I woke up on the floor. My beer can and the remains of my drink all over the floor. I sat up, shaking my head in bewilderment. “What the Fuck just happened?” I said to nobody in particular.

I sat up to find out where Fred was, stopping when I saw him passed out in similar fashion. Except he was drooling off the side a little. Shivering at the thought of what just happened I picked up both our beer bottles and went to go get rug cleaner. The clock on the stove said 00:03. Either I was asleep for 24 hours, which seems highly unlikely, or I just took the shortest nap of my life. Excluding the one where Fred pranked me shortly after I fell asleep. I made my way back to the area of the disaster. Thankfully we had enough sense in our partially drunken states not to take the controllers in our cheer for our birth times. They were sitting safely on sofa. The IPod cord however was shorted and I'm pretty sure the power strip it led to was fried as well. Well damn. There goes 30$ right there.

I nudge Fred to see if I could get him to wake up. No go, he is OUT. So, lacking anything else to do, I sat on the sofa, pondering what I had just witnessed.

I had in fact watched a few episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fred had insisted on it specifically. I didn't hate it, it just never appealed to me in general. It wasn't the Technicolor ponies, or the girliness the show implied, it was the fact that it was just uninteresting to me.

To Fred it was enough that I wasn't an 'antibrony'. He continued watching, reading, and other fandom related things even though all the 'rage' about it died a couple years back I believe.

I quickly grabbed his computer. Thankfully he is such a lazy bum that he doesn’t lock the darn thing so it was a simple grab and open to access the internet. I quickly grabbed the first name that came to mind and typed it. “Fireball” Getting a bunch of pictures of flaming rock and magic attacks I quickly added “Pony” onto it. Wow, the shit that turned up on Google images was grade A shit. Nothing on that name I guess. Onto the next one... I think it was 'Discord'?

I typed in the name and immediately got pictures of the weirdest damn creature ever. It looked like someone took a bunch of animals, grabbed random appendages off them, eyes, ears, and all, stuck them in a blender, and pushed the 'purify' button. It was THAT weird. I clicked one of the 'evil' looking pictures of him, presumably from the fated 'Season 5 Finale'. Immediately I felt such hatred for that picture that I wanted to punch it with all my might.

I quickly calmed myself; breaking poor Fred's computer was not going to solve anything. I searched up the other names that had occurred in my dreams. Getting various pictures of ponies I stopped. It was obvious, somehow or another I had had a lucid dream of this 'Equestria'. Fred stirred and I nudged him again. Setting his computer aside I got right up in front of his face, ready to greet his trolling ass as soon as he opened his eyes.

He opened them, looked at me in astonishment for a second before smiling impishly. “You do realize I'm not gay right?” I looked down and realized I had to kind of straddle him in order to get into this position. Needless to say a face palm of epic proportions happened.

“Sooo.... anything weird happen to you while you were out like a light bulb?” He asked while I resumed my position on the couch. “‘Cause some pretty serious shit happened to me. It started when you passed out with the drink in your hand. You literally collapsed like all your bones had become jelly or something. I tried everything, poor beer in your mouth, ice in your shirt, and I even kicked you a few times.” So that's why my side started hurting a bit. Note to self: Get Fred for kicking me. “But you were GONE. Anyways, after a few minutes I just decided to celebrate my birthday and be done with it. I had raised up my bottle in a cheer and then blacked out. Only to find myself in a bed that wasn't mine. My head like the dickens and 'I' came downstairs to find Discord talking to another pony. He was a pegasus with a black mane and a deep grey coat. My mind immediately associated said pony with 'Shadow' 'Slash' a fellow guards pony. Anyways, I spoke a little and tripped down the stairs in a somewhat awkward fashion, landing in front of Discord. Awkwardly I spoke to him again; I think I asked him what he wanted or something. Anyways, that Shadow pony said something like 'Run go warn the town' before being cut off by some delicious licorice or some other red candy.

If that wasn't enough, Discord FUCKING GRABBED ME BY MY DAMN THROAT AND STARTED CHOKING ME! Seriously! Sometimes he can be such a dick. Before I blacked out though my mind focused on something that was alien, yet somehow I knew every molecule of it, Fire. I concentrated on the candy surrounding Shadow's legs and burned them off. After that I almost blacked out, however the newly freed Shadow showed me why he has the name 'Slash'. He flew so fast at Discord that when it impacted the god it he actually stumbled and dropped me. My mind took but a second to clear and I bolted. I had to warn the town and get them to go get the princesses.” I tried to keep a straight face through all of this, but the slight opening of my mouth told me I wanted to do something totally different. “I had just made it into town; I managed to get a hold of a pony by rapidly knocking on their door. He quickly ran to warn others while I sped off to another house. Before I could get there who should show up but the mother fucking chaotic asshole himself.

He popped up and started spouting nonsense about how he had beaten the princesses, the elements of harmony, and now my best friend Shadow was 'cursed'. I was about to head butt him, my horn glowing with heat. When I got within a few feet of the guy though I was restrained. Not by playful licorice mind you, but chains and shackles. Then he spoke to me, and I actually listened.

