Author's note
It's been a long time but Rainbow Dash's E-Mails is back, better than ever and with new questions and a season. Not sure if this happens before 'Curse of the Demon Pony', season three or what...I am just firing into the air at this point.

With that said, let the fun begin!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: animal

It's been a long time since the virus disaster that almost destroyed all of Equestria. The place where Rainbow Dash usually sat at, along with the Flutterpony 399 is now empty, clean spots left by the monitor and the evidence are evident against the slightly faded wall and table, with wind being heard and a tumbleweed rolling past.

Just then a familiar voice spoke, "There was a time of desolation, chaos and other stuff. It pits brother against brothers...foals having foals. Suddenly, one day, from the right side of the screen..." Rainbow appears holding something that is folded up. "...came a heroic mare of action."

Rainbow smirks as she sat down at her desk and put the object down while saying, "A mare...with a plastic rectangle...THAT IS A NEW LAPTOP COMPUTER, BABY!"

Sure enough, Rainbow unfolds her new computer. The words 'AwesomeX 567' is seen on the screen, following by a note and the logo that appears. The screen soon became a black screen with a square bracket in the top left.

"Oh yeah, a classy start up noise," Rainbow remarks as she imitates the start up noise. The mare smiles happily, all that time of whining then going out for donations and other such before her friends finally had enough and chipped in to buy her a new computer is not for nothing, "Dong, ding! Yeah, check out all these speculations, folks and ponies!"

As we hear music, we see the set of Spike and Pinkie's game show, with a silhouetted AwesomeX on the pedestal. The camera zooms in as the computer is seen while Rainbow spoke up.

"The AwesomeX 567 weighs in at an extremely portable 42 pounds..." Rainbow explains as the words (along with LBS) is seen in the top right. "as well as an impressive battery life..."

"We see the words 'several', 'color monitor' and '2 PB Hard Drive' at top of the screen. Rainbow continues, "Of 1 and a half of 10 minutes, take it or leave it, Bronies!" We see the words 'WARNING: +/- 5 MINUTES BATTERY LIFE' under the first slogan, "The AwesomeX 567..."

'512K per RAM' is shown next to the battery life warning with Rainbow finishing, "...by Pony Compy'." Now we see the slogan 'About time, a cool computer for your lap' at the bottom of the screen next to the Pony Company logo. We can hear applause.

"Okay, time to see if this awesome bad pony can check some e-mails. I betcha I got some since the destruction." Rainbow said excitedly. She types in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' as with her previous two computers.

Sure enough, the first e-mail appears...

Rainbow

Who is your best friend out of your other friends like Twilight Applejack Pinkie Rarity or Fluttershy ? also just wanted to let you know that if anyone calls you rainbow crash i'll be there count on it always be there for ya cause in a way i care for you but anyway though did you ever think of taking scoots and becoming sisters? since she has no family at least that's what i'm thinking

Adam

After Rainbow finish reading the e-mail, she comments, "Welcome back, Adam! Did you miss me? I sure miss you...and your weird questions. Anyway, thanks for the kind words. Now to answer your question, not sure what best friend to pick; that's like choosing my foals, if I have ever get any; I say all six of them, to say heartbreak and time."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Now, as long as Scoots go, I am not sure. I have never sees her family...or ask her about her private life. I will get back to you on that; next e-mail!"

Subject: made up animal
Dear Rainbow Dash,
What would you be like if you were an animal that you made up
Sincerely,

Potato Jr.

After reading the e-mail, Rainbow responds, "Give me a break, Potato Jr. What would your old stallion, Potato Sr., think of such typing and such; and poor Potato mom. 'What would you be like as if...' Better hope you are into sports, for their sake, pal." The pony stops typing, "But enough about them."

Rainbow clears the screen then goes back to typing, saying, "Well, Po-tat-to Jr., why if I ever been my made up own animal, I probably be the most awesomest made-up animal that I ever thought of. Why, I would have the cool animal parts, accessories, etc. Stuff liked claws, horns, tusks, tentacles, power doors, the 15 year carriage warranty, proboscis, and the segmented eyes."

We see the field that shows Rainbow Dash with three weird looking eyes, two horns, two tusks, a proboscis, 4 claws on each hoof, as well as four tentacles. Pinkie is there, asking, "Excuse me, Weird Dashie Monster! Got the times?"

Rainbow attempts to respond, but all she does is making weird gargling sounds and foaming at the mouth. This causes Pinkie Pie to step back in shock. That's creepy!

Rainbow, realizing something, quickly types in, "Wait, can't talk with all that proboscis, horse crap. Especially when it comes to 'Do you know the times' anyhow; let's see...I can be one of those deep-sea fangly fishes."

We see the sea in a Activated by Spike style as Rainbow is heard, "As in the kind that got Hearth's Warming Eve lights all over, as well as those custom lures hanging over their heads."

We see some sort of angler fish with flashing lights adjourning its body as well as a lure that looks like Pinkie Pie's head that spoke, "Right this way, ponies; There's free puppies, ginger snaps," A fish version of Spike swims on past, "Pockets PCs..."

"Of course, I will also have one 20% awesome back deck on my back that can be used for dinner and dancing!"

We see a deck on the fish's back. A stallion is dancing on it with Rainbow, with some Activated by Spike Techno-ish music plays on. The AbS mare version spoke up, "Hey, Foal Styles! Wanna watch this pony bench-press...a lot of weights."

The Pinkie Lure lowers onto the deck while calling back, "Yeah, Dashie, turn it out, turn it out big."

"Wait, hang on..." Rainbow is heard upon realizing as the mare on deck disappears. "If I am already the fanglyfish, how the hay would enjoy the dinner, dancing and all that cool stuff?"

As the Pinkie lure starts 'dancing' while the 'Spikefish' swims by once more, we zooms out to see a full view of the 'fanglyfish'.

Rainbow sighs back at her computer then types in, "Perhaps I am overthinking this whole thing. I gotta come up with something cool and maybe the rest will fall in as itself. I could be called...'The Cuuuuuuudge'." The mare pronounces each letter of the Cuuuuuuudge' as if say another word.

We now see the Enclosure with a sign up front that said

Come on, for the love of Celestia,
DON'T feed The Cuuuuuuudge

"The Cuuuuuuudge!" Rainbow booms. We see what appears to be a huge, Smooze-Colored, gelatinous, bubble like creature that has the mare's face on it landing in the enclosure. "Ugh, gross! No, no Cuuuuuuudge!"

We see Fluttershy coming from the right to outside the enclosure, saying, "Oh my! Look at the Cuuuuuuudge!"

"Let's see...perhaps I could be...the Rainbow Steckled Mightymug?"

We see an open book appearing that has a picture of a rainbow gastropod that has a pattern with Rainbow's mane on it as well as the huge lips. The books read 'R is for Rainbow Steckled Mightymung'.

"No, no, no!" Rainbow exclaims in frustration, not impressed or amused at all with this. The lips, eyes and tails become annotated with the words 'no' when the mare says it; "Perhaps the...the flaneback?"

We now see some yellow lined paper that has a picture of a large blob creature that has Rainbow's eyes, horns, duck feet, one of the mare's wings, and a soolnd with 3 toes for the other winds. The text shows 'el flaneback'.

"What the hay?" Rainbow asks in annoyance as the flaneback gets a speech bubble that said the same thing, "Ugh; why do these dumb things come out like ugly looking blobs?!"

Rainbow scratches her mane; she is having major trouble thinking up a made-up animal. The mare types while saying, "Okay, must look good for the AwesomeX, got a reputation to keep. Now then, my made p animal...shall be called..."

In Cloudsdale, we hear Rainbow saying, "Rdolphence."

Sure enough, we see a rainbow colored creatures with four legs, blue wings, orange arms with red claws, an orange tongue, some cute teeth and a pattern that looks like Rainbow's face appearing. Music plays.

"Whoa, I did it, yeah!" Rainbow is heard exclaiming as Rdolphence then begins to dance eagerly. "Check out that Rdolphence, ponies! Awww, that guy is soooo cute. I want one! Rdolphence is 10 times more cuter than that stupid ugly old washed up Spike I used to have."

"Say, what?!" A familiar voice snaps furiously in the computer room. Sure enough, there's Spike, angry by what Rainbow just said as the dragon was coming by to visit.

"Oh look. General Past His Cute Prime himself." Rainbow remarks to Spike dryly.

"Did you say what you meant and insulted me by it?!"

"Yeah, you heard me, and I stand by it all the way!"

"Ugh, one of these days, one of these days..." Spike growls angrily as he storms off. Rainbow rolls her eyes at this, what is his deal?

Turning back to her new computer, she stroke it while Rainbow said, "Don't worry about him, AwesomeX. That's only Spike who uses 'new computers'. Ha! Hey, paper! Come on down to meet your new bro!" The paper begins to edge down. "Come on, paper..."

The paper edge some more. Rainbow can tell that it's edge so the mare encourages, "Come on, it's okay." The paper edges back a bit. "No, come on! Come on, it's okay."

The paper edges down a bit while Rainbow insists, "Come on, AwesomeX won't bite you or tear at whatever edges you got." The paper itself edges down some more. "That's it! You can do it!"

The paper comes down all the way, as Rainbow smiles saying, "AwesomeX, this here is the paper who lets me know that I stopped being so darn funny!"

The paper comes down even more as it said, 'Enough, come on, Rainbow Dash. Click here to e-mail rainbow dash in the reviews'.

"Right, sorry. Bye everypony!" Rainbow exclaims as the e-mail/chapter comes to a close.

The Pinkie lure and the dancing stallion are at a disco, Activated by Spike style. Two disco balls hang from the ceiling as some rough music plays.

"Hey there, Foal Styles! Nice dancing club, right?" The Pinkie Pie Lure ask the stallion eagerly. "Got a phone at your place?"

We see a pedestal on the game show once more with the fanglyfish on it. We can hear the voice over, "Second-place contestants get deep sea fanglyfish; Promotional considerations by Rdolphence; Rainbow Dash's wardrobe made by Awesome Styles upon Styles.

We see some text appearing that said...

MISS DASH'S WARDROBE
PROVIDED BY
Awesome Styles
upon
Styles

The Pinkie Lure said as the words appears on the bottom of the screen, "Steep prices and trees, fillies!"

The End

Author's note
Rainbow is back and this chapter ends up great. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare gives advice on how to be a radio talk show host. Read, review and suggest.

2. radio

Author's note
To SpaceRat, once I catch up to Orange-Ratchet in my House of Pony fics (as in if he hasn't updated his own version in a while), then I will get back to them. Until then, I won't rest until Season 1 is over.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: radio

Rainbow is at it again, typing in another e-mail at home, calling out, "This pony got miles and miles of the e-mail style, etc, etc." The first e-mail is brought up.

Rainbow Dash if you were in the legend of spyro trilogy alongside your friends how would the trilogy have gone?

D.J. Scales

"D.J. Scales, are you related to Vinyl Scratch by any chance?" Rainbow asks a bit puzzled then shrugs it off. "Anyway, good question. It probably has cool music, hard levels and a big boss battle, followed by stuff that may or may not make any sense; next e-mail!"

Subject: radio
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I got friends who are radio hosts. Can you give them any pointers on what they can say and/or do on their show?
bowing to you

Eraser, Coltland

Rainbow said 'and/or' as 'and slash do' then she types in, saying, "Come on, no need to bow Erase. Get up. Rise my colt son...and giveth me instead 7 and 50 bits to get some tofu chicken stuff."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Okay, so your 'friends' are radio show hosts, right? Well, the first rule of the roof when it comes to radio personalities is that you must look absolutely nothing like how you sound. Take Little Yellowstroke for an example."

We see Fluttershy in her cottage as Rainbow spoke up, "Okay; here's a cutesy know it all that sounds how she speaks."

"Thanks, Rainbow Dashie." Fluttershy said to Rainbow with a smile.

"Don't call me that please. Now if Fluttershy sounds like a radio host, hay, she would sound like this..."

Without warning, Fluttershy spoke in a spontaneous radio host voice, "Yo yo you hey! It's the Deathly Pally, coming to you on the air at number 901, PA3D FM, 'The Surf'!" We see Fluttershy wearing a T-Shirt from PA3D FM 'The Surf'. "Yeow! Coming up next are some hot new tracks from triple W pony-yahooooooo!"

Fluttershy in horror covers her mouth as we can hear Rainbow laughs. The yellow Pegasus pony yelps in fright, "Eep! Don't you ever make me do that again!"

Back at the computer, Rainbow types on as she adds, "Now then, once the voice/appearance mismatch begins to work, what happens now depends on what kind of radio station your pal works for. Listen and be amused as I run a test sentence through various genres."

A voice is heard as a sentence appears on-screen, "Rainbow Dash's test sentence is 'The dish was delish and it made quite a dish'." We see some sort of foal's book weird book with the title sentence as the title, made by Crazy Prof. Ponyinterviews.

"First off is public radio which is both smooth and smarty."

We see a radio labeled 'Pony-Jo' on the counter in Bon-Bon's kitchen as we can hear Rainbow as a host, "Today on Canterlot Hill, the fish was delish and, according to the members of the senate, it made quite a dish. You ponies are listening to a member supported public radio."

As the theme song for the theme plays, Bon-Bon came in, running a bit as she said, "Lame public radio. It never even got me my tote bag."

"All right, next up is the drive time morning show." Rainbow said as she types some more. We see a poster that said 'the AM morning 'CRUDE PONY' crew' that shows two Rainbow Dash lookalikes as hosts. "To be honest, these two are the kind of ponies who are like lame stand up comedians, except you can't heckle, jeckle, or throw stuff at."

A clock radio is seen showing 6:59 AM, which is dark at first. But once the thing turns to seven, the lights and radio are turn on. Rainbow is heard again, this time as the morning talk show host, Hey, peonies, rise and shine! The fish was delish," We can hear the canned laughter. "Hang on, wait for it aaaaaand..." Clowny sounds are heard."And it made..." A boing sound. '...quite a dish."

We see the clock radio is in Derpy's house whose has a tote bag over her head. The pony is holding a glass of juice with ice cube while snapping, "Come on, big box; shut up about the fish already!"

"Well, I supposed that's the way that..." More honking sounds are heard followed by more canned laughter. "...the cupcake breaks."

"High ball!"

Derpy throws the glass at the radio as if frustrated.

Rainbow continues typing as she adds, "Next is the utterly depressing stuff which is called college radio. Apparently, they let any bewildered fresh pony trots into the booth and try to run things."

At a boom box that held a blank tape, once again Rainbow is a host, this time of college radio, as she is heard over a song ending and some feedback, "Uhhh...that was 'The fish was delish'...and we hear that...let's see..." We can hear the mare going through some CD jewel cases. "...six...er...'It Made Quite a Dish'."

As Rainbow's voice talking, we can see Fluttershy in her cottage, listening to the program while doing some calligraphy, "Let's...uh...campus outreach is looking for...well...hang on..."

Rainbow types on her computer, "In this mare's opinion, the whole college radio thing can pretty much be summed in 5 words: 'Dead air...well...dead air'."

"Okay, ponies, I am out of here for now. But...uh...first up is...well, uh, well...an hour of...chanting." Rainbow's voice is heard on the boom box. As a chant is heard, Fluttershy hits the Play and Record buttons as if wanting to hear more of that stuff.

Rainbow then types in some cool stuff, "And just in case your pals are...well, in the past, how about some Ponyland like radio?"

We now go to a room in Ponyland that shows Rainbow's ancestor Firefly reading in front of a microphone, "This week on The Fish Was Delish program, brought to you by Portal Washbolt laundry paste..." We see a logo for the product in question. "...we join the Fish himself at the Ponyland wharfs as she close in on the Quite a Dish's hideout. Make sure you stay tuned for more stuff."

We see the logo again that shows a colt eating from a jar of paste that has a spoon on it. A voice over sang, "Portly Washcolt: Don't eat it like the cartoon, man."

"Done and doner, Eraser! Your pals oughta be on their way to annoying stallions, drivers and gas attendants all over Equestria." Rainbow said as she types on her computer. "Say, any chance you can get me those free coozies, Frisbees or bottle openers from those guys?" We can see the mentioned stuff. The blue coozie said 'PEBD the Voice of RDAU 89.3 Several Dozen Listeners', the white Frisbee said 'The Surf number 901, PA3M FM', the red bottle said, 'Smooth and Smarty'. "Those free giveaways are what I called highly flammable."

The paper comes down, bringing the whole thing to an end.

Fluttershy is having a conversion with Big Macintosh as she said, "Oh, I rarely agree. It's more than just a matter of simple economics. In other words, I'd say..." Suddenly the radio host voice and mannerisms took over, music plays as the mare exclaims excitedly, "Yeah, oh yeah! What's the phrase that pays for plays these days?! It's the number 9-0-2 'The Surf'. Don't you touch that ZABITTABLOUGH!"

"Zabittablough," Big Macintosh asks, confused by what Fluttershy just said.

We return to the Ponyland radio as it spoke up, "Make sure you stay tuned for more stuff."

As the Portly Washbolt Laundry Paste theme plays, Firefly listens with Gen 1 Spike while saying, "Well what do you know! It's true what ponies say! The radio does add 4 and 20 stuff to one's voice!

The End

Author's note
That's some awesome radio stuff, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow shows that she can do more than check e-mails, do weathers, etc. The mare shows her part-part-part-part-very part-time job as a mascot for Time Turner's work place. Read, review and suggest.

3. part-time job

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: part-time job

It is another day as Rainbow Dash is in front of the AwesomeX to check her e-mails. Of course, judging from the view of the room all over, it doesn't look like the mare is at her desk or elsewhere as usual.

"A lot of stallions and a lot of colts...some healthy stallions and some healthy colts," Rainbow commented, bringing up the first e-mail of the chapter.

Rainbow

glad you asked for me email its you wanted my adress and there it is also if you don't mind i might be able to make in appearance if i can though provided i don't land flat on my face or come crashing throuhg your roof and kissing the floor with my face that is IF Twilight can summon me with no problems and i'm going to be mentioning other stories mostly future power rangers stories Demension hopping chipmunks chipmunks in ponyville and MLRDandT 2 : My Little Scoots if you don't believe me then read the first story it explains how I find you two in a cardboard box nurse you two back to health and wind up in Equestria already in love with Pinkie Pie odd? I would think so

Your's Truely

Adam

P.S. should i bring a couple of my brothers along like Alvin Simon or Theodore from you guessed it Alvin and the Chipmunks? had to ask cause i wasn't sure

Rainbow smiles while answering, "Well, I don't mind whatever you made as long as you don't get seriously hurt to the point of major injuries, Adam. As for your stories, I'm busy but I will try to get back to them. Also, yeah, bring your brothers over. I would love to meet them; Next e-mail!"

Subject: besides...
Dear Rainbowdash,
Ever done anything besides checking e-mails or do the weather?

Sincerely, Barack

Rainbow of course for some reason took offensive, snapping while typing, "Whoa, whoa, what do you mean 'do I do anything else besides checking e-mails or do the weather?" The mare ends it with a period of course. "Horse apples, of course I do everything else, always!"

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing the e-mail, "Besides going on adventures with my friends and doing the fan stuff, I do Nature Walks, Meet N' Greets, Carriage Chucker Club..." We see a member badge for the club. "...The League of Me and Scootaloo Ice Cream Socials...I mean, shut the hay up! I also got a part-part-part-part-very part-time job...and unfortunately, I am currently 15 minutes later as it is!"

As it turns out, Rainbow is doing her e-mail under a table at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie bounces in while holding a tennis ball in her mane. The mare looks around freaking out. If her friend finds out the job she mentioned is, Pinkie Pie will never stop bugging Rainbow about it!

"Yay; this is perfect, just perfect! I can't be any happier with my super duper new invention!" Pinkie exclaims happily. "I can call it the Super Duper Question Machine!"

"Boy, I better try and sneak out without Pinkie Pie seeing me." Rainbow whispers. Pinkie put her tennis ball down onto the table; apparently she can hear the mare whispering.

"Yep; you do!"

"I need some way, a diversion; But what?"

As if on cue, Scootaloo came in, humming to herself while wearing a top hat that said "Tivo', as well as bow hat and is holding a cane. Pinkie turns and sees the filly doing some kind of dance.

"Wowie; that is a great new invention," Pinkie exclaims with a smile. Rainbow got out from under the table while smiling. Scootaloo distracted the pink pony, now is the Pegasus pony's chance.

"Good work, Scootaloo!" Rainbow exclaims, giving a hooves up to Scootaloo who kept on humming as her idol crawl off quickly.

Rainbow arrives at the empty counter that belongs to Time Turner. She looks around quietly while peeking out from somewhere, mumbling, "Cool! Time Turner got to be passed out on the floor again. Must act natural," The pony disappears and trots towards the lab, singing, "Comin' in to work on time..."

Suddenly, Time Turner pops out from behind the counter, making Rainbow yell in alarm while stuttering a little. The stallion snaps, "Aha! Late again, I see Miss Dash. I wasn't called Time Turner for nothing! This isn't a country club that I'm running here!"

"But Time Turner, I was just..."

"Yeah, yeah, wasting my time with that e-mail show of yours! That mess won't get you anywhere, mare!"

"Of course, it will so! You'll see!" Rainbow snaps as if challenging what Time Turner is saying. "I am going be big one day, a famous e-mail checker."

"Well, I'm going to be two times two but that ain't going to happen. If you weren't pals with Derpy, I would've fired you by now so considered this a slap on the hoof!" Time Turner snaps before pointing to a direction. "Now put your uniform on and get to work!"

"Wait, you're going to be what now?"

Rainbow is not pleased with her job but she has to get some extra bits for her cool stuff, right? The reason why she isn't pleased? The mare has to wear a combination of a sad clown and a tofu hotdog costume in front of the lab. Rainbow frowns while holding a paper with more of it lying in a stack next to her.

"That's right, come on down to Time Turner's and get a free cup of ice with a purchase of a deluxe cup of ice that is of equal or lesser value." Rainbow said dryly and annoyed.

"No, Rainbow, work it, work it!" Time Turner calls out to Rainbow. The Pegasus pony sighs as she dances and hums a bit. "Right, that's it. All right, look out for number 1!"

Spike came in, grinning at Rainbow in her outfit while saying, "All right, it's the tofu dog clown! Fun," Twilight and Nyx came in as the dragon continues, "Hey, Twilight, take a picture with me and this tofu hot dog clown! Classic!"

"Take a picture of me too, mommy!" Nyx giggles as she and Spike next to Rainbow who sighs in annoyance. This is humiliating.

"Right, hold still!" Twilight exclaims as she use her magic to take out a camera. We can see a huge flash as a camera shutter sound is heard. Spike falls over, leaning onto Rainbow while Nyx just stood there grinning.

The camera zooms in on Time Turner, who looks annoyed as he waves his upper forelegs up and down while yelling, "Hey, hey! Pictures with the clown tofu dog ain't free!" He points his right upper leg to Twilight, Spike and Nyx. "That's 50 bits."

"50 bits; that isn't cool," Nyx said with a frown.

"I know, come on, you got to do better than that, Time Turner!" Twilight exclaims to Time Turner with a frown at the price.

Time Turner waves his upper forelegs while snapping, "All right; 60 bits!" He points his right upper foreleg again. "Come here so I can confiscate that film!"

"Man, he's nuts, let's get out of here!" Spike yelps as he, Twilight and Nyx runs away from Time Turner who has his arms down, relaxed now.

"Man, what a great day at Time Turner's laboratory or stand or whatever you call it." Rainbow said bored, wanting out of this shop already. "Sign up now by giving us bits."

"Well, isn't this better than sitting at your desk answering e-mails or the weather thing?" Time Turner ask Rainbow with a grin.

"Weather, nah. As for the e-mails, I was sitting under a table at Sugarcube Corner this week and...oh horse feathers! The AwesomeX must be almost out of juice by now! Listen, I got to get back and end this e-mail! Hey, Time Turner, I need now off, is that cool?"

"That depends; is Gilda the Griffin cool?"

"Awww, come on!" Rainbow protests to Time Turner in concern.

Time Turner frowns while saying, "You know my policies, Rainbow! This isn't a country club I'm running here!"

"Fine, who cares if I'm pals with Derpy or not?! I quit! Ugh! I shouldn't even take this dorky job at her suggestion in the first place!"

"Fine, I can take a hint! But don't even think about swiping that costume!"

"Actually, you made me buy this dumb outfit, remember?" Rainbow reminds Time Turner dryly. It's true, the stallion made the mare buy the costume for the job.

"Oh, right...in that case, pleasure doing business with you!" Time Turner comments as Rainbow flew off, still in her dumb costume. She got to end the e-mail before it's too late!

Scootaloo has since fallen over onto the floor at Sugarcube Corner, still humming. Pinkie was standing over her while Rainbow, out of her costume, crawls back in.

"This must be the most amazing undersea epic ever filmed!" Pinkie exclaims happily, not seeing her friend get back to the AwesomeX to type up in order to finish the -email.

"Well, Barack, see? I got a lot of stuff going on. I got so many facets, I don't even know what those are! I'm probably the hundredaire socialite out there right on the sce..." Rainbow was cut off as the computer powers down, "Aww, nuts! The battery ran out! I got to figure out a way to end this."

"Right, you do."

With Mrs. Clark, Rainbow slaps a paper right onto it with some text as well as a picture of herself grinning and showing off her own muscles right on it. The words on it said this...

oh, yeah!
i have muscles!

ps: preeeeow

We can see the paper coming down and vanishing as if nothing has happened. We also saw a Hundredaire Socialite magazine that shows the article 'The Brains Behind 'Pony Electric'.

As we see Time Turner on stage, we see a playbill...

THEATER
Dreamaway
Filly

There is also a picture of Rainbow on the stage kneeling.

A 20% Awesome 3-Acter
Directed by Rainbow Dash
Starring:
Rainbow Dash and Time Turner, pal

As the thing zooms out, we see Time Turner, in the role of Mr. Foreleg, in front of a cutout of his own lab that reads 'MR FORELEG'S Time Turner. As Rainbow, as Filly, arrives, the stallion said, "Well, well, so you decided to show. That's the fifth time this week, Filly."

"Sorry, Mr. Foreleg, honestly I am!" Rainbow exclaims to Time Turner sheepishly. "i was..."

"You what? Lost track of time?"

"Yeah. But I won't worry about that...if only I could get that Filly-Tron working."

Time Turner scoffs as his character snaps, "Give me a break. You are still wasting time on that time machine, Filly! That's a pipe dream! You got a future here at the shop. Now sweep up! I got customers to deal with right now."

"Ugh, you'll see...someday...someday..." Rainbow groans to Time Turner. As music begins, a spotlight is on her as she begins to sing, "When all my dreams come...truuuuuuuuue!"

As Rainbow sang the last part, the orchestra hit a climactic chord. The audience applauds as the curtain closes on this act.

The End

Author's note
That extra job of Rainbow's...well...kinda stunk, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony reveals what her dream e-mail, as well as her dream life, would be like. Read, review and suggest.

4. dreamail

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: dreamail

Meanwhile Back on Earth

"Hey Alvin wanna go meet Rainbow Dash," Asked Adam.

"Sure I just hope Simon has that watchyamacallit working." said a bored Alvin.

"He sure does and it shouldn't take long to get from here to Equestria, mostly Ponyville" replied Theodore.

And soon thereafter, the chipmunks piled into the TARDIS and were gone in a few loud noises.

They appeared on the outskirts of Ponyville. "Alright now to find Rainbow Dash" muttered Adam.

They finally found her house where she was soon to be answering E-Mails for the next chapter in season three of Rainbow Dash's E-Mails. "I wonder if she's home." wondered Adam as they walked inside.

Sure enough, there's Rainbow doing her usual e-mails, singing, "Oh, oh, email's in the backyard, makin' some stew..." Soon the first e-mail appears.

Dear Rainbow dash. i was wondering, i dare you to eat a ghost pepper

Your friend. Greenrob

"Ghost Pepper; as in pepper possessed by ghosts," Rainbow ask Greenrob as she types in her answer. "Sounds crazy, but all right..."

Adam and the Chipmunks came in, seeing Rainbow pouring pepper from a white pepper into her mouth. Simon asks in concern, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, you must be those guys who send me those cool e-mails recently; Just eating Ghost Pepper."

"Nice, can I have some?" Theodore asks Rainbow eagerly. The mare passes him the Ghost Pepper.

"Knock yourself out. I got another e-mail to answer." Rainbow said as she answers the next e-mail.

Subject: Perfect e-mail
Hey there RainbowDash
I was wondering: what do you look for in an email?
Another words, just describe a dream email that you would like to get one day.

With a lot of hope
Igorlav Vikaovski from Glenview, IL

After reading words', Rainbow comments, "Oh, look, some another words." The mare has trouble reading the name though.

"Igorlav Vika...o..vski from Gliggityvoo, Illinpony I think." Rainbow mumbles a bit. She begins to type, "My dream e-mail...my 'dreamail'."

"So what would you call it?" Alvin asks Rainbow impatiently as she clears the screen.

"I am getting to that! Well, plain old Igor, there are a lot of e-mail fish out there in that big old E-Mail Sea. And while most of them are just a bunch of bottom feeds with a suck hole mouth, there are a few that can break the surface of the water to glisten in the sunset for a few fleeting fish, like some kind of glorious e-marlin."

An ASCII art marlin appears, making Simon yelps, "Whoa! Amazing; your imagination is still as powerful than ever."

"Right; anyway, another words, allow me to ditch the fishing stuff and hit you with that good ol' pink border!" Rainbow exclaims as a pink border appearing around the edge of the screen, causing the center to turn white.

"What's going on?" Adam ask puzzled as the whiteness fades into Rainbow at the AwesomeX, which now has a golden chain license-plate cover around it screen that read 'MY AWESOMEX ATE YOUR DOG' on top. "Weird!"

"All righty, orchestra, hit it!" Rainbow exclaims as the orchestra begins. The mare then sings in an operative style. "Email me tonight!"

After the orchestra hits its last two notes, the booting sequence for the computer begins...except the emblem looks like a stallion with blonde hair and spoke to Rainbow with text appearing below it, "Morning, Rainbow Dash. You are looking hot today, you have one unread messages."

"Now I know this is a dream e-mail." Theodore comments in amusement.

"Thanks, AwesomeX, you are looking hot yourself! Now on screen," Rainbow exclaims as she got rid of the boot up screen, reading the new e-mail.

Subject: French countryside
Dear Mss. Elegant
You went and left your own watch in the hot tub. Any chance you will be back to get it?

-123 Cool Katiegh

Rainbow smirks as she types, "Hey, Katiegh 123, great to hear from you, especially Katiegh 99. Of course, whenever my aurous schedule permits, I will triumphantly/abundantly return to your chateau for my diamond covered watch. I do have plans tonight, but I will, furthermore, therefore, be back on tomorrow next."

"You sure this isn't the wrong address?" Adam ask Rainbow a bit uncomfortable.

"Please tell Adelaide that the poached chocolate eggs are good. Forever Young, Chesterette Elegant."

Rainbow hits enter as the male AwesomeX icon appears back on screen once the e-mail disappears. The computer comments, "That is well played, Rainbow. Those stallions are sure to be all up ons."

The pink border and the rest disappear as we return to the normal world. Simon asks in confusion, "What just happened?"

"That, Simon, is classic Rainbow Dash imagination." Rainbow explains to Simon eagerly. She then types on her computer once more, "Boy, if I ever got that e-mail, I would've has it bronzed and then dipped the stuff in...guacamole...plus Twilight would read it to me every night at supper."

The gang find themselves in the pink border dream world again, this time at a banquet table made out of door with large windows (that has graffiti that reads 'Dang, Rainbow Dash! You go girl!' which is signed Jack-o). There are large windows in the background, a covering service tray and a golden chalice (or maybe a doorknob).

"Well, I'm impressed!" Alvin exclaims as he and the others sat in plush chairs. Rainbow roll forwards in a plush chair to the service tray. We can see Twilight's magic coming from the right, lifting the cover to reveal an interesting meal.

"Oh yeah, Cadbury Crème Chocolate omelet, all right, continue on, Twilight!" Rainbow exclaims with an eager.

Twilight is sitting in a similar chair, holding a bronze that has guacamole over it. The purple unicorn said, "Okay then..." She clears her throat and begins to read the plaque though she rubs part of the front to read on.

"Oh yeah, I love that part! Read it again slowly and backwards!"

"Well, fine."

Twilight begins to read backwards slowly though is having some difficulty doing so. Adam commented, "Got to say, this looks good. I don't know what could..."

"Hey Twilight, what's up?" Pinkie exclaims happily as she came in on the left side of the screen.

"What the...?!" Rainbow yelps in shock and alarm. What is Pinkie Pie doing in her dreamail?

"Found your watch!" Pinkie exclaims as she tosses a diamond covered watch into Rainbow's omelet. "Oh, Kateigh 99 said 'what's up?' So, Twilight! What's up?"

"What the hay?!"

Rainbow hits the table with her hooves in annoyance. Alvin yelps, "Whoa! Getting upset?"

"I say! This pink border is not holding its end of the bargain!" Rainbow exclaims in frustration as she hits the table with her hooves somewhere. "Pink border, come on! Get your head up and ready!"

As Rainbow hits the table one more time while getting frantically, Pinkie confused ask, "Pink border?"

Soon we go back to the real world as Pinkie is now standing at the right of Rainbow's group at the computer desk. Theodore exclaims, "Whoa; that was a bit confusing."

"Whatcha talking about, Dashie?"

"Oh, what? Yeah, we're back here." Rainbow said as she and everyone else find themselves back in the real world; A bit disappointing if you ask me.

"Yep; found your pocket lint!" Pinkie exclaims as she put some pocket lint onto the desk. "Also, Octavia said you're a meanie for some reason."

Rainbow groans a bit as she types in some more on her computer, "Awww, man! Why didn't I go with a puffy white cloud border? Those things always work. No offense against Pinkie but she wouldn't shown up in a Puffy White Cloud Dreamail. I just preferred any interruptions."

"I hate white clowns at times."

Soon a center wipe happens as white clouds form the border. Rainbow's computer is now in a submarine with the words 'NUCLEAR CLASS SUBMARINE 'SOCCERMAN' painted on the inside of the hull. Alvin asks impatiently, "Are we going to have some fun at some point?"

"Hang on. This e-mail shouldn't take too long." Adam assures Alvin with a nod.

As Rainbow types on while speaking, some creature with a huge eye peeks through a porthole nearby (freaking Theodore out) while a sonar is heard pinging, "And if you ignore all those crazy facts as well as scientific question, then those strange foals are right. Thanks for the question, Coltnard Nimoy. Well, be back next week to solve another weird Murder Mystery of Celebrities." The mare stops her typing before standing up. "Right now, must fly."

Rainbow did a pose as strings appear on her. The pony then made weird noises as she is taken to the upper right corner...where she gets struck. The paper, which now looks like the U.S. Constitution, appears with the e-mail link looking like a marker was used.

The Female AwesomeX appears, saying, "Rainbow Dash, don't fly. Come down. I'm worried about you, I can see those strings."

"Oh bother." Simon said with a groan as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

The End

Author's note
And that's Rainbow's dreamail, folks. What do you think? In the next chapter/e-mail, we find out the origins of the Tree. Read, review and suggest.

Alvin and the Chipmunks are a band of cartoon made by Ross Bagdasarian, Sr. Adam is an OC send by a reviewer.

5. origins

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: origins

Meanwhile in the TARDIS Traveling back to Earth their home dimension...

"Well Simon what do you think of Rainbow?" asked Adam.

"I think that she has quite an imagination besides I think and this is my personal opinion, I think that she's great," Concluded Simon.

Alvin was bored stiff that he couldn't spend more time with Rainbow, let alone meets the other ponies. Theodore on the other hand was just as happy as can be that he got to meet a different species.

"I can't wait to tell Eleanor about what we saw." said Theodore happily.

"True, Theodore and I was surprised since she is one of my favorite ponies if you count Twilight." said Adam relaxing.

After hanging out with Adam and those chipmunks, Rainbow once again goes back to doing her e-mails, speaking in a monotone, "This e-mail is now leaving this station. Go to the center of the e-mail and keep your flanks away from the doors." The first e-mail of the chapter appears.

Dear Rainbow Dash, what would happen if you had a robotic double?

Billy Arratoon

Rainbow types in, "Robotic double?! Come on, don't be dumb. There isn't any that could match wits with Rainbow Dash! And even if I do have one, I can kick his flank and send him to the trash pile faster than you can say 'Trixie'; next e-mail!"

Subject: a sticky question...
Dear Rainbow dash,
I was recently been wondering about the Tree's origin. Has it always been one cool place to hang out and making rendezvous?

Duke, Eau Claire, WI

Rainbow pronounces 'rendezvous' as 'rendezvouuuu-ses' and said the same as 'Duke-eew...Claire...why?' We can see the book 'Ewww, Claire! Why?'

Rainbow roll her eyes as she groans, "Oh come on! Why must Van Feebles want to know the origins and histories of every hay-picking thing in Equestria?! As in, do you wanna know how Fluttershy got her tail expansions too?!"

We see Rainbow Dash's birthday when she was a filly. A sign reads 'Happy Birthday Rainbow Dash' as we see the young version looking at a white present with a rainbow ribbon and a tag that reads 'To Rainbow Dash from Mom or Dad'. Rainbow removes the lift and removes it to reveal some sort of tail puller.

"Oh yeah, awesome," Rainbow giggles as she took the tail puller and revs it. The filly got to try this out. Where's Fluttershy?

Back at the computer, Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "As well as the origin of Time Turner's arrival back when he was Doctor Whooves?'

In a flashback in a classic 1980s style, we see two ponies standing in a field as Rainbow is heard narrating, her words are subtitled, "Senor Pony is Having A Little Trouble and Mr. Blank were so far the most popular ponies." Just then a laboratory came from out of nowhere, falling right onto them. "When they were crushing by a falling laboratory belonging to someone named Doctor Hooves."

A window opens as Time Turner, back as Doctor Hooves, appears while saying, "Yeah, hot time!"

"Said Doctor Hooves."

Rainbow scoffs while typing on her computer, "Hey, I ain't going to show you any of those things...or the Tree's origin. But maybe I can indulge your curiosity about the Tree's hanging-out-itude. The place held a 10 currently but such is not always the case like when Derpy used to hold her weekly..." The pony sounds disturbed as the words turn green while jiggling on the screen. "Muffin Sing alongs..."

The screen turns back to normal as Rainbow continues, "we have to avoid the Tree like the plegg! Err..." The mare deletes up to the 'p' part, "Plague!"

At the Tree, we see Derpy surrounding by muffins, holding a slice and waving it around. The cross-eyed Pegasus pony waves it around, marching on the spot while singing, "And muffin is a good time for me, woo-doo-doo-loot-doo, singing, muffin is a good time for everypony!"

As Derpy peeks out from behind the muffin slice, Rainbow spoke up, "We dealt with that problem right between the eyes from 3000s by having to schedule Spike's chain dancing recitals at the same time and place."

Sure enough, Rainbow and Twilight watch in the background watch on as Spike is in a blue suit, swinging a chain around while hitting Derpy's face and the bread (although whatever or not it was intended is yet to be decided). Derpy has got a sign that said 'Come On & Sing'.

Despite being hit a lot by Spike's chain, Derpy kept on singing, "I cut the crusts off in the morning light..." During this time, the mare's face got a red chain mark due to getting hit so darn much.

Rainbow claps with a smile while Spike takes a slice of muffin, twirling it while laughing. The Pegasus pony remarks, "Oh yeah, Spike is quite good."

"Such grace but is it right to hurt Derpy like this?" Twilight ask Spike in concern.

"Relax, Derpy won't know the difference."

Rainbow types some more as she continues, "After a couple of minutes or so, Derpy's sing alongs lost their popularity while Twilight took Spike's chain whip away after seeing the damages that it has caused. So the Tree became a great place to spray paint Rarity's...dresses."

Back at the Tree, Rainbow, Twilight and Spike are spraying Rarity's dresses, some has a picture of crystals and the words 'Crystal Classic' on it, graffiti style. Twilight remarks, "So whatcha think, Rarity?"

"No offense but this is something that foals would do." Rarity comments on her friends' art work.

"Well, this is going to be my freshest piece ever." Rainbow remarks to Rarity with a grin.

"Twilight, I think you're using a cooking spray."

"Say what?! Aww, that's some never forgive action right there to me."

"Not my fault, Spike took it while we were leaving." Twilight said to Rarity while Spike chuckles sheepishly a bit.

As the scene darkens slightly, Rainbow's voice narrates, "But spray painting ponies' dresses isn't much fun especially since their creators would criticize ya."

A while later at nighttime, Rarity looks annoyed by the Tree as Applejack is stuck to her while upside down. A Timberwolf is heard in the background.

"So I super-glued Rarity to Applejack aaaand left them for dead...or at least just left them there just for the hay of it." Rainbow's voice narrates while laughing.

"Ugh, Applejack, I think I hear timberwolves coming." Rarity said with a frown. Rainbow is going to pay for doing this to her.

"Shucks, Ah done hate it when she does 'dis 'ta me." Applejack remarks, her hat falls, landing right onto Rarity.

As if that's not bad enough, Derpy flew in with a muffin, singing, "…don't ask me why, pumpernickel and rye."

"And to make sure to properly leave them and not keep hanging around them, we relocated to behind Time Turner's place..." Rainbow's voice narrates as we see her, Twilight and Spike behind Time Turner's laboratory with the muffler, a pipe and a crown with 'Pony Point' spray painted on the wall. "...and begin calling ourselves the Pony Point Queens. No guff from any pony, yo!"

"Oh man, I know what it means!" Rainbow exclaims to Spike eagerly. "I was seeing if you know."

