Chapter Eight—Fuck. Everything.

I don't know how long I was out, but I'm pretty sure I was the first one awake.

And I woke up very, very pissed. Why, when I was alive and victorious?

I WAS A FUCKING PONY! Oh, I was going to beat somebody to death because of this. Or rather, I thought nastily, trample them to death.

I don't know what the hell Trixie's spell was supposed to do, but it completely screwed everything up. Twilight, I saw—or at least, what I thought was Twilight—was now a human. A very cute, nerdy, naked human. Somewhat disturbingly, she still had a horn. Her hair was the same color as her mane, which I thought was a nice touch. All of my clothes were completely destroyed, including my now worthless shoes. My cloak was fine, at least. And in case you were wondering, reader, I did not have a horn, but I did somehow have wings. So I wasn't turned into a pony, I guess, but rather a pegasus. And I swore that as soon as I got back to civilization and could get a letter to Celestia, that would change.

Of Trixie there was no sign. She was just completely gone. There were a few shards of unicorn horn left, but that was it.

I shakily stood on my new legs and tried walking around a bit. It wasn't that hard, but it was a bit annoying, and I had to concentrate to not try to stand on just two. I also kept misjudging distances, since my eyes were in very different places. Once I got the hang of it, I tried prodding Twilight with one of my hooves. I looked over to where Trixie had been, but decided not to go looking for her.

I was about to prod Twilight again, when she suddenly stirred. When she tried to rub her head, she quickly opened her eyes and shouted. She leaned up and I swear to God, I tried not to look, but damn! I remembered that she wasn't wearing any clothes when she was transformed, aside from the cloak that was now too small for her. When I was able to drag my eyes away from a pleasant sight I hadn't seen in a good long while, I saw her eyes were purple.

She looked over at me and hesitantly asked, "Navarone?"

"Guilty as charged, sadly."

"What… what happened?"

I described what went down, her magic mixing with Trixie's broken spell. She slowly nodded when I finished my description.

"I… don't know what she was trying to cast, but I'm glad it didn't work. What happened to her?"

"I destroyed her horn with the crossbow. After that, she vanished."

"Vanished? Where could she have gone, with no horn?"

"Maybe her last spell was a teleport spell, and she escaped. She won't be much trouble, now, not without a horn. If I find her again, I'll be sure to kill her."

"Why would you kill her, now that she's beaten?"

"Would you want to live without magic, in prison, for the rest of your life?"

"Well, no. But with the other option being death? Maybe. I don't know…"

"I wouldn't. I don't like being held like that."

Twilight sighed. "I don't suppose she would, either. But we should ask Princess Celestia first. She might have something in mind."

I frowned. I preferred my version of justice rather than the manner of justice Celestia might give.

"We have to deal with this mess first, though," she continued. "We have a… a room of bodies, and who knows what else in this building."

My mind was still reeling at my sudden transformation. I felt stronger, for one, and I really felt like I could run a hell of a lot faster. I was a sleek white pegasus with a dark brown mane, fitting my looks as a human, I suppose.

"So, what the hell do we do?"

"Search the castle, and then we get back to Ponyville and write Princess Celestia a letter, and hope she can fix this. I still have my horn, so I can probably still do magic, but I have no idea how to fix… this!" She waved her arm over us, encompassing us both. Then she suddenly shivered. "Oh, this is so cold! No wonder you always wear clothes!" With that, she sadly covered herself with my old cloak.

I stood up and offered her a hoof to help her stand with. She looked at it and grabbed it, doing her best to stand on two legs. She was very wobbly, and held a hand on my back to steady herself as we walked to my ruined clothes. "Can you go through my pockets and grab everything?" I asked. "I would, but…" I sighed, looking at my hooves. Dammit, those were my only pair of jeans…

She did so, and frowned at some of what she pulled out. "Why are you still carrying these gloves? And why are they so heavy?" she asked.

"They're weighted, for one. That means I can do a hell of a lot more damage with them without anyone expecting me to be able to." I kept a commentary going as she pulled out more stuff. "That's a lighter. You saw me use it earlier with the ropes. That's my knife… Would have made that grisly bit of work a lot easier… That's a bottle of spirits from Applejack. Surprised it didn't break under me. Be careful with that, lass, we might need it again."

When I explained that one to her, she looked at me oddly. "Spirits? This is the same stuff you gave Rainbow Dash?" At my nod, she eagerly opened the bottle and, before I could stop her, drained half the remained stuff before recoiling so badly I thought she was going to drop the bottle. "How on Equestria can you drink that stuff! It's absolutely disgusting!"

"Because," I said through a grimace, "by the time you drink as much as you just did you usually don't care about taste anymore. Close that thing up and don't waste any more! God, what came over you?"

"Rainbow Dash told me about the experiment, in exchange for enchanting something for her a while back." I snorted at that. "I always wondered, after that, what some of this stuff would be like. If it's anything like that, I don't know how you got Rainbow Dash to drink it!"

"Well, we used better distillation methods when we made it the first time. It tasted a lot better."

"Whatever. Is there anything else you want from this pile?"

"Grab the cloak. You can wear that instead and I can take yours. If we're going back to town, we're probably going to want to hide my blank flank." She nodded, removing the pony cloak from her back and throwing it on mine, and pulled my cloak from the floor. I did my best to not look at her while she was doing it.

"Anything else?" she finally asked.

"Is my belt any good?"

Turns out that somehow it was. I don't know how it didn't break like everything else, but Twilight looped it around her cloaked form and cinched it tight.

She gingerly picked up the crossbow and the quiver of bolts I had left. She looked at them oddly, and then hung them both over my neck. "I don't think I could use something like that if I wanted to," she whispered, then looked at the horn fragments "Well, I don't think I could use it anymore." She shuddered, then got a thoughtful look on her face. She reached down and scooped the horn fragments into her hands, and dropped them in a pocket in the cloak. "I've never been able to do any good experiments on alicorn," she said.

We supported each other as we searched through the rest of the castle. We didn't find anything worth looting or worth noting. "And now?" I asked.

"Now, we burn this place and leave." Huh. It's not like Twilight to actually want to burn something. But then, I'm a pyromaniac, so what did I care?

So we did just that. Setting the fire took a while, because I had to point out to Twilight how to use the lighter, since she didn't trust magic right then. It was running dangerously low on fuel when we beat feet, which presented another set of problems entirely. The first, being that we forgot to raise the gate. That was easily fixed, though parts of the castle were sort of burning down: The gear was right next to the gatehouse, and it was large enough that I could push it even in my crappy pony body. I pushed it and she locked it in place and we were free.

Which led to the other problem: Twilight had no shoes. She suffered in silence for a minute before she stepped on a thorn in the grass. After that, she was riding on my back. She folded the cloak that I didn't really need into some manner of blanket or something to cushion some of the pain, but I knew she would still be feeling plenty on the long walk back.

"You know," I said, "this is going to be very awkward to explain to your friends. They're going to be laughing for quite a while after this."

"At me, maybe. They'll probably be too busy blushing at you to laugh."

"Don't even start. Celestia is going to turn us both back and that will be the end of that."

"Who knows? Maybe you'll find you like being a pegasus."

"I don't have thumbs! And I don't have any magic to use instead!"

"Thousands have gotten by before you without them. I don't see why you should be any different."

"Because I would know what I was missing. And what about you? Maybe you'll decide you like being a human."

"Is that a hint of a blush I see?"

"N—no!" I stammered. "This fur, it's just bloody hot! I don't see how you ponies stand it."

"Riiight. And if I do… this?" I looked back and saw that she let the cloak drop a little. I turned beat red and stumbled, causing her to almost lose her balance. She just laughed.

"You're drunk!" I accused. "And let's see how you'd react to being in your prime as the only member of your species, when you suddenly found someone of the opposite sex there!"

"I'd like to think that I would handle it better than you are."

"Yeah, but he sure as hell wouldn't!" She laughed at that, too. I was tempted to 'accidentally' drop her.

A few hours later, she said, "We could just sneak in under cover of darkness and get Spike to send a letter to Celestia, and use threats of violence to keep him quiet."

"Nay," I said, and heard it come out very elongated, causing me to blush again. "No," I tried again, "we don't want to risk her taking too long to respond and having your friends rush off to your rescue. I don't want them to find what we left behind, just in case…" We both grimaced.

We made camp about halfway there. My back was unused to carrying the burden of a person, and her body was unused to riding, so it was a mutual agreement. I noticed that she had considerably less reservations than I about cuddling against me to keep warm, which I did my best to pretend to not notice, with decidedly mixed results. She was definitely drunk. Lightweight.

A few hours into the next day, she started testing her fingers out. "Twilight… What are you doing?" I asked as I felt her fingers in my… my mane.

"I just noticed how much I can feel with these things!" she merrily said, gently scratching the back of my head.

"Yeah, fingers have a lot of nerve receptors. Do your best not to hurt them, because any cuts there really hurt." Her fingers moved up to my ears and started scratching those. I lowered my head to try to get away from her questing fingers. "Stop it!"

She pulled her hands back. "Does that hurt?" she asked.

"No, it feels good," I said, bringing my head back up. Her hands went right back to my ears, scratching them gently. "Quit it!"

"Why, if it feels good?" she coyly asked.

"Because… I don't like it." I finally managed to say.

"You don't like things that feel good?" she asked, not stopping.

"It's demeaning!"

"It's just me and you here, Nav. No pony's judging you."

"If I knew how to use this body I would buck you off right now." I settled for lowering my head as far as I could. I felt my ears flatten against my head somehow.

She just leaned over and continued. "You're just giving me more surface area to work with, Nav," she giggled.

"I don't like being touched, dammit!" I finally yelled. "And if you don't knock it off you can walk the rest of the way back!"

She finally relented, pulling her hands back. "You don't like being touched?" she asked. "Why not?"

"I could explain why, but you wouldn't believe me. So I'm just going to say this: I will never, ever tell you."

"But… I'm sitting on you right now. Doesn't that bother you?"

"Not really. It's just like wearing a backpack."

"Why didn't you mention this before? I know some of us have touched you in the past."

"They were fleeting touches, nothing lasting. And none of you have ever had fingers until now. Usually it's just something I deal with or get the other person to stop on my own. You're the only person I've ever told, and the only reason I told you is because there's not much I can really do to stop you." I sighed. "And now Pinkie is going to be touching me every time she sees me. Fuck."

"The only way they'll know is if I tell them. And why would I do that?"

"I don't know why you would. I just know that you probably will. At least when I'm a human again I can stop her."

"After so long you still trust me so little?" She sounded hurt. "I can keep a secret, Nav!"

"Yeah. You can. But will you? I suppose time will tell."

We walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally she spoke up, "You know, the best way to get rid of a phobia is to confront it." She gently put her hands on the sides of my neck.

"I don't want to get rid of it. Take your hands off of me."

"Hmm… How about this: You tell me why you're afraid of being touched and I'll stop."

