Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Fire Blaze's House

A gift for my best friend Fire Blaze. C: Hi! I'm Black Bolt and I'm writing random stuff down on what I'm not allowed to do in my best friend's house. Enjoy! (Rated T for swearing)

I am not allowed to jump out at Time Kite and yell "STEAMPUNK, BITCH!" at inappropriate times.

I am not allowed to bring Solar Flare home with me and insist that "she just needs a friend"

Telling Clay Bear that "I'm making teddy bear soup" in my 'mass murderer voice' is not a good idea

I am not allowed to bring Discord home with me and insist that "He just needs a life" then continue to persuade the team to loan him theirs.

Do not tell Suntime "Daddy's pissed now"

I am not allowed to bring Chrysalis home and insist "she's just a bad, bad lil' filly"

Screaming at Gold Spark "how do you think the poor chili dogs feel?" whenever he begins to eat his meal is not necessary.

I am not allowed to bring Cadence home and insist "She just wants Gold" Due to the fact; Fire may try and kill her.

I should not give Suntime a book on 'the birds and the bees' then give her an allotment.

I am not allowed to bring Sombra home and insist that "He just wants to pound Time Kite, after that he'll leave the rest of alone.

Telling Gold Spark that his car is "amazing for crashing into walls. It took me ten goes to completely crush it" makes him cry.

It also gives you horrible burns when Fire Blaze finds out

I am not allowed to bring Discord home with me and insist that "He's just homesick"

Yelling at Fire Blaze "TO THE BATMOBILE, BLAZEY!" every time the alarms go off is not funny.

Batman doesn't think so either

I am not allowed to bring Discord home and insist "he's just stupid"

I am also not allowed to fight with Suntime if she gets angry at me for saying that

Convincing Twilight Sky that the cement is not wet isn't funny.

Not when Thunder Clap finds you anyways.

But it is funny at the time, I assure you.

I am not allowed to bring Sunset Shimmer home and insist "She's sleeping now – oh wait- no she's just a slimy mutant."

I am not allowed to tell Rainbow Dash Fire Blaze is faster than them after feeding them a giant tub of sugar.

I am not allowed to bring Adagio Dazzle home. No reason we just don't like her.

Sneaking into Suntime's room and having an extensive discussion with her evil dark side about, the benefits of pink is unethical

I am not allowed to bring Flash Sentry home and insist "He just wants to bang Twilight"

Neither is Fire Blaze with Mist Rocker

I am not allowed to lock the Mane-iac and Discord in a closet together and bet on who will come out alive

I am not allowed to lock Fire Blaze and Lightning Strike in a closet together and then ask Gold Spark to go get something from that closet.

I am not allowed to bring Slenderpony home and insist "He's just upset over the loss of his face and his divorce with Celestia caused it"

Replacing the water in Lightning Strike's pool with soda makes for a bad time when you next go to the beach.

I am not allowed to bring Tirek home and insist "He's just from the 80's"

Stealing Lightning Strike's mane and tail and replacing them with wool still makes for a pain filled experience when she kills you for doing it

Stop Bringing Sunset Shimmer home as Fire Blaze is close to killing you as well.

Replacing the Elements with superhero outfits confuses citizens.

I am not allowed to bring Adagio Dazzle home and insist "Everyone just discriminates against her because her accent sounds evil"

I am not allowed to say "Mornin' guvna fancy a cuppa tea" Every time I see Braeburn

Discord does not just want someone to play chess with; he would like to take over the world. I shouldn't bring him to the apartment.

Feeding Angel Bunny deathberries, and when he explodes feeding him the remains, then insisting that I am 'Recycling' is not smart, as when the substance hardens and you call for help, people tend to remember all the bad things you did.

I am not allowed to bring Solar Flare home and insist "Fire Blaze would get along with her" because it turns out they don't find it funny.

I am not allowed to yell "She's burning" and chuck my water on hotspot every time, she goes to attack someone.

Yelling "Flame on" isn't acceptable either

I am not allowed to bring any villains home. The Powerful Seven don't like it.

I am not allowed to run into the battle scene and yell "OCs assemble!"

I am not allowed to lock down all of Fire Blaze's phones and laptops and scream "THE SKY IS FALLING" through the communicators, Celestia and Luna will take this seriously

So will Twilight Sparkle

Laughing and pointing because Sombra and Sunset Shimmer can't fly is 'discrimination'

I shouldn't make innuendos about playboy bunnies when Fire Blaze and Lightning Strike are around.

I am not allowed to tell Gold Spark that it is in fact racist to call Lightning Strike 'black chai latte'

I am not allowed to draw two red eyes on Fire Blaze's face while she's asleep.

I am not allowed to tell everyone that I can communicate with wildebeest, grunt, nod my head and then inform everyone that Wildebeest has decided to elect me for 'awesome-mazing fabu-rific oh mighty world ruler'

I am not allowed to say that 'The Western Era is dying horribly' when Braeburn and Applejack are around.

I am not allowed to say proclaim myself a doctor then tell Gold Spark he is ' preggerz with the baby of Celestia. Celeold Forever! ' Celestia does not find it amusing.

Neither does Gold Spark

Following Thunder Clap around and humming 'Kung fu fighting' is not as encouraging as you might think.

And no 'eye of the tiger' either

Just stop following Thunder around and humming.

And the rest of the team.

Citizens are not acceptable either especially when you hum 'U.G.L.Y'

But it is fine to do this to Chrysalis.

Villains don't appreciate it when you tell them 'get a life noob, I've dealt with worse' when they tell you about their plans

Neither does Fire Blaze

Asking Fire Blaze if things are 'heating up' with Gold Spark is suicide.

Scootaloo does not find it funny when you throw rubber chickens at him.

Neither does Rainbow Dash.

Or Suntime Smile.

Or the rest of the team.

Or the Mane Six.

Or anybody for that matter.

Screaming out 'I'M THE FUCKING PRINCE OF BEL AIR' and stealing Twilight's crown is not acceptable

Neither is it with Celestia

Or Luna

Or Cadence

Or Fire Blaze with her element crown.

Speaking of Fire Blaze, she is going to kill me for doing that once last year

Splashing Steampunk with Holy water does nothing, just considerably shortens your life span.

When running away from Lightning Strike I am not allowed to hide in Gold Spark's room under his never ending pile of … stuff *shudder* you may suffocate from the smell and you will not be found until years later.

When running from Fire Blaze be sure not to hide in Suntime's room in the dark, all the cuddly toys are creepy.

Selling Adagio Dazzle of £5,00000,0000,0,0000,0 is not only insulting to Adagio, but also apparently ripping you off as she is worth quite a bit more.

According to Hasbro

I am also not allowed to break the Fourth Wall

Messing things up in a store apparently make no difference to Gold Spark. Keep in mind names can be misleading.

Same thing goes for Discord

Making fun of spandex in front of the Mane-iac is a big no-no

Stealing Clay Bear's hair gel is a crime worthy of ten hours extra training- everyday.

Next time you invite Spike to the tower, be aware that Fluttershy will not be best pleased when him and Angel Bunny elope.

Telling both Twilights that 'you're just Celestia's bitches' does not go down well.

By writing down this list, I have now put myself on Derpy Hooves' hit list.