I wake up feeling absolutely frigid. Yeah...I'm a bit of a deep sleeper, so I probably didn't feel it when the temperature dropped during the night.

It's not the cold temperature that woke me up, nor the sunlight peeking over the houses in the east. No, it's the feeling of somebody poking me gently with a hoof. Okay Seth...control yourself. Don't beat the ever loving daylights out of this hapless pony that thinks it's a good idea to poke a random stranger lying on the street.

"Mr. Seth? Are you okay?" a quiet voice calls to me. Huh, is it just me, or does that voice sound familiar? I open my eyes slowly to see a familiar sky blue pegasus gazing at me with worry in her eyes.

"Flitter? I was sleeping. Not anymore though, considering the hoof poking," I address her, my voice a bit snippy for having been woken up. I can see her recoil a bit at my words.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I just thought you might be hurt since you were sleeping in the middle of the park," Flitter apologizes, blushing a little. "But...why did you spend the night out in the cold?"

"Because I like the cold," I respond sarcastically, and then I start to move. My joints ache from the cold, but a good stretch will take care of that. I stand up carefully, leaning most of my weight on my handy rifle.

Flitter watches me curiously as I stretch out my arms and legs. I notice that doing so doesn't hurt me all that much, unless I involve my side. That makes sense I guess. The gash on my side is the most serious of my injuries. The bandages on my shoulders and arms feel a bit loose too. I decide to take a risk and unravel them, knowing that I could just find a hospital if I need one.

I hear Flitter gasp when the various cuts I've accumulated on my upper body are revealed. Ignoring her, I inspect them for myself. The cuts on my shoulder are already scabbed over. Running a finger along them, they feel quite stable. I rotate my shoulder once to test how it feels. It stings a bit, but it's bearable. My guess is that I'll be healed in a day or two.

"You are hurt! What happened?" Flitter asks me. I hold up a finger to tell her to wait, and then I continue checking myself. The cuts on my arms are scabbed over as well, and the ones near my forearms are already peeling off, because they aren't that deep at all. No, it's the ones on my upper arms that'll probably heal around the same time as my shoulder.

"Eh, just some shit with a timberwolf," I finally answer her. Flitter looks even more worried, but I cut her off before she can say anything else. "Ugh, stop worrying. If I was in enough trouble to warrant a pony worrying about me, I'd be dead."

"Oh...okay. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were all right," Flitter continues weakly. She looks a little hurt at my harsh words. Damn, this pony needs to grow a skin. "It was nice seeing you, but I need to go. There's a storm scheduled for tonight, so I have to get ready."

"Yeah, alright, seeya," I say uncaringly, still testing the range of motion on my limbs. I look up as a rush of air washes over me, and I'm just in time to see Flitter taking off and soaring through the air. "Ponies with wings...that's just not fair. How come humans didn't evolve to get wings? Fuck you, evolution."

Now, what's on my list of things to do today? I need to see Twilight again, because I need to know a few things more about the pony race. Like, those marks. They kind of remind me of tramp stamps, but I doubt that's what they are. If they were, then I'm surrounded by pony prostitutes. That thought has me laughing a bit to myself. Wow, my humor is twisted. I try to picture Flitter with a sultry look on her face, and I just laugh harder, causing some of the other ponies passing near me to gaze at me oddly.

The other reason I need to see Twilight is because she may have found something on Sombra. The closer I get to finding that bastard, the better. I still don't know why he picked ME of all people to zap to the future. I'd rather have died in a zombie apocalypse with my family than die in a land of magical ponies, completely alone.

Next on my list, I need to find the farm, and see if they'll let me take a part time job there. Lastly, I need to find my way back here later tonight to meet Vinyl in time for a gig or something.

A rumbling in my stomach reminds me that I haven't had anything to eat since Zecora. I am starving as all hell. Where am I going to find food without any money? The answer is simple: I'm not. Looks like I'm going hungry another day. It's a pain, but there's no way around it.

I start walking back down the streets back towards Golden Oaks Library. You know, I think that if I asked, she wouldn't mind giving me food. No, that's a terrible idea. Then she'll have one more thing to hold over my head. No, I'll stay hungry.

