It was early morning in Ponyville. Inside Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was waiting patiently for the punch clock to strike seven o'clock, before she could insert her card in the slot.

"Wait for it," Pinkie uttered, eagerly waiting for the right time.

Only five seconds to go, which made Pinkie narrow her focus more. Suddenly, the second hand halted at the last second. This made her eyes widen in shock. After a short while, the second hand finally reached the twelve. Pinkie Pie immediately jumped up and inserted her card into the slot. She then turned around and jumped into the air in victory.

While Pinkie was mid-air with a big smile on her face, the punch clock calculated her time. It spoke in a digital voice, saying, On Time Percentage: 100%.

Pinkie landed back on the floor, congratulating herself. At that moment, Mrs. Cake sauntered into the room. She drew big yawn as she inserted her card into the slot. After she punched her card, the same digital voice said, "On-time percentage: 94%."

Mrs. Cake sighed, "Another day in paradise, eh Pinkie?"

"I know," replied Pinkie. "Isn't it great working here at Sugarcube Corner?"

"Yeah, great," agreed Mrs. Cake.

"Yeah, huh?" said Pinkie.

"Yes."

"Oh yeah?"

Mrs. Cake was annoyed by Pinkie's giddiness. Raising her voice, she said, "Yes!"

"Hold that thought, Mrs. C," Pinkie said. "I'm going outside for early morning litter patrol. May Celestia shine brightly on my harvest." Pinkie chortled as she bounced out of the shop.

---

Outside, Pinkie was holding a trash pick-up stick with a green saddlebag wrapped around her body. She also wore a pink cap with the words Litter Bugs Me inscribed on it. Upon bouncing outside, she found a crumpled-up piece of paper on the ground.

"Litter," she said. Picking up the trash with her stick, she brought it close to her face, saying, "Looks like somepony missed the trash can, eh Mr. Newspaper? Heh, ponies these days."

She gasped as she saw another crumpled-up piece of paper being thrown onto the ground. Picking it up, she said, "I've never seen such an epidemic. Well, at least it's all over now."

She looked to her left and saw another piece of paper on the ground and gasped. She picked it up, but then saw another piece of trash. This was making her confused. Pinkie picked that trash up, but then saw another coming. Picking that up, more trash appeared. As the mare continued picking up each piece of garbage, more just kept coming. Eventually she worked faster to pick up every litter. Pinkie stopped to catch her breath and saw her pick-up stick had a huge stack of garbage piled over it. She thought she had gotten all of it when one more bit of trash descended by parachute.

This made Pinkie explode in frustration, knocking away all her collected garbage, "Where is all this litter coming from?!"

Pinkie then saw the source of the problem. Sitting on a bench was a large, olive green earth pony stallion with a short brown mane and wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt. She then saw a trail of garbage leading to his location, meaning he was the one littering. She could hear him laughing as he did it, which meant he didn't care what he was doing. The stallion then threw out another piece of trash, and Pinkie saw it as it mimicked on the pupils in her eyes. She wasn't going to stand for this.

"Not on my watch," Pinkie said sternly.

She angrily marched over to the stallion and yelled at him, "Sir, I'll have you know that it's against the law to litter!"

The stallion only scoffed, "Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Call the police?"

Suddenly, several police officers appeared and surrounded the stallion. He had a surprised look on his face while Pinkie smirked, "Yes."

The officers then took the stallion off the bench and hoof-cuffed his front hooves, back hooves, and even his ears.

As Pinkie watched the officers cuff him in satisfaction, Mrs. Cake walked over to her and asked, "How's it going, Pinkie?"

"Well, let's just say our litterbug saved room for his just desserts," Pinkie said with a slight laugh. "Yeah, just desserts. I crack myself up."

Mrs. Cake just gave a small chuckle, "You sure do, Pinkie." However, she looked shocked when she recognized the criminal Pinkie turned in. "Pinkie Pie, don't you know who that is?"

"What?" asked Pinkie.

"That's the Tattle-Tale Strangler!" Mrs. Cake exclaimed.

"Who?"

"The Tattle-Tale Strangler!" Mrs. Cake showed Pinkie the Tattle-Tale Strangler's mugshot. "He promises to strangle anypony who happens to turn him in."

As the Tattle-Tale Strangler was being put into the paddy wagon, he growled at Mrs. Cake and Pinkie, making them jump in fright.

"He seems kind of angry, Mrs. Cake?" Pinkie wondered. The pink mare turned around to see her employer was missing. "Mrs. Cake?"