"How about this instead: You take your hands off me and you can continue riding on me."

"I just want to understand! I thought humans encouraged understanding everything!"

"And sometimes people just need their privacy. Drop it. And your hands, while you're at it."

"Ugh! Why are you so difficult, Nav?"

We walked in silence for a bit longer. "I don't think you would make me walk," she finally said. "You know what it's like walking barefoot far more than I do. And if you've already carried me this far, I think you sympathize enough to carry me the rest of the way. Especially if either way I can touch you."

"You know I don't like being touched. You know this, because I told you. And yet you still seem so adamant about touching me. Why is that?"

She was silent for a little while. "You're… You feel nice," she finally answered.

"Well, save it until we get to Ponyville. You can pet Pinkie all day; her fluffy hair is really soft."

She decided to try a different tactic. "How do you ever plan on getting a special somepony if you are afraid of being touched?"

"Uh… I don't?"

"What?" I think she was surprised at my answer.

"Twilight, I thought we had been over this. The thought of sex with a pony almost makes me sick. I might be able to fall in love with one, but taking it further would be difficult, and I think I would be hard-pressed to find a chick that doesn't want any sex at all." Well, that and I already had someone lined up for me. If Luna ever wanted to… consummate her 'love' for me, things might be awkward fast. Even more awkward, that is.

"Oh, right! The whole bestiality thing. You know we're not animals, right?"

"We've had this conversation before, Twilight. My position hasn't changed." Though to be quite honest, I knew it very well might in the future. After so long… Well, there's no telling what might happen to my mind.

She sighed. We walked in silence for a bit longer. After a while she let out a frustrated groan. "I just got these fingers, Nav! Everything feels so wonderful! Can I please just stroke you?" I felt myself stiffen a bit at that before I realized what she meant.

I growled lightly but stopped after a moment. "If you stop when I tell you to stop, okay." I'm going to regret this.

She giggled with glee and began toying with my hair again. I dealt with it as well as I could. Then her hands moved down to the sides of my neck. And then under my neck. One of her hands went to scratch me under the chin while the other reached lower.

I don't know what she was doing, but my mind felt clouded when her hand started scratching my chin. I didn't notice where her other hand was until I felt her somehow rubbing my belly. I stiffened up immediately. "Enough!" I told her. She kept going. "Twilight, stop it!" Nothing. I pulled my head back and bit the hand that was scratching my chin.

She yelped and ripped her hands back. I noticed then that I had actually stopped walking. Note to self: My chin is my weak point. I started back up again. "Nav…" Twilight said.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said.

"I'm sorry! I'm just not used to these sensations!"

"You aren't going to get used to them on me. You probably won't have time to at all. Once Celestia gets to us we can turn back. Thank God, too; being a pony sucks."

"But you haven't even experienced any of it yet!"

"Nor do I really want to. I know you know how odd it feels for you, being a human when used to a pony body. I feel entirely wrong like this."

"Well… You got that right. But don't you want to fly?"

"Ever since I fell from Cloudsdale I've been afraid of high places." Actually, I was afraid of heights before that, but no one needed to know that. "I really don't want to, no."

She groaned again. "Are you really going to let your fears conquer you like this, Nav? I thought you were stronger than this!"

"And maybe I have good reason for some of them. I don't like being touched but you convinced me to let you do it on the promise that you would stop when I told you to—a promise that you broke. I was afraid of heights from the beginning, but I pretended to be okay because it made Rainbow Dash happy. She told me I would be fine and that nothing would happen to me. And I nearly fell to my death—the only reason I was saved was because I got Fluttershy to help me. I'm sure I could probably come up with other examples if I felt like going into more things I'm afraid of."

"But… falling from Cloudsdale was a fluke!"

"Every time I've been to that city I nearly fell to my death, Twilight. Disregarding the sample size, a one hundred percent ratio of total failures is unacceptable."

"Why do you have to be so… ugh!" Ugh. A fitting description, I suppose.

Most of the rest of the walk back was in silence, until we got to within view of Applejack's ranch. We decided we might as well get it over with, and walked or rode down to meet her.

Applejack did not much know what to think of us. She looked at me and said, "Twilight?"

"Up here," she answered, from atop my back.

"…Navarone?" Applejack said, looking back at me.

"The same."

I almost thought she was going to dispute it, before she said, "I really hope y'all put a hurtin' on Trixie for doing that to you."

"I don't think she'll be bothering us again," I said.

Applejack didn't know how to respond to that, so Twilight said, "We didn't exactly know how we should go about approaching the town. There will be some… confusion, I believe."

"I'll say…" Applejack answered, and thought for a moment. "Why not just wait until dark, wrap that cloak around you, and saunter in like you own the place?"

"That was our plan, but we also didn't want all of you to go rushing off to rescue us in case Celestia couldn't change us back right away. Navarone here thought the first thing you would do upon seeing us would be to rush off to tell the rest of our friends so they could see us before we changed. I told him you were more loyal than that."

"Now, in my defense," I said, "that isn't exactly how I put it."

"Wellll…" Applejack said, then immediately ran off, snickering.

"Dammit, I told you!" We both sighed. "Well, nothing for it now," I said, and began walking into town.

We got some odd looks, I'll admit. More, I soon realized, directed at me than at her. I flicked my new ears and picked up some of the horrified whispers: "A blank flank, at his age? What is the world coming to?" "Look at him! Never seen one quite like him before…" Not something I'm entirely proud of, but Twilight actually was correct when she said I would get more blushes than laughs.

Even Scootaloo, when we ran into her, seemed shocked to see me. She was more shocked at my lack of a cutie mark, though, and completely failed to notice Twilight on my back, just as she completely failed to notice she was going very fast on a scooter, and just barely managed to stop before crashing. "Mister, why don't you have a cutie mark?" she asked. Twilight sniggered. I shifted, making her rush to not fall.

"Because I only just turned into a pony about a day ago," I told her, and then I saw it click.

"…Navarone?"

"Guilty."

"Guilty of that, and more," Twilight quietly laughed aloud. I shifted again to shut her up.

"What happened?"

"A spell gone wrong," is all I said. She took that information and sped off, probably to find the rest of her friends.

As we neared the tree house, I saw signs of hurried occupation, and a few eyes peeking out windows. I let Twilight down off my back and she opened the door for the first time with actual hands.

Twilight's fanfare was a lot louder than mine. As soon as she opened the door and walked in, she was pretty much hit by unsuppressed snickers. She bore it with decent enough grace, and beckoned me forward.

I could tell they wanted to laugh. But they… couldn't. I mean, I'm not a handsome human, at least not as far as I know. I have no reason to think I'd be a handsome pegasus. I honestly found myself surprised at my reception, which was covered by at least three blushes and one quickly suppressed snicker when she realized she was laughing alone. Spike had no such reservations, and laughed aloud at my discomfort.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" I asked.

With that, the spell was broken, and there was a tirade of questions. Most were directed at Twilight, but Pinkie Pie hopped over to me and said, "So, how about those dance lessons?"

"I was rather hoping to change back before too long, my dear."

"You're changing back?" she cried. "Why would you want to do that?" Her outburst got everyone's attention.

"Because I don't have thumbs, for one thing," I said weakly.

"Thumbs?" Applejack said. "I've done just fine without them. We all have!"

"You also never had them to lose. Spike, how would you feel if you suddenly lost the use of your hands?"

They all turned to him. "Hey, I want no part of this. I'm just gonna go write a letter to Princess Celestia real quick." So much for my erstwhile companion.

"Humph. If you ask me," Rarity said, "you just want to be different for the sake of being different!" Well, nobody asked you. "You look just fine the way you are!" Extra emphasis on fine, I thought.

"If you don't believe me, ask Twilight. She's had to use her hands a bit since we changed."

They looked to her. "He does have a bit of a point. If I didn't know I was going to have magic to go back to as a unicorn, I would be somewhat hesitant to change back." They scoffed at her answer.

"Believe me or not," I said. "It matters little to me. Celestia will soon be here, and will hopefully be able to change us both back."

Spike came back in with a scroll, and everyone's retort was cut off as he read it. As he continued, I saw Twilight's face grow slightly resigned, I saw the other ponies grow somewhat smug, and I felt rather than saw my face droop. Celestia was, in fact, able to fix us, but she was busy with something big that impacted the realm as a whole, and was unable to help us for at least a week. I was stuck. As a pony. For a week.

Well, shit.

"Twilight," I found myself saying, "would you kindly remove this crossbow and the bolts from my neck? I think I'd like to go lie down."

"I'll take them off you, but you're not going anywhere." I sighed, and noticed how louder it sounded as a pony. "No, we're going to stay here and deal with this."

"Uh, Twilight?" Spike said. "There's another part of this letter that I think you should see."

She grabbed the scroll and read it to herself, then reread it. She looked at me, and recited aloud: "Do not let Navarone get a cutie mark. I do not know if I can turn him back into a human if he obtains one, or at least, if I can, it will be considerably more difficult. I have never tried it before, but Luna assures me that she almost couldn't maintain the transformation from pony to human even at the height of her power, and she hypothesized that it was because of her cutie mark. So warn him, Twilight, that I may not be able to help him if he has a cutie mark when I get there."

I won't repeat my string of expletives. "So," I said when I was finished, "I just do nothing for a bloody week?"

"Not necessarily," Twilight said. "Getting a cutie mark takes most ponies several years to do. I would be careful to avoid doing anything you much like, though."

"Pinkie Pie, good news: The dancing lessons are back on."

"REALLY?" She didn't even catch the insult.

I sighed at that and turned to Twilight, "Unless I'm needed for anything else?"

"Nothing I can think of," she smiled. "Try not to have too much fun." No chance of that happening. Yes, I have had a few dance lessons in the past. No, I didn't enjoy any of them. I have no idea how to dance as a pony, either.

And I'm not going to lie, Pinkie Pie's showgirl outfit did not make me feel any better about dancing with her. How did she even put that thing on? Better question, who makes something like that for a pony?

Rarity decided to follow us to Pinkie Pie's rented room; of all Twilight's friends, she was the only one that actually didn't have anything better to do than watch me embarrass myself. Even Fluttershy had to go back to helping her animals. In Rarity's words, "I just have to see this for myself."

It started awkwardly but got better. I had no idea how to balance weight on my two back legs and use my two front legs as focus points against her, so she had to show me how to do that, and it took longer and was full of more innuendos than I ever suspected any of these ponies to use. Rarity finally threatened to leave if Pinkie Pie didn't knock it off and that pretty much ended that.

After that, it went much smoother. Pinkie Pie made a professional, if slightly silly, teacher, and my past experience helped a bit. I didn't leave as a pro dancer, but I would have been able to hide well on a dance floor.

All in all, it really wasn't that bad of an experience. Not something I'd do if I had another choice in the matter, mind, but it was a worthy pastime.

