I can't believe shadow has come to work with me today! I'm so excited! My job isn't all that exciting, but with all the different kinds of ponies you meet, it's never dull. My job is mostly just guarding the doors, but I’m told that Princess Celestia herself appreciates my effort. I've even gotten a small bonus or two, usually right after a really long day with lots of ponies coming in and out.

Oh no, shadow is glaring at me again, I wonder what I'm doing 'wrong' this time. “Fireball, you have got that far away look on you, are you even focused on your job right now?”

Of course I am! I think I am at least. I'm only putting half my brain power into staring ahead doing nothing. The other half is doing what I think it's doing, thinking, I think. Is that an oxymoron? Wait, what is an oxymoron again? Is it someone who's a moron, but likes oxygen? I love oxygen but I’m not a moron. “Did you even hear me?”

“Of course I did!” I might not have been paying attention though, oops.

“Then why didn't you answer me the first time? You have to be professional about this, you have an important job that I now share for the day.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but Princess Celestia herself has passed it down that I’m doing a good job already, so I'm not going to change what I do.”

He sighs in defeat. Success, Fireball: 262, Shadow: 154, I’m still winning!

Oh look, it's one of those snobby ponies from the upper class part of town, I wonder what he's going to tell the princess! “Hey there!” I waved to get his attention.

He keeps on coming and pays me no mind, how rude. “Hellooo? I said 'hi'.” I receive a hiss from my right. What's wrong? I'm just saying hello to the pony.

“Hmmph, guards are to be seen, not heard.” Wow, RUDE!

“Well, maybe you would care more if that stick wasn't shoved so far up your plot!”

I get a gasp and a look of indigence. “How dare you! I am Iron Works! My company produces much of the iron for Equestria!”

I am not impress. “So? What could you possibly want from the Princess? Your life sounds so fabulous.” I hear the smack of a hoof as shadow smacks his head. I don't know what this pony's problem is! He's just another business owner!

“If you must know, I require land to create a new factory.” Well that sounds somewhat reasonable, better than that mare who was trying to get somepony imprisoned for 'copying' her mane style. Last I saw of her she was storming inside saying she'd demand that I be removed. Of course, I’m still here and I didn't see her leave so I don't know what happened.

“That sounds cool!” I put on a smile. “Is production going down or something? Oh, I know! Some ponies in a distant town need some iron and you're nice enough to give it to them. That's nice of you!”

His smile at my enthusiasm quickly flipped into a frown. “No, it's going up outside of Stalliongrad, I’m replacing an older one so I can increase productivity.” Well, that doesn't sound very nice.

“That sounds expensive, why are you doing it there and not somewhere else?”

“Look, you seem like a nice mare, but this is for ponies much smarter than you.” I heard a growl from shadow. I guess he didn't like me being called stupid, I don't either, but it happens a lot. “So I’ll be on my way.” With that, he went through the doors, which shut with a resounding THUMP.

“How do you deal with these ponies ALL day!” I looked over to shadow, his face flushed red with anger. “It makes me want to punch them in their smug muzzles! Nopony during night court is relatively close to being that callous!”

I shrug. “It helps to laugh at them when they get tossed out, or don't come out at all. I'm pretty sure the princess has some kind of pond she just throws them in. I don't know.”

He stared at me with amazement. I know right? A slide would be so much better! “How do they not-” the door opened again, regurgitating the snooty pony from before.

He sighed sadly, looking thoroughly berated. I smiled and looked at him. “I take it Princess Celestia didn't like your idea?”

He looked at me and glared. “No, she said it was a waste of bits and that nothing major would come of it.” That's okay, I like glares, this will be my first of the day!

“Well, what about putting one near one of the new mining towns? I hear that derlonega has an iron rush.” It's true, I do read, stop looking at me like that shadow.

I saw the unicorn's face lift up for a second. “You're not joking?”

“Of course not! If you're willing to put the bits forward, I’m sure the ponies there would appreciate it!”

I saw a small smile as the thought crossed his mind. Suddenly his face brightened and he turned around. “Princess, Princess!” Wow, he went through that door quite quickly. What?

“You... what?” Uh oh, I’ve apparently broken shadow. Usually a tongue up his nose would unfreeze him. I think a spitting is more appropriate, so I hack up some spittle and prepare to fire. “Hey! No, never again, don't ever do that again, please.” I swallowed, satisfied. Fireball: 263, Shadow 154, still winning. “You just changed his mind and-”

Again Shadow is cut off by the door opening and a more than happy unicorn stallion is almost bouncing out into the hallway. He smiles brightly and offers his hoof, which I gladly accept. “Thank you miss! I shall bolster my empire!” He took off the odd hat that adorned his head. “You have my gratitude, I shall not forget a debt owed.” Aww... how sweet.

A blush rose to my face as he kissed my hoof and bowed again before leaving. I smiled, another happy customer. I hope his new factory makes tons of ponies happy.

