What'd I tell ya? After three weeks, I'm finally posting the first one-shot of RF&L! There are a few mature themes here, I should state, in this story and the next, such as off-color humor and innuendo.

Right, now that it's out of the way, here's the first of two one-shots of the van Colt siblings. They take place at the same time, similar to Just for Sidekicks and Games Ponies Play, and these stories James and I wrote take place after the two official episodes, but before Magical Mystery Cure.

---

Monkey Business

Written by Zack Wanzer and James Riddle

It was a warm, spring day in Ponyville, and everypony was bustling about their usual business. Fictionary was busy writing a story. There was going to be a story reading later that day and she wanted to participate.

"The only problem is to decide what my story will be about," she said to herself.

While she was thinking, Vincent was doing some thinking of his own.

"If Fictionary and I are away at the same time, who will look after things?" he wondered. As Vincent pondered, he passed Fictionary's room and saw her working.

"Hey little sis," he called, "what're you up to?"

"Just story writin'," she replied, "nothing's come to me thus far."

"I see," said Vincent.

"What's up for you?" Fictionary asked.

"I was thinking about maybe getting a pet," replied Vincent.

"Why's that?"

"To put it in perspective," explained Vincent, "if the both of us were away at the same time, we would need someone to watch over things."

"Is that all?" asked Fictionary, unconvinced, "It's not like our home's gonna be on fire by the time one of us comes back, right? Surely it can manage by itself?"

"And what if, for some reason, Pinkie Pie comes in and draws mustaches on my paintings?" Vincent retorted, "You know how silly and random that mare can be."

"Eeyup, that's a good point," said Fictionary.

"You've been talking with Big Macintosh lately, haven't you?"

"Eeyup," Fictionary repeated, giggling at her impersonation of the large red stallion.

What next? Vincent thought, She could end up taking flying lessons from Rainbow Dash!

"So what pet are you going to get?" asked Fictionary.

"I don't really know yet," said Vincent.

"How about a parrot?" suggested Fictionary, "That way, he can talk to any guests."

"Out of the question," said Vincent, "parrots can be very annoying and bothersome; sticking their beaks where they shouldn't and talking back."

"Well, how about a cat then?"

"Rarity already has a cat. Why would I need one? And before you ask, the same goes for an owl, a tortoise, an alligator, a dog, and a bunny."

"Okay then, how does an eagle sound?"

"They'd try and peck at me."

"A hamster?"

"Too small and cute."

"What about a skunk?"

Vincent gave Fictionary an unamused look.

"Okay, maybe not… A snake, perhaps?"

"Come on, Fictionary, be serious!"

"A shark?"

"Why would I want a shark?!"

"To scare away those who tormented you in the past?"

"Tempting, but how would I be able to hold him inside? He'd be too big."

"Oh yeah… Well, I'm out of ideas," Fictionary said at last.

As Vincent began to leave, he had an idea. "I think I've come up with an ideal pet," he said.

"What is it?"

"A monkey!"

Fictionary stared in confusion for a moment or two, and then she burst into a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry," said Fictionary through giggles, "but really – you, looking after a monkey?"

"Are you saying I can't do it?" Vincent asked, sounding insulted.

"It just sounds silly," said Fictionary.

"Well, I'm gonna show you otherwise," said Vincent.

"Maybe you should ask Fluttershy for help," suggested Fictionary, "she's the best when it comes to animals!"

But Vincent didn't want to ask for help. "I'm sure I know how to look after a pet," he said, "just you watch; it'll be a piece of cake!"

"Sure it will," Fictionary said, rolling her eyes.

"You'll see," said Vincent modestly.

---

Before long, Vincent was on his way to find a pet monkey.

"Maybe Fluttershy will have one," he said to himself. When he arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, he knocked on the door.

"Um, you can come in, the door is unlocked," a quiet voice called.

Vincent gently opened the door.

"Hello, Fluttershy," he said.

"Oh, hi there, Vincent," the pale yellow Pegasus mare replied, "what brings you here?"