When I knock on the door, this time Twilight answers it herself instead of Spike. When she sees me, she smiles brightly at me. "Seth! Welcome back. Come on in, I'll make some more tea," she greets me enthusiastically, and then she steps aside to give me room. I find it odd at how happy she looks to see me. Last time I was here, I punted your dragon. Why aren't you more wary?

"Awesome. Tea sounds good," I grunted.

"I'll get the water going," Spike says in a resigned manner, walking into view from the right side of the main room, and then disappearing into the kitchen.

"Thanks, Spike! Now, Seth, if you'll just...Seth! You're hurt!" Twilight cut off in the middle of her request to, just like every other pony, exclaim in horror at my injuries.

"You just noticed that? I was wearing these bandages yesterday," I point out. Twilight has the sense to look embarrassed at that.

"I...well...we don't know much about human fashion. I assumed it was just clothing," she protests weakly. I scoff at that. That's so fucking dumb.

"Whatever. Now can we get down to business? I actually have a full day today," I say, changing the subject. Twilight shakes her head emphatically.

"No. Absolutely not. Not until I can get you healed," she tells me sternly. I raise an eyebrow.

"Come on, Twilight. If it was possible to heal with magic, then why does this town have a hospital?" I question skeptically. As she answers, Twilight is rifling through her bookshelves, pulling stacks of them off with her magic and sifting through them in a very impressive fashion. I don't know what the average magical skill is of ponies, but I'd estimate that she's one of the stronger ones.

"That's because it's an extremely difficult spell. At the very most, I can only heal surface wounds. It's not healing per se, but more like aging. I can't do anything about illnesses, either," Twilight explains to me. Her brow is wrinkled in concentration. "Come on, where is it?"

I watch her curiously. If she can heal these wounds, I'd be glad to use that talent of hers for my benefit.

"Twilight, the water's done!" Spike calls from the kitchen.

"Aha!" Twilight exclaims, pulling down a book from the shelves. Then, as if she knew exactly where every book was supposed to go, she levitated the books she displaced back into the shelves in an organized manner. "Spike, could you finish it up for me?"

Spike gives a grunt of confirmation, but Twilight ignores him and moves over to me with an excited look on her face.

"Here's a better question. Why doesn't everyone go to you if they get hurt?" I inquire. If a human had that kind of ability, I would stake my life that he'd have a line the size of the Sears Tower outside of his house.

"Well...it's not something I advertise," Twilight admits with a blush. That sets off alarm bells in my head. I take a few steps back. "What are you doing?"

"Don't you even," I warn her, though she only looks more confused. "I know what you're up to, and I won't have it."

"What are you talking about? I just want to help," Twilight asks, stepping closer to me. I start backing towards the door.

"Yeah. There's a spell that only the strongest spellcasters can use that you've been keeping hidden, and you're willing to break it out for a complete stranger free of charge? I'm not stupid," I shoot back. I reach behind me and open the door, hoping to get away from this situation. "I won't be in your debt!"

Twilight's face is surprised at first, but then it turns to incredulous disbelief, like she was saying "really?" without words. Just as I'm about to leave, her horn glows, and I'm yanked back in the library without any means of stopping myself. The door shuts behind me.

"That's silly. You're being silly," she accuses me, using her magic to move me over to wall and then keep me there. I try to struggle, but it's pointless. I can feel my muscles straining, but they just won't move. "You're not a stranger. You're a friend who's hurt."

"What?!" I say incredulously. A friend? Are you fucking kidding me? I've done nothing but be an asshole to you since I got here for the very purpose of not making any friends. What in your tiny little head makes you think I want to be your friend? Why would you even want to be my friend? This is...I don't...how do I even respond? "You're insane."

"Not as insane as the one who would rather feel pain than get healed, just because of some silly pride," Twilight counters me. My mouth drops open in anger.

