My Little Brocktree
Chapter 10
Previous Chapter Next ChapterFleetscut had not been enjoying the journey northeast. He had given all his food away, and he was starving, or felt like he was, anyway. Clover the Clever still had her bag, and she shared some food with Fleetscut, but the hare unwisely scoffed all she gave him right away.
"You may want to conserve. Who knows how long we'll be walking?" the purple unicorn said to him, but he ignored her. Soon he was feeling the emptiness in his stomach again.
"Yaaagh! Ooh, the famine cramps, me paws've gone dead, I can't see, it's the Scoffless Lurgy, I've been struck down with the Witherin' Ear Fever. Food! Somebeast save me before I have to resort to coprophagy!"
"Be quiet!" Princess Platinum commanded. "We don't know what sort of beasts are abroad in these woodlands."
"How can you stand this?" Fleetscut cried. "You gave up your food too."
"Well, when the hunger gets to be too much for me, I bend down and nibble a mouthful of grass. That takes the edge off."
Fleetscut decided to try that, but when he chomped on the first clump he gave a muffled yelp and spat it out, glaring at the yellow-and-black banded body humming angrily amid the dust.
"Confounded bloomin' wasp, loungin' about in the middle of a chap's tuck. Oh, it ain't fair! I'm starvin'!"
He was still complaining when they made camp for the night. "Oh dearie, dearie me, 'tis a hard life an' a jolly old sad death, wot. Perishin' out here on the grassy plains without anybeast to mourn over me benighted bones. Hunger, thirst, the Scoffless Lurgy, Witherin' Ear Fever, an' the Dreaded Numb Deadpaw. That's besides Tummyshrink Ague an' Fearsome Red Scutrot. Oho, yes, mates, you name it an' old Fleetscut's suffered it! A walkin' bonebag, courageous to the last, too proud to beg a crust from me messmates."
"That's not how I remember it," said Clover the Clever.
"Fadin' away sad an' slow. Wonder if they'll strike a medal for me, wot? A skinny hare with a brave smile, that'd be about right. Oh, an' in the background, lots of fat, wobbly unicorns, grinnin' like stuffed toads."
As a new day dawned, Fleetscut, unable to sleep because of hunger pangs, leapt up, roaring, "Aha! I think I see his sign, chaps! There 'tis!"
His wild yells wakened the unicorns. Princess Platinum rubbed irately at her eyes as she approached the dancing hare, Clover hurrying to join her.
"I think he's gone crazy from hunger," said Platnium.
Clover said, "Fleetscut, would you like to lie down and rest? I'll pick some roots for you to nibble on, okay?"
But the old hare continued to prance about and shout. "Nibble roots? D'you think I've gone off me bally rocker? Look, there 'tis! Plain as the washin' on me granny's line!"
Platinum stared out into the dawn light. "All I see are trees."
Fleetscut bounced up and down with impatience. "Not the trees, the sign, as it says in the confounded poem. 'March on through two moons and suns, my sign you'll see, I think!' Well, there 'tis, the sign. Your young eyes are better'n mine- you should be able to distinguish it. Huh, I'm nearly blind from the starvation, blinkin' Unvittled Eyeshrink I think they call it. But I can see the sign!"
Platinum interrupted Fleetscut's wild tirade. "Then quit acting like a drunken toad and point it out!"
"Right, pay a tension there, follow the line of me paw, wot. Now, d'ye see those two tall silver firs yonder, eh? Notice anythin' about them, wot? They've had most of the lower boughs chopped away and a thin dead trunk placed high on two notches between 'em!"
Clover nodded. "I see 'em." Princess Platinum could see it, too, now that it had been pointed out to her.
Fleetscut smote his forehead with a paw. "Thank me grandpa's whiskers for that! So, marm, does that crosspiece not look t'ye as if it's been purposely placed there? It looks like the letter H. That stands for Hare."
Platinum commented dryly, "Congratulations. You can spell the name of your own species. Clover, break camp. We'll make for yonder sign straight away."
Fleetscut followed them, muttering, "Good job the chap wasn't a squirrel. Or a chipmunk, how in the name o' fur would he bend trees into a C shape?"
"Chipmunks don't live in England," Clover the Clever said.
They marched into the tree shade by midmorn. Now that Clover was up close to the giant H, she was astounded. "How did anybeast get that up so high?"
Fleetscut was astounded too, but by something else. "I say! There are apple trees in this grove!" He started stuffing down apples as if it were his last day on earth, sour juice foaming out over his whiskers.
