Alright then, let’s get started.

Yup, it’s twow443 here, about to do his first “solo” riff. It’s not fully solo, as I’ll have a special guest, but it’s my first riff without Fallen Prime helping me. I asked him if he could set me up with three Google Docs, so expect two more riffs from me before I move. The condition was that he could choose the first two stories, and he sure did.

This is the first fan-fic that the author wrote, and it’s not good. Alicorn OC. Coming at you from myself and sierra_seven, it’s The Adventures Of RedJoy Episode 1: Daring Doo 

twow443: Ugh, why is this so HARD?

Derpy: (walking into lab) What’s wrong, twow?

twow: Just working on a new story idea. It’s about Fluttershy turning into an alicorn and saving Equestria from Diamond Dogs.

Derpy: That sounds, interesting.

twow: Do you mean that, or are you just trying to keep my hopes up?

Pinkie: (from TV) Yup! Hi guys!

twow: Hey there Pinkie. What’s up? And, wait. Why are you on my TV?

Pinkie: I just wanted to tell you that you have company coming!

Derpy: Wait, what?

(The side door opens to reveal sierra_seven and Nurse Redheart)

Sierra: Well, I have a six-pack of brain bleach and a medical professional to administer it. Let’s riff this shit.

twow: Um, Pinkie? Why?

Pinkie: (giggles) It’ll be fun!

(The lab doors slam shut and lock)

Derpy: Quick question, who is this?

Sierra: I am everything you ever feared, Derpy. Nurse Redheart is here to.... well... make sure I don’t get too psychotic. It happens.

Redheart: (checks medical equipment) Yup, we have brain bleach, antidepressants, defibrillators, vodka, a furry anorak and champagne for when this is over.

twow: Somehow I don’t know if that’ll be enough.

Redheart: You’ve obviously never seen Sierra in a furry anorak.

twow: Don’t wanna.

*BUZZ*

All: We’ve got story sign!

RedJoy just turned ten when something she never would have expected happened. She met Daring Doo

Sierra: The End. Well, that’d probably work better than the rest of this story.

twow: Can we go home now?

RedJoy was sitting on a cloud on the outskirts of her home town Hoofsdale.

Derpy: I believe that he means Cloudsdale. That is where I sometimes visit. And my job is there.

twow: Yeah, or I’d be falling through the clouds everytime I came here.

Sierra: It’s like Cloudsdale, but with hooves.

twow: I don’t even..WHAT?

She looked down at the book she was reading.

twow: “I’ve read better things using the Internet.”

The book was called “Daring Doo and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone”.

Redheart: Can we read this instead?

Derpy: Not if Pinkie has anything to do with us getting out of here.

Sierra: I have heard of the one you call Pinkie. Some say it's impossible for her to wear socks, and she can open a beer bottle with her testes! All we know is, she's called Pinkie Pie.

twow: Sierra. What the FUCK.

Sierra:

The first in the Daring Doo series.

twow: I might be wrong, but is that the first one?

Redheart: As a quick observation, the name is spelt wrong. USE THE WIKI, JACKASS.

Derpy: So according to this...Daring and I are related.

twow: How?

Derpy: My other name. Ditzy Doo.

Sierra: Surprise! *triggers a party popper*

She had got the book a few days ago for her tenth birthday.

twow: As opposed to her ninth birthday.

Sierra: Come on, she’s an alicorn that is ten years old. I mean, it’s not like every other alicorn in existence is older than 500.

twow: Who the hell are her parents?!

Redheart: They don’t call Cadance the Princess of Love for nothing! *winks*

twow: I instantly regret asking that.

Sierra: I also believe this shows that Rainbow Dash has the reading age of a ten year-old, or this alicorn is approaching super-Sue.

She had been reading the book nonstop and was almost finished.

twow: Please. I would have finished that the day I got it.

Derpy: Really?

twow: Taught myself how to read when I was three. Fast reader ever since.

 She looked down at the jungle.

twow: Derpy, last I checked Cloudsdale wasn’t over a jungle, correct?

Derpy: This is HOOFSDALE. It could be anywhere for all I know.

Sierra: Actually, I believe Cloudsdale is over a forest. THE MORE YOU KNOW.

twow: Still isn’t OVER A JUNGLE.

Redheart: No, it’s over the Plot-Device Rainforest. Duh.

She imagined what it would be like exploring ancient temples and ruins and finding long lost treasures.

Derpy: Probably rather fun!

