Chapter 18: The wingless wing man

Look who's back at it again with another chapter!

---

"Alright thanks Big Mac!" I called out to him as he left the bar, just arranged for a cider business deal, prices were quite fair too! But that's not what this chapter is about. (That would be even more boring than what I had in mind.)

"Eeyup!" He called back. I could tell he was in a rush, I think it was something about making a delivery Starlight's old village he told me, I dunno. Suddenly I could see Cheese and Quibble walking towards the bar.

"Well if it isn't my favorite customer!" I called to Quibble.

"Oh you probably say that to everypony." He said.

"As a matter of fact, I do." I said. "Cheese you're lucky it's a slow day." I told Cheese as he walked in with Quibble.

"Oh that's right! I work here!" He said.

"Yeah. You do." I said getting behind the counter.

"Ooh! Do I get a cool bow tie like you have?" He asked.

"If you owned the place and had the best mare-friend in the world you would." I said back. My bow tie, and that best mare-friend in the whole world was out of town on a friendship problem today. Having her around to keep me company would've been nice, but duty calls.

"Allllrighty then!" He said.

"So what can I get you two?" I asked.

"Scotch. Nothing added. Just scotch. This Cheese-head has been driving me up the wall all day." Quibble said.

"All day? It's hardly lunchtime! Don't worry, drinking before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic." I slid him his drink. He looked down at his drink, he looked exhausted, and something else was clearly bothering him.

"You're just saying that because you make money off of ponies drinking." He said.

"God, you're a downer." I scoffed. "But you are right. And Cheese?" I asked.

"None for me thanks!" He said.

"Good answer. I need you completely sober for your shift." I said grabbing his apron.

"Oooooh... You see, about that... I already made arrangements with a... Uhh...' He began looking frantically around the room. "Mr. Jukebox... Uh... Bar-rag! Yeah! Mr. Jukebox bar-rag!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah right." I laughed. "Whatever, it's a slow day anyway."

"You're the best boss ever!" He said bouncing out the door.

"Yeah yeah, don't you forget it!" I called out. "You roomed with him for how long?" I asked Quibble.

"A few years now, I met him roughly after he visited Ponyville." He said.

"Oh yeah?" I wiped at a mug.

"Yeah. He made sure to tell me all about that. Along with every single other detail of his life within the same day I met him." He laughed a little.

"I believe it." I said. Suddenly a big cloud appeared in the bar. "What the hell!?" I exclaimed.

"Why hello!" Discord bellowed. Quibble sighed.

"Hey Discord. What brings you here?" I asked.

"Probably the ass-hat express..." Quibble muttered.

"Quiet you." Discord snapped his fingers and a muzzle appeared on Quibble's mouth.

"Hey, Discord, I can't just have you doing that to paying customers." I sneered. "But a drink, then maybe I'll let it slide."

"Fine. I'll have a cinnamon whiskey on the rocks. Hold the glass." He said.

"You want me pour it out, drop ice in it, and not put it in a glass?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I'll do it myself." All of a sudden whiskey started pouring and ice cubes started floating, it looked almost like a twisty straw going through the air, he gulped the whole thing down.

"Weirdo." I said wiping the counter.

"Here you go." He slid me the money.

"This is a little short. What's the deal?" I queried.

"I read somewhere part of the cost is the usage of the glass. Anyway, Good day!" Before I could tell him that wasn't true he disappeared. The muzzle on Quibble went with him and he started gasping for air.

"There was no air in there!" He wheezed.

"Thank God you're okay though, I can't imagine how bad it would be if you died here, that is paperwork I don't wanna do." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was your concern?" He exclaimed.

"Kinda, paperwork is so boring."

"You should ban him from the premises." He sneered.

"I can't do that! He's a paying customer!"

"He's a public menace!"

"You're overreacting, besides, I can't ban someone without cause." I told him.

"I have cause, it is because I hate him!" He whined.

"Cute wordplay. But that doesn't work." I grinned. "Now, what's got you down?" I asked him.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"That is why I asked, c'mon, you can always trust a bartender, we're like therapists, but better because drinks are cheaper than therapy!" I said.

"Look, I just don't know if I feel comfortable sharing it with you."

"Oh my God..." I acted. "Do you... Love me? Oh Quibble..."

"Shut up." He groaned.

"Let's run off and get married! And it'll be just you and me, Chuck and Quibble, forever, Chuck and Quibble forever a hundred years!"

"Stop!" He said angrily.

"Alright alright, fine." I laughed. "So what's bothering you?"

"Why should I tell you?" He asked.

"We're friends aren't we?"

"We are? I never really got that impression." He arched his eyebrow.

"What!? Aw come on!" I knew he didn't, probably mostly because of that Discord incident. "Look, I like you, you're not like some a lot of the other ponies here, I feel like I can be far more crass and tormenting with you. And frankly I expect the same back from you." I told him.

