Fallen Eagle

Chapter 32: Love Finds a Way

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(Ponyville Castle Party. Cougar's POV)

"A toast! To Twilight Sparkle, her son and her friends for putting on yet another perfect Hearth's Warming play!" Celestia raised a can of Coltweiser in front of everypony. We all raised our drinks in response and gave out a little cheer before taking a drink. "And a big thank you to Granny Smith, Big MacIntosh and Cheerilee for preparing the food for tonight's festivities!" Her wing gestured to the three aforementioned earth ponies. "Now, let us commence with not only our Hearth's Warming Eve celebration, but our first ever Christmas Eve party in honor of our friend, Cougar!" She added, tipping her can towards the front of the small crowd where I was standing.

"Whoo-hoo! Go Cougar!" Soarin cheered. The stallion had managed to show up to the play halfway through the final act. He claimed to have big news for everyone after a long day and flight from Las Pegasus back to Canterlot when he joined us on the train ride to Ponyville.

"Uh, thanks Celestia," I replied, not knowing she would call upon me in her toast. As she teleported off the balcony inside the castle and appeared beside Luna and Glock, Vinyl was busy double checking every cord and wire on her sound system before playing Christmas music, leaving us all to eat snacks, drink fruit punch or beer and enjoy time with our friends. "Hey, what's with the punch, Luna?" I asked the blue alicorn standing next to me. "Don't you normally go for something a little more, strong?" I added with a smart ass smirk. Luna sipped more of her wild berry fruit punch before turning to me.

"Well, Tia noticed I have been drinking beer a little more than usual and she was concerned that it could lead to a potential addiction," she explained to me. "And while I don't necessarily agree with that, she is my big sister and perhaps I could stand to drink something non-alcoholic," she smiled, patting my head with her wing. Checkered reappeared after refreshing his own punch and gave Luna a peck on the cheek.

"Hey Cougar, thanks again for introducing the mistletoe!" Lyra waved to me from the punch bowl where she was levitating said plant above her head and Bon Bon's. She quickly planted a light kiss on her marefriend's nose, earning a giggle from the earth pony. The candy making pony then slid her cheek against Lyra's, slowly and lovingly.

"You're making a mockery out of that by taking it with you everywhere!" I playfully joked at the mint colored unicorn. Though, there was apart of me that was beginning to grow tired of seeing the happy couples within the castle, as if something was mocking me for my feelings for Applejack. I had to turn back behind me when there was probably the gentlest of tapping on the back of my knee, only to look down and see the orange mare I was thinking about, looking as if she had something to ask of me.

"So, can ya tell me again why ya say 'Merry Christmas' instead 'o Happy Christmas?" Applejack asked me, adjusting her cowgirl hat so she could look at me better. Despite knowing that at least half of my friends were there to help encourage me should I decide to tell Applejack how I feel, for some reason I had trouble looking the mare in the eye, even having a little trouble with the same problem after the play and during the train ride back to Ponyville. Nevertheless, one quick look in her eyes earlier as we walked into the castle under the decorations had frightened me; I didn't want to ruin our friendship by sickening her or embarrassing her to the point she wanted me off her farm.

"The only thing I can even come up with is the phrase that a lot of people used around the holiday," I replied, tipping my hat bill down so I couldn't see Applejack's eyes, "Eat, drink and be Merry. Most people used 'Merry Christmas,' but there were some who instead said, 'Happy Christmas,' so there's really no wrong way of wishing someone to have a fun holiday," I concluded my explanation. The look she gave me was a strange one, almost a cross between one of satisfaction and one of disappointment.

"Ah guess that makes sense," I saw her scratch her mane, "say, Granny Smith's sugar cookies are done, do ya wanna go try some?" The orange mare offered me. I looked over at the food table where Granny Smith had a few plates full of sugar cookies and Big Mac and Cheerilee were talking and eating some of the holiday goodies with Pinkie Pie while Rainbow Dash was splitting an apple pie with Soarin. Pinkie Pie instinctively looked over in our direction and gave me a very friendly and enthusiastic wave of her pink foreleg.

"Eh, maybe later, I'm not really craving cookies right now," I replied apologetically, still holding the bill of my hat over my eyes. I could've sworn I felt a bigger twinge of disappointment radiating off of Applejack if only abruptly, but she was good at hiding some of her emotions. She let of a sort of sad sigh under breath as she came up with a response.

"Oh, well that's okay. Unless we leave Pinkie Pie alone, there'll be plenty 'o cookies later, if ya want some that is," she turned tail and trotted over to the others. The atmosphere certainly felt cheery, but the strange part was we were all split into two groups. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Spike, Soarin, Big Mac, Cheerilee and Granny Smith were on one side of the room while myself, the Crusaders, Luna, Checkered, Celestia, Glock, Lyra and Bon Bon stood near the punch bow. Being the odd pony out, Vinyl was in the middle of the room with her DJ equipment.

"You didn't even look her in the eye," Bon Bon appeared in front of me, "is everything alright Cougar?" She asked me, flipping my hat up and out of my eyes. A slight sip of my Marewaukee Brew calmed me down enough to warrant a response, but I still felt enormously pathetic.

"No, I just don't think this is a good idea," I said, setting my can down onto the table. "I'm not going to fuck up her holiday, okay?"

"Telling her over cookies would've been adorable, just saying," Lyra raised her hoof in the air. Over cookies? And right in front of her family? Yeah, there was a reason why I chose not to go over with Applejack and why I still haven't manned up to tell her yet.

"Sorry Lyra, but that's totally not Cougar's style," Scootaloo shook her head. "If I had to imagine it, he seems more like the campfire type of guy to reveal something like that," she pondered.

"Your worry is perfectly fine, Cougar, but you could've at least looked her in the eye as she talked," Celestia offered me her opinion, completely disregarding what Lyra and Scootaloo had said. "I can understand how nervous and scared you might be, but that doesn't mean you can leave your manners at the door," she shot me a stern look.

"Look your highness," I returned the same stern glare, "telling her in front of her family doesn't bode well with me, okay? I'm really uncertain if I'll ever tell her how feel, especially on an important night like tonight. Besides, if I somehow do figure out a way to tell her, I'd rather do it when we're all alone so in case I do embarrass her or sicken her, nopony will be there to witness it," I explained, taking off my black stetson to run a hand through my sweaty hair. Apparently it was Luna's turn to offer me some advice as she lightly moved my chin with her wing so I was looking her in the face.

"I agree with my sister, it's reasonable that you don't want to tell her as of right now, but why couldn't you at least look Applejack in the eye?" Luna asked me, much less sternly than Celestia but with just as much genuine concern for my feelings. "She is still your best friend, is she not? Just because you might be afraid does not give you the right to disregard Applejack completely."

"Well of course we're still friends, Luna," I rolled my eyes and scoffed at the blue pony's question, "if you guys think it's because I'm worried I'll turn into one of those idiots that blushes, stammers, stutters and crashes into things, that's not the reason. I'm still getting over the fact that I've fallen for a pony, okay?" This was quickly turning into quite possibly the most stressful night I've ever encountered while in Equestria. My friends weren't forcing me to go over to the mare at all, and I was thankful for their support, but I had a feeling in the back of my mind that they were just wanting me to grow a pair.

"You shouldn't think so negatively," Sweetie Belle piped up, "trust me, thinking the worst all the time will make everything worse. I'm not saying to always think positive, but you should think about how happy Applejack makes you," she explained. All I could do was breath, breathe and think as best as I could about the current situation that I found myself stuck in. Although she wasn't looking at me, across the room I could see her talking amongst her main group of friends, seemingly having a good time.

"I don't want to get my hopes up," I blinked, looking away from Applejack and back to the nearest pony around me: Luna. "I can try to think positive about all this and imagine the slightest possibility that she could harbor the same emotions, but I've given my hopes up plenty of times before, and I'm not willing to delude myself in front of everyone, not only making myself look like an ass, but putting a huge strain on the friendship Applejack and I have built," I squeezed the nearest table top so hard that my knuckles went completely white.

"Right, looking at it more realistically can help," Glock scratched behind his ear. 'Finally,' I thought, releasing my grip on the table, 'someone who isn't treating this like they know exactly what'll happen.'

"You're not saying that you're giving up on Cougar, are you?" Checkered nudged the pegasus on his shoulder. "We all promised to do what we could to help him without telling Applejack ourselves or forcing him to confess."

"Of course not, Checkered," the pegasus guard shoved the racing pony's hoof away. "All I'm getting at, Cougar, is sure she might not return the same feelings, but I severely doubt that she'll be embarrassed, disgusted or angered at you. And I know she won't kick you off her farm just for loving her," he patted my back.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said a fucking thing," I grumbled to myself, getting upset that we all weren't able to enjoy the holiday because of my problem. Looking up at the ceiling so I wouldn't have to look at anyone's face again, I took in a deep breath before continuing, "I'm happy already with being one of her best friends; that's one thing I plan on not fucking up in my life," growled before earning a slap to my face.

"There are still three fillies present," Celestia glared at me, "there is no need for that sort of salty language and we are only trying to help!" She never blinked once while glaring just inches from my face. Her long horn pushing my stetson up slightly. I never truly realized how terrifying Celestia could be until she was mere inches from my nose and pissed, literally pissed off at me. "Forgive me, Cougar, but you are starting to sound a tad ungrateful for us offering a helping hoof."

"I'm not ungrateful Celestia, just thinking about every possible future that could come of my decision," I ducked below to get my personal space back. "And I hate to shift this on you guys, but what's really stressing me out is these feelings I want to let go, but I can't, and I'm surrounded by ponies in couples," I looked toward the trio of couples that stood around me.

"Did you ever think we're showing you how happy we are that we accepted our true feelings and let our special somepony's know?" Luna raised an eyebrow, silently sipping her fruit punch. That thought had never even been considered in my mind; all this time I was thinking about how stressed I was and I was taking my friends for granted as they tried to encourage me to stop being so pessimistic. This made me feel even worse than I was already. They were giving up a small part of their holiday so I could be happy, and here I was throwing off every negative vibe I could right back at them. Right as I was about to just give up talking about this and letting everyone else know, Twilight's aura burst around us like fireworks until she stood in the middle of our small group, right in front of me to be precise.

"Hey guys, Princess Celestia and Luna, what's going on?" She asked. "Parties are supposed to bring friends together, not separate them," she informed us in her know-it-all voice. For some odd reason, no one spoke up to reply to Twilight; I knew I really didn't want to talk to her while I was already feeling stressed. "Don't everypony explain at once," she said under her breath. "Is somepony mad at somepony else?" She asked.

