Chapter One - Beer is Good... And Stuff

The putrid stench of alcohol clings to my pale yellow coat, despite many attempts so far to get it out. I was only three ciders in, but I could tell my coordination was already slipping since I'd just spilled my drink all over myself like some useless drunk.

Soft waves of piano music were falling upon my eardrums as I attempted to clean myself off some more. It was open mic night at the bar, and while the band was professional, the singer was clearly a first-timer. The mare was butchering Filly Joel, aggravating every patron at the dimly lit bar, me included.

"Another cider?" The bartender asks, stopping by my spot at the bar.

"After this?" I ask, indicating my coat. The bartender shrugs with apathy. "Just pour some water in a shot glass and slide me some napkins." I mutter.

"Whatever you say, Rider," came his response.

I sigh inwardly. You know you go to a bar too much when everypony there knows your name. My shot glass of water slides down the bar a moment later. I lazily outstretch a hoof to catch it. The napkins follow shortly after.

Things were content for a while, with even the horrid sounds of the amateur's "Piano Mare" fading away with all the other background noise. The last of the cider finally comes out of my coat, and I leave the dirty napkins on the counter while reaching for my water.

Then the door slams open.

I pause, my hoof already halfway to the shot glass. I'm confused. All of the regulars for a Wednesday night were already here, and it wasn't like anypony else in town was going to hang out in this kind of bar.

Rotating my head, I see an aqua-marine pegasus with a golden-brown mane angrily trudge her way into the bar. I snort derisively, doubtful she was even old enough to be in a bar, let alone drink alcohol. Though based on her manners, drinking was exactly what she intended to do.

She plopped herself down in the seat next to mine and pounded her hoof loudly on the table.

"Cider," she yelled curtly. "And make it quick."

"Uh… ma'am?" The bartender asked. "Are you even old enough to-"

"Just get me a bucking cider," she demands. To appease the bartender, the mare at least flashes a photo idea of some sort. It seemed good enough for him, and he leaves to fill her order. I keep my eyes on her for a moment longer, and that seems to annoy her.

"The buck you staring at?" She growls at me. I whip my head forward.

"Nothing," I say. "Just doubting the legality of your presence here is all." Oh yeah, I was smooth with words… that is, if only I hadn't just slurred all of them. The mare is not amused.

"Why don't you mind your own business?" She hisses. Wow, this mare was itching for a fight.

"Yeesh, looks like this kitty's got a pair of claws," I say. Immediately after I curse myself. Normally I don't say stupid stuff like that, but the cider was getting to me.

"Buck off, perv, before I shove your snout up your ass," the mare says, flaring her wings for emphasis.

Perv? I thought. That word didn't sit well with me.

"I wasn't eye-groping you if that's what you're implying," I state.

"Sure you weren't," The mare grumbles, her mug of cider sliding down the bar table. She grabs it and takes a long chug.

"Look, we kinda got off on the wrong hoof," I say when she finishes. "My name's Dawn Rider, and that was mostly the alcohol talking, not me."

"Oh, so I'm not good enough for you to be attracted to?" The mare suddenly accuses, enraged. "Well damn, I just can't be good enough for anypony today!" She slams the mug down on he table, sending drops of cider everywhere.

Really? You just got mad at me for staring and now you're mad that I wasn't? Damn, mares are complicated.

"I'm gay," I say, hoping to relief the tension.

Instead of reacting with surprise or grace like most ponies do when learning another was homosexual, this mare just gets more frustrated. "Well congratuponylations. Shouldn't you be at a gay bar than?" She pointedly asks.

"Uh… this is a gay bar," I say. The green mare finally shows an emotion other than anger; surprise. Her head darts around the room, and she sees several same-sex couples already hooking up from too much booze. She groans, back to anger.

"Nice, real bucking nice," she seethes. "Of all the bars in Cloudsdale, I end up in the one gay bar. The last thing I need right now is a drunk mare coming on to me."

"Geeze, somepony's a ray of sunshine tonight," I say. The mare shoots me a look full of annoyance. Oh buck, was that out loud?

Instead of a heated reply, the mare turns back to her mug and takes a few more gulps. The background noise picks up as a new artist claimed the mic, and one who was actually good.