"You could've just said that." He said dryly.

"Yeah probably." We both sat there quietly for a moment.

"I guess if you want to know, it might be good for me to tell somepony." He began.

"Oh. My. Gawd. Tell me! Tell me! C'mon c'mon c'mon!" I squealed. I secretly love secrets and gossip.

"Fine, I... I have a crush on somepony, and I don't know what to do about it." He told me. I just stared blankly at him.

"That's it? I was hoping you'd committed a murder and you were confiding in me about it."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm boring." He sighed.

"Well which is it, are you sorry or are you boring?" I joked. He just sighed.

"Hey, look, I can tell that for whatever reason this is stressing you out. How about I help you?" I offered.

"How so?"

"Well, I could give you advice, I could talk you up to this certain mare, or stallion, I don't judge, and make you look good." I explained.

"Why would I want your help?" He said snidely.

"Maybe because I know this stuff, I'm the one out of the two of us currently in a relationship, and I'm an amazing wingman." I boasted, it was true, I did have a knack for it, I was kind of like Hitch. Ever watch that movie Hitch?

"You know what?" He looked at me. "Let's do it." I smiled.

"Great. You won't regret this." I shook hooves with him.

"I'd better not." He laughed.

---

Quibble's house

"So who is she? Or is it a he?" I asked when we met back at his house, it was pretty well decorated. As a fellow nerd culture enthusiast I liked his sense of decor.

"It's a she. And She's-" Suddenly his door swung open.

"Hey Quibble! Applejack wants me to help with harvesting, I'm hanging out with you instead!" The voice said, it was Rainbow Dash.

"Oh... Hey!" He smiled awkwardly. Now I knew...

"Oh hey Chuck." She said to me. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Helping with fall cleaning." I lied.

"Oh, lame." She said.

"It is, it really is." I... You know what, I was going to put "lied" there, but I don't like that word, I'm an actor, I act and pretend. So to make a long ramble short. "It is, it really is." I acted.

"Well we can handle that some other time." Quibble acted with me. "No sense boring you with that when you came here to get out of work." He told Rainbow, I could sense a bit of a stutter in his voice. I looked at him and raised a long Cheshire grin.

"Yes. Mhm. Yes. Now shut up." He growled frantically at me.

"So what do you wanna do to pass the time?" She asked.

"I don't... I don't know. What do you want to do?" He replied.

"I don't know if I speak for anypony else, but I am just famished. What do you two say to lunch?" I asked trying to move this conversation along.

"Sounds good to me." Quibble nodded. "What say you, Rainbow Dash?"

"I say I'm starving! Let's go!" She bolted through the door.

"After you, you love struck fool." I told Quibble as he walked through the door

"Screw. Off." He said dryly. I had forgotten the funnest thing about being a wing man, tormenting!

"You guys coming?" Rainbow Dash called.

"We'll be right with you!" I called back as we went to meet her.

"So when did all this develop?" I asked Quibble as we were catching up.

"Can't this wait until we aren't in an earshot of her?"

"That's a good point." I nodded.

---

Greasy Spoon's Diner

(What an unfortunate name! Anyway, on with the story...)

"So then, just when I was flying as fast as I thought possible, Bam! I get this giant speed boost and a giant rainbow just explodes!" Rainbow Dash finishes her story about how she got her cutie mark.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Quibble remarked.

"How'd you get yours?" She asked.

"Oh, well, I just sort of... Picked up a comic book one day when I was young." He said.

"And you loved it it so much that they became your calling?" She asked.

"Not exactly..." Quibble said remembering the event

---

Quibble's childhood

"There is no way that is at all possible. They are completely ignoring the continuity of issue #5! Ugh. Worst. Comic. Ever." A young Quibble said in disgust at the comic.

---

Present day

"So... Complaining became your defining attribute?" I muttered.

"Hey! I call it analyzing." He said.

"Emphasis on anal, am I right?" I chuckled to myself.

"Shut up." He told me.

"You know I'm just kidding around." I laughed.

"I think it's cool." Rainbow said. "Everypony should have standards, even if they are way higher than others." She winked.

"Ain't that the truth, we love ya buddy." I wrapped my leg around his shoulder, which he quickly brushed off.

"Well thank you Rainbow Dash, and no comment for Chuck." Quibble and Rainbow Dash laughed. In my own little way, I think I was doing alright. I spilled my waterglass over accidentally on purpose.

"Oh damn! Clumsy me! I'd better go dry off, looks like some got on you too Quibble, better come with." I told him, he sighed. Once we got to the bathroom I grinned.

"Going pretty well huh?"

"Is it?" He asked brushing himself off with a paper towel.

"I brought lunch up to see what I had to work with, and so far I'd say we're doing well. She seems interested." I said.

"How do you know-" Before he could finish, we were cut off by a toilet flushing. The pony walked out of the stall and looked at us.

