“If your culture doesn't like geeks, you are in real trouble.”

Bill Gates

The door to Sugarcube Corner hung ajar, banging against the frame at semi-regular intervals. A chill breeze flowed across the floor and rippled the curtains. Pale shafts of moonlight lanced between the shuttered windows.

Starlight huddled under the snack table, hiding her head under her curly blond mane. She watched the tablecloth as it moved in the breeze. She listened to the softly thumping door and heavy rain. She couldn’t hear anypony else. No footsteps. No voices. No friendly laughing or talking. No screaming, either.

Maybe she’s gone. Maybe it’s over. Starlight tried to keep her breath quiet. She’d been frozen under the table for what seemed like an hour. I should look. Just a quick peek.

Starlight pressed the side of her head to the floor and peered out from under the tablecloth. She couldn’t bring herself to lift the cloth up: if there was somepony still in the room, they might see it. She didn’t see any feet. The floor was covered in discarded party favours and spilled desserts. A gust of wind came in through the door and a whorl of confetti danced in the air. She watched the door as it drifted back and forth.

The door. It’s right there. It’s not locked. It’s not even closed all the way. I can make it. Starlight stared at the door. The thumping noise blurred with the pounding pulse in her ears. It’s right there, Starlight. Just go. You’ll be fine. There’s nopony else in the room.

She tensed, muscles trembling. Her teeth chattered. She remembered how she’d appeared out of nowhere. No warning at all.

“Just go!”

Starlight’s own voice startled her. She bolted from under the table, dragging the tablecloth behind her. A stack of paper cups toppled over and a half-full bowl of punch spilled on the floor. Her vision trembled as she sprinted for the exit.

The door swept open and a figure stood in the archway, dressed in black: a long trenchcoat and a wide-brimmed hat that sluiced the rain aside. She stood as if braced for battle.

Starlight screamed and fell backwards. The figure swept down on her like a spectre, with its long coat flapping behind her. A firm but gentle hoof pressed against her mouth, silencing her scream. The figure glanced about the room. She looked back at Starlight, but her face was obscured by the shadow of her hat.

“Shh.” She released her mouth and helped her stand. “She’s near. I can sense it.”

“Who... who are you?”

The figure took off her hat, revealing the face of a pure white unicorn. She was wearing makeup and her hair was a stylish cascade of indigo spirals, but there was a sternness in her eyes that contrasted sharply against her beauty.

“Something has escaped into the night. Something this village is not prepared for.” She hefted a book wrapped in plain brown paper, and a crossbow loaded with a suction cup tipped arrow. “But I am.”

Starlight stumbled to her feet. “Wait... I think I’ve seen you around. Don’t you run the boutique?”

“During the day, yes. But at night?” The unicorn stepped further into the room. “I do what must be done.”

Starlight followed after her, tentatively. “But you’re just a seamstress.”

“Somepony has to step forward. You can’t draw a line in the dirt if you’re afraid to get dirty. And as soon as somepony else decides that Ponyville is worth fighting for, I’ll be perfectly pleased to step down. But until then... I’m all you’ve got.”

“Heh. I guess a seamstress is better than nothing. Sort of.”

The seamstress marched further into the bakery, crossbow in front. “Are there any others?”

“No wait, you can’t go in there! She’s might still be in the building. She might get you.”

“Not if I get her first.” She went into the pantry and led out three other party guests, huddled together in terror. “I have to sweep the entire structure. If there are any others left, I’m their only hope.”

One of the huddled refugees spoke up. “Starlight? Is that you?”

Starlight ran to one of the refugees and hugged her tight. “Storm, you’re okay!”

“I’m sorry,” Storm said, “I just ran into the kitchen when the lights went out. I wanted to come back for you, but... but I...”

“It’s okay,” Starlight said, “everything will be okay.”

“It isn’t okay yet.” The unicorn took a set of keys out of her pocket and gave them to Starlight. “Go to Carousel Boutique and stay there. If I find any others, I’ll send them to join you. Bundle them up nice and warm and make sure they drink lots of fluids. And whatever you do, don’t let anypony leave before dawn.”