"Ugh, what's the point in even asking then?" Spike asks Rainbow in frustration.

Fluttershy trots in, asking her friends, "Excuse me, but has any of you ponies seen my green skin journal?"

"That depends; do you want me to stop giving you your 'tail appointments', Cutey Elephant?" Rainbow asks dryly as she took the tail puller out.

"Eep; No, please! Sorry, sorry!" Fluttershy yelps as she flew away. Rainbow in satisfaction puts the tail puller away in satisfaction.

"Oh yeah, you ponies saw me refusing to take that guff? I totally rejected it, nothing against Fluttershy but I wanted to prove a point! She never stood a chance, poor filly." Rainbow then takes a nail file out, filing her hooves for some reason. "Oh yeah, that's what being a Pony Point Queen is really about."

As if to come in at a bad time, the Mayor, with a blue dunce cap on, trots in, spoke while nodding, "Oh, did I hear somepony mention a pointy queen; Doink, doing and say no more?"

"Hay no! Forget it!"

Rainbow types in on the computer as she explains, "Well, Claire, if it weren't for the Tree as well as Rarity's resistance to the prank and such, the Pony Point Queens wouldn't been able to steal the Mayor's dunce cap and renamed it Libraryqueen," The pony looks a bit embarrassed while stuttering her 'D' part though only one 'd' is typed. "Err, d-don't ask, okay? It was Twilight's idea. Here's hoping you don't e-mail me again, okay?"

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see an album of Derpy's Muffin Sing-alongs and can hear different songs, though three of them are the same ones from this chapter.

The End

Author's note
And that's the Tree's origin, folks. Sort of; in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow reveal some secret family recipes. Read, review and suggest.

6. secret recipes

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: secret recipes

"Email, na na, na na, na na, nanaNA..." Rainbow sang as she is once again at the AwesomeX, getting the first e-mail of the chapter.

Dear Rainbow Dash. i have two for you to answers

1. have you ever thought that what you did for the Emerald Dogs i think you might have cause a war in further time.

2. have you thought of asking soarin out for a date. just asking.

Your friend Greenrob.

Rainbow pauses then types in while explaining, "To be honest, I haven't thought about those guys for sometimes now. But if there's a war, my pals and I will be ready. Also, as far as dating goes...well, that's kind of on a TBD kind of level; Next e-mail!"

Subject: family recipes
Dear Rainbow Dash,
When my brother and I groan up, we wanna be chefs. We got to know, do you have any secret family recipes that you could share with us? That way, we can make them!

Peach and Daisy, (from NJ)

Rainbow reads 'Dear Rainbow Dash' as' The Usual' as 'NJ' as 'Neigheria'. The pony types in, saying, "Well, Peachy, got to say, funny. Since you are from the continent that Zecora is from, I am sure that you zebras are used to eating stuff like exotic fruits, nectars...and maybe bugs."

Rainbow clears the screen, typing as she continues, "So our recipes may be a bit uncouth for you folks." The Pegasus pony stops typing, "Uncouth, yeah right."

Rainbow types on, asking, "I wonder if something could just be plain couth. Betcha Fluttersh can be plain couth. Okay, Peach Tree, our family recipes tend to center around the grossing out of or the making puke of friends as well as well-wishers. Maybe Changelings, if we're lucky." The camera moves back as we see Scootaloo lying onto the computer desk while flinging floppy disks all over. "Hey, Scoots! How about we try out Great Uncle Ponydabber's Pre-Tend Ice Cream Showdown," The mare's legs kick to each syllable of what she just said.

"Oh yeah, okay!" Scootaloo exclaims eagerly as she got up, then the screen grays for a moment...

"Please note: Rainbow Dash may or may not have an actual Great Uncle Ponydabber."

In the field, we see Caramel holding a basketball, looking confused while bouncing the thing. He asks, "What the hay is this thing? A bounce thing; I wish I know how Earth stuff works."

Duing this time, Rainbow and Scootaloo arrives on the scene, the Pegasus mare is holding what appears to be a bowl of ice cream with yellow sprinkles while the little filly has a towel around herself. Those two are up to something.

"Hey, Scoots, check this out!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo with a smirk. "It's our good pal, Caramel. Hey, Caramel! Wanna try out freed iced-c-cream? It has got toasted coconut!"

"Oh, how could I refuse?" Caramel asks eagerly while throwing the basketball over himself. "Can't afford the money-cost variety!"

As the basketball fell behind some trees, Caramel takes the ice cream and pigs out of it like mad. The stallion mumbles, "Wow, Sweet Celestia! This is awful though."

Caramel kept on eating as a smirking Rainbow comments, "Don't worry upset, Caramel. You are proud new eater of a healthy bowl of…sour cream and hair of Scootaloo!"

Caramel drops the bowl in shock upon realizing what he himself's been eating. Is Rainbow serious?! Unfortunately, the mare pulls away Scootaloo's towel to reveal some of her coat shaved from the waist down.

"Hey, kinda embarrassing but gives me a cool breeze!" Scootaloo exclaims happily to the sickened Caramel.

Caramel yelps as he begins making disgusting noise, spitting out coat while looking frightened. The stallion yells out, "Ugh! I'm going to puke my flank!"

"Come on, please don't elaborate on that!" Rainbow exclaims in disgust by what she just heard.

"Nah, it's easy, I do it all the time! Come on, I will show ya!" Caramel explains. The two fillies fled in terror and disgust as they run off. "First, you hold up your flank..."

We can see a recipe card appearing, showing a recipe...

Recipe:
Great Uncle Ponydabber's Pre-tend Ice Cream Showdown

Ingredients:
3 scoops (really) sour cream
1/2 of shaved Scootaloo
1 bowl
1 languagely challenged vaguely stallion type pony

Instructions:
Mix ingredient until golden brown

We can hear Rainbow's voice remarking, "Now for the best results, dip Scootaloo in egg wash before shaving or she will end up getting some red shaving bumps all over herself. Not a pretty sight, I promise you that."

Outside the Carousel Baroque, Rainbow spoke in a sotto voice, "All right, we're mixing this next one up on them, Scootaloo. I filled this old Rainboom Stick..." The pony holds up some underarm deodorant that is labeled '20% Awesome Glacier'. "...with some white chocolate. Oh yeah, we will really gross out or cause Rarity to puke when I begin eating it right in front of her!"

"Oh yeah, Sweetie's sister is going to puke all right." Scootaloo remarks with a mischievous grin. The first attempt to make someone puke from the secret recipe didn't work; this next one will.

Of course, inside the Carousel Baroque at this moment, Rarity was watching TV…and is surprisingly eating the same Rainboom Stick that Rainbow has. The mare got more underarm deodorants and spray cans in a bowl next to her.

"Come on, Calfeb, you can't marry your guitar!" A stallion named Coltsworth protest to a cow named Calfeb in concern on the TV.

Calfeb respond with, "I can sure try!"

Rainbow and Scootaloo came in; the former exclaims eagerly, "Hey, Whiny Queen! Check me out, I'm eating...wait, forget it." The Pegasus pony saw what her friend is doing: picking up a spray can and sprays it into her mouth before going back to eating the Rainboom Stick. "Figures, I thought I could count on ya to be disgusted."

The duo leaves as Rarity, noticing, protests, "Wait, you two; come back, darlings! I was actually on a dare from Applejack to do this. Although this stuff is strong enough for a mare but tasty enough for an unicorn! Come now, don't you wish to try Everfree Rush? Or Thunder Mist?"

We see another recipe card spinning onscreen as it shows this...

Recipe:
Crazy Aunt Eulamare's Deodorant Doppleganger

Ingredients:
6 oz. white chocolate
1/2 of shaved Scootaloo (you know, for the moral support)
1 kinda cleaned-out Deo-odor Cake

Instructions:
Mix ingredients. Preheat oven. Add hot if necessary.

Rainbow's voice groans, "Geez, why are deodorants and other stuff always named after biomes in the first place?"

Bon-Bon is on the couch reading 'The Latest Equestrian News' as her friend Lyra Heartstrings came in with one of Rainbow Dash's Pre-Tend Ice Cream Showdown bowls. The unicorn asks the Earth pony, "Hey mare-friend, ever tried any of this free ice cream that Rainbow Dash has made?"

Bon-Bon put aside her paper, having a funny look on her face as she spoke, "Lyra, didn't any pony told you? That's cottage cheese and hair from Scootaloo."

"What the hey?!" Lyra yelps as she does a spit take, spitting out some coat hair. "Ugh! Rainbow Dash told me that it was just sour cream and Scootaloo hair; Time for this to be a job for Stupid Uncle Foal's Goodtime Diaper Pie!"

Lyra storms off to the left as the screen turns grays for a moment once more...

"Please note: Lyra definitely doesn't have a Stupid Uncle Foal."

Back at Rainbow's computer room, we see a pinecone and a bendy straw in a bowl with a sign nearby that said, 'this is not A pimecone, diaper pie! I mean re-gular pie'. Rainbow and Scootaloo trots in, the latter got some yellow sticky notes on herself; some with black dots, to cover up her shaved area. No success, unfortunately.

"Come on, Scoots, that does so looks totally real. I swear, no one will be able to find out. Wait, what's this?" Rainbow asks as she spot the sign and reads it, "'Not a pimecone'. Ha! Whoever made this is definitely right!"

Lyra peeks in, frowning as she snaps, "Well, well, it's my good pals Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash! Say, I heard you two mares had been eating some serious regular pie in here."

"Yeah...we got some left over if you want to have it."

"Yeah, well, it's anywhere near as good as your free ice cream, ha!" Lyra put the pine cone in her mouth, crunching it up like mad. Her friends look amazed at one another, the unicorn was trying to trick either one of them into eating the pine cone as payback for the ice cream. Of course, Lyra spoke with her mouth full, "Ha! So long, suckers!"

"What do you know? Even when we win, she wins." Rainbow's voice said with a sigh.

Back at the computer, Rainbow finishes up the e-mail, typing while saying, "There you go, fillies, those are recipes for the ages. But if you seriously want to be chefs when you grow up, we have definitely got a super-secret family recipe for you. It's called cooking the 'C-H-I-blank-blank-E-N-L-blank blank." She types this as ' _).

"What; oh, don't think I don't know what you're up to!" Scootaloo's voice yells furiously as she throws a floppy disk labeled 'JERK' that hits her idol on the head.

"Ouch!" Rainbow groans as she types on. "Of course, the blanks are for 'L M O and double PP: Chilmoenlpp, my family got a secret recipe for typing that thing. Yeah, yeah..." The mare types one 'yeah'. "We are a weird family. We used to be from 'Weirdsdale'; 'Come off that cloud and eat your Chimoenlpp', that's what my poopaw used to say. Poopsaw, man I miss you so much."

The paper comes down, Rainbow glances while whispering, "I guess Scootaloo brought it. If you want that recipe, just ask."

Rarity is gone from her TV but it's still on as Coltsworth is heard yelling, "Calfeb, that daisy sandwich is mine!"

"Ha! No way! That sandwich is mine!" Calfeb snaps right back at the pony.

Scootaloo frowns as she is reading a book that is labeled 'So You Want to Make Cupcakes out Of a Pony'; it has a picture of Scootaloo putting a lid on a pot with Rainbow Dash on it. The filly isn't going to cook her idol, just remove any frustration.

We now hear the narrator's disclaimer about the 'poopaw'...

"Err, okay, I don't know what a poopaw is."

From the Kitchen of Poopsaw
Chicken-fried Chilmoenlpp

Ingredients:
3 or 7 medium sized Chilomenlpp
2 salt
40 hotcakes

Instructions:
Get off cloud. Then cook that ugly orange thing.

Bumdummyburge '12'

The End

Author's note
Those are the secret recipes, folks. What do you think? In the next chapter, Rainbow performs her rock opera 'RDEMAIL'. Read, review and suggest.

7. rock opera

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rock opera

"Checking e-mail and now will take it to the flip side!" Rainbow exclaims then said the previous sentence backwards before bringing up the first e-mail of the chapter.

Dear Rainbow Dash.
did you get my mail from last chapter. and if you were a Dolphin what would you do as one. like fight sharks fight the FOE. watch this and see. (Insert link)

your friend Greenrob

Rainbow saw a link inserted then comments, "Thanks Greenrob, I will look at it later; Next e-mail!"

Subject: rock opera
Rainbow Dash,
I believe it's time you made a rock opera, you owe it to society and every pony out there. What should it be about?
That will be up to you.
Best Wishes,
Anonymous But Interested

Gambler, OH

Rainbow said the last lines as 'Anonymous But Int-ererest, Gombayay...hhough."

"Man, poor guy." Rainbow said with a sigh of disappointment. She types on, "Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Interested! Nice job in naming your foal! Yeah, I betcha I can imagine the jokes andf that those ponies on the playground can come up with."

We see a piece of notebook paper that shows Teen Colt Squad like drawings on it, it shows drawings of a swing set, Little Rainbow Dash and ABI (who looks like Rarity with a question mark for a face).

ABI is seen kicking a soccer ball while faint playground chatter is present in the background. Dashie remarks, "Hey, ABI! How about writing a poem...or something and not bother to attribute it to yourself?"

Rainbow's voice comments, "Or maybe something like..."

The paper switch out that shows ABI with his hooves glued to his butt, Rainbow Dash and the school bully known as Moron, the Pegasus pony jokes, "Hey, ABI! Try calling the Royal Guard and maybe give them some valuable info to help solve a crime without revealing yourself."

The paper disappears as a sighing Rainbow types on her computer, "Man, ponies of the past can be so cruel."

Rainbow clears the screen and resumes typing as she continues, "Right, back on task. To be honest, you folks probably heard most of my rock opera. I have been composing on it for sometimes now. Sometime I like to call 'RDEMAIL!'." We see a poster for the rock opera appearing. "The lyrics consist of one word, or stuff I made up, from each of my past e-mails so far!"

The poster disappears as Rainbow adds, "Right, now it may not make a whole lot of sense to you folks, but hey, have I ever backed down from a bad idea like this? Now let's get this train wreck going, Bronies!"

A pair of curtains opens up as the opera begins, with characters from certain e-mails singing, we see weird stuff happening as this does like multiple Spikes.

Rainbow: Join me on my single—

Rarity: hundred—

Rainbow: toilet dreams picture.
Everypony wanna scam some sweet bits or potential—

Filly Rainbow: pizza.

Rainbow: Oh! Oh! Ummm. Nevermind.
Ummm... double—

Caramel: pants.

Rainbow: Awesome, awesome fancy danish.
Professional funky totally diggity-underdrawers.
Oh tonight,—

Pinkie: cool,—

Twilight: healthy,—

Rainbow: ones, eh?
Whatever action foal actually went freaky.
Oooh! Oh. Party like completely great, good.
Down town fillies get consummate.

Twilight: Yeah.

Rainbow: Awkward sweet peaches crackin' action!
Wha-Ho! Problematic.
Solid jumble!

Cupcake-Oats Robot: Crazy—

Rainbow: beans double the real gold!
Computer—

Rarity: internet—

Rainbow: bulging—

Pinkie: out.

Rainbow: Yeah, oh!
Dynomite afterparty!
Like, fangoriously world-class and—

Activated by Spike: grand.

Rainbow: Ooooh! Oh!

Rarity: Ewww!

Rainbow: Oh-ho-ho-ho! Definitely, definitely—

Vector Rainbow: handsome.

Pinkie: Yup,—

Rainbow: I totally—

Pinkie: always—

Rainbow: look—

Storybook: Rainbow: awesome—

Rainbow: singing backwards metal.
Experience dance tonight! Unh!
Oooh! I'm pleasant.
Positate without pizzaz and—

Crono: jam!

Rainbow: Whoa!
Tonight equals dancing,

Canned Audience: yeah!

Rainbow: Famous—

Male AwesomeX: stallions—

Rainbow: always like—

All: RDEMAIL!

The rock opera ends with the cast singing the final line on stage. We see the poster for 'RDEMAIL!' sliding down on top of the screen.

Rainbow is seen clapping and making crowd noises with her mouth back at her compute, roses are throwng on her from who knows where.

"Bravo, bravo! Encore, encore! ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba," Rainbow exclaims as she made the crowd noises. The mare then types some more, "Thanks, thank you so much; Yeah, those rave reviews are coming in even as well. It's only a matter of time before the hotties..."

However Rainbow notices that she's typing 'It's only a msyyer pd tun/ blegfr teh htties' due to the roses on it. The mare frowns to Spike who is on her computer desk holding a rose, the only responsible for throwing the previous ones.

"Spike, come on! Ixnay on the cut it out throwing roses at me...may." Rainbow snaps at Spike in annoyance. The baby dragon grunts and throws the rose at the mare, causing it to stick to her face. Rainbow screams in pain as she held her face, flailing her limbs like mad. "Ouch; Rose face, rose face; ARGH!"

Rainbow fell off her stool as we hear the Getting up Noise. The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We can see reviews for Rdemail...

"RDEMAIL; It is a triumph of Some Cool Stuff!"
"It will leave you wanting a WHOLE LOT!"
-(Perhaps) The Donkey

"A million internets!"
-Age 5

"RDEMAIL! is better than a dog!"
-The Lyra Heartstrings Reviews

We now see a poster for RDMAIL! along with its heading.

"an off13 Coltway rock opera from the mare who brought you 'Dasheresque: Put 'Em On Ice!'"

In Ponyville at winter, Rainbow, as Dasheresque, is skating on a small ice pond while yelling, "So I'm going to have to fl..."

Rainbow ends up falling through the ice. Spike is heard yelling, "And another one!." The dragon throws a rose onto the ice as a vibraslap hit is heard.

The End

Author's note
Looks like Rainbow's rock opera is a hit...sort of. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare shows us the best thing she's ever seen, done or eaten: the quickly cartoon pilot of 'Knightshade: But they're in Space!'. Read, review and suggest.

I would've put in the link from Greenrob's review but I don't think a certain website would allow it.

8. best thing

Author's note
To Ducks-Go-Aflack, I can't come up with my own e-mails because this website doesn't allow one of those forums things for fan-fictions. This is a fanmake (so to speak) of the Strong Bad stuff.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: best thing

"Got to e-mail just to stay alive!" Rainbow exclaims while typing 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' to bring up the first e-mail.

Rainbow

Of course i Missed you greatly so did you check out turnabout storm on youtube its quite intersesting though anyway . What do you think of Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney ? i think the guy is a great defense attorney anyway in the series your accused of a crime you didn't commit and its up to Phoenix to clear your name and right now its Wright against Trixie first trial he couldn't hold a match stick against her and now its all down to the final couple of trials so check it out on YouTube sometime you won't be dissappointed though . and Twilight is Phoenix's Co counsoul . So What Kind of You like to do when your not answering Emails or saving Equestria several times over?

Adam

Rainbow responds, "Hey, Adam! Glad to see you made it home. To answer your questions, I did saw them at some point. As far as Phoenix Wright Axe goes, we got some lawyers like him in Equestria. And to answer your question, I got activities like answering the weather, participating in the competition; you know the usual; Next e-mail!"

Subject: what's the best...
Dear Rainbow Dash,
How are you doing, f illy? I got three quick questions to ask of you...
1. What's the best thng you've ever seen?
2. What's the best thing you've ever done?
3. What's the best thing you've ever eaten?

Later on,
Alan P. (from Mareland)

Rainbow didn't bother reading the numbers. After saying 'seen', she follows it up with 'done' and eaten'; The pony also whispers 'from, from Mareland'; Pretty impressive.

Rainbow clears the screen while typing, saying, "Well, I'm doing all so well, Alan. Believe it or not, I have gotten one answer for all of those questions, and that is..."

We now see a video tape that is labeled 'Knightshade cartoon' with the words 'come on, don't record for Celestia's sake!' Background singers are heard.

"The only known copy of the failed pilot episode of the Saturday morning cartoon shooooooooww of Knightshade!" Rainbow exclaims excitedly, cheering for her fave number one band.

Back onto the computer, Rainbow types in while explain, "That show was shown only once at 4 a.m. on some forgotten day, my friends and I were having a sleepover over at Twilight's place. And guess who was already up, eating brown sugar from the box? You betcha...it was Spike." We see a box of 'Dragon Brown' brown sugar with the tagline 'Don't borrow from the ponies' and a weight of '1 whole pound'. "And do you want to know who is up playing 20 Questions? That's right, the egghead, AJ and Rariy. Then yours truly got up and begin watching TV. If it weren't my fast reflexes and my quick determination to go home and back for a video tape, the episode would've been lost like a four armed bear."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Folks, I will you all see it, but please no flash photos or videotaping. The whole thing could end up damaging the precious oils and...heavy metals of this priceless piece of TV history."

We see the cartoon as the theme song begins. The logos 'Metal Ponymatio' appears in large block letters against a grey background, followed by 'presents' in cursive'. In a different grey background, we see cartoon versions of Knightshade dropping in.

Singer: Remember those colts from that band Knightshade?

The logo for the band appears then we see the tour bus for Knightshade.

Well, they turned their tour bus into a space machine, hey!

The tour bus turns into a spaceship as the background changes into a starry background. The vehicle speeds off to the left. We now see Knightshade performing in spacesuits.

But they're still Knightshade!

Lefty: We're still Knightshade!

We see the band in front of the same grey background in the usual outfits. One of by one, the stallions gets a spacesuit (with Merry having a potbelly and a red mane).

Singer: But they're in space!

We now see a starry background with the Knightshade logo. As the band is in the background, Lefty looks confused.

Lefty: But we're in space?!

Lefty goes to the rest of the band as the words 'but they're in space!' is shown. The stallions' manager, Mitt Obamney, came in from the right. The theme song stops as he spoke, "Boys, I got some bad news. You're in space!"

The final chord of the theme song plays on. In the library, Rainbow is on the couch with Applejack, Rarity and Spike. Fluttershy and Pinkie is on the left while Twilight is leaning on the back of the ground, watching the show.

Rainbow, grinning, exclaims, "Oh yeah! This is sooooo classic!"

"Yes! I love watching these kinds of shows!" Pinkie exclaims eating some cereal.

"But why are those guys in space?" Twilight ask her friends skeptically, making Rainbow stop smiling at this. "I mean, there's no reason for them to do so!"

"Oh, my dear skeptic egghead, there is every reason for them to be in space." Rainbow remarks slyly to Twilight.

"Ssssh, it's on!" Applejack shushes her friends as the show begins.

We see the title card for the episode 'ENCOUNTER AT COLTULON 5' written by A. Coltmendex. We now see the band members running away from flesh colored hooves, a pair of blue hands and two weird purple tentacles.

Rainbow's voice narrates, "These stallions' main goal, one of them, is to both gallop away from and give backstage passes to the hot mare-liens of the galaxy."

The band rushes into their tour spaceship that takes place. Inside, Mitt spoke up, "Bad news, boys. None of the hot mare chickens from Coltulon 5 got backstage passes to tonight's show."

"But then what midriffs will we sign?" Lefty ask the manager in concern and disbelief. No babes to meet? Bummer!

"I mean, what happened to all those passes, Mitt?" Juley ask the manager in worry.

"Simple, Galactic Radio gave them all away...to Nightmare Overlord." Mitt said seriously, making the two band members who spoke gasp with the others.

We can hear a rock sting of terror as an evil cyborg pony named Nightmare Overlord laughs sinisterly, "Yes, Knightshade! I was the 1,685,421 caller!" He raises his claw-like right hoof that has his name on it, opening and shutting the thing twice.

We see the members of Knightshade running over, this time from nothing as Rainbow's narrates, "And sometimes that magical prankster Q-Cord will show up, turning reality upside down with chaos, kinda like some chimera we know."

A chimera short like monster named Q-Cord appears, a sting is heard as he laughs, "Hey, Knight-losers, quick funny question; How will you be able to play tonight's show...once I turn your instruments into a bunch of noodles?!"

Sure enough, the show is turning into a bust big time. The audience boos at the band as they try to play a concert with instruments...that looks like noodles! Someone in the crowd yells out, "That ain't music, you bums!"

The words 'NOODLES' flash in lights behind the stage. Of course, Merry is eating his noodles, stopping to say eagerly, "Best show we've ever did!" The pony resumes eating as canned laughter is faintly heard. Despite the show bombing, Merry is enjoying himself.

"Come on, Merry! Enough with eating your drums," Lefty exclaims to his band member in annoyance.

The tour spaceship is seen flying through space as an alien Nukem flew past. Rainbow's voice narrates as the bus speeds off, "But most of all, the episode centers around the ponies doing their best to make sure that metal stays number one throughout the whole galaxy."

Needless to say, Mitt delivered some bad news to the stallions, explaining, "Got some bad news, guys. We have been knocked off the charts in the Impossible Zone by an alternative rock band."

"But their bassist is a mare!" Tamby protests to Mitt with a frown.

"Right, plus their drummer got short hair!" Merry agrees in disbelief that a band like that knock them off the charts.

"And the lead singer wears glasses!" Lefty whines as he clenches his fists, waving them on either side of his head.

Back in the library, Rainbow, watching the TV, frowns and throws the remote at Twilight. The unicorn yelps in pain while protesting, "Ouch! Rainbow Dash! What the hay was that for?!"

"That's for you and your nerd kind ruining metal!" Rainbow scowls to Twilight before looking down. "Ugh, Colt Taylor wearing, low self-esteemers..."

"The band is kinda uncouth...though I will have to admire their outfits." Rarity comments as she and the others resume watching the cartoon.

As the cartoon continues, the band is seen practicing on an alien planet. But then Mitt trots up saying, "I got one final bad news, guys. Our pilot episode has been cancelled."

A sting is heard a bit louder while the band gasps in shock, "What?" Their pilot cartoon has been cancelled?

"Oh well. Guess I won't see this anymore." Juley remarks with a shrug as he throws his guitar offscreen. No use in keeping the guitar since the show's been cancelled.

We now see the real Lefty on the TV, catching a real equivalent of the guitar. The stallion exclaims, "Oh yeah, thanks Space Juley! Man, can't believe we got cancelled! Weeeeeeell, join us next time, foals in syndication...or maybe on DVD if you're lucky!"

Lefty plays a short riff. The screen pauses as the TV fades out.

Rainbow returns to her computer with a smile as she types in saying, "So Alan, whatcha thing? If that awesome thing ain't the best thing you've ever seen, done or eaten...then maybe I should politely ask ya to gouge out your eyes, cut your tongue and...err...have all your...done...removed; Yeah."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

In the cartoon, Merry founds while asking Lefty, "How come those ponies made me fat while giving me a red mane?"

"Duh! You're the comic relief, buddy!" Lefty explains to Merry who belches very loudly.

The End

Author's note
All right, that's the cartoon, folks. Whatcha think? In the next chapter, Rainbow shortens a long e-mail while Pinkie wears long pants, freaking out. Read, review and suggest.

9. long pants

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: long pants

"And if I e-mail you! Colt, stallion," Rainbow exclaims, holding up pieces of paper that said the mentioned words. The mare is once again on her computer, typing up. "Well, would you e-mail me; Colt, stallion!"

Rainbow held up the papers, smiling eagerly. Time to get this e-mails how on a roll!

mess up the link Rainbow Dash here it is (insert link)

hope you get my mail

p.s i not sending email for some time till i think of one so good luck.

your friend Greenrob. (Smiley face)

"So you messed up a link, eh? That explains a lot." Rainbow remarks with a shrug while typing. "I hope for Celestia's sake that this one doesn't get messed up; next e-mail!"

Subject: ponies' pants
Dear Rainbowdash,
How come you and the other ponies, like pinkie pie, rarely wear pants? It's kinda creepy as to how you trot around with no clothes on, let alone pants. Anyway, I think you or Pinkie Pie should get some pants, maybe some parachute kind...yeah, that could work. Or maybe some clown pants. Who cares? Just get some pants!
Tootles

Cranky

Rainbow skips all after 'anyway' and before 'who cares', saying 'blah, blah, blabby, bloo'. She said 'Tootles' as 'Tootless' and 'Cranky' as 'Clanky'.

"Ugh!" Rainbow groans at how long the e-mail is. She begins to type. "Cranky, too long, very; Thank goodness you didn't indent or this e-mail wouldn't make it past my 2nd paragraph filter: Eggie the 2nd."

Rainbow types in 'run 'Eggie Jr.'. We see a splash screen for 'Eggie Jr.: The Long Email Killer Filta' on screen that is similar to the Virus Hunter...of course, this time it shows a pimply red-mane colt that said 'Indent and Die!'

Eggie Jr.
The Long Email
Killer Filta
'Indent and Die!'
Programmed right in Mother's sewing c1989

"Well, look at the little colt...he is one of those red-mane rapscalli...wags." Rainbow said with a light chuckle. "Okay, then, maybe I could save this one with some editing; Time for this pony to call forth the services of my trusty, somewhat dust, electronic light-pen input high-tech rich device...now in HD!"

Rainbow takes out a correction pens with the words 'RICH WHITE', shaking it before saying, "Now then, let's shake up the expensive electric device here...okay, all ready! Let's see..." The mare mumbles a bit. "Expensive high-tech device..."

Rainbow works on whiting out the words in e-mail until it's editing. The mare exclaims, "All right, there! Let's see what we go! 'Dear Rainbowdash. How come wear pants? Creepy clothes on, get some. Maybe parachute, maybe clown care. Some ants toots; Clanky," The mare grins as she types once more. "Oh yeah, that's an e-mail that I should answer. Some ants toots, priceless!"

We see some fortune cookies that have the sentences of the 'improved' e-mail. The top left one said 'Creepy clothes on, get some', the top right cookie said 'How come wear pants?', the one on the bottom right reads 'Maybe parachute, maybe clown care' and the cookie on the bottom left reads 'Some ants toots!'.

Rainbow clears the screen though the correction fluid is still remaining. The mare pretends not to notice as she types in, saying, "So how come we wear pants, eh? That's an age old question? Why, didn't Adam Pest once said, 'E..."

But then Rainbow is interrupted as a familiar pink pony in very short purple pants appears, exclaiming happily, "Hey Dashie! Wanna check out my creepy pants?" The Pegasus pony yelps and looks away.

"Ugh, Pinkie Pie; Why are you wearing those Daisy Duke thingies for?!"

The pants shine as Rainbow does a triple take. Pinkie smiles while explaining, "Come on, you silly filly! You said 'Creepy clothes on, get some'!"

"Get some what?" Rainbow asks Pinkie a bit dumbstruck.

"Not sure. Light globes, I guess."

"Light globes, really?"

"Yep, as in like a lamp!" Pinkie exclaims happily as her pants shine once more.

Rainbow blinks blankly as she said, "So in other words, you put some hot pants on to get some light bulbs."

"Yep! Globes," Pinkie answered as her pants shine again briefly upon seeing it.

"You are so random. Anyway, since you're here, let's talk about your pants...or what you don't wear...besides those Daisy Dukes."

"Err, what do you mean, Dashie? I wear long pants."

"Well, no...from what AJ mentioned before the Gala, we don't normally wear clothes. And from I can tell, you don't normally wear pants, only party stuff." Rainbow points out to Pinkie. Needless to say, what she's saying is freaking the pink pony out big time.

"Well, that's not true, Dashie! I got long pants, I wear them! I am one long pants mare, long pants; long pants!" Pinkie exclaims in shock as she dances around. What her friend is saying is freaking her out.

"Pinkie Pie, calm down, I didn't mean to..." Rainbow was cut off as Pinkie jumps into the air, convulsing onto the desk of her good friend.

"Long pants, Dashie! The longest pants! Everypony everypony, longest pants!"

Now Pinkie is really losing it. She is appearing around the room to a different place after she speaks each word. The mare appears in front of Rainbow then leans in behind her then Pinkie hangs upside down from the ceiling. Now she pixilated on the computer screen as an 8-bit version, then blurred into the scene's foreground.

Now Pinkie is upside down under the desk and goes back to where she was at first, the pony is tired and out of breath while saying, "Long long long long long long pants!"

"Ugh! Honestly, Pinkie Pie, that's it! We definitely got to get you in some serious clown care!" Rainbow exclaims seriously to Pinkie. We see a a business that reads...

Kertified
Pony Klown Kare

-Pie Injuries
-Giant Hoof Problems
-Wacky Parasprites
-Grease Paint Poisoning

"Rodeo and Tragic Clown Ponies are NOT ACCEPTED"

"But honestly, I was told long pants, long pants! They said long pants, always long pants!" The frantic Pinkie exclaims as she leans towards Rainbow, "Long...my pants! Gleaming pants! Glorious pants!"

Pinkie finally lost it, she screams and rush off, leaving the Daisy Dukes behind, falling and hooking around Rainbow's right lower foreleg. This causes her to scream in horror and disgust and shake her hoof in a panic until the pants fly off and landing onto the floor some distance away.

Scootaloo quickly appears and burn the Daisy Dukes with the lighter, causing them to combust into flames. The filly exclaims, "Problem taken care of, Rainbow Dash!"

Scootaloo leaves, the upset Rainbow goes back to the computer as she types in, saying, "Oh, good work, Clanky! You caused Pinkie Pie to lose her cool and you have seriously creeps me out! And how the hay am I supposed to get this horsecrap off of here?" The mare groans as she grabs a cloth and tries to clean the correction fluid off of her computer that is obscuring the words but no success. "Ugh, stupid made up technology, which I made up...paint pen..."

Rainbow mumbles a bit then yelling, "Scoots! Get tech support and tell those bums that you broke the AwesomeX...again!"

The paper comes down, bringing the chapter/e-mail to an end.

We see Pinkie on Rarity's Carousel Baroque, the white unicorn is comforting the upset pink pony who cries with light bulbs besides and on the floor beneath her, "Loooonnng paaaannnts!"

"Now, now, darling, it's okay! It isn't so bad." Rarity said, patting Pinkie in comfort. "Some ponies think I'm a marshmallow."

Pinkie stood up, looking surprised and upset as she asks, "Wait, you're not a marshmallow?!"

The End

Author's note
Man, Rainbow is creep out and poor Pinkie. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony explains the rampages she's been on. Read, review and suggest.

Again, a certain website wouldn't allow links so I can't put it in, Greenrob.

Don't ask me where the Rarity marshmallow joke came from. I got no idea how it got started in the first place.

10. rampage

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rampage

"Email, check it, come on, a-come on, y'all-a. Email check it, come on, a-come on, y'all!" Rainbow sang as she is on her computer, checking her e-mails once more. Let's see who is sending her yet another one.

Dear Rainbow Dash

What if I were to tell you that I've seen you hear black slippers and spoke to me in a mix tween your voice and a robotic voice

billy arratoon

Rainbow shook her head and speaks while typing, "Then I say you are more random as Pinkie Pie. As far as I know, there isn't a robot like that in Equestria...BUT I will keep an eye out just in case. No need to get ill prepared; Heh heh; Next e-mail!"

Overdue rampage
Dear Ong-stray Ad-bay
I do thinks it has been too long since you have been on a rampage.

Sincerely Venky,

Rainbow pronounces the misspelled 'der' and states 'Sincerely Venky' as the closing greet with the 'Comma' being the sender's name. The mare chuckled. What a weirdo, eh?

Rainbow types in, saying, "Well, Epressing-day Nerd-nay, I think it has been way too long since you look at your MLA handbook! Man, seriously!"

Rainbow clears her screen while she types on, continuing, "Anyway, yeah, it has been a while since my last rampage. But I promise you, I didn't go soft or anything. I've grown more selective of what types of rampages to go onto here. Like the other day, me and the Cutie Mark Crusaders went on a Reading Rampage!"

We see the mentioned ponies on Rainbow's couch with a lot of books stacking around themselves; Apple Bloom, Sweetie and Scootaloo are wearing half-moon reading glasses while holding a waffle, which drips syrup right onto the floor, that reads 'BUG' in syrup. Rainbow meanwhile reads 'Smart Investing for Lame-Os'.

"Man, I'm enjoying myself." Sweetie said happily.

"This book speaks to me in like..." Rainbow said as she flips the book upside down. "A couple of different languages..."

"But 'dis here book is too long." Apple Bloom complains while Scootaloo move away slightly.

Rainbow kept typing on her computer as she remarks, "See, what I mean? Not the rampage-stompin'-pony style rampages. There's a pie limit as far as rampages are concerned. Why, one can even go on a regal rampage."

In the Carousel Baroque, Rainbow got a blanket around her neck, holding a scepter while wearing a crown. She smirks while hitting Rarity with the scepter saying, "I bequeath thee, I bequeath thee, I bequeath thee!"

"Ouch, ouch! Knock it off!" Rarity exclaims with a groan by what Rainbow is doing.

"Ye hath quivered me tuppence, whiny drama queen!"

"Okay, you lost me, what..." Rarity was cut off when Rainbow hit her with the scepter 2 more times. "Ouch!"

We can hear Rainbow's voice as she and Rarity look at the camera, "Ooh, wait, how about a legal rampage?"

Outside Derpy's home, the cross-eyed Pegasus pony was looking out the door as Rainbow, in a business sit and holding a bunch of papers, snaps, "This is a sub-po-ena!" She throws the papers onto the steps. "I summons exhibit 4-B to my chambers pronto!"

"Sustained," Derpy exclaims as she take out a judge's gavel, hitting herself three times accompanied by sound effects.

Back on the computer, Rainbow types in while saying, "And who could forget the lyrical rampages that me and AJ are always going on...or more like going 'OOORRRFF', howdy!" She said the last part in a fake Southern accent.

On a stage, the two mares are standing with microphones. Music plays in the background as the two are singing.

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Ah've got problems wit' mah hooves an' mah back!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Ah'm about 'ta have a dope rhyme attack!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: Applejack, rock all type o' sportsie!

Rainbow: I'm on a rampage!

Applejack: An' if yew don't believe me, yew can git wit' 'de Spikey!

We see Spike scratching on a foal's record player. Twilight of course came up, causing the music to screeches as the unicorn ask, "Wait, how is saying the same four words constitutes a lyrical rampage?"

"How is an egghead constitutes a powerful unicorn?" Rainbow remarks to Twilight as she points to the audience. "I'm on a rampage, yo!"

"But what about the rules of verse; Why, Iambic pentameter is where it's at! Hit it, Spike!"

"And what do you even want me to hit, pray tell?" Spike asks Twilight with a frown.

"Not sure, just drop some beats, I guess." Twilight answers Spike with a shrug.

"Yeah, they are going to be 'eggy' beats in your case." Rainbow remarks with a light chuckle. "Go ahead, Spike, time we witness the purpleness."

"Sure, no problem," Spike said as he starts the record player, playing a very simplistic, old video game style like 'beat'.

"The quill; the page; Ly-ric, ram-page," Twilight said, making a rhyme so to speak. "Hmm, word up?"

Rainbow and Applejack makes a snicker as the former remarks, "Oh yeah, how great, Twilight. Didn't think you were hood. Let me ask ya: what part of Canterlot streets are you from anyway?" The mare snickers again.

"Whoo-whee, Twilight, yew are a real MC! A Mistress o' Ceremonies," Applejack remarks as she and Rainbow laugh for a moment. Of course, the Pegasus pony looks confused upon realizing what the cowpony just said.

"Wait, what?"

"Awww, who needs you ponies? It went over well at my Poetry Slam the other night!" Twilight snaps to her friends sternly.

At Sugarcube Corner, which got up comedy club decorations from Nightmare Night, but with a banned marked 'Poetry Slam' in front of them. Twilight is by the microphone right now, Fluttershy and Nyx are watching her.

"The quill; the page; Ly-ric, ram-page; Word up," Twilight said with a smile.

"Oh yes, good style, Twilight." Fluttershy said in approval. "Geoff Coltcer would be so proud."

"Yeah, you're doing good, mommy!" Nyx squeals to Twilight happily, "Much better than some poetry masters or mistresses that we know."

"Yeah, right, run along, DJ Egghead Hornhead." Rainbow said to Twilight back on the stage. "We're heading back for rampaging!"

"Eeyup! We oughta call yew 'TS'...fer Twilight Sparkle!" Applejack jokes while laughing like mad. Of course, Rainbow and Spike stares at her as if she was being discorded again.

"Honestly? What's wrong with you?"

"So Ah ain't good at making abbreviation jokes. Give me a break here!"

"And you're on a rampage?" Rainbow asks Applejack skeptically while the beat picks up.

"Eeyup, number one jam on all de' stations," Applejack exclaims as Rainbow's wings move in a jazz motion along with her head.

"So as you can see, Comma, you can hurt ponies and their feelings with all manner of different rampages." Rainbow said while typing back on her computer. "So, copper, until next time, I will be in my chambers. I mean Spike, I will be in my office...which is this room. So I will be right here, yeah."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail came to an end. We see a parody of the classic video game 'Rampage', showing Spike as Spikezilla running across the screen with a familiar bow in his claw to the music played under Twilight's rap. We see Apple Bloom running across, a speech bubble is over her saying, "Give me back mah bow, yew huge thieving reptile!"

We see a poster for Daring Do and the Legal Rampage. Now we see the cover of the Twilight Sparkle CD 'Witness the Purpleness'. The subtitle 'Spoken word'...is wisdom!'. We see a Parental Advisory that said 'Very Boring'.

The End

Author's note
Man, Rainbow sure went on some rampage, didn't she? In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare gives her thoughts on garage sales and the sale patrons (as well as the difference between 'garage' and 'garbage'). Read, review and suggest.

11. garage sale

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: garage sale

Rainbow is back on the computer, doing another e-mail while singing, "Here comes another email that I'll answer for you! Here comes another email that I'll answer for you!"

Dear Rainbow dash.

if you where locked in a closet with Soarin and had to wait for someone to open it what would you do.

Your friend Greenrob.

