WARNING! LOTS OF FLUTTERCORD MUSH!

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Discord woke to the sweet sound of Fluttershy's voice as she hummed in the kitchen. She was humming the ten-note tune that every pony somehow knew. He crept up slowly to the doorway. He could observe her for hours without her noticing he was there, because he was always invisible. He watched as she gracefully flew from cabinet to cabinet, gathering supplies for breakfast. As she poured flour into the mixing bowl, she let out a tiny, almost inaudible sneeze.

That's what he found so fascinating about her, the fact that every move she made was graceful and delicate. Odd that such a quality would attract the Spirit of Chaos. Usually, if anything graceful or delicate crossed his path, he would turn it into something chaotic, like flowers into lollipops, but not Fluttershy. She was the only exception. He wouldn't change a hair on her pretty head.

When Celestia had asked Fluttershy to reform Discord, he had decided to use it to his advantage. He had figured that if he could trick the pegasus into believing he was reformed, she would not have the heart to use her Element of Kindness against him. The irony was that even though she had not used her necklace, her kindness was what had changed him.

Discord, you're a fool. You've never cared for any pony and you're certainly not going to start now. He had kept telling himself this over the past few months, even after Fluttershy had fully accepted him as her friend. It was only a short time ago, when they were taking a walk and the sun was setting, her face gleaming in the orange light, when he realized that he truly cared for the pegasus…as more than a friend.

She was beautiful. Something about her soft pink mane and her blue-green eyes just made his heart, which he had not thought existed, melt. It was the first time he had considered something beautiful that he had not made himself. And that was saying a lot.

Of course, there were various obstacles. First, there was their thousand-year age difference. It hardly seemed appropriate them living together as it was. Then again, he had been frozen for a thousand years, so if he subtracted that, he'd be…he really couldn't remember how old he had been when he was turned to stone. Besides, he was also immortal and would always be older than every pony.

Then there was the matter of them being different species. Fluttershy cared for all creatures, but not in the way Discord wanted her to care for him. Would a relationship between them even be legal? He had never heard of such a thing occurring, and he had a thousand years worth of gossip.

The biggest obstacle, and the one that hurt him the most, was his appearance. While Fluttershy was the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria, he was…not. He even looked old. Why in the world would she ever want something as hideous as him?

Even if none of that mattered to Fluttershy, Discord knew the other ponies would never approve and his dear, sweet pegasus would be an outcast, breaking her heart and his own in the process. He would never wish her such a fate. So he kept his distance.

Still, as she sang in that melodic voice of hers, he could not help but smile. He could listen to that voice forever. But he couldn't, because it suddenly ceased. Why did she stop? She was only flipping pancakes. Whatever did she stop for?

He then forgot his stealth and materialized behind her.

"Please, do go on."

Fluttershy let out a shriek, dropping her spatula in the process. She turned and smiled nervously.

"Oh, Discord, it's only you. You're up early."

"Well, I was trying to sleep but was awakened by a lovely songbird."

This got her excited. "Really? Where?"

He stooped to her eye level. "I'm looking at her."

Fluttershy blushed. "Oh, you heard me, huh?"

"How could I miss the sound of your charming voice?"

"Oh, well, I…"

She often blushed whenever he attempted to flirt. As he had not had much experience with females, he never knew whether it was a good or bad sign. He glanced at the pancakes cooking on the stove.

"You know, I really hate seeing you slaving over a hot stove when I can whip up breakfast in a matter of seconds."

She rubbed her foreleg with her hoof. "I know that, but…I just want to do something nice for you. That's all."

"Oh come now, you've already done more than enough for me as it is. Let me do something for you."

"Also, we have a guest, and…"

"I know, I know. I won't enchant the maple syrup, I promise."

She narrowed her eyes. He grunted.

"You're not still mad about the incident at Sweet Apple Acres, are you?"

"You have my trust, Discord, but I know there are times when you can't help yourself. You really think I don't know about the butter toothbrush or the retracting stairs?"

