Fallen Eagle

Chapter 47: It Just Gets Worse

All right guys, so over the course of the past week, I worked hard to 'George Lucas' the previous chapter. I wasn't too thrilled that I had Lucy Lips print so many stories at once, so I reduced them. If anyone wants to go back and check that out, you're more than welcome to. And I want people to know that the main point of this newspaper arc is it's a social commentary on how people will believe anything they read without gathering facts and evidence, with a little twist at the end. And while I mention this in the end author's note, the next chapter will be a mini one, comprised of four mini scenes. I am choosing to do this because A) this chapter was getting super long, B) a lot of people actually respond well to my mini chapters, so I'll treat you guys to them once in awhile, and C) I can write out mini chapters relatively fast, and the chapter that takes place after this whole Lucy Lips fiasco is going to require as much time as I need to perfect; you'll find out why when the mini chapter is over.

Nostalgia Cop: I have no clue

SkullCrusher550: Thank you; I try hard for you guys

OBSERVER01: All right! Another Harry Potter fan! Yeah, I was trying to go for a Rita Skeeter feel :)

Random Guy: The press is the press no matter where you guy unfortunately

Dixie Darlin: I can't even fathom how pissed I'd be if I were interrupted like that :P

ShiningShadow1965: Thank you; I have pretty big plans in this chapter for that

SquirtlePWN: A lot of fans really are divided on the whole Ponyville Confidential episode. And actually I was originally planning on Lucy Lips to resurrect the Gabby Gums name, but then I'd have to write out the scene where the Crusaders are interrogated, and I didn't want to do that.

Srey: So yeah, I changed up the last chapter since you last read it. As for the slander, it really boils down to who it really is. And for AJ it IS slander. No one expects them to take a huge step that early in their relationship. To everyone else, they haven't, and they both don't want their sexual lives to be known, at least not right now.

Uss71832: There really should be a harsh penalty for tabloid articles.

Okay guys, we're at 199 subscribers! Only one more for 200!

Also, if there are any artists out there interested in drawing fanart of AJ and Ivan, please don't hesitate to contact me :)

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(Ponyville; Ivan's POV)

Thank God we only had to search high and low through Ponyville for copies of the Ponyville Gazette. There would have been no way we would've been successful had this occurred in Las Pegasus, Canterlot, or Manehatten. Though, we probably would've been done earlier had Rainbow Dash been available. Another lucky break we had was some ponies had yet to either get up or grab their papers from in front of their houses. Lyra and Bon Bon had rushed back to their home to grab their own saddle bags to carry extra papers; I saw Spike a few times either burning papers he snatched from ponies or shredding them; Pinkie would pop out of the weirdest places and shock some ponies enough to give her an opportunity to grab a few copies. I still had no clue what she did with the newspapers. This left Fluttershy and myself on a team since the timid pegasus would in no way be able to take something from somepony else without permission or if Equestria were in danger.

Fluttershy would at least try to convince certain ponies to give up the papers while I stood next to her for support. More often than not, both of us would get strange stares even before we asked to take their newspapers. Unfortunately, only a handful of ponies willingly gave up their papers when we had no choice but to ask; others weren't so willing. Fluttershy sometimes hid behind me whenever a pony would get angry and start cursing. That's when I had to step in, tell the pony to calm down, and take the paper without their say so. I didn't feel good stealing, but it was for a good cause to save my friends from falling prey to libel and slander.

We had gotten halfway through searching and cleansing the village when Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity appeared from the schoolhouse. Rarity's eyes were still red and puffy, and she wasn't talking very much, but she had at least stopped sobbing uncontrollably. AJ told us that their sisters nor Cheerilee or any of the school kids knew anything about another gossip column going around. Cheerilee apparently even took them through the school newspaper room to search it. They turned up nothing. Thankfully they were more than willing to help us collect the remaining newspapers to speed up the process. And with Rainbow now available as well, it took less time than we originally envisioned. Hopefully Twilight already had that letter sent to Celestia and Luna. Finally, after nearly half an hour, we all met up at the office of the paper with Lyra and Bon Bon's saddlebags ready to explode. "One more stop, guys," I stated firmly, staring into our reflection of the window on the door.

"But, we already gathered up papers from every newsstand, citizen, and business in town," Fluttershy replied modestly, peering around me into the office.

"Don't you see, Fluttershy?" Lyra put a hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "We've got to make sure that the office won't print anymore of these papers," the aquamarine unicorn tapped her saddlebag, "and that they won't print any future Lucy Lips stories," she explained. The buttery pegasus let out a meek, "Okay," understanding what we were getting at. I knew that right away we were going to show that we had every copy that we didn't destroy with us to get the owner's attention; we didn't have any time to waste only to have him shoo us out the door.

"Ivan, are ya sure ya know what ta say?" Applejack lightly put her hoof on my arm. "If they were willin' ta print those stories, ya might have ta speak their language or somethin'," she advised me. I hadn't put too much thought into what the conversation would turn into. I'd pictured it as us telling the staff and the owner to stop printing Lucy Lips stories, show them that we had every copy of the paper and that we'd destroy the rest of them, and mention that the princesses know what the paper had been printing, just to strike a little fear into them. I had no plans for threats of violence, just a little warning that Celestia and Luna may not be too kind for what they've done.

I put my other hand on top of Applejack's hoof, and caressed it gently. "This shouldn't take too long or get too messy," I winked at her. Applejack smiled in return and stepped back, allowing me to proceed into the building. The smell of wet ink and fresh newspapers snaked its way into my nostrils while the cacophonous sound of clacking typewriters, trotting hooves, and shouting voices assaulted my ears as I stepped into the building. About half a dozen ponies were running around, trying to perform various tasks; some even had a few ink splotches on their fur

"Eww…." Rarity seethed, "I didn't realize it'd be so….messy in here," she darted her eyes around, checking to see if she might accidentally step into some ink.

"It's newspaper ink, Rarity," Bon Bon nudged the seamstress' shoulder with her hoof. "That's like complaining garbage is smelly," she rolled her eyes as Spike and Lyra chuckled. Rarity pouted and glared at the candy making earth pony as the last of our group stepped into the building.

"Hmph, my garbage does not have an offensive odor whatsoever," she mumbled under her breath. I stood a few feet from the front desk, scanning my eyes behind said desk, looking for hopefully either the owner, manager, or at least even the editor of the paper. Since I didn't know exactly who it was, I guessed I'd look for the loudest shouting pony in the back.

"Whoo, they need ta open some windows in here!" Applejack took off her stetson and waved it in front of her face, trying to cool herself down. I had to admit that with all the machinery to make the papers coupled with all of the ponies running around that it was pretty damn stuffy in here. The closest pony was obviously the mare sitting at the front desk, typing away on her typewriter and occasionally sipping a glass of water. Without making sure everyone was on the same page, I marched my way over to the pony. She took another sip before casually setting the now empty glass onto a coaster and resuming typing away.

"Yeah, yeah, it's stuffy in here," Rainbow Dash waved her hoof to shut everyone up. "Now, where's the editor's butt so I can kick it?" She pounded a hoof into her other hoof as she floated above us. I heard AJ sigh as she grabbed Rainbow's tail with her teeth and yanked her down to the ground, shaking her head. Rainbow Dash grumbled as she ripped her tail from Applejack's teeth and straightened it out.

As I stopped directly in front of what I'm guessing was the secretary or another writer, I noticed that Rainbow and Applejack stood on either side of me. Despite knowing I wasn't planning to threaten anyone with violence, having two tough mares like my girlfriend and Rainbow Dash standing on either side of me may give us a psychological upper hand. It got even better when Spike stood on AJ's opposite side; his eyes glaring at the desk mare. When she didn't even notice us, I cleared my throat, hoping to politely get her attention. It puzzled me that no one seemed to notice a large group of ponies, a dragon, and myself enter the building. They must all be really dedicated to their work….

"Ahem," I cleared my throat a little louder. I didn't have too much patience with that had happened this morning, so I wasn't willing to get the run around from these newspaper ponies. "Ahem!" I even tapped my fingers on the desk; the grey mare still didn't look up at us. That's when I noticed the copy of today's paper sitting on the desk. And as luck would have it, the paper was turned to the story about Rarity, and what she did behind closed doors to Spike.

"Grrrr," Spike growled upon seeing the article again. The reptile snatched the paper from the desk and shredded it with his claws like a vicious lion going for the kill. That definitely caught the mare's attention. She squeaked loudly in surprise at seeing both an angry Spike, and the large group standing in front of her. "How do you live with yourself, lady?" Spike said as he pointed a claw at the grey unicorn. A few pieces of the shredded paper gently floated down onto the desktop. We couldn't help but stare the purple dragon as Rarity softly pulled him away from the desk, tapping his arm with her hoof.

