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They Shoot Ponies, Don't They?

by Donny's Boy

Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

Throughout the whole of Equestria, there was nopony who threw a party like Pinkie Pie threw a party. That universal fact remained true regardless of whether the party was held in Ponyville, Canterlot, Appleloosa, or the depths of Tartarus itself. Applejack had always admired Pinkie's party planning abilities in a vague and abstract sort of way, much the same as she did with Rarity's fashion designing or Twilight's studies, but that was before the Apple family reunion. Ever since she'd seen first-hoof just how hard it was to throw together an event like a party, Applejack had come to appreciate the true impressiveness of Pinkie Pie's particular skillset.

And the Salt Block was impressive, indeed. Applejack stood in the middle of Appleloosa's finest saloon-really, its only saloon-and marveled at the festive green streamers dripping from every available surface that could possibly hold streamers. The streamers' extreme cheeriness proved almost overwhelming compared to the saloon's plain bar and simple wood-paneled walls. If Applejack had been pressed to give her unvarnished opinion, she'd have to admit that she thought they looked maybe a little out of place.

But the decorations were mighty impressive and mighty festive. There was no denying that. Plus, Applejack thought the banner spread from one end of the saloon to the other, reading "Happy Treeiversary, Bloomberg!"in letters as big as a pony's head, was an especially nice touch.

The decorations weren't the only thing adding to the festivity, though. Inside the saloon ponies and buffalo crowded shoulder to shoulder, chatting and laughing, eating and drinking, and Applejack had never seen a group so lively and so animated before noon. Nearly the entire town had turned out despite the early hour. Adding to the noise and general atmosphere, Pinkie Pie stood atop an upright player piano nestled in a corner of the saloon, with Apple Bloom right by her side, both mares dancing and singing at the top of their lungs. Such was the extent of the good mood that reigned throughout the saloon that absolutely no one threw a single tomato or glass of cider at the duo to get them to shut up.

Applejack grinned. Her shoulder still smarted, more than a little, but it was worth it. This was worth it. Even if she still didn't feel one hundred percent sure about letting Apple Bloom attend a party held in a saloon.

At least Pinkie and Braeburn had promised that they'd hidden all the hard cider.

"Miss Applejack!" boomed a voice from behind, and Applejack winced as a heavy hoof came down on her bad shoulder. "That water you young'uns brought down oughta perk up the trees a bit, at least 'til we can get some rain."

Applejack glanced over and found herself face to face with Sheriff Silverstar. The stallion was beaming at her full on, happy as a clam, and she smiled back politely.

"Weren't nothing much, Sheriff. Just happy to hear it might help save the orchards."

Still grinning, the sheriff nodded. "It sure will! Now, if'n you'll excuse me, miss, I'm gonna go find that cousin o' yours and give him my thanks, as well."

Applejack waved her goodbyes as Sheriff Silverstar moved off and was reabsorbed into the crowd. She watched the stallion weave in and out and around the buffalo and townsfolk, eventually reaching the bar where Braeburn and Little Strongheart both sat. Applejack couldn't hear a word they were saying. But when Silverstar clapped Braeburn on the back, hard enough to nearly send Braeburn's hat flying off his head, the younger stallion's face lit up like fireworks.

"Mayor Braeburn," Applejack muttered under her breath. She let out a snort. "Just wait 'til I tell Big Mac and Granny Smith …"

Still atop the piano, Pinkie and Apple Bloom finished up their song. They took their bows, to a smattering of tepid applause, then hopped down. Pinkie scooped the younger pony onto her back and came bounding over to Applejack.

"Heya, AJ!" Pinkie called out, skidding to a halt right next to the table where Applejack was sitting. She pointed to the empty glass beside the other mare. "You need a refill on your milkshake?"

Before today, Applejack hadn't even known you could make milkshakes from apples. Truth be told, she wasn't at all sure whether you should make milkshakes from apples. But she smiled a sincere smile, nonetheless, as she gently shook her head.

"Appreciate the offer, sugarcube, but I'm plumb stuffed."

Pinkie Pie's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure? 'Cause I think I remember that you're supposed to feed a stab wound. Like with a fever!" Frowning, she lifted a hoof to tap at her chin. "Or is it colds you're supposed to feed? Oh, well! You can't go wrong with feeding pretty much anything, really."

"Yeah!" Apple Bloom chimed in. "You're still hurt pretty bad, sis. You oughta let us take care of ya the way you take care of us!"

Applejack leaned forward to give her sister an affectionate nuzzle. "That's real sweet of ya, 'Bloom. And actually, there is somethin' you can do for me." She nodded towards the front doors of the saloon. "You can go back to Braeburn's house and get our bags all packed up and ready to go."

Instantly the filly's face fell into a pout. "But Applejack! We just got here!"

