Fallen Eagle

Chapter XVI: Checkers or Wreckers

I'd like to thank you all for getting past 100 reviews for this story. Reviews do mean a lot to me, but I'm still having so much fun writing this story that I don't want to stop!

Also, some big news, if anyone would like to be the Beta Reader for this story, PM me and we'll talk business.

Anyway, I think we have some reviews to reply to.

Dixie Darlin: The last one who did, well, did you ever wonder what happened to her other personal guard? And this was actually an important part to the story. Cougar is NOT the cookie-cutter good guy who always knows what's right and wrong. He has his flaws like losing his anger rather quickly and losing his sanity for brief moments in flashes of anger. That and if you think about it, he is acting pretty selfish... And when I wrote the code line, I didn't even think of that being a WiR reference, but I guess it is now!

OBSERVER01: Thank you sir.

noah2x4:It may startle them at first, but they may grow to accept it.

ninjagofangirlb: SPARITY FOREVER! Just wait to see how Spike tells his true feelings later on.

PRR Gangsta: I don't think every story needs horny mares/girls but it does make things more interesting, like a jetpack now of all things!

knightsofstories141912: Only a true friend like Luna would sit down Cougar like that and tell him what he did wrong. I want their friendship to be rock solid. Spike just needed to take off those sunglasses that blocked a true view of Cougar and accept the fact that he's here and he may as well deal with him, and the fact that he's the ONLY one who takes his love for Rarity seriously just helps.

yorkmanic89: I knew Darkheart would piss off a ton of Luna fans, though it was needed to show that Cougar isn't a perfect person, he has major problems that he keeps stuffing away. And Luna is my third favorite character in the show.

hammeruniverse22: Again, thank you for pointing out my errors which I have now fixed thanks to you. And thank you for doing it in a polite and constructive manner. I'll more than definitely take that advice and be much more meticulous on spelling.

Nathan Rowe: No, I didn't really do a good job on proofreading. But again, thank you for telling me and getting me to fix them. As for your feelings on the vacation, I'm going to have to politely disagree with you. For one, it was really only two chapters longs with 13 and 14 being one chapter split into two chapters. Second, taking away the prologue chapter, Cougar and Applejack's friendship has been growing every chapter, and this arc of the story was required to help Cougar grow in Equestria without Applejack being there, plus, he really needed to start over with Spike.

Guest: Thank you so very much. And don't worry, I'm having FAR too much fun to just abandon this story.

King Rocket: Thank you good author. And thanks for the info on Fimfiction. To be honest, I really haven't checked out any stories, but I've been told that website is the pinnacle for MLP fics so to hear some of the stories are utter garbage really surprises me.

Also, for continuity purposes, the episode Simple Ways never took place.

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(Sweet Apple Acres. Cougar's POV)

"Alright Applebloom," I tossed a rotten apple in my right hand up in the air and caught it, only to repeat the process, "got a fast ball coming in hot," I warned the little yellow filly and hiked my right leg up and reared up my right hand. Applebloom held up a large wooden bucket atop her head, ready to catch the rotten piece of fruit.

"Bring it Cougar," the filly teased me, weaving back and forth about ten yards ahead of me, "ya haven't made me drop one yet; Ah don't plan on startin' now," she smirked at me. Smirking in response, I gripped the fruit even harder, making squelching sounds as rotten juice was squeezed out and dripped all over my hand. Then, like a flick of a switch, the apple was launched out of my hand and zoomed through the air like a baseball. Applebloom moved around a few times, trying to zero in on where the now missile-like object would land. She then stopped and bent her head down low and the apple smacked hard on the inside of the wooden bucket.

"Damn," I snapped my fingers as Applebloom set down the now full bucket of rotten fruit onto the ground and did a little victory dance.

"Ah yeah!" she showboated, "who's the best rotten apple catcher? Ah'm the best rotten apple catcher, uh-huh!" She bragged to me and continued with her victory dance. Rolling my eyes with a smile, I ruffled her red mane and picked up the bucket to drop off at the pig pen.

"You know Bloomin' Onion, you could make a good baseball catcher, maybe you should consider that for a cutie mark?" I suggested, dumping the rotten, putrid fruit into the pig pen. The pink swines happily squealed and began to scarf down the nasty fruit like the Cookie Monster and his cookies. I turned on my heel and set the now empty bucket near one of the storage sheds. The little filly paused where she was standing and put her fore hoof up onto her chin, tapping it lightly to help her think.

"Eh, Ah don't know, Ah don't really much like baseball Cougar," she replied and trotted to catch up with me as I made my way to the house to get a quick drink of water. Celestia had her sun really working hard today; sweat was pouring off me like a waterfall.

"Oh really, then what sports are you interested in?" I opened the kitchen door for Applebloom before wiping some sweat off my forehead and leaving my shirt on a hanging nail outside the door frame, leaving my glistening muscular torso exposed.

"Namely Earth Pony racin'," she replied and grabbed a chocolate ice cream sandwich from the freezer and began to chow down. I on the other hand grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it up to the brim with water from the sink and began to gulp it down.

"Really?" I took a big breath of air after downing the entire glass and began to refill it, "I haven't heard much about racing here other than the Wonderbolts Derby and the Running of the Leaves." Before she could explain further, Applejack appeared and set her cowgirl hat onto the table.

"Afternoon lil sis, Cougar," she greeted and sat down at the table next to Applebloom, "did ya get them rotten apples taken care of?" Applejack grabbed a knife, some butter and a piece of bread.

"Yep, your pigs are eating them up like hot cakes," I paused from drinking my second glass of water. "So, how's your practice for the Running of the Leaves going?" I asked Applejack and put the empty glass in the sink. The orange mare buttered her piece of bread and took a pretty large bite.

