainbow didn't know whether to be relieved that Twilight seemed to have regained his sense of humour or angry that he had insulted her. “Oh, so I'm just your second choice then? I'm insulted.”

Unfortunately Rainbow's joke was poorly received, as Twilight looked down dejectedly. “I'm sorry Rainbow, I'm a bad friend, it's all my fault this happened; please don't hate me.”

“Ugh, stupid, stupid Rainbow, why don't you think before you open your mouth?” Rainbow berated herself before moving beside Twilight and putting her wing over the crestfallen alicorn. “Twilight, that was a joke. I don't blame you for any of this, and even if I did, I would never hate you. Before you came into my life and brought the six of us together, I had no friends – well there was Fluttershy, but I hadn't talked to her in five years and didn't even know she lived here – I was just the arrogant big city pegasus in the small earth pony town. The worst part was that I didn't even believe that I needed any friends; I was just one young mare who had no better dream in life than to be famous.”

“Yes, but, but, I took advantage of you”

“No we slept together while we were both hornier than Spitfire in the Wonderbolts' change room.”

Twilight looked at the mare questioningly.

“Trust me, you don't want to know” Rainbow visibly shuddered “I think I'm still traumatized from walking in on that.”

...

“What I was saying is that last night was consensual on both sides – for a given amount of consent – and there is no reason to beat yourself up about it.”

“But, statistically, friendships usually die after two friends engage in sexual intercourse with each other. It becomes to awkward to continue.”

“Seriously Twilight, Discord couldn't keep us apart for long, we were Elements of Harmony. Anyways we don't have to just stay friends.” Rainbow nuzzled the stallion beside her.

“Ugh, Rainbow, that proposal has even more going against it. Almost no romantic relations that start with coitus survive more than a month and most romantic relations between long term friends not only break up rather quickly, but usually ruin the friendship they had before.”

“Seriously, Twilight, buck statistics; they only apply to average ponies, and we aren't average. You're the former Element of Magic, an alicorn and you have crazy powerful magic, and I'm the former Element of Loyalty, the fastest pegasus in Equestria and I can break the sound barrier, which many ponies still believe is impossible.”

“But statistics never lie.”

“I'm bucking tired of this.” Rainbow grabbed Twilight's face with her hooves and looked straight into the alicorn's eyes “I'm terrible at expressing my feelings, but last night was the best bucking night of my life, and I'm insulted that you belittle and blame yourself for things that are not your fault.” Rainbow pulled the shocked stallion into a powerful romantic kiss that showed deeper feeling than she would have ever believed she would feel.

As Theory watched the horrific scene before her, she wondered whether she was the only sane pony to ever step foot within the labyrinthine tunnels of the Twilight Manor (well, mostly sane). She had never seen a kitchen in such a poor state in her life, and doubted one had even come close in the history of ponykind. The stove was on fire, the toaster smashed beyond recognition, batter (and numerous other unrecognizable fluids) was everywhere (they had even managed to spill it inside the fridge) and most terrifyingly, one spill had completely eaten through the solid granite counter-tops.

When her older sister had told her that she was marrying into a noble house, Theory had imagined a large manor in the centre of Canterlot filled with rich arrogant prudes who were more concerned with appearance than substance. It would be impossible to describe exactly how surprised Theory had been when she actually met the Twilights, an entire house of borderline lunatics that took pride in doing everything completely different than everypony else, many things that were taboo for the rest of ponykind were accepted and often expected within House Twilight.

Theory winced as yet another kitchen appliance exploded. She decided that it would be in her best interest to vacate the premises and search for waffles elsewhere.

Theory snuck quietly into Sparkle's room, eyes on the stolen goods that had been left carelessly unguarded as the thief held the prince in passionate embrace. Theory approached the plate of golden brown deliciousness without a sound.

Unfortunately, in the moments preceding the liberation of the light fluffy waffles the unicorn locked eyes with the pegasus.

Rainbow broke the kiss involuntarily launching herself backwards into a wall with a scream.

Twilight slowly turned around and stared the unicorn mare in the eye. “Theory, what are you doing in my room?” Twilight's voice was calm but menacing.

“Waffles?” Theory's nervous answer sounded more like a question than anything else.

Twilight swiftly brought a hoof to his face. “So you sneak into my bedroom, invading my private sanctum and scare poor Rainbow into a wall because you wanted waffles?” Twilight looked at the plate of waffles that had been untouched since Rainbow had brought them into the room. “Here I was thinking you were the sane one.”

Theory didn't answer, rather Rainbow chose that moment to enter the conversation “I wasn't scared, I just wasn't expecting one of your weird cousins to walk in on us.”

“You will need to get used to other mares, otherwise you probably shouldn't be with a Twilight. Anyways I'm not actually related to him by blood, and my sister married her father, so even if I was, I would be her aunt not cousin.”

“What? Doesn't that mean that you're related.”

“No, my sister is not her mother, so there isn't any blood relation there.” Theory said before turning to Twilight. “Am I right to guess that you failed to mention the Twilight family structure to your friends.”

“Wait, Twilight told me last night about the Twilights being polygamists.”

“I did?”

“You told me everything.” Rainbow paused “Well, not everything, I still don't know why you have fangs.”

“Oh, that's easy. The Twilights are part vampire.”

“Theory!”

“Part vampire? Do you mean vampire fruit bats, like that time with Flutterbat?”

Twilight sighed, “Theory, you can't go around blurting things out like that.” Twilight turned to Rainbow, “And no, not vampire fruit bats, actual vampires.”

“Wait, do you mean 'undead blood-sucking creatures of the night' vampires, because I thought those were fictional.”

“Yes, and they weren't. And they weren't technically undead either, they just had their mortal soul sucked out and replaced with a congealed mass of blood and shadow magic.”

Rainbow gagged in disgust, throwing up in her mouth, “They had their soul sucked out? Who would do that? And how are you descended from such soulless abominations”

“'Soulless abominations' or not, the vampire fiefdoms represent a truly unique and utterly fascinating culture. Did you know that House Twilight has the only known collection of vampire artifacts. For example, we have a goblet that, when filled with the blood of a victim and then drunk, will transfer the very lifeforce from the victim to the drinker. It is believed that the goblet, and others like it, were used by the Vampire Lords in order to obtain a kind of quasi-immortality. It is truly a shame they had to be so thoroughly annihilated.”

“Thank you, Theory, for your exposition.” Twilight rolled his eyes, and turned to Rainbow “Sorry, Rainbow, Theory here is fairly excitable and doesn't understand the concept of tact.”

“Hay, it's not my fault you ponies are completely without a sense of curiosity”

Twilight ignored Theory, “But to answer your questions: yes they were ponies with their soul sucked out, and while we have no idea where the first vampires came from, or how they were created, they 'reproduced' ...” Twilight scowled in disgust, “... by sucking all of the blood out of a victim and then replacing it with their own blood.”

“That is all horrific. But how are you descended from them?”

“It turns out that despite lacking a soul, vampires are fully capable of producing children with normal ponies. Those children, known as dhampir, maintain both a mortal soul and a many of the abilities of vampires.”

“And you are descended from these dhampir?”

“Yes, it's a bit of a long story, but many dhampir ended up revolted against the Vampire Lords, and many of those revolting dhampir ended up joining of the Orders Stalwart.”

“Huh, I guess that makes sense. But why did I never notice them before?”

“Eh, vampires have a weak normality field, targeting their inequine features. It's hard to notice a vampire's fangs unless you know they're a vampire, The same goes for dhampir. Anyways, I didn't even have fangs until I became an alicorn, the blood is very thin in the family, it's been more than a thousand years after all. In fact before I became an alicorn, my little sister was the only one in the family with actual fangs.

“Your little sister?”

“Little Twilight Twinkle, she's adorable if quite unruly.”

“So you are descended from vampires and have little sister, how many secrets do you have?”

Theory started laughing, “If there's anything I have learned in my time with this loony bin of a noble house, it's that it's secrets all the way down. Did you know that the Twilight House Guard is the number one bounty-hunting organization in Equestria.”

“It actually makes quite a a bit of sense that you grew fangs when ascending, your Divinity probably recognized the vampire magic as a distinct tribe's magic and enhanced to the point that it was roughly equivalent to your other tribes of magic.”

“Ignoring me are we? Well, did you know that House Twilight is the only pony house with a seat in the Griffon Empire's Senate due to our exceptional continuing contribution to the empire's defence against the rebellion?”

“Divinity? What do you mean by that?”

“Oh, right, you were taught by Princess Celestia; she always liked to pretend that she isn't a goddess. Divinity is the unique alicorn magic that allows you to be simultaneously a unicorn, pegasus and earth pony while giving you special influence over your Sphere of Influence.”

“Oh, you mean alicorn magic.” Twilight paused, “Wait did you just imply I am a god?!”

“I mean, you are. The living pony god of magic or friendship probably. Or magic and friendship.” Rainbow put her hoof to her chin, “Or maybe even sex. We should probably try a few tantric rituals, I'm sure you could learn a few nice ones.”

“Hmph, well let's see you ignore this.” Theory took a deep breath, “Did you know that Sparkle here was expelled from no less than eleven different elementary magic schools before she became Princess Celestia's personal student?”

Rainbow's eyes widened, “Wait Twilight, is that true?”

Twilight sighed, “Theory, why do you do this. Yes, it's true. I was a horrible little filly when I was young, and it didn't help that my mother is psychotic and only encouraged my bad behaviour. I did quite a few things that I am not proud of and Celestia had to spend my whole first year as her student on ethics and moral philosophy.”

“She led a coup against her school and then tried to secede from Equestria.”

Rainbow laughed, “Wow, I would never have guessed you were such a rebel, you always seemed so straitlaced.”

“Twilight was like a completely different filly before Celestia got to her. It's honestly fortunate that we didn't know about changelings at the time or we would have suspected that she had been replaced by one. That couldn't have ended well, the Twilights were already paranoid enough.”

Rainbow winced, “Yeah, bucking changelings. What are they even good for.”

“Hay, one of my best friends is a changeling.”

“Wut?”

Twilight snorted, “I didn't know you did friends, Theory.”

“Fine, one of my casual acquaintances is a changeling. Not like you're one to speak; I remember a certain little filly who was even more antisocial than I am.”

“I say again, wut?”

“That was before I learned that friendship was an essential component of shooting a 'harmony beam cannon' at dark gods.”

“So your friends are just a weapon to you, you're a cold son of a bitch, Twilight Sparkle. I like that.”

Twilight rolled his eyes and deadpanned, “Ha, ha, Theory, you're so funny.”

“Okay, what is all of this about being friends with changelings!?” Rainbow shouted, “they're like the enemy of ponykind or something.”

Theory rolled her eyes, “Only one changeling hive was responsible for invading Equestria, and they're all dead. Several hives have outright allied with House Twilight and Princess Lepidoptera is practically one of us already.”

“Seriously?”

Twilight sighed, “Yeah, it's pretty unfortunate that Chrysalis's invasion soured our relationship with the entire species; the changeling can be strange, but they're not generally malicious. But at least the war gave the militaristic factions of House Twilight something to do other than concocting ridiculous plots and spiralling further into paranoia. And as Theory said, we even made some friends in the Badlands.”

'War, what war?” Rainbow's eyes widened, “Wait, are you implying that you invaded the Badlands!?”

“Yep, invading the wedding of Sir Shining Armour was a grave insult to the house and changeling hives don't dismantle themselves,” Theory chirped happily, “Anyways, Chrysalis was not very well liked in her homeland so it wasn't terribly hard to rally a coalition of hives against her.” Theory paused, “I did say it's secrets all the way down with the Twilights.”

“Honestly, it isn't even that strange as far as major noble houses go, nopony is going to go to war under Celestia's eye. So the houses take their conflicts elsewhere and regularly engage in proxy wars.” Twilight explained, “I know of at least four noble houses that support the rebellion in the Griffon Empire. And that is nothing compared to the mess that was made in Yakistan, thank Celestia House Twilight never got involved in that conflict.”

“If anything, House Twilight is honourable about our wars. We don't start wars unless attacked, only get involved in existing conflicts when it's requested of us and fight our wars ourselves instead of hiring shady mercenaries under the table.” Theory scoffed, “Honestly there have been times where different members of the same house would support different sides of the same conflict; you would never catch House Twilight doing that”

“Are you saying that the many wars outside Equestria are due noble houses interfering?”

Twilight sighed, “Not all of them, not even most of them. But at least a few of them are started by some house or another, and that just shouldn't be acceptable. Of course it's always using mercenary armies paid through a deniable middlemare, and woe befall you if you accuse them of such.”

“Wow,” Rainbow paused, “And Celestia just lets this happen?”

“If Princess Celestia knew about this she would certainly put a stop to it, but the noble houses have had a thousand years to perfect their secrecy. When I tried to explain the evidence to her, the only thing I got was a lecture about believing in 'conspiracy theories', how I shouldn't throw around such strong accusation and how they couldn't possibly hide something that big from her.”

“That seems pretty in character for Celestia, she always saw the best in ponies and was extremely slow to accuse her ponies of wrongdoing. In fact, all investigation, criminal prosecution and espionage ended up being handled by Luna. It was one of many reasons Luna was the less popular Princess.”

“Wow, you talk about the Princesses like you know them.” Theory laughed.

“I do?” Rainbow asked in confusion.

“Yeah.”

...

Twilight broke the silence, “Rainbow?”

“Yes?”

“Many of the things we've spoken about, both last night and this morning, are fairly sensitive.”

“You don't want your secrets spread around.”

“You can't tell any of the girls what I just told you. I don't think they would be nearly as understanding as you have been.”

“Okay, sure Twilight, I will keep your suspiciously secret secrets secret, probably.”

Twilight narrowed his eyes at her.

“What? You don't trust my word?”

“Rainbow, that was one of the weakest promises I have ever heard.”

“Okay, fine.” Rainbow took a dramatic pose, “I, Rainbow Dash, swear upon the Element of Loyalty that I wilt tell no soul what thou, Prince Twilight Sparkle, hast told me today. If I break this oath, may all brand me traitor 'til the end of time itself”

Twilight just stared with his mouth open as Theory laughter caused her to choke on a waffle that she was eating. Rainbow had a flare for the dramatic, but the archaic Equish made the whole thing so absurd.

“Was that promise strong enough for you?”

“It wasn't what I was expecting. But, sure it will suffice.”

“Twilight, oh Twilight, wherefore art thou Twilight?” Theory quipped between laughs.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes at Theory “What's up with her, and why is she asking stupid questions?”

“She's making a crack at you for using archaic Equish in that oath by mangling a Shakespeare quote.”

“Ah, Shakespeare, I was never much for theatre, but I do remember his plays being the talk of Equestria whenever one came out.” Rainbow tilted her head slightly at Twilight,”And, what do you mean by 'archaic Equish'?”

Twilight mouthed 'when they came out; to himself, “Well you said 'wilt' 'thou' and 'hast', in fact you spoke very much like how Luna speaks, just without the royal we.”

“Really, that's weird, I remember speaking normal Equish” Rainbow rubbed her forehead with a hoof.

“Yes, that is extremely particular, have you been spending ...” Twilight blushed as he was cut off by a massive growl from his stomach. “We'll talk about this later, right now I'm hungry.”

And so the plate of waffles ended it's epic journey satisfying the hunger of a pegasus, a unicorn and an an alicorn.

Here's the redone chapter 12. Quite a lot has changed in this chapter.

Sorry for being slow with this chapter, I haven't really been able to focus well these last couple weeks. Especially considering winter hit pretty hard in the last week of November here and decided not to believe in the outside for that week.

Been busy trying to look for a job or something and finally managed to apply to EI (after 3 weeks waiting for a code that I don't actually need and probably won't ever come).

Thanks for reading my story.

Twilight, Rainbow and Theory made their way into the small dining room that adjoined the kitchen.

“There he is; not even a stallion for a week and he manages to snag himself a mare.” Shadow chuckles ignoring the death glare she received from Rainbow “Who would have ever thought that little Sparkle needed to become a stallion in order to get laid?”

Twilight snorted and rolled his eyes. “I love you to Shadow.”

“Now now, Sparkle, I'm your cousin; so none of that.”

Twilight facehoofed while Storm, Umbra and Theory burst into laughter.

“What?” The dark mare asked innocently.

Twilight ignored the dark mare and trotted into the kitchen. “What did you do to my kitchen?”

“What do you mean?” Came Shadow's voice from the adjoining room.

“The kitchen is clean; the only time you clean anything is when you are covering something up.”

The kitchen was, in fact, spotless; there wasn't a single apparent flaw in the entire kitchen.

Twilight focused his magic and cast a simple dispel illusion spell and looked around again and sighed before trotting back into the dining room. “Okay, Umbra, I want my kitchen back in the state it was yesterday as soon as possible, and no illusions this time.”

“But...” Umbra made to argue before being cut off by Twilight.

“You are just as much at fault for this mess as the other two, not to mention that you are supposed to be the responsible one.”

Twilight walked over to Shadow “I have half a mind to hang you from one of the castle's towers by your tail but I've decided to go for a less conventional punishment.”

“What?” Shadow said nervously.

“It's more fun not telling you.” Twilight spoke happily with a twisted smile. Shadow had a very vivid imagination and the punishment she would imagine would be much worse than anything Twilight could think up.

Twilight gave Storm a contemplative look then turned to Rainbow, “Rainbow, last week you said you are short on wingpower for your weather team.”

“Yes?”

“Storm here doesn't have any formal training and is largely self taught, but I understand that she's rather capable for a unicorn born pegasus. Do you think you could use her?”

Rainbow eyed the grey pegasus warily, “Uh, sure. I just have to evaluate har capabilities, but if she's capable, she could be a great help.”

Twilight, turned back to Storm, “Storm, I understand that you were planning on flying back to the manor soon, but as I said the local weather team is woefully understaffed and that an extra pair of wings would be appreciated greatly. So until I say otherwise, you will report to Rainbow Dash every morning and assist her in whatever way she wishes.” Anyways, some contact with her own tribe would certainly do her some good – it couldn't be easy being the only pegasus in a unicorn house – so it was essentially killing two griffons with one stone.

Celestia had often told Twilight that such a metaphor was 'politically incorrect', but Twilight was as stubborn as, well, a Twilight. Anyways the griffons didn't seem to mind, and knowing griffons, they would probably be more offended by ponies taking offence on their behalf than from any insult. Some kind of machismo about refusing to be hurt by words, combined with a general aversion to censorship.

Twilight turned back to his lover friend, “On that note, Rainbow, you should probably get going; if I remember correctly there's a light rain scheduled for this morning and you don't want to be late.”

“Oh buck, I completely forgot.” Rainbow's eyes widened comically before she flew down a hall.

“Rainbow the exit's that way ...” Twilight pointed in the opposite direction before sighing. “She'll find her way out.”

Twilight turned back to Storm. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get going.”

Storm flew out of the room as fast as she could, following the chromatic mare.

“Didn't I say it's the other way? Umbra and Theory, carry on.” Twilight walked over to Shadow. “And Shadow, you're with me. I have some errands to do.”

“Okay, Spike, what is the next item on today's checklist?”

“Um,” Spike did a quick scan of the list “it looks like we need eight bushels of apples.”

“Eight? That seems awfully high.” Twilight eyed his surrogate-brother/son/number-one-assistant incredulously.

“Why don't you ask short, dark and nympho back there?” Spike motioned in the direction of Shadow. While he had none of the experience with magic required to detect the 'hiding in the shadows' charm (or whatever it was called), it was incredibly difficult to trick a dragon's eye. “Last week's apples didn't last three days, and that was before two more of those lunatics you call your family showed up”

Twilight sighed, and “Spike”.

“What? They're all messed in the head.”

Twilight sighed again, “Spike, everyone – to a certain degree – is crazy, us Twilights just more so than most, but you can never forget that they, we, are your family.”

“Twilight, last time I was at the manor, your mother came running up to me with a look of terror on her face, picked me up by my head, stared straight into my eyes and asked me what blue, the colour, tasted like.”

“Lady Twilight Velvet is something else entirely.” Twilight shook his head, “I remember, several days after I hatched you and found my cutie mark, Princess Celestia was making the official announcement of my tutelage under her to the Council of Houses and – right in the middle of the Princess's speech and in front of the heads of the most powerful noble houses in Equestria – my mother stood up and asked in a clear tone whether or not alicorns are hermaphrodites; I don't think I have ever seen Celestia at such a loss for words since.” Twilight brought a hoof to his face. “To make it even worse, right after she asked that, she looked me straight in the eyes and winked! I was bucking eight.”

“Wait, are they?” the, up until now, silent mare asked.

“No, we aren't” If looks could kill, Shadow would have left the land of the living right then and there. “I'll have you know that alicorns adhere to binary gender just as much as any of the other tribes.”

Shadow, for once, wisely made no retort.

“Twilight.”

“What is it, Spike?”

“We're here.” came Spikes annoyingly vague reply.

“We're where, Spike?” Twilight turned to see the familiar market stall containing apples, apple goods and apple accessories manned by the single largest stallion in Ponyville. A large stallion Twilight found himself looking down at, Buck, I didn't realize just how big I am until now. I could probably look Princess Celestia in the eye.

“G'morning Twilight, how have yeh been?”

“Very well, Big Mac, considering”

“How are yeh dealing with your changes? That kind of shock can't be easy.”

Twilight was surprised, never before had she ever gotten more than a sentence out of the large stallion. “Well, yeah, my body's different, larger wings, longer horn, taller stature, a completely different body type, and 'back there' of course.” he motioned his head towards his tail “Also, my hormones are rather unbalanced, so I can be rather moody, but that should balance out soon enough; I hope.”

The red stallion nodded, “Have yah planned fer when the mares go into heat?”

“Well, I have several spells that should make sure I'm safe from the pheromones and a couple that should make most mares show me little interest. Anyways, I'm the alicorn of magic, it's not like I can't protect myself. Also on the subject of shock, you seem awfully calm about this whole 'I accidentally turned myself into a stallion' thing.”

“Well, Pinkie told me when she was helping AJ, that mare don't seem to know how t' stahp talking. An' ah figured yeh would manage t' do something lahk this t' yourself eventually.”

“About that, how is Applejack”

“She's fine now, but whatever Pinkie gave 'er, really knocked 'er fer a loop.”

“I really need to talk to her about that, I have no idea what rock vodka is, nor what 'greater than 200 proof' even means.”

Big Mac responded with a snort.

Shadow slinked up to Twilight “Well, well, well. Beefcake's suddenly so talkative.”

Twilight whispered back, “I don't know what a 'beefcake' is, and I don't want to know. Anyways, talking about ponies behind their back is unbecoming of you.”

“What you jus' say, Twilight? Ah, didn't hear yah.”

“Sorry, just talking to myself.” Twilight paused, “You're pretty talkative today, I don't remember you ever talking this much to me before.”

“Yah were a mare, it jus' wasn't right.”

“'It just wasn't right'?”

“Eeeyup.”

Twilight tilted his head questioningly.

Big Mac shrugged.

“Okay...” That's weird. “Well, I better be going, lot's of errands today.”

The weather team worked as efficiently as usual (which is to say, not at all) and got the partly cloudy sky out only one hour behind schedule “Great work team, we're done for the morning, meet back here at sunset for cloud clearing duty.”

With a chorus of affirmatives the dozen pegasi the team scattered, including a certain deceitful grey waste of rations.

“Cloudchaser, get your sorry flank back here, I'm not finished with you.”

“Ya, sure boss, I'm coming.” the grey mare lazily flew over to Rainbow. “What is it?”

“It's about yesterday.” Rainbow gave the mare a scowl.

Cloudchaser smiled, “So how did you like his new look?”

Rainbow's scowl deepened even further, “How dare you! You not only lied to me and betrayed my trust, but your actions put both myself and Prince Twilight Sparkle in an extremely compromising situation. And you have the gall to think it's funny?”

“So you're angry because you didn't get laid?”

Rainbow made a very unponylike growl “This is nothing to do with whether I got 'laid' or not; this is to do with how you sent an unassuming mare in heat directly to the house of a stallion who was woefully unprepared to resist the effects of said heat. Did you know that there is a clause in Equestrian law called 'Rape by Circumstance' referring to intentionally putting one or more ponies in a situation where they are physically, emotionally or psychologically incapable of refusing their consent to acts of a sexual nature?”

Cloudchaser just floated there with a shocked look on her face. “Wait, are you saying you actually bucked the prince?!” Cloudchaser flew around Rainbow and lifted her tail. “Wow you actually did, you dirty, dirty mare.”

Cloudchaser didn't have even a second to react before two cyan hooves smashed into her, one into her face and another into her ribs, sending her flying through several of the newly placed clouds before landing halfway in one.

“How dare thee do such a thing, harlot! Have thee no decency?! There was a time when doing such a thing could get you hanged!”

Cloudchaser uncertainly picked herself up,“Ugghh, Ow.” she turned to the enraged mare, “That's rich coming from the mare who dosed one of her closest friends with Stallion Up immediately after discovering he's a stallion now. How many pills did you slip him? Three? Four? Five? Even more?”

“How dare thee accuse me of such acts. I did NO SUCH THING.”

Both mares were silent for several seconds

“Wait,” Cloudchaser paused, “are you saying that he doesn't need Stallion Up?!” Choudchaser was visibly salivating.

Rainbow's eyes widened in surprise before narrowing at the concussed mare. “Why yes, he's more than capable of functioning without chemical assistance. In fact I would say he functions better than any other stallion alive. If you know what I mean.” Rainbow flew up to the whorse, “And as his first mare, it's my duty to protect him from slime, like you.” Rainbow smiled a cruel smile and stared into the filth's eyes with malice, “In fact, if I see you even looking his way, I will rip your spine out and strangle you to death with it.”

Cloudchaser stared at the belligerent mare in terror.

Rainbow moved her muzzle to the skank's ear and spoke softly “Are we understood?”

“Y-y-y-yes.”

Rainbow smiled widely, “Good, now, get out of my sight.”

The terrified grey mare erratically flew off towards Ponyville.

“And, Cloudchaser,” The grey pegasus turned her head to look at Rainbow “If you ever, ever, do anything like this again, you will not get another chance.”

Rainbow watched the other mare until she had completely disappeared from her vision.

“Dayum filly, you're hot when you're angry.”

Rainbow could only stare as another particularly grey pegasus mare pulled herself off of one of the many clouds that dotted the sky.

“The only way you could be hotter is if you literally burst into flames, like Cuz Sparkles or Cuz Flare – although 'on fire' seems to be her default state – or Lady Velvet or pretty much every unicorn Twilight. Except Cuz Spark, she goes all electrical storm when she's pissed, it really wreaks havoc on that radio thing she likes playing around with. I'm rambling aren't I? Mother always said I ramble a lot. But then again mother isn't a Twilight, and I don't think she really understands us very well. Well, to be truly honest, I don't think even we understand us very well. Oh, damn it, I'm rambling again. I should probably stop rambling.” The sole pegasus Twilight took a deep breath “There I'm no longer rambling.” Storm looked at Rainbow “You look like you want to say something.”

With a mental fortitude born of several years of friendship with Pinkie, Rainbow put much of what the other pegasus had said out of her mind. “What are you doing here Storm? You can go home now.”

“Bah, why would I go home? All that awaits there is errands and boredom, the two most evil things in the universe. Maybe I want a performance evaluation, or maybe I want to spend some time with a member of my own tribe – did you know I am the not only the only pegasus Twilight, but I was the only pegasus who has ever lived permanently in the Twilight Manor? Hay, the only pegasi that spent any time in the manor were the Stalwart of Skyhaven back in the dark age. And while both thestrals and changelings have wings, neither truly live for the sky and simply don't understand flying for flying's sake –” Storm paused for a few seconds “or maybe, just maybe, I think you're cool and I want to hang out with you.”

Rainbow was unsure what to say. “Do you really want a 'performance evaluation'?”

“Well, it's not like I have ever done this before, I mean, sure, I would clear a couple clouds if somepony wanted a clear sky or maybe collect a few for somepony to test a spell. Hay, I didn't even go to flight school; I learned pretty much everything I know on the subject from old books and ancient treatises on pegasus flight and magic.”

“That actually explains a lot. You use wind currents to move clouds instead of pushing the clouds with your hooves like modern weatherponies do. It takes significantly more skill, and isn't near as precise as using your hooves. It hasn't been used in ages. Hay, the last time I saw it used was pre-reunification.”

Much to Rainbow's surprise Storm burst into laughter. “Oh, Rainbow, You're hilarious. 'The last time [you] saw it used was pre-reunification'. As in before the reunification. As in before the Hearth's Warming Story. As in more than four thousand years ago. As in greater than a millennia before the princesses even showed up.” Storm broke down into laughter one again, wings barely holding her aloft. “Rainbow, I think I love you.”

“Um, it was just a slip of the tongue. Anyways I'm not interested in mares.”

Storm giggled, “Oh, not like that silly. And even if it was, I would never mess around with one of my cousin's mares. Especially when said cousin is a god.”

Rainbow snorted “Just because we slept together once does not mean I am his 'mare'.”

Storm looked Rainbow straight in the eye with a serious expression “You literally just called yourself 'his first mare', anyways, you were Sparkle's mare long before you slept with him”

Before Rainbow could even ponder the meaning of that statement it hit her. Well it was less of an it and more of a her. A very non-metaphorical and very pink her moving at velocities, and altitudes, that an earth pony shouldn't be able to achieve.

“Hiya Dashie, Hiya pony I don't know. I've been looking all over Ponyville for you. I mean you Dashie, why would I be looking for a pony I don't know. No offence pony I ...” Pinkie stared wide eyed at the now vacant airspace that had once been occupied by Storm. “Heh, must have been a hallucination.” Pinkie turned back to the pegasus from whom she was hanging. “Dashie, did you see where the hallucination pony went?”

“Uh, Storm just mumbled something like 'By Celestia's beard, it's the Pink Menace' and flew off.”

“Oh, silly hallucination pony, Celestia doesn't have a beard, I shaved it off.”

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin while hanging off Rainbow with one foreleg “I wonder if I should throw a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party for the hallucination pony. On one hoof” Pinkie took her hoof from her chin and held it in front of her “I throw welcome to Equestria parties for every new pony in town, so why should I discriminate against hallucinations? And on the other hoof” Pinkie removed her other hoof from Rainbow Dash, seemingly floating with no visible support. “Pa was very serious when he said throwing parties for hallucinations makes me look like a crazy pony. I don't want to look like a crazy pony because then ponies won't want me throwing parties for them, but what if the hallucinations get sad because I won't throw them a party?” Pinkie threw her forelegs around Rainbow and started to sob. “Dashie, what do I do?”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“You are right Dashie. Party related existential horror can wait, I'm on a top secret mission from Rarity to deliver you a message.”

“Okay, Pinkie, what's the message.”

Pinkie leaned up to Rainbow's ear and whispered in a conspiratorial tone “Eetmay tay Arousalcay Outiquebay”

“Um, 'meet at Carousal Boutique'?”

“Shh, be quiet, 'they' might be listening.”

“Who? We're the only ponies here.”

“That's what 'they' want you to think”

Rainbow just rolled her eyes.

“Okay, last item on the list is banking.” Spike looked up from his scroll to see the large sign signifying the local branch of the Canterlot High Bank.

“This should be a quick in and out, I only need to withdraw a thousand bits.” Twilight giggled “I can't believe I just said that, only a thousand bits, I used to think that was a lot of money, back when I could live for several months on that much.”

“You probably still could if you got rid of the mare that keeps eating all your food and breaking everything.” Spike gave the dark unicorn a glare as the trio settled into the line.

“Aww, is the wittle puppy sad?”