"Ahem, no Twilight Sparkle," Luna cleared her throat, "our friend Cougar was still in need of some critiquing on his speech," she lied straight to the other alicorn's face. While I didn't expect Luna to just outright lie, I did expect at her to at least give Twilight the run around so she wouldn't catch on to what we were really discussing.

"Oh, well then I can certainly be of assistance to that!" The purple alicorn beamed, conjuring up a stool with her magic. "Okay, just give me a little summary of your speech and I'll see what I can do to help," she offered, leaning closer to my personal space than I was comfortable with. In all honesty, I felt like giving her the plot to Silent Night, Deadly Night so she'd keep quiet, but I knew at least Celestia or Luna would scold me for it, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Cougar, are you gonna give Twilight a brief summary?" Lyra questioned, poking me in the ribs so I would pay attention. After crushing my empty can and tossing it into a nearby trash bin, I scooped up some punch into a paper cup and pretty much guzzled the liquid down.

"If that was truth," I sighed after emptying the paper cup, "I would, Lyra." I could literally feel the blue alicorn next to me mentally slap herself in the face with her hoof on account of me ruining her little ploy, probably to help get my mind off of AJ for a little bit so I could think more clearly about my feelings. "Twilight is, somewhat of a friend," I refilled my cup and talked with a slight hint of condescension towards the purple pony, "so she deserves to hear the truth, that is if she can keep a secret," my hand braced the table behind me yet again while I leaned against it, sipping my punch and raising an eyebrow to Twilight.

"Somewhat?" Bon Bon cocked her head from side to side. Twilight ignored her and stood up from her stool, walking ever so slowly in my direction; everyone parted like the Red Sea, allowing her a clear path to approach me. The expression on everypony's face was pretty amusing; they all looked as if they were watching an intense tennis match at Wimbledon.

"This is about your feelings for Applejack, isn't it?" Twilight asked, looking seriously up into my eyes. Splat! The paper cup in my hand stood no chance as it clenched like a vice in a T-Rex's jaw at the shocking mention of my personal feelings. "Aha!" The mare exclaimed triumphantly, but not before wiping herself of what used to be my drink with a towel.

"How the hell do you know?" I demanded, dropping the remnants of the paper cup onto the floor. I was done trying to hide this from everyone who asked, having grown so fucking tired of lying, changing the subject and then having to explain it so many times.

"It actually wasn't that hard to deduce," she responded like Sherlock Holmes. "And it really helps to have a sister-in-law who-" she began before I cut her off with a little bit of shouting in her face.

"FUCKING CADENCE!" I cursed the alicorn's name under my breath, earning me a wing slap from both Luna and Celesita.

"Hey, watch what you say about my sister, Cougar," Twilight glared at me just as a new song started up from Vinyl Scratch's sound system. "Your secret is completely safe from Applejack, but I do want to help you," her expression softened into a smile. "I saw how distracted and generally miserable you were after talking to Applejack a few minutes ago and during the train ride; you don't have to do this to yourself," she advised me.

"Yeah so?" I asked, "what the hell do you care?" I added more harshly than I wanted.

"I care about the well being of my friends, and I do consider you a friend," she replied as if she'd prepared for this conversation. "Trust me, you'll be a lot happier if you get this weight off of your shoulders."

"And just drop it onto her shoulders? You know I'm not selfish, Twilight," I lowered my gaze to her. When we all stood in silence listening to the songs on Vinyl's system change, I grew tired of waiting for someone else to take the spot from me. "You guys can drop in at anytime, I don't care," I looked back up to the ponies surrounding us.

"No; Twilight is making some really good points," Checkered admitted, giving a nod to the purple pony.

"That's not what I meant, Cougar," she didn't miss a beat in our conversation, "it may catch Applejack off guard, but even if she doesn't feel the same, she can help ease you back into your friendship instead of casting you aside like a rotten piece of fruit just for feeling this way."

"I swear if you tell me you know what you're doing because you read it from a book, just shut up," I held my finger in front of her eyes. Her magic engulfed my finger, pushing it aside to clear her vision to look me straight in the eye.

"My sister-in-law has taught me much about how love works ever since she married my brother," she said in a really creepy, low voice. "I may not be an expert in my own relationship with Flash Sentry, but the biggest thing Cadence told me was that keeping your emotions inside of you like this and not telling the one you love how you feel can end up hurting you more than if you tell her," she revealed. "All I want is for you to have a fun and happy holiday, and I won't rest until that happens," she swore. Her gaze drifted away from me over to the crushed paper cup still in my clenched hand and behind me to the punch bowl. "Would you all like some more punch? It seems we're out," Her demeanor quickly snapped back to her normal, friendly and helping one.

(3rd Person POV)

"If you'd like," the human replied once he realized how much punch the small group, mainly himself, Luna and the Crusaders, had drank in the time since the party started at 10:00 P.M. "And, please," he attempted to sound apologetic over his recent remarks to the alicorn.

"My pleasure, it is Hearth's Warming and Christmas Eve after all," Twilight smiled. "Oh, and I can't wait to hear more about Christmas," she added before teleporting herself and the empty punch bowl into the kitchen. Once inside the deserted room, she let out an exhausted groan and began to fish around for the mixing powder in her pantries. "That human can be at least fifty times more stubborn than Applejack!" She said to herself. "Hmm, I wonder if I should add that to my biology report," she tapped her chin.

She was telling the truth, however. Helping friends is what she was crowned a princess for; solving a friendship problem during the holidays made her the perfect pony for the job, that is if the friends in question would cooperate! Despite not being an expert in relationships and romance, Twilight could tell that both Applejack and Cougar held some sort of feelings for each other, but she dared not tell one how the other felt; she knew that only they could reveal those kinds of personal feelings. But seeing how miserable Cougar felt bottling up his emotions from the Element of Honesty, Twilight felt it was her time to jump in to offer some advice.

"So, I can't say anything for either one," she talked to herself, checking another shelf in the pantry for the fruit punch mix. "Could I set up dinner plans for just the two of them?" Twilight pondered after finding the package of drink mix. "No, neither can be tricked that easily. This would be so much easier if Cadence were here," Twilight poured water into a mixer full of the fruit punch powder and began to shake the large jug with her magic. Twilight wanted to write up a quick letter to her sister, but she didn't want to bother Cadence and Shining Armor during the holiday in the Crystal Empire, and she was afraid of raising too much suspicion if she asked Spike to send a letter. "Ooh! Maybe giving each of them a gift using their names could jumpstart the conversation!" the purple alicorn said to her reflection in one of the kitchen windows. "No," her face deflated, "I can't even count how many times I've seen that plot device used in kids books before," Twilight tasted the punch after mixing it all together.

"Mmm, Grape-Strawberry," the pony licked her lips and hiccuped.

"Hey mom, where have you been?" Spike suddenly asked seemingly out of nowhere.

"Gah!" Twilight shrieked and jumped at the startling event, accidentally dropping the jug of fruit punch into the sink. "Spike, knock next time please," she rubbed her head right above her horn. "Now I have to mix together more punch," another package of mixture levitated over to the now empty jug.

"Sorry," the dragon nervously chuckled, "you just kind of ditched us to go talk to the princesses without saying anything," he explained, "and then you just disappeared from their group too. What's going on?" he questioned his mother, leaning against the counter right next to her. A sigh was the first response the drake had received from the alicorn next to him, giving him the impression that he was annoying his mom. "You're not mad at me, are you?" He added. Twilight's head snapped up and turned to her side.

"Of course not Spike," she nuzzled the drake's cheek, "you haven't done anything to make me mad at you," she assured him with a quick hug whilst levitating the fruit punch in the air.

"Then besides getting more punch for the party," Spike returned the hug, "what were you doing? Did Princess Celestia need to talk to you? Or did you want to ask Cougar something else about Christmas?"

"Actually, I went over to see why the party was split up into two groups rather than everypony sticking together in one large group," Twilight replied. " And my suspicions were confirmed that Cougar's just having trouble coming to terms with a personal problem, that's all," she sighed once again, though more frustrated than before.

"Oh, well did you figure out how to help him?" Spike asked, hoping to not upset Twilight.

"No, that human is so stubborn! He's perfect for Applejack!" She accidentally blurted out. Her hooves immediately covered her mouth as her eyes grew big while staring at her dragon son.

"Woah, wait a second," Spike held his hands up, "are you saying Cougar is attracted to Applejack?" He asked in disbelief. Seeing that the jig was up, Twilight removed her hooves from her muzzle and nodded slowly. "Geez, I can kinda seem them together though," he scratched his chin. "Do they both feel the same way to each other?" He added. Twilight responded with a quick nod, causing the dragon to whistle both impressed and quietly.

"That's what I really want to help him with, but he's acting like he doesn't want any help from anypony. Even though it looks like Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Lyra, Bon Bon and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to encourage him, yet he's ignoring it at the same time," Twilight explained her situation. "And it doesn't help that I can't think of anything that could help him," she added.

"But even if you did think of anything, he's probably gonna ignore you?" Spike concluded her thought.

"Exactly!" Twilight exclaimed, "and he's growing more miserable and agitated the more he keeps stuffing his feelings down, I'm only trying to help him!" She groaned again in frustration, running a hoof through her purple mane with a pink streak until it was messy.

"Well, you can't force him or trick him," Spike slowly straightened out his mother's mane, "maybe there's a way you can show him the truth about how happy he can be once he accepts his feelings and tells AJ?" Twilight came a sudden stop as she was heading out the door of the kitchen, causing Spike to crash into the back of her. "Uh, mom?" he asked, trying to get her attention.

"Truth?" The mare said to herself, an idea dawning on her as a smile appeared on her muzzle. "Of course," she grew happier as her idea materialized in her scientific mind. Why hadn't she thought of this before? This could work to her advantage of wanting to have a perfect Hearth's Warming for her regular friends, and a perfect Christmas for her newest friend. Not to mention, both Applejack and Cougar would be happy that they could finally get past all of the negative ideas they used as excuses to not tell the other about their true feelings. "Spike, I need you to do something for me," Twilight requested the purple reptile. "Could you please go back to the party and tell them I'll be right back out with the punch?"

"Suuuuuure," Spike replied slowly and puzzled, "why can't I just bring out the punch?" he questioned.

