Chapter 3: Toys Are Us by Hexstatic

So after the train wreck that we'll graciously call the last chapter, I figured out how to solve such a mess. With actual trains. That's right, this chapter is going to focus on motherfucking trains… spoil alert that bitch. Anything to add Solo before the chapter starts?

Well, I don't want to spoil it any more than you already have... But this is one of the stupidest reasons to have a train in the story we have ever made, wait this is the first one so scratch that... One of the stupidest reason I have ever heard of, yeah that's better. SoloAcrobat6 out!

And we'd like to thank blackdragonfic for following and favoriting (what a try hard).

I stared at our predicament. Technically it was a global map, but it depicted our predicament quite well. The distance between Saddle Arabia and Brazil was about 5,900 miles. A good portion of which was ocean. And my boat was totally fucking seized by those assholes in Omane because I parked it on the beach, which is apparently illegal. I mean, sure, I hit some people but who doesn't get out of the way of a fucking boat? And I was completely out of funds because I tried to invest in the glass economy which did not work at all. Turns out glass isn't such a big deal in Saddle Arabia. So Gecko and I didn't have the money for a boat back home. Which only meant one thing… I had to earn some damn money. I walked out of the general store and across the street where Gecko was at a café, reading the newspaper. I sat across from him and struck conversation.

"So anything interesting?" I asked him. He looked up from the newspaper and gave me a long pattern of blinks. It was then that I realized that Gecko read Arabic. Or was the name for the written language different? "So they discovered the crater of glass where the terrorist group was once. And they're passing it off as a major malfunction with the possible weapon of mass destruction that they were working on. Well that was fun, I guess. So what do we do about our money problem?"

I got several blinks in reply before he went back to the newspaper.

"You want to travel to England? What could be in England?" I asked him. I got a blink. "Trains? What do trains have to do with anything? Wait, are you suggesting we make our own railroad to gain funds to buy a boat?"

He nodded, folding the newspaper up and looking at me. I sighed. Pulling off a railroad with just myself and Gecko would be hard, but it was the only idea we had so far. I sighed and went back to the general store to look at the map again to plan our trip to England.

(Time-lapse because I'm lazy)

I stared at our beauty. It was a five-car, luxury-class train made entirely of ice. Because fuck metal, it's overrated and a pussy. Of course, it also ran on ice tracks. There was obviously the engine of the train. It didn't need to run on coal and didn't use the power of steam. It's powered purely on magic ice. Gecko would be operating as the conductor here. Then there was a dining car, where all of our food was being kept nice and refrigerated. There was a rest car where the customers could sleep for the long trips. There was a relaxing car (totally different from rest!) where we had massaging chairs and other luxurious items. There was a social car where we would hold fun little gatherings and where I'd be managing the bar. The last car was for defense to keep the customers safe. There was probably enough firepower in that car to invade Poland. Because fuck Poland. Obviously, there was the fact that I needed permission to run this train… which is why there's about six officers currently shoved into very awkward positions in a janitor's closet. Gecko was currently selling tickets. We'd made a trip where we'd make stops in order of Italy, Greece, Smane, Coltugal, Mareocco, Equestria, Colta Rica, Puerto Rico, Brazil and then we'd return to England. I checked the sun. We had about 15 minutes until boarding. I went inside to double check everything. There was plenty of magic ice to last us until Italy. I checked the train's thermostat. We were at a solid 22 degrees Celsius. All the food in the dining car was in prime condition. All my ice knives were as sharp as could be. The beds were made and tidy. Everything checked out in the relaxing car. All my alcohols that I had bought were organized well. I didn't even dare to open the defense room yet. I then remembered about our observation deck. I went up the flight of stairs that ran on the side of the relaxing car up to an observation deck where you could see in all 360 degrees. This train was totally going to turn a profit. I saw Gecko leading eight ponies to the train. For our first departure, the numbers were pretty solid. I teleported down to social car where I slipped my bartender's uniform on over my cloak. I grabbed a glass and rag to make it look like I was doing bartending things. Of course, I had already cleaned these glasses down to the molecular level. Gecko led the eight ponies into the social car where I greeted them formally. They seemed to be talking amongst themselves on how despite the train looked, it was surprisingly warm inside. Weird, it was almost like we lived in a world with magic. He then went to lead them to the rest car to get their belongings situated. I quickly took off my bartender's uniform and teleported up to the dining car. I slung on my apron and began chopping a carrot I totally had out for the sake of chopping. The customers walked by, some ignoring me, others looking at me and then back the way they came in confusion. They left the dining car to go into the rest car, so I stopped chopping the carrot and ate it. I took off my apron and teleported to the engine where I waited for Gecko. Gecko took about 5 minutes to get situated and then entered the engine. We made eye contact and nodded. I put a tiny conductor's hat on him as he went to go punch tickets. I went and checked all the gauges and levers to make sure we were ready to depart. Gecko came back in with pieces of tickets and threw them out in the garbage can by the door. He picked up the gardener's shovel to start scooping ice into the 'furnace'. I watched as our power gauge began rising to efficient levels as I pushed the throttle on, also activating my magic to layout the track as we moved. I looked out the window to see five security ponies begin running towards the train from the station. I sighed and opened the window, grabbing my bow which had been sitting to the side, and notched a dull arrow. I leaned out the window a bit and took aim. The end result was five stallions on the ground rolling around in pain after tripping over the first one… whose knee might be dislocated. I set my bow down and closed the window. I nodded to Gecko and he stopped shoveling to jump up onto my head. We exited the engine car to address the customers. They were still getting settled but focused their attention when I walked in.

