Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rated

"My e-mail is a cell phone. No it's not! My e-mail is a CAR-phone! That's right." Rainbow sings as she brings up the first e-mail of her show.

Dear Rainbow Dash

What would you say if you witnessed somepony running through the market yelling "I'm a vampony!" over and over again?

John SJ Toongamer

"Then you saw Pinkie being random again. Next e-mail," Rainbow answers the next e-mail which is aligned to the right side of the screen.

Subject: Fav Movie?
Dear Rainbow Dash,
What movie is your all time favorite and why; And where, if applicable.
Sincerely,
R. Ightformat

Rainbow in annoyance types erratically over the page, snapping, "Oh, you think you're pretty darn clever, eh? -e. email lamey," She doesn't find this amusing at all.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on in a normal tone of voice, "To be honest, I don't have a favorite movie...which means I do but the list is a lot. I do have a favorite genre of films! The R-rated ones! A-can I get a..." The mare speaks in a high-pitched voice, "'restricted'?"

"A-restrict..." A familiar pony is heard as we see Fluttershy in a white shirt that said 'Restricted' on it with a tent behind herself. The mare is also holding a sign that said the same word…"

"Fluttershy! Sorry, but I don't mean you!"

"Awww, I have waited 3 days to do that."

Rainbow, turning back to her computer, resumes typing as she said, "The only thing better than the R-rated films are the double and triple R-rated kind! How about I break down the subtle difference for you ponies? In an R-rated movie, the hero always blows folks up in self-defense. But in double R..." The mare types in RR. "...rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Wow, I saw this one double R-rated movie where the hero steps on this griffin and he didn't kill it...but later in the film, that bum wishes that he did! The GOOD GUY, I mean, come on, how messed up is that? You can't let foals watch that kind of thing! Now in triple R..." Rainbow types in RRR. "...rated movies, you can show bullets going all the way through creatures!"

---

We see a street crossing sign that shows a stallion with one bowler hat. Rainbow's voice explains, "In the front, through their guts, organs and breakfast, all of it come out right out the back door! Wow, nasty, Brony!" As the mare said this, a bullet goes through the horse, making a rip through his back and causing two organs (probably a stomach and a heart), his breakfast and anything else to go out the back. The bullet appears, flying right out of the scene.

The scene fades to show this green rating card...

THE FOLLOWING FILM HAS BEEN APPROVED
FOR CERTAIN AUDIENCES
BY SOME PONIES WHO KNOWS WHAT'S BEST

IT BE RATED RRR FOR EXPLICIT BREAKFAST BREAKING BULLETS

Rainbow's voice adds, "Yeah, there are some triple-rated stuff that even yours truly cannot stomach."

---

Rainbow continues typing at her AwesomeX as she explains, "Only 3 films had ever been made..." As the mare lists them, we see posters for each film. "'Mare's Prison Saling Disaster', The Horns of Power series and 'Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain Alicorn Killer'. Wow, they even banned films like those in the Griffin Territory where you are required by law to eat some puppies for breakfast." We see a box of 'Crispy Puppy Griffin Cereal'. "And if any theater somehow manages to show it, like ours is in which I am no longer banned after I paid off the damages for blowing up the theater and promised to sit by myself afterwards, you must be 60 years something older to buy tickets."

---

Granny Smith stood waiting to tear tickets then spies Rainbow who is wearing a weird hat and is carrying a suitcase. She trots up, drops the said suitcase and rubs her back saying, "Ouch, my wings. Oh, hey, good mare. Just taking my two fillies here whose are home from college to see their first triple R-rated movie."

We see Lyra, in a white baseball cap, a headband and a backpack, standing with Bon-Bon who is wearing a Disco like sweatshirt. The former remarks in a college voice, "Yo, daddy; All right if I borrow the car?"

"Hey, daddy, Buddy and I are like moving in together!" Bon-Bon remarks to Rainbow, trying to pretend to be older.

"Hey, I will deal with you two brats later!" Rainbow snaps to Lyra and Bon-Bon. She turns back to Granny Smith, smiling while giving out a nervous laugh. "Heh, what can I say; those two ponies that are old enough for me to be in my 60s; Whatcha going to do, eh?"

"Fine, but I wanna see some ID first?" Granny Smith ask, making Rainbow yelps as she pat her wings and rubs her head vigorously. She has forgotten to get a fake ID!

"Oh...well, yeah, I seem to have left my ID in my other, old and more professional briefcase...well..."

"Eh, nice try, young'un, but come back when you're grown up or something."

---

Rainbow, Lyra and Bon-Bon stood behind a brick wall, leaning against it. As the Pegasus pony groans in defeat, her pals, still in her college outfits and with Rainbow's hat next to herself, sighs. Bon-Bon said, "Told you that dumb plan wouldn't work. We should've been your parents, Rainbow Dash!"

"What? No way," Rainbow snaps to Bon-Bon with a frown. "Hay, I am too awesome for anyone to believe that I'm your kid! Plus, Lyra looks like she could be my mom, but uglier!"

"Thanks! Want me to shave my hooves?" Lyra asks Rainbow with a grin.

"I will ignore that, okay? Well, only 1 thing left to do now..."

---

In the library, Rainbow and Lyra sat on the couch while Bon-Bon stood behind it, all of them are watching a movie. Two bags of chips, the hat and briefcase are on and around the couch.

"Oh yeah, nothing like watching lowercase R-rated movies on scrambled cable to make things awesome." Rainbow said with a pleased look on her face. Of course, the truth is the ponies are watching blurry, colored swirls of static, scrolling up across the screen.

But the trio can hear the movie as a stallion is heard snapping, "Come on; blast it! Stop eating the grass!"

"I think I saw a puppy got eaten." Lyra comments on the film.

"Creepy blood, whoa." A filly's voice is heard from the TV.

"Wow, one luuuurid sale." Bon-Bon commented.

"Real gross wound." A stallion mumbles a bit.

"Wow, gross! Look at all that breakfast!" Rainbow's voice remarks in disgust.

"Broken skull puncture!"

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close as a girl is heard saying, "Two undies..."

---

In her home, Gilda is watching Rainbow's show on her TV, her former friend comments, "Wow, they even banned films like those in the Griffin Territory where you are required by law to eat some puppies for breakfast!"

Gilda in surprise exclaims as she turns to her left, "Yo, Bucky! Get my bags ready, got it? And don't forget my metal claws!"

---

In the computer room, Fluttershy and Scootaloo stood in yellow shirts while holding signs, both of them read 'Holy Horsecrap'. The former commented, "Just a couple more days, honest! She is waaaaaay overdue!"

The End

Author's note
Well, there you, the rated films, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow educates us on the toys that can be found in the cereal boxes. Read, review and suggest.

Bucky is an OC made by Nobodiez.