"What the...fuck you!" I yell, but Twilight's horn is already lighting up like a christmas tree. Despite how angry I am, I can't help but watch in awe as the scabs on my arms and shoulders start to glow. Then, it's like I'm watching a time lapse video. I can visibly see as new skin forms under each of the scabs, eventually forcing said scabs to fall off and disintegrate.

Twilight grunts in exertion, sweat beading on her brow, the spell clearly taking a lot out of her. The bandages around my side unravel themselves and fall to the floor. The gash in my side immediately starts to bleed, as it was not completely scabbed over yet. However, the blood soon stops and the wound completely scabs, and then a few seconds later the scab falls off and disappears, revealing fresh pink skin underneath it.

"There!" Twilight gasps, and she releases both spells, so that I can move again. In awe, I run a hand along the skin on my side. It feels a little raw, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Damn, that spell is useful. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten how Twilight essentially forced me into her debt. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Bitch! Now you're just going to demand something ridiculous from me in the future because of this!" I snap at her angrily. Instead of being offended, Twilight just smiles.

"Thank you, but that's not necessary. It's just something I'd do for any of my friends," she expresses.

"What the...you don't make any sense," I groan, earning a giggle from the purple unicorn.

So now, utterly confused, I am standing against the wall, completely healed. I'm still a little angry from how she forced me to take her favor, and not at all convinced that she won't use it as leverage to get something from me later.

"Tea's done!" Spike calls from the kitchen. Twilight trots towards the kitchen, beckoning me back with a hoof. I follow her, feeling bitter.

Just like before, we sit down at her table, and she levitates the tea over to us. I set my rifle against the wall, and then I sip at the tea eagerly, as I certainly haven't had any water since getting here, and tea is essentially just flavored water.

"Hey, Seth," Spike addresses me for the first time since I got here. I still don't much care for him, so all I respond with is a grunt.

"I'll get right to the point. What have you found on Sombra?" I begin, cutting right to the heart of the matter. Twilight's face, once smiling and happy, falls immediately, and I let my face fall into my hands. "You didn't find anything."

"I went through almost half of my library last night, and I couldn't find even a single mention of this King Sombra," Twilight explains. "I'm sorry."

"And she didn't go to bed until past midnight," Spike adds. I can see Twilight wince as she looks at me, as if worried that I'm going to shout at her again. I won't lie, I'm tempted. It shouldn't be this hard.

"Fine. Just keep looking. There has to be something," I finally say. I take another gulp of her delicious fruity tea. "Anyway, I've been meaning to ask. What's up with those butt tattoos all you ponies seem to have?"

Twilight flushes crimson at my admittedly vulgar language. "They're not...butt tattoos. They're our cutie marks. Everypony has one to signify their special talent. Don't humans have them?"

My right eye is twitching. Cutie marks? Dear god, I'm dying a little inside just writing that word. "No, we don't. And I will never call them that. That has to be the dumbest sounding name I've ever heard," I answer her, sighing. This really is a dumb world I've landed in.

"If you don't get cutie marks, how do you know what your special talent is?" Twilight presses. I notice with some amusement that she's got a pad of paper and a quill on the table in front of her. She's taking notes?

"We don't. We have to find that out for ourselves. Seems like you ponies have it easy in that regard," I say, a little envious. I still don't know what my special talent is. Though I'm certainly glad I don't get a butt tattoo to tell me when I've found it.

"That seems difficult. Getting a cutie mark is difficult enough as it is," Twilight placates me. We're quiet for a bit as we take some time to drink our tea. Damn, I love this stuff. Wonder if I could get a few of those teabags for myself.

"Magic. Tell me more about it. Who can use it, how it's used, etcetera," I pose. Considering she's a libarian, I'm probably going to get a pretty long explanation. That suspicion deepens when her expression brightens.

"Oh, I have a lot to tell you about! My special talent is magic, after all," Twilight expresses, beaming.

"Here we go," Spike moans, but nobody pays him any attention. Instead, I'm interested in what Twilight can tell me about magic.

"Everypony in Equestria possesses some form of magic within themselves, no matter what race of pony they are. It's all a matter of how it's utilized in our biology. For example, pegasi use magic to fly by lowering the effects of gravity on their bodies," Twilight begins.