Starlight bit her lip. “Do you know what’s really going on?”

The unicorn herded them back to the front door. “Trust me, child. You’re better off not knowing.”

They hurried outside and into the pounding rain. Starlight looked back as the unicorn turned away.

“Wait! We never got your name! Who are you?”

The figure stopped. After a moment, she looked back.

“Who am I?” Only the lower half of her face was visible between the brim of her hat and the high collar of her trenchcoat: Her pristine white complexion glowed against the jet black garments. “Just a seamstress.”

She charged into the bakery with a flourish of her coat and vanished in the darkness

Rarity crept up the stairs with her crossbow ready. Her eyes darted to every dark corner, but her pace never faltered. She reached the top and glanced down the hallway. She crept to the nearest door and listened carefully. She could hear faint hoofbeats... rustling noises. She removed the plain brown wrapping from her book and held it at the ready.

No idea if this is going to work... but it’s worth a try.

Rarity kicked the door open, somersaulted forward, and landed in a kneel with her crossbow up. In the center if the room a pale blue pony with flowing pink hair was crouched over an unconscious partygoer. Her mouth loomed near the victim’s neck, and a pair of long fangs glistened in the moonlight. Her wings were outstretched: the membranous wings of a bat.

Rarity and the pony stared at each other for an awkward moment.

“Aloe!?” Rarity said.

“It’s not what it looks like!”

Rarity looked at her fangs and wings, then back at the unconscious victim.

“Tell me, Aloe. What does it look like? I’m keen to know.”

Aloe immediately put her mouth on the victim’s mouth and forcibly exhaled three times. “Live, darn you! Live!” She sat up and set her hooves against the victim’s chest, pressing down repeatedly. She glanced up at Rarity with a small, nervous smile.

Rarity arched a single eyebrow.

Aloe sighed. “Okay, so it’s totally what it looks like.”

“You’re a vampony? You?”

“Please oh please don’t tell anypony! It’s just a side job, really. More of a hobby.” Aloe’s bottom lip trembled. “Please don’t stab me with something pointy! Pretty please?”

“Actually, I didn’t bring any vampony stuff with me. I didn’t even know they were real.” Rarity lowered her suction-cup crossbow. “Vamponies are real? Seriously? No way! But you walk around during the day all the time. Why haven’t you burst into flames or something?”

“Sunlight isn’t dangerous to us,” Aloe said, “and I use sunblock to keep the sparkling down to a reasonable level.”

“Vamponies sparkle in the sun?” Rarity frowned at her. “I can’t believe I wasted three years trying to figure out what kind of glittery body shampoo you use.”

“Do you like it? I could make you a vampony, you know. Then you’d be extra sparkly! And pretty! What do you think?” Aloe made an extra pouty face and fluttered her eyelashes. “Vamponies are cool... right?”

“Don’t even go there.” Rarity glanced around the room. “What about your sister? Does she know about this?”

Aloe shook her head. “No. Not a clue.”

Lotus landed on the windowsill, fangs and wings exposed. “Sis, you won’t believe it! I found the captain of the soccer team in the next room over. He’s got some lovely blood!”

Aloe gave Rarity a nervous grin. “Okay. Maybe she knows a little.”

“Wait... that’s Rarity!?” Lotus jumped into the room and wiggled her hooves in front of Rarity’s face. “Vampony powers of mesmerism powers, wooo! You forget all! Your mind is blank! Blaaank!”

Rarity glowered at her, unamused.

“Yes! Perfect! Just like that!” Lotus continued to wiggle her hooves. “Oooh-woooo! You will give me twenty bits!”

Rarity’s horn glowed and a nearby broom swept in front of them. “Out! Out, both of you! Shoo! Go on!”

There were two puffs of sparkly makeup as the twin beauticians transformed into blue and pink bats. Rarity continued to swat at them with the broom until they flew out the window.

“Honestly.”

