Ch. 5: Klugetown (pt. 1)

Obviously not very, but when she's got seven great friends to travel with (including one who knows how to play a slide guitar riff), then she can make it as far as a vast desert. Out in the Badlands, Twilight, Sonic, and the others were plodding through the sand, trying to conserve their water but failing.

"There's… sand in my… everything..." said Rarity tired.

"Just keep going," said Sonic, wiping his brow on his left arm, as he was using his right to hold one of his sheathed swords as a cane. "We're bound to find civilization somewhere. Cmon, we're saving Equestria here, not getting eaten alive by scorpions."

"Saving… Equestria…" said Pinkie, giving a demented laugh and picking up a vulture skull. "Oh! Look! Maybe this guy knows which way to go! What's that, friend? We're lost?" Pinkie laughed some more, before coughing with her dry throat, giving a short chuckle and passing out face-first in the sand.

"She dead?" asked Applejack. Sonic checked her.

"Unfortunately, no," he replied upset. "I think it's just heat stroke. Just give her about an hour, she'll be fine."

The others were just panting at this point as Spike sat down. "We could be going in… circles!" he said exhausted. "Endless… sand… Nothin' for miles… but sand… and this rock… and this cactus… and this roooooooaaaaad… This roooooad…"

"Spike, stop overreacting," said Sonic, trying to seem stoic, but failing. "This isn't the first desert I've been stuck in, and I doubt it's gonna be the last." Then he instantly remembered something Spike had said. "Wait, did you just say road?" He tapped his sword against the ground, and discovered it wasn't sand they were standing on, it was cobblestone, laid out in a long path. Then he grinned. "Y'know what they say. 'Where there's a road, there's usually'…" His suspicions were confirmed as he and the others climbed over the next dune to see a huge, tower-like city. The others were in awe as Pinkie immediately shot up.

"Oooh! A city!" she said excitedly and scoffed. "We are doing it, you guys!"

"You know what they say," said Rarity. "'Where there's a city, there's a spa'!"

"Who says that?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Not even anyone on Mobius has said something even remotely like that," said Sonic.

"'Case you forgot, we're on a mission to save Equestria?" asked Applejack.

"I can multitask," said Rarity. But unfortunately, Rarity wasn't going to get a spa appointment in this city as most of the people were just vendors of unusual items, such as Badlands birds and horns.

"Ooh," the horn vendor said to Twilight. "Hey! You with the horn. You selling?" Sonic then jammed one of his unsheathed swords in his face.

"I could ask you the same thing about your tongue," he said threateningly. "We just hiked down here from the desert, so we're in no mood for this sort of stuff. Now either get lost or lose your voice permanently. Deal?"

"Deal," said the dealer in fear as he backed off. Sonic sheathed his sword like a samurai and kept walking. Then they ran into a large turtle-like being loading a cart with barrels and failing.

"Hi there!" said Twilight, trying to get his attention, but that resulted in the barrels falling again. "Ooh, I'm sorry. Here. Lemme help you with that." What no one noticed was that they had drawn the attention of a cat-like being with a black pompadour wearing a red coat from a nearby outdoor bar.

"Uh, Twilight?" said Sonic.

"Hey!" said the vendor. "No magic around my merchandise!" The team quickly ran away, spiking the cat's interest even more.

"Hmmm… Very interesting…" he said, paying for his drink and walking off after them.

"Okay, I've been in my fair share of towns like this, so just follow my lead," said Sonic. "We just gotta stay together, be careful who you talk to and above all, try to blend in."

"CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?!" Pinkie's voice came from another part of the market.

"Oh, you've gotta be frickin' kiddin' me," said Sonic as he facepalmed.

"CAN ANYPONY TAKE US TO THE QUEEN OF THE HIPPOS?!" yelled Pinkie.

"You want something?" a fish creature asked. "You gotta give something!"

"Well, how about a big warm hug from a grateful pony friend?" asked Pinkie, squeezing him before moving on to other people. "How about this comb that I've never used? A picture of my sister Maud? This breath mint? Seriously, buddy. Help me help you." The pig creature she was talking to just let out a huge belch and sent Pinkie to the ground.

"Phew! I smelled that all the way over here!" said Sonic. "Seriously dude, take the stinkin' mint!"

"Pinkie, you can't just take off!" said Twilight before speaking through clenched teeth. "And you don't need to announce to every…"

"Relax, Twilight! I totally got this!" said Pinkie.

"Yeah, I know," said Sonic as townsfolk surrounded them. "What do you think we're afraid of?"

"How much for the giant gecko?" asked one of them.

"Huh?" said the Mane 6 and Sonic.

"Who you callin' a gecko?" asked Spike.

"Uh, Spike isn't for sale," said Twilight.

"The porcupine, then," he said.

"Hedgehog!" yelled Sonic.

"I want that fancy purple hair!" said another, pointing at Rarity. "I'll give ya two storm bucks for it!"

"Two storm bucks?!" asked Rarity, obviously insulted. "It's worth more than that!"

"Heh?" asked Twilight.

"We have no idea how much storm bucks are worth," said Sonic. "For all we know, they could be worth, like, a piece of tin as big as my pinky-toe's nail." Then everyone started bidding for various members of the team. What they didn't see was the cat from the bar was watching from an alley.

"See this, Pinkie?" asked Sonic as he moved to grab his swords. "This is why you do not announce your presence in a town like this." Then the cat flipped over the horde and landed in front of the gang. "What the-?"

