My Little Pony: Sunset's Shimmer

Chapter 2: Kindness

It doesn't take us long to leave the cafeteria, and speaking personally, exiting it doesn't come quick enough – it reminds me too much of the gym, only with the animosity out in the open. As we walk down the hall towards the principal's office, it only takes me slightly longer to say what we're all thinking.

"Those three are definitely in possession of some kind of dark magic," I say. "How else could you explain what happened back there?"

"Don't worry, y'all," Applejack says. "We'll let Principal Celestia know all about this and those girls will be kicked to the curb in no time."

I smile – Applejack's right. We can nip this in the bud, and get back to preparing for a musical showcase. Granted, I won't actually be participating in that, but-

"I mean," Applejack continues, "the last thing she needs is another CHS event almost ruined by some power-crazed lunatic." She gives me an awkward look. "No offence."

I sigh. "None taken." I mean it. It hurts, but I can't blame Applejack (or any of the girls) for being honest. They've been kind to me. Kinder than I deserve. I figure that if I can help "nip this in the bud," it'll be one step closer to making things all better. Maybe I'll never be able to live down the catastrophe that was the Fall Formal, but with any luck, I'll be able to stop another "boo boo" from happening.

So we keep walking, the exception being Rainbow, who's kicking a soccer ball into every surface imaginable, and Pinkie who's doing…well, Pinkie stuff. I can't explain it, and right now, I have no desire to try. The explaining up ahead is going to be much more important.

---

It's not easy, being in Celestia's office.

She's not the Celestia of my world, I tell myself. She doesn't even know that an alicorn named Celestia who rules over an entire kingdom exists. She doesn't know that I was the pupil of that ruler, who was given everything by her, and threw it all away. I look at her as she and Luna invite us in, and wonder…what would it be like? What if, one day, I returned to Canterlot Castle, and saw my old mentor? How would it go? What would I say? Would I be forgiven? Should I?

"So girls," says the Celestia of this world. "What's this all about?"

With not a second passing, the Rainbooms begin telling her about the events in the cafeteria. I add my voice to the chorus, but my mind remains elsewhere. My thoughts dwell of home. My teacher. My family. My friends…oh, wait. I don't have any friends back in Equestria. Silly me. Well, least I've got friends here…I think…sort of…certainly I hang out with the Rainbooms on a regular basis at least.

Go home? Ridiculous. You went home only to steal Twilight's crown last time, do you really think Celestia would want anything to do with you now?

I squash her voice as the Celestia of this world gets up to look out the window, and the babble dies down. I swallow, the bitterness of two worlds being washed down with it.

"Dark magic?" Celestia asks. "I find that very hard to believe." She looks back at us and sits at her desk. "Those girls came into my office earlier and were absolutely delightful."

Well, they seemed that way at first, but-

Luna interrupts before I can say anything, clearing her throat and giving me a gaze that could make a flower wither. "Perhaps Sunset Shimmer is just eager to make someone else to be a bad element, so that her actions at the Fall Formal will become old news."

A cold weight is growing in my stomach, but like the gaze, I manage to resist it. "I can see why you might think so," I say, rubbing my neck, "but-"

"That's not what's happening," Rainbow blurts out. "We all saw this go down in the cafeteria too."

I give her a grateful look, but Celestia's gaze is unchanged. "Yes," she says, "but isn't your band supposed to be part of the musical showcase?"

"Yes," says Rainbow awkwardly, as if not sure where this is going. Can't say I blame her – I don't know where it's going either. The two principles exchange a glance.

"Perhaps you're all just worried that the Dazzlings will steal your spotlight," says Luna.

"The Dazzlings?" Applejack asks.

"It's the name of their musical group," Celestia explains. "That's why they came by my office earlier, to sign up for the showcase."

That weight in my stomach is growing heavier. Maybe Adagio and her cronies would have found out about the event anyway, but I'm the one who told them about it. I'm the one who…who…

Screw-up.

