Equestria's New Comedian
Chapter 16: Chapter 16: The Grand Opening
Previous Chapter Next ChapterChapter 16: The Grand Opening
The bar opening plot finally finishes in this chapter!
Chuck's tavern
"Is the banner ready?" I asked Pinkie as we were making preparations for the grand opening party for my bar. We were all set. Good thing too, we kick it off in an hour.
"All set!" She said holding it up.
"Great! barrels set up?" I asked Cheese.
"All hooked up and ready to go! I only had to mop up the floor four times!" He smiled.
"Four times?" I asked. "Good grief... But that can wait, thank you to both of you for your help. Honestly I don't know where this bar would be right now without you."
"Same place as always, it's never moved." Pinkie said.
"You know what I meant." I said with a grin.
"Bring it in!" Cheese exclaimed wrapping us in a hug.
"Ach... Ach... Wind pipe... Wind pipe!" I croaked at the tight hug. He eventually released the hug, breathing has never felt so good.
"Alright team. Good work, we can all meet back here for opening in one hour." I said. "See you then."
"Sounds good!" Cheese bounced out the door. Pinkie however stayed behind.
"Not that I'm complaining, but what are you still doing here?" I asked her.
"Just thought I'd spend a little time with my special somepony." She smiled.
"Well, I don't have anything else to do, what do you say we get out of here for a while?" I asked.
"Sounds fun!" She said as we walked out.
Ponyville streets
"So how have you been? I'm sorry but it seems I've been really busy lately." I said as we walked down the street.
"I've been good! I got a letter from my sister Maud this morning!" She said. Ah yes, Maud.
"Ooooh I just had such a great idea!" She jumped. "You've got to meet her some time!" She squealed. "I just had an even better idea! You should meet my whole family!" She beamed. I looked at her for a second, then smiled.
"I'd like that." I nodded. Suddenly she jumped up again. Looks like this idea just got another layer added to it.
"We should visit them for Hearthswarming!" She exclaimed. That was only a little while away...
"Sounds good to me." Oh goody! I'm great at first impressions! Just kidding, I crack up and fail miserably.
"Oooooooh I can't wait! This is gonna be so much fun!" She hugged me tightly.
"It sure will." I said. Looks like my holiday plans have just been made, sounds like it'll be a good time! Despite of course my terrible way of making a first impression, I was actually looking forward to it. Now, come to think of it, Hearthswarming shopping needed to be done. It's to early to stress out about this... It isn't even pony-thanksgiving yet! Is that even a thing?
"Up for lunch?" I asked after I realized I'd been silent for a little bit now and it started getting awkward.
"Sure!" She exclaimed.
"Great." I said as we walked toward one of the little cafe shops around town, we entered and sat down at a table, honestly I was a bit worried about adapting to a pony diet, but it's grown on me, I've missed meat a little though I won't lie, but considering how amazing my life has been recently, it's an even trade.
"One sandwich please." I ordered. "Oooh! And an ice tea too." I add.
"I'm gonna skip to desert and have chocolate cake please!" Pinkie said folding her menu.
"Comin' right up." Our waitress said taking our menus.
"This is nice." I began. "A nice little lunch, together."
"Yeah." She smiled stirring the ice in her water with a straw.
"Yeah." I smiled back.
"Here you go you two." Our waitress said handing us our food.
"Thank you!" We both said simultaneously. We both sat there silently with our food for a moment. I looked up at her and smiled.
"See, you were smart and skipped to desert, wish I had of thought of that." I said.
"Thinkin' like Pinkies a real skill!" She said tapping her head. This made my smile.
"Sure is." I said before taking a bite of my sandwich. It was pretty good, sourdough bread was a nice touch.
"So you remember those guys you talked about in that story you told me?" She asked.
"Yeah, what about 'em?" I replied.
"Who were they?" She asked.
"Oh, well one of them, Kenny, he was my best friend back when I was younger. met him when I was just starting out in school. Ross, God love him, he's a great guy, anal as hell though." I laughed. "Tyler was another pal of mine, but we faded apart not too long after that story... Kenny and I eventually faded apart too." I said.
"What happened?" She asked.
"Some would put it like this. He moved on, got a life. Started growing up, and I simply didn't." I said.
"You moved on." She said.
"How do you figure- Oh yeah, I really moved on." I said looking down at my hooves.
"Besides, I'm glad things turned out the way they did." She said.
"So am I." I smiled. We didn't say anything for a moment, until I spoke up.
"That looks amazing, can I try a bite of that?" I asked.
