Chapter Nineteen—Wherein the 'hero' ruins the day

And a day after that, I received a letter from Celestia. Fearing more retribution, I thanked Spike and went up to a cloud to read it.

It was nothing of the sort, but rather a terse, "Are you available for a meeting?"

Wasted all that time coming to a cloud for nothing…

I pocketed the letter, flew back down to the tree house, and sat down to write out a short response: "If you don't plan on yelling at me, feel free to stop by or tell me where to meet you. If you're still mad, well, I'm sure I can find something to do until you get tired of asking."

I handed it to Spike with a murmured "Would you kindly?"

He just rolled his eyes, blew the letter into thin air, and remarked, "I'm really starting to miss Africa and the Middle East. I don't know what it was about it, but some of that food there, man… Do you think we could convince Twilight to—"

Whatever we were supposed to convince her was lost in a flash of light as I suddenly found myself sitting on nothing but air in the throne room of the Imperial Palace at Canterlot.

I tried to catch at something but managed to do nothing but make myself look more a fool as I fell over. Ladies and gentlemen, the Liberator of Africa.

I awkwardly got to my feet, and looked around. Aside from Celestia on her throned dais and a few guards, the room was pretty much empty. She at least waited for me to get standing again before talking.

"Well, you did say you were available for a meeting…" Celestia said with a small smile.

"I say a lot of things," I answered.

"As do we all. Sometimes we say too many things."

"Sometimes we just need to let off steam. No one is perfect all the time."

She smiled. "Well, now that we have that business out of the way, I hear tell that you were once again involved in some affairs with the naga. How you get into mess after mess one after another never ceases to amaze me."

"You must not have spent much time with Twilight's friends. They have some of the strangest sets of problems I have ever seen, and it appears I'm somewhat uniquely able to fix some of them. Such a combination never fails to get me into one awkward situation after another."

"You could learn to say no."

"If we start saying no to opportunities in life, how will anything ever get done? Or, better question, where will all the fun go?"

"Yes, but generally, life expectancies go up as the proportion of dangerous things you do goes down."

"Most of us don't live forever anyway, lass. If I had the option, would I take it? Maybe, maybe not. I still haven't decided."

"You're not getting any younger."

"If time flowed backwards I don't think we would be having this conversation."

"If time flowed backwards we would see the results of our mistakes before we made them, and would be able to fix them before they started mattering."

"Assuming it flowed backwards for everyone, at least. But no matter; you did not summon me here for veiled apologies or hints of actions I have done. Or philosophy, now that we find ourselves there."

"Can one friend not make time to see another with no talk of meaning or purpose?"

"Usually, yes. But when one friend is a princess that must carefully ration time, the chances of such an occurrence grow slim."

"I can always make time for a friend, Navarone. Remember that. But in this case, you are, I suppose, correct." Don't you dare send me back to that African hellhole. Don't you dare. "Guards, would you please leave us?" With a strange look at her and a very threatening look at me, they complied. When they were gone, she continued. "The… veiled apology, you call it, was one reason. I truly did yell at you out of haste, not thinking about what I was doing or saying. But Luna… she frustrates me, sometimes. But I can't very well yell at her. And yelling at servants for following orders is not fair. And the guards couldn't have known what she had planned. Neither could you. And for that I apologize. Had she wanted, and if she tried hard enough, she probably could have kept you up there with her. Thankfully, her mind is not as dark as you seem to think it might be; the idea of kidnapping you had never occurred to her. Though that might be because she never once thought—truly thought, mind—that you didn't love her back."

"Less than six years, now. I don't think she's going to forget her love to me."

"Not on her own. But think about what you told that naga."

"How do you know so much about my activities?"

"You can't expect me to give up all my secrets. Just trust that I know."

"…Fine. As long as you don't know about everything that happens to me, I'm okay with you keeping your secrets." That earned a very… knowing… smile that I was somewhat afraid of. "But yes, if we could get her the same words I used on the two lovestruck naga, she might give up on me. She can't be that old, relatively speaking. The question becomes, who should be the one to tell her?"

"Zecora has proven herself untrustworthy. You can't do it. I probably shouldn't do it. No one else knows anything about this, aside from that one guard that was ordered to report on the murder of Rainbow Dash."

Suddenly a random thought struck me, and the importance my mind gave it forced me to voice it aloud: "Luna teleported me to the moon… Does she have the same teleporting attunement to me that you do now?"