"Hey! How dare you suggest that I, Rainbow Dash, am...wait, what?" Rainbow blinks as she looks at the question, then looks sheepish, "Oh, oh! What happened if I was...yeah, thought you meant something else; to be honest, we either talk, play games or do something; Not that I'm...suggesting something on the last part; Yeah...next question!"

Subject: garage sale=money!
hey there rainbow dash!
I definitely think you should have a garage sale! I mean, think of all da cool things you could get with that money or bits!

bat (right, that's my real name)

Rainbow reads the first line very fast as it is written. She over-emphasizes one of the words and doesn't bother reading the part in parentheses. The mare instead said, "Something I prefer not to real." She then begins to type. "So what kind of 'da cool things you're referring to, Batty; 'Da bomb' or 'da coltz' or even..."

Rainbow pauses not typing as she said, "Uh..." She then types in, "'da hood'; No way, I don't want any of that stuff." We see T-Shirts with the phrases incorporating each term.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "I got to tell you a thing or so about garage sales. Ever get the feeling that ponies just got lazy taking the trash out? In other, they just stopped right there on the driveway and begin putting price tags on stuff? I mean...come on, isn't it a bit suspicious that there's a one-letter difference between 'garage sale' and 'garbage' sale'? Except...just don't ever say 'garbage' like that. In my opinion, that's the only joke that mother ponies have and they can keep it for all I care. Now then, there's the issue of what kind of folks go to garage sales: the bottom feeders, that's for sure."

Indeed, we see Rainbow having her own garage sale in the middle of Ponyville (though a sign is shown with the words 'GARBAGE SALE' though the B is crossed out) with merchandise and found being found with various price tags. Twilight trots up.

"First off, there's the haggler." Rainbow's voice explains as the words 'THE HAGGLER' appears in the middle of the screen with a bowler derby on it fo a moment. "This is the kind of pony who spends his or her day trying to talk you down from a quarter to 22 bits just for some worthless piece of horsecrap."

Indeed, we see Rainbow talking with Cherry Berry who is holding one ugly doll. The latter said, "All right, I will give you two thin dime bits for this pantyhose doll thing."

"First off, that is an Aunt Bert." Rainbow points out to Cherry Berry who squints at the doll itself. "Second, that baby is worth way more than the quarter I'm asking her for. Hay, I paid six fifty for the doll when I got her new...and them's 1998 bits!"

"Oh. Maybe if she were say wearing a troll outfit, a witch's hat, something..."

"Tell you what; she will go for 24 bits."

"22 and a half bits, that's my final offer!" Cherry Berry insists to Rainbow in determination.

Rainbow smirks as she comments, "You filly...just got an Aunt Bert."

"Next off is the lurker'." Rainbow's voice explains next. 'THE LURKER' appears in the middle with a candle and two skulls on it for a moment. "In other words, it's the shady night manager at some night store type that shades around all day but doesn't bother buying anything." Indeed, we see Derpy looking at some merchandise though doing her best to stay clear from Granny Smith. "I mean is she even there to be seen at all?"

"Hey, look at this can of peas, Nelveatica." Granny Smith said to Derpy, freaking her out. "Mind buying it for me?"

"Uh, Granny Smith? I kinda find it hard to explain how freaked out I am right now." Derpy said to Granny Smith uncomfortably.

"Don't know why especially since you got this can of peas to look forward to and all."

Rainbow, frowning, trots up while saying, "Coem on, if you can't buy anything, you got to go! You're driving all my best customers off!"

Granny Smith shrugs as she trots off with the can of peas. Derpy shudders while saying, "Wow, I really need a chemical shower after talking to her. Do we have an emergency eyewash station in Ponyville?"

"Well, at least Granny Smith has brought something...lurker! Why don't you go back to the night store!"

"And last but not least..." Rainbow's voice said as we see Twilight talking with Big Macintosh. The words 'BIG MACINTOSH' is seen with an apple in place of the 'O' and a towel handing off the 'H'. For some reason, the stallion is holding some stuff labeled 'Great for foal!'. The two are in front of a picnic basket that has more of the stuff, except for one that is labeled 'Great for Granny'. "...there is Big Macintosh."

"Big Mac, do I even want to know why you're buying the 'great for foal' items?" Twilight ask Big Macintosh uneasily.

"Nnope, rather you don't, Miss Sparkle." Big Macintosh said to Twilight uneasily.

Rainbow types on her computer as she said, "Of course, obviously, wasting your Saturday morning just to sell 3 and 19 bits worth of trash isn't one cool real reason to have a garage sale. Nope, it's to get ponies out of their homes so that the Cutie Mark Crusaders can steal from them!"

We see Pinkie's home which is a wreck more so than usual. The CMC are in there near a large bag while dealing stuff for Rainbow. Scootaloo hums while stuffing the cow lamp into the bag.

"Okay, what else can we done swipe?" Apple Bloom asks curiously and amused while looking for something else to swipe.

Just then Pinke pops out of the bag asking, "All right if you put this cow lamp back, girls?" She throw the cow lamp out. "We are running out of room in here. Anyway, you won't get much for that thing anyhow. I mean, not even a real cow for the love of Celestia."

"See what I mean?" Rainbow asks while typing back on her computer. "That way, we can make one huge killing when we sell the stuff back to those the unsuspecting ponies a few weeks later at one inflated price."

Back at the garage sale, Twilight and Rainbow are near a familiar answering machine on a table. The purple unicorn comments while seeing it, "Perfect! I've always wanted an answering machine since my previous one disappeared for some reason."

Just then the answering machine spoke in Twilight's voice, "Have a great day at Twilight's! Please leave me a message!" Of course, the purple unicorn gave a suspicious angry glare to Rainbow who looks around shifty and nervously; looks like she's been caught.

"Heh heh, see, perfect; it already knows your name even. Heh, oooh! Heh, eee; Oh, hmm; Peow," Rainbow exclaims as she flies off. Twilight smirks a bit.

"More like, pree-ow."

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail to an end. Twilight glances to Pinkie, with a huge price tag over herself calling, "Pinkie Pie for sale, we got one! Slightly used and all confused! We can't give these ponies away!" She begins to lean. "I will take it!" The pink pony leans the other way. "I will take twelve!" Now Pinkie stood upright. "Gallop 1 home today!"

Twilight shook her head while going over to Big Macintosh, commentating, "This garage sale is more like a 'gar-bahge' one."

"Hey, dah dah dah dah dah," Rainbow exclaims as she appears suddenly, "Moms only!"

"Rainbow Dash, I'm a mother, remember?"

"Good! I'm okay to say it then!" Big Macintosh exclaims suddenly. This made Rainbow and Twilight shocked, disturbed and confused by what the stallion just said. They prefer not to even know.

The End

Author's note
What an interesting day at the garage sale, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow talks about what would happen if she does some of her previous e-mails over...though Pinkie change places with Apple Bloom, making things complicated. Read, review and suggest!

12. do over

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: do over

"Rainbow Dash Email! Makes money! Rainbow Dash Email! Gets paid," Rainbow sang at her computer. She then brings up the first e-mail of the show.

Rainbow

So glad you enjoyed meeting my brothers (I bet Rarity would have a field day with Brittany Pinkiepie with Eleanor and Twilight with Jeanette besides wonder how those three would fit ... eh oh well anyway though got a question what do you think of cooking on your own doing something from scratch ? also on a personal note I think your very cute and drop dead beautiful and this is coming directly from me one other question . have you been to a chipmunk concert? lets just say its fully packed with screaming girls (Fangirls to be exact) YIKES!

Yours Truely, Adam

Rainbow types in while saying, "Yeah, I probably don't need an answer to the first one. Now then, as for cooking, I don't use the oven much, just throw the baby into the microwave and let something cook! And thanks for the cute, beautiful, whatever remarks. As far as the Chipmunk concert goes, that's a who knows on a basis; now time for the next question."

Subject: just wondering...
Dear Rainbowdash,
If you could do something all over again, what would do you differently?

Horsecrapfully yours,
Space Rat
U.S.A.

Rainbow remarks 'Really not getting old' in place of 'Horsecrapfully yours' (since the mare hates those kind of endings) and said 'U.S.A' with a pause between each.

Rainbow blinks as she types in, asking, "Hang on, you aren't related to Trixie, are you? Or Dixie as you Americans would call her." We see a drawing of 'Dixie' which looks like a mix between Trixie Lulamoon and Lucy Van Pelt from the 'Peanuts', drawing style and font. "Man, whoa, 'Dixie', thanks Spacey; your pal, 'Red Ded'."

Rainbow types in as RD then clearing the screen continue, "Now then, what would I do different, eh? While I rarely admit to make mistake, that has been a few, which I call 'em 'stnanks', that deserve a do-over. Although in my life I made mistakes like the Mare Do Well incident, sneaking into the hospital to steal a book, or the wedding thing involving Twilight, the major ones are in my emails. No secret that one of my biggest stnanks involves Alfred and Alfred's brother. Man, if I had to do that over again, I wouldn't mess it up this time. Now here is what I'd do..."

We see the 'channel change' transition occurring. Rainbow is at her broken Lardy 2010 which shows the e-mail from 'brothers'.

Rainbow Dash,
My brother and I think you are so cool. Do you have a colt-friend? There are two of us.
Yours,
Alfred

"Wow...there's two of them!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly. She then put a candle next to the computer and clears the screen. Maybe this time her computer won't delete this e-mail. The pony types to romantic music while saying, ""Well, Alfred, there is one of me. I would definitely like to invite myself over to your place tonight for dinner and maybe those mints afterwards. After the mints, you and your brother, Alfred Jr. which I will call her, can fight to the death over yours truly. Hang on."

The music stops as Rainbow said uneasily, "No, hold it. No dying, no." The pony only types in one 'no' though. "Err..."

The music restarts as Rainbow explains, "Yeah, we shall hold one egg drop soup eating contest and..." The music came to a screeching halt while the mare stammer. "Oh horse feathers! I can't remember what happens next." She stops typing in frustration, "Apple Bloom, I..."

Rainbow turns as if to berate Apple Bloom (who got up here via cloud). But to her surprise and confusion, it's Pinkie Pie on her knees (if ponies have knees). She is covered in the paint that is the color of Apple Bloom's coat which covers up her cutie mark. The pink pony is also wearing a red tuft of hair and a red bow to make her look like the filly.

"Howdy Miss Dash; Ah is part o' de' Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Pinkie exclaims in her best impression of Apple Bloom.

"Oh yeah, very funny; Ha ha," Rainbow said dryly and sarcastically. "Pinkie Pie, where's Apple Bloom?"

"Nnope, Ah ain't Pinkie! Ah am done Apple Bloom!"

"Is that so? Then what..."

Pinkie stood up, smiling as she exclaims in her real voice, "Surprise! It's really me, Dashie, Pinkie Pie; From Sugarcube Corner!"

"Ugh, I need Apple Bloom right now!" Rainbow groans making Pinkie nod as she got on her knees again.

"Okie dokie lokie. Ahem...eeyup!"

"That isn't what I meant! Well, you will have to do, I guess. Listen, 'Apple Bloom', I need your help in making my award-winning rewrite of the Alfred and Alfred's brother e-mail; there's two of them."

"Really, boy howdy, 'dat's fun," Pinkie Pie remarks in Apple Bloom's accent. Ah done know, yew should serenade 'de two! Ah can play 'de drum!"

"Oh, that sounds right." Rainbow said with a thoughtful smile. "Come on, let's practice!"

"Yeah! Ah can play 'de drum!"

In the field, Rainbow is singing into the microphone while Pinkie is hitting on a floor tom, "Don't you know I have a," We hear a feedback noise, "BIG OL' RAINBOW HEAD! And a thin little body!" The mare shakes her body eagerly. "And I never change my cloooothes!" The thing is high-pitched, making yet another feedback noise. "No, I never change my cloooothes!"

"Dashie? Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'm falling for you." Pinkie said with a happy loving sigh while little hearts appear over her head...much to Rainbow's horror.

Back in the present, Rainbow yelps in terror. She types while saying, "No, no, no, no; not right, not cool at all! I mean, making Pinkie Pie dressed as Apple Bloom fall in love with me. That isn't what I had in mind! Ugh, whatever. Not like I care. I wasn't going to Doofus's place anyhow!"

Rainbow clears the screen and goes back to typing, asking, "All right, what else? Yeah, I guess I always felt a little bad about pranking poor Apple Bloom in e-mail 23. How about we do that one again, shall we?"

We see the channel change of Rainbow on the Lardy 2010, before it was broken. She is reading the e-mail from 'little animal'.

We all know you are willing to (at the very least) kick large mean animals, but what would you do to a smaller, not-so-mean animal that came up to you?

horsecrapfully yours,
mary and kate

"...horsecrapfully yours, Mary and Kate." Rainbow said with an annoyed sigh. Why must she get these kind of e-mails?

The mare clears her screen as she explains, "It would depend on what kind of mood I was in. I mean, I wouldn't kick a smaller, not-so-mean animal (I'm not a bully, after all), but I might be either nice to the smaller, not-so-mean animal or play a (relatively) harmless prank on it. Like I said, it would depend on what kind of mood I was in. Let's find out."

Rainbow turns, expecting to see Apple Bloom...but to her disbelief, there's Pinkie Pie in the Apple Bloom outfit again, kneeling near her while saying, "Howdy, Rainbow Dash!"

"Ugh! No, not a chance! This doesn't count! You ain't making a fool out of me, no cupcakes or anything. I will be nice and give you sage advice as well as a...'pat' on the head. And..." Suddenly Pinkie coughs right onto Rainbow, much to her disgust. That's the last straw! The mare, angry so far, hits the pink pony with the keyboard while shouting, "THAT DOES IT! DON'T EVER DRESS UP AS APPLE BLOOM OR ANY OF HER FRIENDS AGAIN; PARSLEY; SAGE; ROSEMARY AND OTHER STUFF!"

"Hey!" A familiar voice snaps angrily. Rainbow yelps as he saw Tough Apple arriving, looking angrily at her, "What yew doing harming mah little cousin Apple Bloom fer?!"

"Wait, hang on, Tough Apple. That isn't Apple Bloom, really! That's Pinkie Pie, honest! I wasn't hurting her! I was pulling a prank on her."

"Howdy, Ah am not Apple Bloom! Got hurt, moooooo," Pinkie exclaims as Tough Apple smiles for a moment, obviously fooled, "Nnope; Not fro' Sugarcube Corner, mooooo!"

"Hey come on, Apple Bloom isn't a cow and..." Rainbow didn't have time to finish as the mad Tough Apple grabs her by the leg and held the pony upside down, "Whoa, whoa! Hang on!"

Tough Apple shakes Rainbow angrily while yelling, "Apple Bloom is so a cow if she does like 'ta pretend 'ta!" The pony kept on shaking Rainbow, causing pits to fall out while Pinkie pecks them off the ground like a chicken.

"Tough Apple; put me down! You are making a terrible stnank here!"

"Makes me feel y'all jangly inside," Pinkie exclaims happily, shaking around with bites inside herself; Needless to say, Rainbow isn't improving at all.

The channel changes back to the present. Rainbow sighs in annoyance as she types in, saying, "Okay, no problem. It's very clear that this e-mail is the one that should be redone here. AwesomeX, if you please." The text disappears as the computer shows the words 'Do Over!' followed by a huge explosion effect. "DO OVER!"

We see the original e-mail coming back up as Rainbow types as if nothing has happened. She said, "Now then, what would I do different, eh? The answer is...nothing. Absolutely nothing at all! Well...I might go back and have one of them Scootaloo Cakes to taste. Those things look pretty good right about now."

Suddenly, there's Pinkie Pie, this time disguised as Scootaloo and is carrying a bag that says 'VERY MOLDY CUPCAKES, PONIES'. She remarks in the filly's voice much to Rainbow's horror, "Want some?"

"No, no! I regret nothing! Wait, nothing!"

"Awwwww!"

Pinkie leaves in disappointment as if Rainbow doesn't like her anymore. The mare sighs while saying, "Phew, close one."

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end. The mare frowns as she taps the back of her head a few times to shake out a few bits that land onto the desk. Weird!

We see Scootaloo disguised as Pinkie as Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave her and her friends some free treats. Mrs. Cake said, "Here you go. Are you going to pay for this later, Pinkie Pie?"

"Okie dokie lokie," Scootaloo exclaims happily as she hold out a note that said 'Put on tab'. When Mrs. Cake is gone, the filly remarks to Apple Bloom, "Wow, this was a good idea, Apple Bloom."

"Eeyup, 'dat's how it works when getting free stuff 'de first few times." Apple Bloom said to Scootaloo with a grin. The Pinkie Pie switcheraoo was the best idea ever!

The End

Author's note
Looks like Rainbow doesn't need to redo her e-mails I guess. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony shows how things get boring in Ponyville very quickly. Read, review and suggest.

13. boring (really)

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: boring (really)

"E-mail theme song! 1-2-3! A da-da-checka e-mail wit' me, RD, y'all," Rainbow sang as she loads the first e-mail like the mare always do when checking her e-mails.

Rainbow

So did you ever think of building a TARDIS and traveling to Earth? or just wait for another species to show up in Equestria because sooner or later me and Simon are going to be traversing the Multiverse all of time and space oh and Rainbow just so you know I think that your the most beautiful pony to ever grace Equestria . oh and one other thing , Do you watch a show called Doctor Who?

Yours Truely Adam

Rainbow pauses to do some thinking then spoke while typing, "To be honest, if I wanted to go to Earth, I would use the Rainbow Bridge that connects from me to Megan's backyard. Also, good luck on your travels and thanks for the comment. Now as far as Doctor Who goes, why do I need to? I think we got someone like that called 'Time Turner'; Next question!"

Subject: bored...
Dear Rainbowdash,
Ever get boring where you live; Because right now, I am so bored out of my mind.

With loads of horse crap,
Molly, Lake Coltson, TX

Rainbow said 'Rainbowbah' in place of 'RainbowDash', she said 'groan' in place of 'horsecrap' (again with that!) and pronounce 'TX' as 'Tejas'. The mare begins to type while asking, "So, you are bored out of your mind, right? Well, buddy, you have come to the right place. Time to see what I...can do...about...that..."

Rainbow draws 'that' out saying and typing it very slowly. With a nod, the mare leaves her room as the screen zooms out slowly from the AwesomeX; Time for the boredom to begin.

We now see Pinkie Pie staring at the side of Sugarcube Corner while Rainbow comes up to her. The whole scene and dialogue will be at an exaggeratedly slow pace.

"Pinkie Pie; what kind of crazy stuff...is happening...here?" Rainbow asks Pinkie curiously. There is a short pause for the moment.

"Oh hey Dashie," Pinkie said as Rainbow turns to slowly look at her friend. "You startled me. I was counting the bricks on the side of Sugarcube Corner. So far, I'm up to 248."

"248, huh; why, that's less than 250!"

"Yep! I remember learning somewhere, I think..."

Rainbow slowly looks away while saying, "Okay, take care, Pinkie Pie. I'm going to take real...real...tiny steps over to the Tree." The Pegasus pony goes right, taking real real tiny steps. We go to another short pause.

"Okay...be careful." Pinkie said as she goes back to counting bricks very boredly.

Rainbow, still trotting in tiny steps approach the Tree, then saw Derpy there standing nearby. The cross-eyed Pegasus pony isn't blinking though her mouth is open.

"So what are you...uh, doing?" Rainbow asks Derpy curiously but not that curiously.

"Oh, practicing...closing...my eyes." Derpy explains to Rainbow slowly. "However I ain't very...good...at doing so."

"Oh I see."

"Nah, more like...I see..." Derpy close her eyes slowly with a tremble when they are nearly closely...but the mare closes them completely. "Oh, okay! There we go! Okay, I see what the fuss is all about!" She opens her eyes. "Oops, sorry, just lost it."

"296." Pinkie announces as she came closely to the two ponies.

"Wow." Rainbow said, impressed by the number of bricks that her friends has counted.

"Yeah, wow." Derpy said impressed almost simultaneously, "I betcha that's just a little less...than 300."

The group all said that once, "I remember learning that som..."

Without warning though, Fluttershy flew in, looking hyperactive like when Rainbow gave her some caffeine. The background music from a certain radio station is heard, interrupting what the trio was saying. Flames burst on the side of the screen.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah; you ponies, you ponies!" Fluttershy exclaims wildly. "I struck gold on a spaceship, it gave me super powers! Yay ya ya! There are wood-davers all over! Yay," A record is heard scratching.

Back on her computer, Rainbow types in, explaining, "As you can see, Moller, things move a mile a minute around Ponyville. Well, except for Fluttershy, she gets wild on caffeine or something. And she is a fan of Ponish physicist Niels Boar the most apply named of all Ponyish physicists." We see a signed picture of the boar that is being made to Fluttershy. It reads...

yo yo, S2
you ain't
BOHRN yet!
Hah hah! -Filly '16

"Anyway, hope I didn't bore you into the back of your mind. And when I say that, I don't mean like..." Rainbow then made a noise of a drill going through a brain then thrash her head around like mad, "REER; Pssh psssshh; Blorgorg; Pfff!"

Rainbow types the sound effects as 'very 20% awesome drilling some brains sounds'. The mare remarks, "Gross, I know. But if you're still bored, then sit right there, relax ,and get ready to prepare for the grimdark madness of...me naming all the three letter words that yours truly can dish out."

Rainbow made a noise of a walkie talkie stick before she clears her throat. The mare brings up a new screen while saying the three letter words, "Cat; the. Lob. Irk. Try. Wet; Cod; For; Her; Ebb; Egg; Goo; Elk. Ilk," The paper comes down as she continues onward, "Dog; Fat; Pat; Spy. Get. Sat. Sit. Wow. Man."

The screen dims as we fade out for a moment. Once we go back, the screen got more words typed up as Rainbow continues listing them, "Huh. Not; Sty; Eye; Pie; Tug; Gut; Gun; Sap; Asp; Pus; Job..."

"Whoa, Rainbow Dash! Gotta stop yew right there," Applejack is heard offscreen as a record scratching noise is heard. "Ah done sure that 'jorb' is a four letters word."

We see a drawing of a fish on notepaper that has the words 'Try wet cod! (Please, come on), as well as a comic book drawing of Rainbow and Spike as Pony and Scootertoo.

At the Mayor's mansion, we see Rarity, the Mayor, Time Turner and Big Macintosh with two cool handsome. Two bags of Daisies and Roses are seen as the song 'It's the Weekend' is heard playing while the party laughs aloud.

"Ooh, this is some party!" Rarity exclaims while partying.

"Eeyup, sounds perfect!" Big Macintosh exclaims with a grin.

"Yahooo, exciting party," The Mayor exclaims happily while she and the others party onward.

The End

Author's note
Man, things get boring and exciting in Ponyville, ain't it? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow is encouraged to take up modeling (seriously). Read, review and suggest.

14. modeling

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: modeling

"Can you handle my style? No, you can't handle my styyyyyle. Email," Rainbow sang on at her computer once more. She pulls up the first e-mail as the mare begins to read it.

Rainbow

Well thanks to Simon's recent project the TARDIS we wouldn't have made it here to meet you Rainbow say that gives me an idea how about having the others over while i bring over my sisters wonder what would happen then? eh we are recharging the TARDIS with Matter Antimatter something you quite wouldn't understand though and of course knowing Simon he could well pretty much talk over your head when it comes to science and poor Alvin can't handle it though well as soon as its recharged we are heading over provided Twilight and the others are there

your's truely ,Adam

Rainbow types in as she said, "Hmmm, that does sound like an invite. Don't know when that will happen...and anything the geniuses can make always talk over my head when it involves science. Anyway, folk to see you soon; next e-mail!"

Subject: modeling
dear RAINBOW DASH!
I think you are one hot looking pony! Ever thought of doing some modeling?
Yours truuly,
Megan, Albuquerque

Rainbow yells her name at the top of the lungs, say 'truuly' as 'troo-OO-ly', 'Megan' as 'Meg-an' and the city as 'Al-bu-quay-qua'. Boy, does this girl have a reason to have her e-mail made fun of here.

"Well, dear MEGAN!" Rainbow shouts out while typing to show the e-mailer how it feels to be yelled at. "First off, you can't be the Megan me and my pony friends know. Then again, you probably weren't trying to pass off as her. As for modeling, I don't usually go for that air head show off-y horsecrap...hmmm, then again, perhaps I should do it. Someone as cool looking like yours truly gets approached on the street, being chased like Fluttershy, being admired...wait. Modeling?! Hmmmm, that's a truuly awesome idea!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "Now how come I've never thought of that before; 'Air heads'. Please! Perhaps I could get me some new threads at the Carousel Baroque and get some headshots taken. Rarity has a camera and I could get her to take some pictures of me, I know she would love that. Saaaay, better still, I can go karate chop Iron Will then ask Rarity to take pictures of yours truly. Oh yeah, that would be awesome!"

As music begins, Rainbow flew towards Iron Will at a seminar and karate chops him, causing Iron Will to yell out in pain, "Ouch!"

We see Rainbow in some sort of makeshift modeling studio in the field, sitting on a box while wearing a blue shirt and a yellow shirt around her neck like a cape. The backdrop is a white sheet with various colors splattered on it that is taped to two wooden posts. We also see photography lights on the left and right and Rarity is taking pictures with her camera.

"This is wonderful, I'm so glad you're taking up modeling, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity exclaims with glee as she take the picture. The screen flashes then we fade in to see Rainbow, in the same outfit, holding a tennis racket. "Okay, hold still, darling."

"Ha ha ha," Rainbow laughs eagerly. The screen flashes. We now see the mare on the ground, "Who, me?"

After another flash, we see Rainbow on a box with her right hoof in front of herself like she's pointing to the camera. The mare remarks, "This mare is sooooo charming." She points with the left hoof before we see another flash. Now Rainbow is standing with the tennis racket, "Still charming as ever."

We see another flash. Rarity continues taking pictures while remarking, "Beautiful, darling. I can see why Photo Finish's assistants love doing this. You are quite a charmer." The mare kept on taking more pictures as we see Rainbow standing.

"Man, what is the time?"

After another flash, Rainbow then turns away from the camera, turn towards it, waves hold her chin with afterimages following her. Another flash is seen as the Pegasus pony is now wearing a black skin tights with a purple scarf and glasses, with a briefcase.

"Wow, I am very casually late!" Rainbow announces. After another flash, the mare walks towards stage right, pausing to pose. The camera flashes once more to show her in front of a paneled wooden wall, holding a telephone with a wire chewed off. "Yeah, time for us to do lunch for some reason!"

Rainbow put down the phone before picking up the tennis racket. We now see another flash and now see the mare on her stomach on the ground, holding a pencil while leaning towards the camera. In the last image, she is leaning on post. "Right, I will pencil you in."

Rainbow pretends to be writing something onto the ground. Now we see one more flash before the mare is seen in a frozen trotting pose in front of a blue screen.

"Look at the times!" Rainbow exclaims as she kneels while pretending to look at a 'watch' once more. After another flash, the mare is wearing a sailor's dress and a turtleneck, holding a golf cub. There's a map in the background in front of a false wooden wall. "Say, lasses, do I see Cape Fish there?"

Rainbow points her golf club at the map before shrugging. After another flash, we see our favorite Pegasus pony on a box.

"Hey, off the port board stow!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile. After yet another flash, we see her standing with her hooves on what is supposed to be her hips. "Yeah, we are on a collision course with awesomeness!"

Rainbow shakes her hips as we see one more flash.

Back at her computer, Rainbow types in as she said, "Man, I really can't wait for those pictures to get back from Rarity's place. I can see some of those babies being used one of those glossy fashion magazines; In other words, the kind that is 9 bits and is 97& ads. Perhaps in an ad for those fancy leather shoes you are supposed to wear without..." We see an ad for 'Homely Filly Brand HUGE Tube Sockies' that has Rainbow in it, "...sock; WITHOUT THOSE SOCKS!"

The image disappears as Rainbow continues, "Man, imagine the luxury and fame! Wait, maybe some kinda fancy mare cologne...stuff." We see an ad for 'Doctor Stinkyhoof's Watery Athlete's Hoof Cream' that also has Rainbow in it. "Yeah, I can be lying next to some handsome stallion looking not so interested; As in 'whatever, buddy'.

That image disappears as Rainbow continues, "'No way you can approach the flava...of my cologne stuff'."

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Wait, no, I got something better! The cover of some steamy romance book! With my ripped..." We now see a book that said 'Not So Hot Detective Stuff; The Case of the Mare with Teeth Hard to Look At'. "...self being on a cliff of a lighthouse holding some cool colt in a suit."

Now that image is gone, Rainbow smiles as she explains, "He will be like 'No way, Pony Kim', it can't be'. But I will be like 'Come on, look in your heart, Colter'..."

Just then Derpy came in with a bag full of mail, the crossed eyes Pegasus pony smiles while saying, "Hey, Rainbow Dash! I got your mail. I hope you don't mind but I was looking through your stuff and you would never believe who made the cover of Doggy Headed Mares Back 2 School Catalog."

"WHAT?! It's back to school already?! Hay, it isn't even July! Well, since you mentioned it, go ahead. Who is on the cover, Derpy?"

"Duh, you are, Rainbow Dash!"

"What the hay," Rainbow asks in shock in alarm. She is on the school catalog, "No way! I don't have a doggy like head!"

"It's nothing to be sorry about. It's about the same size as my doggy body!" Derpy explains proudly as she hits her chest to make a dodge ball like sound effect. The mare then holds out a check while saying, "Oh, you also got this check from Doggy Headed Mares Catalog..."

"Give me that!" Rainbow snaps as she swipes the check from Derpy. "Oh yeah, I guess my doggy head can make a pretty bit. This will bring me a few months' worth of flowers! Betcha your doggy body isn't worth a 108 bits, eh?"

"Nah, but some eye doctors offered several thousand for my eyes. Don't know why."

Just then Pinkie bounces in happily while announcing, "Hey ponies! Guess who made this week's cover of Random Coincidence Magazine! Me!" The mare holds up a magazine that has her picture right on it. Then Pinkie throws it over her own shoulder before dancing to the same music that Rainbow was doing so earlier.

After some more camera flashes, we see the issues of 'Doggy Headed Mares' and 'Random Coincidence Magazine' appearing. The paper comes down as we bring this e-mail/chapter to a close. We also see an ad for 'RD Finest Cologne Stuff'.

The End

Author's note
Nice modeling from Rainbow. Now in the next chapter/e-mail, the mare reveals her 'bottom 10', in other words stuff that she really doesn't like. Guest-starring Pinkamena Diane Pie (not just the original but the other one as well)! Read, review and suggest.

15. bottom 10

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: bottom 10

"This email is making fun of you."Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail. Let's see whom she got.

Rainbow

What do you think of Firefly? ,from Ponyland that is if you two were to meet accidently though .

Anyway though moving on did you watch the macy's thanksgiving day parade I was stunned that the Power Rangers MegaForce made an appearance on TV made me feel like a kid in a candy shop anyway who or what TV show are you a fan of ? Take your time though no need to rush it , and one final question . Who is more random me or Pinkie Pie ?

Your's Truely ,
Adam

P.S. Oh and Rainbow maybe one day we could get together if and when we can so yea love ya though XOXOXO

Rainbow chuckles as she types in, explaining, "To be honest, Firefly, my ancestor, passed away centuries ago before I was born. If we were to meet though, it would've been 20%...no, scratch that! 100% awesome! Also, why do we need the Macy's Thanksgiving thing when we can do that stuff here in Equestria? Now then, as for TV show, did you see the Knightshade cancelled pilot episode?"

Rainbow screen the screens as she continues, "As far as who is random, no pony can beat the queen of randomness Pinkie Pie. Now as for your P.S...that depends on my mood; next e-mail!"

Subject: Bottom 10
To Dumbow Lame
What is your bottom 10?

From some pony whose is more awesome than you

Rainbow shook her head, this e-mail insults her big time. Not only that, the mare saw some 'typos' in there.

"Oh hay, this pony made a lot of types. Let's see what I can do..." Rainbow said as she begins 'revising'. She changes 'Dumbow Lame' to 'Rainbow Dash'. "I think they forgot this..." The mare puts in 'the future Wonderbolt' after her own name. "Right, they also got this wrong."

Rainbow changes 'some pony who is more awesome than you' to 'some pony that is a colt' with the last part being italicized and in red. The mare remarks, "All right, there we go." She then begins to type, some of the words are in pink, while saying, "Wow, Simon...you sound like a pretty nice colt, so I think I will answer your question very much free of charge. Now here is 'Rainbow Dash's Bottom 10' as follows..."

We see Rainbow Dash's Cloudsdale as the subject begin. The logo for 'Rainbow Dash's Bottom 10' appears from the top of the screen. We hear the mare explaining, "Number 10 is very much easy. Dry T-Shirt Contests," We see a contest flyer for J. Colts Bars and Sometimes Grill flying from the top, "Seriously? You can never find a more degrading lame contest or something that is a large waste of not water at all."

As the flier leaves, Rainbow continues on, "Now creeping in at number 9 is that creepy Pinkie Pie lookalike creature that lived in Pinkie Pie's secret dungeon underneath Sugarcube Corner since we made 'Cupcakes'."

We hear dramatic music playing as Rainbow uneasily opens a familiar door that leads to the secret dungeon that Pinkie Pie has underneath Sugarcube Corner for some reason. When the mare opens it, she sees what looks like her pink friend, except with her mane and tail flattened and she has a creepy smile on her face.

The creature, known as Pinkamena Diane Pie, then said creepily, "Your number just came uuuuuup!"

Rainbow screams in terror and slams the door. She begins to bounce around, saying the word 'brr' around like mad until the mare stops barely. That Pinkie Pie creature creep her out!

"For the record, if this was a bottom 11 list (If I liked going one step below) the jibblies or the brrs would definitely occupy the number 11 spot on the list." Rainboew said as the numbers 10 and 9 shift up to show '11. The Jibbles/Brrs' (Not in bottom 10) in gray; Number 11 leaves as 9 and 10 goes back to their former positions. "Now number 8 is something you ponies should pay close attention to at all times: Emails with more than one 'Fwd:' and 'Re:' in the Subject line."

"Get out of my way because I'm checking some e-mail!" Rainbow exclaims in her computer room as she press enter so an e-mail will appear. To her annoyance, the subject line fills up the screen that consists of entirely of 'Fwd' and 'Re' and it kept scrolling. "Oh, horse feathers! Let me guess: 'oh, hey, that's so true, you saw it on the news!' Or 'hey, it sounds like a crazy idea but I figure it's worth a short!'"

"Right, a shot in the flank maybe," Rainbow's voice remarks bitterly as we go back to Cloudsdale. "For number seven, it's something that has been going on for way WAY too long: miniature version of already bite-sized food stuff."

We see an ad for Liquidy Red Jello as that annoying Jello donkey Gello appears, saying, "Hey there! Guess whose birthday it is today!" A question mark appears "You got it, it's mine and..."

Gello was cut off as the lights are turned off, the donkey winces in pain as an electric shock noise plays. A miniature version of him named Nello appears as he said happily, much to her anger, "Nope, Gello, sorry but it's my birfday. I'm 1 years old. My name is Nello for new Liquidy Red Jello bite-siz..."

The announcer interrupts as he said, "Liquidy Red Jello Bite-Size Gelloers are perfect for foals whose are just born!" A foal emerges from a mountain of that Gelloers stuff before ducking down brain. "And scalding hot chocolate," We pull back to reveal the jello stuff on top of piles of waffles which catches on fire. "Yeah, you don't have to deal with mountain strain with this stuff!"

We see a mouth straining to eat full-size jello with a caption that said 'Got Mouth Strain?' with a red circle before we see a line 'no' symbol drawn through it'. The symbol rolls away as the jello changes to a Gelloer. The mouth smiles as the caption now reads, 'Hay No!'

"Hey, I make good earpugs as well!" Nello said happily.

Gello of course isn't happy at all that some pony is taking his thunder. He flies in and knocks Nello away while yelling, "Get the Tartarus out here, you little freak!" The donkey winces as the electrical shock noise came back.

The commercial came to a pause, the word 'PAUSE' shows up on the bottom of the screen.

Returning to Cloudsdale, Rainbow's voice said, "And Number Six: the foul Stench of a Wet Cat."

Rarity's cat Opalscence shivers like mad as she is soaking wed. The cat is standing next to a ladder and a cup along with a sign that said 'KICK THE CAT INTO THE CUP' - 5 BITS'. I think we all know what's going on here."

Back in Cloudsdale, Rainbow's voice said, "And number five...err, not..." The music stops, "Pigeon." We hear a pigeon cooing as if the mare cannot say what she truly said out of fear of getting 'dropped on'. "Yeah, those birds eat breadcrumbs and take their bird crap on ponies. Very funny stuff, yeah...NUMBER FOUR!"

The music starts as Rainbow continues, "I recall one time when I had to hug a tree."

Pinkie frowns as she watch her friend Rainbow Dash hugging a tree and not by choice. The pink pony snaps, "Keeeep on hugging it, Dashie!"

"How in Equestria did you get me to hug this tree in the first place?" Rainbow asks Pinkie in a matter of bewilderment.

"I said keep on hugging it! Hug it!"

"And why am I bothering continuing to do this?"

"Keep on hugging it, hug it down!" Pinkie remarks to Rainbow sternly some more.

"Hay, I don't even like this tree that much." Rainbow said to Pinkie with a frown on her face.

"Oh yeah, we're getting to the good ones now." Rainbow's voice remarks as we return to Cloudsdale once more. "For Number 3, it's the ridiculus ideas of giving pony dessert dangerous names. Something like 'Cupcakedac Arrest'."

The picture that has the Cupcakedeac Arrest appears as a mare voice spoke up, "Wow, that looks sinful."

"Or...CAREFUL OR THIS BROWNIE MIGHT KILL YOU!" Rainbow's voice booms as the picture of the said brownie appears.

"Wow; that is rich."

"Or the most lease appetizing name of all time...Chocolate the Abomination's Revenge!" Rainbow's voice said as a picture of the desert appears.

"Is this fat-free?" The mare voice asks curiously.

"Oh shut up, you mare!" Rainbow's voice snaps as the pictures slide away from sight. "Now slumming in at number two are lame songs that try to pass off 'la la's', 'na na's' and 'doot do's as legit lyics as heard in Knightshade's very bizarre album 'Feed the Foals'.

We see an album art of 'Feed the Foals' appearing as we hear the band sing the song.

Knightshade Solo: Na, na, la la laaaaa,
Hey, hey! Doo-doot doo!
Na, na, la la laaaaa,
Hey, hey! Doo-doot doo!

Knightshade: Na, na, la la laaaaa,
Hey, hey! Doo-doot doo!

We hear a record scratching as the song came to a stop, the album art slides away. Rainbow's voice groans, "Oh man, what were those stallions thinking?! I mean, that's more like 'We need to feed our foals so we go and made this terrible as Trixie song'. And now the Number One item on Rainbow Dash's Bottom 10 is Th..."

"Hey Dashie!" Pinkie interrupts Rainbow happily as we see her nearby. "How about my bottom..."

"Pinkie, no offense, but no pony wants to hear your bottom 10 right now."

"No you silly filly! I don't have a Bottom 10! I mean my bottom! See?" Pinkie turns around to do a flank dance while singing, "flankdance again, like the rhythm's down your pants now!"

Seeing Pinkie shake her button made Rainbow horrified and disgusted. As Pinkie watch on, the mare groans a bit and make vomiting noise then she threw up right on her keyboard. Not a pretty sight.

"Ugh, oh man." Rainbow said weakly. "And thus the Number One item on Rainbow Dash's Bottom 10 is...The..." She then types up something, "cleaning your own vomit off your own keyboard."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Simon, you owe me 7 and 50 bits. Also, bring me some paper towels...as well as some tweezers. I think I see some jello small size in there..."

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end. After a while, Rainbow, as if her fans were expecting some Easter Eggs, adds weakly, "No...there isn't any Easter eggs. I am not up to it now...go away..."

The End

Author's note
Well, that appears to be a bit awkward with the ending being disgusting. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow gathers some records for a record book. Read, review and suggest.

Pinkamena Diane Pie is an OC of greenrob (that looks like Pinkie Pie) who plays the horrible painting in 'Cupcakes 2'.

16. record book

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: record book

Rainbow was at her computer once more, singing as she brings up the first e-mail of the show, "Drape it over your aaaaaaarms, step out in styyyyyle, Rainbow Dash Emaaaaaaail..."

So Rainbow What do you think of the Power Rangers Megaforce ? me i think its fantastic and there airing on ABC and Nick if you have direct TV or Dish now that's 20% cool your's truely Adam

Ps you should put your mane in a ponytail (smiley face and wink with a smiley face)

Rainbow pause to think then respond, "I don't watch much of those shows, probably overrated but no offense. As for the ponytail, maybe, just maybe...all right, next e-mail!"

Subject: records
dear rainbow dash
i wonder if you were in the record book at some point. if so, whatever for?

justin, tx

Rainbow said 'book' as 'buk' while saying 'tx' as 'Tee-Ex'. The mare types as she said, "Wow, the Justin TX! That must be 4 more cylinders than the standard one. Perhaps better Blue Book value as well." We see a drawing of Standard Justin (some generic pony) on an index card, as well as the Justin TX, showing a weird smiling car in front of the stallion. It is labeled with 'built-in smoke', '3 front wheels' and 'justin' (arrows pointing to each one).

Rainbow continues, "To be honest, I don't recall if I was ever in the record book or not. But I should be! Let's take a look, a book look at least."

Rainbow goes over to a table as she put down the book onto the labeled. It is called 'EQUESTRIA'S RECORD BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS'. The mare comments, "All right, now let's see what we got in here."

Rainbow opens the door to page 42. It has a picture of a very dirty Cheerilee in a 1980s like look which reads 'Chapter 4 - Records of Weirdest, Longest Fashion Streak 65 Days, 3 Hours, 42 minutes: CHEERILEE'.