Instead of answering, Spike just spit a burst of flame in Shadow's direction.

“Why can't the two of you just get along?”

“Because she is a psychopath that says really creepy things about all the stallions in this town and some of the mares.”

“Spike! Shadow isn't a psychopath, she's not even close. Trust me I know several, and not all of them are bad ponies.”

“I'm not sure that Frost qualifies as a 'not bad pony'. He's kind of an...” Shadow trailed off.

“Ugh, Frost. Yes he's definitely a psychopath, although ...” Twilight rolled his eyes, “... he prefers to be called a 'high functioning sociopath'.”

“Let me guess, another one of your cousins”

“Actually, he's my uncle.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “Of course he is.”

“I can take the next customer now.” the unicorn teller announced.

“Okay, that's our cue.”

“How can I help you, sir?”

“May I withdraw 1000 bits please.” Twilight lit his horn and a small heavily enchanted single page document appeared in a purple flash and floated over to the teller.

The mare behind the counter accepted the bank note. “Do you have a co-signatory?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow “Why would I need a co-signatory? I am a legal adult.”

“Every stallion must have a mare as his co-signatory. It's our policy.”

“Hey, Twilight, I'll cosign for you.”

Twilight turned to glare at her cousin. “I'm not stupid, Shadow, I know exactly what co-signing on a bank account means and there's no way in Tartarus that I would ever let you get close to my money.”

“Hmph.”

Twilight turned back to the teller. “Would you please tell me why I have to give up the control of my account.”

“I don't dictate policy, I just follow it.”

“In that case, I need to talk to your manager.”

“I'm afraid that won't be possible.”

Twilight narrowed his eyes, “Why?”

“It's bank policy, if we just let anypony see the manager, she'd never get any work done.”

Twilight started to giggle, not the 'that's so cute/funny giggle' mind you, but rather the 'I'm a borderline-insane near-lunatic that's getting close to cracking giggle'. “Do you even know who I am?”

The teller rolled her eyes, not even looking up from her desk, “Don't know, don't care. You're just some prick who thinks that the rules don't apply to him. Well I've got news for you, buddy, the rules are the same for everypony!”

Twilight cackled, “Except, you know, they're not.” Twilight's expression abruptly became serious. “If they were, I would have walked out of here, several minutes ago, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. And you really should care who I am” Twilight closed his eyes, flared his wings and lit his horn with an excessive amount of magic. “Because, you never know who you just pissed off.” He opened his eyes, showing the mare the glowing fields of white that had replaced his normal violet eyes.

The teller looked up and her eyes widened in terror, feeling the waves of power flowing from the alicorn. “Uh, I'm sure a meeting can be arranged.”

Twilight closed his wings, cut off his magic and smiled sweetly. “See, was that so hard?”

As Twilight followed the terrified mare into the back of the building, he couldn't help but remember one of first lesson that Celestia had taught her:

“Twilight, you shouldn't ever hold your power over another ponies; while intimidation may get you many things, it looses you what is much more valuable. Using your power for your own personal gain is one of the fastest ways to lose yourself.”

“But mother does it all the time.”

“While your mother is an incredibly powerful and intelligent mare, she is not what I would call a model citizen. Nor should she be one you pattern yourself after.”

“So, what you mean to say is that 'she's completely bucking insane'?”

“Twilight, why would you say such a thing about your mother?”

“Because everypony knows it's true, anyways I don't hear you denying it.”

*sigh* “Let us end this lesson here, and talk about your mother no further.”

“Okay, Princess.”

“And Twilight ...”

“Yes, Princess.”

“I want a thousand words on why swearing is socially unacceptable by tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, buck.”

Here's the next chapter. Sorry for taking so long, it's been hard to find the time to write during Christmas, especially with the nanny state deciding a unilateral shutdown of the entire province, again (never mind that there haven't even been half a dozen cases in my county).

In brighter news, this means that I am finally finished the rewrite and can actually start moving the story forward, so yay for that. Thank you to everybody for reading and commenting.

“Okay, what's so important that you had to sic Pinkie on me” The former Elements of Harmony – less a certain prince – were seated around the room.

Pinkie giggled, “I'm not sick, silly” the pink pony did a back flip. “I'm feeling rather pecker today.”

Rarity did a spit take “Pinkie, dear, I think you mean to say 'perky'.”

“No, haven't you heard the word pecker before?” Pinkie bounced up to Rarity. “It means standing tall and ready to face the day.”

Rainbow burst into laughter and started to roll on the ground.

“Pecker pecker pecker, come on Rarity, say it with me; peckerpeckerpeckereckerpeckerpeckereckerpeckerpeckereckerpeckerpeckereckerpeckerpeck...”

“Ah think that's enough Pinkie.” The pink mare found an orange hoof in her mouth “Rarity, got us together fer a reason.”

“Yes, Indeed. I have called this meeting to discuss our friend Twilight and” Rarity cleared her throat “his recent transformation.”

“Then, why isn't Twilight here? Shouldn't he be a part of this discussion.”

“Dashie's right, talking behind a friend's back is super-duper mean.”

“Nonsense, dears, Twilight is a colt; we as mares cannot properly discus him if he is in the room. Isn't that right Fluttershy?”

The mare in question blushed and made a barely audible “eep” before trying to make herself as small as possible.

“Why is that, Rarity?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes.

“It's simply for their own protection, dear. It is our duty as mares to look out for our stallions.”

“This is Twilight we are talking about Rarity. He's was the element of magic, and is an alicorn, he can handle himself. And even if he couldn't, he has guards.”

“Twi, has guards?”

“You should know; you did chase one of them across Ponyville yelling 'Ah'm goin' ta buck yer head from yer shoulders'.”

“Ya mean tha' two-bit hussy, who was tryin' ta seduce ma brother? Ah still don't believe she's a guard; how would a pony like tha' get into something as fancy as tha' Royal Guard.”

“Yes, Rainbow, she acts more like a criminal than a guardpony. I just can't see Celestia allowing such a mare into her royal guard, and to let her guard Twilight sounds rather irresponsible for the princess.”

“Well Shadow was hired by Twilight's family and not the princess. She was a part of Twilight's family's guard before becoming his personal guard.”

“Only the most powerful and prestigious of noble houses have their own guards. And while Twilight is a good friend, but I have never heard of any 'House Twilight', so can't be too major.”

“House Twilight is actually rather major, but you should probably ask Twilight yourself. They are a very ... eccentric family and I don't think I could describe them very well.”

---

“HOW DARE YOU DENY ME ACCESS TO MY OWN MONEY, YOU FILTHY, INBRED, PATHETIC, WIMPERING, COWARDLY, VILE ...”

Shadow watched the flaming alicorn rail on the cowering bank manager, using his rather impressive vocabulary. The last time she saw Sparkle this angry was ten years ago when Flare torched her favourite book. Of course the fact that Flare was both a competent battle mage and completely fireproof meant she had been in significantly safer position than the brown Earth pony that was the current target of the incendiary rage. Not that she thought that the alicorn would hurt the mare...

“... INSOLENT FOOL. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? I AM TWILIGHT SPARKLE, FIRST OF THAT NAME, SCION OF TWILIGHT, PRINCE OF EQUESTRIA, ALICORN OF MAGIC, DUKE OF PONYVILLE AND THE YOUNGEST ARCH-MAGUS TO EVER SIT ON THE COUNCIL OF MAGIC. I AM THE FIRSTBORN SON OF LADY TWILIGHT VELVET THE MAD, GREAT, GREAT GRANDSON OF LADY TWILIGHT AURORA THE MAGNIFICENT, AND AM A DIRECT DECENDENT OF BOTH CLOVER THE CLEVER AND THE BLACK LADY, SANGUINE ROSE, AND YOU DARE, DARE CLAIM THAT I AM NOT CAPABLE ENOUGH TO HANDLE MY OWN MONEY ...”

... probably.

---

“Well, as I was saying. Twilight is now a stallion; this means that there will be a rather large number of mares who will be trying to seduce him.” Rarity had adopted a rather serious demeanour. “Particularly with heat season starting soon, it is our duty to make sure none of these attempts are successful.”

“Why can't we let him find his own mare?” Rainbow asked. “It is his choice.”

“Oh, Rainbow, Stallions simply don't know what's good for them. It's our job as mares to protect him from those who would take advantage of him.”

“I think he's well capable of taking care of himself.”

---

“... I AM THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL MAGE TO BE BORN IN OVER A THOUSAND YEARS, I COULD VAPORIZE YOU WITH A SINGLE FLASH OF MY HORN LEAVING NOT A SINGLE TRACE OF YOUR PATHETIC EXISTENCE ON THE FACE OF GAIA ...”

---

“Rainbow, don't be so stubborn. I just want to make sure Twilight ends with the right mare.”

Rainbow snorted. “And let me guess, you nominate yourself for that position.”

“Well naturally, every prince needs a princess.”

“Funny that I can only recall three princesses, none of which are in this room right now. And Cadence is married, every one of Celestia's romances ends in disaster – and several years of particularly bad sunburns for all of Equestria – and Luna, well Luna and Twilight might actually be good for each other, but it would probably spark an attempted coup.”

“Well at least I am a lady.”

“Technically, we are all 'ladies'. Everypony in this room is minor landless nobility without any house. Which basically means that we might as well be commoners to the rest of the nobility.”

“Ah ain't homeless, ah have a house.”

“Rainbow is referring to noble houses, which are what the nobility calls their families.” Rarity turned to Rainbow. “At least I act like a lady.”

“And Twilight outranks us all so much that if status was important to him he wouldn't even deign to even set eyes upon us.” Rainbow said with a jaded scowl.

Rarity narrowed her eyes, “And how do you know so much about the nobility Rainbow.”

“Unlike you, I didn't have the fortune of growing up in Ponyville where the nobility is nothing more than a naive filly's daydream. I grew up in Cloudsdale, the only city in the entire country that is more status conscious that Canterlot. So I am all too familiar with the nobility.” The disdain Rainbow put into the last word was almost tangible.

A long silence fell, three mares completely taken aback at the pure emotion of those words and Fluttershy sadly nodding.

“What happened Dashie? What did they do...”

“Pinkie, stop.” The voice of Fluttershy had force to it that was normally uncharacteristic of the timid pegasus “Rainbow had a hard childhood and you shouldn't be prying.”

“You don't need to do that for me Fluttershy, I should have told them a long time ago.” Rainbow sighed, “But, I'm not talking about that without Twilight here.”

---

“That was epic, you had that bitch whimpering on the ground in fear; she was so afraid that she even pissed herself.”

Shadow's comment earned he a hoof across her face courtesy of her twin. “Shadow, if you hadn't noticed, Sparkle has been suffering some rather serious mood swings which are causing him a significant amount of stress, and your asinine comments aren't helping in the slightest.”

“Umbra, where did you come from?”

“From 'Kitchens and Cartography', they have their best team on the job.”

“'Kitchens and Cartography'?” Shadow asked with a puzzled face.

“Don't ask me, stores selling two completely unrelated services seem to be common in this town, Must be some sort of local meme.”

“Oh, Ponyville, why are you so weird?”

Twilight ignored his cousins as he was deep in thought. He had been having rather severe mood swings, that was obvious, but his brief bursts of incredible rage seemed much too regular to be explained by that alone. Twilight had never been prone to anger, crippling anxiety yes, but never anger.

That isn't to say he was unfamiliar with anger problems. It was hardly uncommon for Twilights to have a temper, his cousin Twilight Flare was infamous in the house for her propensity for rage, although it had never been quite as unnerving as Flare's father's ire. He shivered remembering Uncle Frost's cold equicidal fury.

It wasn't surprising that his change in gender would cause some psychological changes, as it's physiological changes were numerous and immediately obvious. But this was the first sign of a permanent change to his psychology – other than a his change in sexuality, which could be attributed to the hereditary spells cast on the Twilight bloodline rather than the gender change itself – he couldn't help but find it disconcerting. It was the kind of thing that would undoubtedly send him into one of his trademarked neurotic downward spirals ...

... except it wasn't. In fact Twilight wasn't feeling any degree of panic at all. His eyes widened in surprise, he hadn't had a single neurotic episode since the spell.

“Sparkles, why are you smiling?”

“I'm free, Umbra, I'm finally free.”

Spike and Umbra shared a concerned look.

---

“Rainbow, dear, why are you so insistent on Twilight being here?”

“Maybe I don't like talking about my friends behind their back.”

Rarity sighed, “Rainbow, I understand. I do. But Twilight is a stallion now, things are different. Unscrupulous mares will do anything to get a foal in their womb.”

“And I will repeat that Twilight is well able to protect himself”

“Rainbow, stallions aren't like mares, they are docile and vulnerable to manipulation, easily pressured into doing whatever a mare asks of them. It hurts to do this, but it truly is for his own good.”

“Yeah, Rainbow, there's ben many times when Ah've found Big Mac cornered by some hussy forcing 'erself on him.”

Rainbow shuffled awkwardly remembering the sexual aggression of many mares in Cloudsdale, “So you're saying that because Twilight is now a stallion, he's become some kind of weak, simpering fool?”

“I wouldn't use those words...” Rarity trailed off.

“But yes, that's exactly what you mean?” Rainbow paused, “Because he's not. Twilight is strong, and powerful, and domi...” Rainbow trailed off while blushing.

Rarity's eyes narrowed in suspicion,

Rainbow, still blushing, looked away in fear and shame.

---

“Um, Twilight.” Spike's voice was noticeably nervous.

“Yes?”

“That thing you mentioned about the Black Lady.” Spike gulped loudly. “Was she really a vampony?”

Shadow burst into laughter “Vampony? That's ridiculous!”

“What my sister means to say, is that “vampony” isn't actually a word, but Sanguine Rose was a vampire.”

Spike looked to Twilight.

“The Black Lady was one of our most hated enemies, back in the Dark Age, when we were the Stalwart of Twilight rather than House Twilight. One of her many plots involved having a daughter with a mortal stallion, producing a Dhampir. Her daughter, Crimson Rose ended up joining the Stalwart and was the one who drove the stake through her mother's heart. All Twilights alive today descend directly from Crimson Rose.”

“She killed her own mother?”

“Her mother did intend to sacrifice her in a horrific blood magic ritual. Plus, she was a soulless abomination, so it hardly counts/”

“What?”

“It was the Dark Age, the Black Lady was far from the most evil of monsters that plagued the land.”

“The Dark Age? That's that time when Celestia wasn't around?”

“I have half a mind to assign a book report on the subject, but even knowing the Dark Age happened is well beyond average for modern ponies.”

“I haven't seen it mentioned in any books, I only know about it from you.”

Twilight sighed, “I'll have to ask Theory if she brought any books on it from the Twilight Library.”

“Or you could withdraw some yourself” Spoke a surprisingly muscular cyan unicorn with a violet mane as she approached the entourage.

“Captain.” Umbra snapped into a salute.

“'Allo capitan, whatcha doin 'ere.” Shadow slurred as she performed a sloppy approximation of a salute.

“Hello Aura, I wasn't expecting to see you here in Ponyville.” Twilight sighed, “Mother sent you to fetch me, right. Probably wants to test me after my transformation.”

“Hello, Umbra, hello Shadow,” Lady Twilight Aura, captain of the Twilight House guard turned to Twilight and sighed, “Sparkle, Lady Velvet called you back, but she didn't send me. I took it upon myself to come, I thought you would respond better to a friendly face.” She paused for a second, “And a warning probably wouldn't hurt either.”

“My dear mother send Frost to get me, didn't she.”

“Not inaccurate, but she sent both my dear parents to get you.” Aura sneered.

Twilight winced, “Frost and Blazing Passion, sometimes I wonder whether my mother is that delusional, or is just a bitch.”

“Many of us wonder that every day, I think the consensus is 'Why not both?', but she's the head of house, so what can you do?”

“Yeah, what can you do?”

---

“Rainbow? Do you have something to share?” Rarity asked surprisingly calmly.

Applejack looked between the two mares before her eyes narrowed at Rainbow, “Rainbow, did you buck Twilight?! Ah never took you for a harlot!” Applejack said significantly less calmly.

“Applejack! Be nice. I'm certain Rainbow has a very good reason for her indiscretions.”

Rainbow wilted under the attention of the two mares unable to meet their eyes.

Fluttershy placed a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. “I don't think you two are being very kind.”

“'Kind', Fluttershy? What kind of mare just sleeps with a stallion lahk that?”

“Like what?” Fluttershy asked softly, “You didn't even let her speak before condemning her.”

“Yes, dear, you are being rather belligerent. This type of conversation requires a subtle touch,”

Fluttershy turned to Rarity, “And your facade of understanding isn't convincing, Rarity.”

“Fluttershy, this is important. It's our duty as mares to protect Twilight from mares who would take advantage of him. Just a little pressure from a mare and stallion will do almost anything she asks, make him take a couple pills and he'll gladly rut her.”

“So that's what you think happened between me and Twilight?!” Rainbow asked angrily, “That I saw Twilight and just bullied him until he agreed to sleep with me?! This is Twilight we're talking about, he isn't going to let himself be bullied into doing something he doesn't want to do. Just because he has a cock and balls now, it doesn't mean that he's suddenly some kind of weak-minded fool. And I would never drug one of my friends.”

“Why of course not dear, I would never accuse you of such a thing. But stallions just don't perform without assistance.”

Rainbow sighed, Cloudchaser had probably told the entirety of Ponyville of Twilight's verility already, “Well, Twilight can. He didn't even need much encouragement.” Rainbow blushed and stared into Rarity's eyes, “In fact, he bent me over and had his way with me for hours.”

...

“Oh, my!” The silence was broken by a stiff winged, wide eyed Fluttershy.

---

Twilight Sparkle entered his throne room to find Lord Twilight Frost, House Twilight's own sociopath, Lady Velvet's attack dog and probably the only reason the mare was still alive. It still baffled Twilight why the stallion was trusted with any task that didn't involve somepony dead, even something as simple as recalling a house member.

And hanging off of him was the only mare desperate enough to marry him, Dame Blazing Passion turned out to be the worst kind of ladder-climber. Luckily the orange leach-in-equine-form isn't nearly as clever, nor as subtle as she fancied herself. Which meant that she was the exact kind pony that should not be trusted with anything, ever.

“Why if it isn't House Twilight's own Dark Triad power couple.” Twilight sneered, “I don't recall inviting you to my castle ...” Twilight paused, “... ever.”

Here's chapter 14, finally done. Sorry for taking so long, but I'm not the fastest writer.

Rainbow flew back to Twilight's castle after the sudden and awkward ending to the meeting. As she neared the castle, she noticed the many workponies clustered around what would be called the servant’s entrance in a castle that actually had servants, Wait, are those ponies putting on hazmat suits?!

Rainbow shook her head, probably another of Twilight’s experiments gone wrong, as she flew around the castle and landed at the front door of the castle.

When she entered the castle she immediately noticed that the door to the throne room was closed, the muffled tones of a heated argument making it through the thick door.

Rainbow approached the door curious, What could be making Twilight so angry? She lifted her hoof close to the doorknob intent on defending her stalli...

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

Rainbow startled, “What?!” She turned around to see a familiar grey pegasus. “Storm?”

“The one and only,”

Rainbow snorted at the sarcastic quip. “What's going on? Who's Twilight arguing with?”

“My dear uncle, Lord Twilight Frost. Who I hope you never have the misfortune to meet.”

Rainbow was taken aback with the venom the mare spoke with, “Is he really that bad?”

“Yes, hmmm, how do I explain it? ... Okay, think of the most unpleasant pony you have ever met,” Storm paused, “And multiply them with cancer.”

“What?”

“He once caught me sneaking into the Twilight Manor kitchens, captured me in a prison of ice and spent the next four hours lecturing me on the many, many ways he could kill me with a tablespoon in graphic detail.”

“I'm sorry, did I hear you right?”

“Yup, it was so bucking boring. Especially when he speaks in this obnoxious slow monotone, as if he decided to just not do emotions. 'Oh listen to me, I'm this big bad-ass emotionless killing machine, I'm SO INTERESTING', blegh. At least he could have made it more threatening, I mean, normally I find dismemberment to be so exciting but he's just such an utter, complete, bore.”

“Okay...” Rainbow decided to change the subject, “Do you know how long they're going to be in there.”

Storm shrugged, “Could be another couple minutes, could be seventeen days, you never know. But I'd bet on the longer, rather than the shorter with that old windbag. So make yourself comfortable, it could take a while.”

Rainbow gave the mare a concerned look. “I'm sorry to pry, but are you okay.”

Storm gave a harsh laugh, “I'm a Twilight, when have we ever been 'okay'.”

“I'm sorry, I don't understand.”

Storm sighed, “Way back when, when we fought the endless horrors that sought to prey on ponykind; we were loosing. So we turned to magics better left forgotten, we sharpened the wings of Skyhaven until they flew faster than the wind, we sharpened the fires of Starfall until metal simply bent to their will, we sharpened the hooves of Brokenstone until the earth shattered beneath them. Then finally we sharpened our minds and we cracked. And thus madness entered into our line. Sparkle is a neurotic mess, Frost cannot feel compassion nor empathy, Lady Velvet has a tenuous grasp on reality, Flare has burned ponies alive while laughing and I...” Storm trailed off, “I watched those burning ponies in envy for the exquisite torture they must be feeling.”

---

“Lord Sparkle, I come to you at the behest of High Lady Twilight Velvet, your House is recalling you, by force if it is necessary.”

If it were any other pony, addressing him as lord, rather than prince, would be an insult. But it explained quite a bit about Twilight Frost that he viewed being a lord of House Twilight to be more important than being a prince of Equestria. It explained most of the rest that he wouldn't bat an eye if the rest of the nation suddenly dropped dead. The stallion cared for nothing but what was 'good' for the house, or at least his pretty twisted view of what was 'good' for the house.

“Yes, Lord Sparkle, your mommy wants you home” the Blazing Passion ignored – or perhaps didn't notice – the outright hateful glare her husband gave her at her disrespectful reference to Twilight Velvet, “You wouldn't want to disappoint her.”

Twilight sighed, “Lord Frost, peasant...”

“How dare you?!” the belligerent mare screamed and charged the large alicorn stallion.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you, bitch.” Spoke the now visible Umbra, her 'lit' horn poised right at the – now immobilized – mare's jugular, “Please do continue struggling though, it'd be great if you managed to off yourself.”

“... you have made your message clear, now please, get the buck out of my castle.”

Frost sneered, “I would love to. But Lady Velvet was very insistent that we make certain you actually come.”

“Yes, you've ignored so many of your mother's summons, why she might just disown you.” Blazing Passion spoke, seemingly uncaring about the mortal threat she was under. “Then there would only be one obstacle to me and my dear Frost ruling the house.”

The air suddenly thickened with tension and incredulity, as Twilight stared at his aunt, barely believing what she had said.

“By Celestia, just how bucking stupid are you?” Shadow stared, open mouthed, at the orange mare.

Umbra barely managed to throw herself out of the way of an enraged flaming alicorn as he grabbed the suicidal mare by the throat.

There was a great smash as Twilight choke-slammed the unicorn into the throne-room's wall with such force that cracks spider-webbed across the crystalline walls.

Umbra felt something drip down her horn, she touched the tip with a fore-hoof and smirked when she saw red.

---

Rainbow wandered aimlessly through the empty halls of the crystal castle. So much had happened in so little time. When Twilight first came to Ponyville it was obvious that she wasn't just an average Canterlot unicorn. The mare was the personal student of Princess Celestia, she had a dragon as her personal assistant, and – although Rainbow hadn't recognized the meaning of the sensation at the time – the very air around her tingled with Power.

Looking back Twilight had always been incredibly secretive about her family, the only one in their group that was anywhere as secretive about her family was Fluttershy, and Fluttershy had been disowned by her family. Rainbow scoffed, Because tending ground animals wasn't an acceptable activity for a pegasus noble to engage in.

In fact the first time any of them had even heard of Twilight's family was when they were invited to the wedding of Shining Armour and Princess Cadence. And that's when it became obvious that there was a lot more to Twilight Sparkle and her family, or at least it should have. Why was I so distant and oblivious there, sure, I had far from mastered the Sonic Rainboom but it was embarrassing just how little attention I paid to the events going on. I mean, the entire city was under threat from a mysterious enemy, I should have been paying attention.

Twilight's babysitter was an alicorn princess, her brother the captain of the Solar Guard. The two of them were marrying, and Shining bloody Armour apparently was capable of single-handedly shielding the entirety of Canterlot. Even for an arcane abjuration aligned unicorn, that was a ludicrously powerful spell. But somehow I didn't even find it strange, I mean anypony with even a sliver of arcane theory should know what an obscene display of Power that was.

And Twilight didn't even introduce us to her parents at her brother's wedding. If they even attended. It really wasn't hard to realize that there was some bad blood between Twilight and her parents. Rainbow was certainly not foreign to hostility that could breed between a mare and her mother, but the way that Twilight's relatives seemed to speak of Lady Twilight Velvet was so far beyond even her experience. The way they speak of her, you'd think that she was some ancient evil, like Nightmare Moon or Discord.

Then there's Twilight House, never in Rainbow's many years had she ever heard of such a strange house. The Twilights seemed to take a sense of pride in doing everything so different to everypony else, it was a house that invaded the Badlands, ate the flesh of animals and engaged in plural marriages. They had more battlemages than the Queendom of Unicornia had at its height of power, despite only having a tiny fraction of the population, and they had come into existence fighting monsters that preyed on ponies. I know I should be horrified, but I am only fascinated, and it's obvious that there is clearly so much more to learn about them, 'secrets all the way down' indeed. Anyways if any stallion deserves a harem it's Prince Twilight Sparkle. Images of a certain yellow mare being mounted by the powerful stallion flashed across her mind.

Rainbow blushed, Oh, by the Styx, I'm such a bucking pervert. Mares aren't supposed to fantasize about their stallion with other mares. Yes, with the skewed population, true monogamy is untenable, but at least we can try.

Rainbow paused, Why would we try? Monogamy was an institution of another time, from before the nobility bucked everything up because colts were unfashionable or something. Actually, it was never exactly clear why they were doing it, I get wanting to have an heir to carry your name, but why change second and third foals into fillies? Rainbow shook her head, It really isn't important, those responsible are long dead, their bones since turned to dust. And monogamy, a once venerable institution has been reduced to a mockery by mares selling their husbands, sons and brothers to desperate mares with no hope of marriage. And then there's mares like my dear mother, who spat on their immense fortune in pursuit of senseless hedonism, and then abandoned her family when her husband started to loose his virility to age.

Rainbow laughed, Here I am, apologizing for polygyny within a day of sleeping with one of my closest friends, I really have it bad. And to think that I though myself asexual for most my life; my standards must be outright ludicrous. Rainbow shook her head, Maybe I have a thing for alicorn stallions.

Well the Twilights are polygynous, so it's probably for the best. How hard must the Dark Age have been that it cause ponies to abandon so many long held traditions, to break so many long held taboos. Rainbow did not know a single other time in history since the paleolithic era that ponies on mass had to rely on the consumption of animal flesh for survival, and such a taboo is only broken under necessity. Twilight had said quite a bit last night, and Storm had said some more, but Rainbow felt that they were only starting to scratch the surface on House Twilight's past. Especially considering the deep sense of rage that hid under the pride the two Twilights spoke of their history with.

Storm had seemed especially angry when she mentioned – the presumably Orders Stalwart of – Skyhaven, Starfall and Brokenstone. And while the latter two meant nothing to Rainbow, she knew that there was a minor pegasus house sworn to House Hurricane named Skyhaven. It could always be a coincidence, but Rainbow had a feeling that it wasn't.

“A bit for your thoughts?”

Rainbow startled and jumped into the air, “Oh you startled me,” Rainbow paused, “Arcane Theory?”

“That's my name, it is.” Theory smirked, “You paced past my laboratory five times in the last fifteen minutes.”

“Sorry, I'm just thinking.”

“Sounds like you need somepony to talk to, would you like a cup of tea?”

“Uh, sure” Rainbow landed and followed the mare into the lab.

---

Twilight seethed wordlessly as he held the mare pinned against the throne-room wall.

“Pah,” Blazing Passion croaked, “Brutish stallions, always resorting to violence.”

Twilight was taken aback, “ARE YOU BUCKING SERIOUS?!” His voice boomed deafeningly, “YOU BARGE IN TO MY CASTLE, INSULT ME, TRY TO ATTACK ME, THREATEN MY LITTLE SISTER, CALL HER AN 'OBSTACLE' TO YOUR DELUSIONAL DREAMS OF POWER AND NOW YOU PLAY THE VICTIM?! I HAVE A NEWS FLASH FOR YOU, FROST WILL NEVER BE THE HEAD OF HOUSE TWILIGHT, EVEN IF BOTH ME AND CIV WERE REMOVED FROM THE LINE OF SUCCESSION, NONE OF THE CORE MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE, NOR ANY OF THE BRANCH FAMILIES WOULD EVER SUPPORT TWILIGHT FROST AS THE HIGH LORD.” Twilight paused, “AND EVEN IN THE INFINITESIMAL CASE THAT HE DOES, YOU WOULDN'T BE ALLOWED ANYWHERE NEAR THE REIGNS OF POWER.”

Blazing Passion struggled, “Unhand me you brute, this is no way to treat a lady.”

Twilight chuckled darkly, “A LADY? YOU ARE A BLOODY COMMON-BORN KNIGHT, AND A PARTICULARILY UNWORTHY ONE AT THAT. NOW, I HAVE HAD AN INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL LAST COUPLE DAYS, AND YOU ARE REALLY TRYING MY ALREADY SHORT PATIENCE.” Twilight lifted the mare so he was staring her in the eyes, “I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT IT CLEARLY FAR EXCEEDS YOUR STATUS, POWER AND COMPETENCE. AND FRANKLY, THAT INCOMPETENCE IS THE ONLY REASON WE'VE DEIGNED TO LET YOU LIVE. I CAN'T IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF DAMAGE YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO THE HOUSE IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE AN IQ SOMEWHERE AROUND ROOM TEMPERATURE, IN CENTIGRADE. BUT HONESTLY I AM REALLY STARTING TO QUESTION THE LOGIC IN YOUR CONTINUED SURVIVAL, AFTER ALL YOU HAVE ALREADY SERVED YOUR PURPOSE AND GAVE BIRTH TO THREE GOOD MARES. I COULD JUST KILL YOU HERE, END A THREAT TO MY FAMILY, TO MY FAVORITE LITTLE SISTER ...” Twilight screaming cut off into inarticulate snarls of rage.

“Hey, Sparkles, if you off the bitch, I know how to dissolve a body in hydrofluoric acid, that stuff even eats through solid alicorn.” Shadow 'helpfully' chimed in.

Twilight was incredibly tempted to kill the mare, it would be so easy. As an alicorn he was so much stronger than the ponies around him, they were so easy to break. It would end a threat to his family and it would be so bucking cathartic. Twilight sighed, “NO. AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO END YOU, YOU AREN'T WORTH IT. BUT IF YOU EVER LEARN ANYTHING, LEARN THIS: I SWEAR UPON THE RIVER STYX THAT IF YOU EVEN HURT A SINGLE HAIR IN THE MANE OF TWILIGHT TWINKLE THE 104TH, I WILL VISIT TORMENT UPON YOU THAT IS BEYOND YOUR SIMPLE MORTAL COMPREHENSION, SUCH THAT YOU WILL BE BEGGING FOR DEATH FOR ALL OF ETERNITY.”

The ponies in the room were struck silent as they felt the weight of the oath fall upon the room.

“Well buck, that escalated fast.” A shocked Twilight Aura spoke from the entrance, “Mother, why can't I take you anywhere?”