As I prepared to leave, Pinkie Pie said, "Just think, Nav! If you don't change back, we could open a dance studio! And Rarity could design our outfits, and Twilight could plan showings, and Applejack could make money on the side selling concessions, and Rainbow Dash could make dramatic weather, and Fluttershy could talk some birds into doing… whatever birds are supposed to do in instances like that!"

"Lofty dreams, my dear," I said. "Something to think about, but not, I think, enough to tip my hand. Waltzing is an interesting hobby, I admit, but I don't know if it's worth all the cost."

"Waltzing isn't the only kind of dance out there, you know! I know several I could teach you!"

"We'll see," is all I answered. "For now, I admit that I am rather weary. Taking care of Trixie was tiring in itself, and finding myself in a new form hardly helped, nor did having to tote Twilight all the way back."

With cries to 'think about it' following us, Rarity and I departed. When we were far enough away from the shop, Rarity said, "I'm somewhat impressed, Navarone. I never thought you would be much of a dancer, though it did take you a while to measure your steps."

"I think I did rather well, for just having learned how to walk a day or two ago. Though, to be fair, I'm honestly still not that good. But Pinkie Pie is a surprisingly good teacher."

"Yes, she does have her occasional moments of lucidity. So, what are your plans for the rest of the week?"

"My main goal is, as it is every week, to not die. That aside, I plan to do my best to not get suckered into any situations I cannot talk my way out of. I will only have this body until Celestia shows up to change me, and I really, really don't want anyone to get any ideas about trying to force me to stay this way, or convince me to do so."

"Is that form really so displeasing to you?"

"It is not as bad as I feared, I will admit. However, it feels… wrong, like I'm constantly about to fall over, or like I'm on my hands and knees. I keep trying to stretch my fingers, only to realize that I don't have any. My ears keep twitching, and I'm hearing things that as a human I never would have picked up. My eyes are in the wrong places. And my nose… for some reason, as soon as I got near town, I started smelling… something. And whatever it is, it feels like it's trying to pull me. Whenever I concentrate on it, I start feeling… odd, light even, and I feel really warm. I don't know how you aren't driven crazy by whatever it is."

"I don't know—oh! Oh, my. Yes, we need to talk to Twilight about that."

"What is it?" I noticed a faint blush creeping on her face.

"We'll talk to Twilight and see what she has to say. But I think I know your problem. How much did you know about ponies where you came from, again?"

"Not much. I mean, for the most part they all hated me for no reason, so I did my best to avoid them."

"No reason? I'm sure… Anyway, we'll talk to Twilight and she'll probably be able to help you with your… problem. Just try not to think about it too much."

Of course, when someone tells you that, it's hard to not do it. I did my best, mind, but human reasoning isn't much compared to instincts, and with nothing else to think about or to attract my interest, I never really stood a chance. We were half way back when I sort of… blacked out.

And woke up the next day in my bed at Twilight's house, feeling considerably better and no longer noticing whatever that smell was.

When I asked Twilight about it, she shrugged and just said by way of explanation, "There's a reason there aren't many male ponies in Ponyville." That actually told me a lot when I thought about it.

When I asked Spike what happened, he told me, "Last night Rarity dragged you in here by your tail. She used magic to immobilize you, apparently. They didn't tell me what was going on, but man, your eyes were completely blank. It was kind of scary. Then Twilight and Rarity did some magic over you and you feel asleep."

Well, that was almost bad.

Rarity came by shortly after I woke up to make sure I was okay.

"Yes, lass. I'm feeling much more clear headed now. I have… some idea of what happened. So much for my vaunted human reasoning…"

"Don't blame yourself, Nav. We are all occasionally slaves to our instincts…"

"I still feel as though I should try to apologize, though. I should be better than that!"

"Well, if you really want to make amends, you could do me the favor of modeling for me. It's not often that I get a stallion such as yourself to work with!"

That sounded like even less fun than dancing with Pinkie Pie, but I managed to hide my distaste for the idea. "If Twilight doesn't need me, I suppose I could help you…"

I don't think she actually expected me to say yes, but she hid her surprise well. "Wonderful! I have all kinds of ideas…" Yeah, it didn't take me long at all to regret my decision. Though I do admit, being able to feel Spike's burning eyes on us as we departed was kind of humorous.

Look, I won't say that was the most fun thing I've ever done, but it was far from the worst. I honestly don't know how I looked, at least to a mare, but I know Rarity was very pleased with her results. She kept talking about someone named 'Photo Finish,' which I personally thought was a completely ridiculous name.

I'm also not entirely sure how she made all the clothes she had me try on that fast. I mean, surely she wasn't storing masses of clothes on the possibility that a stallion would one day show up and say, "Hey, you need a sexy male model?" Rarity can sometimes be crazy, but surely not that crazy.

When I asked her, she got a bit of an angry look in her eyes and mentioned, rather venomously, a certain 'him.' I decided that it was in my best health to not push the issue, and she quickly got over her outburst and went back to playing dress up with me as her doll. I really do have a problem saying no to people…

For a while, her cat was eyeing me from across the store, probably trying to figure out where it knew me from. I made a funny face at it, and the thing suddenly nodded, as if realizing who I was, and went back to sleeping.

We were in a back room when the bell on the door chimed, signaling someone walking in. "Just a minute," Rarity sang, before turned back to me. "No, not like that! That's the wrong hole! Here, let me!"

"I'm sorry, this is my first time…" I said a bit sheepishly. Well, it was my first time trying to put bloody pants on as a pony. Seriously, why do ponies even have pants? "Watch it, that thing's sensitive!" She had just pulled my tail, which was still somewhat hurting from getting dragged by it last night.

"I know it's your first time, but surely you used to do this all the time back when you were a human!"

"Yeah, but that was with a more natural medium, not anything like this."

"I figured you'd have some kind of instincts on the matter! The way you acted last night, I know you can move those hips well!"

"That was with Pinkie Pie, though! She wasn't abusing me nearly as much as you are."

"Oooh, you're hopeless!" she wailed, then turned to the door. "Let's go see what my other guest wants."

She opened the door to a very bright red-faced Fluttershy, who looked from me to Rarity with a mixture of shame and horror. "What… what were you… doing in there?" she asked in a frightened voice.

Rarity looked somewhat shocked. "Fluttershy, you should know better… I am a lady!"

I quickly thought over the conversation we had since she had walked in, and laughed aloud. I admit, I was tempted, at that point, to pretend that we had been doing something, but I figured it would end badly if I did. "Relax, lass. She's using me as a dress up doll. And last night Pinkie Pie taught me how to waltz. And my… my tail is sore, since I got it caught in a door when I forgot about it."

Fluttershy looked a lot less nervous after that, and even consented to pose with me for a few of Rarity's shots. It got somewhat awkward at a few points, but at that point I had done worse, so we managed to get through it. Fluttershy did have to explain how to spread my wings, though.

I know it's hard to explain or imagine, but imagine you suddenly grew wings. The problem is, your mind was only built to handle two arms and two legs, and you were raised only using those. If you suddenly gained access to a whole new set of muscles that you never tried to use before, it would take you a while to figure out how they worked in relation to the other parts of your body. Rarity and Fluttershy had to gently extend my wings and distend them several times for me to even be able to figure out where on my body the muscles were to use, let alone actually trying to use them.

When Rarity had finished abusing us for her own sick amusement, she took a look at some of her pictures and said, "Navarone, you simply must stay as a stallion! You could become famous as a model! Just think of your possible impact on fashion!"

"I try not to at all times, actually. If that's what I have to look forward to as a pony, I think I should get changed back as soon as possible. Isn't that right, Fluttershy?"

"I know I didn't much care for my foray into fashion," she said, and then caught a look from Rarity. "But you might like it a lot more! I don't know how the male model industry works…"

"Being gay is probably a prerequisite that I lack. I think I'll pass."

"Psh. Stallions," Rarity said, rolling her eyes. I could say something similar about mares…

Instead, though, I contented myself with disentangling myself from Fluttershy and then the clothing. "I assume we're done?" I asked.

"Yes, yes. Fluttershy and I have an appointment with a spa that we must meet. Thank you for your help, Navarone!"

Well, that was an interesting way to spend a few hours. And I learned why the ponies very rarely wore clothing. Pants were very… restricting, for my new form.

Twilight had given me the cloak she wore on the way back when we returned and got settled so that I could hide my blank flank and actually walk around in town as a pony. She, in turn, got full reign over pretty much everything in my wardrobe, including the shoes Rarity did, in fact, have ready by the time we returned. Twilight looked better in my clothes than I did, that's for sure. Though maybe that's just loneliness talking.

It was interesting, seeing this place from the viewpoint of a normal pony. Well, at least what everyone else considered a relatively normal pony. I did get a few odd looks, which I attributed to either the bulging of the cloak over my wings or the fact that apparently I was somehow uncommonly attractive—which I still don't bloody understand. I always assumed that I was normal bordering on ugly as a human, so why would that change as a pony?

So there I was, walking through town, looking relatively ordinary, when the trio of disaster cornered me.

"Hey Navarone, want to join us in getting your cutie mark?" Applebloom asked me.

"Yeah, it'll be fun!" Sweetie Belle assured me.

"And with you along with your weird human ideas, we should get done twice as fast!" Scootaloo added.

"Sadly," yeah right, "I can't. If I get my… cutie mark… I might be stuck as a pony."

"Why is that so bad?" Sweetie Belle asked. "We're managing just fine!"

"Because you're not used to having thumbs. I don't even want to talk about how long it took me to figure out how to bloody eat." Among other things…

"Can't you get used to it?" Scootaloo asked.

"In time I could, yes. But there are a few other reasons I don't much care for staying as a pony, none of which you're old enough to understand." Or that I would be willing to bring up to, well, anyone.

"Applejack uses that excuse on us all the time," Applebloom said. "Can't you give us a hint?"

"Not and retain any scrap of grace, no."

"Can't you just avoid doing anything with us that you really like doing?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"I could, but if I tried something new and liked it too much it might be too late. It's not really something I consider worth it, though I have actually already tried two new things so far. Well, one new and one semi-new."

"I heard my sister muttering about you doing something with Pinkie Pie last night. She seemed really mad about whatever it was…" Sweetie Belle said.

"Applejack also mentioned you going somewhere with Pinkie Pie. What did you two do?"

"Dancing lessons. It was… awkward, as a pony."

"I thought you didn't like dancing at parties," Scootaloo said.

"This was ballroom dancing, waltzing. If we tried that at a normal one of Pinkie Pie's parties, it would get us laughed out of the joint."

"Hm… That's something we haven't tried yet," Applebloom said. "Do you think she'd be willing to teach us?"

"If you asked, probably."

With that, they ran off shouting about becoming professional ballroom dancers. Well, I guess it's better than professional personal dancers. God, I can imagine the look on Rarity's face if Sweetie Belle came home sporting a stripper pole or a tramp stamp on her ass.

Suddenly the idea for a great prank hit me, but I shook it off. That would be bad, even for me. Besides, I don't even know if that profession exists in Ponyland.

