Judge Luna
Case #6 – Ball-Filly

Princess Luna awoke to a light knocking on her door. Turning tiredly, she gave a sort of croaking sound. The door opened and a stallion slipped inside. “Princess,” he whispered to the darkness, taking off his helmet and setting it on the floor near the door. The door closed behind him, shutting out the wretched light that hurt Luna’s eyes. “It’s me, Steel Wing,” he said, kneeling by the bedside and spreading his wings on the floor.

Luna lifted her head from the pillow, smiling tiredly. “Ah, hullo,” she said softly. “How are things? Did the midnight court go well?”

“It did, but that was last Thursday, your Highness,” Steel Wing furrowed his brow. “You’ve been sleeping for some time, ‘round the clock.”

“I have?!” blurted Luna, sitting up sharply. A pain rose in her head and she gave a feminine squawk of pain, holding her temples.

“Whoa-whoa-whoa, easy,” Steel Wing leaned up, wings closing as he eased her back down, “I’m no doctor, but I think you should stay in bed.”

“What’s happened?” Luna said as he fluffed a pillow for her. She turned on her side to look up at him. “Did my sister sit in for me in the Midnight Court? Did it go well?”

“Er… well, it went as well as expected,” Steel Wing lied. He didn’t want to worry his poor Princess while she was lying sick in bed.

“Thou has a bump on your head,” Luna commented, pointing at him with a shaky hoof. “Did something happen?”

Steel Wing gave a start, crossing his eyes and looking upward. There was a mild protrusion, square in the center of his forehead. “It doesn’t hurt,” he said, backing up a bit so she wouldn’t stare at him like that. He regretted taking off his helmet in front of her, but it was protocol. “There was a problem with the camera crew while Princess Celestia was sitting in for you, is all.”

“What happened?” Luna pressed, growing annoyed at his answer-dodging.

“Princess Celestia raised the moon, and the presence of so much magic shorted out the cameras. They exploded like fireworks and… well…” he smiled a little bashfully.

“My Lunar Stallions responded in kind,” Luna smirked just a little, “And with thou acting as bailiff, you must’ve tackled Tia right off the throne!” she made an o-shape with her mouth, then broke into giggles. Steel Wing blushed, looking to one side. “We wish we had seen such a thing… what’s this in my nose?” she crossed her eyes, finding a plastic line shoved into her nostrils. How had she not seen that before?

“That’s to help you breathe, Princess. You’ve been very sick, remember,” Steel Wing tried to soothe her. Settling onto his belly by the bedside, he offered her his most comforting smile. His armor clanked, pinching him in bad places, but he didn’t care. Recovering his helm after a few minutes, he answered all of the Princess’ questions until she was up to speed. Over an hour and a half passed.

Finally, the dark alicorn was satisfied and slowly sat up. She had better results this time, though she made sure to keep her blankets draped around herself.“I’m hungry,” Luna complained. “If I’ve not eaten for days, I should at least make my consciousness known.”

“I’ll send for a food trolly,” Steel Wing nodded dutifully, rising. The dark alicorn nodded once, but cocked her head when he paused. “Princess are you… are you shorter?” he gawked a little.

Luna blinked at him, then gave a start. Her mane had changed to its pastel-blue shape. No wonder her head was so heavy. It made her look much smaller. “Fetch us a small light,” she snapped, gesturing to the vanity nearby. “Quickly.”

Steel Wing wheeled around and returned with a lit candle and a hoof-mirror. When the light passed over his Princess’ features, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open a little. “What’s happened to you?” he whispered in awe.

Luna had reverted to her mortal, non-ethereal form. She was half her normal stature, and her mane and tail looked like a normal pony’s. While alicorns were far from the gods some ponies thought they were, the poor thing looked positively mortal. She gaped at herself in horror. She looked like she had when she’d been freed from Nightmare Moon’s influence. A sort of… sort of… teenage alicorn form!

“S-so… uhm…” Steel Wing fished for words, his gaze going up and down her several times. “Food trolly, right?” his ettiquite had vanished in his shock.

Luna was touching her face with a hoof, still wide-eyed at her image. “Food trolly, yes,” she whispered. “I shall need to recover my strength.” She set the mirror down, but didn’t rise from the bed. “We must have calories to burn, and vitamins to absorb.” She nodded firmly. “I have a court to attend.”

“Your Highness, that’s completely out of the—!” Steel Wing tried.