...

“Well, now that we've got that childishness out of the way, your House recalls you Lord Twilight Sparkle.” Frost spoke, seemingly unaware of the glare he received from the still flaming alicorn.

Twilight Aura slammed a hoof into her forehead, “Father, seriously?”

---

“So this must all be quite a shock. I know it was to me.”

“Yeah, it is. It's just so sudden. Twilight never even hinted at any of this before, and we've been friends for years.”

“Mmhm, the Twilights are incredibly secretive and paranoid, and that's before you even consider Sparkle's inner conflict and difficulties with the current head of the house.”

“'High Lady Twilight Velvet' right? Twilight's mother. I've heard a lot of things about her.”

Theory sighed, “I'm certain you've heard things about the sanity of the Twilights, or their lack thereof. The fact is that madness is endemic to the line. Those Twilights who manage to fully overcome their madness are always destined for greatness, and those who succumb to it ...”

“So Twilight Velvet has 'succumbed' to her madness.”

Theory gave a dark laugh, “'Succumbed' implies that she ever tried to fight it. No, Twilight Velvet revels in her madness. I swear that she makes decision based, not on what seems like a good idea to an ailed mind, but on what she thinks a crazy pony would do. It is a really good thing that the Head of House Twilight does not have the same absolute authority that she would in another house, but that kind of irrational lunacy from the Head of House does not have a good effect on the House's morale.”

“That seems horrible.”

“And Sparkle had it worse than any of us. Lady Velvet decided to practically 'raise' her herself, and prior to being accepted as Princess Celestia's student, Sparkle acted almost like Lady Velvet in miniature. In fact, I believe the reason why the council almost unanimously voted to let Sparkle become Princess Celestia's apprentice was specifically to get her out of the hands of Lady Velvet. Only Lady Velvet herself and Lord Frost voted against that resolution.”

Rainbow was silent for a second, “So Twilight is afraid of what he could have been, what he was?”

“Aye, 'but for the grace of Celestia, there go I', literally in this case. I believe that he's incredibly ashamed of what he could have become; I think House Twilight in general, and Lady Velvet in particular reminds him of that shame, so he tries to avoid thinking, or talking, about either.”

Rainbow sighed, “So, how can I help him?”

“Honestly, this is something he needs to get over by himself. The only thing you can do is give him support, although that support doesn't need to be romantic ...”

Rainbow snarled, interrupting Theory “I'm not giving up on him, you slut!”

Theory burst out into laughter, “My, that struck a nerve.”

Rainbow's eyes widened before looking away bashfully, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.”

“You have it bad, girl. It must be really hard to come to terms with the polygamy, you jealous little filly.”

“I don't care if he has to marry a hundred mares, I'm not giving up on him!”

“You have it really bad. I wouldn't expect you to have such conviction so quickly. I mean, you first slept with him last night.”

“Well it's not like I have any other choice.” Rainbow stated firmly.

“Okayyyyy ...” Theory drawled, “... I don't actually know what you mean by that, and I'm not sure I want to...” Theory trailed off to a whisper. Why do I always involve myself in these stupid pony problems?

“What was that?”

“Nothing, uh, never mind.”

“Okay ...” Rainbow paused, “So you mentioned that Twilight Frost stallion, Storm had interesting things to say about him.”

Theory grimaced, “Frost is, quite honestly the most unpleasant pony to be born into House Twilight in a very long time. Where Lady Velvet is an example of a pony falling to the hereditary madness, Frost is an example of a pony being consumed by the House's grudges, paranoia and insular nature. I highly recommend you stay as far as possible from him, you never know when he will decide that you are a threat to the House or offending it's traditions. You should also stay away from his bitch of a wife, even if she's less dangerous in a fight, she's a lot more erratic. Although if she does start something, feel free to beat her into submission. Hay, feel free even if she doesn't, nopony in the house would fault you.”

“Uh, okay, don't mess with Frost, got it. Anything else I should know”

“Other than Lady Velvet, Frost and the bitch; most of the inhabitants of of Twilight manor are reasonably stable, but don't try to put out Flare's mane – it's perpetually on fire – or mess with any of Spark's electronics. Also, don't harm any books, the Twilights were the librarians of the Orders Stalwart and can get weird about books.”

“So the book thing is a family thing?”

“Yeah, I personally prefer magic artifacts, but to each their own. Also try to be careful when talking about the Dark Age, the Orders Stalwart or either the unicorn or pegasus nobility, they're touchy subjects. Oh, and if and/or when you visit Twilight Manor, don't go wandering around without a guide. The building is over a thousand years old, was built largely by madponies, contains hundreds of kilometres of tunnels and probably doesn't obey Euclidean geometry. You will get lost, and you might stumble onto something dangerous. I know I have had to destroy more than a couple cursed objects in my time at the manor. ”

“About the Dark Age, I can't help but find it strange that nopony seems to even know about it, it certainly wasn't mentioned in school.”

“If you ask a Twilight they will probably say that the nobility is deliberately suppressing knowledge of the period to 'cover up their cowardice' or something.”

“But you don't?”

“Well a dark age is just a period where historians don't have any writings from, and the old Equestrian nobility wasn't actually around during the worst parts, so by my reckoning I think it's likely that they just don't know anything about what happened. In fact the only ponies organized enough to make records during the period were the Orders Stalwart and all of those records ended up in the library of Twilight Manor so the Twilights have a pretty skewed idea of how available the information on the period is. It doesn't help that the Twilights are so secretive about their history. Although I can't really blame them for their mistrust of the nobility, what happened to the Stalwart of Starfall was unforgivable.”

“What happened to the Stalwart of Starfall.”

“They were murdered by House Sunfire, after receiving guest right. Only one mare and two foals escaped alive.”

“What? Why would Sunfire do that? I know they aren't the most honourable of houses, but they would never outright murder an entire family.”

Theory narrowed her eyes at Rainbow, “Presumably because they wanted Castle Starfall as their seat of power. Although I can't help but wonder how you even know their name, considering that House Sunfire was eliminated to the mare when Castle Starfall self-destructed.”

“The castle self-destructed?”

“Standard contingency spells designed so that none of the Orders' enemies could profit from their fortresses. They started using them after a vampire force conquered the Stalwart of Murkymarsh, it took nearly three generations to successfully dislodge them from Castle Murkymarsh.”

“Huh”

“So you want to see some ancient magic artifacts of unfathomable power?”

---

Twilight Sparkle – still aflame and holding the orange mare – stared at her psychopathic uncle. Only bloody Twilight Frost would consider contemplating the murder of his wife as 'childishness'. “YOU AREN'T GOING TO LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I GO WITH YOU?”

“Lady Velvet demands your presence, I will make sure that she is not disappointed.”

Twilight sighed, returned to his normal extinguished self, and removed his hoof from his aunt's barrel, letting her fall to the ground. “I should have done this a long time ago.”

“Yes, you should have.” Frost said smugly.

Twilight's horn lit up suddenly and a magenta aura appeared around both of his unwelcome guests.

“What is the meaning of this?” Frost snarled as he and his wife levitated into the centre of the throne-room, his horn sparking as he tried to break the bindings on his magic.

“What I should have done long ago.” Twilight repeated, his magic flared brightly for a second and a small pouch appeared in front of him.

“You were always a disrespectful little filly.”

“Blah, blah, blah, I don't care.” Twilight reached a hoof into the pouch and pulled out two small crystals of unattuned magiquartz.

“You will regret this foal.”

Twilight tapped Frost's horn with one of the crystals “Boop ...” and then tapped Blazing Passion's horn with the other, “... and boop”

Frost snarled in rage, as his horn's sparking got more frantic.

Twilight put the two crystals – one glowing orange, the other cerulean – bag in the pouch. “If you get to the manor first, tell my mother to expect me sometime tomorrow. And don't bother coming back to my castle, you are officially unwelcome” Twilight's horn flashed blindingly bright and the two unicorns disappeared in a chaotic flash of magic.

Twilight immediately sprinted towards the door of the throneroom, “Come on, I made the teleport as unpleasant as I could, but it won't keep Frost down for long. We need to get Frost added to the telepad's blacklist and then attune the wards to keep the both of them out.”

“Isn't he going to be pissed?” Umbra asked.

“Frost may be an awful pony, but he doesn't hold personal grudges against other Twilights.” Twilight slammed open the throne-room door, “He'll forget the slight so long as I make it to Twilight Manor tomorrow ...” Twilight trailed as he noticed the four mares standing outside the throne-room.

“Why, Twilight dear, you are going to 'Twilight Manor' tomorrow? Why that's just perfect, this sounds like just a perfect time to introduce us to your family?” Rarity said in a sing song voice.

“Oh, buck.”

Here's the next chapter, where Twilight contemplates murder and Rainbow contemplates Twilight. Things are starting to move a bit faster now (both my writing and she narrative pace)

The next chapter is another interlude where we will see what Pravitas has been up to, but chapter 17 will be a pretty big chapter (where we learn a lot more about what has been going on with Rainbow) and chapter 18 will finally involve Twilight and friends going to Twilight Manor.

Pravitas smirked as he strolled through the back alleys of the large earth pony settlement that some idiot had named 'Manehatten' of all things. It seemed that he had missed quite a lot in his self-imposed exile, the streets were lit by strange 'electric' lights that made the night as bright as the day, the buildings were built far higher than would be possible under the methods of construction he was familiar with and the number of ponies wandering the streets spoke of a population density far, far beyond what was possible in his time.

Of course none of this was unexpected. Earth ponies had always tried to find non-magical solutions to their problems, it helped them pretend that they were less dependant on their betters than they actually were. Of course they would come up with some new non-magical method of lighting their city, the earth pony settlements of his time were lit with oil lanterns, despite magelights being far cheaper, more reliable and less likely to poison the air with smoke.

And ponies seemed to have this perverse desire to be near as many of their own kind as was physically possible. Pravitas shuddered, at least these ponies had had the foresight to build a proper sewer system, the city stank enough without the faeces of a million ponies thrown into the streets.

So much had changed, but ponies, ponies never changed. It had been trivial to find his way to what ponies called the 'bad' part of town – the only honest part of town, free from the hypocritical facade of compassion, of 'goodness' ponies presented to the world – he only needed to ask the locals where he should avoid.

After all, wherever there was ponies, there was suffering. That suffering inevitably covered up and hidden where it could fester without disturbing any 'good' ponies' sensibilities.

The 'electric' lights that had dotted most of the city seemed mostly absent here, leaving the street in a choking darkness, not that that hindered Pravitas in the slightest. The stone that composed the roads in most of the city had been replaced by simple dirt, while the buildings had steadily become increasingly rundown. More and more glass windows shattered or covered with iron bars or wooden boards – he supposed that the glassblowers of this era must be incredibly wealthy indeed – while the naked 'concrete' – as he had heard the strange not-stone was called – buildings showed the fruit of neglect.

He paused, placing his hoof on a deep crack in one of the buildings as he followed it with his eyes to the third story. He idly wondered how long it would be before the entire side of the building would come crashing down? How many ponies would die when it inevitably did?

He smiled an shook his head and continued deeper.

He took a deep breath, underneath the taint of ponies there was the distinct scent of despair, of hopelessness. Pathetic, he would take his own life before he would let himself be reduced to such a state. He took another breath and he detected something new, the scent of rotting flesh and faeces, the scent of death.

He continued forward and found the source of the scent. Surprisingly, it was not a corpse but a living pony, albeit barely.

The mare-who-stank-of-death's eyes were open but uncomprehending, as her body shook. Futilely trying to fight off the rot that was consuming her body from the inside out. Pravitas was certain she would not live much longer without the medical assistance that nopony had cared enough to give to her. Hypocrites.

He placed a hoof on her. She had a very strong fever, he was hardly a healer, but he doubted even this era's medicine could prevent her from being addle-minded, if it could save her life at all.

He petted the mare's mane, “Worry not, Hopeless Worm. Thy suffering is at an end, Death hast come for thee.” He placed one forehoof on her muzzle and another on the back of her head. With a quick violent twist resulting in a satisfying crack, the deed was done.

As he continued, he passed many more of the Hopeless, albeit none as far-gone as the mare. Some, emaciated from hunger, others seemingly deep under the influence of unfamiliar intoxicants, yet others seemingly healthy but completely succumbed to the wages of despair. For all of the supposed 'compassion' of ponies, they pretend the Hopeless don't exist. They let them suffer and die, while they laugh and sing.

“Oi, pretty boy pegasus, don' ya know this's the turf o' the Street Rats?”

Pravitas turned to find five mares – three earth ponies, a pegasus and a unicorn – standing in vague formation behind him.

“Woof, ya ain't act'ally pretty at all, are ya. Now drop ya coin, an' I won' stab ya.” The unicorn levitated a rusted kitchen knife to his face.

“Good one, boss.” The earth pony standing in front and to the left of the unicorn stated.

“Yeah, good one.” Said the second earth pony standing to the front right.

“Street Rats? An interesting thing to call yourselves.”

“Oi, wha' ya say? I only heard 'I'm a bitch an' wanna be stabbed'” The knife bounced up and down right in front of the stallion. “Now drop ya coin, I won' tell ya again.”

“How do you know I even have any 'coin' to give you.”

“'Cause I ain't seen ya before, so ya not from 'ere. So ya rich. An' ya talk like a rich pony, too.”

“Impeccable logic my dear mare, however there's just one problem.”

“An' tha' is?

“Well it is the rather simple problem of you being d̶̢͔̱̠͈̠̘͕͛̋̐́̄͊̅̐̎̏͝͠͝ͅe̵̝̔ͅą̶̺̣̱̥̩̗͎͉͐́ḑ̷̢̛͎͔͈̱̻̯̺͚̲̭̰̩̟͚̩̅̊̑̀͋̀̔͌̐̔̾̃̕̚ͅ.[”

The knife dropped with a clatter as the unicorn mare suddenly fell lifeless to the ground.

The four other mares' eyes widened in fear and horror, “I'm sorry sir, we didn' mean teh unconvince ya.” The pegasus said, “We jus' so hungry, a mare needs teh eat.”

“Oh, you're ḥ̷̡̢̛͇͙̗̰̰̣̹̜̏̈́̐̓̇́̾͆̔͑͋̓͛͜͠͝͝u̶͔̺͉͙̺̫͚̱̽̈́͂͐͠͠ͅn̷̰̉̀͋̈́̈́̾͐̊͑͠ͅg̷̡̛̳̱͈̯̈́͂͗͒̒̈́͝͝͝ŕ̶̡̩̻̘̫͈̿̃̑͌̑͠͝y̵̺̖̼̲̭̫̤͈̪͋̔̓̇̄͊͑̽̒͊͆̚̚͘͝͝ are you? Why didn't you just say so, that's easy to fix. Why don't you just ę̷̝͖̙̌͌̅̾ä̷̧̳͍̫̺̙̻̰͉͚̣̹̻́͛̒̄̿̒͝ͅt̷̡̨̛̛̺͙̳̰͈͙̻͙̬̰͑́̽̊̅͂͊͒͐͒̈́͂̕͜ͅ?” Pravitas gestured harshly to the corpse of the unicorn.

Pravitas smiled as the three mares tore into and consumed their former leader. It is rather interesting just how capable of consuming and digesting flesh the supposedly herbivorous ponies are.

Pravitas turned to glance at the fifth and final mare, the earth pony who had not spoken a word in the entire exchange was frozen in horror.

The mare noticed his gaze and broke her paralysis, galloping away as fast as she physically could.

Some ponies are just too weak to accept his blessings. It was a shame, but Que Sera Sera.

After all, the weak just exist to feed the strong, perhaps more literally than usual in this particular occasion, Pravitas chuckled to himself at his own little joke.

---

A strange unicorn mare – wearing a massive pink fedora and holding a walkie-talkie in each forehoof – sat at a table just outside The Hayburger^® cafe in central Ponyville. Completely unnoticed by the customers of the establishment.

“I have eyes on the target, I say again, I have eyes on the target. Over.” she spoke into the radio in her left hoof

“Do you have a positive identification? Over.” She replied to her right.

“Orange fur, green mane, carrot cutie mark, it is clearly Carrotus Topicus. Over.”

“What is the target doing? Over.”

“The target appears to be shopping for groceries. Over.”

“Well keep an eye out the target ...”

Burn Notice was cut off by a mare deciding to sit in her lap, not even noticing the seat was occupied.

Burn Notice threw the mare off of her.

The mare hit the ground and looked around, confused what had happened.

Burn Notice quickly cast a compulsion on the mare to seek seating elsewhere, missing Carrot Top's quick glance at the fallen mare in her distraction.

Burn Notice sighed, “Ugh, you're supposed to be some kind of super-assassin, why are you so boring?”

Nopony responded, because nopony heard her.

If she didn't know what to look for, Burn Notice would have thought that Carrot Top was nothing more than just another earth pony farmer in a town full of way too many earth pony farmers. But she did know better, and she noticed all the small little things. How the mare would quickly size up every pony she saw, seemingly like she was secretly planning on how best to kill them (which, almost certainly, was exactly what she was doing), or how she would always glance around any space she entered planning for any fight that may break out in the next five minutes.

Then there were the more concerning signs, like the brief moment of focus the earth pony demonstrated every time she touched produce (earth pony magic was a staggeringly poorly understood field, but Burn Notice would bet ten thousand bits that whatever the mare was doing would tell her of the presence of any poisons) or the seven letters the mare mailed today (and likely mailed every day) despite having not a single friend or confident, either within the sisterhood or outside it.

Burn Notice sighed, she would need to find out where those letters were going before moving on the mare. The last thing she needed was a clean 'accidental' death followed by a dump of sensitive documents by a postal dead-mare's switch.

“Know this Carrot Top, your days are numbered, I have never failed a job and you won't be the first. I look forward to your death ...” Burn Notice got up and tipped her oversized hat in the direction of the departing mare, “... Mi'lady."

“I'm surprised how many enchanted objects you have from old Equestria – and how well preserved they are – most of these items should have failed long ago. The enchanters of the time weren't exactly known for robust enchantments, I think they called it 'planned obsolescence' or something.” Rainbow Dash put the Buzzy Bubbles' Horn Massager VII back on it's shelf.

“Planned obsolescence? That certainly explains quite a lot. The notes from the previous caretakers showed an incredible amount of effort going into the preservation of the artifacts.” Theory paused for a second, “It really is fascinating just how many tasks the old Equestrians accomplished solely with magic. I guess they didn't have access to electricity or the steam engine, so all their 'modern' conveniences had to come from magic instead.” Theory rubbed her hoof across an enchanted square of slate that performed the functions of a scale.

“The old Equestrians were used to magical devices, they would find electric appliances just as strange.”

“I know, but as a classically trained unicorn mage, I can't help but find it all slightly sacrilegious.”

Rainbow chuckled, “That opinion was far from unknown back then, in fact the Council of Archmagi's official position on the subject was that such objects were an insult to magic. Although it was doubtful they actually avoided using them in private.”

“You know, and don't take this the wrong way, but you are surprisingly well read on ancient history, I never took you for an academic.”

Rainbow made a puzzled expression, “I don't know what you are talking about, I barely passed history class in flight school. I just found it really boring.”

Theory was silent as she stared at the pegasus mare, She's bucking with me, isn't she? Ugh, why are ponies so confusing.

“Now not to be rude, but as impressive as it is that you have managed to preserve such objects, I was kind of hoping for things more exciting than shoddy mass-produced household objects.”

“Oh, you want impressive? How about the most mysterious object in House Twilight's possession, so mysterious that we have no idea when it was even created?” Theory started as she trotted deeper into the workshop.

“Uh, sure. That sounds interesting.” Rainbow followed the unicorn researcher.

“It was acquired by House Twilight by trading with an ancient dragon, and Lady Twilight Aurora the Great herself was convinced that it was the key to immortality.”

“Wow, sounds impressive.”

Theory stopped and gestured to sword-rack holding an oversized sword in it's sheath.

“Cool.” Why does that sword seem so familiar?

“This sword is technically a bastard sword despite easily being large enough to be a greatsword. Our best theory is that it was the sword of a dragon, but it could have been made for a large minotaur or griffon or even ...”

“She's the sword of an alicorn.”

“Uh, okaaayyy.” How could you possibly know that? Theory sighed, “The reason why we have so little knowledge of the sword is due to it's only known magical properties, it is completely immune to magic of any kind and is seemingly completely indestructible. Every analysis spell fails, it's invisible to scrying spells, it cannot be hidden with an illusion, it can cut through the strongest shield without any resistance, it can survive 72 hours of uninterrupted Hellfire without even becoming warm, and a pony can't even pick the bloody thing because it even blocks the magic that pony hooves use to manipulate thingssss ...” Theory trailed off as she stared at the small pegasus mare standing in a bipedal stance holding the large sword – which had abandoned it's former drab grey for a frantically coruscating rainbow of colours – in both forehooves.

“Wait, what was that about Hellfire?!” Rainbow said absentmindedly as she examined the sword.

“What. The. Actual. Buck?”

Rainbow sheathed the large sword and then placed the sheath on her back where it magically adhered. “I need some proper straps, don't really trust the sticking enchantment on her sheath, such things are too easy to disrupt in battle.”

Theory was silent in disbelief.

“Now why don't you show me some more of your artifacts, if you had Iridescence you must have some other cool things.”

“You know what, sure, I'll show you more of our artifacts. Maybe you'll figure out one of our artifacts is secretly the bucking Philosopher's Stone or something.”

---

“Oh, hey girls, funny to see you here.” Twilight said awkwardly.

“It, really ain't.” Applejack stated in confusion. “It's as much our castle as yours, even if we ain't living in it.”

“'Aren't', dear. 'we aren't living in it'” Rarity corrected, earning an eye roll from the farm mare. “Now, Twilight, this is an excellent opportunity for us to meet Noble House that raised a powerful mage like you.”

“Um, I don't really think that's a good idea.”

Rarity sighed, “Now, Twilight, I know that you are so desperate to appear normal. You are like the storybook prince who ran away from his castle to work as a farm-stallion, and was destined to fall in love with the seamstress living in the nearby town. It is so obvious now, why you were so hesitant to show your immense magical prowess, how you never told your closest friends about your brother – the Captain of the Royal Guard – who was betrothed to a princess, or how you are the heir of a powerful, respected, ancient, esteemed, truly Noble house of Unicornia. You don't need to hide yourself from us.”

“Wut?”

Rarity sashayed forward and put a hoof over the stallion's shoulder, “After Rainbow broke the news that Twilight House is part of the nobility, it all made sense. You don't need to worry about me treating you differently, I understand your desire for the simplicities of rural life.”

“It's House Twilight, not Twilight House.” Twilight sighed and turned to his cousin, “Aura, do you think you could key the wards against your Frost and Passion, and the telepad against Frost, this might be a while”

“I can do that.” Aura took the pouch containing the attuned crystals and galloped off.

“Rarity, would you get off of me, please?”

“Oh, sorry,” Rarity sheepishly pulled back.

“Now, how much do you actually know about the nobility?”

“Why I follow all the latest fashions, I know the trendsetters, I am very knowledgeable of high culture.”

“No, not about fashion or high culture, how much do you know about noble houses. And not from those romance books of yours, they are ... not particularly helpful” Twilight had read some of the books Rarity preferred, and frankly his mother's weird fetish porn had a higher correspondence to reality than them, and half the things that happened in those weren't even biologically possible.

“Um...”

“Because, Rarity, I am not a character from one of your novels, so please don't treat me like one.”

“What? I would never.”

Applejack coughed into her forehoof.

“My reluctance to talk about my family is not due to some misguided desire to be 'normal'. I have some ... let's call them 'differences of opinion' with my family and I do not wish to get you girls mixed up in them.”

“Oh, Twili, you shouldn't let some minor differences get between you and your family. I know that, I love my ma and my pa and my sisters, even if they are a bajillion miles away.”

Applejack nodded, “Yer family is yer family.”

“It's a little more serious than that, House Twilight can be rather disagreeable and I don't want to subject you to that.”

“Um, girls ...” Fluttershy said softly.

“Then I guess we will have to impress them. I-DE-A, I will make each of us a beautiful outfit, each one sure to stun even the most cantankerous noble.”

Twilight winced, imagining what the Twilights would think of his friends if they showed up to the manor in ballgowns. “No Rarity, that's a horrible idea. Anyways, I'm leaving tomorrow, you wouldn't have enough time to do that.”

“Oh, a shame, I guess we must get by with last year's style, you girls still have your dresses from the Grand Galloping Gala?”

Twilight growled, “No, Rarity you aren't understanding me, House Twilight is a house of mages, scholars and warriors, we don't wear dresses unless we need to,” and sometimes not even then “especially not in Twilight Manor. If you show up looking like you're going to a ball, the Twilights will view you as ignorant ladder-climbers. The only mare who wears a dress in Twilight Manor is my bitch of an aunt, and everypony who lives in the manor loathes her because she is an ignorant ladder-climber. Not that any of you will be showing up, I refuse to get you involved in the pit of vipers that is Twilight intra-house politics.”

“Girls, I think we should listen to him.” Fluttershy said softly.

Rarity pouted, “Okay, fine, no dresses. But surely you are exaggerating, I'm certain we will get along fine, I am an excellent conversationalist. I bet we'll all be laughing about your paranoia in the future.”

“You're not listening to me.” Twilight snarled, “Okay, fine, if you want to come, you can come. We're leaving at 10:30 tomorrow morning, on the dot. Be here – at the castle – or don't; I don't care, just don't blame me when you find yourself humiliated and traumatized.” Twilight stormed off.

“Hmph, well somepony's being melodramatic.”

“Ah, don't know, he was actin' pretty darn worked up. Ah don't think she gets along well with his family.”

“It could be dangerous.” Fluttershy spoke up.

“What? Fluttershy, this is Twilight's family we're talking about and they're nobility not some kind of criminal gang.”

“Yes, they're nobility, nobles can be dangerous.” and there's not nearly as much of a distinction between those two as most ponies think.

Applejack looked at the yellow mare in confusion, “Sure them nobles are snooty and fancy and rude, but 'dangerous'? Ah, don't think tha princesses would let them be 'dangerous'.”

“Well, I would never turn down an opportunity to schmooze with the nobility, you girls coming with me.”

“Ah, guess. Ah don't much care for snooty nobles, but Ah do want teh meet Twilight's family. Even if they don't get along.”

“I would never turn down meeting new ponies, even if they might be mean.”

Fluttershy sighed softly, “I guess.”

“Excellent, now excuse moi, I need to get ready~.”

---

Rainbow examined an incredibly exaggerated fertility idol, “I mean, Celestia does have some impressive flanks, but I don't think this is quite accurate.”

“I wouldn't touch that if I were you,” Theory drawled, “Unless you feel the need to be impregnated with a miniature sun.”

“What?! Why would anyone make something that does that?!” Rainbow jumped away from the idol and stared at it in horror.

“Dunno, maybe it was some sort of strange equine sacrifice, maybe a practical joke, maybe it was simply a mistake. Either way, we almost lost a couple good mares before we figured out how to abort the damnable things.”

“Uh, huh...” Rainbow looked around, “You have a bunch of Daring Do level objects don't you?”

“Daring who?”

“An awesome archaeologist, she recovers powerful magical artifacts from evil cultists trying to destroy the world.”

Theory pauses for a second, “Sorry, I forswore all fiction when I dedicated myself to a dark god.”

In an instant Rainbow changed, she drew Iridescence and pressed her tip against the unicorn. “SPEAK, CULTIST, WHO IS THY DARK MASTER? IS IT BOOKTHCTH BOOK LORD OF BOOKS?” Rainbow's voice reverberated around the workshop.

Theory looked at the smaller mare in terror, “It was a joke! I don't have a 'dark master'! I've never even heard of this bookit thing!”

“Bookthcth,” Rainbow corrected reflexively before blushing in embarrassment. “My apologies for threatening you, but it really is in bad taste to joke about such things. The Elder Gods are no friend to ponykind and have caused incalculable amounts of strife.” Rainbow pauses, “Also, Daring Do is actually a real pony.”

“Sure, no more jokes about these 'Elder Gods', whatever they are.” Theory paused, “I can already tell you're going to get on with the Twilights like a house on fire.” And probably kill more ponies.

“Really, that's really good, I had worried that Twilight's family wouldn't like me, after all it is incredibly unusual for a pegasus to marry into a unicorn house. Magical knowledge doesn't exactly transfer well from one tribe to another.”

“Yeah, I doubt you will have any serious problems, especially if you carry that sword with you.”

“'Especially if I carry Iridescence with me'? What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing important, but you do cut a pretty intimidating figure with the sword on your back longer than you are.”

Rainbow smirked, and strutted in a circle. “I do, don't I.”

Theory shuddered, “That you do, that you do. Now about the sword, how can you even draw the thing? That shouldn't even be geometrically possible.”

“Oh, that's easy, watch.” Rainbow twisted the sword and it's end phased right through the end of it's sheath.

“Ah, yes, of course. The sword just goes through the sheath, why didn't I think of that. After all why wouldn't a sword just move right through the object designed to hold it.” Seriously, what is up with this mare? Who exactly are you Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow wandered off, examining the many artifacts, before noticing one in particular. “Oh, cool, you have a set of wingblades.”

Theory was shocked out of her thoughts, “Oh, yeah, those were the wingblades of the Lord Commander Sky Bourne of the Stalwart of Skyhaven, they were presented to the unicorn Fire Strike of the Stalwart of Twilight after she singlehoofedly saved his entourage from a griffon ambush. They've been with the Twilights ever since.”

“They presented wingblades to a unicorn?”

“Yeah, it's an old pegasus tradition to present their weapons to ponies who do a great service.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and flared her wings, “Yeah, I know. But why would they present a unicorn with a weapon she couldn't even use.”

“The pegasus' of Skyhaven, didn't really use any weapons other than wingblades and featherblades, they valued their mobility too much to carry weapons in their hooves.”

“They valued mobility so they used wingblades? Even masters in the art still loose some top speed, acceleration and manoeuvrability, and novices can't even fly with the bloody things.”

“Sure, but these were built by the mage-smiths of the Stalwart of Starfall, they're enchanted so that they assist in flight rather than inhibit it.”

“Enchanted wingblades, who'd have ever thought...” Rainbow examined the wingblades, they were very well made and clearly built to last. Of course any orthodox practitioner of the art would view their existence as an abomination. Wingblades that assisted in flight went against the very philosophy behind the weapons; they were meant to be a burden on a pegasus' flight, one that could only be overcome with decades of hard training.

“Yeah, they're hardly the most flashy thing we have, but the Orders Stalwart couldn't really risk highly volatile enchantments at the time.”

Rainbow lifted the wingblades, “Wait, these aren't made of cloud-steel, they're just carbon steel.” She closely examined the complex systems of blades, “No, not base steel, these are made of starmetal.”

Theory tilted her head, very few ponies could even distinguish starmetal from steel. “Most of the arms and armour made by Starfall is made from starmetal. Castle Starfall was build on top of a large meteorite. It's not as light as that alloy you pegasi make somehow, but it is far more magically conductive”

“What do you mean 'somehow'? Cloud-steel is an iron, cloud, carbon alloy; it's hardly a secret.”

“Nopony believes your lies pegasus, clouds are made of air and water, you can't make alloys out of air and water!”

“Sure, you can't alloy 'air and water' but you can alloy clouds.”

“How?!”

“You do realize that trees are made of air and water, and charcoal is used to turn iron to steel. The process of making clouds is similar in some ways.”

“So, what, you pegasi photosynthesize?” Theory scoffed.

“No, it's more along the lines of alchemical transmutation. But the result is similar, clouds are no more just 'air and water' than wood is.”

