So have you ever ran across an author that just made you wanna smack them in the face really hard? I have. Today, in fact.

Today’s story is called one for you and what clued me in is when my friends and I saw that he was deleting comments like all heck. Not only that, he was being a complete asshole to myself and my friends, so this riff was threatened if he didn’t stop. He didn’t, as you can tell.

I’m excited to tear this shit up, so without anymore delay, one for you.

        Pinkie: Pleeeeeeeease T?

        twow: No Pinkie. It’s not ready yet.

        Pinkie: Aww, come on!

twow: If I gave you the Party Cannon 2.0. right now, it might turn half of Equestria into a party room.

        Pinkie: That would be GREAT!

        twow: I think that the princesses would have a slight problem with that.

        Rainbow Dash: (from TV) Just a slight one?

        twow: Yep. That, and it would be rather chaotic.

        Discord: In that case, I could get down with that.

        twow: MOTHERFUCKER!

        Pinkie: Oh! Hello Discord! What are you doing here?

Discord: Someone mentioned my last name. And besides, I haven’t got to know this human yet.

        twow: Yeah...My name’s twow.

        Discord: Charmed.

        twow: I’m sure. Now could you please leave before...

        (The lab doors slam shut and lock.)

        twow: ...that happened.

        Pinkie: Dashie, what gives?

        Dash: I WAS just gonna prank you and twow, but this is so much better!

        twow: Great. What’s the story?

Dash: It’s called “one for you” and involves Discord sending a random human to Ponyville where he becomes friends with Pinkie.

        twow: One of those, huh?

        Pinkie: Alright! This is gonna be fun!

        Discord: Sounds rather chaotic. I’m in!

        twow: I hate my life right now.

        *BUZZ*

        All: We’ve got story sign!

                Another night slipped away under the obsidian sky of the darkened field, fireflies tried to light the ground ablaze with their dazzling lights; such a beautiful display of passion and enthusiasm.

        Discord: What.

        twow: Oh we’re in trouble now.

 The shone light with the majestic colors of green and yellow, as the bits of light scampered in and out; displaying their joy in a wondrous manner.

        Pinkie: The light’s really good at that!

        twow: Hopefully they have lessons.

 The grace of the lights and the breeze made the night last almost forever before changing once more to a different scene in life’s play.  The boy thought to himself, ‘Wow, if only It was like this.’

        twow: What boy?

        Discord: The boy that was there the whole time.

        twow: Story sucked at explaining THAT one.

                    The sound of a car horn blasted the wonderful dream into a pile of crushed hopes and imaginary creations.  In front of him, an old beaten up Volkswagen buggy; the black paint tried to reflect light, but only held onto the rays, dulling its appearance.

        Pinkie: “Hey! Gimme back my rays!”

        twow: “Don’t make me bust a prism in your ass!”

  He started to gaze into the black paint of the automobile, and started to see the true face that it hid underneath. Alexander started to talk to himself as the contentiousness faded like the hearts of many, “So dark and so beautiful.  Only if I could feel it’s face for myself.”

        twow: He...really wants that car.

        Discord: Sexually?

        Pinkie: Maybe!

        twow: I swear I’m gonna have to riff that someday.

            Alexander’s friend struck his head, “Hey its green, c'mon bro, remember to stay focused.”

            Alex shook his head, “Oh sorry.  I was just thinking about some stuff.”

        Pinkie: “I was just thinking about the face of that car.”

        twow: “Wonder if it’s good with blowjobs.” (smacked by Pinkie)

            “Geez, you need to let loose sometimes, maybe this will cheer you up.”

            Alex sagged his head, “Please let’s not do this again Steven.  Last time you got hurt.”

        Discord: Doing what?

        twow: Staring at that car. He almost needed glasses because of it.

            Steven put his hands behind his head, “And it was my fault for underestimating you.  So what do you say?  Just let loose!  It’s not like it is going to kill you.”

        twow: Foreshadowing at its worst.

            Alexander pulled into the driveway of a modest looking house, the walls were a beautiful shade for sea green, “Okay here you are, now don’t call me when you have to leave, I’m not going to pick you up.  You hear?”

            He stepped out of the car, “Ya, I know.  I’ll see you on Monday.”