"I never got your name," I say over the music. She looks at me from the corner of her eye.

"Go buck yourself with a cactus!" She shouts.

"That's a weird name," I reply. "Mind if I just call you Cactus?"

She utters a single snort of laughter. Progress, I sing to myself

"Lightning Dust," She mumbles to me. I put out my hoof for her to shake.

"Nice to meet you, Lightning," I say.

"The feeling is not mutual, Rider," she tells me, but she does shake my hoof.

Lightning Dust goes right back to her cider, leaning her head back as the last of the golden liquid drips down her throat. She slams the mug down on the table with a hearty sigh. "Another," she barks. The bartender grabs her mug and heads for the tap.

"So what's got you so down?" I ask. She doesn't answer at first, but without a mug of cider to run too it doesn't take her long.

"I was kicked out of the Wonderbolt's Academy today," she says, melancholy flooding her voice.

"Oh, you were going to be one of the 'Bolts?" I ask. She shoots me an annoyed glance, clearly not thankful for my use of past tense. "Sorry," I wince.

"Yeah, I was going to be one of them," She mumbles. "But I… sort of screwed up."

"How can you 'sort-of' screw up?" I ask.

"According to Spitfire, I was being too 'reckless' or whatever," Lighting Dust sighed. "I guess she was right… I mean, I nearly killed a few ponies cause of this stupid tornado trick."

I whistle lowly. "Like, the dead kinda killed, or the beat-you-so-bad-it-was-hardly-a-competition kinda killed?"

"Dead," She responds. "My partner saved 'em though. Probably why Spitfire gave her my position and then kicked me out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say, tipping back my head to empty my glass of water. Lightning Dust's new mug of cider arrives.

Before she chugs it down she speaks, "So what brings you to this depressing place, Rider?"

She begins to drink as I respond, "I was hoping to find a nice stranger who was willing to suck my cock or the other way around."

Lightning makes a gurgling sound as she nearly chokes on her beverage. She brings the mug away from her lips to catch some air.

"Aww, dude!" She says.

"What?"

"That's bucking nasty!"

"Hey we both like penis, I don't see why I can't say stuff like that," I reason. She shoves me hard, but playfully. I nearly fall out of my stool.

"I'm not having this conversation with a guy of all ponies," Lightning Dust asserts.

"Fine, be homophobic. See if I care," I reply with mock offense.

"I'm not homophobic," Lighting insists. "I wouldn't have this conversation with a girl either."

"What, you and the mares you hang out with don't talk about stuff like that?" I ask. Lightning Dust looks away suddenly. I find myself confused as she sips from her mug.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

Lightning turns back around, embarrassment flushing her cheeks, "I don't really hang around a lot of mares."

"Oh, you're a one-of-the-guys kind of mare then?" I assume. Big mistake.

"I don't really hang around guys either," she says. "In fact, I've got no real friends."

I blink in surprise. "None?"

Lightning nods. "I've always been to busy training, you know? I never made time for friends cause I always was working so hard at becoming a better flier. My dream was to be a part of the Wonderbolts."

"And now that dream is dead," I fill in the blank. Then I cringe. Dammit Rider, bite your tongue!

Instead of getting pissed like I expected, Lightning Dust just sadly sinks her head until it's resting on the table. I could see tears threatening.

"Whoa, Lightning I'm sorry," I whisper, patting her back tentatively.

"Don't be," she said, sniffling. "It's not your fault I'll never live my dream."

I am an ass.

"Don't talk like that," I tell her. "You can still get into the 'Bolts. That Academy is just a summer workshop, it doesn't determine if you get in or not."

"Maybe," Lightning admitted. "But I get the feeling Spitfire won't be too keen on letting me join."

"Screw what Spitfire is keen on," I say. "You'll get in. I have no doubts about it."

"Really?" She asked, raising her head some.

"Hell yeah." I say. "You've got ability, right?"

"You're damn right I do!" Lightning Dust shouts, confidence resotred. "I'm the best bucking flyer in Cloudsdale."

"Then you're guaranteed a spot."

Lightning Dust pounds on the table enthusiastically. "You're bucking right I am!" She declares. "I'm Lightning Dust, best bucking flyer around!" The green pegasus then guzzled the last of her cider and tapped the bartender for another.

