"I'm not quite sure what to make of this," the man in the white coat said.

"It’s just a message to the The-Ones-Who-Observe-From-Beyond-The-Wall. It's not meant for you, Doc," the man in the straight-jacket replied.

"No, John, I can see that. What doesn't make sense is where you got the materials to write this, or how you wrote with your jacket on, or how you wrote in blue pen with a green crayon," the doctor explained.

The madman grinned and shrugged his bound shoulders. "Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?" John paused, blinked, and then frowned. "And now I'm quoting myself. That's not chaotic at all."

John reached out a hand and snatched the papers out of the doctor's hand. He then grabbed a magnet and hung the letter on a refrigerator.

The doctor blinked. "How did you get out of your bindings? And where did that refrigerator come from?"

John feigned confusion. "Whatever are you talking about?" He wiggled his body, emphasizing that he was still bound in the strait jacket. The refrigerator and letter had vanished from the padded room, as if they had never been.

"I need a drink... and a turn on my own couch," the doctor muttered darkly. He turned and left the room, locked the padded cell door, and double checked that it was indeed locked.

From inside, John called out, "Ta Ta, doc!"

On his tablet, the doctor noted, 'John Q. Drocsid displays ability to inflict his hallucinations on others... I am requesting a medical leave of absence for myself and that a new doctor be assigned to his case.'

Back in the cell, John turned and looked at the padded wall and said, "Fools. You didn't stop. If you don't stop soon, I'll be forced to act. I don't want to die."

I had spent the last twenty minutes getting cleaned up with all three of my bodies, Alpha, Beta, and Ψ. My alpha was busy brushing his teeth while Beta shined the chitin on his head. It was imperative to make a good impression, and it would not do to look slovenly.

Ψ, on the other hand, checked his twin handguns, making sure that both were loaded and that the safety was on. Satisfied, the drone stuck the barrel of each gun through the largest hole in each arm – the grip on one side of his arm and the muzzle protruding out the other – and pulled down the sleeves of his dress shirt and black, silk-lined jacket. Weapons concealed, Ψ slipped on a pair of pristine white gloves, completing the stereotypical butler look.

Selene, dressed in a simple pink dress, skipped into my bedroom while making an obvious effort to keep as far away from Ψ as she could and to not make eye-contact with the drone. Beyond a vague, muttered response, I could never get an explanation on why the extremely extroverted girl so avidly avoided the mute, or for the minor paranoia she experienced in his presence.

Selene tugged on my Alpha’s jacket. She looked up at me and said, “Daddy, Luna told me to tell you that the portal was going to open in the main hallway and that a guard will take you into the throne room. Oh, and the meeting starts in twenty minutes.”

I frowned a little at that. If the portal opened in the hall, then I would not be able to observe directly and, by extension, not be observed; therefore, getting this body dressed was a slight waste of time. Shoving the petty thought aside, I headed into the main room of the apartment.

Inside the room stood six changelings, Nick among them. They were, after the Cloudsdale Archive Capture Team, the third group of spies I will have sent to Equestria. The catch was that this was a long-term deep-cover operation, with the possibility of establishing a colony there. That way, I could have my own spies without relying on Chrysalis.

I put my hand on Nick's shoulder and asked, "are you sure that you want to do this? It'll be really hard and I'll miss you, my friend." Then, smiling, I added, "And you won’t have any of your video games."

"Video games are fun," he told me, "but neither playing or making them are real adventures. Yeah, I'm gonna do this."

"Keep in touch?"

He tapped his head. "Always, man."

As Beta came into the room a second later, he scooped up the box full of the peace offerings and brought it over to Alpha. Ψ joined us a second later; it was looking at him that reminded me of something, 'Astral Projection, of course.' I face-palmed at the now obvious solution.

Then I chuckled. It was strange; I had never thought that I would be visiting an alien world, let alone with my mind, body, and soul as three separate entities. Or that my best friend would be leading a spy-colonist team on said world.