"65 days, really?!" Rainbow asks in surprise and disbelief. "Way outdated, I'm sure that she has surpassed that one by a lot of fortnights at this point. At least, depending on what is in Cheerilee's closet."

Rainbow turns to page 116 for a better one. She finds herself as a filly in a diaper that reads 'Chapter 4 - Records of Smell, Dirtiest Diapey, Very, Very Dirty: RAINBOW DASH'.

"Dirtiest Diaper...gah," Rainbow exclaims in alarm. She quickly throws eggs, daisies and coffee right onto the page, making fake coughing noises. The mare smiles nervously while saying, "Coffee, eggs, daisies! Oh, man, too bad. I guess I must have 'accidentally' drop my breakfast all over the record of whatever that is. Heh heh."

Rainbow returns to her computer and types once more, "Yeah, obviously this book is in serious need of one update. Okay, let's start with the title, shall we? Maybe we could go for...'Count Stallionardeaux's Book of Party Tricks, Southern Pony Jokes, and Equestrian Records'!" We see the book appearing. "Yeah, that is definitely a book worthy of every toilet-side magazine basket. How about we go see about updating some of those records, shall we?"

Rainbow gets up to do just that.

We see Twilight using a magnifying glass to write on a small (and I mean SMALL) piece of paper while humming, with her face magnified. Rainbow came in while asking, "What's up, egg bottom? Tell me, how smart are you?"

"Why would you want to know that?" Twilight ask Rainbow puzzled.

"Well, Count Stallionardeaux wants me to gather new records for his record book." Rainbow explains while holding up a clipboard which got a paper that reads 'who the eggiest?'.

"Well, that this oughta interest you! I have transcribed Paradise Estates Lost onto this single very small piece of paper, in four languages as well!"

"Right, that deserves a record big time!"

A buzzer is heard as we see a page of the book. It reads ' Chapter 7 - Records of Smartest, Biggest Waste of Time: Twilight 'Biggest Egghead Ever' Sparkle'. The picture shows the unicorn looking through the magnifying glass while smiling at the camera.

At Granny Smith's house, the mare is preparing to eat a giant pile of salt as Rainbow came in, calling, "Hey Granny Smith I really need some disgusting eating records. How about you have lunch? Betcha you will set several without trying even once."

"Oh good idea! Ah like eating lunch! In fact, Ah am having a giant pile o' salt!" Granny Smith exclaims as we see the entire pile, along with a salt shaker is labeled with the number 7 sitting near it, a can of 'Standard Justin' Brand salt that is, "Vwoooooooooooooooooo-foop!"

The mare soon sucks all of the salt in one gulp as if a giant monster, as well as the salt shaker.

"Wow, very nice work!" Rainbow exclaims impressed. Granny Smith hiccups 3 times. "So you got the hiccups now?"

"Nah, those are my heart attacks of course!" Granny Smith explains to Rainbow with a weird smile.

We see another buzzer as another page appears: 'Chapter 3 - Disgusting Eating/Old Mare Records, Least Healthiest (Pony?): Granny Smith'. We can hear the old mare hiccupping once more.

Pinkie is in the field standing a box telling some Southern pony jokes, the box itself reads '13 Y'all', "Hey, whatcha call a Southern pony with no teeth and watch stock pony racing all? Ba-ha-ha-haaa! Wow, those ponies don't wear shirts!"

Rainbow meanwhile is talking with Cheerilee, asking, "So Cheerilee, what kind of wonderful stuff can you give us? Which isn't related to teaching or your 1980s era?"

"Well, I am going to set the Equestrian record for putting nine pieces of chewed gum on my face while singing the song 'I'm Just Me' while hopping on one foot." Cheerilee explains as she put chewed gum onto her face. The mare starts hopping on one foot as she begins to sing.

"Cheerilee..."

"I'm just me!" Cheerilee sang, causing Rainbow to shake her head in annoyance. "Can't you see?" Rainbow hits herself as if wanting to knock herself out, she is. "I'm just a silly little bumblebee!"

"Ugh, knock it off!" Rainbow snaps in annoyance. Cheerilee stop her hopping and singing though still stood on one foot. "Cheerilee, not to be a jerk pony, but you can't go and make up some random horsecrap which no pony else will do and call that a 'record'."

Derpy flies in, hopping on one foot while having 9 pieces of chewed gum on her face. Rainbow didn't notice as she kept on berating Cheerilee, "Count Stallionardeaux will not like..."

Derpy begins to sing, much to Rainbow's annoyance, "I'm just me! Can't you see? I'm just a silly little bumblebee!"

We see a record page which said, 'Chapter 91 - Weirdness/Awkwardnesses, The Semi-Annual Background Pony Award Or Best Offer! Derpy Hooves'; It has a picture of the mare with gum on her face but with her eyes no crossed somewhere else.

Pinkie appears as she asks eagerly, "Hey, what does a Southern pony call a dead possum lying in the middle of the road? Ba-ha-ha-haa! Maybe sushi," Regardless, an unseen audience groans.

Rainbow goes back on her computer as she types while saying, "Yeah, I think we're almost done here. The Cutie Mark Crusaders set the record for..."

We see another page that reads 'Chapter 2 - Special Records, Most Macaronis Nailed to A Paper Towel Tube...By the Cutie Mark Crusaders (just one though): Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo'. The picture shows the three fillies holding a tube with holes in it along with one macaroni piece nailed into the thing.

"...Most Macaronis Nailed To A Paper Towel Tube...By the Cutie Mark Crusaders." Rainbow adds in.

We see another page which is labeled 'Chapter 11 - Records of Smell/Track and Field, Pole Vault, 20 ft. 1.4 in.: Rarity'. Of course, for some reason, there isn't any picture but a black box that said 'No Surprise, No Photo is Available'.

"Rarity set the World Record for the pole vault, surprise there." Rainbow explains. "And of course Twilight's brother Shining Armor and his wife Princess Cadance won the Cutest Couple one."

We see another page that said ' Chapter 9 - Awesomest, Cutest Couple: Shining Armor and Princess Cadance' that has a picture of Shining and Cadance trying their best to look cute.

"Oh wait, I forgot about yours truly." Rainbow said, frowning as she remembers that the mare has yet to be in the record book. "Okay, got to get in this record book somehow. I will get the record for..."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy spoke up as she appears. "Not to be mean, but how about 'Most Biggest Ego'; if that's all right?"

"What?! 'Most Biggest Ego'?! Hey, I don't have a big ego."

"Uh, not to contradict you but you do have the ego the size of Trixie Lulamoon's."

"What a bunch of horse CRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRR..." Rainbow begins to say, looking ticked off while saying the word 'horse crap' very long.

A buzzer is heard as we see another page: 'Chapter 7 - Saying Words for A Long Time Records, Longest 'Horse Crap', 13.4 Second: Rainbow Dash'. It shows the mare in what position she is now.

"...ap! Horse crap," Rainbow snaps to Fluttershy, unaware of what just happened.

The paper comes down as this e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

The End

Author's note
Yes, the ponies has set a lot of Equestria world records! Awesome! In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow goes back a few years, days, whatever to show the first e-mail she has ever answered: giving advice on getting the stallions. Read, review and suggest.

17. Stallion-ing

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Stallion-ing

Rainbow is at it once more. She is at her computer, typing to bring up her first e-mail while singing loudly in falsetto, "Why do I check emails the way I do? I don't know."

Rainbow

So anyway I've been thinking and ever been to the theatre before? like on a date with somepony and oh that reminds me you should check out the anime sometime one of them is Girls Bravo its about a kid when he gets to close to the opiste sex he breaks out in a rash yikes so anyway though take a look at it and tell me what you think i'd love to hear your opinion on it currently i'm watching episode 7 right now oh that also reminds me you should meet Firefly yea she's alot like you personality wise like wise with Twilight Applejack Rarity and Fluttershy ... I wonder how that would turn out anywho see ya round

Your's Truely Adam

Rainbow pauses as she begins to type, "Yeah, I've been to the theatre, though I haven't been back since I was banned. That's a long story I will tell you another time. Girls Bravo; not sure if we get that show but maybe I will check it out on DVD; Now Firefly, I would love to meet if she's still alive; next e-mail!"

Subject: Stallions...
Dear Rainbowest of the Dashes,
We are two pathetic mares who can't get anything with the colts. Since you are an expert when it comes to stallions, any chance you could give us any tips on stallion...ing?
Your 2nd and 3rd best Friends Ever,
Betty and Veronica

Rainbow reads 'Rainbowest of the Dashes' very quickly and rhytmatically. After saying, 'can't get anything with the colts', the mare comments, "Yeah, that is something I wouldn't opening admit-fully." She also reads 'stallion-ing' and 'stallion?' (Pause) 'ing'?'

"2nd and 3rd best friends?! Come on, what about Fabrowski?! What did you two do to her?!" Rainbow demands to the e-mailers in frustration. "Well, who cares? That filly is probably out doing that 'stallion-ing' with that fake flank she always has. That's only going to attract some diamond diggers."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Well, desperate losing mares or not, you two should remember that I address this issue a long time ago, back before Twilight moved into Ponyville, back before the incidents that made us famous. In fact...it might as well be the first e-mail that I've ever checked; Scootaloo; how about to roll that beautiful e-mail footage for our fans!"

Scootaloo trots in with a Laserdisc, much to Rainbow's delight as she said, "Sweet, one of those Laserdisc things!" As music begins, the filly spins the disc while her idol sings. "Scootaloo's playin' something on a Laserdisc. Everything is better on Laserdisc; whatever happened to the Laserdisc; Laserdisc!"

Rainbow and Scootaloo high-hoof one another as the music stop. The filly trots off to the left to begin the clip.

Flashback

We see an arena in Ponyville's past. The years were simple back then as Twilight and Spike haven't moved to Ponyville yet, Nightmare, Discord and the Changelings weren't big threats and the Elements of Harmony weren't used to save the day.

We see the Mayor of Ponyville, years younger, in the ring calling out into the microphone, "And now in the red corner, from Cloudsdale, the Rambling Wreck of E-Mail Check...Rainbow Dash!"

In a corner of the wrestling ring, we see a table that held Rainbow's first computer, the Lardy 2010. A trapdoor opens up as Rainbow flew out of it, landing onto the mat with a loud thud.

"Hey greetings all you ponies! Holy horsecrap! Hey, welcome to the Rainbow Dash Show where yours truly check a real e-mail from each one of you slow pokes!" Rainbow taunts the crowd, making them boos. She made a cloud appear and send hail onto them. "Shut up!"

One hail hits someone in the crowd causing him to say 'ow'. Rainbow laughs at this while saying, "Right, now, let's get holy horsecrap to business!" The mare goes over to the Lardy to bring up her e-mail in some way.

Dear Rainbow Dash,
I am a desperate losing mare. Any chance you give me any tips on stallion-ing?
Your 1st best Friend ever,
Fabrowski

"Yes, of course, when it comes to the stallions, I really got no competition!" Rainbow exclaims as she flew up and shakes while saying it, "Holy horsecrap. First off Fabrowski, you gotta look as much as possible like the one and only Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow points herself with her hooves while continuing, "Then you gotta have wings..." The mare takes out some sandpaper while continuing, "And sand them off." She then rubs the sandpaper onto her wings, "Then you gotta have cool hooves that accentuate all your suppleties, whatever that means."

Rainbow swivels her body around once before continuing, "But sometimes..." She does so again. "...that isn't enough and you gotta douse yourself in the finest..." Rainbow takes out a can of gasoline, "Equestrian aftershave lotion."

Rainbow then did the unthinkable: she pours gasoline on herself causing the crowd to cheer. With a smirk, the mare trots over to Applejack, who isn't wearing her cowboy hat, and Big Macintosh; You can tell that she smells because gasoline fumes emante above Rainbow.

"Hey Big Mac; Want my hot body?" Rainbow asks Big Macintosh seductively while flying, shaking around as she spoke.

"Uh, Rainbow Dash; Eeeew, why do yew smell like a garage," Applejack asks Rainbow in concern.

"Eeyup, I wonder about that too!" Big Macintosh remarks in agreement.

"Why you...let's go!" Rainbow exclaims angrily as she pounces at Applejack, somersaulting over and over with a helicopter like until she lands on her head.

We now see a huge explosion of stars before seeing Applejack knocked to the mat with stars spinning above her eyes, making the mare groan, "Ah sure hope 'dat was an accident." We see Rainbow on top of the ropes, no longer emanating gasoline fumes.

"For you fans, that was an accident. We are just friendly rivals after all. Anyway, the stallions cannot resist cool wrestling moves off the top rope."

Rainbow then jumps from the top rope before hitting Applejack who is still down. We can see another starry explosion as the cowpony yelps in somewhat pain.

"Shucks, 'dat's a bit resistible." Big Macintosh remarks while watching the action in the ring.

"And in the event of that not working out, make sure you bring your cute Pegasus buddy..." Rainbow explains as we see Fluttershy trotting up...but falls through the ground when a trapdoor opens up accident, "Oh, sorry, Fluttershy; Ahem, or holy horse crap adorable filly who follows you all over at times."

Sure enough, we see Scootaloo trotting in from the right, smiling as she bats her eyes at Big Macintosh, saying, "Hey Big Mac!"

"Shucks, no offense but the whole thing smells like a garage with gum in it." Big Macintosh said with a frown.

"Scootaloo, didn't I tell you to wear the Equestrian aftershave lotion?!" Rainbow asks Scootaloo with a frown, making the filly turn and shrug to her. The mare sighs while waving her off, causing Scootaloo to leave. "And if all else fails..."

We see a table set up into the ring that has a tablecloth, two candles and a serving platter. Scootaloo gallops by it while humming a bit. Rainbow remark, "Get out the secret weapon..." The lid was removed off the platter to show two burritos and a tin of Marego's Caviar, "A candlelit dinner that invites caviar burritos and the finest cigars in Equestria!"

Rainbow with a smile and is emanating gasoline fumes again held a cigar up to a candle to light...but of course it explodes due to the gasoline itself. The mare screams in pain before we see Rainbow's head turned into ashes, leaving only her mouth the only thing to 'survive'.

"Shucks, Rainbow Dash, yew doesn't get it, do yew?" Applejack asks Rainbow dryly. "What 'de stallions wanted is a mare whose isn't making a foal out o' herself...an' her face."

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh remarks in agreement.

"Holy horsecrap," Rainbow coughs a bit.

"Still, no one would remember 'dis in a few years anyhow." Applejack remarks with a smile to Rainbow. "We is stars!"

Applejack leaps into a freeze frame. The background turns right as we see the words 'The End' in the corner. Someone is heard saying 'ding' a few times in time with the theme music.

End Flashback

The present, Rainbow is sleeping at her computer while snoring. The mare woke up with a stat, yelping as she begins to type, "Huh?! What, ooh; Oh yeah. Those old cartoons can tired a pony out. Anyway, so yeah, Betty, time to plant cucumbers. Stocks are up while the zebra stripes are down. As for old Rainbow Dash, she got a date with a bowl of crème Brule ice cream...Cream..."

Rainbow got up and leaves. Of course, a few seconds later, we see her at the table, snoring away as the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

We see Applejack and Big Macintosh in the field. What's odd about the cowpony is that we see her wearing a fake flank.

"So Big Mac, I is wearing a cowpony hat so as to accentuate all my bubbleties?" Applejack remarks in a fake falsetto. She spoke normally while asking, "So what yew think?"

"Not sure, did you get any stallions yet?" Big Macintosh asks Applejack puzzled.

"So far, a few times..."

We see a bottle of 'Genghis Colt' lotion for mares ('Smells like a Tyrant') as well as see a brief dream of Rainbow somersaulting over a canyon.

The End

Author's note
Okay, so Rainbow is an expert...so to speak. Man, these author notes are getting weak. In the next chapter/e-mail, we find out what happened to the Getting up Noise as it become popular. Read, review and suggest.

18. getting up noise

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: getting up noise

The room of Rainbow's room is dark, due to the fact that the mare isn't here now. Tank was sitting on his owner's computer when the lights are turned. The tortoise yelps as he flies away.

Rainbow came in, smiling as she said, "All right, time for a little bit of e-mail as well as some you and me mail." The mare begins up the first e-mail of the show.

Dear Rainbow Dash: have you ever been to sunnyville. i know applebloom was there. and if not would you go there alone or with friends and maybe one of the four alicorns. juat asking.

Your friend Greenrob

Rainbow blinks as she types in, saying, "'Sunnyville'? I'm pretty sure it was called 'Sunnytown'. And even then, no; I am sure that Apple Bloom made it up...but I digress. If this place does exist, I wouldn't go alone especially when it comes to zombie ponies; next e-mail!"

Subject: question
What happened to that get up noise? I always think it was cool

Sincerely yours 'mark brony AZ'

Rainbow said 'mark brony AZ' as 'macaroni from A to Z'. She remarks, "Cool, alphabet macaroni." The pony then types in, "'The get up noise'? Oh, you mean the 'Getting up Noise' right; this guy!"

Rainbow got up and sits down 3 times while making the noise each time. The mare continues typing, "Wow, that is so much fun. But still, that isn't the real Getting Up Noise. Nope, that is only his cousin 'Stool Scooter'."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "No, the real Getting Up noise left some time ago, probably around email 84. Around that same time, Ol' Getting got so major overseas. And then...all those calls begin coming in."

We see Rainbow talking into the phone while answering, "Yeah? Huh? What, yes, no, maybe..." We see that she is in her computer room showing the text from email 84 (foals' book) on her previous computer. "Hey, you, it's for you."

Rainbow toss the phone to the stool as the Getting Up Noise is heard.

Rainbow, back at her current computer, types as she said, "And next thing I knew, everypony is talking about the Getting up Noise like it's so big." The Getting up Noise is heard over the last two words.

Outside a store, we see Lyra talking to Bon-Bon as the former spoke, "Okay, Bon-Bon pal. Guess who am I supposed to be. Aaaaooooroomah! Eeeeeeoooowree!"

Bon-Bon cringes at her friend made the off-key sounds. The mare then asks dryly, "Is that supposed to be the Getting Up Noise?"

"Wait, wait; hang on! I can switch my pitch up; Waaay-o; Waaaay-o!"

"Way-o, way-o; Right, I will be in the basement when you stop being weird."

Bon-Bon goes into an elevator nearby and got into it, sinking into the basement surprisingly. Lyra kept on talking while doing the noise, "Way-o; Waaaay-o!"

On the boom box, which holds a cassette tape that is labeled 'Normal Bias', Rainbow's morning talk show radio host voice is heard, "Hey ponies, hang on to your flanks!" We heard a splat noise. "Whoa, what's up? We got the Getting Up Noise..." A doing sound is heard. "...all up in this place."

The Getting up Noise is heard as laughter follows. The voice remarks, "Oh yeah, we got one live one." We heard an old timey automobile horn sounding off.

Fluttershy is listening to the radio wearing a black T-Shirt that said 'this isn't a The Getting up Noise T-Shirt'. The mare sighs, shaking her head while saying, "Oh dear, the Getting up Noise used to be so cool."

Nowadays, the Getting Up is considered to be a sellout by some ponies, including Fluttershy.

On Spike's show, the dragon smiles as he said, "And of course, as usual in center square is the getting up noise." We see a square...which no one in it. "So, Getting, what's your answer?"

We heard the Getting Up Noise with the audience applauding for him. Spike smiles as he remarks, "Oh, that is special...unfortunately, the correct answer was 'way-o, way-o'." We see the correct answer on screen as the 'wrong answer' music plays. "Still, you get some fine parting gifts from us."

We see a copy of Spike's Show's Random Home Edition

FEW PRIZES!
SPIKE'S SHOW'S RANDOM HOME EDITION
- Choose to read a list!
- Ask questions and want answers
- probably played by yourself
board electric

An announcer is heard, "You got it, Spikey! The Getting up Noise will get a year's supply of our home game!"

"Heck even the Cutie Mark Crusaders got a piece of the Getting Up Apple Pie with their indie-tronic remix." Rainbow explains back at her computer.

Sure enough, we see the Cutie Mark Crusaders spinning the record CD 'DJ CMC -The Getting Up Noise' at the club. Bon-Bon and Applejack put their weight into it as the song plays on.

Singer: The Getting Up Noooooise.
The Getting Up Noooise. (Getting Up Getting Up Getting Up!)
The Getting Up Noooooise. (Getting Up Getting Up Getting Up!)
The Getting Up Noooise.

This goes on as Rainbow Dash is heard, "Yeah, before long, a bunch of rip offs begin showing up."

In a room at Castle Canterlot, Celestia is in her throne smiling as she said, "Morning, Equestria! It's the Throne Standing Noise!" We see the logo as the princess got up. The throne made a deep imitation of the Getting up Noise, "Boooooo!"

Celestia turn to see who just booed; Weird.

In the library, Rainbow is sitting in a yellow chair, grinning to the screen while saying, "Hey, it's everypony's favorite style, the Get out That Library Chair Sound!" We hear a noise accompanying the logo before Rainbow got out of the chair which made a low-pitched imitation noise of the Getting Up one, "How about that, Teacherloo?"

Big Macintosh's left hoof appears from behind a bookshelf which has a orange sock on it which shows Scootaloo's face drawn on it. The stallion, as Teacheroo, said, "Eeyup, blue sock; Blue sock!"

Rainbow, looking embarrassed, types at her computer, explaining, "Hah hah, that's not...well...anything. Nowadays, Getting got a house in the Pony Mountains, snowboarding all day from then on. Of course, he still shows up every now and again or sometimes doing very odd celebrity endorsement."

We see a postcard of a snowy mountain range that has the words 'Pony Mountains' in the top left corner. Luffy D. Monkey is seen wearing a winter hat, one oven mitt and a shirt that said 'I heart Teacherloo'. The text 'Luffy D awaits you' is at the bottom.

We see a shot for Rose Colored Shampoo, the Getting up Noise is heard in the background while an announcer exclaims, "Getting up Approved!"

"Like a backyard forest in your mane!"
Rose colored
SHAMPOO

Fluttershy is watching the commercial while wearing a shirt that said 'Corporate the Getting up Noise Still Stinks'. The mare in annoyance said, "What a sell-out."

Rainbow types on her computer while saying, "So in other words, that more than adequately answers your questions, Senor Macaroni."

"Hey, sir," Rainbow turns to see the one who spoke, Pinkie Pie, kneeling near her right while holding a notepad. She is obviously talking to the stool, "All right if I ask you for an autograph?"

"Uh, Pinkie; you do know that isn't the original Getting up Noise, right? It's his cousin..."

"Yep; Stool Scooter! I know who it is! That guy is my generation's Getting up Noise? Say, can you make it out to Pinkamena Diane Pie?"

"Ugh, you know what? Forget this, I'm leaving!" Rainbow groans as she trots off, causing the Stool Scooter to be heard making his noise.

"Oh, oh; there it is! Oh, how very dreamy," Pinkie giggles as little hearts came out of her head, popping like bubbles, "Ooooh!"

Pinkie faints to the floor while knocking the stool, causing the Stool Scooter Noise to be made. The paper comes down as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see 'autograph #1' on the notepad.

Back at the club, the CMC, Applejack and Bon-Bon is still dancing. Lyra comes in, dancing across the room. We see Big Macintosh's sock puppet appearing up front for a bit as he lip syncs the words 'getting up getting up getting up' before disappears and reappearing to the left where it lip syncs once more.

The sock puppet goes up front and lip syncs one more times before 'dancing' to the music. We fade to black while the Getting up Noise is heard one more time in this chapter.

The End

Author's note
And thus, that's the Getting Up Noise, folks. Whatcha think? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains how she helps Scootaloo go to bed at night. Read, review and suggest.

The first e-mail has references to 'The Story of the Blanks' game.

19. bedtime story

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: bedtime story

"I'm still here, after all these years, checkin' my email." Rainbow sang while bringing up her e-mail. She then goes up in a high-pitched voice, "Checkin' my email!"

Subject: Bed-time Stories
Hello Rainbow Dash,
I have trouble falling asleep lately. I was wondering: can you tell me a bedtime story?
Good Night.
- Lilo Ponylekai
Koller, TX

Rainbow said the last part as 'Killer Taxes' and some other stuff. She roll her eyes, the mare can't believe what she herself is being asked to do.

"Lilo, huh," Rainbow ask while shaking her head repeatedly. "Well, I got some news for you, kid...I AM NOT YOUR STINKING FOALSITTER, ALL RIGHT; or your dad or your dad-asitter. Hate to be harsh but it's the only way to get the message across."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "However, I am the foalsitter of sorts to Scootaloo; she has been having problems falling asleep ever since she saw that shock-you-mentary program of gingitivitis."

We see Scootaloo at her home with the lights off. The TV is playing as the filly looks scared. A stallion on TV announces, "In the final stages, the gums take on the appearance and taste of chocolate pudding."

"No, no, no..." Scootaloo whimpers in fear while hiding under the pillows.

Rainbow types back on her computer while continuing, "We all have to cook up one elaborate go to sleep program for Scoots that I believe it's officially reached the status of weirdness." We see the Certificate of Weirdness.

CERTIFICATE OF WEIRDNESS
This paper right here seriously signified that getting Scootaloo to go to sleep big time has hereby achieved WERIDNESS STATUS. Come on; let it be known from the valleys and to the hills of Equestria.
Or maybe just the dells.
G.L. Weirdness.

"It all begins by making sure that she has her security...err item thing. A grodolated weird sponge..." We see some orange sponge with a badly drawn face that is covered in bandages. Rainbow continues, "...which is covered in Band-Aids that she refers to as 'The Fonz' for some affectionately reason. We see the words 'The Fonz' at the bottom.

Back at the computer, Rainbow continues to type as she continues, "Next off we prepared one of Scootaloo's favorite bedtime snacks. It involves a tall of a glass of something that she calls 'SWEET'."

We see a blue screen that has the words 'oh my, SWEET' written in the background. A glass of milk appears with a chime as Rainbow continues, "It involves skim milk..." A pile of gummy bears is shown. "...gummy bears..." The bears are put into the milk as a circle labeled 'Pure Genius' is seen, "...pure genius!"

In Scootaloo's bedroom at wherever she lives, the filly is in bed, carrying the Fonz and holding a glass of Sweet. Rainbow's voice continues, "So once Scootaloo is safely cuddled with the Fonz and his glass of Sweet..." The mare shows up. "...it's time for the bedtime story thing to begin."

"All right, Scootaloo; are you ready for tonight's installment of..." Rainbow begins to say with a smile. We see a thought bubble coming from Scootaloo that takes over the screen. In a style of Activated by Spike, the words 'Scootaloo's Scootventures in Moses MuleneLand' appear. Rainbow speaks in a voice from Activated by Spike, "Scootaloo's Scootventures in Moses MuleneLand! When we last left our heroes..."

We see Scootaloo and a pair of mule legs with long shoes and big shoes appearing, both of them are standing behind a podium with Mt. Coltmore nearby. Rainbow's voice continues, "...they have won a debate against the big minds of Mt. Coltmore...and re-celebrating..." We now see Scootaloo with some weird and Mose Mulene's legs near a crude rack of items with the words 'le new style' written in the background. "...by shopping for some new wr...wristbands, right."

Scootaloo smiles while pointing to one of th items in the racks, saying, "Moses, I want this one!"

Although we can only see his legs, Moses Mulene can be seen talking when his sock on the left moves up and down, "Dang, Scoots, you look awesome with a pair of monster truck tires!" The said items appear on Scootaloo. "Oh yeah, we're talking; Uh oh, Maggot Mare!"

At a sunset view, we see something appearing over the horizon. Upon getting closer, we see that it has a pink body, claws instead of a head, seemingly boneless forelegs and no hooves at all.

Maggot Mare flailing his floppy arm while asking, "Hey, ponies, all right if I come over to play some video games with y'all?'

Scootaloo held a knife while she and Moses snaps at the same time, "Hay no!"

We see that Maggot Mare is...small compared to Moses, all of them are on a field for football. The mule kicks the tiny creep away and towards the top of the screen. Once Maggot Mare disappears, a small upside mushroom cloud appears.

In a trophy room that has a banner that is labeled 'HALL OF AWESOME FAME', Moses Mulene spoke to Scootaloo, "Good work, little mare! Wanna go play some video games?"

"Oh yeah! That would be 20% awesome!" Scootaloo exclaims as her right arm, becoming humanoid, gives her friend the thumbs-up.

"All right; I get first game!"

"So do I!"

Scootaloo laughs as her arm somehow become detach from her body. Don't ask. We now see a picture of a wristwatch that flashes a line art description of the filly in red LEDS that has the words 'TIME NEXT' in a banner above it.

"Next time on 'Scootaloo's Scootventures in Moses MuleneLand'," Rainbow's Activated by Spike voice said.

We see a room with that banner that said 'ALL OF PONY GAMES' that shows Scootaloo and Mules holding controllers for a video game. We see that Mules himself has a large gold ring on his right upper foreleg.

"The Adventures of Lolo, honestly," Moses ask Scootaloo in disbelief. "Better hope you s-s-s-save that receipt!"

Back in reality, Rainbow types on her computer as she continues, "After getting tired of making up horse crap about Scootaloo and Moses Mulene, Derpy and I get out her favorite lullably."

We see Derpy revving up a chainsaw while Rainbow yells to Scootaloo over the chainsaw, doing the lullaby, "BRAN MUFFINS! WHERE ARE YOU STUPID BRAN MUFFINS?! TRY HARDER TO BE A BRAN MUFFIN!"

Scootaloo sighs happily while closing her eyes before smiling. The filly enjoyed that.

"And in the event of nothing happening to help Scootaloo sleep, we call upon our awesome friends: 2 or 3 knockout bombs." Rainbow types in her computer with a smile.

Two cans of 'KNOCKOUT KILLA! (FILLY SAFE)' in Scootaloo's bed, Rainbow held a third while saying, "Well, sleep tight, sleeping filly."

Rainbow quickly drops the third can into Scootaloo's bed before dropping a huge metal box all over her. The mare ducks for cover as a small explosion is seen barely inside the thing. Scootaloo sighs once more inside the metal box.

"So how are her vitals doing?" Rainbow calls over to Derpy who is wearing scrubs and a surgical mask checking out a heart monitor.

After a while of a straight line, it blips once. Derpy calls out happily, "Yeah! We got a pulse!"

"Good, that's a good sign!"

Rainbow types in on her computer, saying, "Hopefully if we're lucky, Scootaloo will be alive the next morning to fix us one big pitcher of Sweet. I ain't kidding, pal. That stuff is G-E-W-D, gewd. I just hope you would be able to get a wicked contact off of Scootaloo's bedtime story, Lilo...or get some fumes from those knock out bombs...Either way..." The screen dims as she continues, "You should be falling unconsciousness..."

The sound slows and descends as if a tape recorder is slowing down. Rainbow finish, "...right about...now."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see a 'real-life' glass of Sweet.

Back in a familiar video game room, Scootaloo and Moses Mulene is playing more video games, the mule remarks, "Bayou Filly? I really hope you saved the receipt!"

The End

Author's note
And that's how Rainbow helps Scootaloo get to sleep at night, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, we witness Cloudsdale's space program known as 'CASAF as explained by Rainbow's filmstrip'. Read, review and suggest!

20. space program

Author's note
To nobodiez, I don't know when I will do that suggestion. I'm guessing when I worked on 'My Little Transformer' but that may be a long time from now. You will have to wait.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: space program

"Email is the sound that we make when a young filly cries..." Rainbow sang while bringing up the first e-mail of the chapter.

Rainbow Have you played a game called Banned From Equestria (Daily)? its intersting though bout a human bucking several ponies (even Trixie) check it out when you have a chance in your free time

Adam

Rainbow blinks then types in, saying, "Uh, not really; Maybe because it was banned from Equestria. Ha! Seriously though, I don't play those kinda games. Not my style; Next e-mail!"

Subject: space program
Dear Rainbowdash,
Does Cloudsdale have a space program?
Doo doo horsecrap,
Mr. Cord
Reindeerigh, NC

Rainbow said 'Da-da-da-da' before the 'Dear' 'Good jokes' instead of 'Doo doo crap', 'Ryan Reindeerleigh' as one name and 'NC' as 'Not Cool'. The mare types in as she asks, "Come on, who doesn't have a space programs in Equestria? I mean, don't those monkeys have a space program? Well, ours is called 'CASAF' or 'The Cloudsdale Administration of Some Aluminum Foil'."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Of course, the only problem is..." We fade to white as the mare continues in voiceover, "We blew our whole budget in making this kick flank logo."

Sure enough we see the CASAF logo appearing, a rocket path is tracing the S and ends up in position behind the first A. Rainbow's voice continues, "...as well as our orientation filmstrip thing'."

We now see a filmstrip frame of the CASAF logo that has the words '2012 Cloudsdale Administration of Some Aluminum Foil' at the bottom. The frame is out of cous but becomes focused partway throughout the voiceover.

"CASAF is an awesome for profit organization that is dedicated to the manned taped of aluminum foil to cardboard!" The voiceover exclaims.

We hear a beep sound as another frame shows up. It's a stylized drawing of alien mountains in outer space that has a moon and a comet in the guy. A ten and five bits signs are visible along with a large arrow pointing beyond the mountains. The ten bits has the text 'TEN O' BITS' along the top, Equestria in the president's place and a circled 'RD' for the seal. The five bit one is mostly obscured but got a sun and planet seen in it.

"The goal of our mission: to accompany 15 Equestrian bits on a round trip journey." The voiceover said. We hear a beep before another frame shows a spaceship drawing going past a planet. "...the closet reaches of outside space!"

After another beep, we see a frame of two astronauts, one of them is lying on a bench with weights and the other yelling "Gimme one more!"

"And while the muscular crew will age only a few hours, the cargo, according to our..." The voiceover explains. We hear a voice as a portrait of Albert Coltstein that said 'hi' is seen. "...vague understanding in some theory or another, will aged to an incredible..."

We hear another frame as another frame appears, that shows 3 large gold bars in space that has the caption 'THREE O' BITS'. The slide is above center then is adjusted as the voiceover continues, "...one million bits. So who is good enough at video games..." We see another frame that has a a photo of TV with a joystick in front of it. The screen shows a 2-D fighting game with the words 'FIGHT!' on it. The fighters are a daisy and a ghost, the latter has 1/3 health. "...to accept a dangerous, risky yet awesome mission? Why, it's none other than that awesome bouilion-aire joyfilly..."

After another beep, we see a frame of Rainbow Dash wearing a headband with small wings on it, along with pants made out of foil. The voiceover continues, "Space Captainflank! First Lieuteneral Captainflank knows that the true key for success is..." We see another frame of a stallion grinning at the camera in front of a polka dot background. "...is to have a lot of many hot '60s looking stallions in your filmstrips as possible."

Another frame shows two more stallions against a blue background with a wavy stripe. The voiceover exclaims, "Yeah, colts, right on!" Another beep is heard as we see a frame of Scootaloo wearing a blue cap and sunglasses along with the caption 'Herold 'Strap' Fillymore. "Hey look! It's the onboard mechanic Herold 'Strap Fillymore! This little foal definitely could use a grilled cheese sandwich."

In another frame, it shows a photo of a grilled cheese sandwich along with the caption 'Item 3b: Grilled Cheese'. Different music plays for a while before a record scratching noise is heard.

As the previous music continues, another frame shows two stallions with weird manes and headsets in front of a computer terminal. They are wearing glasses and dress shirts with one wearing a pocket protector and several pens; Real eggheads.

"Flat tops and shirt sleeves are really the order of the day here at CASAF mission control. Say, Flight Engineer Ted Ponyrill, something isn't right. You aren't smoking a cool relaxing cigarette at all!" The voice exclaims. We hear another beep as another frame shows the same scene, but the stallion on the left is now smoking. "Better. Also, somepony get that colt one highball; Ha ha ha ha!"

After another frame, we see a frame that shows a row of spaceships. The voiceover now said, "The flagship of CASAF's 30 vessel fleet is the Proud Mareselmo." We see a frame of Rainbow in the same outfit on top of a spaceship that is labeled 'PROUD MARESELMO'. A beam of golden light is spotlighting Rainbow herself. "Yes, a wonder of modern CASAF-ery, the Proud Mareselmon was made out of the best of cardboardium alloy. And when the time of blastoff comes..."

We see another frame of the '60s stallions in silhouette covered by a large question mark with the voiceover asking, "...will you hot '60s looking stallions be there to with Strap and Space Captainflank one safe voyage? And if not..." We hear another beep. Now a frame shows a sad tearful dog with the caption 'How Come?'. "...how come?"

In Cloudsdale, we see Rainbow in her Space Captainflank costume in a cardboard box operating a video game control, both are trembling violently. Very obvious that this space program isn't real...but what do we know, right?

"Must...escape...Equestria's...tenacity...Strap, fire up the afterburners," Rainbow calls out to Scootaloo.

We see the filly in a taller cardboard box that is duct-taped to Scootaloo's which has a CD player inside and various objects duct-taped to the box's side. Of course, the shaking is Applejack's hoof doing all the shaking to the boxes.

"Doing...so...now," Scootaloo groans as she press play on the CD player that plays a sci-fi flyby sound effect.

The box lifts into the air temporarily being landing onto the ground. Rainbow sighs while saying, "Cool, we made it..." The boxes of course continues their shaking, "Hey, Applejack. We made it."

The boxes stop shaking while Applejack said, "Oops, sorry." The Pegasus pony roll her eyes as she took one a Speak and Spell toy for foals.

"All right, my ca-cuh-lations told me that our precious cargo should have already multiplied to 50 bits by now."

As Applejack walks away from behind the fence and sat down, Scootaloo hold up a CD that is labeled 'SOUND F/X (not sounds from certain movie)', explaining uneasily, "Uh, Captain Spaceflank; We don't have the cargo anymore, remember?"

"Oh right, right. We spend all that precious cargo on that sound effect CD." Rainbow said sheepishly. "At least let's hear 'Body falling downstairs' for the hay of it."

"Sure, no problem!"

Scootaloo press the button on the CD player as we hear the sound effect of a body falling downstairs. Rainbow smiles as she moves her head with each thump. Despite the loss of cargo, the whole 'trip' isn't a total loss, right?

Just then Pinkie came up with a sweater stuck over her head, calling out, "Hey Dashie, Scoots! I need help to put this sweater on!"

"Holy horsecrap! It's a space myoot-ant ting from Stallion 5!" Rainbow gasps upon seeing Pinkie. "Quick, we gotta hit him with what we got, Strap!" Scootaloo didn't waste any time as she quickly press various button to make random laser sounds and explosions. After a while, she throws the CD case right at Pinkie.

"Ooh, owie! I knew that I should've asked the monkey space program!" Pinkie whines as she gallops off.

"Oh yeah, Strap, nice work; another successful mission for..." As music starts, Rainbow begins to sing, "Space Captainflank!" We see some board with the words 'SPACE CAPTAINFLANK' being lowered on a fishing hook above her, "Pretender of the galaxies! She's all-the-ways having space cocktails with hot '60s-looking stallions!"

We see Scootaloo holding the fishing rod that is holding the logo. Rainbow, although the first few words sound spoken, continues singing on an octave higher, "Where are all the hot '60s-looking stallions?"

Once the music stops, the Mayor comes in, saying, "I'm in my 60s! Do I count?" Needless to say, the two ponies look disgusted by what she just said.

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see the back cover of the CD...

SOUND F/X is not a joke!
featuring such awesome favorite hits as...
- foal in a wagon
- drippy towel
- single bird tweet
- the hush of winter
- baseball in repose
- body falling downstairs
- sonar ping
- creating rusting
- sonar pong
- rub sequence 000003 or 2

The side of the case is labeled 'Sound F/X (not sounds from certain movie)'.

On Rainbow's computer, Rainbow is typing in a log that said, "Captainflank Log: The vinegar-baking soda drive on the Proud Marselmo has run out of fuel so we are stranded in the Impelfiily Sector. There is sharp tuff all over. It makes one wonder, does pony truly..."

A beeping sound cuts Rainbow off as we see a slide of 'Item 3b: Grilled Cheese' coming into frame from teh bottom and stays a few seconds while being accompanied by its music from the filmstrip.

We see two slides of the slideshows that shows Caramel's arm entering frame from the bottom, saying, "I was told that I gotta pee in one of those cups."

We pull back that shows Caramel watching Rainbow next a projection screen, the mare said, "Trust me, in due time, Cadet; on due time."

"Doo time, really! Even better!"

Rainbow of course looks shocked (and disgusted) by what Caramel just said.

The End

Author's note
That's the space program, folks. Well, not really but still. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tries to make a portrait of herself. Read, review and suggest

21. portrait

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: portrait

"Hey there everypony! Time for a musical Rainbow Dash E-mail this week," Rainbow exclaims. She presses enter and begins to sing. "Da-doot doot doot Dear, Dear Rainboqw Dash, oh I was wondering—" The mare stop singing. "Forget it, can't keep this up."

Subject: portrait
Dear Rainbow Dash-
I was wondering; did you ever wanted to have somepony paint a portrait or your awesomeness?
guess what, it's-
Dolean Burgers (aka Coolio da Fillyio)
Applelossa

Rainbow roll her eyes and types her screen while asking, "Yeah? Well, guess what? No pony is going to call you 'Coolio da Fillyio', I mean quit making up lame nicknames for yourself. I will call you Dealin' Burgers which I bet doubles as an accurate job description."

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Now moving on, I guess my awesomeness is worthy of portraiture. Perhaps I can get one done by the Deutsch Pony Master."

We see a portrait of Rainbow that has her in a long wig, a beret and a toga that is holding a toy stick with a duck's head in the end. The painting is in a gold frame with a museum placard next to it. We see an 'Adventures of Mare Do Well' comic book that shows a being known as the 'Deutsch Pony Master' standing over the Mare Do Well and Deustsch Pony Man, both of them are wounded in a pile of rubble.