"Oh, there's one more ingredient that Berry Punch showed me that'll make any store bought punch taste hoof made," Twilight smiled her usual squeaky smile. Spike always felt uneasy whenever his mother said or did anything with this sort of tone, as if she were hiding something, but without proof, Spike feared he would just be an accuser and greatly disappoint Twilight, one of the few things he never wanted to; this was tough, but the love he had for the mare that raised him as her own outshone his suspicions.

"I'll get right on that," Spike smiled in return, "I love you, mom," Spike hugged the mare around the neck and kissed her cheek.

"You're the best son ever, Spike," Twilight returned the hug and moved so the dragon could return to the party out in the foyer. Once he was gone, Twilight put her magic to work again, opening up another cupboard and floating a glass over next to the jug. There was a bright flash of her magenta magic as she teleported herself out of the kitchen to another room in the castle, looking for the secret ingredient to help her plan come to fruition.

Back out in the foyer, Spike had rejoined the party, or at least the group he and Twilight were hanging out with originally. Just as he mixed back in with Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Cheerilee, Granny Smith and Big Mac, Spike overheard the end of a conversation between Applejack and Rarity. "Rarity, Ah think Ah'm ready," Applejack leaned closely to the white unicorn, whispering loudly.

"Ready for what, Applejack?" Rarity asked, adjusting some of her mane on the back of her head. Although the white unicorn had an idea of what her orange friend was talking about, Rarity knew that getting Applejack to say out loud what she needed to say would help her understand how good it felt to admit a secret of this proportion. Applejack gulped, hating to have to explain herself when she mentally begged Rarity to understand her subtlety.

"Well, ya know Cougar's speech is comin' up pretty quick," she began, having some difficulty looking at the unicorn in the eye. "Ah, Ah was thinkin' that after his speech, Ah could take him aside ta like the kitchen or somewhere 'n tell him...Ah...love him," Applejack began to trail off near the end. A proud grin from Rarity made itself known when she smiled greatly at Applejack's admission, but she was not the only one to feel happy.

"Oh Applejack, I've always thought you and Cougar were a perfect match for each other," Fluttershy complimented the mare. "You're both hardworking, enjoy physical fitness, honesty and Cougar's gotten you to be a little less stubborn than usual, no offense," Fluttershy felt nervous about that last compliment.

"I agree," Spike joined into the conversation, "not to mention he did kind of save your life," he added.

"Oh my gosh!" Pinkie Pie hopped up and down while balancing a cup of cocoa on her head, "this is the best news I've ever heard since Rainbow Dash joined the Wonderbolts!" She exclaimed. "Let's just say Applejack, I've been planning something special just for this occasion," the pink mare winked at the farming mare and wrapped her foreleg around her neck. "How about it AJ? You tell Cougar how you feel tonight, then we can have a TRIPLE party extravaganza tomorrow! Hearth's Warming, Christmas and you and Cougar's One Day anniversary?!" She shook Applejack's head like a rag doll.

"It'd be cool to finally have another couple to double date with," Rainbow Dash smirked, "Soarin and I have gotten a little bored just going out to eat or watch movies alone. Sometimes adding in another couple makes it more fun," she explained.

"What about Twilight and Flash Sentry? They can both fly," Fluttershy asked her fellow pegasus friend.

"Let me rephrase that Fluttershy," the athletic pegasus cleared her throat, "a cool couple. Twilight and Flash are kinda lame when it comes to dating," she shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, that's my mom you're insulting," Spike crossed his arms. Rainbow Dash shrugged again and ate a sugar cookie nonchalantly. Having all of this praise about her decision made Applejack feel incredibly uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact that sweat actually began to appear under her mane line and traveled down the sides of her face.

"Ain't y'all gettin' a little ahead 'o yerselves here?" She asked to somewhat deaf ears. Fluttershy certainly heard her as well as Spike and Big Mac whom, unbeknownst to Applejack, secretly approved of her feelings for the man. He knew he was very different from the two farm workers that tried to take advantage of his sister. Cougar would do anything for Applejack to make her happy and safe; the red stallion trusted the human for that.

"Speaking of which, where did Twilight go, Spikey?" Rarity questioned the purple dragon. Spike unfolded his arms, remembering what he had returned to the party for and leaned against the table. "The last I saw of her, she was speaking with Cougar, but even then she didn't say why she needed to talk to him."

"Mom was just mixing up more fruit punch. It doesn't take long, but she said she had a special ingredient that Berry Punch gave her to make even store bought fruit punch mix taste hoof made," he explained. "And knowing her, she'll be right on time for when Cougar gives his little holiday history speech or whatever," he let his eyes linger on Rarity's own eyes for a moment, surprised that the unicorn said nary a word. Just then, the purple alicorn in question burst from the kitchen, acting as if she found the fountain of youth or the answer for the creation of the universe.

"Okay, I've got more fruit punch!" Twilight announced as she trotted her way over to the center of the room with a levitating glass of the drink and a jug large enough to fill up the empty punch bowl. "Come on everypony, this is a holiday party; let's all gather around together instead of avoiding one another!" The alicorn suggested, pouring the drink into the punch bowl and levitating it over to the center table in front of Vinyl Scratch.

"I can't argue with party logic!" Pinkie Pie set her pet alligator atop her head and bounded over to the punch bowl. There was an awkward air of uncomfortableness as Applejack and Cougar led their respective groups over to the new table, standing on either side. "Mmm, smells delicious Twilight, can I have the first drink?" Pinkie begged her friend, getting ready to slurp most of the punch with her tongue.

"No," Twilight tied Pinkie's tongue into a knot to keep her quiet. "I figured that since Cougar is about to perform his part for the party, he could have the first drink of our fresh bowl of punch," she floated a ready made glass over to the human.

"I have my own cup you know?" Cougar didn't move his arm to take the offered cup from the pony. Instead, he grabbed a paper cup from behind him and shook it sarcastically to Twilight's face. "But thanks for for making the cup anyways," he said, starting to scoop up the punch from the bowl.

"But then this punch will go to waste!" Twilight protested, practically shoving the glass cup she made into Cougar's face, shaking it back and forth. "You might as well drink this and then continue to use the glass cup," she attempted to persuade the man.

"Just give it to someone else?" Cougar suggested, feeling slightly creeped out with how much Twilight wanted him to try this punch. However, the alicorn wouldn't take no for an answer as she stood her ground and never moved the cup once from Cougar's face. As for the rest of the group, Twilight allowed them to scoop up their own drinks, but that didn't stop them for feeling slightly uncomfortable with the princess of friendship's actions.

"Ah've never seen her so adamant like this before," Big Mac commented, taking a step back from the purple pony. While most of the ponies agreed about this, even taking their own steps away, Applebloom couldn't help but feel something else was off rather than Twilight's attitude, more so than everypony else. There was a strange odor in the air that Applebloom was sure nopony else knew what it was, or else they would have said something. Her orange eyes fixated on the glass that was still floating in mid air, trying to think of why Twilight wanted only Cougar to drink from the glass. She silently slinked her way over to Cougar so she could sniff the air around him and better understand just what Twilight was up to.

"Where have Ah smelled that before?" her nose inhaled the aroma leaking off of the glass. She knew that it was punch, but it sure as Tartarus didn't smell like fruit punch at all. It was so familiar to her that she thought it could've been the same scent of a scented candle, but she quickly scratched that off the list of possibilities when she took another whiff. The smell was almost like a cross between sour grapes and grass, not too unfamiliar scents in Equestria, but something about both of them being together piqued her curiosity. "Did Twilight 'n Ah make somethin' that smelled like this before?" She asked herself, trying to remember the most recent potions she and her alicorn teacher had brewed up. Her eyes lit up in horror, however, when Cougar mentioned the one word that was on the tip of her tongue.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I think you're acting a little crazy Twilight," Cougar exclaimed. "Besides the fact that it's a paper cup versus a glass cup, what the hell will be different?" He asked.

"And why are you so against drinking from a glass, mister?" Twilight countered the pilot. "Think of it like you're the guest of honor, that's why I got you a glass," she once again tried to win him over. Sighing in absolute anger and frustration, Cougar yanked the glass out of the air, clenching it in his fist.

"I think the Apple family for cooking all the food, Vinyl for volunteering to bring us holiday music and Luna and Celestia who chose to spend the evening with us are all more honorable guests than I am," Cougar took the cup in his grasp, "but if it'll get you to shut up," the human mumbled, bringing the tip to his mouth.

"COUGAR, NO!" Applebloom hopped into the air and smacked the glass out of his hand, sending it flying to the ground where it shattered into a thousand little pieces. Vinyl stopped playing her music while everypony stood in shock at what the little filly had done. No one could say a word while staring at the pile of broken glass and puddle of punch that Applebloom was now standing over, breathing heavily. The clopping of hooves brought Applebloom to attention as Big MacIntosh towered over her, glaring daggers.

"What in Celestia's name are ya doin' young lady!?" He demanded, snorting like a bull. "Haven't Applejack 'n Ah taught ya manners 'n respect?" He asked.

"Ya don't understand big brother!" Applebloom retorted in self defense. "Cougar can't drink that because it wasn't just punch," she revealed, causing everyone except Twilight to look concerned, especially Cougar. The human pilot slowly turned his head towards the alicorn, glaring at her intently.

"What the fuck did you do to my drink?" He demanded through a tightly clenched jaw. Twilight tried her damnedest to act like nothing was wrong and it was just normal fruit punch, but being put on the spot like this and with an over six foot tall angry human towering over her, her acting couldn't surface.

"She put TRUTH SERUM in that punch!" The filly pointed a hoof at Twilight. If it were at all possible, the amount of silence actually dropped so far that even crickets went silent. Slowly, almost zombie-like, the guests turned their angered faces to the Princess of Friendship.

"Truth serum? Are you sure, Applebloom?" Lyra questioned the yellow filly.

"Ah knew Ah recognized that smell from before. Twilight showed me how ta make it after Nightmare Night!" It was at this point that Twilight gulped in fear, not for being caught, but for the fear of disappointment from everyone around her. Her body began to shake as her head slumped down into her shoulders to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Twilight Sparkle…" Celestia began in a deep almost growling voice. "What is the meaning of this unorthodox behavior?" She asked, bending her head low so she could look her former student in the eyes.

"What were you trying to do to our friend, Twilight?" Fluttershy questioned. "Drugging him isn't friendly in the slightest!" the yellow pegasus actually raised her voice a little. Everyone started to close in on the purple alicorn little by little until they formed a circle around the pony.

"You were trying to get him to spill more information about his planet, weren't you?" Rainbow Dash accused, bopping Twilight's nose rather hard with her hoof.