"Ready, team?" Nick asked the other five changelings.

In unison, they replied, "Ready!" Together, leader and team shrunk down to the size of beetles and crawled onto Beta's clawed feet. One minor Notice-Me-Not later and they were completely hidden.

I told Selene that we were ready. She opened the portal – positioned so that anybody who looked through would see out the window into Atlantic Station – and Beta and Ψ stepped through.

When Princess Luna had told him that he was going to be escorting dignitaries from another nation, Lieutenant Strong Shield had pictured Saddle Arabians. When she had told him that they were enemies that were wishing to make peace, he was unsure of what to think. When he was told that they would be coming through a portal from another world, his mind nearly broke trying to picture what these creatures would look like. Would they be monstrous? Beautiful? Incomprehensible? He did not know.

Strong Shield never expected them to be so bucking tall. Even the creepy wingless one, who was the shortest of the three standing across the gap, stood a head taller than Princess Luna. The one behind him, holding a large box, stood even taller. Strong Shield had to take a step back; his helmet would not let him turn his head up enough to look at the face of the tallest one, who towered over its companions like Princess Celestia did over ponies.

But despite his shock, the stoic mask that was his face did not crack. It also did not crack when the tallest chuckled at him in its deep, inharmonic voice. "Excellent poker face, Sir Day Guard," it said. Strong Shield had no idea what poker was, but he assumed – hoped – that it was a compliment. "Ha," as if reading his mind, it said, "yes, that was a compliment." Suddenly, it clicked in the guard's mind why these creatures were so familiar; they looked like changelings. "Hey, no need to get so hostile," the thing said.

A nearby maid, who could not see through the portal from her angle, was confused. How had the voice read that guard? The Guards faces never changed.

The shorter two of the well-dressed creatures stepped through the portal, which closed behind them. "I assume that you are our escort?" The winged one asked.

"Yes, Sir. Although, I was only told to expect one," Strong replied.

"This is Ψ, my servant and personal guard. Will it be a problem that I brought him?" He asked.

"No, Sir. Diplomats are allowed both. Follow me." Strong Shield turned and walked down the hall. "May I have your name so that I may introduce you to the court?"

"Beta Rex."

"Introducing Beta Rex, Emissary of the Earth Hive," my escort announced as he lead us into the throne room. The very crowded throne room. Dozens of eyes focused on my two puppet bodies; feelings of fear and disgust welled up in many ponies. Individually, those feelings would not be an issue, but with so many ponies collectively directing their negative emotions at the two versions of me, it physically hurt.

Ψ coughed into his hand. When he pulled away, a few drops of blood dotted his gloved fingers. The six changelings on my Ψ's feet bailed, anxious to escape the noxious environment.

My Beta smiled a toothy grin, in spite of the pain, and mentally apologized to Taruke, the true owner of Beta. Together, my two bodies walked to the other end of the room where Twilight Sparkle, a small purple dragon, and the three Princesses stood. I bowed before them. "Good – *cough* – morning, your majesties, miss Twilight – *cough* – Sparkle." My Beta began to warm up as his magic started to heal him; Ψ had no such benefit.

"And a good morning to you to," Princess Celestia returned smoothly. "Though, I cannot fathom why your King would send a sick ambassador and..."

"His personal guard and servant, Ψ," I supplied for her unspoken question. "I assure you, we were perfectly health minuets ago. I just was not expecting such a large crowd... "

"What does the crowd have to do with anything?" Twilight asked. "They are just here to see this; it's quite historic."

"Why are bitter substances often toxic?" I countered.

Perplexed – and mildly excited to have an opportunity to share knowledge – Twilight replied, "Toxic substances are bitter because our bodies evolved to dislike things that could hurt it. Ponies will spit out bitter things before it hurts them."