The rest of day two was spent mostly in silence, walking around Ponyville and seeing the sights with a new perspective. I answered a few polite questions from curious ponies, mostly about who I was and why I was in town. I decided I might as well pretend to be a servant of the princess, in town visiting Twilight. No reason to go building up awkward questions, after all. I received a few depressing warnings to avoid her… pet human. I almost got violent the first time I heard that, but managed to restrain myself. It's not like the ponies here hated me, they just… weren't that used to me yet. Hell, it had only been, what, six months since I got here? I was at best tolerated.

Let me tell you, even after the first few days, I still wasn't used to waking up and not being able to rub the sleep out of my eyes. Or adjusting the cover late at night. Or, hell, anything. Oh well. Only five days left, hopefully. I did notice that I was getting behind on my journal, not being able to write or anything. So if anything seems odd or off about this week, it may just be that it took me so much longer to get to writing it.

Day three was a terrible storm, so no one really went outside. Twilight practiced magic with her new horn, and it was pretty funny seeing the expressions on her face as she worked her spells. God, but it was great to see another human, even if I did know she was only faking it and even if she looked odd for some reason. Aside from the eyes and horn, I mean. It definitely brought a lot of memories back that we discussed at length, lacking much else to do.

I was only eighteen when I left and I lacked many friends for most of that life, but I did have some interesting tales. Admittedly, a lot of them weren't about me, but they were still pretty interesting.

I'll spare you the details, because honestly, many of them were about why I was going to be forever alone back on Earth. Awkwardness and teen hormones aside, I really was terrible with girls: Flirting was no problem, but following through was impossible for me. I had a girl wait a full minute for me to ask her out. I knew she was waiting, and she had to know I knew she was waiting, but I just… couldn't ask. It was bad.

Some of the stories were funnier ones, though. Admittedly, some of them weren't actually true, but they were things I had talked about doing or was planning on doing before I was taken. Like, for instance, the prank about moving one of the senior lunch tables to the roof and eating up there like it wasn't a thing, while the only access to the roof was by ladder. Our tables were mostly made of concrete. It would have been possible, but it would have been a massive undertaking. I was all for it, and had actually drawn up plans, but I could never get anyone to help me that was willing to risk the punishment.

She, in turn, regaled me with her own tales of childhood. She was much the same as I in many respects: She spent most of her life doing little but studying and practicing magic, and spent little time on friends.

She was fiddling with my knife for most of the conversation, grooming her finger nails and just otherwise fiddling with it. Human mannerisms she picked up from watching me, I guess, but it still seemed odd to me.

When she tried popping her knuckles, though, I spoke up: "I wouldn't bother trying that, lass. It takes a while to get them to do that."

"You seem to do it every five minutes."

"Yeah, and it took me a long time to be able to do that. And it's not really that healthy, anyway. I mean, it's not like it'll give you arthritis or anything, but it will start to make your hands feel sluggish and clammy unless you do it often, but that's only if you actually start doing it."

"Then why would any of your people start doing it?"

"Because you don't notice how sluggish and clammy your hands feel until you pop your knuckles and realize how much better they feel." I had no idea if that was true; I had been doing it for so long I don't remember what it felt like to not do it.

"Then why shouldn't I try doing it?"

"Because you're going to be losing your fingers soon enough anyway."

"And what makes you think I haven't decided to stay a human and keep you company?"

"Because you were a unicorn so long that by now being a human is driving you nearly insane due to the sheer oddness and distraction of it?" I know the opposite was definitely true of me. Being a pony felt wrong after being a human for so long.

"Yeah, that would be a pretty good reason."

I had been watching her the whole time, trying to determine why she looked so off. Talking about the hands is what got me to realize it. "You don't use your hands while talking! That's why you seem so odd to me."

She looked at me funny. "What?"

"When humans talk to each other, they use hand motions and the like when talking. You don't move your hands at all. It's… disquieting. You also don't touch your face at all; humans tend to do that several times a minute, automatically. No wonder you look so off to me."

"Now that you mention it, you do seem to be a considerably more animated pony than any I've seen before. I never really noticed what you were doing with your hands before, when you were talking. Most ponies rarely use any hoof gestures like that, so we don't get in a habit of noticing them as much. We run the risk of falling over, I guess."

We had a bit of a discussion on communication after that, and ended up just telling more stories until night fell again. It was a long day.

Day four, though, felt even bloody longer. Rainbow Dash felt it was her civic duty as the main pegasus in town to make sure I knew how to fly. With her was Fluttershy, seconded as a teacher for the day. Together, they formed a unified front that even I couldn't break. Seeing a serious Fluttershy is something that doesn't happen often, and it's rarely something anyone could stand against.

So I was dragged off to a secluded field somewhere out in nowhere. I think they did it more to avoid suspicion than to spare me any embarrassment.

"You realize, of course, that I'll soon be back as a human, right?" I tried arguing.

"Trust me, after you start flying, you'll forget all about wanting to be a human!" Rainbow Dash assured me.

"Oh yes, it's quite wonderful! Though I usually prefer the ground, some types of birds can only be found by going higher, and they're well worth the effort!" Fluttershy agreed.

"You're also aware that I only just recently learned how to even stretch my wings, right? Recently as in, two days ago. And then it was for little more but posing."

"I still can't believe you let Rarity dress you up like that. I would have loved to see it!" Rainbow Dash said. Women are sometimes immune to logic, I've found.

"Fluttershy was there. She didn't seem to think it was that odd."

"Oh yes, it was quite… nice," said with a slight blush. I really need to watch what I say. Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes.

"So, is the main trick here to just fall at the ground and miss? I never could master that as a human…" I ventured. Neither of them got the reference, unsurprisingly.

"No… The basic goal is to jump and start gently flapping, and hope you don't fall," Rainbow Dash said.

"How important is the hoping part of that?"

"It's usually the most important part," Fluttershy muttered. Comforting.

Rainbow Dash gave her a look. "The hoping part is mostly for beginners," she said, back to me. "I'm sure you'll be fine. Probably."

"Wait, how am I supposed to jump, again? As a human, I only had two legs to worry about."

"Man, you really don't know anything, do you?"

"I just got this bloody body, and I wasn't expecting to have to pass a flaming test with it. My basic plan was to walk around for a few days and then get turned back as soon as possible, and then drink until I forget this experience."

Rainbow Dash shuddered at that. "I can't believe you let Applejack keep any of that horrid stuff!"

"Well, as it turns out it was sort of useful against Trixie."

"You got a unicorn drunk?!"

"Hell no, I'm not stupid. That shit is flammable, and I tried to use that to help fight, though my plan didn't work that well. I could have gone about using it better, but spitting flames is a fucking awesome tactic to use against someone that isn't expecting it. Hurt me like a bitch, though."

"You… lit Trixie on fire?" Fluttershy asked, horrified.

"No, just some rope she tried to entangle me with." Twilight didn't want anyone to know what all happened at the castle, so I let the matter drop so there wouldn't be questions of why we didn't return with any of the alcohol.

In their place, though, were explanations of flight. Knowing she had to get me in the air as soon as possible to maximize what she believed as her chances to get me to stay a pegasus, Rainbow Dash only gave me the crash course in what I absolutely had to know, with Fluttershy filling in where needed. Apparently none of them had yet realized that there was absolutely zero chance of me remaining a pony. But whatever; if they wanted to keep being nice, that was on them.

My first actual attempt at flying went better than expected, but then I really wasn't expecting all that much. 'Better than expected' in this instance means that I was in the air for a few seconds before fluttering to the ground like an injured bird. I didn't die, which was the important part, nor did I burst into flames and explode, which I also considered a big bonus.

Of course, Rainbow Dash didn't much consider that an indicator of success, which shows how much she remembered of being a young flier. Fluttershy was considerably more forgiving, which I thought was nice. It didn't save me from having to try considerably harder the next time, though.

After several tries, I finally managed to actually stay in the air for a spell. I was doing fine, flitting hither and yon throughout the sky, when I ran into a cloud and freaked out.

Now, I had walked on clouds before, for the rodeo competition thing. I had even bent down and felt them; they're considerably less fluffy than you'd think, and were both cold and really, really wet.

But when I flew through one as a pegasus, it was very different. There was still a soft moistness about them, but they were considerably warmer, and they felt a lot more like… a pillow, I guess, is the best comparison, but I couldn't walk through a pillow. I guess a warm slushee is probably the best comparison I could make.

Anyway, I flew through it and completely lost my balance, and couldn't tell up from down. Thankfully, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were expecting that, and had positioned themselves to catch me when I got out of it.

"You could have bloody warned me, you know!"

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Rainbow Dash retorted.

"Besides, it's kind of funny seeing you so helpless!" Fluttershy added, quite out of character.

"Bah! You've seen it before, lass, both of you have."

"Yes, but not with you as a pony!" Rainbow Dash said.

"And that makes all the difference." Fluttershy finished for her.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were teaming up on me.

When I discovered that we were right over the lake that Rainbow Dash tried to drop me in right before she came up with the idea for the stupid sky rodeo, I realized they were teaming up on me. Of course, this time I was able to fly, and didn't have to trust my reflexes to haul me up their legs.

So when they dropped me, I managed to actually glide away, which was pretty neat and really did feel awesome. Almost awesome enough to make me wish I wasn't going to turn back into a human. The key word there, of course, was almost.

After that last impediment with the cloud, though, the day just went by as fast as you please. Flying really was an amazing experience, when you don't have to worry about losing your grip and falling to your death.

Day five dawned bright and early: Apple Bloom came by the library and asked me to come help her with something on the farm. She's a farm girl at heart, and her 'early in the morning' is my 'go-the-fuck-away-I'm-sleeping.'

But the only person in existence that can resist her puppy dog face of cuteness is Applejack. So I grabbed my cloak with a sigh and followed her out the door, trying to blink sleep from my eyes.

"I don't suppose we could stop for something to eat first?" I asked.

"No time!" she answered, skipping ahead and then looking back for me to catch up. I was just slowly plodding along. "Besides, there's plenty of food at the farm."

Right. Apples. I'm fucking tired of apples. I just kept on trudging forwards, not really paying attention to where I was going.

Thankfully, we made it to her little clubhouse without any problems. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were already there, looking about as enthusiastic as I felt.

"Apple Bloom, why am I awake so early?" I finally asked, somewhat dreading the answer.

"Because if we don't get started now, we'll never finish in time!" she answered.

"Start what and finish in time for what?" Scootaloo asked.

Sweetie Belle looked up to me, "She didn't tell you anything either?" I shrugged, noting how odd it felt to my pony body.

"Nav can't get his cutie mark, but that doesn't mean he can't help us get ours!" Apple Bloom said, sounding way too chipper. "He can help us modify his crazy human ideas to fit his new pony body, so we can try them out ourselves!"

I knew it was too early in the morning because she was making sense. Scootaloo turned to Sweetie Belle, "So is it possible to get a cutie mark in sleeping?"