He laughed. "You have to admit those were funny!"

"Discord…"

"So I pull a few harmless pranks, so sue me!"

He admired her with all his heart, but he simply couldn't understand why she was always mad about his little, not evil but for good fun, tricks.

"It's not so much the pranks, it's just that…"

She trailed off when she smelt something burning. She turned and screamed when she saw her pancakes turning black.

"Oh no, no, no…"

"I can fix it!"

With a snap of his fingers, the pan of burning pancakes vanished and reappeared, perfect and rightly cooked, stacked on a plate in the center of the table. Three places were also set in front of each seat.

"See?" Discord said, zapping a flowered table cloth for a finishing touch. "Not all my magic is for laughs. Look, no forks or knives coming to life."

Fluttershy smiled softly at her friend. "Thank you. That was very sweet."

A few months ago, he would have gagged at that comment. Instead, he smiled in return.

"Why don't you go see if Tammy's awake?" she asked.

His grin disappeared. He had forgotten about the human. He was supposed to send her back this morning. That's exactly what he was going to do. She knew too much.

On the other hand, he was interested in the human. Not in the way he was interested in Fluttershy, but interested in just getting to know her. Besides, he rarely found anyone who could put up with him. She also hadn't seemed so disgusted in discovering his secret. That's when he began to wonder.

Meanwhile, Tammy had been making a pointless effort to stay asleep. It was no use. The sun would not leave, reminding her to get up, because she had to get home.

Moaning, she turned onto her back and wearily opened her heavy eyelids.

"What do you know about romance?"

"Gah!" she cried when she saw Discord was in her face. "Geez, man! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"What do you know about romance?" he repeated.

Tammy blinked up at him. "Huh?"

He sighed. "I'll say it slowly so your tiny human brain can comprehend. What. Do. You. Know. About. Romance?"

She stared at him for a moment and then smirked. "This is about Fluttershy, isn't it?"

"Just answer the question!"

"Well, I guess I know a thing or two about love…"

"Excellent! Then give me some advice!"

"What?"

He knocked on her head. "Hello? Anybody in there? Give me some advice on wooing!"

She swatted his hand away and sat up. "You're asking me?"

"You already know my secret."

Tammy smirked again. "So you do like Fluttershy." He nodded. "That is so cute!"

"Don't get cocky! I seriously need your help! As you may have guessed, I've never courted a female before."

"Why am I not surprised?" she said sarcastically.

"So I was thinking…since you're a female, so you know what females like, and you already know of my affections, you could be my…what's the word?"

"Matchmaker?"

"Yes, that's it! Matchmaker!"

"I don't know. I'm not really…"

He poked her in the chest. "If you don't help me, I'll turn you into a carrot to feed to the cute little bunny rabbits!"

Tammy held up her hands. "Whoa, hold up! Aren't you supposed to send me home this morning?"

He paused. "Um…that's right, I…"

A knock on the front door interrupted them.

"Twilight, girls," they heard Fluttershy say. "You're up early."

"You know why we're here," said Princess Twilight. "Where are Discord and the human?"

"Upstairs. Discord! Tammy!"

Tammy sighed. "Time to face her Royal Highness."

Discord groaned. "More like a royal pain."

"That's not very nice."

"Just because she has wings and a fancy crown now doesn't mean she isn't the same annoying Twilight Sparkle."

As they went downstairs, they were met with a collision of pink. Discord zapped himself out of the way, but Tammy was pinned to the floor.

"You won't believe it!" Pinkie Pie cried. "Twilight says you can stay!"

The four other ponies were there, along with the dragon.

"She did not!" Rainbow Dash protested.

"She said she may stay," Rarity corrected.

"But she didn't mean that literally, right, Twilight?"

The alicorn silenced her. "My words were: she may stay for a while if that is what she wishes."

"Of course she wants to stay!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "You do wanna stay? Don't ya, Tammy?! Don't ya?!"

"Standing…on…chest…" Tammy wheezed. "Can't…breathe…"

"Oh! Sorry."