"Just calm down Spikey; it's okay," she cooed, though not without sucking her tears back into her eyes. Seeing the paper ruined the progress she'd made with her emotions, but I wasn't about to hold that against her. The dragon lost his flare of anger to try and comfort the poor unicorn. The rest of us simultaneously looked back to the pony sitting at the typewriter. Her hooves were frozen on the keys and her eyes were as big as saucers.

"Uhh….c-can I help you?" The desk mare stuttered, still looking as if she'd seen a murder after Spike ripped up the newspaper. I opened my mouth to speak, but Lyra practically shoved me out of the way to get her words in.

"Yeah, stop printing these lies about us!" The aquamarine unicorn demanded to the grey unicorn, snorting like a bull and getting up into her face. Leaning back, the desk pony nearly fell out of her chair, but somehow regained her balance, biting her lower lip.

"W-what?" She stuttered again. This time I focused in on the name tag that was partially hidden when the mare was hunched over in front of the office equipment. The tag read Ms. Goss, but she didn't appear to be the one in charge around here. Without saying a word, I pointed at the remains of the newspaper that was scattered about her desk, hoping she'd get the memo. "Oh," she breathed a sigh of relief and cleared her throat.

"What do you mean, 'Oh'?" I questioned, shaking my head in the process to emphasize my inquiry. "You don't think these stories you came up with can hurt anyone?" Goss looked from the shredded paper back up to me before an uncomfortable blush burst onto her cheeks.

"Um, Mr. Cougar I don't believe you've been getting hurt from what the story about you and your marefriend said," she covered her mouth with her hoof, trying to hide her modest smile.

"When it's a lie, it can hurt many ponies!" Applejack barked, suddenly losing her cool. My girlfriend cleared her throat and giggled nervously, feeling bad about just barking like that. I could feel Fluttershy shaking as she practically held onto my legs, still afraid of confrontations like this.

"Look, Ms. Goss," I began, "what kind of sick kicks do you ponies get coming up with this shit?" I questioned as politely as possible. "Does my girlfriend really look or act like the type of mare that would use someone, much less her colt friend, as a sex toy?" I wanted to avoid asking that, but laying down a good old fashioned guilt trip beat the alternative of negotiating in circles. Getting more brave by the moment, Goss nonchalantly levitated her glass behind her to a water cooler and refilled the glass!

"Hey! We're talking to you Ms. Stuck Up!" Rainbow exclaimed, waving her hoof in front of Goss' face.

"There's just a few things wrong with your story, Mr. Cougar," she casually sipped the beverage, ignoring Rainbow Dash. The Wonderbolt's face turned red as she growled and snorted. "Firstly, I don't even know what she sees in you. Frankly, your mere presence should scare anypony off, so I can't figure out why she'd want to go that far with you." I felt….insulted a little by that remark, but it was a confused feeling as well. I think she may have called me ugly, but I think she also called Applejack…tasteless? Or a freak? Speaking of which, AJ bit down her lower lip, trying to keep from blurting something out again.

"Just because you don't understand what love is doesn't give you the right to insult a couple," Bon Bon sneered, slamming her hooves onto the desk.

"Second," the desk pony then got into Bon Bon's face, pushing both their noses together, "nopony at the Ponyville Gazette wrote those stories," she pushed our candy making friend away from the desk. Suddenly, and without anyone seeing her move, Pinkie popped up from under the desk, directly in Goss's face.

"Oh don't give us that baloney, Missy!" Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof in the mare's face. "A guilty pony would totally say that to throw us off the trail!" Goss furrowed her eyebrows, picked Pinkie up, and plopped her down on the desk before looking back up at me.

"I think this is yours," she scooted Pinkie closer to me. Pinkie crossed her arms across her chest and harrumphed slightly at Goss before taking her glass and chugging down the rest of the water.

"Ahh, refreshing!" Pinkie sighed before tossing the glass to the side. "Now then, what's the big idea?!" She hooked her hoof onto the collar of Goss's shirt. Smacking Pinkie's hoof away with an angry scowl, the newspaper mare stood up once again from her desk and trotted around it, glaring at all of us.

"Look, I'll have you know that I've worked at this paper for over five years; if you think trying to scare me into talking will work, you're just wasting your breath." She then reached into the paper organizer on her desk and pulled out a manilla envelope that had been torn on the edge.

"Don't be so sure, chump!" Rainbow flapped her wings almost as fast as a hummingbird, getting right into Goss's face. The grey unicorn shoved Rainbow away with her magic, causing the pegasus bite her own hoof to keep from exploding at the mare.

"Take a look for yourself," she handed it over to the nearest pony which happened to be Bon Bon. Our first instinct was to look inside for anything, but we found it to be empty. Lyra even took ahold of it in her magical grasp to shake it, but again nothing came out.

"Check the back," Spike suggested, still with his arm around Rarity. She didn't really seem to mind how close he was. I wouldn't have batted an eye if it were Fluttershy trying to comfort her since they go to the spa every Saturday, but I had to wonder just how comfortable Rarity felt in Spike's grasp.

"Okay, so it says Lucy Lips and has the paper's address on the back," Bon Bon tossed the manilla envelope onto the desk.

"So?" Goss raised an eyebrow, "My boss received that late last night along with the articles and pictures. He had the rest of the staff run with them early this morning since Gabby Gums was such a hit a while back," she explained, slipping the envelope back into the paper organizer. Pinkie narrowed her eyes at Goss before slowly stepping off the desk.

"And he doesn't give a flying feather about how other ponies had owies on their hearts last time?" The party mare jabbed a hoof in Goss's chest.

"Yeah!" Applejack agreed with Pinkie as she stayed close to my side. "An' not ta mention the fact that these stories are much scummier than the ones my sister 'n her friends published," she pointed her hoof out. Goss sighed before sitting back behind her desk, rubbing her temples. She went to reach for her glass of water before realizing that Pinkie drank it all, and had tossed the glass somewhere else.

"You ponies and whatever you are," she uncaringly waved her hoof at me, "have to understand how this works. This is a business; gossip columns generate interest. We don't mind restarting a gossip column, but rest assured that we won't target specific ponies all the time. If we start out with big names like the Elements of Harmony, a few of their friends, and the biped, then everypony will buy tomorrow's newspaper to see just who could be next," Goss tried to explain.

"Could be you," I replied, "how does that make you feel? What if 'Lucy' decides to do a story on how you secretly steal apples from Applejack's market carts in the summer?" I could feel Applejack tense up at the thought of someone stealing her family's apples. Sure it was just something I pulled out of thin air, but it still made her feel a little uneasy.

"Hmph, being in the newspaper after working for it for five years wouldn't harm me whatsoever," Goss shrugged and pulled out a stick of gum from her desk drawer.

"Oh-ho really?!" Rainbow chuckled impatiently. "And what does the great Ms. Goss do that's so bucking important around here besides sitting on her fat-" I grimaced as Rarity forcibly engulfed Rainbow's mouth with her blue magic, preventing the pegasus from talking. Rainbow began to struggle at taking the magic away from her mouth, but to no avail. At least she could still breath through her nose.

"I'm Mr. Tab's personal assistant," she said in between chews, blowing a bubble after completing her sentence. "And if you don't mind, I have a lot of work to get done for him," she cleared her throat, darting her eyes toward her typewriter and back to us. I heard Spike snort as she revealed she was an assistant; some smoke even billowed out from his nostrils.

"Well, don't you ever question his actions?" Spike curled his claws together on his free hand. The personal assistant that he'd been raised as certainly didn't seem very pleased with Goss, and rightfully so with how many years he'd helped Twilight. "Being an assistant is more than just doing work for your boss; sometimes you have to challenge them to really make them think about if what they're doing is right or wrong." I raised an eyebrow at this statement, intrigued at how the mare would respond. Unfortunately, it wasn't an enlightened response like I was hoping for.

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked as Goss slammed her hooves onto her desk, leaving barely visible imprints on the desktop.

"All right, fine. If you have such a problem with how we run things, you can talk to Mr. Tab himself!" Goss exclaimed, scooting her chair back and angrily trotting to an office in the back. We all cringed at how hard she slammed the office door. A few ponies working the printing press and talking to each other stopped what they were doing to see what was going on. They looked back at us before resuming their conversations and jobs, but not without a hint of hesitation seeping off of them.

"MMM MMM MMM!" Rainbow's muffled shouts shot off in Goss' direction while she shook her hoof. Rainbow groaned and again tried to wipe the magic from her mouth by swatting at it with her hooves. Rarity tiredly rolled her eyes and deactivated the spell, making Rainbow gasp with triumph. "WHAT is your problem, Rarity!?" She demanded.