"N-no, that wasn't it!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Then what was it?" Applejack forced her way into the circle. "Can't ya respect Cougar's privacy? If there were things he wasn't ready ta tell us, then ya respect that 'til he's damned good 'n ready!" The orange pony scolded Twilight. "Ya can't force somepony ta reveal private secrets like that!" She added.

"I just wanted to help him! And help us have a fun and memorable holiday!" Twilight's eyes began to water as her emotions ran wild.

"By forcing secrets out of him!?" Luna's Canterlot voice boomed, shattering a few windows in the process. "I would think the princess of friendship would know better than this!" She shouted once again, shaking her head at the purple pony. All the accusations and hoof pointing came to a grinding halt when Cougar stepped forth, parting Lyra and Bon Bon out of the way so he could get a clean look at the pony that had fallen to the ground, trying to drown out the anger hovering above.

"You tried to drug me, Twilight?" Cougar asked in a shaky voice. Everyone was both scared and angry at the exact same time. Angry at Twilight for her deplorable actions and scared because they had no clue what their human friend's response was going to be, Luna and Applejack especially for what they remembered from both the timberwolves attack and the brutal assault on the drunk pony during the Estrus weekend.

"I-I had the best intentions, Cougar, you must know that!" Twilight pleaded. "I knew about your problem and I wanted to help you overcome it so you can enjoy the holidays!" The pilot took in a deep breath through his nose. He wanted to just summon up every ounce of anger fluctuating within him and let it all out at the pony that was slowly curling up into the fetal position because of the situation. Cougar wanted to vent just how much he didn't like Twilight before, and how he now absolutely loathed the pony. However, instead of a worded reaction, Cougar spun around on his heels with the perfect definition of anger on his face and flipped the empty punch bowl off the table and into a wall with a deafening CRASH.

The guests of the party jumped a little at the sudden action and noise as Cougar breathed heavily, nearly like Michael Myers as he did all he could from lashing out at Twilight Sparkle. "C-Cougar?" Applejack spoke out in a hushed tone. No response was given from her friend, so Applejack did what she would always do for a friend in need: She tip-hoofed around the small crowd that stood in shock and awe at what used to be the large crystal punch bowl and softly touched Cougar's arm. "A-are ya-" she began before the human jerked his arm away from her hoof.

Cougar opened his eyes and looked behind him at the orange mare that he had fallen for, but instead of feeling better in her company, his anger took control of his actions and he shoved the table out of his way, nearly knocking it and everything else on top over and onto the floor. "W-wait, we can talk about this, don't go!" Applejack seemed to beg as the man stomped his way out of the castle, slamming the door so hard a few shards fell to the floor in a clatter.

Everyone in attendance felt horrible for Cougar for what Twilight had tried to do to him. They had respected his decision to keep a few memories and facts from his previous dimension secret after the dungeon incident, and he in turn was a good friend to just about everypony he met, give or take a few citizens. Their attention turned back to the pony that had even more tears streaming from her eyes when she watched the door slam shut. With no words spoken, all the guests at the party moved away from Twilight, leaving her alone in the fetal position on the ground. As if they were all mentally linked, the group began to pack up the party. "Hold on!" Twilight tried to plead, sitting up onto her haunches. "I-I can fix this, please don't leave!" She begged of everypony.

Her pleas fell upon deaf ears; no one wanted to listen or speak to her. Twilight sat helpless on her haunches while Vinyl took her musical equipment away, the Apple family took the rest of their food away and Pinkie started to take down some of the decorations. "P-Pinkie Pie?" Twilight squeaked. The pink mare's poofy mane suddenly deflated into a long and almost emo-like style, frightening Twilight even more.

"Party ruiner," she said under her breath. "Come on Gummy, mama'll make you cupcakes at home," she stuffed her pet alligator into a saddlebag. As much as Twilight wished this was a bad stress induced dream, everything was coming apart. The perfect holiday that Twilight dreamed of was completely shattered, and it was all her fault. One by one, everypony that had attended the castle party left, leaving Twilight nearly alone in the somewhat empty room with pieces of trash and a few tables scattered about.

"P-Princess?" Twilight attempted once again to get somepony to talk. Celestia and Luna ignored their downed princess, leaving with Glock and Checkered Flag whom both acted the same as their marefriends, though Luna had to keep Checkered from talking to Twilight.

"Ya comin' AJ?" Big Mac asked his younger sister. Applejack hadn't moved an inch since Cougar had left. She stood in the same spot, just allowing everypony to walk past her. Her heart actually hurt; she was more than ready to tell him her secret feelings, but that chance had vanished like smoke in the wind. She knew she couldn't track him down and tell him now. The man was too angry and betrayed to take on something heavy akin to that. Applejack felt as if this was her one chance, and it now it was gone. Telling Cougar during the holidays felt like the perfect time with how calm and cheery the atmosphere in Equestria was. And she hadn't a clue how long he would be like this, whether it be a week or a month, when he would return to his normal self, it would be too late.

Finally, the orange mare slowly began to move her legs one by one. Like a snail, Applejack followed her family members out of the castle and into the town on the way back to Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight Sparkle shut her eyes, trying to keep her tears from flowing as the weight of the incident bore down into her like never before. She felt awful at what she had done and wished she could take it all back. 'If only I had thought this through,' she mentally cursed. The slapping of feet on the floor made her ear twitch, alerting her that someone was still inside the castle.

"S-Spike?" a small croak escaped Twilight's strained throat when she wiped her now puffy eyes. The purple dragon folded his arms in front of his mother, giving her the exact same stare she would whenever he would do something bad as a child. "Spike please, I-I know I messed up. I just need somepony to talk with," Twilight softly touched the drake's foot with her hoof. The only thing Spike did was shake his head in disappointment and quickly snapped his foot away from the purple hoof. "PLEASE!" Twilight begged, "Spike, I'm sorry! Don't leave!" She begged after the dragon. Spike opened the door to his private room, but not before taking one last look at his mother and shutting the door behind him.

And with that, Twilight Sparkle cried harder than she ever had in her entire life.

---

(Sweet Apple Acres)

The walk back to her home was one Applejack wanted to soon forget. She didn't know what she was feeling as her four hooves trudged through the snow shoveled paths that were carved into the ground. She hoped to catch a glimpse, no matter how brief, of her human friend whether he was trying to cool off with a walk or just sitting somewhere alone. But alas, she had given up her hopes and saw nary a sign of Cougar, as if he had vanished completely. She wasn't feeling heartbroken, but the mare believed it to be one step below heartbreak or heartache. All she knew was she was feeling down, possibly a little depressed, both for missing the only opportunity to get her love off her chest and because she wanted to just make the human she was in love with feel better; she hated seeing him angry or hurt.

"AJ, are ya gonna be okay?" Applebloom asked her sister once the four members of the Apple family and Cheerilee crossed under the Sweet Apple Acres sign. Surprisingly, not even the little filly said anything so far on the walk back from the Friendship Castle. The shock of what Twilight had attempted rendered the majority of them without the ability to speak. Instead, they had angry looks carved into their faces, thinking only to themselves, with the obvious exception of Applejack. Applebloom was a little frightened with Applejack's demeanor, having always seen a confident and adventurous spirit radiating off of her 24/7, a saddened state made her sister nearly unrecognizable. However, the saddened mare led the way up to the house as small gusts of wind blew her pony tail across the front of her face and snow powder swirled around her entire body.

Creak

Applejack swung the front door open and strolled on inside into the darkness of the living room. "If there's anything we can do for you, we're here," Cheerilee tried to sweeten up the mood, but the orange mare didn't hear the teacher as she ascended the stairs alone. Applejack knew that ignoring her family and brother's marefriend was not polite in the slightest, but she needed some time to think, and the way she's always done this was by lying down on her bed in the dark. A sigh made itself known once she reached the top of the stairs and journeyed down the upstairs hallway to her room. Cheerilee and the rest of the Apple family stood in an uncomfortable silence in the dark while listening to the quieting hoof steps of Applejack walking down the hallway.

"Ah'm gonna go check on her," Applebloom announced once everypony heard the soft sound of her sister's door shutting. The filly's little legs scrambled on the wooden floor, trying to carry her to her destination, but a tug on her red mane stopped her until her legs were running through the air. "Hey, lemme go big brother!" She demanded from Big Mac.

"Nope," Big Mac replied with a shake of his head and a muzzle full of mane. Applebloom stopped moving her legs and Big Mac set her down, thanking Celestia that she didn't try to run again. "AJ just needs some thinkin' time right now; she's got a lot she needs ta figure out on her own," he explained to his baby sister.

"What does she have ta think about exactly?" Applebloom's eyebrow raised up into her hairline. "Twilight did somethin' wrong 'n tried ta fool Cougar into spillin' more secrets, what is there ta think about?" she demanded. Granny Smith, Big MacIntosh and Cheerilee exchanged quick looks before shaking their heads at little Applebloom.

"Yer still new ta relationships, Applebloom," Granny Smith patted her granddaughters head, "this is a lil more complicated than what yer used ta," she tried to explain. Applebloom was about to tell her grandmother that she already knew more about relationships thanks to being around Big Mac and Cheerilee and to some extent, Rainbow Dash and Soarin, but Big Mac took over for the elderly pony before she could say a word.

"Eeyup, Applejack was talkin' ta us at the party while yerself 'n Cougar were on the other side 'o the room with the princesses and whatnot. She was gonna take Cougar aside right after his talk about Christmas 'n finally tell him how she's now in love with him. We said we would support her on whatever decision she chose to follow." Applebloom's eyes nearly burst out of her skull when the red stallion finished his statement. She had a sneaking suspicion that maybe Applejack did harbor feelings stronger than friendship for her human friend, but never got around to asking, though of course she knew how Cougar felt about her sister.

"Y'all ain't gonna believe this," she remarked, sitting on her haunches with a head shake. "While Cougar ran a practice speech with us back in Canterlot, Lyra asked him if he was gonna tell Applejack about his feelins' when he said his favorite part 'o Christmas was spendin' time with loved ones. We didn't know fer sure what he was gonna do, so we tried ta show him how happy he could be once he released his feelin's from inside," she replied.

"Well, ain't that a kick in the flank," Granny Smith slumped into her personal sleeping chair.

"What can we do? Ah don't want my sister or one 'o my best friends bein' miserable fer the rest 'o their lives!" Applebloom exclaimed. Being the caring brother that he was, Big Mac reached underneath his baby sister with his hoof and swiftly plopped her onto his back.