The pony stepped off the human, allowing her to stand.

"Look," she started to say. "You guys have been nice and all, and it would be cool to stick around, but I have a family waiting for me."

Pinkie Pie looked like she was about to cry. Twilight nodded her head.

"I understand."

"At least stay for breakfast," Fluttershy said. "I prepared it for you."

That cheered the pink pony up. "Pancakes! Yummy!"

"But I don't have enough for all of you!"

"I can solve that!" Discord chimed.

"Discord, no!"

In a flash, a funky blue dining table appeared in the living room, nine stacks of pancakes prepared. Tammy's jaw dropped. There were at least twenty in each pile.

"Oh no!" Rainbow insisted. "I'm not having any more meals with that…"

She squealed as someone pulled on her tail. She expected it to be Applejack, but was surprised to see Tammy glaring at her.

"Do me a favor, Dashie, and quit being a party pooper!"

"Party?" Pinkie exclaimed. "Did someone say party?"

Discord rolled on the floor with laughter. Rainbow was lost for words.

As they ate breakfast, the ponies asked Tammy about the human world.

"Do you wear clothes all the time or only on special occasions?" Rarity asked.

"All the time," Tammy replied.

"Oh, so you can always be fashionable, right?"

"Um…sure."

"Well, if that's the sort of thing humans wear all the time, your species must have a poor taste in fashion."

She glanced down at her pajamas. "Oh, you see, Discord…"

"If you don't have pegasi," Rainbow Dash interrupted, "who controls the weather?"

"Don't be ridiculous. No one controls the weather."

The blue pegasus looked as if she had been stabbed in the back.

"What about the animals?" Fluttershy asked. "What sort of creatures do you have?"

"Gosh," Tammy exclaimed. "There are too many to count. I can tell you that none of them talk."

"Are there dragons?" Spike asked.

"No. Well, we have komodo dragons."

"I haven't heard of those creatures," Twilight said.

"What are they like?" Spike inquired. "Do they breathe fire and eat gemstones?"

Tammy blinked. "You eat gemstones?"

"Yeah, they're delicious!"

Glad he's not a carnivore.

"Do they have winter?" Pinkie Pie questioned. "How about spring and bouncy balls?"

"Uh…yeah."

Tammy was starting to like this pony.

"What kind of food do you grow?" asked Applejack. "Any apples?"

"Oh yes! In fact, my aunts have an orchard back home."

"Well, then you should come down to Sweet Apple Acres some time. We got the best apples in all of Ponyville."

"In all of Equestria!" Pinkie Pie added.

"By the way, do you live with your aunts?"

"No, I just visit from time to time," Tammy explained. "I actually live with my dad."

"What about your mom?" Pinkie asked.

Her face fell and the ponies didn't bring the topic up again. While the others continued with their questions, Twilight turned to the draconequus.

"Discord, may I speak with you for a second?"

He didn't hear her at first, because he was staring at the beautiful pegasus sitting beside him. "Hmm?"

She cleared her throat. "May I speak with you privately?"

He snapped out of his trance. "Oh, of course, your highness! Excuse me, Fluttershy. I have a private audience with the princess."

Twilight rolled her eyes and led him into the kitchen. She shut the door with her magic so no one would hear.

"Now," she began, "you know you are supposed to send the human back today…"

"Can't she stay for a teensy while longer?" he begged. "I mean…it's not every day I find someone who appreciates my work."

"What?"

"We had a little talk last night and I showed her some of my tricks. She was quite impressed, unlike some pony I know."

She sighed. "I'll admit I'm interested in knowing more about this human world."

"If you want, I can send you there so you can get a front row seat."

"No! I mean thank you, but based on Tammy's reaction to us, I feel our presence in the human world would cause more of a stir there than Tammy's presence would here in Equestria. Also, there's something in the way that girl talks about home that makes me think she's reluctant to go back. Did you see how she reacted when she was asked about her family?"

He tapped his chin. "She did mention something about her father coming home late every night, but she wouldn't say a word about her mother."