I have never seen someone's eyes go that wide in my life. Just as I was about to ask why, the front doors exploded. I had my dagger out and ready to throw—a talent and habit I picked up in Africa that saved me at least once—before the dust parted, but I was thrown back against a wall before I could do anything with it.

I barely held onto consciousness as I slowly slid down the wall face. It felt like at least one bone in my back was broken, and I couldn't feel anything from my wings but pain.

And in strode Luna like a broken-hearted conqueror, her face a contorted mass of rage and sorrow.

It was at that point that I thought something bad might happen.

"Luna," Celestia tried, "what brings you here? And in such a fury, I might add." As though I hadn't just been batted aside like a fucking ragdoll.

"I think you know full well what brought me here, sister! I have the same skills as you when it comes to magic, at least in such things as this! I overheard everything you two were discussing!" Oh, merde…

I was tempted to let myself sink into the growing darkness. It would have been nice to not see this clash of titans. Especially since I feared that one way or another it would end in my death.

However, my subconscious rarely gives into what my mind actively wants, and so I automatically willed myself awake even while I begged to rest.

And it's interesting what the mind focuses on when the body is dying: At least I now knew the answer to how Celestia knew what I was doing.

Luna was continuing; I tried to listen, and forgive me if some of what I say is incorrect. The gist is correct, and in this case that is all that matters, for her words were of emotion rather than logic. "Your guards told me he was here, and that you begged a solo audience with him. What else would you be talking about than your dear sister? So I tuned in to listen; you know, to see what nice and pleasant things you might say about your naïve sister. And maybe I was mistaken in what I heard. I seem to think I heard you say you didn't love me, Navarone. Maybe I was just wrong when I heard you say you did! How about telling the truth, setting us all straight?"

I tried to answer, but all that came out was blood. Oh yeah, there was definitely something broken in there, something that pierced my lungs. I could start to feel it, too—the pain was growing dim and breathing was getting hard, neither of which were good signs.

Celestia tried to intervene on my behalf, saying that if nothing else I should be healed, but Luna was having none of it. "After the lies he told, after what he let me believe, you think we should give him the grace of healing? I know you were in on this lie too, sister, but what else has he told us that isn't true? I bet Navarone isn't even his real name!" Which was true, at least. I might have pointed that out, but I was steadily spitting blood out at that point, and couldn't be bothered.

"We told no lies that we didn't think were to protect you, Luna. We didn't know how you would react!"

"You didn't know how far you could trust me, you mean. You know as well as I that I wasn't myself when I was Nightmare Moon. I'm better, now!"

"You say you're better, but then you come in here and try to kill the one you proclaimed to love! How are you any better than you were when you did the same to me?"

Luna definitely blanched at that. "This… this is different! I just thought you didn't love me! I know he doesn't, and I know he lied about it!"

I want any readers to know that first, you're a bad person if you're reading this at all; these are diary entries, dammit, not a bloody book! And second, that it was here that I made an effort to stand up that didn't go anywhere. The effort was made and noticed, however.

"Here, the human tries to stand up to defend himself at last! Do you have anything new to say?"
Nope, just more blood.

"He is going to die if we don't help him. You may be mad at him, but can you truly wish him dead for what he did?" That was a very possible estimate. Both that I was going to die and that she was mad enough to wish it, I mean.

But slowly, the rage on her face died down. It was taken over wholly by sorrow, and she knelt and wept. She wept, I bled, and Celestia worried. And then I was healed.

I was very, very tempted to have Celestia teleport me out into the sun at that point. Or back to Africa, to give me a chance to atone for my sins. Anywhere would have been better than right there at that moment, easing my recently shattered but currently fine body back off the floor, without any idea at all of what I should do.

Celestia came to my rescue, thankfully. "Go guard the door, Navarone. Make sure no pony enters or looks in." It was a little bit late for that; the explosion drew half the guards in the palace and more than half of the servants—this news was going to spread fast.

I grabbed my dagger from where it had fallen and took my post, using my newly healed wings to shield as much of the view as I could, and glaring at everyone until they muttered and found a good reason to find themselves somewhere else. Celestia's two guards from before joined me at the door, and at least had the grace to look completely embarrassed for what their part in this mess.

I don't know how long we held our position at the door. I know the guards to replace the guards that were with me—who chose not to leave, and to stay as long as they were needed as a penance of sorts—came by the time I was called back in.

