*The beautiful people...OOOOHHHH…*

-FIAHWAHHHHHHHHHHHK.-

Garble: Welcome everybody, to Monday Night Lunacy, live from the illustrious Asylum! I am Garble, the most influential voice here in the EWF, and I am joined by my good pal, Ahuizotl, who learned how to talk again!

Ahuizotl: I didn't lose the ability to talk...I simply lost the nerve for all of the crap happening around here.

Garble: -sighs- I know, I know, and I gained a lost of respect for you last week because you stood up for what you believed in. You said you wouldn't talk, and you didn't.

Ahuizotl: Respect? Wow. Did you finally get rid of your zits this past week? Is that why you're in such a good mood?

Garble: Yeah, well, enjoy it while it lasts. Things will be back to normal once again, 'Zotl, so that means I'll be bringing you down, and you'll be riding my coattails up.

Ahuizotl: Of course...it would be a shame if that were to change….-chuckles-

Garble: Absolutely. Tonight, we will be hearing from General Manager Luna, and the EVP of Talent Relations, Mr. Star Swirlinaitis. They promised to "take care of business." What could that mean?

Ahuizotl: It means somebody stepped out of line. That, or they're going to make another in-bad-taste decision.

Garble: I'd say that you shouldn't take bad about your bosses like that, but at this point, I think you could care less.

Ahuizotl: Yup. -leans back- I'm about at the end of the line. I've reached my limit. I just want to announce some wrestling. Is that so much to ask?

Garble: I'll admit that the politics are starting to make me disappointed...but I like this job more than my fry cook job at Applebee's, so that's all that I'll say. Nonetheless, wrestling is our specialty here at the EWF, 'Zotl, and we've got some action lined up tonight! BOTH of our world champions, Twilight Sparkle and Rumble will be in action. And in our MAIN EVENT, we have a FIRST TIME EVER encounter! Rarity will face Lightning Dust!

Ahuizotl: Retribution is just around the corner, and one of these ladies want to gain the ULTIMATE momentum boost! The real winners are the FANS, though! What a match that's going to be…

*Colorful rainbows catch my eyes, when I see you fly across the sky…* -MASSIVE pop-

Garble: Speaking of FANS, we are kicking off tonight's actions, with one of the EWF FANS' FAVORITE wrestlers!

Madden: *ding ding ding* The following contest...is scheduled for OOOONNEE FALLL! Making her way to the ring, accompanied by Berryyyyy PUNCH! From Loneyville! Weighing in at 118 POOOUUNNDSS…..SCOOOOOOOTTAAALOOOOOOO!

-The crowd roars with chants of "SCOO-TA-LOO" as Scootaloo riles up the crowd. Berry Punch is not far behind, snapping her head back and forth-

Ahuizotl: One of the many reasons I REFUSED to commentate last week, was the way that Scootaloo and Berry Punch were SCREWED out of the Chick Combo Championships! These two ruthless gals had the match one before the OPENING BELL! I'll give the devils their due; despite that, the champions SURVIVED for a LONG TIME after that...but their performance will forever be STAINED-

Garble: By the alcohol that leaked out after that beer bottle once it ERUPTED against Berry Punch's head! I'm not gonna say it was the most ethical thing to do, but it was genius! Diamond Tiara thought light on her feet bringing that bottle down to ringside. Her besties are STILL champions, so it paid off. You can't argue with success, 'Zotl.

Ahuizotl: Well, Berry Punch has a microphone, something she has had success with in the past.

Garble: She's a FIRECRACKER!

Berry: ...Diamond Tiara...you anorexic bitch... -crowd cheers- Your skimpy ass got REAAAAL lucky last week. One, because ya didn't get ya ass whooped by Little Dynamite Scootaloo, or Marble Cold..Berry Punch!

Crowd: BERRY-PUNCH! BERRY-PUNCH! BERRY-PUNCH! BERRY-PUNCH!

Berry: Two...because ya little Disney princesses, barely escaped this arena, with those tag titles around their waist….-crowd boos- I think it's pretty safe to say, Marble Cold and Scootaloo got swindled! I ain't complainin', though...EH EH! Because at the end of the day, I can still kick some ass with the best of 'em! -cheers- What I ain't happy about, however...is the 8 staples...in the back of my head…-turns around, and moves her hair out of the way so the camera can zoom in on the damage done by Diamond Tiara- Now, I've had way worse than this...hell, this just a scratch compared to all the other hell I've been put through...BUT THE FACT IS, I like hurtin' people, not being hurt myself. Diamond Tiara, you spoiled braud, you said you had never touched alcohol before? Well hell, 'course ya didn't! There was never any around, because your daddy, was to busy, chuggin' it all down, at the thought, of YOU BEIN' BORN. -crowd OOOHHH's-

Garble: JjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjEEEEZZZZZ!

Ahuizotl: Not holding anything back tonight, that's for sure….

Crowd: THAT WAS FUCKED UP-BUT SO TRUE! THAT WAS FUCKED UP-BUT SO TRUE! THAT WAS FUCKED UP-BUT SO TRUE!

Garble: Neither is the crowd! WHAT THE HELL?!

Berry: As I said...I can still whoop ass like there's no tomorrow. In just a moment, Scootaloo is goin' to share that trait with me. But right now, I understand..that you're the ringleader...and if it weren't for you...me and Scoots...would be champions. So it's like this. Your pepto bismol ass, is gonna walk into Retribution...walk into my boot...my boot will then proceed to walk into your ass-BUILD A SANDCASTLE, and then WALK IT DRY! -major cheers- ...And when you're out of the way, them two slutty sheep, will have nowhere to turn...and me and Scootaloo, are gonna RAISE HELL on 'em, just like you've been raising hell on her for TOO DAMN LONG-and at the end of the day...you're gonna hand deliver me some beer, and Scootaloo some Sunny D-unless she's feelin' froggy-and we're gonna celebrate, as the NEW...Chick...Combo Champions...H'AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LIIIINNNEEE….'Cause Marble Cold -crowd says along with her- SAYS SO! -more cheers-

Ahuizotl: VERY confident, VERY brazen Berry Punch!

Garble: If she keeps running her mouth, she's gonna have a bunch of broken glass shoved in it...we get it, you kick ass! But apparently not enough to win the titles, so all her intimidating doesn't mean a damn thing!

Ahuizotl: You were doing so well last week, but now here we are right back from the beginning...you being an ignorant STOOGE.

Garble: It's not about me, 'Zotl! Berry Punch just challenged Diamond Tiara to a match at Retribution, and she's gonna wish that she hadn't!

*Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful...don't hate me cuz I speak true…* -LUNACY IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NEW BOO-BERRY CEREAL. BUY IT BEFORE HALLOWEEN SEASON AND JERK OFF IN YOUR PRINCESS ELSA COSTUME. FAGGOTS-

Madden: Aaaand HER OPPONENT! Accompanied to the ring, by Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon! From Loneyville! Weighing in at 122 POOOUUNDSS...she is ONE HALF! Of the Chick Combo CHAAMMPPIONNNNSS…..TUUURRFFF!

Turf: Damn right! HAHA! What is this? -talking to the crowd- I ALREADY BEAT THIS BITCH ONCE! -gets in one dude's face- YOU DON'T LIKE THAT?! I'LL BEAT HER AGAIN, AND YOUR VIRGIN ASS WILL ONLY "BEAT" YOURSELF WHILE I DO IT! -grins widely-

Ahuizotl: I wonder if Turf will react like this in her old age, shouting at her 12 cats as she puts paprika in her tea instead of sug- -Ahuizotl is cut off as we see the male fan legitimately hit Turf right in the eye socket. Turf was clearly not expecting it, and she falls to the floor, kicking at the air and clutching at her eye with both hands. Boos immediately fill the arena, and we can hear the sound of Ahuizotl and Garble's headsets hitting against the announce table as they stand up and frantically look at the scene-

Silver Spoon: -immediately lunges at the assailant- WHAT THE FUCK?! -the security surrounds him and pulls him away before she can get a shot in. Some fans begin to throw beers at the dude, while just about everybody in the arena can agree on chanting "AAASSSS-HOLE" at him multiple times. We quickly cut to commercial-

-We return to get a shot of Ahuizotl and Garble. Ahuizotl looks down at at the announce table, as Garble runs both of his hands through his hair. He begins to talk-

Garble: -he nods, probably at the what he is being told through his headset- Ladies and gentlemen we are back here on Monday Night Lunacy. We are terribly sorry to have cut off the broadcast right there, but that isn't something that we wanted to show. What we mean is, and take this however you will...that was NOT...a part of tonight's entertainment….we've been informed to tell you all that what you just saw was NOT a part of the act...a-and to prove it, we aren't going to replay that scene EVER on this, or ANY other EWF televised show. ESPN is probably reporting on it right now and that's okay...we expect that. And that's why we had to cut to commercial...b-because of the severity of the issue...if you missed it, we're only going to explain it ONCE...while coming down to the ring for her match, Turf was struck by a male fan after she got in his face. She was struck in her right eye. Security have since detained the man and have thrown him out of the building.