"Even sang a little song to Vice Principal Luna and me," Celestia continues, and for the first time since I've been in this office, heck, the first time since the Fall Formal, I'm able to meet her in the eye. To look into it and see…nothing. So spark, no drive, nothing.

The heck?

I may be a screw up, but I didn't forget everything I learnt back home. I know mesmerisation when I see it. And not only because I tried a similar stunt a few months ago.

"They…sung a song for you?" Applejack asks, and it hits me – the cafeteria. Singing to Celestia and Luna. It all makes sense. A horrific, spine-numbing sense.

"Yes," Celestia says, her voice entering a monotone. "And we think having a battle of the bands instead of a showcase is a marvellous idea. In fact…"

"We've never wanted anything more," say Celestia and Luna together. Both in monotone. Like robots, I reflect, if I'm using an example from this world. But mind control is the example that comes from my own world. A world where the Celestia I knew still rules. A Celestia I could never meet in the eye. This one, her eyes I can meet, and see nothing. Looking at Luna, it's no better.

They've ensnared them.

The girls take the hint and begin to excuse themselves from the office, filing out. I'm the last to reach the door, but before exiting, I give the sisters one last glance. They're discussing the upcoming battle of the bands. Doing the will of the Dazzlings.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. But they don't hear me. So I head out into the hall, and ask myself, which Celestia am I apologizing to?

And will they ever hear me?

---

It's still lunch break, and we quickly head outside to the Wondercolt statue – a giant lump of marble depicting a magnificent stallion, that also happens to hold the portal between this world and Equestria. Funny little twist of the multiverse I suppose. I mean, this world has horses, ponies, but no unicorns or pegasi, least not outside their myths. Does that mean there's some kind of human species in my world somewhere? Is it coincidence, or is the universe arranged in such a way that there's a copy of all of us, playing out in infinite combinations, where ponies are just one part of said combinations? As I let my mind wander, I think "what if?" What if I'd waited? What if I could have come here with my old mentor, and studied? Investigated? What if… I sigh, and lean against the statue as the Rainbooms mill around in awkward silence. There's so many 'what ifs?" Maybe in one of those alternate universes, alternate me made an alternate choice, and lived alternately ever after. It's a nice thought – one of the few I've had all day.

"I can't believe they got to Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna too," Fluttershy says, breaking the silence between us. Saying what we're all thinking.

"They've gotten to everybody," Rainbow adds.

"Not everybody," Pinkie says.

Huh?

Applejack nods. "Pinkie Pie's right. "We were there when the Dazzlings were singin' and we weren't affected. It was like we were protected somehow."

Oh. I'd forgotten about that – my mind's been so focused on alternate possibilities and alternate worlds, that I've missed what's been staring me in the face all along.

"So let's take them down," Rainbow says, balancing a soccer ball on her head. "It's not like we haven't tangled with dark magic before and totally whooped its sorry butt!" She stops short, the ball falls into her hands, and she gives me an embarrassed look. "Uh, no offence."

I sigh. "None taken. Again." I don't say anything after that, as the reality of the here and now hits me with the force of the marble the Wondercolt statue is made out of. Let's say we do defeat the Dazzlings. What then? It doesn't erase what I did at the Fall Formal. No-one's going to forget, let alone forgive. That the Rainbooms even say "no offence" is about as good as it's going to get.

"But that was when Twilight was here," Fluttershy says. I watch, as she lets a ladybug that was resting on her finger fly away. "There may be some kind of magic inside us, but it only comes out when we play music. I sure don't know how to use it to whoop anybody's butt."

I watch the ladybug fly off. Small, insignificant, unnoticed by the world. I know the feeling. I envy it right now though.

"If only we could get a message to Twilight," Rarity says. "Maybe she could tell us how to break the spell the Dazzlings have cast on our friends."

"Well that's not going to happen. The portal's closed." Rainbow throws the soccer ball against the statue – it bounces off and comes right back at her. "And I get the feeling they don't exactly have cell phones where she's from."