"Oh, it's goin' on just fine," she swallowed her bite of bread, "Ah've been workin' up a sweat harder than an ice cold can 'o soda pop," she replied and finished her snack in one more large bite. "Ah still can't believe Luna 'n Celestia invited ya to sit with them in their private VIP box," she added and tossed the buttered knife into the sink along with my water glass.

"Yeah well, they know I like racing," I scratched the back of my ear, "anyway, do you want any help with practice? I'm sure I can help you improve your lap times or something," I offered up and leaned against the refrigerator door. AJ softly chuckled before placing her hooves on top of each other.

"Lap times? That's funny Cougar," she teased me, "it's one big 'ol lap 'round the trail and back," she smirked in my direction.

"Okay, one lap is good enough for a race," I retorted, "but is there anything about the race I can help with? I'd like to help you win," I added. Applejack cocked her head sideways and studied me before returning her head to its normal position.

"Ya do know that this is just an exhibition race right?" She questioned, "there's no prize money or nothin', just ponies runnin' ta get the leaves off the trees for Fall 'n get ready fer the winter season," she explained. "Ah used ta care 'bout winnin' the race back when Rainbow was more of 'o spotlight hog, but she's cooled down some since then," she continued. "Ah mainly use the Runnin' 'o the leaves as an excuse ta get more exercise , Ah like ta keep mah legs nice 'n strong," she bragged, but in a friendly manner.

"Really?" I got off the refrigerator door and put my hands down on the table top, "so you don't need any help with practice?" I asked. Applejack shook her head back and forth several times, her ponytail swishing quickly.

"Nope, Ah can run a few laps 'round our makeshift track on the farm by myself, but thanks fer the offer Cougar," she smiled. I pushed my hands off the table and stood back up straight. Applebloom belched softly and tossed the ice cream sandwich wrapper into the trash can.

"Well then, good luck with your practicing Applejack," I wished her, "but since Bloomin' Onion and I got our chores done early, I'm going to teach her self-defense if that's alright with you?" I requested permission. The little filly in question grinned widely before putting on a tough face and swatted at the air a few times with her fore hooves. Applejack meanwhile, raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. Applebloom and I both remained quiet as Applejack thought about our proposal.

"Right, Ah do remember you bringin' that up after the Diamond Tiara incident awhile back," she scratched her chin, "but Applebloom doesn't get into many fights 'n she's smart enough to know when to back away," Applejack brought out the uncertainty in both her voice and demeanor. Her sister was prepared to put on the puppy dog eyes that I guess Sweetie Belle taught her, but I stopped her from performing the trick.

"I know that she is AJ, but there comes a point in every person or pony's life that they need to know how to defend themselves if help isn't around or close enough," I explained, "and about the Diamond Tiara incident, Applebloom was shoved first and then hit first, at that point, she had a right to defend herself against Diamond."

"Ah guess ya got a point there," Applejack looked down at her twiddling hooves before looking back up at myself and her sister. "It's just, Ah don't want her ta start goin' out 'n pickin' fights ta prove she can defend herself," Applejack admitted.

"But Ah'm not a bully!" the filly cried out in shock and anger. She crossed her forelegs and glared at her big sister for thinking of something so heinous about her dear little sister.

"Don't worry AJ," I softly patted her shoulder, "I'll make sure of that," I promised her. The mare's emerald eyes looked back up into my pale blue eyes, locking for a brief moment. I felt a strange sensation welling through me, almost like the temperature in my chest began to rise. "Cougar, you alright?" Applejack softly patted my cheek with her right fore hoof.

"Uh, yeah, I'm, I'm fine," I muttered and shook my head clear.

"Well good; Ah said ya can go help Applebloom," she explained as she pushed her chair out from the table, making a soft screech on the wooden floor. I nodded my head in reply, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened to me. "After all, this is the perfect opportunity for yer military trainin' to finally make itself useful," she winked at me and stuck her tongue out. That joke brought me out of my funk, I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really now? Then I guess you won't mind if I teach Applebloom how to rip somepony's heart out and show it to them before they die?" I mocked her. The mare stopped dead cold in her tracks and whirled around so fast that her ponytail smacked the wall.

"WHAT!?" Applejack screeched.

"Gotcha!" I bopped her on the nose and chuckled, "come on Applebloom," I gestured for the smaller pony to follow me outside. Applejack rolled her eyes and trotted towards the front door of the house, her hooves clacking loudly on the floor.

"Good one Cougar," she said sarcastically and opened the door, "Ah'll be at the market if ya need me," she reminded myself and Applebloom as both the front and back doors shut in perfect synchronization.

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(Outside, several hours later. Cougar's POV)

It was nearing 5:00 PM; Celestia's sun was getting noticeably lower in the sky with each passing glance. Thankfully, that also meant the temperature was cooling slowly, so I could ditch my white T-Shirt without risk of sunburn. Applebloom and I had been practicing non-stop on her self defense skills for a few hours now, and she was improving with each round. First and foremost, I had decided to teach her boxing since throwing punches was the fighting style of choice for kids on a playground. "Now remember Applebloom," I said as we sat down and took a break, "you are only to use this for self-defense," I reminded her.

"Ah understand Cougar, Ah don't go pickin' fights like Diamond Tiara, I have a life," she joked at the end and took a swig of water. This family's snarky behavior was a force to be reckoned with. But I shoved that aside and turned to face Applebloom, a serious glare hung on my face.

"I'm being serious Applebloom," I replied much more darkly and seriously, "I'm just warning you that if I ever find out that you've been starting and picking fights to just prove how tough you are now, I will not teach you any more self defense techniques and I won't speak to you for awhile, do you understand?" I reiterated what would happen if she broke her promise.

"Yes Ah do Cougar, Ah won't disappoint ya," she put on her puppy dog face but with a smile this time instead of a frown. I grinned at her and chuckled.