"PINKIE DOESN'T SHARE CAKE!" She exclaimed tensely as it was written in bold.
"Completely understandable. Pardon me? ma'am?" I call for the waitress, well it was quite understandable. Cake is sacred.
Chuck's tavern
"Huh. I expected a bigger turnout." I said as the party 'started'. Pinkie, Cheese, and I were the only ones here.
"This might have something to do with the fact I never told anypony about it." Cheese said to us.
"That was your job." Pinkie nodded.
"Yes. Yes that's probably why." I said to Cheese dryly. "Why not do that, oh I don't know, now?" I continued.
"You can count on me!" He bolted through the door.
"That should help, huh?" I said to Pinkie.
"Yep!" We laughed.
"Oh!" She started. "Before I forget, something for your grand opening." She pulled a small box from her mane. I opened it up to see a beautiful black bow tie.
"Oh Pinkie... I love it!" I beamed at the gift. "It's perfect, I love you!" I gave her a big hug.
"I love you too, glad you like it." She said.
"I'll definitely wear this everyday, thanks Cutiepie." I said, she looked at me in silence.
"That one didn't work either?" I asked.
"Now that one, I like." She gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled as I tied the bow tie around my neck and straightened it out.
"Looks perfect." She said.
"Thanks." I blushed. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. I peeked my head out to look. Cheese had gathered just about everypony together and they were waiting outside.
"Now that's a guest list!" Pinkie said looking out.
"Good work Cheese. Keep 'em stalled for a second so I can come out and make a little opening announcement." I told him.
"Yes sir!" He nodded. I turned to Pinkie before heading out the door.
"It's party time." I grinned opening the door.
"Hello everypony." I addressed the crowd. "I'd like to welcome you all to the official grand opening of Ponyville's first primary source of inebriation! I jest, soft drinks are also an option, a mixture of both is also available, and my personal favorite. And now, let's kick this thing off! Pinkie?" I gesture to her. She then cut the ribbon in front of the doors. "Come on in everypony!" I welcome everypony in.
"Let's get this party started!" Pinkie exclaimed as we entered once everypony else came in. I went behind the counter and quickly started taking orders. Pinkie, Quibble, Applejack, and Rainbow came over to the counter.
"What'll it be?" I ask them.
"Something soft." Rainbow said. "I'm flying tonight." (Don't drink and fly.)
"Comin' right up. and the rest of you?"
"Cream soda! soft or hard, don't really care! In fact gimme one of each!" Pinkie said.
"You've got it, those will be on the house." I told her.
"No fair!" Quibble said.
"Tell you what, I'll let you have a free drink too, consider an apology for that day with Discord." I told him.
"I want a whole night of free drinks for that." He glared.
"I'll give you a whole night half off. take it or leave it."
"Fine." He said. "I'll start with a 'rye of the tiger'?"
"It's actually rye whiskey with a dash of orange and lemon juice. I thought the name was fun." I said.
"I'll take that." He said.
"And Applejack?"
"Surprise me." She said.
"Alrighty then." I said jotting down their orders of a piece of paper and started pouring their various drinks.
"Here you go." I slid their drinks to them down the counter in traditional bartender fashion. "Enjoy."
"Wow! These are delicious! I can't even tell the difference between the two!" Pinkie exclaimed testing her drinks.
"After enough of one you sure would." I quipped.
"This is pretty good!" Applejack said. "What is it?"
"That's a favorite of your's truly. Spiked root beer. All the taste of the world's greatest soft drink, with that warm and tingly feeling in the tummy." I said.
"I'll take another!" She said.
"Alright." I said. "But you'd better pace yourself. The downfall of the drink is you don't quite know when you've hit too much till it's too late." I advised from personal experience while sliding her another one.
"Hey, where's the music?" Pinkie asked.
"Yeah! Where is the music?" I agreed. "Ay Cheese!" I called to him. "Give the jukebox a kick!"
"Now you're talking." He gave the jukebox a literal kick, not exactly what I meant, but miraculously, that somehow worked! Like on Happy Days how Fonzie would punch the jukebox and somehow not get a fistful of broken glass. Music starting up was met with a positive reaction to just about everypony.
"Aw, what a classic!" I listened to the song.