They don't. Even if we did, I doubt we could even use them with our hooves. But I don't say anything – Rainbow didn't ask me. And it's not like I have anything useful to add anyway.

Course you don't.

Isn't that pathetic, I think? I'm from Equestria, but what do I have to contribute? Nothing. No magic, no bright ideas, nothing. I can't even tell the Rainbooms anything about the Dazzlings bar the obvious, that they've enthralled Celestia and Luna, and got the whole school up in arms. They've done in less than an hour what it took me three years to do.

Pathetic.

Yep, that's the word, I think to myself.

If only Twilight were here.

Yep, of course, I think, ashamed of the thoughts. Bring Twilight here. Celestia's prized pupil. She'll make everything right, won't she? They're the Equestrian the Rainbooms really want, right? She'll fix everything up good, then leave, probably uttering something about my friends teaching me about the magic of friendship, and-

Enough!

That, at least, is my own thought, and not hers. Even though I don't know where my thoughts end and hers begin. But I know what she is. Know that I'm going insane, and that in the end, there's no real difference. Insane enough to-

"Actually," I say to the girls, "I think I may have a way that we can get in touch with Princess Twilight."

That gets their attention. "Come on, follow me," I say, and I head for my locker. I can't promise them anything. But it's an idea. And if there's a chance I might be useful for once, I'm going to take it.

However slim it may be.

---

There aren't many personal effects in my locker. Sometimes, you can look inside a person's locker and have it tell you everything about its owner. But I'm not really the one for that kind of thing. Besides, I've only got three years of memories in this world, and the majority of that time was focused on getting back to Equestria, along with obtaining the means to conquer it. Sure, Equestria itself has given me plenty of memories, but as far as physical mementos? Only one. And it's this memento that I pull out of a cardboard box – a leather-bound book, emblazoned with a rendition of a blazing sun - my cutie mark, to be exact. I turn around and show it to the Rainbooms.

"When I was Princess Celestia's student back in Equestria, she gave me this," I say. I brush off the dust that's accumulated on the book's cover. "Even after I abandoned my studies, I held onto it. Deep down, I guess I knew I was making a big mistake, and I wanted to still have a way to reach out to her."

I flip through the pages, gaining brief glimpses of words written long ago. Written in a different world by a different type of being, who was arguably a different person altogether. It's true, that this was a gift from Celestia to me. I don't mention that it was actually her first gift, a way of welcoming me as her student. Looking at my writings, I recall that for a time, it was a position I realized the value of. But soon, I come to the end of the entries, faced with nothing but blank pages. I run my hand over the parchment, thinking of what I would have written if things had turned out differently. Of what I may say right now.

"Maybe it still works," I murmur.

"That's a book, darling," Rarity says. "What do you mean 'maybe still works?'"

"It used to be if I wrote something here, it would appear in the pages of a book back in Princess Celestia's library," I explain. "I get a message to her, then she can get a message to Princess Twilight."

Or she comes herself.

"So what are you waiting for?" Rainbow asks. "Get to writing!"

I look up from the book and see her dangling a pen in front of me, a big grin on her face – as if dangling candy in front of a child, in the sly knowledge of the long-term harm it'll do me. Like a snake offering an apple. I don't smile back, and it's with some hesitation that I take the device.

Pens. They're remarkable, really – so much better than quills, since they don't need to constantly have their ink replenished. It didn't take me long to learn how to use them when I arrived in this world. But the unease I feel comes not from the pen itself, but from what I might do with it. I'm about to write to Celestia for the first time in three years. In the public hope that Twilight will find a way back to this world. In the private, deeper, conflicted hope that my teacher herself will come. I hesitate, holding the pen above the parchment. Wondering what to say. How to say it. How do I write to someone who I turned my back on, after all the kindness she showed me?