Ahuizotl: -looks at the camera for the first time- We didn't want to ever have to do this….go out of character, or as you internet fans would call it, "kayfabe", but we thought it was best to get this message out there…..you buy a ticket, you watch at home expecting some great action, and yet...this happens...and we apologize for it. But we didn't know it was going to happen….but it's not about US, it's about the victim….Turf….young 18 year old girl….she didn't expect this to happen, either…

Garble: We're not trying to make this into a sob story, because knowing Turf...she wouldn't like that...she's tough as nails….but emotionally, physically...she is wrecked right now...and that's not how it should go down….her character that she plays is very vocal. She likes to get in people's faces. She didn't say anything she hasn't ever said. The fan she confronted either takes wrestling too seriously or he has very severe mental issues. He needs help...h-he really does….I understand that tensions run high, and when someone is just SCREAMING in your face you feel the need to react...but don't fucking react like THAT! Boo Turf, give her a thumbs down! Don't punch the woman! Her job IS to get you riled up, and Turf is truly WONDERFUL at playing her character….but getting riled up and punching are two totally different things….Turf was doing her job, but I guess she was doing it TOO well….

Ahuizotl: The point of all this is a call to action. It's ABSOLUTELY FINE to boo a character you don't like, and to react to them, but leave the violence to them….this wasn't a shoot punch, folks...this was a REAL, unadulterated right hand to a woman's eye socket….

Garble: PLEASE. We are PLEADING with you. If you are put in the same situation as that….that JACKASS...think REASONABLY….think LOGICALLY…..these characters LOVE to get a reaction out of you fans...but they're here to ENTERTAIN you….just remember that they're REAL PEOPLE….everyday people with jobs, just like you guys….they are here to put on the best show that they can….but they can't do that from the sidelines….so PLEASE….PLEASE...boo them, cheer them...but respect them enough to not put their health on the line, because they do that enough every time they get in that ring….

Ahuizotl: We will have updates on Turf delivered to you all as soon as they are available to us...she is being tested on by doctors right now.

Garble: For now, though, and as cliche as it sounds...Turf would want the show to go on...and so it will….

*Now Trending on Twitter: #GetWellTurf (#1 trend worldwide), Turf, Berry Punch*

-Silver Spoon leans back into the ring after having a hefty conversation with Madden. Diamond Tiara and Berry were also involved. Kayfabe mode is turned ON once again as Berryreturns to Scootaloo's corner. It's easy to see that Silver Spoon has been crying. She slides an index finger through her eyelid, and gets ready to wrestle this match to the best of her ability, despite what just happened-

Match 1: Scootaloo w/ Berry Punch vs Silver Spoon w/ Diamond Tiara

-the crowd is pretty much silent throughout this match. At one point during a rest hold you can faintly hear Scootaloo lean in and ask Silver "is she okay?" Silver replies with "I hope…."-

*8 minutes later…*

-After a series of punches from Scootaloo, Silver responds with a slap to the face. Scootaloo dropkicks the left leg of Silver, and then connects with Scootabuse-

Ahuizotl: Scootabuse! Scootaloo hits it!

Garble: Why is it called that, 'Zotl? -1….- Doesn't that mean that someone ELSE is ABUSING HER? -2….3!-

Ahuizotl: Does it really matter? She just beat one half of the Chick Combo champs with it!

Garble: Someone has to ask these kind of questions!

Madden: Here is YOUR WINNER….SCOOOOOTALOOOOOOOO!

-Diamond Tiara runs into the ring to attack Scootaloo, but Berry cuts her off and hits The Bar Tab on her. The crowd cheers even more-

Garble: Well that didn't work out too well…

Ahuizotl: For Scootaloo and Berry it did. They gained a small fraction of revenge from last week.

Garble: But the revenge process won't be complete until they win the Chick Combo titles. And that's where the concept of Retribution comes in! Berry Punch can take out the one who cost them the titles, Diamond Tiara, and then it'll be THAT much easier to obtain the gold…

Ahuizotl: It'll be easier said than done...we all know just how devious Diamond Tiara is…

-Scootaloo celebrates as Berry throws Silver Spoon's half of the Chick Combo titles at her. She was too pre-occupied with dragging Diamond out of the way to get it-

*Interview Area…*

Silver Shill: I am standing by with the man who betrayed Shining Armor last week on Lunacy...possibly the most hated man in the EWF...Flash Sentry-

Sentry: Hey, dork? ...Aren't you forgetting about somebody?

Silver: I-I was getting to that-

Sentry: Well get to it quicker!

Silver: -cowers slightly- A-also joining me at this time...Flash's girlfriend...the Crater Chick champion...Sunset Shimmer…

-Sunset twirls herself into the shot, ending up in Flash's arms. They share a quick peck on the lips-

Sunset: -sensually- Thank you, baby….

Silver: Last week, Flash, you shocked the wrestling world by brutally attacking your former best friend Shining Armor….to the point where he was bloody….and then...you and Sunset….-tastes a bit of vomit in your mouth-

Sunset: Why is everyone so disgusted by that? It was nothing more than a few seconds of PASSION between a pair of PASSIONATE people….-leans in towards Flash- A way to show that my love for Flash is THICKER than any amount of blood…..

Sentry: -with a dumbfounded expression- And I wish it would've lasted FOREVER…..-Sunset giggles and plants him with even more kisses-

Silver: ...Fair enough….I suppose I don't have to ask you WHY you attacked Shining like that, Flash…

Sentry: Nope. I feel I made that pretty clear with what I said. All Shining ever tried to do was get me to separate myself from Sunny….why would I do that? I LOVE Sunny...and I proved that after the show…when we-

Sunset: -blushes- Flash! That was supposed to be between you, me, and the bed-sheets!

Flash: Heh heh..-cuddles with Sunset-...all Shining ever cared about was to get me to stop taking Sunny's bait…-talks like he's talking to a puppy- and how could I do that? She's so sweet and innocent! -Sunset inserts a hand up Flash's shirt, feeling him up- ...So I BAITED HIM in….

Silver: How do you feel about your upcoming match with Shining at Retribution?

Sentry: It's unnecessary. For both parties. I already sent my message to Shining. NOBODY is going to take my girl from me. I also did Shining a favor….now he can be with HIS girlfriend all he wants...he just has to NOT show up at Retribution. Simple….

Silver: Does this mean that The BroMans are over?

Sentry: If Shining is my friend, my BROTHER, like he says he is...he will APOLOGIZE to me and Sunset. And he will just….let us be. If he is willing to do that, I am willing to continue my partnership with him. Through thick and thin! All he has to do is admit his mistakes….because me and Sunny are in LOVE. And nothing can take that away from us…

Silver: Sunset? Are you proud of Flash?

Sunset: You have no idea how proud I am….-giggles- For so long he was too afraid to FIGHT for our love! I can't tell you how many times I overheard Shining Armor practically BEGGING Flash to stay away from me!

Flash: I just couldn't take it anymore, baby….I couldn't STAND what he was saying about you….

Sunset: I'm so glad you shut him up….does he have any idea how AWFUL the things he said made me feel? Does he even CARE? -sniffles-

Flash: I'm sure he does now, babe...and if he doesn't….I guess I'll have to BEAT his apology out of him!

Sunset: Ooohhh...so AGGRESSIVE! -licks Flash's abs- I LOVE IT!

Flash: Oh man...I'm the pussy? Well how come Shining was the one lying on his BACK last week?

Silver: ...Because you blindsided him….

Flash: Blindsi-man, forget this! I've got a match with THIS gorgeous lady…-puts an arm around Sunset- We'll see who the PUSSY is by the end of tonight! -walks off-

Sunset: You're MY pussy, baby….

Flash: Oh….I mean if YOU wanna call me that, then I guess I can oblige…

-the happy couple continue to giggle, as Silver Shill hopes he never has to conduct an interview like that again-

Garble: -with The Oddities theme playing in the background- Ha ha! Poor Shill. He can take my job if he wants! Then I wouldn't have to deal with YOU, 'Zotl!

Ahuizotl: You wouldn't be able to stay away and you KNOW it.

Garble: -sighs-...I guess not. #CommentatorBros!

Ahuizotl: No.

Garble: Awww…-tweets out sadface-

Madden: The following MIXED...TAG TEAM MATCH...is scheduled for ONE FALL! Currently in the ring, accompanied by THE ODDITIES! At a combined weight, of 365 POOOUNNDSSS! Hugh Jelly, and MIIIDDNIIIGHT STRRIIKKEE!

Ahuizotl: I don't know about you, boy, but I am already FED UP with this Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry CRAP!

Garble: It's like Ron Jeremy got ahold of The Notebook script and flipped it to his perverse liking….it's pretty sexy doe, can't lie.

Ahuizotl: Speaking of lovers, odd as it may be, Hugh Jelly and Midnight Strike are lovers as well. So this is going to be a very rare Couple vs Couple match.

Garble: I got the perfect name for it too, 'Zotl…."Lover's Quarrel"!

Ahuizotl: Nice! So which EWF fan tweeted that out to you?

