Chapter 13

Carousel Boutique, Ponyville

Once Pinkie had some tea, she seemed to calm down slightly. Although it was clear to all present that it would take some time for her to return to her usually bubbly demeanor. Pinkie was now lying on the couch with her head in Rarity’s lap, while the unicorn gently stroked her mane. It was something that Rarity did to Sweetie Belle when she was upset and it seemed to work wonders with Pinkie. The pink earth pony hiccupped a few more times and then took a deep breath, trying to compose herself.

“Remember darling we’re all here for you if you want to talk.”

Pinkie nuzzled Rarity. “I know…it’s just really hard to. It feels like it isn’t real.”

“Night, could you be a dear and take the girls up to Sweetie’s room?”

Nightwing nodded. “C’mon girls why don’t you go upstairs and play, while Rarity talks to Pinkie.”

Apple Bloom pouted in protest. “But we’re worried about Pinkie! Ah ain’t stupid, ah know when somepony needs help.”

“Sweetheart, you most certainly aren’t stupid. It’s just that sometimes adults need to sort these kinds of problems out. I appreciate that you want to help and I’m sure Pinkie does too, but this isn’t the kind of issue that fillies can help with.”

“Oh…all right. Yer a good pony so ah don’t have any reason ta think you’re lyin’.”

Nightwing ruffled her mane. “That’s better, now how about I make you guys some hot cocoa and alfalfa nuggets?”

Sweetie’s stomach gurgled. “Well I am a little hungry.”

“Go on up to Sweetie’s room and I’ll have your food and drinks up in a few minutes.”

The three fillies trotted up the stairs and barreled into Sweetie’s room, while Nightwing headed to the kitchen. The bat pony felt that it was best to let the two mares talk it out by themselves. He had always been a good listener when it came to ponies’ problems but he was never very good at giving advice. Nightwing hoped that the three rambunctious fillies could be contained through the power of junk food and movies.

Rarity rubbed Pinkie’s back. “I know it doesn’t seem real but you have to talk about it. Maybe we could help.”

“Ok…I’ll start from the beginning. Earlier today Mr. Cake and I were supposed to go on a trip to Canterlot for some special baking supplies. It’s something that Mr. Cake does at the start of every month. I don’t usually go, but this time I was kind of bored so I thought I’d tag along. He was surprised that I wanted to go, but happy that I was coming along if not just for the company.”

Rarity cocked her head. “It doesn’t seem unusual so far…”

“We got to the station and Mr. Cake realized he had forgotten to bring his order slip for the icing. So we went back to get it and…”

“Go on darling.”

“And…we found Mrs. Cake having sex with some beige coated unicorn stallion. I was really surprised at first, but then I got embarrassed, until I saw the look on Mr. Cake’s face. He looked so upset; I could practically hear his heart breaking. They had a big fight and Mr. Cake kicked her out, along with the unicorn.”

Rarity gasped. “That’s terrible!”

Pinkie sighed. “I tried to comfort him…but he just got real quiet and said he was going to Berry’s bar for a while. When the foals were born I had my suspicions that they weren’t Mr. Cake’s ‘cause I got wobbly legs and twitchy eyes. Well and…they weren’t earth ponies.”

“I think we all had our suspicions darling. It is highly unlikely for two earth ponies to birth a pegasus and a unicorn. Those poor foals, I cannot believe Mrs. Cake would do something so irresponsible and to think that Mr. Cake still loved them as his own.”

Pinkie shuffled her hooves. “Actually I think Mr. Cake knew about her cheating the whole time, but tried to stay together with her for the sake of Pound and Pumpkin. Even if they aren’t his foals, he still loves them.”

Rarity huffed. “She should feel lucky to have such a kind-hearted stallion as a husband; instead she goes behind his back and fools around with some unicorn! By the way darling did you happened to recognize this mysterious stallion?”

“Hmm he had a beige coat and an orange mane and his cutie mark was a cornucopia. I think he was wearing a suit.”

“A cornucopia you say…that seems familiar. WAIT! I know who it is. That’s Market Fresh; he owns one of the largest grocery store chains in Equestria. I recall that he has a vacation home here in Ponyville, although he normally lives in Manehatten.”

Pinkie gasped. “But…how would Mrs. Cake know him if he doesn’t come to Ponyville very much?”

“Seeing as how the twins took after his colors, I’d bet that Mrs. Cake has known him for quite some time, years at least. If Market is the father that would explain why Pumpkin is a unicorn, but why is Pound a pegasus?”