It was a silent room I walked into. And it was a hesitant human that did the walking. If I didn't think I'd be teleported back instantly I would have tried flying away.

The two powers faced me as a united front, day and night, one white and radiant, the other dark and mysterious.

"Before we start this discussion," Celestia said, "do you have anything to say?"

"I… apologize, Luna. I was in a new world with new people, and I was not thinking on about what I said or did. I will accept whatever punishment as given, though with the caveat that I would prefer death to any time imprisoned."

Luna couldn't help a smile at that. "I know what it is like to be imprisoned. I would not wish that upon anypony. No, you are to receive no punishment. We were both at fault, I fear… Yours was not realizing that I was craving attention, and then not realizing how I would take rejection, and mine was in not realizing that you didn't mean anything in your words. And I apologize for what I did, if it makes you feel any better."

"I never once hated you or wanted to hurt you. What we did we did because we thought it was for the best."

"And you were willing to risk what might have been an eternity with somepony you didn't love. Why, Navarone?"

"I could never…" I sighed. "I'm a pacifist at heart," and continuing through Celestia's snort, "I absolutely detest hurting others. Killing is one thing, killing people that need to die is okay in my mind. But hurting others is hard for me. Emotionally, physically, mentally, whatever. I just don't like it." Not completely true; there were a few instances in which hurting someone had a good cause.

"But killing causes pain of its own, even if it is only in the parents of those you kill," Luna answered, confused.

"Yes, but I so rarely see the pain it causes. I don't mind it as much if I can't see it. And I can think of few justifiable reasons to hurt someone, while there are plenty of reasons to kill people. Ask Celestia, if you don't believe me," meaning the work done with the naga and in Africa.

"Lying can cause just as many problems and just as much pain, though," Celestia said, thinking it a warning.

"Yes, it can. Key word there is can. I am a master liar and a master actor, when I need to be and when it suits my purposes. Lies can cause pain, but when the truth will definitely cause pain, which is better to choose?"

"And how did you think this lie would never cause pain?" Luna asked with more than a touch of bitterness.

"A few reasons. One, the potential for returned love was there, even if it was currently unreached. In time, anyone can come to love anyone. For two, neither Celestia nor I ever expected it to come to a head like this; we both planned to keep you in the dark about my true feelings until the seven years was up, hoping you would grow out of it." The time for lies was over, at least in this area. Brutal honesty was painful, but it is what was required.

"However," Celestia added for me, "Zecora refused to play along. When I told her what she was to say, she completely blew me off, and demanded to see Navarone." And damn her to hell for it, I mentally added.

"I… see. I suppose I have her to thank for this." Thank might not be the word I would use.

"And now, the crux of this," Celestia said, "what we have decided based on this. First, Navarone, no more spying on you. By either of us." Good. "Second, no more lying, at least not to each other," Celestia said with a significant glance at her sister. "We should have enacted that policy a long time ago. I never thought it would be necessary. Now, though…"

"How can you enforce something like that?" I asked.

"It is a special power that all unicorns have, though most don't know of it. Basically, if two agree to never lie to each other, they can force a bond over each other that will force them to always tell the truth to that pony," Celestia said. "It is rarely done, though, for the obvious reasons. Relationships are built on lies, even if neither side likes to admit it. If everypony was forced to tell everypony else exactly what they thought about that pony, society would crumble. But between two sisters that know what and what not to ask, we both decided it might be for the best."

"As long as I'm not included in that, feel free, though I personally think it is unwise."

"Noted," Celestia said, and then they did their little ritual. It was neat, but there was nothing much to it: Just connecting horns, lights, bubbles, all that fun stuff.

"I love you," they whispered to each other when it was done, which I thought was an awesome touch.

When they had their moment and were apart again, Celestia continued: "Third, now that the cat is pretty much out of the bag on this one, as far as I'm concerned you two are free to actually try to date when the seven year period is over, if you want to give love a try."

"Who knows what six years will bring?" I asked. "I cannot determine what my mindset will be on the matter then. As it stands now, I am not against it, but I will not say one way or another until the time comes."

"And even if we don't choose to try, we will still remain friends. You are fun to talk to, even if you don't always mean what I think you do," Luna said, smiling slightly.

"Fourth, o master liar, how do you suggest we deal with this?" Celestia asked, meaning the servants and the guards knowing what happened. I don't know why she was bringing it up with me; she was the princess.