Garble: ….that obvious?

Ahuizotl: Yeah.

Garble: -sigh-...It was actually Ron Jeremy. RealRonJeremy.

Ahuizotl: Wow. You know you've hit it big when Ron Jeremy tweets you.

Garble: Actually, I think it might be a fake account….hold up, I'm going to ask him if I can be in one of his movies! If he says yes, then HEY IT'S RON JEREMY and also HOLY SHIT GRANDMA YOU CAN SEE YOUR GRANDSON ON THE MUCH ANTICIPATED "THUNDERCUNTS" SEQUEL!

Ahuizotl: …..-clears throat-...match. That should be happening….

*And now….it's all over now….* -MONDAY NIGHT LUNACY IS SPONSORED BY "HONEY BOO BOO"-

Madden: Aaaand THEIR OPPONENTS! At a combined weight, of 368 POOOUNDS! Flash Sentry, and the EWF...Crater Chick CHAMPIOOONN….SUNSEEETT...SHIMMEERR!

Ahuizotl: I am so disgusted in this young man….so he and Shining Armor lost a few matches. BIG DEAL! It was all because of that JEZEBEL Sunset Shimmer!

Garble: Shining Armor was being a BAD FRIEND trying to break these two kids up! They were DESTINED for each other, 'Zotl!

Ahuizotl: Destined MY ASS! Flash was DESTINED to be nothing more than a lap dop! I don't know what Sunset told him to get him to MALICIOUSLY assault his BEST FRIEND, the guy who let Flash sleep on the bottom bunk in The Philippines just so he could pee whenever he wanted to without making noise, even though he didn't like the top bunk! THAT's friendship, Garble! And I don't know what she said to ruin that, but I bet it wasn't a lot!

Garble: She said what she HAD to in order to keep her relationship alive! She's a WONDERFUL girlfriend! I would do EVERYTHING in my power to have a woman like Sunset sleeping by my side every night!

Ahuizotl: For all you know she probably makes Flash sleep on the FLOOR!

Garble: Yeah, they probably BOTH do, since they broke the bed with all their hump-

Ahuizotl: Eugh! ENOUGH! I hope that Hugh and Midnight make Star-Crossed Lovers out of these two…

Match 2: Hugh Jelly and Midnight Strike w/ Dance Fever and Clip Clop vs Flash Sentry and Sunset Shimmer

-Sunset spits right in Hugh's face as soon the bell rings, allowing Flash to take advantage and knock him down to the mat with a dropkick. Sunset laughs in pleasure, but is soon taken out of the equation by a crossbody from Midnight. Flash immediately worries for her safety, and that allows Hugh to get a quick roll up on him-

Garble: Flash YOU IDIOT! YOU BETTER KICK OUT IF YOU WANT DAT BOOTY TONIGHT!

-1….2….-Flash kicks out-

Garble: Thew! I'm happy for him...be a shame if he had to miss out on THAT…

Ahuizotl: Yeah, THAT….she sounds worth the absence to me…

-13 minutes later-

-Hugh has Flash setup for The Sticky Situation, but Flash counters and sends Hugh into his corner, where Sunset is waiting for him. She grabs the top of his head with both hands, and jumps off of the apron, forcing his neck to collide into the top rope. The crowd boos as Flash immediately looks to finish off Hugh-

Garble: Awww! What a delicate little flower Sunset is!

Ahuizotl: Give me a break….

-Flash snarls in anger, and when Hugh gets up….-

*FLASH FLOOD!* -the crowd can't help but still be in awe of the incredible finisher-

Garble: BEAUTIFUL! ALMOST as beautiful as Sunset!

Ahuizotl: I'd like to see HER get hit with one of those….

Garble: -gasps- YOU MONSTER!

-1….2….3! -many boos-

Madden: Here are YOUR winners! Flash Sentry...and SUNSEEETTT...SHIMMER!

Garble: Flash is BACK ON TRACK, baby! This new attitude of his is going to lead him to the promise land, let me tell ya! He shouldn't have ever even teamed up with that anchor Shining Armor!

Ahuizotl: Oh yeah...because it's Shining Armor's fault that the BroMans were a complete failure….

Garble: Glad you see it my way, 'Zotl!

Ahuizotl: I didn't mean it like TH-screw it. Blah blah blah I am disgusted blah blah blah….

-Sunset and Flash celebrate by making out, though Sunset stops when she sees Midnight checking on Hugh. She grabs Flash's jaw and forcefully turns it to meet with Midnight. She then nods her head towards Midnight's direction, to which Flash responds with by grabbing Midnight's hair, earning even more boos from the crowd-

Ahuizotl: GODDAMMIT! STOP WHERE YOU STAND!

-Sunset grins wider the more Flash positions Midnight for the Flash Flood. As he puts her head between his legs, Clip Clop and Dance Fever are in the ring, running the two crazed lovers off-

Ahuizotl: GOOD! Get them the hell out of here! They're SICK! Is that all it takes! Just a NOD from that bitch and Flash'll do anything she wants him to?!

Garble: Love makes you do weird things, 'Zotl…

Ahuizotl: Yeah, like the love your mom and dad had made YOU. A REALLY weird thing!

Garble: You can't use Berry Punch's joke and expect it to work for you. -shakes his head-

Ahuizotl: Oh, whatever! The fact is is that Flash Sentry is so completely enamored by this woman that he would STAB his best friend in the back, and nearly flip a woman into the air and drop her on her head without even batting an EYELASH?!

Garble: Like Flash said...he'll do ANYTHING to please Sunset….

Ahuizotl: Why? So she can "please" him?! I would pass...THE WOMAN DRANK BLOOD! Who KNOWS what I would catch!

-Sunset doesn't nibble, but she BITES Flash's earlobe, eliciting a pained growl from Flash-

Ahuizotl: If it hurts, then why does he LIKE IT?!

Garble: JESUS, 'Zotl! It's called FOREPLAY!

Ahuizotl: Yeah, and foreplay is for the BEDROOM!

Garble: Sunset Shimmer's BEST FOR BUSINESS! She can shag wherever she'd like….

Ahuizotl: Do you hear yourself right now?!

Garble: No, but I do hear you AND I DON'T LIKE IT. So it's time for a commercial break.

Ahuizotl: By all means, get your composure back….God knows we wouldn't want you not at your absolute BEST out here…

-Midnight glares at Sunset as the rest of the Oddities check on Hugh. Sunset and Flash aren't even paying attention to her, as they are too busy rubbing their private parts together-

Crowd: GET A ROOM! GET A ROOM! GET A ROOM! GET A ROOM!

*Commercial*

Garble: -as "You're Going Down" by Sick Puppies plays in the background- We would like to give special thanks to Sick Puppies, for "You're Going Down"! The official theme song of EWF Retribution, which is a little less than three weeks away!

Ahuizotl: I cannot wait for it, boy! Proving Grounds put the EWF on the MAP, and Retribution is sure to pick up where it left off!

*Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful...don't hate me cuz I speak true…* -BOO, BOO, BOO. BA-BOO, BOO BOO. Oh sorry just tuning my guitar-

Madden: The following contest...is scheduled for ONEEE FAAALLL! Introducing FIRST! Accompanied to the ring, by ONE HALF...of the Chick...Combo Champions...Silver Spoon! From LONEYVILLE! Weighing in at 117 POOOUNDS! DIAAAAMOOND...TIIIIIARAAAAAA!

Garble: Speaking of Retribution, THIS young lady will have a match there!

Ahuizotl: That's right. Announced earlier tonight, Diamond Tiara will battle the rough and tumble offense of Berry Punch. It's sure to be a saliva-splatter!

Garble: ...The HELL did you just say…?

Ahuizotl: Funny...usually I'm saying that to YOU every week….

*A hundred thousand stories...have filled my head…* -it's not often BOTH superstars in a match are being booed, but hey, anything can happen in deh Eh Dubya Eff-WAIT NO BOO PUN?! I'VE LOST MY TOUCH-

Madden: Aaaand...HER OPPONENT! From LONEYVILLE! Weighing in at 123 POUNDS! She is...the Eternal...WOMMEENNN'SSSSSS CHAMPIOOONN…..TWIIIIILIIIIGHHTTT….SPARKLE!

Garble: And we all already know that Twilight will be in action at Retribution, as well. She'll be in the FEATURE match, which is what you can expect when you're the CHAMPION…..and best for business.

Ahuizotl: Ugh! This is too much! It's coming to the point where I want Lightning Dust to win at Retribution, because we KNOW that Luna and Swirlinaitis aren't going to call her...THAT.

Garble: Call her what? -leans his ear towards Ahuizotl-

Ahuizotl: There is no way I'm going to say that….

Garble: Say what?

Ahuizotl: NO!

Garble: SAY IT, YOU JERK! SAY IT!

Ahuizotl: RING THE BELL!

Match 3: Diamond Tiara w/ Silver Spoon vs Twilight Sparkle

Ahuizotl: This is Twilight's first match since winning the Eternal Women's Championship at Proving Grounds…

Garble: And you're going to see just WHY Ms. Luna and Mr. Swirlinaitis picked HER to lead the EWF for the foreseeable future. You have my word….