“That’s an easy one Rares. Mrs. Cake’s mom was a pegasus; her dad was an earth pony.”

Rarity rubbed her chin. “Why yes that would make sense.”

Pinkie’s ears drooped. “I don’t really want to go back to Sugarcube Corner right now but somepony needs to look after the twins.”

“I’d let you stay here darling, but my hooves are full with Nightwing and Sweetie. Promise me that you’ll take care of Mr. Cake as well, we can’t have him out of commission for too long.”

“Oki doki loki! You got it Rarity!”

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The Punch Bowl, Ponyville

Berry Punch, the proprietor of Ponyville’s premier bar, stood at the counter wiping some shot glasses. It was nearing dinner time so the bar wasn’t extremely crowded but within an hour or two the place would be packed. Berry did enjoy serving alcohol, but she realized that serving food was an even better idea to make even more bits. She hired some out of luck griffon chef named Gustav about a year ago. He was an amazing cook, ponies raved about his food and as such her establishment soon attracted ponies from all over Equestria. Gustav himself was quite happy with the arrangement, because his wage increased substantially due to the extra bits flowing in.

Berry was used to seeing many depressed ponies frequent her establishment but was genuinely surprised to find Mr. Cake stumble in the door. With a sigh he plopped onto a barstool nearby. Berry had long since figured out that by putting bowls of free salty snacks on the counter, stallions and mares alike would gobble them up. This of course made them thirsty, as well as a bit more pleasant since salt would give ponies a mild buzz. She trotted over to the distraught stallion and offered him her sweetest smile.

“Hey Mr. Cake what can I get for ya today?”

“Please just call me Carrot. What’s the strongest drink you’ve got?”

Berry frowned. “Whoa easy now, why don’t ya tell me what’s wrong before I fill ya up with rotgut.”

Carrot snorted. “You wouldn’t understand. Just give me the damn drink…”

“I’ve seen hundreds…maybe thousands of depressed ponies in my line of work. I may not have a fancy doctor’s degree but I know it helps to talk about your problems. If anything I’ll lend an ear.”

“Fine I guess I don’t have anything to lose. I caught Cup fucking Market Fresh…again.”

Berry coughed. “WHAT!? Uhh I mean go on.”

“You heard me. It all happened a year ago when we were expanding Sugarcube Corner. We needed a supplier for all of our baking supplies, so we found on in Manehatten who offered us the best deal on bulk supplies. His name was Market Fresh. He too was looking to expand his business to other towns so he offered us the supplies at a discount rate.”

“Alright seems legit. So how did Cup end up plowing Market?”

“He paid for our hotel room when we arrived in Manehatten. I knew Cup liked him the moment he entered the hotel lobby. He’s a handsome devil, I’ll give him that. We all talked and shook hooves, signed a deal…and that was that. Later I wanted to go into town and get a few drinks to celebrate but Cup said she wasn’t feeling well, so she stayed behind at the hotel.”

Berry winced. “Uh…oh.”

Carrot nodded. “I went out for a few hours and came back to find Cup lying on the bed…but something was off. She didn’t look sick at all…her mane was all frizzy and her eyes were glazed over. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but I did notice the room smelled a bit…musky.”

Berry mixed up a drink. “That sucks. If I had bit for every time I heard a story like that, I could afford a chariot like Princess Celestia. Here have a martini on the house.”

Carrot took a swig. “Thanks, I really needed this. To make a long story short I only knew she cheated on me for sure when the twins were born. Heh I even had to make up some horseshit story about my cousins and aunts being unicorns and pegasai. Pfft like anypony bought it. I could see the looks of pity in their eyes when I was in the delivery room.”

“You must’ve really loved her to stick up for her like that.”

Carrot sniffed. “I did Berry…you have no idea how much I did. That’s why I decided to forgive her when the twins were born, and I vowed to love them like my own. Now…I just don’t know anymore.”

A blue colored mare with a silvery mane walked in the door. She took a seat right next to Carrot and slammed a few bits on the counter. Upon closer inspection Carrot noticed she was wearing a finely tailored dark blue suit with a crescent moon and wand symbol on the lapel. Oddly enough she was also wearing sparkly blue eye shadow, which made her look exotic in his opinion. Carrot felt that he had seen her somewhere before but couldn’t put his hoof on it.

The mare tapped her hoof on the counter. “I’ll take a whiskey sour please.”

Berry smiled. “Ah excellent choice, comin’ right up!”

Carrot waved. “Hey how’s it going?”