Meanwhile, the Tattle-Tale Strangler was being moved into the paddy wagon. Bon-Bon kept the door open and Lyra pushed him into the back.

"You're gonna do time for this, Strangler," said Lyra firmly. "Hard time."

As Bon-Bon shut the door, Pinkie walked up to the officers, out of concern for her safety, "Hi, officers. So, he's going to jail, right?"

"Who, you mean the Strangler?" Bon-Bon asked.

"Yeah, the Strangler," Pinkie replied.

"Oh, yeah. He's going to be in jail for a long time."

As Bon-Bon and Pinkie were talking, the Strangler had picked up a pencil with his teeth and drew on the back of the headrest of the front seat. He turned it around to reveal he had drawn Pinkie's face, and he showed it off with a big grin.

"Hey, that looks like me," said Pinkie.

The Strangler then furiously smashed and crushed the headrest while grunting ferociously. When he was done, the picture of Pinkie's face had become mutilated and showed various bruises around the face. A spring also popped out after the headrest took the beating. He merely chuckled as it signified what he was going to do to Pinkie.

Pinkie was left frightened at this sight.

"Don't worry, Pinkie Pie," said Bon-Bon, "He won't be able to strangle you."

"Yeah," added Lyra. "We got him locked up real good. He'll never get away."

Lyra and Bon-Bon turned around and had stunned expressions on their faces. "Oh no, not again," said Bon-Bon.

"Yup, he got away," said Lyra.

What everypony saw was the door of the paddy wagon open, and lying on the ground was a pile of hoof-cuffs. A trail of hoof-prints was also at the scene, which meant the Strangler was on the loose.

The thought of being in danger made Pinkie shriek with fright and faint. Lyra and Bon-Bon looked down to see Pinkie getting up with a dazed look on her face as she saw stars spinning around her head.

"You nice officers will protect me, right?" Pinkie asked politely.

"We ain't bodyguards, kid," Bon-Bon explained.

"Yeah," said Lyra. "Give us a holler if you see him again, tattle-tale!"

The two cops then trotted off towing the paddy wagon, leaving Pinkie to choke on the dust. She was more worried than ever, "Those officers are right, I need a bodyguard!"

She then ran off to find somepony to protect her. Luckily, she found somepony close by. High upon a cloud, Rainbow Dash was relaxing in the mid-morning sun.

"Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie shrieked at the top of her lungs.

"Not now Pinkie Pie, I'm trying to take my mid-morning nap," Rainbow called back.

"But there's a maniac after me and I need a bodyguard!"

"What!?" Rainbow immediately flew off her cloud, landed in front of Pinkie Pie and began shadow boxing. "Where is he, Pinkie? Nopony hurts my friends! Nopony!"

"Uh, Dashie?" asked a puzzled Pinkie Pie.

"Huh? Oh!" Rainbow Dash gave a nervous chuckle, realizing she got a little carried away. She turned towards Pinkie, "Don't worry, Pinkie. I'll protect you from this maniac. By the way, who is he?"

Pinkie brought out the wanted poster, "This would be him, Dashie."

Rainbow Dash instantly gasped in horror upon seeing the wanted poster. "The Tattle-Tale Strangler!" Pinkie watched as Rainbow launched herself back into her cloud. "Go away, Pinkie! Take your doom cloud with you!"

---

Throughout the rest of the day, Pinkie tried to find someone tough to protect her from the Strangler. She went to see Discord who was exercising with some weights. Pinkie explained to him about her current situation and shows him the wanted poster of the Strangler. Discord saw his portrait and immediately turned himself into a stuffed plushie toy.

Next, Pinkie went to see Big Macintosh who was busy bucking an apple tree. Pinkie explained to him about her situation but when she shows him the Strangler's portrait, Big Mac's mane flared up like a scared cat and hid himself in the tree.

Pinkie then went over to the Tough Colts Saloon. However, all of the tough ponies immediately ran away screaming when Pinkie asked them to protect her from the Tattle-Tale Strangler.

"Hold me! Hold me!" cried Bulk Biceps.

---

After realizing everyone was too afraid to face the Tattle-Tale Strangler, Pinkie sat on a bench at the train station with her mane and tail deflated.

"It's no use," Pinkie sighed in defeat. "I gotta skip town until I can find a bodyguard."

"Bodyguard, huh?" A voice said. Pinkie turns her head and sees a stallion sitting on another bench reading a newspaper. "I might be able to help you out."