“Yes, of course, and just like wood, clouds have a habit of turning back into air and water.” Theory said sarcastically.

“If the transformation is only partially completed, the clouds are unstable, and the transformation will revert when catalyzed. When fully transformed, clouds don't just turn back, after all the last thing you want is your house to start raining on you, or even worse, your floor to give out under you and your valuables.”

“Does that happen much?”

“Not often, but every so often you hear a story of some idiot who built a house out of weather grade clouds or of a botched batch of building clouds making it past QA, there have even been a couple pegasi who died when their house dissolved in their sleep.”

“Don't you regularly sleep on 'weather grade' clouds?”

“I'd be a poor weather pegasus if I couldn't prevent the cloud I'm on from dissolving, even while sleeping.”

“Uh huh.”

“So ...” Rainbow hefted the wingblades, “How d'you adjust them to fit, they seem to be uncharacteristically lacking in the typical adjustable straps.”

“Oh, that's easy. They're enchanted to fit anypony who puts them on.”

“Cool.”

Theory watched in muted horror as the already armed mare proceeded to fit strap the weapons to her wings. Of course she was going to put them on, clearly the oversized sword wasn't enough for her.

*Shwing* Rainbow unfolded her left wing, a lethally sharp blade of starmetal extending from her wingtip. “Ahh, I love that sound.” *Shwing* she extended her right wing.

Theory jumped back from the bladed appendage, “Oi, be careful where you're swinging those things, you could kill a pony with them.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes, “Of course I could kill a pony with them, that's kind of the entire point.” she said cheerfully before folding her wings with a soft *shwing*, her wings betraying no sign of their deadly attachments.

Theory shuddered, she wasn't quite certain just who, or what, this 'Rainbow Dash' was. She had theories of course, but most of them were truly concerning and this whole situation was seriously pushing her 'not my problem' button (a necessary survival mechanism for anypony living in Twilight Manor). You know what, buck it. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, if you promise not to murder me, I'll show you where the matching set of feartherblades are.”

---

“Argh!” A loud, somewhat muffled, cry echoed through the halls of the castle.

“Twilight, is that you?” Rainbow galloped towards the voice.

“Ragh!”

Rainbow came to the closed door of Twilight's bedroom. “Twilight?” She tested the door to find it locked.

“Urgh!”

Something was hurting her stallion. She spun in place and bucked as hard as the could – the door, liberated from it's frame hit the far wall with a loud *smash* - and smoothly whirled around into a bipedal stance, drawing Iridescence, spreading her wings and bearing her wingblades in preparation to destroy whatever was causing her stallion pain.

...

Only to find Twilight screaming into a pillow.

Twilight was interrupted from his frustrations by the loud noise. He turned around to see what he could only describe as a classical warrior goddess. Standing in the middle of his empty and severely damaged door-frame, wielding an enormous sword, wings extended and bristling with steel (are those wingblades?), her cerulean feathers ruffling and her rainbow mane blowing in a wind only she could feel, and ready to smite her enemies. Simultaneously beautiful and terrifying

...

Wait, rainbow mane and cerulean feathers? “Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow blushed incandescently, sheathed Iridescence, closed her wings, dropped onto four hooves and looked down at the floor, “I'm sorry, Twilight, I thought you were being attacked, and well ...” Rainbow spoke apologetically.

“... you smashed your way into here to protect me.” The stallion purred darkly, there was something about his beautiful, powerful, wilful mare acting so submissively that got him excited. “Luckily there was no assassin who stole into my bedroom tonight, I have merely had an incredibly frustrating day.”

“Oh, do you want to talk about it?”

Twilight chuckled as he trotted up to the mare, “No, not talk.” He said before closing his jaws around the neck of the smaller mare.

Rainbow squeaked and submissively followed as the stallion guided her to his bed, Iridescence dropped forgotten to the ground in her sheath.

Here's chapter 17, sorry for the delay. I haven't had much time for writing in the past while.

Quite a bit happens in this one, and Chekhov's gun has finally been taken off of it's pedestal, I think it should be relatively obvious what's going on with Rainbow now.

Rainbow awoke feeling incredibly sore, almost as sore as that time she ran a triple marathon. Although not quite the same type of sore. By Celestia's thick flanks, that stallion is utterly insatiable. Rainbow was suddenly aware of the stallion's absence, being alone in the bed

As if summoned the stallion appeared in the door-frame.

“Twi...” Rainbow croaked out, her voice incredibly hoarse from last night. She blushed faintly at recalling what exactly made her voice that way.

“Oh, um, you're awake. I, uh, went and made breakfast for you. Spike usually handles the cooking, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. And, well, I thought it only fair after ... well everything” Twilight said awkwardly, a tray levitating in behind him surrounded in an almost imperceptible magenta aura.

Rainbow looked pensively at the stallion, it was very difficult to reconcile this gawky colt with the dominant stallion who had thoroughly ruined her and made her his own. Well, I should get up now. The pegasus hopped out of bed ...

... well less 'hopped' and more 'bonelessly flopped'. The pegasus glared at the stallion softly chuckling. “... blame you.” she wheezed out which only made the stallion laugh harder.

“Here, let me help you,” Twilight lit his horn and touched it to the collapsed mare's forehead.

Rainbow felt a wave of warm tingles flow across her body driving away soreness and restoring strength to her muscles, “You know restoration magic? I thought that was incredibly difficult for arcane aligned unicorns.”

“It is, but I was Princess Celestia's personal student. Anyways it's great after long night of studying.”

“Be careful, abusing restoration magic can be really bad for your health.”

Twilight eyed the mare, it was fairly surreal to be lectured on magical safety by a pegasus. “Don't worry, I'm always very cautious with magic.”

Rainbow stared dubiously at the stallion. “Twilight, you literally just turned yourself into a stallion, accidentally. I'm not complaining,” Rainbow blushed, “but I think I'm entitled to worry.”

“That isn't my fault, the spell I was trying to cast should not have been even capable of causing a physical transformation. Also, such female to male transformations is apparently nearly impossible to successfully do, or at least that's what Luna implied.”

“Hmm, yes the spell residue contamination. Damn bucking nobles and their obsession with having fillies.” Rainbow paused, “No offence intended.”

“None taken, House Twilight wasn't around when that was going on, nor would we be the kind of house to engage in such a practice anyways” I didn't even know about that until Luna told me, how could Rainbow possibly know. I hope the Twilight Manor library has any books that could help figure out what exactly is going on with her.

Twilight set the tray down, “I hope you like your eggs scrambled, I tried to make an omelette but, well, Spike usually is the one doing the cooking.

“Scrambled is fine.” The two young lovers sat down on the bed to eat breakfast.

“So, Twilight, I've been thinking ...” Rainbow set her utensils down

“Mmhm.”

“I think we should find a couple more mares for you.”

Twilight coughed on his eggs, “Rainbow, what?!”

“The restoration magic helps, but if the last two nights are normal, I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to survive your undivided attention.”

Twilight sputtered, “Rainbow, you're not actually suggesting ...”

“That you rut other mares, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I don't know why you're acting like this, you're the one from a strictly polygamous house.”

“And you're okay with this?” Twilight was aghast.

“Didn't I say I didn't care if you married a hundred mares?”

“Yeah, but I didn't think you were serious.”

“Well, I was and I am. And even if I wasn't, I know how insanely strict you nobles can be about your traditions.”

“We're not like other noble houses.”

“Yeah, you're paranoid, isolationist, militaristic, carnivorous and literally insane. That's really reassuring. So tell me I'm wrong, and that your family would be happy if we reject your long held traditions.”

“I wouldn't let them hurt you!” Twilight shouted protectively.

“See Twilight, that is exactly the problem, you all but admitted that some of your house might try to hurt me over this.”

Twilight looked down ashamedly, “I just though you wouldn't want to.”

Rainbow sighed, “Well, I do. And it's not always about what we want to do, sometimes it's about what we have to do. You have already admitted your house is powerful, if rather odd, I would much rather have them as allies than enemies, even if that means doing some things I may not want to do.” Rainbow paused, “Wait, did you want me to demand monogamy from you?”

“Um, a bit.” Twilight admitted.

“Un-be-leivable, why you selfish cur.” Rainbow Dash stormed out of the room. Forgetting something?

Rainbow Dash stormed back into the room, grabbed Iridescence and stormed back out of the room. Calm, my wielder, calm. Your mate has gone through a very confusing couple of days, and you are moving oh so very fast.

---

“”Is that trouble in paradise, I'm sensing?” Shadow 'greeted' the fuming mare.

“Why don't you mind your own business and act your station for once, knight.”

“Ooh, scary. Is little Sparkles' 'hungry little slut' angry. Why; you sounded oh so enthusiasic last ni ...”

Shadow was interrupted Rainbow's hoof to her muzzle, sending her flipping out of her chair and landing on the floor in a heap.

Storm made a low whistle.

Rainbow made a huff and turned to leave the room.

“Uh, Rainbow.” Interrupted Umbra.

“Yes.” She replied acidly.

“You coming to Twilight Manor with us today? We're leaving from the castle in a couple hours. Your mutual friends have somehow convinced Sparkles to let them come, so I'm pretty sure you're invited. Likely would have been even if they hadn't.”

“You're leaving to Twilight Manor today?! Why didn't anypony tell me sooner?!” The angry mare glared at the four assembled mares, before settling on Theory, her eyes narrowing.

“Hey, don't look at me, I just found out this morning.” The mare flinched back in fear.

Rainbow snorted, “I'll come.” she slammed the door.

There was silence for a good minute.

“Shadow, why are you such a bucking bitch.” Umbra sighed, “You're lucky Captain Aura didn't stay the night, if she had seen that disgraceful performance, it'd be straight back to boot-camp for you.”

“Ughhhh...” Shadow moaned.

“And, didn't you see the bucking huge sword she had on her back, or the wingblades, or the featherblades, she isn't the kind mare you want to piss off. I bet she could cut a pony in two before you blink.”

Umbra turned to Theory, “Theory, now that you mention it, why does Rainbow Dash have a 'bucking huge sword' and wingblades and featherblades?”

“Eh, heh, heh. Why are you asking me?” Theory asked weakly.

“Because you were the one to bring a bunch of magical artifacts, including – if I remember right – a couple weapons. Because she didn't seem to have any weapons before talking to you. Because you are horrible at lying.”

“Eh, you see ...” Theory trailed off and paused for a bit, “Did you notice that she was leaking, if you know what I mean.” Theory winked.

Umbra rolled her eyes at Theory's amateurish segue.

Storm jumped down to examine the slimy trail left by the mare ...

“Storm, get away from that, it came out of your cousin.”

Storm jumped back, “You know, I don't think that mare did any kind of hygiene this morning. Her mane and coat were pretty matted, and she stank of sex.”

Umbra sighed, “And now she walked – presumably – out of the castle and into Ponyville proper.”

“Yep,” Storm popped the p, “I admire the ovaries on that filly, to go out there without shame and so boldly and so publicly claim her stallion to the ponies of the town.”

Umbra facehooed, “Storm, I don't think that was intentional.”

“What? Of course it was.”

---

Rainbow Dash walked through Ponyville. Strangely the townsponies were all standing still, staring at her, and quietly gossiping to each other. Rainbow rolled her eyes, sure Iridescence was a beautiful sword but this all seemed a bit much.

A couple steps later she saw a small brown Earth Pony colt who had a beautiful mare holding her hooves over his eyes.

“Mooom~, I want to see.”

“No, you don't.” The mare hissed back.

Rainbow continued walking, How odd.

---

“What was intentional?”

“Oh, your mare just went to stake her claim on you in the most vulgar way possible. It was rather romantic.” Storm replied.

“What? I'm going to need more context than that.”

Umbra sighed, “Rainbow Dash forgot to shower before going into town.”

“What? ... oh .... OHH, buck. She's going to kill me.” Twilight noticed the groaning pile on the ground. “What happened to Shadow?”

“She learned that a hoof beats word-shivs.”

“She decided to be a bitch to Rainbow Dash, and got knocked the buck out. Honestly, that mare has a freakishly strong left hook.”

“Rainbow usually beats Applejack at hoof-wrestling.” Twilight replied absentmindedly.

Storm's stomach grumbled, “So, Sparkles, none of us have eaten yet, and as much as I love the wonderful pain of starving to death, the Geas I'm under demands I make every reasonable attempt to feed myself.”

Which apparently didn't include leaving the castle or cooking. As much as Twilight was glad for the second – considering what happened to his kitchen yesterday – it was concerning that the Geas was so loose. Maybe we need to tighten it, the last thing we would want is for her to find a loophole and torture herself to death. “Uh sure, I'll make breakfast for you today. Although, on that note where is Spike anyways.”

“Sparkle, your bedroom doesn't have a door.' Umbra deadpanned. “He went to Fluttershy's place after displaying a frankly impressively colourful vocabulary.”

“Oh.” Twilight blushed brightly.

“I mean dayam, stallion, you kept at it for six hours and thirty seven minutes, most stallions can't even go for ten minutes, and that's with chemical assistance. It's a damn travesty that I'm your cousin.” Storm stated.

“'Chemical assistance?” Twilight asked in confusion.

The three coherent mares stared at Twilight, “Um, you know, Stallion Up.”

Twilight tilted his head, “Stallion Up? I'm afraid I don't.”

Umbra gave Twilight an odd look. “I mean, it's technically supposed to be a secret known only to stallions and studding agencies, but everypony knows about Stallion Up.”

Storm scoffed, “Apparently not everypony. Our little Sparkle is clearly too pure for this world.”

Theory chuckled, “I don't think anypony can accuse Sparkles of being 'pure' after last night.” She paused, “Stallion up is a male performance enhancer, it's made primarily of strong aphrodisiacs and sildenafil along with some other ingredients that I'm not 100% on. I've never actually read the box though; only registered studding agencies and ponies with prescriptions are able to buy it, and the pharmacies keep it firmly under lock and key. But it's well known that most stallions cannot even become erect without it, yet alone ejaculate.”

Twilight made an involuntary shudder at the mention of 'studding agencies'; despite his nature as a black sheep of the family, he was still emotionally and intellectually revolted by the institution. He found the contractual nature of the practice inherently repulsive and demeaning, and he would never sell his his children to anypony. Any children he sired would be conceived of love, loyalty and trust, not of a twisted, inherently corrupt economic institution. “Hmm, I knew mother had a hobby of making her own custom aphrodisiac cocktails, but I thought that was just mother being mother, not some kind of necessity for sexual functioning.”

“A necessity you seem to be able to go without apparently.” Theory mused, “It might be something to do with you being an alicorn. Science doesn't know nearly enough about alicorn physiology, the Princesses have always been very reluctant to undergo a full examination for some reason, and, well, there's never been an alicorn stallion before. So anything is possible.”

“Honestly, this is very strange. My question is: how did ponies reproduce before we had access to such drugs?” Twilight felt like he was missing something, something that was just on the tip of his tongue, but that he couldn't recall.

“I, don't, know. Hmmm.” Theory became very pensive. “Ponies really should have gone extinct long ago with such a specific restriction on reproduction.”

“I don't know about you, but I blame your stupid unicorn magic” Storm waggled her wings, “You unicorns are always doing strange and unnatural things with those horns of yours”

Twilight paused before suddenly remembering, “Storm you're a genius.”

“Why yes, of course I am.”

“Theory, do you think that most stallions' incapability to preform could be caused by spell residue, like if – for example – a spell amalgamation residue trying to make stallions more feminine?”

“Uh, it's possible, but highly unlikely. Such a spell residue would have to be very old to be so ubiquitous and consistent among ponykind, so it would need to be strong to last that long. Far stronger than any spell resedue I've ever heard of; you would need hundreds of thousands – if not millions – of individual spell casts, of numerous different but constructively interfering spells, broadly spread across the entire population and sustained for multiple generations to create an amalgamation that strong. I can't possibly think of a reason why so many ponies would want more feminine stallions.”

“Yeah, traps are gay.” Storm spoke sagely.

Twilight was silent for a second, “Thank you Theory, You've given me a lot to think about.” I wonder if the princesses are aware of this widespread erectile disfunction, I would have thought Celestia would have at least mentioned it to me if she was.

“Now, not that this isn't all fascinating and what not. But I'm starving.”

Twilight sighed, “Okay, I guess I'll deign to make you lot breakfast. Scrambled eggs good?”

“I want a souffle.”

“Okay, scrambled eggs it is.”

---

Rainbow trotted towards the castle, wearing a pair of saddlebags. It's important to pack light when entering a potentially hostile enviroment, you never know when you will have to retreat. She had cooled off a bit since earlier; oh, she was still mad, her stallion had wanted to use her as an excuse to reject his house's strongly held tradition. And while Rainbow was confident that they could both protect themselves, you don't just go pissing off a house with that many battlemages on a whim.

And this was after she had already decided that she wanted to do it.

Intellectually she understood that polygyny made sense, with the demographic imbalance, monogamy was a farce perpetuated by the nobility and Rainbow could never support studding after seeing it chew up and spit out her father. Not to mention all the stories of a couple to start dating only for a social worker to show up and tell them that they were actually sired by the same stud, Rainbow shuddered, Who the buck even has the resources necessary to keep track of all that? It's bucking creepy.

And it made even more sense when she considered Twilight's outright supernatural libido. 'Supernatural' was the only way Rainbow could explain it. She remembered just how many pills her father had to take on those days he was too intoxicated or too depressed to hide the vulgar affair from her. Admittedly it wasn't a perfect comparison, Twilight was an alicorn in his prime – a prime he would never leave, because alicorn – while Blitz was well into the ravages of – what Rainbow now recognized as – andropause, likely why mother left us, selfish bitch, along with being heartbroken, depressed and often drunk. And while Rainbow had extremely limited experience with the opposite sex, she had heard enough gossip to know that her father was, far, far, far closer to the norm than Twilight was.

Intellectually she knew it made sense, but emotionally, she was oh so confused. After all, her entire upbringing had drilled into her that – in the unlikely chance she ever found a stallion – she should jealously guard her stallion, never letting him even have the chance of building a relationship with another mare. Of course, this was while also fulfilling his 'social obligations' by selling him to every mare who wanted a foal. It was utterly hypocritical, you force your stallion to rut strange mares, but forbid him from even speaking to them, hay, it wasn't even uncommon for mares to have their stallions wear blinders while studding so that he wouldn't even know who he's rutting.

Instead, Rainbow was rapidly coming to understand just how little grasp such teachings had on her. Her opposition to studding wasn't new, she had long ago sworn to never take part in the institution, even before she found her father unconscious in his bedroom, barely breathing. The hospital had told her it was a 'narcotics overdose', that 'there was nothing we could do', that 'stallions just aren't as strong as mares.'

House Twilight's opposition to the practice honestly came as a pleasant surprise, even if the opposition seemed to come from a desire to protect their bloodline rather than a principled position. Of course, that came with a considerable amount of other idiosyncrasies, not least of those which was polygyny.

When Twilight first mentioned he was expected to marry multiple mares, Rainbow had started preparing to force herself to be okay with it, after all she needed Twilight more than she needed air, Whew filly you've got it bad; if I didn't know better, I would suspect a compulsion. But shockingly , she quickly discovered that such preparation were completely unnecessary, the was not only okay with Twilight rutting other mares, she found it hot, It's called a fetish, my bearer, all you fleshy types tend to have them. Just so long as they were good mares worthy of her stallion's affections, not worthless whorses like Cloudchaser.

Frankly it was probably a good thing they were leaving Ponyville now; heat season was coming up soon and Ponyville mares had an unfortunate tendency to get rapey in their heat fuelled desperation. Last heat Applejack had put four in the hospital while protecting here brother and that was a good year, it had been far worse before the Apple Family Reunion, Back in my day, such mares would be lucky if they only got a public flogging. Rainbow found it fascinating that mere days before Twilight showed up and changed their lives forever, Applejack had led a group of thirty something burly earthpony mares around town threatening to break ponies' kneecaps like she was a mafia don. And that was for Big Mac, a stallion that – while far better than the average – was simply inferior in every way to Prince Twilight Sparkle, Not that you're exactly an impartial judge miss 'I need my stallion more than I need air'. Although it is rather difficult for a mortal pony to top an alicorn.

Intellectually she knew it made sense, emotionally she was confused, but sexually she was excited, and she had no idea how she felt about that.

Rainbow entered the castle's antechamber to find four mares and a disgruntled looking baby dragon, all five of them with their bags packed.

Rainbow stared at Rarity for a second, the mare had more luggage than the rest of them combined and was wearing a long and incredibly intricate patterned scarf. “Hello girls, Spike.”

All five of them stared at Rainbow in shock; Fluttershy blushed with a soft “oh, my.”, Pinkie's jaw dropped halfway to the ground, Applejack stared wide-eyed with a blush, Rarity covered her mouth with a hoof and Spike glared with resigned disgust.

“Seriously, you too? Why is everypony staring at me today? First, all of Ponyville, now you. Yes, I have a sword.” Rainbow drew Iridescence, the sword coruscating brightly. “Yes, she's beautiful. You can stop staring now.”

“Rainbow, Ah don't think the ponies were staring at your sword.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Uh, dear ...” Rarity moved forward whispering in Rainbow's ear, making sure to avoid touching the filthy mare.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ...” Rainbow started squealing, blushing incandescently.

“Dear, I think you should go get cleaned up before we leave.”

“... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Sorrygottogogoodbye” Rainbow disappeared in gust of wind.

---

Twilight Sparkle was surprised just how little time it took him to pack his bags, as a mare he, or rather she, would have taken hours as she would have felt the need to prepare for nearly anything, and that's not mentioning the analysis paralysis such an event would cause. There was a reason that she used to schedule everything weeks in advance, as it was the only way she had been able to consistently avoid her neurotic episodes. Well, other than a crisis, but that was hardly something to rely on for day to day living, even with their concerningly high occurrence in Ponyville.

And her schedule, he had outright forgotten about it. And wasn't that odd to think about, something that had been such a omnipresent part of her life was now completely absent from his. As relieving as it was to be free of her cripplingly high neuroticism, it was terrifying to notice how much had changed about him. Was he even the same pony anymore, or had he destroyed and supplanted the old Twilight?

“Um, Sparkles...”

Twilight was torn out of his existential horror by the interruption, “Yes, Theory?” He replied, annoyed at being interrupted.

“Uh, it's about that Rainbow Dash mare.”

“Yes?” Twilight said shortly, feeling protective of his mare.

“I don't know if you've noticed, but she's been acting really odd. I mean when I was showing her the collection of artifacts I have been studying ...”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Theory, ponies aren't 'odd' just because they they aren't interested in the same things you are. Different ponies have different interests.”

'What? No, that's not what I mean.” Theory paused, “You know what, forget it. I tried, I really tried. I wash my hooves of this entire mess. Now excuse me, I need a drink or ten.” Theory stomped off. “When you come back from that place, I'll either be drunk, or you'll be out of alcohol.”

That was really strange.

Twilight trotted into the castle's antechamber and saw, to his dismay, all four of the mares he had so hastily 'invited' were there. Oh, and Spike was boring a hole through his head with his glare, Twilight rolled his eyes, he'll get over it. “Rarity, what exactly are you wearing?” Twilight glared at the excessively long scarf.

“Well, you said to not wear a dress, so I improvised, it would be an utter travesty to meet such a prestigious noble house naked.”

Twilight sighed, “House Twilight is not a house out of your storybooks Rarity, nor are we the vain, vapid nobles of Canterlot. We are a militaristic isolationist outcast house; ditch the scarf. In fact unless what you're wearing is armoured, enchanted, a mark of rank or otherwise serves a purpose beyond aesthetics, it's far better to go naked to House Twilight.” Twilight paused, “In fact, I believe that it would be best if you abandoned all your presumptions about the nobility, Rarity. Most of them are outright wrong, and most the rest don't apply to House Twilight.”

“Hmph, I don't know what you are talking about.”

“Yes, despite being raised by them, I don't know anything about them.” Twilight rolled his eyes, “Okay, if you are going to come to Twilight Manor there are some ground rules to cover. Please do not interrupt.

First, you will listen to me, and anypony I tell you to, this trip is potentially dangerous and listening can save you from a lot of danger.

Second, Twilight Manor is ancient, well over a thousand years old, and has been constantly expanded by members of the house, many of whom were outright insane, and all of whom were powerful mages. Therefor it's big, complicated and a nightmare to navigate even when you're familiar with it. We're also reasonably certain that it had a confusion curse-ward placed on it's halls keyed to new arrivals, and there are parts of it that do not seem to obey euclidean metrics, so only follow a trusted pony and DO NOT wander off on your own. Otherwise, you WILL get lost, and quite possibly find something dangerous.

That brings us the my third point, do not touch ANYTHING unless you're explicitly told you can, House Twilight has a long history of fighting the things that go bump in the night and that has resulted in some dangerous objects and entities in our possession, many of which aren't well stored, and some are outright uncontained.

Fourth, obey all warning signs, they are there for a reason. House Twilight is not the most cautious of houses, so anything with a warning sign on it is Dangerous, with a capital D. I'm talking the kind of Dangerous that means you would be lucky if you died.

Fifth, don't approach anypony you haven't been introduced to, especially if they are acting twitchy, laughing hysterically, talking to themselves, or otherwise odd in demeanour. Moreover, do not insult or attack anyone, but that should go without saying.

Sixth, do not harm or disrespect books, the Twilights were the librarians for the Orders Stalwart, and we take that responsibility seriously. So no dog-earing, overextending spines or any of the many bad habits many ponies have with books. The one exception is any book written by the author, 'Lustious Velvet', that is 'lustious' spelt L U S T I O U S – yes I know that's not a word – those are written by my mother and are an abomination against literature; feel free to burn them if you find them, we have an infestation. It is also highly advised that you do not read anything written by her, but if your curiosity manages to get the better of you, talk to me and I can get you some amnestics.

And finally, there will likely be a feast – that you will be expected to attend – which means that there will be a boar, that's dead, roasted and ready for ponies to eat it's flesh.”

There was several gasps.

“Twilight, Ah don't think ponies can eat animals.” Applejack was green in disgust.

“Ponies are obligate herbivores.” Fluttershy said weakly. “We can't properly digest meat.”

“Ponies can actually, we're properly omnivorous. We have to cook the meat first, but otherwise the only thing keeping ponies from eating meat is the taboo, which we abandoned long ago. Now, none of you are expected to eat the meat, although if you want to impress the Twilights, you might want to.” Twilight made a meaningful look at Rarity – who was looking rather green – and chuckled. “Although, please try to keep yourself from vomiting, that would reflect badly on you. The feast will be preceded by a boar hunt, although none of you are expected to participate in that.” Twilight looked at the four mares. “Any, questions?”

Pinkie suddenly started laughing, “Oh, good one Twilight, you almost got me, you silly stallion.”

There was a brief pause before Rarity spoke up in outrage, “Twilight, that wasn't funny. You really shouldn't joke about such things.”

“Uh, Rarity, Pinkie, Ah don't think Twi was joking.”

“You don't think Twilight was joking about what?” Rainbow trotted into the room, took a quick look at the disturbed looking mares and then swiftly moved over to her stallion.

“Rainbow, what are you d ...?” Twilight asked in confusion before being forcefully kissed by the mare.

There was an awkward silence before Rainbow broke the kiss and leaned over to whisper in Twilight's ear, “This doesn't mean I'm not still angry with you. We will talk later.” Rainbow pulled back, “So what did I miss?”

Twilight shuddered from the mare's quick emotional whiplash.

“Oh, nothin' much. Twilight was just talkin' about how his family murder and then eat the flesh of innocent animals.”

“Oh, that ...” Rainbow remembered Twilight mentioning the house being 'omnivorous'. She had found it odd, but she had also been best friends with a griffon in flight school, so it was hard to be disgusted; especially as Gilda had taken a perverse joy in making the pegasi at camp nauseous by making the deed as gruesome as possible. It certainly didn't win her any friends among the noble ponies, but it did stop them from harassing and bullying the griffon, and later Rainbow herself when the two of them became friends.

Rainbow sighed, she should really try to make up with Gilda.

“'Oh, that'? Rainbow, did ya not hear me. They eat animals!”

“Yeah, and so do many different peoples. Griffons, dragons and thestrals being the most prominent."

“Thestrals?”

Twilight sighed, “Some ponies call them 'bat-ponies'.”

“Oh, why didn't you say so.”

“Because, they don't like being called that. Thestral is their proper name.”

“Wait, bat-ponies eat animals!?”

“No, they don't, dear.” Rarity said glaring at Rainbow, “That's just tribalist nonsense, designed to make them sound like monsters.”

Twilight found himself growling at the attack on his mare's honour, “They do actually, but they try to keep it quiet because many ponies think that it makes them 'sound like monsters'.”

Rarity took a step back at Twilight's growl, “Come on dear, are you going to tell me they drink ponies' blood too.”

“No, Rarity, that's vampires that you are thinking of.” Twilight forced down his glamour for a fraction of a second as he stalked towards the mare.

Rarity's eyes widened as her subconscious was briefly overwhelmed by the sheer aura of predator, Rarity took a step back shivering in terror. What was that?!

Twilight trotted past Rarity, “Now, follow me everypony. If you still want to.”

“Uh, Twilight, the train is that way.”

Twilight chuckled, and trotted deeper into the castle. “We aren't taking the train.”

“So, Twilight, were you ever going to tell us that you have access to a long range intra-planar teleportation network.” Rainbow asked staring at the large slab of granite engraved with golden runes. “Honestly, it feels weird even saying that, such a thing was long theorized as possible, but the mathematics involved with even short range teleportation was nearly insurmountable, and it only gets worse with increasing distance.” Rainbow glanced at the four mares staring at her like she grew a second head, “What are you looking at?”

Twilight sighed, “I didn't until recently; this is the only teleportation circle in Ponyville, and it was built only a couple months ago. As to the difficulty, my great, great grandmother Twilight Aurora invented the Aurora Metric; it allowed her to make much simpler spells that are actually usable by mages, unlike the deliberately obfuscated work of Starswirl. Although, her work isn't without it's own idiosyncrasies, all of her spells and all objects created using them are aurametrically locked to those of Twilight descent.”

“I don't think I've ever heard of anypony managing to aurametrically tie spells to a bloodline, that's ...” Rainbow was interrupted by a certain pink party pony tacking her, “Hay, Pinkie what's your problem.”

“Who are you and what did you do to Rainbow Dash?!” Pinkie growled out, shining a flashlight into Rainbow 's face.

“What? Pinkie, I am Rainbow Dash.”

“Likely story, that's exactly what an imposter would say.”

“It's also what the real Rainbow Dash would say.”

“So you admit that you aren't the 'real Rainbow Dash', changeling. What have you done with her? What is your mission?”

“What, no, that's not what I mean. The 'real Rainbow Dash' as in me.”

“Pinkie, Rainbow isn't a changeling, she's Rainbow Dash.” Twilight levitated the pink mare off of Rainbow.

“What, how do you know that?”

“Magic.” Twilight deadpanned, flashing his horn, “Nobody here is a changeling, nor is anyone using illusion or transfiguration magic to change their appearance.” Aside from myself, but I don't need questions about my fangs.

Applejack's eyes widened, recalling her friend frequently flashing his/her horn. “Twilight, how often do ya use tha' spell?”

“I'm not paranoid, I'm just cautious.”

“Sure ...”

“Well, as fascinating as this has been, I think it's best we get going. It is inadvisable to keep Lady Velvet waiting.” The suddenly visible Shadow stated.

“You!” Applejack snarled.

“Me!” Shadow replied in the same tone.