“Oh hello it seems you’ve already started drinking. Do you mind having a drinking buddy?”

“Nah I…actually could you some company right now.”

The mare sighed. “Yeah, me too. So why’re you here?”

“My marriage is ruined, wife cheated on me. You?”

The mare laughed sadly. “Ha…you too? Well my marriage didn’t exactly get ruined but my looser stallion-friend was fucking some two bit floosy.”

Carrot laughed. “Great minds think alike huh? The name’s Carrot Cake, what’s yours?”

“I am the Magical and Mysterious Trixie, illusionist extraordinaire! But, that’s just my stage name. Trixie is fine.”

“I thought you looked familiar. Weren’t you doing a show in Las Pegasus?”

Trixie snorted. “I was until my stallion-friend stabbed me in the back. I decided to come back to Ponyville and get a little fresh air. ‘Sides the ponies round here are way more laid back and don’t make a big deal about celebrities.”

Carrot sipped his drink. “Yeah I can imagine it would be annoying to have fans crawling around you all the time.”

“So you said it was your wife that cheated on you right? Do you have any foals?”

“Yes, two in fact. One’s a unicorn the other one is a pegasus.”

Trixie took a slug of her drink. “I bet they’re adorable. Hey maybe if I have time I’ll give ‘em a free magic show. Foals love those kinds of things.”

“Mhmm I bet they would. You’re free to come over anytime you want. I run Sugarcube Corner along with Pinkie Pie, at least for the moment. Heck I’ll even throw in a free cupcake.”

“Sure, why not? You know what; I’ve decided I’m going to take a little vacation right here in Ponyville!”

Just as Trixie was finishing her sentence a diminutive pink scaled dragoness with a multi-hued crest burst through the door. Her ruby colored eyes flared in annoyance as she ran up to Trixie and poked her in the flank. Trixie let out a yelp in surprise but otherwise continued drinking.

The little dragon pouted. “Trixie you gotta stop drinking so much, it’s bad for your liver. And what’s this about taking a vacation? We’re supposed to do a show in Baltimare soon!”

Trixie stuck her tongue out. “Chill out Aurora everypony needs to take a vacation sometimes. Even magician’s assistants.”

Aurora face-palmed. “Urrghh fine! A few days maximum, then we’re hitting the road.”

Trixie nuzzled the dragon. “And that’s why you’re my number one assistant!”

“Well somedragon has to keep you on your hooves. Anyway who’s this guy?”

Carrot pointed to himself. “Hey I’m Carrot…so I take it your name is Aurora?”

Aurora shook his hoof. “Yep! Oooh are those peanuts?”

“Uhh I guess so, I haven’t eaten too many…been concentrating on drinking.”

Trixie laughed. “Oh boy now you’ve got her attention. She loves salty stuff. Not sure why, but just don’t let her get anywhere near a bag of potato chips.”

“Sounds like Cup when she…when…*sniff*”

Aurora scowled at Trixie. “Look what you did, the poor guy’s crying now.”

“Oh shit! Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean for that to remind you of your wife.”

“No, it’s my fault. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just extremely hard to get over her.”

Trixie pulled out a hankie. “Here use this if you need to.”

Carrot blew his nose. “Thanks, but now I’ve gone and dirtied your nice hankie.”

“No biggie you can keep it if you want, it’s not as if I can’t buy another one.”

Carrot blushed. “Now I feel foolish, usually the stallion offers the mare a hankie.”

Trixie giggled. “You are a strange stallion Carrot Cake. This isn’t the middle ages anymore, so quit with the whole stallion machismo thing.”

Carrot chugged the rest of his drink. “*Hic* Meh…whatever. My head…feels funny. I should probably lie down.”

“You’re such a lightweight, how much do you usually drink?”

“I…*hic* never drank much since I got *hic* married. Used to when I was in *hic* college.”

“Well that explains a lot.”

Carrot promptly passed out on the counter, knocking over a bowl of peanuts. Berry growled but was otherwise unsurprised by such a turn of events; at least there hadn’t been a bar-fight. Trixie ran a hoof through her mane and examined the inebriated stallion, giving him an experimental poke to the snout. When there was no response, she tried shaking him but to no avail. Yep, he was out cold.

Trixie levitated the drunk stallion onto her back. “C’mon Aurora let’s get back to the hotel. We need to get this lug in bed.”

Aurora blushed. “Y-you’re not gonna you know…do things to him?”

“Of course not! He needs a place to sleep and I have no idea where he lives. Those Las Pegasus ponies rubbed off a bit too much on you.”