"You don't understand, mister," said Pinkie. "I need protection from the scariest pony in town." The mare then held up the wanted poster up to the side of his head. "Here's his picture."

The stallion lowered the newspaper and revealed that he was actually the Tattle-Tale Strangler himself, except he was wearing a false moustache.

The Strangler looked at his own wanted poster and laughed. "Ha ha, he doesn't look so tough."

"I tattled on him," Pinkie explained. "And, now, he wants to strangle me with his own diabolical hooves! I hope they're not dirty..."

Pinkie turned her back just as the Tattle-Tale Strangler brought up his hooves, showing they were incredibly filthy and had a harsh stench to them. He laughed just as he was getting close to Pinkie to exact his revenge, but a train of passengers quickly arrived, forcing the stallion to bring his hooves back while smiling until the train left the scene. If the Strangler wanted to get revenge on Pinkie, he would have to do it in some place isolated.

"Ugh, there are too many witnesses around here," The Strangler said under his breath, then made an attempt to gain Pinkie's trust. "Listen, kid, I could be your bodyguard. Here's my card."

Pinkie looked at his card and the card had the name Tattle-Tale Strangler scribbled out and replaced with Bodyguard along with a drawn moustache on the picture.

"Hmm, looks fine to me. You're hired," Pinkie smiled brightly as her mane and tail re-inflated. "I feel safer already. So, what's next?"

The Strangler leaned in close to show the price tag was still on his moustache. "Well, the maniac could be anywhere, wearing a disguise." To make his point, he pointed to Granny Smith and said, "He could be that old mare..." and then pointed to Sweetie Belle, "...or that filly!"

Pinkie got the idea. She then pointed to random objects, saying, "Or that statue, or that twig, or that receipt from the Phony-Baloney Moustache Emporium!"

The Strangler looked at the receipt and picked it up, saying, "Uh, that's mine!"

"Oh bodyguard, my body is in your guarding hooves," Pinkie said gleefully. "What do we do next?"

Putting his hoof over his chin, the Strangler said, "Uh, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location, like behind an old dumpster or in a dark alley..."

Pinkie brought herself close and said, "We can go to my house and turn off all the lights."

The thought of this made The Strangler smile devilishly. "Perfect!" he said. "That way, nopony can hear you being strangled!" He realized what he just said and corrected himself. "Uh... I mean, uh, protected." He then patted Pinkie gently on her mane.

The Tattle-Tale Strangler then thought he was going to get his revenge against Pinkie Pie. He rubbed his hooves together and said, "Perfect!" A maniacal chuckle escaped from his lips afterwards.

"Yes, excellent," said Pinkie. She then did the same thing as her bodyguard not knowing why she was laughing.

After a hearty amount of laughing, Pinkie said, "But first, I need to do a few errands."

The Strangler grunted in reluctance and replied, "Okay but let's make it quick."

"Quick is my middle name!"

---

Pinkie and The Strangler were at the Ponyville Marketplace with Pinkie wearing a saddlebag filled with her groceries. They stopped when they reached the paper towel stand.

"Let's see, paper towels," said Pinkie as she held up two different paper towel rolls. "This one says 'Best Paper Towel Around', while this one says 'Best Paper Towel in Town.' Hmm, in town or around?" She then decided to get a second opinion. "What do you think bodyguard?"

The Strangler sighed in annoyance, "Whatever gets us to your house quicker."

"I'll take both!" Pinkie then placed both paper towels in her saddlebag.

---

The next stop was Carousel Boutique as Rarity came forward with Pinkie Pie's jester costume.

"Here you go, Pinkie," said Rarity.

Pinkie merely stared at the clothes questionably, "Hmm..."

"Is there something wrong, dear?" Rarity inquired.

"I'm not sure if this is my jester costume."

This only left The Strangler groaning.

---

Next they went to Roseluck's flower stand. Pinkie picked up a rose and sniffed it. She then asked her bodyguard for what he thought.

"How does this one smell bodyguard, too overbearing?" asked Pinkie.

"Can we just go to your house?!" The Strangler shouted.

---

Pinkie and The Strangler finally arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Both ponies were wearing saddlebags full of groceries.

"Here we are, home sweet home," said Pinkie. Before she opened the door, she turned to the man with outstretched hooves. "Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say that you're the best bodyguard a pony could hope to have."

"Alright," seethed The Strangler with impatience. "Enough with the sappy talk! Open the door so I can strangle you!" He realized what he just said and tried to correct himself while sweating nervously. "Uh... I mean, uh, choke you. I mean, uh... crush your windpipe. Gah, I mean…"

"Protect me?" Pinkie corrected.