"Hello, ladies and gentlecolts, I am Charming Charmer and this is my partner Gecko. We would like thank you for travelling with Ice Tracks today. Our destination is Milan, Italy and since we are going to be traveling at an average speed of 275 kilometers per hour so we should be reach Milan in a little under 5 hours", I stopped as a stallion raised their hoof. "Yes, sir?"

"Yes", Oh god that accent was going to annoy me, "I was wondering about why nopony else seems to know about this railroad."

"Well sir, we are a very new track that just gained clearance about a week ago", I replied. Some of the passengers began talking among themselves, not knowing that my heightened hearing could hear them. "I assure you all though that we passed the Safety and Regulations Authorization Test without a single negative point scored."

Throw enough big, important words at ponies and they eat that shit like Taco Tuesday. It worked as they seemed to be relieved.

"Today I will be working as your chef and bartender while Gecko works as your conductor. Again, we thank you for patronage", I say, bowing my head just enough so Gecko didn't fall off. I walked back into the engine car and set Gecko down before teleporting to the dining car to get preparations ready.

(5 hours later)

"Italy's pretty cool", I told Gecko as we left the train station. The trip had, of course, gone without a hitch. The passengers were really surprised when we went over the English Channel, but it wasn't actually that hard to pull off considering that ice is less dense than water and floated naturally. With all the passengers satisfied and off to do their business, Gecko and I were just waiting for my magic to recharge. Using magic for five hours was definitely a new experience so we had some time to kill. We decided to visit the Milan Cathedral and pull some hilarious prank on it.