Crowd: WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF!

*Now trending on Twitter: #FlashPusstry, #SalivaSplatter, #BestforBusiness*

-16 minutes later-

-Close to the corner, Diamond Tiara goes for The Diamond Cutter, but Twilight counters by shoving Diamond in the air. Diamond's "v-section" (you know) crashes into the ringpost, causing the crowd to "OHHH." Diamond's lower back now straddles the middle turnbuckle, as she writhes in pain-

Crowd: HOW'S YOUR PUS-SY? *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* HOW'S YOUR PUS-SY? *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* HOW'S YOUR PUS-SY? *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Garble: Typical Lunacy fans...THIS IS SERIOUS! Diamond's hymen could be ruptured!

Ahuizotl: -gasps- I think I've finally figured out why you're so whiny always!

Garble: This isn't the best time….

Ahuizotl: So...when was it when YOUR hymen ruptured?

Garble: ...Okay...now this is the WORST time…

-Twilight grabs Diamond by the neck, pulling her off of the middle rope a bit, and then executing a neckbreaker. As soon as Twilight can hook Diamond's leg, Silver Spoon interrupts the possible ending of the match by double axe handling Twilight's back. The crowd begins to boo as the bell rings, signaling the end of a very competitive match-

Ahuizotl: Twilight might of had it there! Can't Silver Spoon keep her moldy self outside the ring where it belonged at the moment?

Garble: Like a GOOD FRIEND, Silver Spoon was worrying about Diamond Tiara's health! HER HYMEN COULD BE RUPTURED, GODDAMMIT!

Ahuizotl: She's a COMPETITOR. She's supposed to fight through it!

Garble: NOBODY CAN FIGHT THROUGH A RUPTURED HYMEN!

-Silver Spoon grabs onto the top rope with both hands, and begins choking Twilight with her boot, as Diamond continues to lay on her back in the corner. The cheer percentage of the crowd suddenly goes up to 100%-

Ahuizotl: Wait! It's...Lightning Dust?!

-Lightning Dust enters the ring, and clobber Silver with a roundhouse kick when she turns around. Silver falls to the mat and then rolls out of the ring like a forgotten tumbleweed-

Crowd: LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST! LIGHT-NING-DUST!

Garble: But she DESPISES Twilight! Why did she help her?

-Lightning retrieves the Eternal Women's championship from the timekeeper's table, and then re-enters the ring. Twilight has positioned herself seated by the ropes in the ring. When Lightning approaches her, title in hand, she stands up-

Crowd: KNOCK HER OUT! KNOCK HER OUT! KNOCK HER OUT! KNOCK HER OUT!

-Twilight has a pleading look on her face as she looks into Lightning's eyes. Lightning has a slight curl in her upper lip-

Garble: Are these two going to duke it out before Retribution?!

-Lightning lightly shoves the title into Twilight's chest, and walks out of the ring without a second's hesitation. The crowd seems very disappointed by the lack of Twilight GETTIN' KNOCKED DAH FUCK OUT, MAN-

Ahuizotl: Either Lightning Dust is playing games, or she finally sees the innocence in Twilight Sparkle…

Garble: I doubt that. Lightning's pretty stubborn. She'll be in action in the main event, though. Maybe she wants to take out her aggression on Rarity.

Madden: The winner of this match...by DISQUALIFICATIOOONNN….TWILIIIIIGHT...SPAAAARKLE!

-Twilight looks at the stage in confusion. She then looks at her title, and leaves the ring, slapping hands with few kids on her trek back up the stage-

*Backstage…*

-Timmy Tmz (pronounced TIMMY TIMS) stops Lightning Dust in the hallway on her way back from the ring-

Timmy: Lightning Dust! -she turns around- What was that out there? You had the opportunity to DROP Twilight Sparkle...but you didn't take it.

Lightning: Yeah...yeah, I didn't...I helped her sorry ass...and it WASN'T because I felt sorry for her…

Timmy: Then why did you help her?

Lightning: Because I want Twilight to be 100% for Proving Grounds, so I can HANDILY beat her ass, and regain what is rightfully MINE, the Eternal Women's championship. Beating an injured Twilight would make my victory tainted, and that would not be well on my psyche…I want Twilight at her BEST.

Timmy: Do you fear that you not be left at your "best" following your match with Rarity tonight?

Lightning: There's a strong possibility that Rarity is going to weaken me some-hell, A LOT. She's another competitor, like Rainbow Dash, that I respect. I know we're going to have a match worthy of the main event, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I DO plan to use Rarity to send a STATEMENT to Twilight, and those two schmucks hiding in their air conditioned office right now….they're next after I get my title back...-walks off-

*Commercial…*

-As we return, we see Twist in the ring sucking on a heart lollipop probably laced with arsenic. Her theme song plays in the background, as everybody in the arena awaits her weekly death, though they refuse to even look at her, insteading opting to turn their backs-

Garble: Last week was the greatest Twist squash to date...as she was LITERALLY SQUASHED by a giant rock, known simply as Tom.

Ahuizotl: Nobody knows how that rock was even able to get to the ring, let alone WIN A MATCH. Who gives a damn, though? As long as each Twist match ends with her in pain I'm fine…

Garble: He was probably animatronic. Or possessed by some weird chicks in the bayou….

Ahuizotl: Are you by any chance talking about this strange group we've been seeing pop up on Lunacy at the end of the show for the past few weeks?

Garble: Yeah, I am...from what we've been told...they are known simply...as The Wythyst Family...take a look, into their warped world…

?: What shall it profit a man...that gains the world...but loses his soul on the way?

-The same heavy breathing, as well as the usual guitar riff kicks in, as we hear the cackle of the fedora lady, who has gained more weight once again. She at one point is standing on a stump, with her eyes closed, her head down, and her arms outstretched. Her followers watch her, entranced. She twirls in the woods as the lady in the flannel watches from afar. The camera travels down a road for a second, and then gives us a quick glimpse of a trailer from far away.-

?: You guys know me right? -a sign is displayed that says "NO TRESPASSING. Violators will be prosecuted.- I'm that person that helps you unsolve..all the riddles-elaborates..of your own mind! -the fedora lady looks around her as she stands in the woods. She then looks up at the sky.- Blame the new selfishness, that you never even knew!-a consciousness..UNDISCOVERED!

-the same rocking horse that rocks on its own is shown, and then the grasshopper that walks forward and then backward. The lady with the sheep mask in one frame is standing still in the very back of the woods, but in the next frame she is shown to be much farther up, and looking out to her side, her body twisted in direction. There is a quick shot of a dirt mound, followed by a shot of the fedora lady laughing, her purple, stringy hair flowed over her face. The figurine of a little girl with a basket is shown again, followed by a shot of the fedora lady in the dark. A split second later, an orange light shines through the cracks of the door she is standing in, and we can see that she has a menacing look on her face.-

?: And whether they like it or not…-a shot of a barb-wire fence- WHETHER THEY REFUSE IT OR NOT- -the fedora lady is looking up at the wooden ceiling of the house she stands in, quite intrigued. Suddenly, the music stops, and our ears are met with the eerie sound of something you would hear in a movie. It's like a poltergeist screech. As it plays, the lady with the sheep mask is shown standing in the woods, though it is rather blurry. After a second, her statute becomes less blurry. We can slightly hear children giggling in the background.-

-It is dark, but a barn door slowly open, revealing the fedora lady rocking in her chair, the lady with the sheep mask and the lady with the flannel guarding her.-

?: We will pry their eyes open…-the sound of a faucet being tightened by a wrench-

Flannel lady: We are the ones…

?: And force them...to watch…-it skips around, as we hear the giggles of the fedora lady.-

Sheep lady: We're coming….-as she walks through the woods, the flannel lady watching ahead of her-

?: -a scary close up on her face- RUN…

-more laughter from the fedora lady, as we see the table which holds the antique doll from before. The fedora lady points off into the distance, as the shot goes back to the doll, and then back to the barn, where the rocking chair rocks by itself.-

?: -in a flash, appears in front of the rocking chair, dressed in a brown apron- I! AM THE EATER OF WORLDS! -there is darkness once again, as we hear the primal scream of a little girl-

-the children's laughter returns, and so does the light, as we see the fedora lady staring back at us. Her upper lip twitches, her eyes wild.-

?: ….RUN….-darkness one final time-...We're coming…

-We cut back to the arena, as we hear the cheers and applause of the audience, and we see the stunned looks of Ahuizotl and Garble-

Ahuizotl: They say they are coming...we do not know WHY..we do not know WHEN...but one thing is for certain...these fans are READY for them.

Garble: So am I, 'Zotl! Ya know, many in the back are alarmed by this Wythyst Family...I, however, welcome them to Lunacy with open arms! -Ahuizotl stares at him- What? It's already crazy here, man! Why not just pile it on? Besides, maybe they're nice ladies…-Ahuizotl rolls his eyes- So they make the children scream! You heard them laugh in there too, though! Maybe they have a...a-a- daycare center!