"There ain't nothin' we can do, little sis," he exhaled. "We don't even know where Cougar is; Ah don't blame him at all fer stormin' off like that after what Twilight tried ta pull, havin' been there myself," he reminded Applebloom about her little Gabby Gums episode.

"Your brother is right," Cheerilee nuzzled up to both Big Mac and Applebloom. "I know it seems unfair, but you should know that when it comes to love, it's for the best that the ones who love each other are the ones who tell each other. When, not if, but when Cougar comes back, we'll see what happens between the two. As for now," the maroon earth pony looked behind to see Granny Smith snoring away, "the sandpony is doing his job," she hugged the little filly. Applebloom sank lower onto her brother's back as he carried her to bed like he used to when she was a foal with Cheerilee following along. With a tiny kiss to the forehead, Big Mac covered up Applebloom before heading off to bed in his room with Cheerilee. Applebloom tossed and turned for a few minutes, unable to keep her eyes off of the window and looking outside to the entrance to the farm.

"Please, come back Cougar. My sister needs ya," she yawned and finally shut her eyes. Meanwhile, Applejack was the only pony in the house not even attempting sleep. She wasn't tired at all, but that didn't stop her from tossing and turning atop her blanket. Not knowing was the biggest factor that made Applejack feel, depressed. Even if Cougar wanted to stay friends, at least knowing would've made her feel much better than she did now, despite probably making herself look like a fool. 'You're not a fool, Applejack. That's not possible,' she cracked a small, brief smile at her imagination of Cougar replying to her thoughts. But the smile quickly vanished when she turned around to the window sitting on the wall next to the side of her bed. Everything else in the room was dark, and all she could hear besides the creaking of her bed was the ticking of her clock while the empty side of her bed next to the wall was shown brilliantly under the silver light of Luna's moon.

'No, Ah don't cry,' Applejack thought once a tear tried to form in her eyes. She blinked it away and sucked in a deep breath through her nose as her hoof gently rubbed the empty area next to her on her bed. She had never felt this way about a boy before, but at that moment, all she wanted to do was hold him tight and never let go, constantly telling him how much he meant to her. He was almost like a male version of Fluttershy with how sweet he was, especially around the Crusaders and her family in general. He was also a hard worker, loyal, independent and a very good friend. Those things just made Cougar the perfect, man, to her, and Applejack didn't want to lose him. The orange mare drew her hoof back towards her body and rolled over onto her back, staring up at the blackness above her.

A song had begun to build up inside her, and with nothing else she could do, Applejack gave in to the one thing that seemed to make her feel better whenever she was down, no matter the problem facing her. The orange mare turned her head back out to the window as the first words of her song escaped out of her mouth.

I hear the ticking of the clock

I'm lying here the room's pitch dark

Propping herself up with a grunt, Applejack crawled over to her window sill and rested her chin atop her forelegs, peering to the snowy ground outside. She could still make out the trails of hoof prints her, her family and Cheerilee left leading to the front area of the house. But the one set of prints she wanted to see were non existent in the snow, bringing another sigh from her lips.

I wonder where you are tonight

I'm lonely and so very cold

Her mind drifted to some of the happiest memories she could recall in the seven months that she slowly fell for Cougar. As if somepony else was controlling her movements, Applejack's hooves lifted up her window and she crawled out onto the roof. Her hooves crunched the snow below her while she walked along, still singing and recalling memories.

*Flashback*

Cougar looked over to see Applejack curled up by herself on the other side of the rug inside the abandoned castle of the Two Sisters. The adrenaline that was coursing through the orange pony's body was finally draining, leaving her with little energy, low temperatures and some slight pain after their ordeal.

"Hey, come here," the human patted the floor next to his leg. The orange mare's ears pricked up and she turned her head over in Cougar's direction. "We better share body heat with the fire to get our temperatures back up," he explained, extending his arm out in a friendly invitation. Weakly and with her bad leg, Applejack limped her way over and collapsed next to Cougar, Snuggling up closer to his leg and placed her head on his lap, like Winona would to back home.

"Thanks fer savin' my life Cougar," she thanked him and softly shut her eyes. Her soft breathing and the crackle of the fire in the fireplace were the only things Applejack's ears could hear; Cougar barely made a sound. Her body flinched as she felt his hand lay across her head, gingerly stroking her golden blonde mane. Despite the horrifying episode the two went through, Applejack felt a spark of warmth spreading through her veins, only amplifying every time her human friend petted her mane. At that moment, she never felt safer than practically in his arms, and she never wanted to let go.

*End Flashback*

Applejack reached the end of the roof as a few pieces of snow crumbled down the ground below. Taking a quick survey of the drop, the orange mare saw a few barrels within easy jumping distance. Feeling no ounce of sleep dragging her down, the mare leapt from the roof and bounded down a few of the barrels, landing with a soft thud on the snow covered ground, never missing a beat of her song.

And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won't end though

Alone

She began to trudge through the snow once again, walking over to the nearest tree, placing a hoof against its trunk and raised the octave in her voice, caring not if she awakened her family. Her slumped head raised itself upwards to the night sky, continuing her song.

Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

Another memory surfaced in her mind as she turned from the tree and proceeded down the unbeaten path through the orchard. A swirl of wind and snow surrounded the pony, sprinkling her fur and mane with little bits of white powder that glistened and made her shine off the light of the moon.

*Flashback*

Applejack was standing in the kitchen of her home with Cougar. The incident with him locking himself away in the Canterlot Castle dungeons was over; the duo had just concluded washing dishes, having a good conversation and saying farewell to their pink friend.

"That's one of the terms, to see if I can last here with Pinkie Pie," Cougar cracked a small smirk. That little smile warmed up Applejack something fierce; it pained her to see him when he was so sad and depressed. And it made her feel better knowing that he was feeling better. Applejack chuckled and lightly slapped the man's back.

"Well, dishes are done," she tossed a dirty dish towel into a small hamper after drying off her hooves. The mare nervously rubbed the back of her neck as her cheeks started to turn red with an idea she wanted to try, but was afraid of Cougar's reaction. "Uh, do ya mind if Ah try somethin'?" She blurted louder than she meant.

"Sure, I guess," he replied with a confused chuckle as to what she needed permission for. The orange mare blushed even harder, stood on her hind legs and kissed his cheek, and not just a small peck like Celestia gave Cougar on the forehead or the ones he gave to Applebloom on her forehead either. She left her lips on his cheek for a good five seconds before removing them.

"Sweet dreams parter," she smiled as the moonlight glimmered off her eyes and she trotted upstairs. Her lips didn't stop tingling until well into the next morning. She always remembered how good the electrifying sensations in her cheeks and chest felt when her lips were planted on Cougar's cheek.

*End Flashback*

You don't know how long I have wanted

To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh

You don't know how long I have waited

and I was going to tell you tonight

The farming mare blinked several times as the memory went away and her singing paused if only for a few seconds to get a bearing on her surroundings. Applejack discovered she had wandered close to Cougar's shack without realizing it; a strange feeling, almost like a siren's call drew her to the human's little home, ever so slowly. Still feeling more of the song left in her heart, Applejack slowed her pace down as her hooves pulled her towards Cougar's shack so as to not wake him if he had arrived without her knowing.

But the secret is still my own

and my love for you is still unknown

Alone

Call her crazy, but AJ swore she could see the faint silhouettes of herself and Cougar as the duo refurbished what once used to be an old, run down shed into a nice and livable shack for him to live in. The mare bellowed out the loudest note she had ever sung in her life as she leaned against the wall, still unable to check and see if he was home.

Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone

Applejack's heart hurt once more; aside from his bookshelf, cot, military duffel bag and his old black and red Drive to End Hunger hat, there was no trace of Cougar anywhere. This was it, her one best chance to be Rarity for a night and throw her forelegs around Cougar's torso, pulling him close and telling him how much she loved him, and it was gone. AJ cried on the inside, only Pinkie Pie knew of this, and it was going on full force. The man's cot creaked and groaned as she climbed on and laid down, caring not that it may have looked a bit unorthodox to some. Her loneliness crept up on her once more, forcing one more memory of Cougar to surface. The one memory that confirmed her feelings.

*Flashback*

Applejack saw herself and Cougar dancing the night away at the Grand Galloping Gala. The two were moving to the rhythm of the song he had chosen; Applejack instantly loved the selection.

"Ya look real good in that there tux," she complimented the man. He had reminded her before the night of the Gala that he had very little experience talking to women back where he came from; that's another thing she found so innocent yet charming and, cute, about him.

"You look great in that dress too," he quickly, yet cooly replied, at least he thought so. And I really like the way you did your mane tonight." The mare smiled, leaning her head closer until it was snuggling up under his chin, making her feel complete. "Smooth Cougar, ya flatterer," she teased.

Heaven in your eyes oh
Heaven in your eyes
I can see the heaven, heaven in your eyes
Heaven in your eyes

As the song finally ended and the sounds of applause from hooves clacking against the marble flooring echoed within the giant room, Cougar felt his hands moving up and gingerly caressing the side of Applejack's face that had been lifted from under his chin, her face feeling warm and flush to his touch. Cougar's mouth opened and closed several times, trying form the right and coherent words to say to her, but couldn't. "Cougar?" Applejack whispered softly as she looked straight up at him, her head moving closer to his. 'Is this really happenin'?' She thought to herself. Applejack had only kissed his cheek before, and only once or twice actually thought about how different the texture of his lips could be.

Neither couldn't breath as a choke caught itself inside Cougar's throat, disabling his voice box and ability to breathe for a second or three. The mare could only recall how empty and cold she felt when she believed she had scared him off when he blurted, "I gotta go!" and jogged away.

Alone, alone...

Applejack concluded her song, curling up all alone once again, only atop Cougar's cot. Her hoof reached up and removed her cowpony hat from her head, gently setting it right next to Cougar's cap on the bookshelf close to the cot. Her emerald eyes shut again, trying to catch the ever elusive form of sleep.

---

(With Cougar. Cougar's POV)

"It's Truth Serum!" Applebloom's words repeated over and over in my brain like a tape stuck on infinite loop. Of all the things that Twilight could've tried to get me to confess more information of my previous world, I never thought she would become this obsessed. 'Who are you bullshitting?' I thought. Of course I knew she wanted to help me get past the Applejack situation, but that wasn't why I destroyed her punch bowl and stormed off from the castle. She tried to drug me, that alone should call her entire character into question; whether or not everyone was still at the castle I had no idea.