"We don't need to get kicked out before we find answers, Rainbow Dash," Rarity glared, "the least you could do is use whatever manners you posses to not get us thrown out!" She exclaimed harshly, snorting at her cyan friend. I rubbed the back of my neck at the hostilities between friends.

"She didn't notice your saddle bag full of papers?" Bon Bon asked Lyra with furrowed eyebrows.

"Guess not," I replied, bringing my hand up to stroke the back of Applejack's head. "Sorry about having to bring that up, Applejack," I apologized, just barely scratching behind her ear. The orange mare moaned and leaned her body up against my side. "I was just hoping to guilt her a little into seeing our side."

"It's okay, Ivan. Ah just don't want anypony else ta get hurt by this," she explained, nuzzling my leg with her cheek. Naturally I didn't care and will never care what others think of me, but damn I was holding back from shouting at that mare. After how many times Rarity, Applejack, and Spike have helped save Equestria, this is the thanks they get? And Lyra and Bon Bon hadn't hurt anyone as far as I knew. They were always warm and welcome, especially to me when I first got here. Despicable, that's the only word I can think to use to describe the paper's treatment towards them.

"I still think she's hiding something," Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin.

"W-w-what do you mean?" Fluttershy stuttered, standing up from behind me. Pinkie Pie quickly snapped around and grasped Fluttershy's cheeks in her hooves, pressing their faces together so Pinkie could look straight in her eyes.

"I'm saying that what if she knows the pony that wrote those awful stories and is covering for them? Maybe it's not technically a lie if somepony did in fact drop the envelope off in the middle of the night!" She exclaimed. "And what if it doesn't stop there? What if there's a whole cult dedicated to ruining the lives of other ponies?!" Pinkie suddenly dropped Fluttershy from her grip, causing the buttery pegasus to fall onto her face.

"Are you okay?" Lyra helped Fluttershy to her hooves as Pinkie's chest expanded and deflated several times from her rapid breathing.

"No matter what it is guys, we're not leaving until we make sure that the Gazette doesn't print anymore of these types of stories," I replied to Pinkie's theories.

"What do you have in mind to stop it, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, moving her head out from under my hand. I peered down to admit that I was still thinking of a plan when the office door opened, and Goss's voice interrupted me.

"They're right over there, sir," she announced, trotting in our direction. Following her was a mocha colored unicorn with green eyes, a thin mustache, a black mane, a suit that looked like it came directly from the 1940s, and a pipe dangling from his mouth that bobbed as he trotted. Little wisps of smoke seeped out as he breathed in and out. Goss sat down at her desk with an annoyed grunt, folding her forelegs across her chest. "Now, may I please get back to work?" She asked with venom in her voice.

"Actually, why don't you take a ten minute break, Goss?" The stallion suggested politely, levitating his pipe out of his muzzle. Goss sighed in relief, grabbed a small flask out of her desk and put up a 'Back in ten Minutes' sign.

"Do you have any idea how early it is?" Lyra gasped. "Even I don't drink wine before two in the afternoon if I'm feeling like it!" She exclaimed. Goss scoffed and continued to sip out of her flask as she slowly walked by us.

"Don't get your horn twisted," she rolled her eyes at Lyra. "It's just coffee; my regular travel mug was dirty," she concluded and left the building. Lyra growled at the other mare and gritted her teeth while we all exchanged awkward glances with one another. Lyra was always in a good mood whenever I saw her with the exception of today. But up until now, she didn't act too upset. Bon Bon softly patted Lyra's back, trying to calm down her rarely upset spouse.

"All right, buddy!" Rainbow jabbed her hoof in Tab's direction. "Spill it!" She demanded, flaring her wings out in a sort of show of dominance. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, actually feeling like Rainbow did. We didn't come here to be referred to different ponies.

"Yes….well then," Tab rubbed his pipe against his 40s styled suit jacket before popping it back into his mouth. "My assistant told me why you were here. Is there anything I can do to placate you ponies, dragon, and human?" He puffed on his pipe, taking a seat in Goss's chair, levitating his hat onto the desk. The stallion continued to puff on his pipe as we all waited for one of us to step up. That's when Applejack cleared her throat and lightly tapped my back. I looked down toward her where she outstretched her foreleg, giving me the all clear to go ahead.

"First off," Spike cut in just as I was about to step forward. The dragon moved out of the way and motioned for myself and Applejack to do so as well. "We just spent nearly a half hour running around town collecting your newspapers," he pointed back at Lyra who took off her saddlebags. The contents then spilled out, rolling everywhere onto the floor. Tab's jaw nearly hit the ground as he stared in shock at what we had done. His pipe clattered to the desktop, spilling out some smoldering tobacco.

"You…..you stole my business?" The stallion stood up from the chair, bracing himself up with his forelegs on the desk.

"Not really," Rainbow replied in a smart aleck tone, "your customers already pay for a subscription," she pointed out with an eye roll.

"I understand that, ma'am. However, if my customers wake up to find no newspaper, they'll be very disgruntled and may cancel their subscriptions," Tab straightened out his tie and scooped the ash from the desk back into his pipe.

"And you do realize that some of us subscribe to the paper, right?" Pinkie popped out from Lyra's saddlebag, tossing out the last few newspapers. "Well not me personally. Mr. and Mrs. Cake let me read their copy when they're done with-" Lyra gently placed her hoof over Pinkie's mouth, shaking her head from side to side. Pinkie nodded and sat down on her haunches, but not without pouting and folding her forelegs at Tab.

"Ya left us no choice, Mr. Tab," Applejack chimed in. "Did you even read beyond the headlines 'o those stories? Or did you just see the amount 'o bits you could make off 'o them?" she demanded. The unicorn's ears dropped low as he sighed, running a hoof through his mane. With a click of his tongue, his magic engulfed his tie, loosening it up until it hung lazily around his neck like Rarity's measuring tape.

"Truthfully, no I didn't; I was the only one here last night when the envelope," he tapped it with his hoof, "slipped through the mail slot. It was extremely late, I was exhausted, and I thought it was unusual for mail to be coming in the middle of the night, but I was immediately intrigued by the photos and headlines."

"INTRIGUED!?" Rarity burst, shooting off blue sparks from her horn. "Yes, of course! Because it's very intriguing printing a story that says I treat my baby sister like a misbehaving animal!" She spat as tears streamed down her face. "Or that I inappropriately-" She was crying again. Rarity was now struggling to hold back tears; I was starting to lose my patience.

"Or that I cheat on my wife with Caramel!? And then it drags Fluttershy in just because she went to the Gala with him?!" Bon Bon roared while steam literally shot out of her nose. Bon Bon bent her head down, narrowing her eyes at Tab. The owner of the paper now had his back against the wall, both metaphorically and literally as there was a small wall behind the desk.

"Look," he gulped, "we aren't out to actually hurt anypony. Our paper's goal is to give hard hitting news to Ponyville and maybe entertain a little. I just wanted our readers to have something….interesting to talk about on Hearts and Hooves Day?" He shrugged. I had two suspicions about this guy. For one thing, he was either trying to lie his ass off to make a buck like J. Jonah Jameson, or he was telling the truth…to an extent. Something just didn't add up to me. If he'd been the longtime owner of the Gazette, why would he just publish those god awful stories without even reading them first? And what the hell would he have to gain? Nonetheless, his answers weren't making any of us happy whatsoever.

"Oh yeah," Pinkie scoffed, "because it's sooooo interesting to punch a poor pony right in the heart to entertain your readers! Do you have any idea how much your story about Applejack and Cougar hurt Applejack? Well she's more angry now than before when she was a little depressed about it. You're nothing but a meanie pants who doesn't deserve this cool reporter's hat!" She snatched his hat from the table and put it on her head.

"Pinkie," I said so I could interject something. The mare turned to me, and cocked her head, wondering what I wanted. With her silenced for the time being, I stepped forward, softly placing my hands on the desk before putting it in a death grip.

"Sir," I began, "just let me ask you something. How would you feel if you woke up only to find a story about you in the paper, hmm?" I questioned. "And I don't mean just any story, what if there was a story in there that you steal bits from your worker's paychecks to pay for your smoking habit?" He opened his mouth, but I continued. "Or that you force your female workers into sexual favors to keep their jobs? Wouldn't that make you feel like shit?" The mocha colored unicorn silently smacked his lips together as my words sank in. There was a quiet shiff from his suit jacket sliding against the wall as he brushed against it. Tab sighed in what I believe to be disgust while promptly plopping down on the office chair.

"I think you broke him, Cougar," Pinkie whispered into my ear. The newspaper owner braced his elbow onto the table and held his head in his hoof as his eyes glazed over, staring at the ground.