        Discord: “Not Tuesday. Not Wednesday.”

        Pinkie: “MONDAY.”

            Alexander meant to pull out of the driveway and head back to the dorms, but was distracted by the wonderful color of the wall.  It took his breath away and spat it out in the form of a stigma.  He just waited patiently for the colors to stop.

        twow: That’s one hell of a wall.

        Pinkie: It’s the wall that I stared at with all of my clones!

  Only to find they would live forever in the endless plains.  While he wait in the dazed state oh his mind, a voice crept into his very ear.  A faint whisper, a dying plea, the voice of Lucifer himself.

        Discord: That’s quite flattering.

        twow: How do you think that’s you?

        Discord: Can you prove otherwise?

        twow: ...

            The voice what smoothly flowing, as if it was rehearsed, “Welcome my dear friend, aren’t you glad that you are the most depressed one of your kind?”

        Pinkie: That wasn’t very nice!

        twow: Or accurate.

            Alex sat in place and stared blankly, “No, I’m not.  I hate this, just as much as I hate you.”

            The voice called out once more, “au contraire  my little pawn, we haven’t meet before, im -”

            Alex slammed his fist against the window, fragmenting the glass, “I know who you are, and I want you out.  Go back to the hell hole you came from.”

        twow: Has...he heard this voice before?

        Discord: Only in his nightmares.

            The voice was displeased with his rage, but intrigued, “I am Discord, as my name reveals I am chaos and disharmony.  I was sent here to find the most depressed one of your species.”

        twow: And you picked this guy. Okay.

            Alex looked behind himself, only to see nothing, “I am not going with you.  Or any shit like that!  Just get out my head already!”

            “Oh naive human, I'm not in your head.  I’m in the dimensional plains between my realm and your realm.  For if I entered your world it would damage the time space continuum into a never ending cycle that will repeat itself, until somepony finds the gap and stops it.”

        Pinkie: Or you could use the moon gates!

        twow: They better not be purple.

            “Wow, that is something.”

            “I’m just kidding kid, I just made that up.  Well it is time to go, nobody will miss you here, so it is okay.”

        twow: Wow. Discord, you’re being quite the dick here.

        Discord: This isn’t me. Chaotic I am, but I am never rude.

            “I already told you, I’m no-,” before he could finish his words a hole in the air ripped open and engulfed his existence, making him fall into the rifts of space and enter the world of colors.

        twow: There was so much green.

        Pinkie: And pink.

        Discord: And rainbow.

        twow: And I think we need a break.

        twow: Well, how are we holding up?

        Pinkie: I don’t understand what’s going on at all!

        twow: Not surprised. Neither am I. Discord?

        Discord: I...am rather displeased with this.

        twow: You? Do tell.

Discord: This isn’t how I act at all. Not even I can enter a completely different dimension and pluck a human from there.

twow: Not to mention out of ALL the people on Earth, this ONE kid is the most depressed.

        Pinkie: It really seems like the author couldn’t keep every part of his story together.

twow: It REALLY seems like he slammed his face on the keyboard until he looked at the screen and was all like, “It’s good!”

        Discord: Wouldn’t it have sounded like, “its gud?”

        twow: ...I think we might get along.

        Pinkie: It’s actually really funny when you think about it.

        twow: I guess.

        Pinkie: Has he asked for any help with writing?

twow: Him asking for help would be like Fallen not being an ass to me. And we BOTH know that’s not gonna happen.

Discord: Or like Steel NOT getting pelted with bricks.

twow: Wait, are YOU the one throwing bricks at him?

Discord: I plead the Fifth.

twow: We’re not on Earth. And, would that even apply to you?

Discord: Well...

Pinkie: Story time Dashie!

*BUZZ*

All: We’ve got story sign!

The vortex spat him out into a world filled with bright colored animals, and colorful plants.  On the floor he lie in a daze as a group of horses surrounded him and started to stare intently.

        twow: It’s Mr. Tense Change!

        Pinkie: I need to get my welcome wagon!

  He still wore his clothes, but they were altered.  Skrillex became DJ Pon-3, and his black pants were the brightest shade of pink.

        twow: BLUH.

        Pinkie: I feel your pain T.

        Discord: I don’t, and am glad about that.

