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A Sickness Called Love

by chillbook1

Chapter 4: Love is Blind

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Nothing of any consequence happened that first night. I served my darling Twilight a bowl of hot soup as provided by Princess Celestia. I informed the princess of Twilight's apparent recovery, but she didn't seem too convinced. According to her, the symptoms had a habit of playing possum for a while. She decided that Twilight and I would remain quarantined for several days even after we thought she was cured. If the contagion managed to spread, the casualties would be as plentiful as they'd be instantaneous.

When I informed Twilight of this on that first night, she agreed that it was the best course. If Twilight remembered our little spat, she hid the fact from me, which I was eternally grateful for. I brought it up once when she woke from her nap. I apologized and she just nodded as if nothing had happened at all.

We talked throughout the rest of the day, about anything and everything. We shared stories of our past, dreams for our future. We spoke of the moment we realized who we were, of our first crush.

"There was this filly." I said. "Her name was Infernal. Infernal Desire. She was just divine! Smart and funny, not to mention classy and sophisticated. She had these eyes, orange like the sunset. But, that was in secondary school. I realized quite soon that she was no good for me. You know how teenagers are; So much drama."

"I never even told mine." said Twilight. "Her name was Rainy. She was so sweet. She made me so nervous whenever I was around her. I actually had to get classes changed because she distracted me so much." I spared a glance out the open window. Through Twilight's glowing barrier of light, I could see that Celestia's sun had disappeared, and Luna's moon was claiming the sky.

"I think you could do with some sleep." I said. "What do you say?"

"I am sort of tired." said Twilight, stifling a yawn. She curled up in her bed, then shot me a strange sort of look. It seemed like she wanted to ask something, but couldn't get the words out.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Y-yeah. Sorry. Must be the Horn Bane." she said, yawning again. "I'm feeling light-headed."

"Plenty of rest, that's what you need. Doctor's orders." I said. I flashed my darling a small smile. "Good night, Twilight."

"Good night, Doctor Rarity." answered Twilight, giving me a smile herself. I laughed inwardly. She had bested me in the unofficial contest of "Who Has The Cutest Smile?". It goes without saying, but I never stood a chance.


I awoke at the crack of dawn the next day. I rose from Twilight's sofa and drowsily trudged into her kitchen. To my surprise, another box from Princess Celestia sat on the table. I opened it up and removed it's contents; a hot, steaming, cinnamon-fragrant bowl of oatmeal. Twilight absolutely loved cinnamon. She put it in almost everything, sometimes even ate it on it's own. She conquered that cinnamon challenge three times over without so much as coughing.

I brought the oatmeal to her bedroom, where she was still sleeping. I laid the bowl on her bedside table and took a seat at the foot of her bed. Twilight needed sleep, so sleep she would. I let my mind wander, flashing from thoughts of my sister, to thoughts of Twilight, to thoughts of what my sister would think if she knew I was having these thoughts.

"Mmmm! Do I smell cinnamon?" said Twilight drowsily. She propped herself up and opened her eyes. She looked around in surprise, and she pressed her hands against the bed in search of something.

"Haha, very funny." said Twilight, although she did not seem very amused. "Care to take the blindfold off?"

"Blindfold? There is no blindfold, darling." I said. My heart dropped into my stomach and slowly began to stew. "Twilight?"

"Oh my God! Rarity! I can't see!" yelped Twilight, grasping at her face. Her breathing grew more ragged with each breath. She seemed to be on the brink of an anxiety attack, which she is so famous for.

"Twilight, darling, it'll be okay." I said, grasping her hand. It was still burning hot. "Princess Celestia warned us. She said that temporary blindness was one of the symptoms."

"I can't see! Oh my…. Rarity, what am I going to do?" asked Twilight. "What if I don't make it?"

"Don't speak like that! You will make it, I promise you!" Hearing her talk like that froze my blood. I felt as if I had swallowed a bundle of snakes that were slithering around my gut.

"I'm not so sure. I've never felt sick like this before. Rarity, I think you should start preparing the girls for the worst."

"I promise you, Twilight, that you will make it." I said. I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, her or myself.