Rarity crept through the second story of the bakery, peeking into each room as she passed. She’d already rescued everyone on the invitation list, which meant that—barring party crashers—there were only two other ponies left. She wondered which of them she would find first... or if one of them would find her.

“—Anypony there? Please help!”

That was Pinkie Pie’s voice! Rarity ran back and looked in the den. The fireplace was dark and cold, and a set of large bookshelves obscured the far end of the room. She stepped inside, warily.

“—Nopony else left! I’m all alone! Can anypony hear me?”

Rarity searched the room for the source of Pinkie Pie’s scratchy, distorted voice. It was coming from a large, overstuffed armchair by the fireplace. She approached it from behind, readying herself for what might be sitting there. She rushed ahead the last few steps, and pointed her weapon at the chair. It was empty.

But where—?

“—Trapped! No way out! Please, can someone get me out of here?”

Rarity stared at the old-fashioned radio on the end-table.

“—So scared! I wish my friends were here! Oh, where are they? I’m down to my last box of peppermints!”

“It’s all Right, Pinkie Pie. This is Rarity. Rarity’s here.” She grabbed the radio and turned it around. “Where... where are you? How do I get you out?”

“—So scared! So cold! She looks like Twilight, but she’s—I can’t get out of—must be some— the attic! Look in the attic! It’s our only hope—”

The crackling voice faded into a wave of static. The Radio went dead.

Rarity went through Pinkie Pie’s second-story living room and pulled down the trapdoor in the ceiling. A set of rickety stairs lowered into place and she climbed the steps two at a time. She came to the attic at last: a dusty, triangular-roofed room that was empty, save for a few crates. A series of loud, creaking hoofbeats echoed from nearby... from downstairs? Or on the roof, perhaps? The steps faded out.

Rarity searched the room. There was nothing behind the crates. She looked back to the stairwell, and saw a heavy fire-door in the far wall. The only place left to search. Rarity readied her tattered book and sent up a prayer to Celestia... hoping against hope that the old pony-tales were more than just paltry superstition. She pointed her weapon at the door, pressed down on the handle, and opened it.

The door burst open and Pinkie Pie tackled her to the ground,hugging her neck and sobbing.

“Pinkie Pie!?” Rarity looked to the closet and saw a hobbyist’s radio transmitter. There was a nest of empty candy wrappers and party favor bags. “If you were in there, then where is Twilight? Can you tell me what happened?”

“It was horrible!” Pinkie Pie said. “The party was going great... everypony was having fun. And then... she showed up! There was singing—horrible, horrible singing—and then there was screaming!”

“Do you mean Twilight? Is she still here?”

“No!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “It’s not her! It can’t be!”

Rarity hugged her tight. “Shh... it’s alright. We’ll make things right again. I promise.”

“Really?”

Rarity gave her a warm, soothing smile. “I promise. Everything is fine now.”

Pinkie Pie’s tentative smile became a look of utter terror and her eyes focused on something behind Rarity.

Rarity spun around and came face to face with Twilight Sparkle... but at the same time, not Twilight. Their noses were inches apart. She was grinning, but her face was upside-down. She was standing on the ceiling.

“Hiya, friend! Wanna hang out?” A crash of lightning lit her up from behind. “I’m cool, right? My mom says I’m cool!”

Forgive me.

Rarity whipped her crossbow around and pulled the trigger. The suction cup slammed into Un-Twilight’s body and sent her crashing through the attic’s tiny circular window. A length of fine silver chain spooled off, and a second press of the lever pulled the missile back into place.

“Pinkie Pie! We have to get you out of here!” Rarity set the tip of the crossbow on the floor and stamped a hoof against a metal lever, cocking the weapon with one powerful heave. “Once we get you to the front door, you can go to the boutique by yourself. You’ll be safer there.”

“But what about the others? We can’t just leave them here!”

“I’ve already evacuated the building. It’s just the three of us. And once we get you out of here...” Rarity lifted the crossbow. “...It’ll be just the two of us.”