"Alright cut that out; you're gonna kill me with your cuteness before I teach you how to sweep the legs of your opponent," I gripped the fence we were sitting against and hoisted myself up off the ground. Applebloom hopped to her feet and shifted all of her weight to her right foreleg and put on her war face. "Okay, I've taught you how to dodge an opponent's swings and how to catch a punch an twist your opponent's arm," I cleared my throat, "now I'm going to show you the perfect opportunity to disable an opponent by sweeping their legs," I explained. Raising both of my fists, I motioned to the filly to come and attempt to attack me, using everything I had taught her so far.

"Heyah!" Applebloom cried out and rose to her hind legs with her forelegs outstretched in front of her. She raised one of her hooves and started to send a punch towards my stomach as hard and fast as she could. Instead of dodging or grabbing her foreleg, I smacked it upwards, surprising her momentarily. Using my opportunity, I kicked my right leg out and lightly hit Applebloom's right hind leg.

"See, now if we were really fighting, you'd be on your back and out for the count," she lowered herself back down to all four legs and I put my leg back into place.

"So, do Ah always have ta smack their forelegs away?" She asked me, cocking her head sideways. I shook my head in response, running a hand through my sweat stained hair.

"Nope, just use an opportunity you see, but only after you're ready to defend yourself," I warned, "don't automatically use it if say all Diamond Tiara does is shove you out of the way," I explained. Sitting back on her haunches, Applebloom processed what I had told her. "If what happened last time happens again where she punches you and pushes you, wait for her to get in a fighting stance and throw a punch. She'll be too distracted with hitting you that you can drop down and sweep her rear legs out from under her."

"Okay, Ah think Ah understand," she rubbed the top of her head where he bow was, trying to scratch her head by the looks of it. "Let's go again, Ah'll try 'n make it easier for ya," her eye winked at me. We both resumed our fighting poses, standing as still as statues, waiting for the other to make a move. Suddenly, I lunged at the little filly with my right fist heading for her head, but she ducked down below my fist and stuck her little leg out. I felt my foot go out from under me and my body flying backwards. I soon found myself looking upwards at the sky that was starting to turn pink and orange. "Oh my gosh, are you alright?" Applebloom dropped down to my side and gripped my hand in her two hooves.

"Yeah, I'm cool," I leaned upwards to sit up on my rear. "That was perfect kid, not bad for your first time," I congratulated her.

"But Ah didn't mean ta actually hit ya," she apologized over and over again. I wasn't hurt, nor was I upset or angry at her. I was proud of how well she could take in this much information in one day and already use it.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I knocked my instructor on his ass more than once," I calmed her down as she helped me to my feet and dusted off my back. It was then we both heard a male voice calling out to us, but one neither of us had heard before.

"Well, this is the legendary Cougar that the papers have talked about so much," the voice said in what sounded like accomplishment. Applebloom and I remained silent as this mysterious pony trotted his way from the main gate of Sweet Apple Acres and stopped just a few feet from us. He had much taller legs than anypony I had seen here with the obvious exception of Celestia. He was tan, had a blonde mane and tail with a white streak through the middle, wearing a collared sweater vest with different patches on each sleeve, glasses and had a pocket protector. The first thing that crossed my mind was an image of Homer Simpson shouting, "NNNNNEEEEEEERRRRRRDDDDDD," so I had to keep ahold of myself from bursting out laughing in this pony's face.

"Can we help ya mister?" Applebloom stepped forward to greet this pony.

"Oh excuse me, but I am Trenderhoof, the most interesting pony in all of Equestria!" He bragged and placed his hoof over his chest as if it were that big of a deal. I rolled my eyes, thinking that just about everypony I had ever met was more interesting than this nerd. "And you must be Cougar, the rare and elusive human!" He stuck out a hoof to shake my hand.

"Elusive?!" I exclaimed, "I've been living here since May! Where have you been?" I asked in response.

"Of course you're not elusive, I keep up with the Equestria Times," he pulled out a newspaper from his pocket to show the front page headline explaining my run-in with the timberwolves and put it back in his pocket. "But elusive just makes for a better title for my newest article," he added.

"Article for what?" Applebloom questioned him.

"I am doing an exclusive, deep and personal interview with you Mr. Cougar!" He exclaimed quite happily. My heart stopped for the second time today, but this was different than the first time; I knew why I was feeling this feeling.

"Access denied Trenderhoof," I immediately spat out. The journalist's face fell when I told him the bad news.

"B-but my readers want to know everything about you! What kind of transportation you had in your world, what kind of diet your species had, was your species violent or peaceful, your real name?" He tried to tell me what kind of article he was looking for. "The readers have a right to know whether or not you're a peaceful creature!"

"Hey! You leave Cougar alone!" Applebloom kicked him in the shin, making him cry out in pain, "he's one 'o the kindest creatures Ah've ever met; he doesn't need a pony like you to twist his words around for your stupid little tabloid!" She shook her hoof in anger. Trenderhoof's leg stopped throbbing in pain and he set it back down on the ground, but he didn't look displeased or angry at Applebloom, 'good boy,' I thought to myself.

"I do not write a tabloid you little uh, ruffian," he responded politely, "Cougar is probably on par with me on being the most interesting creature in Equestria; my readers need to figure it out for themselves," he produced a pencil and notepad.

"Uh-uh, Rita Skeeter," I shook my head and pushed the writing utensils back, "I wouldn't even let Princess Twilight interview me, so you better get out of here so you don't waste anymore of your time," I gestured back towards the gates of the farm.

"Howdy y'all, Ah'm back from the market!" Applejack's voice rang into the airwaves of the farm. Applebloom and I wanted to say hello, but there was a loud gasp heard that prevented us from doing just that.

"Who, is, that gorgeous mare?!" the nerd pony's voice questioned out of breath. I looked from his gaze to where Applejack was trotting happily towards us with a bag of bits on her back.

