Ch. 6: The Loony Trickster

'…And she has a little sister named Sweetie Belle, and a cat named Opalescence that I think might be evil, and…'

"Alright, Spike. I get it. You think she's the bee's knees," Twilight said, cutting off her familiar's ranting.

'Sorry, Twilight. She's just so amazing…' Spike sighed. Twilight rolled her eyes.

"You have such a one-track mind," She said.

'I think I'm in love, Twilight,' Spike confessed.

"Really? What about Moondancer?" Twilight asked.

'That was just a boyhood crush.'

"That was yesterday."

Spike made a show of ignoring Twilight for the rest of the walk to the library. Sure enough, Rarity had been right. It was a tree. But that didn't really have Twilight's attention at the moment.

The front door was slightly ajar.

"That can't be good," Twilight said to herself, checking the door for any signs of forced entry. None.

'Think it's a robber?' Spike asked, peering into the dark library.

"I don't know. Maybe," Twilight said, slowly pushing the door open. It creaked ominously. Twilight summoned her staff to her hands out of habit.

'Maybe it's haunted,' Spike suggested.

"Spike, why would the Princess send me to stay somewhere haunted?"

'Twilight, have you forgotten some of the other tests she's given you?' Spike asked. For a moment, Twilight shuddered.

"Good point," She said. The door slammed shut behind them, leaving them in complete darkness.

'Ghosts! Panic!' Spike screeched.

"It was just the wind, Spike," Twilight whispered.

'That's what they want you to think.'

"You read way too many ghost stories, Spike," Twilight said, feeling along the wall for a light switch. After a few moments, she found it and flipped it without a moment's hesitation.

The room was empty, without any sign of a burglar. Twilight sighed in relief.

"See, Spike? I told you this place wasn't haunted," She said.

"Yeah, this library isn't haunted! Well, there was a ghost in this spooky old abandoned house just down the block a few years ago, but it turned out it was just Mr. Jenkins wearing a bed sheet," A pink-haired woman standing next to Twilight said.

Twilight stared at her.

Then screamed.

The woman screamed back.

Then Twilight screamed even louder.

The woman, not to be outdone, screamed even louder than that, and right in Twilight's face, nearly breaking her eardrums.

"Were we having a screaming contest? Did I win? I bet I won, because I'm really, really good at being loud!" The woman said.

"Wh-who are you? How did you get in here?" Twilight demanded, holding her staff at the ready as she looked over the strange woman.

The first thing that caught Twilight's eye was the woman's hair. It was pink, and looked like fluffy cotton candy. It was only barely contained by a twin-tailed jester's cap on the woman's head, emblazoned with three balloons. She was wearing a dark pink overcoat with puffy pink sleeves, and a pair of white frilly gloves. The woman was wearing a simple leotard under her jacket, leaving her legs bare except for the curly toed shoes she wore.

"I'm Pinkie Pie! Hi!" The woman said cheerfully.

"Okay, Pinkie Pie, what are you doing in here?" Twilight asked. Pinkie Pie creased her brow, as if she was deep in thought.

"Good question," She said, shrugging. "I can't remember!"

There was only silence.

"…You can't remember," Twilight repeated, looking at Pinkie like she was insane, which she very well might have been. Pinkie's eyes widened, and she clicked her fingers.

"Waitwaitwait! I remember now! I was waiting for you in here because I got tired of waiting for you out there!" She said, obviously proud of herself for remembering.

"Waiting for me? Out there? What are you talking about?" Twilight asked.

"Tingly foot," Pinkie said.

"What?"

"My foot felt tingly this morning!" Pinkie said without any further explanation.

"…And...?"

"Whenever my foot gets tingly, it means one of two things! Either somebody new is coming into town, or my foot is asleep! And I knew it wasn't that my foot had fallen asleep, because I was wide awake, and why would my foot be sleepy anyway, so I knew that it must mean that there was somebody new in town! And you know what that means!" Pinkie Pie said. Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?" She finally asked.

"It means that I simply have got to be the first person you meet when you get into town! So, bright and early, I went down to the road to Camelot to wait for you, and I knew you would be coming from Camelot because it was my big toe that woke up first. So I was waiting there for a few hours, since I figured that if anybody was going to be coming, they would be coming in on the road, but I guess I was wrong, so eventually I just got bored and decided to go to the place you would be staying!" Pinkie said, the words tumbling out of her mouth like water from a faucet.

"Wait, how did you know I would be staying here?" Twilight asked. Something in the back of her mind was telling her that she should really be a bit angrier at Pinkie for breaking and entering, but what this madwoman was saying raised so many questions it was hard to resist asking.