“No, you don’t understand! Nowhere’s safe! There’s no—”

There was another flash of lightning. Rarity spun around and saw Un-Twilight standing beside her. “Was that a party game? Did I win? I wanna try again!”

Pinkie Pie’s voice was barely a whisper. “...No escape...”

Right. She can wink. Rarity whipped out her book and brandished it at Un-Twilight. “Back, foul puppet! The power of righteousness compels thee!”

Twilight’s eyes fixed on the book. “Is that—?”

“Yes!” Rarity said. “A deluxe edition of the original stage script for ‘Star Horse, Episode One: The Palomino Menace!”

Un-Twilight’s eyes sparkled. “And it’s signed by George Equus himself! Golly gee whiz, I love that radio play!”

Rarity threw the book aside, and Un-Twilight immediately dove for it. “Hey, that’s a priceless collector's item!”

Rarity grabbed Pinkie Pie and dragged her downstairs. “Kindly move your flank, Miss Pie. There’s no telling how long it’ll keep her busy.”

Pinkie Pie got to her feet and chased after her. “That was Twilight? How is that possible?”

Rarity shook her head. “She’s been corrupted from within. She was always a geek, and a masterful one at that... but something has changed her into a nerd.”

“A nerd?” Pinkie Pie said. “You mean nerds are real!? I thought they were all just old pony-tales!”

“Not so. Nerds once terrorized all of Equestria, disrupting social and cultural events wherever they went. The government tried to suppress them, but their technical and scientific skills were far too valuable to dispose of. Fortunately, a few nerds mastered their inner demons and ascended to a higher level of existance. They became geeks.”

“But what’s the difference?”

“The difference,” Rarity said,“is thinner than a thread. Nerds pay a terrible price for their brilliance. They have—absolutely—no life.”

Pinkie Pie’s eyes widened. “But... how can you slay that which has no life?”

“You cannot destroy emptiness,” Rarity said, “it can only be filled. We must hope that Twilight has the force of will to reverse her metamorphosis and reclaim her former glory. She must rediscover her inner geek.”

“Hiya, gals!”

Pinkie Pie screamed and hid behind Rarity’s trenchcoat.

Un-Twilight advanced on them, grinning as she flipped through the pages of the script book. “Wow, I don’t remember the last time I heard this on the radio! Have you guys heard it? I remember the whole thing by heart!”

Rarity took a step back. “Oh. Oh Celestia, no... please don’t start quoting!”

“Do you remember that one part? Huh? Do you?” Un-Twilight advanced on them and waved a hoof. “You don’t need to see his identification. These are not the clockworks you’re looking for!”

Rarity shoved Pinkie Pie back. “Run! It’s only made her stronger!”

They fled into the next room. There was a flash of light, and Un-Twilight was waiting for them. She hadn’t moved a muscle. “I find your lack of faith disturbing!”

They fled again, ever more desperate. Un-Twilight preceded them every step of the way: appearing in corridors and stairwells, poking her head through windows and out of cupboards, walking along walls and ceilings. They ran to the front door, but Twilight was waiting for them in the rain just beyond.

“Evacuate in our moment of triumph?” Un-Twilight said with a giggle. “I think you overestimate their chances!”

Rarity leaned back, eyes darting around. There were no other exits.

Pinkie Pie peeked out from behind her coat. “So how do we get around her?”

“I’m not entirely sure. I wasn’t expecting to get this far.”

“This is some rescue,” Pinkie Pie said, “you came in here, and you didn’t have a plan for getting out?”

Un-Twilight snorted. “Hey, that’s a good one!”

“Thanks!” Pinkie Pie said. “Princess Neigha was always my favorite character. I wish more Princesses were that plucky!”

Rarity glared back at her. “Whose side are you on?”

Suddenly, the lights flicked on. Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Twilight all froze in place.

“What is going on here? Just look at this mess!”

They turned around. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were standing behind them in fluffy bathrobes and slippers.

“Sorry if we woke you up!” said Pinkie Pie. “You said I could throw a party for Storm, remember?”