A few hundreds of gallons of paint later and now the Milan Cathedral was a great neon green color. Inside and outside, hell, I even re-colored the stained glass because it was fuckin' fun. Then after the good laugh Gecko and I had, we decided to get on our way to our next destination. Greece. Athens, Greece. Our number of customers actually dropped down to 5 but we still had time to grow. It was a little under a two hour trip to reach Athens. Nothing happened on the trip there, but Gecko and I had a fun time in Athens. Apparently this Acropolis of Athens was a big deal or something so I couldn't help but pull a bit of a prank. All I did really was flash freeze the entire thing… which yeah, could lead to some structural damage but now it looked a lot cooler. Our next destination was Girona, Smane. We actually had 11 customers this time so we were definitely growing. It was about a six and a half hour trip to Girona, which was our longest trip yet. Of course, no trip to Girona was complete without seeing the Tapestry of Creation… and drawing hilarious faces on it when nopony was looking. Our next stop was at Coimbra, Coltugal. It was a four and half hour trip to reach it. While there, Gecko and I explored the University of Coimbra and gave a lecture on theoretical magic after kidnapping the professor and shoving him into a janitor's closet. Turns out though that if you give a lecture about theoretical magic in Meteorology 204, most students just seem confused. From there, we went to Casablanca, Mareocco, and our first non-European stop. It was just a two hour trip to get there to Casablanca. We, of course, visited the Hassan II Mosque and gave it a new paint job. Pink was a much better fit. After Casablanca, we made a stop to Manehattan, Equestria. This was our longest trip by far, taking a total of 21 hours to get to Equestria. And we had to cross the Atlantic Ocean which was fun. Sadly, I didn't get a reason to use anything from our defense car, but there were more stops still. By now, our numbers were at a solid 24. But Equestria was a pretty famous touring country for whatever reason. But while there… let's just say that I gave the Statue of Liberty a nice makeover. From Manehattan, we traveled to Cartago, Colta Rica. It was a 23 hour trip to reach Cartago as we travelled across land, not the gulf… cause strange shit happens in that gulf. In Cartago, Gecko and I visited the famous ruins and decided to not mess with anything… besides hiring some kids to draw #420yoloswag all over the place. But that's just a minor thing. After Cartago, we went to Puerto Rico. It was almost a seven hour trip to reach San Juan. In San Juan, we explored Old San Juan and put 'New!' stickers everywhere… because we're just that evil. After San Juan, we traveled to Brazil to visit Rio de Janeiro. It was a 19 hour trip to reach Rio de Janeiro. Of course, in Rio, you have to visit the big statue that overlook the city where the stallion is standing on his backhooves and spreading his forehooves out as far as he can. Of course, this was almost too easy. At the base of the statue, I paid off a guy to etch in 'I swear, it's this big' in Coltuguese big enough for everypony to read and laughed my head off. Gecko wasn't very amused but it was funny for me so fuck everything. Having finally made enough money to rent a boat, we made our final trip back to England. We ended on a strong note of about 30 customers. The only sad part of this I never got to use anything from our defense car. But as if my life were written by a really bad writer, I found a reason on our trip back. While crossing the Atlantic Ocean, we ran through a convoy of five pirate ships. Obviously, we could have just sped right by them considering we were much faster. But I wanted, no… I needed to use my ballista. The thing was probably starting to get lonely and sad AND I CAN'T HAVE THAT! So I rushed to the defense car once I got word from Gecko and opened the roof. My ballista majestically rose from the car and I manned it. Three ice bolts and two magic torpedoes later and I was a satisfied stallion… which still didn't stop me from then firing a bolt with about the destructive power of a megaton of TNT. That produced a nice mushroom cloud. And also a tsunami. But with a little more exertion of my magic and it wasn't much of problem, just simply redirected it in a different direction… poor Central America. It was a peaceful trip after that. Gecko and I rented the service of a seapony to take us to Brazil. The ride back was peaceful. Everything was going alright when we reached Brazil. Gecko and I were now running back to the guild.

"You know Gecko, I can't help but shake the feeling that we're missing something", I told him as he held onto my head for his adorable life. I didn't get an obvious response as I wasn't looking at him, but I could tell he was listening. "Like I feel like there was something we could have done that would have saved us time, energy and money… oh well."

We went on like that for about a few hours when I saw smoke in the direction we were heading. And we were pretty close to the guild too.

"Huh, that's strange. Hey Gecko, don't we usually not burn the POWs at the stake until autumn?" I got some kind of response. "Wait, aren't I the only one who does that?"

(15 minutes later)

Gecko and I got my answer as we were bathed in the warmth. It was honestly nice… just for some reason the guild looked different. Maybe it was the fact that it was completely on fire… huh. Some snaps were heard and in just a few moments the blazing ball of my guild fell from the canopy and came crashing to the ground. I stared at the still burning mass of fire.

"Huh…" I said as I stared at the flames. One of the nearer things burning caught my attention. It was a body. Upon closer inspection, I could barely recognize it as Solar Flicker… or at least what was left of her.

"... Huh…" I continued. Gecko poked my head to get my attention. He was gesturing at something to my right. I looked and found a note on the tree. I walked up to it and picked it up. I held it in front of me. "What's it say?"

Gecko climbed down and began reading the letter as I interpreted his body language.

"So some group attacked the guild, attempting to slaughter everypony when one of the rooms they checked exploded and everything caught on fire and they had to leave in order to survive?" I asked. I got a nod in response. "And the note's signed? By who?"

Some body language.

"Rohdiamant? Isn't that Germane? We were attacked by Germanes?" I asked. Then I figured out something. One of the rooms exploded, causing the guild to burn down. I booby-trapped my room with powerful explosives…

"HA!"

Oh… oh shit… did… did something actually just happen? Have we actually started with the plot?! OH MY GOD ARE THINGS HAPPENING?! Well this was a lazy chapter. Had to write this in my free-time between college and soccer (intramural because I suck lol). But still, we actually had an important event happen. Our overpowered protagonist finds himself with no more guild, no more home and most importantly… who the f**k's going to pay him now? Where will he go from this? Find out next time… in January probably. I'm actually doing a decent job with updating a story a month. Well I'm done talking. Solo, say stuff!

SoloAcrobat6 is satisfied with this chapter, just… just wish the poor dude could read. But oh well, that will be explained much later on. Bye Bye

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