It wouldn't surprise me if a few ponies, namely Fluttershy and Celestia, stayed to get answers out of Twilight. Then again, they all, even Spike, looked pretty pissed at her for what she tried. And what if Applebloom was too late in swatting the drink from my hand, or what if she wasn't there at all? It scared me to think of what I could've blurted out other than my stance on Applejack. Not for things I've committed, but rather what my species as a whole committed, the things I'd like to forget forever. But alas, here I sat, perched on an empty branch of a tree overlooking Ponyville Lake, knees up under my chin with my elbows rested atop my legs. The recollections of the night and my previous, home, overrunning my thoughts, unable to forget anything. That was until the familiar sound of flapping wings brought my head up as some drifts of snow floated by.

"Cougar, of all the places you could've sought out to quell your anger, a tree was not the first place on my list to check," Luna's wings folded against her body as her hooves touched down on the branch next to mine. Her voice carried the hint of worry that slowly melted away once she discovered my 'hiding' spot. The alicorn then gently laid down, staring out into the reflective surface of the frozen lake.

"Well?" I asked her.

"Yes?" She turned her eyes to me, still not saying much else. What the hell was this mare up to? I expected her to come and try to make me feel better or something along those lines.

"No telling me that it's wrong to just up and leave my friends and storm off like that? No telling me to buck up and accept Twilight's apology? Or that I should be with Applejack and her family if I'm feeling down?" I asked, much harsher than I meant it to sound. But strangely enough, Luna responded with a smile. Her right wing opened up and softly wrapped itself around my back like a blanket.

"I too sometimes like to be alone outside with my thoughts. Who better to think with than yourself?" She replied with a question. I sighed, turning my head to look at her wing that gradually rubbed my back. Honestly, it was nice that she didn't come to tell me what I did wrong or that I should be with the Apple family instead of fuming all alone. That was the only thing that would've made my situation worse; I didn't want to spend the rest of the holidays angry at Luna.

"You did one hell of a job with the night sky, as usual," I tried to crack a smile. The blue alicorn leaned closer and wrapped her wing around my torso even more, giving me a tight, friendly hug complete with a warm chuckle.

"Why thank you, Cougar. I normally like to kick things up a notch when it comes to Hearth's Warming," she explained. "Did you have the Aurora Borealis back where you came from?" She asked as we both looked upwards at the inky sky that showed off the dancing red and green bands of light.

"Yeah, it was pretty popular in Alaska," I responded, still sounding a little stoical. "Most of our postcards featured the Borealis above a lake in the winter time," I added.

"It's one of my favorite creations of the night sky during the winter solstice," she smiled again, turning her gaze back to me. "Cougar, I do not blame you one bit for your anger directed towards the Princess of Friendship," she began.

"Could we not talk about this Luna, please?" I cut her off, shaking her wing away from my back. Expecting her to look a little hurt, I prepared to apologize but was shocked when I turned to her, only to see the exact same expression that Donald Pleasance had at the end of Halloween. "I'm sorry for snapping at you," I quickly apologized, feeling horrible, or more so than I already had.

"Oh it's quite alright. I'm no stranger when it comes to anger, and you have every right in the world to be angry at Twilight Sparkle." It sounded as if she was going to go off on an advice trip. "And I know what happens when your anger gets pushed to a certain degree, but all I ask of you is please do not feed that emotion. You were already frustrated before, and it was certainly unfair to have more stress bestowed upon you, but you have your friends, especially Applejack, to help you push your anger away," she tried to comfort me.

"Do you expect me to just up and forgive her already? Or to instantly forget what happened in the flash of a lightning bolt?" I asked her. She shook her head softly, even tilting it to get a better look at me. Her branch suddenly glowed with her magic, causing her to move even closer to me until our branches become one.

"No, nopony is that forgiving, even the Element of Kindness. It took her at least a day and a half to forgive Discord after what transpired between him and Tirek," she explained, leaning back against the tree like myself. "However, I do know of several different solutions that can help dissipate your anger until it vanishes completely, namely spending time with friends. I wish I had talked with Tia when I grew angry at our subjects shunning my night; that anger quickly transformed into jealousy."

"And then jealousy led to hate and then your hate led to suffering from the both of you," I cut her off, finishing her story. "I picked up on that from when you told me the story," I reminded the blue alicorn.

"Correct," she blinked a few times in response, "and I am reminded of how many sufferings you have gone through; I wish for you to never suffer as much as you did in your old home," she said sweetly, patting my hand with her hoof. Home. That word had eluded me for so long that it may as well have been Chinese or Latin for all I cared. I used it in place of Earth from time to time, but the word had lost all meaning when referring to the planet/dimension I used to occupy. That's why I was angry about nearly being drugged tonight.

"I'm not so much angry," I slowly replied, "as I am scared, Luna," I shakily admitted.

"Whatever do you mean by that? You don't seem frightened by anything to me, Cougar," She asked in a puzzled tone. I sighed yet again, running a hand through my hair and sputtered. But the alicorn never blinked as she looked to me for an answer, and I was planning on eventually ditching the tree for the familiar comfiness of my cot, so I didn't have much choice in the matter.

"Am I angry? No, not angry. I am upset, however," I explained. "Upset that a supposed expert in friendship would stoop to something that low, even if she was trying to help me with my problem."

"Upset would be an understatement if that had happened to anypony else," Luna said in shock. "If you were just upset, then what caused you to storm off and destroy a crystal punch bowl?" Luna inquired, leaning closer to me. I wish I had a cold can of beer in my hand; that would make what I was about to reveal so much easier. But, as I've learned in 24 years, life isn't easy, nor fair.

"I was, scared okay?" I admitted. "Yes, I wanted to tell AJ on my own damn terms, but who knows what I could've said while drugged with that shit?" I asked her. "I could've told you guys things I've tried to forget every day for over twenty years, things that would give fillies and colts nightmares that would have you working quintuple overtime for months on end, things that would make you guys, afraid of me," the harshness of my words softened as I took a deep breath to keep the tears in my eyes from overflowing my eyelids.

"Cougar, just because some rotten members of your species committed horrible acts does not mean we shall hold you accountable," she tried again to hug me with her wing, but I pushed it away, holding my head in my hands.

"Yeah, but who knows if I'm destined to become just like them further down the road, huh?" I asked. "All throughout school, we were told that mankind's most basic yet most treasured instinct was survival. And I'll tell you that it's a bunch of bullshit."

"What is your main instinct then if it's not survival?" Luna curiously questioned.

"F-forget it, I've already said enough for you to send me to live in the Everfree Forest or to Tartarus," I looked away from my friend. I then felt a pair of hooves on my shoulders as I was turned at the speed of sound to look Luna straight in the eye.

"You must stop blaming yourself for acts evil members of mankind performed. I'm sure there are more positive things about your old home than you remember, if only you looked harder," she continued to try and make me see the brighter side to placate me. My response, however, was a dark chuckle as I shook out of her hooves and jumped down from the branch into the snow below. She glided down on her wings and landed next to me, awaiting for what I had to say next.

"Luna, Equestria feels more like a home than Earth ever did to me, and I've been here only seven months versus twenty-three years on Earth. But Earth was a violent, cruel place filled with equally violent, cruel and selfish people; that's all I've known my entire life. Yet, seeing how joyous and peaceful Equestria is has made me realize how much I don't fit in here. Not just because I'm a different type of creature, but who knows if or when my species' natural instincts unmask themselves and I fall down the same path that the inhabitants of Earth did? Equestria is a home, Luna; Earth was just a place."

The alicorn stood in silence, mouth slightly ajar as her brain processed my mini-speech. The snow beneath her hooves crunched as she shifted around in her spot, attempting to come up with a reply. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt for dropping so much angst filled information on her. It was completely unfair of me to force my problems onto her, but before I could tell her to drop it, she gently pushed me onto the icy surface of the frozen lake with her wing. "Walk with me, Cougar," she said in a motherly voice. She held onto me with her wing so I wouldn't lose my balance, but I still had a hard time figuring out what she wanted. We were good friends, so killing me was definitely not on the list of things she wanted to do. "Nothing shall happen to you, I promise that."

"What are we doing out here exactly?" I asked once we reached the middle of the lake. The lake itself wasn't very big, but I knew size didn't matter when temperature was the name of the game should the ice break.

"Tell me, you were afraid of falling down the same path as the majority of the people in your world?" Luna questioned.

"Yeah," I whispered back at the alicorn.

"And explain again, why did you join the Air Force?" She used her wing to lift my chin when I was caught looking away from her.

"T-to see if I could make a difference. To see if I could somehow help stop all of the evil running around and to be the best human being I could. But no matter how hard I fucking tried, the world continued to grow more violent and cruel with each passing day!" my voice rose, but this didn't faze Luna a bit.

"Mmmhmm," was Luna's response. "And allow me to guess, you shut yourself away from the entire world at a young age when one of your friends died, leaving you with no one but your friend Reaper and his parents?" A gulp and another nod was my response.

"Th-there was also my C.O. Stinger who was like a grandfather to us," I added. "I stopped listening to the news and rarely left base, only speaking to Reaper, Stinger and the rest of my fellow squad mates. I thought if the outside world couldn't reach me, I wouldn't become what the outside world was," I explained.

"Cougar, look down the ice for me," Luna suddenly requested.

"What?" I asked, completely jarred by the request.

"LOOK at the ice for me," she repeated, this time in a demanding tone. I jumped a bit and then obeyed, hoping to not piss her off. My eyes drifted downward until they were met with my reflection. "Now, do you see a violent, evil and cruel human, bent on selfish ventures no matter who he harms?" She never gave me a chance to reply as she looked down at her reflection as well. "From what you've told me Cougar, because life continuously pushed you down in the mud from the death of your biological parents to the deaths of close friends and other good people around the world, you never took got the opportunity to discover who you really are and just assumed what you would become. No, I see a man who kept getting up when life shoved you down. I see a loving, loyal, honorable and caring man that due to the love and friendship shown to him for nearly a year, is beginning to find who he really is."

I looked away from our reflections in the ice to the pony with several tears started to form in my tear ducts. She smiled sweetly before bowing her head and then touched my hand with her horn. Her magic coursed through my body as my vision blurred for but a second until I saw her walking backwards with her wings outstretched. And then, Luna opened her mouth and a heavenly voice filled the cold air.

When you find yourself

In some far off place

And it causes you

To rethink some things

There was another surge of Luna's magic that coursed within my veins. My vision of the blue pony faded, only to be replaced with a vision, a vision of me when I awakened in the hospital in Luna and Celestia's castle.