"I've decided to get a pet monkey," Vincent said.

"A pet monkey?"

"Y'know, to have someone look after the Metrostallion House if me and Fictionary were away at the same time."

"Oh, I see. But why a monkey?"

"I couldn't agree on the other options Fictionary suggested to me," explained Vincent, "besides, monkeys are known to be intelligent, and if I covered his bum with clothing and trained him to be respectful and polite, he could be a useful butler."

"That sounds like a fun idea," said Fluttershy, "but there are a few things you may need to know about monkeys."

"Rubbish," scoffed Vincent, "I can manage. It can't be that hard, surely?"

"Well, alright," Fluttershy said in an unsure way, "if you insist." I have a feeling he'll need it eventually, she thought to herself.

"So, got any monkeys?"

"Of course. Follow me."

---

Fluttershy took Vincent outside to see the animals. The yellow Pegasus stallion felt a little uneasy being around many animals, as he was not used to their presence.

"So… where's the monkeys?"

"Right over… there!"

Vincent looked in the direction Fluttershy was pointing; right in front of them was a cage of five monkeys.

"Which one would you like?" Fluttershy asked.

Vincent looked at the cage until one monkey caught his eye.

"Ah, that's the one!" he said.

Fluttershy opened the cage and took out the monkey Vincent pointed to.

"Hello, little guy," Vincent said to the monkey, "what's his name?"

"I call him Archibald," said Fluttershy.

"I like that name; it sounds intelligent."

---

Soon Vincent was heading off with Archibald.

"Be careful!" Fluttershy called as the two departed.

"Don't worry, Fluttershy," Vincent called back, "I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong!"

"I hope he knows what he's doing," Fluttershy said to herself, watching the yellow Pegasus stallion walk away with the monkey on his back.

"You and I are gonna get along fine, right Archie?" Vincent asked. But he got no response, and suddenly realized his back felt light.

"Archie? Where are you?!"

He then noticed the monkey in a nearby tree swinging on a branch.

"Oi! What are you doing up there?" Vincent asked in annoyance.

Archibald just kept swinging and making monkey noises.

"Get down!" snapped Vincent, "I'm here to take you home, alright?"

But Archibald refused to come down.

"Right, if you won't come down," groaned Vincent, "I'll come up and get you then!"

So he began flying towards the tree, but as he got closer, Archibald jumped onto another tree branch.

"Come back here!" Vincent called, but Archibald kept swinging. "Oh, this is just ridiculous," the Pegasus stallion said with annoyance.

Eventually, however, Vincent caught up to the monkey.

"Having fun, are we?" he gasped breathlessly. Archibald hooted in response.

"I thought as much," Vincent groaned, "now come along."

Archibald got down and back on the yellow Pegasus' back.

"That's better," he smiled, and with that, Vincent and Archibald soon on his way once again. As the duo got closer to Ponyville, an Earth pony mare named Bon Bon was holding a cupcake. Bon Bon had a pigment blue mane and tail with a rose pink streak, cerulean eyes, and three candies wrapped in blue with yellow stripes for a cutie mark.

Suddenly, Archibald jumped off Vincent and began to head towards Bon Bon!

"Aaah!" Bon Bon shrieked in fright, "Back away from me!"

"Archibald, no!" cried Vincent, "Don't hurt Bon Bon!"

The terrified beige mare raced away past a surprised Lyra.

"What's gotten her in a tizzy?" the light aquamarine unicorn asked. She got her answer when Archibald raced past, shortly followed by Vincent.

"Come back, Archibald!" Vincent cried again.

At last, Archibald caught up with Bon Bon and swiped her cupcake.

"Give it back to her!" Vincent shouted crossly, "What bad manners; taking something from a mare without asking!"

But the monkey didn't listen. Lyra then used her magic to separate Archibald from the cupcake.

"Oh thanks, Lyra," gasped Bon Bon, hugging her best friend and nuzzling up on her.

"Is this animal yours?" Lyra asked Vincent sternly.

