Dan was sitting on his couch, zapping through the TV channels. „Why isn't there anything interesting on today?" He then zapped to a news channel. „Huh. News are always good. So let's watch that."

Now the newsman was talking: „I am sure you all remember that little girls show 'My Little Pony-Friendship Is Magic' ha ha... I really like to watch it."

„My Little Pony!?" Dan shouted „I hate this show! It's, as the newsman said, for little girls! I don't understand why adult people are watching this!"

The newsman continued: „Turns out the world of Equestria is actually real!"

„What!?" Dan shouted.

„That's right!" the newsman said „It seems like one half of our planet is actually Equestria! Princess Celestia was holding up a shield for thousands of years that made us think this half of the planet was completely normal, with human civilization, and made the ponies on the other hand not see us and our side of the planet, so they thought Equestria covered everything. Well, now we know it isn't, and humans and ponies alike already begin to make friendships between each other! Isn't that great?"

„No, it isn't!" Dan shouted even louder than before „Where is the border between our side and the Equestria-Side?"

The newsman magically gave the answer: „The border between the two halves seems to go straight through Los Angeles..."

The TV was destroyed by a brick, thrown by Dan. He then looked outside to see that his house was directly at the border to Equestria, and that the house across the street was a giant library tree now. „It's time for a little revenge marathon!" Dan talked to himself before stretching out his fist into the sky:

„EEEQUESTRIIIAAA!"

DAN

VS.

Equestria

Coming soon

2. Dan vs Rarity

DAN VS.

Dan walked around in a circle, thinking about his revenge on Equestria, which had appeared next to his house, but he didn't know where to start. „Meh, maybe some TV will give me an idea..." So Dan turned on his TV, which was magically repaired since he throwed a brick into it. Suddenly, someone was knocking on the door, and Dan opened: „Oh great, it's one of these ponies" he rolled his eyes.

Right in front of Dan was a white unicorn with a curled purple mane: „Oh my, how do you look? I just HAVE to come in! We have to do something about your clothes!" The unicorn changed Dan's clothes into a pink dress and continued: „Oh, and these rings under your eyes! You whole face looks terrible!"

„Wait, what are you doing?" Dan asked as he saw that the unicorn came with some make-up. „Wait, no! I refuse to wear this! Why did I even let you put me on a pink dress? NOOO!"

5 minutes later the unicorn was finished and Dan looked beautiful... which he didn't like.

„Grrrrrrrrrr... Now I know exactly where to start!" Dan shouted.

„Start with what?" the unicorn asked.

Dan answered: „With my revenge on Equestria! Say, how's your name?"

The unicorn responded: „My name is Rarity. I am the most generous pony in all of Equestria and the latest in fashion! You should really visit..."

„RAAARIIITYYY!"

DAN

VS.

Rarity

„Get out!" Dan shouted as he kicked Rarity out of his house. He then called his friend Chris. „Come on, Chris, get on the phone... What takes you so long? What kind of a friend lets his friend wait on the phone? GET ON THE PHONE, OR YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!"

That moment Chris got on the phone: „Hi Dan. What is it this time?"

„Finally!" Dan shouted „I need you to come over to my place and get me out of this embarrassing pink dress!"

„Wait, you are wearing a pink dress?" Chris giggled.

Dan shouted at him: „THIS IS NOT FUNNY! THAT RARITY-UNICORN WILL PAY!"

„Wait wait wait..." Chris interrupted „Rarity? Like Rarity from My Little Pony?"

„Yeah, you know her?"

„Uh, well, kind of... I am a huge MLP-Fan..."

„YOU TRAITOR!" Dan shouted „You have joined the enemy forces! We are no longer friends! We are done!"

Chris answered: „Uh, you do know that as an MLP-Fan I can give you important information about Rarity and every other pony of Equestria? Besides, you need me to get out of that dress."

„Fine, come over here right now." Dan said and hung up.

In the meanwhile at Chris's and Elise's house, Chris now hung up as well. He went to the living room, where Elise was watching TV, and asked her: „Uh, honey, I am going to Dan..."

„What is it this time?" Elise asked without looking away from the TV screen.

Chris answered: „It's Equestria, Rarity in particular. You know I would love to go there! Can I? Please?"

„Sure. Have fun." Elise answered. So Chris left the house to drive to Dan.

Ten minutes later Chris arrived.

„What took you so long?" Dan asked „Get me out of this dress!" So Chris helped Dan getting out, and Dan put his normal clothes back on. „Give me 5 minutes" Dan said „have to get rid of that make-up..." He went into the bathroom and came back out looking normal again.

„I know it was my idea" Chris said „but do I HAVE to help you against Rarity? I actually like her."

„Yes, you have!" Dan answered „You are my source of information! So, how can we hurt her?"

„Well, she runs a fashion establishement, so you would be good with destroying her work..." Chris said.

„Great!" Dan said excited „Lets get the explosives..."

„I didn't mean to blow it up!" Chris shouted in fear „Listen, Rarity has a cat. The cat is really easy to upset, so you could manipulate her in destroying the dresses."

„Great, lets go." Dan said „You are driving." The two friends left the house to visit Rarity.

When they arrived, they were hiding in the bushes, waiting for Rarity to leave her house. And as she did, Dan and Chris sneaked in and found the cat. Dan tapped the cat on the shoulder just to receive a lot of scratches on his whole body: „Ouch! Normally I would kill you for that, you stupid cat! But my plan includes you following me, so..." Dan ran to one of the dresses Rarity made, followed by the angry cat. He then ducked, and the cat missed him and attacked the dress, which was now destroyed. Dan repeated it on all the dresses, and when he was finished, he talked to Chris: „Okay, lets leave before Rarity comes back..." But the two forgot about the cat, who was still angry and attacked both Dan and Chris until Rarity came back just to see the destroyed dresses and Dan and Chris in the middle of it.

„Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" Rarity shouted „My dresses! I guess you thought you can destroy me just by destroying my dresses! I see my cat proved you wrong! You two will never ever set a foot into my shop ever again! Oh dear, I have to make new dresses, thank goodness I still have my materials..." But before Rarity started to make new dresses, she first kicked out Dan and Chris.

„Great, now Rarity hates me!" Chris cried.

Dan interrupted him: „Shut up. We have to destroy her materials so she can't make any more dresses. Obviously, the cat isn't an option anymore..." Dan thought for a moment and then said: „Lightbulb! Chris, you can go. Meet me tonight at midnight, right here!"

Later, at midnight, Dan and Chris met in the bushes again, this time in black burglar suits.

„So here's the plan" Dan explained silently „We break in into her house and steal all her materials and any new dresses she made." Dan then was throwing a grappling hook on a rope on top of the roof, and the two friends climbed up the rope onto the roof. Dan then put the grappling hook on himself and made a hole into the roof with a circular saw. „Now hold the rope while I am going in." Dan explained and jumped through the hole into the house. He took all the materials and the new dresses and put them in two bags. „Okay, Chris, lift me up again!" Dan said, and Chris lifted Dan up.

Just a few seconds later, Rarity, who was sleeping in the shop, woke up and shouted: „Gasp! Oh no! My materials! How am I supposed to make new dresses now? I am going bankrupt! There is just one thing to do..."

„Yes! Yes!" Dan said excited as he heard what Rarity said.

Then Rarity continued: „I have to make some calls to get new materials!" And with that Rarity was going to her phone.

„Aw come on!" Dan shouted. He and Chris left the roof.

„Any other weaknesses?" Dan asked Chris.

Chris answered: „Well, she refuses to wear bad dresses on her own, and I MEAN refuse! If you could put her into a terrible dress, you could break her..."

„Perfect!" Dan said „How good are you at making dresses?"

„Besides of the fact I never made a dress before?" Chris asked.

That answer was good enough for Dan: „Here, take the materials. I want a terrible dress until tomorrow night!"

The next day there wasn't anything interesting happening. Dan was sitting on the couch watching TV all day, until Chris knocked on his door in the evening. Dan let him in, and Chris showed the dress he made: „Behold the most terrible dress the world has ever seen!"

„But... it's just my clothes with some patches everywhere" Dan said.

Chris responded: „But Rarity will look like the horror with human clothes, especially when they have patches."

„That is not good enough" Dan thought for a moment while looking into the room, until he saw some scissors. He took them and said: „Now it will be good enough!"

Later that night, Rarity began to feel uncomfortable while she was sleeping. Suddenly she woke up and saw no one, but she felt weird. So she lighted up a candle and walked to a mirror to take a look at herself: „Oh my gosh! These clothes! They totally don't fit my style! And who in all of Equestria cut off my mane!? It is the horror! Of all the worse things that could have happened, this is THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!" Rarity ran around her shop while crying, which meant she didn't see where she was running, so she ran over the candle, which set the whole shop on fire! As Rarity was able to stop crying, she saw her shop in ruins. „NOOOOO! What have I done?"

That moment Dan shouted from outside: „That is what happens when you put me in a pink dress! Never mess with Dan!" Then he ran away.

Rarity didn't know anything else to do now than to stretch a hoof into the sky and shout:

„DAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

3. Dan vs Applejack

DAN VS.

It was another normal day. Dan sat on his couch, watching his favorite TV show „The adventures of Population Control Johnny", when a sound from the outside disturbed him. It sounded like someone was bucking trees repeatedly. After the tenth time Dan ran to the window and shouted out loud: „Keep it down, you jerks!" Just now he looked for the source of the sound, and spotted an applefarm nearby... on the Equestria-Side!

„I am sorry!" an orange pony with blonde mane and a cowboy hat shouted back, but just because of the distance „But I can't just stop bucking these apples! I have to sell them to keep up the farm!"

„And that can't wait!?" Dan asked.

The pony shouted: „No, I am sorry! By the way, I am Applejack!"

So the bucking continued... and continued... and continued...

At night, when Dan tried to sleep, he wasn't able to do that because of the repeated bucking sound! „Grrrrr... How many apple trees are on that farm!?" And the next time he heard the sound, he had enough! He stretched out his fist into the sky:

„AAAPPLEEEJAAACK!"

DAN

VS.

Applejack

Dan got out of the bed and called Chris.

Chris on the other hand was sleeping, because it was night. But as his phone rang, Chris woke up and got on the phone just to be greeted by Dan with: „I can't sleep! This Applejack-girl is driving me crazy!"

„And because of that you have to wake me up, too?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Of course! I need you as an information source! What do you know about her?"

Chris answered: „Oh, if that is all you want: Applejack lives on a farm together with her big brother Big Macintosh, her little sister Applebloom and Granny Smith. The family needs the apples on the applefarm to live. I hope you can make some ideas out of it, as long as they don't include me for tonight..."

„Yeah, I already have some ideas in my head!" Dan said „They include you..."

„Good night, Dan!" Chris interrupted and hung up.

„Fine. I can also do it alone" Dan talked to himself angrily „Stupid Chris..."

1 hour later Dan arrived with the car at the applefarm, in a burglar suit. „Plan A: Stealing all the apples from the farm!" So Dan did exactly that: He took every single apple he found and put them all together into his car. He then drove back home and took the apples with him into the house. „Mr. Mumbles!" Dan called his pet cat „I brought you something to eat!"

The next morning Dan looked out of his window to see the reaction of the apple family.

„Oh no!" Applejack shouted „all the apple are gone!"

But then Granny Smith interrupted her: „Oh, it's okay. For cases like this I always have some emergency apples in store. We can still sell them."

„WHAT?" Dan shouted.

Just that moment someone knocked on the door, and Chris came in: „Hi Dan! How is your revenge going?"

„Not good." Dan answered „I stole all the apples, but that Granny-Smith-Grandma has an emergency storage!"

„But" Chris said „if you stole all the apples from the trees, it means you already don't hear these bucking sounds anymore, even if it's just temporary, until the next apples are coming..."

„It's about the principle!" Dan said „I have to destroy that apple family and their applefarm! So when I put plan A into action, I already prepared for plan B!"

„And what exactly is plan B?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „I can't tell you that, you wouldn't like it." In that moment there was something moving in refridgerator.

„What was that?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Nothing! Shut up!"

„Are you holding someone prisoner in there?" Chris asked angrily.

„Nooooo?" Dan answered.

Chris opened the refridgerator to see Applebloom in there: „S-s-so c-cold! That bad guy with black messy hair kidnapped me!"

„Whose hair is messy!?" Dan shouted at her.

Chris shouted back: „Dan!"

„Fine, I kidnapped Applejack's little sister so I can call her and demand to get whatever I want! They HAVE to quit the farm if they want this Applebloom-kid back!"

„Uh, I think you forgot something..." Chris tried to say, but Dan already called Applejack's number.

„Hello, here speaks the unknown kidnapper!" Dan said „I kidnapped your beloved Applebloom!"

Applejack on the other end was shocked: „You kidnapped Applebloom!? Please, don't hurt her!"

„Oh, I won't hurt her as long as I get what I want" Dan answered „And I want you to close your stupid applefarm and move... I don't know... into another pony-town! I also want..."

„Wait" Applejack realized „Aren't you that Dan-guy from the earth-side?"

„That's what I was trying to tell you..." Chris said. That moment someone knocked down Dan's door!

It was Applejack! „I'll show you not to mess with Applejack!" So Dan got the biggest beating he ever had. „Come on, Applebloom, we are going home!"

As the two left Dan's house, Dan shouted after them: „ I will show YOU not to mess with ME!"

„Uh, and how will you do that?" Chris asked.

Dan shouted: „Applejack has gone too far! Now she and her whole family will pay! It's time for plan X!"

„You mean explosives?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Yes, which is why I will trap you in my refridgerator to keep you from keeping me from using them!"

So five minutes later Chris was trapped in Dan's refridgerator, and Dan had left the house to install the explosives on the farm.

After 1 hour Dan arrived, and another hour later he was finished installing the explosives.

„Goodbye, Applejack!" Dan said before blowing up the farm.

Fortunately, everypony survived, but Granny Smith was badly hurt.

„Granny Smith!" Applejack shouted „We have to bring her into the hospital!"

„Yes!" Dan said „As long as the old lady is in hospital and the farm is destroyed, Applejack won't be able to catch up on her work. Oh sweet victory!"

One month later

Granny Smith was fine again and the farm was rebuilt. Applejack had returned to bucking the apples, while Dan was trying to sleep, once again disturbed by the sounds: „Aw come on!"

4. Dan vs Fluttershy

DAN VS.

Dan was once again sitting on the couch, watching TV while petting his cat Mr. Mumbles, as a rabbit jumped through the window and destroyed his toaster! „Hey! Where did that rabbit come from!?" Dan shouted, but then he realized the rabbit was followed by all sorts of other different animals, and soon Dan's whole apartement was full with animals which destroyed everything!

„WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CHAOS!?" Dan shouted.

Then he saw a yellow pegasus with long, pink mane whispering something he didn't understand, but the animals stopped destroying Dan's apartement and left again.

