There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and Cheese Sandwich and the Pink Hatter were having tea at it. A toothless alligator was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were resting their elbows on it as if it were a cushion, and talking over its head.

"Must be very uncomfortable for all of them," Sweetie Belle thought. "Especially the alligator. But he is asleep, so I guess he doesn't mind."

The table was large, indeed, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it.

"Have you any more food down there, Gummy?" the Pink Hatter asked. "Any spoilt sandwiches or cupcakes? I love cupcakes, don't you?" she asked Cheese Sandwich. "Aha-ha-ha-ha!"

"I'm sure he's hoarding them," Cheese Sandwich replied.

"Oh, haw-haw-haw!" the Pink Hatter laughed.

"I'm lost. Could I get-" Sweetie Belle began.

"No room!" Cheese Sandwich cried out when he saw Sweetie Belle approach the table.

"There is no room!" the Pink Hatter added.

"There's plenty of room!" Sweetie Belle said, almost indignantly as she sat down in a large arm-char across from them.

"Why didn't you report this sooner, Pinkie?" Cheese Sandwich asked his compatriot.

"I overslept," the Pink Hatter replied.

"Why're you here?" Cheese Sandwich asked Sweetie Belle.

"Well, I've been looking for the pretty garden all day and now I'm lost, I'm tired and I'm hungry,"

"Oh, that's different," the Pink Hatter said.

"We've been eating for hours," Cheese Sandwich added.

"And we're not finished yet!" the Pink Hatter exclaimed.

"Waiter, waiter, there's a hair in my soup!" Cheese called out.

"Is it blonde?" the Hatter asked. "We're missing a waitress!"

"Have some cider," Cheese Sandwich told Sweetie Belle in an encouraging tone.

Sweetie Belle looked all around the table, but there was nothing on it but tea, pies and cakes.

"I don't see any cider," she replied.

"There isn't any, and you're too young," Cheese Sandwich said.

"Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it," Sweetie Belle said angrily.

"It wasn't very nice of you to sit down without being invited," Cheese Sandwich replied. "This is a private soirée."

"I'll say it wasn't nice!" added the Pink Hatter. "It was very, very not nice!"

"Well, I suppose I shouldn't've just barged in," said Sweetie Belle. "I didn't know it was your table. True, I wasn't invited but the table looks like it was laid out for a great many more people."

"My response to that is both profound and meaningful," said the Pink Hatter. "Get your hair cut!"

"You shouldn't make personal remarks, it's very rude," Sweetie Belle said with some severity.

The Pink Hatter opened her eyes very wide upon hearing this.

"I didn't know that. Personal remarks are rude?"

"Mm-hmm,"

"Egad, you learn something new every day! Make a note of that, Cheesy! It might come in useful. Now, I have one for you... Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Oh, we're going to have some fun now!" Cheese Sandwich thought.

"Why is a raven...?" he began.

"I'm not talking to you!" said the Hatter.

"Why not? Aren't I good enough?"

"You've heard it before,"

"But you were looking at me when you asked the question, 'Why is a raven...?'"

"I'm asking her!" the Hatter yelled, pointing at Sweetie Belle.

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" she pondered the question. "You know, I'm pretty sure I can guess that."

"You mean you think you know the answer?" Cheese Sandwich asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"Then you should say what you mean," Cheese Sandwich went on.

"Well, I do," Sweetie Belle hastily replied. "At least, I mean what I say. That is the same thing."

"It's not the same thing at all!" the Pink Hatter exclaimed. "You just might as well say, 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'."

"You might as well say, 'I like what I get' as 'I get what I like'!" Cheese Sandwich added.

"Or you might as well say," added the toothless alligator, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same as 'I sleep when I breathe'."

"Well, it is the same thing with you," said the Hatter.

And here their conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a moment, while Sweetie Belle thought over what could be the answer to the riddle about the raven and the writing desk.

"Clean cups!" the Pink Hatter shouted, breaking the silence.

She and Cheese Sandwich grabbed the alligator and they ran to the far end of the table.

"Time marches on its stomach! Ah-ha-ha-ha!" the Hatter laughed.

"It's an army that marches on its stomach," Sweetie Belle said.

"Odd sort of army, marching on its stomach," Cheese Sandwich commented as he poured himself another cup of tea. "I don't like the idea. Yuck!"

The Pink Hatter took her pocket watch out of her coat and looked at it uneasily.

"What day of the month is it?" she asked Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle considered a little, and then said, "The fourth."

"Ah-ha! Two days wrong!" exclaimed the Hatter. "I told you not to use butter!" she added, looking angrily at Cheese Sandwich.

"It was the best butter," Cheese Sandwich said meekly.

"Danish," the alligator, Gummy, said.

"Yes, but some crumbs must have got into it as well," the Hatter grumbled. "I thought I was very specific when I said, 'don't put butter in the works with the bread knife.'"

"I couldn't put it in with a fork, could I? Here, let me see,"

"I don't want to give it to you – but I will,"

Cheese Sandwich took the watch, held it to his ear, and shook it a little. Then he proceeded to bang it on the table, earning a shriek from the Hatter, before dipping it into his cup of tea.