“'Listen here Fireball. I'm very pissed right now, not only was I hoping to gain new allies, but also I was hoping to catch this town unawares. Now that you have spoiled both I can only offer you the 'Slave' choice, not that you'll take it.' He stared at me with a kinda hopeful smile, not the nice kind but the evil kind that says 'I want you to betray your friends'. As an answer, I spit on his bucking feet. I was never so satisfied in my life. 'Fine have it your way stupid pony.' Then he began this odd chant.

'For Five Score! Divided by Four!'

'For your choices you must pay,'

'Removed to a land out of my way!'

'Your mind shall be weak, your outlooks bleak!'

'Your Memories Removed! Your Body Confused!'

'Forgetting everything and living in ignorance,'

'You have lost, you're now no longer a hindrance!'”

My mouth finally finished its journey to wideness. That was the exact chant I had heard in my 'dream' that I'm starting to wonder if it really was a dream.

“After that I blacked out and woke up to you molesting me.” He finished.

“So, what happened to you?”

“Almost. The. Exact. Same. Thing.” I watch his eyes bug out, his jaw dropping a few inches. Finally he composed himself long enough to reboot his thought process.

“Whelp something freaky is going on.”

NO SHIT! “You know what, why don't you and me hit the couches and catch some zzzs, hell, we may even get more dreams you know?” He goes to get some bed items for his 'bed'. I still remember the incident at the doorway however and quickly respond. “Actually, I’m going to my room, your welcome to sleep down here though.”

He looked at me like I was crazy before slowly showing his trademark grin. “Oh, you're still scared that I’m going to get you aren't you? Don't worry I won’t be doing anything tonight, but this is the only time I will give you a freebie.”

Once in our respective beds the house quiets down. I hear soft snoring coming from downstairs. I get up and quickly lock my door with the deadbolt I keep on it. (Different story for different time) I also check to make sure that my windows are locked and sealed. Everything seems to be fine and there is no way he can possibly get into my room to get me back for my trolling. I stared at my ceiling, wonder what the hell my life was coming to.

I woke up feeling rejuvenated at my normal time of 7:30 am. Despite my precautions from before I checked all my safety features. Door, locked, windows, closed and locked. I checked everything, my pants weren’t wet so no pee trick. I put my hands to my face and felt for whipped cream or other things. Nothing. Either he was serious about letting me off tonight or I had successfully locked him out. I almost jumped for joy, before realizing Fred was probably still sleeping away the morning.

Following my usual regime I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I got undressed, turned on the tap and hopped in. I washed my body and managed to finish within the 5 minute mark I had designated. Unfortunately, there still was a black mark on my thigh that apparently wouldn't go away. I stepped into the shower once more and scrubbed that sucker till it hurt. Sighing I got out and toweled off. Looks like I hadn't managed to not get pranked after all. How the guy managed to tattoo me while I was asleep was beyond me. I was a very light sleeper so the pain from the process should have woken me up at least. Oh well, I’ll just go kick his ass about it and see if I can get it removed.

I walked downstairs to the living room; everything was just how I left it, cords and electronics everywhere. The cleaner was still out on the floor where the 'spill' happened. I turned towards the sounds of snoring to find Fred. The lazy ass better get out of bed or ice down a shirt will be child's play.

I kick him, once, twice, three times. Figuring I need the payback for the tattoo anyways I start to make my way to the kitchen. A groan that comes from the bundle on the couch stops me. “Duuuuuuudddeeee it's like morning, not good time for a hangover! What the hell you want?”

“I walk over, squat and look him straight in the eye. “I want you to explain why there is a tattoo ON MY BUTT!” The last shout wakes him up real good. “I didn't do nothin'!”

“Double negative, therefore you mean you DID do something didn't you?” I glared at him. “I know WHY you did it, just tell me where I can get the damn thing removed!”

“Dude I have no fucking clue what the hell you’re talking about!” He gets up and returns my deep stare. “Dude I have, honest to god, no idea what the hell you’re talking about.” He broke the confrontation and went to the bathroom. A few seconds later I heard a wonderful array of curses that would have even made the saltiest sailor proud.

He finished his business and then burst out of the door. “I don't know how the hell you did this, why the hell you did it, or anything else.” He drops the sides of his pants to show a ball of fire, or maybe it's a meteor. I don’t know, but back to the situation at hand.

“Wait, if you didn't do it.” He nods in affirmation. “And I sure as hell didn't do it.” No nod, does he not trust me or something? “Then who the fuck has the key to my house, a tendency for pranks, and wants to get back at us both.” I think for about a moment, the list of possible people is small and easy to go through. I came up with an alibi for each of them. It takes a lot longer for Fred to lose his thoughtful look though. “I got nothin'” Well we're boned.

I see him getting ready to speak but cut him off before he does. “To the Internet?” He grinned, “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

He jumped on his computer and started up a browser. In the search bar he typed “Human Cutie Marks”. I reach my hand out and grab his before he can click 'Search' I know the dangers of the Internet and how much shit you can get by typing in the wrong thing. I erase the key words and retype “Human getting Cutie Mark in real life' and hit search. Of course we end up finding nothing but shit. Bronies joking about having one, or stories that involved that sort of thing.

Same deal with Facebook, twitter, and every other stupid social network Fred has joined. I don’t know how long we perused the Internet, but in the end it was a half hour that was wasted.

“The Internet has failed us, I declare us officially fucked.” Fred stated simply. Next Chapter: Realization Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours, 24 Minutes