"Um, that's my sister Applejack," Applebloom explained, not getting at how awestruck this guy was at Applejack's appearance.

"Hey Bloomin' Onion, why don't you go wash up for dinner?" I suggested and nudged her along with my foot. Without much fight, the little filly galloped her way inside to wash her hooves for dinner.

"Applejack, a beautiful name befitting of a queen," Trenderhoof, "more beautiful than Celestia," he added quickly before Applejack fell within earshot of us. My eyes lit up as he said that and his gaze turned more lustful as Applejack grew nearer. I've seen this look in many guys before back on Earth.

"Well, howdy stranger, what can I do ya for?" Applejack greeted the stallion with her usually kind and trusting demeanor. I shifted my position around so I had both ponies in my field of vision when Trenderhoof grabbed Applejack's fore hoof with his own.

"Ask not what you can do for me fair Applejack," he kissed her hoof causing her to blush and my eyebrows to furrow, "but ask what I can do for you," he still held her hoof and stared into her green eyes. Applejack was clearly embarrassed, but pushed it aside to keep being polite.

"Hehe," she chuckled, "well you're very kind, but what may Ah ask are ya doin' on my farm Mr. uh?" She hadn't been given his name yet.

"Trenderhoof here was just about to have an exclusive interview with me, right Trenderhoof?" I grabbed ahold of his shoulder and turned him to face me. The journalist seemed to snap out of his lustful entrancement to speak to me.

"Uh, yes, but since you declined, I decided to do a whole new report on the Running of the Leaves," Trenderhoof eyed the number bib marked 43 inside of AJ's saddlebag. 'You son of a bitch,' I thought to myself.

"Is that a fact?" Applejack replied, "well Ah'm not the pony ya want to talk to about the leaves race," she remarked and started to trot towards the house, "ya might wanna talk ta Princess Twilight or Rainbow Dash, she's the pony that's all about winnin' the race." I started to follow her back towards the house, but not before noticing what Trenderhoof was staring at. He was walking slowly, almost like Frankenstein or a zombie with his eyes narrowing and sticking to one particular spot. His muzzle curled up into a sickening smile worthy of defeating the Grinch's own. Studying his stare, I followed his line of eye sight to, Applejack's flanks.

"So, hypnotizing," he said in a trance-like state and began to follow Applejack as well. Not trusting what this pony was thinking, I kept pace with him up until we got to the door of the kitchen.

"Hey, where in Equestria do you think you're going?" I stepped in front of Trenderhoof, halting his progress to get to my friend. "I don't recall Applejack inviting you into her home, so why don't you run along and start writing up a story for the big race?" I suggested. His eyes and ears fell when I pretty much told him to get the hell off the farm, but still didn't leave.

"Well, I was just going to ask if I could have a few apples for my trip back into town if it wasn't too much trouble," he explained and adjusted his sweater vest collar, "I also have a great appreciation for the working ethics of Earth Ponies," he tacked on the end of his argument. Crossing my arms, I raised my eyebrow once again, still having serious problems with his motives. "And since the Earth Pony Racing League is fairly popular around here, I thought maybe getting some insight from an Earth Pony racer that isn't a professional could help with the article." My blue eyes looked up and down from my feet to Trenderhoof's eyes several times before I came to a conclusion.

"Fine, you can come in and have a few apples to go and a few questions for Applejack, but that's it," he happily trotted inside the kitchen with me right on his tail. Applejack was busy putting the bits she had earned in town into a cookie jar while cooking up some corn on the cob and mashed potatoes for dinner and an apple pie for dessert.

"Oh, Ah didn't know Cougar let ya in Mr. Trenderhoof," she gave me a sly smile and looked back towards the journalist pony. "Is there anythin' Ah can help ya with?" She stirred a pot of mashed potatoes.

"I was hoping to get a few apples for a snack back into town," Trenderhoof said in a dreamy state as he sat down at the table, but in the chair closest to where Applejack was working. "And maybe pick your brain about Earth Ponies and racing," he added with a hint of excitement as AJ swished her ponytail around and took off her cowgirl hat.

"Well that sounds mighty kind 'o ya to care about what Ah think, but Ah don't like bein' interviewed all that much, plus like Ah said before," the mare put some boxes away in the pantry, "Ah'm not the right pony to talk to about the Runnin' 'o the Leaves," she said for a second time and tasted the potatoes before turning up the heat a tad more. Trenderhoof wasn't really paying attention to what Applejack was saying; his head was held in his hooves as he watched her move back and forth in the kitchen.

"Hey AJ, want some help?" I offered and got in between Trenderhoof's field of vision and Applejack, causing the stallion to growl and glare at me in anger.

"Sure, you can start moldin' that pie crust in the pie tin," Applejack tossed me the rounded metallic object along with the pie crust. Setting the tin down on the counter, I began to work at the job I was given. "As fer the apples Mr. Trenderhoof, you can have a couples 'o spares over in that bag," her hoof pointed to her saddlebag full of apples. "Uh, you okay there cowboy?" She asked in a now uncomfortable voice. Sensing the change in pitch, I kept my hands molding the pie crust while I turned around to see what was wrong.

"I'm doing just fine Applejack," Trenderhoof had risen from his chair and had walked over to get even closer to Applejack, practically rubbing up against her. "Apples have always fascinated me," he bragged and 'accidentally' bumped shoulders with my friend, "you know, fruit experts once found an apple thought to be extinct," he bragged again.

"Really?" AJ moved away from him and stirred the potatoes again.

"Yep, and I ate four of them," Trenderhoof followed Applejack again.

"Sounds like a waste of a good apple," I chimed in, hoping to bring this creep back to reality.