Redheart: If you like being turned into swiss cheese by arrows, knives, spears...

Derpy: I collapsed Town Hall on my head. I’d be fine.

She noticed a group of pegasi flying close to the tree tops. It almost seemed like they were chasing the one in front. Then suddenly she realised they were the tibesponies

Sierra: >Tibesponies

twow: I didn’t want to have my even anyway.

from one of the tribes that live in the jungle.

But the one up the front looked different. She was in one of those outfits Daring Doo is always wearing.

twow: I wonder who it could be!

Redheart: Well, if it looks like Daring, it smells like Daring and it tastes like Daring, it must be a cupcake!

Sierra: Redheart, what did I tell you about reading fanfiction! Bad pony!

Pinkie: (from TV) That sounds like a great cupcake idea!

twow: Uhhh...MOVING ON.

Then she realised that this Pegasus was getting chased by the tribesponies!

Sierra: *dramatic voice* Oh no! Wait, I have just the link! Oh nooooo!

RedJoy leaped up and sped off to help the Pegasus.

By what RedJoy could see, this Pegasus was an adventurer like Daring.

All but Sierra: WE KNOW IT’S DARING!

Sierra: GIVE THAT A GODDAMN SPOILER ALERT.

twow: Please. You’d have to be bloody retarded to NOT know at this point.

Sierra:

She guessed the pony had stolen something from one of the many ancient temples that are scattered around the jungle.

Redheart: *grabs funnel and bleach for Sierra*

Sierra: Wai... I just... ARGH. This is premonition purely as a plot device! *Notices the bleach and funnel* Well, there’s only one thing to do!

twow: How many damn temples are in that ONE jungle?!

 One of the pursuers came up next to the adventurer and tried to ram into her.

Sierra: Oh nooooo!

Derpy: Are you going to keep doing that?

Sierra: Oh yes!

The adventurer dodged the tribespony and made it collide with another also trying to ram into her.

Redheart: I’m no expert on pegasus flight maneuvers, but BULLSHIT.

Derpy: Yeah, I’m going to say NO on that one.

They tumbled down towards the trees.

RedJoy came up behind one of the tribesponies and rammed it into three others.

Redheart: BULLSHIT

Sierra: Redheart! You should not be using such colourful language!

twow: She has a valid point. That is complete bullshit.

Sierra: Mmm...

There were now only three tribesponies left. Suddenly all three attacked the adventurer and sent her falling towards the trees below. They then turned their attention towards RedJoy.

        twow: She SHOULD have stayed on her little cloud.

        Sierra: But yeah, alicorn filly is stronger and more cunning than Daring.

        twow: NO.

They charged at her all at once. She managed to avoid the first two but flew head first into the third.

Both RedJoy and the tribespony began to fall towards the trees below.

She managed to regain control just in time. She swooped up.

The other two tibesponies

Sierra: >Tibesponies

        twow: Why...

that were following them down weren’t as lucky.

        Sierra: Well, they’re not stupid alicorn OCs, so they’re still luckier than her.

        Derpy: Why are alicorn OC’s so bad?

        Redheart: Overuse, Derpy. Overuse...

        Derpy: I’m sure there can be good ones though!

        Sierra: Aye, like Lacunae!

        twow: ...What?

        Sierra: *winks*

RedJoy sped past them. They were too shocked by how fast she had recovered that they paid no attention to how low they were getting.

        twow: I’m shocked at how fast she’s going also.

        Sierra: She’s not going nearly as fast as the plot, though.

 They crashed face first into the ground at full speed.

After making sure they weren’t going to follow her, she flew off in search for the pony they were chasing.

After a few minutes she found her unconscious with her face up against a tree.

Sierra: “Tree: Why hello.”

twow: “You have some very nice bark.”

RedJoy noticed a bag lying on the ground near the Pegasus. She walked over to it and looked inside.

        Redheart: Only to find she wasn’t Daring Do, but a Columbian drug mule!

        Sierra: Wut u did thar, I sees it.

She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was the Ruby Dragon!

        twow: Da hell IS that?!

        Sierra: It’s a long lost plot device!

        Derpy: I’m wishing that she didn’t find it.

 No pony has seen it for at least three thousand years! Whoever this Pegasus was she was really good. “And what do you think you’re doing looking through my stuff?” she heard come from behind her. She quickly closed the bag and turned around.

        Derpy: “I didn’t take anything! I swear!”

        Sierra: “Stop right there, criminal scum!”

        twow: “I’m an alicorn! That makes me immune!”