„Oh, I am so sorry!" the pony whispered „I don't know why the animals were so upset."

„So they are YOUR animals?" Dan shouted.

The pegasus whispered: „Well, uh, yes but..."

„NOW LISTEN!" Dan shouted „If you or one of your stupid animals breaks just one more thing, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY! Did you understand me, uh...?"

„Fluttershy" the pony whispered „And I understood. I will leave you alone now..."

But that moment Fluttershy slipped on a banana peel and fell out of the window, onto Dan's car, leaving behind a bump.

„My car!" Dan shouted.

Fluttershy just whispered: „Oh, my..."

That was it! Dan stretched out his fist into the sky:

„FLUTTERSHYYYYY!"

DAN

VS.

Fluttershy

„This Fluttershy-girl will get some rough revenge for destroying my car!" Dan shouted „Come on, Mr. Mumbles, let's go to..." But then he realized his cat was gone! „What!? She also took Mr. Mumbles!? That calls for the worst revenge I can think of! And I know exactly who can help me..."

Chris in the meanwhile was sitting in the living room of his house, playing a board game with his wife Elise, when his mobile phone rang. The picture on the screen showed Dan. Chris rolled his eyes and answered the call: „Hello Dan. What can I help you with this time?"

„I need information about Fluttershy!" Dan said.

Chris was confused: „What? What could she possibly have done to you?"

„She destroyed my car! Give me information!" Dan shouted more angrily now.

„I don't believe you" Chris answered „But fine: Fluttershy is a really kind pony..."

„Pah!" Dan interrupted.

But Chris continued: „...and very shy. She would probably do nothing against you, even if you would blow up her house WHICH DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD DO IT! But she is very good with animals..."

„Huh, that would explain why Mr. Mumbles is with her now..." Dan thought out loud.

Chris answered: „Yeah, animals are the one thing that are important to Fluttershy. That is her weakest point. But I have to warn you: Never, NEVER make Fluttershy angry! You will regret it, trust me."

„Thanks, Chris!" Dan answered „Would you mind if you could help me with something?"

Chris looked over to Elise. Elise sighed: „Go."

Chris answered to Dan: „ I am on my way!"

Ten minutes later he arrived at Dan's house and knocked on the door. Dan let him in.

Chris was worried when he saw that Dan had two big bags in his hands.

He asked Dan: „Uh, what are the bags for?"

Dan answered: „I'll tell you tonight, when we visit Fluttershy's cottage..." He had an evil grin on his face.

Later, at night, Dan and Chris arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, and Dan explained: „Now we both take a bag and capture her animals! And I mean ALL of them, Chris!"

„I don't like that idea..." Chris answered.

Dan responded: „Shut up, do it."

So 3 hours later the two friends captured every animal and took the two bags back to Dan's house.

The next morning Fluttershy woke up just to see that all her animals disappeared!

„Oh my! Don't worry, Fluttershy, they are not gone, they have just gone on an adventure! I should call them back..." So Fluttershy took a deep breath and whispered silently „Come here, come here, my lovely animals!"

It was no use, and Fluttershy realized she would never be able to shout loud enough, when Pinkie Pie came along: „Hey Fluttershy! Where are your animals? Are they on an adventure?"

„I fear they are lost." Fluttershy whispered „And I can't scream loud enough to call them back..."

„Oh, let me do that!" Pinkie Pie offered and didn't wait for an answer. She shouted: „AAANIIIMAAALS! COME OUT! FLUTTERSHY IS VEEERYYY WORRIED ABOUT YOU! GREETINGS, PINKIE!"

The message arrived easily at Dan's house, so Dan woke up and said angrily: „Who the hell is shouting so loud at that time!?" Then he realized the animals escaped back to Fluttershy when they heard the message! And Mr. Mumbles, who was captured with the others, ran back with them!

„Mr. Mumbles! Wait!" Dan tried to get his cat, but he was too late. „Aw, come on!"

Dan took out his scribbling block and wrote the name „Pinkie" on the revenge list.

Then he called Chris again, who answered the call and said: „Dan, I am still in bed, what do you want?"

„The animals escaped, and Mr. Mumbles too! So I will go to Fluttershy again and turn them against her!"

„Yeah yeah, that sounds great" Chris answered „Can't you do that alone?"

„Of course I can! I just wanted to tell you the plan!"

„Why?"

„Because shut up that's why!"

„Good luck, Dan." Chris hung up.

1 hour later Dan arrived at Fluttershy's cottage once again. Luckily Fluttershy was inside, so Dan could start with his plan: „Hey, little animals! Before you attack me, I want to tell you why I put you into bags and stole you. You know, that Fluttershy-girl is not good for you! She says mean things about you behind your back, and since Equestria and human world are living together now, Fluttershy took a job at the Mafia! I just wanted to give you a safe place! So, what do you say? Should we join together and destroy that stupid pegasus?"

For some reason, the animals believed Dan and ran into Fluttershy's cottage to hurt her.

„Yes! Everything is going as planned!" Dan grinned.

After five minutes of beating and a whispering Fluttershy, she finally shouted: „STOOOOOP! What is going on?"

After the animals told her everything about Dan stealing them and telling them wrong things about her, Fluttershy became angry and ran out of the cottage to find Dan, who wasn't hiding at all, he stood right in the front.

Fluttershy shouted: „DAN! You can do a lot of things with me, but when someone hurts and manipulates my dear animal friends, HE IS GOING DOWN!"

„Uh oh..."

5 minutes later Chris' phone rang, and Chris answered: „Yes, Dan?"

„I have a giant problem! I made Fluttershy angry and now I am running for my life!"

„That's not my problem." Chris answered „I told you you would regret it." He hung up again.

„Stupid Chris!" Dan talked to himself while he was still running and now didn't even get help from Chris.

He thought for a moment and then got the one idea that could turn everything around, but he only got this one chance since he wasn't able to run any longer.

Dan stopped and turned around: „STOP FOR ONE SINGLE MOMENT!"

Fluttershy stopped right in front of a puddle of water, but she was always ready to start running again: „Talk quick, you jerk!" Fluttershy shouted.

Dan answered: „Don't you see? You are a monster right now! Just look into that puddle! Would your animal friends like you like that?"

Fluttershy looked into the water puddle and saw exactly what Dan was trying to say. „You are right. I am a monster! I can't chase you anymore. I can't go back to my animal friends, or to my pony friends. I shall dig a hole here and be alone forever!" She started to cry.

„Yes, you should." Dan answered „Start digging..." And with that Dan turned around and walked back home with a big evil grin, leaving Fluttershy behind in the middle of nowhere.

„No one breaks my stuff!" Dan said as he picked up Mr. Mumbles on his way.

5. Dan vs Pinkie Pie

DAN VS.

Dan came back home from a visit at Ninja Dave's cookie shop and noticed it was unnatural dark. Unfortunately, he had already closed the door, so he tripped over a lot of stuff until he found the light switch. He turned the lights on and was shocked: „AAAAAHHH!"

His whole apartement was a party room, decorated by Pinkie Pie, who was standing in the middle of the room, shouting: „SURPRISE! I am Pinkie Pie, and since you earth guys are new to me, I make a party for everyone of you! And today I am making a Dan-Party!"

„How do you know my name!?" Dan asked.

Pinkie Pie answered: „Oh, silly, I know everyone in Equestria and on earth! Are you ready for some fun?"

„NO!" Dan shouted „GET OUT!"

„Come on!" Pinkie insisted „we both know you like fun! Let's dance!"

And with that Pinkie Pie started to dance, destroying half of the apartement!

„What are you doing!?" Dan shouted „You are breaking my stuff!"

„Well, duh, that's what unicorns are for!" Pinkie answered „They always repair the broken stuff in the party room after the party! At least that's what Twilight does..."

And with that Pinkie Pie started to bounce around the room until Dan kicked her out of the window, which resulted in Pinkie Pie landing on Dan's car, completely destroying it!

„Weee! That was fun!" Pinkie said „We should do this again tomorrow!"

„NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan shouted in fear,

„PIIINKIIIEEE PIIIEEE!"

DAN

VS.

Pinkie Pie

Dan called Chris. He answered the call: „Hey Dan. Why are you calling me? I thought Pinkie Pie was throwing a party for you by now..."

„You knew about the party!?" Dan shouted at his friend.

Chris answered: „Yeah, she told me yesterday at the 'Chris-and-Elise-party'"

„You know, nevermind" Dan said „because that's just it! She destroyed my apartement, and on top of that she completely destroyed my car!"

„Come on, you can't judge her for that!" Chris said „She's Pinkie Pie!"

„I don't care who she is, I WANT INFORMATION!" Dan shouted.

Chris answered: „ I'm sorry, but I can't help you very much on this one. Pinkie Pie has no weaknesses, all she cares about is fun and friends!"

„Oh, I will make something out of that" Dan grinned „But I need you. Bring scissors and explosives."

„But..." Chris tried to interrupt, but Dan already hung up. Chris sighed and started to do what Dan told him.

Little time later Chris arrived at Dan's house with scissors and explosives. Chris didn't have to come in because Dan was already outside with scissors and explosives as well.

„Before you ask, this is the plan:" Dan explained „We go to that Sugarcube Corner, find Pinkie Pie's party stuff and destroy it!"

Chris said: „I don't think that this will work because..."

„Shut up." Dan interrupted „Oh, and you are driving."

30 minutes later the two of them arrived at Sugarcube Corner. „What do you think?" Dan asked „is Pinkie Pie home?"

„I think not" Chris answered „She is probably preparing the 'Ninja-Dave-Party'..."

„Perfect!" Dan said, and the two of them entered the shop.

But before they were able to go upstairs, Miss Pie saw them and greeted: „Welcome! Are you interested in any cupcakes?"

Dan now seemed like he was about to explode! „IIIIIIIIII...

… love cupcakes!" Dan finished the sentence later upstairs while eating one of them. „These are the best cupcakes I've ever eaten in my life! Let's get the destuction started!" And with that, Dan and Chris used the scissors to destroy the decorations and the explosives to destroy the party cannon!

„Let's see what Pinkie Pie thinks about this..." Dan said, when he heard an „Ahem!" behind him.

Pinkie Pie was standing behind the two friends and said: „Well, I think I would be really upset if I wouldn't have a copy of all of this anywhere on my body. I forgive you this accident, friend!"

„This wasn't an accident!" Dan shouted „This was on purpose! And we are NO friends!"

„Well, I am your friend" Chris said.

Dan answered: „Shut up."

„But, but..." Pinkie Pie looked sad „but you HAVE to be my friend! Everyone is my friend!"

„Seems like I just got a backup plan!" Dan whispered to Chris and continued: „Well, I am not!"

Pinkie Pie was almost crying: „BUT..." then she became happy again „Oh, I will find a way to make you my friend! I promise! Until then, do you promise not to destroy my fun?"

„I promise." Dan lied.

Pinkie repeated angrily: „Do you PINKIE-PIE-PROMISE?"

That moment Chris whispered back to Dan: „I know what you're going to say, but you have to know one thing: One doesn't simply break a Pinkie-Pie-Promise!"

„Yeah yeah" Dan responded „ I DO Pinkie-Pie-Promise!"

„Okey dokey lokey!" Pinkie said and bounced away.

When she was gone, Dan said: „Come on, Chris, I have another plan! We have a lot of work to do..."

„Fine, I warned you." Chris responded.

Two days passed, and Pinkie Pie left her home in Sugarcube Corner to meet all her friends again! But something was different: No one wanted to have something to do with her, and when Pinkie talked to them, they just said things like „Pah!" or „Go away!" So the whole day passed, and in the evening Pinkie went back home, where she found Dan in her room upstairs.

Pinkie said: „Dan? What are you doing here? Have you decided to be my friend? Because this day was sooo not going great!"

Dan answered: „No, I am here to tell you why everyone hates you, including me and Chris! See, you may think you are funny and great and nice and all that, but it seems you now realized you are just an annoying clown for everyone. They never laughed WITH you, they always laughed AT you!"

„But... that can't be!" Pinkie cried.

In the meanwhile Dan got a flashback:

Yesterday

Dan and Chris went to the town hall, and Dan took the liberty to use the lectern and speak into the microphone: „Citizen of Ponyville! I have to tell you some terrible stuff about Pinkie Pie!"

„What are you doing?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Don't worry, I am just destroying Pinkie's life, nothing more..."

„WHAT?"

Dan then told the whole town of Ponyville stuff like „Pinkie is just so nice to everyone to get free stuff!" or „Pinkie is the most dangerous killer in the world! It starts with her being nice to you to get your trust, and then she kills you when you expect it the least!" The townsfolk became angry and began to hate and avoid Pinkie Pie...

„Oh, it IS real!" Dan answered to Pinkie Pie. He acted like he was understanding her.

„So my whole life is a lie?" Pinkie became darker and her mane lost her volume. She fell on the ground and broke out in tears.

„I will leave you alone now..." Dan said and left.

But once he left Sugarcube corner, he grinned: „It is done! No one makes a party WITH buffet in MY house when I just went for Cookies!"

When Dan arrived back at home, he realized his apartement and - most importantly – his car were still destroyed! „Aw come on!"

6. Dan vs Rainbow Dash

DAN VS.

After Dan had repaired the damage Pinkie Pie did to his house, he sat down on the couch, smiling happily. His car was still in repair (he brought the parts to the mechanic), but the fact that he was finally finished with the house repairs pleased him. Just as Dan wanted to turn on the TV, something crashed through the window into his apartement, destroying everything!

„Aw, come on!" Dan shouted. When the dust cleared, he saw that this something was actually a somepony!

„HEY!" Dan shouted „WHO ARE YOU THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN BREAK INTO MY HOUSE!"

„Hey, easy, Mr. Meanie!" the light blue pegasus with rainbow mane said „My name is Rainbow Dash, and I am the greatest flyer in all of Equestria! Well, it would have been awesome to find some new competition in you humans, if there would have been some kind of flying humans... Anyway, I didn't mean to crash into your house. I wanted to set a new personal record and wasn't able to stop fast enough. But you have to admit, that was a really cool entrance a few seconds ago, right?"

Then Rainbow Dash looked around the destroyed apartement and began to feel guilty: „Right?"

Dan's face turned red, and he raised both his fists into the air:

„RAAAIIINBOOOW DAAASH!"

DAN

VS.

Rainbow Dash

„Uh, hehe... I think I will go now..." Rainbow said unsure and left Dan's apartement slow and backwards on her hooves.

After she was gone, Dan called Chris.

Chris answered the call: „What's up, Dan?"

„WHAT'S UP!?" Dan shouted „YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S UP!? THIS STUPID RAINBOW DASH CRASHED RIGHT INTO MY HOUSE AND DESTROYED ALL MY WORK! THAT'S WHAT'S UP! I need information about her."

Chris rolled his eyes and explained: „Well, Rainbow Dash is the greatest flyer in Equestria..."

„Yeah, she mentioned that."