"Waste? I think not Mr. Cougar, they were absolutely, delicious," he commented in a sultry tone as the orange mare dropped her wooden stirring spoon and bent down to pick it up. I picked up an apple off the counter and chucked it at Trenderhoof's head, hitting him square in the middle of his forehead. The red fruit fell into a nearby wastebasket with a thunk. The journalist was shocked at what happened and stood still, like a deer in a pair of headlights. My index and middle fingers pointed at my eyes and then back at his own, sending him the message that he'd better watch his own ass.

"Look Trenderhoof, Ah'm sure yer a kind pony, but Ah my sister 'n my friend Cougar here are 'bout to sit down ta dinner, so you'd better start hittin' the road," Applejack tossed him a few apples from her saddlebag.

"Our time may have been short Applejack," the nerd pony grabbed a couple of apples from Applejack, "but I shall return one day, hopefully to continue our little tango," he bowed his head down. Applejack shuttered in disgust and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, Ah'm so sure of it," she said in a highly sarcastic tone. Suddenly, I heard a sharp gasp come from Applejack's mouth. Fearing she had possibly burnt her hoof, I spun around, ready to help to cool it. However, what I discovered, was much worse. Trenderhoof's fore hoof was on Applejack's flank. His hoof was on Applejack's flank, and he was squeezing it. For a moment, nopony said or did anything. Applejack was still frozen in shock at being groped at while I just stood in place, letting the anger in my eyes rise.

"Just a few apples for the road huh?" He said in a teasing manner. Applejack gained control of her own hooves again and smacked Trenderhoof in the face.

"YOU KEEP YER HOOVES TO YERSELF YOU CREEPY PERVERT!" She screamed in his face and shoved him into the wall. "GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK!" She shouted at him again. Deciding to finally take action, I marched my way past the angry and shocked mare and grabbed the nerd by his collar.

"We're going for a little walk," I brought his face up to mine and shook his body. Releasing him and allowing his body to smack the wooden floor, I kicked the kitchen door open and drug him outside by his mane, leaving a confused Applebloom whom had just trotted into the kitchen to tend to her sister.

"Ow!" He cried out in pain as I yanked him hard by his hair, "isn't this a little too brutal?" Trenderhoof whined. He soon found himself with his back shoved against the trunk of an apple tree. A few leaves and apples fell around him from the violent hit.

"Too brutal?" I asked in a mockery tone, "you'd better thank whatever gods you ponies pray to that I don't break your nose right now!" I slammed his head against the tree again. "You don't ever touch a woman's body unless they give you 100% permission, you got that?!" I spat in his face and gripped his collar even tighter. The pathetic nerd's eyes shrunk as he saw that I wasn't messing around.

"B-but, it w-was just a simple accident!" He pleaded, "I uh went to shake her hoof and I missed, you gotta believe me!" his fore hooves clasped together in a begging manner. Does this guy think I'm just an idiot that was born yesterday?

"Bullshit!" I smacked his muzzle, earning yet another cry from him, "I saw the way you were staring at her body and licking your lips. I know what you were thinking; I've seen countless guys before you give the same looks to girls they want to hump and dump. Well here's a headline for you newsboy," I released him from my grasp, allowing his head to fall back onto the trunk of the tree, "you are not going to do that to my friend, you got that? If you so much as sneeze in her direction again, you're going to find yourself with a tube in your throat that serves you your lunch," I glared daggers at him as he picked himself off the ground. The response he gave to me in return was not one I was expecting at all. The bastard started to chuckle at me! "What is so funny pervert?" I demanded and clenched my hands together.

"Haha, this is astounding!" he wiped blood from his muzzle, "the only human in all of Equestria, has feelings for his friend the element of Honesty!" He exclaimed, "this will make a fantastic story!" He whipped out his notepad and pencil and began to jot things down. My world froze again. Feelings? For a pony? "Hey!" He whined when I snatched the writing utensils from his hoof and mouth and chucked them into a pile of dead leaves.

"You sit here and listen to what I have to say," I kicked his rear leg, making him sit down on his haunches, "Applejack took me in when nopony else could. She and her family have allowed me to live on their farm in exchange for doing chores and helping them in town or just being all around nice," I explained, "so when some perv like you thinks he can just walk into her house and start touching her in her private places and staring at her like she's a piece of meat, I'm obligated to protect my friend like a good person or pony would do." He gulped in fear as I grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up until his eyes were level with mine. "So, if I or any of our friends see an article written by you that mentions anything more than friendship going on between myself and Applejack, you're going to know how those timberwolves felt," the color drained from his face and his eyes shrank down again, "now get your flank out of here!" I grabbed his tail while still holding his neck and chucked him over the gate of the farm. His legs kicked furiously, knocking up dust into the air as he struggled to escape.

I stared at the dust cloud that remained after Trenderhoof had run away from possibly being skinned alive by me for a wall decoration. "Hey, what happened ta Mister Fancy-britches?" Applebloom trotted up beside me. Looking down, I wanted to tell her how bad some stallions are and that this one is among the worst, but since she was still young, I figured I shouldn't scare her away from boys, yet, plus I think Big Mac would be more qualified for that job. Instead, I bent down and scratched behind her ear; she loved it when I did this.

"Oh, he had a story that wouldn't stop kicking him in the rear," I replied, "now how about we go have some dinner?" I suggested and picked her up and slung her over my shoulder.

---

(Several Days Later. Cougar's POV)

It had been only a few days since I personally threw Trenderhoof off of Applejack's farm, which she thanked me with my own apple pie and a tight bear hug. But now, a good majority of Ponyville had shown up at the 'track' as I like to call it, for the annual Running of the Leaves. Applejack tightened the last strap of her number bib onto her sides and adjusted her cowgirl hat. "Alright, how do Ah look?" She questioned, trying to smooth out the bib so it wouldn't crease.

"Like a winner!" Applebloom smacked Applejack's shoulder.