"Uh, thanks," said The Strangler.

"Don't mention it, Strangler." The mare realized what she said and corrected herself. "I mean, bodyguard. Now where did I put my keys?"

Pinkie began to search around her saddlebags for her house keys, and now The Strangler growled in frustration.

~ Ten minutes later... ~

Pinkie was still looking for her key while The Strangler was fuming over waiting for so long.

"Well, I can't find them," said Pinkie. "Do you wanna take a look?"

"Oh, forget the keys!" The Strangler looked up to see a window on the second floor. "Let's just climb through this window!"

He stood up on his hind hooves, but as tall as he was he still couldn't grab onto the window. "I can't reach it," he said. "Do you think you could hop up onto my shoulders, kid?"

Pinkie had just finished lacing on shoes with spikes on the soles. "Sure," she replied. "With my new spiky cleats, anything is possible."

Pinkie then jumped up, and the Strangler frowned when he realized what she just said.

"Wait, cleats?" The Strangler said uncomfortably.

Pinkie landed on The Strangler's eyes, and the cleats made him wail out in pain.

"Get your hooves out of my eye sockets!" he cried.

Pinkie tugged on her hooves and responded, "I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas!"

The Strangler then galloped around frantically while screaming in agony. Pinkie swayed along with him as he ran with her hooves lodged deep in his eyes.

~ Two hours later... ~

The Strangler still galloping around screaming. He then came to a stop and grabbed onto Pinkie's hooves. In one swift motion, he pulled her off and allowed his eyes to pop back into his head. A tear came to his eye after all the pain he endured.

Pinkie had helped her bodyguard by putting bandages over his pupils.

"Don't be mad bodyguard," said Pinkie. "Let me just get the key I keep under the mat and then we can get inside."

The Strangler's immediately bulged out his eyes out when he heard what she just said, popping off the bandages. Going through all that trouble only to find out there was an easier way inside her house made him furious. His scalp opened up and spewed fire while he grunted in anger.

"Here you are, you little rascal," Pinkie said as she found the key. Putting it in the lock, she turned it and continued saying, "Now to put the key in the lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door."

The Tattle-Tale Strangler crept up behind Pinkie with a nasty grin on his face. He would finally give the mare what was coming to her.

Pinkie walked into her house with her bodyguard following after her. "Step inside," she said.

"Close the door," said the Strangler, performing the action.

"Well, here we are."

"I've finally got you all alone!" The Strangler followed up with more maniacal laughter.

"I know. Isn't it great?" She then laughed along with the stallion, oblivious of the situation she was in.

The Strangler then grabbed Pinkie and lifted her up, but she still kept on laughing. "Now you're gonna get yours, tattletale!"

Suddenly, all the lights turned on and many voices shouted, "Surprise!"

Inside were all of Pinkie Pie's friends, leaving The Tattle-Tale Strangler shocked. A banner then dropped down that had the words Congratulations Pinkie Pie – 100% On Time written on it. The Strangler dropped Pinkie and smiled sheepishly.

"A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on time percentage at work?!" said Pinkie. "How'd you guys know?"

"It's on the invitations you sent us," said Derpy. "Let's boogie!"

Pinkie and all her friends then joined in the party to enjoy themselves as music started playing. Only the Tattle-Tale Strangler wasn't having a good time. With a bummed look, all he could do was sit in a nearby chair and wait for everyone else to leave.

---

The party was over, and Pinkie went to say goodbye to all her friends.

"Bye, everypony! Thanks for coming!" she said. As each guest left, Pinkie called out their names. "Bye Twilight! Bye Spike! Bye Dashie! Bye AJ! Bye Rarity! Bye Fluttershy! Bye Derpy! Bye Cheerilee! Bye Big Mac! Bye Granny Smith! Bye Apple Bloom! Bye Sweetie Belle! Bye Scootaloo! Bye the rest!"

A large crowd of ponies then shuffled out of Pinkie's house.

Pinkie laughed as she entered her house and then sighed, "Alone at last."

Meanwhile, the Strangler was asleep on the chair when he was startled awake. He thought he heard he was alone with Pinkie. "What?" he said.

Pinkie shut the door and her bodyguard walked up to her.

"So we're all alone now?" he asked full of hope.

"Just you, me and the floorboards," replied Pinkie.