That actually makes sense if you think about it. It never made any sense how the pegasi could fly, because it seems to me like the average wingspan would have to be many times larger than it is to produce enough lift to propel that much weight off the ground. Reducing the acceleration of gravity on its body won't do anything except make it lighter. I assume reducing the mass of a pegasus will do something horrible to them. I'm no physicist, so all I know about the mass/volume ratio is that if it's messed up, shit hits the fan.

"Earth ponies possess a great deal of magic saturated into their very bones and muscle, making them physically stronger than the other races, as well as giving them an affinity for growing crops. All of Equestria is dependent on them for food," Twilight continues.

Extra strength. Useful, but I think I'd prefer to fly. Not saying that I want to be pony. Hell fucking no. Just stating a preference.

"Then, you have unicorns. We are the only race capable of manipulating the magic within our bodies, and channeling it through our horns. As for the change in composition of the magic as it leaves our body, I believe that it can best be expressed by the differing amounts in-"

"I get the point. If I wanted a lecture, I'd go back to college," I cut across her. Twilight pouts at being stopped in the middle of her lecture, while Spike stifles a laugh.

"I thought you wanted to know everything," she whined. She gives me probably the most perfect rendition of puppy dog eyes that I have ever seen. Granted, I never find that cute because I think puppies are fucking disgusting, but that is the saying. And I already mentioned these fucking ponies and their innate cuteness. So I think you know what happened next.

"Ugh, fine...proceed," I groan, mentally resigning myself. Twilight then grins happily, and the strangest thing happens. I swear to god, when she makes that smile, I hear a sound. The only way I can describe it...is that it sounded like "squee." What the fuck?

Seconds later, I'm knee deep in lecture. Twilight starts talking about the nuances and technical details of magic itself, boring me to high heaven because I can't understand a word of it. I try to look like I'm paying attention, but that doesn't last very long. Eventually, my eyelids droop.

---

"What do you mean, he's asleep?! SETH!" I'm suddenly awoken by Twilight yelling something in my face. My head lurches up off of my fist where it had been resting, and I look around frantically until I remember that I'm not in college, but in a magical land filled with unicorns and pegasi and whatnot. You know...the more I say that, the more I'm starting to become convinced that this is just one potent LSD trip or something.

"Your lecture was so boring he fell asleep!" Spike chokes out. He's rolling on the floor, laughing his head off at the situation he's observing. Twilight looks both irritated that I had slept through her entire lecture, and a little sheepish.

"So, you missed my thoughts on Starswirl the Bearded's Law on the Conservation of Magical Energy, and the varying theories on the effects of differing magical composition?" Twilight asks me with a sheepish smile. My blank expression was the only answer she needed. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have trailed on like that."

"Nah, keep going. I was getting a pretty good rest there," I needle her with a grin, causing her to scoff and tap me lightly on my head with her notepad.

"So did you have any other questions?" Twilight says.

"Not really. You've answered what I want to know," I tell her, and then I drain the rest of my tea. "I have a lot to do, so I should probably get going."

Twilight's face falls, though I can't possibly imagine why. She should be glad that I'm leaving her house, since all I'm really doing is wasting her time and drinking her tea.

"Will you be back tomorrow?" she asks me hopefully as I stand up. I pause for a moment, wondering if I should.

"Probably," I answer casually. A sudden thought strikes me. I'm not wounded anymore. I grin and slip on my shirt for the first time since leaving the hut. Ah, I already feel warmer and better.

As I grab my rifle, I catch Twilight smiling at my response. Ugh, why does she look so happy? I'd get pissed if some asshole kept dropping by my place every morning.

"All right! I'll put it in my schedule. See you tomorrow!" she calls to me as I stalk out of the libary, shutting the door behind me.

Well, I'm back in this town whose name is so damn stupid I'll try never writing on paper. Time to find my way to the farm. I assume it's that giant apple farm I saw on the way down here from the Everfree, but it wouldn't help to make sure.

After accosting a random pony and asking for directions, I discover that I am indeed right in my assumption.

