Pursky Reviews

Cupcakes #1

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My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. A show that was originally supposed to be watched by little kids, has involved into a gigantic fandom, that attracts many artists and writers. I have to give the show some slack myself. I watched it and I thought It was actually pretty good. I'm not watching it anymore, but I definitely heard about this old peace! Cupcakes is a Fanfiction that was posted someone in January 2011 and that is pretty long ago if you think about it. It became REALLY infamous, REALLY fast for it's gory and violent nature and if there is anything the Internet can't get enough from... except for porn, it's Creepy Pasta. This Fanficiton almost created it's own genre and was (unfortunately) used as an inspiration for many others. Well I guess it's time for me to finally read it... I mean I haven't done anything in a while, and my personal life is boring... So here we go!

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Cupcakes

By Sergeant Sprinkles: World's Greatest Party Clown

Edited by Edinpony

Words: 4080

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...Really? "Sergeant Sprinkles: World's Greatest Party Clown"? That's what you're gonna call yourself? Also about the "Edited" thing, there are many versions of this story but I'm pretty sure this is the most original one.

WARNING: This fanfiction is incredibly gory, and may ruin your appreciation of a certain My Little Pony character as well as the titular baked goods. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

You heard it! Don't like it, don't read as they say. And I doubt there is anything that can stop me from liking those baking goods!

The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a glorious day.

Is this just an alternative for "It was a normal day in Ponyville"? I already wrote about that. Those sentences are bad news...

The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere specific to be. All except Rainbow Dash; her place was in the sky.

Isn't that a specific place to be at as well? I mean what does specific even mean?... Sorry I'm just filling the void here.

She tore freely through the air, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind. The blue pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she pulled up back into the clear blue. Rainbow felt alive.

No that's a perfect 9/10!

Suddenly, Dash remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises that she'd nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three.

Normal start, all is fine, can't see any trouble, I'm still happy.

Pinkie hadn't said why or what they'd be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.

mmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Dash wasn't sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue flying. But, Dash's conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie's feelings; after all, Pinkie had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them.

She's gonna rape/kill her isn't she?

Dash considered it and thought "why not?" What did she have to lose?

She's gonna rape/kill her. She definitely is!

Heck, it might be more pranking.

And I thought having Youtube overflown with Pranks was bad enough.

Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull on folks, and they'd had so much fun the last time. Dash kicked into overdrive to make up for lost time, and sped to her appointment.

When Dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement. "Yay, you're here! I've been waiting aaall day," said the jumping pony.

"I've been waiting aaall day" she said eyeless and soulless from the void with an empty emotionless grimace on her face.

"Sorry if I'm a little late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time," Dash apologized.

Just take your time Rainbow Dash. You've got all day. Just fly to the other end of the country and be safe.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What's a few more minutes? I've been sooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I've been so happy."

Okay fun aside. This is the boring part. There's not much happening here. Except for Pinkie being weird.

Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie's friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie's overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out. Dash maintained a polite expression, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.

Oh I saw the word "creeped" I saw it. I can feel the masquerade of innocence crumbling.

"So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I've got everything all ready," the pink pony said.

Dash psyched herself up. "You betcha, Pinkie. So what do ya got planed? We gonna prank somebody? I got a couple of good ones I've been thinking about. Or maybe you've got some stunts you think I should try? Or perhaps…"

Here we go! Are you ready? Are you holding on to someone?

"MAKING CUPCAKES!" Pinkie happily announced.

There it is, there's the title! This just made my day!

"Baking?" Dash was disappointed. "Pinkie, you know I'm not good at baking. Remember last time?"

"Oh that's not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I'll be doing most of the work," Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second. "Well, alright, I guess that's ok. What exactly do you need me to do?"

Oh, I think she has plenty of plans... I think she knows exactly what to do.

"That's the spirit. Here you go." Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Dash was puzzled "I thought I was helping you bake."

"You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

"So, is this like taste testing or something?"

"Sorta," Pinkie said.

Don't eat that cupcake Dash! I mean it is a review so I obviously read this story before I got to work, but that's what I thought back then. I think that's what everyone thought.

Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.

"Ok, now what?" Dash asked.

"Now," Pinkie informed her, "You take a nap."

Puzzled, Dash opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to the floor.

So now we crossed the line from being casually obscure to obviously creepy. Now things are gotta get interesting.

When Dash regained consciousness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place. She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. Dash's wings were the only part of her not tied down, and they fluttered frantically while she struggled to escape. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

I called it! She's obviously gonna rape/kill her!

"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started," Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

"Pinkie, what's going on? I can't move!" Dash said urgently.

You can't move because you're tied down you dumb dumb!

"Well duh, that's because you're tied down," chided Pinkie.

Hey, I was first!

"That's why you can't move. I didn't think you'd need to be told that."

Me neither. Well now she's annoying me! She says all the good stuff that I wanted to say!

"But why? What's happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes."

"You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more."

It's pony.

"Special ingredient?"

It's pony.

Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. "What special ingredient?"

It's little Horse.

Pinkie giggled and responded "You, silly!"

Dash's eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria, "Woo, you really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I'm gonna get made into a cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet. You win, you're the best."

Killing your best friends Prank - Sam Pepper - 2015. This really happened!

Pinkie only giggled even more. "Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven't done any pranks today, so I can't accept your praise."

Dash was struggling again. "Pinkie, come on, this isn't funny."

Are you really that naive, Dash? Are you really that starry-eyed?

"Then why were you laughing?" Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

Now the fun begins. Or ends. Let's see...

Dash was now in full panic mode. She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony. "You can't do this Pinkie! I'm your friend!"

"I know you are and that's why I'm so happy that I've got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me." Pinkie was skipping again.

I like this part! It has something Stephen King'ish!

"But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they'll come looking for me and then you'll get found out," Dash cried in desperation.

Just give up okay? Just tell your heart to stop beating, that'll work!

"Oh, Dash," said Pinkie. "Don't worry, there are plenty of pegasus ponies to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no one will find out. I mean, how long do you think I've been doing this?" And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

Oh I can hear the Over-The-Top-Drum rolls from here!

"Oh no." Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her. The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium were tied to the backs of chairs.

So beautiful...

The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to her. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin.

The finest of art-forms...

With a thrill of terror, Dash recognized one of them as Apple Bloom's classmate Twist. Dash's eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several tanned pony hides, the words "Life is a party" were scrawled on it in blood red.

You may heard that one before. It's a pretty popular quote. Even though I wouldn't write it on my wall in blood!

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I think that's about enough for one part. In the next one it's gonna get really intense... Kind of but you'll see. And don't worry this time I'm not gonna wait for another 4 Months. See you around.

Pursky