I turn back to my door buddy. “How many times did you say you got a bonus?” Hmm... well, actually I think it was like once a week or so.

“About once a week, I really only do this job like three times a week though.” I watch his jaw drop. “Most ponies don't leave that happy though, some don't even get in the doors.”

I watch him facehoof again. “This is going to be a long day isn't it?” I simply nod. Hopefully it'll be fun filled too!

----

Wellp, it's almost time for lunch and so far we've had our share of the crazies. I earned six more glares and two ponies didn't come out again. I could tell that shadow didn't really like the prospect of Princess Celestia tossing ponies out a window into a pond of something. He shivered when I pointed out that fact when the ponies didn't return.

There were a few odd cases here and there. One pony wanted retribution because somepony demolished his house on accident. He came out sorta happy I think, he wouldn't talk to me when he came out. Another mare came in, demanding that she be allowed to sue the 'Equestria Inquirer' for taking photographs and dialogue out of context. She was seen skipping down the hallway. I don't think Princess Celestia likes the inquirer all that much.

There was one guy who didn't even get into the room. He was REALLY insane, he thought he was at a building company, I don't know how he got through, maybe the other guards left for lunch early. Now it's time for the court to ajorn for the time being, allowing me and Shadow to get some grub. I'm so excited for the rest of the day, already I’m halfway to my record of sixteen glares. Though I guess getting three from one mare didn't really count. Oh well, only I’m keeping score anyways.

I smiled as I skipped through the corridor. Life was great, I had a cool job that paid well, I had a roommate who wasn't a dead beat, AND he had the same job I did! It is just bonus that he doesn't mind dragging me home while I’m stone cold drunk. “So, this happen often?”

I shake my head out of my thoughts. “What happens often?” There's a lot of things that happen 'often' around here. I heard through a couple maids that Princess Celestia raided the cake vault again, some security ponies were going to come by in a week and update the vault, make it magic proof or something.

“Getting all these awkward cases of ponies either being too stupid to fix their own problems or dumb enough to think that the Princess will even listen to them for more than three minutes.” Yep, that happens everyday, did he not listen when I told him the stories about the crazy ponies?

“Well,” okay maybes sometimes not many ponies come. “Sometimes there are actual cases that require her attention. Mostly it's the Canterlot elite, and they are never reasonable. That's not true, that one pony, Iron Works, seemed reasonable enough.”

Turning down the hallway I exit the building and head towards the mess hall. It's not extremely close to the castle, it was pretty loud at times, but it isn't exactly a mile away either. “Why?”

I heard shadow flap his wings to catch up to me, I guess I should slow down. Nah, he's got wings, he can catch up if need be. “Well, nothing like this ever happens during the night shift, when I get it of course. I don't hear anypony telling stories either.” I look over at his confused face. We've made it halfway there, but I think this needs addressing.

“Look, it's fun if you just try to tell them common sense, you should try it, you might get a bonus too.”

He sighs before trotting ahead to open the door like a gentlecolt. Thanking him I stop skipping and begin trotting normally. I tried skipping in here once and somehow the entire mess hall devolved into a food fight. When the officers came in they didn't do anything. In fact, I think I saw them directing their regular units into attack formations.

I managed to get behind a table and grab a tray. From that point on I just lifted the tray up and ate whatever I caught. It was the best lunch I ever had.

When the commander finally heard the ruckus he came in and watched the proceedings. At first I saw he was read-faced, then he watched in awe as officers and ponies lined up in military fashion, practicing drills and such. I don't know who brought the spiked cupcakes and brownies, but it was a real war in there. After that though the commander instated that a 'food fight' be held regularly to practice 'real battle'. Personally I think he just wants to hit a few choice ponies with a pile of mashed potatoes himself, but that's just my opinion. Anyways, I don't skip into the lunchroom anymore.

That reminds me. “Hey Shadow, what day is it?”

He looks at me, his hoof on the door, I can barely make out some shouting coming from inside. “It's Tuesday.7”

“Well I kinda meant the date, like what day of the month, but I guess I already know what day it is.”

He scrunched up his face and thought for a bit, a dull thump hitting the door seems to pass by him. “I believe it's the 17th, why?” I sigh and step off the path as he opens the door.

As soon as the thing is open enough for his head to show, a glob of white with orange and green sticking out of it hit him in the face. I've never seen him shut a door that quickly before. After shutting the door a hoof came up to his face and wiped a lot of the gooey substance off it. He spat some of it out of his mouth and blew his nose to get most of it off his muzzle. “What is this stuff?”

I honestly don't know, but I know a way to find out. Leaning in close I sniffed his muzzle and then gave it a long lick, catching most of the stuff on my tongue and drawing it into my mouth. I moved it around in my mouth, making sure to get all the tastes in before I told Shadow my findings. “I taste, mashed potatoes, green beans, I don't know if that's peas or hay, and some carrots.”