"Well….when you put it that way," his voice mumbled lowly as his eyes drifted over to the triple decker paper organizer. He then reached into one of the drawers, pulled out a bottle of aspirin and dumped a pair of pills into his muzzle, swallowing them without a drink. "Ugh," he shuddered as the dry pills were swallowed.

"Hey I really didn't want to have you think that hard about it, but you've gotta understand where we're coming from," I stood up, holding my hands at my sides. Tab looked back up at us, the glaze in his eyes still present. He looked somewhat ill, but not physically ill, more like, 'What have I done?' ill.

"No, no I don't really believe Rarity abuses her sister and her friends or 'touched' you when you were smaller, Spines," he said grimly to Spike.

"Uh, that's Spike, Mr. Tab," Spike corrected through gritted teeth. He was obviously trying to hold back his anger, but I didn't know how long the poor guy would last. Tab apologized, but it didn't sound sincere nor uncaring.

"Well, if you don't believe that story, why did you print it and the others, then?" Rainbow demanded, cocking an eyebrow upward. For some strange reason, Tab didn't answer but instead went straight for the manilla envelope. He stared at the name printed in plain, tall, straight letters as if it were a hieroglyphic marking in a pyramid, never blinking. "Um, excuse me?" Bon Bon groaned, tapping her hoof on the desk. Tab's eyes then squinted as his ears drooped on the sides of his head before he tossed the envelope with a light smack onto the desk, rubbing his eyes profusely.

"I…..I have no idea," he admitted, covering his eyes with his black hooves.

"HEH!?" Pinkie fell forward flat on her chin with her butt in the air.

"Come again?" Applejack cocked her head to the side, pointing her ear directly at the unicorn. I felt like I was just slapped across the face. Just a minute ago this guy explained that he wanted to entertain his readers while putting out true and hard hitting stories. But now all of a sudden he doesn't know? "Are ya just now tellin' the truth, mister?" AJ continued, digging in her ear a little with her hoof.

"Maybe," Tab gulped, "or perhaps I'm just remembering," he guessed.

"Okay, what are you remembering?" I asked, just wanting a straight answer for once while we were here. I expected a little resistance to our presence, but nothing quite like this. I was mainly worried if Luna and Celestia had arrived at the bakery and if they knew of the stories yet. So much for a happy holiday.

"Look, I'm going to level with you all," Tab finally replied. "And this is going to sound like a cheap cop out to what you're looking for, but I really can't explain it," he admitted shamefully, lowering this head. As I expected with that sort of answer, none of us were too pleased. I could actually hear Spike grinding his fangs together; it sounded like steel grinding against steel. Fluttershy tried to look upset, but she whimpered a little instead. Pinkie then jumped up from resting her chin on the floor, grabbed the desk lamp, pointed it straight into Tab's face and flicked the light on.

"We're done playing Mr. Nice Dragon and Human, and Mrs. Nice Mares!" She exclaimed like a cop, "We want straight answers, and we want them now!" She growled as her hair deflated. The unicorn seethed under the bright light, shielding it with his hooves.

"Ugh, I can tell you what I remember from last night, but it is hard to explain!" He exclaimed, turning his head around. Pinkie continuously glared at the stallion, fighting hard to not give in. Finally, Fluttershy of all ponies slipped between myself and Applejack, albeit slowly, and tapped Pinkie on the shoulder. Pinkie's mane poofed back up to its original cotton candy form as she turned around to face our friend.

"Pinkie, I uh think you can let him talk now," Fluttershy mumbled. "I want a truthful answer like the rest of you…," she bit her lower lip. "But you're kind of preventing him from talking," she pointed to the pony who was still shielding his eyes from the desk lamp.

"Sorry Fluttershy," Pinkie switched off the lamp with a sad pout, "I'm just sick of being stalled and getting the run around around here," she shrugged. "Besides, I just really want to get back to Sugar Cube Corner and try to put this horrible morning behind us!" She declared triumphantly.

"Yeah, we all do, Pinkie," I clicked my tongue. "Except we have Celestia and Luna to explain this to after we're done," I reminded her. "Hopefully with their help they can keep these rumors contained in town until everypony forgets about it," I added, putting my hands into my pockets. I turned my attention back to the unicorn still sitting solemnly at his desk, rubbing his forehead with a hoof. He then suddenly grabbed the envelope in his magic, and dumped its contents out onto the desk. All of us ceased breathing at the exact same time. Rather then just a few photos and three typed up articles like we'd read earlier, there were over a dozen pictures, and I counted nine articles all typed up and ready to be sent in. Our shock didn't stem from the fact that the paper only picked three of the stories to print. Our shock stemmed from the horrifying realization that some sick fucker typed up stories that included even more disgusting contents. There was even two stories that slammed Celestia and Luna.

It hit me right then and there that whoever was doing this wasn't looking to get even or anything close to that. Whoever was doing this, wanted to see all of us suffer.

"I'm sorry for making you relive this," he apologized, "but I just want it away from me too!" He exclaimed, balling up the envelope in his magic and tossing it into a garbage can. We all took a step back, not expecting a moment of anger to explode from the stallion. Like the big bad wolf, Tab was huffing and puffing, but from frustration and maybe a little exhaustion.

"Oh, if you're not ready….." Fluttershy sank to the floor before squirming her way back behind me.

"Everypony, listen up!" Tab turned around to yell at the workers in the back. Every single one stopped what they were doing, even stopped running the presses, and turned to look at their boss. "Home, all of you, now," he quickly ordered, opening the door with his magic. "Don't worry; I'll still pay you all for a full day plus a little holiday bonus," Tab added to placate ponies that might complain.

"We didn't actually want to shut ya down," Applejack chewed on her tongue quietly, looking a little guilty. She still looked visibly upset about this whole shitstorm, but our goal was to come here for answers and to stop the paper from printing anymore gossip, not just completely wipe it out of Equestria.

"It doesn't matter; I need to regroup with my employees tomorrow," Tab waved it off as the last employee confusingly trotted out the door. "Anyway, as I was getting to, last night I was working late like normal on bills and payments on stands to stock the newspaper," he explained. "And like normal when I work late, I was alone; even the night janitor went home already," he added. "Around I'd say one thirty in the morning, I was just having a shot of Smarenoff when I heard the mail slot open and shut."

"And of course, the mail isn't delivered past six o' clock, right?" Spike questioned as he too patiently awaited Tab's explanation.

"Yes, so naturally I was puzzled at what it could be, or if it was just some prankster dropping off gag letters and whatnot to our advice columnist," Tab replied. "But when I saw it was marked with the name Lucy Lips, I was intrigued, so I decided to have a look. I wanted to see who it was that dropped it off, but when I looked outside, I couldn't see anypony," the unicorn lightly swallowed, pausing to think about what happened next. So far he appeared to be telling the truth in my eyes. Applejack hadn't stopped him for anything, and I couldn't hear a stutter from him. The only real possibility that he was lying was that he barely made eye contact with us. But since he just had a bright light in his eyes, I felt it unfair to count that against him.

"Do you have any idea who could've sent this in?" Lyra asked more politely than she'd acted since she stepped hoof inside. She was met with a nervous shaking of Tab's head.

"Sorry, there was no real signature on any of the papers. Only the name Lucy Lips was on the envelope," Tab admitted. "It didn't strike me as weird since most stories or questions sent in to the paper are signed anonymously. However, since I was so curious, I decided to give them a quick read rather than save them for this morning. But that's where I can't really explain why I decided to just go ahead and run them."

"You keep saying that," Rarity pointed out, "what exactly can't you explain?"

"I….don't…..know," Tab repeated. "They just drew me in the instant I laid my eyes on the headlines. I can't tell you if it was the alcohol combined with my exhaustion, but I just had the urge to make a decision and chose to print the first three I saw without consulting any of you about it. I do know, however, that I chose three because if I printed them all at once, I'd just waste them. And trust me, I didn't even feel any indifference toward them, and I had planned to periodically release the last stories until Goss came into my office and alerted me to your presence," he gestured toward us.

"Did you feel bad because you were caught, or did you realize you actually hurt some of us?" I questioned with a little sprinkling of guilt as I motioned toward Rarity's puffy eyes, and Spike's contorted face of anger and pain from how one of the most important mares in his life was impacted by this.

"Honestly, Mr. Cougar," Tab stood up from the desk and sighed tiredly, "I practically forgot of the existence of the stories when I came in this morning. It wasn't until all of you showed up and dumped all of my newspapers on the floor that I remembered what I'd done."

"And that example Cougar brought up," Pinkie Pie added while rubbing her chin, studying the stallion for any signs of him fibbing.