"Thanks li'l sis, Ah just hate havin' ta wear these numbers, they're itchy," she scratched at her side with her hoof.

"For the record, I offered to paint the number 43 on your side," I reminded the mare and handed her a bottle of water. Applejack sighed at my reminder and took the bottle and downed the entire thing in one gulp.

"'N Ah told you Cougar, Ah don't want ta risk the paint fadin' into my fur, Ah'll look ridiculous if Ah still have a 43 dried into my fur during Hearth's Warmin' Eve," she replied and tossed the empty container into a nearby garbage can.

"Eeyup," Big Mac agreed and then found Applejack's hoof in his side, "oof!" he groaned and clutched his side.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't second place?" An all too familiar pegasus' voice greeted to us. Rainbow Dash landed in front of us and curled her wings back onto her body. Her number bib had the all too important 3 stitched onto the side.

"Hey Rainbow, good thing you finally gave Soarin' a break so you two can do something in public," I joked. Rainbow blushed and looked away from us, her hoof covering her cheek. I braced myself to get a good smack from Applejack, but I got a few snickers from her instead. "Where is Soarin' by the way?" I questioned. The cyan pegasus finally regained enough composure to talk again.

"Soarin's making a deal with the owner of the Neigh York, Neigh York hotel in Las Pegasus to do a Wonderbolts Show to ring in the new year," she replied, "I know it's really early, but booking a show in Las Pegasus takes a long time to do," she explained.

"Uh huh," Applejack said, "so you remember that this is just a fun race right Rainbow?" She cocked an eyebrow up.

"Well duh, of course it's a fun race, 'cause I'm gonna take the checkers!" Rainbow bragged and struck a pose holding an invisible trophy. Normally I despised people that bragged that they'll win, but Rainbow just had a certain awe about her that made it not so aggravating, especially since she could walk the walk to back up her talk. A large gaggle of ponies wearing number bibs began to assemble near the starting line, but the race wasn't set to start just yet. Suddenly, everypony dropped down in a bow as Luna, Celestia and Twilight all arrived with Spike bringing up the rear. The three Alicorns flared their wings and curled them back up to their bodies and stood at the starting line. Looking over at Twilight, she was still uncomfortable with being bowed to. I wondered how anyone could possibly get used to that.

"Rise my little ponies," Celestia finally said as the masses rose back to their feet. "The race will begin momentarily as our Grand Marshal is on his way," she announced and flew up to her VIP box. Twilight and Spike trotted/jogged our way and Luna just walked casually through the crowd.

"Spike!" Pinkie Pie jumped for joy and sort of hovered in the air for a moment, "are you ready to do the commentary!?" She held up two megaphones for the little guy. Grinning, Spike proudly took one and clicked it on.

"You know it!" He exclaimed, "I think this year is gonna be the best Running of the Leaves ever!" he added and fist bumped Pinkie's hoof.

"I know! I think this could possibly be better than getting a hoofacure while eating cupcakes, drinking chocolate milk and jamming out all at the same time!" She seemed ready to burst with joy, better keep my distance.

"Oh, I offered to add a touch of color to these dreary number bibs; I guess somepony doesn't care how our racers look while getting rid of the leaves!" She shot a glare at the pony hoofing out last minute number bibs.

"Alright girls, we're not going to repeat the first time I was involved with the race, are we?" Twilight grabbed ahold of Rainbow and Applejack in both of her forelegs. Both mares groaned and shoved Twilight away from them.

"Geez Twi, every year with this!" Rainbow hovered in the air, crossing her forelegs.

"Yeah, we learnt our lesson, nearly five years ago!" Applejack agreed.

"Can't be too careful though girls," Twilight reminded her friends, "so Cougar, Luna told me she invited you up to the private royal box?" She turned to me.

"Yep," I shrugged, "I told Luna how much I love racing so she told me I could join her, Celestia and yourself up in the royal box for the race," I replied and adjusted the collar of my shirt. The purple Alicorn nodded and turned to talk to Fluttershy. The two mares chatted amongst themselves when I felt a hoof tapping my shoulder.

"Hello Cougar," Luna greeted me with a hug. I returned it and patted her back, "are you as excited as I am for the race?" She questioned. I was still surprised that she was up this early, for her anyways. And she didn't seem to have lost any sleep.

"Yeah I am, I'm betting that Applejack will win; she's been training hard for a week and plus, she's got the Earth Pony legs for it," I placed my bet figuratively.

"Hmm, you raise a fair point, but I think Rainbow Dash shall take the crown at the end of the race," Luna countered, "pegasi have a natural tendency for quick maneuvering, a must when the trail is littered with twigs, rocks and branches," she explained. Then, a loud trumpet blared over the loudspeaker of the grandstands. "Ooh, the race is getting ready to start, let us make our way to our seats posthaste!" Her wing grabbed ahold of my arm and yanked me up to the royal press box where Celestia was waiting.

"Woah, wait for Applebloom!" I exclaimed. Luna stopped momentarily as Bloomin' Onion hopped onto Luna's back and took us up the box. My stomach growled just as I was about to sit down, so I started to look through the grandstands, hoping to find a vendor to serve me up some nachos. Finally, I spotted a pony wearing a striped paper hat and had a tray of nachos and bottles of soda strapped to his neck.

"Hey snack pony, Nachos and a cola!" I ordered. The vendor trotted his way up to the press box and handed me a tray of nachos and a bottle of soda.

"Seven bits please," he asked. I dug around my pocket and gave him a ten bit piece and told him to keep the change. "Thank you sir," he pocketed the money and trotted off to serve somepony else. There was a small drumroll as the racers took their positions on the starting line. Applebloom propped herself up on the edge of the railing while standing on my lap to get a better view of her sister.

"Welcome Everypony to the annual Running of the Leaves!" Spike announced from a pink hot air balloon.

