The purple blades of grass whipped by Uris’ feet, every step taking him deeper into a forest where the trees were covered in lavender bark, small bits of sparkling glitter constantly showered down on him from above, and where his camouflage uniform was anything but. Brushing the glitter aside, he vaulted a small family of squirrels sitting down to a picnic of acorns and honey, thanking God for every hour of calisthenics his drill instructor had forced him through. Around the time he passed his fourth cotton candy patch, Uris had a sudden and terrifying thought: what if the enemy was already here? There was no telling how long he’d been out. A whole army of enemy infantry could have landed right here in this forest!

Diving into a bush covered in fat, red berries and violet leaves, Uris calmed his breathing and tried to listen. The wind rustled through the tree branches, a squirrel chittered angrily at a neighbor over who had claim on an especially large acorn hanging from the tree they shared, and a bird tweeted a perfect C# scale in preparation for a day’s worth of singing. Grimacing from the cuteness overload, he unzipped his jacket and pulled out the one thing he’d made absolutely certain to keep hidden from his equine saviors: a Beretta sub-compact. Ten-round mag, .40 caliber rounds, and four spare clips in his pockets. It wouldn’t be much against a platoon of enemy soldiers armed with SMGs, rifles, and a taste for American blood, but it might give him a fighting chance against a small patrol.

Still struggling to keep his breathing calm, Uris gripped the pistol until his knuckles turned white. He’d been trained to use a firearm, and had even gone to the range with this particular weapon, but this would be the first time he might actually need to use it in self-defense. How would he do? These were the same bastards that killed all those people in Hong Kong and sank a whole damn U.S carrier group, but still, would he even be able to squeeze the trigger with another human being in the sights? And even if he could, would he be faster than the guy sighting him up? Quieter? Stronger?

The trees rustled in the wind again, sending more of that glitter crap raining down on him. This time he didn’t even blink, not even when a massive sunflower subsequently burst into existence in his hair, though he did curse himself for leaving his helmet behind. Welp, he figured. At least it’s in good han…hooves. That little teal pony seemed like enough of a hothead. She’ll probably put it to good use.

Wait, had to focus, right. The enemy could be anywhere right now, surrounding him even as he sat here, having an internal monologue. Something rustled in the brush nearby, “Or they could be right behind me!” He gasped, wheeling around to face his opponent, but already it was too late. A bright yellow streak surrounded by a pinkish hue landed at his feet, followed by a familiar, soft voice screaming: “Mr. Uris!”

“Fluttershy!?” He exclaimed, finger freezing on the trigger. “Oh, Goddammit girl! Dontcha know not to sneak up on a soldier like that!? Do you have any idea what could’ve happened!?”

“I…I just…” she sniffled in reply, tears materializing in her eyes so fast you’d think they were hooked to Niagara Falls.

“No, of course, you don’t,” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair as he holstered his weapon. “Look, let’s just say things might have gone badly, and you could’ve gotten hurt, and I don’t want to see that happen, understand?” She nodded timidly, her little pink mane bobbing up and down over one of her eyes. “Holy crap, is there any moment when you guys aren’t head-crushingly adorable?”

“Um…what do you…”

Before she could finish, a brilliant teal streak tore through the canopy of pink leaves above them and slammed into Uris’ stomach. Buckling to the ground, the human was left almost completely defenseless against the flurry of hoof kicks and punches Rainbow Dash followed up with. “TRYIN’ TO ESCAPE, HUH? MEET UP WITH YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS TO ATTACK EQUESTRIA, IS THAT YER ANGLE!?” She shrieked.

“Rainbow Dash, don’t!” Fluttershy squeaked, pulling her friend off Uris, “He was only trying…”

“Trying to pull something! This guy’s dangerous and it’s time you pushed the hair out of your eyes and saw it!” RD bellowed right into Fluttershy’s face. In response, the yellow pegasus whined ever so slightly, choking back a sob as tears welled up again.

Sighing, Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane as she backed away. “Look, Fluttershy, I didn’t mean…” she caught the human’s reflection in one of Fluttershy’s tears, noticing it reach for something, “Oh my sweet Celestia, WHAT’S THAT YOU GOT YOU TWO-LEGGED FREAK!?”

“What, I don’t got any-“ he looked down and realized, to his horror, that his hand was reaching into his jacket, already wrapped around the Beretta’s grip. “-thing…oh, freakin’ military training!” He screamed, realizing he’d gone for the pistol on instinct.