I turned my neck around to check under my cloak, then turned back. "Nope, I'm still clean," I said.

Apple Bloom huffed. "This isn't helping! We need to get planning!"

"Okay," I said. "Uh… Have you tried… I don't know, fucking potion making or something?" They all went pale at that. "Right, I forgot what you did to your teacher." They looked at each other a bit awkwardly. "Wait, did you guys do something else with potions?"

"Let's… let's not talk about that," Apple Bloom said, losing some of her chipperness.

"What about writing?"

They looked at each other again with a similar expression.

"We uh… we tried that," Applebloom finally said as they all turned back to me.

I shook my head. "What about you, Sweetie Belle? Can't you do magic or something?"

She blushed slightly. "I never had any real training… And sis refuses to teach me." Understandable.

"What about blacksmithing? Or wood crafting? Or anything along that nature?"

They all perked up at that. "Blacksmithing?" Apple Bloom asked with a smile. "Why, we never even thought about that!" The other two started getting excited looks.

Wait… Blacksmithing uses very, very hot metal. These three fillies are prime fuckups when it comes to stuff like that. I tried saying, "On second that, that might not be such a good idea."

They weren't listening. I was barely able to keep up with them as they ran into town, looking for the smithy.

You know, I had never noticed a smithy in Ponyville. It's not that big of a place, though the size seems to fluctuate randomly for some reason no one can explain. But logic doesn't have to work in this place, so they found a smithy where the day before I'm pretty sure there was a post office.

It was… bad. Not bad in that someone got hurt, but… bad.

So were my next several suggestions.

And there were no cutie marks, of course.

Pinkie Pie found us while we were heading back to the club house thing. We all looked dispirited, them from failure and me from being tired. "What's wrong?" she asked. "You should be smiling! Just think, Nav! You're finally normal!"

Oh yeah, that made me feel great. "I'm tired, Pinkie," I answered. "Apple Bloom woke me up early to help them. It isn't going well."

She got an expression on her face that I have long since come to dread: "I have an idea!" she shouted, drawing the gaze of several nearby ponies. They shifted their gaze awkwardly when they realized it was Pinkie. She grabbed the girls and took them a little ways from me, whispering to them in excited tones. I saw them looking back at me every now and then.

I had a bad feeling.

When they finally broke up, the three girls broke off and ran ahead. Pinkie Pie fell into step beside me. I saw a chance and I tried to lunge at it, "Well, if you want to take over for me, I'll happily go on home."

She was wearing a smile that I could only describe as scarily innocent. "Nonsense, Nav! I'm sure between the two of us we can think of a few more things to help them with!"

"My brain is pretty fried right now, Pinkie. I'm barely able to lift one foot in front of the other. I don't even know if that phrase works, now that I'm a bloody pony…"

"Oh come on, I know it isn't that bad! I quite like being a pony! I mean, I've never tried being anything else, but if I did I'm sure I would prefer being a pony."

"And I'd prefer to be a human. And soon, I will be, thank God."

"You mean, thank Celestia?" she asked, looking at me funny.

I thought for a second. "Her too, I guess," I finally said. "So what did you tell the girls?"

"Oh, they're planning a bit of a surprise for you," she answered. I really didn't like the sound of that. But… it's Pinkie Pie. She would never hurt anyone.

That said, you'd be surprised what you can live through. Or what you'd want to live through.

She kept up some inane chatter on the way down to the farm. We were about a quarter of the way there—all the way out of town—when I found myself hanging in the air. "What the fuck?" I asked, too surprised to be scared. I was in a net, I saw, hanging upside down.

The three girls jumped out of a nearby bush. "We got him!" they shouted. They then checked their flanks to find nothing.

"Well, maybe next time, girls," Pinkie said, ruffling each of their manes. "Now you go ahead and run along. Nav is really tired, and he needs some rest."

"Shouldn't we let him down?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Yes, I think you should," I answered.

"No, no, I'll take care of it girls," Pinkie Pie answered. "No reason to waste time when you could be Crusading!"

They ran off, discussing their next plot.

"So…" I said, balled up in an uncomfortable position.

Pinkie Pie made sure they were out of earshot. "Now I'm going to teach you some more dances!" she said with a happy tone. She started looking for the release on the net. "There we go!" I hit the ground with a painful thud. The net stayed closed around me, preventing any manner of escape.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to move very much until you let me go, Pinkie," I said.

"I'll let you out when we get where we're going, Nav. I don't suppose you could close your eyes? It'll make your surprise so much more surprising!" She grabbed the rope at the top of the net and started dragging me back to town.

"I'm pretty sure all the ponies in town are going to question you dragging me back in a net, Pinkie," I said.

She spit the rope out for a second. "I have a plan!" she said, posing dramatically. I waited patiently for her to explain some of it, but she just picked the rope up again.

"So why do I have to be in a net if you're going to teach me how to dance?" I finally asked.

She spit the rope out again. "Less questions, more not-talking," she answered, grabbing the rope again. I sighed.

She stopped just outside of town, in front of a cloaked and hooded figure, a pile of something at its feet. "About time," the figure hissed.

"He's heavy!" Pinkie answered in her normal, cheerful tone.

"Pinkie, what does this have to do with dancing?" I asked. "Unless you're going to hide me in your basement or something to make sure I have no choice but to dance, at least."

The hooded figure jerked back. "You didn't gag him?" she whispered. Rarity?

"Alright, what the fuck is going on?" I asked. "If one of you doesn't start telling me what's happening, I'm going to start screaming for help."

Rarity answered, "You did say you didn't want to be in any position you couldn't talk your away out of…" I saw a glow in her hood and something from the pile jumped out and shot at me. Before I could do anything, it slipped through the net and surrounded my mouth.

I looked down at it and then back up. "You don't know how to tie a gag, do you?" I asked, clearly understandable.

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Silly Rarity, that's now how you do it!" She grabbed a hunk of cloth from the pile and wadded it up.

"See, Pinkie Pie has the right idea," I said. "Thankfully, she isn't going to do anything with her idea. Because she's a good friend, and wouldn't want to do anything to me that would require keeping me silent. Right, Pinkie?"

"We're just helping you with a problem, Nav!" Pinkie cheerfully said. Rarity's horn glowed again and the gag slipped down, my mouth squeezed open, and the wad of cloth shot inside. The gag silently slipped back into place.

I did my best to say, "You bitch," but it didn't work very well.

"See, Rarity?" Pinkie Pie said. "Much better!" Yeah, I really don't like where this is going.

"Quite," she answered. "Now let's get him covered up." The rest of the pile drifted over to cover me. Before long I couldn't see anything and I could barely hear anything. The dragging continued soon after.

I just got fucking ponynapped.

(Sex is right around the corner. If you don't want to read it, ctrl+f this phrase: Sex is over)

When they finally removed all the stuff over me, I found I was in an ill-used storage room in Rarity's shop. The entire place had the whole 'recently cleaned' feel to it, and was lit only by candles. Rarity and Pinkie Pie stood over me, probably debating in their minds what to do now.

Rarity finally spoke up, "Now Navarone, that door over there is locked." I looked and saw the only door out. I couldn't tell if she was telling the truth. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I'm going to take the gag off now, and if you start yelling I'm going to assume you want to do it the hard way."

I glared back. She nodded once and removed the gag. "Let me go," I said.

"We will, silly!" Pinkie Pie answered. "Just not right now."

"Would it help if I said please?" I asked.

"Nope!"

"Will you at least let me out of this fucking net?" I asked, trying to stretch.

"I don't know, Nav," Rarity said coyly. "What will you give us in return?"

Oh. OH SHIT! Fuck that. Absolutely fuck that!

I think they saw the look on my face and realized I finally figured it out. I did my best to inch away from them, but only managed in looking pathetic.

"Like I said, Nav: I'm going to teach you some more dances!"

"You crazy bitch! Stay away from me!"

"I don't think he likes our little idea, Pinkie," Rarity sighed. "Well, that's what magic is for."

"There is no magic in the world that would make me ever want to fuck a horse," I answered, grimacing in disgust at the very idea.

"You seemed pretty… keen… on the idea a few nights ago," Rarity answered with a small smile. "I could just remove that spell from you."

"But Rarity, neither of us a—" Pinkie managed before being shushed by Rarity.

I smiled. "So you remove the pheromone blocker and I break your door down looking for the mare in heat. I imagine that would be fun to explain."

Rarity blushed. "There are… other ways. But really, Navarone! Surely we can be civil about this!"

"I am in a net. I am on the floor. You two are talking about raping me. How is this at all civil for you?"

"He does have a bit of a point, Rarity…" Pinkie whispered.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine! I don't know why you're so reluctant when we're doing this for you, but don't say I didn't give you the chance. I had Twilight teach me this little spell… Pinkie dear, turn around, would you?"

Despite myself, I couldn't help but watch. I knew I shouldn't, but… Rarity's horn spit out little heart shapes that hit Pinkie Pie and just absorbed into her. For a moment, nothing happened. In fact, nothing seemed to be happening at all.

Until I started struggling. My vision started distorting. And I started getting images of Pinkie Pie in my mind. "Must… have!" I roared, forcing myself into a standing position, net be damned. Pinkie Pie turned her head around for a moment to see me and she apparently saw something she wasn't too pleased with.

"Rarity, are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked, turning her head to Rarity, who was doing her best to not look at Pinkie. I was still struggling to break free of the cursed net to get to my beloved.

"I've never seen this spell used like this," Rarity answered. "But what's the worst that could happen?" With that, she used her magic to open the net to let me out.

I was on Pinkie before either could say anything. I don't even remember when I started feeling aroused; my mind was pretty much fucking gone, consumed by the need for Pinkie Pie.

I was suddenly mounted on her and her tail jumped out of the way. I completely hilted her with my throbbing stallionhood. I don't know how I hilted her, given my body wasn't designed for that, but this universe doesn't care about logic. She let out of a yelp of either surprise or pain; I couldn't tell and didn't care. Pain or surprise, I know it quickly turned to pleasure as I started pumping in and out of her. I did my best to get my entire body as close to hers as possible, forcing her front legs to lower under the weight.

"Rarity," she moaned, "I don't think it worked right!" I barely heard her, my mind was pumping so hard. All of my rational processes were shut down and I barely had any cognitive abilities. My entire being was consumed down to fucking this mare.

And fuck her I did. Despite her words, Pinkie Pie quickly matched my pumping rhythm, and her moans reached a crescendo not five minutes after I began. With an incredibly cute moan to finish off the lot, she came quite messily all over me. I was getting coated with mare juices, but I couldn't stop.

I kept going, thrusting in and out of her at a rate that by all rights should have made me cum not a few seconds after I started. That said, my mind was so far gone I couldn't even feel pleasure. I just knew that I absolutely had to take this mare and keep doing it until I dropped.

I don't know how long I was at it. Not ten minutes after we started Pinkie Pie was begging Rarity to end it, moaning with pleasure about how sensitive she was feeling.