"Yes," Tab grunted, "that certainly jarred me as well," he forced a sad grin on his face. "Ponies in this town won't care about a retraction, no matter how much I wish they would. All I can do is offer a sincere apology even though I deserve some sort of comeuppance," he admitted. With that explanation over and done with, I approached the desk and sat down onto the floor with my knees so I could look the stallion in the eye.

"Look, Tab," I began in a gentlemanly manner, "I do believe your explanation, and believe me when I say I want to wring the neck of whoever did this, but I think it'd be best if you just never printed another section like this in the paper," I suggested. "Under the new order by Princess Twilight of course," I added. Yeah it was a lie and I felt bad about it, but like all of my friends, I didn't want anyone, no matter who they are, to face something like this again. It takes years to build up a good reputation, but only seconds to mutilate it whether by an action of one's self or another.

"Uh, Ivan," Applejack started uneasily, affected by my white lie. However, Tab sensed it too.

"Perfect," he exclaimed, "I can tell that to my staff," he added, sitting up with a grunt.

"Wait, there's still one thing I don't understand," Lyra blurted. "How come nopony else thought these articles were strange? Did anypony come forward to talk to you about them?"

"Actually, no now that I think about it," Tab raised an eyebrow and trailed off. "I told you it was very difficult to explain," he repeated in an almost manic tone. After hearing that final explanation, I had a horrible thought pop into my head. What I assumed didn't make sense before was starting to make sense the deeper I thought about it, but I was going to need evidence.

"Uh, Tab, you don't mind if we take possession of all this?" I questioned. The unicorn looked at what I was talking about and quickly nodded his head.

"Please, take it all away; this too!" He levitated the balled up envelope out of the trash and tossed it at me. "The sooner we get this trash out of my shop, the better we'll all be!" He declared, gathering up all the rolled up papers on the floor and floated them into a nearby trash can. "I'll burn these once you all leave, you have my word," he stated firmly, gathering a few matches out of his pocket.

"Aww, here's your hat back," Pinkie slapped the hat back onto Tab's head, making it sag a little.

"Why….thank you," he rubbed his head from the impact.

BEEELLLCH!

Spike let out a loud belch followed by smoke and green flames. A rolled up piece of parchment paper engulfed in a magenta aura shot out from his mouth and beaned Tab right in the forehead before clattering the ground. "Oops, sorry!" Spike apologized, gathering up the scroll.

"No, I guess I deserved that," the pony shrugged as he relit his pipe, taking a satisfying puff to calm himself.

"It's from mom," Spike announced upon unraveling the scroll. He didn't read the letter out loud; he just read the most important part. "Luna and Celestia are here and they're waiting for us to get back," he announced, rolling the parchment back up and tucked it into Lyra's now empty saddle bag.

"I guess we'll see each other later," I turned to Tab as he was still puffing away at his pipe. He gave me one slow head nod before opening the door for the rest of us.

"Ivan," Applejack bumped her muzzle into my hand to get my attention. "What's with collectin' the envelope 'n all that?" She asked me, pointing to original works of hell. I had a hunch, but I wanted Twilight, Luna, and Celestia to hear it before I told anyone else. All I could say to my lover was that I may have a theory on how Tab got this sudden urge and why nopony questioned his decision.

---

(Sugar Cube Corner; Ivan's POV)

Every citizen seemed to pay us less attention when we trekked back through town. Sure, there were a few ponies that were still pissed that we'd stolen their newspapers right from them. Heck I'd be pissed too if someone stole my paper before I had the chance to read it or while I was reading it. But as I was saying, nearly everypony's attention was solidly locked onto Sugar Cube Corner. We could barely see it, but the royal golden chariot was parked near the entrance to the bakery with dozens of pegasus, unicorn, and earth ponies surrounding it and the building. A pair of pegasus guards, one white and one grey, were standing guard in front of the door, preventing anyone from entering. "Okay, how do we get through that?" Rainbow questioned, darting her head around as she looked for a way to get into the bakery.

As we got closer, I could make out the two alicorn sisters through the cracked windows, but they didn't seem to notice we'd arrived just yet. "Big Mac could move these ponies lickety-split!" Applejack clicked her tongue with a sigh, sounding frustrated.

"I have an idea!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed before hopping onto my shoulders and sitting on them with her rear legs hanging over my chest. "IS THAT SAPPHIRE SHORES!?" She shouted, pointing in some different direction. No one seemed to move or hear her. "Who doesn't love Sapphire Shores?" Pinkie asked in astonishment. I groaned before being down and allowing her to hop off my shoulders.

"A little warning next time, Pinkie?" I suggested, stretching my neck around to get the few kinks out. The pink mare shrugged with a smile in response before sitting on her haunches like a dog. Even though Ponyville didn't have too big of a population, the amount of ponies that had surrounded the humble Sugar Cube Corner made it appear like we had to trudge through an Indy 500 crowd. "Hey Spike," I turned to the dragon. "Since you're sort of an advisor between your mom, Celestia, and Luna, do you think maybe you can speak for Twilight to get everyone to move?" I questioned. Spike looked shocked; he'd never spoken for Twilight before as far as I knew. I didn't know if he'd be stepping outside his comfort zone or if he's been wanting to do this for awhile now.

"Uhhhh, I'm not sure if mom would be okay with that," he bit his lip. "I mean, she's never given me a practice run or told me what to do in case I did need to speak for her."

"Out of all of us, you're the only one that's connected to royalty in a familial way, Spikey," Rarity reminded him with a soft smile. "Of course most of us have had a hoof in saving Equestria, but we don't have the authority that Twilight does. And to a certain extension, you," the seamstress added. That was the main reason I thought Spike could order everyone to clear the way; none of us really had the right to tell everyone to move from a public area. They weren't inside the bakery, so they technically weren't in a private area.

"Ah think Twilight would be proud 'o ya, Spike," Applejack playfully slapped him on the back. Spike jolted from the sudden contact, but continued darting his eyes about at the ground.

"What makes you say that, Applejack?" Spike asked, finally looking up at her in the eye.

"'Cause! You'd be takin' the initiative, Spike," AJ explained, nudging his arm with her hoof. "Ya know, showin' Twilight that you can handle a few important matters other than reorganizin' books when she's not around," she added. Spike exhaled softly through his nose, ejecting some smoke from his nostrils as he thought about what to do. Still, no one had noticed any of us standing at the back of the crowd. I coughed a little as some smoke encircled around my head.

"Oh, all right, but if mom gets upset at me, I'm not taking the blame," Spike snorted, though it was in determination rather than annoyance. The dragon inhaled a deep breath, puffed out his chest, and prepared to raise his voice when Pinkie Pie stopped him.

"Here ya go, Spike buddy!" She declared, shoving her own megaphone into his face. "You can borrow my trusty megaphone; it's never let me down!" Pinkie grinned at all of us proudly.

"Yeah, we know that," Bon Bon rolled her eyes.

"Just don't forget to give it back when you're done," the party mare patted Spike's head before bouncing a few paces back to give him space. Spike fumbled with the device, still surprised by having it shoved directly into his face. Eventually the dragon flicked over the ON button and cleared his throat which spat out some feedback from the megaphone.

"Attention Ponyville, by the order of Princess Twilight of Ponyville, everypony must vacate this area at once and return to your normal routines!" Spike announced loudly into the megaphone. Everyone ahead of us instantly turned around, giving us a mixture of confused stares and judgmental stares which were directed towards those of us that were in the paper. I could barely see through gaps in the crowd that the guards perked up at the mention of Twilight's status. The only ponies who actually listened to the announcement were Derpy and a lightly tanned earth pony stallion with an hour glass for a cutie mark.

"But we want to know why the princesses are here!" A mare's voice shouted from within the gaggle of ponies. Luckily, Spike was right on top things so the rest of us didn't have to explain anything. I still, however, wrapped my arm around AJ and pulled her closer.

"That's a private matter, and we've been summoned by Celestia and Luna personally," Spike announced. "So please vacate the premises in an orderly fashion or face the consequences of….uhhhh," Spike froze, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly, Rainbow swooped down and snatched the megaphone from Spike's grasp, pulling it up to her muzzle.

"Either move your butts away from our private meeting with the princesses, or be charged with disobeying royal orders!" Rainbow Dash threatened, hovering above the crowd. "And you'll have to deal with me!" She added, shaking her hoof at the crowd. A few ponies gasped and galloped away while others didn't seem too fazed.

"Come on, we don't want any trouble," I said to a few of the ponies that remained. Some of them squinted their eyes at me, seeming to not trust me very well.