*Flashback*

"Could you please tell me where I am?" I asked. My voice was shaking a little, but who wouldn't be a little nervous in my situation? Being tended to in a hospital in an unknown country? And who knew if they were just going to nurse me back to health and use me for target practice? The heavenly voice cleared her throat before replying.

"You are in the royal infirmary in Canterlot, Equestria."

"Excuse me?" I replied in shock. I then froze when I felt the bandages peeling off my face and my eyes were bombarded with bright lights. They were open, but I could barely see anything until my sight was adjusted.

"He has blue eyes huh? I imagined him havin' green eyes fer some reason," a southern female voice remarked.

*End Flashback*

My vision faded away and I once again found myself on the frozen lake with Luna. I was guessing she accessed my memories through her magic, channeling them through her song for me to see.

You start to sense

That slowly you're becoming someone else

And then you find yourself

When you make new friends

In a brand new town

And you start to think

About settling down

Instead of my sight dissolving away, there was bright flash of white light that blinded me. I blinked several times and saw the memory of when Applejack, Applebloom and I completed my shack at Sweet Apple Acres.

*Flashback*

I finally had Applejack check the time and we found out it was already 5:00 in the evening, but we were done. The shed now had new walls to keep me warm in the winter time and keep me safe. I still needed a new window, but I'm sure we could find one at a hardware store in town.

"Good work Bloomin' Onion," I complimented Applebloom for helping us. I was shocked she didn't earn her cutie mark since she was amazingly talented at construction and wood working.

"Thanks Cougar," she hugged my leg before letting go, "Ah gotta git ta mah crusaders meetin', Ah'll se ya'll later!" She called while galloping away.

"Ya best be home 'fore sundown ya hear!?" Applejack called out to her.

"Thanks to you too Applejack, I couldn't have done this without you," I thanked my technical boss.

"Aw shucks Cougar, yer mah guest and it wouldn't be very neighborly 'o me to leave you alone to do this, specially with yer back," she replied, "speakin' o' which, we should get ya checked out with the local doc at the hospital to be sure." I nodded, knowing she was right.

"I'll go get my duffel bag and then I'll come back and help sweep," I said with a grin.

"Ok, Ah'll jest be here sweepin' by myself!" I heard Applejack call back. I got my duffel bag and put my aviator sunglasses back inside and wiped the sweat forming on my forehead.

*End Flashback*

The things that would have been lost on you

Are now clear as a bell

And you find yourself

That's when you find yourself

The second memory had ended, but my vision didn't return to where I could see Luna. I was still seeing the bright flash of white light, but I could still hear Luna singing away, even feeling her foreleg around my neck when a third memory was brought to the light, this one was when I comforted Applebloom after her fight with Diamond Tiara.

*Flashback*

"I hate her, I HATE her so much!" Applebloom wailed and buried her head into my stomach. She tried to choke back her sobs, but I couldn't let her bottle up her pain for very long, knowing how dangerous that was.

"Shh, just let it out, let it out Bloomin' Onion," I shushed her and rested my head atop hers as my own tears began to stream from my eyes. "Please tell me what's wrong," I whispered as I rubbed her back as tenderly and softly as I could as she continued to cry. When she couldn't respond, I just said, "It's okay, Cougar's here for you," I cooed like a big brother comforting his sister. My body froze as it realized what I had just said. 'Where is this coming from?' I thought to myself, but brushed it off.

We both sat on her bed for about thirty minutes before her crying finally stopped. "I hate her Cougar," she said for a third time and wiped her nose. I turned around and grabbed a box of kleenex off her nightstand and handed them to her. I wiped my own eyes so she wouldn't see I had been crying with her.

*End Flashback*

When you go through life

So sure of where you're heading

And you wind up lost

And it's the best thing that could have happened

Because sometimes when you lose your way

It's really just as well

Because you find yourself

Yeah, that's when you find yourself

Luna had concluded singing and I could feel her horn touch the side of my headed, clearing my eyes so I could see her once again. "So you see, Cougar. You've done great things ever since you've been here. We showed you mercy and friendship; that helped enable who you truly are, especially when you comforted little Applebloom both when she fought with Diamond Tiara and again once she passed her first step to becoming a mare. I showed you the three most prominent memories. When you arrived, when you really started to grasp and expand friendship in your life by fixing up your shack with the Apple sisters and then comforting the youngest member of the Apple family. Those three memories are key points of when you found who you really are," she explained.

Both of us jumped when I was cut off by a new singing voice that appeared with a flash of golden light. Celestia walked towards us from the edge of the lake as a stream of golden magic hit me square in the chest, causing me to jolt and experience even more memories while still being able to hear hear singing.

When you meet the one

That you've been waiting for

And she's everything

That you wanted and more

*Flashback*

"We best be goin' soon Cougar," Applejack patted my leg and we both stood up.

"So, what do you want me to do to help you guys?" I asked her. AJ turned around to face me and leaned close to me, even though she was about three heads shorter than myself. She placed her hooves on my chest and stood up, looking into my eyes.

*End Flashback*

And you look at her and you finally start

To live for someone else

And then you find yourself

That's when you find yourself

*Flashback*

I looked over to see Applejack curled up by herself on the other side of the rug.

"Hey, come here," I patted the floor next to me. The orange mare's ear pricked up and she turned her head over to me. "We better share body heat with the fire to get our temperatures back up," I explained. Weakly and with her bad leg, she limped her way over and collapsed next to me. She snuggled up to my leg and placed her head in my lap, like my dog used to do.

"Thanks fer savin' mah life Cougar."

*End Flashback*

We go through life

So sure of where we're heading

And then we wind up lost

And it's the best thing that could have happened

Because sometimes when you lose your way

It's really just as well

*Flashback*

"Well, dishes are done, oh and do ya mind if Ah do somethin' Cougar?" She asked me permission.

"Sure I guess," I replied, confused as to what she needed permission for. The orange mare blushed, stood on her hind legs and kissed my cheek. And not just a small peck like Celestia gave me on the forehead or the ones I give to Applebloom, she left her lips on my cheek for a good five seconds before removing them.

"Sweet dreams parter," she smiled as the moonlight glistened off her eyes and she trotted upstairs. I brought my hand up to my cheek and held it there until the tingling sensation went away.

"Yep, and that's another one," I said to myself.

*End Flashback*

Because you find yourself

Yeah, that's when you find yourself

The final image I saw before Celestia returned my sight to my eyes was of myself and Applejack at the Grand Galloping Gala. Our faces were close and my hand was gingerly rubbing the side of her head. "Go to her, Cougar," Celestia said. I darted my eyes around to get the flashes of light out of my vision. "It's time," she added, fondling my cheek with her wing. Without second guessing, I took off for the edge of the lake in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. I traded the thumping sound of my feet on ice for the crunching of my feet on snow.

"Thank you, for everything!" I shouted to the two sisters.

---

(Sweet Apple Acres. Cougar's POV)

Luckily for me, the ponies that shoveled the paths did a perfect job as I was met with zero obstacles running like The Flash all through town. I never stopped to take a breath or to rest my legs; I had one mission, one goal in mind: Finally tell Applejack I loved her, no matter her response. As long as she still wanted to be my friend, it wouldn't kill me to tell her. I kicked up a ton of snow when I came to a sudden stop under the sign in front of the farm, allowing my lungs to suck in as much air as possible. I realized I had run about a quarter of a mile in about a minute, something I never thought I could do before.

"What the hell?" I asked as I looked upon the roof below the second story windows. The roof's blanket of snow was disturbed, as if somepony had kicked or walked on it and jumped down to the ground. I jogged over to the barrels below the roof and found hoof prints not only not the lids, but a trail of them leading away in the fresh snow. Backing away, I took a second look at the roof to see who exactly did this. "Applejack?" her name escaped my lips as I saw that it was her window that was opened. My eyesight drifted down to the trail of hoof prints again, only this time I tried to follow them. My index finger traced the trail in the air while I walked side by side with Applejack's trail. My mouth opened and closed a few times when I saw that it led directly to the front porch of my shack. I knew she didn't leave because their was no secondary trail of hoof prints leading away.

"Hello?" I asked, poking my head through the doorway where I saw a lump of orange fur resting peacefully on my cot. Whether she was asleep or not, I couldn't tell; there wasn't a snore that escaped her mouth. Why was she here in my shack in the middle of the night? She wasn't kicking me off the farm for what I did at the party, was she? I questioned myself. My feet couldn't move, though I desperately wanted them to. My body was like a statue, unable to do anything except stand and stare. Applejack's belly and chest rose and fell as she breathed, but she still didn't notice that I had entered. In the blink of an eye, I was instantly right in front of the pony with no memory of walking forward at all. Like I was being controlled by someone else, I sat down on the edge of the cot and scratched behind AJ's ear.

"Hmm?" She stirred, blinking her eyes a few times. She looked up at me and started drawing in short breaths. "C-Cougar? ya came back!" I was bombarded with a tight bear hug from the pony as she squeezed my body. "Ah was so worried about ya, please don't leave like that again," she begged, burying her face into my chest.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, moving back so she would look me in the eye. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" She wasn't ready to answer the question, however.

"Where in Equestria did ya go?" She asked me. Applejack sat up on her haunches, moved away from our hug and hung her rear legs over the edge of the cot, mimicking what I was doing. "We tried ta catch a glimpse 'o ya, but ya hid pretty well," she said.

"I just needed somewhere to go to clear my head, that's all," I explained. "Luna found me sitting in a tree near the lake," I added, folding my fingers together. Applejack scooted closer to me, placing her hoof on my hand to get my attention.

"Ah told ya that ya could talk ta me about anythin'. Ya had me 'n my family worried sick," she repeated, looking back up at me with saddened eyes. Guilt now swarmed me for just leaving her and her family without so much as saying I needed time to clear my head. She didn't deserve that and neither did her family after all they've done for me.

"I'm sorry Applejack, I didn't mean to worry you," I apologized, wrapping my arms around her. It wasn't an original apology, but I meant every word of it, and I hoped that Applejack could see how truly sorry I was.

"Yer back 'n safe, that's all Ah care 'bout," she smiled, "it's no problem." She returned the hug, squeezing me and rubbing her cheek against my shoulder. It felt nice feeling her warm body cuddling up against me, but I had a few other important priorities. My hand removed itself from her torso and I squeezed her hoof gently.

"Applejack, I'm not mad, but what are you doing in here?" I asked for the second time. Still cuddling against me, the orange mare rested her chin against my shoulder, propping her head up to look at me.