        Sierra: “Hmm, must’ve been a skeever.”

Once again she couldn’t believe her eyes. Standing right in front of her was Daring Doo!

        Redheart: No shit, Fetlock.

        twow: I think it’s time we took a little break.

Sierra: *Hands out half-time orange slices*

twow: So, how’s everyone liking the story?

Derpy: I don’t like it. At all.

        Sierra: It sucks harder than a Brazilian prostitute.

        Redheart: Time for your bleach, Sierra. *inserts bleach drip into Sierra’s arm*

        twow: Hey! He doesn’t get that until we’re done!

        Redheart: Well, I’m the medical professional here... but ok. No bleach for you, Sierra.

        Sierra: All shitfic and no bleach make Sierra a ragey pony.

twow: That’s good. You can use it for riffing this. *sees Sierra throw Derpy through the basement window*

twow: Sierra?! What the hell?!

(Derpy flies back inside and the windows shut and lock.)

Pinkie: (from TV) Sorry! Forgot to lock those!

Sierra: I don’t see why none of you have done this before. *unplugs TV*

(Pinkie is still on the TV.)

twow: WHAT.

Derpy: Um. I don’t think that TV should still be on.

twow: Redheart, just give him the bleach.

Sierra: NO, I MUST RIFF!

Pinkie: (from TV) Your wish is my command!

twow: *turns into a dildo*

Sierra: See that coming, I did not.

Pinkie: (from TV) Oops, wrong button!

Redheart: *claps sarcastically*

Pinkie: (from TV) Hey, you try manipulating the multiverse!

dildwow: *vibrates*

Derpy: Eugh! Turn it off! It’s... lubricating all over me!

Pinkie: (from TV) How about this button?

dildwow: *turns back into twow*

twow: Well, that was... PINKIE!

Pinkie: (from TV) About that... anyway, onto the story!

twow: The FUCK just happened?!

Sierra: Pinkie manipulating the laws of matter. Y’know, the usual. *looks at twow’s shaking body*

Redheart: Hmm, either he’s suffering from massive shock or Pinkie left the vibrate setting on...

Sierra: ANYWAY...

*BUZZ*

All: We’ve got story sign!

“Well? Ya going to answer or are just going to stand there?” She demanded.

        Sierra: Just had your bags looted by an alicorn filly? Kill it first, ask questions later.

        Redheart: Yeah, that’s the same policy we follow at the hospital!

        twow: Remind me to never get injured as long as I live in Equestria.

RedJoy was frozen with amazement.

        Redheart: That, and lockjaw from the rusty, smelly tribal ponies...

        Derpy: What are you implying?

        Redheart: Implications. SO MANY IMPLICATIONS.

        Sierra: IMPLICATIONSSSSSS!

It was THE Daring Doo, and she was talking to her! “I...I...I...um.” she stuttered. Daring suddenly burst into laughter. “It’s alright. Where did you come from anyway?” Daring asked.

        twow: Just gonna ignore the fact you almost died? Okay.

Sierra: C’mon, it’s Daring. She was never in danger! Aside from all the times she was...

twow: I was talking about Redjoy.

Sierra: Oh, I got the implication (:D) that she wasn’t in any danger at all. After all, she’s an all-powerful alicorn filly from the Sue tribe.

Derpy: I don’t think I should let Dinky meet her.

RedJoy finely came out of shock.

        Sierra: She didn’t just come out of shock. She came out of shock finely.

        twow: That takes skill.

        Sierra: Skill and SWAG™

        Derpy: After what I’ve seen on Earth, swag™ is dumb.

“You flew past the cloud I was sitting on. I rushed to help but I was too late.” RedJoy replied.

        Redheart: Wait, the alicorn filly did something wrong? *gasps*

        twow443: SHE’S. A. FILLY.

“That’s very brave. Ha! Reminds me of what I was like as a filly.” Daring said. “I take it you saw what’s in my bag? What with you going through it and all." She continued. “The Ruby Dragon!” RedJoy said excitedly.

        Sierra: Goddamnit RedJoy, that was a rhetorical question!

        Derpy: Or was it?

        Sierra: Derpy, that was also a rhetorical question!

        twow: Or was it?

        Sierra:

“You know your treasures.” Daring replied. “I need to get the Ruby Dragon to Las Pegasus.” She continued.