Ah, it feels really good to walk now that it doesn't hurt every time I move now. I honestly have no use for this rifle now, but I feel rather attached to it, ever since I used it to kill that Oppressed. I think I'll keep it around.

The walk through town is mostly uneventful, as least until I reach the path that heads to the outskirts of town, where the apple farm is. This town really is a nice place, all the ponies aside. I enjoy good architecture coupled with nature, and this town is just rural enough to fit that description.

I'm just walking down the path, looking around at the scenery, when I hear something above me. It sounds a bit like someone screaming. Well, less like screaming and more like...

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" a voice shouts frantically, getting louder and louder in volume. I look up in the direction of the voice, and then all I see is a flash of cyan, and then something slams right into my chest with enough force to knock me off my feet completely.

Me and whatever it was that hit me tumble end over end across the grass, limbs tangling together in a confusing and painful melee. A hoof smacks me in the nose, some hair gets in my mouth, and I think my back got scraped on a rock.

Finally, I end up flat on my back, staring up at the sky, with several pounds worth of pony stretched out across me. Of course, the pony on me starts struggling to get up immediately, and a hoof hits my chin painfully. "Fucking...get the hell off me!" I shouted, and then I promptly lift up my upper body, knocking the pony off of me.

I had though it was Flitter at first, but that was only because of the initial color I saw, and the fact that it was a pegasus. Turns out I was wrong. Way wrong. There's so much fucking color on this pony it practically hurts my eyes.

"All right all right, I'm sorry. Wish you hadn't been standing there." The pony has a rough, scratchy voice that right now sounds rather irritated.

The pony had a roundish jaw, so I'm assuming it's female. But her fucking color scheme is ridiculous. Get this. She has a cyan colored coat, and has a white cloud with a multicolored lightning bolt for her butt tattoo. That's where the normal ends. Her mane and tail are scruffy and untamed, and are colored every single color of the fucking rainbow.

"Sorry?! What is it with you fucking ponies and knocking me down all the time?" I snap viciously, leaping to my feet. "Do none of you watch where the hell you're going?!"

"Look, buddy, I said I was sorry. You don't have to be a jerk about it!" the other pony shoots back at me.

"No, fuck you! Do you know how fast you were going? What if my head had hit a rock?! I could have been killed!" I shout, stepping closer. The other pony looks like she's about to respond, but then my words hit home, and her eyes widen.

"Yeah...I guess you're right. I'm sorry," she apologizes, hanging her head a bit. I still don't want to accept it, but I've made my point. I can be satisfied with that for now. There's an awkward silence as I continue to glare at her. She awkwardly shuffles her hooves on the ground. "So...this probably isn't the best way to meet someone."

"You think?" is my cold response. I see her wince at that.

"Can we start over?" she suggests. Ugh, what a hassle. She looks like she won't let it go until I let her talk, so I give her an expectant look. It takes her a second before she realizes that I'm letting her go first. "So...my name's Rainbow Dash. I'm the fastest pegasus in Equestria!"

Oh...so she's one of those. An ego the size of Montana and not enough sense to match. I can already tell I'm going to hate this girl.

"Yeah, that's great. I'm Seth Rogers," I reply, and then I walk right past her in an attempt to leave this stupid situation behind. That doesn't work, because Rainbow falls into step right beside me.

"You're right, it really is great! There's no pony out there that can match me! Except for maybe the Wonderbolts, but that's because they're the best of the best!" she continues, her voice gaining a fangirlish tone near the end of her sentence.

"Uh-huh, I'm sure you're the greatest and all," I deadpan, honestly hoping she'll take the hint and get lost. Rainbow seems to pick up on my lack of enthusiasm.

"What, you don't believe me?" she asks with a grin, almost as if she's taking it as a challenge. I groan in irritation.

"There's a difference between not believing, and not caring," I tell her flatly. Huh, judging by the look on her face, I'd say I struck a nerve. Yup, I suspected as much. People with egos like her are hurt most when someone could really care less about their accomplishments. Score one for the human.

"...You're really kind of a jerk. What exactly are you, anyway?" Rainbow finally asks, looking at me bitterly.