“SOME KINDA WEAPON!? HUH!?” Nearly breaking the light barrier, Rainbow Dash landed back on Uris’ chest and engaged in a tug of war with his wrist, with the human trying to keep his hand shoved into his jacket while she tried to pull it out.

“Damn it all, leggo!” He shouted. “It’s none a’ your business!”

“If it’s a weapon, it sure as buck is my business!”

“<Nnf>, jeez, how are you so strong!?”

They continued back and forth like that for a few minutes, with Fluttershy watching in growing concern as they both grew visibly more frustrated, their tempers quickly reaching the boiling point when Uris suddenly grabbed Dash by the back of her mane and threw her off. “YOU WANNA SEE WHAT I GOT HERE!?” He screamed, tearing the jacket’s buttons to rip it open, “I’VE GOT THIS!”

Without even looking he turned, whipped the pistol out of his jacket, and fired straight up into the air. The shot boomed off into the wilderness, slicing through the peaceful day like a katana covered in acid through a plate of Jell-O. Everything: the birds, the squirrels chittering at each other, even Rainbow Dash, fell silent.

Then a bird fell out of the sky and landed by Uris’ feet, a massive hole in its chest.

“OHMYGOSH!” Fluttershy gasped, rushing to the little avian’s side and beginning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, which only resulted in a small burst of blood and feathers whistling into the air every few moments. It was both the most hilarious and the most tragic thing Uris had seen in his short career with the armed forces.

“So that’s what that does, huh?” Rainbow Dash asked from beside him in a surprisingly small voice. Uris just nodded, slowly holstering the weapon. She sighed, “Oh man, we’re in it now.”

“Why? What’s gonna happen?”

“Do you have any idea how much that girl loves animals?”

Before he could reply, Fluttershy looked up at them, tears streaming down her little yellow cheeks. “He’s…” she sniffled, wiping at her nose with her hoof, “He’s…dead.”

Rainbow Dash looked up at him expectedly, waiting for him to do something. “Whaddya want from me!?” He said, “It’s not like I can bring the dead back or anything!”

“No, just make them.” Fluttershy whimpered, wiping at her nose again as her lower lip trembled ever so delicately.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” he sighed, “I mean; just what do you expect me to do here? Hold a funeral?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uris tilted his head back. The dot in the middle of the green light was now about the size of a dime; he could almost see a sort of circular motion he thought might be rotors. But that was okay: he still had time. He could still make it through this in one piece. It would be hours before that thing would land, and by then he could be long gone and back safe and sound in camp. So he returned to what he was doing. “Uh…life…and death…” he stammered, supporting himself on the wooden plank with the words “some damn bird” scrawled on it (he’d made it himself) that they were using as a makeshift gravestone. Oh, this was so ridiculous. Here he was, cut off from the rest of his platoon, possibly suffering from a mild concussion, and about to wind up in the middle of a massive aerial assault on a group of utterly defenseless ponies, and he was giving the eulogy at a bird’s funeral!?

Whatever, just had to get this over with. Where was he? Oh, right. “Life…and death!” He said somewhat more confidently.

“You just said that.” Rainbow Dash remarked, leaning casually against the gravestone.

Fluttershy shooed her away from the grave and motioned for Uris to continue. “Alright, life and death…are…two…things.”

“Spoken like a true playwright.” Dash snickered.

Silencing her with a glare, Fluttershy stared intently at Uris. Sighing, he scanned the other ponies, mostly just hanging around the grave staring awkwardly at him (except for Pinkie Pie, who had somehow appeared in a black funeral veil with an embroidered handkerchief). Trying to steady his nerves, Uris tried: “They are…two…things…which are very…important.”

“Oh for Celestia’s sake!” Rarity sighed, nudging Uris out of the way, “I’m sorry, dearie, but this obviously calls for someone with a bit more eloquence.” Clearing her throat, she suddenly threw herself atop the freshly-dug grave and sobbed, her whole body spasming from the sheer force of her cries: “WHA-HI-HI-HHYYYYYYYY!? HE WAS SO YOUNG! SO MUCH AHEAD OF HIM! WHY, WORLD!? WHYYYYYY!?”

Brushing herself off, she stood up again and bowed. “There, you see? That is how you grieve for a lost one.”