Redheart: Ugh, the grammar in this is more painful than some of the injuries I see on the ward. Remember that time Rainbow flew into a rock pile? Yeah, multiple fractures. I feel like I have fractures in my eyes.

twow: How that FUCK does that work?!

“Las Pegasus? Hmm Oh! I know how you can get there! You can leave from Hoofsdale by train.

        Sierra: WATWATWATWAT. I thought Hoofsdale was in the sky!

twow: IT IS. What, do they have the flying train from “Repairing Harmony?!”

Derpy: Didn’t that blow up?

twow: YES.

Sierra: Mmm, fiery. Also Derpy, I do believe you got whiplash from that. Ass whiplash.

There should be one leaving tomorrow. You can stay in Hoofsdale for the night.” RedJoy explained.

Sierra: “Can we keep her as a pet? Pleeeease? I’ll feed her and let her adventure once a week, and I’ll clean her litter tray!”

        Derpy: “And when she comes back with cuts and bruises, I’ll take care of her!”

        Redheart: I will, more like...

“Hoofsdale? That doesn’t seem to ring a bell.” Daring replied.

        Redheart: But it’s the finest cloud/land village/town/city in Equestria!

        twow: You have a point Redheart. What the fuck IS Hoofsdale?!

        Redheart: The scumhole of the universe. Just like Teddybear Junction. *shudders*

        Derpy: I had to deliver a package there once...

“It’s only a small town but most of the ponies there are very friendly.” RedJoy replied.

        twow: “A lot of them will even let you spend the night there!”

        Sierra: In return for cheap, sleazy horse se-

        Redheart: SIERRA!

“Alright then, lead the way.” Daring replied. RedJoy led Daring back to Hoofsdale.

Sierra: People don’t realise the importance of a journey. [profound] What is the journey, and what is the destination? Can you have one without the other? Is the journey really more important than the destination? [/profound] Example:

“We must take the ring to Mordor!”

The Fellowship then travelled to Mordor.

“Frooodddddooooooo!”

“Saaaaaammmmmm!”

        twow: Sierra! Shut the hell up!

        Sierra: But... but...

        twow: STORY. RIFF IT.

After showing Daring around town show realised there weren’t any hotels of inns in the town.

        Sierra: YOU PLAGIARIZED THE NATIVITY!

        twow: Oh, noooo.

        Derpy: I find it hard to believe that there’s NO hotels! We have hotels in Cloudsdale!

“There isn’t anywhere you can stay tonight.” She sighed. “What about your house?” Daring asked.

        Derpy: Um, that seems kinda...weird.

Redheart: Next time I meet an adventurer, I’m going to invite him to my house! Totally non-sexual!

“You want to stay at my house!?” RedJoy exclaimed.

twow: Yeah. And while she’s at it, she’s also going to sleep in your bed. With you in it. (slapped by Derpy)

Sierra: And then she’s going to clop furiousl- (slapped by Redheart)

“Well you are you only pony I know in town, and there isn’t really anywhere else for me to stay. “ Daring replied.

        twow: According to this, the city is over a jungle with dangerous tribesponies.

        Derpy: Why don’t the pegasi just move the city?

        Sierra: Because PLOTREASONS.

“Of course! Well that is if it’s ok with my parents.” RedJoy replied.

        Sierra: >Beats up hordes of tribesponies

                >Asks parents if friend and celebrity can stay

                So much sense.

On the way to RedJoy’s house Daring noticed RedJoy’s horn. “Well that’s new.” She said. “What is?” RedJoy asked looking around for what she could be talking about. “Your horn.” Daring replied. Pointing to RedJoy’s horn.

        twow: How has she not fucking noticed that?!

“Oh yes. I’m an alicorn. That’s why I have both a horn and wings.” RedJoy explained.

        Sierra: I guess you could say...

                *puts on shades*

                She’s a horny pegasus.

        twow: I have trained you well. (slapped by both mares)

“An alicorn? Wait like the Royal family!?” Daring exclaimed. “Yep. I’m one of the only four alicorns not to be born in the royal family.

twow: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!

Derpy: Four?! Who are the other three?!

Sierra: Blackwing Shadowblade the Fourth, Nightraven the Bloody, Soulreaper Muffincube...

twow: I don’t EVEN...

” RedJoy explained. “Well ain’t that something!” Daring replied.

        twow: Yeah. Even though it’s sort of a BIG deal!

        Derpy: Just a little bit.

They arrived at RedJoy’s house and they went inside. “Mum, I’m home!” RedJoy yelled out.