"That's the spirit," I say.

Lightning Dust hollers her name and her new mantra a few more times for good measure, stopping only when her new cider arrived. The bartender was also gracious enough to top off my shot glass with some more water, though I felt like I would be switching back to alcohol very soon.

"Thanks, Rider," Lightning says, halfway through her third cider.

"Don't mention it." I say, tossing my head back and letting the contents of the shot glass run down my throat.

"No really," she insists. "I was pretty down on myself coming in here. I owe you one for the pep talk."

"You're welcome." I say. The bartender comes back to check on us, and I make sure to order some cider of my own this time around.

Lightning and I chat a little longer, the only thing in the bar that changed was the open mic singer. Dust kept going on and on about the Wonderbolts and how badly she wanted to join them. Her ambition was admirable, but I got the feeling it kind of defined her.

Granted, she was interested in what I had to say too, which was very little. My life was straight up boring. I was little more than a middle manager at the Weather Factory with a Cutie Mark in interpretive dance, and enjoyed getting my wings done at the spa once in a while (I'm not the gay pegasus stereotype but I would say I'm close).

Two more bottles of cider came and went for each of us, and I found myself amazed by Lightning's tolerance level. Five drinks and she was only starting to loose coordination. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous.

Inevitably, one of the lesbian mares in the bar finally approached Lightning Dust. A gray pegasus with a blonde mane and eyes that were just slightly out of sync. She had been shooting glances at Lightning all night.

Now, I actually happened to know this mare. Derpy was what she went by, despite her real name being Ditzy Doo or some variation of. She had an adopted foal at home named Dinky and was a mail carrier. She wasn't the kind to look for a one-night stand, but instead for a real connection. Dery was also one of the Wednesday night regulars.

Derpy tapped Lightning on the shoulder with nervousness. Lightning - reflexes a little slow due to alcohol - turned around with languish.

"Yeah?" She mumbled to Derpy, who in turn blushed.

"Hi," came Derpy's response. "I'm sorry for just approaching you like this, but I had to tell you that… well… you're very beautiful."

"Oh," Lighting said, realizing what was happening. "I… uh…" she sighed. "Thanks, but I'm not really interested."

Derpy's eyes showed their sadness wholly, and I suddenly felt like clutching my heart.

"I… I understand," the gray mare said, summoning enough courage. She grabbed her drink and left without a word. Lightning turned back to me.

"Aw, come on," I said. "You could've at least flirted with her a little."

"What?" Lighting retorted in disbelief. "Now way. You know I'm straight."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I muttered. "But Derpy's not trying to get into bed with you. The poor mare just wants to find love is all, and she keeps getting shot down. Why not just flirt some? She'd be elated."

"No way, Rider," Lightning said. "I'm not doing that."

I raised my eyebrow. "Did you not just say like five minutes ago that you owed me one?"

Lightning Dust bit her lip, undoubtedly regretting ever speaking those words.

"I didn't expect you to cash in the favor so soon," she admitted.

"Oh, come on," I said, almost pleading. "Just flirt with her for a few minutes. She'll smile, you'll feel good inside, everypony wins." I got out of my seat, hoisted Lightning up, and began pushing her over towards Derpy, who's back was turned.

"But what if she asks me out?" Lightning inquired, desperate to get out of the situation.

Good question, I thought. Glad it's not my problem.

"You'll think of something to say," I assure her. Before Lightning could issue any more protests I pushed her the last few feet over to Derpy, and scuttled back to the barstool.

I turned just in time to see Lightning bump into the other mare. Derpy turned around and recognized her immediately. The two began talking. It took a while, but finally Dust said something that sent Derpy into a giggling, blushing fit.

She glanced at me, hoping that was enough. I motioned for her to keep going as I grabbed another cider.

Derpy said something as soon as her giggling stopped and Lightning looked real nervous. A few more words were exchanged; Derpy's smile growing brighter. I felt good, thinking I'd done a good deed.

Then Derpy freakin' kissed Lightning Dust out of the blue.

In hindsight, I should have known something like this would've happened. Derpy was drunk off her plot, and Lightning was doing pretty poor in the reflexes department right now.