"We have a super duper special treat for all you Earth Racing Pony fans out there!" Pinkie Pie hopped up and down. I chuckled as I munched on my snack, "oh it's so exciting, if I bottle it up anymore, confetti will explode out of my ears!" She clapped her hooves together.

"Right you are Pinkie," Spike replied, "our grand marshal today is Seven Time Earth Pony racing champion with 97 total career victories in 23 years of Earth Pony racing: Checkered Flag!" Spike gestured with his hand down low as a white pony with a checkered flag wrapped around trophy cutie mark, blue eyes and a checker patterned mane and tail walked onto the track.

"It's him, Ah can't believe it!" Applebloom hopped up and down on my lap excitedly.

"He's just as handsome as I remember," Luna said with her eyes half closed.

"Somepony's crushing," I whispered into Applebloom's ear. She giggled up a storm while Luna still admired Checkered Flag. Meanwhile, Spike handed down a spare megaphone for the pony to talk into.

"Hello everypony and human," he said up to me. 'Why does that voice sound so familiar?' I asked myself. "It's an honor to be named the Grand Marshal for such a historic event in this little town. Being born and raised in Foaldotna, I always heard about the Running of the Leaves in Ponyville, but I never got to compete or attend a race until much later in my life. This event I know is important to help jumpstart winter, but I have a surprise of my own," he reached behind him and produced a check, "once the race is over, I will personally donate 5,000 bits for the local school's athletic program and another 5,000 bits towards the local orphanage," he announced. There was thunderous hoof stomping at Checkered's announcement from just about everypony, including myself though I was clapping.

"YOU ROCK!" Scootaloo jumped into the air and struck a pose like a rock star.

"Sister, are you alright?" Celestia asked Luna whom was starting to get red-faced at Checkered Flag.

"I also wanted to thank Princess Luna for keeping the moon as bright as she possibly can for our nighttime races in the Earth Pony Racing League," he winked at the midnight blue alicorn.

FOMP

"Ahhhh!" I screamed as Luna's wings snapped open without warning and one smacked into my food tray upwards, hit me in the face and knocked me several feet onto my back. "Uuuuggghhh."

"COUGAR!" Luna, Celestia and Applebloom exclaimed as they helped me up. There was cold soda and hot melted cheese running down my face as I sat up on my butt. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Cougar," Luna made the cheese and soda disappear off my face, " I did not mean for that to happen!"

"Luna, what the hell did I do to you?" I asked in an upset tone.

"Cougar, you must understand that when pegasi and alicorns to an extent find a pony they are attracted to, their wings unfurl by themselves as a sort of mating call to let their potential mate know they are attracted to them," Celestia explained.

"Simple biology," Applebloom added in a cute manner.

"Oh," I shook my head to get the stars out of my vision, "so, she basically got a Wing Boner?" I asked.

"Or Featherection for the younger ponies," Celestia covered Applebloom's ears. Nodding, I looked back over at Luna whom had a severely apologetic look on her face, yet her wings were still stiff.

"It's okay Luna, I forgive you," I hugged around her neck. "Now, let's get your wings back in place before you give somepony a concussion," I suggested and started to push against her right wing. Unfortunately, I underestimated just how strong the wings were in this position.

"Grrrrr," Luna growled as she too tried to get her own wings to obey her command. These things just wouldn't budge. It was like trying to push a semi truck that was in park.

"Geez Luna, you could take up gliding with these things," I huffed and pushed with all my might. Finally, her wings snapped back onto her body and I could breathe again. Twilight finally showed up and didn't notice anything had happened. After things settled down, the race official raised his whistle and a green flag in front of the racers.

"And in 3, 2," Pinkie began counting, "1 and 7/8, 1 and 3/4, hey Spike can I gave a sip of your soda?" Pinkie asked.

"GOOOOOOO!" Spike shouted into his megaphone. The official blew whistle and waved the green flag and all the racers took off in a cloud of dust.

---

(One Race later, Cougar's POV)

"And unless something happens, it's a two pony race folks as Rainbow Dash and Applejack have completely checked out from the rest of the pack!" Spike called from his megaphone. The hot air balloon was high in the sky, keeping the grandstand updated. I never knew how nail biting a race was without cameras to show the actual racers.

"We're approaching the final leg, and Rainbow is taking a bit of a lead, is Applejack losing energy? Oh no, what if she is, somepony call a doctor!" Pinkie Pie screeched, causing many ponies to cover their ears.

"Nope, she's saving the last of her breath for a final spurt!" Spike shouted. We all turned our heads as the two ponies in question reappeared over a hill that would take them to the finish line. "Applejack back to the lead!"

"Rainbow shuts the door on her!" Pinkie Pie cut in.

"Applejack pulls the crossover!" Spike started to bite on his claws.

"Come on AJ," Applebloom and I said at the same time.

"It's gonna be a photo finish!" Pinkie Pie fell out of the basket but landed in a tree. Numerous flashbulbs went off as the two ponies broke the tape and crossed the finish line. Immediately, there were hundreds of panicked voices shouting to the heavens.

"WHO WON?!"

"APPLEJACK TOOK IT!"

"ARE YOU BLIND IT WAS CLEARLY RAINBOW DASH!"

"If anypony has a photo of who crossed the line first, we'd greatly appreciate it," Pinkie Pie bounced up from the tree. Discarding my trash, the three princesses, Applebloom and I headed down the steps to greet the two ponies who finished well ahead of the others. Applejack was fanning herself with her hat while Rainbow dunk her head into an ice chest and didn't come out for awhile.

"You were awesome big sis!" Applebloom hugged AJ's leg.

"I'm surprised you never got into a career with racing Applejack," I doused a bottle of water over her head.

"Farmin' is more important than racin' Cougar," Applejack huffed.