Me: We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
/
Say you don't know me, or recognize my face
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place
Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight
Too many runaways eating up the night
/
Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
/
Cheese: Someone's always playing corporation games
Who cares they're always changing corporation names
We just want to dance here, someone stole the stage
They call us irresponsible, write us off the page
/
Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
/
Quibble: It's just another Sunday, in a tired old street
Police have got the choke hold, oh, then we just lost the beat
/
Rainbow Dash: Who counts the money underneath the bar
Who rides the wrecking ball into our guitars
Applejack: Don't tell us you need us, 'cause we're just simple fools
Looking for Equestria, coming through your schools
/
"I'm looking out over that Golden Gate bridge out on a gorgeous sunny Saturday and I'm seeing that bumper to bumper traffic." I say.
Everypony: Don't you remember (remember)
"Here's your favorite radio station, in your favorite radio city the city by the bay, the city that rocks, the city that never sleeps."
/
Pinkie: Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll!
Me: We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll
Everypony: Built this city!
Pinkie: Ooooh-Ah-Ah-Ooooh
Everypony: we built this city on rock an' roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll!
(We built, we built this city) built this city (we built, we built this city)
"Yeeeahhh! Rock and roll!" Bulk Biceps exclaimed. (Bulk Biceps happens to be one of my favorite minor characters, it was about time I tossed him a line.)
"Next round's on the house!" I yelled. Why did I yell that out? Great. Now I have to keep that promise.
"Say Chuck." Applejack told me. "I'm lookin' at your menu, and it seems to be missin' something." She said.
"Yeah! That's right!" Rainbow nodded. I had a feeling I knew what they were talking about.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" I asked.
"The cider!" They both said simultaneously.
"Well, the thing about that is, if I were to serve it, I would want only the best available... I tried some of what Barstool had to offer, and it was good, but it paled in comparison to cider I've had before... If you catch what I mean." I said to Applejack.
"If y'all wants to talk business, take it up with Big Mac. He's the numbers one in the family." She told me. Really? Huh, never would have figured.
"Will do." I nodded.
Later that evening.
Everypony had an amazing time, most even stayed right till closing, it was a fun afternoon of laughter, songs, and dancing, and of course a bit of inebriation. What? it helps you come out of your shell! Or get brawly, luckily nopony seemed to be in the mood for a brawl. Once it was about time to close, I made my way up to the karaoke stage.
"This thing on?" I tapped the mic. "I want to thank everypony for coming, it was a great opener, I hope to see you all as regulars. I'd also like to thank Cheese Sandwich for gathering you all here, albeit a bit late." I shot a look at him. "And most of all, I'd like to thank my very... very special somepony, Pinkie Pie for setting this party up. So, before we close up. I'd like to put on one more classic. This one's for you Cutiepie, c'mon up here!" I called her up. As she made her way to me I gave the jukebox a kick and it started up.
Me: Don't go breaking my heart
Pinkie: I couldn't if I tried
Me: Oh Honey if I get restless
Pinkie: Baby you're not that kind
Me: Don't go breaking my heart
Pinkie: You take the weight off me
Me: Oh honey when you knocked on my door
Pinkie: I gave you my key
Both of us: Nopony knows it
Me: When I was down
Pinkie: I was your clown
Both of us: Nopony knows it
Me: Right from the start
Pinkie: I gave you my heart
Both of us: Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo!
Me: So don't go breaking my heart
Pinkie: I won't go breaking your heart
Both of us: Don't go breaking my heart
/
Me: And nopony told us
Pinkie: 'Cause nopony showed us
Me: And now it's up to us babe
Pinkie: I think we can make it
Me: So don't misunderstand me
Pinkie: You put the light in my life
Me: Oh you put the sparks to the flame
Pinkie: I've got your heart in my sights
/
Both of us: Nopony knows it
Me: When I was down
Pinkie: I was your clown
Both of us: Nopony knows it
Me: Right from the start
Pinkie: I gave you my heart
Both of us: Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart
Me: So don't go breaking my heart
Pinkie: I won't go breaking your heart
Both of us: Don't go breaking my heart
Both of us: Nopony knows it
Me: When I was down
Pinkie: I was your clown
Me: Right from the start
Pinkie: I gave you my heart
Both of us: Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart
Me: Don't go breaking my heart
Pinkie: I won't go breaking your heart
Both of us: Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my heart
Don't go breaking my
Don't go breaking my
I won't go breaking your heart!
Pinkie and I exchanged a long kiss as the song came to an end.
"Alright, now get outta here! You don't have to go home but you can't stay here!" I called out. I would dare say I had a very good opening day.
That's another chapter! Hope that you enjoyed it! Hearthswarming with the Pie family huh? How's that gonna go? Tune in, because that will be the next arc!
Songs used
"We built this city" by: Starship.
"Don't go breaking my heart" by: Elton John.