Ahuizotl: Oh will you stop it? We've got a Twist match to call.

Garble: Well YEAH, of course I'm not gonna stop! I don't wanna watch that cootie-bucket wrestle!

Ahuizotl: But you get to watch her be mercilessly BEATEN, keep that in mind.

Garble: Hmmm…-thinks-...You're right! WHOEVER IS FIGHTING HER, KILL HER! I WANT HER DEAD! MURDER HER WITH YOUR ENTIRE BEING!

*EGO's theme. Whatever it is, IT PLAYS….*

Garble: ...HMM?!

Madden: Aaaand HER OPPONENT! From CANTERLOT! Weighing in at 125 POOOOUNDSS...FLEEEURRR..DE LIIIS!

Garble: Ooohh...THAT makes WAY more sense! I thought Twist was going to fight Gustave or Fancy, which also would've been acceptable!

Ahuizotl: But instead, we are...treated? I guess treated, with the singles DEBUT of Fleur De Lis!

Garble: Normally, I would say that Twist is screwed, but the only match Fleur has had was that battle royal where everyone threw her out at once. Other than that, NOTHING. At least Twist has a bit more experience in the ring. But she sucks so that means nothing.

Ahuizotl: Getting down to it, Fleur is going to HAVE to wrestle, because she's got to face Applejack at Retribution, and you DON'T want to go into a match unprepared against APPLEJACK.

Garble: True. She'll cut you down like a decrepit apple tree….

-Fleur jumps on the apron, and looks out to the crowd with a wink. She enters the ring, and flips her hair, sliding down as she holds on to the top rope. Many flashbulbs go off-

Ahuizotl: I guess I've gotta give points to the young lady for coming out here ALONE.

Garble: Granted, there shouldn't be much to worry about...I mean, it's TWIST…

Match 4: Twist vs Fleur De Lis

-As the bell rings, a small rock drops from the sky. As it hits the mat, a small, rolled up note stands out among the many tiny crumbs of earth.-

Twist: Huh...whath's tith? -she picks up the note, and begins to read it.-

"Meet me at Retribution...and I will ROCK YOUR WORLD.

P.S. Stay away from Tom, you cheeky slut. You know not the sediments you tamper with."

-Twist looks up, and notices a pair of turquoise eyes staring down at her in the rafters. They disappear when spotted.-

Ahuizotl: Hmmm…..I don't even know.

Garble: Yeah me neither. Looks like someone has ACTUALLY set their sights on Twist for once, though….ick.

Ahuizotl: I'm sure this person has their reasons.

Twist: Oh hey I'm suppothed to loth rith abouth now. -looks up-

*DDT 6!* (though you fancy sheets can call it "Lis de Resistance")

Garble: Hey, at least she knows her place!

-Fleur poses on top of Twist's body as her way of a pin-

-1…..2….3! The crowd boos, as they were hoping for more Twist abuse. Fleur celebrates like she had just gotten followed by Ron Jeremy on Twitter, though-

*Now trending on Twitter: The Wythyst Family, Lightning Dust*

Madden: Here is YOUR WINNER...FLEEEUURR...DE LIIIIS!

Garble: That was the greatest pin I've ever seen….

Ahuizotl: Fleur has a win under her belt, but Twist is NO Applejack….

Garble: No shit. You're right, though. EGO had better be training Fleur HARD for this match, or else that beautiful face of hers isn't going to be making money for quite a while…

Ahuizotl: -as Fleur continues to pose- I truly am interested in who that was that threatened Twist.

Garble: Who HASN'T threatened Twist? She gets so much hate mail that the post office just sends it to her already dug grave.

Ahuizotl: Doesn't shock me at all, truthfully…

-As Twist lays unconscious on the mat, the turquoise eyes return at the top of the rafters, staring down at her.-

Garble: ….Damn dude.

*Interview Area…*

Silver: I am now standing by with the Carnage Champion, Rumble…-Rumble is revealed to be taking selfies WHAT A SHOCKER- and of course, he is escorted by Bulk Biceps, Flitter, and Cloudchaser…-Flitter and Cloudchaser do slutty things like check to see if their manicure was well executed, and Bulk Biceps looks intimidating- Rumble, many people have been asking for the past week, WHY did you interrupt the match between Damien Sandow and Bill Nyeker?

Rumble: -gives Silver a "isn't it obvious" look- Because I'm the King of Cuteville, that's why…

Silver: But..why were you so shocked to see that Sandow won by disqualification? Didn't you know that was going to happen?

Rumble: Of course I did! I'm not the Carnage Champion for nothing! I figured if I interfered then the match would be ruled a no contest.

Silver: And why would you want that?

Rumble: I'm not BLIND, you know...I see all those hacks on social media, labelling me as nothing more than a "pretty boy", saying that I don't DESERVE this championship, yet my brother over on Sublime can retain his title by countout and nobody bats an eye! I haven't even been champion a MONTH, and I'm already SICK of it! I needed to prove myself, and figured defending my title against TWO uggos AT ONCE would silence my not so lovely critics. It didn't initially work out how I wanted it to, but I'm glad that Mr. Swirlinaitis gave me this opportunity. The opportunity to prove that I AM a better and more deserving champion than BLUNDERLANE, and that I AM more than just a pretty face! -walks off in a huff, his posse close behind.-

Garble: Inspiring words by the Gorgeous One. He's fed up with all of these naysayers calling his title victory a fluke! He pinned Overdrive in the middle of the ring!

Ahuizotl: Sure. After a smartphone was smashed over the back of his head….

Garble: It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, there is no asterisk by Rumble's name in the record book. He won the title, and he'll be defending at Retribution! Where is Overdrive now? In the pit of irrelevancy.

Ahuizotl: You won't be saying that in one year's time, I guarantee you. He's a star in the making Overdrive is.

Garble: Eh. Speaking of stars, we are joined here at ringside by one of the men Rumble will be defending his title against at Retribution...Mr. William Nyeker!

Nyeker: Thank you, Mr. Garble for the remarkable introduction.

Garble: -cute anime face- Oh, it's nothing, sir! I am so glad you are out here!

Nyeker: Well, it's more to track my students' progress than anything, but it's nice to take a break from the woes of teaching. These students of mine are just so jejune sometimes...I don't think I can go on. You on the other hand, Mr. Garble, are a PRIME example of the perfect student. I can envision you graduating any day now. Mr. Ahuizotl, on the other hand…-looks down at his end of the announce table- still has some room for improvement….

Garble: Yeah, 'Zotl! You should be more like me!

Ahuizotl: Boy, you are no angel. I know for a fact that you were the kid that thought the wrapping of a crayola crayon was edible…

Garble: -whispers- The crayon itself, too….-frowns, as Mr. Nyeker removes Garble's gold stars from his chart- DAMMIT!

Nyeker: That's strike one.

*RUMBLE'S THEME. IT'S SWAGGALICIOUS, DAWG. There are also cheers there. A lot. Alright.*

Madden: The following contest...is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing FIRST! Accompanied to the ring...by Bulk Biceps..Flitter..and Cloudchaser! From LONEYVILLE! Weighing in at 192 POOOUNDS! He is, the CarnAAAGGEEE ChampIOOONNN…..RrrrrrrrUMBLLLLLLEEEE!

Ahuizotl: Rumble is officially on a mission now. His title victory WOULD'VE been impressive, but he had Flitter and Cloudchaser to help him all the way. We'll see if Rumble is truly set on fighting his own battles for once.

Garble: You seem to forget that OVERDRIVE was the one that wanted Flitter and Cloudchaser in the match. It's not Rumble's fault that he was feuding with a dummy. It's a shame you didn't open up your classroom while Overdrive was still relevant, Mr Nyeker.

Nyeker: I could've taught him so much. It seemed that his brain was already rusted over when he was built in that chop shop. I hope he didn't drop out of my class, but then again, I wouldn't be surprised.

*HALLELUJAH….* -a chorus of cheers follow, as Mr. Nyeker scowls at the arrival of his least favorite student-

Madden: Aaaand HIS OPPONENT! From Palo Alto, CALIFORNIA! Weighing in at 247 POOOUNDS! He is, the Intellectual Savior of DEM ASSES...DAAAMIEEENNN..SAAANDOOWW!

Ahuizotl: And he's got another pair of ladies by his side! Where does he get them at?

Garble: Sluts Я Us.

Ahuizotl: Can you really say that with the way Flitter and Cloudchaser are dressed?

-Bulk Biceps bangs his hands on the table, glaring ferociously at Ahuizotl. He backs away after a few moments, but refuses to take his eyes off of him-

Garble: Nah, I can't...but apparently you can't say THAT.

-Sandow is wearing some heart-shaped sunglasses, with a teddy bear that is holding a heart that says "Shag Me" clipped to his robe. He hands it to one of the ladies, who graciously accepts it, and kisses the bear on the nose-

Nyeker: Ugh...absolutely repulsive…

Ahuizotl: Well, Valentine's Day IS coming up….