        Derpy: “I brought someone home that I don’t know at all!”

“Oh your home early dear.” Her mum called back from the next room. “We have a guest mum.” RedJoy called.

Redheart: Commas. The difference between having a guest parent and introducing a guest to your parent.

twow: (laughing) A guest parent!

“Oh ok, one sec and I’ll be there.” She replied. RedJoy’s mum appeared from around the corner.

        Sierra: Suddenly, parent.

        Derpy: Hai mom!

She froze dead when she saw Daring. “Good day ma’am.” Daring said to her.

“My names Daring Doo. Teacher, archaeologist, explorer and not a very big fan of cats.” She continued.

        twow: I don’t think the cats comment was needed. They don’t have a cat.

Redheart: Hey, if Daring collapsed and they took her to the hospital, I might not know that I can’t put her in the cat ward.

        Derpy: Why would you ever DO that?!

        Redheart: Spending cutbacks.

twow: Good thing I have contact with the princesses. I’ll let them know you need money.

Sierra: Why not NHS? That’s what we have in Britain

“Daring needs somewhere to stay until the train tomorrow. Is it ok if she stays here the night?” RedJoy asked.  

        twow: “And in my room?”

        Sierra: “And in my bed?”

Derpy and Redheart: (slaps both humans)        

Sierra: Harder! The pain, it arouses me!

twow: Gah! Sierra, what the hell?!

Derpy: I DON’T LIKE HIM.        

Sierra: Of course you do! I’m the lovable oaf!

        Derpy: (pulls out laser gun)

        twow: Derpy! PUT THAT BACK!

“Of course she can.” Her mum replied after snapping out of surprise.

        Derpy: She knows nothing about her!

Sierra: But she’s a 2-D character! Any other response would give her a semblance of a personality...

That night Daring told RedJoy about all of her adventures.

        Sierra: And then they had hard, furious se-

        Redheart: SIERRA!

        Sierra: I was going to say friendship! Hard, furious friendship!

        twow: Sure. Because “friendship” starts with S.

The next day they went to the train station.

“Seya around kid.” Daring said to RedJoy. She scratched RedJoy on the head.

“I know who to come to if I ever need a partner.”

        twow”: A ten year old alicorn. Okay.

Sierra: Huehuehue.

She continued. “Really!?” RedJoy replied.

“Seya.” Daring called out as she boarded the train.

Later that day RedJoy was sitting on her cloud, imagining what it would be like having an adventure with Daring Doo. She was there all day and she fell asleep on the cloud as the sun was setting.

        Sierra: And then she was eaten by tribesponies. THE END.

        Derpy: I believe you mean “tibesponies.”

        twow: Who cares?! Let’s get the hell out of here!

        twow: So? What was everyone’s thoughts on that?

        Redheart: It makes me want to admit myself to the psyche ward.

        Sierra: BLEACH. NOW.

        Derpy: Uhh. Not as bad as what we riffed with Fallen, but that HURT.

        twow: He shouldn’t have made Redjoy an alicorn. That is VERY hard to do well.

        Redheart: No shit...

        Sierra: Sherlock!

        *Sierra and Redheart high-hooffive*

        twow: Fuck you both...

Derpy: If her character had been expanded on more, it would have been better! Also, he had so many plot holes!

Sierra: Unfortunately, none of Daring’s plot hole. HUEHUEHU-

All but Sierra: *slaps Sierra*

twow: Thank Luna this wasn’t a clopfic.

Sierra: Luna can’t save you now...

twow: Sure she can...

Derpy: Pinkie! Let us out before twow kills somebody!

Pinkie: (from TV) Sure! I hope you all had fun!

(The lab doors unlock and open)

twow: Alright you two. Out.

Sierra: Well, time to head off and write, lurk and pester twow for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours... *booted out of the lab by Derpy*

twow: You too Redheart. I’m sure you have things to do at the hospital.

Redheart: Repairing Sierra’s brain, for one. I think he’s stuck in a permanent loop...

twow: I wish you luck.

Redheart: *booted out of the lab by Derpy*

Derpy: Phew. I need to go make dinner for Dinky. Have fun working on your, uh, invention.

Pinkie: (from TV) Wasn’t that fun, twow?! I hope you’re ready for another prank soon!

twow: On the edge of my seat.

(Pinkie pushes the button and twow turns back into a dildo.)

Derpy: PINKIE!

Pinkie: (from TV) Sorry!

(Pinkie pushes another button and the TV turns off with a blip.)