"We all die someday, Rarity. Maybe today is my day." She slumped down onto her bed, laying limp. I could see the tears welling in her eyes. "There's so much I haven't done in my life. I've never been to Los Pegasus, I've never been able to see Halley's Comet. I've never even had my first kiss. I'm going to die before I get to live."

"I won't let you die, Twilight." I said. She chuckled darkly, and it was obvious that she had her doubt.

"I thought I appreciated my life, but I really didn't." she said. "I took so much for granted. It's funny, really. You go through life assuming that you'll see the light of the next day, but there's no way for you to know that. What if your end is tomorrow? There's so little time to say so many things that need to be said. Not enough room for all of the 'I love you's or the 'you make me smile's. You never tell another pony how you feel because you think you have another day."

Her words reverberated in my head, and I knew she was right. Something overtook me, and I grabbed her hand as tightly as I could. I brought her palm to my chest, right over my heart.

"Twilight Sparkle, you are my best friend in the entire world." I said. "I love you, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You're right; There's not enough time to say everything you need to say. That is why people have friends, because a true friend knows what is going to be said without anypony opening their mouths. It's not about the words that you never said, but the words you did say, and what you know to be true."

Twilight's entire body began to tremble slightly. I was afraid that I had hurt her feelings, and my mind instantly started racing to find a way to make it up to her. However, it soon became apparent that her shaking was from laughter.

"You are amazing." she said with a huge grin. "Not many people can lift the spirits of the terminally ill." She grabbed my hand in hers and pressed my palm against her heart, which was beating like Pinkie on the drums.

"You're completely right." she continued. "It's about what is said. It's about the seconds that we experience, not the hours that could have been."

"Now, I am not going to let you die. I am going to make sure you are comfortable and cared for until you are all better." I said. "I am going to feed you your oatmeal, then we are going to do something that makes you happy. What would you like to do?"

"Honestly? I just want to read." admitted Twilight. "Obvious issues."

"I will read to you. But that's only after you eat your breakfast." I took the bowl back (it was miraculously still warm) and brought a spoonful to Twilight's mouth. "Open up."

She popped open her mouth, and I tipped the spoonful into her mouth. Although Twilight always tried to seem indifferent and serious, she did an awful job of it. One spoonful of cinnamon goop was enough to visibly paint joy onto her face.

"Rarity, I really appreciate your doing this." said Twilight between mouthfuls. "Not many people would put up with me for this long."

"I would walk to the ends of Equestria and back, twice over on my hands, if that's what it took to make you better." I said.

"Why can't I find a guy or girl more like you?" she asked brainlessly. "I want to date somepony just like you. Are you the last of your kind?"

"Hehe." I chuckled nervously. Twilight was a certifiable genius, but for the love of Celestia, she could be an oblivious idiot. Dear lord, I wanted to cry when I heard that. She completely ignored me as anything more than a friend. I know I should've been grateful that she even saw me as that, but it still hurt.

"Are you okay, Rarity?" asked Twilight after she finished breakfast. "You seem off."

"I'm fine." I lied. "I didn't sleep very well. Oh, I had this dream, and it's been keeping me up for a while now."

"What sort of dreams?" she asked seriously.

"Oh, it's nothing. I don't want to worry you." I said. I stood up and, somehow, Twilight managed to grab both of my wrists with her burning, blistering hands.

"I have studied Oneirology and Psychoanalysis. I could've gotten a doctorate in both, but I was too focused on my studies of Sorcery, Alchemy, and the Arcane Arts. In three years, you'll start calling me 'Doctor' Twilight." explained Twilight. "I can easily help you explain the meaning of your dreams. It'll be no trouble to me, and it'll help you sleep easier. So just talk to me about it."

"It's silly. It's about this girl, and I don't want to talk about her." I muttered.

"You don't have to say any names if you don't want to." she promised. "And I won't tell anypony else, obviously. Doctor/patient confidentiality." I let out a sigh. Perhaps Twilight was correct. I'd never talked about how I felt to anypony, and who better than her, the cause of the problem?

"I have this dream all the time." I said. "Ever since I met the girl, I've been having this dream. We're standing there, in a field of nothing. We always look each other in the eyes, and we smile at each other. Nopony speaks at first, and then I drop to my knees. I tell her how much I love her, and then she turns and walks away."