Speaking of the aqua-marine mare, her eyes were bulging in shock and panic. She tried to lean out of the kiss, but Derpy just leaned in more. Lightning probably would've pushed her away, but Derpy had also wrapped poor Lightning in a powerful bear hug. Dust squirmed a little, and I could see her cheeks bulging as Derpy's tongue explored the insides of her mouth.

Seeing Lightning in a state of panic and helplessness to Derpy like that was too much. I couldn't help myself.

I laughed my freakin' ass off.

Cider was coming out of my nose when Derpy finally released Lightning Dust. The gray mare was a smiling, giggling fit for a few seconds more, before the massive amounts of alcohol caused to her finally pass out into Lightning's forelegs.

My sides were hurting as Lightning gently tossed Derpy into one of the cushioned booths and ran back to the bar table, grabbing her cider.

"You're an ass," she said to me as I continued to laugh. "I really hope I can wash out the taste of mare out of my mouth."

She clumsily stuck the mug in her mouth, guzzling as much as she could. Golden liquid ran down her cheeks and chin before she felt satiated. I was still cracking up.

"That was – haha – the best thing ever," I say, finally calming down. "What the hell did you say to her that made her think that was okay?"

"She was drunk all right?" Lightning said. "Nothing else to it."

"Oh, come on," I said. "Even when she's smashed, Derpy has some sense. You had to have said something that made her think it was a good idea to make out with you."

"I told her…" Lightning paused to slosh down more cider. "I told her that I was too nervous to talk to her before. I said she was the most gorgeous mare I'd ever seen and that I wished I could wake up next to her for the rest of my life."

I whistled lowly. "And you don't think that was coming on a bit too strong?"

"You told me to flirt with her!"

"Yeah, flirt. You all but invited her to a banging."

Lightning's cheeks burned with embarrassment. She reached for her cider mug again, only to find that it was empty. Without missing a beat she ordered two more.

"I guess I've never had much practice with flirting," Lightning admitted, reminding me of her years of voluntary isolation. She sighed.

"Sorry for making you do that," I say as her new mugs arrive. She took one in each hoof.

"It's fine. I don't exactly plan on remembering it," She begins sipping the drinks one after the other.

"You better hope Derpy doesn't," I say. "Not only will you never be able to come to this bar again, that poor mare might just start hunting you down."

"She better forget," Lightning says, halfway through each mug.

"Geeze, you wanna take it easy?" I ask her.

"No," She replies. After another long sip she looks at me. "That was my first kiss, Rider."

"Oh."

I really am an ass.

"Sorry," I whisper meekly. Lightning doesn't respond at first, muzzle deep in her mug.

"You better be," she says, and I honestly can't tell if it's playful ribbing or not.

I glance around awkwardly I spy the stage. The band was still there, but the mics were empty.

"Hey, I got an idea," I say, grabbing Lightning by the fetlock and pulling her up.

"I'm not flirting with any more mares," she says heatedly.

I lead her closer to the stage. "You won't have to for this."

I get the feeling Lightning finally realized my plan and she begins to struggle.

"Come one dude!" She says. "I'm not doing that."

"Course you are," I say. "It's better than drowning yourself in alcohol."

"I can't even sing!"

"Well we're both drunk so it doesn't matter!" She does not look convinced. "It'll be fun," I insist.

Despite her resistance I manage to get her on the stage. The drunkness takes over, and Lightning finally gives up. I whisper the song title into the ear of an admittedly cute guitarist and he relays it to the band members. I grab the microphone as the band begins pounding out a hard rock tune that fills the bar with energy. A few cheers go up in recognition and I see Lightning Dust eyeballing me. She knows this song.

"Look in my eyes, what do you see? The colt of personality!" I see the crowd visibly cringe at my horrible voice belting out the lyrics. I fling my head left and right to the beat of the music, sending my snow-white hair whipping around.

Lightning picks up, "I know your anger, I know your dreams…"

Her voice is a trillion times better than mine, but that still means it's horrible. The crowd mutters up a few complaints. Lightning doesn't seem to care.

"I've been everything you wanna be ohhhh…."

She smiles wildly; the crowd does not. I laugh.

---

The song ends with a rallying chorus of jeers from the crowd. We scramble of stage, laughing manically at ourselves.