“Thou are my bailiff and my guard, not my nanny. Do as we command.” Luna said grouchily, glaring him down. He bowed his head, submissive to the crown as always. “Nothing will keep me from performing my duties, not even this embarrassment.” She threw back the sheets as Steel Wing retreated to the hall to do her bidding.

Turning, the bailiff seized one of the two Lunar Stallions standing guard at the Princess’ bedroom door. “This door doesn’t open. She doesn’t come out, and nopony goes in-- unless that pony happens to have a sun on her ass. Understood?” he scowled.

“Yessir!” the stallion barked, standing at attention and saluting.

“I’ll be sending two more to help you two stand guard here. A food trolly as well,” Steel Wing said over his shoulder. The Princess was getting weaker and weaker. Everypony would be on edge. Her Majesty’s safety was paramount in her time of need.

=-=-=-=

“All rise!” Steel Wing said to the ponies gathered in the throne room. Everypony stood as commanded. He liked that. He’d finally whipped them into shape, and now new ponies coming in new what to do too. The show had been going on long enough, they’d come to expect to stand when he said so.

Princess Luna, in all her half-sized glory, stepped into the room. She wore a long black cape about herself to hide her starkly showing ribs and frazzled fur. She’d done everything she could to restore her face and to have some ghost of her former radiance, but it only worked partially. She looked like a teenage filly with her mane pulled back in a ponytail, with a slightly shorter muzzle and her daintier crown perched on her head. Everypony could still tell it was Luna, but she just looked so odd! The audience murmured in confusion and mild fear, until the alicorn seated herself and turned her nose up regally. She nodded once.

“You may be seated!” Steel Wing made a motion so everypony could sit. They did, and he glared them into silence while they gestured at Luna with cocked eyebrows and frowns. Turning, the Lunar Stallion walked up the dais with his usual folder. He eyed the cameras, all pointed at her majesty like slender black cannons. They were making her weak, and he knew it. “Everything okay, your Highness?” he asked in a worried whisper when he was close enough.

“Yes, o-of course.” Luna leaned back in the throne, something she’d never done before, to prop herself up. Letting her cloak cover her like a blanket, she rested there for a time to heave a few labored breaths. “There’s just so many stairs up to this silly chair…” she complained at a mumble. Cocking her head and summoning up her incredible alicorn willpower, she reached for the case folder.

“Yuh…. Yes, of course,” Steel Wing said, his eyebrows drawing together with worry. “Your Majesty, this is case number 00495 in the matter of Dash versus the Equestrian Hoofball League. Parties have been sworn in, you may proceed when ready…” he let his sentence hang, like he wanted to say more. The poor alicorn was in a sorry state from her normal god-like radiance. She was just so stubborn! It drove every Lunar Stallion in the room mad that she was pushing herself like this despite her health. But when she set her mind to something… well…

Luna looked down, finding that she recognized two of the three ponies before her. On the left was a stallion with a referee’s whistle and stripes on his flank. On her right? None other than Rainbow Dash and a little orange filly with a purple mane. The cyan mare waved enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear. Luna cocked her head with a frown, wondering what had brought the element of loyalty to her courtroom. Looking down, she scanned the contents of the folder she’d been given. “Names and vocations, please.” she said to them all.

“Name’s Rainbow Dash!” the prism-maned mare stuck her chest out and flared her wings in an impressive athletic display when the cameras swiveled towards her. “I’m a Ponyville weatherpony, future member of the Wonderbolts!” she said, grinning.

“Current vocation.” Luna said a little snappishly. Rainbow Dash wilted. “Who is thy little follower?” she paused, turning to Steel Wing. “We feel as though we see far too many foals in this court.” She grumbled a bit.

“Oh, this is Scootaloo. I’m here to uh…” Rainbow Dash looked down at the paper in front of her, which was covered with loopy purple hoof-writing. She squinted and read in a robotic voice, “Represent a minor, as she is under the age of seniority and cannot represent herself in the court of law.”

“Fair enough,” Luna nodded, turning to look at Scootaloo. “Hullo Scootaloo, I am Princess Luna.”

“I met you on Nightmare Night!” Scootaloo’s tiny little wings buzzed, lifting her front half off the ground. “You were lots of fun!”

“Awwww--!” went the audience.

Luna chuckled a little, “Ah yes, forgive me. That night was long ago, I shall try to visit Ponyville again this Nightmare Night.” She smiled at the innocent little filly, who was bouncing on her hoofie-tips with excitement.

“You’re on!” Scootaloo chirped excitedly.

“And you sir? Name and vocation?” Luna turned to look at the defense, at the other table.