"Right, in other words, the kind of paintings that are always getting stolen or messed up by art bandits," Rainbow's voice commented.

Sure enough, we see Spike, in a black mask, skull cap and t-shirt that reads '4rt b4ndit' appearing, placing a stencil over the painting and painting in a 'robot tank' along with the words 'RAD, RAD ROBOT TANK' in Rainbow colored spray paint.

"Oh yeah, thanks, Spike; that baby is worth something!" Rainbow's voice exclaims to Spike excitedly.

"No problem, Rainbow Dash!" Spike exclaims with a salute.

Rainbow resumes typing on her computer as she said, "Or perhaps one of those black and white ink portraits that you see in the rich pony newspapers."

We see a black and white newspaper that shows an image of Rainbow in a business suit, cell phone and all. The mare's voice continues, "Obviously those ponies aren't rich enough to afford any color. Not even solid lines! Just a bunch of dot and dashes, I probably look like some Morse code." We can hear her imitating the Morse code. "Dah dah dah dee dee dee...I am-a ho-o-olding a really old cel-l-l pho-o-one!"

Rainbow has clears her screen back on her computer as she continues typing, "Wait, oops, no, I got it! A painting of my awesomeness demands the finest of materials! And what be finest than a black velvet in a cheap imitation wood frame? Heck, it would be showcased..."

We see a velvet painting of Rainbow holding a skunk. There is a lamp with a moose on it that can be seen to the left.

"...in the fanciest double-wide pony trailers. Check that out! I caught that skunk at last! Oh, I have been chasing that pest for...whoa!" Rainbow exclaims as we see a poster of a unicorn on a snowmobile that has the caption 'Born to be danged' with another moose lamp on the right. "...is that a blacklight poster of a unicorn on a snowmobile?! Awesome! That is some esteemed company."

A bottle of Apple Cider flies at the lamp breaking it breaks. We can hear a drunken Berry Punch saying, "Hey thanks for breaking that moose lamp; Always hated the blasted thing."

Rainbow types in her computer, saying, "Too bad I don't know anypony with a useless Master of Fine Arts degree though. May as well settle for something a bit more...how do you say it...made by Pinkie Pie or Spike."

We see Spike clawing a relief bust of Rainbow's face into a log. The mare come sin, saying, "Well, that's very...uh, slobbery, Spike. Not what I had in mind when you said 'sculpture'." Classical music begins to play. "You are really...err, going to town, ain't you?"

Rainbow stares at Spike still working while saying as she motions a hoof, "Listen, I will...leave you two alone. Okay?" The mare then backs away.

In Pinkie's home, the pink pony is sprinkling some glitter onto a macaroni picture. There's a sticker on the left side that said 'Great Thyeme'. Rainbow trots in, commentating, "Awesome Work, Chef Coltardee! Like I couldn't have gone down to the kindergarten and hired a 5 year old to make this. Then again, that sounds creepy and I may go to jail for doing so."

"No problem, Dashie! I will wait for you!" Pinkie exclaims to Rainbow happily while slamming the glitter down.

Rainbow sat back down at her computer and types in while saying, "Well, thanks to some ponies whose talent appears to be lacking, I guess the only way to do this is a self-portrait. Yours truly will render it in nothing less than the classic style of the True Pony Masters!"

We see a shot of Rainbow...who somehow got her head into a wooden cutout of a muscular mare holding a sword with a keyboard on it. The mare's muscles are in the shape of the letters 'RD' and she is holding a falcon.

One visible lower foreleg has a boot that looks similar to the Electro kind, there are also two cans of paint that are labeled 'Some Paint' and 'More Paint'. We also see a cutout of a sea pony at the cutout mare's hooves with an empty space for a head.

Rainbot paints it with a small brush while saying, "Nice, at last. A self-portrait that accurately depicts who I am, where I'm coming from and my passing interest in the falconry," The mare prepares to get out of the cutout. One problem though. "Oh, horse feathers. How do I get out of this blasted thing?"

As Rainbow kept on trying, we see the reverse angle with the mare hanging by her head. She groans, "How the hay do I get into this thing?" Rainbow kicks her legs together a few times. At the front view, the mare holds up the duck-head toy from the first portrait and makes the bird talk, "Quack, quack. Hey Lord Duckstick, great to see you; Say, do you happen to have a hacksaw in your pocket, right?" Rainbow spoke like the duck again, "Quack, quack; Too bad," She then spoke normally," How about you, Princess Seabra?"

Rainbow moves the bird on a stick into the sea pony's face hole and continues making the bird speaking in a high, sultry voice, "Quack, quack." The mare spoke normally, "Sure, no problem! I love to serenade you anytime with my...mystical keyswordtar thing...may as well since I ain't going anywhere...anytime soon."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see a printable version of the robot tank stencil that Spike used to vandalize a painting earlier.

Rainbow, despite getting stuck, manages to break her way out but her head is still in the hole, broken off from the rest of the portrait. She is showing off her 'keyswordtar' to Berry Punch in the field.

"So that's when I realized that I don't need any Lamaze classes whatsoever." Rainbow explains to Berry Punch with a grin.

"Hmmm, I don't know why but there's something different about you, Rainbow Dash." Berry Punch said to her friend puzzled. "Did you get your mane cut?"

"Nope, but I got this new keyswordtar." Rainbow begins imitating a guitar riff while waving the keyswordtar around, changing back and forth from normal to falsetto each time, "Maow, maow, maoooooooow; Keyboard, keyboooooard. Maow, maow, maooooooooow. Fight some brigands," As this goes on, Berry Punch grins as she held up a lighter somehow, "Maow Maow, Maoooow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owwowwoww-whammy-barrrrruh."

The End

Author's note
Nice portrait...so to speak. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow talk about her younger years at flight school. Read, review and suggest.

22. flightschool

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: flightschool

"It's the email, foal, lunch juice!" Rainbow sang on as she begins answering another e-mail from another one of her big fans.

Subject: flight school
Hey Rainbow dash!
Tell us where you were like during flightschool?
Sincerely,
Patricia Cowgirl WA

Rainbow stretches out 'Hey Rainbow Dash', 'say 'flight-shool...err, flights...flight school. flightschool' (the last part as one word) instead of just flight school, and said 'Cowgirl WA' as one word.

Rainbow then begins to type in as she explains, "Well cowpony-a to you, Patricia. It has been a long time since I've dropped out of flight school so I have an extremely unphotographic memory. So in other words, it's more like a drawing...or a doodle...or a doodle memory."

We see a photographic memory of the jumble cape then the doodle memory version of the same event. Rainbow is carrying a huge diamond ut of a vault, Scootaloo is drawn like a snake creature carrying a tofu turkey on a platter, and a sign that points to the right that said 'Subhoofers'.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "But I would have to check that, before I dropped out, some of the Pegasi, or griffin in Gilda's case, and I was like any other cartoons in high school: as in a team of super sleuths."

We see a splash screen that is titled 'The Derpy Hooves Mystfit-steries' with 'a story by 'Justbelieveitstupid Chimpedez' in the lower right. We see cruelly drawn teenage versions of Derpy Hooves, Thunderlane, Gilda and Rainbow in the center.

At an old building, Teenage Thunderlane remarks, "Stampers! My long lost uncle's abandoned pie factory sure is mysterious, ponies and griffin!"

"Brother, there isn't any such thing as 'mysterious'." Teenage Rainbow Dash remarks to Teenage Thunderlane with a scoff.

"Still, we cannot take any chances." Teenage Derpy said eageerly. "We should play in a band just to be safe."

We now see Rainbow, Gilda, Thunderlane and Derpy playing the keyboard, drums, tamoburine, electric guitar respectively on a blue backdrop. The word 'Mystfit-steries' is printed on the bass drum's face.

Teenage Derpy sang on without her goofy talk, "Havin' fun with my friends. Words about a mystery. Shakin' hooves with my man..."

Back on her computer, Rainbow types in while saying, "And whenever we aren't trying to figure out what exist or not, Gilda and I would usually spent time trying to get Derpy out of her dumb pants for some reason or another."

We see the teenaged versions of Gilda and Rainbow holding ropes attached to hooks in the ceiling and floor, running through hooks on Derpy's waistline while a magnet lies at her hooves.

"So you guys sure that this won't emancipate me from my dumb pants for some reason, right?" Derpy ask the two curiously.

Rainbow types some more as she said, "That's what flight school was like...so to speak. Anyway, in foal school, we were a bunch of cute foals with dotted eyes and enormous..."

We see a foal-sized version of Fluttershy tossing a box that is marked 'NOT AN ANIMAL' up and down with a plush rabbit near here. Rainbow continues her voice over, "...imaginations, yeah."

"Squee! I'm pretending to be an owner of a dayhab for animals." Fluttershy said in a high-pitched, foal-ish voice.

We see the nursery-school style background being replaced with a cottage black and white one.

Now we see Rainbow Dash in a diaper and a small blue cap, sitting while holding a video game controller. The mare said in a childish voice, "Oh, I'm pretending to play better video games!" We can hear video game sound effects in the background. "Ooh, foal feathers! That dumb dragon ate my pixels!"

We see foal versions of Spitfire and Soarin', the former has a pink bow in her mane, while the latter wears a blue baby bonnet, holding a lightning striped rattle, a large pile of diapers is behind the colt.

"Yeah, and I'm pretending not to be sitting next to Soarin'." Spitfire said cutely while the background (and diapers) is replaced by a black and white image of an airplane.

Soarin' blows a raspberry while snapping, "You mean!"

Once the image is done, we see Derpy's legs, wearing a puffy red and white pants and uses a broom to push the two foals while saying, "Okay, foals, skedaddle, come on!"

"And going even unnecessarily further back," Rainbow's normal voice said as we see Cloud Kicker flying by, "We were a bunch of plucky paramecium living in Petri Dish, Equestria!"

We see a Petri dish with liquid inside that looks like Equestria. Now we see a paramecium Raindrops floating in a box marked 'Raindropsmecium's Protozoa Stand' as a paramecium Derpy floats up, speaking, "Raindropsmecium, I gotta buy some embarrassing photos for my embarrassing pony parts."

"Okay, no problem! Six tubes of rea-end cream right for you!" Raindrops exclaims as she take out a bag that has the said cream, giving it to Derpy.

"Hey, Derpymecium, whatcha bought there?" Rainbow Dash, who looks like a bacteriophage, asks as she 'trots' in from the left.

"Yikes! It's Rainbowdashiophage! Uh, well, these are for my twin sister!" Derpy exclaims then divides into two version of herself. Both speak in unison, "These are for my twin sister!" Now the two Derpymecia divide into four. "These are four my twin sister!' The four divide into eight. "These are for my twin sister!"

Rainbow screams in terror as she gallops off. Too much Derpy is too much for her to take!

"Right, and then before we were...Rome Ponies living in those Roman like times. And Don Coltts always show up for some reason. All right, Patrice, just the facts." Rainbow said as she types the score on different lines on her computer. "Rainbow Dash Emails: 1, Not Rainbow Dash E-Mails: 0."

The mare stops her typing while saying, "You ponies just keep track at home, okay? See ya next time!" Rainbow then flies off singing, "Oh, havin' fun with my friends..."

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

We now see Surprise and Firefly in a black and white Roman Pony land, the former is dressed like Julius Coltesar and the latter is dressed like a legionary.

"Oh...aqueduct," Surprise said with a smile.

"Yes, yes, the Vomitorium!" Firefly exclaims eagerly.

Don Coltts, a wimpy looking stallion, pokes his head in while asking, "Andy?" We see Sickly Ditzy wearing a sack that said 'OLIVES' before she vanishes with an Ionic column taking her place.

The End

Author's note
That's flight school for you folks...sort of. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tells the viewers how to make a death metal song. Read, review and suggest.

23. death metal

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: death metal

"E-mail, ah ooh oooh, ooh, ah ah, oooh, e-mail!" Rainbow exclaims as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter, see what fan of hers want to ask her a question.

Rainbow

Its been a while so anyway i'm going to be getting back into the social life once more (It has been a long while for me anyway though beeing cooped up can make you go insane) but overall things have been interesting . So what would you do if you were found by someone? like in the story My Little Dashie or the version that i did My Little Rainbow Dash and Twilight besides i have yet to do its sequel . also you should get Pinkie to have here mane flat and Twilights all poofiee like Pinkies now that would be awesome . Anyway though one other question . Would you answer your Emails on the go or answer them from the comfort of your own home?

Adam

"Ah, Adam," Rainbow said as she begins typing, "Nice to hear from you again. Hope you don't go too crazy, that's Pinkie's job. Now then...to be honest...that has...happened...the former, not the..." The mare sniffles a bit while wiping some tears away. "Now then, as far as my pals' manes go, I doubt they would do that for any pony, let alone switching. And of course, my computer I can bring wherever I go whenever I wish to answer e-mails elsewhere; next e-mail!"

Subject: death metal
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I am in this death metal band at my school, and in need of some of your awesome expert lyrical advice: what words sounds really aweesome/cool when you scream them at the top of your lungs?
Laine
Coltvallis, OR

Rainbow said, 'Ding dong, string rainbow, bing dash' instead of the greeting. The mare then types in while saying, "Whoa, awesome! Usually most school got a marching band or one of those jazz ensembles things. But a death metal one? Extracurriculariffic, dude!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "All right, let's see, first off you got to be butt ugly, Laine, or maybe fate since the gift of death metal doesn't smile on the good looking. If any doubt, do yourself a favor and glue some cereal on your face; that oughta work, right? Now then, while I may be no geographist, even this Pegasus pony knows that your state isn't anywhere near Stalliondinavia, the only place in Equestria where death metal will get ya any cool stallions or fillies whatsoever."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Also when it comes to lyrics, you got it all wrong! Screaming words at the top of your lungs is for ponies with blonde air. Words like 'tonight', or 'mare' or the name of any cool street in L.A." The mare types in 'run 'webcam'', "Check this out."

Rainbow clears the screen as a window with Lefty Ponyrocini shows up under the screen names 'filliesluvlefty25' singing the following, "tonight! Mare; we'll be drivin' down Sstallionveda with the t-top down?"

"Right, thanks Lefty." Rainbow said sarcastically to Lefty. As the stallion talks next, words continue appear below his image.

"Yo, no problem, Rainbow Dash; Hey, I'm going t obe online later on playing an MMORPG if you like to join my guild!"

"Right, whatever."

"Wait, hang on!"

Too late as Rainbow click off the window, closing it as the test 'you kicked filliesluvlefty25 offline'. The mare types in as she continues, "Now then, as for death metal, you gotta to scream from the bowels of your lungs, those pony bowels! Words like..." Rainbow spoke in a deep sinsterl voice as the words that she spoke appear in green, creepy letters. "'decay', 'deranged', 'decrepit', and...err...'delouse'. Hay, no way in Tartarus would any of those words that begin with d-e can go wrong. Of course, except for maybe..."

In issue 8 of 'Teen Colt Squad' that shows a singer, bassist and a drummer of a band called Brainy Pony performing on stage.

Singer: Dentist!

Back-Up: Jugga jigga wugga!

Singer: Deli-style!

Back-Up: Jugga jigga wugga!

"That was Brainy Pony, those ponies got last place." Rainbow said in a Teen Colt voice. She clears her throat and spoke in her normal, "All righty, time to recap: ugly, Nordic, bowels, d-e worlds. Now then, all you got to do is..."

We see Tough Apple at his house as Rainbow continues, "...hunch all up on yourself..." The stallion got onto his knees. "...pretending you're holding a powerful orb in each hoof..." Tough held out his hooves, a circular outline appears in each, "...and let whatever power you got flow in ya!"

The scene darkens as the outlines disappear. As a drum beat begins, Tough bounces up and down while yelling out, "DeVito; DENIRO; DELUISE!"

Rainbow types in the drum noises on her computer while yelling out, "Broodle-broodle-broodle blap-biddle-baddle! Broodle-broodle-broodle blap-biddle-blap! Awesome, this mare needs a quadruple bass pedal! All right, we will now see how it comes together on the Equestrian Half-Hour Death Metal Fortress Hour!"

At a TV in Rainbow's home, we see the words 'Equestrian half-Hour Death Metal Fortress Hour' on the screen. The mare is sitting on the couch as the band Shadowbolts (not the Nightmare Moon ones, the band one) is seen along with their logo.

"Ya! We are the Shadowbolts!" The Shadowbolts exclaims together as their logo disappears from sight.

"You all saw the videos from Vinger-all, Slaughter and the Fillie Vincent Invasion." Dave Colttenston said to the audience.

"All right, now here's a sneak peek at our new video." Schenkel McColt said, lifting a tone as if a question is asked.

The TV now shows the video. It starts up with a screw in some rusty metal. We now see another scene with rusty metal then saw a piece of cupcake slitering across rusty metal.

Shadowbolts: You will submit to the decoupage!

Four screws appear, one of them moves around fast.

The death nail! [deathknell]
(Death nail!)

We see the cupcake getting stabbed by a nail before getting bound with metal wire, then blows up; Creepy stuff.

Down with the decoupage!

The cupcake slithers over the rusty metal, this time in the opposite direction. Once it's done, Rainbow smiles while saying, "Creeping...rusty...cupcake. That is totally the heart and soul of all death metal. Hmmm, actually, now that I think of it, I feel like brushing my teeth. Looking at that rust and sweet can do that to a pony. While I'm gone, complete this worksheet that I've gotten prepared ofr you aspiring lovers of death metal types! And Laine, try to be careful with the hot-glue gun, okay?"

Rainbow leaves as a worksheet floats to the front of the screen which shows a bunch of works, including the paper's customary 'Click here to email Rainbow Dash' thing.

Pinkie came, having a box of cereal onto her face with the stuff glued to the latter, calling out, "Hello? Anypony here; I'm here for the...err...jazz ensemble, I think."

Awesome Pony Krunch

Free Full-size
alto saxophone
inside!

The band Brainy Pony continues playing in the auditorium from the same issue mentioned earlier.

Singer: Deli-style!

Back-Up: Jugga jigga wugga!

Singer: De La Soul!

Back-Up: Jugga jigga wugga!

What's His Flank is in the crowd before turning to see, to his surprise, Football Jock wearing a shirt hat says 'de' nearby. The former exclaims, "Football Jock! You came to see Brainy Pony too?"

"I only came for the wugga, but is staying for the jiggy juggas." The Football Jock explains to his colleague with a shrug.

Jugga jigga wugga!

The End

Author's note
Oh yeah! Death metal is sooooo awesome, even in the land of ponies. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asked Rainbow if she has any secret identifies, making her discuss several options. Read, review and suggest.

'My Little Dashie' does happen in my MLP series, and yes, I got permission.

24. secret identify

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: secret identify

Rainbow hums a bit while typing in 'rainbowdash_email dot wad' and press enter, remarking, "Beginning the rdemail-refresh demon."

Dear Rainbow Dash. did you that there is a armor that is named Horsefeather Armor. just letting you know.

your friend Greenrob.

"Really; didn't know that," Rainbow said as she types in her response. "I gotta check that colt out! Or is it a filly? Either way, the name sounds cool. Okay, next e-mail!"

Subject: none
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Got any secret Identify? cause you know that would be the kinda rockin' awesome thing you'd have.
Kris
Lemming, Wy

Rainbow sings 'WY' as 'why' in a soft high-pitched voice. We see the book of the same name that is written by Bemarely and MLP Ponyinterviews.

Rainbow types in, "Kris, I will be so honest. The term 'rockin' awesome thing' is so uncool, it makes my face hurt big time."

Rainbow clears the screen while saying, "Good. All of the 'rockin' awesome thing's' are now off the screen. Glad to..."

Rainbow yelps as she realizes what she herself just typed in, forcing the mare to clear the screen once more. The mare said, "Okay, they are gone...and no chance of me saying 'them' again'. Tartarus, those things are vicious. Okay, Rank, I believe your question is about my secret identify, right? Well, let me ask you this: have you ever seen yours truly and Feathermay in the same place at the same time? Duh duh duh! Right, it is I, Feathermay who sports red feathers, hang out with a green mane head and works smelly in a restaurant all day..."

"Hey!" A familiar voice snaps as Rainbow got jabbed a few times by a hoof. The cyan Pegasus pony turns to see a frowning Feathermay watching. "Don't do that, I will get Toughie here if you do that again."

"The hay; what are you doing in here?! You are messing my scam up! I was going to have the ponies believe that I was you and that the steaming pile of bits was really...well, a huge pile of bits; How did you get in here anyway?!"

Pinkie bounces in with a cupcake, explaining happily, "Oh, I let her in. Here you go, Feathermay!" The pink pony gave the cupcake to Feathermay, "Oh, Dashie? You're out of frosting."

With that, Pinkie and Feathermay heads to the left, leaving. Rainbow shakes her head and turns to the camera, "Honestly? Is there a sign on my house that says 'wanted: Ponies Who Interrupts Me While I'm Busy. Inquire Within'?" The mare made a sweeping motion while saying the last part.

Just then, Thunderlane came in, saying, "I didn't see one if that's what you're suggesting." Rainbow groans some frustrated gibberish then goes back to her computer to resume typing.

"Okay, so apparently I am not Feathermay." Rainbow types in. We now see a picture that is a cross between Feathermay and Rainbow Dash, with the latter's head and hooves, the former's mouth and coat, and a mixture of the two's wings. "Of course, I do have a lot of secret identifies. Lately I have been using this one: Tip Tappers: Expensive Briefcase Holder. I use Tappers while on tour and when I want to check into a hotel, not likely to not be bothered by my fans."

At Time Turner's lab, which is now labeled 'Time Turner's Motor Lodge' at night, we see a sign that has a neo caricature of the stallion with three neon Z's next to it, each of which light up in a cascading fashion.

Time Turner, wearing a nametag, is talking to Rainbow who has a briefcase with her, motioning to a sign-in-book at the counter while asking, "So tell me, what name will this room be under, as if I didn't know?"

"Oh, Tip Tappers...unless some stallion wants to know what room Rainbow Dash's in. And he's at least 7 out of ten...or maybe...six if he's cute." Rainbow said with a smirk.

"Right, right; okay, that will be 900 bits, Mr...ahem...Tappers."

We see the reservations up close. Then we see Pinkie Pie, carrying an empty ice bucket on her mane, wearing her cinnamon beard, while dressing in a robe, a gold shirt that reads 'I heart Cupcake Waste' and pink bunny slippers.

"Hey, is there an ice machine in this place?" Pinkie asks Time Turner with a grin.

"Sure is, Mr. Filly Williams." Time Turner responds to Pinkie with a nod.

Rainbow continues typing in on her computer, saying, "And of course, there's Vance Mareman, that identify I used whenever I drop in on my secret second family over in Broly Grove. Man, those foals really love their daddy Mareman."

In a trailer home, Rainbow is sitting in a green armchair watching TV while wearing a grease-stained t-shirt and got a messy mane. She frowns at some foals laughing while turning, snapping, "Jeffrey Beffrey Mareman! Come back with that remote!" Rainbow holds up a mare menacingly. "I'm not scared to hit your sorry..."

"Yes, yes, well, you gotta be firm." Rainbow said, typing in sheepishly before clearing her throat. "And of course, there's one secret identify that I use to write my advice column for a popular mares' magazine."

We see an issue of Scarfilly magazine appearing as Rainbow continues, "Yes, using the pseudo name of Clara Gums, not related to Gabby Gums, I am slowly but pretty much surely making the mares cooler for the stallions."

In Cheerilee's classroom, Rainbow sits at an old typewriter while wearing a brown wig that has a skull and bone in it. The mare types in while speaking, "Dear Flankless in Stablestuy. Looks like you definitely new to play more video games, mare pal. Of course, not those lame ones where you pretend to be a dog or a frog, nope, I'm talking about the ones that make you blow up, the ones that make you dizzy while playing them. Perhaps then your stallion will stop talking about his ex so much. Eat a Rose, Clara Gums." The mare finishes by typing in 'XOXOXO'.

Inside the library, Twilight was reading Scarfilly while sitting at a table with Pinkie. The unicorn looks angry while snapping, "Honestly! Who does this mare think she is? That Clara doesn't know what's talking about...plus her pseudo name. I don't like it."

"Awww come on! You are just jealous because she gets the hot stallions." Pinkie teases Twilight, much to her friend's annoyance. Just then a crumpled ball of paper came in, hitting her in the face, "The mail's here, Twilight!" The pink pony reaches down to take it.

"What does it say?" Twilight ask Pinkie who un-crumples and reads the following. It's a message from Rainbow, but she scribbled over her own name to avoid detection.

"'No I don't. Rainbow Dash...err, I mean Clara Gums'."

"What did I tell you?" Twilight remarks to Pinkie who begins to open her mouth as if to say something.

Rainbow types on her computer, finishing up the e-mail, "What did I tell ya? Secret identifies aren't just for super mares and Garth Colts anymore. All right, if you excuse me, I got a few flanks to kick right out of my home...and only because I wanted my privacy!"

Rainbow got up and flew up. We can hear her grunting while throwing Pinkie, who flies across the screen and landing with a thud, the pink pony calls out, "Thanks for having me overrrrr!"

Rainbow grunts again as she throws Thunderlane, sending him flying across the screen with him landing with a thud as well. The stallion calls out, "Worst cupcake party everrrr!"

As for Feathermay, she frowns and flew across while Rainbow uses a fondue fork to prod her, saying, "Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out!'

"All right, all right, I'm going." Feathermay groans in annoyance. The paper comes down as this e-mail/chapter comes to its end.

Pinkie is talking with Twilight and Fluttershy, the pink pony said, "Perhaps I should get one of those pseudo-names things."

Fluttershy is obviously on caffeine again as she leans in, being hyperactive while saying, "It's called a 'nym', it's 'nym'! Its pseudonym, not pseudo name! Can't take it no more! Nym, nym, nym! It's a Pony Greek word for 'name'; Pseudonym, pseudonym!"

Fluttershy leans out, much to her friends' concern. That yellow mare needs to lay off the caffeine!

The End

Author's note
Wow, Rainbow sure got a lot of secret identifies, doesn't she? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony explains technology to the colts in middle school. Read, review and suggest.

25. technology

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: technology

Rainbow Dash is once again on her computer, typing in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' as she sang, "Don't you wanna email, don't you need a email, don't you turn your life around!" The mare presses enter to bring in the first e-mail of the chapter.

Rainbow

Do you ever play any racing games at all ? Like the NFS series now that is awesome check em out some time now as for me so anyway do you ever listen to the radio when your just bored out of your marbles ?

Your fan Adam

Rainbow types as she answers, "Yeah, I've played a few racing games. Who haven't? The Wonderbolts ones are my ABSOLUTE fave of all Equestria. Now as for the radio, I do...sometimes. See my 'radio' e-mail for more info; Next e-mail!"

Subject: little help, please
Dear Rainbow Dash;
I'm a middle school technology teacher. I would really appreciate it if you can come up with an intro that I could use to teach my new classes. Thanks.
Pway
Ostrichgo NY

Rainbow said 'Ostrichgo NY' as 'Ostrichgo to New Yolk' with the city in a sing-songy voice as if saying 'Off we go!' The mare roll her eyes as she types while asking, "What, you would really appreciate it? Seriously, that's it? Back in the Ponyland days, I would've gotten up for 3 chickens, a sack of barley and a half-dead goat for doing those technology intro-mercials." We see a picture of a goat with a caption 'Is this goat you see half-dead or half-alive? You decide!'

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "I definitely hope that JCPony's accepts 'really appreciate it's' because they sure as hay stop taking 'I'll be your best friend forever' a while ago. Either way, middle school foals are all morons. Well, they will need my help and guidance that those ponies can get."

Rainbow got up and heads off to do the intro.

We now see Rainbow in a white lab coat in front of a blackboard that has the words 'I'M USING TECHNOLOGY' and a poster that has a drawing of a computer that is captioned 'computers don't BYTE ya'.

Rainbow begins moving her hooves like a robotic while speaking like one, "1-0-0, 1-1, 0, 1, 1-0, 1-1-0, 0-1." The mare spoke normally as she continues, "For those who can't understand me. I am speaking technology. The word 'technology'...means...'magic' in science talk; it's basically anything that is awesome, really awesome that you probably got no idea how it works! If it breaks, you gotta buy a new one. Why, I've got some technology underneath my flank right now! Whoo-ya!"

Rainbow then takes a 5 1/4 floppy disk with the logo '5.25' power from behind herself then throws it into the air, catching the floppy disk right on her right hoof. The mare said, "This is diskette, this stuff are made by computer to help us ponies. Just like cows..." We see a crude drawing of a cow replacing the text on the blackboard, "...invented milk. The two warring factions of diskettes are floppy disks..."

Rainbow shakes the 5 1/4 disk, emphasizing its floppiness before continuing, "...and the hard kind." The mare lifts an unlabeled 3 1/2 floppy disk in her right hoof. She hid the latter while continuing, "I of course prefer these big ones because they held more memory. Of course, you gotta..." Rainbow crumples the 5 1/4 disk while continuing, "...fold these babies to fit them into the new computers."

Rainbow drops the crumpled disk as she continues, "Another thing you will need is your very own email address..." We cut to a Lardy like computer screen that has an orange enveloped that is labeled 'e-mail'. "Now you gotta take your favorite hobby..."

We see the words 'soccer', 'ballet', 'cupcake eating', 'skater', 'fire', 'football', 'race ponies' and 'swimteam' alternating underneath the envelope before stopping on the last one. Rainbow continues, "...add colt, grrl, pie or izzle"..." The words alternate next to 'swimteam' as she says them, before being replaced by 'pie'. "...then put a bunch of cool numbers right at the end!"

The number 123345 appears next to 'pie'. The address is now completed as the words 'at coltergardenguard dot edu' appearing on the next line.

Back in the classroom, we see a picture of a robot marching towards a city and the words 'gank gank'. Rainbow moves her hooves and head in a robotic while speaking like one again, "Robots are really shaped to be square ponies..." The mare spoke normally again. "They are used when blasting Neighpan and serving hors d'oeuvres."

We see something in an upside down pail, which has bolts and a smiley mouth drawn on it with a marker as well as light bulbs sticking out of the holes that is cut in the sides. Spike is in it, holding a plate of hors d'oeuvres as he speaks in a robotic voice, "Hors d'oeuvres, mistress?"

"Oh yes, the Spikebot! Yes, I would love a stuffed grape leaf!" Rainbow exclaimed as she grabs a treat and eats it.

In the field, Rainbow and 'Spikebot' is standing near Filthy Rich who is talking to someone on his cell phone. The mare motions to it while explaining, "Originally, teullar cell phones are used for sending misspelled messages to your pals to let them that you're hanging out in the food court."

"Ahem, I am buying movie tickets with my cell phone, Miss Dash." Filthy said to Rainbow sternly. "Please don't interrupt me."

"Oh yes, Filthy just bought movie tickets with his cell phone!"

"It's Mr. Rich...and while I'm at it, I'm watching a movie on this thing!"

"Oh, oh, he just watched a movie on his cell phone!" Rainbow remarks to the camera in amazement.

"Ugh! You obviously don't know anything about private conversions!" Filthy snaps angrily to Rainbow. "Why, during the time you interrupted me, I just wrote, directed, produced and made a movie with my cell phone too!"

"Oh, awesome! Filthy just wrote, directed, produced and made a movie with his cell phone..."

"I got an incoming call. I just got into the Sundance thing. And you aren't invited."

"...and he just got into Sundance, high-hoof, pal!" Rainbow exclaims as she held out a hoof for Filthy to clap. The stallion of course put his phone away, put on a pair of sunglasses, takes out a water bottle before heading off, drinking. Rainbow, still holding out for the high-hoof a bit longer, continues, "Oh right, see you later."

Rainbow emphasizes 'see' and 'you' as if saying 'C U'. She pauses then turns to Spike, asking, "And what are you still doing here, Spikebot?"

Back at the classroom, the blackboard now reads 'THE FUTURE?' in large letters. Rainbow continues, "The future of technology, which ponies and those humans from Earth won't shut their yaps about, is wireless. In other words, things like..." The blackboard now shows drawings of the items that she spoke up. "...walkcolts, flashlights as well as solar calculators."

Rainbow came out in front of the blackboard, holding up a 'Coltalate' brand calculator with has the digits '53046 3080' types in. The mare exclaims, "Check this out! Mine can say 'oboe shoes'!"

The mare turns her calculator upside so the digits resemble the words 'OBOE SHOES'.

Rainbow sits back down on her computer as she types in, saying, "And of course, there's this baby, the AwesomeX, which dominates technology with one 42 pound, allegedly portable hoof. Watch ponies as it saves this screen automatically."

Rainbow types in 'screen_savior dot exe' on a new line which brings up a screen saver that looks like a primitive 3D. At every turn in this maze, the words 'Rainbow Dash is awesome and got the styles' are written on the walls.

There, see? Screen is saved. This thing will last 50 years! Okay, awkward foals, I'm done flying my tech-knowledge. Now scram! I gotta find my way out of these catacombs." Rainbow said to the audience. The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail to a close. After a few delays, the mare can be heard saying, "Left...left...wait, right...no, left...right...keep going...Rainbow Dash...style. Man, where are you taking me, AwesomeX? Wow...I puke all over this maze, you know?"

A while later, in the library, Twilight frowns as she explains to Rainbow, "Rainbow, for the last time, they are both floppy disks!"

"So you think this is a floppy disk?" Rainbow asks Twilight dryly while holding up a disk.

"I don't think, I know. I am a student after all."

"So it isn't a hard disk?"

As Rainbow brings out a disk and hits the desk with it three times, Twilight answers, "No."

"And you're sure about this?" Rainbow asks Twilight with a frown.

"Absolu..."

Twilight was cut off as Rainbow throws the disk at her face, making her yelp in pain. That hurt!

Time Turner is selling wireless extension cords at his place, calling out, "Wireless extension cords, get them here; 3 for 300; Lightweight, existent and really shockproof!"

Derpy appears, saying happily, "Duuuuuh...I will take fooour!" The goofy Pegasus pony flew up to the left side and disappears from sight.

The End

Author's note
So whatcha think, folks? Does Rainbow know technology or what? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony dramatically narrates other ponies' lives. Read, review and suggest.

26. narrator

Author's note
To nobodiez, Yes, I am familiar with Guardians of the Galaxy and know that they got a movie coming out; As for the cast ideas, maybe.

Now as far as the MLP fanmakes goes, I already got plans to make them already.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: narrator

"I met this email on a north-bound train. We had some dinner, then we danced in the rain." Rainbow sang as she types in on her computer then presses enter to get her e-mail.

Subject: narration
Ever been a narrator for a movie?

Cary Gossman from Fillysota

Rainbow said the state slightly slower than the rest, then she begins to type while speaking, "No, Grossman, I didn't narrate any movies." We see a Mare Do-Well comic book over illustration 'Grossman'. "But...you know what's way more awesome than narrating movies? Narrating ponies' sometimes interesting everyday lives as if they are in movie trailers! Ready? Let's do this."

Fluttershy is in her cottage, eating a small pie when Rainbow leans in through the doorway, smiling as she narrates dramatically, "Meet Fluttershy."

"Huh? Rainbow Dash, who are you talking to?" Fluttershy ask Rainbow puzzled and confused.

"All she wanted is to eat her grody ethnic food in peace in her own home."

"Rainbow Dash, this is fruity pot pie!"

"But one day, fate throws a curveball at her." Rainbow said with a grin. Suddenly a small blue octopus flew right at Fluttershy, hitting her face with a slap and sticking to the mare, causing her to yelp in pain. "Animals of Cute Pictures proudly presents:"

We see a logo splash as the words appear which Rainbow spoke, "'Meek & Dined'. In the game of this life, may the best mare...be meek; Heh heh."

At Applejack's stand, Caramel and Applejack are talking. Rainbow peers around the corner of the place. As she speaks, dramatic music with dreams are heard, "In a post-apocalyptic worlds were weird cowpony can survive on lame boredom conversions..."

"Shucks, Ah done guess we could talk about mah napkin friend fer a few hours." Applejack said with a shrug while holding up a napkin with her mouth.

"...one line will be drawn."

"What do yo mean, you napkin?! It got my boogers on them!?" Caramel protests Applejack with a frown.

"One hero will rise." Rainbow explains in her narration voice once more.

"Dang it, yew didn't even go near 'dis one!" Applejack scowls angrily to Caramel.

"And thus an empire will fall." Rainbow said. Applejack slams the metal gate to her concession stand close, showing a '4actor C' graffiti, "Factor Caramel!"

Inside the kitchen at the library, Spike was wearing an apron and a strange chef's hat, making food for himself, Twilight and Nyx. Rainbow peeks in from the left, smiling as the mare said, "They were a happy family."

"Spike, you look like a dork wearing that hat." Twilight said to Spike with an annoyed sigh.

"But then one dorky chef's hat threatened to tear them all apart."

Spike shakes his head, causing the 'googly eyes' of the hat to jiggle. Nyx comments, "Sorry, mommy's right. That head is kinda makes you look dorky."

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe you both like some type of enormous...alien...cows!" Spike snaps at the two making them gasp in offensive.

"This summer..." Rainbow said as music begins to play.

In a field, we see Pinkie floating on her stomach with a smile. Rainbow is heard continues, "...this holiday season..."

At the side of the castle, Big Macintosh is shoveling 'stuff' as Rainbow continues, "...this Pony Arbor Day, some smelly farm studio invites you..." The mare points to thje camera while continuing, "...to sit through one four hour movie with lack of dialogue and no plot; 'Eyup...'Dat's About It."

We see the title along with the subtitle, 'Yep That 'Bout It'.

Inside Tough Apple's shack, Tough Apple and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are playing a game of Battle Pony. Piano music plays as Rainbow appears in the center, narrating, "Four unlikely ponies..."

"Ah ate mah battleship!" Tough remarked with a frown.

"I don't think that's how this game works." Sweetie said to Tough in concern.

Rainbow continues, "...only one brain between the group."

"What? Oh, I guess that's the case..." Scootaloo said with a shrug while sighing.

"From the creators of 'I'm Shocked That Tough Apple hasn't shot the Cutie Mark Cruaders Right about now'."

"Awww..." Tough said with an upset look on his face.

"Get ready to..." Rainbow said as the words flew onto the screen while saying them. "...LUG...IT...AROUND!"

The title appears as Rainbow continues, "'Lugnut...'" The mare nods to Tough who smiles, "'...& the Squeaky Trio'." She pats the fillies on the head each.

"Yay! We're in a movie...sort o'!" Apple Bloom exclaims with a smile.

In a bathroom, Fluttershy was brushing her teeth in front of a mirror. Rainbow pops in over her shoulder as she narrates, "For a lot of years...it has been haunting pony kind." The mare turns the lights on and off. In another toom, the yellow mare was watching TV with the cyan one standing off to the aside. "From the masters of teenaged-ponies-on-a-camping-trip-esque horror," Rainbow turns the lights on and off again.

"Uh, I know you aren't a bully...but are you going to throw a toy goose at me or something?" Fluttershy ask Rainbow meekly.

"Here comes a remake that no pony waiting for...'Things That Go Cute in The Night'."

In the laundry room, Fluttershy opens her dryer...as a toy goose come flying out. The Pegasus pony screams as it knocks her over. The screen goes black as the words 'Your toy goose is now cooked' appear.

Back on her computer, Rainbow types in, saying while doing some parts quickly then rapidly as if in a disclaimer, "All of the critics agree! 'One huge triumph;' 'A huge breakfast snack of any kind;' 'It...sure was a movie;' Now playing in select cities. This Rainbow Dash E-Mail has been rated P for ponies and a graphic scene of the paper!"

The paper appears as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

Fluttershy, the blue octopus still on her face, spoke to her friend Rainbow, "I'm still saying it's more of a change-up than a curveball, that's all."

"Oh give me a break! Are you or the egghead the RDEmail police now?" Rainbow asks Fluttershy in annoyance. "This is 3 weeks in a row now. Give it a rest!"

In a Activated by Spike cartoon, we see Twilight like an 'enormous alien cow' talking to Nukem on the Moon, "You know, Nukem, I have admired your styles always."

Nukem of course looks sad as he slides away as if hurt by the comment.

The End

Author's note
That's Rainbow the narrator, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, we come back as the mare speaks of the Jabberwocky: myth or legend? Read, review and suggest!

27. myths & legends

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: myths & legends

"I'm livin' the Rainbow Dash life, I take an email for my husband-ife. I take an email for my husband-ife." Rainbow sang at her computer as she does what she herself loves to do the most: checking her e-mails and answering them. The mare brings one up.

Rainbow

What are your favorite TV shows growing up ? ok so don't laugh but i like Barney and Friends when i was a kid thought i out grew it but seems i was wrong in anycase though i'll always like you and Twilight cause you two are my favorite ponies always have and always will be but other than that there is a frew other questions though . if it were possible who would you go against in a Rap Battle pony style cause Trixie lost to Twilight and Crysilis lost to Discord an Celestia lost to Luna though you against Fluttershy ? or AJ against Rarity in a Rap battle pony style anyway though your 20% cool though

Yours Truely

Adam

PS Don't tell anypony this but i'm oing a retelling of Barney and the Backyard Gang : Waiting for Santa Chipmunkstyle you could say its a side story of Demension Hopping chipmunks (smiley face)

Rainbow types up as she said, "Too long, Adam...but since you're a big fan, I will let it slide this one time. Okay, favorite TV shows, huh? I am always a big fan of 'The Wonderbolts Program' starring...you guess it...the Wonderbolts! They have been around like forever! Barney and Friends; Is it like that dumb dragon that Scoots once did? If so, I won't laugh. I don't do that...on the air...just in private."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Thanks for liking me and Twilight of course. Okay, as for rap battles, I can definitely beat Fluttershy...nothing against her but rap ain't her thing. As far as AJ vs. Rarity goes, I am going for my friendly rivalry on that one; next e-mail!"