I smiled gravely. "Fear and disgust are *cough,*” more blood, “such bitter emotions." I saw realization dawn on Twilight's face, followed shortly by the Princesses. "But that isn't a problem. What is the pain of acute organ failure in the face of making friends?"

As if saying 'I beg to differ,' Ψ violently hacked up a glob of bloody mucus. "Oh yeah, no magic," Beta said, realizing that the toxic emotions of the crowd could not be countered by magic in the drone's body. "Ψ, guns. *cough* You're going home."

Both changeling and drone yanked up their sleeves. I snatched the guns with my magic and set them in Beta's holes, yanked Ψ home with a ranged teleport, and readjusted Beta's sleeves. "Can we move *cough cough* this elsewhere, please?" I said, swaying slightly. My voice quivered in pain. "I'm sure that the king is all for peace, but not if you *cough* are all going to poison two of his subjects with all of this negative emotion." The pain in Beta's body continued to grow, the degeneration exceeding the rate at which I could heal it.

I looked out the stain glass window. Princess Celestia, understanding my message, said, “Yes, let’s move this outside.” The moment the words left her lips, I had already snatched up the box that was holding the peace offerings and was making a beeline for the window. With a twist of my magic and a ring of green fire, I passed Beta’s body through the glass as if it was not even there.

“Princess, what just happened?” Spike asked.

“I’ll explain in a minute, Spike,” the Solar Princess said while pulling her magic up to her horn. “For now, let’s go make sure that our guest is still alive.” With a flash, the four ponies and one dragon vanished into thin air, leaving a very confused crowd behind.

I hissed in pain as I set myself down at the edge of the garden maze. My hands shook, my breathing was labored. I channeled magic over the link, trying to repair the borrowed body as fast as I could. A moment later, the Princesses teleported in with a burst of golden light. Princess Celestia walked up and asked me, “Beta Rex, are you alright?”

I coughed one last time. A few specks of blood landed on her face, marring her pristine coat. “You’re damn lucky, Celestia.”

“Hey! Don’t speak to the Princess that way!” Twilight shouted. I ignored her.

“Had I been here for any other reason, had I not been the one offering peace, had my nation the resources, we would declare war for that stunt.” I crossed my arms, spread my wings, and straightened up my posture. I would have given them the finger, but it would have been a meaningless gesture.

“Can someone please explain what is going on here?” The little dragon asked.

“I was under the impression that you ponies were an accepting, loving bunch,” I declared. “Let me tell you what Chrysalis once told me, and I quote, ‘Equestria has more love than any place I've ever encountered.’ So why, exactly, was I expected to apologize in front of a crowd of fearful, disgusted ponies like that?”

"I'm sorry," Luna spoke, "that would be my fault. I honestly did not know that would happen when I suggested letting other ponies watch."

"Damnit, you're not lying." I massaged my temples and collapsed down into the grass. Behind them, the astral projection of my Alpha silently faded into existence. "It shows how little you know of pony psychology. This should have been a private affair."

The royal sisters looked at one another, sharing a private look that was indecipherable. Cadance, speaking for the first time, asked, "You're going to tell your King, aren't you?"

"He already knows," my projection said from behind them, making them all jump. The blurred illusion stood towering over all. "Beta Rex is not his real name, you know."

"Alvarium Rex, how are you here?" Celestia asked, "and how long have you been here?"

"Astral projection." I replied. "What do you know of the hive mind?"

"Next to nothing," Twilight commented.

"The let me tell you something. I. See. Everything!" I hissed loudly at them. "Every sight, sound, and smell my changelings experience... Every last ache and pain."

Cadance looked aghast. "You felt that?"

"We did," both physical body and projection said. I paused, breathing regulated in an attempt to calm sown and suppress the shakes in my bodies. Continuing with just the projection, I sighed, "But... I'm going to be the mature one here; I forgive you."

"Thank you, Alvarium Rex," Luna said. With those words, the tension between us melted away.