“I’m Close Call, your highness. I’m a hoofball referee for the minor and casual league players around Ponyville. I also act as the contest coordinator when we have them.” He was a clean-shaven, upright looking sort of stallion. He had a very masculine smile and a rather attractive jawline that made more than a few mares in the audience giggle with delight. Well, that and he had a very nice flank.

“So tell me then, Rainbow Dash,” Luna turned back to the cyan mare and the filly, “Why thou have brought a child to the midnight court, way past her bedtime, and in a town that is not her own?”

“We’re lookin’ for justice, Princess!” Rainbow said enthusiastically. “And we’re not gonna let some sexist organization get in our way!”

“Sexist?” Luna cocked her head. “In what way?”

“Scootaloo here--!”

“Stop,” Luna interrupted. “I will hear it from the filly’s mouth. If we are to talk about something that happened to Scootaloo, I shall hear it from Scootaloo.” The alicorn turned, offering a kind, if somewhat tired smile to the little orange filly. “Tell us what happened, little one.” She bade. Rainbow Dash grumbled a little. She'd just opened her mouth and now she was told to shut up? Lame...

“W-well,” Scootaloo blushed, her wings buzzing on her back when she was suddenly the center of attention. The cameras zoomed in on her while the audience looked on. “I won a contest that the Equestrian Hoofball League was having, and then they wouldn’t give me the prize!” her cute little muzzle wrinkled in anger, cheeks puffing out a bit. “All ‘cuz I’mma filly and not a colt!”

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Luna said to the foal, cocking her head. “Why would they do that?”

“I dunno!” squeaked the filly, her voice cracking in her distress. “It isn’t fair!”

“Of what contest is she speaking?” Luna asked Rainbow Dash.

“This one here.” Rainbow lifted off with such high speed that it startled every guard in the room. She rocketed towards the throne to give Luna something, but was suddenly stopped by a rock-hard barrier that was a Lunar Stallion.

Steel Wing no-sell’d her speed, jerking her to an utter halt halfway between her table and the throne. “Whoa-whoa-whoa there, missy. You just give me that and stay behind the table,” he said sternly. He’d not even had to take off from the ground to catch the flying mare. He’d just leapt from the stairs and let his sheer weight, armor and all, drag her back down to earth.

“Oop, sorry,” Rainbow smiled at the bulky stallion apologetically. “I just got excited.”

“Well you be excited behind the table there, thank you,” Steel Wing took her piece of paper, herding her back behind the plaintiff’s table. Turning about, he reported up the stairs to her Majesty with Rainbow Dash’s evidence. The mare huffed, rolling her eyes. Spoilsport.

“Thank thee,” Luna said in a reedy voice. Cocking her head, she studied the paper. It was a contest flyer for anypony under the age of fifteen to be a ball-colt for three games for a major league hoofball team. “Quite the prize!” Luna observed, smiling at Scootaloo. To win the contest, all you had to do was write a letter explaining why the Equestrian Hoofball League should pick you. It had to be hoof-written, with no help from your parents. Those were the only guidelines. At the bottom, it gave an address to send said letter, and a due date for all the contest entries. “Seems simple enough,” Luna nodded, setting the page aside. “And did you bring your letter with you today, Scootaloo?” the Princess asked. The filly nodded, smiling a little bashfully. “May I see it?” Scootaloo looked a little fearfully at Steel Wing, who started down the stairs at her. He was a big, intimidating thing in all the armor, from a filly’s perspective. “Don’t mind his teeth, he doesn’t bite little fillies,” Luna said, drawing a chuckle from the audience.

Scootaloo was very careful to stay behind the table on her box, hoofing the letter over to the Lunar Stallion. Steel Wing leaned and kissed her hoof sweetly, and Scootaloo cackled with girlish delight. The audience snickered with delight until he showed them his teeth. Lunar Stallions had pointed teeth to scare their enemies. Their magic armor made their chompers triangle-shaped. Hush fell over the audience while Scootaloo giggled.

Luna nodded to her guard when she received the letter. It was written on a foal’s school notebook paper in messy red crayon. The Princess studied the letter closely, reading it to herself. “Hrm…”

Dear Equestrian Hoofball League,
I wanna enter your contest to be your ball-colt. I am twelve years old, and I’m supposed to tell you why I should win your contest. Well, my whole life ponies have been telling me I couldn’t do stuff. There’s a bully at school that says I’ll never fly since my wings are stunted. And I don’t get to go to parents night at school since I don’t got any parents either. I don’t even have my cutie mark yet, so whenever I try new things there’s somepony telling me I can’t do something when I fail. I wanna prove them wrong. Before I sent this letter, I told everypony I know I was gonna win this contest. I wanna show them that yes I can!
~Scootaloo, from Ponyville Foster Home #2

Princess Luna’s expression softened. “A wonderfully-written letter, little one,” she said in a somber way. Scootaloo smiled bashfully, nodding and buzzing her little wings again. Rainbow Dash smiled encouragingly. “So what happened next?”