"I am a human. I'm getting really sick and tired of having to explain it to every single person I meet!" I snap at her.

"You mean pony?"

"...Yes, I mean pony. Fuck this world..." I curse. Come to think of it, I'm not all that surprised that Rainbow doesn't know what I am. Mentions of my race seem to be most prevalent in literature, and Rainbow doesn't seem all that smart.

"Why are you headed to Applejack's, anyway?" Rainbow asks curiously, tilting her head to one side.

"For the love of god, can you just leave me alone already? All of you fucking ponies are just too damn nosy. When will you get it that I don't want your company!" I yell at her, losing my patience at last.

"Celestia forbid I try to be friendly with the new guy!. With that kind of attitude, I doubt even Pinkie will want to be your friend," Rainbow counters, making her the first pony here that has actually shouted back at me.

"You know what, I'm perfectly fine with that. I never asked for your friendship anyway. Now do me a favor and get lost," I shoot back coldly. Rainbow looks furious, but she does take to the air, hovering a few feet above me.

"You are such a jerk! Have fun being alone all the time!" she yells at me, and then she zooms away almost faster than I can see. Huh, guess there was some merit in her claims of being fast. Not that I actually care.

Well, now that that unwelcome interruption is out of the way, I can actually do what I came to do. I can already see most of the farm from here.

From here, I can see a large barn, colored stereotypically. You know, the whole red and white motif. It's located smack dab in the middle of a wide open plain. On the left, I can see carrot farms, interestingly enough. Good to know that this town isn't so stupid as to ONLY farm apples. Speaking of apples, I'm fucking hungry. I wonder if the barn's owner wouldn't mind if I had one. Or fourteen.

On the right, I see a chicken coop, as well as a line of smaller shacks, whose purpose I can't quite make out. Directly in front of me, there's a white fence with an archway, upon which is a sign emblazoned with the words "Sweet Apple Acres."

There's also another pony near the fence, hammering in nails with a hammer in its mouth. It's also a really tiny pony. Like, half the size of the ponies I've met before now. It's a pale yellow color, with a red mane and tail and a bow on its head. Surprising, I don't see a butt tattoo. That's a new one. Maybe Twilight can explain that one to me at one point.

It looks like an average worker, so I ignore it completely and attempt to walk through the archway. I don't get very far before the small pony exhibits the first sensible reaction towards me that I've seen so far.

It emits a very feminine screech of terror and fucking books it back towards, the barn, dropping the hammer on the ground in the process. Heh, it's about time I somebody acted with some sense around here.

Let's hope it doesn't come back to bite me. I catch sight of two more ponies emerging from the barn, followed by the smaller one, who's hiding behind the others. One of the new ponies is male and fucking massive, while the other is female.

The male is giant. I think I said that before, but let me reiterate that. He's fucking huge. Like, a hit from those back legs could probably crush my rib cage. Actually, he'd probably obliterate me, considering he doesn't have any wings or a horn, meaning he's a super strong earth pony. His fur is colored a deep red, and his mane and tail are orange and messy. There's a green apple on his ass, whatever that means.

The female look ridiculous. Everything about her screams "I'm an apple farmer!" I've heard of dressing for the job, but being your job? That starts to make me wonder whether or not a pony's talent is determined at birth.

Anyway, her fur is orange, and her mane and tail are blonde and tied at the ends. There's a couple of apples on her ass, and hilariously enough, she's wearing a stetson hat on her head.

I can't help it. I have to laugh. She thinks she's people. Nobody but a human can pull a hat like that off. And not even we do it well. You know what? Hats are just fucking stupid. Even in my era, humans that run around wearing fedoras, backwards baseball caps, or leather hats just look like douchebags, and not fashionable. On women, it's unattractive as all hell. Excuse me, hair on a woman is half the appeal, so if you cover it up, I already halfway hate the way you look.

Descriptions aside, they really don't look happy to see me. The way those two ponies are standing clearly indicates aggression. As sensible as they are being, this is going to be one hell of a hassle. Time to show these ponies I'm not to be trifled with.