The Strangler then laughed maniacally once again, and Pinkie joined in with him while still having no clue why they were doing it. However, a knock came at the door which made them both stop laughing. Pinkie opened it up to reveal all her friends standing there.

"Happy birthday, Pinkie!" all of Pinkie's friends shouted.

"How did you guys know that today is my birthday?" Pinkie asked.

"We just do what the invitations tell us!" replied Derpy. "Let's boogie some more!"

All of Pinkie's friends then rushed into her house to enjoy another party and the music started up again. The Strangler only made the same bummed look and sat back down in the same chair to wait for everyone to leave again.

---

The party was over and Pinkie was at the doorway, waving goodbye to all her friends. "Thanks for coming!" she said before slamming the door shut. "Ah, alone again."

The Strangler walked up smiling and rubbed his front hooves together. "Is it true? Everypony's gone?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," replied Pinkie.

"No more parties today, you've got everything you need, nopony's left, and we're completely alone?"

"Oh, yeah."

"In that case..." He then picked up the mare and started laughing maniacally once more as he thought he would finally get his revenge. He was interrupted when Derpy suddenly came into the room.

"Great parties, huh?" said Derpy.

The Strangler was startled by this so he dropped Pinkie. "Sorry, blondie!" he exclaimed. "You gotta go!" He proceeded by pushing Derpy away with his head.

"Wait!" Pinkie objected. "We can trust Derpy; she's my friend."

"Well I can't take any chances," The Strangler explained. "For all we know, she could be The Strangler."

"I'm the Strangler?!" cried Derpy. "Oh, I should've known! I gotta turn myself in!"

Derpy then ran through the wall, making a hole in the shape of her body.

"So Derpy is The Strangler," said Pinkie. "Gee, you think you know somepony."

The real Strangler was getting infuriated by this. "She's not The Strangler!" he exploded.

"She's not?" asked Pinkie.

The Strangler then ripped off his fake moustache. Pointing to himself, he shouted, "I am!"

"Hey, how did you do that without shaving cream?" asked Pinkie.

"Oh it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store!"

All of Pinkie's friends then suddenly appeared in her house while holding balloons and starting the music again. "Did someone say party?" asked Rainbow Dash.

The Strangler then screamed out in frustration. He couldn't take any more madness while being around Pinkie. Running away, he crashed through the wall and made a hole in the shape of his body next to the one Derpy had made.

As he ran, The Strangler said, "I can't take it!"

Pinkie Pie chased after him, "Wait, bodyguard! I need protection!"

The Strangler reached a taxi and got inside. "Step on it!" he shouted to the driver. "I'm being chased by a maniac!" The taxi then galloped away.

"I'm not safe! Come back!" shouted Pinkie as she ran after her bodyguard.

The taxi stopped at the train station and a train had just departed. The Strangler was riding in it, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he thought he had gotten away from Pinkie Pie.

"Finally," panted the Strangler. "Away from that pony."

"Good thinking, bodyguard," said a familiar voice. The Strangler turned around to see Pinkie sitting behind him. "He'll never find us in here," she said.

The Strangler then jumped from the train with a parachute strapped to his back. He screamed as he plummeted, but he soon pulled the cord and the parachute was deployed. As he slowly drifted to the ground, he smiled as he thought Pinkie wouldn't go after him. Then he heard that same voice from above him. There was Pinkie with her own parachute descending along with him.

"Good thing that train had parachutes, bodyguard," said Pinkie. "The Strangler could've been on there."

The Strangler then pulled out a giant pair of scissors and used them to cut the straps on his parachute, making him fall faster. He continued falling and screamed until he crashed through the roof of the Ponyville police station where he sat on the floor of a jail cell with stars spinning around his head.

Pinkie was quickly inside the police station and ran up to the stallion, "Bodyguard, bodyguard!"

The Strangler couldn't take any more shenanigans, so he finally came clean with Pinkie. Leaning through the bars, he said, "Look kid, I am not your bodyguard!" He then wept after enduring all the torture with her. "I'm the Strangler! See?!"

A wanted poster of The Strangler was right next to the jail cell and the stallion directed his head towards it to show Pinkie.

Pinkie screamed in fright and said, "The Strangler!"

Lyra and Bon-Bon then appeared behind Pinkie and congratulated her.

"Good work, Pinkie Pie," said Bon-Bon. "You put The Strangler behind bars."

The Strangler only sighed, "At least I'm safe from that pink menace."

"Hey pally," said a voice. The Strangler turned around and saw Derpy sitting on his bed.

"What are you in for?" she asked.

THE END