“I got a letter back a few weeks later,” Scootaloo said, “I’d forgotten all about it!” she giggled. “But it was super cool! It was on thick, fancy paper and everything!” Rainbow Dash passed her the letter as she was speaking, and Steel Wing went to get that as well.

“Hmm!” Luna smiled, delighted at the foal’s energy. She received the letter from her guard.

To Scootaloo:
You’re right, Scootaloo! That is an excellent reason to be our ball-colt! We’ll show all those neigh-sayers! Have your guardian sign the attached slip, and we’ll come by to pick you up on the date below. Congratulations, you’re going to be the ball-colt for the Cloudsdale Cloudblasters!
~Close Call, Equestrian Hoofball League Contest Coordinator

Luna nodded along, then put it down. “Then what happened?” she asked gently, pushing the paper aside from herself. She stopped to cough for a few moments, excused herself, then looked at the filly intently.

“They came to my foster home, and when they found out I wasn’t a colt they went away without me!” Scootaloo squawked, dancing around on her little box that helped her see over the table. “They said they wanted a ball-colt, and not a ball-filly!” she said, very upset.

“I see,” Luna scratched her chin. “Is that right?” she looked over at Close Call.

Close Call nodded a bit, “We weren’t tryin’ to be mean to the kid or anything, our contest was just worded around a colt winning. We’ve never had a filly win, and we’ve been running this contest every year for over sixty years!”

“And what oversight brought you to choose a filly this time?” Luna wanted to know.

“Sheer chance, I think,” Close Call admitted, looking to one side. “It’s hard to tell a pony’s gender by their name, sometimes. I mean, if you saw ‘Close Call’ on a piece of paper, I guess you couldn’t tell if I was a mare or a stallion.” He chuckled a little nervously at his own joke. There was a ripple of laughter in the audience.

“But for sixty some-odd years your contest has always chosen colts,” Luna nodded along with his reasoning. “Fair enough, but is that built into the contest itself?”

“Well, we don’t have any rules against a filly winning,” Close Call said hesitantly, “But all the contest rules and regulations say ‘colt’ and ‘he’ and ‘him.’” The stallion scratched the back of his head. “Legally speaking, we would be completely liable if a filly won and something bad happened to her.”

“There is no shame in covering thy backside in a legal fashion, Close Call, we understand thy logic,” Luna nodded patiently. “But you must answer our question. Can a filly never win your ball-colt contest?”

“W-well, its nothing against all the fillies out there, but its called ‘ball-colt’ since… well… ball-colt.” Close Call said, very aware of the glares he was getting from Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. “It was never in the works because we’ve never had one before.”

“Ball-colt is a title, is it not? A job title?” Luna asked.

“Yes, of course.”

“Titles are gender-neutral, my little pony. Even those containing genders in their wording.” Princess Luna turned to Rainbow Dash, “Did the contest runners try to make it up to Scootaloo at all?” she said very seriously.

“Oh yeah,” Rainbow Dash said blandly, “She won their contest and when they said she couldn’t win because she’s a filly, they sent her tickets to a bunch of games, a glove, ball, that sort of thing.” She looked to one side with a mild scowl. “But that didn’t really help. It wasn’t about the stuff or the prizes.”

“It was sayin’ I won and then sayin’ I couldn’t win cuz I’mma filly!” Scootaloo piped up.

“We understand,” Luna raised a hoof to stop their complaining. She turned back to Close Call, who had a confused look on his face. “What is it?” she asked.

“How can a title be gender neutral if it has ‘colt’ in it?” Close Call asked in earnest. Luna saw into his heart just then, looking into his eyes. This stallion was not here to defend the decision of his bosses. He was here to legally cover his backside like anypony with half a brain would. He wanted Scootaloo to win this, and he was looking for a way. The Princess smiled at his kind eyes.

“It’s very easy to explain,” Luna nodded over into the shadows, beckoning a guard forward. A Lunar Stallion emerged, chest out and nose up. The armored mare came and stood front and center, bat-like wings open. “This is Moon Drop. She is one of my knight-captains, a very high rank among the Lunar Stallions of the night guard.” The alicorn gestured at her, “And as you’ll notice, Close Call, she is a mare.”