About fifteen minutes after we started, Rarity left the room for about twenty minutes. When she came back, Pinkie Pie was nearly crying from the pleasure. "Pl-pl-please! Make it s-s-stop!" she cried, shaking from her latest orgasm. They were still coming every few minutes, and at that point the only reason she was still on her feet was because I was impaling her and keeping her up.

Rarity put a coy little smile on her face. "Now how did that reverse spell go?" she asked aloud. "Hm, I think I need to go ask Twilight! I'll be right ba-a-a-ck!" she sang, leaving the room again.

Pinkie Pie's front legs gave out, giving me a better angle. I went at it with renewed vigor, hitting even more of her hotspots. Pinkie's moans started going up again, though she was trying to bury her head in the floor.

Rarity came back in ten minutes later, humming a little song. She found Pinkie Pie in tears. "Anything!" she weakly moaned. "Just ma-a-a-ke it sto-o-o-op!"

"Oh, fine! Be that way!" Rarity said. Her horn glowed again.

I woke up.

I woke up fucking a horse.

What. The. Fuck.

I pushed myself away, wings spreading fully to give me more speed. When I pulled out Pinkie Pie just dropped, sprawling on the floor. I was still scrambling away when the pain started to hit me.

I groaned, huddling into a fetal position and holding my crotch. "What. Just. Happened?" I finally managed to force out. Rarity was looking at us both with a sweet little smile.

"You just learned why you never want to do things the hard way!" she said, beaming.

"If you don't tell me what the fuck you did," I said, "I am going to get up, kick your door in, tell Twilight you just raped me, and get your ass arrested. From the looks of Pinkie Pie, she'll side with me."

Pinkie Pie was not looking well at all. Aside from a very contented smile, she looked pretty much broken.

Rarity gave me a small laugh. "I don't think you could stand up, let alone kick a door in. But if you insist… It's a little spell Twilight taught me called the need it/want it. I've always wanted to test it on a stallion. I guess it works."

"Yes," I answered, "I bet it's hard for you to pick up guys when you grab them with a net. No wonder Blueblood was so accommodating." That was a low blow and I knew it.

She gave me a very icy stare. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Navarone. Now, I think you and Pinkie could use some rest."

She walked over to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Nav," she said with a smile. She turned to Pinkie, "If you need anything, dear, just call."

Pinkie Pie lightly moaned in response. Rarity left, making sure we could hear the lock turning behind her. I closed my eyes, trying to think about how I could get out of this. Yelling would just draw Rarity and might make Pinkie Pie get up. Fighting wouldn't work, because they all know these bodies better than I do. That bitch didn't even let me cum, I thought for some disturbing reason. Why would I want to cum in a pony? I shuddered at the thought, and twisted my body around on the floor so that I wouldn't be looking at Pinkie, or be able to see her if I opened my eyes. I wrapped myself as best as I could in the cloak.

I don't know if I fell asleep or if I just zoned so far out I was gone. I just know that a few hours later I felt something touch my shoulder. I jumped, pushing myself to the wall to escape it. The candles had mostly burned low at that point, leaving the light in the room less than ideal for seeing.

"It's just me, silly!" Pinkie Pie whispered.

"That's what I'm worried about!" I yelled. "Stay away from me!"

She took another step closer to me.

"I swear to God, if you take one more step I am going to figure out how to use my hooves as weapons!" She stopped, giving me a concerned look. I sagged against the wall.

"What's wrong, Nav?" she asked. "You should be happy! That was the whole point…"

"If you thought this would make me happy, you are fucked in the head. You get that door open so I can leave, and we'll talk. Otherwise, you go to your corner and I'll stay in mine."

She looked like she was about to cry. I was beyond caring. I just pointed at the other side of the room.

She looked over there, and then back at me. "Nav, I normally don't sleep alone… I have either Gummy or a teddy bear to snuggle with," she told me in the saddest voice I've ever heard. Gummy is her pet alligator; it has no teeth.

"That's nice," I answered, keeping my arm pointed away from me.

"My dreams," she said, losing a tear, "They're so scary… I can't even laugh at them, Nav!"

"Welcome to my life," I said. "I live in a world where barn animals rule everything and I'm the outcast. I am completely defenseless against magic and ponies with wings. I am slower than ponies, weaker than ponies, and they outnumber me. The only thing stopping them from doing whatever they want to me is themselves. And apparently that kindness just ran out. So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for you."

She looked absolutely crestfallen. "It's not so bad, Nav," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "None of us would ever hurt you!"

"No. No, you shut the fuck up. You can try to rationalize it all you want, but what you just did to me was wrong. It doesn't matter if it hurt me or not. I could see Rarity maybe doing this for herself. I could see a few other ponies doing this. But I never expected Pinkie Pie to do something like this. So you can shut up and go over there. I'm done."

I sank down to the floor, my back to the wall. Pinkie Pie was in full tear mode now, crying for all she was worth. That just does not seem fair to me: The guy gets raped and the girl still ends up crying. She eventually went to her corner. I finally fell asleep.

I don't know what time I finally woke up. The candles were fully out and there were no windows in the room. What little light I could see was coming from under the door. I could hear Pinkie Pie breathing erratically, so I knew I wasn't alone. I didn't get up from where I was, since there wasn't anything here that would help me escape and I didn't want to risk waking Pinkie up.

I was lying there for about an hour before Pinkie Pie stirred. I heard her moan and mutter occasionally; I suppose what she said about her dreams was true. She awoke with a start, thumping her hooves against the floor. "Where am I?" she whispered. I didn't answer. "N-Nav? Are you there?"

I sighed. "Yes," I said with no enthusiasm.

Before I knew what was happening she was at my side, trying to hug me. "It was so dark…" she whispered, holding me tightly.

"Pinkie Pie, let me go," I said wearily. I didn't think she was going to try anything, but I wasn't going to find out.

She didn't move.

"Pinkie Pie?" I asked. I realized she was silently crying, her face buried in my coat. What the fuck? The night before… I was angry then, and understandably so. She was crying because she realized what she did was wrong. Now… Now she's crying because she's scared. Why does that make it different?

I wrapped my front legs around her, holding her.

We were like that for a little while. Finally, her arms started going slack. "Nav?" she said quietly.

"What, Pinkie?"

"I'm sorry… I didn't think this was going to make you mad. We just wanted to show you what you would be missing out on."

"When I was fucking you, I didn't feel anything, Pinkie. I don't even know if it felt good. When I was released, it hurt pretty badly."

She was silent for a little while. Finally, she said, "I could make it feel better…"

"If you start touching me like that I'm going to send you back to your corner. I'm holding you because you're scared, and for no other reason."

She sighed. "You're so uptight, Nav. If it feels good, how can it be wrong? I know you don't see ponies that way, but if you're going to be living in Ponyville that means you're going to be living alone."

I was silent for a while. I know what she said was true. And I know in the end I would probably give in and try dating a mare. But… "It's all about choice, Pinkie. I didn't want this. And it was forced on me in the worst way possible. There are a few things I am actually terrified of, and you utilized three of them to get me to have sex with you."

She giggled a bit at that. "You? Afraid? Come on, Nav."

"I'm serious, Pinkie. I'm afraid of being constricted or tied, and you had me in a net. I'm afraid of having my mind altered too much, and Rarity did something that made me want you. And I'm afraid of having magic used against me."

"Then I guess you'll play nice when it's Rarity's turn?" she asked cheerfully.

I removed my arms. "Get the hell away from me." She looked up, hurt. "After everything I said, you're still going to let her do that to me?"

"I made a Pinkie Promise!"

"Your morals are worth more than promises. If you know something is wrong, you shouldn't do it no matter what you said."

"But if I don't keep my promises, what are my morals really worth?"

"If you don't let me go and get away from me, I'm going to start hurting you," I answered.

"You can't solve all of your problems with violence, Nav!" She let me go, though. I heard her walking to the door. She hit it a few times with one of her hooves. "RARITY!" I felt my stomach start to sink.

Not a minute later I heard a key turn in the door. Light flooded into the room, making us both blink.

I made a beeline for the door, bowling past Pinkie. I made it into the main room of the shop before I felt myself unable to move.

"Can't… hold… him… long!" I heard Rarity saying. Her voice was heavy with stress.

"Don't worry, Rarity!" Pinkie sang out, throwing the net back over me. All of my hopes died right there. She gently dragged me back into the room. Rarity lit the candles back, or replaced them. I wasn't really paying attention. "Now Navarone, I thought we had an agreement!" Pinkie said when we were all locked in the room again.

"We most certainly did not," I answered. "I told you how bad this made me feel and you said you were going to help Rarity anyway. That pretty much cut off any manner of deal I was willing to make with you."

"Navarone, you really shouldn't be so bitter about this!" Rarity said, shaking her head slightly and smiling. "It's just sex! What kind of stallion are you?"

"I'm not a stallion," I said. "That's the problem."

"You sure look like one to me," Rarity answered.

I gave Pinkie Pie a very, very sad look, the saddest I've come up with since I got here. She refused to meet my gaze.

"Rarity," she said, "Can I… talk to you, outside?"

Rarity looked up from me. "Certainly, darling." She looked back to me. "Now Nav, I'm going to let you out of that net. Be a good colt and don't try to run away. Let's try to do this the easy way today."

Her horn glowed for a second and the net slipped off me. I stiffly stood, glaring at her.

"Much better!" she said. "Now let's go, Pinkie. We'll be right back, Nav!" Rarity opened the door and they left. I noticed that Pinkie Pie was walking funny and I couldn't hold back a dirty grin. I was tempted to make a break for it again, but why bother if I would just get dragged back? No reason to make things worse. Pinkie gave me a sad look before the door closed and locked again behind them.

I looked around the room to try to find anything I could use to help me escape. The net was on the floor. Rarity took the bits of cloth they used to hide me out with her last night. There were candles on a few little tables. I still had my cloak.

Burning the cloak would make a lot of smoke and I might be able to use it to burn the walls. But that doesn't mean I'd get free; I might burn alive instead. The ensuing damage would likely wreck Rarity's shop, though I didn't really care at that point.

If I could figure out how to hold things like ponies do, I might be able to trap Pinkie with the net and make a break for it. Or hit Pinkie with the net and block Rarity's vision with my cloak.

Try as I might, though, I just couldn't grab anything. How the fuck do ponies do this shit? I had been trying all week to figure it out, to no avail. I tried kicking at the net a few times. Nothing happened.

I knew that if I had had more time with this body I could have overpowered them both easily, but as it was I had just enough coordination to walk and fly. Fighting or kicking would end up with me on the floor.

I was still contemplating when Rarity came back in with a glowing horn. She had two bits of cloth. "Since you seem to have talked plenty of doubt into Pinkie Pie's mind, I'm sure you can understand my need to keep you silent," she said.

"I would prefer it if you didn't do that," I answered.