"Mass hysteria?" At their looks I tried explaining, "There is no way in hell you can stop this from spreading. If you were to shut down the palace right now and stop anything from getting out, that would cause two problems and it would solve nothing as it's probably too late anyway. First, that would make everyone outside know that something is happen. And second, it would make the servants know that what happened was real and that it was big. If you just pretend it never happened, it might well die off. If you deny it, it will spread. If you announce it and say it's true, they'll know it's true. Leaving it alone offers the best chance of this getting swept under the rug."

"That is close to what we had in mind," Celestia said. "For a liar it is very honest of you."

And as a side note, from when I wrote this, nothing of what happened ever traveled beyond the palace. The servants and guards all unanimously agreed to never speak of it and nary was a word mentioned of any agreement. As far as we know, they all just agreed silently that what happened didn't need to spread.

"Any parting words, before we send you back to Ponyville?"

I looked to Luna. "You were right, by the way. About Navarone not being my name, I mean." I looked back to Celestia. "I'm ready."

Before she could teleport me, though, Luna asserted, "You can't just say that and then not even tell me what it is!" Celestia and I both smiled at that, and I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"How else am I going to keep you excited for when we next meet?"

"You know I can put you anywhere I want, now! And I can bring you to me any time I want! Even if that means you're taking a bath at the time. That would be one less secret you'd keep from me, anyway!"

"You're learning, lass, you're learning. Take me home, Celestia." Before I disappeared, I saw Luna stick a tongue out at me.

Well, that's one more problem solved. And aside from the whole 'almost dying' part, it went better than expected.

Then I reappeared standing on the chair I was sitting on when I was summoned. That answered the question about whether or not I could end up inside of something when I teleported…

When I found Spike and told him why I disappeared, he just rolled his eyes and muttered something about unicorns. The lad was definitely growing, but I couldn't tell if it was for better or for worse. Probably worse, since I was around and since his time in Africa.

I decided to have a chat with Twilight about that, since I really didn't want to ruin Spike's possible future with the ponies by preemptively turning him aggressive.

I found her watering a small garden on a balcony on the second story of the tree. When I approached, she turned and said, "Oh, you made it back. I was starting to think Celestia had decided to keep you."

"It might have been for the best if I hadn't gotten back, but for different reasons. Tell me, have you noticed any difference in Spike's behavior?"

She sighed. "Yes, I have. His time in the east has not done well for him. He spent more time there among violent people than at any other point in his life, and you were only able to see him once a day to provide some manner of counterbalance." Some manner, indeed. I was one of the few people in that bloody camp not itching to kill enemy soldiers. Even most of their children wanted to help in the slaughter.

"And I can't imagine his forced diet change helped much either."

"Neither I nor Celestia ever imagined there would be so many carnivorous peoples in Africa. I know the cat people can eat some manner of plants, but they seem to prefer meat or fish. I suppose it should come as no surprise that Spike ended up finally getting a taste of meat, though we all worked so long to keep it from happening."

"And with that taste came growth." He wasn't nearly as tall as I was, yes, but he had gained more than a foot since we left for Africa. "I'm surprised all it took for that was meat."

"He would have grown slower if he hadn't started eating that. But with that diet came more exercise and a warmer climate and more aggression in the air. Dragons are magical beings, and their growth depends on a lot of factors. Aggression is one of them; the more anger and hate in an area, the faster they'll grow."

"So where does that put us now? He went from here to Africa to here again, and now that he's had a taste of meat that's all he seems to want, unless he can find gemstones instead. And you know as well as I that we can't start any kind of meat industry here, especially if it's only to serve Spike and occasionally me."

"Well, Spike living with me never was a permanent thing. He is above all a dragon, and that nature means he won't always be content as a helper, little more than a servant, even if he is serving in friendship rather than in bondage."

"You have to admit, having a tame, fully grown dragon around would be absolutely kickass. I mean, if I could ride him and return home, I could easily convert half the world to thinking I was a god."

"Yes, in your warlike world it would be neat, but here it would just be a hindrance. Dragons are a lot bigger than ponies, as I'm sure you can imagine. Where would we get the food to keep him full? And where would he live?"

"I know it's impractical, but man! I have this picture in my head now of me riding into Washington, DC astride a huge, majestic dragon, my wings fully outspread and a sword held high above my head, proclaiming that spot the new Mecca of the world, where I would rule humanity as a god emperor…"

"You have an overactive imagination. If you have any ideas of how to deal with the real situation we have, I'm open to suggestions."