"Hm… It likely means that you're afraid of being rejected. Also, the fact that you always speak first symbolizes your desire to work up the courage to say something." said Twilight. "Her silence before walking away probably means that you are afraid that she'll completely ignore you. Either that or you're afraid of ruining the relationship you already have."

"It changed last night. This time, I followed her when she flew away. I grabbed her hand, and poof." I said. "She vanished into dust."

"Interesting. For some reason, you're afraid of losing her forever. Is she sick or something?" asked Twilight. "Or is she involved in some… less than safe activities?"

I stood quiet for a second. She had reasoned out all of that, but still didn't know who I was referring to? I thought that perhaps she was humoring me, that this was her way of saying she wasn't interested. It was what I did to Spike, after all. It was much easier than just coming out and saying it, but easy is not always best. At that moment, I decided that I would come clean with Spike next time I saw him.

"Rarity? Is this girl doing things that could get you or her in trouble with the law?" asked Twilight. Her voice was heavy with concern. "Please don't lie to me. If she might get you in trouble, I need to know."

"It's nothing like that." I said, although I sounded rather unconvincing.

"If she is breaking the law, I don't want you to get swept up into it. Please, if you ever think that you might be getting in over your head, please tell me." said Twilight. "I'm your friend, and I want to help you."

"I know, and I promise that I would tell you if that was the case." I said. "Twilight, I don't want you worrying about me while you're sick like this. How about that book, then? Anything in particular?"

Twilight didn't seem to believe me, but she dropped the subject nonetheless. She pointed out a book, which I grabbed and pulled open. I hopped up on the bed next to her and read to her whatever story she had asked me. One book turned into two, then three and four, and, before I knew it, the sun had begun to set. At some point into the fifth book, I caught her stifling a yawn.

"Bed for you, darling." I said. "There's no point in keeping yourself up."

"Okay." she yawned. "I guess I am pretty tired." She curled up to her side and closed her eyes. I jumped to my hooves, hugged her, and went for the door.

"Goodnight, darling." I said. I turned to head downstairs when Twilight finally decided to speak up.

"Wait!" she called. "Please don't go!" I stopped in the doorway and stared at her. She seemed very upset and flustered, but I couldn't imagine why.

"I'll only be downstairs." I said.

"Can I ask you a favor?" said Twilight. "Would you mind… Can you please… Sleep in my bed? With me?"

I fell away from the world, slipping into a universe which consisted of nothing more than Twilight and I, neither of whom wanted to do much more than snuggle for all of eternity. I could almost smell her spellbinding aroma of books and freshness, of things both old and new. I wanted to scream "Yes!", to jump onto the bed with her and hug her and squeeze her and kiss her forever… There is such a thing as too eager, isn't there?

"I know it's silly, and I understand if it makes you uncomfortable." said Twilight sadly. "It's just that without my eyes, I feel really vulnerable. I know that I'd be sleeping, but I wake up all the time and look around, and I would feel much safer if somepony was right here with me."

"Are you sure that I wouldn't be intruding or anything of that sort?" I asked.

"No, of course not! I asked you, after all. Is it too much to ask?" asked Twilight. I slipped into bed next to her, spooning against her warmly so that her hair was right against my nose. It was at that moment that I realized how thankful I was for being born a mare. If I were a stallion in this predicament, things might have started heading south.

"Goodnight, Rarity." said Twilight. I placed my hand against her shoulder, her boiling hot shoulder. She grabbed my hand firmly and brought it around her completely. She rested my palm against her pillow and nuzzled her nose against my hand. She fell asleep almost immediately, but I didn't sleep a wink that night. I wanted to savor every beautiful, peaceful moment of that night. For just a moment, I forgot that Twilight was sick and that she had shoved me into what they call the "friend-zone". I was able to forget that I would be trapped there for a week, or more. I forgot that my best friend, and the love of my life, might be dead soon. The bliss of forgetting was liberating. I was able to sit there for hours, listening just listening to my blind love breathe. The perfection of the moment stirred some longing deep in me; I wanted every night to be like this.

"I love you, Twilight." I whispered. "I love you."

She snored lightly, oblivious to my continued presence.

"I thought you'd say that." I muttered before falling back into the hypnosis of her calm, rhythmic breathing.

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