"Been a long time since I've written these words," I murmur. Whatever my thoughts or failings, the Rainbooms are counting on me. The first, and perhaps last time they'll ever do so. So with a breath, I begin writing…

Dear Princess Celestia,

As I write, a white light begins to emit from the ink, sparkles following in its wake. Before long, the message is sent. I've written all that has to be said. With a heavy heart, I close the book. The die is cast, and with a spot, I'm damned.

Oh don't be so melodramatic.

I shake her voice away, even if she's right. If anything, I've potentially saved us. "It's done," I say.

"So what now?" Rainbow asks.

I shrug. "Wait, I guess."

"Wait?" she exclaims, her face turning into a frown. "That…" She sighs. "Fine. Waiting. I can do that."

"But for how long?" Fluttershy asks. "If Twilight doesn't come-"

"She'll come," I say quickly. "She'll find a way to get the portal open, and then-"

"Then we send the Dazzlings packing," Pinkie exclaims. "And then we throw a party. No, two parties!"

"Eh, musical showcase first," Rainbow says. "My band's still gonna win this thing."

"Our band," Applejack murmurs.

We agree to give Twilight twenty-four hours. After that…well, if there is an 'after that,' then no amount of parties are going to break the Dazzlings' spell. But we still have classes to attend, and as the end-of-lunch bell rings, and the girls head off to them. History is the last subject of the day for Tuesdays, fittingly enough. One more quirk of the multiverse I suppose.

I keep the book on me, putting it into my bag before heading after them. I don't want to put it back in my locker.

Not yet at least.

---

School's out for the day, and I'm in the music room.

Lessons end at 3pm, but the school remains open to students until 6. The library, computer lab, sports field, we're all free to use them on our own time. Or in my case, the music room. The girls have gone home for the day, and we've said our goodbyes – all we can do now is wait for Twilight to show up, and I can understand them not wanting to hang around here any longer than they have to right now. Or, I reflect, around me. I mean, all I'm good for is getting someone competent over from Equestria, and that's not even a guarantee. But I'm not eager to get home right now. Not my home in this world, nor my home in Equestria. Whatever spell the Dazzlings have cast over the students, in after-school hours, I don't have much to worry about. The school's pretty much empty.

So I sit in the music room, idly strumming a guitar. Not my own, of course – all the Rainbooms bring their own instruments to school with the exception of Pinkie, and even she has a set of drums at home to practice on. No, this is part of the school's inventory, one that I'm free to use as long as I don't take it outside this room. And right now, that's fine. I'm not a member of the Rainbooms, and never will be. But the benefit of playing alone is that I don't need to answer to anyone. I don't have to play in my fellows' presence and…well…

Show them how pathetic you are?

I keep strumming the strings, even as that thought eats away at me. It didn't take me that long to learn how to use fingers properly, but playing a guitar is still complicated. Slowly, methodically, I've taught myself on what time is available to me, keeping it hidden from the girls. I don't want to make things even more awkward between us, to hint that I wouldn't mind being part of their band. And, of course, I'm not nearly at their level.

You never will be.

I keep plucking away, as if taking feathers off a chicken. I want to scream. I want to sing. I want to let it all out, but I just can't. I want to hide away as much as any of those things, and I know they're mutually exclusive. So, idly, I pluck away, shifting from major to minor and back again, my rhythm becoming syncopated. Ever since the Fall Formal my life's been at a coda, with no chance of an encore. No do-over. No second chances, no second movement or the chance of a symphony, no chance of applause.

Pathetic.

But still, I play. Still, my mouth opens and closes like a goldfish. Slowly, I let the words out, of a song that's been growing within me for the past few weeks. I play, and utter…

Power…was all that I desired.

But all that grew inside me,

Was a darkness I acquired.

But when I…I…

I swallow, and grind to a halt – the song dies, the strings fall silent, my spirit is writhing like a snake, injecting venom into my heart. Self-indulgent trash, the lot of it. Is a song going to make anything better? Is it going to change the way people think about me? If words are like wind, then anything I compose is going to be nothing but a bad odour.

