Handy-Dandy
by Present Perfect

"Well, well," Rainbow Dash said as she backwinged and landed beside the small lake. The unicorn sitting on a red and white checked cloth beside it startled at her voice. "If it isn't the Great and Powerful Trixie."

Trixie spat out what she had been chewing. "Excuse me, do I know you? You know, it's very rude to interrupt a quiet picnic for two."

Rainbow scowled. "Uh, yeah. Rainbow Dash? Ring any bells? I'd kind of expect you to remember a mare you humiliated twice in a year."

Trixie's eyes widened and she stood. "Oh, you're this world's..." Then, looking as though she'd swallowed a pair of scissors, she sighed. "Please accept my apologies on her behalf, Rainbow Dash. She doesn't often tell me what she gets up to in this world, and I know she can be rather... abrasive."

Rainbow Dash blinked. Then she blinked again. Then she sat down, still blinking. "Okay. I think I'm missing something here. You are Trixie, right?"

"Yes, I am." Trixie gave her a soft. "And, more complicatedly, I am the Trixie who was born in Equestria."

She motioned to the blanket and, when Rainbow Dash shook her head, shrugged and sat back down. A small plastic package emerged from her picnic basket and she pulled a layer of film off the top. From within the container came a red stick with a dollop of brown glop on the end, which Trixie spread on a rectangular cracker. Dash frowned and tapped her hoof against the ground while Trixie brought the cracker delicately into her mouth and bit down, her eyes rolling in ecstasy.

"Can you maybe explain yourself sometime today?"

"What?" Trixie startled once more, nearly dropping her cracker. "Oh, yes. Well, the simple, if not most believable, explanation is that every thirty moons, I trade places with a copy of myself from another realm populated by strange creatures that walk on two legs."

Rainbow's eyes widened. "Wait, you don't mean the mirror, do you?"

Trixie finished her cracker, brightening. "Yes, that's the one! I'm surprised you've heard of it." She lifted a napkin and wiped it delicately across her lips. "You see, I just adore these creations, and you can only find them there, inside special machines."

She held the package up so Rainbow could see the top.

"'Handi-Snacks'? Just what are--"

"And, while I'm there, the me from that place comes here as a pony. She enjoys performing with real magic, and I get to partake in these lovely treats, not to mention enjoying things like having hands."

"Uh, but--"

"It's quite the mutually beneficial arrangement." Trixie clicked her tongue and frowned. "Only it seems she's been making something a fool of me in my absence. I will have to have some words with her come the next moon cycle."

"Now hold on!" Rainbow lifted herself up off the ground, glaring at Trixie. "Will you shut up for two seconds and tell me just what in the hay 'hands' are?"

The sound of somepony yelling came from nearby and swiftly grew louder. Rainbow turned her head just in time to see the cloud of dust coming around the lake before the pony who had been yelling collided with her.

"--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDS!"

Shaking the stars from her vision, Rainbow righted herself, only to get a face full of mint green unicorn. Said unicorn stood on her hind legs. At the ends of her front legs, instead of hooves, were two monstrous appendages the like of which Rainbow Dash had never before seen. She couldn't even find words to describe them. The unicorn grinned at her and shoved the things into Rainbow Dash's face.

"Those," Trixie said plainly.

Rainbow Dash's eye twitched. And then, with a deafening boom and a multicolored shockwave that leveled trees in the immediate area and sent both unicorns sprawling onto their backs, Rainbow Dash exploded.

Coughing and sputtering, Lyra pushed herself to her hooves. Rainbow glitter coated every surface in sight and there was a thick haze of colorful smoke in the air. At a strangled cry, she turned to look at Trixie, who was covered in pastel marshmallows, some of which had landed in her gaping mouth.

Lyra bit her lip and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Mistakes have been made," she said quietly.

Trixie fainted.

Author's Notes:

This is the intersection of three separate ideas:

"So Trixie likes Handi-Snacks. Rainbow Dash doesn't know what hands are. STUPID SHIT ENSUES"

"Need a scene where where Rainbow Dash goes, "What are hands?" and Lyra pops up either wearing foam hands or with her hooves turned into hands, shouts "HANDS!" and Rainbow Dash explodes."

and

"Human Trixie and pony Trixie switched places long ago. This is why Trixie in EQG was kind of ineffective and fascinated by human conveniences. Pony (originally human) Trixie is dedicated to being the greatest magician ever because she didn't have actual magic as a human, so she's done everything she can to learn pony magic but she still approaches performing the way a human magician does."

Sadly, it seems blatant fandom references are not appreciated 'round these parts. :V It got me the coveted Wooden Spoon award in the April 2014 Writeoff, "One Little Mistake", though!