"What is wrong with you, Nav?" she asked. "It feels good! For you and for us. Is that really so bad?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but her horn glowed brighter and she used the opening to shove the cloth in. Before I could do anything else she had the other wrapped tightly around my face.

She shook her head sadly. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to just give me what I want?" I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes. Nod your head for the easy way, shake it for the hard way, I suppose."

I flicked my eyes to see Pinkie Pie at the door, her face a mixture of guilt and her usual cheeriness. If I tried to run she would block me.

I hung my head.

"Much better!" Rarity merrily said. "Now, I know you won't be able to give me quite the same show you gave Pinkie Pie, but I trust you'll do your best. Pinkie, be a dear and get the door, would you?"

"I… I don't think I want to watch this, Rarity," she answered in a whisper.

"Nonsense! He might try to overpower me, and I don't know if I could stop him alone." When I turn human again I am going to fuck you up. And not in the way that you'll enjoy.

Rarity and Pinkie had a stare down of sorts. Pinkie very, very slowly stepped in the room and pulled the door shut behind her. I could see her hair seem to deflate with every jerky motion she made. When the door was locked, she sat on the floor and refused to look at either of us.

Rarity turned to me. "Now, Nav… Where were we?"

You were letting me go, I think.

She smiled. "Oh, yes, the fun part!" She turned around. "Do be gentle, stud! I saw what you did to Pinkie, and… Well, I'm just not that kind of mare!" She giggled, swishing her tail aside.

I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer. I knew I had to do this, like it or not, or they'd take it with magic. Or starve me until I give them what they want.

It's just sex. It's just sex. It's just… I opened my eyes, seeing her marehood. It's. Just. Sex.

I mounted that whore.

I gave myself a moment to adjust and to think of something to get me hard. My dick still hurt from the merciless pounding I gave Pinkie, but by God if I was going to get raped I would give this bitch a story to brag about. 'Oh yes, girls, he was absolutely divine! Just threaten him with magic and he'll melt in your hands!'

On second thought…

No. No second thoughts.

I slammed into that bitch. Hilted her as best I could. She let out a sharp yelp, letting it ring off the barren walls. Pinkie Pie flinched.

I slowly let her walls adjust to me. Rarity was taking in short breaths, breathing in and out quickly and shallowly. I waited until some of the tightness receded before gently pulling most of the way back out. Look, man, I had no idea what I was doing; everything I had done to Pinkie Pie the night before was raw instinct. Trying to do that here would end this just as soon as it began. I don't imagine I would get off the hook that easily.

But when I started pumping in and out of Rarity, I noticed something odd: I could barely feel anything at all. I knew I was inside of her; her moans and the gentle strand of mare juice running down my shaft were testament to that. But for some reason, it was like the head of my cock was partially numb. Fucking circumcision.

I slowly pushed in and out of her, unable to stop for fear of punishment and unwilling to give her too much for fear of forced repeat performance. That is, until… "Faster, Nav!" she commanded.

I closed my eyes. What the fuck did I do in a past life? I started picking up the pace. Rarity's moans were slowly increasing as well. I noticed Pinkie Pie shaking slightly, trying not to look at us but unable to turn her gaze. This is your fault, you bitch. You watch this. You watch this and know how you made me suffer.

Despite my nearly numb dick, I felt myself pretty near climax disturbingly quickly. We had barely been going for five minutes, but Rarity was squeezing me like a professional whore, which I was beginning to think she actually was.

I think Rarity noticed my increased speed as I came closer and closer. "Not so fast, Nav!" she said. I slowed down. She giggled. "Not quite what I meant, but I love that you're so pliable now!" I saw her horn start to glow and I felt a vice around the base of my shaft. "You aren't allowed to cum until Mistress Rarity cums."

I think my groan could be heard through the gag. I heard Pinkie gasp, "M-m-mistress…" I think she was crying; her breaths were starting to come in short gasps, and she was still shaking.

"Don't worry, Nav," Rarity said. "I'll let you—oooh, keep doing that!—I'll let you cum all you want. But only when I—" A much deeper moan escaped her lips. "Whatever you just did, do it again!" What does it take to make you shut up?

I shifted, making sure I hit that exact spot every thrust. Her moans increased in volume and speed, until it seemed every noise she made was one of pleasure. Jesus, even with a dick in her hitting all the right places she just won't. Shut. Up!

I punctuated that thought in my mind by a few sharp, quick thrusts against that 'special spot' she seemed to love. "Dear sweet Celestia!" she screamed, coating the entire length of my cock with her juices and squirting a god awful mess all over my back legs. You owe me a shower. And a lot of therapy.

Her front legs gave out, and when she fell to the floor her spell over my dick died off. I came inside her, giving her nice pink insides of taste of what they did to my legs.

I heard Pinkie moaning next to the door and I finally turned my head to actually look at her.

What is she… Wait. Her hoof was very close to her… It was very wet…

She was fucking masturbating.

Nope.

Just nope.

I slid myself out of Rarity and didn't even notice as her back legs flopped to the floor and my cum started pooling out her. I walked right up to the wall and immediately lay down in the fetal position right next to it, making sure I couldn't see either of the two ponies.

I'm not moving from this spot until this gag is removed and that door is opened.

Speaking of the gag… I gently raised a hoof to my face, trying to peel the thing off or push it off or whatever. I couldn't get a grasp on it. I let it sit there and closed my eyes. There's nothing I want to say to either of these fuckers anyway. Aside from go to hell.

I heard Pinkie let off a final moan and she stopped with a gentle sigh. I heard her stand and I heard the gentle clopping sound of a pony moving. She moved over to Rarity and giggled. "You may not be a mare like Pinkie Pie," she said, still giggling, "but you're definitely a cream pie now!"

"Pinkie," Rarity moaned, "that was entirely crude, borderline rude, and… incredibly accurate. What Nav lacks in technique he makes up for in brute force!" I heard her give off a sigh and her voice grew louder. "Well Nav, up for round two?"

I heard Pinkie laugh again. "I think he's out for the count, Rarity!" She trotted up to me and poked me. I didn't move. "I think he's sleeping!"

Rarity giggled. "Well, after his little performance I think he deserves a rest. Come on, Pinkie." She slowly stood to her feet. I heard what sounded like a little splash and she gasped. "We can clean this mess up later," she said, moaning slightly. "Let's go get a reward for our good friend here. Right after a little bath for ourselves."

I heard one set of hooves trot over the door and I heard it open. "Coming, dear?" Rarity asked.

"Just a minute!" Pinkie trotted over to me and leaned over to my ear. She whispered, "I'm so sorry, Nav…" She straightened up and walked over to the door. She cheerily said, "See you soon!"

The door pulled shut behind her. I heard it lock again.

So there was going to be a round two. I should have just let them starve me out; at least then I would have given up with dignity.

I was on the floor in the fetal position for over an hour. I heard the door being opened again.

I didn't move.

I heard a sloshing sound and then something heavy hitting the floor. "Wakey wakey!" Pinkie said, coming over to me.

I didn't move.

I heard Rarity sigh. "Nav, you're heavy. Please don't make me lift you with magic."

I didn't move.

A moment later I was sitting in a tub of warm water. Rarity was looking at me with the look a mother would give a child that refused to behave. "Now Navarone, just because I refused to let you cum first is no reason to act so rude!"

I looked at her. I looked at her. I made sure she saw what I wanted her to see.

She broke her gaze, shrinking away from me and giggling nervously. "Well, Pinkie volunteered to help you bathe, so I'll just run along and get our other little present…" I watched her as she walked back to the door. I noticed she was also walking funny.

When she got to the door, she looked back and saw me looking at her. She lowered her eyes and bit her lower lip. "Nav, I…" She stopped. She looked up again. I was still just looking at her, mouth bound. She dropped her gaze and slowly closed the door.

I leaned back in the large tub. I noticed Pinkie staring at me. I looked back. She smiled. I didn't. She made a funny face. I stared at her. She made more funny faces. I didn't respond. She told a joke. Nothing.

She sighed. "Nav, I did my best. I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"

I didn't respond. How the fuck could I with my mouth still gagged?

"I know you saw me doing… well, myself." She giggled slightly. "I tried to not enjoy it, but…" She smiled dreamily, giving me a half-lidded stare. "Well, you are really, really handsome as a stallion. And Rarity is so gorgeous… I couldn't just let the moment go to waste…"

I felt disgusted. Raped—twice—and used again for a rapist's personal needs.

I looked down into the water, unable to look at Pinkie anymore.

"I know you're mad, Nav, but—" I looked up, giving her a glare that somehow had enough force into it to cause her to flinch back about a foot.

Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm disappointed, disgusted, used, and tired.

I don't think she could look away from my glare if she tried. We were like that for two minutes, me sitting in a tub of warm, bubbly water and her sitting on the floor, looking like she was about to cry.

The door opened again. I didn't move. Pinkie couldn't move. I heard a familiar voice say, "Oh, there you are Nav!" I turned my head very slowly, transferring my glare to this new target. It was Spike. He saw my look and flinched back. "Jeez dude, what happened to you? Twilight and I were wondering where you were last night!"

I slowly stood up and got out of the tub, water cascading from my legs. I walked towards him. Pinkie whispered, "Nav…"

I whipped my head back and glared that bitch down again. She flinched, looking down. I turned back to Spike, letting my look return to relative normality. I walked up to him and lowered my head. He removed the gag, a questioning look on his face. I opened my mouth a bit and after a moment's hesitation he removed the wad. He dropped it with a disgusted sound.

"Thank you," I said, my voice somewhat dry. "What are you doing here?"

"Rarity had me working on something while she was busy with errands."

She used me.

She used me while Spike was a few rooms over.

She used me while my friend—who has a crush on her—was a loud scream of help away.

I heard Pinkie Pie start to cry softly.

I looked at Spike. "I'll see you in a few hours," I said.

"Uh, what's wrong with Pinkie?" he asked, looking at her.

I gently pushed him back beyond the door. "You know Pinkie," I said, turning to face her. "She always hates to see a friend walk away with a frown." I saw her hair completely deflate as I pushed the door shut. Spike looked at me with confusion. I left the shop and returned to the library and went straight to my bed, still dripping water.

(Sex is over. The regular story begins again now.)

Day seven was pretty chill, after I got away from the traumatic events of day five and six. And, even better, it was the day Celestia predicted she would be able to change me and Twilight back. I was definitely in a hurry to be changed back, at that point.

Seriously, days five and six… Never mind.

Anyway, I was locked in Twilight's tree house waiting for Celestia to arrive for about half the bloody day. To have gained wings only to have them unusable was sad, but I was really, really looking forward to having fingers again. And the ability to hold a knife and the nimbleness to avoid nets.

I really need to stop thinking about those two days…

But when Celestia finally arrived, I was put on hold for another bloody hour while she talked to Twilight. Twilight, mind, was not—she was fixed as soon as she closeted herself in with Celestia. Probably discussing what happened with Trixie, or more ways to make me suffer. It still wasn't a reason to make me wait, though. Unless it was the extra suffering thing, I suppose.