Aurora crossed her arms. “They did not! I was simply worried ok. Uh oh he looks like he’s got quite a lump on his noggin. That’s gonna hurt tomorrow morning.”

Trixie smiled. “Yes, and he’s also going to need somepony to get him back on his hooves. At least for a little bit. We’re kindred spirits he and I, that’s the least I can do.”

“Whatever you say Trixie. I just hope this doesn’t come back to nip us in the butt.”

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Appleloosa, Equestria

Molestia, Chief Thunderhooves, Braeburn and Little Strong were all in the middle of town due to a quick teleportation spell. Many of the ponies milling about stopped what they were doing and gawked because magic was seldom used in a town with a majority of earthponies, also the group was a rather odd combination. A few of the mares shouted in surprise, which alerted Sheriff Silverstar. He stomped out of his office to see what the commotion was about.

“Just what in tarnation is goin’ on?” Silverstar bellowed.

Braeburn answered. “Howdy sheriff I thought I’d drop in and bring some friends along.”

“Don’t get chummy with me Brae. You brought those damned buffalo and some kind of…alicorn? Holy tail feathers she looks just like Celestia.”

Molestia wiggled her eyebrows. “I have a name you know. It’s Molly in case you want to use it.”

Silverstar composed himself. “In any case I can’t have ya dragging those buffalo around these parts. They aren’t welcome here, and that goes double for you Brae.”

Thunderhooves looked pissed but Braeburn put a hoof on his shoulder. “What’s it gonna take for y’all ta understand that I love Strongheart? Everypony was getting along just fine a while ago, so why the change?”

“We barely got along even after the pie incident Brae. It was only a matter of time ‘till things unraveled again. Buffaloes and ponies shouldn’t be together, it isn’t proper. It reminds me of all them fellows who come back with zebras and griffons and worst of all…sheep!”

Applejack snorted. “Yer just a racist turd! Ah ain’t never seen such bigotry in all mah days.”

Silverstar rolled his eyes. “High talk coming from one of Equestria’s premier earthpony families. Have you even seen a sheep/pony hybrid? It’s like some kind of cotton ball pony thing; the colts even have horns for Celestia’s sake!”

“A pony can love whoever they want, and you don’t have the right ta say otherwise.”

Molly flew in front of Silverstar. “I’m afraid that I’m inclined to agree with Ms. Applejack. If you or the townsfolk harass or harm Braeburn or his lover, you shall have me to contend with.”

“I’m not budging on the subject. Those two ain’t welcome here. If he even so much as tries to come here and buy supplies, we ain’t gonna give him any.”

Molestia sighed. “You leave me with little choice then. I shall have to call upon dark and forbidden magic to change your minds.”

Silverstar looked frightened but to his credit he didn’t stammer. “Oh really and what kind of magic would that be?”

“It is only THE most EVIL and vile magic known to pony-kind. The spell of songs.”

“Pfft that doesn’t sound so bad.”

Molly cackled. “Oh but it is. You see it will make everypony within a mile radius of the spell spontaneously sing and dance to show tunes. Nopony can stop dancing or singing until the song’s lesson has been fully explained.”

Silverstar gulped. “Aww hell…”

Molly summoned herself an old Prench vaudeville dress and flew over to the bar. She looked inside and found a piano, hastily levitating it into the middle of the street. Her horn lit up with immense power as a purple blast of light radiated around the town. Most of the ponies winced but found that nothing had happened, until Molly started playing the piano. Once the music started they began to dance and sing in time, with professionalism that would shame the finest Broadway producer.

♫ Oh here we are in a racist town, where everypony wears a frown ♫

♫ There minds are narrow, shallow…bitter ♫

♫ Time for me to add some glam and glitter! ♫

♫ They work their fields with plows and hoes ♫

♫ Aaaaand really hate those buffaloes ♫

♫ This song makes them listen to what I say♫

♫ It forces them to think my way♫

♫ Enough of all that old thinking I’m tired of ♫

♫ IT’S TIME TO ACCEPT THIS COUPLE’S LOVE! ♫

All of the townsponies stopped dancing once Molly was done playing. They all collapsed with goofy grins on their faces, hugging each other. Silverstar trotted over to Braeburn and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sorry for being such a mule Brae, we all love ya! We love the buffaloes and we loooove that you looooove one another!”

Meanwhile Thunderhooves and Strongheart were on the ground roaring with laughter. This was quite possibly the most ridiculous thing they’d ever seen.