Subject: Hey Rainbowdash!
Hey Rainbowdash,
Does Cloudsdale got any Mysterious Myths or Legendary legendas?
Coltphas
Cornwall, CA

Rainbow said 'Rainbowdash' as 'two words, pal; two different words. Not one word, that are 'Rainbow' and 'Dash', and the name and location as Coltphas Cornwall of the Corn Army'. We see a Teen Colt Squad frame of A Mighty Stallion taking on the Corn Wally that said 'No corn army can beat A Mighty Stallion!'

"'Mysterious Mtyhs or Legendary Legends, huh; what, isn't that show on the channels up in the high 100s? As in between the CG Dragon Channels and the Homes witl those roller coaster babies in THOSE Network," Rainbow ask as Metal Iron the Invincible stomps by on the screen, advertising, 'Stomping with Metal Iron'. "Man, if not, it should be!" The mare makes some static sounds while saying, "All right, come on..." She did so again before the screen goes to static. "Yeah, there we go."

In Cloudsdale, Rainbow carries a stick as she said, "Cloudsdale, one idyliic fruit-opia for ponies. A place rich in making up stories and nottrueities; Why, the non-truest of which..."

Rainbow hit the Tire with her stick; this causes the fake Jabberwocky to come out from behind the fence. Scootaloo rushes by, screaming, "AHHHHHH; JABBERWOCKY!"

"...the power Jabberwocky; It's more than just a mere security counter-measure to keep out annoying ponies, its origins lies in the skyways of old."

We look up at a starry sky that has the Constellations of the Cloudsdale flag's dragon, the stallion with a knife in his mouth, a hoof giving out the 'OK symbol' a board with some nails in it, General Pony Tso's chicken, a fish wearing a wig, and a marathon runner sporting a Union Pony singlet.

Rainbow's voice continues, "Now according to the stars, two of the seven elemental spirits of Cloudsdale, the fish wearing a weird wig and the Coltish distance runner, join forces to take on the others." The runner held a hoof to the fish before the constellations begin taking on each other in a cloud of dust. When all is done, the runner held the fish over his head in victory, "In a game of paintball...or maybe Red Painter."

"And of course, through years of lame bad story-telling and the telephone game..." Rainbow said as we see images of a satyr holding a fish, labeled 'Weird Guy withst Sea-Beast', a moose with a chameleon in its antlers, and some bad drawing of the Jabberwocky on the fence. "...and a decision that holding something was dumb with the two fusing together, the huge beast transformed into the Jabberwocky, a creature from a far off land of Wonderland...these ancient drawings show evidence of crops being wiped out, stolen foals and family bike rides..."

We see bad drawings of the name, along with the following...

by rainbow
dadh
age 5

Rainbow's voice continues, "Or perhaps some family pie sitting contests. Not sure what the Jabberwocky has to do with the runner holding a fish thing. Eh. Anyway, the Jabberwocky fever gripped all of Equestria."

We see the inside of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie was holding an ice cream bear saying, "We got Jabberwocky delights..." The pink pony motions to a pile of glasses near her. "...plus these shot glasses are popular with the foals. Oh, oh! These are my all time super duper favorite!" Pinkie grabs a necklace, "Jabberwocky teeth necklaces!"

Rainbow's voice is heard, "Of course, not every pony caught the fever." Music starts as Pinkie dances happily in the place.

We see Twilight Sparkle as the words 'Jabberwocky Skeptic' is blow her. The mare said, "Come on, I'm sure it's only a weather balloon or some human from Earth. Those creatures aren't even real!"

"...said the horn headed egghead. One day, the Jabberwocky got the break that every made-up creature has wished for." Rainbow said as she taps the Jabberwocky with her a couple times. The screen became more blurry and zooms further onto the mar e with each word, "Blurry...photographic...evidence."

We see an interview with Lyra as she explains, "Okay, now I'm fuzzy on the details right now. But I was in the woods with my friend Bon-Bon. Suddenly my mare-friend begins screaming and freaking out all over. Heh heh, funny to be honest; Then...I saw it."

Static appears as we see what appears to be fuzzy video reel of some sort of Jabberwocky stomping through the woods. Lyra is heard speaking, "A very...scary...dragon thing."

As spooky jungle music is heard, Rainbow's voice booms, "All right, we've seen all of the evidence. It's up to your ponies to decide:" The following words appear as she said them, "Mysterious Myth? Or Legendary Legend," More spooky jungle music is heard.

Back on her computer, Rainbow types as she said, "Join us next week, Bronies, when we begin inspecting startling and shocking new evidence in the Alicorn conspiracy!"

We hear more spooky jungle music as the paper comes down, bringing the e-mail/chapter to a close.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow held a Jabberwocky ice cream bear, asking, "This is supposed to be Jabberwocky, right? To me, it looks more like...Morgan Coltman."

"Oh right, right, right, that's it!" Piunkie exclaims with a grin. "Gimme 20 extra bits for the Mareshank style!"

We see Rarity in silhouette in front of a background, above the caption 'This mare's voice has been digitally altered again'. She explains, "There I was, minding my own business with fashion and gems. Of course, then I found this severed hoof in my place of business!"

Rarity held up...a biscuit with a bite taken out. Don't ask.

The End

Author's note
All right, folks. Jabberwocky: Mysterious Myth? Or Legendary Legend; you decide. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow shows us her own pop-up book. Read, review and suggest.

28. pop-up

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pop-up

"I was born to check emails and eat lots of cake!" Rainbow raps a bit as she brings up the first e-mail for her show.

Dear Rainbow Dash. when you are done with the Jabberwocky: myth or legend. i dare you to have tea time with the creepy lookalike that lives in Pinkie Pie's secret dungeon underneath Sugarcube Corner. and please do not freak out ok.

Your friend Greenrob.

Rainbow gulps as she types in saying, "Errr, lookalike...well, I got a lot to do before I can do that. Yeah, and between you and me...I rather stay as far away from that thing as possible! Anyway, next e-mail...quickly!"

Subject: dream book
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I had a dream that my friend has a Rainbow Dash pop-up book. It was the book of my dreams.
Rat
Spookane, Wash.

Rainbow repeats it twice as a rap, saying 'Wash' as 'wash'. We see a Bemarely MLP Ponyinterviews that is called 'Rat', spoke Anne, Wash!'' Scootaloo is heard saying, "Come on, Rainbow Dash. One more time! Please?'

Rainbow sighs as she saw Scootaloo next to her keyboard, "Fine, Scoots, I will do it one more time."

"All right, go for it, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow got onto her stool and dance while Scootaloo plays on her keyboard while dancing. The mare raps, "I had a dream that my friend had a Strong Bad pop-up book! It was the book of my dreeeams!" On the last part, she flew up and almost hit the ceiling before landing back onto her stool. "Okay, little winged one. Now get back in there and win yours truly a car!"

"Right, Rainbow! I'm on it!" Scootaloo exclaims, saluting her idol before rushing off.

"Honestly, I feel like that sentence would really apply to anything." Rainbow said as she moves the cursor up to 'pop-up book' replacing it with 'salad'. "Like, 'I had a dream that my friend has a Rainbow Dash salad'." The mare then scrolls over towards the other 'book', replacing it with 'salad' as well. "'It was the salad of my dreams'. Or something like..."

Rainbow adds 'taco' before each 'salad', saying, "'I had a dream that my friend had a Rainbow Dash taco salad. It was the taco salad of my dreams'." The mare moves the cursor below the e-mail as she types, "All right, a Rainbow Dash pop-up book. Sounds like a job...for making cool stuff up."

We see a pop-up book, which inside covers reads 'from the libarry of D. Hooves' with an hourglass drawn in. The first page reads 'RAINBOW DASH'S POP-UP BOOK' of your dreams by Rainbow Dash, for Rainbow Dash'.

"The Rainbow Dash pop-up of course will have..." Rainbow's voice explains as the page is turned, showing the mare near two small Flutterponies. The text said 'This is a good filly'. A tab is underneath Rainbow's head, "Me hanging out with some of those Flutterpony things."

The Flutterponies pop up and down as Rainbow continues, "Plus, I would have a little tab on my flesh tangle so you folks could make me talk." Rainbow spoke the pop-up version's words, she waves her upper forelegs. "You little weird winged ponies are so cute, I could all dip you in cupcake pasting and eat you right up."

Rainbow now spoke as the Flutterponies, who bob up and down, saying, "Cool, Miss Rainbow Dash." The mare then spoke as herself, "Also don't forget the ab-tab!"

The tab was moved over as Rainbow's chest reveals Sharpie abs. The page is turned once more to reveal a computer that looks like the mare's first one the Lardy 2010. The screen shows 'HOW TYPE HOOVES'. Two tabs are shown, one to the right of its screen and one on the keyboard. A speaker is also seen on the keyboard itself.

"Check this out, it's my horse crappy old computer, asking those same old horsecrappy old question!" Rainbow's voice remarks in amusement.

The screen's table moves as the screen changes to 'DELETED!' as the speaker booms, "Deleted!"

"'The lake head'? What the hay does that mean anyway?"

We see a comparison between Trixie's head and the Mareicouagan Reservoir in Quecolt, some sort of circular lake. The tab goes back, taking the screen with it again before changing to 'DELETED' once more.

"Deleted," The speaker booms once more.

"Ugh! Police quest; this thing is broken down, like that dumb computer I used to have." Rainbow's voice groans in annoyance. The other tab is pulled with smoke appearing around the computer. "No wonder I got rid of that piece of beige."

The page is turned, we see Trixie covered in cement. We see a backhoe, a cement mixer and Rainbow wearing a construction helmet in the background. The text is shown 'The Lame and Moronic Trixie is covered in Gray cement' with the 'Gray cement' part in a box. A turning wheel is on the right with another tab on the bottom.

"Look! Trixie has wandered onto my construction site. I wondered what sweet fate I would give to her from my cement mixer," Rainbow taunts in amusement. The wheel is turn as the liquid on Trixie turns red, 'The box reads 'Ram's blood', "Ram's blood?"

The wheel now turns as the words 'Colton Cream' appears in the box. Rainbow's voice asks, "Colton cream?" We see another transitional color and 'Magic Eye', "Magic Eye? Oh, don't forget to check out the flab-tab; Heh heh heh."

We see the tab pulling out as Trixie's upper body flips down to make her flabbier. The page turns to show a 'Negative Discord' fridge'. There's a sticky note on it that said '2 more eggs!'

"All right, the next page involves snack time for this pony! Now what shall I eat today?" Rainbow's voice asks eagerly. The door is opened to show a single tofu burger patty with two pickle slices on it, a carton of 'milk' two eggs, a small paper box, a bottle of 'Apple Cider' and a jar of mayo that are drawn onto the back. "Oh cool! A real-live tofu burger! Any chance I get one of these every time I turn the page?!"

Just to check, the page was turned back to Trixie before going back to the fridge. When the door is opened this time, two tofu burgers are inside. Rainbow delightfully says, "Cool, two burgers!" Tank appears under a flap and crawls around a little. "Now clearly this pop-up book..." The fridge door is closed, the tortoise crawls out from under it a moment later, "...is one awesome source of unspeakable power."

Spooky jungle music play as the page turns to show Derpy's image, one of her weird eyes got black with two chains tied around her. Rainbow comments, "Look, its Derpy Hooves...bye, Derpy!"

The page was turned to a RainbowDah Libs version of Rainbow and Scootaloo in front of a cave, with the sun being seen overheard and a tree in front of the cave. A tab is above the cave with another one at the page's bottom.

"SeeyalaterRainbowDaaa..." Derpy is heard saying as her volume is rapidly decreasing. We see a wheel under the cutouts of the sunrays that move back and forth.

"Yikes! Turns out the Scootloo Bandit Chicken has taken all of Senorita Dashbueno's gold!" Rainbow's voice exclaim. The tree flips down, showing a pile of gold underneath. "Time we help her get some Scoot-tribution."

The lower tab is pulled and pushed back several times. Each time, 'Senor Dashbueno' would grab 'the Scootaloo Bandit Chicken', looking up each time.

"Grab them, get them, grab them; get them, yeah! This is so like catching Scootaloo in reality; All the favor, with only half the chance of problems."

We see the upper tab being pulled as an Ursa Minor pokes down in the cave. As the tree goes back to normal, the page turns once more. We see Rainbow's head in the center with flashing lights for eyes. There are two towers with ropes between; the tire is hanging from them in the upper-left with a sliding tab below it.

An 'Apple Cider' is seen on the right of the tire, with a turn wheel above it. Near it is the lighter that has a pull tab to its right. There's a box in the lower right, a Flutterpony over a 'FAT FRYER' in the lower left with a tab to its left. In the background, the words 'Slide! Spin! Grasp! Pull! Her Head! Tap the flabs! Pull it!' is seen near each object.

"Of course, the last page will be one veritable pourri of pop-up awesome-ry!" Rainbow's voice explains. Soon all of the stuff move. The tire falls off its wire, the Apple Cider has its label replaced like mad, the lighter opens up with a flame and closes, the box flips over, revealing the same box that is tipped the other way, and the Flutterpony goes in and out of the fry. "There are tabs and flaps, flabs and taps, the string thing which probably do not work, as well as some more sound chips and dips."

The speaker booms, "Holy horsecrap!"

"Huh. Looks like they improved the technology stuff since page 2; Aaaaaaand, don't forget the cupcake-flap!"

A flap is turned down, showing a cupcake underneath it.

Rainbow types on her computer as she said, "And thus, the pop-up book is made and ready for the usual 4 years old...or Scootaloo...in your life to use as a tissue. That thing will provide seconds of non-ripped apart fun. Speaking of which, gotta go eat my tofu burgers."

Rainbow leaves, the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

At the Stable, Scootaloo is playing dominoes with Fluttershy and Time Turner, the filly is cheating bubblegum. The mare Pegasus pony said, "Oh, looks like Scootaloo won again. Well, pay up, Time Turner."

"Well, you can have her!" Time Turner exclaims as he gave a car key right onto the table.

"Oh yeah, awesome; Rainbow Dash will love this!" Scootaloo squeals as she dances in her chair. The filly has won her idol a car! Awesome!

The End

Author's note
Well, that pop-up book looks...interesting, right? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tries to impress an e-mailer's new filly fan. Read, review and suggest.

29. filly fan

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: filly fan

"Okay, how many e-mails can you check? 5, 12, 7...shut up." Rainbow said as she brings up the first e-mail of the show.

Rainbow

Acutally Barney is a purple Dinosaur just to clear things up oh as for a few other things though ever wanted to time travel into the past ? just curious though well can't wait till the next Email

Adam

"Well, thanks for telling me that, Adam." Rainbow mumbles while typing in her response. "Now then, as far as time travel, that would be interesting to try...provided we get a spell that keeps us there for more than a few lousy minutes. Twilight sure learnt that one the hard way; next e-mail!"

Subject: extra cool
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Problem: my new filly fan doesn't like you so much. Do I call it quits with her now or can you do something extra cool to impress her?
Duck Webster
Coltson, Texasloin

Rainbow reads 'Coltson' as 'Cooson'. She then types in, "Duck Webster; Pal, you sound like a boring soap opera comics strips from the..." The mare stops typing for a moment, "Quote-un-quote." She types once more, "'funny pages'."

We see a boring soap-opera comic which is entitled 'Duck Webster, Extraordinaire'. As music plays, the characters talk with speech balloons appearing.

"Filly Fan, it is all over for us...unless you take a shine to Rainbow Dash." Buck said to his Filly Fan dramatically.

"Oh, Ducky..." The filly fan said while whimpering a bit. In the next panel, the pony is holding a gun at Duck as she continues, "I will give Rainbow Dash a chance. In fact..."

We see a panel that has a turtle in a pool with the caption 'sea turtles eat a wide variety of food, not tortoises'. The filly fan said, "...I am becoming friends with her...big time..."

"Baby, come on, stay with me." Duck said to his filly fan in concern. The stallion is showing holding a yoga DVD in the next panel. "I can buy you a new yoga DVD!"

In the next panel, the Filly fan is crying as we see a caption that said 'Back in Des Manesz'...' The mare then said, "I'll...think about it, I think."

We now leave the comic. The computer has been cleared as Rainbow continues typing, saying, "Well, obviously we know who she's going to show, Duck. That's what you want, right? But hey, you wanted it, you got it. As you know, whenever ponies send me stupid e-mails like these, I'm obligated by to do what they saw no matter what. Okay, some extra special awesomeness coming right up!"

Rainbow is in the gym wear as she arrives at the gym. The mare said, "Nothing's more E-S-C than one hoofed-pushups. Betcha a couple of these bad babies can do the trick. Here I go!" She attempts to do a one-hoofed push-up, only to fall down. The scoreboard nearby buzzes, changing to -1, "Wait, did I say '1 hoofed push-ups'? Those things are for lame-os! Real onies begin with two-hoofed push-ups! I say we start with 50 and see what happens. Here I go again!"

We see a blue bumper sticker that says 'Real Ponies Play Two Hoofed Push-ups' with an image of a soccer ball in the corner. Rainbow tries to do the two-hoofed pushups, sweat came down. But no matter what, she can't herself off the guard; Either Rainbow isn't trying or...well, doesn't matter as the scoreboard buzzes once more, turning to -51.

"What the hay; I can't do one lousy push up?!" Rainbow asks in shock and annoyance. "Come on, I used to be able to do four! Perhaps I should work out more."

We see Pinkie Pie in her aerobics instructor gear, wearing a Singlet and legwarmers. The pink pony grins as she exclaims, "You betcha you do! 1, 2 and flex your hooves! Give it 8 more and 5! Twees it out! Come on, everypony; Just twees it out."

"'Twees it out'?"

Pinkie turns around to show her friend what she means by showing off her rear. Rainbow yelps and looks away, blocking the image with one hoof.

"Your flankweesimo; we will mold that twees into the Iron Stallion!" Pinkie exclaims as she looks towards Rainbow Dash's 'twees', causing the mare to cover it with both hooves, "All right! 6 more now! 8 and 4! Shake it freely, twees it out!"

"Okay, cool, cool." Rainbow said uneasily to Pinkie. "I will just go ahead and need you to never say 'twees it out' again, okay?"

"Doing great, ponies! Now shoulders down! 1 and 2! Feel the burn and go to bed! Make breakfast, work and talk to me!"

Rainbow rolls her eyes and trots towards the viewer while Pinkie continues stretching. The Pegasus pony said, "Right, so what will really impress your filly fan is a cute, fluffy Scootaloo..."

In the laundry room, Rainbow goes up to the dryer while continuing, "Right at from the dryer!" The mare opens the dryer, showing Scootaloo all cute and fluffed up. "All right, just look at her. Cottonly soft..."

Rainbow of course tries to take Scootaloo, getting shocked literally by the static electricity. The mare screams, "AHHHHH! Man, uses a dryer sheer for the love of Celestia!" The filly of course begins turning green, making weird noises. "Uh oh, this isn't looking extra special awesome at all."

Rainbow closes the dryer door in the nick of time. Scootaloo threw up. The mare said, "Not to worry, Scoots. We will throw you into the wash, okay? That will clean you right up."

We see some of the vomit running out the corner of the dryer door; Pinkie, still in her work-out uniform, bounces in, exclaiming, "Okay, back in the wash, come on, come on; Twees it, twees it, zabaladoo!"

"Oh, will you get out of here, Random Simmons?! I'm trying to get some filly to like some colt that I don't even know at all!"

Pinkie bobs up and down twice more, happily.

At the Ponyville school, Rainbow is sitting at a table with Cheerile with a kitty litter bag that is labeled 'PET MESS', a pie pan with some kitty litter in it, a glue fun, envelopes and scissors. Don't ask.

"One thing I don't get about filly fans: they all like horsecrappy arts and crafts projects..." Rainbow said with an annoyed sigh.

"Well, Rainbow Dash, we're going to be making a really creative centerpiece out of junk mail and kitty litter." Cheerilee explains to Rainbow with a smile.

"Right, sounds heavenly..." Rainbow said sarcastically as she watches Cheerilee take an envelope and uses the scissors to cut it up.

"First off, I need you to take all your snip-sniparooskies...that is what we called scissors of course."

"Right, uh-huh..."

"...and then just a crinkle cut right here on the northern edge..." Cheerilee was cut off as Rainbow knocks both the envelope and scissors to the table, making the Earth pony upset with her.

"Argh, never mind that," Rainbow exclaims angrily. "What the filly fans really want is some...PYROTECHNICS!"

With a mad laugh, Rainbow uses a lighter onto the table, causing a lot of explosions that turns everything to ashes, as well as Cheerilee's mane. The ashen remains of the 'PET MESS' bag collapses, making the mare frown.

"Honestly, Rainbow Dash, you are a horse's twees." Cheerilee remarks angrily as the glue gun's remains collapse as well.

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, "Okay, Duck, there you have it. Wait, hang on..." We change to the comic strip version of the mare who is talking to Duck. "Okay, Duck, there you have it! If that floozy isn't all up ons after that, you should drop her like flight class, see?!"

In the next panel, Duck answers, "Yeah, tight, Rainbow Dash, the real kind."

We see the next panels that show a silhouettes of Rainbow and Duck...seeing Pinkie working out while saying, "All right, that's it. Keep those twees real tight. Flex it, flex it, shoulder stance!"

In the next panel, we see the comic book version of the paper as its noise is heard, the caption reads 'PREEEOW!' That means that this chapter/e-mail is at a close. We see a DVD of Pinkie's weight-loss stuff that is titled 'Tweesercize'. The box reads...

Tweesercize with Pinkie Pie
Loose weight?
6 minutes long!

The End

Author's note
Hopefully this can help Rainbow's fan with his filly fan, but if not, oh well? In the next chapter/e-mail, we see what happens when the mare's head is disconnected from her body. Read, review and suggest!

30. disconnected

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: disconnected

"This week, I'm feeling my style! I've got confidence in my email!" Rainbow sings while bringing up the e-mail for this show. We see the rdemail Deodorant, the pictures show...

rdemail
Deodorant
Wonderbolt Scent

"I'm feeling my style...
I've got confidence in my e-mail!"

Subject: rd!
Dear Rainbow Dash,
If your head got disconnected and your head ends up going all over the place and you don't even know were your body is or your head, what would you do?
Tommy

Rainbow struggles to read everything that is between 'were' and the last 'head' part. The mare sings Tommy's name as follows, "Tommyyy..." She then sings in a high-pitched voice, "Tommy!"

Rainbow then speaks normally as she types in, "Let me ask ya this: was your head connected to your body by the time you made this e-mail? Because I think I got the gist of it or something."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Now then, while my head and body are normally the bosomest awesomest of pals, I guess I could double my productivity if we were to get separated. As in I could raise that ruckus I've been planning in two days instead of four! Hey, the plausibilities will be 20% endless!"

In the field, we see Rainbow's head, removed from her body, talking to Golden Harvest near a sign that said 'THE CAREER IS ADVISOR IS REAL IN' with the word 'REAL' being a separate removable word.

"Yeah, my head would definitely give out ponies some career advice..." Rainbow's voice said thoughtfully.

The scene pans over and darkens as we see a second scene appearing with a spilt, splitting the screen down to the middle. The left scene shows Rainbow's headless body next a box that is marked 'riot rocks'. The body itself is near Castle Canterlot throwing rocks right at Celestia and Shining; the latter is wearing armor and using a magical shield to block the attacks.

"...while my body is busy rioting against the princess and her government!" Rainbow's voice exclaims eagerly. "Of course, the princess isn't worried; she is used to rioters by now, though I do get a letters when it happened."

The body scene darkens as the head's scene brightens. The Rainbow head said, "Perhaps running business isn't for you at all. Have you tried making and selling tiny breads?"

"Golden Harvest-bread, eh; Now that I like! Thanks, Dash heads!" Golden exclaims happily. She prepares to leave but turn back to throw a bit to Rainbow. "Oh and get yourself something to eat. You need some flowers on those bones, mare!"

As Golden leaves, the bar that is dividing the scenes slides off to the left, resulting in a single one. We see that the rock-throwing scene is right to the head's right. She turns to her body, saying, "Nice revolution there, body. Of course, we should spread out...like more. Know what I mean?"

The body gives the head a hooves-up, getting the idea, sort of.

On a beach, Rainbow's head is on a picnic blanket, sitting against a palm tree while wearing a pair of sunglasses. We see a drink with 3 umbrellas right in front of her. A seagull is heard.

"Man, this is living the sleazy life." Rainbow's head said with a sigh. Of course, it would be since the head herself is all alone on a small island. Turning back, she calls out, "Yo, cabana colt! My drink needs more umbrellas! Horse feathers, what kind of a deserted island is this anyway?"

At the club, we see Rainbow's body dancing with Noteworthy as the mare is heard, "During that time, my body would be putting its considerably reduced weight on it right down at the club!"

"Wow, Rainbow Body! With all that extra head stuff gone, your moves are twicely fresh, twicely fresh!" Noteworthy exclaims to the body with a grin.

We see the head rolling across the field as Rainbow spoke up, "My head would probably get dizzy rolling around all the time. Perhaps I should rig up some kind of repulsorlifts." We now see the head hovering a disc that is on the bottom. "Wait, forget that. I need something with a little more...flying muscle."

The disc is gone, being replaced by flaming exhaust pipes on top of the Rainbow's head. As motorcycle cycles are sound, the head itself exclaims, "All right, that's what I'm talking about!" She leans back as if revving up a motorcycle, "Reer; Reeeeer!"

Rainbow's head begins zipping back and forth across the scene quickly yelling out, Rooow! Rooow! Rooo! Reer," The mare imitates brakes as the head stops, "Reeeeee! Whoa! Man, this mess is awesome! I could win the million yard dash!" The head zips forward once more. "Roooo..."

At a finish line, the zip zips through quickly. On the other side, the head goes near Spitfire, who is holding a stopwatch while imitating brakes. The head itself exclaims, "Reeeee! Oh yeah, I beat Golden Harvest! Am I a Wonderbolt or what?!"

"Maybe in normal races...but you're the only one competing this year." Spitfire explains to Rainbow with a shrug. "Goldie went and quit the running business!"

Sure enough, we see Golden Harvest jumping behind Rainbow's head, wearing a new hat that said 'BUNFLANKMAKER' while holding a box of 'TINY BREADS' on her back. The mare calls out, "Cornbread, I got them here! Dinner rolls, cornbread! Everyone wants a bun or a flank! Let's hear it for the dinner roll!"

We now see a blank white screen. Rainbow's body came in from the right while the head rolls in from the left. The mare's voice spoke, "Who knows? Maybe someday, we will learn to regenerate..." The head soon gets an arm, a green leg, a spirally one, and an extremely thin robotic looking leg. The body meanwhile gets one odd growth colored to look like Rainbow's head in its chest, "And made two perfectly-formed awesome Rainbow Dash specimens!"

The Rainbow Dash body spoke in a whiny that doesn't sound like Rainbow Dash, D"uh, I like to go to store." The head meanwhile spoke in a scratchy voice followed by laughing, deosn't sound like the mare either.

Rainbow yelps in reality as she types on her computer, "Ugh! Hey, go away, ugly head and ugly body! Those things look awful like something out of a creature shop from some low-to-no budget horror film that ponies don't like. Perhaps cutting my head off wasn't a good idea after all."

We see Spike with a guillotine near the screen groaning as he leaves, "Oh man! Almost close."

"Well, time to go satisfy my sudden craving for tiny breads...perhaps I can find my local bunman."

As Rainbow got up to leave, the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. We see a movie poster for 'Magic Generator 4'.

A Low-To-No Budget Horror Film That Ponies Don't Like

MAGIC GENERATOR 4
OR: FOUR MORE MAGIC GENERATORS

with Special Make-up Effects by
PONY SALLIVAERI

We also see a propaganda poster for the Canterlot government.

SUPPORT PRINCESS CELESTIA!

WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

The End

Author's note
Wow, after seeing that, it's a good thing the body and head stay together, huh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow reveals her own candy product. Read, review and suggest!

31. candy product

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: candy product

"Check 1, check 2...Sibilance, Sibilance. RDEmail." Rainbow spoke as if she is doing so into a microphone...which the mare is as she blows into a mic and taps it. Rainbow then begins checking her e-mail.

Subject: Candy
Dear Rainbowdash
One thing I was wondering about, if you're famous, popular, and a magnet for stallion, how come you dont got any candy product...or food thing...to sell yet...
From somepony who isn't pinkiepie

Rainbow, while reading, say 'Dear Rainbowdash, One thing I was wondering about' as one clause, pronounces 'don't with a short O sound (rhyming with 'font'), inserts exaggerated pauses at each ellipsis, then humming to herself for a few seconds while waiting on the longest one right before the name. She pronounces 'somepony' similar to 'Saloney'.

Rainbow types in as she said, "Well, Somepony, of course you ain't Pinkie Pie. Otherwise, you would've fallen victim to Eggie's Foal's Daddy: my Pinkie Pie junkmail filter." We then see the filter in question that has a cross through Pinkie Pie and some words.

Eggie's Foal's Daddy
P*P Junkmail Filta
Subject, Time, Sender
Re: Besing Friends, 10:22, Pinkie Pie
Draw Metal Iron Again (smiley face), 10:22, Pinkie Pie
Re: re: re: resending, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Re: PonyPharmBalancy News, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Possible caper, 10:23, Pinkie Pie
Rrrrates so low!, 10:24, Pinkie Pie
Shrimp vs. Curly Mule, 10:24, Pinkie Pie
Say, it's almost 10:25!, 10:24, Pinkie Pie

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues typing, remarking, "Come on, just because I don't have a candy product now, doesn't mean that I won't by the end of this e-mail. I am so famous, popular, and a stallion-magnet that yours truly will have one! Why is it that athlete ponies are the only ones with their own candy bars? Shouldn't they got their own brand of, not sure, jockstrap, divorce lawyers, etc. instead?"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues onward, "For yours truly's own candy bar, we gotta get a name that is 50% Rainbow Dash, 50% teeth rot, and 50% awesome! How about...RDBOOM," We see a brown bar labeled 'RDBOOM' that smashes onscreen before disappearing. "Oh yeah, that's what you're going to feel when you eat one...like you got RDBOOM!"

Rainbow has problem pronouncing the last part, typing it slowly before saying, "Now we got to make sure and represent as many of the different states..." A candy-based periodic table covers the screen. "..of candy matter as possible. We will start out with a huge gaseous cloud of jello matter..."

As Rainbow say the next part, we see a pile of jello appearing from the left, puffing into a shiny white vapor, "...which are encased in a globule of semi-solid licorice colloid." We see some black goo coming from behind, encasing the vapor in a bubbly black sphere. The whole thing shrinks while it and blobs like it fill the lower part of the screen. "A bunch of those should be floating in a channel of liquid nougat..."

Now a wave a white nougat fills the lower half, causing the licorice spheres to begin floating in the new stream. Rainbow continues, "...which of course I found out is the candy version of veal, yuck. Anyway, we roll all that up inside a solid crisper cooking log..." Now a cookie dough log with chocolate chips wrap around the stream, putting it back to the center. We now see a small stump sticking out with a leaf. "...and cover it with rich, creamy...cupcake frosting."

A bunch of frosting covers the top of the candy log. Rainbow smiles while saying, "Yum; Next, sprinkle that with, not just crispy puffed rice, but whole tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal." We now see 12 tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal being dropped onto the treat. "And finally, cover that mess with the old BBC; Or just Boring Brown Chocolate, yeah."

Liquid chocolate is poured right onto the candy, completely the whole thing. An British like voice said, "I say..."

"Oh yeah, this is a confection worthy of the RDBOOM! Name," Rainbow said as the word 'RBOOM' is embossed onto the candy. "But...I should think of a better shape than the standard piece of horse crap kinda shape."

In the bathroom, Rainbow is reading a newspaper while snapping, "Yeah, Foal Ruth. I'm speaking to you!"

Back at the Periodic Table, Rainbow is heard mumbles, "Let's see...shape, shape, what will work? Shape..." The candy begins transforming through a bunch of shapes like a chainsaw, a bit sign, a hooves up, a syringe, a campfire, Equestria (with the word 'BAR' written on it), a mustache, and the bust of Megan. "Say...how about my wings?"

Sure enough, the candy transforms into Rainbow's wings. The mare is heard exclaiming, "Oh yeah! Everyone knows my wings! And they could come in with a built-in bite out of them!" We see a bite being taken out of the wings with a 'crunch' noise, "Just for security, because who wants to steal a pair of half-eaten chocolate pants?"

Rainbow smiles as she types in on her computer, saying, "All right! With a candy bar like that, one can get away with anything!"

We see a candy commercial beginning. We get a close up of Rainbow's hooves and wings as she flew down a road, going towards the camera. The words 'copyright 2012 Cheap Pony Foodstuffs' at the bottom right corner for the first few seconds. Rainbow begins to sing in a voiceover.

Rainbow: You got the munch.
The crisp and the crunch.
Livin' in the gutter with Grandma...
When Coach puts you in,—
You gotta go for the win.
Y2K turned out all riiiight!

Rainbow with chorus: RDBOOM!

Rainbow: You can do it!
RDBOOM!
Crunchy chew it!

Rainbow with chorus: Who's got the money?!

Rainbow: You got...RDBOOM!

Rainbow has problem pronouncing the name. A TV announcer spoke rapidly, "Buy one now and you get one free root canal or a cavity search; whichever pain comes first!"

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. Rainbow moves her head to the side to peek under the paper shortly after.

We see Pinkie, dressed like a robber, smirking as she prepares to steal a discarded candy product, exclaiming, "Yes, pay dirt; Pair of half-eaten choco-pants!"

We see Gello's face appearing in the gaseous jello vapor, speaking in a creepy and distorted voice, "Fools! You can't destroy me; Ha ha ha ha!"

The End

Author's note
Man, would I love a candy bar like that! In the next chapter/e-mail, which is the 150th one, Rainbow begins visiting alternate universes while Pinkie tries to make a fruit smoothie. Read, review and suggest.

32. alternative universe

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: alternative universe

"I've been walking on clouds and flipping off rainbows, on the wiiiiings of an emaiiil..." Rainbow sang over guitar music at her desk. The mare is once again working on checking her e-mails. Fluttershy is standing to her right playing a classical guitar, "Thanks, Flutter."

"No problem." Fluttershy said as Rainbow begins to check the first-email of her show.

Rainbow

Well well Christmas or hearths warming is approaching and fast ,Got any plans? you spending it with family or friends? anywho i'm going to spen it with family since its been four or five years since we got a gift exchange and spending new years as well no way am i falling asleep i've trained myself to stay awake so to speak and did you get your boastfulness attiude from your ancsester Firefly? not trying to be rude here

yours truely Adam

"Whoa, is it that time already? I must've lost track." Rainbow types in her answer. "To be honest, I am spending with my pals as usual. Also as for my attitude, I am not sure. I may have inherited or is that the same thing? Anyway, next e-mail!"

Subject: alternate univer$e
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Got some ?'s just for you:
1. What would you do with a 100,000,000 bits?
2. If you found yourself in an alternate universe somehow, what would you do?
Susan (not a girl), TX

Rainbow say 'question marks' for '?'s', and 'Number one' and 'Number two' for '1' and '2' respectively. The mare says everything inside parentheses normally while saying as she types, "To be honest, you can probably ditch that whole (not a girl) thing, not necessary. You could replace it with something tough, cool, kool and awesome; Like (Pegasus pony); Susan (Pegasus pony). No pony in their right mind would think that a guy is a girl...or a colt is a filly."

Rainbow clears the screens as she continues, "Well, Ms. Pegasus, you already answered question mark #1 with question mark #2 because a 100,000,000 bits is exactly how much that Scootaloo paid for on our new alternate universe portal thing." Sure enough, there's Scootaloo on the computer's right working on a blender that held a Video Game Colt. "Right, Scootaloo?"

"Actually, Rainbow Dash, I got this thing for only 14 bits." Scootaloo explains to Rainbow with a shrug.

"Wait, that thing cost us 14 bits, really?"

"Yes, that's right."

Rainbow blinked a bit then shrugs while saying, "Well, that's 100,000,000 bits in...dog year, right?"

"Yeah, right. According to Spike anyway," Scootaloo said to Rainbow as she gets the blender working.

"All right, mash Go on that blender and let's do this!"

Scootaloo press a button on the blender. it shoots out white bolts as lightning in the room flashes. Soon the blender stops with the game system still intact...and a large swirl is now to the desk's right.

"Oh wow, swirly Photoshop magic! This thing could release some major Tartarus demons. So..." Rainbow begins to ask as Scootaloo turns to her idol. "So I jump in or what?"

"Yeah, that must be the idea." Scootaloo said with a nod.

"All right, Ohbee kaybee; fly"

Rainbow flew off her stool and heads right to the swirl. Upon touching it, everything but her and the swirl turns back and white. The mare distorts horizontally and vertically then 'springs' right into the swirl itself.

We now see a panel of a comic strip that has a lot of buildings drawn into it. A caption at the top of the panel reads 'IN A BULDING...' which a narrator reads, "In a building..."

We now go to the next panel which shows an empty room. Rainbow then appears with a 'VOIP' appearing next to her. Whenever the mare speaks, what she says is shown in a speech bubble in the bubble, "Whoa! So where am I?"

In the next panel, the Mare Do-Well is there in an action pose in front of a yellow background. When she speaks, what the heroine say also appears in a speech bubble (though not lip-synced), first in red then in normal text, "TWINKY! We got a visitor from another universe!"

In the next panel, Rainbow appears in the next room, looking around while saying, "Whoa, it's the Mare Do-Well...and that weird costume of hers. But...why the hay are we in a lame-o apartment? Shouldn't we be in a secret underground lair filled with secret underground cool gadgets?"

In the next panel, the Mare Do-Well is shown from the chest up in front of a blue background as she explains, "The reason why mere pony...is that this apartment..." In another next panel, the heroine is now in front of a red background with her upper forelegs in the air, a thunderclap is heard as the Mare Do-Well's speech bubble became large, yellow and pointy then regular. "...IS RENT CONTROLLED; Plus, water is included."

In the next panel, we see the sinks for the kitchen and bathroom with their faucets running; the bathroom tap has the word 'FROSH' next to it. Rainbow, unimpressed, ask, "Can you tell me why you left all your faucets running?"

We go to another panel as the Mare Do-Well is standing in a room, laughing "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Those dumb bronies down at the public works won't know what hit them!"

Rainbow trots in from the left, still unimpressed. She asks, "That's how you do your heroic deeds; by wasting water?"

"Plus not paying for it. I may be a heroine but I can do pranks every now and again."

"I got to confess, Mare Do-Well...this comic part here is boring and dull. Better see what's going on further down the page. Fly!" Rainbow then flew out of the current panel, landing down three more. She sees a colt with a big knife in his mouth fighting a huge robotic snake. "Awesome! This is what I'm talking about!"

However in the next panel, it turns out that Rainbow is in front of the TV with the previous panel on it to the right of her. The Mare Do-Well, on the left, exclaims, "Yes, you ain't kidding!"

"Huh?"

"Because we got expanded basic cable..." As the Mare Do-Well continues, we see cable running through a hole in the wall in the next panel, "...'borrowed' from my neighbor!"

In the next panel, Rainbow is in front of the yellow background, looking annoyed as she ask, "Give me break, who is writing this issue; the geniuses behind Filly-Hulk; Scootaloo!"

Rainbow's voice is heard coming from the swirl in a speech bubble as she spoke to Scootaloo in the computer room, "A little frappe action, will ya?"

"Sure, okay!" Scootaloo exclaims as she turns the blender back on.

Back in the previous comic panel, Rainbow disappears with the same' VOIP'. In the next panel, the Mare Do-Well is in the same pose as she disappears, but flips around and with a green background.

"TWINKY; Keep flushing those toilets," The Mare Do-Well booms to her sidekick.

At a Ponyland stage, Firefly is standing on it with curtains behind her. The mare is about to do a trick as seen from a sign that said 'FIREFLY and her 'GOOD TIME PARLOR TRICKS'. As the audience watches, Firefly herself said, "All right, for my next parlor trick, I can make anything appear."

As if on cue, Rainbow appears to Firefly's left, in her normal form. She say sheepishly, "Hey there." Needless to see, the crowd begins booing.

"Oh great; who are you?! You've ruined my act! I was going to be ten times awesome without a copycat!"

As music begins to play, tomatoes are thrown at the two mares. Rainbow yelps in alarm, "Whoa! Shades of tomatoes! At least I finally met Firefly...and see where I do get my boastful attitude!"

As this goes on, Rainbow disappears as Firefly looks to her left in confusion.

Vector Rainbow Dash was floating above a vector field as Rainbow appears to her right. The real mare grins as she ask, "Hey, what's up my enormous vector sister?"

As Vector Rainbow Dash speaks, her words come out of her mouth in red vector-style test that disappears for a short while, "HELLOTYE!"

"So uh...tell me, what do you do for fun in this cool 3-D like place?"

"I SPLO STUFF UP."

Rainbow flew backwards to avoid the 'UP' word which explodes with vector graphics. The mare grins while saying, "Whoa. Pretty awesome, I got to say."

Just then Crono trots in from the left, saying, "Yo, mares! How are the challenges?"

"WHAT IS IS MY DOGE?" Vector Rainbow Dash asks Crono in greeting.

"Wait, hang on, you two know one another?" Rainbow asks in surprise and disbelief. She is both because she herself didn't even know that two of her AU selves know one another already!