"Yes, he is," the Pegasus stallion replied in embarrassment, "I'm terribly sorry; this is my first time ever dealing with a pet."

"Please keep that chimp under control next time," said Bon Bon.

"He's not a chimp, he's a monkey," explained Vincent, "you see, monkeys have tails, while chimpanzees don't—"

"Is that really important?" Lyra interrupted.

"No need to be rude, I was just explaining the differences is all."

Vincent put Archibald back on his back and headed off once more.

"Who'd be that shallow to have a monkey as a pet?" remarked Lyra. Vincent had heard her, but said nothing.

---

After a mostly uneventful trip, Vincent and Archibald finally came back to the Metrostallion House of Art.

"Well, Archibald," said Vincent, "here's your new home." When he opened the door, he saw Fictionary was still there.

"What took you so long?" was the first thing the unicorn filly said. Vincent explained what had happened.

"So that's why you got branches and leaves in your mane," remarked Fictionary.

"Oh yeah, that," said Vincent. While he'd been chasing Archibald up in the tree, some branches broke off and stuck to his mane. "But still, at least we have our own pet."

"Are you sure you know how to take care of him?" asked Fictionary.

"There were a couple of missteps," admitted Vincent, "but I'm sure I'll handle it. Anyway, how's your story coming?"

"I just finished it," Fictionary said proudly.

"That's great," said Vincent, "what's it about?"

"Erm… it's a secret."

"You're not gonna even tell your own brother?"

"Nnope," said Fictionary, imitating Big Macintosh's second favorite saying.

Vincent chuckled. "I think Big Mac's a silly influence on you."

Suddenly, Archibald pounced on Fictionary and started tickling her.

"Hey!" she giggled, "That tickles!"

"Archibald!" Vincent scolded, "That was not very polite."

"Ah, lighten up," said Fictionary, "he's funny!"

"I want him to be more polite and mature," said Vincent.

"Aw, you're no fun…"

"Come along, Archibald; it's time to learn how to act responsibly."

But Archibald wasn't interested as Vincent led him to the bathroom to practice brushing his teeth.

---

"Okay, Archie, now watch me closely…"

Vincent put toothpaste on his brush and began scrubbing his teeth with it. After one or two minutes, he rinsed the brush and put it up.

"There," he said, "now you try it."

Archibald took the tube of toothpaste and started squirting it on the mirror.

"Not on the mirror!" cried Vincent, "On the brush!"

Then the monkey squirted the toothpaste on Vincent's head.

"Ugh, not on me! Toothpaste on the brush!"

Archibald then started scrubbing the toothpaste in Vincent's mane with the toothbrush.

"That's not how you use a toothbrush!"

But the monkey simply laughed. By this point, Vincent was beginning to lose his patience, but he tried not to show it.

"Just calm down," he told himself, "you can do this…"

Archibald then began to scrub the toothpaste on the mirror with the brush, causing his new master to facehoof.

---

Vincent's next step was to get Archibald dressed like a butler. He went over to the Carousel Boutique to see if Rarity could make a suit for Archibald.

"Afternoon, Rarity," he called as he opened the door.

"Hello, Vincent," the white unicorn mare said, surprisingly not taking notice of the mess the Pegasus stallion was in, "what brings you here today?"

"I was wondering if you had any suits fit for a monkey."

"Why, of course," said Rarity, "what did you have in mind?"

Vincent explained how he needed someone to look after the Metrostallion House if he and Fictionary were away at the same time.

"I see. But are you sure you know how to look after a monkey?"

Vincent groaned and rolled his eyes. "Yes…"

So Rarity got a butler suit for Vincent to use on Archibald. As the Pegasus stallion was getting ready to leave, Sweetie Belle came inside.

"Hi Rarity," the unicorn filly said, "wanna send time with me?"

"Uh, actually," Rarity faltered, "I'm rather busy."

"Do I have to use the puppy eyes?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Puppy eyes?" asked Vincent.