Nyeker: Yes, VALENTINE'S DAY, not INTERCOURSE DAY!

Garble: It's funny, because those are both on the same day this year…

Ahuizotl: Ha ha! I see what you did...Ha ha!

Nyeker: Your status as my most prized student has gone down a vast amount over the past few minutes, Mr. Garble…-Garble frowns-

Ahuizotl: Speaking of, Bill...which one of these students ranks higher among your favorite?

Nyeker: I truly cannot tolerate either of them...but I suppose I have to give the slight edge to Mr. Rumble. He has broken the no cell phone rule in class, but Mr. Sandow has violated the class dress code, as well as INTERRUPTING ME WHEN I AM TEACHING!

Garble: Isn't that the Golden Rule?

Nyeker: Why, yes it is. Thank you for paying attention, Mr. Garble. Speaking of gold...I plan to acquire my fair share of it when I defeat these two miscreants at Retribution…

Match 5: Damien Sandow w/ Dah Assets vs Rumble w/ Bulk Biceps, Flitter, and Cloudchaser

-11 minutes later-

-Sandow sets up for his fancy elbow after delivering his Russian legsweep-

Garble: Sandow is in complete control. He's got the champion reeling!

Nyeker: And I'm about to reel him in…-takes off his headset, determined-

Garble: M-Mr. Nyeker! Where ya going?!

-Nyeker jumps on the ring apron before Sandow can execute his elbow. Sandow tries to knock Nyeker off with the elbow originally intended for Rumble, but Nyeker jumps off at the last second-

Garble: Thew...that was a close shave. I would fall to a pile of nothing if Mr. Nyeker wasn't around to teach me!

-Sandow turns around, and is met with Rumble's spinning heel kick finisher-

Ahuizotl: The Beauty Mark! Rumble hits The Beauty Mark!

-Nyeker looks pleased by his actions, as Rumble hooks the leg-

-1...2...3!-many cheer, though it's not hard to hear some boos mixed in there-

Madden: Here is YOUR WINNER! The Carnage Champion...RrrrrrrrUMBLLLEEEEE!

-Rumble grabs his cell phone from the corner of the ring, and wastes no time in snapping selfies as the referee presents him with his championship.-

Garble: A step in the right direction for Rumble! He's on his way to proving everybody wrong!

Ahuizotl: He won that match after interference from Bill Nyeker! That's hardly "fair."

Garble: It's not Rumble's fault that Sandow and Mr. Nyeker hate each other! What can Rumble do? Tell him to go away? This is HIS classroom!

Ahuizotl: Rumble truly is the odd man out in this equation right now...Sandow is having a match, but he also has to worry about Nyeker at the same time!

Garble: Sandow would've done the same thing, that ingrate.

-Nyeker enters the ring, and looks to inflict more punishment on Sandow, but he is also met with The Beauty Mark from Rumble! The crowd is immensely pleased-

Garble: Now COME ON, Rumble! There was no call for that!

Ahuizotl: Ya know, maybe Rumble is upset that Nyeker interfered in his match. Perhaps he wanted to beat Sandow ON HIS OWN. There was NO interference from Bulk Biceps, Flitter, OR Cloudchaser over the course of this match.

Garble: Well then kick him in the face during the triple threat match! Mr. Nyeker was just giving Sandow some discipline, and THAT doesn't concern Rumble! Rumble just made this VERY personal….

Ahuizotl: HOW was it not ALREADY personal?! There's a championship at stake here!

-Sandow's ladies try to enter the ring to assist their man, but Flitter and Cloudchaser pull them off the apron, and ram them into the barricade at the same time-

Ahuizotl: Now THAT'S uncalled for, boy!

Garble: -taken aback- Calm down, 'Zotl…

Ahuizotl: Calm down?! You're the one that's yelling because you're a teacher's PET!

Garble: -gasps- I'LL MEET YOU OUT BY THE MONKEY BARS!

Ahuizotl: Fine! 3:30. BE THERE.

Garble: I can't THEN! I have piano practice!

Ahuizotl: Alright HEY wanna jump some rope?

Garble: SURE.

-Rumble lays down between both of his fallen opponents, and snaps selfies, as the title is precisely placed across his chest-

Crowd: RUMBLE'S GOR-GEOUS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* RUMBLE'S GOR-GEOUS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* RUMBLE'S GOR-GEOUS! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

*Commercial…*

*Everybody's starry eyed...and everybody glows...OH!* -SO MANY CHEERS CAN YOU EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF CHEERAGE THAT IS HAPPENING?-

Madden: The following contest...is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing FIRST! Accompanied…by Fluttershy! From Loneyville! Weighing in at 127 POOOUNDS...RAARRRITYYY!

Garble: There she is, 'Zotl! As far as I'm concerned, the M...V...P, when it comes to wrestling matches, here in the EWF!

Ahuizotl: Absolutely. Her two bouts against Colgate will NEVER be forgotten, and her match 2 weeks ago against Midnight Strike is something you have to see to believe...this woman, is simply SPECTACULAR.

Garble: And at Retribution, she faces her biggest challenge YET, when she is pitted against the ever sadistic Sunset Shimmer.

Ahuizotl: For the Crater Chick championship, no less! And that is no doubt going to be another stellar match. But first… Rarity is going to put on a CLINIC...with THIS woman….

*Welcome to the Danger Zone* -HI! MILLY BAYS HERE WITH THIS INCREDIBLE OFFER! IF YOU BUY ONE ARENA FULL OF SCREAMING FANS, I'LL THROW IN A SECOND, ABSOLUTELY FREE!-

Garble: They are on THEIR FEET!

Madden: Aaaand HER OPPONENT! From CLOOOUDSDAALLEEE! Weighing in at 123 POOOUNDSS! LLLLLLLLIGHTTTNIIING...DUST!

Ahuizotl: You wanna talk about determination? You wanna talk about DRIVE? This woman, Lightning Dust, EXEMPLIFIES these terms! She hasn't wrestled since Proving Grounds. We all know the story…

Garble: Yeah, she was HUMBLED!

Ahuizotl: She was robbed. Nobody can deny that. She wants Twilight Sparkle at 100% for their match at Retribution, and that's very noble of her. But for now, she's gotta worry about being 100% against, as you said, one of the greatest wrestlers we have in this business, Rarity.

Garble: Lightning Dust sure as hell ain't no slouch, either. She's not going to let up on Rarity, and Rarity ain't gonna let up on her. It's technicality vs speed here tonight. That's one of the greatest matchups you can have, folks.

Ahuizotl: It's a test of will, for sure. Rarity has to work on grounding Lightning Dust, while Lightning needs to stay away from those dreaded suplexes and draining submissions of Rarity. And lest not forget...that Sequin Special, which is sure to knock the air out of Rarity…

*Now trending on Twitter: Rumble, #CrayolaCrumbs, #AhuizotlvsGarbleUltimateJumpropeMayhem*

Garble: That's going to have to become a thing some day…

Ahuizotl: I'm up for it.

Garble: I'm not. I've seen you double dutch...looks like you're havin' a seizure…

Main Event: Rarity w/ Fluttershy vs Lightning Dust

-Rarity and Lightning Dust shakes hands before locking up. The crowd cheers, and immediately begins to pick sides-

Crowd: LET'S GO RAR-I-TY! LET'S GO LIGHT-NING! LET'S GO RAR-I-TY! LET'S GO LIGHT-NING! LET'S GO RAR-I-TY! LET'S GO LIGHT-NING!

Ahuizotl: It's 50/50! This is going to be a HELL of a main event!

Garble: Let's not stray away from that handshake so quickly. We NEVER saw Lightning show that kind of respect to ANYBODY while she was champion. I'm telling you, 'Zotl. She was straight up HUMBLED after the loss at Proving Grounds.

Ahuizotl: Maybe she was always this respectful, but didn't think she would have to show it because she was the champion. It's hard to say. Maybe basically getting TURNED ON by someone she THOUGHT was her friend helped her learn humility, too.

-6 minutes later-

-Rarity is outside the ring, stirring after being sent out by Lightning Dust. Lightning bounces off the ropes, as the crowd's "OOOHHH" builds up, and then climaxes when halfway out of the ring, Rarity catches Lightning in a DDT, slamming her head right down to the protective padding. Fluttershy silently can't believe what she has just seen, and neither can the fans, as they are going nuts-

Garble: WOW! ….WOW!

Ahuizotl: Lightning Dust was about to rock Rarity with a suicide dive, but Rarity caught her IN MID...FLIGHT. IN MID-FLIGHT...with a DDT! WOW INDEED.

Garble: Th-...thanks...I didn't even know what to say!

Crowd: HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT! HO-LY-SHIT!

Ahuizotl: And we're only SIX MINUTES in! And this crowd is ALREADY letting the expletives fly out! I'm ALREADY on the edge of my seat!

-Rarity quickly shoves Lightning in the ring, but only gets a 2 when she covers her-

Garble: I have a feeling these ladies are JUST getting started….