"Back up, everyone! Back. It. Up! Y'all are in some serious danger!" he said in an accent Sonic couldn't place. "Now you didn't touch any of them, did you? Just look at all those colors! You think that's natural? They're infected with 'pastelis coloritis'." Everyone there gasped.

"Now you listen here, Fella, there ain't-" Applejack couldn't finish her thought as Sonic had covered her muzzle with his hand.

"Shut up, AJ, he's doing a thing," he whispered through clenched teeth.

"Don't worry, don't worry, as long as you're not covered in purple splotches, you'll be fine," said the cat as he used his bushy tail to splatter purple paint onto the fish creature from before. "Uh-oh."

The fish thing gasped in fear. "What do I do?"

"Enjoy your last moments, and don't touch anyone," said the cat. "Because parts will fall off." Everyone there screamed and ran off in fear.

"Well, all right," said the cat and purred.

"You. Are. AWESOME!" said Rainbow.

"Mm-hm," he said.

"And quite charming," said Rarity and she giggled weirdly. Spike folded his arms and grunted in jealousy.

"Thanks for the save, man," said Sonic. "So who are you?"

"Capper's the name, charming's my game," he said. "So… to the hippos, then?" He then walked down the alley with the others following him, but Twilight pulled Sonic and Pinkie to the side with her wings.

"I don't know if we should trust him," she said.

"And I don't," said Sonic. "Least not farther than I can throw him."

"We could definitely use a friend out here," said Pinkie. Then Capper pushed down one of Twilight's wings.

Musical Number – I'm the Friend You Need

"You know what? Little Cotton Candy Hair is right," he said. "And, if I do say so myself…"

Capper: This town is not a nice place
For little fillies all alone
There are lots of twists and corners
That could lead to the unknown

Let me guide your way
And I'll be sure to help you through
You could really use a friend out here
And luckily for you...

I'm the friend that you need
When you're lost and don't know what to do
I'm your pal, your amigo
Useful and resourceful, too

And my help, you'll concede
Is a plus guaranteed
You can call and I'll come running
Just follow my lead
'Cause I'm the Friend You Need!

Villager 1: He's a friend

Villager 2: "Quite a friend!"

Villagers: He's a friend indeed *chomp*

Then they continued their walk through town, partly down a red carpet he himself unrolled.

Capper: You need a bud to spot the danger
A pal to stop the creep
A chum and not a stranger to assist

You need a bro who is cunning
That can help you take the leap
A friend who knows what's lying in the mist

Don't fear these darkened alleys
They're scary, yes, I know
Why, you could use a friend
To protect you wherever you go

And such a dazzling beauty
Covered in dirt and muck
But now your fate is changing
Now you are in luck

'Cause I'm the friend that you need
When you're lost and don't know what to do
I'm your pal, your amigo
Lookin' out for friends like you

And my help, you'll concede
Is a plus guaranteed
Just call and I'll come running
We'll say it's agreed...

Eventually, they had made their way out to a large windmill-like building, and Capper had ushered everyone through the doors, before turning to a small villager, and slipping something into his scarf. "Here. Tell Verko, 'My place, twenty minutes'. I've got something that will magically erase all my debt."

'Cause I'm the Friend You Need!

AJ, FL, PP, RD: He's a friend

Rarity: "Quite a friend!"

Everyone but Sonic and Twilight: He's a friend indeed!

Then they rode the large gears on the towers up to the windmill at the top, where Capper then popped out of a trapdoor. "Welcome, my little ponies, to my little manor." The others stuck their heads in and Sonic let out a low whistle.

"Not too shabby, man," he said, checking out some of the decorations. "Kinda reminds me of my place back home."

"Ooh, a sort-of a Roco-hobo-Bohemian hodgepodge," said Rarity. Sonic snickered.

"Sorry, sorry,' he gasped out. "It's just that 'Bohemian' means something else entirely in my universe."

"Apologies for the state of my litterbox," said Capper. "I wasn't expecting guests."

"No worries, bud," said Sonic as he slipped a small guitar-shaped medallion out of his quills. "I basically keep my house the same way. You mind if I play?" Then the medallion turned into a large blue guitar shaped like his head.

"Help yourself," said Capper. Sonic smirked and tuned the guitar as the others looked around. "Now, Y'all sure Y'all want the hippos?"

"Yessirree!" said Pinkie. "The queen of the hippos!"

"Not like the queen of the lions and tigers and bears?" asked Capper.

"Oh my," said Fluttershy. Sonic snickered.

"God, how many obscure references can these ponies unknowingly make?" he asked himself. Then Twilight gasped as she found an interesting book.

Out in the city, Tempest had arrived. Her storm creatures were ripping the market apart looking for the team as Tempest marched through the center of the street.

"You really think the ponies got this far?" Grubber asked as he was eating a caramel apple. Tempest sniffed and found one of Pinkie's hairs on a broken board.

"Oh, they're here," she said. "Attention! A little purple pony passed this way. Tell me where she is…"

"Or sumthin' real bad's gonna happen," interrupted Grubber. Then the large fish creature from earlier approached. Grubber squeaked and slipped away as he came to face Tempest.

"You think we're gonna fall for this again?" he asked. "I don't know what kinda scam you're workin' with Capper and the rest of your friends, but-"

"'Friends'?" asked Tempest, obviously getting angry.

"Poison or no poison, you're gonna pay!" growled the fish as he moved to attack, but Tempest just kicked him away, before tripping him, grabbing his tail and slamming him into the ground.

"Ohhhh, fish-man just got dropped!" yelled Grubber. Then Tempest walked onto his back.

"Now…" she asked, provoking a fearful squeak. "…about this… 'Capper'…"