"Oh, totally, sure," Crono exclaims as she leans forward, waving a hoof. "She is my training simulator! Check this out!"

Vecto Rainbow Dash begins moving left and right, shooting out squares right at Crono who flies around, dodging them. Rainbow does her best to do the same thing but has more difficulty doing so; Game music from 'video games' play.

It took a few seconds before the trio stops. Crono smirks while joking, "Nice work, big flank!"

"Big flank," Rainbow ask Crono with a frown.

"Yeah, your flank!"

"LEVEL 2," Vector Rainbow Dash boomed out, signaling that it's time now for the next game level.

"Yikes." Crono and Rainbow yelps a bit. The former silently laughs as Vector Rainbow Dash shoots a series squares right at Rainbow. As they blow up, the real mare disappears.

Vector Rainbow Dash continues shooting squares at Crono who dodges as if nothing has happened.

In the field in the style of 'flashback', Classic Rainbow is standing close to the camera while the real one appears to the right. All text appears in white rectangle near the screen's bottom.

"And so..."

The narrator Rainbow is heard as the real one looks around in confusion.

"...both Rainbow Dashes entered the 'Dig to Neighna with Your Ears Contest."

"Ugh, seriously? This must be the second or third to worst contest that I have ever heard of." Rainbow exclaims in annoyance. We see a silhouette of Twilight, Big Macintosh, Caramel, Applejack and Rarity to the right of a banner that reads 'the contest began'; the Classic Rainbow is right underneath it.

"And thus the contest begins!"

Classic Rainbow begins rubbing her head on the ground near a line that is marked 'start'...

"And Classic Rainbow Dash rubbed her ear on the ground..."

We see Rainbow sitting in a hammock with her Dasheresque glasses on.

"...while our Modern Day Hero maxed and relaxed."

We see Classic Rainbow standing near the camera; a hole is seen in the background with a giant glass of Apple Cider appearing in the center. The mare exclaims, "Yes, I struck it rich!"

"Said C.R.D."

We see a giant glass of Apple Cider in the center while the Bulked up Pegasus held Rainbow's hammock right up. The classic one called out, "A giant mug of awesome Apple Cider!"

Without warning, Firefly appears to the left, wearing a bathing suit. Classic Rainbow looks surprised as she exclaims, "Awesome! An apple like swimming hole! Last one in is a Bushwoolie!" The mare half-gallops to the Apple Cider and flies in. "Fly!"

As Rainbow disappears, Disc Burner Rainbow appears on the bottom left, dancing while playing a tune.

In an universe in the style of puppets, Puppet Rainbow Dash is in front of the Cloudsdale fence, the tire and stop sign are visible. The real Rainbow appears to the right. Music begins to play as both mares dance in sync with one another. After a while, the real Rainbow disappears once more.

In the Cuuuuuuudge's Enclosure, Rainbow is lying on top of the thing, sliding down before disappearing.

At the abandoned factory from 'highschool', Teenage Rainbow Dash is there as the real one appears to the left. The former remarks, "Striped pants." Rainbow disappears once more.

Rainbow is freaking out as she is in an interdimensional voice which is changing colors like mad. Something is going on here; the mare kept appearing in and out of dimensions like mad.

"Scootaloo; Stop it with the liquefy button!" Rainbow calls out in a voice slightly distorted.

Someone is messing up with the alternate dimension thing in the computer room but it isn't Scootaloo. It's Pinkie Pie who is trying to make a fruit smoothie. The blender still holds the Video Game Colt but the pink pony adds in a green substance. One and a half avocados are sitting on the desk along with a jar that said 'Total Loaded'.

As Pinkie press buttons on the blender, she exclaims, "Trying to make a real fruit smoothie here. What gives?"The mare kept on working. Suddenly, Classic Rainbow appears in the room along with Daring Do, Firefly and The Cuuuuuuudge, "Oh hi! Got any bee pollen or something?"

Pinkie presses another button. This time, an annoyed Rainbow appears next to the portal, followed by the Mare Do-Well. The real one snaps, "Pinkie! Stop messing with my alternate universe portal thing!"

"Oh, well, I'm trying to replenish, electrolytes, if that's okay."

Pinkie presses another button on the blender. Without warning, she and the portal are gone from sight with Rdolphence. Rainbow looks impressed; all of her AU selves are here in one place. This could mean something.

"Wow! Check out all these Rainbow Dash-related faces! What an all-star cast!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly. "Oh man, I got an idea! Let's form a super group and record a number one jam!"

Of course, the Rainbow clones groan, not liking the idea. Crono is heard saying, "Yeah, I guess so..."

"If we gotta," Firefly said with a sigh.

Rainbow grins as she stood in the recording studio. As music begins to play, the mare begins singing.

Rainbow: There's a crazy world of e-mails in this crazy world, oh

We now see a reversed view of Rainbow.

Checkin' 'em down, checkin' 'em down...

Crono is standing next to the Mare Do_Well and Firefly as the first one sings.

Crono: I hope it's from a colllllllt!

Firefly winces and frowns at Crono on the last world. We now see every Rainbow Dash from the universes that were visited in the recording studio, singing (with Mare Do-Well's words appearing in speech bubbles next to her).

All Rainbow Dashes: Save the last email for Rainbow Dash!

We see Daring Do mumbling as she sings.

Daring Do: Let the little foals go.

We see Vector Rainbow Dash in the field that has blue lines running above and below it.

Vector Rainbow Dash: I HOPE THEY DON'T A SPLODE

All the Rainbow Dashes begin to sing once more.

All Rainbow Dashes: Save the last email for Rainbow—

We see Firefly singing before the 'Dash' part.

—Dash!

Firefly: Save the last email for Rainbow Dash!

The Cuuuuuuudge fades in from the right as she sings in a high voice with vibrato.

The Cuuuuuuudge: Save the last email for meeeee!

We see the Mare Do-Well in a comic panel in front of a green background that slides into the upper left corner towards the end of the Cuuuuuuudge's line.

Mare Do-Well: Save the last email!

Now we see every Rainbow Dash as the camera zooms out during Rainbow Dash's line, "Yes, all my Rainbow Dash clones represents. Sesquicentennial e-mail, 2011…2012...err, I mean whatever!"

The music stops as the paper comes down, bringing the chapter/e-mail to a close.

As piano music plays we see Caramel holding a pear covered with eyeballs on head with coffee streaming down his face. We look at the pear with the eyes goggling and another shot of the pear from behind the stallion with one hoof raise up.

We see a close up of Caramel's head then goes back to the original shot. Pinkie appears, speaking in a fake backwards sounding voice that is subtitles, "Caramel, if you aren't going to eat that eyeball pe..." The pink pony clears her throat before speaking normally with no subtitle. "Perhaps you should give it to a pony whose could."

Caramel, distressed, said, "Not sure what's going on, Pinkie, but I prefer not to explain what I just did in my coat!"

We see Daring Do sitting in a boat in a lake, holding a stick with a fishing line tied to the end that is hanging over the side. Rainbow appears in the boat, exclaiming, "Whoa! A fishing trip with the adventure hero Daring Do! Now my life is complete."

"Hey, morning, Rainbow! Say hello to my tackle box!" Daring Do exclaims while motioning to the tackle box.

"Oh hey tackle box. I got to say, Daring Do. I am a big fan."

"Well, if you would sign right here on the dotted line, the adoption can be completed!"

"You wanna adopt me? Oh, this is going to be awesome!" Rainbow squeals as Daring Do holds up a form. But before the mare can begin signing, she disappears from sight. Rainbow is heard echoing slightly, "Aw horse feathers!"

The End

Author's note
Whoa; that is a lot of Rainbow Dashes and alternate universes! And thus we reached the 150th e-mail! In the next chapter/email, Rainbow herself crashes a senior prom. Read, review and suggest!

33. senior prom

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: senior prom

The chapter starts off at...a shiny red background and not in the computer room we always know. A emblem of the Mayor of Ponyville is shown as the singers are singing. We see the words 'Very Own Popular Cartoon' below the Mayor's head as it moves to the music a little.

Singer: The Mayor of Ponyville's Very Own Quite Popular Cartoon Show!

The Word 'The Mayor of Ponyville' appears above the Mayor emblem.

The Mayor of Ponyville's Very Own Quite Popular Cartoon Show!

The 'Quite' is written between 'Own' and 'Popular' with the word 'Show!' added after 'Cartoon.' The music stops as the Mayor is heard saying, "Come on! The Mayor will have some!"

However a TV announcer is heard speaking quickly as the screen darkens, "The Mayor of Ponyville's Very Own Popular Cartoon Show will not be seen this week, thank goodness. Instead we bring you this: Rainbow Dash's Very Popular Cartoon Show, which is already in progress."

We see the computer with the e-mail shown as Rainbow is finishg saying, '...bow Dash...'

subject: prom
Death Rainbow Dash,
I was wondering if you ever did have a senior prom. If that's the case, what was it like?
Morton W. WA

Rainbow say 'walrus association' for WA'; We see a business for 'Walrus Association'.

Morton W.
Walrus Association

Phone: 123-TUSQ
Mobile: JUST GIVE ME A WEEK OR SO

"Coco Coco Achoo or summary"

Rainbow frowns as she types in while speaking, "Aw, horse feathers! Aren't you Walrus Association ponies ever going to get off my back?! I will pay off my dues when you send me my tusks! Man!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Anyway, I don't personally have a senior prom since I dropped out of flight school, Morton. Of course, I have crashed my fair share of Senior Proms, Senor Proms, Homecoming Dances, Shortcoming Prances, and Off Site-Team Building Pottery Classes." We see a photo of an ice sculpture that looks like Granny Smith that is slowly melting a bit on, the words 'Senor Prom '95' is autographed on it. "Of course the best Senior Prom that I crashed was the 'Enchantment on the Moon' Dance. It started one day when I got some rather disappointing news..."

Big Macintosh and the Cutie Mark Crusaders are looking at Rainbow in the library right near her computer with a cassette tape on top of a clock radio, the message 'an answering machine (trust me on this)' is taped on it, keeping the hour number open as if it was a message one.

"Guys, I am very bummed big time. Check out this message that I got." Rainbow said pretending to be disappointed. The gang looks at the clock radio...with the mare holding one hoof to her mouth and look away. She spoke in a high-pitched voice, "Hey there, honey! It's Axel...some. They need to take me back to Marers to get that robot out of theirs right out of the sand. So unfortunately, that means I won't go to the dance with you."

Of course, the others look annoyed with Apple Bloom folding her upper forelegs, knowing what Rainbow is doing. The mare, in the fake voice, remarks, "Anyway, I left you some tofu meatloaf under the fridge." She then goes back to normal but kept on pretending to be disappointment. "Ooh...well, that stupid robot is stuck in the sand again. I won't have a date for the dance now. So that means you four losers..." Big Macintosh looks shocked then angry by the comment. "...and I, the cool mare, will have to do the right thing: crash the ever-loving style out of that prom! All right, here's the details of my mareastardly plan!"

The dance moves on in a gym as a band performs on stage at the 'Enchantment on the Moon' dance. Spike and Rarity is dancing on the gym floor, with the dragon wearing a tuxedo and the unicorn is in her Gala dress.

"Hey Rarity, don't look now but I think we're the hottest couple at this prom." Spike said to Rarity slyly.

"Actually, we're the only couple at this prom." Rarity said to Spike with a frown. "Our friends still don't got dates and we're not actually a couple."

"Come on. What about Twilight and Debor?"

"That is actually Applejack, darling."

"Who," Spike ask a bit confused.

Sure enough, there's Applejack who is pouring Apple Cider into the punch, wearing her own Gala dress. Twilight, frowning and in her own Gala dress, scolds, "You oughta to be ashamed of yourself, Applejack!" The cowpony yelps as she drops the cider bottle. "You are supposed to be the chaperon here and an honest cowpony."

"Whoa, whoa, Twiight, yew kidding? Gotta make 'dis here prom interesting, y'all!" Applejack insists to Twilight with a frown. "Ah mean, have yew even been 'ta one o' these proms? They are boring than..."

Applejack was cut off as the light is suddenly turned off, plunging the scene into pitch darkness. A thund sound and a record scratch is heard as ponies at the prom gasp in horror. Something isn't right here!

"Hey, hey, watch those claws, David Coltfeel!" Rarity scowls to Spike, believing that he is touching her.

"Right, Davie, look whom you're touching!" Spike exclaims, unaware of whose Rarity's talking to.

Soon the lights are turned on as we see Rainbow, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Big Macinoths in the center, separating Spike (who kept dancing) and Rarity. Rainbow smirks as she exclaims, "All right, senior ponies! This prom is now crashed! Listen up to my mareastardly plan! I rigged this button here..." The mare held up a remote control that has a big red button that is labeled 'GO!' "...because when I press go for it, everypony's real coats will POOF AWAY in what I called a mass coat-sing, ha!"

Rainbow smirks as she hits the button, causing the DELETED buzzer sounds to be heard. Sweetie pauses as she said, "Err, I think we may have a few bugs in that thing."

"What," Rainbow gasps in shock and horror. Sure enough, Rarity, Applejack, Spike, Twilight, Octavia, the rest of the band, Big Macintosh and the Cutie Mark Crusaders watch as Rainbow's coat disappears from sight, revealing her to be wearing white boxers with lipstick kisses on them. "Oh, you got to be kidding me! This stupid thing has bugs that affect only me?!"

The announcer spoke up, "All right, to announce your Prom King and Queen! Here is this year's Prom King...Soarin'!"

A voiceover spoke as the words appear on screen, "Accepting the award for Soarin' is Spike since the Wonderbolt is at a much cooler private school prom."

Spike walks out into a part of the gym that has the banner and cut out forms of an alien and the Moon, he is wearing a crown while drinking Apple Cider, doing some gargling noises.

"And your Prom Queen is...Rainbow Dash without her coat on!" The announcer booms, much to Rarity's shock and bewilderment.

The audience applauds as Rainbow, her coat still gone, came in wearing a tiara while holding a lot of roses. The mare is crying to the applauses while saying, "Oh yeah, thank you so much! You ponies are a sweet delight...just one big almond paste with sweet delight!"

Spike leans forward as he kicks his foot backwards. Rarity angrily mumbling, "Every year this happens...and this isn't even a senior prom." She blows her mane out of her face.

"Oh yeah," A voice yells out, making Rarity surprised as every pony else gasps in shock. They all looks at Octavia who shakes her head while shrugging her shoulders. No one knows who said that shoutout that night.

Rainbow eagerly types on her computer as she explains, "Also the best part is that I got a 20 bit gift certificate to the All-You-Can-Eat Old Mares Restaurant. I got to say, I ate my weight in creamed fish and daisies that night. Well, gotta get out of here. I promised to take Debor to see David Coltfeelperform." The mare got up and leaves, "Hurk!"

Rainbow flew off as the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end.

For those who want to see what the e-mail's beginning is, here it is...

Rainbow is singing while typing on her conversion, "Can you see that I've got email styles, c'mon c'mon, can you see that I've got email styles?" The mare brings up the e-mails as she begins to read it. "Dear Rain..."

Spike and Soarin' are hanging out together with the baby dragon remarking, "Oh wow, my pants was so poof away at the prom this year." The Wonderbolt looks annoyed as he continues. "I was wearing all kinds of long pants and they are gone. How embarrassing, man!"

"Spike, you don't even wear pants." Soarin' said to Spike dryly.

"Right, right; I will make sure to keep telling myself that."

The End

Author's note
Wow, Rainbow tried to crash a senior plan, only to become Prom Queen. Weird, huh? In the next chapter/e-mail, a e-mailer ask the mare about her ISP. Read, review and suggest.

34. isp

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: isp

Rainbow is at it once more, singing while bringing up the first e-mail on her show, "A badaly-doo, it's time for email, bra-doop-da-dabadoo."

Subject: ISP
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Since you answer e-mails, you got to have some sort of internet, right? What kind do you ponies get in Equestria? Who runs is? Is it expensive?
Your bestest super duper buddy on the planet,
Mittey, UK

Rainbow said "Ha! Not even close" after 'Your bestest super duper buddy on the planet' then says 'UK' as 'you 'kay?' The mare then types in as she answers, "Yeah, Mittey, I'm okay, calm down! Geez! Anyway, of course I got the internet. How else could I download this awesome animated gif/gif of a cute break dancing rabbit?"

Rainbow brings up something...a progress bar that pops up with a Window sound that says '11% Complete' with 'Less than a fortnight remaining' below. Needless to say, the mare looks shocked and disbelief. This should've been done by now!

Rainbow types in while yelling, "What the hay?! 11 percent; I started downloading this baby about 2 days ago! Oh, that is it; Tech support, hold on to your fat, sweaty D&D playing headsets or muffins; Time for Rainbow Dash to Do-Sum-Bow-Dis!"

Rainbow picks up the telephone to make a complaint to her tech support. We hear a phone ringing as the screen is spilt by a phone cord. Who is in the office right now than Derpy whose cubicle wall got a Post-It-Not that said 'Note to self: Chew more'. The crossed-eye Pegasus pony is wearing a headset during the conversion.

"Thanks for calling the internet!" Derpy answers happily over the phone. "Can I have your account number or identify theft?"

"No, but you can have a heapin' helpin' of my uncontained anger!" Rainbow snaps to Derpy in annoyance.

Derpy picks up some sheets of paper and reads slowly from them, "Uh...madam, try to calm down. Your CD tray isn't a cup holder." The mare turns the page. "Sorry, can't help you clear your browser cache. No, I ain't in the Griffin territory."

"Will you be quiet and listen up?!" Rainbow scowls at Derpy, causing her to drop the papers in surprise. The cyan Pegasus pony hits the keyboard while continuing, "My internet is crawling around like...something funny...that crawls around!"

"Sure, I can help you with that! Please hold while I transfer you to another pony whose can do that for you."

"What?!"

Derpy happily begins singing, "Doo doot. Tch; Doo doo dit; Tch; Doot doo doot; Tch," The Pegasus pony begins standing up and flying around (she is the only visible tech representative in the office). "It's the hold music, do doot. Tch. Pa doo doot; Tch. Boodoo doo doot; Tch," She then finishes with a high-pitched voice. "Hold music!"

Derpy sits down, speaking to Rainbow in a telephone voice, "Thanks for holding. Your call isn't that important to us. The next available representative wi..." The goofy pony then goes back into her normal voice. The cyan twitches intensely. "Okay, back! How about I verify your address so I could send you my weight in free sign-up CDs?" We see a picture of the CDs in question.

"Oh, that's enough!" Rainbow screams furiously as she hits a hoof against the keyboard again. The mare has had enough of this horse crap! "I'm flying my pasty cyan flank down there to speak to the stallion in charge!" The mare then slams the phone door and heads off to do just that.

"Okay! Glad that problem is taken care of! Anything else I can..."

Rainbow fumes as she flew through Ponyville at dusk. The mare is going to where the place which takes care of her internet is at: Time Turner's laboratory. She stops there, slightly out of breath from flying.

Time Turner came to the stand, saying, "Well, well. It's my lone internet customer; How the e-business doing, Rainbow?"

"Now listen up, old man Turner!" Rainbow snaps angrily to Time Turner. "What's the big idea of you throttling me down here?!"

"Wait, throttling you down; that isn't one of the 99 ways to rip you off! And even then, I don't do that!"

"Wait, back in the day, I used to connect 1200 baud...but since the merger, I would be lucky if I could get the 12 kind!"

"Hmmm..." Time Turner said in concern as he raises a hoof. "Let's get down to the Datum Center and see if we can resolve your problem."

"Good idea." Rainbow said with a nod; Time to figure out why her internet being so darn slow.

In a garage, there is a lot of computers with Time Turner's face on each one working, all of them is sporting a sign that is labeled 'Datum Center'. Rainbow and the owner come into the place to figure out what the problem is.

"All right, this is where the magic happens." Time Turner said while motioning to the computers. He scratches his mane puzzled. "Now...what could the trouble be?"

"Yeah...I wonder." Rainbow said sarcastically. She glares at one computer that has a garden hose sticking out of it with smoke issuing from the back; must be her internet, "Betcha not this computer that got a garden hose sticking out of it."

"What the hay?! Somepony is sucking up my bandwidth!"

The two follows the garden hose upside and soon find their culprit who is messing with Rainbow's internet: there's Tough Apple sucking on one end of the hose like mad.

"Tough Apple," Rainbow exclaims to Tough in annoyance.

Tough Apple takes the house of his mouth which is now tiny. The stallion spoke in a high-pitched voice, "Ah is a website now!"

Rainbow and Time Turner begins to laugh. At least now the problem is resolved. Even Tough joins in in his regular voice; if course the laughter gets more hysterical until it reaches the point of insanity!

Eventually the internet problem is taken care of as the status bars now reads '99%' and has the word 'Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...'on it where 'Less than a fortnight remaining' used to be. Soon we hear a ding as it is replaced by '100%' and 'Already?!'.

The computer screen shows an animated gif of a rabbit dancing to computer tune. The whole thing is now replaced by yellow test that says 'OKAY, THIS ISN'T REALLY BREAK DANCING. WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?' The paper comes down, bringing this whole thing to an end. We now see the collection of free sign-up CDs in the shape of Derpy flying.

The End

Author's note
Looks like Rainbow's internet problem has been taken care of, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, our favorite Pegasus pony considers redesigning the 'No Loafing sign' and painting her computer room. Read, review and suggest.

35. redesign

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: redesign

As our chapter opens, we see a darkened computer room that has yellow tape all over the computer. Rainbow is heard saying, "Yeah, e-mail is nice..." The lights are turn on as the mare goes to her seat to sit down. "habalubabulabada!" Rainbow laughs while getting rid of the tape. "Email is twice, habilastilbilasaw!" She pulls up the first e-mail.

Dearest Rainbow Dash,

How have you been also your great great great great great great grand father wanted to right an email to you i wanted to know that i love you my Rainbow Dash , i have one question though . When are you and your weather team sending snow? the first day of winter is tomorrow Signed - Death Bringer and Firefly (smiley face)

Attachment Email
'

Hey Dashie yea my OC Alicorn death bringer and Firefly wanted to send this as an Email toward you so heres mine ,Ya know everytime I sit back and think my mind drifts to either you or Twilight? also you and the weather team are bringing snow tomorrow right ? that unless ponyville does get snow a white covering of snow but not a blizzard though it would be kinda funny so here it is Twilight snow being dumped on her head an angry Twilight thats like Rarity Dirt in her coat or mane a Rarity who freaks about anything fashion realated (trust me) anywho believe me while i can be creepy and don't take offense to that but I Love you RD

Adam ,

PS XOXOXOXOXOXO

Rainbow sighs while typing in, saying, "Look, Adam, no offense, but I really don't feel that same way about you. Mostly because how long your e-mail is and the fact that death bringer doesn't even exist. Also, as far as the weather team goes, snow may be on the program sometime soon...yeah, it would be funny for what happened to Twilight and Rarity."

Rainbow clears the screen then continues, "Sorry, sorry, Adam, but you got to find someone else your own species or who cares because I don't feel the same for you again. Okay, next e-mail!"

subject: keeping life exciting
dear rainbow dash
no offense but seriously, I am getting 20% bored of the 'no loafing sign' and white paint.

jeremy coltson coltada

When Rainbow say 'dear rainbow dash', it echoes, causing her to look around a bit. The mare then pronounce the name funny before she begins to type and speak, "Oh, that's funny because when you say that Jeremy," The mare says that as a mumble. "Because I am thinking about how yours truly is with your flank, your face and your snotty nose."

The word 'nose' echoes, making Rainbow look around again. She clears the screen while continuing, "Yeah, I suppose the No Loafing sign oughta take a cue from the fast-food, soft drink and bad sport teams industries, as well as combat sluggish sales and decades of losing with a new slick logo redesign." The screen cuts back and to the No Loafing sign while the white wall vanishes. The mare begins rapping to a beat, "First you squish it, skew it, and turn it all around. Squish it, skew it; turn it all around."

The border disappears as the words are squished, skewed and turned around. Once it's done, they are at a slant as the mare speak, "Okay, next up, we oughta make it fast, slick and shiny like Pony Jo in a tuxedo." The words themselves then curve, the letters' tops became spikes pointing to the left and they all become shiny. Rainbow begins to rap once more, "Uh; Pony Jo with da tux-eee-do!"

The words then react to the beat of Rainbow's rap as various decorations litter the screen with a no symbol appearing behind the words. The mare now says, "Time to play Color Wheel Roulette. No Whammies, no Whammies!"

The color of the sign cycle through various schemes, we see the box sign for the Color Wheel Roulette Stupid Home Edition by Pony Electric Games.

-50% fewer deaths than the Russian Pony Version
-Pant 1, pant off!
-Twice as many deaths for the Garden Version

The colors now end up the words that are a dull yellow with the circle in the background turning a greenish tan, the blank space in the middle turns brown. Rainbow said as the audience groans, "Awww, wow, dude. Now you think you're done, right? Wrong! You gotta now put it in molten Ponyiglas..." The sign became glossy, "...to give it that whole 'foals under 3 will choke on it' awesomeness."

One 'ding' later, sparkles appear on the logo. Rainbow then adds, "Wait; almost forgot the creepy fangs." We hear a roar as bloody fans came out of the logo.

Rainbow and Spike are now in front of the computer which shows the new logo that the mare just described on the monitor. The baby dragon asks, "So how are we going to print this baby out?"

"Not sure how we will print it out since somepony sliced off the back of your monitor. And stop rubbing the plastic bar of soap on the desk." Rainbow said as she motions to Spike's cordless mouse. "No offense but you don't got what it takes to bring the NO LOAFING thing into the digital age."

Rainbow rubs Spike's head as he shrugs and closes the window. The mare, with a grin, turns to the viewer as she exclaims, "But yours truly sure do!"

Back at the No Loafing sign, Rainbow is heard saying, "And now fresh from elementary school for pony cafes and lotto machines..." The sign now turns into a LED display used for cafes at schools. "...here comes one of those really hard to read message board signs!"

The words 'NO LOAFING' scrolls past on the sign followed by a crawling worm. Rainbow continues, "This baby is capable of advanced animation, scroll-a botones..." We see the words 'HAY IS COOL' coming in with individual pixels coming from both sides before meeting. "...as well as 12 levels of blinkiness."

The words 'NO LOAFING' came back as the letters blinks. The screen blinks as fireworks appears on the display, making Rainbow cheers, "Yeah, let's celebrate with no loafing with some fireworks and a pony doing cartwheels!" Once the fireworks are gone, a pony is seen doing cartwheels on the display. We go back to Rainbow as she adds, "No mortal pony would think of loafing under the four-colored dotted digital stare this baby! You know...unless they end up looking up too late and the words 'No' had already scrolled off..."

Cut back to the display as the 'N' in 'NO LOAFING' scrolls off. The mare comments, "...so they would end up thinking that it said 'DO Loafing'." The mentioned words scroll on as we see a bumper sticker for Lamey Mountain, Coltado. "Or probably Frankle Delcoltao Loafing, like one of Equestria's laziest presidents."

We see the pony doing the cartwheels appearing after 'DO LOAFING' follow by 'Frankl' then we go back to the computer as Rainbow is typing once more, speaking, "Okay, enough loaf for now. As for the white wall, if you gotta repaint something, may as well use that green screen paint that the ponies in movies still think is awesome. Then the wall can be whatever you want!"

Sure enough, the computer room now has bright green walls instead of white. The Pegasus pony flew into the middle of the screen as she continues in voice over, "Now imagine if you will, being able to frolic through the bread aisle..." Now the wall, with Rainbow's eyes, is replaced with an image of the bread aisle as seen in grocery stores. The mare continues, "...without leaving your home of course."

The mare leans against the wall as she sits down. Rainbow's voice said, "Wow, the bread aisle. Man, warm me with your enriched, bleached awesomeness bosom! And give my sight back, okay?"

We now see another part of the computer room with the same green paint with Rainbow sitting on the floor, looking at the wall and holding a controller as if playing a video game. The mare continues voicing over, "Or you can also play your favorite video games where the pixels are big as Big Macintosh!"

We see the wall turning into a video game which is called 'Sundae Pony Driver' that shows a bowl of ice cream on wheels that drives down the road, getting toppings. T he mare imitates a car's engine while saying, "Vrrrrrrrr! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The vehicle gets a cherry as the words 'GOTTEN CHERRY' appears, "Vrrrrrrrrrr! Whoa, wet walnuts! Watch out!"

Of course, the sundae car hits a jar with the 'W' on it, causing it to blow up. Rainbow groans in disappointment, "Aw, man!" The screen reads 'Too Late. Your James is over' which has a cherry under the words. "Geez, this game is for lame-os."

"Of course, what green screens are really for..." Rainbow is heard voicing over again. We now see her with a Greek like spear, shield and helmet, glancing at the wall that now has an island village with a 'Realistic' Cyclops monsters on it. Scootaloo is heard doing the monster's voice. "...is battling real stuff!"

The monster steps forward, roaring while trying to attack Rainbow who moves out of the way. The mare yells out, "Ha; takes more than some kung fu monster to stop me from sending toilet right over the Temple of the Alicorns!"

Suddenly Lyra came in; her body overlaps the walls causing the green screen's image to appear over the unicorn, leaving only her head and hooves. She is wearing a medallion that is replaced with something glossy, curved and with fangs that look like Spike's remake of the No Loafing sign.

Rainbow and the monster stop fighting as Lyra speaks, "Rainbow Dash, check this out!" The monster glances at the emblem on her medallion. "I just got a new medallion! I squished it and skewed it. Plus, I turned it all..." As the monster glances to Rainbow, Lyra's medallion is squished, skewed and turned away. Needless to say, the Pegasus pony and the monster screams in terror as they fly/run away. "...around?"

Back on the computer, Rainbow frowns as she types, saying, "Oh forget that, Jeremy! If you are so bored with yours truly's style, I got a change for ya."

We see the laundry room as Rainbow is heard saying, "No, stupid! Pan up!" The screen pans up to see some Cloudsdale theme wallpaper right on the ceiling. "I have put up this awesome Cloudsdale theme border in the laundry room, "Oh, and check this out!"

The screen zooms onto the washing machine as Rainbow continues, "I even hot glued some clouds onto the washer and dryer's knobs! Cool, huh?" The mare is now seen next to the washer as she continues, "And best of all, I did it for under 50 bits! Okay, that's our show, folks. Join us again next week...not really...when we show you how to knit your own splatter paints...and best of all, it's all for under 50 bits!"

We see a logo for 'redesigning RDEMAILS, JERK HOOF' appears as the singers sang, "Ba-doo ba! Do Daaaah!" On the last part, the words 'FOR UNDER 50 BITS' appear as the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see a conversion between Scootaloo's redesigned No Loafing sign and the redesigned Lyra Heartstrings one. The former begins purring then growling before roaring at the latter, causing it to run off in fear while yelping, "Yike, yike, yike, yike, yike, yike!"

The End

Author's note
Well, you folks can forget about the redesigning, no thanks to Lyra Heartstrings. In the next chapter/e-mails, Rainbow tells us how she keeps cool in the sun during the summer times. Read, review and suggest.

36. keep cool

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: keep cool

"I'll take you back to a time when e-mail was king!" Rainbow did some rapping as she brings up the e-mail on her computer as usual.

Subject: Oh man,,,
Can you tell me how it is over in Ponyville? We are boiling like mad over here. What do you do to keep cool?

Green R.
Sunnytown, CA

A record is heard scratching after 'Ponyville'. The screen dims as another Rainbow Dash shows up saying, "Just a note to you Bronies out there..."

We see Ponyville as a cutout in the shape of Rainbow Dash labeled 'rd' is shown. Rainbow is heard saying, "Now this is Ponyville." We now see Time Turner's laboratory, which has a similar cutout for Time Turner that is labeled 'time turner'. "Not this place."

We see the library with a cutout of Twilight that is labeled 'egghead sparkle' as Rainbow continues, "...or this..." We see a cutout of the Tree with a cutout of Pinkie Pie that is labeled 'ds', "...or this."

We cut back to Ponyville as the second Rainbow continues, "Just this." We go back to the computer as the mare nods to the camera. "Okay, you got that? Now give me a hoof!"

The second Rainbow held up her left hoof before disappearing. The rest of the screen disappears as the original Rainbow finish reading the e-mail. We see a menu when Rainbow says 'Sunnytown, Cactus Area'.

Cactus Area
"The most boring donkey Restaurant in Equestria"
(picture of a circle around two weird cacti and the word "Sombreo")
(Yes, even we know what salsa is by now!)

Rainbow types in as she explains, "Not sure how it is around Equestria, Green boy. Of course, we have our old-timey, made-uppy, no worky way of figuring that one out though."

Derpy is sleeping on a brick wall as a book is labeled 'Mr. Colthov' is next to her. Rainbow is heard speaking, "We of course put a spoonful of..." The mare herself, along with Twilight and Spike are sneaking behind Derpy as Rainbow puts a spoon of sauce right onto the goofy pony's head. "...of hoisin sauce on Derpy Hoove's very disturbing head...then we just ask her."

"Uh, you sure this is right?" Spike asks Rainbow puzzled.

Rainbow smiles then she yell out to Derpy, "Hey!" The cyan Pegasus pony hits Derpy, causing the goofy one to yelp and wake up. "Cross eyes! How hot is it today?"

"The current temperature is 97, 87 degrees...humidity: 25 percent!" Derpy exclaims quickly. Of course, she fails to see that Rainbow, Twilight and Spike are slowly starting to leave as they make a tapping noise while doing do. "...barometric pressure is 30.5 mercury...I'm going to eat this spoonful of whatever sauce this thing is."

Derpy grabs the spoon off her own head and opens her mouth to eat the sauce...but we go to the edge of the wall where Rainbow's group is out. Rainbow herself screams out, "Hey ponies! You hear that?! It's the high 90s!" The mare laughs as she takes out a paper that is titled 'Luffy D. Monkey's Summer Tips' as we look at it. "Know what that means?!"

Music starts as Rainbow flew up into the sky with Twilight and Spike raising their hooves/arms into the air up while they all yell, "YEAH COOL TIME; POOL TIME!"

"Yes...wait, what pool are we using?" Twilight ask Rainbow curiously.

"Duh; in the pool that we always had..." Rainbow explains as Spike looks surprised. "...which we use all the time...and the school always had an elevator!"

Rarity is at work at the Carousel Baroque as Pinkie pops out, exclaiming happily, "Yes! It's cool time!"

"That means pool time!" Rarity giggles eagerly. The white unicorn needs some pool time after her hard day's work.

At Time Turner's lab, Caramel is leaning in the counter as he asks his pal, "Cool time?"

"Pool time for sure," Time Turner exclaims with an eager smile.

Fluttershy and Big Macintosh are walking in the field as the yellow Pegasus pony asks meekly, "Is it cool time?"

"Eeyup! Pool time," Big Macintosh exclaims as he gave her a hooves-up big time.

Sure enough, the ponies are hanging out at the pool time, having a cool time. Rainbow sat in a lifeguard's chair with Caramel trotting behind her in a barrel. Time Turner floats in the pool water with inflatable water wings on his arms while the CMC and Nyx skims across the surface of the water quickly twice. The ponies are having some fun so far.

"All right, you little sacks of horse craps and ponies I like. Just so I don't have to bother using this weird foamy thing..." Rainbow said as she kicks off the floating device that is hanging on her perch, "Time for me to explain the pool rules, okay?"

We see a paper reading 'POOL RULES' as Rainbow reads them, "Welcome to our 'pool'. Notice that isn't any 'take a horsecrap in it' in it? Try to to keep it that way!" Big Macintosh, wearing an alien floating device, was about to test the water with a dirty hoot. "Hold it; don't even try it, Big Mac!"

"Aww, shucks." Big Maicntosh said as he hangs his head down. As Rainbow continues explaining the Pool Rules sheet, the following rules are added with illustrations while being mentioned. We see pictures of a pony head holding a knife in its mouth, a house with a blast behind it with the walls and roofing falling, and somepony's flank with a hoof in it.

"Next off, no rough-horsing, no house-rousing, no flank patting of any kind."

"Aww, horse feathers," Caramel said in disappointment.

"Also, no running, diving or swimming!" Rainbow remarked. "Of course, the last one isn't very widely enforced...and the rules don't make sense but bear with me! But more importantly, after you eat, you gotta wait 3 full days, get a doctor, have an ear candling, and press UP, A and Start before going back in. Don't ask me why those rules are there. They just don't make any sense!"

Rainbow looks at Rarity whose Mane now has a green tinge, the tip of it is smoldering. The burn goes slowly up to the head part, burning it right off as Rarity speaks, "Rainbow Dash, darling. What exactly did you put into the water?"

"Hay if I know. Chemicals, whatever I can find under the sink." Rainbow remarks as we see a pile of containers with chemicals in them, along with a bottle of 20% Awesome Sauce. "Well, you have to put chemicals in the pool, right? That's what they say...and that is all that they say anyway."

"Well...whatever it is...this stuff is doing wonders for mane, why I can feel it tingle."

Things are going fine...until stormy clouds came in by Pegasus ponies; we can hear faint flashes of lighting along with thunder. This causes Rainbow to speak in a sing song voice, "Light-ning." The mare then spoke normally, "You all know the drill."

"Awwww," Twilight, Spike, the CMC and Nyx said in disappointment while leaving the pool. And they were having so much fun too.

"Blast it!" Time Turner said with a sigh; So much for having pool time.

Pinkie, Caramel and Applejack trots through the pool carrying a TV antenna, golf clubs and umbrella respectively for some oddball reason, stopping in middle of the pool itself to sigh and groans.

Once the weather is clear up, Rainbow speaks with Time Turner in the lifeguard chair as she ask, "So later on, anypony want to get together for a game of 'Sea Serpents and Goldfish'; 'Coltstein and Kreskin'; 'Pregnant and 17' or whatever?"

"Err, Rainbow Dash! We oughta play 'Keep the Crazy Twilight Sparkle off the Hay-Picking high dive for Celestia's sake!" Time Turner exclaims as he points frantically to the diving board.

Sure enough, Twilight smirks madly as she jumps off the high-dive, screaming, "Cannonball! Yahoo!" The mare somehow takes a shape of a cannonball before...taking a tiny splash into the water. Nothing happens at first...

Of course, without warning, a magic blast is seen causing all the water to be splashed right out of the pool. We see shadows of the CMC, Nyx, Caramel, the lifeguard tower, Rainbow and Pinkie being seen right through the wave; Hoo boy.

Rainbow screams as she crash right through the ceiling of her computer room, returning to her computer. As water splashes down right onto her, the mare sighs while looking up. Twilight should've known better.

"Horse feathers, gotta stop patching that hole." Rainbow mumbles as she types back into her computer. "Well, the pool season is now over. May as well start Back2School shopping...gets some new pencil holders...stencil folders..."

We hear Pinkie screaming as the pink pony crash right into the place, landing right on top of her friend. The pink pony spoke in concern, "Dashie? I think that magic wave messed up your 'ool."

"Ugh...I...breaky...spiney. Ooh..."

The paper comes down, bringing the e-mail/chapter to an end.

"Wind sou'-sou'west at 10 miles per hour. Sunset at 8:45 PM," Derpy continues her broadcast, unaware that a mischievous Applejack is coming up behind her. "There are baseball games at 2, 11 and 3."

The cowpony chuckles as she put a cherry on the goofy Pegasus pony's head before taking out a can of shaving cream. This oughta be funny...

The End

Author's note
Wow, pool season didn't last long, huh? In the next chapter/e-mail, a reviewer asks Rainbow why her show doesn't have a theme song. The Pegasus pony explains why it doesn't need one. Read, review and suggest.

37. theme song

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: theme song

Rainbow brings up the e-mail once more on her show as she begins to sing, "When email comes to town, you know, you know, it's like a rainstorm... in your browser."

Rainbow Dash do ya ever listen to a band called Dio ? thought i'd throw that out there also its the first day of winter here YAY! and four days till christmas awesome !but all of that aside i think that there is something i wanted to say for a while just not in ...that way but . Merry Christasm Rainbow or . Happy Hearth Warming i'm guessing oh if and when you get the chance tell Twilight i said Happy Hearths warming and Hi as well just wanting to know how she's doing well see ya

Yoursly truely ,

Adam

Rainbow types in as she answers, "Hey Adam. Thanks for reviewing. Sorry if I have disappointed ya in the previous e-mail...but to be honest, I got my eyes on...another stallion...prize. Wink, wink; As for Dio, I think Megan or her kids gave me some clips of their songs. Also, same to you; As for Twilight, I will tell her you said that; Next e-mail!"

Subject: theme song
Dear Powerful Dash,
I am annoyed that your e-mail show doesn't got a theme song. If it does have one, your show would've been a whole lot cooler and awesome.
Bartholomew Shazaam
Ontario, Coltada

Rainbow said 'Shazaam' in a weird way as the lens flares with a special effect appearing over the name. She also says the location funny too. The mare remarks, "Well well, little south of the border flavor, eh?" Rainbow begins to type while remarking, "Dear Powerfful Dag, I am annoyed that your face doesn't got a lots of acne. If it does have one, you would've been a whole lot cooler."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Anyway, what the hay are you talking about, Shazaam?" The special effect appears over the word again. "In my opinion, theme songs are nothing more than a excuse for show makers to make less show. Yeah, I betcha viewership would've triple if I have one of the lame crappy cartoon theme songs that hits you over the head with the blunt end of the show's premise." Theme song music fades in over the last words.

We see Rainbow smiling as she flew through Ponyville. A crappy cartoon theme song begins to sing.

Crappy Cartoon Theme Song: Rainbow Dash is a Pegasus friend,
She's the email-checkinest gal in the land.
She checks real emails from the net,
She's got a lot of friends and Scootaloo, her fan. Scootaloo, her friend!