"You heard Princess Twilight's pe- erm, son!" One of the guards spoke up. "They've been requested to an audience with the royal sisters, and nopony else is allowed in," the grey pegasus guard announced. Both guards flared their wings, making the rest of the crowd step back to avoid getting hit. This created a nice, clear path for us to gain entrance into Sugar Cube Corner. Rainbow Dash tossed the megaphone back behind her where Pinkie Pie caught it and stuffed it back into her mane.

"Grrr," I heard Spike growl in annoyance at nearly being called Twilight's pet. But the dragon put it behind him and started walking forward with Rarity, Pinkie, Lyra, and Bon Bon. Applejack. Fluttesrhy, and I started to follow them when Rainbow Dash, out of seemingly nowhere, flew through the middle of us as if she were an F-14 that'd launched from an aircraft carrier.

"Come on, guys!" We heard her shout as she barreled toward the bakery. The two pegasus guards tried to leap out of the way with wide eyes, but Rainbow was too fast for them. The rainbow colored blur slammed into the guards, sending them flying off in opposite directions. Applejack and Fluttershy seethed at how hard the guards landed on the ground, while Lyra, Bon Bon, and Spike couldn't believe what they'd seen.

"You fellers okay?" Applejack asked whilst galloping towards them with Bon Bon right next to her. The rest of us jogged forward to assist them, well everyone minus Pinkie Pie.

"Ooh, a spare!" She exclaimed, pulling what appeared to be ice packs from her mane. "Here you boys go!" Pinkie tied an ice pack to their forelegs before saluting the two guards. She moved out of the way as AJ and Bon Bon helped the stallions to their hooves. They looked pretty dazed and pretty pissed from what happened.

"Was that really necessary, Rainbow Dash?" Rarity scolded the Wonderbolt. "They would've moved out of the way for you."

"Hey, I thought they would move out of the way in time," Rainbow shrugged while we gave her unamused looks. "Well, do you guys really want to keep the princesses waiting longer than they have to?" She asked as she gently touched back down to the ground.

"You're already a Wonderbolt, Dashie," I cocked a smirk at her, "I don't think you have to impress Luna or Celestia anymore," I patted her cheek like a smart ass. Her face turned the slightest shade of red as she snorted.

"I just don't want to make them feel like they're wasting their time, Cougar," Rainbow smacked the back of my leg. "Besides, Soarin' once greeted Celestia like, "'Sup Princess C?" She did a horrible impression of her boyfriend. As the others went inside, I stopped walking all because of her horrible impression; she sounded like she was stoned. "I just want to always make a good impression around the princesses," she explained.

"You can, just don't do that god-awful voice again," I shuddered, holding the door open for her. Peering in through the crack, I could see a few stragglers from our group trying to find a place to sit around the table that now occupied the royal sisters plus Glock and Checkered Flag. Luna looked up from the table, smiled in my direction, and waved happily. "You bulldozed two guards for nothing," I tried to make Rainbow feel a little guilty, but in a teasing way. "For shame," I shook my head.

"Whatever, just move it or lose it, Coug," she literally shoved me aside with her wing, trotting in like a proud Wonderbolt. Without even looking behind, I clutched the manilla envelope in my hand, stepped inside and shut the door, remembering to lock it before proceeding to the table. The rumbling of galloping hooves broke through the door from outside. The dozens of ponies outside had regathered in front of the windows. That's when there was a sudden flash of silver light reflecting off the cracked panes.

"Ah, so good to see you, Cougar!" Luna waved cheerily from the table. "Don't fret; I just turned the windows into one way mirrors. Those onlookers cannot see in the bakery," she explained. She, Celestia, and their coltfriends were all situated around Twilight in the biggest booth Cup and Carrot Cake had to offer. They must not have seen any of the newspaper articles yet, otherwise I don't think they'd be this cheerful. Then again, Celestia and Luna were actually able to celebrate Hearts and Hooves Day happily with their loved ones.

"Hey, Luna," I did my best to put on a smile, but I'm sure it looked as fake as it felt. "Checkered, Celestia, Glock," I added, quickly taking my seat in between Applejack and Fluttershy, sighing tiredly before placing the envelope on top of the table. Luna seemed to notice my less than enthusiastic attitude.

"Is something the matter, Cougar?" She questioned with concern. I shifted my eyes and raised an eyebrow toward Twilight as Spike scooted closer to her. When her eyes met mine, I motioned toward the royal sisters with my head, asking if she'd mentioned anything to either of them. The purple alicorn quickly ran her tongue across her lips like a nervous tick before shaking her own head.

"We didn't keep y'all waitin' too long, did we?" Applejack asked to break the now awkward silence.

"Of course not, Applejack," Celestia replied warmly. "It's good to spend time with my former student and her friends as just….well, friends," the white alicorn giggled a bit at using 'friends' twice in the same sentence.

"And you're not upset at us disrupting your Hearts and Hooves day, are you?" Fluttershy sank a little in her chair at the guilty thought. Hell, I hate dragging them into this, but as the leaders of Equestria, they could easily put a stop to all this tabloid shit.

"Well, we hadn't planned on leaving Canterlot for the day, but I do like the smaller town atmosphere," Checkered grinned. "It's a little more peaceful than Canterlot," he added, bumping his foreleg against's Luna's wing.

"To be honest, I was more displeased with Tia disrupting myself and Checkered than your request to see us, Princess Twilight," Luna chimed in, tossing a quick glare toward her big sister. "Not that I don't mind speaking with you," she cleared up. Spike, Rainbow Dash, AJ, and I turned to shrug at one another before Celestia's white fur glowed pink.

"Forgive me, Luna, but I didn't have time to check for your availability," Celestia cleared her throat. "Besides, Twilight wrote that there was an emergency, so I had to act. But next time I'll…..knock?" She shrugged.

"Oooookay….." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. Carrot and Cup Cake then came into the dining area, carrying bagels, croissants, and cups of coffee, tea, and water for all of us. The duo smiled, attempting to try and lighten the mood. I'm gonna have to leave them a big tip or something for being such gracious friends with us. Though both bakers seemed to be battling their own emotions.

"I wish I could be excited to have three of the four princesses and Checkered Flag in our bakery," Cup Cake's smile turned into a frown. Carrot Cake put a foreleg around his wife and patted her back.

"Me too, pudding pop," he agreed sadly. "Is there anything else we can get you?" The yellow earth pony grinned.

"No, we are fine, Mr. Cake," Celestia graciously bowed her head. "Thank you though," she added.

"Just give us a holler if you need anything, dearies!" Cup Cake exclaimed as she upstairs while Carrot went into the kitchen. I assumed that Pound and Pumpkin Cake were upstairs since their mother headed that way.

"So, what's in the envelope, Cougar?" Glock finally spoke up. "You haven't let go of it since you came in," he noted, squinting a bit like Clint Eastwood. I felt my fingers around the manilla package, remembering that I still had it.

"Yeah…..well, it's the reason Twilight asked the four of you to come down here," I drummed my fingers atop the envelope.

"Right," Twilight gulped, wiping just a tiny bit of sweat from her forehead. The realization then struck her as she did a double take between myself and Celestia. "Where did you get the envelope?" She questioned, trying to surround it with her magic. I tried to keep her from taking it, but it slipped out from under my fingers. With nothing else to hold, I scooted my hand over the tabletop and lightly gripped Applejack's hoof with a small smile, hoping that Twilight wouldn't try to read any of the stories.

"Well, Twilight," Applejack said, "after we got done collectin' all the papers in town, we stopped by the newspaper office 'n got the owner ta shut down fer the day," she explained. Twilight was about to open up and dump the envelope of its contents, but the bit of news Applejack gave her prevented that from happening.

"When did you decide to do that? I thought all you were doing was gathering up every paper in town?" Twilight dropped the envelope onto the table top in shock.

"Yeah….about that, mom," Spike seethed and darted his eyes around. Celestia and Luna were more curious than their coltfriends and Twilight. "Cougar thought we should go to the paper's office and make sure they wouldn't print anymore Lucy Lips stories today or at all," he explained, jabbing a thumb toward me.

"Lucy Lips?" Luna questioned, confused. She looked to Checkered for an answer, but he could only shake his head in return.

"Is this why you told us to steer clear from any newspaper we saw today, Twilight?" Celestia asked, dropping a croissant from her magical aura. "Did somepony print more unflattering stories about you and friends again?"

"Uh, not all of us, Princess Celestia," Twilight tried to correct but was interrupted by Rarity.

"Twilight, darling. That isn't the case anymore….." the seamstress gulped. The purple alicorn's ears swept back as her eyes expanded. She began to hyperventilate before literally ripping the envelope in half with her magic.

"What did it say? What did it say?!" She demanded, flinging papers and photos across the table, looking for her own. All of us pulled back, afraid of losing an eye if Twilight flung a paper in the wrong direction.