  Two bright and colorful creatures approached him one with purple, straight hair and pink highlights, and the other with curly solid pink hair and tail.  She was bouncing incredibly fast and high for any normal animal.  Or any animal he had seen on earth, who knows maybe they are on drugs or something.

        twow: No, that’s just Pinkie Pie.

        Discord: At times, she frightens ME.

“Hey crazy voice guy you there?  Why are these animals around me?”

The pink horse got close to  Alexander’s face and it was breathing hard, the smell of sweets and sugar entered his nostrils, “Do you want to be my friend?!  I’m friends with every pony in Equestria, and you are no exception.  So you want to be my friend?!

        Pinkie: “HUH DO YA DO YA HUH?!?!!”

        twow: Pinkie! I’m getting whiplash from just looking at you!

” pinkie was standing over his midsection and pressing her pointy snout against his face.

Alex was scared of the creepy position, “Ummm, I’m sorry, but I can’t.  I’m not the one to be friendly… Can you get off of me already!!!”

Discord: Don’t forget the point that I crossed the dimensional barrier just to find him.

twow: That might be on the test.        

The purple horse approached him  and started to drag her off him.  “Pinkie we talked about this already!  Not until we see what he, I assume its a he, is capable of, he may be just as dangerous as you.  Or worse!”

        twow: NOONE  is as dangerous as Pinkie Pie.

        Pinkie: Awww, thanks T!

        twow: You are welcome.

Alexander got off the floor and started to examine the two talking horses,  one was kind of cute with blue eyes, and the other had a very proper haircut.  Out of her mane came a short horn shaped thing.  He wanted to touch it, but he assumed she would not appreciate it.

        twow: Seeing as how she doesn’t know you, no. She wouldn’t.

  “So what are you horses going to do to me?  I would prefer to go home already.”

Pinkie pie started to walk up to his face, being a little too tall, she was looking up quite a lot, “Silly we aren’t horses, we’re ponies!”  Twilight grabbed pinkie once more and dragged her from the premises.

        Discord: Do either of you think that you are all a little too comfortable with this?

        twow: I do.

        Pinkie: Me too!

        Discord: So I’m not the only one.

The purple pony rushed back to the new specimen.  “Hello, as you can already tell, we are in Ponyville, may i ask you to fill this sheet?”  The pony took a sheet of paper and a pen from the little dragon assistant, “Thank you, Spike.”

        twow: He came out of nowhere.

        Pinkie: He came from hammerspace!

        twow: How do you...never mind.

‘So a dragon named Spike?  Wow, Even I could have done better.’

        twow: And that’s when Spike smacked the bitch out of him.

  The clipboard and the pen got placed into his hands, nothing too hard, just simple information  Like gender, race, education, and description of species.  Simple stuff for a human to answer, it must have been hell to write this.

        Discord: I’m not surprised that she would have something like that.

        twow: Duh. She’s TWILIGHT.

 On the back was a long paragraph of text, and a rather large box marked with, “I agree,” at the end.  Being smart , he skipped the box of text and marked the box that read, “i agree”.  He gave it to Spike, “Hehe, you’re not too cute.  I think I’m going to like you, Spike.”

        All: WHOA THERE.

        twow: Someone just showed his true colors.

Spike just stared back at him, “Well that is one way to start a friendship.  Okay, Twilight will meet with you in a little while.  Right now I am going to run some tests on you.”

“What kind of tests?  If it has anything to do with a needle and my blood, i will burn this settlement to the ground.”

        Discord: Could I just drop a flaming cloud on it?

        twow: ...you can do that?

        Discord: Hello! God of CHAOS!

“Well that has already happened, about a week ago, long story.  But no, i am going to see how you react in certain…social environments.  Well I guess we should get you acquainted with the participants, and your temporary rooms.”

        Pinkie: He gets more than one room!

        twow: For 25 cents extra.

Alex was confused still, “Um okay, so what are you to that creepy purple pony?”

        twow: “She’s my bitch.” (smacked by Pinkie)

Spike looked at him in disbelief, “Oh, her,  well she is like a mother to me.  She doesn’t tell me the story a lot so I don’t know much.  She hatched me and she raised me.  Other than that, I work for her as her apprentice, and her assistant.  Come on ,the mares are waiting for you.”