Looking over to him I expect to find some disgust, instead I see that his cheeks are red for some reason and his eyes have a look of shock. Shrugging I lick another big piece off the top of his muzzle. I've had hay and pumpkin before, so this is nowhere near as bad as it comes. It's actually quite good. Leaning in again I poise my tongue to wipe more of it off when I look over at Shadow's eyes. He's completely frozen over and his face is about the reddest I’ve ever seen it. I think he's got a fever or something.

I grab him and put him on my back before trotting quickly over to the south side. I know where my officer usually takes station during these battles and I can get to him quicker without getting hit so much. Pushing open the door, I opened my mouth wide for the incoming blob and was rewarded by a mound of hay fries and ketchup, my favorite. I quickly chewed my prize and made my way over to my commanding officer. “Sir, I think my partner is sick, can he take off the rest of the day?”

My superior, Sharp Sight was known to be strict about the rules but an all around fun pony if you obeyed him. Sharp looked over, ducking under another glob of food. “Fireball is it?” I nodded. “Hmm, you've got door duty again dontcha. Who's the sick one?”

I shrug off Shadow, I think he's putting on some weight because he was starting to get heavy. Shadow's face is still red as a beet and his eyes are staring straight ahead, I think he's broken. “He's my roommate and also a night guard, but he wanted to see what I did during the day today.”

Sharp looked him over from muzzle to tail and shook his head. “I don't see what's wrong with him.” He turned to his 'troops'. “Remember, be a good sport and give back what they give us.” Laughing he picked up a pile of mush and jumped up before tossing it in the general direction of the commander's personal squad. I heard the tell tale scream of a wounded pony and laughed with him. “Direct hit, I never miss.” The next second passed and he too was hit in the side of the head, a little flag sticking out of the mess told the tale of who the blob belonged to.

Sharp wiped the goo off and stared at Shadow again. “So, what happened before he was like this?”

Thinking back, he was acting normal until he got hit in the face with a food ball. “Well, we were coming to the mess hall and I forgot about food war day, so I didn't tell him. Then he got hit with a ball of,” I licked my lips again. “Mashed potatoes, carrots, hay, and green beans. I don't know if he's allergic or anything. Anyways, I licked some off his muzzle to taste it because he wanted to know what the ball was. It wasn't all that bad so I got some more and when I went to get a third one he was all frozen up like this.” Why is Sharp Sight laughing? This is a serious matter!

“Don't worry lass. Your friend will be fine, you can take him home, you have plenty of time and I wont punish you if you're late.” Well that's nice of him, but what happened?

“Is he sick?”

Sharp winked at me before looking down at shadow again. “You could say that.” Oh my... I wonder if he needs any medication. I guess sleep is the best remedy for now, we can figure things out later.

“Thank you sir!” I salute and pick shadow back up and set him on my back, ducking to avoid getting him hit.

“You're welcome Fireball, now, to get the Commander back for that hit I took.” He picked up another glob of mush and threw it again, yielding another yelp and angry cry.

Laughing I manage my way back to the door and out before I get me or my friend hit. I wonder what kind of sickness that Shadow has though, I’ve never seen this before. Oh well, I guess I’d better hurry so I can get back to the court room.

----

I managed to get shadow home alright, but he was still groaning when I set him in bed. I'm pretty sure he'll be okay. In the meantime I’ve got to get back to my post.

Rounding a corner I see that I’m here before Shadow's replacement, good, that means I’m not late. Sharp did give me pardon for being late, but I don't like taking advantage of ponies when I can avoid it. I manage to stand at partial attention, I think regular attention is too stiff, and calmly wait for my new partner.

I wonder if that's him. He's a stallion, that much is obvious. He's also got the standard guard armor on so I can't tell what his mane and coat colors are, however he does have a little smudge on the tip of his muzzle, it looks brown with a hint of white and green. I watch him take his place and then calmly wait for new arrivals.

Right on cue a mare with gaudy clothes on enters our sight. Oh crap she's going to see him with that stuff on him. “Hey, dude, you got something right,” I point to my own muzzle tip and he goes cross eyed. Seeing the substance he extends his tongue and licks it off, humming with delight as he swallowed. I'm curious though. “What was it?”

He smiled. “Peanut butter and jelly with some potatoes and peas. It was delicious.” That sounds awesome! I wonder if I can get some next time I have lunch. Probably not since peanut butter and jelly is served on a different day than mashed potatoes and peas.

I hear a gagging noise and watch the mare that had been approaching hold a hoof to her mouth and gallop away, probably to find a toilet. Turning to the guard beside me, I shrug. I wonder what her problem is. He shrugs back. I think I like my new guard mate.

The mare comes back, glaring at the both of us. “You two should be ashamed of yourselves, that was the most disgusting thing I’d ever heard a pony actually LIKE.” She smacked her tail in my direction and slammed the door on the way in. Almost immediately after I hear shouting from inside and smile.

Just a normal day at work for me. Next Chapter: COOKIES! Estimated time remaining: 15 Minutes