„... and flying is her life. She is responsible for the weather in Equestria, along with other ponies..."

Dan interrupted Chris: „Alright, that's enough for now! I already have a plan in mind. Meet me in 30 minutes at the Ponyville town hall."

„Uh, actually, I wanted to spend the day with Elise" Chris said „She invented some kind of device that can turn humans into ponies and ponies into humans, and she wanted to test it..."

„Perfect!" Dan smiled „Bring the device too!"

„But..." Chris said, but Dan hung up.

30 minutes later, Dan and Chris met at the Ponyville town hall. Chris brought the transformation device and Elise.

Dan pointed at Elise: „What is SHE doing here? I only asked you to bring the device!"

„And you thought I would let you alone with it?" Elise asked „You don't even know how it works!"

„I guess you have a point..." Dan sighed „So here's the plan: „We are calling all the pegasi who make the weather and tell them to make a storm over ponyville. We will tell them to aim the lightning at Rainbow Dash, and she will get cooked!"

„And where does the device come in?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „Thanks to that thing we will be able to aim at Rainbow Dash ourselves!"

„Ah, I get it." Elise said „Here comes the pegasus transformation..." She turned the switch of the device at 'pegasus' and fired a beam at Dan and Chris, who transformed into pegasi!

„Okay, Chris, there they come" Dan pointed at the pegasi at the sky „Let's infiltrate them!"

So they both dashed up into the sky and arrived at the group of pegasi.

Dan said „Okay, everyone listen! Rainbow Dash said she wanted a challenge, so she asked for a storm over ponyville, every lightning aimed at her!" That seemed legit for the others.

5 minutes later Rainbow Dash was flying trough the town, as the sky became dark and cloudy.

„Huh?" Rainbow Dash said „Didn't I tell them to keep the sky free of clouds today?"

Then the first lightning hit the ground right next to her. „WHOA!"

Up in the clouds, Dan looked angrily at the pony who shot that lightning bolt: „You... the grey pony with the yellow mane... yeah you! Your crossed eyes are no excuse for bad accuracy! Don't miss her, hit her!"

„I'm sorry" Derpy said „I will try as good as I can to hit her!"

She shot another lightning bolt, but it hit Dan: „OUCH! As always, when you want something done right, you have to do it yourself! Chris, fire!"

So Chris and Dan, along with the other pegasi, started to aim all the lightning bolts at Rainbow Dash, who dodged them and fled , followed by the lightnings.

But then she had enough: She drifted up into the clouds to find the responsible pegasi. When she arrived, she asked: „What are you doing? Why are you shooting lightning at me?"

„That Dan-guy told us you wanted it!" Derpy said, pointing at an empty spot, where Dan and Chris were just moments ago.

„Wait, did you say 'Dan'?" Rainbow asked.

She got an answer from down below: „You will get your revenge, Rainbow Dash! I Pinkie-Pie-Promise!"

Rainbow realized in what trouble she was now: „Uh oh..."

„Are you going to use that promise more often now?" Chris asked Dan.

Dan answered: „Shut up! And Elise, you could have told us that the effect of the device is just temporary. It really hurts to fall 100 feet down to the earth, you know?"

Elise just said: „Oopsie. But hey, you really deserve it!"

Dan answered: „Again, shut up. Why did you invent this thing anyway?"

"Uh, I invented it just for Chris?" Elise lied. Because actually she invented it for upcoming secret agent missions.

"Aaalriiight" Dan said slowly, not really believing Elise "Chris, any other weaknesses?"

„Well, Rainbow's dream is to be in the Wonderbolts team one day..." Chris said.

Dan said: „Great, then we're going to destroy her dream! Guys, we will ask these Wonderbolts for a race against Rainbow Dash. We will tell them to win and then call Rainbow a loser for losing and tell her that she will NEVER be in the Wonderbolts-team! Muhahahaha!"

„What does that mean, you refuse to do that?" Dan asked when he, Chris and Elise talked with the Wonderbolts.

Spitfire answered: „Rainbow Dash is cool. She just needs some more time to train, then we will ask her for a membership. But we are definitely not destroying her life!"

„Fine, you jerks." Dan answered.

When Dan and his friends left, Chris said: „Well, we could ask the Shadowbolts. They will definitely do that! We just need to disguise them as the Wonderbolts..."

„Perfect!" Dan grinned.

The next day, Rainbow Dash was going through the Everfree Forest, when she suddenly met the Wonderbolts! „Gasp! You are the Wonderbolts! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

„Yeah" one of the Wonderbolts said „How about a race?"

„Sure!" Rainbow answered.

„Alright!" Three, two, one, go!"

And so the race started. Rainbow lost.

„Seriously, you lost?" Another of the Wonderbolts said „You are such a loser! You will never be good enough to be a member of our team!"

„But... But..." Rainbow asked. She was almost about to cry, when she realized: „Wait a minute... I don't know any of you! You are not the Wonderbolts!" She removed the disguises „You are the Shadowbolts! Who hired you?"

„Oh, I am sure you know him" the third Shadowbolt said „his name is Dan..."

„DAN?" Rainbow Dash asked in shock „Oh my gosh, that guy is serious! I have to put an end to this!"

So Rainbow Dash started running, when she realized she was followed by someone... Dan!

„Stop right there, I am going to strangle you!"

Rainbow started flying, but Dan got her tail just before she got up into the sky.

Moments later he had climbed his way up to Rainbows back.

„GET OFF ME!" Rainbow shouted.

Dan responded: „NEVER!"

So Rainbow started to fly faster and faster, making it more difficult for Dan to stay on her back.

Finally, Rainbow was fast enough to perform a Sonic Rainboom! Dan now had a really hard time to stay on Rainbow's back, but when he got used to the speed, he slowly climbed his way forward, until he arrived at Rainbow's neck. He now put both his arms around Rainbow's neck. Rainbow noticed that and gulped. Suddenly, Rainbow crashed into Dan's house... again. It saved her from being strangled, but now Dan was even more angry than before!

„Okay, NOW you are going to die!" Dan shouted.

But Rainbow interrupted: „Wait wait wait! There is a reason I brought us back here! I want to make it all good again! So, what do you say? I will repair this whole house and you can go sit on the couch and watch TV!"

Dan thought about it for a moment, then he answered: „Okay."

1 week later, Rainbow Dash was finished repairing everything, making it look better than ever before!

„So, what do you say?" Rainbow asked „Are we even?"

Dan answered: „Almost..." He stood up from the couch and broke Rainbow Dash's wings „NOW we are even!"

7. Twilight Sparkle vs Dan

DAN VS.

It was another, beautiful morning at the Equestria-side. Twilight got out of her bed and yawned.

„Another, beautiful day awaits me... Spike!" She shouted.

Spike woke up as well: „Uh, huh? What? Oh!" Spike jumped up „At your service!"

„Tell me everything I have on my list for today!" Twilight said.

Spike answered: „You don't have a list for today. You have finished everything neccessary. Maybe you could look for your friends again... You havent met them in weeks!"

„That's a great idea!" Twilight said happily.

So she left the house to visit her friends:

-Rarity's shop burnt down: „He was the devil in Person! He just was THE! WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!"

-Applejack's farm seemed okay, but Applejack said: „Could you please do something about this jerk of kidnapper, Twilight? I ask you because you are the most powerful unicorn I know, if you know what I mean?"

-Fluttershy's cottage empty, Fluttershy found in the middle of nowhere, hiding in a deep hole: „Don't look at me, I am a monster!"

-Pinkie Pie sitting in a corner, deep sad: „He doesn't want to be my friend... No one wants to! I am just a ridiculous clown! Go away, Twilight!"

-Rainbow Dash in hospital with broken wings: „Twilight! You have to do something about this excuse for a human! He broke my wings, on purpose, even though I repaired his whole apartement! I tell you, this Dan doesn't play fair at all!"

„A-HA!" Twilight shouted „So THAT is his name. Don't worry, Rainbow Dash, that human just made his worst enemy!" Angrily she raised her hoof into the sky:

„DAAAAAAAAAAN!"

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

VS.

DAN

Dan was sitting on his couch, watching TV and petting his cat, Mr. Mumbles, when someone knocked on the door repeatedly, until Dan opened: „Oh hi. Who are you?" he asked.

In front of Dan was Twilight, with a dead serious expression on her face: „I am Twilight Sparkle, your neighbor from across! You hurt my friends, and I am here to take revenge for it!"

Long pause.

Then Dan asked: „Wait, Twilight Sparkle? The one who lives in that tree across the street?"

„Yeah!" Twilight answered without any change in her expression.

„Good!" Dan said „I have you on my revenge list, too!"

„Wait what? Why do you want to take revenge on me? We haven't even met before!"

„Well, you live in a tree" Dan answered „That is ridiculous. By the way I hate trees... and you."

„Why do you hate ME?" Twilight asked.

Dan shouted: „I DON'T KNOW, I JUST HATE YOU! So, what do we do now? I mean, you want revenge, I want revenge... How do we settle this?"

„Epic... Boss... Battle..." Twilight said slowly and angry.

Dan answered: „I like that idea! Let us set the preparation time limit to 24 hours."

„Granted." Twilight said „See you tomorrow, jerk!"

With that, Twilight slammed Dan's door.

Now Dan called Chris, but he didn't answer the call, so Dan spoke on his mailbox: „WHERE ARE YOU, CHRIS! I NEED YOUR HELP, NOW! YOU WORTHLESS SCUM! YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE! ...If you get this, I am on my way to your house... It's Dan." He then left his apartement to visit Chris.

Twilight in the meanwhile was back at home: „SPIKE!"

Spike came down the stairs: „Yes, Twilight?"

„I am going to fight against Dan! Tell me his weaknesses!"

„Uh, I don't really know this guy..." Spike answered „But I know who you can ask about Dan's weaknesses!"

„Who?" Twilight asked.

Spike responded: „Do you remember Chris, one of the newest friends we made? When we visted him, he told us he is best friends with that Dan! He can tell us some weaknesses for sure!"

„You are right!" Twilight said „To Chris!" And with that, Twilight and Spike were on their way to Chris' house.

1 hour later, Dan arrived at Chris' home. As always, he hid in the bushes and knocked on the back window.

Chris opened it: „Hi, Dan, I got your message. I was buying food from the supermarket, sorry. Feel free to come in."

Dan got in through the window and came straight to the point: „So, what can I use against this unicorn Twilight Sparkle?"

„Well" Chris answered „with her magic, she is nearly unstoppable. But that is also the point: Elise was recently working on a power-drain-thingy that can drain someone's power and give it to you. So I already did you the service of stealing it. Here you go." He gave the device to Dan and then also gave him the human-pony-transformation device „I also got you the transformation device from your revenge against Rainbow Dash. Maybe you can use it..."

„Thank you, Chris. You are a really great friend." Dan answered.

He left the house through the front door, where he met Twilight, talking to Elise!

„Oh, hi Dan!" Elise said „I took the freedom of telling Twilight your weaknesses!"

„Aw come on!" Dan shouted „Aw, who cares, I am prepared! So lets get this battle started!"

„What?" Twilight asked „But the 24 hours aren't over yet..."

„Yeeeaaah, that was actually just an excuse to buy some time." Dan answered „Bring it on!"

He held the two devices in both his hands, ready to use.

„Fine!" Twilight shouted „I will beat you anyway, no matter if now or in 22 hours and 50 minutes..."

„That's what YOU think!" Dan grinned and aimed with the power-drain-device at Twilight.

When he started to fire, Twilight teleported around the beams, making it pretty difficult for Dan to hit her.

„Hold still!" Dan shouted „You make it very difficult for me to hit you!"

With the next teleport spell, Twilight stood right in front of Dan, nose to nose.

She grinned „Hi." and then shot Dan with a powerful beam of her horn.

Dan was cooked by that beam and became even more angry: „That's it! This time I hit you!" And he really did! He drained Twilight's magic and got her powers!

„Is that my power-drain-device?" Elise asked Chris.

Chris smiled awkwardly: „Yeah, I stole it. Sorry. Why do you have such a device anyway?"

„Just in case a supervillain shows up, so one of us can gain their powers and defeat them more easily!"

„Why should there a supervillain show up in our town?"

„Hey, you didn't suspect the dentist to be a supervillain as well!"

„True."

Twilight said to Dan: „You do know you just have a part of my magic? I can still block your magic with mine!"

„Not if I can help it" Dan answered and shot Twilight with the transformation device, transforming her from an unicorn into a pegasus!

Twilight gasped: „My horn! It's gone! And now I have wings instead? I don't even know how to fly!"

„Well, Twilight? What do you do now?" Dan grinned. He now started to use Twilight's magic against her, that means he shot her with magic beams coming out of his hands.

Twilight ran away, followed by Dan. She thought about a backup plan, and she got an idea!

„I have to reunite with my friends! But I can't do that with Dan on my back..." So she started to try flying, which looked very awkward on the first few tries, but then she got it... kind of. She was flying upside down now, BUT she was flying. So she started to gain more and more speed, until Dan lost her.

„Oh, great!" Dan said angrily „I should have transformed her into an earth pony... Oh well, she will come back..." And with that Dan sat down at the border of the street, waiting for Twilight's return.

Twilight in the meanwhile visited all her friends once again:

-„Rarity, stop crying, get out of these ruins and help me to convince Dan to repair this mess!"

-„Applejack, I need you in my fight against Dan! Follow me and Rarity!"

-„Fluttershy, you are not a monster! You did the right thing! So help me to do it too! Come on!"

-„Pinkie Pie, no one hates you! Dan cheated! He told everyone wrong things about you! He destroyed your fun!" Pinkie Pie: „WHAT! DAN! YOU... BROKE... PINKIE PROMISE!"

-„Rainbow Dash, I know your wings are still broken, but we need you in our fight against Dan! Follow us! I got a plan..."

Dan was waiting for two hours now. „Huh. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she doesn't come back... which would mean that I win..." He began to smile, but that smile vanished seconds later „Oh, no, there she comes..."

The camera now just shows the hooves of the mane six, walking into Dan's direction with epic background music! The camera then zooms out to reveal the six friends wearing the elements of harmony!

Chris, standing in the background together with Elise, told her: „The elements of harmony. Now Dan's done for."

„Oh wow, sweet jewelry!" Dan said „It really suits you. But do you really think you can beat me just because it is now 6 vs. 1?"

„No." Twilight answered „We think we can beat you because we are using the elements of harmony against you!"

„Elements of what?" Dan asked curiously.

The ponies began to perform their usual rituals: They were lifted up into the air, their elements glowing, and in front of the other five ponies, Twilight opened her white glowing eyes. A rainbow-banish-laser-thingy (?) began to form and aimed into Dan's direction.

Dan fired some of Twilight's magic at it, but he realized that he overestimated his new powers: He got caught in a rainbow tornado, which was supposed to banish him to the moon for 1000 years!

„Dan!" Chris shouted, in fear that he would lose his best friend.