"I said we was goin' to Appleloosa for the weekend, and the weekend's near over." Applejack paused. "Besides, you got school tomorrow mornin', and Miss Cheerilee would have my hide if I let ya skip for no good reason."

Invoking Cheerilee seemed to do the trick. Apple Bloom sighed a defeated little sigh and began trudging off. Applejack chuckled a little, with a feeling caught somewhere between amused and sympathetic tugging at her chest, while she watched her little sister leave.

"Didja send her away 'cause of me?"

Applejack turned her head. Pinkie Pie was staring at her with a tiny frown and drooping ears, like a foal who'd stolen snickerdoodles from the cookie jar and was waiting for her yelling.

"No, 'course not," said Applejack. She raised an eyebrow. "Why in Equestria would you think somethin' like that?"

Pinkie looked down at her hooves. "Well, um, I know you didn't really like having Apple Bloom come to the party 'cause of it being in a saloon. Even though it had to be here, 'cause there's noplace else big enough for everypony and everybuffalo, but maybe that's not the main thing." She scuffed a forehoof along the dusty floorboards. "Maybe the main thing is that I know you really, really didn't like Apple Bloom coming with me and Braeburn last night."

Applejack sucked in her breath and let it back out in a sigh. "I sent Apple Bloom away to give her something to do, 'cause she hates feelin' all useless and like she ain't good for nothing."

"Oh." Still Pinkie wouldn't lift her eyes from the floor.

"And to be honest with ya, she takes after her big sis there." Applejack glanced over to the bandages on her shoulder and frowned. "I ain't much for letting 'Bloom see me be all useless and good for nothing."

At that, Pinkie's head snapped back up. "But that doesn't make any sense. You're not useless at all!"

Applejack blinked a bit before shrugging. "Sure, I am. Can't do much of anything with my shoulder like this."

"Yeah huh!" Pinkie nodded so quickly her eyes seemed to rattle around in her head. "You can play the fiddle and throw horseshoes and sing really pretty and tell us what to do when there's stampedes and bake the superest apple pies ever and-"

"I didn't mean stuff like that," Applejack interrupted. Her face felt a bit warm. Maybe it was being in a room crammed full of so many ponies and buffalo. "I meant, y'know, important stuff."

"But … but all of that is important. It is!"

Applejack sighed. "Pinkie, I know ya mean well, but fact o' the matter is-"

"Applejack!"

Quick as lightning, the farm pony's head whipped around. The shout-no, the scream-had come from somewhere outside the saloon, from a young voice whose owner was unmistakable. Somewhere deep in her belly there formed a ball of ice, heavy and cold, stabbing at her from the inside, and Applejack found she couldn't quite catch her breath.

"Applejack, help!"

Her hooves moved without any conscious thought on her own part. She took off for the saloon's front door and almost immediately tripped as her shoulder seized. She would have surely smashed into the floor face-first, except suddenly Pinkie Pie was right there, her fluffy mane tickling Applejack's belly as she nudged Applejack back upright. Together the two mares burst through the saloon doors and tumbled out onto the nearly deserted streets beyond.

But not entirely deserted. Several yards away stood Apple Bloom, directly in front of the town jail, surrounded by ponies with glittering eyes and too-bright smiles. The merciless sun cast down shadows that spread out behind the bandits like long, grasping claws scratching at the dry dust of the town's main thoroughfare. The orange-maned unicorn from the train-the one who was responsible for Applejack's shoulder-had a foreleg wrapped around Apple Bloom's shoulder and the very tip of his horn pressed against Apple Bloom's temple.

From somewhere right behind her, Applejack heard Braeburn softly curse.

That familiar turquoise pegasus hovered a few feet above the others in her gang, grinning like the cat who'd eaten the canary. "Thought we'd come visit our pals in the hoosegow." She nodded towards the unicorn and chuckled. "Runnin' into our little friend over here was just-how would them fancy Canterlot ponies put it? An unexpected bonus, I reckon?"

Applejack could feel her nostrils flare and her muscles tighten. Even from a distance, it was easy to see just how wide and scared Apple Bloom's eyes were, and every fiber within Applejack's being screamed at her to start bucking in heads. But she knew there was no way she'd be able to get in a single lick before that unicorn could fire off some magic, and so she stayed put right where she was. Just watching for the moment. Waiting.

Waiting and ready.

"Y'all have caused more'n enough trouble already," called out Sheriff Silverstar, as he too exited the saloon. "You'd best let that filly go before it's too late."

The unicorn stallion laughed. "Excuse me, Sheriff, but I don't think you're in much of a position to be givin' orders."

"What d'you want?" Braeburn growled.

Just like that, the pegasus mare's grin was gone. She frowned as though she'd eaten a particularly sour lemon. Then she stepped forward and leveled a forehoof at Pinkie Pie.