*Now trending on Twitter: #LightningvsRarity (number 1 trend worldwide)*

-2 minutes later-

-Lightning Dust goes for a roundhouse kick on Rarity, but Rarity catches her leg, and then proceeds to wrap her other arm across Lightning's back-

Garble: Oh no….

-Rarity uses Lightning's own leg to propel her into the air. Lightning's back hits the middle rope, and then the back of her head crashes into the canvas. The crowd is going crazy again-

Garble: AN EXPLODER SUPLEX! Lightning's coccyx just SMASHED right into that turnbuckle pad! What IMPACT!

Ahuizotl: And this is EXACTLY what Lightning should've avoided….

1….2…-Lightning kicks out, as the "LET'S GO LIGHTNING/LET'S GO RARITY" duel chants break out once again-

-5 minutes later-

-Rarity has Lightning locked in an Abdominal stretch. After some inspiration from the crowd, Lightning escapes it by tripping Rarity on her back with one of her legs. Immediately, Lightning jumps into the air, attempting a standing moonsault. Rarity moves out of the way at the last minute, though-

Ahuizotl: UNBELIEVABLE! Rarity's lucky to have avoided that…

-As Lightning stirs, Rarity takes the opportunity to run off the ropes, looking to hit Lightning with a front dropkick as she is on her knees. Lightning leaps over Rarity as her boots are flying right at her face. As she leaps, she is able to grab both of Rarity's feet, and hold her shoulders down to the mat with her body weight. The crowd, yet again, cannot believe what they are seeing-

Ahuizotl: JACKKNIFE PIN! JACKKNIFE PIN! -1….2…-Rarity kicks out-..Man!

Garble: The ATHLETICISM! How does she do all this?!

Ahuizotl: I think it's just natural to her!

Crowd: THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

-8 minutes later-

-Lightning stands on the apron, after having Rarity reeling. She jumps off the ropes, and does a 450 in the air, but Rarity catches her in mid-air. She soon lifts her high into the air, causing blood to rush to Lightning's head. The crowd applauds at the feat of strength-

Ahuizotl: What STRENGTH by Rarity! What is she going to do to Lightning here?

-Lightning knees Rarity on the top of the head, and gets free of her grip. Lightning then presses both of her hands onto Rarity's forehead, and uses the momentum to LEAP backwards out of her grasp, landing on her feet. The crowd cannot stop cheering-

Garble: GodDAMN! She's the Princess of Parkour!

-Lightning immediately hits Rarity with an enziguri-

Ahuizotl: I don't know WHAT Rarity was going for. Could've been a vertical suplex, or a brainbuster, but Lightning Dust had it scouted! She is just THAT GOOD!

-Lightning quickly goes up to the top turnbuckle. She positions herself, and then looks out at the crowd. They are amped up.-

Crowd: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

-Without a second more hesitation, Lightning leaps off the top rope-

Garble: Ask and you shall reCIIIEEEVEEE! -Lightning flips herself in the air, and lands right on Rarity's rib- FUUUUUCK!

Ahuizotl: Corkscrew Shooting Star Press! Lightning calls it "Astraphobia", which is the fear of Lightning!

-1…..2…..DAMN RIGHT IT'S 3! The crowd erupts in cheers, as the bell rings-

Garble: It's over! What. A. MATCH!

Madden: Here is YOUR WINNEEEEEERRR! LLLLLLIGHTNING….DUUUUSSSTTTT!

-Lightning shoots a fist into the air, before standing on the middle rope, looking out at all of her supporters-

Ahuizotl: If you do not believe that Lightning Dust is ready for Retribution...then you, my friend, are a moron. What resolve by Lightning Dust!

Garble: What EVERYTHING by Lightning Dust! AND Rarity! ...Just….just….WOW!

Ahuizotl: Couldn't have said it any better myself! These two women proved why they are in title matches at Retribution! And if Lightning beats Twilight, I think I speak for EVERYBODY when I say that I wouldn't mind seeing Rarity...vs Lightning Dust...for the Eternal Women's Championship!

Garble: No argument out of me there, 'Zotl!

-Lightning Dust grabs a seated Rarity's hand, and pulls her back up to her feet. They shake hands again-

Ahuizotl: ...I love it. That's just incredible. Kudos to these two women! K-U-D-O-S!

-Lightning points at Rarity, and then winks at Fluttershy, who can't help but clap, before leaving the ring. Fluttershy enters the ring, and hugs Rarity-

Fluttershy: That was...I don't even know what to say, Rarity! It was just…

Rarity: Say no more, sweetie. Lightning Dust is a terrific competitor. I'm glad that we could leave you speechless.

Fluttershy: ...I hope I can wrestle as good as you someday…

Rarity: -smiles- You will darling...I know it!

-The crowd gives Rarity a standing ovation, as Fluttershy slowly raises the hand of her friend. It's not very high in the air, because she's shy, but Rarity appreciates it-

Crowd: THANK YOU RAR-I-TY! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU RAR-I-TY! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU RAR-I-TY! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

-You can see tears forming in Rarity's eyes, as we cut to our final commercial-

*Only perfection around…* -the mood turns sour after the spectacular match beforehand-

Garble: It's time, 'Zotl….

Madden: Ladies and gentlemen...please welcome. The General Manager of Lunacy...Luna! And StAAARR...Swirlinaitis!

Garble: The moment has arrived! The greatest General Manager and EVP we could ask for are HERE!

Ahuizotl: They've been promoting for a WEEK that they are going to take care of some kind of problem. I don't know what that could be, but I bet it's something that didn't to be fixed…

Garble: Just sit back and shut up and maybe YOU won't be the problem….

-Luna and Swirlinaitis enter the ring, and are handed a microphone for each-

Crowd: LUNA SUCKS! LUNA SUCKS! LUNA SUCKS! LUNA SUCKS! LUNA SUCKS!

Swirlinaitis: My name...is Mr. Star Swirlinaitis…-mostly boos-..I am the EXECUTIVE Vice President...of Talent Relations. And WOW...how about that main event, huh? -the crowd cheers once again-

Luna: It truly was a classic, and one of the reasons why the Equestrian Wrestling Federation is taking over not only the sports world, but social media as well!

Swirlinaitis: ….We can top that, though.

Luna: Yes, we can. There's no point in repeating ourselves. We are here tonight for ONE reason, and that is to solve a little...dispute we are having.

Swirlinaitis: Not "we" as in..it's a dispute BETWEEN me and Luna..but rather...a contracted EWF employee has been giving us problems since the first show. It's come to the point where he has alienated those around him.

Luna: And it stops TONIGHT….Ahuizotl...come in this ring, please….

-Garble and Ahuizotl look at each other. Ahuizotl gives a "no going back now" shrug, takes off his headset, and proceeds to enter the ring. He is also given a microphone-

-Ahuizotl stands in front of Luna and Swirlinaitis, his hands behind his back-

Luna: ….I think you know why you're here, Ahuizotl…

Ahuizotl: ...I have an idea, yes…

Luna: Ahuizotl, as a commentator here in the EWF...it is YOUR JOB to provide the EWF fans with FAIR and UNBIASED coverage of Lunacy. But ever since the first broadcast, you have blatantly DEFIED this order, instead opting to give your own perspective on what you see…

Ahuizotl: Yes. I'm COMMENTATING WHAT I SEE. And WHAT I SEE, EVERY WEEK, is complete CHAOS. Best friends getting stabbed in the back isn't a rarity around here, it's actually quite common! Blood has been spilt, and DRANK, and the weaknesses of others are both EXPLOITED and EXPANDED UPON. Women like Diamond Tiara and Sunset Shimmer seem hell-bent on making anyone they come across MISERABLE. And you two REWARD that? You REWARD Sunset Shimmer with a title because she ruthlessly INJURED Cadance?! You stand back and do NOTHING as Diamond Tiara and her other skankateers berate Scootaloo? As they mock Berry Punch's alcohol addiction? That's not FAIR! What I say IS FAIR! Who the hell accepts what those women do as being FAIR?

Luna: I hope you realize just how BUSY me and Mr. Swirlinaitis are. This isn't just a "Monday thing"...we have meetings to go to, promotion to set up, whether that be events or television interviews with the talent EVERYDAY. This job doesn't let up. And neither does this BUSINESS-

Ahuizotl: I understand how this business is! I get that if you can't take the abuse, then you should go home. But I'm upset with the EMOTIONAL abuse, not the PHYSICAL! It's one thing to beat somebody in a match, but to RAM THEIR GIRLFRIEND INTO A BARRICADE afterwards? To attempt to CRIPPLE somebody just because your girlfriend "said so"? NO! It doesn't work like that! This is a SPORT, not a PRISON! This arena is called The Asylum because the fans are CRAZY, in a GOOD WAY. They think just like any other normal person, and that is that the crap that goes on here is BULLSHIT! -crowd erupts in cheers-

Swirlinaitis: Hey! Watch your mouth!