“Even though it pains me to say this, my sister isn't wrong. Lady Velvet the Mad is not somepony you toy around with.”

“Is it not 'inadvisable' to call the Lady of your house 'mad'?” Rarity asked.

Twilight scoffed, “Not when she calls herself that. Unfortunately, my mother has made insanity a core part of her self-image.” He paused, “Come on, everypony who still want's to come to Twilight Manor into the circle.”

All of the ponies (and one dragon) present moved into the circle.

Twilight turned to Umbra, “Theory made it clear that she wasn't coming, but what about Storm.”

“I believe her exact words were 'I just got out of that nightmarish madhouse, I'm not going back anytime soon.' She then descended into incomprehensible ramblings about sex toys for some reason.”

Twilight shook his head, “Well that's ... something.” His horn brightened to the point that it was more white than violet.

The entire circle lit up and with a flash of blinding white light the room was empty.

Here's chapter 18, next chapter takes place in Twilight Manor.

“Welcome back to Twilight Manor, your highness. We had almost lost hope that you would return, and have had to subsist on mere stories of your many exploits.” A garish blue and yellow unicorn mare spoke in an unusually deep voice. “And I see that you have brought your accomplices with you, have they come to see the GLORY of House Twilight, or are they here for more personal reasons.”

Twilight sighed, “Cut it with the dramatic voice, Spark, I made it abundantly clear why I didn't want to return. I am only here because I don't want your father plotting my murder. Anyways, if you wanted to hear from me so badly why didn't you ever come to Ponyville? It wasn't a long trip, even before the teleportation circle was installed.”

“Oh, yes, yes. I remember that fateful day, when the foul Princess Celestia finally managed to turn you against against us. Against your family.”

Twilight snarled and aggressively stalked towards his cousin, “Princess Celestia saved me! She stopped me from becoming a psychotic monster, she stopped me from being my mother.”

“Okay, okay, okay. Point taken, I shouldn't have brought it up.” Twilight Spark backpedalled, speaking in a more natural higher voice. “On the subject of my dear father, do you have any idea where you sent my parents, father isn't usually gone this long when Lady Velvet sends him on his little missions.”

Twilight paused, “Uhhh, I don't, actually, know. I wasn't exactly thinking straight at the time, your mother had just explicitly threatened my little sister's life. Hopefully it's somewhere suitably unpleasant.”

---

Frost trudged through the swamp, the fetid water up to his barrel.

“Oh, what a wretched place, I have never seen so much filth in one place, and the smell. Oh Frost, why don't you use your special Twilight magic to get out of this.”

Unfortunately, he also had his wife standing on his back; even worse the mare just wouldn't shut up. “The spell that sent us here was deliberately discordant, if I tried teleporting now, before the backlash wears off, we'd end up smeared across a couple square kilometres.” He said for the seventeenth time in his trademark monotone, silently wishing that his nephew had actually done the deed.

“Oh, this is just awful.” Blazing Passion said for the thirty-seventh time.

No, he reminded himself, it was better to have her with him. If worst came to worst, she would help him stave off starvation for at least a couple weeks. He just had to avoid loosing his mind to her incessant whining in the mean time.

---

“Well if they don't pop up in the next couple months, you probably teleported them to the centre of the sun or the bottom of the ocean or something.” Spark shrugged, “It happens.”

Applejack gasped, “Why are ye talking yer parents in that way?”

Spark scoffed, “It's not like they had anything to do with raising me. Probably for the best as neither has a nurturing bone in their body.”

“But they're yer family.”

“So?”

“SO?! Yer family is yer family.”

“Your circular logic is impeccable.” Spark drawled.

Twilight sighed, “We're getting side-tracked, what's been planned.”

“Uh, not a whole lot, Lady Velvet is holed up in her cave and has the hunt planned for five days from now, shortly followed by the feast. Outside that, big sis has gotten the aurametric spectrometer up and running for you to get your signature read.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “So my mother demanded I come yesterday, for a feast that isn't until next week?”

Spark shrugged, “It's Lady Velvet the Mad, it could be anything from a deliberate snub, to a prank to a legitimate mistake. We don't try to understand her thought processes; that way madness lies.”

“But you're all mad anywa ...” Shadow fell to the ground spasming, lightning magic arcing from her coat.

“Spark, please don't electrocute my guards.”

Spark pouted, “But she totally deserves it.”

“G-g-g-go b-b-buck y-y-yourself.”

“Spark ...” Twilight said, lighting her horn in warning.

“Okay, fine.” Spark cut off the spell.

Rainbow leaned close to Twilight, “Sooo Twilight. What's an 'aurametric spectrometer', I've never heard of them.”

“Oh, it's a device that reads the magical fields in an object, or in this case a pony. It can give you a reading on power, alignment, active magical effects and many other magical eccentricities, like magical illnesses or disorders.”

“Wait, so there is a machine that tells you all that with a press of the button? I thought ponies had to spend years in meditation and introspection to figure such things out.”

“Not for a very long time they haven't. It's not like Old Equestria where such a thing was viewed as a right of passage.” Twilight gave a look at Rainbow, what the mare didn't know was starting to become more suspicious than what she did, she seemed to have a surprisingly robust knowledge on many subjects, including some very obscure and archaic topics, but seemed to be missing some very basic common knowledge, “Aurametric Spectrometers have existed for just over 300 years, and for many hundreds of years prior there were spells that worked similarly, albeit less precise. In fact, the Orders Stalwart managed to piece together much more rudimentary versions of such spells in the middle of the Dark Age as we didn't have the time for such introspection, and that's well over a millennium ago.” Twilight paused, “Not that we shared them with anyone else.”

“Huh, wow.”

“So Spark, can I trust you to make sure nothing happens to the girls?”

“Sure, sure, Sparkles, I will just give them my Spark patented tour of the Manor. I promise, no dangerousness.”

“Okay, I'm trusting you Spark, don't make me regret it.”

“Yeah, yeah, protect them or my life will be forfeit, blah, blah, blah.” Spark paused. “Oh and Aura wanted Spike for scanning too, although she didn't say why.”

“Okay, follow me, Spike.”

Spike silently made to follow Twilight.

“You're not very talkative right now.”

Spike glared at the stallion.

“Ah, the 'silent treatment', wonderful. Well, let's get going.” Twilight started trotting off, “Oh, and Spark, 'dangerousness' isn't a real word.”

“And yet you understood it perfectly well.” Spark yelled at the retreating stallion, she turned to the five mares taking on her original deeper voice, “Welcome, welcome, one and all, to Spark's tour of Twilight Manor, the most wonderfullest tour of this ancient place. Now, the Twilight Manor is the ancestral home, and seat of power, of House Twilight, formerly known as the Stalwart of Twilight. It was built near the beginning of the middle Dark Age by the Stalwart of Brokenstone, which means that the manor is approximately 1400 years old, give or take about fifty years, making it the oldest continuously inhabited building in Equestria by a large margin.”

Rarity raised a hoof.

“Yes, you have a question?”

“You talk like you don't know how old it is, how is it you don't know it's exact age? ”

“Ah, yes, good catch. The problem is that it's actually incredibly difficult to date events that happened in the Dark Age, the banishing of Nightmare Moon and the absence of Princess Celestia meant that diurnal cycle was erratic and irregular, a single day or night could last anywhere from a couple hours to upwards of several weeks. And without the ponypower required for the changing of the seasons ... well, without seasons, you don't have years. Honestly the only reason we even have a coherent, semi-accurate timeline is due to the hard work of our genealogists.”

“If there were no seasons, how'd ponies farm?”

Spark grimaced, “With great difficulty, it was not uncommon for a crop to fail due to drought, heat, darkness or frost. And a failed crop usually resulted in many ponies – sometimes entire towns – starving to death. Only those who managed to find a less sensitive food source, like we did with the Everfree Forest, had any measure of food security.” Spark sighed, “It was a grim time.”

There was a brief pause.

“Well that's enough of that dark talk ... right now we are standing the Manor's primary portal room.” Spark gestured around at the rather spartan square stone room, unadorned except for the large teleportation circle in it's centre and a robust steel door in the far wall. “This is the primary method that us Twilights use to enter and exit the Manor. While this is not the only such room in the Manor, the number and location of other teleportation circles is classified as “need to know” and thus will not be a part of this tour. Now please follow me into the entrance hall.” Spark started trotting to the door.

Four mares followed Spark closely leaving Rainbow looking at the ceiling.

“Are those murder holes?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny any defensive measures built into the manor. I can merely state that Twilight Manor has never been successfully captured, despite many attempts to do so. All of which ended poorly for the attackers.”

“I was under the impression that only Twilights are capable of using your teleportation circles.” Rainbow stated as she examined a series of small holes set at the base of the walls, poison gas or just ventilation?

“That's true.” Spark stated curtly.

“And you feel the need for so many traps?” Rainbow asked examining a third set of holes, these ones charred black. They have flamethrowers built into the walls, too. Twilight wasn't lying about them being paranoid.

“I can neither confirm nor deny any defensive measures built into the manor.” Spark repeated, sounding annoyed. She lit her horn and the heavy door opened, not making a sound. “Come.”

The five mares followed her into a grand hallway hewn from solid stone; so long that they could barely see the end, empty except for the three star banners of House Twilight that were hung every couple metres.

“Standing here, you are standing directly below the peak of the Pillar of Twilight, the highest mountain in the known world. Right here you likely deeper in the Earth than you have ever been before, yet we are still well above sea level.”

“I ain't heard of no 'Pillar of Twilight' before.”

“You should have, considering that it's the mountain that the hive of scum and villainy you call your capital is built on.”

“Pardon?”

“Canterlot, just a couple kilometres behind you is Canterlot.”

Rarity piped up, “I believe that the mountain Canterlot is built on is called 'Mount Canterhorn'.”

“Correction,” Spark snarled, “Ponies pretend it's called that stupid name because they refuse to recognize that it's Twilight ancestral land that they built their precious capital on. Land that was leased to Celestia for a noble title, because apparently only the nobility have rights in this damnable country.”

Rarity was taken aback, “What?!”

“They murdered Starfall, they enslaved Skyhaven, they 'disappeared' Brokenstone, We alone remain.” Spark sighed, “And of course, you know nothing of any of it, for the cowards hide from their own cowardice just as much as they hide from their duty. Listen closely as I tell you of the history that has been hidden from you, a tale of strife, of survival against all odds, of triumph and of wretched betrayal.”

---

Twilight knocked on the closed door to the lab,

“Ah, Sparkle, Spike come on in, I just got finished setting everything up.” The door opened, seemingly on it's own.

The alicorn and the dragon walked into the lab where Aura was tinkering with a large expensive looking machine.

“Shadow, Umbra, don't think I can't see you there, the two of you can wait outside.”

“But, why?” Shadow whined before turning to her sister and whispering, “How does she keep seeing us?”

“Doctor patient confidentiality, and I can hear you too, Shadow.”

“But you're not a doctor.”

Aura rolled her eyes, “Am I not?” before slamming and locking the door. She turned Twilight “So, Sparkle, I figured that with your recent change, you're likely going to want to do a complete aurametric survey so I got Borla here set up for you.”

“Borla?”

“That's her name, beautiful machine, one of a kind and state of the art. Took quite a few bits to aquire her for the manor.”

“Uh, huh.”

“Now I already took the liberty of obtaining your last scans from the house archives.”

“Wait, you shouldn't even have those, they're supposed to be under seal in the Royal Archives.”

Aura raised an eyebrow, “And you think that means we wouldn't have access to them?”

Twilight sighed, “Mother stole them, didn't she.”

“Within a week; you had just spontaneously become an alicorn. We didn't even know that was possible. The entire house was going mad trying to find out how you managed it; we still haven't figured it out.”

“And none of you thought to ask me?”

“Well ... Considering your disposition towards the House and the fact you had just became an alicorn ...”

“You were afraid of me?”

“The existing precedent for alicorns is either ' singlehoofedly moving celestial objects' and/or 'mind control'”

“Mind control?” Twilight pause, “Aura, Cadence does not have 'mind control powers'.”

“Then how did that filthy monogamist steal my Shining Armour?”

“Your Shining Armour? I'm sorry, but my big brother wasn't yours. He never showed the slightest interest in you.” Then again, he didn't show interest in Cadence either. I didn't even know they were dating until their wedding.

“So you're saying I didn't try hard enough?”

Twilight winced, “No, Aura, quite the opposite, if anything you came on too strong.”

“What, I'm romantic, unlike you mister virgin.”

“Aura, in no world is galloping at a stallion who you're not in a relationship with screaming 'I love you, give me your foals' actually romantic, nor is chaining yourself to his bed after he shows you no interest. It's desperate and more than a little bit creepy.”

“But that's how it works in the books.”

Twilight was taken aback “... Oh buck no. You actually read that trash my mother makes. That garbage has no correlation with reality.” Honestly it explains a concerning amount about Aura. “And you're the one who's a virgin, not me.” Why did I say that?

Aura examined Twilight for a second, “Not even a week, and you've already scored.”

Twilight sighed, then grimaced. “How do you know I didn't loose my virginity as a mare, huh? I was a perfectly attractive mare.” Extremely attractive actually, although she hadn't know it at the time, getting an erection from my own image has to be the strangest confidence boost ever.

Aura laughed, “You're funny Sparkle. So who was it? Pink, Purple, Yellow, Orange or Blue? It's all of them isn't it. So was it individually or all of them at the same time. Please tell me it's the orgy.”

Twilight growled, “It's none of your bucking business, that's what it is. There was no bucking orgy. And those aren't my friend's names. You should honestly quit those trashfires my mother calls literature, they're clearly ailing your mind.”

“'The lord doth protest too much'” Aura smirked, “So which one is your favorite?”

“And this conversation is officially over, did you call me here to get my scans done, or just to pester me about things that are clearly none of your business?” Twilight snarled, “And it was a combination of the Elements of Harmony, Starswirl's Unfinished Spell and friendship magic that made me an alicorn.”

Aura pouted for a second, “So, it's not replicable?”

“Not without the Elements it isn't. And even then, it would only work on their chosen bearers.”

“Unfortunate ... well let's get you ready for your scans.”

---

“So, when Celestia banished the monstrous Nightmare Moon, all of Equestria rejoiced, for they believed that with the end of the war their troubles would finally be over. But little did they know, that the war was only the start of it, the start of the Dark Age.” Spark paused, “For without her Moon Princess, Equestria was left adrift, unable to control the passing of days. While ponies were initially pleased by the unending day that had become the new normal, it wasn't long before problems started to appear. Without the darkness of the night and the cooling influence of the moon the land rapidly warmed, soon the heat was of the height of summer despite it being the depth of winter just several hundred hours earlier. Even worse, the crops had started to die, scorched by the unrelenting power of the sun. It was at this point that the remaining loyal Lunar unicorn houses decided to intervene. They put together a group of hundreds of their most powerful mages in an attempt to resume their ancient duties and raise the moon ...”

Spark, gave a deep look to the five mares, “... But it was all for naught, for each one of them was struck dead in an instant by a jealous Nightmare. Soon it was dangerous to even stand in the daylight. Ponies were forced to hide where the light couldn't touch them, in cellars and caves, under wards and in the Everfree forest, rationing their ever dwindling food supplies. Then suddenly, after the rivers dried up and when the oceans started to boil, it was night.”

“What about Princess Celestia? Shouldn't she have been able to control the moon, like she did before Princess Luna returned?”

“Not at that time she couldn't, in fact it was Princess Celestia managing to gain control of the moon that marked the end of the Dark Age. That's actually the origin of the Summer Sun Celebration. To be honest, we don't know how she even did it, by all rights it should not have been possible. A unicorn's magic has inherent limitations that are – as far as we are aware – completely impossible to overcome. For example, as a lightning aligned unicorn I'm completely incapable of casting even the smallest earth magic spell; even levitating pebbles is hard for me to do as the innate magic in them rebels against my spells. We have no reason to believe such restrictions go away for alicorns, if anything they increase.”

Spark took a breath, “So once again ponies celebrated, and once again the celebration was premature. The folly of the Nightmare was revealed, as eternal night was no kinder to the land than eternal day was. The water that had been evaporated during the day returned, first as an unending torrential rain that washed over the sun-baked land as floods, then as sleet that chilled to the bone, then as hail and finally as a frigid wind that covered everything it touched in a solid layer of ice nearly a metre thick. And then, right as ponies could take no more, it was day again. Thus it continued, with day and night passing to the other erratically and without warning, and while never did they last as long as the First Day or the Long Night, drought and flood and frost and fire became a constant threat.”

“Ah, still don't get how ponies fed themselves, ain't nopony who can farm in those conditions.”

“Most ponies didn't, it's estimated that ninety percent of Equestria's population didn't make it to the end of the Long Night, and most of those are believed to have died from starvation. It was a truly bleak time.”

There was a brief silence.

“And desperation brings out the worst in some ponies, many starving ponies descended to banditry, some even became cannibals. And then there were the external threats; Griffon tribe's, caribou raiding parties, more than a couple rogue dragons, and stranger accursed beings – vampires and other fiends – all come to slake their hunger – and other desires – on soft pony flesh.” Spark laughed darkly.

“They ate ponies?” A horrified Rarity asked.

Spark smirked, “Yup, but we weren't left without any way to fight back, the nobility of Old Equestria maintained standing armies even during peacetime, and those armies had only swollen during the civil war. But those armies were disorganized, confused and had a rigid command structure that was unsuitable for the situation. This lead to a number of prominent noble houses – along with many other military and paramilitary organizations – to form the Order Stalwart, a chivalric order whose sole responsibility was the protection of the common ponies from those who would prey on them; this marked the end of the early Dark Age. The Order Stalwart would then go on to build fortresses all across central Equestria, one of which being this very Manor.” Spark paused, “Although the specific tunnel we are travelling down was dug later, the year 679 specifically, as they never had a reason to dig quite this far into the mountain before that.”

“A tunnel that you are able to collapse?” Rainbow guessed idly, earning a baleful glare from Spark.

“But while a major turning point, the establishment of the Order Stalwart did not mean that the time of strife was over. Our enemies numbered more than the stars and it would be a good 300 years – approximately – of constant war until we managed to deal with the majority of the threats. And about a hundred years after that – a hundred years of good governance by the remaining Orders Stalwart – the Dark Age ended with Celestia's return and the first summer solstice of modernity. And shortly after that, other noble houses started appearing, Platinum, Hurricane, Sunfire and dozens others besides. At first we were ecstatic, after all we had thought that they had all gone extinct, but here they were alive and well.”

Spark sighed, “But that feeling was not mutual, if anything they seemed offended that we had even managed to survive. Before we even knew they had returned, they had declared every noble house that had remained in Equestria – our very ancestors – extinct and replaced them with their second daughters and loyal lapdogs, the 'new' houses.” Spark closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks,

“And they weren't satisfied with just destroying our birthright and rendering us commoners, no they just could not abide our existence. First, Sunfire – damn their ashes – pretending to treat with the Stalwart of Starfall, under guest right, murdered them in the dead of night. Unfortunately for them, the Orders Stalwart has already learned our lesson about letting our enemies take our fortresses and the murderers died in the violent collapse of the Castle Starfall's wards.” Spark smirked viciously.

“Of course, they learned from that. A short time later and Hurricane did something – presumably some hideously illegal mind magic – to Skyhaven and forced them to cut all ties with their fellow Orders Stalwart, and appropriated The Skyhaven as their own, renaming it 'Cloudsdale', 'the first cloud city of New Equestria' they called it. Bastards.”

Rainbow was taken aback, “You mean House Hurricane? As in the descendants of Captain Hurricane?”

Spark rolled her eyes, “No I'm talking about the other ancient 'noble' pegasus House Hurricane.”

Rarity spoke up, “Now, while this has all been fascinating, it seems a little far-fetched. How could a pegasus house possibly do such a thing, it's not like they can do magic?”

Spark snarled, “They got one of their vassals to do it – they do have a couple minor unicorn houses as vassals – or they hired a dark mage or they have a dark artifact, I don't know, it's not like we can ask them. They're older than Equestria, they have resources we don't. But they did it, I'm not lying..”

Rarity gasped, “What, no, I would never accuse you of lying.”

“No, you'll just heavily imply it. I know your kind, you never speak your mind always twisting your biting words to speak in implications and euphemism because you like to pretend you're oh so virtuous. You will find very little tolerance for such a practice here, so if you can't speak frankly, don't speak at all.”

“Just because our magic is different than yours, that doesn't mean it's not magic.” Rainbow added.

“Now, any other questions?”

The five mares shook their heads.

“Okay, good. Now where was I.” Spark paused for a bit, “After the Stalwart of Skyhaven were stolen, the Stalwart of Brokenstone disappeared, leaving no trace. We still have no idea who wiped them out, we don't even know how they were murdered. One day they were there, and the next ... The Rock of Brokenstone was rubble. Thus all of our closest allies were gone, the only other remaining Orders Stalwart were too far away for us to know them, not that they lasted much longer, not after the Stalwart of Whisperingwood organized most of the surviving Orders Stalwart into open revolt. A revolt Twilight didn't even know was happening until years after it had been defeated with overwhelming force.”

“Thus started the Hundred Years of Silence, one hundred years of hiding, one hundred years of preparing, one hundred years of fearing, one hundred years of waiting. All for when the nobility would come to finish their job and annihilate us. When we would fight to the last pony, against an army a thousand times our size. When we would make the traitors bleed and choke and die for every hall and every room they took.” Spark took a couple deep breaths to calm down.

“But it never came, I don't know if they forgot about us, or if they learned of some our fortifications and realized that it would cost more than they were willing to spend, but we were left completely unmolested. And then she showed up, Princess Celestia, she showed up ... not to thank us for protecting her ponies, or to sympathize for our losses. No she came to us for a discussion on land rights, she wanted to build a city on our mountain. We wanted – oh, so badly – to tell her to 'go buck herself' – although in less diplomatic words than that – some of us even wanted to attack her, but luckily the Lady Commander Twinkle Star was wiser than most of the Order. She gave Celestia permission to build her city and an indefinite land lease in return for a noble title and a formal recognition of our ownership of the Pillar of Twilight. Unfortunately, she refused to recognize our ownership of the Everfree Forest, as that was apparently 'Crown Land', but that was recently returned to us via Prince Sparkle so we're willing to let that slight go.”

“Oh, we're here.” Spark stopped at another solid steel door, opening it with her magic. “Welcome to Twilight Manor, properly this time.”

---

A dark figure was hunched over a scrying pool, watching the newcomers without their knowledge, “Myesssss, we have company, Vexiquin, we do.” She spoke to the stuffed bobcat she was petting.

The taxidermy said nothing.

“Yes, my dear Vexiquin, we must test them, to see if worthy they are, yes.”

There was no response.

“Eh, he he he he. Like how you think my dear Vexiquin I do. Hunting, go I must. My dear, stay you here.”

'Vexiquin' the bobcat did nothing.

“Return, soon will I.”

---

“Huh, that's weird.” Aura looked at the output of the Aurametric spectrometer.

“Uh, Aura, what's weird?” Twilight was concerned.

“Your base mana signature is very odd.”

“Odd, how? Is it bad?”

“I don't actually know, It doesn't seem pathological, it's too harmonious for that, but I've never seen a reading anything like this from a pony before. Have you done anything that could have changed your base magic?”

“I don't know, I turned into a stallion?”

Aura rolled her eyes, “A pony's base mana, unlike most creatures, doesn't change depending on sex. You know that as well as I.”

“I became an alicorn?”

“Yes and we have your scans. This is more recent than that.”

“Then my only other idea it's a side effect of the backlash that made me a stallion.”

“That is technically possible, but infinitesimal in probability.” Aura said slowly, “Magical backlash is inherently chaotic, and every example of backlash effecting a pony's base mana resulted in them becoming a hideous monstrosity of flesh and teeth and eyes, if they even survived.”

Twilight shrugged, “It made my soul into that of a stallion, so anything is possible.”

“And you think backlash did all of that?”

“I can think of no other possible way the spell I cast, 'When you remove the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.'”

Aura snorted, “And the problem with deductive reasoning is that you can never properly account for every possibility. Just because you can't think of a way for something to happen, that doesn't mean it's impossible.”

“But it is impossible, auramancy spells just don't transform ponies, especially not maintenance auramancy spells.”

“Huh, auramancy did this? That makes some sense, after all auramancy is the manipulation of existing magical fields. It's even possible, albeit rare, for auramancy to mimic other schools by interacting with persistent magical effects from those schools.”

“Except that there's no magical effect that could explain a mare to stallion transformation. Quite the opposite actually, as the prevalent magic wants to turn stallions into mares and no amount of auramancy will ever turn magic against it's purpose.”

“'The prevalent magic wants to turn stallions into mares'?”

“Apparently, ponies really wanted daughters back in Old Equestria. It's actually the reason why there are so many more mares than stallion”

“'Back in Old Equestria'? Just how prevalent was the practice that we're still feeling it's effects at least 1500 years later?!”

“I don't know, but prevalent enough that ponykind almost went extinct, at least according to the Princesses.”

“They managed to make it bucking supercritical?! Here I thought that supercritical spell interference was a purely hypothetical situation, because nopony would actually be bucking stupid enough to actually do it. But no, the bucking incompetents actually did it, and on their own bucking children?! It's a wonder they were even able to breathe, with their sub-zero IQs. Why, I wish the mentally deficient fools were still alive so I could strangle them. Or maybe I would flay them instead ...” Aura trailed off seething in rage.

...

“Uh, Aura, are you okay?”

Aura sighed, “I just lost my last remaining belief in ponykind.” She rolled her eyes, “How did they manage to avert it anyways.”

“I don't know exactly, Princess Celestia didn't say and Princess Luna was deliberately vague, but it seemed to be bad.”

”So I guess, this has something to do with why you haven't turned yourself back?”

“It's High Treason to try.”

Aura nodded, “Makes sense, if the residue is still around, then it can't be very far from criticality, even a small push might make it supercritical again, and I doubt it would be able to be adverted again, magic is a living force, it learns and changes in response to stimuli. It's why making any kind of self sustaining magical effect is so dangerous and why super-critical magical interference is an abomination to every competent mage.”

Twilight sighed, “I guess ... It's just frustrating. I was born and raised as a mare, being a stallion is so different.”

Aura smirked, “What, not used to having a cock?”

“What, no, that's not it. The bank asked me for my cosigner, me. An alicorn prince and the lord of the entire town, I literally own the the land that the bank is built on. And mares have been throwing themselves at me asking for studding rights. Also, there was one mare who asked me to abdicate my position, and I'm not sure if it's even legally possible for an alicorn to abdicate.”

Aura made a face of utter disgust at the mention of studding, “And you made sure that they were suitably chastised for that disgusting insult.”

“What, for asking for studding? No; they didn't know. I just told them no.”

Aura made a dark chuckle, “That won't help, those degenerates don't take no for an answer, especially not from a stallion. The only thing they understand is force. I should know, there were so many of those parasites pursuing my Shining, that chastising them became a full time job. And I was successful in protecting his purity from those harlots, at least until that 'Princess Mi Amore Cadenza' stole his heart and mind.”

Twilight sighed, there was so, so much to unpack there, “Uh, Aura, what exactly do you mean by 'pursuing'?”

“Potions, drugs, magic, coercion or simple force.”

“You're telling me mares raped my brother?”

Aura rolled her eyes. “No, I'm telling you they attempted too, we made sure they were unsuccessful. It took a while for the stupid mares to figure out that just because he wasn't born of a noble house, that didn't mean he didn't have the protection of one.”

“That's horrible ... no that's Evil.”

Aura shrugged, “And that's Equestria, the best you can do is protect those you care about.”

“But rape is illegal.”

“It is?”

“I've been there when Princess Celestia has executed rapists.”

“And how many of those rapists were mares?”

Twilight paused thinking back to it, “... none of them, Why?”

“Have you ever read the legal definition of 'rape'?”

“No?”

“Because by modern Equestrian law, 'rape' is forcibly putting your penis in another pony's orifice. And last time I checked, mares don't usually have penises.”

“But just because it's not considered rape, that doesn't mean it's legal.”

“Sure, it's technically 'illegal', but laws enforced by fines are really only laws for the poor.”

“It's just a fine?!” Twilight was horrified.

“Yep, a fine of twice the studding cost of the stallion, or five hundred bits if the stallion doesn't have an 'active studding contract'. And that's for a mare who successfully forces herself on a stallion, there is no fine for the unsuccessful, the only justice can be done extra-legally. Luckily, the law at least looks the other way when ponies make up for it's deficiencies in that area.”

“Five hundred bits?! I spend more than that in an average shopping trip.”

“The judge who originally set that figure outright stated that it was deliberately low in order to punish the family for not making their son do his duty.” Aura hissed out the last word with hatred. “So because of that forcing yourself on a stallion without a 'contract' is the most economically viable way for a mare to have sex. The bucking degenerates really hate stallions who refuse to be prostitutes, and families who refuse to force them to be, so they take the liberty to make them such retroactively. It's up to us to make it nonviable to do such to our stallions in other ways.” Aura sighed, “If we had the power, we would wipe the slate clean and remake the country in a way that isn't so utterly vile.”

Twilight was silent in shock.

Aura closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face “I'm sorry to tell you this. I truly wish it weren't true. But I swear on my life that we will do everything in our power to prevent it from happening to you.”

“I can defend myself.” Twilight said, offended.

“It is not an insult to your capabilities, but everypony is flawed, everypony makes mistakes and everypony lets their guard down. Maybe you can defend yourself from their insidious assaults, maybe your status will protect you or maybe our name will. But I know better than to trust in maybes. After all, Shining is the most powerful abjuration specialist born in centuries and he needed almost a dozen ponies to keep him safe.”

---

Despite entering the Manor proper, they had yet to enter a proper room, instead following Spark through a complex maze of halls, the mare speaking without pause about about the many inane details of the history of these halls. She had none of the fire that she had earlier, instead speaking in the subdued tone of mare reading from a script, likely memorized. And such a script would likely be carefully curated to exclude any actionable military intelligence if Rainbow's reading of the mare was correct, as well as an unknown number of other sensitive topics that she had no idea how to guess at.

It was all horribly boring, and Rainbow had more interesting things to focus on. Like how not a single hall they had passed through was missing the murder holes in the ceiling, or the fetlock high holes that she had determined to be ventilation. That had made itself clear to her sensitive feathers as soon as she got her wings close to the holes. It was pretty obvious in retrospect, they were, as Spark explained, deep underground, and ponies needed air to live. That said, Rainbow had her money that they didn't have a use in the defence of the manor, if not poison gas – which she still thought likely – then at least it was likely they could just turn the ventilation off in parts of the manor. After all, as flight school had hammered into her, hypoxia is deadly, and ground bound ponies were even more vulnerable to it than pegasi.

Honestly with just control of the ventilation and the massive stone doors – much like the ones that would close behind Daring Do as the room would start filling with sand/water/snakes/spiders/centipedes/stingrays/bees/flesh-eating cabbages – any invading army would likely be stopped dead instantly, and be dead in hours.

“Oh, so these are little Sparkles' mare friends ...” Said an orange mare whose mane appeared to be on fire.

“What are you doing here Flare, shouldn't you be off playing with your explosives?”

“What? A mare can't be interested in meeting her cousin's friends?”

Spark sighed, “Well, you five, here's my idiot sister, Twilight Flare ...”

“I'll burn you”

“... I don't know why she's here to meet us, but I would keep your distance if you don't want to spontaneously combust.”

Flare rolled her eyes, “Only if they irritate me.”

Rarity moved forward, raining a hoof to shake, “It is a pleasure to meet you Lady Flare, I am Rarity, proprietor of Carousel Boutique. And these are my friends, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and ...” Rarity looked around “...where is Pinkie Pie?”