Smiling, I said, "Now... Business!" I bowed down low. "As King of the Earth Changelings, I offer Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Lady Twilight Sparkle, Student of Princess Celestia, my fullest and most sincere apologies on behalf of my actions. As payment, I present to you the full value of gemstones that I was paid to house you." Beta pulled a pair of smaller boxes out of the larger box that I had brought. He handed each to their respective owner, who took it and opened it with their magic.

Spike drooled when he looked inside; there were dozens of emeralds a piece. Then he noticed something. "That's it?" Spike asked, sounding offended. "You kidnapped Twilight and Princess Cadance for that? Rarity and I could find that many gems in five minuets!"

"Little dragon, I don't know how much you know about economics. Have you heard the expression 'one man's trash is another's treasure?' Earth is a resource-starved world in comparison to Equa while simultaneously needing to support a much larger population; there are over sixty humans to every pony, griffin, minotaur, and changeling... Combined."

During my lecture, the dragon reached over and grabbed one of the gems from Twilight's pile. He quickly popped it in his mouth and swallowed; I made a mental note to never let a dragon near my treasure. As my Beta watched the dragon, my Alpha's illusion continued speaking without having paused. "When you add the high demand for gems with the low supply, let alone of the quality of Equa's gemstones, those stones are incredibly valuable to us. Those gems – if my math is right – would add up to almost four million dollars, or two million bits – for each of you."

Their jaws dropped. It must seem odd to them to finally have a price tag on their heads, to know how badly someone wanted them gone. But I was not done yet. I reached into the box and pulled out a notebook full of laminated papers. Passing it to the sole unicorn in the group, I said, "Twilight, this is for you. This is what my people do best: information. That is a spell of my own invention. I call it the World-Capture spell. Cast it and you will create a mental construct of the world around you, including all the books within that area, which you can reread at your leisure."

"Oh, wow, that's amazing!" Twilight said. Before anyone could say anything else, the mare was already flipping through the pages. I chuckled slightly.

Turning to Cadance, I admitted, "Princess Cadance... I really was not that sure what to give you. I don't know much about you beyond that you are the Alicorn of love. So I got you two gifts. The first is a set of perfumes." I levitated them out of the box and to her. "They're pleasant to the human and changeling nose. I don't know about pony, though."

She uncapped the first bottle and gave it a spritz. "That smells wonderful. Thank you."

I sighed. "That's good. Now, the other thing I got you is a copy of an ancient human text regarding love." This caused her to perk up immediately. "It's a bit of a fun read; I certainly liked it. Very useful, I might add. The thing is, I don't know whether you are the type to find it really funny, or to get really offended."

"What do you mean?"

I handed her the book with a uniform red cover and four-word title. "The Illustrated Kama Sutra. replace humans with ponies and you might find it... Enlightening. Don't read it here or now!" I added hastily when she started to open the book.

While turning my illusion to Celestia and Luna, Beta pulled out my last gift, though it was not the last thing in the box. To the larger alicorns, I said “I have one last small gift, for the nation… and a slight confession. This,” I gestured to the object, “Is a laptop computer and – since you lack the infrastructure for it - a hand-crank generator to power it, both common objects in my world. The laptop is capable of storing and processing mind-boggling amounts of data. Data including… the entire Canterlot Archives. It’s completely searchable, organized, capable of being cross-referenced, and annotated by us.”

As my Alpha illusion explained the computer to the princesses, Beta leaned over. In Twilight’s ear, he whispered, “If you get a chance to use the laptop, look for books by Celestia labeled ‘Black Archives.’ You might just discover some very… interesting things about your mentor. I suggest books from 200-350 A.L.B.” Twilight nodded, eager to read her mentor’s books.

“What do you mean?” Celestia asked, bemused at my explanation. “How could you have the Canterlot Archives in that little box?”

“The science would go right over your head… and I realize now that I’m going to have to show you how to use the thing.”