Mrs. Cake frowned at her. “I never said you could make a mess this big! What were you thinking? You’re just lucky you didn’t wake up the twins with all that shouting!”

Pinkie Pie looked downcast. “Sorry, Ma’am.”

“And why was the upstairs bathroom door broken off its hinges?”

“That was me, actually. I barged.” Rarity took her hat off and sheepishly held it in front of herself. “There was some barging. A very reasonable amount, I assure you.”

“I hope you realize you’re paying for the repairs. Honestly, none of those doors were even locked! Haven’t you ever heard of a door latch?”

“Yes ma’am. Sorry ma’am. It won’t happen again.”

Mrs. Cake pointed at Twilight. “And how long has the front door been open? The whole house is freezing cold!”

“Sorry, ma’am.” Twilight came in and closed the door behind her. “I guess I just forgot.”

Mr. Cake stared at the ruined room. “We can’t possibly open the bakery in this state! Miss Pie, you’re very lucky we have a day trip tomorrow. You have until then to clean everything up and if it isn’t spotless by the time we return, we’ll have to rethink your party-throwing privileges.”

“I’m very disappointed in you girls,” Mrs. Cake said. “You all go home and think about what you’ve done.”

The three ponies mumbled their apologies as they left the bakery.

Pinkie Pie sat on a beanbag in the public library. There was a picture book beside her, unopened. She looked up at the clock on the wall: not long until dawn.

She looked at the reinforced door that led to the storeroom. It’s been hours... what’s going on in there?

Fluttershy opened the front door and came inside. “Hello? I came as soon as I heard.”

“What about the others? Do they know?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Applejack said she was too busy to come. I couldn’t even find Rainbow Dash. I looked everywhere! Her home, the racetrack... well, just her home and the racetrack, I guess.”

They flinched as the door to the storeroom opened. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie watched Rarity stumble out of the storeroom.

Pinkie Pie looked at her, hopefully. “Is she...?”

Rarity shook her head. “The reprogramming is going poorly. I’ve tried to teach her techniques for being suave and sophisticated, but it all just slides off her.”

“But Twilight’s an amazing learner!” Fluttershy said. “Remember when she learned three new languages in a single week?”

“This is different!” Rarity said. “Nerds don’t realize they’re nerds. They honestly don’t know how uncool they are. How can we help her if she refuses to acknowledge the problem?”

Pinkie Pie hopped out of her beanbag. “It happened before, didn’t it? You said there were nerds who transformed themselves into geeks. How did they do it?”

“There are all kinds of stories,” said Rarity. “Decades of martial-arts discipline, potent magic elixirs, exposure to cosmic rays... but nopony knows for sure. There are no records about it. It was a very dark time of Equestria’s past... a time best forgotten.”

“There must be a way!” Fluttershy said. “Somepony must know what to do!”

“What about the Princess?” Pinkie Pie said. “I bet she’d know.”

Rarity shook her head. “Spike is too exhausted to send a letter. I’d rather not wake him right now... but I suppose we might not have a choice.”

The front door gently opened and all three of them turned to see Rainbow Dash walk in, drenched with rain water.

“I know what to do.”

Several minutes later, Rainbow Dash stared at the storeroom door. “I’m going into that room alone. You’re going to lock the door behind me. And no matter what happens—no matter what you hear—do not open that door.”

Fluttershy peered at the door. “How will we know when you’ve succeeded?”

“You won’t,” said Dash. “I’m not coming out until I get the old Twilight back. She’s in there, somewhere... I know it. And once she’s back, she can open the door from the inside.”

“But what if she doesn’t come back?”

Rainbow Dash glared at her, furious. She opened the door and stepped inside. The door swung shut behind her, and the heavy deadbolt clamped in place.

The room was bare. The shelves and desks had been moved out. All that remained was a single chair. Dash stared at Twilight Sparkle, wrapped in heavy chains. There was a heavy clamp on the end of her horn, inscribed with softly glowing runes.