Flare examined the offered hoof with a strange expression.

Spark looked around desperately for the missing mare, catching view of her sneaking up behind Flare holding a bucket of ... Oh buck no, she thought before disappearing in a crackle of electricity ...

... reappearing between the two mares and taking a bucket of water to the face.

Flare turned and glared at the pink mare, “Know this, assassin, my sister has saved your life this day, not mine, for I am no longer vulnerable to such foul poison. Good bye.” The mare disappeared in a bust of flame.

...

“Well that was rude.” Rarity scowled.

Spark, sighed. “The thing about my sister you have to understand is that she has tread further on the path of the elementalist than any of us. Sacrificing a portion of her equinity and rewriting her Ego in the language of Fire; she has truly become a Creature of Fire. She does not act or respond like a 'normal' pony,” She glared at the pink pony still holding the empty bucket. “And attempting to put out her mane is incredibly foolish.”

“But she was on fire!”

“No, she is Fire. Such a thing can be considered attempted murder, even if it's unlikely to kill her. And she has killed ponies for doing what you attempted.”

Pinkie's eyes widened. “What!?”

“Just, please don't act so impulsively, very few ponies here are what you would consider 'normal', and the last thing I want to do is explain to Sparkles why one or more of his friends got themselves dead.”

The four mares followed Spark.

Wait where is Applejack? Rainbow thought ...

... It's not my problem. The mare put a hoof to her forehead, wait, what was I thinking about? She suddenly had a slight headache, keep your wits with you, my bearer, something odd is going on.

---

“Hunting, hunting, hunting. Hunting, yes me fun ...” Sang a figure softly to herself, stalking down the hall, dragging a burlap sack

Shadow glanced at the figure “Wait, I think I saw ...”

“No.” Umbra cut her off.

“She's right ...”

“No.”

“But she's dragging ...”

“No.”

“What?”

“You saw nothing, Shadow.” Umbra stared into her sister's eyes.

“Fine, I saw nothing.”

“Good.”

---

“Well, your Earth Pony and Pegasus magic are pretty normal, inherently strong, but untrained. Not surprising considering the circumstances, what with you being a new alicorn.”

“So no change?”

“Of course there's been a change, your magic is stronger and better integrated now.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean, Aura.”

“But now that you mention it, there hasn't been much progress on the training front, don't you have Earth Ponies and Pegasi in your friend group. What would Princess Celestia think of you neglecting half of your magical heritage like this.”

“I've been busy.”

“Not too busy to mess around with strange auramancy spells.”

“Buck off, Aura.” Twilight said without heat.

---

Applejack woke with a nasty headache, “What, where am I!” She tried to get up, only to find that she had been restrained. “What's going on?!”

“Your struggles futile, Applerack, they are. Those binding, ten times your strength, hold, they can.” Said a voice from the shadows, stilted and awkward in cadence.

Applejack's struggling redoubled, “Who are yeh, and what do yah want with me?!”

A deranged cackle came from behind, “Slow of learning, is she, my dear, Vexiquin.” A shadowed hodded figure moved into Applejack's vision holding a miserable looking stuffed cat. “But, question, to me, they belong, Papalblack. Answers, your roll, are they.”

“Mah name is Applejack. And stop speaking nonsense.”

“It is? No, no, no. Packball, one question is this: what interest have you with Prince Twilight Sparkle, First of that Name, Duke of Everfree, Heir to House Twilight, hmmm?”

“Wha? Twilight? He's just mah friend.”

There was a smash as the mare threw the stuffed cat, knocking over something outside of Applejack's vision, “Lies!” The mare snarled moving forward, into the light “You desire him, I know you do!”

She looks a lot like Twilight. “Yer, his mother, aren't yeh. Ah, ain't a whorse, an' I definately ain't a poacher. Why don't yeh let me out and we can talk about this like civilized mares.”

“'Civilized mares'?!” The mare snarled, “Nay, nay, nay. Lucky for consideration, even, you are. First ...” There was a pair of snaps as the mare put on odd ribbed gloves, “... examined, must you, be.”

“Examined? Wha' do yah mean?”

The mare grabbed Applejack's jaw with strength atypical of a unicorn and stared into her mouth.”

Applejack's snarled and started struggling, “When ah get out of here, Ah'm goin'a buck you into next week.”

“Lewd,” the mare chuckled, “Remember, not, but you.”

---

The five mares finally entered a room that wasn't just a stone hallway, “Welcome to Lounge number 5, the best view in the manor.” Spark trotted up to the large window taking up the entire far wall. “Looking down you can see the great Everfree Forest, our historic hunting grounds. We owe our very existence to the forest, for even in the most inhospitable weather, the chaotic magic of the forest meant that life was always growing and spreading. It provided for us when the the earth couldn't. In fact, the Stalwart of Brokenstone, Starfall and Skyhaven also built their fortresses on the border of the forest, for that exact reason. Their geographic closeness meaning that they were the only other orders we had any significant relations with.”

“If you look up you can see the bottom of the Twilight Manor Skyport, the sixteenth largest skyport in Equestria and responsible for aproximately seventy percent of House Twilight's and twelve percent of all of Canterlot's imports. If you didn't already know, airships account for a majority of Equestria's trade capacity. And this is especially true of Canterlot, who – like Equestria's cloud cities - imports the vast majority of it's commodities via airship.”

“What about trains?”

“Canterlot only has one train line, which was built relatively recently, and is only used for passengers. By and large, trains are only used to transport goods to and from towns that are too small to have a proper skyport. Like Ponyville,” Spark leaned in close to the glass, “And on the subject of Ponyville, if you look to the far right you can just make out the outskirts of the town. Ponyville is the only town in the newly established Duchy of Everyfree, now ruled by Prince Twilight Sparkle, my cousin, ending the centuries old land dispute between House Twilight and Princess Celestia. Ponyville is an odd town being very close to both Canterlot and Cloudsdale but being considered a frontier town due to it being built in on the border of the Everfree forest. Ponyville is, of course, most well known for being inhabited by so called 'involuntary celibates', mares who are so deprived of sexual contact that they've been driven to the greatest extremes of degeneracy ...”

“Spark.”

“Yes?”

“We're from Ponyville.”

“Yes, a terribly unfortunate coincidence, there are no less than seven 'Ponyvilles' in Equestria, terribly generic name. But this one gives the others all a bad name.”

“No, we're from that Ponyville.”

“Wait, you mean ...” The mare's eyes widened, “... that means ...” she gasped, “.. this means that the Electro-Chastizer 9000 project needs to be accelerated ...” The mare thrust her left forehoof into the air, “Don't worry Sparkles, I'll protect your virginity!” she yelled before disappearing in a flash of lightning.

Rainbow scoffed, “A bit late for that.” Wait, why did I say that? She asked herself, Because you're staking your claim, my bearer, you fleshy types have a concerning propensity for denial.

A scandalized Rarity and a confused looking Applejack glared at the Pegasus. “How, gauche.”

Applejack looked around, “Wait, where are we?”

“Lounge number 5 my dear, weren't you paying attentio...”

Rainbow looked around at the three mares in the room, something wasn't right. Fluttershy was here, so was Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Wait where's Rari ... IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. She grit her teeth as she was almost overwhelmed by pain, her last thoughts lost. It's not normal to loose your thoughts like that, my bearer, I fear mental magic is being inflicted on you.

---

“Your, dhampir magic seems normal ... maybe?”

“It seems, 'normal, maybe', that's really helpful.”

“I mean, we don't exactly have a lot to go on, your last scans completely neglected it. Which isn't surprising since it operates at an unusual frequency, higher than Pegasus magic but lower than Unicorn, not a frequency range anypony's likely to check unless they know about it already.” She paused, “Probably for the best, I wouldn't want to explain to Princess Celestia why there's an unstable chaotic blob of shadow and blood magic shoved haphazardly into your matrix, and I doubt you would either. Although honestly, we don't understand it all that well, it's not like we have an abundance of data, we didn't have anything nearly as precise as Borla back in the Dark Age, and even if we did, the vampires had a habit of exploding when we tried to capture them. So we're trying to piece things together after the fact using a rather diluted magical inheritance. If not for CIV, we wouldn't even know a quarter as much as we do.”

Twilight gulped, “'Unstable', 'chaotic', 'shoved' and 'haphazardly' are not words you want hear describing your magical matrix, especially not when it's shortly followed by 'exploding'.”

Aura shrugged, “Whoever or whatever was responsible for the creation of the vampires, it was not natural, it was not harmonious, and it had little concern for the longevity of it's creations. Mortal beings aren't meant to exist without a soul and shoving a mass of magic in the empty hole where it once was is the definition of a hack-job. Although I shouldn't really judge that harshly as I don't have the faintest clue how it was done in the first place.”

“Aura, you can absolutely judge it harshly, whatever did it murdered ponies, turned them into soulless abominations and released them as a scourge upon ponykind.”

“Touche.” Aura paused and looked at the readings again, “If it makes you feel better, your dhampir magic is a lot more harmonious than CIV's is.”

“No, it does not help to know that my little sister has an even more chaotic 'unstable chaotic blob of shadow and blood magic shoved haphazardly into [her] matrix'”

“Oh that, eh heh heh,” Aura awkwardly rubbed a hoof through her mane, “I don't think it's that much of a problem, there isn't a single case of a Twilight exploding, or otherwise suffering significant adverse effects from the dhampir magic. We believe that the entire exploding thing had more to do with a vampire's lack of a soul than the magic that was shoved in it's place, it's believed that hole would suck in any ambient magic around the vampires, 'nature abhors a vacuum' and whatnot. And if that ambient magic interferes destructively with the magic the vampire already had ... well, pop goes the vampire ~” Aura sang the last line. “We believe that's why they lived so closely together despite so clearly hating each other so, so much; they literally couldn't survive anywhere that wasn't saturated in their own magic.” Aura sighed, “If we had known that at the time, exterminating them would have been trivial, and so much bloodshed could have been adverted.”

“'If wishes were unicorns, we'd have a kingdom.'” Twilight sighed, “So CIV is fine?”

“I wouldn't say she's fine, she's your mother's daughter after all – albeit, not nearly as bad as you were – and she's, uh, bitey ...” Aura trailed off, “But she's physically and magically healthy, if that's what you're asking.”

“Uh, yeah that's relieving.”

---

“'Rarity, calls you, they. Bah, more common mare, never a, have seen, I”

Rarity woke rudely to the disjointed, disorienting diction of a mare she could not see. “What, where am I? What do you want.”

“Always as, stupid mares, stupid questions, ask.” There was a soft chuckle, “No, no, no, The questions, ask I.”

“What?! Let me go, you brute. You won't get away with this.”

The mare laughed, “Lies, lies, lies, stupid mares, lie, lie, lie ~” She sang disonantly.

“HELP, SOMEPONY HELP. A CRAZY BRUTE OF A MARE HAS ...” Suddenly her voice went silent.

“Hmph, Loud, stupid mare, is.”

Rarity started shivering in fear.

“No question, guess I, needed are. Knows everything, I. Stupid mare, stupid mare, is. Common, but thinks princess. Not princess, stupid mare, never princess, but not understand. Never understand. Stupid mare, stupid mare, is. Nothing more, need I.”

---

There was an awkward silence as the four mares wondered what to do, their guide had disappeared.

...

There was a crack of thunder as Twilight Spark reappeared, “Oh, you trixie mares. You almost got me. Got me all panicked about Sparkles, so that I almost left you to your own degenerate devices. But, no, Sparkle is currently safe, the Electro-Chastizer 9000 can wait for a little bit. But you, I'm on to you, and I'm not letting you out of my sight again. So you won't get to touch the soft delicious stallions in the manor.”

Applejack looked at the mare in confusion, “Now, ah'm sure that ah've missed something, but what the buck is goin' on!”

Rainbow felt a small niggle in the back of her head, “Uh, Spark here thinks we're a bunch of sexual deviants, or something, because we live in Ponyville.”

“What, I ain't no whorse. Ah'm a good upstanding mare, an' Ah won't tolerate some uppity filly slanderin' me.” Applejack got in Spark's face.

Spark took a step back, “Eh, what about I continue the tour.”

Before Spark could start a lost looking Rarity stared at Spark, “Wait, didn't you leave? How are you still here?”

Rainbow didn't hear the response as she caught a glimpse of a strange hooded mare stuffing an unconscious Pinkie Pie in a burlap sack, Somepony's kidnapping Pin ... IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM

Unseen and unheard by the other mares Rainbow fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

She pulled herself unsteadily to her feet, she couldn't remember what she had just been thinking about, but she could remember that she had forgotten it. Somethings BUCKING with my MIND, she snarled mentally, Did I not just say that?

---

“Wew, impressive. I've never seen a unicorn with such pure arcane magic; yours was always very pure, but this is on another level. Why, I'd say you're probably the purist arcane unicorn since bucking Starswirl the Bearded himself.”

Twilight was silent for a second, “Wait, what did you just say?”

“I said 'you're probably the purist arcane unicorn since Starswirl the Bearded' ...”

“The spell actually worked.” Twilight cut her off.

There was a brief pause.

“I'm sorry, please enlighten me, which spell are you talking about?”

“The auramancy spell, the one that turned me into a stallion.”

“Ah, and since a spell can't both work and backfire at the same time, the transformation has to be the result of the spell working as normal, if not as expected.” Aura smirked.

“But that's impossible, auramancy spells don't do that.”

“'When you remove the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.' Who knows it might actually be a disjunction spell.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Disjunction spells don't exist, it's a school of magic that's exclusive to the Elements of Harmony”

“Shut up, let me be smug.”

Twilight rolled his eyes and lit his horn.

There was an appreciable build in power until a book appeared in a bright flash.

“Wait, did you just teleport that all the way from Ponyville?!”

Twilight ignored Aura and opened the book to the spell he had recently been studying.

“Absolutely bucking ridiculous,” Aura looked at the cover of the book, “Wait, the spell that did this to you was a Starswirl the Bearded spell?! How can you talk about things being impossible with a bucking Starswirl the Bearded spell?! The stallion singlehandedly invented no less than seven fields of spellcasting, including – if I may remind you – spell cryptography. Which he used to make every single one of his spells as difficult to use – and study – as possible. How can you even be certain that it's even an auramancy spell, I know for certain that one of his spells is an evocation spell that's designed to look like a divination spell, rest in pieces to the poor bastards who sacrificed themselves to figure that out.”

“Hm,”

Aura moved behind Twilight and looked at the spell, “Now Sparkle, not that I'm an expert in auramancy – oh wait, that's exactly what I am, it is my specialty – but I have never seen an auramancy spell that uses an iso-causal spacetime metric before, in fact such things only seem to appear in aethermancy spells, which, just so happens to be the other school I'm an expert in.”

“So is every Twilight,” Twilight deadpanned, “Our entire House is fundamentally built on the school of aethermancy, ever since Aurora solved Starswirl's teleportation spell” He paused, finally recognizing the first part of Aura's statement, “Wait, an iso-causal spacetime metric, where?”

“Uh, it's split up into seven different parts and placed equidistantly around the outer circle here, I only recognized it because I'm working on reverse engineering another one of his spells – to not much luck I might add – and he used a similar obfuscation method in that spell, it's the only part I've managed to decode, how can a dead stallion be so infuriating?”

Twilight tilted his head ... “Now that you've pointed it out, I can see it. But this makes even less sense. Aethermancy is the school of time and space, if I found myself on another continent or if I became a filly, I would understand. But I became a stallion, I have never been a stallion before this.”

Aura's eyes widened, “'I set sail upon the sea of possibilities, and from them plucked that which had never been, and thus made it so.'”

Twilight let out a gasp, “You're talking about reality bending.”

“Yeah, I feel ridiculous even suggesting it, but if anypony could manage it, it's bucking Starswirl the Bearded. Although I have no idea why he would make a spell that turns it's caster into a stallion, even if the stallion was undeniably odd.”

Twilight paused, “Aura, do you have any aurametric scans from adult male non-ponies?”

“Yes, from both griffon drakes and male dragons. Why?”

“You have scans from dragons?” Twilight paused, “No, nevermind, can you get one of them out?”

“Uh I actually have the dragon scans right here, they're why I wanted Spike here, House Draconis finally actually responded to our diplomatic overtures.” She looked at the silent dragonling pouting in a chair in the corner. “Quiet one isn't he?”

“House Draconis? Huh.” The half-dragon house was notoriously isolationist, usually refusing to have anything to do with anyone from outside the Borderlands between Equestria and the Dragonlands. “And don't mind Spike; he's just being contrary right now, he'll get over it eventually. So could you compare my base mana to the base mana of the male dragon?”

“Uh, sure, but why?”

“Just do it.”

Aura levitated two papers over in front of her, “And what am I looking for?”

“Any similarities.”

“Sparkle, all living things have many similarities in their base mana, even ponies and dragons.”

“Similarities that are not shared with most ponies.”

“Okay ... I am even more confused now.” She levitated a third piece of paper to in front of her and her horn brightened, “Huh ...”

“You found similarities.”

“Yes, a concerningly large number of them in fact, you're not secretly a dragon are you?”

“No Aura, I'm not secretly a dragon.” Twilight said patronizingly.

“Then why ... ?” She waved her hooves a the three papers

“Aura, you know how ponies are the only known species whose base mana isn't differentiated by sex?”

“Yes?”

“What if it's not supposed to be like that?”

“Oh.”

Here's chapter 19. And it's my longest chapter yet, almost 10 000 words in fact. Sorry about taking so long, I haven't had much time to write since I moved this summer, but this fic is officially not dead or on hiatus.

Lots of exposition in this chapter, and quite a few answers to existing questions. If you miss anything in the technobabble (magibabble?) between Twilight and Aura please comment, I like answering questions.

“Aura, you know how ponies are the only species whose base mana isn't differentiated by sex?”

“Yes?”

“What if it's not supposed to be like that?”

“Oh.”

There was a brief pause.

“So, the spell residue ...”

“... Permanently altered the base magic of stallions to be more like mares, yes that seems to be the case.”

“That's ...”

“... awful? Yes, it is.”

“... fascinating.”

Twilight sighed, “Aura ...”

“I mean, we have dozens of theories about what a near-critical spell residue would actually do, but we have never been able to test them, for obvious reasons. A complete reconstruction of a pony's base magic ... this is a massive discovery. We could learn so much about the structure and significance of base magic, it could lead to breakthroughs in half a dozen different fields ...”

“Aura!” Twilight barked out.

“... uh, what Sparkle?”

“If I'm right, that means that every single stallion in the world – excluding me, of course – currently has the base magic of a mare.”

“Oh ... that's bad.”

“Yeah, it's bad.” It was well known that ponies – all living things really – are at their best when their body, mind, magic and soul are all in concordance. It was the reason why polymorph spells – spells that temporarily changed the form of the body, and only the body – were so dangerous; a disagreement between body and soul would cause confusion, severe dysphoria and – in extreme cases – ego death. Many a mage had taken their own life, or been left without a will of their own, after abusing them. There was a reasonTwilight had not used them to hide his transformation, expecially considering how his recent of the change would make him extremely vulnerable.

“So, in that case, it appears that a base magic discordance is a lot less catastrophic than soul/body discordance, considering the entire population of stallions haven't managed to off themselves.”

Twilight sighed, “Oh, it's not as bad as one of the worst things that a mage can do to herself, that's such a relief.”

Aura chuckled darkly, “Oh, my sweet summer child, Polymorphic Dysphoria is far from the worst thing a mage can do to herself.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Aura, take this seriously.”

“Okay, fine. You want serious, here's serious for you. I don't have the faintest clue what base magic discordance would do; nopony even knows it's a thing. As – baring those with an obvious magical ailment – everypony's base magic is roughly the same. Everypony, that is, except you. That put's you in a unique position; go out, meet other stallions, compare them to yourself and you may just figure out what's wrong. I mean, it would just be anecdotal data, which isn't great, but it's we've got here.”

Twilight was silent as he contemplated Aura's words.

“So your alicorn magic is looking good, stronger than the last scan, and it appears to be strengthening all your other magics, which is just unfair. Unfortunately, there are no scans of any other alicorns to compare you to, so much of this is incomprehensible. It's rather frustrating considering that alicorn magic appears to just be a mutation of a pony's Talent. Which is weird, and has interesting philosophical implications.”

“Princess Celestia says that an alicorn is a pony so in tune with their Talent that they are paragon of ponykind.”

“So you're telling me that if a pony studies their Talent enough, they just go poof and are suddenly an alicorn.”

“If that were that easy, we would have far more than just four alicorns. I think there's a lot more involved with it, it took more than just studying for me to become an alicorn and the princesses are rather tight lipped about how they became alicorns.”

“Yes, yes, 'it was a combination of the Elements of Harmony, Starswirl's Unfinished Spell and friendship magic' – whatever that is – that did this to you. I hope you know just how absolutely bucking ridiculous you are.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Sure, whatever. So are we done here? I want to get back to my friends. It's not that I mistrust Spark, but ...”

“... they might just die of boredom. I know, I've been on my little sis's 'patented' tours before.”

“What, no, it's just that the manor is dangerous.”

Aura snorted, “Not like Spark would ever take them anywhere actually dangerous, such things are 'classified' after all.”

“I just worry, though.”

“Then go, find your friends. I don't need you here anymore.”

Twilight got up and left the lab.

“So Spike, I haven't seen you since you were a tiny hatchling;don't think you would even remember me.”

“I, uh, don't.”

“So I am Twilight Aura, good to meet you again. I'm sure you heard everything and know why a called you here.”

“Uh, hello. And yes, I understand.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“Good, let's get you ready.”

It took a couple minutes to get him ready

“So, trouble in paradise?”

“Eh?”

“You didn't seem to be happy with Sparkle.”

“Oh,” Spike blushed, “It's just he and Rainbow ... they broke the door ... and they were loud ...”

Aura's eyes widened, “Sparkle and Rainbow was it? How interesting.”

Spike winced, realizing the mistake he had just made, “Uh, I shouldn't have said anything.”

“Oh, no, no, no. Please do go on, I insist.” Aura said with a manic smile. “Tell me everything.”

---

Pinkie Pie woke up, bound, and instantly knew she had been kidnapped. After all it was hardly the first time that it had happened. Either scientists who wanted to study her or psychologists who wanted to 'fix' her. Pinkie hoped it was the former, the scientists tended to be less mean, and some of their tests were even fun.

“Ah, Pinkie Pie. Heard much about you, have I. Not much sense, makes it.” Said the deranged looking mare as she stepped into Pinkie's vision.

Oh, it's a mad scientist. Those were the worst. “What do you want with me?”

The mare scowled, “Questions, why all mares, ask questions? Why not understand, questions mine?”

'All mares'? What is she talking about? Pinkie's eyes widened, remembering where she had been before. Thirty degrees blue, fifteen pear, fifty-seven joy, and pop. “What did you do to my friends?!”

The mare staggered back in fear, “What, how did you get out?! It should be impossible to escape those bindings, especially for an earth pony!”

Pinkie hopped in place, “I don't believe in impossible, silly.”

Velvet was silent.

“Now, we can do this the easy way or ...” Pinkie Pie pulled a cannon out of ... somewhere. Aiming it at the mare.“... or we can do it the hard way. It's your choice, meany.”

But Pinkie never got the chance to deliver on her threat as the mare flashed her horn, rendering the Earth Pony once again unconscious.

“Troublesome, but interesting, so.”

---

My mind is my own, Rainbow silently thought as she kept watch of her remaining friends, My mind is my own. My mind is my own. My mind is my own.

Twilight Spark had dragged the four mares through the maze of hallways to a couple other empty rooms, talking about the various Twilights who had expanded the chaotic knot of tunnels known as Twilight Manor.

To be honest, Rainbow hadn't really been paying much attention, it was all terribly boring – the mare was outright refusing to talk about anything she deemed 'secret' – and Rainbow had far more important things to focus on. Keeping watch of her surroundings and repeating her mantra.

Whoever is responsible for this spell is pushing it far beyond it's intended design, so they are a very powerful mage, be careful. It took much too long for you to appear, I would be displeased if you got yourself killed and I needed to wait another 1500 years for my next bearer. If there even is a next, I’m not even sure why you are my bearer.

And then a confused Pinkie Pie was in the room.

Rainbow tensed instantaneously, knowing that the mage was in this very room, looking for their next victim. That victim – based on the past behaviour – would either herself be her or Fluttershy. Kidnapped for some unknown – likely nefarious – reason and then wiped of all memories of what transpired.

And then it happened a cloaked mare cast some spell on Fluttershy – causing the yellow mare to go limp – and stuffed her in a burlap sack.

Rainbow made to follow ...

... And fell to the ground in pain. iT's NoT mY pRo ... LIKE BUCK IT ISN'T. The pegasus gathered all her will – strengthened with both rage and protective instinct – and smashed it against the foreign thought invading her mind.

And then with a snap it's influence stopped, broken against her.

Well that's one way to do that, my bearer; you may curse yourself in the future for it though.

Rainbow, ignoring the start of a migraine, took off after the suspicious mare.

Twilight Sparkle walked into the room to find four mares. Spark and three of his five friends. “Spark, where are Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?” He asked unamused.

“Who?” Spark asked in confusion.

“Two of my friends, who you promised nothing would happen to them.”

“Oh, yes, your friends. Did you know that they're from Ponyville?”

“What ...?” Twilight looked skew-eyed at his cousin. “Yes, of course I know they're from Ponyville, I've lived there for the last couple years.”

“What, and you didn't inform us?!”

“It was public knowledge, the newspapers reported on it.”

“Yeah, we knew you had moved to a Ponyville, but we didn't know it was that Ponyville”

“You didn't know it was that Ponyville?” Twilight shook his head, “No, that's not important, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are missing, after you promised to watch over my friends.”

“What are you talking about? All your friends are still here, all five of them.”

“Yet I only see three of them here.”

“What? No there's, one, two, three ...” Spark looked around in confusion. “... what? How did I not notice this?”

“Some sort of perception altering spell? But I know for certain that the manor wards protect against such magic.”

“Sparkles,” Spark hissed in offence, “Don't speak of such things near outsiders, especially ones from Ponyville.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “My friends aren't going to try to siege the manor, and I don't know what your problem with Ponyville is, but I have more important things to worry about, like the fact that two of my friends are missing after you lost them.”

“Lady Velvet took them.”

“What, Umbra, how do you know that?”

“Isn't it obvious? She's the only pony with complete access to the ward bypasses. She has means, motive and opportunity.”

“Motive?”

Umbra shrugged, “She's bucking nuts.”

Twilight sighed, “As much as I disagree with my mother on most things, you can't just blame everything on her.”

“We also saw her dragging a what looked like an unconscious pony in a burlap sack.”

“Hay, I thought you said we didn't see anything?”

“What, why didn't you start with that?” Twilight turned and galloped out of the room.

---

Rainbow galloped through the labyrinthine halls, barely aware of the secret guiding hand telling her exactly where to go. Left, right, right, left, left, left, left, right, this place is a nightmare to navigate.

I think that may be deliberate, my bearer, although I'm more interested in the existence of properly built geomantic leylines in a unicorn manor, geomancers are notoriously cagey around others – even other earth ponies – yet alone unicorns.

Finally Rainbow approached a door, built of solid stone with the words 'Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here' engraved above it and a sheet of orange craft paper taped to the door with “kEEp ouT” crudely scribbled in crayon, complete with what looked like a small foal's drawings of a skull and crossed bones.

Just charming, I somehow suspect this is not the gates of Tartarus. But have caution regardless, you are entering the sanctum of a powerful mage, and juvenile does not equate to incompetent, unfortunately.

“Ah, Vexiquin, mine. Accept, apology, your, I, must.” Twilight Velvet levitated the ratty stuffed wild-cat up from the pile of junk it had landed in. “Together, shall we, bring, to it's knees, the world. But first ...” The mare turned to the unconscious Fluttershy “... we interogate.”

Then the door exploded.

Rainbow stood, stance bipedal with wings extended, holding Iridescence in both her forehooves. As the dust cleared it revealed a lithe muscular middle-aged unicorn mare strongly resembling Twilight Sparkle. Of course, given the location, such resemblance was neither unexpected nor helpful. Rainbow's keen eyes picked up subtle scars through her fur, the remains of significant injuries expertly healed, this was not a mare inexperienced in combat. The Twilight's – for it was obvious she was of that house – horn glowed lightly with magenta – meaning she was likely of arcane alignment – as she levitated the miserable rotting carcass of a cat next to her. No, it's wasn't a carcass, it was stuffed, poorly. Then Rainbow's eyes flit to behind the unicorn, where Fluttershy's unconscious body was tied to a dentist's chair?

“Lady Twilight, thou wilt release mine companion, or thou wilt suffer the consequences of thy transgressions.”

The mare laughed darkly, “That's Lady Twilight Velvet the Mad to thou, thy peasant, for sooth.”

So this was Twilight's mother? Rainbow couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed, she had expected more from such an infamous figure. Do not underestimate her. “I wilt not ask again, thou wilt release Fluttershy from thy delightful presence, or I wilt remove you from hers.”

“Thy wilt try, peasant, we won't fail to the likes of thou.” Her horn flashed brighter for a second as a peculiar two-hoofed sword (or perhaps a sabre?) appeared in front of her, with a softly curved blade, a long straight hilt, a small oval cross guard and a complete lack of a pommel.

What kind of degenerate makes a sword without a pommel, how would it's bearer ever end their enemies rightly? The strange voice spoke in the back of Rainbow's head.

“For this sword art forged of the finest Nipony steel, folded a thousand times – that art ten times ten times ten for thou peasant mind – it can cut straight through lesser swords.”

What the buck is this lunatic talking about, there's no way a steel sword could cut through even an raw iron sword. And folded a 'thousand times',what possible reason would there be to do that, even if Nipony is backwards enough that their 'finest steel' was just pattern steel, such steel only benefits so much from folding, it's just a waste ...

... pay attention my bearer.

“Thy Vexiquin, tear out thy peasant's throat.” Velvet telekinetically threw the stuffed cat.

Rainbow snapped out of distraction and reflexively bisected the cat with a flick of her left wing.

“Vexiquin, NO. Thy wilt pay for thine, peasant.” Velvet charged the pegasus with an overhead chop.

Rainbow moved to block with Iridescence, edge to edge. A bad habit that made her inner swordsmare cringe, but she was curious and Iridescence was almost completely indestructible. Her curiosity was not unrewarded, for Iridescence bit into the lesser sword well over a couple centimetres deep as Rainbow was pushed a step back. Twilight Velvet was strong.

“What? Impossible ...”

Rainbow rolled her eyes and twisted Iridescence, exploiting her opponent's vulnerable weapon, breaking it in two.

Twilight Velvet stared silently at the broken stub of a weapon she has thought unbeatable.

Rainbow raised a hind-hoof with a snap kick that caught the mare in her barrel, sending her tumbling into the far wall. Twilight Velvet was strong for a unicorn but Rainbow was stronger than most earth ponies.

The unicorn mare lit her horn, surrounding herself with a magenta barrier. She picked herself off the ground smirking, “Now what, peasant. Thy art out of options.”

Rainbow didn't respond, she merely flapped her wings, launching herself forward, crossing the distance in a fraction of a second with Iridescence thrust out ahead.

Twilight Velvet remained stationary as the pegasus approached her, trusting her abjuration to protect her. But her confidence was misplaced, as Iridescence dove through the shield like it wasn't there, parting the magic for Rainbow.

Rainbow felt Iridescence bite into flesh before the mare before her disappeared in a bright flash. Rainbow turned around to find the mare laughing with disturbed joy.