"It seems like she could use a break, don't you think?"

"So she can stay?"

"If you can't send her back."

"Come on, it wouldn't hurt to…"

"Let me say that again. She can stay if you are somehow unable to send her back."

Twilight winked at him. Discord was confused at first, but then smiled evilly.

"Oh. Why, Twilight Sparkle, I didn't know you could be so…devious."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, walking back into the living room.

Pinkie Pie was examining Tammy's feet. "This is so weird! What do you use these toes for?"

"I…I…" the girl started. "I don't know."

"Are you ready to return home, Tammy?" the alicorn asked.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I guess so. But…" she looked down at her nightwear. "Discord?"

"What?" he shrugged. "Is it the shirt? It was only a joke."

"I can't go out in pajamas."

"Fine, fine."

He snapped his fingers and she was back in her green t-shirt and jeans.

"You ready to go?" Discord inquired.

"Sure." Tammy faced the ponies. "Thanks for everything."

Pinkie Pie attacked her with a hug around the waist and looked up at her with teary eyes. "Come back soon!"

"Nice meeting ya," Applejack said, holding out a hoof for her to shake.

"Do come back again so I can do something about that outfit of yours," said Rarity.

"It's been lovely having you as a houseguest," Fluttershy commented.

"Feeling's mutual," Tammy replied, yanking the pink pony off. "Okay, Discord. I'm ready."

"Alright!" the draconequus explained. "You might want to hold on to something."

She quickly grabbed his paw before he snapped them out of Equestria.

---

After the flash, Tammy and Discord appeared in a city. The girl was confused.

"Well, here we are," her companion said. "I guess I'll be on my way and…"

"This isn't my aunt's farm."

"So? I got you back to your world, didn't I?"

Tammy looked around and gasped when she saw the Empire State Building.

"Discord, we're in New York! This is like a thousand miles away from my home!"

"Oops," the draconequus laughed. "Must have miscalculated the distance. Oh well, you can get on a plane and… Ow!"

She had kicked him in the knee. "Take me home, now!"

"Alright, alright! Hold your horses!" He started laughing, but then stopped when he did a double-take on who he was talking to. "You know that would have been funny if you were a pony?"

He snapped his fingers again and Tammy threw her arms around her body as she felt a sudden drop in temperature. Everything was white and her feet were buried in snow.

"What the…?" she said, teeth chattering. "Are…we…on…Mount Everest?"

Discord, who was bundled up in a winter coat and hat, shrugged. "You tell me. This is your world, not mine."

"D-Discord!"

"Calm down! Third time's the charm, right?"

In a second, Tammy was no longer cold, but she could not breathe. Her eyes widened when she saw nothing but stars around her. She closed her mouth.

"Well, what do you know?" said Discord, floating beside her in an astronaut suit. "I've always wanted to see what the stars looked like up close."

Tammy, turning blue from lack of oxygen, screamed through her mouth.

"Oh, sorry!"

With another snap of his fingers, outer space vanished, but Tammy still couldn't breathe, because their next location was underwater.

"Much better!" Discord cried, swimming past her in scuba gear. "I do prefer scuba diving to space travel, don't you?"

"Discord!" the girl tried to scream, but it only came out in bubbles. She shut her mouth before any more seawater could enter.

The Master of Chaos sighed. "You're no fun!"

He snapped his talons and Tammy let out a long breath, spitting out the seawater.

"What's going on here?!" she shouted at the draconequus. "I thought you were an expert at this sort of thing!"

"Well, excuse me," he said, crossing his arms. "I can't help it if my magic works differently outside of Equestria."

"Well, at least we're someplace with air. Where are we now?"

They were in some sort of grassy field.

"Wow," Discord marveled.

"What?"

"You do have some chaos in this world! Look at the sun!"

Tammy turned around and shrieked. In the center of the sun was the face of a baby.

"Oh no! Just...no!"

"Based on your reaction, I'm guessing this isn't normal?"

"I don't think we're in my world anymore."