"I wonder which way we're supposed to go now," said Clover.
Platinum examined the parchment. "Well, the next line is, discover then a streamwolf's ford, tug thrice upon the royal cord. Not much to go on."
"I've never heard of a streamwolf, but I know a ford means water," said Clover.
Princess Platinum began pacing around, trying to think. Suddenly she stepped right in a patch of mud and let out a shriek. "Oh! My beautiful clean hooves!"
Clover grabbed her excitedly. "You need water to make mud!"
The princess didn't get it. She stared quizzically at her companion.
"Don't you see? If we follow this trail of mud, we'll be sure to come to the ford."
"That's all very well, but I have no intention of arriving at the court of King Bucko Bigbones looking like a bedraggled earth pony, or worse, a rough and tumble Pegasus."
"How will mud on your blinkin' hooves make you look like an earth pony or Pegasus?" Fleetscut asked the unicorn princess. "Everybeast can tell you're a unicorn because of your horn, wot. There aren't any unicorns with wings, are there?"
"It's funny you should bring that up," said Clover, "Because I've heard legends about creatures called alicorns that were a combination of unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi. They had both horns and wings. It's said that all other ponies felt a natural allegiance to the alicorns, and would do whatever they could to serve them."
"That's beside the point!" Princess Platinum snapped. "I don't want to reach my destination covered in mud."
Clover sighed. She knew what Platinum expected of her. They had done this many times before. "Climb on," she said, bending down so the princess could ride on her back.
"Do watch my gown, dear," Princess Platinum said. "It's worth more than all the books in your library."
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They made it to the ford that evening, but still all was not well. Fleetscut was feeling sick again, doubled up with stomach cramps. "Owowowowowooooow! Your old pal's a goner. Bury me here, please, quick as y'can. Oooooh! Anti-Trampin' Plague, that's what 'tis. Oooooh!"
Clover squeezed the hare's shoulders pityingly. She didn't know which of her two friends was the bigger drama queen. "It couldn't have been something you ate, could it?"
Fleetscut straightened up indignantly, then immediately folded up again, hugging his stomach. "Must have been a blighted worm in one of those apples!"
Clover grinned. "Which one? You ate a whole treeful of them. Hang on, I'll see if I can mix up something to help you feel better."
She built a small fire and boiled a mixture of hound's tongue leaves, milkwort, green alkanet blossoms, and two sulfur tuft mushrooms. The smell this concoction produced was horrendous. Fleetscut shut his eyes and mouth firmly, but not before remarking pointedly, "Madam, I'm not eatin' that mishmash. Are you tryin' to hasten me flippin' demise, wot?"
Clover had to sit on him to get him to take the medicine. Once she'd forced it into his mouth, she sprang to one side. Fleetscut sprang up like a startled fawn, scut twitching, ears erect, eyes popping wide, jaws quivering. He shot off among the trees like a shaft from a bow.
"Foul toads! Pollywoggles! Great barrel-bummed poisoners! Wharrroooogggghhhh! Bluuuuuurgh!"
Moments later he lolloped back, rather unsteadily, with a wan smile pasted on his drooping features.
"Never killed me, did you, smarty hooves, wot!"
A stern voice boomed from the edge of the camp. "Put one hoof near the rabbit an' we'll drop you all where y'stand!"
Two Pegasus ponies appeared out of nowhere. One was blue with streaks of all the colors of the rainbow in her hair, and wore a war helmet. The other Pegasus was yellow with pink hair, and was trying to hide behind the blue one.
Staring fiercely at the unicorns, the blue Pegasus puffed herself out, cheeks, stomach, and chest. "Unicorns, eh! Well, listen, bullies, I wouldn't stand to see a Pegasus treated in that way, tortured an' poisoned, or a rabbit either."
Fleetscut tapped her wing politely. "Er, 'scuse me, old lad, but I'm a hare an' they were-"
Rounding on him, the Pegasus roared, "Who asked you, eh? Don't dare interrupt when Commander Hurricane has the floor, or you'll get yourself chopped up into frogmeat, you will!"
Princess Platinum attempted to reassert command of the situation. "Clover the Clever, throw that brute into the dungeon!"
"What dungeon?" Clover asked. "Look, perhaps if we all calm down…"
"I vote for calm," the yellow Pegasus said timidly.
Commander Hurricane shouted at her, "I'll have you court marshaled for insubordination, Private Pansy! We settle this on the battlefield!"