But when the tornado finished its banishing ritual and disappeared, Dan was still there!

„Wait, what?" Chris and Twilight asked surprised.

Dan answered: „Aw, come on, did you think that would work on me? This is by far not my first time someone used magical elements to banish me."

„Wait, what?" Twilight asked again, this time confused.

Dan said: „Well, if you would know about my childhood... Oh, the good old times..." he daydreamed.

All the mane six were so shocked by that comment that their mouths dropped all the way down to the ground. Twilight then said: „Well, that explains a lot. Fine, we give up."

„For real?" Dan asked.

„Yeah" Twilight answered „Let us drink some milk about it." She offered him a glass of milk.

Dan took it „Well, I sure am a little thirsty after that fight..." So he drunk the milk and suddenly fell down to the ground, holding his belly in pain: „Aaaaaaaaaarg! Lactose! You monster! Call the ambulance!"

„Why should I do that?" Twilight asked angrily.

Dan answered: „Because shut up that's why!"

„No. If you turn everything back to normal and repair the damage you've done, then we will call the ambulance."

„Fine, fine! I'll do it! I just need ambulance!"

„Chris, call the ambulance." Twilight said to Chris.

3 days later Dan got out of the hospital and met Twilight and her friends outside.

„Now that you are okay again" Twilight said „It's time for your part of the deal..."

„What deal?" Dan asked.

Twilight answered: „Duh, you promised to clean everything up!"

„Oh, that..." Dan said „I never promised that. It was a lie."

Suddenly Pinkie Pie interrupted: „At this point, I once again want to draw your attention to the fact that you broke a Pinkie Pie Promise!" She sounded really angry „You can still make that good by cleaning everything up, or else..."

„Or else what?" Dan asked. Pinkie Pie took him on the throat with one hoof and suddenly grew a fireball in her other hoof, ready to fire it.

„Phh, fire?" Dan asked, not very impressed „I burn down houses at least once per week! How did you get that power anyway?"

„It doesn't matter!" Pinkie Pie said in a dark voice „And it's not THAT kind of fire..."

What Pinkie said, surprised Dan. Half respectfully, half in fear, he said: „Okay, easy, Pinkie! I changed my mind!"

„Okey Dokey Lokey!" Pinkie said excited, and Dan got to work.

He repaired everything he had destroyed, turned Twilight back into an unicorn and gave her her full power back. Then he apologized to the six ponies: „I am sorry. I didn't know you were that powerful! I... I will let you alone from now on. BUT everypony else will get their revenge sooner or later! It's just that I will except you from them."

„Seems okay to me..." Rainbow Dash said.

Applejack continued: „Well, if ya can't live without taking revenge... But take it easy on them! Otherwise, we will come back!"

„Oh my gosh, no! I promise! This time for real!" Dan shouted in shock. „I... I think I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna miss my favourite show." And with that, Dan left the mane six.

„Dan is on a good way" Twilight said „Maybe someday we can reform him to let things go and never take revenge on anything ever again..."

Suddenly she heard Dan shouting from the distance: „DEEERPYYY HOOOOOVES!"

„... but until then, it is a long way..." she sighed.

8. Dan vs Derpy Hooves

DAN VS.

Last time on Dan vs. Equestria, Dan lost his fight against the Elements of Harmony and had to promise to not hurt them again.

After he left with angry mood, he met another pony. It was grey with yellow mane. Dan especially noticed the crossed eyes: „Wait... haven't I seen you earlier?"

„Might be, dear Sir!" the pony answered „You shouted at me when we helped Rainbow Dash!"

„Ah, I remember now!" Dan said. Silence. He then continued: „What is all that stuff with your crossed eyes about anyway?"

„Oh, it was an animation err... I mean I don't know." Derpy answered „Want a muffin?"

„Well, why not?" Dan said and took Derpy's muffin. After his first bite, he began to feel strange and suddenly fell down to the ground in pain: „Argh! What was inside this muffin?"

„Not much!" Derpy said in fear „Just the normal ingredients for a muffin with milk flavor! Miss Pie always uses the milk with extra lactose..."

„DEEERPYYY HOOOOVES!"

DAN

VS.

DERPY HOOVES

Later, in the ambulance station, Dan got a visit from Chris.

„Chris! I need your help!" Dan said. „I can't take revenge on Derpy like this! YOU have to do it for me!"

„What?" Chris asked „You can't ask such a favor from me! What did such an innocent creature like Derpy do to you anyway?"

„Uh, hello? Look at me!" Dan shouted „Derpy brought me here with her deadly muffins of doom! Second, we are friends. Friends do favors for friends!"

„When did you ever do a favor for me?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „Shut up and help me!"

„Fine" Chris said „What do you want me to do?"

„How should I know?" Dan said „You are the My Little Pony expert! But... it would be nice if you could ensure the safety of my house..."

„Yeah, I can do that." Chris answered and left Dan to make his way to the house of his best friend.

As Chris arrived there, he saw Derpy hanging around Dan's mailbox.

„Hey, Derpy!" Chris greeted „Delivering mail?"

Derpy nodded and flew away. Chris took Dan's mail inside and placed it on the TV table.

„Everything seems to be fine..." Chris talked to himself „I still can't believe Dan is going against Derpy! And maybe he should keep his house more clean..."

Just that moment one of the packages from the mail exploded, leaving a big cloud of dust! Chris coughed, and the cloud disappeared.

„Well that was surprising." Chris said „But it didn't change anything except for the fact that Dan's house is even more dirty now. Who was that package from anyway? Maybe from that Dan-impostor..." He took a look at the package and gasped: „The package was sent by Derpy? But... how... why..."

Chris called Dan, who answered: „Hey Chris. Found anything out?"

„Well, kind of..." Chris said „Someone sent a dust bomb package on Derpy's name! I have to find out who framed Derpy for this crime, and that person is going to pay!"

„OR it WAS Derpy!" Dan answered „There is just one way to find out: You have to follow that Derpy-Girl to find out anything unusual she's doing! Oh, and good news: I'm gonna be released in an hour! That means I can join you again later on! See ya!"

So Chris left the house and just saw Derpy leaving the street. Chris was able to follow her to different locations. Of course, Derpy went back to the Equestria side and first visited Sugarcube Corner to buy some muffins.

„Well, that's what Derpy always does." Chris thought „Nothing special here."

As Derpy left the store with her bag of muffins, she came across Rainbow Dash. Derpy stopped and annoyed Rainbow with senseless stories for about an hour. Chris almost fell asleep, but then he noticed that Derpy was moving again and continued following her.

As Derpy flew up into the sky, Chris hid in the bushes to follow Derpy's course with his eyes. Derpy flew straight to a cloud which was shaped like a muffin. Suddenly her crossed eyes began to move into their right position, and the cloud 'said': „Eye Scan accepted. You may pass."

A door in the cloud opened, and Derpy went inside.

„Well, that is weird for Derpy." Elise said, suddenly being in the bushes next to Chris.

„Elise?" Chris asked „Why are you here?"

„Uh, no reason..." Elise said „I take it you are on a mission for Dan? Wait, let me help you up to the cloud..." And with that Elise took Chris and threw him right into the cloud, so Chris avoided the Eye Scan door.

As Chris entered the indoors of the cloud, he couldn't believe it: This whole place was an organisation of crossed-eyed Derpy's! And they seemed dangerous too: Chris saw some of them practicing with laser eyes, hoof blasters, jet pack wings and more!

Suddenly Chris turned around to see cameras recording him.

The cameras started the alarm: „Unauthorized visitor detected!"

The Derpys turned around to trap Chris between them. As they realized it was Chris, they said: „Oh, hi Chris! We're sorry, but we have to destroy you. Thank you for your understanding."

„Uh oh." Chris said and ran away screaming. He ran trough a door and closed it. He realized he was in a supply room, and put everything he found in front of the door.

Suddenly he noticed another Derpy behind him, trapped in a cage.

That Derpy said: „Hey there! Please don't get me wrong, I am not like these other me's! I am the one and only real Derpy!"

„Huh, that would explain a lot..." Chris thought out loud and freed the real Derpy.

But then the fake Derpys destroyed the blocked door AND the blockades with their lasers, came inside and said: „Oh, you found the real one! You are clever, hihi! Just another reason to destroy you... and little Derpy here..."

„Could you please stop copying each other?" Chris asked „It's kinda freaking me out!"

„Oh, don't worry!" An unknown voice suddenly spoke up „I'll take care of this!" It was Dan!

„Dan?" Chris asked „But... how did you get up here?"

„Oh, Elise lifted me up." Dan explained.

Chris answered: „Oh, right, Elise..."

Dan fought the fake Derpys with his bare hands and succeeded!

„Huh, why didn't I think of that option?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „Because you are too puny to hit'em hard! Let's get out of here, I planted explosives."

„Are explosives always your answer?" Chris asked „And when did you do that anyway?"

„Shut up and get outta here." Dan said, and with this, Dan, Chris and the one and only Derpy left the muffin-shaped cloud just moments before it all exploded!

After they were all down on the ground, Dan turned to Derpy and shouted: „Hey! One survived! Let's get her!"

But Chris was holding him back: „Wait, that's the real Derpy! The fake one's were the one's who did all these bad things to you! Right, Derpy?"

„Uh..." Derpy said „Most of it... But the milk muffin was my fault... I am sorry, Dan, I didn't know about your issues with milk! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Dan thought: „Well, there is one thing..." He walked up to Derpy and punched and kicked her until she was lying on the ground in pain.

„Glad I could help." Derpy told Dan later in the hospital. She was delivered there with bad injuries.

„Yeah, our scores are settled now." Dan smiled „Now, if you excuse me, I still have a long list of revenge to work down..."

9. Dan vs Daring Do

DAN VS.

Dan was walking around the Earth Side of the town, as suddenly a yellow pony with black mane overran him and continued running.

„Hey, would you mind being more careful!?" Dan shouted after her. „Hmmm, strange. This pony looks familiar... It looks kinda like..."

Just that moment he also got overran by Rainbow Dash, who apologized: „Oh, sorry Dan! Have to get going, need to follow Daring Do! Oh, and watch out..."

In that moment Dan once again got overran by an army of ancient monsters, who seemed to chase that Daring Do.

Rainbow continued: „Oh, uh, sorry. I don't want to seem rude, but I really need to go help... Oh no, I know that expression on your face..."

And Dan lifted his fist into the sky and shouted:

„DAAARIIING DOOOOO!"

DAN

VS.

Daring Do

Dan called Chris immediately, but everything he got was the mailbox: „This is Chris and Elise's mailbox. We are on a one-day holiday trip. Please leave a message after the signal. Oh, and if it's you, Dan, please hold back your shouting. It's not good for the phone. (Beep)"

„WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!" Dan shouted into the phone anyway „HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE THAT! AND DON'T TELL ME NOT TO SHOUT! YOU ARE SUCH A MISERABLE FRIEND! YOU ARE... Uh, hello? Oops, seems like I really broke their phone. Ah, whatever."

He turned to Rainbow Dash: „Rainbow Dash, you're going to help me take my revenge on Daring Do!"

„No." Rainbow answered „Do you even have the slightest clue of what a big fan I am? I will never let you hurt her!"

„Really?" Dan asked „Well, that's complicated, because I actually need to do what you say since the beating you and your friends gave me. Ah well, no problem I can't solve..."

A few moments later Rainbow Dash was trapped in a cage in Dan's secret basement. „Get me out of here!"

„Oh, I will..." Dan answered „After I got my revenge. Don't worry, Daring Do will be fine... probably..."

After Dan left the basement to enter the normal part of his flat, he started thinking about a plan: „So I am on my own this time... What could probably be something I could do against Daring Do? Oh, I know! She seems to get into a lot of adventures, so I could prepare a trap adventure!"

So Dan took paper and pencil and wrote down some ideas for his trap adventure...

1 hour later, everything was set, and as Daring Do came across Dan, he stopped her and shouted: „Help! Oh dear, help me! There is this, uh, thing in the Everfree Forest!"

„What the hay are you talking about?" Daring Do asked.

Dan continued: „Well, I, uh, walked into the Everfree Forest, and then I saw a golden tree!"

Daring Do gasped: „What? Can it be? Oh my gosh, the legendary golden tree I've been searching for my whole life! Where did you find it?"

„The golden tree exists? Uh, I mean, follow me, and I will show you" Dan said „But I need to warn you: This place is full of terrible monsters and deadly traps! I barely escaped!"

„Phh!" Daring Do responded „Monsters? Traps? These are my specializations! Just show me, I can handle it!"

„Perfect!" Dan said with an evil grin.

Dan brought Daring Do into the deepest and darkest part of the Everfree Forest and suddenly stopped. „Well, the golden tree should be somewhere here WATCH OUT!"

Dan escaped into the bushes, as his prepared arrows fired into Daring Do's direction.

Daring Do was able to dodge them all, as suddenly spikes came out of the ground and Daring Do managed to jump onto a tree.

Then she saw the golden tree a few metres away and walked there after the spikes vanished. But suddenly the golden tree came to life and shouted: „Stay back, adventurer! You may not defeat and take me!"

Daring Do jumped a few steps back and fell into a hole that was covered with leaves. Now she was trapped down there... or was she? „Wait a minute... Is this a fake adventure? I mean, seriously, a hole covered with leaves, how boring is that? How did I even fall for that?"

Daring Do used a grappling gun to get out of the hole and captured the golden tree with a lasso to find out that it was just Dan in a costume!

„You!" she shouted.

Dan smiled awkwardly: „Uh, hehe, I assume you are not interested in me making it all up?"

„Depends." Daring Do answered „What did you have in mind?"

Suddenly a shadow creature appeared out of nowhere and tried to attack Daring Do, but she was faster and kicked its butt... far, far away.

She looked at Dan angrily.

„What?" Dan asked „That thing wasn't part of my plan! I really don't know who it was!"

Daring Do was surprised: „Oh. In that case: Daring Do and the mystery of the shadow creatures! Go!"

„Wait!" Dan shouted „About my deal: What I wanted to say was that I could help you on this adventure to make it up to you..."

„No." Daring Do answered „Daring Do always works alone!" And with that she left to go after this new mystery.

„Dang" Dan said to himself „So far to my plan to manipulate her on that adventure. Well, I guess in this case my Dan-Revenge-Rules apply: If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, BURN THEIR HOUSE DOWN!"

So 2 days later, as Daring Do finished her shadow creature adventure, she went back home just to find it burned to the ground!

„My house!" Daring Do shouted „How did it burn down?"

Then suddenly her face switched from shock to deep anger as she realized: „Dan! This isn't over yet! You will pay for this when you least expect it! I promise!"

In the meanwhile Dan was at home, releasing Rainbow Dash, who asked: „What did you do to her!? I promise, if you killed her, you are going to join her!"

„Calm down" Dan said „She's fine, like I said. Now go."

So Rainbow Dash left to look for her hero while Dan sat down on his couch to finally watch TV in peace.