“Hiya! Wanna see my stamp collection? It’s—”

“No.” Dash stepped forward “This is gonna hurt me more than it’ll hurt you.”

Twilight smiled, unperturbed. “What are you talking about?”

“Do you know what you are?” said Dash. “You’re a nerd.”

“Really? What’s that?”

“You don’t even know, do you?” Dash shook her head, and slowly walked around her chair. “It means you’re not cool. At all.”

“What? But my mom thinks I’m—”

“No, she doesn’t. You aren’t cool, Twilight. You think you are... but everything you know is wrong. You’re living a lie.”

“Wh-what are you talking about? I’m popular! I have friends!”

Dash began walking around her chair, watching her quietly. Twilight twisted her neck around trying to keep track of her.

“You know all about history, right? All the old legends and stories from way back?”

“Yeah! It’s—”

“We had a good thing going,” Dash said, “for the longest time everything was just great. We were heros...we were famous, rich, popular, the whole shebang. We were on top.”

Twilight’s broad grin faltered slightly. “What do you mean? Who was on top?”

Dash continued to talk to herself as she circled the chair. “We thought things would never change. We couldn’t imagine a world that was any different than our own. That’s not what we were good at: we didn’t think or imagine or wonder. Thinking was a liability to us. We were ponies of action.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you know what I am?” Dash leaned over her. “I’m a jock... and you’re a nerd. Do you know what that means?”

Twilight stared up at her, no longer smiling.

“My tribe was the center of attention for a thousand years. We were professional  athletes... celebrities. We were the coolest ponies in all of Equestria, but at what cost? For some pony to become cooler, somepony else has to become uncool. And that was you. The Nerds... the freaks, geeks, and weirdos. You were all brains and no brawn, and it was just way too easy to push you down... to intimidate you. We did it over and over, again and again, grinding your tribe into the dirt and shoving you into lockers. And it worked. We were cool... and you were lame. And that was the way of things.”

Twilight swallowed a lump in her throat. “You’re not gonna... wedgie me, are you ? You wouldn’t do that, right?”

Rainbow Dash stepped back. “But it couldn’t last forever. We’d forgotten how fragile and ephemeral coolness really is. There was change in the air... a revolution. The whole world was about to turn upside-down: academics and philosophy and science were about to change how things worked. All of a sudden, reading—and thinking—became vital skills... way more important that kicking a stupid ball around a field. And then, just like that, us jocks were obsolete. Instead of being tough and cool, we were big and dumb. We became laughingstocks.”

Twilight shut her eyes tight and tried to turn away. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry please don’t noogie me!”

“Noogie you? I should thank you. After all, you were the ones who saw it coming. You knew that nerds would soon be productive and important for the first time in recorded history, but you also knew that wouldn’t be enough... you also needed to be cool. So you did the unthinkable... the unimaginable. The impossible.”

Twilight stared at her in horrified understanding. “No... no! You can’t mean—”

“We joined forces, Twilight Sparkle. We set aside thousands of years of tyranny and oppression and forged an unholy alliance between jocks and nerds.”

“Never! It’s not true! It can’t be! We’d never sink so low!”

Rainbow Dash scoffed at her. “Low? We were the desperate ones! The jocks were about to die out and we knew there was nothing we could do about it. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and so we agreed. It was secret at first: you began inviting us to after-school study circles, and even allowed us to join your book clubs and model train conventions. You taught us practical, academic skills. Skills we could use in the real world. Because of you we kept our grades high enough to qualify for athletic scholarships.

“In exchange, we gave you the only thing we had left... we shared with you the secret of coolness. The bullying and mockery stopped overnight. We began inviting you to parties, teaching you how to dance with boys and tell jokes that were actually funny. It worked better than either of us could have ever dreamed, and we each owe our survival to the other. The jocks became athletes... the nerds became geeks. And nopony even remembers a time when somepony had to become cooler by making somepony else uncool. They’ve forgotten the dark age of bullying and pranking. And perhaps that’s how it should be... we’ve put it behind us forever.”

Dash stopped walking around the chair and stood in front of her.