"G'd afternoon." I nodded.

"Good afternoon." He said going for the door. "Weirdos..." He muttered.

"Oh I'm the weirdo? Says the guy who didn't even wash his hooves." I laughed.

"Now, as I was saying, how do you know?" He asked me.

"She didn't laugh at my jokes. Normally if you really like somepony, you'll defend them when somepony takes a jab at 'em." I explained.

"That makes some sense, wait, so you said those things intentionally to see what the reaction would be?" He asked.

"Isn't that why we say anything my friend?" I asked in reply. "Let's get back out there huh?"

---

Afterwards

The rest of lunch was quite enjoyable, all three of us had a good time. I could definitely tell I had something to work with here. And I was happy to be able to help.

"There you are!" We heard a voice call out. We turned to see Applejack.

"Hey, Applejack!" Rainbow started.

"I don't care that you didn't show up, but it wouldn't have hurt to tell me." She said.

"Oh... Sorry about that." Rainbow Dash said.

"Hey, jokes on you, we just ended up making sweets anyway." Applejack laughed."

"Aw man, I could have been making sweets instead of hanging out with these losers?" She laughed.

"Hey!" I retorted.

"I'm just kidding." She turned to us.

"What are y'all up to?" Applejack asked us.

"We were just heading out for some lunch." I told her. "I'm probably going to head back to my bar, Lord only knows I might actually have a customer." I said going on my merry way.

"I think I might join you!" Quibble told me following me. "See you later Rainbow Dash!" He called out.

"See you later, you little weirdo..." Rainbow Dash grinned.

"Don't think I didn't see that." Applejack teased.

"See what?" Rainbow commented.

---

My bar

(The fact I'm the narrator yet I've been referring to the bar in 3rd person is ridiculous, why didn't someone tell me?)

"So what made you decide to come back with me?" I asked him as we entered the bar.

"I dunno, I just felt like it." He told me, I could tell there was a lie in there.

"If you want more advice on what to do about your crush, here's your advice, these things take time. Don't expect to be a happily married stallion tomorrow or anything." I told him getting back behind the counter.

"What makes you think I followed you back here just for advice?" He asked.

"I know these things, seen 'em a million times before, when someone likes someone else, they will blow off everything else to be with them, so needless to say, it was a shock... Unless the Rainbow Dash thing was a lie and you actually like me, which, I mean, I'm flattered, but I'm quite happily taken."

"I can see your point, and for Celestia's sake! I am not into you, bring it up one more time and I'll..." He started.

"Watch it, I'm the only pony who can get you drunk and help you with your love life. Two aids for the price of one." I grinned.

"You've got another point." He sighed.

"Hey, look, I'll do what I can to lend a hoof huh? You have my word." I told him sincerely.

"Thanks, now how about a drink?" He said.

"You best rephrase that with please to it, or you can bet your flank it'll have a shot of my spit in it." I said dryly.

"Now how about a drink, please?" He said.

"Now was that so hard?" I laughed.

"Yeah yeah." We shared a laugh as I slid him his drink.

---

Later that night.

I was up late reading a furniture catalogue, no particular reason, I just love looking at nice furniture. It was quite quiet, which was honestly at this point an unwelcome change, if you had of asked me 4 months ago I would've told you I loved quiet moments, I don't entirely know what changed about me. Suddenly, among the quiet night, I heard a door creak open and close, and hooves coming up the stairs. The door opened and Pinkie walked through.

"Hiya Cutiepie." I smiled at her.

"Hi Chuckie!" She wrapped a large hug around me.

"How was it? Solve the problem?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be back if I didn't!" She laughed.

"That's true." I yawned setting my book down.

"Miss me while I was gone?" She asked.

"What kind of question is that? I miss you even you aren't in my line of vision." I smiled at her.

"Aww Chuckie, you always know what to say." She hugged me.

"Well, I have a way with words." I smiled.

"What did you do all day?" She asked.

"Well, I was handling a bit of a problem too." I told her.

"Yeah? What was that?" She asked.

"Tell you what." I told her. "I'll tell you tomorrow."

"But I wanna know!" She begged.

"Okay..." I began. "But this is kind of big..."

"I'm okay with big." That's what she said. No really, that's what she said at that point.

"Well, you know Quibble right?" I began.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm sort of... Helping him out with something, see, he likes somepony, and he wants me to help him out." I told her.

"That's not too big at all!" Pinkie told me.

"It gets bigger." I said. "I haven't told you who it is."

"Is it you? You'd better have told him you were taken." She said.

"I told him I was quite happily taken." I smiled smugly.

"Good, continue." She said.

"Okay, now promise not to flip when I tell you who it is?"

"I'll try!" She nodded.

"Okay." I leaned in and whispered the name.

"WHAT!?" She exclaimed.

---

There's another chapter! What say you? Will sparks fly? Or will sparks... fry? I dunno. See you next time!