        Pinkie: Why wouldn’t she tell Spike about his beginnings?

        twow: Humans.

        Discord: Or...the rea-

        twow: Don’t say that while you’re in here!

“Umm-,” he was once more confused, “what’s a mare?”

        Pinkie: What.

        twow: “What’s a paladin?”

Spike sighed, “Just come you’ll find out soon enough.”  Spike took his hand into his claw and started to drag him through the crowd to a small tent.

        twow: Dude! Keep it in your pants!

Inside the tent where 5 different mares.

        Discord: Where were they?

        twow and Pinkie: EVERYWHERE!

  One orange with a blonde mane, one blue with some radical rainbow hair and wings, another with wings but yellow and pink mane hiding in the back, Pinkie Pie, and another horned pony with a white coat and a purple mane.  They all were waiting in a line before the new creature;  all except the yellow pony, she was hiding behind Spike.

        twow: Well, ya got that kinda right.

        Discord: Was it necessary to point out that Fluttershy was hiding twice?

        Pinkie: Yup!

Every pony, except for the yellow mare said at the same time, “Welcome.”

Spike escorted the yellow pony out of the tent and she scattered, “Okay, this is how we are going to run the test.  You, alexander, are going to select one of the 5 mares, and live with that pony for a minimal of 3 days, if they would like, they may extend it to a week.

        twow: Why?

        Pinkie: We got bored?

 Then we repeat the same process until we have all the data we need, so at the max 5 or 6 weeks of living with these lovely mares.  Ok now that you know what you are to do, pick one, and she will get you started off on the project.”

twow: No really. WHY?

Discord: I really have no idea.

Pinkie: Can we panic now?        

“oh-, I get to choice?  Are there any restrictions?”  Not like he would go that far.

        twow: Then why did you ask?

Spike looked at him funny, “Only the limits they  give you at that given time.  We are only recording you, not them.  For the most part at least.”

“Oh okay, I guess I could start off with-” a loud thunderous sound echoed throughout Ponyville.

        Pinkie: Somepony just got struck by thunder!

        twow: For the second time.

Every pony fell to their bottoms and alex tumbled forward.  Taping his head against Pinkie Pie’s hoof.  He was slightly embarrassed and got onto his knees trying to escape the strange situation.  From outside entered a gray pony with golden hair.

        twow and Pinkie: Derpy!

        Discord: She seems like she’d be good for chaos.

  She was scorched from the neck down, and walked up to the rainbow haired one.  Falling onto her back, shocking her with the leftover static.  “Dark clouds aren’t good for sleeping.  Can you take me to the hospital?”

        twow: If you made it there, you probably wouldn’t even need to go.

        Discord: Didn’t Twilight get a piano dropped on her? From Derpy?

        twow: Yup. She didn’t go to the hospital either.

        Pinkie: And Dashie and Derpy have been shocked lots of times!

        twow: We just figured out that this story never had logic.

She replied, “Okay, i'll get you there.  Sorry Spike, I need to go.”  She took of leaving a rainbow coloured trail behind her which disappeared.

After that a young child entered the room, she had white fur  and purple and pink hair, but her bottom was blank unlike her mothers.  “Hey Rarity, mom is coming over for the week.  We have to pick her up.”

        Discord: Convenient filly is convenient.

“Okay Sweetie Belle, lets go.  Sorry Spikey wikey, family matters.  Bye every pony.  See you soon.”

            Spike waved to rarity as he blushed slightly, “Well looks like you only have two choices.  Who shall it be?”

twow: You have three choices. Pinkie, Applejack, and Fluttershy.

Pinkie: Spike needs to go back to school!        

            Al started to think, ‘Lets see, she‘s clearly a ball of excitement.  And she is always smiling.  Can’t be anything too intense,’ “Okay, I have decided, I would like,-”pinkie lunged herself at alex’s chest.

        twow and Discord: (busts up laughing)

        Pinkie: What’s so funny?

        twow: You? Not intense? That’s funny as hell!

            “I’m so glad you picked me, we are going to have such a fun time together.  Just you and me and a lot of fun stuff.”  Pinkie pie got close to his ear, and whispered “A lot of fun.”