I walk through the archway, hefting my rifle over my shoulder. Sometimes I really wish this thing had a knife on the end of it. Or better yet, bottomless clip. I feel like I'd continuously run around with my hand on the trigger if that was the case.

"This is the monster you were talkin' 'bout, Apple Bloom?" the female asks in a very country accent. I notice she has a lasso coiled around one of her hooves.

"Yea, that's it allraht!" the smaller pony squeaks. Her voice has a twang to it too, and it's more high pitched than the other. I think she may be a child. Dammit, I hate children.

"Gimme jus' one second. Ah'll take care of it," the hat wearing pony declares, and she uncoils the rope around her hoof and starts twirling it in the air masterfully. I should probably say something now unless I want to end up all trussed up.

"Sis, ah think that's a-" the male begins in a deeper voice, but I'm already talking.

"I'd rather you not do that. Don't you ponies have rules against binding intelligent animals?" I express. The fact that I have the ability to speak causes the rope swinging pony to lower the rope in shock.

"You kin talk?" she splutters. Apple Bloom, if that's the foal's name, is now staring out from behind the orange pony's leg with wonder in her large eyes.

"O' course, he's a-" the male starts again.

"No, I actually can't. What you're hearing right now is a complete figment of your imagination," I deadpan, wondering why in the hell all of these fucking ponies have to be so stupid.

The orange pony adopts a sheepish expression at my sarcastic quip, while Apple Bloom actually giggles. Damn foal.

"Ah'm sorry 'bout tha rude welcomin'. If ah'd have known you were intelligent, ah wouldn't a' jumped ta conclusions," the orange pony apologizes.

"Ah knew he was intelligent," the male attempts to interject, but nobody pays him any attention as the orange pony walks up to me and offers a hoof to me in reconciliation. I glance at it warily. I'd rather not take it, but it's necessary to have a professional relationship with a potential employer.

I reach out tentatively and grasp her hoof with my right hand...which she immediately grips somehow and starts shaking enthusiastically. God, for a pony, she has a crazy strong grip. I can feel that earth pony strength already.

"It's a pleasure making' yer acquaintance, sir. Ah'm Applejack. Welcome ta Sweet Apple Acres! It's always nice ta sea new face aroun' here!" She introduces herself enthusiastically, making me feel somewhat uncomfortable with how friendly she's being. Whenever I'd introduce myself to a human, I usually get this face that says, "why the fuck are you talking to me?", and an attitude to match. That always kills any kind of joy I get out of meeting new people. It happened so much, I just don't care to meet new people anymore. So how the fuck do I react to such a change in demeanor? Are ponies just fucking crazy?

"Sure, I guess. I'm Seth Rogers," I stammer a bit, still caught off guard. Finally releasing my hand, Applejack points her hoof at the other two ponies.

"This little one here is mah sis, Apple Bloom," she begins, indicating the smaller one. Just as I expected.

"I am NOT little!"

"An' this pony here is mah brother, Big McIntosh," she continues, while I eye the red one, still a bit cautious of all that power I can see in his bulging muscles. Then, Applejack looks back at me and gives a friendly smile. "So what kin ah do ya for?"

...

...

...

Mind, get out of the gutter. Mind, get out of the gutter.

"I actually came here looking for work. I'm flat broke," I say honestly. Applejack brightens at that.

"Wait jus' one moment!" she orders me, and then she gallops back into the barn. Only moments later, she returns harnessed to a cart filled with empty baskets stacked atop one another. She gestures with a hoof to follow her.

"That's right convenient. Why, ah was jus' mentionin' ta Granny Smith how we was runnin' out o' time before the first snow," she responds happily, walking away from the barn and towards the wide field of apple trees that I had remembered seeing. Just before we left the area, Applejack turns back to her family. "Apple Bloom, would you mind finishin' that fence? Oh, an' Big Mac, there's some chores 'round the barn that need doin'."