I sighed and shook the thought from my head. "At his current pony-driven growth rate, how long do we have until he is unsustainable?"

"Oh, at a pony driven rate there's no chance he'll become a problem in my lifetime. Dragons live for thousands and thousands of years. I don't even know the last time one actually died of old age. Their natural childhoods last over two hundred years, or at least their childhood how you or I would define it. But I imagine his time in the east cut anywhere from twenty to forty years off that, and that was just in eight months. If anything like that were to happen again, there's no telling how much time we'll lose, especially since he's now open to the idea of such a thing instead of fighting it."

"And you don't think him being around me is perhaps accelerating his growth?"

"Not usually, no. You are violent occasionally, yes, but it is rarely an angry violence or an aggressive one. You are violent generally out of necessity, or at least when you think it is necessary. There is rarely any passion behind it. You were trying to bring justice to Trixie. You did nothing but follow orders in Africa, and from all accounts I heard you hated most of what you had to do. You claim so often to be a terrible or violent person, but in all honesty I think you might be among the best of us, depending on how you look at it."

I was tempted to point out the naga thing, but since Pinkie Pie didn't want them to know I didn't bother. "It's kind of sad that you would think I'm better, morally, than any pony. Or at least, of whoever you're considering under 'us.' Different, certainly, but I wouldn't consider myself better than anyone in any way, other than being the best on this world at being human. And I might be one of the better liars."

"You have a point, there. Though one of the best ways to lose a friend is to either lie or break their trust."

"I've had that lesson today, thank you. But this isn't about me, as long as you're saying Spike isn't being negatively affected by me."

"I didn't say that. I said his growth wasn't being affected by you. Some of his mental changes, though… He told me that he had been reading some of your journals." My blood ran cold, at that. He wasn't supposed to have told her. "He didn't say what was in them, though, which I admit I was somewhat disappointed by." Thank God. "What he found there may have changed him a bit; it's hard to tell. Thankfully, I don't think he found anything about what happened with Trixie." And thankfully he started reading before the naga incident and told me before he could get there.

"I knew he had been reading them. He told me before we left. I made sure that he wouldn't be doing that again. There is little of importance in them, anyway. I would offer to show you some of them, but for the fact that some of what Celestia and I talk about are state secrets."

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind me knowing. Though I'm surprised she would trust you with things that she wouldn't trust me with."

"Some are secrets that actually involve me. Jobs I've done for her that you don't know about, and the like."

"I find it hard to believe that Celestia had time to requisition you for any jobs, given all your time spent running around for my friends. Unless she also approached them with jobs, which I highly doubt."

"Ask her if you want. My lips are sealed on that matter. And I don't suggest reading through my journals to find out, because there are dark, dark things in them now. Things you want no part in knowing. Again, though, this talk isn't of me. It's of Spike. What is to be done with him?"

"Nothing, for now. Like it or not you're the only male figure in his life. To that end he's going to be getting some tendencies from you no matter what happens. And we can see if his attitude will start returning to normal, now that he's back home and away from most of the darkness we left behind."

A little too far away from the Congo to be speaking of the Heart of Darkness. "Your call, lass. If you wake up one day to find yourself missing a haunch and find Spike smacking his lips nearby, don't come crying to me."

"No, he'd probably go after Pinkie Pie instead—with all the sweets she eats, she would probably taste much better."

"Speaking of people changing, Pinkie Pie has definitely gotten a lot saner since we left."

"Maybe when she was talking to you, but as far as I could tell she was the same as she always was."

"Maybe her insanity is just spreading over to me. Or maybe after so much time spent among the insane in Africa I got better at automatically translating her garbage speak into English."

"I wouldn't be surprised at either. Notice any changes about the rest of them?"

"Fluttershy is more assertive and less cowardly, though I'm sure you noticed that. I haven't spent much time with the others yet, not as individuals."

"Fluttershy was never cowardly, she was just… well… okay, fair enough."

The rest of the day was spent chilling. It was pretty rad, after all the crap I had been through recently, to just rest and contemplate.

The next month was spent just getting used to everything new. Not all that much really did change, which I thought was nice; after all that had been going on in my life, it was nice to have something that stayed the same, even if it was something I didn't fully belong to.