        Pinkie: We could bake cupcakes!

        twow: I’m down with that.

         I felt really bad letting her down, “I'm sorry but I was going to choice the orange one.  I promise I'll have as much fun as I can with you, during and after this ordeal.  I'm sorry.”  A tear rolled down his face, and land onto her straight hair.

        Discord: I must have messed with that tear.

        twow: Should have summoned the chocolate rain.

            “Its okay, as long as we will be friends.”  Pinkie let go of his body and left the tent.

            “Well that was a bit sad... Applejack can you take it from here?  I’m going to help pinkie, bye.”

        twow: What does SHE need help with?

        Pinkie: Those cupcakes silly!

            Applejack spoke up, “See ya little fella.  Help her good, ya hear?”

            “Will do.  Now hold up your end.”

            Applejack tried to grab his wrist, but couldn’t, “Okay, follow me deary.  It is a bit far, but worth it.”

                    “Um okay, I guess.”

        Dash: (from TV) Not over yet guys. Got a little bit left.

        twow: How long?

        Dash: 23 words.

        twow: WHAT TH-

way to gop assholes this fic is over.

if i get offened im  going to do something.    hate the internet and when  try my best i still fail.  so fuk this shit, i tiered of it.

        Pinkie: Wha-

twow: The author had a bitch fit. Don’t worry about it.

Discord: We’re done?

twow: Yup.

twow: Ugh, that was not fun.

Discord: I’d say that was too chaotic for me, but I just couldn’t really understand.

Pinkie: And it wasn’t supposed to be random, it was supposed to actually have a story!

twow: SUPPOSED. I’m going to refer back to my “slam head on keyboard” theory.

Discord: It’s funny, because I was going to think about something like that.

twow: You make no sense Discord.

Discord: I do my best.

Pinkie: You know twow. I know someone who could talk about this!

twow: If you say Derpy, I’m going to throw sharp objects at you.

Pinkie: Course not. It’s Primey!

twow: Now I’m just gonna throw a shotgun at you.

Pinkie: As long as it’s the one made out of Skittles!

twow: How did you even know about that...

(Pinkie connects to Skype on the console, and Fallen Prime picks up on the other end.)

Fallen Prime: (from TV) Oh hey, Pinkie Pie! Nice to hear from you! Hey, I needed to talk you about how goddamn creepy your Skype picture looks and - oh. twow.

twow: Hey there Fallen. What’s new with you?

Fallen: Well, I’m just bracing myself for riffs to come. RingmasterJ5 foreshadowed something a while back that I know I’m gonna dread, and it can’t be too far off. What’s going on on your end?

twow: Pinkie, Discord and I just suffered through one of octavia’s stories.

Pinkie: You should have been here Primey! It was fun!

Fallen: Wait. As in octavia1997?

twow: That’s the guy.

Fallen: Oh. Dear. GOD. that guy is one of the densest motherfuckers alive. Even when he SAYS he wants constructive criticism, he shrugs off everything he gets and never strives to improve with the feedback. And that’s just excluding the concrit he misconstrues as personal attacks!

twow: Sounds like a nice guy. I’ve dealt with him as well. Fun times. What are your future plans Fallen?

Fallen: Well, right now I’m living in fear of either Twilight making me continue “Pinkie Pie’s Secret Ingredient” or Ring making me riff... “Living the Dream.”

twow: (winces)

Discord: I’ve heard of that one.

Pinkie: Should I give Ring the idea Primey?

Fallen: You wouldn’t DARE. YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING DARE.

twow: I’m just gonna be happy that I’m not going to have to witness that.

Fallen: You’d better be really fucking happy that LTD is a thing that you will never have to properly experience in your lifetime.

Pinkie: Hmmmmmm...

twow: I don’t like that face. That’s the thinking face.

Fallen: DO. NOT. EVEN. DARE.

Pinkie: FINE. Maybe.

Discord: As fun as this is, I’m afraid I’m going to head back to the Everfree now.

twow: Good idea. Dash, hit the button before Pinkie starts thinking about making someone suffer though LTD with Fallen.

Dash: (from TV) Alright twow. Have fun.

twow: I try.

(Dash hits the button, and the TV turns off with a blip.)