When I finally did get a chance to speak with the Princess, though, it did make up a bit for the wait.

"So, Navarone, I heard you had an eventful week," was the first thing she said to me.

"The first part was pretty good. I was still a human, got to travel, see new places. After that, though, it started to go downhill. I got to help torch an old castle that was full of bodies and bad memories, which was a plus. Oh, and I was turned into a pegasus for a week, which really, really sucked. I was forced into dancing lessons, modeling, flying lessons, and if I told you about yesterday and the day before you'd be obligated to arrest a few ponies. Though I've heard tell you had an interesting week yourself."

"What was that part about arresting ponies?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Please, tell me what was so important that I was forced to live like… this."

"Somepony took it upon his or her self to… torch… an old landmark, where, upon examination, several bodies of various animals and a single pony were found. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"Sorry, I don't speak English."

"I figured. Don't worry, Twilight already told me the tale. I wish I had known a week in ago, then I wouldn't have wasted my—and your—time on it. If you run into this Trixie again, bring her to me. Do not harm her any more than you have to. Now, I really must insist you tell me about those ponies that I should be arresting."

"It's… nothing. If you can turn me back into a human today, I will not care one bit about what happened this bloody week." I noticed the clothes Twilight was wearing before she was restored—my clothes, mind—were on a nearby table.

"That is, of course, your choice, Navarone. If you really want me to turn you back into a human, I will. I cannot, however, promise that it will work all the way."

"…What?"

"Your wings. You might still have wings as a human, if I turn you back."

"That's… retarded. Why the devil would I still have bloody wings? I'm no angel, lass."

"Because what happened to you, as Twilight described it, was a complete accident. It was the result of two out-of-control spheres of magic combining and shooting out a… sphere of chaos might be the best term. Essentially, the two spells combined effects in a way that is completely unpredictable. Twilight was turned into a human, but kept her horn—which was a really, really odd coincidence, given the range of things that could have happened, though maybe you and her close proximity did something about that. You were given wings and turned into a pony, which might or might not technically be a pegasus. The meat of it is, though, that there's a good chance you'll keep your wings. Twilight kept her horn as a human, and when Luna showed me her human form she had both a horn and wings."

"Alright, I'm going to need a lot of alcohol and some bolt cutters."

"I refuse to let you destroy your body like that! Why would you even think about doing that?"

"I was joking, lass…" God, but that would hurt. "I just really, really don't like the idea of having bloody wings as a human. How am I going to put on a shirt?"

"You have the option of remaining as a pegasus. I'm sure Luna would be happy about that."

"No!" I said, a bit too fast. "No," I said, calmer. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about the last few days? Or is the idea of being with Luna really that bad?"

"Let's just say that the protection I get with Luna is looking better all the time." Which could mean a lot.

"I see." Thankfully, she probably didn't. "Then hold still, and hope for the best."

With that, my brief foray as a pony was over. And my lifetime as a bloody mutant began.

"So you're sure there's no way to get rid of these wings?" I asked, flexing them slowly as I put on my pants. I'm not going to lie, if I was ever given any two powers back home, I would pick time control and wings without a second thought. But when you actually have them, you realize how truly inconvenient they are—wings, not time control. Not as much for a pony, mind, but they are for a human. Sleeping would be a pain, since I'd have to stay on my stomach or tie them to my back so I don't bend them. Sitting down would be a pain, if I sat with my back to anything. As I mentioned before, putting a shirt on was going to be a bitch. If I could ever bring myself to face Rarity again, I could try to commission a jacket or a hoodie that has an open back and a zip-up or button up front.

At least it was still warm out. I had a while before I actually needed to start wearing shirts. Hell, it's not like anyone here would care if I was indecently exposed. Not many of them bother to wear clothes either.

"None that I can think of."

"Before, I could have returned home, even at a big risk. Now, though, I truly am stuck here. There is no way in hell I will be able to avoid a government lab like this."

"Do you really consider that so bad?"

"No. Not really… Not as long as I'm a human, at least. If I'm going to turn back into a pony, I will be wearing some kind of hideous mask the entire time."

"I'm really curious as to how your week went."

"I can imagine." She wanted to ask, I could tell. I wanted discuss it, she could tell. But we both knew the other would never admit to it, and so it went unsaid.

So instead, she said, "Luna has been asking about you."

I repeated myself: "I can imagine."

"She really wanted to see you as a pony. I think she's going to be disappointed about your decision to change back."

"Well, she has the magic to change me at her will, when she gets out. We can… discuss it, then."

"She asked for any messages you might have had."

I started to shake my head, then got an idea. I checked my pockets and pulled out the empty zippo lighter I had. "Here, give her this. It's pretty much useless now, but I don't guess she has to know that."

"What… does it do?"

"Sets fires. It got plenty of use recently."

"And why should I give her something that can create such destruction?"

"For one, it's about empty right now, so I don't think it'll be making any fires. For another, it would be hard to operate without thumbs. And finally, if she asks what it means, I guess make some crap up about how it symbolizes the fire of my passion or something."

"You're so romantic, Nav," she said rather dryly.

"Yeah, just don't mention that it happens to be empty."

She smiled. "From what I can tell of Luna's mood, you might need that fakery. It has only been a month, admittedly, but she seems completely smitten with you. I suggest very highly against doing anything to make her jealous or mad right now. It would not end very well for you or the target of her jealousy."

"I'll… do my best," I said, suddenly feeling somewhat weak.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nay, lass… Just thinking, is all." What are the chances they'll speak up? Improbable, I hope.

"Are you really sure you should be giving Luna hope like this, though? It seems more likely that she'll forget if you don't give her anything to think about."

"After what Zecora did, and my response to it, there's no chance Luna will be forgetting anything. I'm stuck. Nothing for it but to make the best of it."

"You could just have Twilight turn you back into a pony after I leave and have her send me a letter saying that she accidentally teleported you somewhere. I made sure to teach her the transportation spell in case something like this happens again." My blood ran a little cold at that. "Luna doesn't know what you look like as a pegasus; you could easily disappear and blend in, then."

"To do that I'd have to give up being a human. I bloody like being a human. I would not want to be a pony unless I had some kind of magic or something to manipulate items with."

"One of these days, I'll have to turn myself into a human to see what the big fuss about fingers is. Twilight and Luna both commented on it, and I already knew your position on it."

"I thought it was harder to turn into a human if you had a cutie mark."

"Harder, but not impossible."

"Try it if you want, I suppose. It might be interesting to see you as a human."

"I never said I would let you see me. Or anypony, for that matter."

"What, don't trust me?"

"Should I?"

"Well, no, but still!"

"Twilight mentioned how you reacted to her human form."

"Did she also mention that she was drunk and was indecently tempting me?"

"No, she didn't. I might have to bring that up, the next time she mentions you acting inappropriate because you're male."

"She said that, did she? Maybe she'd get along better with Rainbow Dash than I thought."

"I don't think so." I just shrugged at that. "So, care to tell me anything more about your… interesting… week?"

"The first half is fine to tell. The second half… not so much, unless you're into some interesting things."

"I'll listen to anything you want to say."

"Well, it pretty much started with some odd message Twilight got about a bloody competition. It said something about magic items only or something. So that meant I counted, in a way, since I was summoned. I agreed to go and Twilight gave me a neat little weapon she had commissioned a while back. We left, traveled for a few days, and got there. It was a trap, as we had both suspected. We tripped it, fought through it, and won. I ended up a pony, Twilight ended up a human, and Trixie ended up… Well, we don't know how she ended up. We came back and got an interesting reception. Twilight was laughed at by her friends, I was given a disturbing stunned silence. After some interesting experiences getting used to my body, I was forced into taking dancing lessons by Pinkie Pie and Rarity, where I relearned how to waltz, this time as a pony. Then the next day I was forced to model by Rarity, with Fluttershy. The day after that it rained a bit, so we all stayed inside and just talked or did something similar all day. The next day I was taught how to fly by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Then two more days went by and stuff happened in them and then here you are, turning me back into a human."

"Some of that I already knew. I still kind of want to know what happened in those unexplained two days, and why I should be arresting somepony because of it."

"I'm sure you do." She waited for more but got nothing.

It took me a few minutes, but I realized with a start my wings were pretty massive, much larger than they were as a pegasus. When I asked, Celestia made a guess, "Pegasi have a lot of latent magic in them. Some of that magic allows them to stand on clouds, some of it enables them to actually fly. As a human, you probably don't have nearly as much magic as they do. So you're stuck with much larger wings to compensate."

"I don't know much about wings or flying in general. Will that have any consequences?"

"Flying will be harder, gliding will be easier. Lifting off in the first place won't be that easy, but with a running start it will be much easier. If you wish, I can demonstrate. My wings are much larger than the average pegasus wings."

"Nah, lass. I'll figure it out as I go…"

(Extremely OOC note from author ahead)

I've had a number of comments on this chapter from my prereaders. Think about it from different perspectives. First, Navarone: You want to live a relatively normal life as a strange creature in a land where you don't belong. Not as a pony, of course, because trying to live as a pony after living so long as a human would be nearly impossible to acclimate to. But if you get raped by two relatively respected members of that land, who is everyone going to believe when it comes to any manner of trial? If they see that they might get in trouble for it, they could easy say he's lying. That is what Navarone sees. So if he tries to get any manner of revenge, he would be seen as the monster, not them.

Now, Discord: You want to stay under the radar and build the trust of all the little ponies. Accusing two respected members of society of something like that is not a good way to do so.

Pinkie: You want to put a smile on your friend's face. You see how he's always moping about, generally alone and aloof because of his differences. Now that he's finally relatively normal, he's ready to throw it all away just so he can feel right. You can't let that happen! You want your friend to be accepted by the ponies, to smile and be happy! You tried showing him that he can easily find a life here, by getting all of your friends to do things with him all week, and finally by having the CMC try to get his help so he might get a cutie mark. But he's just so stubborn... So you finally have only one resort left: Asking your good friend Rarity for help. Her advice is strange, but showing Nav that mares really do think he looks good is an interesting way of getting him to finally stay as a pony. By letting him know that he has a real chance at a love life, you can really make an impression on him!

Rarity: You are the Element of Generosity, and you can see how often Nav has been moping and lolling about. Not as immature or traditional as some of your other friends, you can see just what he needs: To get laid. He might not like the idea of sleeping with a pony-after all, you discussed the issue with Twilight and she mentioned how he feels. But now that he's a pony, he should have no real issue with it! Or if he does, it's just residual stubbornness. Even if he doesn't seem to really get into it, surely it would only take once or twice to warm him up to the idea. It'll just take a bit of generosity on your part to get him started!

I hope that cleared up a bit of confusion about why I had that chapter like I had that chapter. It wasn't dark for the sake of dark, it was dark for the sake of what they thought was friendship. (Also, I really wanted to see if I could write a convincing rape.)