I watch the other two make varying sounds of acknowledgement before they disperse to do what they were told. Seems like Applejack calls the shots around here. I don't know who this Granny Smith pony she mentioned, but I get the feeling it'll be a green pony who's old. Come on, this world is ridiculous, but I doubt it would have a pun like that.

"You any good at applebuckin'?" Applejack suddenly queries as we walk into the field of apple trees. I raise an eyebrow at that.

"Applebucking?" I repeat, unfamiliar with the term. Applejack nods. When we reach the first tree that still has apples in it, she unbuckles herself from the cart and trots over to it. God, she looks ridiculous in that hat.

She turns to face me. "Mind placin' some o' those baskets for me?" she asks, though in my mind it's not really a question. This is essentially my first day on the job, so her every wish is my command, as cliche as that sounds.

The baskets are bulky, but not heavy at all. Since I'm fully healed, lifting two or three of them at a time is no problem. With her hoof, Applejack indicates several specific spots for me to place a basket. I mean, very specific.

"Place 'er right there. A mite left. Up a bit. Nah, I mean up from mah view. Right a bit. Ah, it's too far right now." My patience was getting very thin, but I've been in jobs with micro-managing bosses like this, and the only way to deal with it is to just keep quiet and do what you're told. So I do my best to follow her every command.

"Right, that looks good. Now step back," Applejack warns me. I do as I'm told, giving her plenty of room. Then, with a grunt of exertion, she slams her back two hooves into the trunk of the tree. My jaw drops when I see the entire tree visibly shake without enough force to dislodge each and every apple in the tree.

My awe only grows as I see the apples fall in disorganized clumps, but there's a basket in all the areas where the apples fall in highest concentration, such that every basket I placed is filled to the brim, with only one or two apples hitting the ground.

But...that's...what? Applejack had me do all those directions because she just knew where each apple was going to fall? But, this was a random tree. It's impossible for her to know exactly where they're going to fall unless she knew the tree well. But since I didn't see her plan this, does that mean she knows every tree in such intimate detail that she can predict where and how the apples will fall? Goddamn, that takes an incredible memory.

"So, ya think you kin do that?" Applejack asks me with honest curiosity. I notice that she's not even breathing hard from that. Fuck, these earth ponies are ridiculously strong.

"Yeah...nope. No way in hell," I confess. "I'm just not strong enough to pull off a feat like that."

I recoil a bit as I notice Applejack inspecting my leg muscles too closely for my liking. I have no idea what the social norms for ponies are, but a human would usually freak the fuck out if another human started staring at their legs. In some circles, that's considered creepy.

"Yeah, don't take this the wrong way, but yer right. Yer back leg muscles aren't as big as yer arm muscles," Applejack observes. "But ah'm sure ah kin think of a way ta use ya."

Too late. I've already thought of a way while you're busy telling me things I already know. While she had been talking, I had walked over to one of the full baskets and lifted it carefully, making sure not to spill any of the apples. Applejack watches me curiously as I carry the basket over to the cart and hoist it up onto it.

"That's a real good idea, Mr. Rogers! Ah reckon that'll make this job quicker if we got two o' us doin' this," she praises me. Yeah...real smart of me. No, you're just a little bit slow, that's all. Why does nobody here use their damn heads?

"Call me Seth," is the only thing I say in response, as I'm busy hoisting the other baskets onto the cart. Applejack smiles, probably thinking that I'm allowing her to act more casually with me. No...Mr. Rogers just reminds me of my dad. Who's currently long dead and decomposed. Or worse, he became an Oppressed. Heh, and now I'm slightly more depressed than usual. Thank you, King Jackass, for ruining my life.

"All raht, then. Now if y'all follow me, we got a lot o' applebucking to do," Applejack says enthusiastically. I swear to god, if she says something like git 'er done, I'm going to- "Let's git 'er done! Yeehaw!"

My face falls into my palm.

---

This chapter was fun to write, as I got to include three of the mane six. I don't want to be like some other HiE stories I've read, where the introduction to the mane six is rushed, so I'm taking my time with all of them.

I'm concerned on how well I did on characterizing Rainbow, Twilight, and Applejack, so if it's not too much trouble, please leave a comment telling me how I did.