"It's when Sweetie Belle makes a super adorable face," Rarity explained, "sometimes if she's not careful, it could give somepony a heart attack."

"Hey, that only happened once!" Sweetie Belle objected. Then suddenly, Archibald tackled her like he did with Fictionary.

"Not again!"

"Monkey!" Sweetie Belle cried cheerfully as Archibald tickled her. She then gave the monkey a hug.

"Come on, mister," Vincent said to Archibald, "we're coming home to continue your house training."

"Fictionary already left for the competition," said Sweetie Belle, "she looked a bit nervous, though."

"I'd be there to support her," sighed Vincent, "but I've a monkey to house train… given I can earn his trust."

Archibald made monkey noises and jumped around.

"If that mammal makes a mess of my dresses…" began Rarity.

"Just relax, fussy hooves," Sweetie Belle chuckled.

"I heard that!"

Sweetie Belle just smiled innocently. While she, Rarity, and Vincent were distracted, Archibald snuck out.

"Come along, Archibald," said Vincent, but Archibald wasn't there. "Archie? Oh, don't tell me-!"

Suddenly, they heard monkey noises outside.

"Oh, for pony's sake!" Vincent groaned in frustration, and flew outside to the source of the noise, leaving behind two surprised unicorn sisters.

"What was that about?" asked Sweetie Belle.

---

Vincent raced towards the source of the monkey noises and found Archibald on top of a nearby stand.

"Archibald!" said Vincent, "Come down here!"

Suddenly, as if from nowhere… PLOP! …he was hit on the head by a lump of you-know-what!

"Uggghhh!" he shouted, "That's disgusting!"

Nearby, some ponies began to laugh at his predicament.

"Get back here!" Vincent shouted to Archibald, ignoring the crowd laughing at him. But the monkey just started laughing at him.

"You think this is funny?!" snapped Vincent.

By this point, he had lost his patience. He jumped into the air giving chase after the monkey. Vincent chased Archibald all around Ponyville, even right at the Reading Competition was underway. Lots of ponyfolk found it very entertaining to see a Pegasus chasing after a monkey, of all creatures.

"Stop! Stop!" Vincent cried. But Archibald was having too much fun to stop.

At last, he did, only for Vincent to crash head first into a banana stand, much to the crowd's amusement.

"Where has my life gone wrong?!"

Thankfully, he wasn't hurt badly, beside a few scrapes, but he felt very silly. Vincent looked around at the mess, not taking much notice of the laughing crowd, and remembered all the trouble he had gone through. It was at that moment, he realized that he should have asked for help in training Archibald.

"I've got to find Fluttershy," he said.

"Hey! You gotta pay for all those bananas!"

"Oh, for the love of apples…!"

---

After paying for the wasted bananas, Vincent and Archibald finally came back to Fluttershy's cottage. The Pegasus stallion was unhappy; his mane was a mess, he was smothered in toothpaste and you-know-what, and he had a banana peel on his head.

Vincent knocked on the door and Fluttershy answered.

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed upon first glance, "Whatever has happened?!"

"It's a long story," groaned Vincent, "I guess looking after a monkey without help was much more difficult than originally thought."

"I'd be more than happy to help you train Archibald, Vincent," said Fluttershy, "although you could've asked for help earlier."

"I know…" sighed Vincent, "all I wanted to do was prove I could be able to manage pets without help…"

"Even something simple like taking care of pets can be tricky," said Fluttershy. So she helped in taming Archibald. If he misbehaved, she would use The Stare on him.

After an hour, Archibald became a well-behaved monkey. Vincent brought him home again, feeling better that he had asked for help instead of letting the problem get worse.

"I just feel so dumb for not asking for help in the beginning," he told himself, "now I wonder how Fictionary is getting on?"

---

And his question is answered in the next story!

To be honest, it was probably not my strongest writing for MLP; it felt like a three-strikes episode from S9-16 of Thomas and Friends, only without the rhyming, alliteration, idiotic behavior, and there's ponies instead of trains. Hopefully I did okay on that...