“And now, Twilight Sparkle, I’m going to share that secret with you. The secret of coolness.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Really?” She sounded frightened... but also intrigued.

“I just hope you’re strong enough to hear it.” Dash drew close. “The secret of being cool, Twilight Sparkle... is not to care about being cool.”

Twilight’s left ear flipped up. “What? That’s it?”

“It’s not so easy,” Dash said. “You have to stop caring about what people think of you. You have to stop being afraid. The more you want to be cool, and the harder you try, the less cool you become. And that’s your problem... you’re too worried about what everypony thinks of you. You need to let go. Only then do you have any chance of achieving inner coolness.”

“And then... I’ll be cool? Promise?”

“That’s the hardest part of all. Even if you give it all up and be yourself, it doesn’t automatically make you cool. You might find out that, deep down, you’re just lame and there’s nothing you can do about it. When dealing with coolness, there are no guarantees... but it’s your only chance.”

“But... but I...!”

“No!” Dash shouted. “No buts! If you want to be cool, you have to accept the chance that you might not be cool, ever! You have to take that risk! You have to make that sacrifice!”

“There must be another way!” Twilight’s eyes darted back and forth and sweat dripped from her brow. “Maybe... maybe there’s a way to make ponies think I’m cool, without actually being cool. Maybe then—”

“No!!” Rainbow Dash slapped her cheek, hard. “Don’t you dare walk that path, Twilight Sparkle! That’s the dark side of coolness: when you trick others into thinking you're cool you’ll turn your whole life into a lie! You turn yourself into what other ponies want instead of what you want! You’ll start insulting other ponies and pushing them around, convincing others that they’re uncool just to make yourself cooler... and then you will become what you hate the most!

“But I want to be popular! I want ponies to like me!”

“Real coolness isn’t what other people think of you: it comes from within! That’s the secret, Twilight: Coolness is not popularity or fame or respect! These things are all just hollow, empty side-effects! They don’t matter!” Rainbow Dash grabbed her chair and leaned her back. “I want to hear you say you don’t care what anypony thinks of you! Say it out loud!”

Twilight scrunched her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face. “No! just leave me alone! Why can’t you just leave me alone!?”

“The harder you hang on, the faster it slips away from you! You’ve got to let go!”

“Nooo! Stop it! Stop pushing me around!” The rune-inscribed shackle around Twilight’s horn began to rattle. She opened her eyes and sheaves of purple light cascaded out. Her voice rose to a terrible pitch, filled with fury. “Stop telling me what to do! It’s my life! I can live it however I want!”

The magical manacle snapped apart and each half ricocheted back and forth against the walls and floor. Twilight’s chair shattered into splinters, and she hovered into the air in a hurricane of magical energies.  “Leave me alone! I don’t care what you think of me!”

Rainbow Dash took a step back as she stared into the terrible light shining from her eyes.

Oh, pluck me...!

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy gasped in shock as a blast of purple-and-pink energy blasted the reinforced door off its hinges and punched a hole in the opposite wall. After a moment of silence, Twilight Sparkle staggered out of the storeroom. She was gasping for breath, and her face was twisted in rage. The chains were gone.

Pinkie Pie walked over to her and looked into her eyes. She turned and looked at the shattered door frame, then at the hole in the wall.

“What happened in there? What she do to you?”

Twilight’s rage simmered away, leaving only confusion. She stumbled across the room and walked out the hole in the wall. Pinkie Pie followed: She was standing at the end of a long furrow in the dirt, where Dash’s unconscious body lay.

Twilight swallowed a lump in her throat. “We... gotta help her. She’s hurt.”

“Yeah. It looks pretty bad.”

“Who did this to her?”

“You did,” Pinkie Pie said. “I think it was you.”

“Oh.” Twilight wiped her nose.

Her horn glowed, and Rainbow Dash floated back into the Library.

Rarity set down a sheaf of old, yellowed documents. “It’s a recessive genetic trait.”

Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle all leaned closer, awestruck.