"Really? Where are we then?"

"If we're where I think we are, then coming over that hill should be…"

Sure enough, four figures appeared, one purple, one green, one yellow and one red. Even though they sang their names aloud, Tammy didn't need to hear them. She slapped her forehead.

"Get us out of here!"

"Why? Can't we stay and watch the show?"

"No! Anything but that!"

Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers. This time, he was the one to scream. They were surrounded by animatronic children dressed in outfits from around the world singing: "It's a small world after all…"

"What IS this hell hole?!"

"Disney World," Tammy said, raising an eyebrow. "Haven't been here in a while. Actually, can we stick around for a little bit?"

"No!" He had them out of there in an instant, zapping them back to Fluttershy's cottage.

The ponies were confused to see that they had returned. When Fluttershy saw Discord's frightened face, she nuzzled his paw, which comforted him.

Rainbow was the first to speak. "Um, I don't know if you notice, Discord, but…SHE'S STILL HERE!"

"The horror! The horror!" Discord stammered.

"There, there," Fluttershy cooed. "What's happened to him?"

"Don't ask," Tammy said, shaking her head. "To put it simply, this guy here nearly killed me! Once by freezing, and twice by suffocating! He snapped us to various places, some I really want to forget, but none of which were even close to the farm!"

The yellow pegasus looked at her friend suspiciously. "Discord?"

The draconequus took a breath and calmed down. "Sorry, I tried, but my magic isn't the same outside of Equestria. And I can't try again. That last trip really took it out of me." He zapped up an ice pack for emphasis.

Rainbow Dash huffed. "Great! Now we're never gonna be rid of that!" She pointed judgingly at Tammy.

"What am I gonna do?" the girl lamented, turning toward the princess. "Am I ever going to get home?"

"It would seem as if that journey will be delayed," Twilight said. "Which means you will be staying in Ponyville a little longer."

"Yay!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"If that's the case," Tammy said, "I want to have a look around. I know you don't want to freak anyone out, but I can't stay cooped up in this cottage."

"Indeed," Twilight noted, "which is why we will have to..." She tried to find the right words. "…make a change in your appearance."

The girl looked at Rarity. "If you mean my clothes…"

"I mean we will have to turn you into a pony."

Tammy's eyes widened. "Me? A pony?" She laughed. "Wait. You can do that?"

"I can't, but I know someone who can."

The princess turned to the draconequus, who made a massive recovery and grinned wildly.

"It would be my pleasure!"

"Hold up!" Tammy protested. "You can't get me home, but you can turn me into a different species?"

"Hey, I'm complicated!"

"But he'll only do it with your consent," Twilight interjected.

Tammy thought about it. She was clearly going to be here for a while, and if changing her form was the only way to get around, then that is what she had to do.

Her response was a simple nod.

"Excellent!" Discord exclaimed, getting his fingers ready. "Oh, what would you like to be? A unicorn, a pegasus, an alicorn, or a regular, boring old earth pony?"

"Hey!" Applejack and Pinkie Pie shouted.

The girl looked around at the ponies. The idea of having a horn growing out of her head freaked her out for some reason, though she didn't say it aloud.

"Well, I've always wanted to fly…"

"It's settled then!"

"Wait a second!" she cried in last minute panic.

A white light enveloped her and Tammy felt herself shrink. She could no longer feel her hands or feet. She crouched down on all fours and a searing pain emerged in her back. She closed her eyes, screaming for it to stop.

In a few seconds, it did. There was no more pain, but everything felt so different. Tammy opened her eyes. The ponies were all her size now and were staring down at her.

"Whoa," Spike uttered.

"Much better," Rarity complimented.

"Well?" she said. "How do I look?"

The unicorn led her towards the mirror. Tammy let out a gasp. Oh. My. God.

---

Yeah, I think you knew that part was coming eventually.

Teletubbies. Sorry, I just had to include that! And the It's a Small World ride! Disney World's my home away from home, but I can just imagine how much torture that ride would be for Discord!