"Mom!" Spike exclaimed. "Just calm down; none of us got the chance to read it. We only saw a photo of you," he explained, gripping his hand around her foreleg.

"B-b-b," Twilight stumbled as her scrambling slowed down and sweat was still forming on her forehead. I leaned over and scooped all the papers and photos into a pile before taking them all back. Everyone's attention was now drawn on me.

"No Twilight!" I barked. "We've all read enough slanderous writings for today. And I didn't bring these all back with me to make us all feel worse!" I realized I must've sounded deranged, but some of my friends were already hurt; I wasn't about to hurt them even more or hurt my other friends.

"Geez, what's your deal, Cougar?" Rainbow Dash grimaced from my shouting. I clutched the envelope firmly in my fingers, determined to not have it taken away once more. Applejack's hoof lightly patted my back; she leaned over to look me in the eye.

"You okay, Sugarcube?" She asked with her big emerald eyes. I sighed and took in a deep breath through my nose.

"Sorry," I quickly apologized into her eyes. "There are a couple reasons why I decided to take all of these instead of letting the owner of the paper deal with them," I announced, letting the envelope fall flat onto the table. "We have the original copies of all these articles; no one else will ever see these again. And we destroyed most of the printed papers in town while Tab said he'd burn the rest before going home," I explained. Everyone nodded in unison, seeming to understand.

"Okay, so then why didn't you just give them to Carrot or Cup Cake to burn in their kitchen?" Pinkie Pie cocked her head to the side to study me.

"Or just destroy them back at the newspaper office?" Fluttershy chimed in. I wanted to destroy them. I wanted to rip them apart, dump a fifty-five gallon drum of gasoline on them and light them up like New Year's Eve.

"Well, Tab's story rubbed me the wrong way," I replied. "He claimed that something drew him in to the headlines of the articles. That just threw up a whole bunch of red flags to me. I mean, anyone who believes in gossip would surely look at headlines first and then choose their opinion. But Tab seemed like the kind of pony that would at least look at what someone sent in before choosing to publish it."

"But…" Bon Bon butted in, "remember he said he'd had a little bit to drink last night, and he was exhausted," she reminded me. My chair creaked as I leaned back and adjusted myself.

"Yeah, that is true. However, I'd think someone would wait until they were in their right state of mind before publishing stories as heinous as these," my fingers tapped the envelope. "But I knew something was really up when he mentioned how he was just sort drawn directly to the headlines. That's when I knew I had to bring these, all of them, in to you three," I pointed between the trio of alicorns.

"And pray tell," Luna raised an eyebrow, "what did you need us for?"

"I can field that question, Luna," Twilight seemed to be calm for now. "We were hoping to get in touch with you two in case these stories did in fact reach Canterlot," she explained. "And…I was hoping maybe you could tweak the law about what's okay to print and what's not okay to print?" She shrugged sheepishly, apparently knowing that the right to the press and news could be a touchy subject for some. Celestia pondered this for a moment before throwing her former pupil an unsure look.

"Unfortunately, I would have to know the severity of what was printed, Twilight," she replied apologetically. Lyra then cleared her throat before anything else could be said.

"Hate to interrupt you, your highness, but I think Cougar was about to explain why he needed to bring the original copies into you three," she gestured toward me. Once I had everyone's attention again, I reluctantly slid the envelope into the middle of the table.

"I'm not magic in any way, but I have a theory that somepony laced these papers and pictures with a spell," I announced. There were a few surprised gasps from the table coupled with some hooves dropping onto the tabletop. Checkered even choked a bit on his bagel. Luna whacked him on the back with her wing, making the obstruction fly out and nearly hit Rarity. Spike caught it with his hand and tossed it behind him, earning a thankful pat from the unicorn.

"Thanks….Lulu," Checkered coughed and wheezed.

"Sorry?" I apologized again, but I was puzzled that my theory was that shocking. "I know it's a little farfetched, but what if whoever wrote these cast a spell that sort of hypnotized Tab into printing the stories?" I suggested.

"Actually, it may not be too weird, Cougar," Spike replied, rubbing the back of his head. "Uh…mom?" He asked, drawing the attention of Twilight. "Remember that book I took out of the old abandoned castle for Rarity?" He asked sheepishly, blushing.

"Yes…." Twilight raised an eyebrow. I couldn't remember if AJ had told me this or not, but I listened anyway in case this could have been the same spell. "What are you- The Inspiration Manifestation Spell!" She exclaimed with a gasp.

"I'm sorry, the what?" I questioned.

"Inspiration Manifestation," Luna explained. "It's a spell that entrances the reader into creating whatever pops into their mind. The more they use it, the more they'll succumb to the book. However, I'm pretty sure that's not what you were getting at."

"No…not really," I said, gulping a bit. "But maybe something along those lines. I can only assume Tab would've had to have been exposed to some kind of hypnosis spell that tricked him into printing these. And I was hoping that maybe you three could do something to these papers and see if they are enchanted or whatever." The three princesses…..bit their lips, as if they had something to hide.

"We can, Cougar," Celestia informed me. "Unfortunately, if we scan these contents, we'd know precisely what they say," she added grimly. "I know you didn't want us to read anything to save us any humiliation," she acknowledged before Luna took over.

"And while we appreciate that, there's really no other way," she gave me a sympathetic look, knowing that my efforts would be wasted. I sighed, hanging my head low just above the surface of the table. There was nothing I nor anyone else could do as the trio of princesses magically levitated the papers and pictures. Luna's eyes glowed completely silver, Celestia's eyes glowed gold, and Twilight's eyes began to glow a magenta color. I noticed, after bringing my head back up, that Spike tenderly held Twilight's hoof in his hand. While it was true that no one really saw what the six other articles said, Spike was just trying to pre-comfort his mom for whatever her particular story said.

Even though I was practically used to all of the magic that unicorns and alicorns could do in Equestria, what Celestia, Luna, and Twilight were doing was radically different than what I've seen. Twilight's mane began to defy gravity like the royal sister's manes did as all the stationery and photos on the table flashed the trio of colors from each magic user. The three of them almost looked as if they were possessed from their lack of pupils, and how stiff they'd gone. Glock and Checkered Flag leaned back in their seats to get a better view of the light show happening directly above their heads, nearly mesmerized by what they were seeing. Suddenly, a loud gasp came from Celestia's mouth. Her jaw dropped, yet her eyes hadn't returned to normal. Twilight then cried out and began to shake, causing Spike to remove his hand from her hoof and throw his arms around her. Luna groaned uncomfortably and even looked a little dizzy.

"Woah nelly!" Applejack exclaimed as all three colors of magic flashed at once, temporarily blinding all of us. Just as soon as the magical procedure began, it was over, though the alicorns looked different than when they began. Celestia put her elbows on the table and her hooves onto her muzzle. She looked as if she just saw someone die before her eyes. Glock's hardened look softened up tremendously as he out his hoof on her foreleg.

Luna couldn't really face anyone. She didn't look like Celestia, but she did look as if she'd just been violated in some way. Her cheeks had a pink tint to them, and her facial expression was just uncomfortable. Twilight, however, was paler than I'd ever seen anyone in my life. She looked visibly ill with sweat racing down her forehead as she rocked back and forth in her chair. "Maybe I should've kept my mouth shout," I said grisly, closing my eyes and holding my head with my hand. Applejack smacked her lips and nudged my arm with her nose.

"It was just an idea, Sugarcube," she whispered, trying to soothe me. That was all any of us could really say with how the princesses looked. Would they even be willing to talk after going through that?

"So…." Rainbow coughed into her hoof, pausing uncomfortably. I opened my eyes to look at her. "D-did you find anything?" She gulped, trying not to set any of them off. I couldn't blame her in any way; they could just go off in anger or snap and start sobbing uncontrollably. It was anyone's bet, but the house would win.

"I…uh," Celestia exhaled through her nose whilst gulping and lowering her hooves.

"They do….have a spell on them," Luna quickly darted her eyes in my direction before looking down at her glass of water. She sounded embarrassed to me; I don't know what in the hell she read, but I had a hunch it was AJ's story on how she 'used' me.

"Luna?" Checkered Flag laid his chin onto the table and slid himself closer to his marefriend. "Can I get you anything, Moon Pie?" He asked; his eyes looking sorrowful. The midnight blue pony gulped and shook her head. Checkered sat back up, slowly put his forelegs around her and snuggled his head into her neck.

"That's awful!" Rarity proclaimed before slapping her hooves over her mouth. Thankfully none of the alicorns were set off by the sudden burst of noise.

"We…..we deactivated it," Celestia shut her eyes tightly before a single tear was squeezed out. I shifted in my chair, ready to spring up if anything would blow up from her emotions. Twilight explained to me awhile back that unicorns and alicorns can sometimes lose control of their magic if their emotions went unchecked, but she also mentioned it was rare. Of course I wasn't going to take any chances.