"That one's done interfered with our plans twice now, poppin' outta nowhere like a jack in the box and makin' us all look like fools. Ain't nopony gets away with makin' us into fools." She spat on the ground. "I'm challengin' her to a duel. Me an' her, mare to mare. She says no, and the little filly over here pays the price."

Applejack's eyes narrowed. "If'n you got a problem with anypony, it's with me. You oughta be-"

"What if I say yes?" Pinkie's voice was scarcely above a whisper yet somehow, the moment she spoke, the entire street went dead silent. "If I say yes, will you let Apple Bloom go? Will you promise to go away and stop hurting ponies?"

"Pinkie Pie …"

"If'n you say yes?" The pegasus smirked. "You say yes and just maybe we'll think about all o' that."

"Good enough," Pinkie replied.

Applejack whirled around. "Pinkie Pie!"

The other mare looked back at her with a steady gaze. Her pink jaw jutted out slightly, and her eyes burned with all the heat and fury of the sun. The last time Applejack had seen Pinkie like this, they'd been staring each other down while sitting in a stagecoach racing out of Dodge Junction. But it was different, too, because unlike back then, right now Pinkie wasn't mad at her. At least, Applejack felt pretty sure that Pinkie wasn't mad.

"AJ? You trust me, right?"

Pinkie's voice was even softer than before, so soft Applejack had to lean forward a little just to hear. Applejack hazarded a glance over to Apple Bloom, who stared back at her with expectant eyes, and Applejack swallowed over the lump in her throat.

She turned back to Pinkie and took a deep breath. "Of course I trust ya. You know I do."

Pinkie Pie nodded at that, seemingly placated. After a moment's hesitation, Applejack nodded in reply. It was decided, then. Applejack offered up a silent prayer that she'd done the right thing- that Pinkie would do the right thing, whatever that might be-as she silently watched the pink mare begin marching over to the pegasus.

It was out of her hooves now.

A scant fifteen minutes later saw the entirety of the gathered buffalo and town's ponies lined up along one side of the street, murmuring quietly amongst themselves, while the gang of bandits lined up along the other side. Only Braeburn and the duelists remained in the center of the street, the dust swirling around their hooves and large beads of sweat visible upon their brows. The pegasus wore a nasty-looking crossbow, strapped to her back and her wings, while Pinkie Pie wore a steaming fresh apple pie atop her head like a jaunty little cap.

Applejack began praying harder.

"All right, ladies, the rules here are simple." Braeburn glanced from the turquoise pegasus to Pinkie and back again. "Each duelist has gotten her choice of, uh, weapon. Start back to back, walk ten paces, then turn 'round and fire. Pony who's still standin' by the end is the winner."

The pegasus glared daggers at Pinkie, but Pinkie merely smiled in return.

"Little Strongheart will do the countin' off," continued Braeburn, as the buffalo in question emerged from the crowd and began walking towards him. "She ain't Appleloosan, and she ain't part o' all y'all robbers, so she's closest we got to a fair judge."

Little Strongheart gave a hesitant nod. "Please take your places, both of you."

The pegasus lifted her lip in a sneer but turned around as she was told. So did Pinkie. The tips of the crossbow's four arrows glinting menacingly under the stark, cloudless sky, and Applejack felt her stomach curl up on itself. She shifted her weight, unable to keep still, and briefly turned her gaze towards Apple Bloom. That blasted unicorn still had his horn pressed right up against her temples. Applejack had to bite down hard on her tongue to not yell out. She'd said she trusted Pinkie, and she did. But that didn't mean she had to like any of this.

The clock tower in the center of town began tolling the hour.

"One," Little Strongheart began, her voice loud and strong. Only the tiniest hint of a waver gave away her nervousness.

Both Pinkie and the pegasus took a large step forward, their eyes facing straight ahead, narrowed in concentration. About a pony's length of distance now separated them.

"Two ..."

Another step forward. The clock tower kept ringing.

"Three ..."

Applejack sneaked another quick glance at Apple Bloom. The filly's eyes were locked on Pinkie Pie, and the tentative ghost of a smile tugged at her lips.

"Four …"

Turning her eyes back towards the duelists, Applejack frowned. She could see the shiver running through Pinkie's body, causing the pink mare to quaver on all four hooves. It set the pie atop Pinkie's head shaking, too, so much that it looked like it might fall right off. Applejack felt her blood go cold.

Pinkie sense.

"Five …"

The twelfth chime of the clock tower's bells echoed within Applejack's chest, and Applejack could almost swear she felt her lungs constrict.

"Six …"

As the clock's final tolling evaporated like mist into the still desert air, the pegasus spun around. She stared at Pinkie's still-turned back with a grin as wide and as jagged as Ghastly Gorge.

With a sudden jerk of her wings, the crossbow fired.

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