"Ah just wanted ta see if you were back," she said quietly, "'n when Ah found that ya weren't home, Ah didn't have the energy ta go back inside so Ah laid down on yer cot ta rest my eyes fer a bit," she explained. "'N Ah was hopin' ta be awake if ya came home tonight," she added. "Ah wasn't waitin' ta yell at ya or anythin' like that," she assured me.

"You know I'm not worth waiting up for," I managed to crack a smile. The mare huffed, slapping my shoulder.

"Yer worth more than ya know, Cougar," she bit her bottom lip, unable to look me in the eye for some reason. A single strand of her golden blonde mane was interfering with her line of sight; I used my thumb to brush it away. Her cheeks started to gradually turn pink with every stroke of my thumb on her face. "Did you 'n Princess Luna have a good talk?" She questioned, not in a hurt or ungrateful tone, but one of genuine curiosity.

"Actually, we did. She helped me see that I shouldn't hold my anger against Twilight for long, or else it could affect you and everyone else around me. I didn't want to make my problems yours; she helped extinguish some anger. And I actually learned a lot about myself."

"Ya did? Like what?" Applejack questioned, cocking her head to the side, indicating she interested. My tongue moisturized my mouth, helping me remember what Luna taught me to answer Applejack.

"Like how I've become a better person since I fell into Equestria," I laughed at how odd that sentence was. "Or more precisely, that I've always been a good person and I was just too blind and scared to see it; all the friendship you and your friends and family have shown me broke down those barriers without me realizing it," I explained. Her orange ears twitched as she thought which was pretty cute I had to admit.

"Scared? Ah ain't seen ya scared since," she had to pause to try and remember a time that I was actually scared. "Well, since ya had yer breakdown and locked yerself in the castle dungeons," she exclaimed. Ah yes, that's an incident I'll probably never live down, but that wasn't the point of this conversation. I had already explained this to Luna, so it was easier to explain to Applejack.

"Well, when I found out that Twilight tried to force more secrets out of me with Truth Serum, I was upset at her, but I went into defensive mode because I was scared I would tell you something horrific my species had committed and you would all ostracize me for it, never wanting to see me again," I admitted to an audible gasp. I twitched when her hoof collided with the back of my head. She didn't hit me hard, but good enough to get my attention.

"How could ya think like that? After how long we've known ya and how many good deeds ya've done here, especially how Applebloom gets along with ya, we'd never judge ya fer what other members 'o yer species did!" She scolded me.

"Looking back on it now, it was stupid of me to think that," I sighed, "but I was worried what would happen, I did lose my temper in order to cover up my fear, it's just natural for my species to immediately trigger anger to hide fear," I said.

"Come here," she stretched her forelegs out, beckoning me for a hug. Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her and we hugged each other tight. However, I could sense she had ulterior motives for hugging me rather than just to comfort me. She sighed both happily and nervously, as if she had something to hide.

"Applejack, what else is on your mind?" I asked as I broke our hug and leaned closer to where our noses almost touched. Her heartbeat increased; I could feel it as my fingers still didn't leave her cheek. Time seemed to come to a screeching halt while I awaited her response.

"Ah-Ah, uh," were the only sentence fragments that she could say. "Ah just can't, okay?" She blurted out, moving her head away from my hand, yet she stayed perfectly still in her spot.

"Hey, you can tell me anything," I wanted to reach out to her, but my arms wouldn't obey me. "You're my best friend; I won't judge you on whatever's on your mind. I'll listen to every word you say, I promise," words kept coming from my mouth that I don't even remember thinking of.

"It'll ruin our friendship," she protested.

"No it won't," I quickly responded. "Please, stop hurting yourself and just tell me," my fingers squeezed her hoof even more, but not enough to hurt her. She gulped as her body began to shake a little and beads of sweat trailed down the sides of her head.

"Just, please don't hate me," she begged quietly, blinking to look down at the floor and back up at me. I scooted closer to her, aching to feel the warmth that spread through me once again.

"That's impossible," I whispered into her ear. She shuddered a bit, not expecting me to say it like that. Then, she made me shudder and blush. She leaned closer and nuzzled her cheek against mine. No, this, this wasn't happening. I passed out from the cold and now I'm having a drug trip-like dream, right? She pulled away and placed her free hoof on my knee.

"C-Cougar," she began. "Every time Ah'm around ya Ah feel so warm, like Ah just won every Rodeo that's ever happened or that I bucked every Apple tree in Equestria free 'o their apples, all at once. Ah feel, safe 'n protected around ya, especially when ya had me in yer arms back at the abandoned castle." She was unable to continue. It was happening, she was going to say it.

"AJ?" I squeaked.

"Ah love ya Cougar," the mare breathed out heavily. To be honest, I almost passed out. Thankfully I didn't, but I started to feel lightheaded as every emotion known to man and ponykind started to flare up inside of my brain. I couldn't keep my gaze on the mare as my eyes seemed to move around like on an animatronic that couldn't be shut off. "Cougar, Cougar?" Applejack shook my body. Her hoof gracefully touched my chin and turned me back in her direction. She was scared by the looks of her eyes. My best guess was my immediate silence had frightened her. "Ya don't have ta feel the same way," she said in a scratchy voice, "just please say somethin'," she pleaded.

I wanted to throw my arms around her and hold her close, telling her I loved her too and that I would never let go, no matter how much a part of me screamed that it was wrong. But alas, my mouth and voice box lost all communication with my brain, leaving me opening and closing my mouth like an idiot.

"Cougar, say anythin', please! Ah can take it if ya don't return my feelin's, but the not knowin' is killin' me," she placed her hoof on my cheek. Our eyes connected, and I stared right into her soul. I didn't get lost in her eyes like a stupid, cliched romance novel, but right then and there, not only did our eyes connect, our souls touched. I didn't even see her as a pony I loved anymore, she was the one I loved, and I then knew how to respond.

"I-I," my mouth could only spit out one letter, though this was enough to extinguish her fear.

"Ah just need an answer, 'n Ah promise ta never bring this up again," she started to rub her hoof on my cheek. 'Come on you scared little wuss,' my brain was yelling at my mouth, 'Answer her!'

"I-Ivan!" the word was forced from my mouth. The orange mare's face fell into a pool of confusion, obviously not an answer she was expecting.

"What? What'd you just say, Cougar?" She asked me, ceasing the rubbing of my cheek with her orange hoof. She blinked, but our eyes never left one another. My one hand squeezed her hoof again while the other started to pet her mane.

"M-my real name," I gulped, "is Ivan P-Pearson, AJ." It was incredible how much better I felt was now that I had admitted my name to Applejack. Her head began to shake back and forth slowly as she attempted to wrap her head around this sudden admission.

"Ivan," she whispered.

"Yeah, that's right," I replied shakily.

"But, but why now?" She asked. I swallowed, gathering up every bit of a response I could.

"If you love me, Applejack, then you deserve to love the real me," I pulled her closer for a hug, moving my hand from her mane to her back, rubbing it lovingly. This didn't last for very long as she moved her head back to look at me again.

"Then, does this mean?" She started but couldn't finish her question.

"Yes, Applejack. I love you too," I pressed my forehead against hers, getting a closer look into her emerald orbs. I returned to rubbing her back and then moved to the side and rubbed my cheek against hers; she did the same. "Every time we get close, I imagine I'm back in my jet, soaring through the clouds or that I won the Daytona 500, and I never want that feeling to go away," I said as a few tears brimmed my eyes. All of this weight and stress that had consumed me like the plague just melted away; I felt freer than I have in my entire life. "I love you, Applejack," I repeated.

"Ah'm so happy!" The mare exclaimed as she removed her cheek from mine and snuggled her hatless head under my chin. "Ah've felt this way since ya saved me back on our campin' trip, 'n my feelin's kept growin', 'n Ah wanted ta tell ya since the Gala," she remarked, sighing every time my hand stroked her back.

"I've wanted to tell you ever since I had my meltdown and you kissed my cheek," I replied quietly, nuzzling the top of her head. She felt so warm and soft, like a blanket fresh from the dryer. My heart beat faster continuously as I accepted her admittance of love and I returned the same feelings. "I never thought I'd be in love with a pony, but I'm glad it's you, Applejack," I whispered into her ear, making it twitch as she giggled. She sighed contently before looking up at me with beautiful twinkle in her eyes full of love and passion. If there was a God like I was raised to believe, I prayed he would understand my feelings for this mare and not damn my soul to Hell.

BRING, BRING, BRING

The echoing ring of the Ponyville clock tower snapped our eyes out of each others trances to look for the sudden disturbance. We both chuckled to one another after listening to the hypnotic bell before turning back to where we were. A few twinkling lights up above on the ceiling summoned our attentions away from each other yet again, only this time it was a piece of mistletoe that seemed to sprout from nowhere. A quick look to the window led us to find Luna and Celestia with their horns glowing white and gold as they bowed their heads gracefully before disappearing in flashes of light.

Still holding each other, Applejack and I slowly twisted our gazes to their original spots where we could look into our eyes. As if our brains were linked, we both brought up our respective hand and hoof, gently rubbing them on the other's cheeks. It was inevitable what was about to happen. AJ dropped her hooves on top of my shoulders and I put my hands on her back, lightly massaging her as we closed our eyes and leaned forward. What only took but a second seemed to take an eternity to me, but the moment my lips touched hers, my heart soared higher than I ever did in my F-15. We both froze, only to softly kiss back to enjoy the moment. I'd like to think she felt something similar to me; she leaned forward more, pushing me backwards in my spot.

The kiss was just closed mouth, simple and loving, just what we both needed. I wanted to think the kiss lasted for hours, but when we pulled away for air, the clock on my phone stated that it only lasted two minutes. "Oof," I exclaimed when Applejack's head found itself nuzzled under my chin again. She was so warm, like my own private wood stove that I could cuddle. My lips still tingled from our kiss while I used my fingers to play with her ear. I leaned my mouth forward until it was mere inches from her ear and whispered, "Happy Hearth's Warming Applejack," and kissed her cheek. The mare lifted her head away from my chest with a loving smile and blush on her face.

"Merry Christmas Cou- Ivan," she corrected herself before planting her lips back onto mine, making my heart soar once more. And at that moment, Applejack and her happiness were the only two things that mattered to me.

Christmas truly was my favorite time of the year, and now I earned a new Christmas memory to add to my heart. One that I hoped Applejack and I could both look on fondly in the future.

End Chapter 32

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I do not own Alone by Heart

I do not own Find Yourself by Brad Paisley.