Rarity continued. “Her great grandfather was a professional football player, and her grandmother was a professional soccer player. Her grandmother on her father’s side was a professional volleyball player. Any of these alone aren’t too serious. But combined...” Rarity shook her head.

Dash slumped in her seat, utterly dejected. “I thought I could handle it. I thought I could l keep it under control. And I did... for a while.”

“Until now?” Fluttershy said.

“Yeah. I didn’t want any pony to know. I thought it would never come up.” Dash leaned on the table and buried her face in her arms. “I’m one quarter jock.”

Rarity closed her eyes. “And Twilight is becoming more and more of a nerd with every passing minute.”

Dash sniffled. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry. I understand if we can’t be friends anymore.”

Twilight set a hoof on her shoulder. “Most people who were bullies in their youth feel a sense of deep regret when they grow up.”

“That’s no excuse!” Dash said. “I’m a monster!”

“You may be a jock. And you may be a tiny bit of a jerk, on rare occasions.” Twilight held her face and stared into her eyes. “But you’re not a bully. You’ve never been one.”

Dash sniffled. “Can we still be friends? Are we... are we still... cool?”

Twilight stared at her, blandly. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“But our ancestors were at war for millennia! My people were bullying yours for generations! How can you just ignore all that?”

“Like this,” Twilight said. She leaned back in her chair, shrugging slightly. “Meh.”

Dash stared at her in awe. “So cool,” she whispered to herself.

Fluttershy watched them for a moment. “Does this mean the old Twilight is back?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight said. “I feel fine now... but I also felt perfectly fine before. It’s like I can’t know for sure what’s real and what’s not.”

“There must be some way to know!” Pinkie Pie said. “There has to be some kind of test!”

Everypony sat down again and stared at the center of the table, where Twilight’s heavy, horn-rimmed glasses sat.

Twilight looked up. “I’m... hungry.”

Pinkie Pie shot up. “Whatcha want? Cake? Pie? Lemon meringue? Fruit punch?”

“Sandwich.” Twilight’s eyes drifted in and out of focus. “Whole grain bread. Low-fat peanut butter. Blueberry jam.”

“You betcha! One P.B.J. coming right up!”

“I’ll make it myself. Just bring me the ingredients.”

“Oh... kay.” Pinkie Pie walked around the table and went into the kitchen. She came back with a tray loaded with a loaf of bread, two jars, and some cutlery. She set everything on the table.

They watched as Twilight Sparkle set two slices of bread on a plate. She opened the jar of peanut butter, dabbed the knife in, and spread it over one slice of bread. She stared at the knife intently, but didn’t seem to have any difficulty with it.

She opened the jar of jam and stopped as she looked inside.

Rarity leaned forward. “Twilight?”

They watched as Twilight Sparkle took a pair of sleek, stylish reading glasses out of the jam jar, covered in sticky blue goo. She lifted them up and stared at the hole in the wall: The clouds along the horizon were aglow with the fire and warmth of impending dawn.

“It’s only a temporary fix,” said Twilight. “If we’re going to neutralize this spell, we’ll need to find applejack.”

Pinkie pie bounced in her chair. “How long do you think it’ll last?”

“How long?” Twilight put her glasses on, dripping jam all over her face. “Long enough.”

“YEAAAAAHHH!!!”

Everyone stared up at Pinkie Pie: she was standing upright in her chair and reaching towards the ceiling. She was set against a backdrop of the morning sun rising over Ponyville’s modest cityline, visible through the hole in the wall.

She peered down at them for a moment before climbing down. “I mean... yay.”

Twilight stood up. “Come on, girls. We need to pay Sweet Apple Acres a visit. But first...” Twilight took off her jam-covered glasses. “...I need to wash my glasses.”

Pinkie Pie jumped up on her chair and reared up again. She waited for a moment, then looked down at Twilight. Her eyes glistened, and her lower lip trembled.

“Oh, fine.” Twilight put her glasses back on. “But first... I need to wash my glasses.”

“YEAAAAAHHH!!!”

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