"Tia?" Glock slipped a napkin off the table and gingerly wiped the tear away. "What's wrong?" He asked worriedly, sounding more like a normal pony rather than a stoic guard. The normally proud princess sniffled before moving a piece of paper over to Glock for him to read. I felt even more guilty about bringing this up, but there was nothing I could about it. I could only try and help comfort the three if they needed it. "Oh….." he said as if the air was sucked from his lungs. The pegasus put the paper face down onto the table and spread his left wing from his torso, interlocking his feathers with Celestia's.

"I'VE NEVER BEATEN SPIKE IN MY LIFE!" Twilight screamed out of nowhere. The force of her scream made Pinkie Pie fly out of her chair before landing upside down with her back to the wall. The platter that Cup and Carrot Cake set down rattled from the vibrations. The purple pony then turned around and vomited into a plant pot, leaving a confused Spike sitting in his seat. We all scooted back in our seats to assist the poor pony, but Spike was on top of it.

"Mom!" He exclaimed, patting her back as she continued to retch.

"Twilight, beating Spike?!" Bon Bon questioned with a sneer toward Lyra. There was a loud trotting of hooves coming from both upstairs and the kitchen. The Cakes appeared in a panicked state.

"Is everything okay!?" Carrot asked vehemently.

"No!" Pinkie exclaimed as she picked herself up off the floor. "The princesses and Twilight now hurt as bad Rarity!" She pointed directly to the seamstress. "Oop, sorry Rarity!" Pinkie apologized.

"It's quite all right, darling," Rarity brushed it off, looking at Twilight with sympathy.

"Woah….." Glock said as he put Celestia's story down. Great, just fucking great! I had to open my big mouth and now hurt even more of my friends. I made Celestia cry and Twilight vomit just from reading a tabloid. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Sugarcube?" AJ put her hoof under my chin and gently turned my head toward her. "Yer lookin' pretty steamed; what's the matter, Ivan?" She asked quietly.

"I-I caused this," I replied stuttered. "It was just a theory; I didn't want to ruin their day too," I looked over at the princesses. Even though it was Twilight that summoned the royal sisters to the town, this was my fault.

"Ya don't hafta blame yourself, Ivan," Applejack released my chin from her hoof, laying her head onto my chest. "We all just wanted ta prevent this from happenin' again," she added. "Ah don't blame ya one bit," her voice turned into a whisper. "The man who made love ta me last night is still the same man Ah see here," Applejack rubbed her cheek against my chest.

"I-I just wish I didn't say anything. All we had to do is convince Celestia to tell any newspaper in Equestria to not accept any stories from Lucy Lips," I replied, resting my chin on AJ's head.

"A-actually, Cougar," Luna spoke, but still didn't look at me. "With the information that these papers were tainted with a spell, the pony responsible can face harsh penalties," she explained. "Passing these stories off is one thing, but lacing a hypnosis spell is a massive offense."

"That still doesn't make me feel better, Luna," I admitted, sighing in disappointment.

"Can I ask something?" Fluttershy peered out from her mane. "Do we um, still even n-need these?" She asked. Spike then growled, and I mean growled like a rabid wolverine. Since the spell was deactivated, he grabbed every paper and every picture before tearing them all apart and setting the scraps on fire.

"Nopony's gonna hurt my mom anymore!" He seethed whilst breathing heavily.

"Oh my," Cup Cake backed away from the scene. Hell, if I were in her or Carrot Cake's position, I'd back away too. There was no happiness at all from this table. Everyone was either depressed, sad, angry, puking, feeling guilty, or just….lost.

"I hate to sound like this," Rainbow stood up from her chair, "but after this morning, I think I'm gonna need a drink." Lyra and Bon Bon agreed with Rainbow, nodding in unison at the idea. Though I was sure the Cake's didn't keep any alcohol in the bakery, unless they had their own personal adult beverages upstairs.

"I just want to take a long soak in my tub and hug my sister for the rest of the day," Rarity sighed, slowly stuffing a doughnut into her muzzle. 'Happy fucking Hearts and Hooves Day,' I thought as AJ still cuddled against me.

"Lulu?" Celestia sniffled.

"It's quite all right, sister," Luna looked over to her big sister. "I know how much it pained you to send me away. The thought that you enjoyed it and did it to raise your status level is absolutely horrendous." Celestia whined slightly, breathing heavily to avoid crying. Twilight's retching finally ceased; she pulled her head out of the pot and wiped her mouth. Spike was there, helping guide her back to the table. The princess of friendship's lower lip quivered before throwing her forelegs around Spike, pulling him close.

"Hey, Princess Luna?" Pinkie Pie asked, raising her hoof in the air like a school filly. The alicorn looked over toward the mare, yet again avoiding me, even though Pinkie was standing beside myself and Applejack.

"Yes?" She replied.

"Why aren't you looking at Cougar? Aren't you two supposed to be good friends?" She questioned, cocking her head to the side. Luna's cheeks turned a brighter tint of pink as she locked eyes with me before snapping them away again.

"It's uh..no reason!" Luna's voice cracked. Checkered pulled his head away from her, looking her dead in the eye.

"Lulu, does it have anything to do with-"

"No, of course not!" The princess of the night immediately replied. Her outburst unfortunately drew the attention of all of us minus Twilight and Celestia. I felt Applejack remove her head from my chest. Her gaze was locked in Luna's direction.

"Now princess," she began sweetly, "if yer story involves Ivan, we won't believe it," she assured her. "Ah know yer faithful ta Checkered, 'n Ah know Ivan's faithful ta me," she squeezed my arm with her foreleg. Getting the idea that Luna's story probably talked about us either seeing each other behind Checkered and AJ's back, or that the four of us were…..swingers and Checkered and I shared Luna and AJ, I decided to set the record straight.

"You're right, AJ," I agreed. "Luna and Checkered really shouldn't have anything to worry about. The story is bullshit, and I'd never even think of being romantically involved with her," I stated proudly, just hoping we were all on the same page.

"HMPH!" Luna scoffed loudly, standing up from her chair with her hooves imprinting on the table surface. Uh-oh….. "Well then, that's certainly what a mare likes to hear on Hearts and Hooves Day!" She said sarcastically with an eye roll. Now I finally had Luna's attention; I didn't like it. She actually looked a little insulted by what I'd said.

"Oh come on!" I exclaimed. "You know I didn't mean it like that!" I tried to explain, but Luna didn't want to hear any of it. "D-do you see how I just make things worse, AJ?" I asked with a sigh, running my hands through my hair. Luckily Checkered didn't seem pissed or anything; he was trying to placate his girlfriend.

"Awkward….." Pinkie stuffed a cupcake into her mouth and chewed solemnly.

"Er, Ivan," Applejack tapped my shoulder.

"I know, I know," I grunted, knowing what I had to do, as if I couldn't fuck anything else up today. Unfortunately, right as I was about to ask Luna to talk, she stood up from her seat and approached Cup and Carrot Cake.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cake, may I please use your little mare's room?" She asked. Luna thanked the couple as they pointed her in the direction of the bathrooms. She heavily trotted her way near the back into a little hallway, disappearing before we all heard the slamming of a door.

"I'll be right back," I said under my breath, following in the same direction as Luna.

"Are you really followin' a mare into the bathroom?" Applejack hopped up from her seat and galloped in front of me.

"No; I'm going to wait outside for her to come out so I can talk to her privately, Applejack. This is at least one thing today I can fix that I've fucked up," I replied. "She has to know that I didn't mean it like that."

"Ah know how ya meant it, Sugarcube, but don't ya think you should give her some time ta cool off before tryin' to explain it?"

"Sorry, Applejack, but I've got to fix this sooner rather than later," I lightly pecked her on her mouth before walking toward the bathrooms. I could only hope I could fix this.

---

End Chapter 47

So, just in case anyone is wondering, the rest of the tabloids won't be revealed at all in the story. But here I'll tell you what the rest of them said: For Pinkie's story, it was said that she was plotting to foalnap the Cake twins; for Rainbow's story, it was said she's feeding Scootaloo anti-growth pills to prevent Scootaloo's wings from growing; and for Fluttershy's story, it was supposedly a sequel to Lyra and Bon Bon's story in that she forgave Caramel for cheating on her and that the two are back to a healthy relationship, with hints of her possibly being pregnant with Caramel's foal. Luckily though, those stories won't see the light of day.

Also, the next chapter will be a mini-chapter. What you have to look forward too: Luna and Ivan's talk, StacheKing's OC gets a cameo, Checkered Flag bonds with the Cake twins, and a surprise visit from another character!