"Oh that's easy! I knew you would be staying here because I ate a fortune cookie!" Pinkie said, producing a small slip of paper.

"Hold on, a fortune cookie told you that I would be staying in this library?" Twilight clarified. Pinkie Pie nodded. Twilight snatched the paper from her and read it aloud.

"'Today you will find the person you are looking for'," She said. "But that doesn't say…"

"It came true, didn't it?" Pinkie asked, taking the paper back from Twilight.

"But… it doesn't even make any… I don't even…"

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

Twilight rubbed her temples to relax her aching head. She created a new corner for information in her mind, labeled it 'Pinkie Pie', tossed what she had just heard inside it, and then forgot about its existence. "Okay then, now that I'm finally here, why were you waiting for me?" Twilight asked.

"Because I don't know you, and since I'm friends with everybody, and you count as an everybody, that means I have to make friends with you, and in my book (available at your local bookstore) there's only two good ways to make a friend, but we can't do one of them because it involves getting hammered and having a fistfight with the guards and I'm not allowed within a hundred meters of the bar anyway, so that leaves only one way I can make you my friend and that's…" Pinkie jumped up, threw her head back, and spread her arms, as if she was trying to give the entire room a hug. "A PARTY!"

If there were any crickets with a good sense of timing nearby, they would have chosen that moment to start chirping.

"Um, what p-" Twilight was interrupted when Pinkie Pie screamed like a banshee.

"OH CRAP I SPENT SO LONG WAITING I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO PLAN THE PARTY!" She screamed. "Oh man, oh man, I'm so sorry! I swear, this has never happened to me! Just – just give me an hour or so, and I'll be back with some streamers and some confetti and some balloons and some ooh I know what to do!"

'I think we might be standing in the presence of the village idiot,' Spike remarked as Pinkie reached into one of her pockets, her arm vanishing up to the elbow.

"I think you're right." Twilight whispered back.

"Lessee… no, no, maybe, yes wait never mind, no, no, maybe later, oh, there we go. Ta da!" Pinkie said, pulling her hand out of her pocket. She was holding a rubber chicken. "Hold on, that's not it."

"Why do you have a rubber chicken in your pocket?" Twilight felt obligated to ask.

"Cuz the living chickens struggle too much," Pinkie said, cramming the chicken back into her pocket and continuing to rummage around in it. "And any good Trickster Mage has got to be prepared for any occasion, so I've got lotsa stuff in my pockets! But, whenever there's any need for me to set up a party in a jiffy, there's one thing that I rely on!"

"I'm almost scared to know what it is," Twilight said.

"Don't worry, it's perfectly legal, or at least until the Mayor passes that new law! BEHOLD!" There was a pop as Pinkie pulled something out of her pocket, and a heavy thud as its two pink, flower-decorated wheels hit the floor. Twilight's eyes almost fell out of her head. "My PARTY CANNON!"

"How… how did that fit in your pocket?" The logical side of Twilight had to ask.

"Not a clue!" Pinkie said carelessly, producing a lit match from thin air and lighting the blue cannon's fuse. "But I'm not complaining!"

"Waitwaitwait!" Twilight lunged forwards and quickly blew out the fuse. Pinkie Pie pouted pitifully. "Are you insane?! No, don't answer that. Why on earth would you think about using that thing in here?"

"Oh, do you want the party outside? We can do that! I like outdoor parties!" Pinkie squealed.

"I don't want a party!" Twilight shouted. Pinkie stared at her as if she had just said that she enjoyed kicking puppies.

"Can you run that by me again?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.

"I… do… not… want… a… party," Twilight said slowly. Pinkie apparently understood what Twilight was saying this time, because she stuck out her lower lip and her eyes started to water.

"Bu-bu-but… but I always throw parties for new people in town," She blubbered. "Because n-new people don't know anybody in town, and pa-parties are great ways to get to know people, and make friends, and be happy…"

"Oh no. No. Don't cry. Please, don't cry," Twilight begged, stepping forward to try and comfort Pinkie before she really turned on the waterworks. Too late. Pinkie threw her head back and wailed like a child, literally crying a waterfall.

"BUT YOU DON'T WANT A PARTY! AND THAT MAKES ME SO SAAAAAD!" She sobbed. Twilight grimaced, realizing what she would have to do to get Pinkie to stop crying.

"Okay, you can plan a party for me!"

Pinkie immediately stopped crying. "Did you just say that you want a party?" She asked.

"Yes," Twilight groaned. Pinkie grinned at her, and started to bounce up and down happily.