“That is impressive…” Celestia commented, “but not quite what I meant. How do you have the Canterlot Archives on it?” In response, I pointed at the notebook that Twilight was still holding. “Oh…”

“Mmm, yeah, about that... This isn’t the first time a changeling of mine has been in this world,” I sheepishly admitted. “Twilight was actually there when my own daughter cast the spell. She was a little white unicorn filly at the time, I think.”

“Oh,” Twilight exclaimed, “I remember that! That was just before the… wedding…” Twilight blinked. Confusion grew on her face. “Why did you imprison me in the first place? I’m just a normal unicorn.”

“I’m sorry, did you really just ask that?” I asked, just a little shocked. “Here’s my advice. There’s a list the humans have called the Thirty-Six Stratagems; it’s a list for war. Of these, two are really important here. Number two: Besiege Wei to rescue Zhao – attack the enemy’s weak point. And number twenty-five: Replace the Beams with Rotten Timbers – disrupt the enemy’s methods. Twilight… what would happen to Equestria if I, say, murdered you right now? Hypothetically, of course.”

“How could you say such a thing?” Cadance screamed, hysterical at the thought.

“Now now, I’m not saying I would, but I could… Have you ever teleported half of something? A paper thin sliver from in the middle of something? It takes one fourth of a second for me to teleport something. You’d be dead before you could blink, not that I’d do that to you, of course.” I looked her in the eye. “But what if I did?”

Twilight looked like she was going to vomit. The Princesses were not much better themselves. Spike was shaking in rage and fear. It was not as hard on me as the dozens of ponies in the throne room, but it still hurt.

“What if, as I stood over your bleeding corpse, I ordered an invasion… or opened the gates of Tartarus… or – heaven forbid – released Discord? What would happen to Equestria without its bearer of Magic? Princess Celestia… Princess Luna… Princess Mi… Amore… Ca-den-za…” I said, enunciating each syllable carefully. “I ask, what if?”

“You wouldn’t dare do such a thing,” Luna growled. Cadance looked sick, Celestia had the slightest of frowns bleeding though her queenly mask, and Twilight and Spike were in tears and holding one another.

“Of course not. I’m here for peace,” I replied with a shrug. “But, I also don’t want innocents slaughtered because of a stupid weakness of yours.”

“That is rather considerate of you,” Celestia commented. “However, you did not have to be so blunt with your words.”

I shrugged again. “Sharp words carve illusions; blunt words make people see the truth. And when all you need is a hammer… But enough depressing talk,” I added, lightening the mood. “May we go inside and talk about how we’re not going to kill each other? Oh, I almost forgot.” I reached into the box one last time and pulled out a set of hoof-written spell books. “How much do I owe you for three years of late fees?”

Author's Notes:

*Ding* Have a chapter! Let me tell you something... Discord won't be a major player for a while. He's also not a gatekeeper, but something different. He exists in many universe at once, so John Q. Drocsid is Discord.

And that last chapter... I was feeling artsy. That's it, really...

And to those who keep asking about The Stanley Parable: Yes.

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So, as you may have seen, I got a TvTropes page! I'm happy now. It's like Claudia in Warehouse 13 who wants her own Wikipedia page... I feel complete.

And, as a bonus to all you tropers out there, I included three very specific tropes this chapter:
-A Red Herring
-A Checkhov's Gun
-and A Brick Joke!

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I'm at 391 likes right now. I hope I can make it to 400 without getting any more dislikes.

I'm also at 409 favorites. I'm pleased that so many of you are willing to read what I create, and I don't plan to stop writing any time soon.

Please stop! I don't want to be eaten!

SHUT UP, DISCORD! MY FIC! SCRAM! (Discord is picked up by an invisible hand and kicked by an invisible boot. He flies of into the distance, screaming...)

NOOOOOOOOoooooooo....

Hehehehehe... *Evil Grin* Who wants more chappies?