Thanks to hunter for this great suggestion! :D

10. Dan vs The Cutie Mark Crusaders

DAN VS.

Dan was sitting on his couch, watching TV, as suddenly someone knocked on his door.

„Who dares to disturb me while I watch TV?" He asked himself as he opened the door to see three young fillies standing in front of him „Oh great, pony pathfinders..." He rolled his eyes.

„That's right" one of the three, a white unicorn, said „We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, on a quest to find our Cutie Marks! I am Sweetie Belle, the pegasus is Scootaloo, and the third one there is Applebloom."

The orange pegasus continued: „And today we are pathfinders, trying to help other people and ponies. And at the moment we are selling apples for Applejack!"

Then the three of them shouted: „CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PATHFINDERS! YAY!"

At that shouting the whole house began to shake, and Dan said: „Well, if you are pathfinders, and you want to help me, then help me and GO AWAY! And just because I'm curious: I think I have seen you little filly before..." he thought pointing at the third one, that Applebloom.

Applebloom realized: „Uh, girls, I think he's right, we should go... now!"

„No way!" the other two fillies answered „CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PATHFINDERS FOREVER!"

And this time the whole house fell apart!

„My house!" Dan shouted „Now I know where I have seen you before, Applebloom! I trapped you inside my fridge when I took revenge on Applejack! And now... you three are NEXT!"

„Oh no..." Applebloom said as Dan lifted his fist into the air and shouted:

„CUUTIE MAARK CRUSAAADEEERS!"

DAN

VS.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders

The three little fillies ran away in fear, and Dan shouted after them: „And don't come back here... ever again!"

He then called Chris, who greeted: „Hey, Dan! Having a good day?"

„HAVING A GOOD DAY!?" Dan shouted „I GOT DISTURBED FROM WATCHING TV, ANNOYED BY SOME CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PATHFINDERS, AND THE SAME ONES DESTROYED MY HOME, LEAVING ME HOMELESS! AND YOU ARE ASKING ME IF I AM HAVING A GOOD DAY? Yeah, the day is nice so far, but I need to slumber at your house for a while until my home is repaired."

„Wait a minute..." Chris said and then asked Elise, who was in the next room: „Hey, Elise! Dan's house got destroyed. Can he stay with us for a while?"

Elise answered: „Sure. If his house is destroyed, I guess it's an emergency..."

„It's settled" Chris talked to Dan on the phone again.

Dan then said: „Oh, and could you help me on my revenge against these Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

„Are you going to hurt them or use any kind of fire?" Chris asked.

„No! They are kids! That would be inhumanly! I am not a monster, Chris!"

„In that case I'm in." Chris answered „What did you have in mind?"

„Can you carry four bags of the weight of one grown mare per bag?" Dan asked.

Chris answered: „Uh, I think I would need a cart for that WAIT WHY?"

„You'll see. Meet me in one hour at the ruins of my home. I need to get a cart..."

2 hours later, Dan and Chris finished the plan and the four bags were filled and loaded onto the cart. Now they were on their way to Chris' home.

„I can't believe we captured Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash and left the Crusaders a message to stop searching for their Cutie Marks if they ever want to see their most beloved ponies again!" Chris said in a sad voice „But there is one thing I don't understand: You already captured another pony before I met up with you... Who IS in that fourth bag?"

„Oh, just a backup plan, in case this one won't work" Dan answered.

They were now standing in front of Chris' house, and just as Chris wanted to open the door, the Cutie Mark Crusaders came from behind and knocked the two out.

„No one messes around with the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Scootaloo said angrily.

Then the three shouted all together: „CUTIE MARK CRUSADER RESCUERS!"

But in that moment Elise came out through the door and thought the Crusaders were intruders who captured innocent ponies in bags and knocked out Dan and Chris, for short: criminals. So she used her kung fu skills to to knock out the Crusaders as well.

„What did you do to Chris, Dan and these ponies!?" Elise asked angrily.

Applebloom answered: „What did WE do? Dan and Chris were the ones who captured our loved ones, so we were going to save them! And for that we needed to make Dan and Chris unconcious..."

„Oh" Elise realized „Sorry. Should have expected that. Here, I will release them for you..."

So Elise released Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash. As she opened the fourth bag, she thought: „Ooohh, alright, backup plan. Don't want to ruin Dan's fun completely..." So she closed the bag again.

As Dan woke up, he saw the three freed ponies looking at him angrily.

„Oooh, heeyy..." he said „Good news! I wasn't going to hurt you in any way! I just wanted to keep you until the Cutie Mark Crusaders surrendered all their dreams!"

„Do you have milk in your fridge?" Rarity asked Elise „With a lot of lactose?"

„Sorry, we ran out." Elise answered.

„It's your lucky day, partner!" Applejack said to Dan, and the three of them left. Then Rainbow Dash came back one more time to punch him in the face and left again.

As Chris also woke up, Dan stood up and said: „Chris? Get up, it's time for plan B."

„But I just woke up! And I feel incredibly dizzy..."

„I don't care! Besides, shut up. Now stand up! We have some destruction to do!"

Little time later, Dan and Chris were standing in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres, just in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders Clubhouse.

„Now tell me, Chris..." Dan asked „What is every Crusader's favorite thing to do?"

„Well, Sweetie Belle likes to play the piano, Scootaloo is riding her scooter a lot, and Applebloom... I don't know, I guess the family business is pretty important to her... Why?" Chris said.

„Thank you very much!" Dan answered and first took Scootaloos scooter, which was standing at an apple tree, and took it apart so everything that was left were useless pieces. He then faced Sweetie Belle's piano, which was placed next to another apple tree.

He was about to blow it up with explosives, but Chris reminded him: „No fire..."

Dan took out a match and a lighter, but Chris repeated: „NO FIRE!"

„Fine!" Dan answered, took out a big hammer and smashed the piano apart!

Then he used a chainsaw to cut all the apple trees around the Crusader's treehouse.

„Someone will get less money for a while" Dan smiled „And someone will get into a lot of trouble... and it's not me!"

Chris smiled: „It's funny that you are destroying everything around their clubhouse, but not the clubhouse itself..."

As he realized what he said, he covered his mouth, and Dan said: „Hey, that's not a bad idea, Chris!"

So Dan got up the tree up to the treehouse and destroyed it with his bare hands! Chris was impressed.

But suddenly they heard voices coming closer, and Dan said: „Oh no! Quickly, let's hide in the bushes!"

So Dan and Chris jumped into the bushes and saw the Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and Scootaloo returning to their meeting place, the clubhouse. They were shocked!

„My scooter!" Scootaloo shouted.

„My piano!" Sweetie Belle cried.

„The apple trees! I am doomed!" Applebloom shouted.

„Yes! It's working!" Dan whispered.

But then he heard Applebloom saying: „We can't let it be like that! If my family finds out about the missing apple trees, they will banish me to the Everfree Forest, for sure!" she then looked at her two friends and added: „Oh, uh, and the broken scooter and piano are also not acceptable, hehe..."

„But what can we do?" Sweetie Belle asked.

„We could fix all this stuff on our own..." Scootaloo said.

„Great idea!" the other two fillies said.

They then shouted together: „CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FIXERS! GO!"

And they fixed the whole clubhouse as well as the scooter and the piano. Everything looked like new!

But there was still one last problem: the trees.

„We can't ask Twilight or Rarity or any unicorn to help us fix the trees!" Applebloom said „They wouldn't understand the situation and tell my family that we were the ones who destroyed the trees!"

Scootaloo thought for a moment and then asked: „Sweetie Belle, you are a unicorn as well! Do you think you can do this?"

„No way!" Sweetie Belle answered „I am far too weak to be able to fix this!"

„But there's no other choice!" Scootaloo shouted.

Applebloom continued: „Please, Sweetie Belle! Try it at least! For me!"

„Fine" Sweetie Belle answered „But I can't promise anything!"

Her horn began to glow and the trees got fixed!

„I did it!" Sweetie Belle shouted excited „I really did it! I saved us a lot of trouble!"

„Oh come on!" Dan whispered.

Suddenly, something strange was happening: Something appeared on the Crusader's flanks...

„Huh?" they said, and suddenly all three of them had their cutie marks!

„GASP! OUR CUTIE MARKS!" they shouted in excitement „CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FIXERS! OUR DESTINY!"

Chris in the bushes giggled: „Haha! So far for your revenge, Dan! It didn't just backfire, but you also gave the Cutie Mark Crusaders their cutie marks!" Then he realized Dan was giggling as well „Wait, why are YOU laughing?"

„Well" Dan answered „Because my revenge WAS a success!"

„But the Crusaders got their... It has something to do with your backup plan, right?"

„Eeyup." Dan answered „Time to go home. Trixie, do the rest..."

Suddenly the great and powerful Trixie was next to Dan and Chris in the bushes and answered: „It was an honor to make business with you!"

So Dan and Chris left qietly, while Trixie removed the fake cutie marks from the Crusaders she put on them.

„What the..." Applebloom said.

Scootaloo continued: „The cutie marks were fake?"

„Aww" Sweetie Belle said „But hey, think about it: Getting our cutie marks already would have been lame anyway! I mean, the Cutie Mark Crusaders would have stopped to exist!"

„Right!" the other two answered „Time for even more adventure on our continuing quest for cutie marks!"

Dan in the meanwhile returned to his own home, which was repaired in the meanwhile. With the good feeling that he got his revenge, he returned to the television program, as suddenly someone destroyed his house once again!

„What?" Dan shouted „Are you fillies serious!?"

But he realized it weren't the Cutie Mark Crusaders who destroyed his home this time...

„That's for burning my house down!" Daring Do shouted and flew away.

Dan responded: „OH, COME ON!"

Once again thanks to hunter for the suggestion!

11. Dan vs Spike

DAN VS.

Dan was sitting on his couch again, watching TV, as suddenly a magical scroll appeared in the air out of nowhere and fell onto his head.

„Ouch!" he shouted „Since Earth and Equestria are interacting, I didn't get a single relaxing minute! What is it this time!?"

He opened the scroll and read:

„Dear Dan,

to settle the problems of our past, I hereby invite you into my library for some fun time with me and my assistant Spike. You still need to meet him, and I am sure you two will get along nicely. He's the one who sent this letter... he has that special ability to send letters with the help of his fire breath... You will get to know more of him eventually, but now back to topic: I planned a lot of fun stuff to do together, and I am sure we will all end this day being happy and with the fact that we all got closer to each other. Come over as soon as you're ready.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle"

„Oh, that's just great!" Dan said sarcastically „It seems like these ponies already made every human their friend, and now they are going after ME! Ah well, I sure could use some relaxing fun time" he remembered what he said earlier about having no free time since Equestria was here.

Just then Dan realized: „Wait, what is that green stuff on the scroll... OH MY GOD THE SCROLL IS ON FIRE!" He threw the scroll away and looked at his hands with which he held the scroll recently: „MY HANDS ARE ON FIRE!" He ran to the kitchen sink, turned on the water and extinguisched his hands. „Grrrrrrrrrrr... according to the scroll, there is only one person who could have done that..." Dan lifted his burned fist up into the sky and shouted:

„SPIIIIIKE!"

DAN

VS.

Spike

Dan left his flat and went to Twilight's library across the street.

He knocked on the door, and Chris opened: „Hi, Dan!"

„Chris?" Dan asked „What are you doing here?"

In that moment Twilight joined the conversation: „I invited him to make sure you are not doing something stupid... Something revenge-related..."

„That's right!" Chris continued „I will not help you with any revenge this time! This day is all about fun, and not the kind of fun you are thinking of..."

„Fine" Dan answered „Can I at least come in?"

Twilight answered: „Sure. Welcome to my library!"

„Wow... this library... it's so... tidy!" Dan was impressed.

„Why, thank you!" Twilight answered „Though I have to give the credit to my assistant Spike. That's him!" She pointed at a little purple dragon who was just coming downstairs.

„Wait, that's Spike?" he asked.

Twilight answered: „Yeah. Surprised that he's a dragon, huh?"

„Kinda..." Dan said, but in his head he thought something completely different...

He walked over to the little dragon and was about to talk to him, as Twilight said: „Alright, let's get this started! But before we do that, I first want to hear a Pinkie Pie promise that you're not going after revenge, Dan..."

„Yeah, Pinkie Pie promise, Dan!" Chris repeated „And remember what happened last time you gave a Pinkie Pie promise!"

Dan cursed the current situation right now, but he didn't have a choice, did he? So he promised: „God dang it! Fine, I... I Pinkie Pie promise... as if I had a choice..." he mumbled the last words.

He then turned to Spike and whispered into his ear: „You're still going down, Spike! I will manage to do that, believe me!"

As Spike realized that he was the target of Dan's revenge, he gulped in fear.

„Alright, how about we start with a little conversation at the dining table?" Twilight suggested „I am sure you are all hungry!"

„Well I am!" Spike answered.

„Me too!" Chris said.

Dan said: „Yeah, yeah, dinner is fine... I guess..."

„Okay, I'm going to get the spaghetti." Twilight said „Will be back in a minute!"

„Hey, Chris" Dan talked to Chris „Why don't you go with her? You just can't let a lady carry four plates of spaghetti at once, especially if she has hooves instead of hands!"

„You're totally right" Chris responded „So why don't you go help her?"

„Because you're the gentleman and I'm the jerk! It's like 'Good cop, bad cop'. So get your ass up and help that poor unicorn!" Dan began to shout.

„Okay, okay, I'm on it..." Chris answered and went after Twilight.

Dan and Spike both knew why Dan sent Chris after Twilight. The two of them were now alone, not watched by either Twilight or Chris.

Dan smirked, and Spike just gulped another time.

The dragon tried to start a conversation: „So, uh, it's obvious you don't like me and you want revenge, and I fully respect that - or better, I'm afraid, after everything I've heard about you – but... why? I just wanna know..."

„It doesn't matter!" Dan shouted at Spike „Besides, shut up. You are going to regret the day you sent me a burning scroll!"

„I already do!" Spike said in fear „Wait... the scroll was burning? Must have been an error... But that's not exactly my..."

„I SAID SHUT UP!" Dan shouted and threw Spike into one of the bookshelves.

In that moment Twilight and Chris returned.

Chris said: „Dan... Twilight has magic. Magic with which she can lift four plates of spaghetti at once..." He then realized that Spike was placed in a bookshelf „Uh..."

Twilight saw that as well and asked: „Why is Spike in a bookshelf?"

Dan lied: „Uh... hey, look, the little guy is reading books inside the bookshelf! Isn't that sooo cute? There is nothing more heartwarming than a child learning from books... But now get out of there, Spike, dinner is ready." With that he pulled Spike back out of the bookshelf and placed him on his chair.

Spike, being afraid of saying something wrong in Dan's presence, lied as well: „Oh... yeah... these books sure were interesting... sooo interesting... But I am hungry too, so lets eat, hehe..."