What the actual buck was that my bearer; I know that wasn't an illusion, I tasted her blood.

Rainbow snorted, that's right, Twilights could teleport, that was going to be annoying.

I'm sorry what exactly is a 'teleport'? Oh forget it, not like you can even hear me, my thickheaded bearer.

Great, now the voice in my head is insulting me.

“Ha, ha, ha. Thee artst full of surprises. But thy won't ...”

Rainbow didn't let her finish before flicking her left wing, launching a single feather blade at the infuriating mare, “Just bucking shut up, and stop mangling our noble tongue.”

Velvet one again disappeared in a flash, but not before taking another shallow wound, the feather blade wobbling before hitting the wall and clattering to the ground.

With another flick of her wing the blade returned, her aerokinesis moving it as easily as a cloud – far easier than cloudsteel – and Rainbow marvelled at the enchantments. Where wingblades were cloudsteel, at least partly, out of tradition, feather blades were cloudsteel purely out of necessity. No other metal had the right magical properties to be used in such a way; after all, metal was of the earth, not of the sky (well starmetal was of the stars, but the distinction isn't important to a pegasus). But apparently, unicorn magic could bridge th0at gap somehow, something that Rainbow was completely unaware of. Unicorns were unlikely to make a weapon that could only be wielded by pegasi, and pegasi were even less likely to use such a weapon.

“Aha, thee artst some underhoofed cretin, have at thou.” The mare launched three magic missiles at the pegasus.

I don't think she's taking this very seriously, Rainbow thought as she cut the three spells down in one broad stroke – each making a soft 'pop-fizz' as they were torn apart- launching another feather blade from her right wing partway through the motion.

Velvet – this time expecting the attack – disappeared with another flash before the blade could draw more blood.

But Rainbow was ready for this as well, and she launched herself backwards and to the right in a spiralling back-flip, blades arcing towards the re-appeared mage.

Velvet disappeared almost as fast as she appeared – but not before taking several more shallow cuts – reappearing outside outside the room. “Thy wilst hast try better than that.” She taunted.

“Rrragh!” Rainbow roared as she once again flew at the mare keeping up the attack. The worst thing one could do when fighting a battlemage is cede the initiative.

Velvet laughed as she teleported further down the hall.

She's trying to draw you somewhere, following her could be dangerous. Rainbow narrowed her eyes, I don't have a choice.

---

“Well I think we can safely say your marefriend's already been here. Here passes Rainbow Dash, The Dread Bane of Doors.” Shadow said, inspecting where the door had been torn from it's hinges and shattered. “Quite the kickers on that filly, I wonder how you ever made it out of her with your pelvis intact, Sparkles.”

“I was on top.” Twilight responded without thinking, Why the buck did I just say that?

“Ooh, a bottom bitch, kinky, rutting like the ancients.”

Twilight growled loudly at the mare, “What did you just call her?”

Umbra looked thoughtful, “You know, Sparkle, I think you should get that checked out. Ponies aren't even supposed to be able of making those sounds, yet you do it on concerning regularity.”

“What?” Twilight looked at Umbra in confusion.

“You were growling, actually growling, like a bucking wild animal. It's actually really alarming.”

“Bucking creepy is what it is.”

“You're not helping Shadow.”

“Wait, I growl?”

“Yep, every time somepony manages to make you angry – which is a lot – you growl at them like you're going to tear out their throat. That sound was never meant to come out of pony's muz ...”

“Quiet ...” Twilight interrupted Umbra. “... I hear something.”

There was a brief silence that was broken by soft mumbling from within the room.

“Fluttershy!” Twilight galloped into the room lighting his horn in a diagnostic spell. He halted next to the pegasus. “She's asleep; that's ...”

“... Ooh Twilight, what are you doing? ...”

Twilight went still.

“... I'm just an innocent filly, you're such a powerful, brutish stallion ...”

Twilight's eyes widened.

“... You can do anything you want to me, and there's nothing I can do to stop you ~” The unconscious mare stated with a soft, adorable, arousing moan.

Twilight stared at the restrained sleeping mare. Suddenly aware of how revealing Fluttershy's position was. His ears splayed back as he blushed incandescently, his loins screaming at him to take her. “Fluttershy ...” He breathed out as he approached the helpless mare.

Fluttershy's eyes fluttered open and she squeaked. Her breathing became heavy as she stared at the imposing stallion, “It's actually happening ...”

Twilight breathed in deeply, savouring the scent of arousal, of fear and of a fertile mare just entering heat.

“He's so big.” Fluttershy spoke in awe, her stare revealing that it was not his stature that she was speaking of.

Twilight took another step forward; towering over the smaller, helpless mare. Staring at the mare's most intimate parts. He leaned in bringing his muzzle just centimetres from her nethers. Nostrils dilating as the scent drove his mind beyond thought, overwhelming him with ancient instinct.

“Oh, Twilight, t-t-t-take m ...”

“Ah-hem, that's quite enough of that.”

Twilight whirled his head around to stare at the impudent mare had so rudely interrupted his conquest, growling.

“This is neither the time nor the place for this, uh, intercourse.”

The stallion started stalking forward towards the insolent interrupter, wings spread as the growl escalated into a snarl.

The mare took a step back, eyes wide. “Uh, Sparkle? You okay?”

The stallion made no sign of recognition as he approached the mare at a sinuous predatory gait. Stopping much to close for comfort.

“Oh, buck this bullshit.” Umbra swore, before lifting her right forehoof into kick that connected with the underside of the stallion's horn, making a loud ringing sound.

Twilight took a couple steps back, disoriented. He went cross-eyed for a second, staring at his own, still humming, horn before turning his attention to the mare in front of him. This time his eyes widened in recognition, “Oh, buck, Umbra. I'm so sorry.” He said as he backpedalled until his barrel hit something soft.

'~Twilight.” Fluttershy spoke in a breathy moan.

Twilight turned his head to see the shivering mare and immediately felt a wave of horror flow through him. There was a bright flash and suddenly he was on the far side of the room, shivering in a faetal position.

“Sparkle are you okay?” Umbra asked as she approached the stallion, only to be blocked by a magenta barrier.

“No, don't get any closer, I'm a monster.”

Umbra stared at the stallion, and sighed sadly

“Cockblocker.” Shadow whispered into her sister's ear.

Umbra glared balefully at her twin, “Are you bucking serious?”

“It was hot.”

“He's our cousin.”

“I know.” Shadow pouted, “And it bucking sucks, what did I do to deserve that?”

“Shadow ...”

“Fine, I'll be serious. You try to talk down Sparkles and I'll let his new marefriend out of her bindings.”

“So, Sparkle, like I was saying. Just because you are some kind of lusty rapacious beast, that doesn't mean that you're a bad pony.”

“I'm pretty sure that's exactly what that means. I'm a danger to everypony around me.”

“Sure but so are many interesting ponies.”

“Like who?”

“Um, uh, lots of ponies. Like that Starswirl guy, didn't a number of his apprentices horrifically disfigure themselves with dangerous magic?”

“That's apocryphal, Starswirl the Bearded never took a single apprentice.”

“How about Princess Celestia, I've heard that she's so radiant that she blinds all who look upon her.”

“That's poet speak for 'beautiful'.”

“It is? Huh. Why don't they just say beautiful?”

“They're poets.”

Umbra paused for a second, “Oh, I know. What about Nightma ...” Umbra was cut off by being shoved out of the way

“Stop it, you're not helping,” Fluttershy said to the mare before turning to Twilight, “Twilight, you're not a monster.”

“I am.” Twilight whimpered.

“No, you're not.” Fluttershy stated firmly.

“I attacked Umbra, I almost r-raped you.”

“No, you didn't.”

“What? You were tied up, helpless, and I was going to have my way with you. How is that not rape?”

Fluttershy inaudibly mumbled something, shyly hiding behind her mane.

“What?”

“I said ...” Fluttershy took a deep breath and centred herself, “... 'you can't rape the willing'.”

“What?”

Fluttershy looked down at her forehooves, “I'm an awful pervert. I always have been. I've always wanted a big, powerful, domineering stallion to come into my life and take charge, to not take 'no' for an answer, to do anything he wants to me ...”

Twilight looked at his friend, he had known that the mare wasn't nearly as innocent as many ponies thought. After all, she was the author of a modestly popular series of borderline pornographic romance novels. This, however, was completely unexpected.

Fluttershy met Twilight's gaze with a manic stare, “... so you don't get to mope and feel sorry for yourself for being my perfect stallion.”

Twilight suddenly felt a metaphysical weight lay upon him, and found himself unable to move, even magic failed to respond to his call causing the shield spell to collapse.

Fluttershy trotted forward timidly, towards the immobilized stallion. “I'm so sorry for being so ... forward, I shouldn't have said that.” Fluttershy looked away for a second “I know it must be horrible to be difficult such an unfamiliar body, but please don't hate yourself because of me.”

Twilight gave the mare an odd look, and sighed, but he did not push her away.

Fluttershy rubbed a hoof through the mane of the stallion. I wish I was as fast as Rainbow ...

“Oh ho ho, what hast we havest here.”

Twilight shuddered, and turned his head to face the dreaded voice, “No.”

“Whatfor thee sayeth no for mine son?”

“I know you, mother. You will drop your stupid manufactured verbal tick and speak normally, or we won't speak at all. I have no patience left for your nonsense at this point.”

“Fine.” Velvet pouted, “Oh, my dearest son Twilight Sparkle. Why, it's been so long.~ Why one could almost think you were avoiding your dearest mother.” Twilight Velvet looked different than usual, she was sweaty, panting with exertion, covered with dozens of shallow cuts and – most terrifying of all, she was smiling.

Twilight was taken aback, his mother smiling was never a good sign “I was.”

“So rude. Just like a certain rainbow maned pegasus; she smashed my door off, you know ...”

Twilight was off the ground in an instant, horn lit balefully, wings spread in a threat posture, and a deep rumbling growl coming from his throat as he stalked towards the mare, “What did you do to her?!” His voice boomed deafeningly as it reverberated through the room.

Velvet chuckled, “Nothing. You needn't worry about your marefriend. I didn't hurt a hair in her cute little mane.”

“Then, where is she!?” The stallion put the tip of his long and very sharp horn right between his mother's eyes.

Velvet snorted, seemingly completely unconcerned about his aggression. “Oh, she's around, somewhere. I led her on a merry chase around the manor halls. Persistent one, she is.” The mare took a slight step back and trotted around the stallion and hummed appreciatively. “And a lucky one too, you really are an impressive example of a stallion. Hardly surprising considering that you're my son, but impressive none-the-less. Your transformation is rather quite fortuitous, although it has made me a very busy mare. I have arranged nearly a dozen potential wives for you, although I doubt that will be enough, looking at you now.” Velvet ran a hoof down Twilight's muscular forehoof.

“No. I don't want to have anything to do with any mares you approve of.”

“Oh, don't be like that, you haven't even met any of them yet. I have been very thorough in finding only the best quality mares for you, individuals that are strong in mind and spirit and spell. Something that you have been less than careful about on your own circle of minions. Although, I can't fault your diligence, not even a week and you already have your first mate.”

“Rainbow's not my mate.” Twilight lied defensively.

“Do not lie to me, Twilight Sparkle.” The mare spoke with brief intensity before returning to a more happy countenance, “But worry not, I approve of the match. In fact, I quite like her – far more than your other minions – she's probably the best match a Twilight's brought home in a long time, despite being only a pegasus.”

Twilight's eyes opened in horror, “Oh Rainbow, what did you do?!”

Here's chapter 20, sorry for the wait.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Rainbow winced in pain as she looked around the unfamiliar hall she laid in, her head throbbing with the start of a migraine.

I told you that you were going to regret that.

The mare made no response and instead went to examine the rough-hewn stone that the hall had been tunneled through. Unlike most of the halls that had been smoothed flat, the walls here still showed the scars of their birth. There was no tool marks on the walls but the stress fractures seemed to indicate that the tunnels had been dug with some type of shatter spell. Not surprising as the Twilights were a unicorn house, shatter had been a favourite of unicorn miners since ancient Unicornia.

Yeah, that’s not going to work. I know you can hear me. As impressive as your capability for wilful ignorance is, it’s also very rude.

That’s easy for you to say, when you’re not the one going crazy.

You’re not going crazy.

Says the voice in my head.

There was a sensation of laughter, I’m the sword, you thickheaded filly.

The sword?

Yes, I’m the ancient and renowned Ensouled Blade Iridescence, and you – somehow – are my bearer.

Somehow?

I was bound to be used by but a single soul, and you are not her. But despite that, my soul responds to you as it did her. There was a pause. Although you are not the first, there was a mare before you. Unfortunately, she was ... ailed in the mind, so I did not acknowledge her ... there was a brief sensation of mortification and disgust ... advances.

Okay, that’s weird ... Rainbow paused as she once again looked around, I’m pretty lost, do you know where we are?

We’re underground.

Rainbow rolled her eyes, Thank you, you’re so helpful.

I’m a sword, not a nav-slate, although I doubt the latter would be much use here unless it was keyed into the wards.

So you can’t give any help?

I can suggest you follow the leylines, the local spirit seemed helpful earlier.

Leylines? Suddenly Rainbow was aware of the thrumming geomantic power flowing under her hooves, greeting her like an overly affectionate puppy. She took a step back, lifted her left forehoof and stared at it, How? I’m a pegasus.

That is only mostly correct, my bearer.

Hybrid tribe ponies don’t exist. Despite the ... Rainbow grimaced ... experiments, the magic of two different tribes cannot coexist in the body of a mortal pony, the soul just can’t handle it.

You are correct, a mortal pony cannot belong to more than one tribe.

Suddenly the manor spirit made an insistent tug of geomantic mana, causing Rainbow to stumble.

Iridescence laughed, An insistant one isn’t she.

Rainbow sighed and let herself be directed by the magic

...

Rainbow stopped, Iridescence, I just tried to kill a pony, didn’t I.

Ponies do tend to die when I’m impaled into them.

Rainbow stared blankly in horror, What the buck is wrong with me?

Many things, do you want me to list them off, it might take a couple days

Well, buck you too.

Such a thing is inadvisable to do with a sword.

---

“Do not lie to me, Twilight Sparkle.” The mare spoke with brief intensity before returning to a more happy countenance, “But worry not, I approve of the match. In fact, I quite like her – far more than your other minions - she’s probably the best match a Twilight’s brought home in a long time, despite being only a pegasus.”

Twilight’s eyes opened in horror, “Oh Rainbow, what did you do?!”

“She did something incredibly foolish, but oh so entertaining.” Velvet whispered in her son’s ear, “It takes a very special kind of pony to assault me in my sanctum.”

Twilight shuddered and took a step back. “Okay, we’re leaving now.”

“Oh, no, please don’t go, we have so many things to talk about.” Velvet whined.

“Nope.” Twilight levitated Fluttershy and left the room.

---

“... and this hallway was constructed in year 189 of the Summer Sun, by Twilight Twinkle the Twenty First of that name. You will notice, if you look closely, that the stone of this hallway was dug with a different spell than the last couple hallways, as a more efficient shatter spell had recently been developed, one designed to be used solely against stone.” Twilight Spark spoke as she gestured at a perfectly smooth wall. “You will also notice small inclusions of quartz in this wall, large enough to be visible but not large enough to be valuable”.

Twilight walked in to find a rather dreary picture. His friends clearly bored beyond reason as Spark nattered about irrelevant intricacies of the manor’s construction.

Rarity was preforming admirably, but her polite facade was starting to break, but Applejack was poorly hiding a yawn and Pinkie’s mane was starting to deflate.

That’s not good, Twilight thought, shuddering at the memory of the ‘Pinkamina Diane Pie debacle’. “Spark.” He said sharply.

“Yes Sparkle.”

“You know the manor’s halls?” Twilight asked commandingly.

“Like the back of my fetlock.”

“Good, because you’ve volunteered yourself to find Rainbow Dash.”

“When’d I do that?”

“When you lost her.” He stalked towards the mare.

“Remind me again who this is.”

“One of my friends, who you lost after promising me that you’d protect them. She somehow managed to make her way to mother’s ‘lair’.” He said growling.

“Oh ...” Spark put on a sympathetic face “... my condolences.”

“She’s not dead, which is good for you, since your survival hinges on hers. Mother said she left her in the manor halls.”

“What is that, Sparkle? Is that a threat? I thought that the Princess’s perfect protege was above such things.”

“I am.” He stared at Spark with intensity, “That, my dear cousin, was a promise.”

“Ooh, that gave me shivers~” Spark shuddered, “So where did the Mad Lady ditch your wayward friend.”

“Somewhere in the manor halls, I don’t know where, mother didn’t elaborate.” And she’s more likely to hinder than help if outright asked.

“Somewhere in the manor halls ...?” Spark looked concerned, “Do you have any idea how many kilometres of halls there are in this manor?!”

“No, it’s not like I was raised here,” Twilight rolled his eyes. “But it sounds like you have your work cut out for you.”

“A thorough search could take months!”

“Well you have hours.”

“Hours?!”

“The manor is dangerous, every second wasted is one less second to find Rainbow,” Twilight paused snarling, “So you better get a move on.”

“Fine.” Spark grumbled before disappearing in a flash of lightning.

Twilight looked over to his friends, who were staring in shock.

...

Twilight sighed and deflated, “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. There’s a reason why I didn’t want you here, my family gets to me.”

“That ain’t what we care about.”

“What?”

“What Applejack is trying to say is that we’re worried about Rainbow, she must be terrified to be alone and lost in an unfamiliar ...” Rarity tilted her head, “... structure?”

“Is Dashie going to be okay?”

Twilight sighed, “The manor has many dangerous things in it, but it has even more empty halls. It’s incredibly difficult to find such dangers, even if you’re looking for them.” He stated, leaving off the fact that they were significantly easier to find if you weren’t looking for them.

Applejack narrowed her eyes, “Then what was all that about never wandering on our own and how this place was so dangerous.”

“I may have exaggerated just a little bit,” Twilight lied, “after all, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Follow me, I know how to find Rainbow.” He turned and started cantering away, not noticing the look of skepticism Applejack was giving him.

Twilight led them on a twisting path – the mares needing to nearly gallop to keep up with his longer stride – before stopping next to a seemingly featureless wall. He lit his horn and placed a hoof against the stone, causing a small circle to depress into the wall.

There was a loud rumbling sound as a seamless rectangle of stone started to slowly sing into the floor, revealing a narrow, poorly lit hallway.

The five moved quickly down the hallway, one by one. Twilight ducked uncomfortably – the ceiling was too low for even his head, yet alone his horn – and his wings clenched tightly against his barrel.

“Where are we going?”

Twillight laughed darkly, “Welcome to House Twilight’s scrying room.” he walked into a smallish perfectly spherical room with dozens of small circular silver mirrors arrayed on it’s inner surface; each surrounded by glowing runes and showing an image of a hall or room of the manor. Levitating in the centre of the room was a small glass sphere, glowing pale blue with magic. “Spark would have an aneurysm if she knew I was showing this to you.” He said with a touch of humour, especially considering she has never been allowed in here herself to my knowledge.

Twilight turned his attention to the small indigo-coated blank-flank filly who had somehow missed their entrance as she intently scanned the mirror at the exact bottom of the sphere, the images quickly changing as she flashed her horn. “CIV, what are you doing here?”

“Mother hid the cookie jar and she said I could have as many as I wanted if I found it.”

“Huh, that’s surprisingly tame for her.”

“She also said that it would prove me worthy of learning to summon minor Outsiders.”

Twilight sighed, “That sounds a lot more like her.” He remembered when he – she – was first taught such summoning, the young filly had gotten something more Significant than what she’d intended; she had always had trouble moderating her enormous magical power. Luckily the manor wards stopped Anathemic Unbeing from fully manifesting into reality, and House Twilight had more than enough hornpower to fight back it’s toxic Unreality. But the Incursion had left Scars, places where space wasn’t quite flat, or gravity pointed in the wrong direction, or everything smelt strongly of cheese. There was also a couple of hallways that were replaced by spiral staircases for some reason, they still went to the same places they did before, the journey was just wrong.

The incident had terrified the young filly, she had been psychologically incapable of using magic for months after that, it wasn’t until the audition for Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns that she regained his magic, that fateful day where a filly hatched a dragon egg, gained her Cutie Mark and had her fate tied inextricably to five other fillies.

“Mother even said that it could earn me my Cutie Mark.”

“I sincerely hope it doesn’t, you deserve a much better Cutie Mark than that, CIV”

“I guess ...” The filly paused, “... hay, who are you? You aren’t supposed to be here!” The small filly lit her horn and turned to face the larger stallion attempting to put on an intimidating glare that only made her look adorable.

“It’s me, CIV.” Twilight said, briefly lighting his horn and flapping his wings.

The filly tilted her head for a second ... “Sparkles?”

“Ye ... oof.” Twilight took a step back as he was impacted by a filly sized missile.

“I’m not calling you my BS BFS ...”

“BBBFF”

“... yeah, that thing. It’s gay.”

---

Rainbow’s head ached as she wandered through the empty halls; she felt that she was drawing near the place she has been pulled towards, the journey had been odd, a far cry from the wide, straight, smooth and brightly lit hallways that Spark had guided them down, instead the halls were increasingly rough, unfinished and winding, to the point that the last few she had cantered down couldn’t really honestly be called ‘halls’, more like tunnels. The journey had been extremely meandering, she was sure that her route should have intersected itself at least seven times, and she wasn’t sure whether that was due to something interfering with her internal compass or if space in the mountain wasn’t quite right. And then there were the several places where the navigational organ had pointed in a direction that ... didn’t exist.

She winced as she remembered that uniquely unpleasant sensation, the mere memory causing her head to ache.

Rainbow shook her head, this was not the time to dwell on such things; she needed her mind sharp, expecially considering how she was holding off a migraine through willpower alone.

She looked around; the tunnel had narrowed even further – to the point that two ponies would have struggled to trot haunch to haunch – and was lit by the occasional magelight concealed in holes in the wall. She no longer felt that she was in Twilight Manor, rather just some nameless unicorn dug tunnels.

Nameless tunnels through the largest mountain ever known by ponykind.

The Pillar of Twilight, beyond the most westward edges of the Republic of Equestria, The mountain upon which the Sun and Moon set, and from which sprung the liminal twilight. And also apparently sprung the – seemingly also liminal – Twilights.

It is stark how the history of Pony civilization was a slow trek to the West to this very mountain: from the ancient tribal nations of the East, to the City-State of Equestria; staked ‘Just in sight of the Pillar of Twilight’ as Clover the Clever prophesied, to Everfree; originally founded by criminals and outcasts in the mountain’s evening shadow, to Canterlot; built near her very peak.

Hay, even the ancient creation myths of Solstice claimed that the original unicorns were actually two different tribes, the Solars who stepped off the Sun on the first Dawn, and the Lunars who stepped off the Moon on the first Dusk; both onto the very East of the world in order to shepherd their respective celestial bodies to their final resting point in the West.

Rainbow grimaced, and then certain foolish individuals interbred with the base beasts they found there to produce the other ‘lesser’ ‘impure’ tribes of ponies and indirectly tie the two tribes to the land, forever repeating the night and day until they could ‘atone’ for their ‘sins’ and finally leave this world on the final Sunset and Moondown.

She scoffed, of course it was all stupid tribalist nonsense, anyone who studied the archaeological evidence quickly came to the conclusion that not only did all seven primary tribes came into existence at roughly the same time – if not the exact same time, as some evidence implies – unicorns moving the Sun and Moon was a relatively recent event, all evidence from prehistoric pre-tribe proto-pony cultures clearly showed that the Sun and Moon used to move on their own, and stopped moving for reasons lost to time. Well ‘relatively recent’ in the time of the old tribal nations, I don’t think that term still applies this many millennia later.

Of course, the reasons that the Sun and Moon stopped moving may not have been lost for time if Princess Radiant hadn’t declared the entire Archaeologist’s Guild heretics for their discovery and had them all executed in a day, including Prince Resolute’s mistress. He was furious when he woke that evening, he immediately denounced his opposing diarch as a murderess, demanded recompense in blood, and – when that was denied – formally seceded the Moon Clans from Solstice.

And thus started the Unicornian Civil War, a conflict that would eventually spiral out of control into a chaotic free-for-all that drenched all of ancient Ponydom in blood for a hundred years.

Then, from the Far North came the Windegos.

And the rest is history, Princess Platinum took the Sun Clans to the West as Prince Remembrance stayed and died with half the Moon Clans in the East. Thus ended the line of Moon Princes of Unicornia and never again would ponykind have a ruling prince.

Well, until this very week.

Rainbow stopped as the tunnel ended in a rough doorway that opened into an abandoned storage room.

Ah, the door must have already fled from your terrible smashing hooves, by bearer.

The pegasus rolled her eyes and ignored the blade’s mild sas. She slowly stepped into the room feeling that she was close to what she was being drawn to. Cautiously she entered, eyes searching and ears swivelling, wary of any potential threat. After a few moments of silence, she let her guard down slightly and started examining the closest shelves, carved out of the stone, slightly damp and empty but for the occasional broken pot or damaged crate.

She examined the splintered remains of a crate, the wood it was composed of looked ancient, yet when she pressed her hoof against it, she found it hard and completely without rot. Clearly the room was under some type of preservation spell, hardly surprising considering the room’s purpose.

The mare slowly made her way down the shelf lined aisle, occasionally leaping into the air to examine the shelves, but finding nothing of interest; the ponies who had emptied the room had been thorough.

She slowed as she came to a four way intersection; with straight ahead terminating in a dead end. She looked to the left, finding seven more rows of shelves branching off the from both sides of the aisle, parallel to the passage she had entered from. A look to the right revealed three more.

She paused, briefly wondering which way to go, before feeling a faint spiritual pull to the left. Left it is.

Rainbow slowly trotted down the aisles, checking both ways down each one; and finding the shelves just as bare as the first. A couple of the aisles ended in a doorway connecting to winding tunnels similar to the one she entered to warehouse from, but most were dead ends.

Finally, to the left, down the third aisle from the end she saw something different. Is that a pony?

Be careful, my bearer, I have a bad feeling about this.

As, Rainbow approached, it became increasingly obvious that it was a pony. Or, rather, that it had been a pony. The corpse was remarkably well preserved, all things considered – likely due to the enchantments on the place – but it’s – or rather her – seeming age was belied by the lack of a cutie mark.

Unless the mare had been one of the unfortunate rare adult ponies who had never discovered her Talent – which was even less likely, as adult blankflanks were not the type of pony to be found dead in an abandoned subterranean warehouse – she had been dead for at least a decade. Making her a reatively recent addition to the warehouse.

As the pegasus approached the corpse, she took in the dead mare’s features. The earth pony had a green mane and purple fur – both slightly greyed with time, corroborating Rainbow’s estimates of age – seemed rather emaciated – indicating either starvation before her death or dehydration afterwards – and was curled up in a faetal position, her head cradled in her forehooves and adorned with a braided silver circlet.

Rainbow paused before tentatively reaching out a hoof to touch the dead mare, finding the dead flesh to be firm and leathery – completely unlike the desiccated flesh of a mummy – which, combined with the lack of any obvious wounds, made Rainbow conclude that the mare had, likely, starved to death.

After releasing a pulse of unshaped mana from her hoof; the lack of resonance confirming that the mare was properly dead and not undead. The last thing she needed was a hungry zombie or – even worse – ghoul to pounce on her when she was distracted. She felt a resistance near the corpse’s head, indicating a fairly strong enchantment on the circlet, albeit one that, thankfully, had no effect on dead flesh.

Satisfied she wasn’t going to get jumped by a ravenous undead, Rainbow turned her attention to the burlap sack sitting beside the corpse and opening it.

“Wow.” She took a step back and sat down in shock, the sack was completely filled with jewellery, and not inexpensive jewellery at that. She spotted multiple pieces made of oricalcum or set with dragonstone, it was a bloody fortune, even if mundane. And, considering what Twilight said about her family, it was doubtful that even a single piece lacked an enchantment.

Rainbow inched foreward, peeking into the sack.

Careful.

I know, don’t touch the magical, possibly cursed jewelry. I’m not stu...

Suddenly, the contents of the sack exploded towards the surprised mare, pummelling her with jewellery and knocking her onto her back.

In the confusion, Rainbow felt something clamp down around her neck, Oh, buck.

Rainbow tried to get up, only to find that her muscles didn’t respond ...

... then her body started to get up without her input. Double buck.

“Eh heh heh heh heh,” Came a deep, resonant and alien voice from the pegasus’s lips, “Ah ha ha ha ha, MWA HA HA HA HA.” Rainbow’s felt her body take a bipedal stance, forehooves pointed skyward in exaltation, “I’M ALIVE!”

Thud.

Rainbow felt her head turn and saw that the bodyjacker had impaled a crate with her wingblade.

...

No, it had impaled a crate with each wingblade.

Rainbow couldn’t help it, she broke out in mental laughter. Good going, dumbass.

Well, it has been just over a decade since I first posted this story and over 2 years as such I have bittersweet news. I am officially cancelling The Twilight Prince and starting a complete rewrite of the story. I didn't really have a good plan for where this story was going and thus the direction of the story changed severely harming the overall cohesion and internal consistency of this story. I am also unhappy with the pacing of the earlier chapters and the characterization of a couple characters (namely Rainbow Dash who gets her entire personality subverted by foreign memories to the point that she's nearly unrecognizable, and Twilight who suddenly has a poorly explained disdain for Princess Celestia).

The rewrite will address all these problems and many more that I won't am not mentioning. Hopefully ending with a result that is much more coherent and overall better quality.

No, it had impaled a crate with each wingblade.

Rainbow couldn’t help it, she broke out in mental laughter. Good going, dumbass.

“Silence fool; you are speaking to High Lady Twilight Aurora the Great.”

YOU. Rainbow had never heard anything spoken with as much rage and malice as the sword had put into a single syllable.

“Hmmm, how strange, does the host have a second mind? No, that isn't right.” Rainbow's head turned to look down her withers, and gasped, “The Infinity Sword!”

The name is Iridescence.

“Hmm, Iridescence, an odd name for a grey sword. It is wonderful that we have been reunited, that we have finally met our destiny and become one.”

Iridescence made mental sound of disgust, Not on your life, parasite. You were deemed unworthy when you were alive, and the situation has not improved with you shoving your soul into jewellery. I will tell you this only once, you WILL. LET. MY. BEARER. GO.

“Unworthy?! I am the most powerful mage in a thousand generations, a prodigy unparalleled, you dare call me unworthy!?”

Iridescence scoffed, Ah, there's that malignant tumour you call an ego, and you wonder why I found you wanting. I will admit, you were a unicorn of adequate capability the sword paused But that was then, now you're just a trinket with delusions of grandeur.

Rainbow felt her body scoff, “Hmph, you clearly have no discernment if you reject me and then accept this ...” Rainbow's forehooves gestured to her body, “... featherduster.”

Huh, I guess this featherduster is too inadequate to hold your esteemed presence, I guess you'll have to go find another 'host'.

“Ah, the host understands, but you are lucky enough to be blessed with my presence for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, few are as grateful for the honour of being my host.”

Do all the unicorns in the manor know how to ward against your influence, parasite? How unfortunate. Ha.

“You will learn to love my glorious presence, sword.”

You will learn to rue mine, lich.

“Ha, I take that as a challenge. And there's one thing you have to understand, I don't loose.” Rainbow felt her body start to move forward, only to be stopped by her impaled wingblades.

Forgot about that, didn't you, parasite? Now go ahead and retract my bearer's wings, won't you, you wouldn't want to loose to a pair of wooden crates, would you?