Everyone else stared at her for a second before Rainbow Dash sighed. “Okay all, moving along.”

“He was…cute?” Fluttershy shrugged.

“That he was.” Uris added, trying to be helpful.

“I…think that is sufficient for the loss of a bird,” Twilight said. “Okay everyone, back to Fluttershy’s cabin for some dinner before it gets cold.”

“Ooh! And then we can throw a funeral party!” Pinkie said, tearing off her veil with a sudden burst of confetti and bounding off in the direction of Fluttershy’s cabin.

“Pinkie, no! A funeral is supposed to be a solemn affair, dedicated to the remembrance of those we have lost!” Twilight yelled after her as she gave chase.

“And what better way to remember someone than with a huge part-ay!?”

“No, what? Pinkie! PINKIIIIEEEEEEEEEE…”

“Well,” Applejack sighed, finally looking up from the blade of grass she had been studying intently throughout the funeral, “Ah better check on dinner, make sure those two don’t mess it all up.”

“I’ll join you.” Rainbow Dash said, swooping by her.

“Oh, NOW y’all wanna help with dinner?”

“Hey! I can be handy in a kitchen.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it, Rainbow…”

Fluttershy and Uris watched the two friends set off arguing, leaving them alone by the grave. With the sun setting over the hills behind them, casting a deep red glow over the landscape, Uris figured now might be a good time to try and patch a few things up. “Look, I really am sorry about what happened to the bird. I got a bit carried away when I really shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay,” Fluttershy said, “Really. Dash can get under anyone’s skin.”

“Yeah, I can see how.”

“She’s just trying to protect what she loves, that’s all.”

“You know what; I think I can respect that.”

“That’s good.”

He was fumbling around in his mind, trying to come up with something new to say, when he caught a glance of her in the fading light. The deep red of the sunset caught her mane in just the right way, making the most beautiful shade of pink he’d ever seen in his life, practically glowing in sharp contrast to her yellow body. Her wings spread out behind her as she prepared to take off after her friends, and immediately the hue of light around her made her look like…

“…an angel.” He muttered.

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked.

“Nothing! Nothing at all! Let’s just…go see what’s for dinner, huh? It’s been quite a day.”

“Oh yes, I’m actually famished right now.” She said, hovering just beside him as they slowly walked along to rejoin the rest of the ponies gathered near her home. Still, he was so transfixed by her sudden beauty (and whether this meant he was a zoophile or not) and everyone else so distracted by their own issues that nobody even noticed when Pinkie cut off mid-sentence.

“And we’ll have cake and ice cream and…” she paused, a massive shiver travelling up from her hooves and into her body, shaking her shoulders and wracking her mane. Curious, she scanned around. This was nothing like the other shakes her Pinkie-sense had given her. It felt serious, yes, but she couldn’t quite understand the danger. But with everyone so busy and all trying to talk at the same time, she guessed she might as well just dismiss it as a random tremble.

So much could have been averted if she hadn’t. If she had brought it up, Uris might have overheard the ponies all talking about her sudden spike of Pinkie-sense. Once he learned it was a sort of early-warning system for danger, he might have whirled around and noticed one of three things.

The first would be the little dots appearing all around the main dot in the middle of the green light in textbook skydiving formation.

The second would be the parachutes opening up in the skies over someplace far in the distance, then maybe, just maybe, if he’d listened very closely, he might have noticed the sound of gunfire and the explosions of mortar impacts rumbling off in their direction.

And third and most importantly, he might have spotted the man dressed all in gray with camouflage netting draped over his shoulders, spying on them through a pair of binoculars from just inside the brush at the edge of the Everfree forest.

With a grimace, the man in the camouflage disappeared into the bush and motioned to another man nearby, standing over a large wooden box with a headset plugged into it. Pressing the set’s mouthpiece to his lips, he whispered in a strange and guttural language, “{Fritzstaff One here, natives encountered with one apparent hostile. Apparently U.S Armed Forces.}”

“{Roger that, Fritzstaff One, you are clear to engage.}” A voice replied. The first man promptly returned the set to its place on the box and motioned for the second to hide it deep in the bush. He then made one, simple hand gesture to the rest of the men with him and, without a sound, they spread out through the bush in a perfect assault formation.

Author's Notes:

For future reference, dialogue in brackets: { } Is spoken in a non-English language.