Twilight gave Chris a curious look, and Chris whispered to her: „I believe Dan's new revenge target is Spike, but I am not sure..."

„Ah well, dinner time!" Twilight said in excitement as she gave everyone their spaghetti. The rest of the dinner was pretty unspectacular, except for Dan and Spike giving each other enemy-like looks, while Twilight and Chris were getting worried.

„Alright, time for the next thing on the list!" Twilight said after dinner „How about something totally safe and not dangerous at all?" She laughed awkwardly „Like a nice game of chess?"

„Oh, I'm in!" Chris shouted.

„Me too!" Spike said.

„Do I even have a choice?" Dan asked.

„But this time I and Chris are not leaving this room!" Twilight said angrily.

So the friends played a nice game of two vs two chess, Dan and Spike vs Twilight and Chris.

Somewhere in the middle of the game, Spike stood up and said: „Uh, excuse me, I... have to go for little dragons... will be right back!"

„Oh, I have to go, too!" Dan lied.

„We are coming with you!" Chris said „just to be sure..."

„Nu-uh!" Dan said „Remember? You two said you were not leaving this room! So meet you in a few minutes!" And with that he was off after Spike in the bathroom.

„I hate you, Dan." Twilight talked to herself.

In the meanwhile in the bathroom, Spike just finished his... uh... business... as he opened the door of the toilet room to see Dan standing right in front of him! „Oh no."

„Oh yes!" Dan said.

What followed was the sound of repeated flushing, and as Dan and Spike rejoined the chess game, Spike was completely wet, from head to toes.

Dan just said: „Oooooh, the little dragon had a toilet accident, didn't he?"

Then he gave Spike a look, who said: „Uh, yes, a toilet accident, absolutely nothing to do with Dan..."

„See?"

Twilight just let out a „Grrrrr..." but then she caught herself and answered: „You know what? FORGET CHESS! Who needs that, right? HahahaHAHAHA! We should do something completely fail-safe and harmless... Like... how about reading books out loud to each other!?"

„Uh, Twilight, are you okay?" Chris asked „you are acting like you are going insane..."

„No! No!" Twilight answered „Everything is okay! We are all becoming friends! FRIENDS! Let's..." she calmed down „Let's just read some stories to each other so we can all calm down, okay?"

5 minutes later, everyone had a short story in his hands, and Chris asked: „Okay, who wants to start?"

„Oh, me, me!" Dan shouted.

Twilight interrupted him. „NO! I don't think that's a good idea! Let us start with someone else, like... Spike!"

Spike looked at Dan in fear, who was sitting right next to him and gave the dragon an angry look. Then Spike started with his story carefully: „So... the book I chose is about... a little, helpless dragon who... gets bullied by a human-creature from another world and... he tries to become friends with that bully... but it doesn't work and he gets bullied for all eternity, a very interesting story."

Long pause.

Very long pause.

„Okay, Dan!" Twilight broke the silence with a gigantic fake smile „Let's see what you got!"

„But with pleasure!" Dan smirked „It's about the pillows of DOOM!"

„Has everyone chosen a horror story?" Chris asked „How about a story about pastel ponies living in a magical land of friendship without conflicts? That's what I chose..."

Twilight gave Chris a 'seriously?'-like look.

„Shut up." Dan said „So it's about the pillows of doom. You see all these pillows around here?"

Everyone nodded.

„It's pillows like these ones who become evil in this book!"

„How can pillows become evil?" Twilight asked.

„LET ME FINISH! So this book says that there once lived an evil scientist in this library, and due to a failed experiment, he created evil, deadly pillows! What was so evil about them? Well, whenever somepony says the word 'hookie', these pillows are..."

„...coming alive?" Chris asked.

„NO!" Dan shouted „They become as hard as diamonds until the next pillow fight! And everyone involved in the pillowfight who got hit by one of these pillows, had to go to hospital because of injuries. The problem is: Not all these pillows are modified like that. Some of these pillows around here are normal pillows, other ones are pillows of doom!"

„Wait, so you want to tell us that the book says that these pillows are still existing in this library?" Chris asked.

Dan answered: „That's right! So let's test if this story is true... HOOKIE!"

He grabbed one of the pillows and threw it at Twilight.

„ARE YOU CRAZY!?" Twilight shouted „That could have been a pillow of doom!"

„So you believe in the story?" Dan asked.

Twilight answered: „No... I mean yes... I guess... So TAKE THAT!" Twilight threw another pillow at Dan, and shortly after the four of them were in a pillow fight, as suddenly a pillow hit Spike, and he fell onto the ground, being unconcious.

Twilight gasped: „SPIKE! So the story was true! And I was the one who threw that pillow! I am so sorry!"

Suddenly, a few heavy books fell out of the pillow Twilight threw at Spike, and as she saw that, she lost her mind... completely!

„GrrrrrrrrrrDAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

„What?" Dan asked calm.

„THIS... IS... IT! I KNOW YOU ARE THE ONE WHO PUT THESE BOOKS IN THERE! IT WAS ALL PLANNED! YOU PROMISED, NO REVENGE!"

„You have no legitimate proof." Dan was still calm.

„Let's be honest, Dan..." Chris started, as Twilight took the words out of Chris' mouth: „YOUR PRESENCE ALONE IS PROOF ENOUGH!" „Exactly."

„No, it's not!" Dan responded „Search it up in the law."

Twilight took out the book of laws and opened page 286.

Dan read: „Rule 1465, paragraph 5: presence alone is no legitimate proof for a crime. The only exception is Dan. AW, COME ON!"

Twilight got some high lactose milk and forced him to drink it, resulting in Dan lying on the ground, almost dying!

„AAAAARRRGGG!"

„If we are going to the hospital to deliver Spike anyway, we can deliver you there as well, right?" Twilight grinned in an evil way. „Be glad I am keeping you alive!"

1 hour later, Dan was lying in the hospital, being told that he was unable to move for the next 7 days.

„That was totally worth it..." Dan said to himself while he was visited by Twilight.

The purple unicorn added: „And guess what? While you are unable to move, Spike just has a blue eye. He still needs to stay in hospital though... for the next 7 days... in the bed right next to you... Coincidence? You will never know... But Spike won't be so happy, if you know what I mean..."

With that she left Dan and Spike alone.

Dan looked at Spike, who punched his left fist into his right hand three times: „This is gonna be fun..."

„Aw, come on!"

12. Dan vs Princess Cadence (Part 1)

DAN VS.

Dan decided to go outside for once! So he walked through the Equestria-Side, just to picture it better for upcoming revenge plans. As he came across the train station of the Equestria-Side, he stopped as he suddenly saw a beautiful alicorn pony getting off the train! He watched in awe at her unending beauty, and he just couldn't help but to walk over to her to introduce himself: „H-H-Hi... My name is Dan, and you are the most beautiful pony I've ever seen! Tell me, who are you?"

„Why thank you ever so much! I am Princess Cadence, ruler of the Crystal Empire..." Cadence responded.

As Dan heard that Cadence was an actual princess and even a ruler of a whole empire, his heart was filled with even more love than before!

Cadence continued: „... and happily married to the captain of the royal guard, Shining Armor, brother of Twilight Sparkle, who is friends with the hero of the Crystal Empire, Spike the dragon."

In that moment Shining Armor also got off the train, placing himself next to the princess.

As quickly as Dan fell in love with Cadence, so did his heart break. That mare was already married AND deep inside the enemy lines?

„NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Dan cried.

Cadence asked „Is everything okay, Mister Dan?"

But Dan just lifted his fist up into the sky and cried:

„CAAAAADEEEEENCE!"

„Oookaayyy, we should slowly walk away from that weird guy..." Cadence said.

DAN

VS.

Princess Cadence

(Part 1)

Dan caught himself again and saw that Cadence and Shining Armor were getting away!

„I have to follow them!" Dan said to himself „Maybe I can manipulate the two of them to hate each other and split up! And then Cadence will happily accept me on her side! I mean, what's not to like on me?"

So he followed the two of them until he heard Cadence say to Shining Armor: „Hey, can you wait here for a minute? I really need to go for little princesses, if you know what I mean..."

„Sure, I'll wait for you right here!" Shining Armor answered, and Cadence vanished to the next toilet.

„Aww, it's so cute how he cares about her! He's so polite!" Dan said to himself once again „Well, too bad I'm going to split them up! Wow, I should really stop talking to myself..."

So he ran to the nearby flower shop and bought the most beautiful red roses in the entire store! Then he quickly went to a tree with a beehive and took some honey from there to hide it inside the roses along with the bees flying into the flowers to eat it.

Then he went over to Shining Armor: „Hey, casanova! How about you make a beautiful present to your wife? Take these roses, they're completely free of charge!"

„I don't know..." Shining Armor answered „You know, it's about that 'Don't trust strangers'-stuff..."

„Aw, come on, it's perfectly safe!" Dan said „What could go wrong with roses?"

„You're right. Thanks for the help" Shining Armor agreed and took the roses.

„Good luck!" Dan said and ran away to hide in the next bushes.

Now Cadence came back, and Shining Armor gave her the beautiful red roses: „Here, Cadence. I bought these flowers just for you!"

Cadence was surprised: „Aww, that's sooo cute of you! Thank..." In that moment the bees flew out of the flowers and attacked Cadence: „AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

„Oh my gosh!" Shining Armor shouted „Don't worry, I'll save you!"

He got a bucket of water and threw the water on the bees, which flew away. But now Cadence's head was completely wet.

„I'm so sorry!" Shining Armor said, and Cadence interrupted: „No, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. Things like that can happen sometimes. Let's just continue our way to Twilight..."

Dan in the meanwhile giggled: „So far for part one of my plan... Time for part two..."

A few minutes later, Cadence and Shining Armor came across a restaurant, and Shining Armor got an idea: „Hey! I know how to make it good again! How about we are having a romantic dinner in that restaurant? I'll pay for everything!"

„You really don't need to do that, I already said it's..."

„I insist, my dear wife!"

„Oh, okay then" Cadence laughed „Can we have a table on the outside?"

Shining Armor gave her a stare: „You do realize you are the princess of the Crystal Empire? Why shouldn't we get one?"

So the two of them sat down on a table in front of the restaurant and called the waiter to take their order.

Dan in the meanwhile was following them through the bushes the whole time and now said: „It's all going according to plan! Man, married couples are so predictable! I know that out of experience from Chris and Elise... And so I also know how to upset them..."

He saw a few kids playing with a ball on a playground nearby and walked over to them to whisper something into their ears.

A few moments later, Cadence and Shining Armor got their ordered meal from the waiter and were just about to eat, as suddenly Shining Armor was being attacked with waterballoons thrown by the kids Dan talked to earlier.

„What the hay!?" he shouted „Can't you kids go play with your waterballoons somewhere else?"

„No" they said „Cadence told us to throw them at you!"

„P... F... Whaaa..." Cadence was surprised, and Shining Armor just looked at her angrily.

„I don't know what they are talking about!" She defended herself.

But Shining Armor said: „So it was no big thing I did, huh? You were okay with it? It doesn't seem so!"

„But..."

„No! Just... just let us go over to Twilight, okay?"

„Okay..." Cadence said with a sad expression on her face.

Dan in the meanwhile couldn't stop grinning: „YES! It is almost done! Happy marriage, here I come!" Then he turned to the kids: „Oh, yeah, and here are the promised 20 dollars for each of you. Good job."

„I feel kinda sad..." One of the kids said.

Another one continued: „Yeah. I feel like we did the wrong thing..."

„Oh, that feeling will go away. Trust me!" Dan said „Now: To Twilight's library!"

With that, he continued following the couple through the bushes.

As Cadence and Shining Armor arrived at the library and went in, Dan in the bushes said to himself: „Now for the final part! But since they now know who I am, I need a disguise. But a trustworthy disguise that also Twilight and Spike will fall for... Good thing I stole that holographic disguiser from Elise!" Dan took out the very portable holographic disguiser, pressed a button and became an exact lookalike of Chris! „Chris! This is the perfect disguise! Everyone trusts Chris, hehe..."

So Dan knocked on Twilight's door, and the same unicorn opened: „Oh, hey Chris! How unexpected! As unexpected as Cadence and Shining Armor are! I am sure you would like to meet them, even though I didn't plan anything for you all..."

„It's okay..." Dan tried to imitate Chris „Destroying... I mean meeting Cadence and Shining Armor is enough for now. I am sure we will come up with something. I am sure in a few minutes this tree will be full of action! Hehehe..."

So Twilight and Dan went inside to Cadence and Shining Armor, which were chatting with Spike.

„So... Who wants to play 'truth or dare'?" Twilight asked.

Everyone else shouted: „ME!"

„Okay, I'll start" Twilight said „Chris, truth or dare?"

„Truth."

„Okay... What do you think of Cadence? Be honest!"

„Well, I think she is beautiful" Dan said „But it's not about what I think, but what Shining Armor thinks!"

„What?" Cadence and Shining Armor asked at the same time.

Dan continued: „Yeah. I once heard Shining Armor say that Cadence is fat!"

„WHAT?" Cadence looked at Shining Armor angrily.

He responded: „That's ridicoulous, honey..."

„Never come with honey ever again after that thing with the bees!" Cadence shouted.

„Chriiis?" Twilight said to Dan.

Dan said: „What? It's truth! You know I can't live with lies! Oh, by the way, Cadence once said that she thinks Shining Armor is an egoistic hunk!"

„I never said that!" Cadence answered.

„It's truth, Cadence! And it's Chris, he's taking things serious!" Shining Armor shouted „So you think I am an egoistic hunk?"

„And you think I'm fat?" Cadence continued „Well, maybe we should split up!"

„Maybe!" Shining Armor shouted.

„Oh, please not..." Twilight said, but the couple shouted: „SHUT UP! THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

And so they threw Twilight at Spike, and both became unconcious.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and Princess Luna was standing in it: „SURPRISE VISIT! Uh..."

She looked at the scenery: The library was in chaos, Twilight and Spike were unconcious, Cadence and Shining Armor were shouting at each other, and in the middle of it all was 'Chris', whistling like nothing happened, and walking across her, out of the front door.

„What the hay happened here? I have the feeling Chris is responsible for all of this..."

To be continued...

13. Dan vs Princess Luna (Part 2)

Last time on Dan vs Equestria:

Dan broke the love between Cadence and Shining Armor and knocked out Twilight and Spike. Thanks to a holographic disguiser, Princess Luna now thinks Chris is the one behind all this...

DAN VS.

Chris and Elise were at home in their kitchen cooking their dinner, as Chris suddenly heard the front door breaking with a big boom!

He ran over to see that the door revealed Luna, who shouted: „CHRIS! I AM GOING TO BANISH THOU TO THE MOON FOR WHAT THOU HAVE DONE!"

„What HAVE I done?" Chris asked scared „I haven't even left the house today!"

Elise joined the conversation: „That's true. He was with me all day."

„Really? But someone broke the love between Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, and he looked exactly like Chris..." Luna said.