Fleetscut had had enough, and he yelled louder than any of them, "I'm a hare, d'ye hear, a bally hare! These unicorns are my friends! They weren't harmin' me, just helpin' me through a serious illness, that's all! No need to go choppin' anybeast up round here, chaps, wot! Wot wot!"
Determined to shout louder than Fleetscut, Commander Hurricane hollered at a volume that hurt the hare's ears, "Well, why didn't you say so at first, instead o' causin' all this trouble an' strife, eh?"
"Because you never gave me a chance to!" Fleetscut stated simply.
There was silence for a minute. Then the quiet yellow Pegasus, Private Pansy, asked, "Do you guys want to come back to our camp and have some blackcurrant 'n' plum crumble?"
Princess Platinum was about to refuse the offer, but before she could open her mouth, Fleetscut burst out with, "Oh, I say, super wheeze! I'm absoflippinlutely famished, I ain't had nothing but sour apples today, wot! Lead us to it!"
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"Very good food this, eh wot? Jolly good scoff, wot wot? Absolutely top hole!"
The hare, the two unicorns, and the two pegasi were seated around a fire, digging into sizable bowls of blackcurrant and plum crumble, steaming hot and covered in sweet maple sauce. Even Princess Platinum had to admit that it was first class.
"Don't eat too much," Clover said to Fleetscut. "You might get sick again."
The hare winked at her. "Oh, I'm already sick, but it's worth it!"
The ponies all appeared to know each other. "So what brings you up here, Commander Hurricane?" Clover asked.
Hurricane wiped spilled crumble from her lap with a withered dock leaf, which she then devoured. "I came up this way to enter the contest. Hah, I 'spect that's why you're wanderin' this neck o' country too, eh?"
Fleetscut put aside his bowl. "Contest, what contest? First I've heard of it."
The commander turned to her soldier. "Pansy, gimme that contest thing you found."
Private Pansy produced a paper. Commander Hurricane took it and read it aloud:
"Come mother, father, daughter, son,
My challenge stands to anybeast!
I'll take on all, or just the one,
Whether at the fight or feast!
Aye, try to beat me and defeat me,
Set 'em up, I'll knock 'em down!
Just try to outbrag me, you'll see,
King Bucko Bigbones wears the crown!"
Fleetscut raised his eyebrows. "This Bucko Bigbones certainly has a fine opinion of himself."
"At least this one has a consistent rhyme scheme," said Princess Platinum. "That's the hare you're going up against. Well, good luck. He must have the might to back up his challenge."
Hurricane poked a grimy hoof at Fleetscut. "Hah, so you are goin' to take up the challenge! Don't you think you're a bit long in tooth an' seasons?"
Fleetscut patted the top of his grey head and then his chest. "Marm, there may be winter on the mountain, but there's spring at its heart. I must accept the challenge if I'm to raise an army to take Salamandastron, for we need this Buckowotsit and his followers on our side. So I'll search old Bigchops out an' throw down the bally gauntlet, wot!"
"Me too," said Commander Hurricane. "I'll take a shot at it!"
"But you can't, marm," Fleetscut objected. "You're a blinkin' commander of pegasi. How can y'be a king- or queen, I s'pose- of hares, wot?"
Hurricane shrugged. "Hares or ponies, it's all the same to me. I know how t'be boss an' put my hoof down firm. Hard but fair, that's me! What d'you say we join forces an' seek this King Bucko out together? We haven't got a clue where to find him. What about you?"
Without consulting the unicorns, Fleetscut drew out the poem, which he had taken back from Princess Platinum during the journey to the ford. "Right y'are, commander, we'll go together. Safety in numbers, wot. Listen to these directions. 'Discover then a streamwolf's ford, tug twice upon the royal cord, then my honor guard will bring, loyal subjects to their king!' Does that make any sense to you?"
Hurricane scratched her multicolored mane reflectively. "Yeah, it's poetry! All those funny words put together like a song, but you speak 'em, instead of singin'. That's the answer, it's poetry!" She sat back, looking quite pleased with herself.
Private Pansy said, "I think I might know what the poem is talking about. I was speaking to some shrews earlier today. They said that they call pike streamwolves. A pike is a kind of big fish, I guess."
"A pike is more than just a big fish," said Clover. "It's a dangerous big fish. I read that they have really sharp teeth, and they'll attack anything that moves."
Pansy was scared. "I don't want to be eaten by fish!"
"Steady on there!" said Fleetscut. "We don't have to fight one, we just have to find one. I imagine that when we do, this royal cord will be somewhere nearby."
So they agreed that they would look for a pike in the ford in the morning. And then they all lay down for the sleep of the night.