"Thank you, thank you!" I say. "You're all too kind." That's fairly true.

Lightning and I stumble back over to the bar table, laughing at ourselves. She goes to grab her mug, but apparently has second thoughts and just sits down.

"Okay, that was pretty fun." She admits with a laugh.

"I'll say. That was flippin' awesome."

"It was still the dumbest thing I've ever done." Lightning says.

"Dumber than flirting while drunk?" I ask.

"Second dumbest," She amends, punching me on the shoulder playfully.

"Maybe you should stop hanging around me then if you're only doing dumb stuff while in my presence," I suggest. She laughs nervously.

"Not only," Lightning says faintly. I remember her telling me about the tornado incident. "But hey, thanks. I had a much better time here than I expected to."

"So does that mean you'll come back again some day?" I ask, curious. She looks around.

"I dunno, this is a gay bar and all," she says. "Not exactly my usual scene."

"What are you talking about? The only pony you've ever kissed was a mare!"

She slams her hoof into her face. "Will you please stop bringing that up?

"Nope," I smile.

"Tell you what," Lightning says. "If I wake up tomorrow and actually remember what happened - and it would be a miracle if I do – then I'll try to show up again."

"I'm here every Wednesday," I tell her.

The bartender announces that it's closing time, yelling at everypony to finish their drinks and kick themselves out.

"Well Rider, it's been fun," Lightning says standing. I reach for my wallet.

Slapping a few bills on the table, I see the green mare's eyes widen.

"You're paying for mine too?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say nonchalantly.

"I drank almost twice as much as you!" Lightning protests.

"Relax," I say. "I can pay for it no problem. Besides, I had a good time."

"Okay, fine."

I get up myself and wobble a little.

"Are you okay to fly home?" Lightning asks.

"I'll call a cab or something." I say. "Last thing I need is an FUI."

"Yeah me too," Lightning says. "Tell you what, we can share a cab, but I cover the cost."

I consider my options. The alcohol money pretty much cleaned me out, so sharing with Dust was probably the best option right now, especially if she was paying. I nod.

We're about to head out when I see a figure dart over, heading for Dust.

"Hey," Derpy says smoothly, already a hangover getting to her. Lightning freezes up, unsure of what to say.

Derpy produces a napkin and a pen, scribbling something down real quick. When she finishes, the gray mare licks the napkin slowly (I think it was meant to be seductive but it just comes off as kind of gross). She slaps it on Lightning's cheek and it sticks. Derpy kisses the other side of Lightning's face.

"Call me," Derpy says heading out the door. Lightning turns to face me, her pupils are marbles and her eye twitches. I see a string of digits on the dirty napkin stuck to her face.

I snort with laughter, unable to control myself. Lightning looks like she might blow up from anger, shock, or both. I open my mouth.

"Don't say it," she seethes at me. I laugh a little more as we walk outside.

"Don't say it," Lightning warns me. I'm practically howling with laughter now. Lightning's cheeks burn furiously with palpable embarrassment.

"So…" I manage in between chuckles. She glares daggers at me. "You gonna call her or what?"

Lightning makes a noise of frustration, ripping the napkin off of her face and crumpling it up.

"No. I'm not gay!"

"Could've fooled me!" I call out.

"You're an ass!" She yells at me, beginning to walk off. It's all in good fun, I think. I follow after her, suppressing my laughter.

"Hey, I just wanted to know."

"You're an ass."

"There are some donkeys who would take offense to that."

"You're an ass!" Lightning says adamantly, but she can't fool me, I see a smile threatening.

A taxi carriage pulled by a pair of pegasi rounds a nearby corner. I flag it down.

"Are we still sharing a cab?" I ask.

"Like hell!" Lightning says, laughing. She flings open the door and climbs in.

"I'll see you next Wednesday then," I say, waving her off. The cab is heading off.

"If I remember!" Lightning calls back and the yellow carriage disappears.

I smile, fairly confident I'd just made a new friend. I'm about to start walking home when I look at the ground and notice something.

That's weird, I think. She forgot to throw away the napkin.

---

Just a quick story that came to me. I'll be honest, with my current workload every molecule of my body is screaming that this should be a one-shot, but I don't know. I kinda want to continue it.

Maybe I will one day. Depends on the reaction.