He looked at it gloomily again and couldn't think of anything better to say than his first remark.

"I don't understand. It was the best butter."

"Danish," Gummy repeated.

Cheese Sandwich tossed the watch to Sweetie Belle, who looked at it with some curiosity.

"That's a funny watch," she remarked. "It tells the day of the month, but not the time."

"Why should it?" muttered the Hatter. "Does your watch tell you what year it is?"

"No, because it stays a year for so long,"

"Oh, well, then I rest my case,"

"Where?" Cheese Sandwich asked.

"There!" the Hatter said, pointing to a pile of eight suitcases on the path. Then she broke out in laughter.

"I know when I'm beaten," Cheese said.

"Oh, look," said Sweetie Belle. "The alligator is asleep again."

"It tells you a lot about your conversation," said the Hatter.

The Hatter's insulting remark seemed to Sweetie Belle to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.

"Sparkle, sparkle!" the Hatter shouted.

The alligator shook its head impatiently and said, "Of course, of course. I was just going to say that myself. I'm-I'm asleep again..."

"Have you guessed the riddle about the raven yet?" the Hatter asked.

"No, I give up," Sweetie Belle replied. "What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter.

"Nor I," Cheese Sandwich added.

"I think you should all do something better with the time than wasting it on asking stupid riddles," Sweetie Belle said.

"If you knew Time the way I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting 'it,'" the Hatter said. "Time is a 'him.'"

"'It' isn't polite," Cheese added.

"I don't know what you mean," Sweetie Belle said as politely as she could.

"Of course, you don't!" the Pink Hatter said, tossing her head contemptuously. "Because you've never spoken to Time, have you?"

"No," Sweetie Belle replied. "But I know I have to beat time when I learn music."

"Well, that would explain it," said the Hatter. "He won't stand beating! Now, if you kept on good terms with Time, he would do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, if it were nine o'clock in the morning, you'd only have to whisper to Time, and he could speed up the clock until... noon, time for lunch! And even if you weren't hungry, you could keep it at noon as long as you liked."

"Is that the way you manage?" Sweetie Belle asked.

The Pink Hatter shook her head mournfully and replied, "No. We used to be very good friends. But we quarreled last March – just before he went mad!" she said, pointing at Cheese Sandwich.

"Flatterer!" he replied.

"It was at the great concert given by the Queen of the Changelings," the Pink Hatter said as she stood up on the table.

"Stop her before she starts singing!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed. "Too late."

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, how terribly sweet of you!" the Hatter said. "Now, for a little encore, I'd like to do a song entitled, 'Auntie's Wooden Leg.' Maestro," she said at Cheese Sandwich. "If you please."

Cheese Sandwich picked up his accordion, joined the Hatter on the table, and started playing while the Hatter sang and danced.

Auntie's wooden leg!

Auntie's wooden leg!

We'll paint it red,

And called Fred or Ned.

"Or Te-e-ed!" Cheese Sandwich added.

"Oh, Auntie's wooden leg!" the Hatter continued to sing.

"Auntie's wooden leg!" Gummy joined in.

Everybody said,

It was well and truly dead!

Oh, Auntie's wooden leg!

"I say, I say, I say!" Cheese exclaimed.

"How dare you interrupt my song with, 'I say, I say, I say!'" the Hatter shouted.

"I say, I say, I say," Cheese sang, "In this world it's not what you know, but who you know."

"I don't know either one of them," the Hatter said.

"Kindly leave the stage by the red door," Cheese told her. "There's a 50-foot drop on the other side!"

"But we're still friends!" she replied.

Gummy groaned and went back to sleep again.

The Pink Hatter tried to start the second verse of the song, but Cheese shouted, "That's enough of that or she'll walk out!"

"That's what the audience did at the concert," the Hatter replied.

"Try another song!" Cheese whispered.

"We're desperate men," the Hatter told Sweetie Belle. "Or, at least one of us is."

Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly,

Like a tea-tray in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little twinkle,

You don't speak, but you do twinkle.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, little bee,

Twinkle, Twinkle,

I'm so glad it isn't meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The Hatter held the last word a full 20 seconds before she finally ran out of breath and plopped down into her chair.

Gummy the alligator shook himself and began singing in his sleep.

"Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twink... le..."

"Anyway," said the Hatter, "I hadn't even finished the second verse when the Queen bawled out, 'She's murdering the tune! Off with her head!'"

"How terrible for you," Sweetie Belle replied.

"You're very understanding for such a young woman," Cheese Sandwich told her.

"And, if you'll pardon the expression," the Hatter went on, "Time took offense to our performance."

"Your performance," Cheese Sandwich corrected her.

"And ever since then, he won't do a think we ask! He stopped time!"

An idea came into Sweetie Belle's head.

"Could he stop time for me?" she asked. "I have to sing a song."

"Wonderful!" the Hatter squealed in delight. "We're all performers here!"

"The roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd...'" Cheese said. "Nothing like it."

"But I don't want to," she told them.

The Hatter and Cheese Sandwich gasped.

"Don't want to perform?" Cheese asked. "It's unnatural!"