"Stupid," I tell myself, rubbing my eyes with one hand, while resting the guitar on my legs with the other. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

I want Twilight to get here and sort this out. To get here, keep the portal open, and maybe I can find some other dimension to lie low in. But despite all that, I want to get…something, out. To sing, to scream. I choose the latter, and without restraint, I dive in.

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,

Life is a maze, and love is a riddle.

I don't know where to go,

Can't do it alone,

I've tried, but I don't know why.

It's not my song, but it does its job. I don't know what I'm doing, what to do, where to go, I have friends (sort of), but have never felt more alone, and sometimes, I just want to scream. But music…for the first time since school broke up, I smile. The music, it sounds, it feels, good. It drowns out the world. It drowns out her. So I end the song, and lean back against the chair. For a moment, I'm at peace. All is right in the world. I-

"Sunset Shimmer?"

I jump out of my seat. Someone's outside the music room, knocking at the door.

"Sunset Shimmer, is that you?"

I put the guitar aside and run over. I know that voice – it's Celestia. She's come! She's received my message, and found a way to cross over into this world! I open the door, smiling, ready to say everything that I've bottled up for three years. How sorry I am. How I should have never rejected her kindness, her friendship, her generosity. How I'm so glad to see her, and-

It's not her.

It's Celestia, but not the Celestia of my world. If she'd arrived in this world, she'd look exactly like Principal Celestia, at least physically. But I can tell it's not her, and not just because of her attire. Over time, you get to know someone. The way they hold themselves, the way they speak, the way they look at you. But most of all, it's her eyes that give it away. Her magneta eyes, who, in the case of my Celestia, looked at me with pride, then anger, then sorrow. The eyes of this Celestia are dead.

"Why are you here?"

Her voice is as dead as her eyes. As cold and unfeeling as the universe.

"I was…just playing." I glance at the room's clock – 6pm.

"School's closing," she says. "Go home."

Her words are blunt, and her voice matches them. For a moment, we stand there, looking at each other. I wonder if there's anything left of her behind those eyes. If she feels anything, and if so, anything other than contempt. I'm the one who wrecked the Fall Formal, who mentally enslaved an entire school, who turned into a demon. Why wouldn't she hate me?

"Sunset?"

Just yell at me or something!

She just stands there, and I…I want to die. There, I said it. I want to die, rather than see my teacher like this ever again. This Celestia, my Celestia, either of them.

"Yeah," I say. "I'll just pack up."

"Good." She closes the door without a second word or glance, and I sigh. Did she hear me playing, or did she just carry out rounds? And why should I care anyway? If she's restored to her old self, that old self is still going to despise me as much as the rest of the school. All I can do now is try and help that old self resurface.

So in silence, I unsling the guitar and put it in its locker. Day's over, sun's set – I walk past the mirror as I head for the light and-

You really are pathetic, you know that right?

I glance at the mirror. Her black, pitiless eyes stare back at me.

Playing a guitar like you think you're even good at it. No wonder Celestia came. Even when she's under mind control, your music's just that bad.

"I don't think that's what it is," I murmur.

Delusions.

"I'm talking to you," I whisper. "I know what actual delusions are like."

Really? Then why don't you admit it?

I remain silent – admit what?

Admit that you know the truth – Celestia isn't coming. Even if she could, she wouldn't. You think she could bear the sight of you? After all the kindness she showed you, after she took you in, after you threw it all away…you think you mean a damn to her anymore?

I turn away, as tears threaten to tear down the dam that is my eyelids. The truth. She always speaks the truth. I know it, she knows it, everyone knows it.

Well, just keep your head down. The Rainbooms are kind enough to let you hang around. Just don't get any ideas that you can play on their level.

That, I agree with. I can't play worth a damn, and I'm a fool for trying. Drowning out her voice, I pick up my bag, shut off the lights, close the door, and run for the school's exit. I want to get away from her. I want Twilight to get here, and make things right again.

Or as right as they can ever possibly be.