Elise gasped silently: „Someone must have stolen my holographig disguiser to disguise himself as Chris and destroy everything in his name!"

„What?" Chris asked.

Elise said: „Uh, nothing! I just said that we don't know who did all this, but you could ask Chris' friend Dan. He might have seen something."

„Thank you for the information." Luna answered „I will send a few guards to bring this Dan to Canterlot Castle. I have stuff to do, you know, like arranging a new leader for the Crystal Empire during this crisis..."

With that, she flew away and left Chris and Elise with a broken door.

The next day, Luna was sitting on her throne in Canterlot Castle, as one of the guards came in: „We found that Dan you asked for, your highness!"

„Bring him in." Luna answered.

„That could take a few moments..." the guard responded „He is relentlessly trying to struggle free! We need four guards to hold him!"

In that moment, said guards came in, each holding an arm or leg of a struggling Dan: „Let me go, you jerks!"

The guards threw him in front of Princess Luna and quickly ran back through the door: „Good luck, your highness! This guy is crazy!"

„Thank you for releasing me!" Dan shouted back at the guards.

Luna took the word: „Hello, Dan. I ordered my guards to bring you here because I need your help."

„Wait... YOU ordered me here?" Dan asked.

„Yes"

„Wait a second..." Dan said as he lifted his fist into the air and shouted:

„LUUUUUNAAAAA!"

DAN

VS.

Princess Luna

(Part 2)

„Was that necessary?" Luna asked.

„Yes it was!" Dan said „So what exactly do you need help with anyway?"

„Someone discorded Princess Cadence and Shining Armor" Luna said „The person who did that looked like your friend Chris, but it was someone else. I can only guess that the person used some kind of transformation spell, but I don't know who it might have been..."

„Well, you came to the right one!" Dan answered „I sure saw something around the library yesterday, but nothing specific. Anyway, I am a hobby detective, so I can start an investigation in this case. We should first check for clues on Twilight and Spike. I command you to bring them here, assistant Luna!"

„Hey! Who is the princess here?" Luna asked angrily.

Dan responded: „Who asked Detective Dan for help?"

„Fine." Luna said „Guards! Bring me Twilight and Spike!"

The guards did as Luna said, and Dan tried to start investigating the bodies of the unicorn and the dragon as he realized: „I can't investigate these bodies without the proper equipment! According to this map of the castle, you should have an investigation equipment room around here..."

„Where did you get that map?" Luna asked.

Dan aswered: „Shut up and follow me! Oh, and take Twilight and Spike with you!"

„What was that?" Luna lifted an eyebrow.

„What was that?" Dan repeated her.

„Oh, nevermind..." Luna gave up and took the still unconcious Twilight and Spike on her back.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the investigation equipment room, where they met Cadence and Shining Armor, still arguing with each other.

Luna rolled her eyes, and Dan said: „Nevermind them" and opened the door to the room, just to find it empty!

„Where did all the equipment go?" Dan asked „Cadence? Shining Armor?"

„How should I know what happened to it?" Shining Armor shouted „I am too egoistic to tell you anyway, am I right Cadence?"

„Well, I am too fat to even move my mouth, so don't expect an answer from me!" Cadence shouted.

„Okay, nevermind. Maybe someone just moved the stuff somewhere else!" Dan said „This place on the map, the corridor with the colored windows which are showing some kind of historical happenings... That would be a pretty obvious spot to move stuff. Let's check it out! Oh, and Candence and Shining Armor, you are coming with us."

So Dan went to said corridor, followed by Cadence, Shining Armor and Luna, whose load on her back was getting heavy, and Cadence and Shining Armor annoying her with their arguing didn't really make it better.

As the group finally arrived in the corridor, Luna said: „Well, no investigation equipment here... Whew, I really need to take Twilight and Spike onto the ground for a minute, they are getting too heavy..."

While Luna did that, Dan ran to the other end of the corridor: „Well, it might be that the investigation equipment isn't here, but at least I am where I wanted to be!" He stood in front of the big locked door which held the Elements of Harmony behind it and tried to open said door.

Luna turned to him: „Oh, now I get it! So you just tried to steal the Elements of Harmony all the time! Too bad you don't know how to open the door..." she smiled.

„Oh yeah?" Dan asked „Then how do I open it?"

„Do you really think I would tell you?" Luna laughed.

„You know what?" Dan responded „I think you don't know how to open the door either!"

„Yes I do!"

„I don't believe you. What kind of a princess are you when you don't even know how to open this door?

„I KNOW HOW TO OPEN THIS DOOR!"

„THEN SHOW ME!"

So Luna stepped in front of the door and used her horn as a key to open the door.

„See?" Luna said

„Thank you very much!" Dan said, taking the Elements of Harmony!

„Oh no you won't!" Luna shouted and used her magic to take the Elements of Harmony and make them hover in front of her.

In the same moment Dan dropped something else: The holographic disguiser fell out of Dan's pocket!

Luna took it into her hoof and now shouted: „SO THOU WERE THE ONE BEHIND EVERYTHING! THAT'S IT! THOU WILL BE BANISHED TO THE MOON FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS, NAO!"

And with that, Luna used her magic once again to remove the castle roof, revealing a banishing portal appearing in the sky out of nowhere to banish Dan to the moon for 1000 years!

To be continued...

14. Dan vs Princess Celestia (Part 3)

Last time on Dan vs Equestria:

Dan was called to Canterlot Castle by Princess Luna to find out about the villain who discorded Cadence and Shining Armor and knocked out Twilight and Spike. During his investigation as a detective, Dan unfortunately blew his cover to Luna and is now about to be banished to the moon for 1000 years!

DAN VS.

As the banishing portal was about to give Dan a one-way trip to the moon, Princess Celestia entered the corridor and was shocked by the scenery: Twilight and Spike were lying unconcious in a corner, Cadence and Shining Armor just didn't stop arguing, and Luna was holding the holographic disguiser in one hoof, which meant in Celestia's eyes that Luna was the cause of all the trouble Celestia had heard of! Luna also seemed to have stolen the Elements of Harmony since they were hovering in front of her, and she also removed the castle roof for a banishing portal aimed at a seemingly innocent civilian!

„Luna!" Celestia shouted.

Luna looked around the scenery and said: „Uhm, it's not what it looks like! Really!"

„I don't wanna hear your lies, 'Luna'!" Celestia interrupted „I thought after we were through with this, it would never happen again... But it seems like I was wrong. You are turning into Nightmare Moon once again. I am so sorry, little sister, but I have no other choice than to banish you to the moon once again before you fully transform!"

„Wait! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Princess Luna shouted as Princess Celestia threw her into the banishing portal, causing it to close itself.

„You are safe now, humble civilian" Celestia told Dan.

Dan answered: „Thank you, your highness. I really thought I was going to be banished for a moment there... I think I will find my way back home, but I would more likely ask for permission to stay here a little longer..." Dan's work wasn't done yet...

„Of course" Celestia approved the request „I now have some stuff to do here anyway..."

„Wait, like 'here' here?" Dan asked.

„Yeah, exactly." Celestia answered.

„Hmph, fine..." Dan said and left the corridor.

Once he left, he talked to himself: „Why does she have to do her business in there? I need to reach the Elements of Harmony! They are the most important thing for my next scheme!"

He lifted his fist into the air and shouted:

„PRINNCESS CELESSTIIAAAAA!"

DAN

VS.

Princess Celestia

(Part 3)

„I have to get Princess Celestia out of there somehow..." Dan thought and directly came up with an idea. He went to the throne room and set it on fire. „Why should I lie when I could say the truth?" Then he ran back to the corridor and shouted: „Princess Celestia, YOUR THRONE ROOM IS ON FIRE!"

„OH MY GOSH!" Celestia shouted „GUARDS! EXTINGUISH THE FIRE!"

The guards did as their ruler said and took care of the fire in the throne room.

„Really?" Dan asked „You weren't going to do something yourself?"

„I'm sorry, I am just too busy rearranging the lead of the Crystal Empire and the control of the moon." Celestia answered.

Dan went back out of the corridor as he realized: „Oh, I am such an idiot! There are other ways to get to the Elements, ways which don't require Princess Celestia leaving! I just have to get that disguiser back that I left in the corridor..."

Dan then noticed that Cadence and Shining Armor were still inside the corridor room, directly on the door, in other words almost side to side with Dan!

He poked his head into the door frame and whispered: „Hey! You two! Could you do me a favor? You know, since I am the friend of the guy who finally spoke the truth about you..."

„Well, I guess that's worth a favor..." Cadence said.

„Great!" Dan responded „All you need to do is to get me that holographic disguiser over there..."

„I'm on it!" Shining Armor answered.

Cadence interrupted: „He asked ME!"

„I asked you BOTH!" Dan shouted „Just shut up and get me..."

„Cadence? Shining Armor?" Celestia asked „Do you two need something? I heard something about this holographic disguiser here... You can have it for confiscation if you want..."

So Princess Celestia threw the disguiser over to the two of them, and Shining Armor caught it.

„Here you go" he gave the disguiser to Dan.

„Thank you, Sir!" Dan responded. He left the two of them arguing again.

„So, who would get Princess Celestia's permission to take the Elements of Harmony without further questioning?" He thought „Ah, the bearers, of course! Twilight would be the easiest one, but I can't disguise as her as long as she is unconcious inside the corridor... Hmm, let's try that Applejack..."

With that, he used the disguiser to transform into Applejack and practiced: „Hey, what's up, y'all? I am a happy apple farmer, as happy as... uh... crazed up squirrels... and stuff... Nah, ah just can't impress'er. How 'bout Pinkie?"

So Dan transformed into Pinkie Pie: „FUN! FUN! FUN! Fun! Fun! Fun... (pant)... fun... (pant)... fu... how the hell can she do that all day? No, I'm not going in there as Pinkie Pie. Who else is left? Rarity!"

So Dan transformed into Rarity and promptly fell with the face onto the ground. „Too much lashes! They are heavier than her whole body! I can't get in there falling onto the ground all the time! Great, only two left..."

Now Dan transformed into Fluttershy.

Long Silence.

„Okay, I am seriously not the silent type. I would quickly blow my cover as Fluttershy. Besides... ANIMALS IN THE HAIR!" He scratched his Fluttershy-hair to get all the bugs and other little creatures out of there. „Only one more chance..."

He transformed one last time and became Rainbow Dash!

„Hey, that's not so bad! It's actually perfect! I mean, Element of Loyalty, come on, if that isn't trustworthy! Also, I can perfectly impress her awesomeness... because I am naturally even more awesome!" He flew into the air and directly fell back onto the ground. „Well, as long as I don't try to fly, I shouldn't blow my cover with this one!"

So Dan went into the corridor, disguised as Rainbow Dash, and talked to Princess Celestia: „Hey, Princess Celestia! Long time no see! It's me, the only, real and totally not fake Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, so any particular special Elements would be safe with me..."

„Yeah, I see that you are" Celestia answered „It has really been a long time. And I get your point, even though I am wondering how you found out about the destination of the Elements and why you need them. I am sure you have your reasons for it, so take the Elements. They're not safe here anyway."

„Thank you... Princess FOOLESTIA!" Rainbow Dash suddenly shouted and transformed into Discord!

„WHAT?" Princess Celestia was shocked „Discord? But how is this possible?"

„I am not Discord, neither am I Rainbow Dash or anyone else!" Discord said „I am the unknown person responsible for all the recent trouble, and I got my hands back on the holographic disguiser! That's right! You banished your sister for nothing! And now it's time to play!" Discord snipped his fingers, and Princess Celestia's wings and horn were gone!

Discord continued: „Now you have no power, and I have all of it! Hahahahaha!"

Princess Celestia tried to reach him so she could fight him, but Discord said: „Ah ah ah, not so fast!"

He transformed into King Sombra and trapped Celestia inside shadow crystals so she wasn't able to move anymore!

King Sombra now transformed into Queen Chrysalis and called an army of Changelings to surround the trapped Princess Celestia, just in case she would break free.

„And now for the big finale!" Chrysalis said as her horn started to glow...

But suddenly her magic was interrupted by another transformation, and Princess Celestia didn't see the mysterious villain for a moment until she realized she had to look further down to the ground. She just couldn't hold back a smile at what she saw, even though her situation was as bad as it was:

Queen Chrysalis had transformed into Fluffle Puff and was with the back on the ground. Fluffle just couldn't get back onto her feet! „God dang it!" she cursed „That wasn't supposed to happen!"

„And I guess this was neither!" One of the Changelings suddenly said and transformed into Elise!

„Elise?" Fluffle Puff asked.

„Well, I guess you didn't expect me having a second disguiser, RIGHT, DAN!?"

„Wait" Celestia asked „That pink fluffy thing is Dan? HE is responsible for everything?"

„As always." Elise added „Now give me that, Dan!" she took the disguiser from Dan, who transformed back to normal.

„This will be hard work to return everything to normal" Elise said as she looked at the situation as a whole.

„HEY!" Dan shouted „Aren't you forgetting something? I still have the Elements!"

In that moment Twilight and Spike woke up.

Twilight was shocked: „What happened here? How did we even get to Canterlot? And is this Dan with the Elements of Harmony? Daaaaan..." Twilight's eyes became small as she angrily spoke the last word.

As she saw Elise, Twilight said: „Ah, I guess we need fixing here. A lot of fixing. Don't worry, I have just the spell for it! But first..."

Her horn started to glow, and she said: „Changelings, let Dan feel what REAL pain is!"

And so hundreds of Changelings attacked Dan, and the following scenes were too violent to mention any further.

„Now I think Dan learned his lesson" Twilight said and cast the fixing spell.

A big white flashlight appeared which returned everything to it's normal state at the beginning of part 1.

Dan was walking around the Equestria-Side again and came across the train station. But this time he missed Cadence and Shining Armor...

A moment later Twilight appeared out of the bushes: „Just a little adjustment to assure this doesn't happen again." she winked.

Special thanks to hunter once again! He just suggested Dan vs Cadence, but I gave you guys a triple-princess-three-parter of awesomeness! :P

And yes, I just needed to build in Fluffle Puff, because Fluffle Puff is best OC! :D

15. Dan vs Trixie

DAN VS.

Dan was in his apartement, cooking some eggs in a frying pan, as he suddenly heard some strange – and annoying – noises from outside.

„Sounds like someone set up a dang circus down there!" Dan said annoyed „Better check it before I overreact as usual..."

So Dan looked out the window down the street, where he saw a light blue unicorn with a mane of the same color dressed in a purple magician outfit setting up a performance stage.

„I'm not sure if that's really a circus..." Dan thought „I should go down there and check it out, just to make sure..."

So he left his apartement to go to the crowded stage, where a performane was just about to begin! „Come one! Come all!" a voice shouted in excitement „To witness the magical abilities of the great and powerful..." Then a smoke cloud appeared, and out of that cloud appeared the blue unicorn Dan saw earlier „TRIXIE!" Then her music theme played. „Everything you can do, I can do better!"