"No, no, no, no, no," the Hatter whispered. "Stage fright. I remember my first performance. I shook so much my hair became a permanent poof!"

"But if Time stopped time for you, he could stop time for me. Couldn't he?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"But he stopped time at six o'clock," the Hatter tried to explain. "So, it's always six o'clock now."

"Is that why there are so many tea-things out here?" she asked.

"Yes, that's it," the Hatter said. "It's always tea-time here. And we've no time to wash the things between whiles."

"Then you keep moving around the table?" she asked.

"Exactly so," said the Hatter. "As the things get used up."

"But what happens when you come to the beginning again?" Sweetie Belle ventured to ask.

"I propose we change the subject," Cheese Sandwich interrupted. "I vote the young lady tell us a story."

"I don't know any," said Sweetie Belle, rather alarmed at the proposal.

"Then Gummy will," Cheese said.

"Wake up, Gummy!" the Hatter cried.

They both reached into their pockets and pulled out two alarm clocks each. They held them on both sides of Gummy's head (around where his ears would be) and they started ringing.

The alligator opened its eyes.

"I wasn't asleep," it said in a feeble tone. "Oh, no. I heard every word you said."

"Tell us a story!" Cheese Sandwich pleaded.

"Please do," Sweetie Belle said.

"And do be quick about it, or you'll be asleep again before you've finished it," added the Hatter.

"Once upon a time there were three sisters," Gummy began in a great hurry, "Maud, Limestone, and Marble, and they lived at the bottom of a well."

"What did they live on?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"What did they live on?" Gummy repeated. "Treacle."

"But it would have made them ill," Sweetie Belle remarked gently.

"It did," said Gummy. "It made them very ill."

"Have some more tea," the Pink Hatter said earnestly.

"More tea!" Cheese Sandwich chanted. "More tea!"

"I've had nothing yet," Sweetie Belle replied, "so I can't take more."

"You mean, you can't take less," said the Hatter. "It's very easy to have more than nothing. Especially if you're poor."

"I'd still like to know why they lived at the bottom of the well," Sweetie Belle said to Gummy.

"It was a treacle-well," the alligator replied.

"There's no such thing!" Sweetie Bell said.

"Disgraceful!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed. "You'll hear from my solicitor in the morning!"

"We'll send a letter to the Times!" the Hatter added.

"If you can't be civil, you can finish the story yourself," Gummy remarked.

"No, no, I'm sorry!" Sweetie Belle said humbly. "I won't interrupt you again. I'm sure there's at least one treacle-well."

"Now, where was I?" Gummy asked. "Oh, yes. So, these three sisters were learning to draw."

"Draw what?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Treacle," Gummy said.

"Hole in one!" Cheese Sandwich exclaimed.

"I want another clean cup," the Pink Hatter interrupted. "Everyone... MOVE!"

This time, she ran to the center of the table. Gummy and Cheese Sandwich followed her and Sweetie Belle unwillingly joined them.

Sweetie Belle didn't want to offend Gummy again, so she began very cautiously, "What I don't understand is, how they could draw treacle?"

"You can draw water out of a water-well, can't you?" asked the Hatter.

"Good one, Pinkie!" Cheese shouted. "Good one!"

Then he and Pinkie started smashing their cups and plates.

"I don't think I like this party as much as I thought I would," Sweetie Belle said.

"If you don't think, then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter. "Just hum. And just because we know you socially, Sweetie Belle, it doesn't mean that we're going to introduce you to our friends."

"We haven't got any," Cheese added.

"But if we had!" Pinkie went on.

"Ah, if we had!"

"I'm not staying here listening to you being rude!" she told them.

"You'll find better places for that, I'm sure," Cheese replied.

"Of course, she will!" Pinkie added. "If she's lucky!"

"Besides, it's going to rain," Sweetie Belle said, looking up at the sky.

"It never rains, but it pours," Pinkie said.

"If it does, we carry on," Cheese added. "We're little heroes, aren't we, Gummy?"

The alligator woke up with a little shriek.

"Officer, these two are criminals!" he said before he closed his eyes again and went off into another doze.

"Who's got his ear trumpet?" Pinkie shouted.

All this rudeness was more than Sweetie Belle could bear. She got up in disgust and walked off. Gummy fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once more, half-hoping that they would call after her.

"This is the stupidest party I've ever been to!"

The last she saw of them, they were trying to shove the toothless alligator into a teapot.

"I told you he wouldn't fit!" Pinkie shouted.

"Oh, he'll fit!" Cheese told her. "We have to try harder."

"I heard that," said Gummy. "Try harder. Oh. Ah! No, that's my nose! No! Mind the head..."

---

As Sweetie Belle made her way back through the wood, she noticed one of the trees had a door leading right into it.

"That's curious," she said.

And she went in.

Once more she found herself in the round room with all the doors, and close to the little glass table and took the little golden key from it.

"This time, I'll manage things better," she said to herself.

She unlocked the door that led into the garden, then she nibbled at the mushroom till she was about a foot high, then walked down the little passage. At last, she found herself in the beautiful garden, among the bright flowerbeds and the cool fountain.

"At last," she said. "The perfect place to hide."