"Oh goody! This is gonna be great! We can have punch, and streamers, and confetti, and piñatas, and balloons, and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and…" Twilight held up a hand to stop Pinkie's list.

"Just… one favor," She said. "Do you think we could have it after the Summer Sun Celebration?"

'But we're going straight back to Camelot after… ohhhh.'

"After the Summer Sun Celebration? That's gonna be a tough act to follow, but okie-dokie-lokie!" Pinkie Pie rubbed her hands together as she began to laugh darkly. "I'll show them what happens when you try to plan a giant party without my help. Ohh, I'll show them."

"I'll… leave you to it, then. But right now," Twilight faked a yawn. "Oh wow. Today has been really tiring for me. I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. I'm so sleepy."

"I can get you some coffee, if you want! I work at Sugarcube Corner, and they have the best coffee you could ask for!" Pinkie Pie offered. Twilight shook her head.

"No, thank you. I just think I'm going to turn in for the night. As in, right now," Twilight lied.

"But it's only…"

Twilight yawned again.

"Wowzers, you are tired!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Okay, I'll let you get some sleep! See you right before sunrise?"

"Of course you will. Now, could you please leave before I fall asleep right here?" Twilight asked politely.

"Good idea! You never know when a nap can strike!" Pinkie said sagely. "Buh-bye, then!" And with that, she cartwheeled out the door, which Twilight quickly closed and locked behind her. She let out a sigh of relief.

"Spike, take a letter," She said. Spike hiccupped out a scroll and quill. "'Dear Princess Celestia, the preparations are taken care of. Signed, Twilight Sparkle. Post-script: Everybody in this town is completely insane. Post-post-script: I still think Nightmare Moon is going to return.' Send."

Spike finished scratching out the letter, rolled it up, and blew a short stream of green flame, burning the scroll and not even leaving behind any ashes.

'All done,' He reported. 'The Princess is going to get here in the Alicorn in the morning, right?'

"Just before sunrise, yes. So, we've got a few hours," Twilight said, looking around the room at the numerous shelves of books. "Time to do some reading."

'About what?' Spike asked.

"The old stories of Nightmare Moon, of course," Twilight said. "I'm especially interested in finding out how she was defeated. The old stories just skipped straight over that part, for some reason. I've also been wondering about that last line in Delphi's prophecy. 'The last light in the Dark answers Harmony's call'. I'd like to see if there's anything in here that might shed some light on that. Also…"

Spike tuned out Twilight's voice, his thoughts turning back to the beautiful woman they had met earlier.

The light of the candles seemed pitiful in the dark room, but the man dressed in black, kneeling in the center of the room, did not care. It was the inevitable fate of light to be swallowed by the darkness. This was the truth that the Shadow Blades had always been taught.

"O mighty Queen, I am thy servant," The man intoned reverently. "In the path of the darkness, thou hast shown us the way. I am the eyes through which thou see. I am the hands through which thou act. I am the feet through which thou walk. I am the blade through which thou strike. I am a Shadow Blade. My life is thine, to use as thou see fit."

There was a familiar deep roar in the back of his mind. The Queen, the Mage in the Moon, was choosing to speak with him. Words began to form out of the ceaseless roar. 'IS EVERYTHING PREPARED?' It spoke.

"Yes, my Queen. The Necromancer has raised an army of the dead numbering nearly a thousand for you to command, and we have secured the loyalty of a pack of werewolves. We have also secured a suitable candidate to lead an elite flight team, and I took the liberty of hiring a very powerful mercenary."

'AND WHAT OF CELESTIA?'

"We have our eyes on the Alicorn, and will follow it the moment it leaves Camelot."

'GOOD. DO NOT FAIL US. WE REWARD THOSE THAT ARE LOYAL, BUT WE HATH NO PATIENCE FOR FOOLS. SERVE US ON THIS NIGHT AS THOU AND THY FAMILY HAVE FOR A HUNDRED YEARS, AND THY ORDER WILL BECOME LORDS AND DUKES IN OUR NEW COURT.'

"I need no reward, my Queen," The man said, bowing his head. "My reward is the fruition of the work of my father, and his father before him."

'THY HUMILITY SERVES THEE WELL. WE SHALL SOON MEET FACE TO FACE. DO NOT DISAPPOINT US,' The Queen warned, and the roar in the man's mind faded away. He stood up and exited the room. Several other men, dressed in matching black all-concealing clothing, stood at attention outside the room.

"You all know what you must do. Get to it," The man ordered. The other Shadow Blades bowed.

"Yes, Grand Master."