„Shut up!" one of the ponies in the crowd said „We are all just here to boo you out of town!"

„Yeah!" Chris said, standing next to Dan „No one likes you!"

„Chris!" Dan was surprised „Even you don't like that unicorn? That's a first!"

„She is bragging way too much" Chris responded and then shouted at Trixie: „I bet my friend Dan here could beat you easily! He's a professional revenge planner!"

„Oh, is that so?" Trixie responded „In this case the great and powerful Trixie demands your friend Dan to come up this stage and upstage her!"

„Fine" Dan answered and came up the stage „But remember, YOU asked for it."

„So, how exactly are you planning to beat the great and powerful Trixie?" Trixie asked.

Dan responded: „Well, you said anything I can do, you can do better. So can you also do better revenge than me?" He took one of the screws holding the stage together, and same stage fell apart.

„NO! My stage!" Trixie shouted „Alright, it's on! Do you see your apartement over there?"

„Yes" Dan answered.

Trixie threw a smoke grenade to that point so the apartement wasn't seen anymore. As the smoke disappeared, the whole apartement was on fire!

„MY HOUSE!" Dan shouted.

„Well, what does the crowd say now?" Trixie asked into the crowd of watchers.

Chris saw Dan's red face and smiled: „Well, I say you shouldn't have done that..."

„What do you mean?" Trixie asked as she got interrupted by Dan:

„TRRIXXIIIEEE!"

DAN

VS.

The great and powerful

Trixie

„Chris, we have work to do!" Dan said and took Chris with him to Chris' house since Dan's apartement just got destroyed.

„Ha! Yeah, go and never come back!" Trixie shouted after them „No one can upstage the great and powerful Trixie!"

When the two friends arrived at Chris' house and sat down on the couch in the living room, Dan said: „I have to beat and upstage that goddamn unicorn out of this world into goddamn space!"

„Well, I don't have a single idea" Chris answered „No one really knows much about her in person. She just seems to think too high of herself, nothing more... no weak points or anything..."

„Huh, that's one hard case..." Dan thought „I guess we'll just do try and error to try to disable her... And thanks to the fact that no one likes her, I should have a lot more freedom without these elements of harmony on my back, but on Trixie's instead, which brings me to plan T..."

„Don't you mean plan A?"

„No, I mean plan T!"

A few moments later Dan knocked on Twilight Sparkle's door, and she opened.

Dan began to speak: „Hey, Twilight, would you mind helping me out with your magic?"

1 hour later, Trixie had already repaired her stage and was now preparing for her next show in her travelling wagon: „Stupid Dan... luckily I can rebuild my stage easily, which Dan can't say for his apartement, haha! Now, to the next performance..."

And so she stepped out of the wagon to go over to her stage, but suddenly she wasn't able to move any further!

„What? Why can't I move? I have to get over to the stage and entertain my fans!" She then realized „Wait... I am standing in some kind of magical goo... There must be another unicorn around here who must have done that... And since just the most powerful unicorns can perform such a spell, that only leaves one option: TWILIGHT SPARKLE! Will you ever learn to leave your magic out of Trixies business? Let me go or receive a beating from the great and powerful Trixie!"

„Uh oh" Twilight said, sitting in the bushes together with Dan. She stopped the spell and ran away: „Good luck, Dan!"

„What do you mean, good lu..." Dan was about to ask, as he turned back around to see Trixie standing right in front of him, nose to nose.

„And YOU, Dan! This is the second time today you are meddeling with the patience and understanding of the great and powerful Trixie! She will let you go this time, and only because she burned down your house. Run, before Trixie changes her mind!"

So Dan started to run as well, back to Chris' house.

„Plan T failed" Dan told Chris, who responded: „Ah well. I am sure a visit at Ninja Dave's Cookie Shop will give you another idea..."

„THAT'S IT!" Dan shouted in excitement „Chris, we are going to Ninja Dave's! I have to get a special bunch of cookies..." he grinned.

2 more hours later, Trixie was about to go give her third performance today, as someone knocked on the door of her travelling wagon.

She opened and saw Dan: „Dan! Didn't Trixie tell you to never show your face in her presence again?"

Dan responded: „Yeah, but I changed my mind regarding this whole revenge-stuff. I want us to be friends now. And as a little gift from a friend to a friend, I brought you some friendship cookies! You can try them if you want."

„Trixie will take the cookies." Trixie answered „But she will think about if she wants to eat them..."

With that she closed the door and ate a few of the cookies.

Shortly after, Trixies performance was about to start, and Dan and Chris were in the crowd again.

„Why are we watching her show again?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „You'll see..."

In that moment Trixies music theme played, and Trixie appeared. She looked kinda ill, but she wasn't too ill to perform without problems.

„WHAT?" Dan couldn't believe it „But Dave told me the poison in the cookies would make her so sick that she would need to stay in bed FOR WEEKS!"

„Seems like Trixies health is stronger than any of us thought" Chris responded „But I know another poison that even Trixie can't withstand..."

Trixie was watching the two of them the whole time, and as she saw them leave, she thought: „Huh, guess I finally broke Dan. The great and powerful Trixie wins!"

Another 3 hours later, Trixie gave her fourth and for today last performance, to the relief of the booing crowd. Trixie did her usual entrance: „Come one, come all, to once again witness the incredible magical talents of the great and powerful TRIXIE!"

As the smoke disappeared to reveal Trixie on the stage, another voice continued: „And, only for this single performance, her opponent..." Another smoke cloud appeared and shortly after revealed Dan: „...Dan!"

The crowd cheered for Dan, who said: „Shut up down there! I'm not doing this for you! I'm doing it for me!"

„Not you again!" Trixie sighed „Haven't we been through this already? Trixie has already proven that she is better than you! What makes you think that you can beat her this time?"

„The answer is simple" Dan said and showed a bottle filled with an unknown liquid: „This bottle of a very special kind of magic that you have yet to aquire!"

„What?" Trixie was surprised „What kind of magic is this, and where did you find it!?"

„Doesn't matter" Dan answered „All I know is that I will use this magic against you! Once I drink this myterious liquid, its magic will flow through my body, and I will be able to defeat you one-handed!"

„Not if the great and powerful Trixie drinks it first!" Trixie responded and used her unicorn magic to teleport the bottle out of Dan's hand right in front of herself and then drunk it.

„Ha! What do you say now?" Trixie asked while her voice became more silent by the second „Now I have all the magic, and you have nothing! Wait a minute, why am I so silent? Can anyone still hear me? What's happe..." then her voice was completely muted. She continued talking, but no one heard what she said anymore.

„Ha! You fell for it!" Dan shouted „You know, Chris showed me around the Everfree Forest so we could collect some poison joke. No one can resist that stuff! Now you are muted and by the way completely without magical powers for the next few weeks! Checkmate!"

Trixie fell onto the ground and cried, while the crowd of ponies and humans cheered louder than ever before without listening to Dan's shouting: „SHUT UP! THIS ISN'T WORTH ANY APPLAUSE! SERIOUSLY, STOP CHEERING! I HATE THAT SOUND! COME ON!"

One week later, Dan's apartement was repaired, and he could sit on his couch watching TV once again. The only thing disturbing him was the crowd still cheering for him: „Great and powerful Dan! Great and powerful Dan! Great and powerful Dan!"

Dan opened the window and shouted down to the crowd: „SERIOUSLY, DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE JOBS?"

Thanks to Guest (XD) for this great idea!

16. Dan vs Lyra

DAN VS.

Dan was sitting on his couch, watching TV as usual, when someone knocked on his door.

Dan sighed: „Can't these ponies let me alone for ONE SINGLE DAY!?"

So he opened the door to see another pony standing there. She was a mint green unicorn whose hair had the same color with a white stripe in it. The unicorn was just standing there, looking at Dan in awe, almost hyperventilating.

„Are... are you okay?" Dan was wondering.

The unicorn responded: „Hu... hu... huuumaaan..." she shook her head „I mean: Hi, great and powerful Dan. I'm Lyra Heartstrings, and I am fascinated by humans, hehehehehe..." She giggled and blushed.

„Aaalriiight" Dan said „Aaand why exactly are you here?"

„Oh right, because I wanted to introduce myself to you, hu... I mean Dan!" Lyra answered „Did I mention my name is Lyra?"

„Yeah."

„Oh, right, I am a little nervous, hehe... Oh, I can also play the Lyre! It's my cutie mark! Do you wanna hear me play?"

„Uh..." Dan was about to decline, but Lyra was already holding her Lyre in her hoof and began to play it.

As she played, Dan saw an army of rats dancing out of a rat hole somewhere in his walls, dancing into Lyra's direction. Suddenly, Lyra's lyre fell out of her hooves onto the ground: „Oh, oopsie. I'll just get my lyre back from the ground..."

As she picked up her lyre again and then looked back up to Dan, she saw that the rats were attacking him!

„Oh no!" Lyra said shocked „Wait, I'll..." then she noticed that her lyre was broken and decided to just slowly leave the the house in fear, leaving Dan alone, who shouted:

„LYYYRAAA!"

DAN

VS.

Lyra

As the rats decided they had punished Dan for long enough and went back through the rat hole, Dan got his phone and called Chris, who answered: „Hi Dan. Pony Time again? Hihi..."

„Shut up!" Dan shouted „That stupid, lyre-playing, human-obsessed Lyra-unicorn called upon an army of rats to hurt me! I need information so I can plan my revenge!"

Chris responded: „Ignoring the fact that she would never hurt any of her precious humans on purpose, you pretty much just named everything we know about her."

„Wait, what? Really?"

„She's just a background pony. They usually have no real canon stories or even names. Most of the stuff about them is fan-based, so we can pretty much only assume certain things... And the fans don't have much more to say about her than that..."

„Fine" Dan said „I guess I'll have to make something out of that. Lyra just broke her lyre, so I guess the first thing we will do is to destroy all the lyres from all the shops in town which are selling lyres!"

„Don't you mean YOU?" Chris asked.

Dan responded: „Of course not! I need you to help me so we can destroy all these lyres faster! If I do it alone, Lyra might be fast enough to buy a new lyre from a store where I haven't been yet! You go for the Equestria side, I go for our side!"

„But..." Chris started as Dan hung up and Chris sighed.

2 hours later Lyra was walking around town: „I can't believe every single shop selling lyres got attacked by a lyre destroyer..."

Near her, in the bushes, Dan and Chris listened to her.

„Haha" Dan said triumphing „I broke her already!"

But then Lyra continued: „Well, good thing I was one of Candence's and Shining Armor's bridesmaides back then, so I had an open favor at Twilight and was able to ask her for a lyre from Canterlot..." She brought out her new lyre „It came pretty fast, and it's playing even better than my old one!"

„Oh, come on!" Dan whispered „Chris, why didn't you tell me she was a bridesmaid?"

„Because I forgot..." Chris answered „But the wedding had a changeling invasion, and Lyra, along with the other bridesmaids, got replaced easily..."

„So that is gonna be our next plan!" Dan said in excitement.

„But there are a few problems..." Chris reminded Dan „Don't you remember your fight with Princess Celestia? The changelings hate you now. Also, you are not their queen Chrysalis..."

„But we can change that..." Dan smiled happily.

1 hour later, Lyra was walking further through town, as she met Queen Chrysalis, who was actually just Dan in a Chrysalis costume.

„Do you remember me, unicorn?" Dan shouted „I am Queen Chrysalis, that gal with the changelings... and stuff... from the wedding, you know?"

Lyra cowered in fear: „Gasp! Oh no, don't get rid of me again!"

„Too bad!" Dan shouted „Changelings, attack!"

That moment a real army of changelings appeared and cornered Lyra, who suddenly realized: „Wait a minute... Didn't I learn anything from last time? And when I think about today, I even know how to get out of here!"

She started to play her lyre, and like earlier with the rats, the changelings got hypnotized by the music and danced after her.

„Into the next volcano with you guys..." Lyra said as she left to direct the changelings into the next volcano.

„Huh." Dan said „And there I thought changelings would be smarter than rats... You got another plan, Chris?"

Chris, appearing next to Dan, answered: „Well, we still have that human-thing we can work out..."

„Right!" Dan said „Let's try to hit her at that point!"

Suddenly Chris' phone rang. It was Elise. Chris answered the call: "Yes, honey? Okay... okay... yes... wait what? Oh. Can't you do that alone? I'm kinda busy rig... Okay! Stop shouting! I am on my way!" He hung up. "Sorry, Dan, but you have to do that one alone. Tell me how it was going, okay?"

And so Chris left Dan alone, who said: "Stupid Chris. Ah well, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself..."

When Lyra returned from her volcano adventure, she met Dan again!

„Oh, hi, great and powerful Dan! I think I should apologize for earlier. I didn't mean for that to happen..."

„STOP CALLING ME GREAT AND POWERFUL!" Dan shouted „IT'S JUST DAN! AND I HATE YOU! Oh, and by the way, it's not just me, pretty much every human hates you..."

„What?" Lyra took a few steps back „That... that can't be! It was my lifelong dream to meet humans and become friends with them! Humans hating me would destroy my whole life!"

„Well, bad for you." Dan said „Because it's still the truth. Have fun!" With these words Dan left her, having an evil smile on his face because he knew that his revenge was successful this time, and it really was!

Lyra's head sunk to the ground and she went to the next bench to sit there like a pony, not a human, and started to cry: „Why do humans hate me? My whole life is ruined! Now I will NEVER get hands!"

Later, in the evening, Dan was back home, had called Chris to tell him about the successful revenge and was now about to turn on his TV to watch Population Control Johnny, as suddenly someone knocked on his door.

Dan shouted: „Who is THAT now!?" and opened to see Lyra standing in front of him once again.

She said: „Hey, great and powerful Dan!"

„I won't get rid of that name for a while, will I?"

„Not really, and I realize that all you humans must hate me for a reason, so I decided to be nice to you and everything to try and become your friend! If I can make you, the hardest case, my friend, I can also make every other human my friend, and I will finally get hands! Probably..."

„OH, COME ON!" Dan shouted into the sky.

Thanks to deadghost316 for this great idea! :D

I thought 'Lyra... obsessed with humans... Dan is a human... AHA! Challenge accepted!' :P

Dan vs Equestria

by Christopherus1

Chapters

1. Dan vs Equestria

2. Dan vs Rarity

3. Dan vs Applejack

4. Dan vs Fluttershy

5. Dan vs Pinkie Pie

6. Dan vs Rainbow Dash

7. Twilight Sparkle vs Dan

8. Dan vs Derpy Hooves

9. Dan vs Daring Do

10. Dan vs The Cutie Mark Crusaders

11. Dan vs Spike

12. Dan vs Princess Cadence (Part 1)

13. Dan vs Princess Luna (Part 2)

14. Dan vs Princess Celestia (Part 3)

15. Dan vs Trixie

16. Dan vs Lyra

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