Once upon a time, in the very happy land known as Equestria, there was a small unicorn foal by the name of Steel Masquerade who happened to be playing on his PS2. Nobody really knew why he played it, or even how he got it. But he had one anyway.

When people asked him why or how he got it, he always replied "Noobs, noobs everywhere." With a relatively interesting look in his eyes, as if he wanted to burn the whole world and capture it only to rule it through a dictatorship in which he would have all these so-called "noobs" slaughtered in cold blood.

Anyway! One day, Steel was sitting and playing the Star Wars Battlefront II on the PS2. When suddenly his dad walked in, covering his ears as much as he could with his hoof.

"Steel!" His father with no name yelled, trying to get his voice through the loud dubstep playing from the Television.

"What? Dad, this is no time to be interrupting me! The CIS have to be destroyed or else we'll all be enslaved and used as zombie laborers!" Steel yelled, turning the speakers down so he could hear his father. "Is it about my grades? They're fine, dad! Mr. Chan said my grades were outstanding and that I'd go far in life!" He yelled again, as if the dubstep was still playing.

"Steel, inside voices please. You didn't even let me begin what I was going to say." His father chuckled.

"Sorry, what is it?" Steel said a bit quieter.

"You've been moved up to the honors class. You'll be going to advanced Language Arts and Math lessons 'n crap like that. Anyway, I've got to go to work. See you at dinner?" His father said quickly.

"Yep, see you at dinner." Steel beamed, so full with excitement that he dropped his controller on the floor.

"SHORYUKEN!" His dad yelled and jumped into the air, then teleported to his job.

*Le jump to school*

Steel sat in his desk, bored out of his mind. The only things they've done in class so far are reviews and ice-breakers. After a short while, his train of thought – or the opposite – was broken by the voice of the teacher calling his name.

"Steel Masquerade and Vinyl Scratch." The teacher announced the two as partners for the ice-breaker.

Steel looked over at the white unicorn with her nicely groomed mane. They locked eyes and smiled at each-other for a moment, then waited to hear what the activity was. After a few more groups were called, she finally revealed the activity.

"We will be doing a short activity. Basically, write three things you like on a piece of paper, and then switch papers with your partner. After doing that, ask your partner why they like the three things they wrote down." The teacher said grimly, as if she hated her job.

Steel knew exactly what to write down. He wrote down the three words "poptarts", "PS2", and "bass", and then passed the paper over to Vinyl, who had just finished hers. When she passed the paper over to him, he read it.

Bass.

Bass.

Poptarts.

Steel nearly jumped out of his seat.

"HOLY CRAP! WE COULD BE THE EPIC POPTART-LOVING BASS-MASTERS!" He exclaimed, looking at Vinyl with a friendly and excited look in his eyes.

"YES. AND WE WILL LEAD TOGETHER AS THE ALMIGHTY POPTART EMPERORS. I WILL START PLANS FOR OUR AMAZING WEAPON TONIGHT!" Vinyl exclaimed as well, throwing her hoof in the air as if starting a revolution.

This was clearly the start of a super-ultra-mega-awesome friendship.

It had been 15 years since the day he met Vinyl Scratch. Steel had excelled in Academics, and was called in by Princess Luna shortly after graduating.

"Steel Masquerade, you are wondering why I called you here, correct?" Luna said, seeming to read Steel's mind.

"Heck yeah I am! I was working on the airborne C4 kill achievement!" Steel complained. Luna looked at him blankly. "I mean… uh… Yes, your highness." He said, bowing to show respect and then standing upright again. Luna smirked.

"I called you here because my sister has split me off from the rest of Equestria. She did this because I spoke against her plans to rule as a totalitarian fascist government. She plans on declaring war on everypony out of her rule. I had no chance against her; she's more powerful than normal. I suspect a different form of magic." She said. Her eyes met with Steel's for a moment, reflecting sorrow and regret. She quickly switched her gaze to the stone floor of the throne room.

"Is that why we're in the abandoned castle?" Steel asked, looking around at the old tapestries and columns, trying to imagine its once abundant beauty.

"Yes, I and my handful of guards have made this our temporary home." Luna replied, gesturing towards the guards near the throne room doors.

"Wait, so why did you bring me here? You never specified." Steel said curiously.

"I've called you here so that I may ask your help. My sister will not hesitate to hunt me and the Lunar Guard down. I've started my own government. I need a military; this military will be commanded by two ponies, none having power over another. Would you like to command the New Lunar Republic Army?" Luna asked. Steel's face felt hot. So hot it reminded him of fresh waffles from the collectible stove of the frozen north that his parents had made.

"As long as I get my personal special operations unit; I accept. I am prepared for war." Steel said, his eyes flamed with determination.

"Well, you'd have to command it with the other General."

"Fine… Sadfaic. Who is the other General anyway?"

The throne room doors swung open, revealing a white unicorn. Her well-groomed blue and cyan hair caught Steel's eye right away. It took him a small while, but he realized who he was staring at.

"Who the BUCK called me here, and what the hay gave you the right to interrupt my work on the new remix?! I JUST GOT THE SYNTH DOWN!" She exclaimed.

"Vinyl?" Steel said, his face turning red.

"WHAT?!"

"I love you."

And then Steel and Vinyl had great and powerful makeout sessions.

Vinyl: … What.

Steel: Loljk.

Vinyl: The only reason you're writing this story is because I can't type. Do NOT push it.

Steel: Sorry. :l

Vinyl: Now fix it, or I will cut you.

"Well that's awkward. I love you too, but I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16. Sorry." Vinyl said, blushing.

Vinyl: Oh my Celestia. Give me the freaking keyboard.

Steel: But you can't type! You don't know how to!

Vinyl: I just learned.

Steel: Dang.

"Vinyl, you're 23." Steel said, looking confused.

"I know that. I just don't want to be with you because you're a nerd and I love Braeburn more." Vinyl said, completely rejecting Steel. Steel's heart was shattered. He knew Vinyl was his true love. But Vinyl loved another.

Steel: You are the worst wife EVER! BRAEBURN?!

Vinyl: Steel.

Steel: Seriously, BRAEBURN?!

Vinyl: Steel, shut up for a second.

Steel: curse you, demon spawn of satan!

Vinyl: STEEL.

Steel: WHAT?!

Vinyl: Ich leibe dich.

Steel: Aww. Danke. ^_^

"That kills my soul." Steel said. A lonely emo tear dripped from his left eye.

"Okay, I don't know what just went on. But we're all settled on the Generals and military thing, right?" Luna said, anticlimactically flipping her hair like Justin Bieber for no reason whatsoever.

"'Kay." Steel and Vinyl both said at the same time. They both owed each other a soda, so they went out for coffee. Upon their first date, they got married and had three children.

Steel: Kbai.

Vinyl: YOU'RE DEAD, MOTHER FREAKER.