"Well no matter the outcome, you raced your heart out, and that's all I care about," I ruffled her golden mane. Then, Checkered Flag appeared with a huge and proud smile on his face. Celestia held Luna down with magic to keep her from squealing like a teenager.

"You two are very impressive and should be proud of yourselves," Checkered congratulated them. That's going to drive me nuts on who this guy sounds like. "I haven't seen such passion or intensity in racing in a long time," he added, "oh and Princess Twilight, I trust you can give this to the Elementary School teacher and this to the pony in charge of the orphanage?" Checkered handed the checks to Twilight.

"You can count on me Mr. Flag," the alicorn tucked them into her hair, "and thank you for your generous donations," she shook his hoof.

"Don't mention it," he winked. Applebloom and Scootaloo burst from behind my legs and started to jump up and down in front of the pony.

"You're like the greatest racer ever!" Scootaloo's wings were flapping so hard I thought they were going to fly off.

"Can we get yer autograph please?" AB's eyes grew into puppy dog eyes.

"Well, how can I say no to such adorable faces?" he pulled the cap off a permanent marker and signed his name across two pictures of himself posing with a trophy.

"AH'M GONNA FRAME THIS OVER MY BED!" the two fillies jumped up and down. The racing pony chuckled before turning to Luna and Celestia.

"Ah, your highnesses," he bowed, "to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?" He politely asked. Luna just stood still, making a little sound out of her mouth. Celestia and I nudged her to bring her senses back.

"Mr. Flag I was wondering if you wish to attend the Grand Galloping Gala to honor all of your charitable donations and for helping to bring joy to thousands of ponies?" She asked in a cracking voice.

"That depends your highness, would I be going with you?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh-um, y-yes, if you want to," Luna blushed furiously and had a hard time breathing.

"Then I would be honored to go with you to the Gala Princess Luna," Checkered Flag kissed her hoof, "now if you'll excuse me, I have another race to train for in Appaloosa, good day everypony," he galloped off into the noon sun.

"Way to go Luna," I teased her and nudged her side. She let out a dreamy sigh before collapsing onto the ground. Celestia conjured up some water and doused it all over Luna's face, awakening her.

"Checkered Flag is accompanying me to the Gala, am I dreaming sister?" Luna asked Celestia. A lightning bolt appeared out of nowhere and struck Luna in the butt. "Gah! You know you could've just yanked on my mane," she grumbled. Before I could say anything, Pinkie Pie screeched gleefully into her megaphone.

"WE HAVE A WINNER EVERYPONY COME AND SEE WHO IT IS!" Pinkie declared. Almost like the opening of a store on Black Friday, everypony swept up each other and darted for Pinkie Pie.

"OUR WINNER IS," Spike started as he held up a picture of the finish.

"APPLEJACK!" Pinkie Pie cut off the little dragon. There was a large roar in the crowd as Big Mac and myself hoisted Applejack up onto our shoulders.

"That's my sister!" Applebloom followed us.

"I knew you could do it AJ!" I cheered for her as we set her on the ground. A ton of ponies came by to give their personal congratulations to Applejack, and by a ton, I mean just about the whole freakin' town.

"YOU!" We all heard somepony shout. A path was cleared to reveal Rainbow with her mane dripping wet from the ice. We all stopped celebrating as Applejack removed her cowgirl hat and the two mares approached each other. "You are still one stubborn and competitive pony," Rainbow said. Applejack raised an eyebrow as if to say, "So?" But then, Rainbow smiled and patted her shoulder, "But you can practice with me anytime I'm on the ground," she smiled.

"Ah think Ah'll take up yer offer," Applejack smiled back and the two mares hugged. As they released their hug, I grabbed a bottle of Apple Cider from the concession stand, shook it up and sprayed it all over the two who screamed from the cold.

"That's how you celebrate a victory on Earth!" I exclaimed as I continued to spray the two mares with the bottle.

---

(Sometime Later, 3rd Person POV. Canterlot Castle)

"That was quite the race, wouldn't you say Lulu?" Celestia sipped her tea and read from the Canterlot Times. Luna was preoccupied with reading a horror novel to notice that her sister had said anything. "And I'm glad Cougar enjoyed it as well; that cider celebration was exciting," she refilled her tea cup.

"Hmm, too much gore, not enough suspense," Luna tossed the novel into the fireplace. Then, the doors to the throne room burst open with a messenger pony hauling ass inside.

"Ah, messenger Newpony, what is the trouble?" Celestia set down her tea cup and stood from her throne. The slightly overweight pony huffed and puffed as he caught his breath from running so hard.

"Your *wheeze* majesties, the string quartet *wheeze* has come down with a severe case of the flu; they can't make it to the Gala," he explained as he leaned against a table.

"Well that's awful, I hope they'll be alright," Luna said in a worried tone.

"I'm sure they'll be fine Luna, the flu isn't too much to get worried about, but the Gala does need a musical presence," the taller Alicorn paced back and forth. Newpony got up and turned to leave the throne room. Glock walked in with his injury all patched up and spear in hoof. The two stopped and glared at each other.

"Hello Newpony," Glock sneered.

"Hello Glock," Newpony sneered back and left the throne room as Glock took his usual position. Meanwhile, the sisters we're still attempting to figure out their conundrum involving the now absence of a musical act when Luna suddenly had an idea. She strolled over to one of the large bay windows and looked down towards Ponyville.

"Sister, if I may make a suggestion?"

End Chapter XVI

---

Okay guys, sorry for the long wait, work got in the way and my dad and I have been reflooring our entire house for the past week and a half. I hope this was an enjoyable chapter and I hope Top Gun fans and Seinfeld fans appreciate the cameos ;)

BTW, Checkered Flag is voiced by Jeff Gordon, just in case you guys are wondering.

Also, although you can't hear it, when Cougar gets hit by Luna's wing and falls back screaming, he is letting out the classic Wilhelm Scream