“Er, yes I see that,” the stallion blushed a little. She did look pretty stunning in that armor, he had to admit.

“Do you know the proper honorific for a knight?” Luna asked.

“Sir?” Close Call said, cocking his head.

“And the proper honorific for a captain?”

“Sir?” Close Call said again.

“And the proper honorific for a stallion?”

“Sir again?” Close call blushed, feeling like a foal in school.

“Correct.” Luna smiled warmly. “Moon Drop is all three of those things. A knight. A captain. And a Lunar Stallion. All three of those are titles, with male connotations, but she is no less a mare.” The alicorn gestured that she could return to her post. Moon Drop bowed to her Highness, then made a show of winking at Close Call as she melted back into shadow. The stallion blushed, watching her go. “Do you understand now?” Luna asked.

“I think so, yes,” Close Call said. “We’re covered, legally, since ball-colt is just a title, right?”

“That’s right. Go in peace, my little pony.” Luna said with a smile, stamping her hoof. “Your case is dismissed, Rainbow Dash, an accord has been reached.”

“Does that mean I get to be a ball-filly?!” Scootaloo squealed from behind the table, bouncing up and down. Rainbow Dash chuckled, nodding.

“It sure does!” Close Call laughed. “I’ll see you on the field next week, slugger!” he turned on his hooves to leave. “Whew! I’m glad that mess is sorted out!” he was all grins as he trotted down the aisle and out of the courtroom. Luna smiled as Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo left happy as well. She wished she had more cases like this one. Standing sorely, she limped down the stairs with Steel Wing’s help and into the private chambers behind the throne. She was getting one of her bad headaches again, and needed some medicine.

=-=-=-=

In some shadowy place, a figure worked its evil plans. A large television screen was mounted on the far wall, bathing the otherwise dark room in its milky light. On a four-way split-screen, the figure watched episodes of ‘Judge Luna’. There were over fifty of them now, the show was turning out to be quite a smash hit. Why, even Princess Celestia had made a cameo appearance in episode 53. That had been interesting to say the least, even if that episode was all of two minutes long.

Turning and craning his head towards a high opening in his cave-like home, he watched a little trail of sparkling ash float into the room. Yet another used up power crystal had broken. They were ingenious, really. They powered televisions, and at the same time absorbed magic— trading one sort of energy for a few more useful sort. Ponies took them without question, just assuming they were already magic. But, much the same way a sponge absorbed water, the crystals did the same around unicorns and alicorns. He smiled, watching the dust pile up in a massive urn-like container made of glass. As soon as a power crystal had gathered all the magic it could, it would break or burst, and the dust would return to its point of origin— here.

Far, far beneath the palace in the forgotten crystal caves… it was the perfect hiding spot, really. Right at the base of the proverbial lighthouse, where nopony would look. And the magic-laden dust just kept piling up. Ponies all across the country were using this new invention, never stopping to ask about any side-effects or sicknesses they might suffer. Innocent, foolish creatures.

Sweeping his cape with a satisfied cackle, the figure mounted the stairs that swirled up around the massive urn. Taking his sweet time, admiring all the complicated runes, he finally reached the top and peered in. The average pony might assume they were looking at some sort of strange mix of explosive powder and silver glitter, but he knew better. It was magic. Pure, unfiltered, glorious unicorn magic. Well, unicorn and alicorn. Princess Luna’s reaction to the cameras had been far more effective than he’d dreamed. Sure, it had taken some months to weaken her to the point of illnesss, but… well there it was. All piled like a great big sandbox in front of him. He leaned down, then hopped into the urn. Laying on his back, he made a snow-angel, cackling madly the whole time.

Reaching into the powder and dust, he focused his magic. He willed the tiny motes together, pressing them into a long, slender structure. Smiling, he pulled an obsidian dagger from the pure magic that surrounded him. Dropping it, he watched it become dust again. Reaching, he formed a long staff with a pointed end. Dropping that too, he focused a bit harder, and formed a levitating platform. All it took was the right amount of concentration and will-power. It was simply amazing what pure magic could do with a mind strong enough to mold it. Leaning as his magical platform brought him to the lip of the urn, he stepped out again. Shaking himself off, he went back to the television to peer at her Majesty.

When Luna was at her weakest, the time to strike would be at hand. Now he just had to wait for the next few episodes of Judge Luna, and he would assassinate her on live television in front of all her viewers.

End of Case 6