Crowd: AHUI-ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* AHUI-ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* AHUI-ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

Luna: It's fine, Mr. Swirlinaitis…-stern look, though the crowd keeps chanting over her as she talks- I understand your frustration. But it doesn't end there, Ahuizotl...since joining the commentary booth, you've also alienated your broadcast partner, Garble…

-Ahuizotl looks back at Garble, who has his hands on his lap, and looks rather sad-

Swirlinaitis: Every time you shouted about something being "unfair", Garble would yell back that it was "totally fair." And then Garble began being unbiased when he would nearly lose his mind when Diamond Tiara or Rumble would show up. You're not supposed to do that! You've got to contain yourself!

Ahuizotl: And do you REALLY believe that Garble thinks like that? We're not ROBOTS, dammit! We can think for ourselves! The fans watching at home sure don't seem to mind…-cheers-

Luna: You are a beloved figure here in the EWF, but you're going to have to do what you're told, Ahuizotl. Both you AND Garble. It's what is Best...for Bus-

Ahuizotl: SHUT UP! -spit flies in Luna's face, as the crowd becomes unglued- STOP SAYING THAT! YOU CALL GIVING A TITLE TO SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T DESERVE IT "BEST FOR BUSINESS"?! YOU CALL SCREWING SOMEONE OUT OF THEIR TITLE "BEST FOR BUSINESS"?! IF YOU KEEP THINKING SHIT LIKE THAT IS "BEST FOR BUSINESS", THE EWF IS GOING TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS! AND IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAU-

-Ahuizotl is met with a slap across the face from Luna before he can finish his sentence. The crowd "OOOH"s before booing. Garble suddenly stands up from his chair-

Luna: ENOUGH! I tried to be civil with you, but you are UNBEARABLE! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Ahuizotl...you've left me no choice...YOU'RE FIRED! -even more boos circle in, as Ahuizotl just stands there, taking the news in- GET OUT OF MY RING! GO!

-Ahuizotl doesn't even beg to differ. He just exits the ring. Garble runs over to him-

Garble: You can't go, man! YOU CAN'T GO!

-Ahuizotl doesn't respond. He just continues to walk up the stage-

Crowd: THANK YOU 'ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU 'ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THANK YOU 'ZOTL! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*

-Garble looks on as Ahuizotl leaves and never looks back. He soon turns around, a furious look on his face. He enters the ring in a huff, and confronts Luna and Swirlinaitis, who share the same satisfied smirk-

Swirlinaitis: It's okay, Garble..he's gone now. You are free! You don't have to be unbiased anymo-

Garble: Free?! I'M free?! I'm pretty sure HE'S the one who is FREE! And I'm happy for him...I truly am….because now he doesn't have to deal with you two assholes, telling him how to do his job!

Luna: You be very careful with what you say, Garble...or else you'll be joining him….

Garble: Oh yeah, I'm very scared of the blueberry in dress pants….-cheers- let me tell you something! There is NOBODY around here, that DOES. THEIR. JOB. BETTER..than AHUIZOTL! -more cheers- He gives SO MUCH to this brand! He is BELOVED by the fans, and you think you're not gonna get your head chewed off for annexing him?!

Luna: Why are you even taking his side? I thought you didn't like him!

Garble: Oh my fuck-...DO YOU EVEN WATCH THE SHOW?! Last week, I said LIIIIIIIVVEEE, that I respected the hell out of that man. But that wasn't news to ME. I've ALWAYS respected him! It's like he just said...do you REALLY think I am happy when Diamond Tiara or Rumble show up?! DO YOU?! Diamond Tiara is a snobby bitch, and Rumble is more concerned over the well-being of his phone than his championship! IT'S PATHETIC! AND YOU ENDORSE IT! I'm not like this….I could NEVER be a cynical asshole like I appear to be every week…

Swirlinaitis: Appear? JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?

Garble: I didn't think I had to spell this out for you, but alright...when I got this job, of course I had to meet Ahuizotl, see if we had any kind of chemistry, because that's important for the kind of thing we were doing. Turns out that we did, even though I'm half his age. Long story short, we wanted to be...different, I guess. We came up with the idea that one of us would agree on one thing that happened, while the other disagreed. We figured it would make for some good TV...we didn't expect everything to be so fucked up around here, but we rolled with it. So, 'Zotl was the white-meat good guy, always pointing out how evil people were, while I defended these bad people with some well-thought-out, yet faulty logic. It worked PERFECTLY. And we were having FUN with it….then things LEGITIMATELY got EVIL. Sunset manipulates Flash week in and week out, Midnight Strike gets rammed into a barricade by a 275 pound dude FOR NO REASON. At this point, 'Zotl is actually PISSED, and I'm having a hard time not speaking my mind myself. Last week, I finally decided to lay off a bit, because 'Zotl was SO FURIOUS that he quit. He STOPPED COMMENTATING, so I decided to play his role, because nobody at home wants to hear one dude just fanboy over bitches and dickheads all night. And then tonight, it all boiled over….you tight-asses just have to have shit YOUR WAY. FUCK YOUR WAY! AHUIZOTL IS MY FRIEND! WE HAD FUN WITH THIS! AND THEN YOU SUCKED THE FUN OUT OF IT BY LETTING ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO STOP IT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DISGUSTED I FEEL WITH MYSELF FOR TRYING TO DEFEND SUNSET SHIMMER WHEN SHE DOES THE SHIT THAT SHE DOES? OR WHEN I HAVE TO KISS YOU TWO CLOWNS ASSES JUST SO AHUIZOTL COULD THROW A QUIRKY COME BACK MY WAY?! IT SUCKS! IT MAKES ME HATE MYSELF AT TIMES! ….But I'll admit...IT STILL FEELS BETTER THAN DOING WHAT YOU FUCKERS SAY, WHICH IS REACT TO NOTHING! HOW CAN YOU REACT TO NOTHING, WHEN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS AROUND YOU...MAKES YOUR BLOOD BOIL?! HOW!? DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS?! YOU DON'T! In five years, you'll be doing seminars on HOW TO DRIVE A COMPANY INTO THE GROUND! THEN YOU'LL HAVE TIPS! Meanwhile, me and Ahuizotl are going to be somewhere where we CAN speak our mind! I'm speaking it right now, and it feels FUCKIIIIIING GOOD! YOU GUYS SUCK! FUCK YOU! -points at Luna- FUCK YOU! -points at Swirlinaitis- WE NEED MORE GOOD STUFF ON THIS SHOW, LIKE THAT MAIN EVENT! -looks at the camera- Lightning Dust...Rarity….GOOD JOB, GIRLS! I wish your matches could overshadow all the shitty things that happen on this show, but that's gonna be difficult, when the ones running it..ARE SHIT! -crowd erupts in cheers-

Swirlinaitis: YOU TOO, DAMMIT! YOU'RE FIRED TOO! -boos-

Garble: You can't fire me..because I! QUIT! -cheers. Garble slams the mic down on the mat, and walks out of the ring. Luna and Swirlinaitis look on in utter disbelief, as Garble flips them both the bird, eliciting even more cheers from the crowd. Garble then salutes his former bosses, and walks off of the stage-

Crowd: GAR-BLE! GAR-BLE! GAR-BLE! GAR-BLE! GAR-BLE!

*Now trending on Twitter: Ahuizotl, Garble, #CommentatorBros*

-Luna has her hands over her head, as Swirlinaitis kicks the ropes in frustration, shouting "DAMMIT!"-

Crowd: YOU GOT PUNK'D! YOU GOT PUNK'D! YOU GOT PUNK'D! YOU GOT PUNK'D!

-The crowd comes alive once again as Lightning Dust jumps over the barricade behind the announce table. She runs into the ring as Swirlinaitis and Luna don't notice her. Lightning taps on Swirlinaitis' shoulder, and kicks him in the balls when he turns around. Luna shrieks as the crowd cheers. Luna tries to exit the ring, but Lightning grabs her by the hair, a wicked smile on her face-

Crowd: FUCK HER UP! FUCK HER UP! FUCK HER UP! FUCK HER UP! FUCK HER UP!

-Before Lightning can do anything drastic, she is clobbered with the Chick Combo championship from behind by Sunset Shimmer. The crowd immediately begins booing, as Luna falls on her rump. Sunset helps her up, and picks Lightning up-

*THE LAST SUNSET!*

-Sunset holds her title up over Lightning's prone body, as Luna and Swirlinaitis, who has just gotten on his feet, applaud furiously-

-Twilight runs down the ramp and into the ring, coming face to face with Sunset, who cannot stop smirking. Sunset takes the initiative to raise Twilight's hand in the air. Twilight is shocked, and cannot react in time before Luna stands by Twilight, and raises her other hand. Swirlinaitis finishes by raising Luna's hand, as the crowd will not let up with their boos, and that is exactly how the show goes off the air. With these 4 standing tall, although Twilight looks like she'd rather be anyplace else-

Crowd: WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF! WE WANT TURF!

Match Results: Scootaloo defeated Silver Spoon by pinfall
Flash Sentry and Sunset Shimmer defeated Hugh Jelly and Midnight Strike by pinfall
Twilight Sparkle defeated Diamond Tiara by disqualification
Fleur De Lis defeated Twist by pinfall
Rumble defeated Damien Sandow by pinfall
Lightning Dust defeated Rarity by pinfall