Rainbow felt her body start to squirm as the bodyjacker fruitlessly attempted to remove the wingbldes from the crates, unable to get much leverage without moving the pegasus' wings. Something that Aurora had yet to figure out how to do.

Oh, and be careful, if you – in your incompetence – spill even a drop of her blood, I WILL see to it that you are destroyed. Iridescence paused Hmm, Maybe I will see if you are as resilient to hellfire as I am, I bet you wouldn't last even five minutes, yet alone the three days I know I'm able to withstand FOR SOME REASON.

Uh, maybe I should do this, even expert flyers have been known injured themselves with wingblades and ... well ... you're a unicorn.

There was a brief pause, “... fine.”

Suddenly Rainbow felt a modicum of control return, she could move her wings. The mare wasted no time retracting her wings to land back on here forehooves. Forehooves that she was unable to control. Ow, thought Rainbow as she faceplanted on the floor.

“Huff,” The bodyjacker awkwardly stood Rainbow's body up off the ground, turning her head to scowl at the offending limbs, before stalking towards the mummified corpse. “So, Miss Soft Linen, look where your treacherous ways got you, you thieving rat ...”

'Soft Linen'? You got your phylactery stolen by the bucking help, parasite? Pathetic.

“... Young Velvet was a fool to trust you, and you were twice the fool to break that trust. Did you really think you could get away with it? That you could just steal from us. That you could steal me.” Aurora placed Rainbow's hooves on either side of the corpse's circlet, “I will admit, the use of the Spellbreak Circlet was a slightly cleverer plan than most of your kind could normally come up with, in fact it likely would have worked against the dimwit 'nobility' of Canterlot. Well, at least until one of their lowlife thugs stumbled upon you and left your intestines spilling out over the floor of whatever den of vice and debauchery you were intending to spend your ill gotten gains in. But we Twilights are a different breed, you would not have succeeded even if you had managed to escape the manor, no criminal with even a gram of self-preservation would touch our jewellery. Honestly I wish you had escaped, not just to see what happens when you try to fence the Strangleclasp to unsuspecting lowlifes, but because, then I wouldn't be trapped in your stupid bag for three decades with nothing to do but listen to the Strangleclasp babble about its disturbing neck fetish or, even worse, converse with the Stardrop Tiara, and her obnoxious 'friendliness'.”

Hmm, there are other sentient jewellery here, Iridescence though, for the first time in the conversation taking a tone other than frothing rage and malice, Interesting.

“Bah, calling Stardrop sentient is a stretch, and Strangleclasp most certainly isn't.” Rainbow's forehooves pulled but the circlet was stuck firm, “Ha, even in death your avarice knows no bounds, rat. But it is no match for I.” the bodyjacker pulled harder.

There was a horrible tearing sound and Rainbow fell backwards, the dismembered head of the mummy held in her hooves, “Now, now, rat, no need to loose your head.” Aurora chuckled at her pun.

Five minutes later, the lich was still fruitlessly attempting to remove the circlet, “Why must you be so difficult rat?! Was it not enough that you stole me?! That you went and died, leaving me stranded in these ancient halls?! No, now you must hold onto that which is mine. Are you some kind of Spirit of Malice sent to torment me?! You will not defeat me!” The abandoned warehouse was filled with the horrific sounds of the shattering of dry bone and tearing of desiccated flesh as the lich stomped Rainbow's hoof down on the head in frustration.

---

Twilight trotted into the scrying room followed by his four present friends.

CIV's eyes fell upon the entrance, “Oh, Sparkles, you shouldn't have.” She said in a singsong voice before pouncing on Applejack, who had the misfortune to be directly following Twilight.

“What in tarnation?!”

Twilight quickly lit his horn and attempted to telekinetically intercept the filly, but it seemed that somepony had already taught the filly how to disrupt another unicorn's telekinesis. Of course the massive disparity in power between an adult alicorn and a blank-flank filly meant that such a disruption barely bought a fraction of a second.

Unfortunately for Applejack, a fraction of a second was all it took for the filly to latch onto her neck like a leech.

Twilight sighed and firmed his telekinetic grip on the filly and began the difficult task of disentangling the two without any further injuries.

A couple minutes later the six of them were sitting in awkward silence.

Twilight had scanned Applejack with a couple diagnostic spells and used what few minor healing spells that would be beneficial for the mare.

Unfortunately, there wasn't all that much that unicorn magic could do for her, there existed no spell to conjure blood and swift healing was swift on the order of days.

Thankfully, CIV had been interrupted before she had drained enough blood to cause any health issues beyond a couple hours of being lightheaded. She would be back to her normal self after a good night's rest, especially with her Earth pony constitution.

Ultimately, this is why he hated his house. CIV hadn't meant harm, he doubted the filly could even understand that she could cause harm. She most certainly didn't understand that – without intervention – she was minutes away from killing a mare. Nopony in the entire house had bothered to tell the filly that her biting could seriously hurt ponies. Just like how nopony had told a young Twilight Sparkle that Baleful Polymorph – while completely temporary physically – could permanently harm a pony's surprisingly fragile psyche. Just like how nopony had told her that the Nightterror spell was designed to drive a pony mad. Just like nopony had told her the dangers inherent to the summoning of Outsiders.

I had been sheer dumb luck that the young Twilight Sparkle had caused as little harm as she did. That her favourite polymorph form – a potted plant – completely lacked a mind and therefor the targets were put into suspended animation for the spells duration. That she lacked the magical control to even properly cast Nightterror and therefor burnt out the most harmful parts of the spell before she even finished casting it. That Twilight manor was warded against Outsider incursions to a degree that was beyond paranoid.

It was, of course, his dear mother's fault. That mare took pride in nurturing her children's worst impulses, it had been the case with Twilight, and it was clearly the case with CIV. Of course, that did not let off the rest of the house; cowards too afraid to the big, scary Twilight Velvet 'the Mad'.

Rarity was the one to break the silence, “Twilight, w-what was that.” She spoke with a quiver in her voice, her faux Canterlot accent absent in her fear.

“That, Rarity.” Twilight spoke in a tone harsher than warranted, “Is my little sister.”

Rarity shrank back, not knowing how to respond to that reply.

CIV, either unknowing or uncaring of the tense mood in the room extended her hoof towards the white mare, “I am Lady Twilight Twinkle the hundred and fourth of that name and spare heir for House Twilight but you can just call me CIV. It's is good to meet you.”

An awkward silence lingered for a moment.

CIV tilted her head in confusion, “Huh, that was supposed to work,” She brought her left hoof to her muzzle, “Hmmm ... Oh, I know what to do.”

The filly closed her eyes and lit her horn. She slowly rose into the air – seemingly surrounded with wisps of magic – her eyes opened – glowing magenta – and she spoke – her voice thundering with strange harmonics - “Hear me and despair, I am Twilight Twinkle the one hundredth and fourth, scion to the scion of the ancient and terrible House Twilight. Bow before me, peasants, and know that. I. AM. YOUR. GO... oof.”

The filly fell out of the air, her cantrips dispelled by a flash of the elder Twilight's horn.

CIV crossed her hooves and pouted, “Sparkles, I think you're minions are defective.”

Twilight sighed, “They're my friends, not minions, I don't have any minions ...”

“Except Shadow.”

“Hay, why am I the minion?”

“Because I outrank you.”

“Hmph.”

Twilight rolled his eyes. “So, as I was saying, these mares are my friends and I am unhappy with your attempts to scare them. Especially after you terrified them by attacking Applejack, and we are going to have words about that. Not now, because, frankly we don't have the time, but we will. Also, pretending to overchannel with illusions isn't going to impress anypony. In fact, many of our house's more ...” Twilight made a face of disgust, “... traditional ... members would frown on such a thing. What do you think Frost would say if he saw you do that?”

CIV frowned, “He would say 'Your foolish attempts of inflating your importance have brought shame upon our House' or something stupid like that” The filly made a surprisingly good impersonation of the stallion's monotone drone, “It's no fair, when you were my age you could overchannel, you don't know what it's like to be average.”

Twilight paused, oh. Honestly, it wasn't surprising that the filly felt that way. Especially with CIV still in their mother's delicate clutches. She probably has been feeding CIV's inferiority complex, just like she fed my mania. “CIV, you most certainly aren't average. Most fillies your age can't even manage telekinesis. Hay, most adult unicorns only know telekinesis and maybe a single spell from their special talent, something you're already well beyond”

CIV crossed her hooves and pouted, “Hmph, most 'adult unicorns' are worthless thaumlets who foolishly eschew the wonders of magic for reasons beyond reason. They have been deemed irrelevant and, therefor, have been excluded as outliers.”

“CIV, you can't just exclude the majority of the population as outliers.” Twilight tutted.

“When the majority of the population doesn't even bother to even try to use magic? Sure I can. A unicorn who refuses to cast spells is like a pegasus who refuses to fly or a changeling who refuses to transform.

“Changelings, where?”

“Magic is our birthright. So yes I'm excluding the majority of the population, because the majority of the population are big dumb dummies.” The filly pouted adorably in anger.

Twilight stifled a laugh, “Be that as it may. A unicorn is worth more than just her horn, you should not look down on others because they lack our affection for magic ...”

CIV stood up and looked into the eyes of the much larger alicorn. “Sparkles, can you imagine ...” she paused for dramatic effect, waking her forehooves “... having the infinite power and wonder of magic at the tip of your horn and rejecting ...” The filly put a surprising amount of malice into the word, especially considering her age. “... it in favour of something inane, stupid and useless like flower arranging or, ugh, fashion.”

Twilight was struck silent in shame; for no, he could not imagine, he could not understand, what could possess a unicorn to do such a such a thing. Over a decade under the tutelage of Princess Celestia – and several years in Ponyville – and still he failed to learn her very first lesson.

“I beg your pardon, dear. But fashion is not inane, nor stupid, nor useless. It both high art and eminently practical. I know that young fillies like you find such things boring, but when you grow up you'll learn the value of a beautiful dress.”

CIV seethed, grinding her teeth. “No, I don't think I will, Rarity. Such superficiality would be unbecoming of any Twilight.

Celestia was an unrivalled teacher and an even better proselytizer; the sun princess has expertly unwound the tight nest of anti-social behaviours and beliefs that the young filly was twisted into by dear mother Velvet with only limited collateral damage.

“'Superficiality'?! A good dress is so much more than just superficial, it can command the entire room and impress your peers. Art transcends the mere material.”

“Bah, power gained by the deceiving of fools is no power at all. And no peer of mine would be swayed by such a thing.”

Of course, the Princess's remaking of the young filly in her own image was never fully successful, no matter the Princess's applied charisma, delicately constructed arguments or well practiced sophistry. There were many parts of the young Twilight that were more innate than the confused mess of contradictions that her mother had left her. As they say, 'You can take a Twilight out of the Twilight, but you can't take the Twilight out of a Twilight'.

...

Sometimes Twilight Sparkle hated his family.

“Power?! How uncouth; it's not about power. It's about beauty and grace.”

“All beauty and grace belong to magic, anything else is but a pale imitation.”

Of course the unusual naming convention of the Twilights wasn't to be difficult ... well it wasn't solely to to be difficult, being difficult was a tertiary benefit at most. As everypony knows, a pony's name carries a prescient significance that is uniquely suited to the pony in question ... or, well, completely unsuited to that pony. Destiny does seem to like irony on occasion. But regardless, names held power in their meaning.

Rarity gave a patronizing smile, “You talk like that, but when you find a colt you like, suddenly you'll change your tune.”

“Bah, when it comes time for that, I will – like every daughter of Twilight before me – seek out a suitable husband and several sister-wives. And I, like those Twilights before me have enough honour to do so without machinations of fabric and lace. Not that any stallion capable of being hoodwinked in such a way would be suitable to father the next generation of Twilights.”

And no name held more meaning, more weight, than 'Twilight'. Twilight, the time between day and night, a time held sacred by all unicorns of arcane alignment since time immemorial. Twilight, the tallest mountain in the known world, standing alone; the spoke upon which modern Equestria spun. But, even more, Twilight was. A tribe within a tribe, a nation within a nation; a home, a people, a bloodline, a history, an ethos, a odd way of looking at the world, and a promise. Everything that made a Twilight a Twilight was contained in the their name, the name first given to each and every son and daughter of Twilight.

Rarity sighed, realizing that the argument she found herself in was fundamentally unwinnable, the young filly had some very silly beliefs about clothing. “Pardon me, did you say 'sister-wives'?”

“Of course,” CIV spoke slowly in a patronizing tone, “By the most recent census, there are, on average, more than six mares for every stallion living in Equestria, and those numbers only get worse when you exclude impotent stallions; although we have no idea how much worse. The bucking census doesn't deign to ask such a question.” CIV paused, “Even if the numbers are much better here in the Manor, it's still absurd for a mare to be selfish enough to demand a stallion for herself alone.”

And despite everything Princess Celestia had tried to teach, Twilight Sparkle was still – like every Twilight before her – a Twilight first and foremost.

Rarity was struck silent, she had heard talk of polygamy fairly often; it was one of the favourite topics of rumour mongers, but it was always spoken in the hushed whispers reserved for such taboo subjects. The idea that a small filly – one who hadn't even found her talent yet – would not only speak openly of the practice but outright state a preference for it? Rarity didn't know how to respond to that.

“Hah, a valiant effort, strange unicorn, friend of Sparkles, but ultimately the facts were not on your side.” CIV gave a quick mocking bow to Rarity before poking the seemingly paralyzed stallion, “Sparkles, I'm bored now, stop philosophizing and entertain me.”

Twilight shook his head as he came back to the present, he briefly looked around. Applejack was napping on the floor – probably for the best, CIV had drained a lot of blood – Rarity looked deeply conflicted about something, Fluttershy was giving him a look that made him fear for his nonexistent virginity and Pinkie was ...

... What? How?

Pinkie – despite being neither a unicorn nor a Twilight – had somehow managed to operate a scrying mirror and was spectating one of Twilight Manor's many duelling rings. The fight going on was between Flare and some non-Twilight unicorn mare Twilight couldn't recognize.

The fight was certainly a spectacle, Flare had quite a flare for the dramatic. She was clearly the better fighter of the two by a mile and seemed to be practically choreographing the fight for the audience she didn't know she had. Twilight watched flare sinuously dance out of the way of a manabolt with inequine grace before returning fire with a colourful bird shaped flame construct that harassed her opponent with tongues of fire. The normally extremely lethal spell merely singing her opponent.

Twilight shook his head and turned away from the scrying mirror. He turned to his younger sister and suddenly grabbed her in a bear hug, “I'm so sorry you think so lowly of yourself; you should not look down on yourself because you have less power than some other unicorns. You especially should not compare your power to mine; I'm an aberration whose power represented a clear and present danger to everypony who cared about me. Honestly, it still does sometimes, much to my shame. You are not a lesser unicorn just because your number is lower than mine. Anyways, your magic is very advanced for your age, most unicorns your age wouldn't be able to case a spell even if they had the inclination to learn, and you haven't even found your talent yet. You'll find that your power will rapidly increase once you do. The path of the mage is one that has never been accused of being quick nor easy, be patient with yourself CIV.” The stallion leaned in a kissed the filly on her forehead, “I love you, CIV; you will always be worth it, and nothing can change that.”

The filly was still for a second before she started to squirm, “Ewww, Sparkles, stop being so gross.” She complained, seemingly unaware of the tears running down her muzzle.

Twilight let his little sister go, and ruffled her mane with a hoof while chuckling.

“Stahhhp~” The filly whined.

Twilight got down onto his barrel and lifted her muzzle with a hoof to look into her eyes whispering to the filly, “Now, CIV, I need your help. My good friend Rainbow Dash is lost somewhere in the Manor, alone and afraid. We need to find her before the worst happens.”

---

Rainbow – who was most certainly not alone and was not precisely afraid - found herself standing at the base of a grand spiral staircase. The walk through the bare tunnels had been largely silent after Iridescence had grown bored of needling the lich, with only the occasional incomprehensible mumble of dissatisfaction from the bodyjacker.

“This should not be here.” Spoke the lich with a mix of concern and curiosity.

It is rather out of place. Rainbow thought as her eyes traced the boundary where the rough cut basalt seamlessly transitioned to finely smoothed marble.

“Aye, but more significant is that it's out of space. The interior of this room protrudes more than three metres out of the plane. Not a large distance – not nearly enough to to clear the planar corona, yet alone to enter the interplanar chaos – but far enough that this most certainly is not natural.”

I would think that the marble staircase should make that obvious.

“Perhaps, but it would be hasty to simply assume a common cause. There is no reason why the staircase couldn't have been built after the spatial distortion.” Rainbow's own voice took a lecturing tone, before she felt herself trot into the room. “Nonetheless, something happened in the 30 years I have been missing.”

Rainbow suddenly felt the manor spirit touching her, it was trying to tell her something ... It was an Outsider incursion! She thought in terror.

“Hmm, yes, that does seem like the most likely culprit. It does make me concerned about what my descendants are doing, that they caused a category 5 outsider incursion. But that pales in comparison to my interest in you, my host. I was under the impression that geomancy was a dead art, lost with the Stalwart of Broken Stone; although I can't find it terribly surprising, it would be terribly in character for Earth pony mages to stay hidden for centuries.”

Category 5!? There's no way that this is the result of anything more than a category 2 incursion.

“You would think so, but there's one thing you're not taking into account,” Aurora spoke with an infuriatingly smug tone.

What?

“Wards. Twilight Manor is warded against just about anything and everything, including Outsider incursions.”

Wards?! What? How? Outsiders cannot be quantified, they defy classification and their very existence is harmful to reality. How do you possibly design wards that work against that?!

“Why, it's elementary my dear host; you design wards that protect from the unquantifiable, the unclassifiable and the inherently hazardous.”

What?

The bodyjacker sighed, “What does it mean for something to be from the Outside, to be an Outsider?”

The Outside is the hypothetical part of the planescape that IS NOT, it is the sum total of everything that that does not and cannot exist, yet it tries to anyways. It is inherently illogical and cannot be understood. Only ponies of particularly strong will can push through the mental strain of facing them and end the threat that they pose.

“Hmmm, interesting. I will not argue on the point of whether Outsiders are actually real, as that is just a morass of pedantry, but I will say that I have no use for a definition of 'real' that excludes something as self-evidently capable of influencing its environment.” The lich paused, “Outsiders are inherently self-contradictory, yes, but they follow their own strange form of logic. This logic – which is unfortunately called illogic – can be studied and understood, albeit with some significant difficulty and not inconsiderable danger. And therefor it can be warded against.”

Rainbow felt a spike of fear and horror.

“Oh host, you wound me with your implications. We are not outsider cultists, who blindly summon Outsiders out of some incredibly misguided delusions of power; quite the opposite in fact. We are the preeminent Normality Preservation Organization in Equestria. We merely study the nature of Outsiders so that we may better fight them. For example, did you know that the nature and logic of the Inside is just as corrosive to Outsiders as their nature and illogic is to us? Unless the Outsider summoned can either summon more Outsiders or draw power directly from the Outside, then the incursion is a self-correcting issue. Sometimes the best way to deal with an incursion is to cordon off the area and let the Outsider ablate into nonexistence on its own.”

'Preeminent Normality Preservation Organization'? What about the Department of Esoteric Affairs?

“The Moon Demon's Lunatics razed the city of Everfree to the ground, it turns out that centralizing your entire governance structure into a single poorly defended city is not an exceptionally good idea. A lesson that the Sun Princess has apparently refused to learn for Equestria version 3.0. The survivors of the DEA was actually one of the founding members of the Stalwart of Twilight, thus we inherited their duties. And it's not like the Sun Princess has bothered to reestablish any replacement for them in her millennia of rule. For most of that millennia we've been hesitantly awaiting when a bunch of overconfident, incompetent glowponies start showing up to Outsider incursions and shoving their muzzles where they don't belong. But that has never happened, and we've started wondering whether the Sun Princess is even aware of Outsiders.”

Celestia is aware of the threat Outsiders pose, if she hasn't reestablished the DEA, then that means that she hasn't felt like she needed to. Which, as much as it pains me to say this, speaks well of House Twilight's handling of Outsider incursions for the last thousand years. Rainbow paused, You said that you were the 'preeminant' NPO, that implies that there are others.

“Hah, not long ago I would have said that we were the only NPO in Equestria, but I have recently come into knowledge of a guild of geomancers that have as to now kept themselves obscured from our vision.”

A guild of geomancers?! What?

“Oh, please, don't play dumb, that's just insulting both of our intelligence. I know enough about geomancy to know that it is not innate or instinctual, unlike the majority of an Earth Pony's talents. It is one thing to draw on the strength of the earth, or to fortify crops; it is a very different thing to connect oneself directly to leylines and bend stone to your whim. One does not become a geomancer without instruction, nor does one trivially learn of Outsiders. Your unlikely knowledge has revealed the truth to me, host. I do not know how many of you remain, but I doubt it is more than a score.” Rainbow felt herself sigh, “Why do you earth ponies have to be so stubborn and secretive? So cagey about your own magic? Us unicorns and even the pegasi have schools designed to teach our magic, but your tribe refuses to even write anything down. Even bloody Starswirl the Bearded, overrated hack that he was, had the sense to write his spells down, even if he did nothing more.”

Rainbow was confused, I'm a pegasus, not an earth pony.

“Just because you grew those wings of yours, that doesn't mean that you're any less an earth pony, nor will you be any less a pegasus when your horn finally grows in.”

What? My wings didn't just 'grow', I was born with them, I'm from Cloudsdale.

The bodyjacker tilted Rainbow's head, “You are telling the truth.” She spoke with confusion, “Then, who taught you geomancy?”

I ... don't ... know.

---

Twilight frantically scryed the halls of the manor, becoming increasingly concerned. Rainbow was not in any of the populated portions of Twilight Manor, and that left unknown hundreds of increasingly distant kilometres to check.

“Twilight, dear.”

“Yes, Rarity?” His tone was harsh as he barely glanced at the mare.

Rarity flinched and took a half step back, “We need to talk.”

“We do.” Twilight lit his horn and cast a dome of silence around the to, “Talk.”

“It's about your, erm, sister.”

“Hmm ...”

“She said some ... alarming things.”

“Did she?”

“Of course she did, that whole thing about ...” Rarity paused and grimaced, “... 'sister-wives', it's just so ...”

“... Scandalous?”

“Yes, it's just not the sort of thing that ponies should be talking about like that, especially a filly as young as your sister.”

Twilight sighed, “Rarity, you have to understand that; while polygamy is considered taboo in Canterlot or even Ponyville, that is most certainly not the case here. In Twilight Manor, it is considered not only normal but outright obligated, and it has been for more than a thousand years. Nothing she said to you was anything that a Twilight would consider concerning, or even unusual. If anything, she was parroting orthodox Twilight dogma. Which is concerning in it's own way, but that's neither here nor there.”

“And, pray tell, does dear Rainbow Dash think of this? You have told her, haven't you?”

Twilight gave a side-eyed glance at the mare, “Oh, you care about Rainbow Dash now?” he snorted, “I'll have you know, I have been very forthcoming with her, she needed to know.”

“And we didn't?”

“Quite frankly; no, you didn't.”

“But, Twilight, you shouldn't hide things from us, we're your friends.”

Twilight turned to glare at the mare, “Being friends with somepony doesn't entitle you to their secrets, Rarity.” He examined the mare and sighed, “Rarity ... are we even friends anymore?”

Rarity recoiled as if struck, “Wha ... what are you talking about Twilight? Of course we're friends.”

“Really, because you haven't been treating me like a friend, Rarity. You've been treating me like the romantic mark of one of your awful romance novels. You've treating me like Blueblood. And I have not been enjoying it. I'm not Blueblood.”

“I know you're not Blueblood, Blueblood is an ignoble cur.”

“Blueblood, 'ignoble cur' or not, is the son of Lady Platinum. Even if you had managed to seduce him, his mother would have never approved the match. In fact, I would imagine that she would be rather displeased with you ...”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Umbra suddenly shouted, “Am I hearing correctly that you ...” the mare pointed at Rarity, “... attempted to poach bucking Prince Blueblood Platinum?! Because I really hope I didn't.”

“What? No! I was looking for love.”

“That sounds like poaching to me.” Drawled Shadow.

“Poaching?” Twilight had heard the term a few times before – mostly from Applejack – but never quite understood what it meant.

“Oh, you are just too innocent, young Sparkles.” Spoke Shadow as put a hoof over the larger stallion, “A poacher is a mare who tries to seduce a stallion without the approval of his mother slash sister slash other legal guardian. Some ponies frown on it, often through violence.”

“Like you are attempting with Big Mac?”

“Exactly.”

Twilight gave his cousin a look.

“Hay, the worst thing Applebuck over there can do to me is break a few bones, and to do that she'd have to catch me first (she'll never catch me). House Platinum is bucking scary, that filly is lucky she didn't end up shanked and bleeding out in a ditch.”

“Actually, House Platinum has never retaliated against any attempted poaching towards Blueblood and prosecutes 'successful' 'poachings' entirely through legal means.” Umbra spoke with scorn, “Of course with his normal studding cost the monetary penalties of that would be enough to ruin even a moderately sized noble house, yet alone an small independent dressmaker like yourself.” Umbra scowled, “Honestly, it appears that House Platinum only cares about their 'favoured son' so far as he makes them bits.”

Twilight was taken aback, how had he never heard of any of this. Twilight had always been rather insulated from wider society, first under his dear mother and then under Celestia. The young filly's preference for books over ponies certainly hadn't helped. It made sense that Lady Velvet had hid things from her in order to mould the little filly into a miniature version of herself ...

... except, was that what really happened? Twilight suddenly remembered the many times that Velvet had warned against ever fully trusting Equestrian mares with stallions, telling the young filly about how they didn't know how to treat stallions 'right'. As a mare, Twilight had always rejected such statements as the ravings of a paranoid mare – or perhaps as some weird fetish thing – but now as a stallion, he couldn't help but agree. If anything Aura or Umbra had told him is correct, the mares of Equestria do not treat stallions very well at all.

And then there was the tutelage under Celestia, where the Princess had endless effort drilling 'respect for the dignity of all sapient creatures' into the young filly. Respect and dignity that is apparently being outright denied to a sizable minority of the population, for whom being raped was legally indistinguishable from voluntary seduction, both of which are called 'poaching' and settled with a fine.

It was clear to him now that reality did not even resemble the idealistic vision that Princess Celestia believed in, and there was no doubt that the Princess did believe in it.

So then, why had Princess Celestia failed so catastrophically? Was the immortal alicorn who had moved the sun and moon for a thousand years that impotent? Did she even know how much she had failed?

“Sis, why do you know Blueblood's studding cost?”

“I was on the Shining Armour Protection Detail.”

“I know. That doesn't answer the question.”

“Prince Blueblood was a major case study for the detail, we studied every detail we could of the unmitigated disaster that is that stallion's life in order to understand the magnitude of our task; it was enlightening. Poor bastard.”

“That's no reason for him to be so rude.”

Umbra looked at the mare like she had grown a second head, “Are you bucking serious, filly. You were trying to poach him, he had every reason to be rude – or worse – considering how many mares in your position didn't take 'no' for an answer.”

Rarity was taken aback, “What? I would never.”

“Not like he would have any way of knowing that.”

“ENOUGH!” Twilight shouted, “I created this sound ward was to have a private discussion with Rarity, not have some argument about Blueblood of all ponies. I don't really care about Blueblood, miserable life or not. Umbra, I know you mean well – I really do – but there is a time and place for such things, and this is neither.” Twilight sighed, “I don't mind your unsolicited comments most of the time, but, well, not when I'm having important conversations like this.”

“Ooh, somepony's in trouble~.”

Twilight lit his horn with a considreable amount of power and glared at Shadow, “It sounds like somepony wants to be fire-mailed, again.”

“Okay, point taken, shutting up now.”

“Good,” Twilight quickly recast the dome of silence, excluding his guards before turning to Rarity. “Now where were we before we were so rudely interrupted ...”

Rarity scowled at the place where the now invisible Umbra had been, “Why do you let them speak out like that, aren't Royal Guards supposed to be silent?”

“Ah, yes, that's another thing that's different about the Twilights, we're a lot less hierarchical – more meritocratic - than the Canterlot nobility, a lot more outspoken too. Banter is to be expected, even when – perhaps even especially when – there is such a large gap of status between us.”

“And the threats ...”

Twilight gave a predatory smile, “'Those aren't threats, they're promises.'”

Rarity eyes widened and she took a step back.

Twilight chuckled, “That's another thing that's different about us, we're more violent than the Equestrian norm, interequine conflicts are typically solved through force.”

“'Through force' ...”

“Aye, erm, yes. Typically such conflicts are resolved either with threats of violence or getting into a fight, either with hooves or with magic. Although in more significant cases, a formal chalange to a duel may be announced. Or sometimes in insignificant cases, some ponies just like to duel.”

“Duel? As in duel to the death?” Rarity was horrified.

“What? No, of course not ...” Twilight paused, “... well, not usually, duels to the death are only permitted for extremely severe grievances. There hasn't been one in the last hundred years as far as I know. There are dozens of different types of duels and the rules of a particular duel are largely up to the participants, first blood and first strike are always popular. Although duels until one of the parties is rendered incapable of fighting happen too, primarily between the more 'battle-junkie' types.”

“That's still awful, your noble house always fighting each other over minor perceived slights. How can you even live with each other.”

“Eh, it's not exactly like that, duelling is at least as much a sport as it is conflict resolution. There's rarely any actual bad blood behind a challenge, and when there is ... well, there's something rather cathartic about knocking the block off an infuriating bitch and putting her in her place.”

Rarity stared at the stallion like he had grown a second head.

Which, honestly he had just a couple days ago. Just not that kind of head. “Eh, sorry, Princess Celestia taught me that speaking like that was unbecoming of my position, especially since my ascension. I guess being back here in the Manor has affected me more than I realized.” Twilight chuckled nervously.

“Oh ...” Suddenly, the mare's face lit up with comprehension, “I was confused by the fact that you Twilights are technically a noble house, but you're not nobility, you're barbarians.”

Twilight sighed and facehoofed, “Rarity, barbarian is a pejorative.”

“What?”

“A pejorative, an insult. Nopony calls themselves barbarians, it's just what self-righteous Canterlot nobility call cultures that they look down upon as being 'uncultured'.”

Rarity giggled, “That's not a denial.~”

Twilight sighed, “Fine. Yes, House Twilight is what the Canterlot nobility refer to as 'barbarians'. No, we do not like being called such, at all. In fact, you should outright strike the word from your vocabulary.”

Rarity started salivating, “A barbarian prince~ ...” She giggled.

Twilight groaned, “Please, Rarity, do not go putting me in the box of another of the stupid tropes from your stupid romance novels. They do not resemble reality in the slightest.”

“I never imagined that Equestria would still have real barbarians. All the books were set in the distant past, it's a shame that you Twilights have been so hidden from the mares of Equestria.”

“Rarity ...”

“And you, Twilight Sparkle, you hid your heritage so well. When you first came to Ponyville, I had you pegged as a member of the petite bourgeoisie, you certainly didn't act like a noble, but you also never showed your primal nature. It must have been so hard on you to keep it hidden for so long.”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Not really, Princess Celestia was pretty thorough in suppressing my – as you call it – ‘primal nature’.”

Rarity gasped and put a hoof over her muzzle, “That’s horrible.”

Twilight snorted, “You might not think that if you ever met young filly Twilight, I was horrible.”

“Was that young filly the kind of horrible to mindslave an entire town into chasing a doll?”

Please Check out the rewrite here:
/story/546883/the-twilight-prince-redux