'RAINBOW' shows up on screen as the name is sung. We see the mare typing as the computer flies onto the screen, showing an e-mail from rockpunker96...

Dear Rainbow Dash,
I love your Metal Iron the Invincible!
Draw him AGAIN!

Rockpunker96

We see Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie dancing in the club while they are announced while Scootaloo, in cool shades, slides into the screen with the words 'SCOOTALOO HER FAN!'

There's nobody ditzy than the Hooves known as Derpy
On The Rainbow Dash E-mail Show!

We see Derpy breaking through the computer with a muffin, opening her mouth to bites into it. We see the title of 'Rainbow Dash E-mail Show' that has the mare's smiling face in front of a pink heart design. The music comes to its end.

Rainbow is seen tying on her computer as she said, "And thus the ratings went through the roof. And of course, let's not forget the life-affirming pop-ballad kinda theme song, the one sung by some variety of Neville ponies."

We now see a scene with the computer desk unattended. The title 'The Rainbow Dash E-Mail Show' flies on the screen. We see flowers on the desk as well as pictures of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, most of the Mane Six and Rainbow on the wall. The characters are introduced as their pictures fly across the screen with their names appearing across them.
As Rainbow shows a shadow Metal Iron to the CMC as a pop ballad type theme song plays.

Pop Ballad Type Theme Song: You and me, babe, livin' for dreams,
Lifin' for love, drinkin' for free.
Sittin' on top of an old robot, sharin' and carin' it out.
The memory's scrubbing you down!

As the music fades out, we see a clip montage as Rainbow's voice speaks, "Of course, the best clips that show will show are from unaired pilot that you won't see except on DVD." We see the mare drinking a mix of coffee and 'APPLE CIDER Lite' from a hat that she's wearing with her friends. The Rainbow floats in space then we see her looking up from her computer, throwing a stack of paper right into the air.

Memory scrubbing you down!

The music fades out as we see Rainbow in a tank with the clip montage fades out to show the words 'created by MLP Ponyinterviews'. Rainbow's voice continues, "And just when you actually get to see some actual show...you gotta watch a commercial!"

The commercial begins as we see some hooves holding bits and apple cores. A commercial guy is heard saying, "Hey folks! Do you make butt at your current job?" The word '$BUTT' is stamped right onto the screen. "Always make twice the butt?"

We see some sort of calculator that shows 'BUTT X 12' upside down, though is rotated counterclockwise 180 degrees. We now see the RDTAU online e-niversity 'website Coming Whenever(ish)!' 'Check back after the Wonderbolt games!'

"Well, a shady online degree is only 4 clicks away right here at RDTAU online e-niversity!" The commercial guy said as we see four cursors appearing. Now we see a wooden wall where a set of college flags appear. "Most of your Equestrian colleges take 4 years to get done."

We now see a hoof with a mouse against a purple background, the hoof click the mouse four times causing the words 'FRESHCOLT;' 'SOPHOPONY;' 'JUNIOR'; 'SENIOR' to appear after the other in increasing font size.

"But at RDTAU, 1 year always equal 1 click!" The commercial guy explains as a mortarboard is seen flying through the air.

Now we see Granny Smith wearing a blue baseball cap in front of some boxes, her degrees are shown on the screen while moving her hoof down while saying, "Shucks, I got 14 degrees during lunch. Now I can legally give out marriages in Equestria!"

We see a blue background that repeats the word 'LEGITIMIATE'. Now an '(On)line RDTAU e-NIVERSITY' medallions with four cursors show up. The words 'Join the e-NIVERSITY e-VOLUTIION e-day in blue from which the commercial guy, along with 'Banner ad valorum', "Join now and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Well...okay, maybe today." The word 'TODAY' appears over the 'e-DAY' word in yellow front. "Okay, I admit the last one didn't work so well. So sue me!"

We now see a Activated by Spike interitle that shows Rainbow chasing her computer. A female announcer said, "We will be right back with more Rainbow Dash E-Mails."

Now we see a balding mule in front of a newspaper background. Another commercial guy ask, "Hey, do you wanna bite your own foreleg right off?"

The balding mule gave a loud long sigh.

After some static, we return to Rainbow Dash typing on her computer as she say, "Relax, ponies. Just so you hope to get gipped out of another minute of actual show, well, you can hear the jazzy instrumental version right over the end credits!"

Now we hear a jazzy instrumental version of the pop ballad theme song playing. During the credits, we see Rainbow Dash talking into a microphone on stage at Sugarcube Corner. The end credits are shown during this scene.

Rainbow's voice comments, "Of course, and the off-change that you waned o hear the theme song...well, we took care of that as well."

We now see a program preview with the logo for 'Three Ponies is 4 Tonite' moving onto the screen, squeezing the Rainbow Dash Show E-Mail end credits to the left third of it. The music fades as the Equestria Action 20% Awesome News 5 logo shows up.

As the announcer spoke, we see faces of the four main characters, as well at the texts 'Weenights at 7:30, 8:00, 9:300, 11:00 and 11:30', "Coming up later is 'Three Ponies is 4 Tonite'. Join Tom, Jerry, Butchy and Scourge as they learn to give a care. But first..." We see the words 'Coming up Next'. "They're tiny, they're toony; they're all a little loony."

No, folks. It isn't what you think. We see graphics for Cutie Mark Commandos that shows Fillynold being taped to a rocket while Toughpony is checking the tape. The Cutie Mark Commandos logo shows up with the text 'Weekdays at right now' as the announcer continues, "It's the Cutie Mark Commandos!"

Rainbow types once more on her computer as she ask, "See what I mean 'Shazaam'?" The special effect happens once more. "What you're asking me is to dedicate 2 minutes of my 3 to 5 minute e-mail show to what is essentially a commercial for something you're watching anyway! And besides that, I gave you ponies a new rdemail song every week so what are you asking for? Allow me to leave you with the old standard 'When E-Mail Comes to Town, You Know, You Know, It's Like a Rainstorm...In Your Brower." The mare stops typing as she begins to sing. "When email comes to town, you know, you know, it's like a rainstorm... in your browser."

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. We can hear the funky theme song playing with the credits scrolling. Suddenly the Activated by Spike show preview squeezes into the screen. A red curtain is visible with spot lights moving over it. We see the text 'Next! All new Activate by Spike; Later on...Incredible Equestrian News' as well as the news logo sliding in.

"Next up on Activated by Spike: Applejack gets her own talk show." Another announcer said with a chuckle as we see 'Applejack's Evening Hour' which shows Activated by Spike Applejack (as well as her hat and apples cutie mark). "Her first guest is hilarity."

We see Activated by Spike Applejack behind a late night talk show host desk in front of a skyline. We see a guest with Spike's face and glasses in his seat, wobbling before appearing up close to the camera, laughing and bouncing. The Shazaam special effect happens once more.

The End

Author's note
Well, I guess Rainbow Dash doesn't need a theme song for her song. Who could blame her? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo go on a road trip...or probably a car trip...or trapped in a car. Read, review and suggest.

38. road trip

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: road trip

"Good morning, Mr. E-mail, there's a call for you, on line two." Rainbow sang once more while bringing up her first e-mail of her show.

Dear Rainbow Dash: how do you feel have Scootaloo being under your wing.

Greenrob

Rainbow types in while responding, "Let's see...forgot what era I'm in. Oh well, the truth is, it feels great, having my own personal sl...err, I mean little sister around. Always loyal and a good sister, Scootaloo is; Next e-mail!"

Subject: road trip
Dear Fatty dash,
Ever go on road trips with your friends?

That pony from that place

Instead of 'Fatty', Rainbow comments, "Hey come on! I've lost 2 pounds during the last 9 months!" And instead of 'That pony from that place', she respond with 'Georgie from Georgie's parents' basement'.

Rainbow answers as she types in, "Hay yeah! My friends and I've gone on road trips a few times. Also, me and Scoots; we are roadtripcionados! And the one thing that I've found is that every good road trip needs a good inside joke that ponies that goes on road will get."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "And your pals that don't go on the road trip will want to...break your wings...every time you bring that up. Nowadays, I make up the inside joke before going on the road trip, just in case that doesn't happen. For this road trip, we will make it...jumbo/LARGE! Ha ha ha! Get it; jumbo/LARGE; Man...okay, I thought it was funny."

Rainbow and Scootaloo are seen in the field in front of the car that the little filly has won in a card trip a while back. There is a object covered by a yellow-splotched cloth on the right.

"Oh yeah, ready to get going, Scootaloo?" Rainbow asks Scootaloo with a grin then looks puzzled at the cloth-covered idea. "Uh, why is Big Mac covered under that not originally yellow spotted sheet from Fluttershy's place...not from my home of course?"

"That isn't Big Mac, but something ten times cooler!" Scootaloo exclaims excitedly. She removes the cloth to reveal many stacked of aluminum cans, "Oh yeah!"

"Whoa, awesome, Scootaloo! 80 something cases of Apple Cider, one of my favorite caffeinergy sauce!" Rainbow squeals as we see a can. The mare dances while exclaiming, "Sweet! This road trip is going to be jumbo/LARGE!"

"What? Seriously; what kind of a joke is that?"

"Just laugh, okay? It's an inside joke, going to be cool." Rainbow remarked. The two nevertheless got into the car with Scootaloo behind the wheel. The mare got into the passenger's seat, closing the car door. "Anyway, road trip city, here we come!"

"Uh, Rainbow Dash; Where's the keys that I won from Time Turner?" Scootaloo ask Rainbow puzzled. "I thought I gave them to you for safe keeping."

"Keys; I don't have any; I don't remember where I kept them in my messy home. The only thing I know about this car is from what Time Turner has told me...that the windows and doors are broken and you can't open them from the inside." Rainbow explains, earning an annoyed glare from the filly. "Oops, right...guess that was…pretty poor planning on my part, huh?"

Rainbow looks out the window, calling out for any help, "Time Turner? Goofy Turner," A tumbleweed rolls by, "Anypony; Help?"

"Well, that's just great! We are trapped inside a car and can't fly out since we can't roll down the windows!" Scootaloo exclaims with a frown. "No one is around but us!"

"Okay, may as well, forget it. Hey, can't let a setback like this mess up our road trip, right? We just need some group. Pull over at this next exit up here." Rainbow suggests. Scootaloo nods as she turns the steering wheel as if to pull over. "All right, I know a little roadside diner called 'Under the Passenger's Seat'." The mare climbs underneath the seat as if to get something.

"Whoa! We got some grub under there?"

"Okay, let's see...we got a small order of petrifries..." Rainbow said, bringing out 3 French fries that are covered in pony hair, "...a large melt shake that is almost eaten through the cup..." The mare takes out an old cup that has the words 'Melt Shake' which has a brown stain at the bottom. "...oh, ooh, for dessert, a half-sucker booterscotch in one big need of a shave..."

Rainbow brings out one candy that is orange, egg-shaped and is covered with hair and a nail clipping. The mare frowns while saying, "Okay, disgusting, I know. Now all we need to waste the taste out of our brains is some jamming awesome tunes!"

"Yeah, all right, I got the right stuff right here!" Scootaloo exclaims excitedly as she takes out a CD that reads 'road trip mix'.

"Awesome, a mix CD," Rainbow exclaims eagerly as she begins to sing. "That, my friend, is jumbo/LARGE," The mare spoke normally. "All right, put that baby in and crank that mule yo!"

Scootaloo nods as she puts the CD into the player...well, the filly is trying to. The car got an 8-track player labeled '8-TRAX'. Scootaloo groans, "Come on, come on...ugh! Why did Time Turner gave us something that doesn't even work?!"

"Come on, you gotta force the thing in there. I'm sure that thing is forward compatible, right?" Rainbow suggests causing Scootaloo to push the CD right into the player; the edges broke off in the progress. "Oh yeah, Scootaloo, those are some jamming tunes!"

Rainbow begins to sing as the tape plays, "And now we're jammin'!" The mare now sang in falsetto, "Jammin' tunes! Jammin tunes," Rainbow, trying to assure herself, continues in her normal voice, "Now we're jammi—"

Rainbow however groans, giving up as she shouts, "Oh man! Who am I kidding?! This is the worst road trip ever...and we didn't even go out on the road yet!" The mare hits her head onto the dashboard. "Scootaloo, we're going to die in this piece of junk!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn't want this to happen." Scootaloo said sadly as the sky darkens.

The singers continue singing on the CD in high voices, so to speak to make matters worste "And now we're jammin'! Jammin' tunes! Jammin' tunes! Now we're jammin'; jumbo/LAAAAARGE!"

Rainbow and Scootaloo sighs, trying to be brave in this crisis. The mare points to something while saying, "Hey, check out that stain right there. Could be another whole new world...with whole another Rainbow and Scootaloo stuck in their car...yeah..."

Just when it looks like all is lost, a light shines right onto the trapped ponies. A frowning Pinkie is there, looking annoyed while snapping, "All right you two lovers; move it along! This isn't Make-out Point, you know!"

"Pinkie Pie, it's me and Scootaloo, we're stuck in here!" Rainbow exclaims to Pinkie in delight. Her pink pony friend has come to save the two, it's a miracle.

"Oh sure, an unlikely story, Backseat Dashie!"

"Come on, open the door. I will explain it all right."

"Fine, all right, but before I do..." Pinkie then smiles, no longer annoyed as she continues, "Have you seen my jumbo/LARGE melt shake; I think I left it in here a week or month ago! Any of you two ponies find it?"

Pinkie opens the door, allowing Rainbow to jump out of the car while squealing, "Oh yeah, sweet 2 feet from where I was! I've missed you big time!" We see some sort of bumper sticker.

Back on her computer, Rainbow continues typing as she explains, "Fortunately for me and Scootaloo, Officer Random Pony let us off with a warning...and that's our road trip...or maybe our car trip since we didn't go on any roads...and okay, just our car since we didn't go on trips anyway. And so, Georgie from Georgie's parents' basement, yeah, I go on car with my friends all the time. And that's the end of this e-mail. Until next time, ponies, don't forget to stay j-LARGE!"

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

Derpy is talking to Time Turner, the mare looks confused while asking, "Wait, whatcha mean I'm the Goofy Turner? In any case, that means you're the Smart Derpy!"

Any pony who calls me that gets a free consultation with my pals Doctor and Fists." Time Turner snaps in annoyance as he held up his front hooves as if ready to fight anyone who calls him 'Smarty Derpy'.

The End

Author's note
And that's Rainbow's road trip...or car trip...or just plain car, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare shows us examples of character trading cards. Read, review and suggest.

39. trading cards

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: trading cards

Rainbow is once again singing while bringing up the first e-mail of her show, "A-when you dribble down the court with an email, you leave your dreams at the top of the keeey."

Well Rainbow its better for me to find out then not know at all though ,besides that you and your friends all know that Pinkie is a very bouncy and go lucky pony but who in there right mind would write a fanfic about her much less one about big mac and two about you (I'm referring to the creepy pasta fanfics) those authors just have a sick and twisted mind and heck i'd write one for the hay of it and maybe throw in some elements that most authors never thought of , But anyway though I wish Pinkie Aj Fluttershy and Rarity a very merry christmas or in ponyterms Hearth's Warming likewise with Celestia and Luna Sining Armor and Cadence and oh yea Derpy or was it Ditzy don't know though

Yours Truely,

Adam

Rainbow sighs as she types in, saying, "Too long, Adam, way too long; as for who would write a fanfic about her in...that way; Must be the insane ones; Those authors, sick and crazy. Look, best not to kill us off, Adam. It won't be too pleasing for my viewers. Anyway, Merry Christmas and Hearth's Warming to you too. All right, who's next?"

Subject: Trading Ranbow-gum
Hey Rainbowdash-
You got to have trading cards...that has sticks of gum in them.
Nerdly yours,
Alfred
N.S. COLTADA

Rainbow says 'Another weird Brony named Alfred' instead of the name and 'not safe in Cotlada' instead of 'N.S. Coltada'. The mare types in while whispering, "Right, thanks for the trip, Al. I will stay here in Equestria until things cool off up there."

Rainbow, after clearing the screen, spoke normally, "Okay, Alfred, while I am a fan of cards like the Wonderbolts and maybe the ideas of having cards of me and my friends...in some cases, trading cards that AREN'T cool are the biggest waste of not a video game in Equestria! When good graphic were invented, I thought trading cards were outlawed!" We see a title screen of a video game starring the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "As far as the 'gum goes, I'm pretty sure they replaced that wih pink pieces of balsa wood in the early '80s and no pony would bother to notice. No, I shouldn't have BAD trading cards...but much of the ponies around here seen engaged in some sort of trading cardery at one point or another. Time to rag on them, shall we?"

We see a small area on Rainbow's computer desk as a trading card of Applejack that is titled 'AJ' is put onto it. The Pegasus pony is heard saying, "First off is Applejack's line of vaguely farm managerial cards." We see another trading card entitled 'Big Macintosh' being placed onto the table. "Now what self-respecting 12 year old doesn't want to collect picture of smelly farm ponies behind their favorite Earth ponies?" A third card that is entitled 'Granny Smith' is placed down. "And also who could resist memorizing all these fabulous farm stats?" The card is flipped down showing vaguely related farm stats, "Nice, record high 23 apple bucking from years ago."

We see Pinkie nearby while commentating, "And who do you think was the lucky recipient of all those apple bucking except one?" The pink pony giggles while wiggling her flank.

"I suppose it's..."

"Nope; it was me! I was made to hustle that season!"

"So who got that last apple buck?" Rainbow asks Pinkie Pie with a sigh.

"Well, I think she gave herself that one. She is re-known for her apple bucking tasks." Pinkie said while wiggling her flank once more.

"Yeah, probably known in seven cities."

"Huh?"

Rainbow ignores Pinkie as she goes back to her computer to clear her screen. The mare then types while continuing, "Next off is the Cutie Mark Crusaders' trading card game which is more of a trading card activity or trading card goings-ons because the word 'game' is supposed to mean fun and enjoyment." On the mare's computer desk, a trading card of 'Scootball, Apple Bomb and Sweetie Lady' slides into view. "And trust me you won't see none of those here."

We see a familiar Anime area of Ponyville as Crono yells to the CMC lookalikes, "CUTIE MARK RANGERS POISON ROAN TORNADO!" The mare throws the trio right at the screen.

The animation stops briefly as the three fillies scream, "Yay! Cutie Mark Rangers yo," They then explode in a flash of light. Once all is clear, numbers appear in four corners of the screen that change rapidly like mad. The word 'PLAY GET!' flash onto the screen as a song begins to play.

"Soooo...do I win or what? Anypony know how this game works at all?"

Back to the computer desk, we see the trading cards of 'Cutie Mark Rangers' and 'Crono' lying on it. Pinkie happily comments, "I will trade you your Cutie Mark Rangers cards for my Deathly Muffing Lonely Lurker Attack one!" The pink mare put the said card that looks like Derpy in a black cloak and hood holding a scythe right onto the table.

"Pinkie Pie, those aren't even from the same game." Rainbow points out to Pinkie Pie in annoyance as we see an alternate Derpy card. "Or even SLG. Your game is for crazy nerds to play in the fresh stallion dorms' basements. This cutesy Neighpanesy game is for foals to play during recess and to make sure that they don't get any real exercise whatsoever!"

"So how else would those foals earn any apple bucking if they don't rustle it out?"

"Ugh, Pinkie Pie, I doubt apple bucking is the part of an approved curriculum in schools in Ponyville these days."

"Well, that's just sad." Pinkie said sadly as her friend goes back to her computer to resume typing.

"Now then, the only trading cards that I would give a buck about were..." Rainbow explains as we see a trading card that is entitled 'Smelly Pony' appearing. "...the Smelly Pony's line of gross-out cards for foals."

"Hey, I will take you that card for this Rarity-DRESS." Pinkie said as she put the trading card onto the table.

"What, you keep doing this at random, are ya?"

"Okay, fine, I will throw in this rare Princess TROLLESTIA as well." Pinkie comments as she put the said trading card right onto the table.

"Here's an idea. How about I trade you a 'leave me alone right now' for this..." Rainbow said as she begins drawing on a sticky note. "...uhhhhhhh..." We now see a post-it note that said '148 more reps!' being put onto the computer desk. "...one of a kind Rainbow Dash bench-pressing dragons collector's card."

"Okie dokie lokie," Pinkie said happily as she put the note right onto herself along with others that has more sticky notes that has Rainbow and dragons drawn on them. "My collection is done!" Well, here you go, my good friend; your 'leave me right now'."

Pinkie rush off as the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. A while later, Rainbow then ask, "So how many times did we have that conversion?"

Pinkie peeks in while answering happily, "Thirty five!" The pink pony then disappears. We now see all the trading cards (except the alternate Derpy one) as well as the sticky notes on the floor.

The End

Author's note
Good trading cards, eh? Luckily for us Earthlings, we got the real life MLP: FIM ones! In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow Dash herself resolved some cliffhangers but a shocking surprise waits for her at the end of this e-mail/chapter! Read, review and suggest!

40. cliffhangers

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: cliffhangers

"Oooh, it's an e-email, money, money, money. Oooh-ooh; Shut up," Rainbow sang as she brings up another e-mail for her show. Let's see who got a question today.

Dear Rainbow Dash ,

so you gearing up for Christmas as much as I am ? heck i'll be tracking the bed red guy all through the night all the while working on three fanfics that pertain to christmas you heard me right RD three fanfics all the while i'm sure your going to be taking a break from answering Emails to spend time with your friends though I do have one question though . How ya going to ring in the new year ?

YOurs truely,
Adam

Oh and PS How do you guys celebreate fourth of July ?

Rainbow types in as she answers, "Yes...though I think it's over by the time you all see this e-mail. Red guy; I hope it isn't a devil...unless you mean a fat old guy in a red suit. I took my break a few things to hang out with my pals. Now to answer your questions, for New Year's, my pals and I got a way of celebrating the holiday. Also, yes, we celebrate a certain kind of Fourth of July; Next e-mail!"

Subject: cliffhangers
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Please resolve all the cliffhangers in Equestria.

Thanks a lot,
Dodo

Rainbow reads 'Dodo' as 'Little Dodo Pleasantfreak' as we see a book with the name on it that was made by Insane Doctor Ponyinterviews. The mare in interest types in, "Hmmm, cliffhangers, right? Never thought I'd call that up, but that is what they are. Sure, why not?"

Rainbow gets up and leaves, following by a familiar noise. Time to resolve those cliffhangers!

At a cliff, we see Derpy and Time Turner hanging from separate ropes that is attached to a cliff. The mixed up pony exclaims, "Wow, I love this kind of bungee jumping!"

We see Rainbow going to the edge of the cliff, smirking evilly while saying, "All right, cliffhangers; Time for you to get resolved once and for all. Heh heh heh," The mare took out a big knife and slices both the ropes, causing Time Turner and Derpy to fall right out of the show. "Oh, I also brought you two ponies some snacks."

Rainbow tosses some paper bags labeled 'Derp' and 'Dr. Whooves' down the cliff as Time Turner calls out, "Yeah, you're a good pal, Rainbow Dash!" The mare smiles as she flies off in satisfaction.

Rainbow sits back at her computer as her screen is cleared already. The mare begins to type once more, "Right, yeah, I know what you really mean, Dodo. So you want a resolution, right?"

We see static as we see the words 'Cliffhanger #1' on a dark grey screen. Now we see Lyra Heartstrings smirking madly. She got the Fruitakpony (AKA Big Macintosh unknown to her) tied up in a closet in her home. Soon his identify will be revealed!

"Yes, soon Fruitkapony, at long last, Equestria will learn your true secret identify! Which is an obsession of mine next to humans," Lyra laughs madly. "By doing this, you will be render useless as the Fruitkapony!"

"Shucks, Ah will render yew pointless!" Big Macintosh exclaims to Lyra with a frown.

"Say what you want, hand over those cool shades!"

Lyra smirks as she swipes right at Big Macintosh's shades, preparing to find him who the Fruitkapony really is. As she prepares to do so, the frame freezes as her upper foreleg is seen. We hear a dramatic sound effect (dum, dum, DUM!).

Soon the word 'Resolution' appears in yellow text before it goes away. Lyra...miss grabbing Big Macintosh's shades and fall right to her face.

"Eeyup, shut up, Lyra!" Big Macintosh remarks as he jumps out of the locker, stepping over Lyra to make his escape.

The usual singers chime in, the words fly across the screen in waves, "You missed unmasking the Fruitakpony!" We see a slight pause before the singers sang on, "Because you have really bad hand-eye coordination!"

Bon-Bon came in, saying dryly, "Told you it was a dumb thing to try, Lyra."

"Shut up, enough, I get it!" Lyra groans to Bon-Bon. "My secret secret has been shown, ugh."

The words 'Cliffhanger 2' appears. We now see Rainbow as Space Captainflank inside her cardboard spaceship talking on a cell phone (also made out of cardboard) with a little paper umbrella used as an antenna.

"Right, Hugh Ford, I know. But I'm in orbit. Listen, I will call ya back when I'm not..." Rainbow begins to say. Suddenly Scootaloo, as Strap, press the alarm sound effect on the CD player while turning on a lamp that has a red bulb in it then turn it off repeatedly. "Whoa, Strap! We're about to crash into something! Bring it on the screen thing!"

Applejack got rid of the piece of cardboard that shows screen, revealing a circular silhouette that hangs from a piece of string that has a sign that reads 'Chrysalis's Comet.' Rainbow gasps, "Whoa! We're about to hit Chrysalis's Comet; Full power to our forward humbuckers!"

"Bad news! They are offline!" Scootaloo exclaims frantically as she point to a screen that is drawn on the cardboard that said 'Come on, the forward humbuckers never even work, you dope!' ('never' is drawn in red)

"Yikes! The humbuckers are offline?! I'm a dope?! Then strap in, Strap, because we got to be ready for the ramming speed! If we're going to end like this, at least we must make it awesome for ponies in..." Rainbow looks out a side window labeled 'view' that shows a desktop globe of Equestria. "...Grassland."

Scootaloo plays the rockets firing sound on the CD player as the ship starts shaking, Rainbow screams out, "Oooohhhh...Shooooooo..." Soon everything freezes as the same dramatic sound effect plays again.

"Will Cap and Strap make it out in time?" An announcer booms out as we see a silhouetted comet that has a question mark overlaid. Applejack held up a sign read 'Tune in NEXTime...' "Tune in next..."

"Come on, none of that horse crap! Get to the resolving already!"

"Oh, right, right!"

We now see the 'Resolution' screen then we see the heroes holding to each other with the ship shaking around them. Rainbow exclaims in worry, "Strap, prepare yourself! This is it for us!"

At least, Rainbow thought this is it, until the shaking stops at last. The rocket sound dies away. And when the 'comet' came out of the silhouette, it turns out to be some moldy smelly cantaloupe that is labeled 'grodalated smelly cantaloupe'.

"Wait, hang on, that isn't any comet! We went and wandered into the Best Forgotten Fruit Belt of Tablame 5!" Rainbow exclaims in excitement. We see the cantaloupe being joined by banana and smelly overripe avocado. "It's guacamole and banana bread time, Strap; all right!"

We hear upbeat music playing as Rainbow and Scootaloo dance to it. All that trouble for nothing...but at the same time some excitement! Cool!

We see the words 'Cliffhanger 3' appearing. Now we see Twilight, Nyx and Pinkie near a table as the mare insists to the pink pony, "Pinkie Pie, you can tell us."

"I...I can't." Pinkie said in concern and worry. "If this gets out..."

"Come on, we won't say a word. Honest!" Nyx insists to Pinkie who sighs. "What is wrong?"

"I'm...I'm pregnant!"

The camera zooms onto Pinkie as the same dramatic sound is heard but in a lower tone. Now we see the 'Resolution' screen.

"Pinkie Pie, you've never even been in a relationship yet!" Twilight points out to Pinkie in annoyance. "So how can you be pregnant?!"

"Ooooh, right; Sorry, when I saw that I have gained weight, I thought I was pregnant for a moment." Pinkie said to Twilight sheepishly.

"Perhaps you should lay off the cupcakes for a while." Nyx remarks to Pinkie with a slight giggle.

"I would like my bits back now." Twilight remarks with a frown. She has to pay Pinkie Pie to hear that confession which isn't a confession at all?

We see static again before we see Rainbow going back to her computer remarking, "Well, Dodoenstein, that's it. All the cliffhangers have been re...AAAAHHHHH!"

Rainbow is screaming for a good reason: her computer AwesomeX is gone, replaced by a ransom note that reads 'i got your AwesomeX' and has a red-splattered comma key which is now missing from the keyboard.

"This can't be! My computer has been AwesomeX-napped...and they cut off his cute little toe!" Rainbow screams as she fell down to the floor, "Sweet lady irony, why must you mock me?!"

As we hear the dramatic sound again, the paper comes down that said the words 'Tune in next time for the cliff hanging conclusion!'

Outside in the marketplace, Lyra is having a conversion with Big Macintosh, out of his Fruitkapony disguise, as she exclaims, "Come on, I betcha if you take away those cool shades of his and rip that 'FRUIT' paper off his front, you can see that he is a thin cool unicorn with a big horn hanging from..."

"Shucks, Lyra, are you accusing yourself of being the Fruitkapony?" Big Macintosh asks Lyra dryly. The filly thinks she's the Fruitkapony? Of course she is not that bright.

"Yeah...wait, no, no! Just...err...humans?!"

At Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie is wearing a T-Shirt as she listens to Rainbow who frantically reveals that her computer has been AwesomeX-napped! The pink pony smiles while asking, "Yeah, well, you know who I think did that wicked deed? Pinkie Pie! Think about it, okay? That mare got the history, the motive..."

"Pinkie Pie, you're admitting that you stole my computer, right?" Rainbow asks Pinkie with a hopeful look on her face."

"What?! No way! That's silly; just making cupcake conversion, trying to sound up with the times...uh...uh...sports team!"

Rainbow looks down in worry and deject. It would take a miracle to save her AwesomeX now...

To be continued...

Author's note
Not good! Rainbow's computer has been AwesomeX-napped, but who is responsible? In the next chapter/e-mail, the computer nappers are revealed! Can Rainbow save AwesomeX from them? Read, review and suggest!

41. retirement

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: retirement

"MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN AWESOMEX-NAPPED!" Rainbow screams in terror in her computer room as suspenseful music plays. The mare discovered that her computer, the AwesomeX, has been kidnapped. But who could do just a thing?!

We hear a record scratching as the screen dims. Gello comes in from the bottom sayingm "Hey there, Billy!" The Jello Donkey flies across a yellow background. "Hear me roar!"

Gello roars for a moment then opens his mouth wide; the background turns red as sound lines come out of his mouth with him meowing. Anyway, we see two foals on top of the Jello Donkey as he remarks, "That's right, foals!" We see silhouettes of the main characters that scroll across the page with big question marks over them. The name appears as Gello continues, "Play the 'Liquidy Red Jello 'My Awesome X Got Stole!' Sweepstakes' to win BIG prizes," When the donkey says 'BIG', he grows big and large with his voice deepens.

We now see a bicycle as Gello's voice turns back to normal as he continues, "First prize..." We now see a metal detector. "...second tries..."

We see Gello in a car while driving with the mountains in the background. The Jello donkey sang out, "Take a trip to the mountains..." The words appear above the mountains that are written on a musical staff. Now the screen dims as Gello comes from the top with a top hat and cane. "I'm one singing and dancing donkey!"

As we see a wooden desk with a note card on it, Gello continues, "Now e-mail who you think has done it on a 3x5 note card..."The words 'IT WAS THE MINOTAUR' written on the note card. "...Stick some jello on each corner..." Now four jello pieces are put on each corner on the corner of the card.

Gello is seen talking through gritted teeth right at a portrait of an old jello female donkey, "AND WALK OFF, MA!" Now we see the ad on the TV in Rainbow's room as the Jello freak is next to a bag of the stuff. "Liquidy Red Jello', yeah, still," The last two words appear underneath Gello.

Rainbow, lying on the couch and surrounded by empty chip packets of a lot of snacks, groans in annoyance, "You got to be kidding me. I mean a lot of ponies are trying to make a bit or so off my heart-drooping loss." The mare feels around a nearest bag of chips, it's empty. "Oh man! I'm out of antidepressant! Nothing dulls the pain quite like a several dozen half-full bags of..."

As Rainbow lists the flavors, we see the symbols for them on top of the screen, "Italian-herb-chiptole-buffalo-ranch-guacamole-Pony Tai-peanut-style-chippery-chomps. Well, may as well go off to Applejack's place to get my prescription full up. Slink..."

Rainbow got up somehow and flew over the couch's armrest; Time to head over to Applejack's.

At Applejack's stand, Rainbow arrives but the cowpony is nowhere in sight; Strange.

"Applejack; Hey, buddy? Can I get a witness? Applejack," Rainbow asks as she glances around the stand...suddenly the mare screams as she saw something on the side of it: a power cord for a familiar computer hanging off the roof. Tense music plays. "It's the AwesomeX's computer tail! Hang on, pal...buddy, I'll save you!"

Rainbow flies back and forth anxiously while yelling, "Just keep your pixels on. Rainbow Dash is getting everything under control-alt-delete." The mare flew up onto the roof. "All right, who put you...GAH; YOU!?"

As suspenseful music plays, there's the AwesomeX being held by two familiar figures from Rainbow's place...the mare's first two computers the Lardy 2010 and the Flutterpony 399 but were since broken and shot. Sure enough, the former is still in broken condition and the latter still has the gunshot through the screen from when Applejack has to shoot it to save all of reality from a virus released by Rainbow Dash.

"It's my horse crappier and horse crappiest computers!" Rainbow exclaims in show. Both the old computers fizz and spark, the Lardy held a horseshoe magnet from fishing rod above the AwesomeX's keyboard as if threatening to destroy it at any given moment. "Now, come on, you two. Try not to do anything immature with that magnet. I still got a lot of important text files on that 5 meg hard drive..." We now see the files in question.

clncknmsfrmyslf dot text

Cool nicknames for myself

Miss Crazy Comment 1965
Giant Ponuys
The Fake French Filly
NO! (The words 'Lite 'n' Bunny is crossed out)
Celestia in Mortal Form
Good Fortunator
Hot Lass
Leprechaun
Jane Cole Filly's Evil Twin
Wise Mare
/got nothin'
The Det-colt Locksmith
Mareacre

Letter to Bakery Thrift Store

Dear Bakery Shift Store,
Who the hay are you fooling? You sell old baked good, the kind that the regulars throw away? So what if a loaf of bread is 29 bits? It's only old bread! Should I start collecting dead squirrels, glue cotton balls to their butts and open an 'Afterlife Bunny Thrift Store'? Wait, I would. Thanks Bakery Thift Store. Love, RD!

cldshplog dot text

Cloud Shape Creation Log

lightswitch with no cover
baseball headed colt
brown water
coltigan with two bites taking out of it
smallish hoof
box of crackers that aren't opened
pestilence
2 lizards giving low 5's
oversized novelty unicorn comb
cheap date
trixie lulamoon's ghost
lame maitre d
trixie lulamoon's corpse
diet pills

Rainbow continues trying to speak reason to her old computers, "All right, how about letting the AwesomeX go so we can all go out for hushpuppies...you two still like that stuff, right? Right," Needless to say, the two old computer fizzes, sparking a lot, "All right, sorry! Hushpuppies are out of the question. I just thought you computers like that stuff for some reason."

The computer kept fizzing and sparking with the Lardy churning its floppy disk drive. Rainbow frowns as she exclaims, "Hey! We ain't getting anywhere here! I don't speak majorly broken computer, okay?"

Just then the paper comes down, revealing the words, 'Hey Rainbow Dash. Let me help with the translation'.

"Oh, paper! Thank Celestia!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile. "You're just in time, find out what these guys want."

The paper goes up again as the Flutterpony 'talks' for a moment. The paper came back down as it explains 'They wish to come out of retirement...'

"Retirement; that's lame, they didn't retire, I threw those bunch of junks out!" Rainbow protests to the paper. "At least ask them if they want to come out of thrown-awayment if that's even a word."

The paper comes down again, explaining, 'They aren't laughing or kidding. They wish to check one last e-mail.'

"Whoa, are those two jokers kidding?! They can't check an e-mail with 60 ponies' help when the latter are dressed up as IT professionals!" Rainbow protests at the idea. The Lardy lowers the magnet a little, causing the AwesomeX's screen to turn on and showing this...

Dear, Foal!
It's the Real Screen of Almost Death! (RSoAD)

We see a comic strip of 'Dullhead'. In the first panel, the main character is working on his computer when his boss, Princess Bossyhead, came up, saying, "I want you to meet our new I.T. Professional."

In the second panel, Bossyhead points to a pony person while saying, "This is Obandy; try to treat him nice now."

The third panel shows Dullhead frowning as he points, "I'm a 1000% sure that is a pony."

The fourth panel shows Bossyhead glancing at the pony then giving some hay to it. The fifth panel shows Obandy chewing on the hay happily. Finally the last panel shows the boss shrugging as he comments to Dullhead, "Right, you may be onto something."

"Gah! Okay, okay, fine! I will do my best to give those guys what they want! I will save the orphanage...err, I mean my AwesomeX by doing it. Well, let's check e-mails like its deuce double-aught dweice!" The old computers 'talks' in a puzzled way. "Err, it means 2002...I thought it was slick...slick-rick...one way to talk, yeah..."

And thus, Rainbow begins working on e-mails again on her two old computers back at the desk. First off, she works on the Lardy; you can hear the old typing effect. Throughout this, the Lardy itself sparks it screen throughout just like before.

"Green lines, green, green lines; It's a Rainbow Dash E-mail again." Rainbow sang as she brings up the e-mail on the Lardy.

dearest rainbow dash
ever remember that e-mail that you deleted the hardest?
sincerly
todd
oatsland

Rainbow reads 'sincerely' as written when 'todd oatsland' as 'toddo kland'. She also added an extra pause between 'dearest' and 'rainbow'. The mare mumbles, "All righty...let's see...zero capitalization..." The first letters of each of 'dearest', 'rainbow', 'dash', 'ever', 'sincerly', 'todd' and 'oatsland' are briefly highlighted. "Now the misspelling..."

The word 'sincerely' is briefly highlighted. Rainbow continues, "Lack of punctuation..." The blank places after 'dash', 'hardest', 'sincerely' and 'todd' are briefly highlighted. The mare spoke with a hint of insincerity. "Aaaaand we got a winner big time."

Rainbow types in as she continues, "Dearest Toddo, got some cool good news for ya! I do remember the e-mail that I deleted the hardest...and trust me; I'm doing so RIGHT NOW!" The mare stops typing, "Pinkie Pie! Some help if you please!"

We see Pinkie Pie nearby with a bottle of Cloudsdale Dew, smiling as she pour the stuff into the hole in the Lardy's side. The pink pony calls out, "Way ahead of ya, RD!"

"Plus, we add some of the Granny Smith's fizzy denture tablets..."

Rainbow held up a box of 'Oh No You Dent! Dentures Tablets' while smirking. An annoyed Granny Smith is heard protesting, "Hey, those are my after-dinner mints, whipper snapper!"

Rainbow toss some of the tablets into the hole and spoke in heavy reverb, "All right, if you please turn in your hymnals and join me in singing number 119...a-deleted.."

As Rainbow hit the keyboard, the words 'DELETED!' show up on screen with a gothic front. Organa music plays, both Rainbow and Pinkie sing, "Deleted!"

Soon Rainbow swings a pickaxe through the keyboard and the desk. The lardy blows up, giving out a bad graphics mushroom cloud. Pinkie yelps as she turns away, falling to her legs while closing her eyes. That was intense!

"Well, goodbye, buddy; they will always say that you went out in one awesome blaze of green rectangular glory." Rainbow said as the explosion animation is replayed. The pink pony, one eye still closed, pours the soda onto the floor. "Oh yeah, one down, one to go!"

Now the shotgunned Flutterpony is on the desk with suspenseful music playing. Time to deal with this other computer once and for all...

Rainbow sat in front of the Flutterpony. Despite the hole in it, the mare manages to type in 'rainbowdashemail dot exe' while singing, "There's a big ol' hole inside my email, makin' it hard to cheeeeck..." To her surprise, when the e-mail is brought up, it is formatted around the hole. "Awesome! Automatic hole formatting!" As Rainbow reads, the Flutterpony send out some sparks.

Dear Rainbow Dash,
I like to see you perform some awesome
feats of
wonder

Very ser-iously,
Duke S.

Rainbow says 'Double Dear Rainbow Dash' in place of the first line. When she reads 'wonder', the mare comments, "What, as in more awesome than checking an e-mail on this computer?!" In place of the name, Rainbow says 'Duke South'; we see a southward traffic sign.

Rainbow types in, saying, "Well, I am serious as well...serious about the most awesome, temperaing, hoof-defying, mind-googling sights in Equestria!" The mare stops typing while saying, "Lalalalalalalaaaaaa!"

A boater hat lands on Rainbow's head as she catches a cane. The mare calls out, "Fillies and Dukie, I give you..." The whole computer room as if like a theater curtain, showing a carnival tent. Rainbow continues speaking as if like a carnival barker, "Rainbow Dash's Awesome Feats of Wonder!"

Rainbow goes up in the foreground as she continues, "Gawk and freak as yours truly speak like an one-timey sideshow caller and say 'Lalalalalalalaaaaaa' to everything I say! Lalalalalalalaaaaaa," The mare ducks as we go to inside the tent. "First off in our gallery of ocular freakness, it's a contortionist...with one twist!"

Rainbow moves away to show a curtain that says 'GOLDEN HARVEST - FILLY TYPE! KA-RAZY;' the mare continues, "Now feast your Winter Wrap-Up ravage eyes on..." The curtain lifts showing Golden Harvest with her mane green like during Trixie's first appearance. "Golden Heart, the Pony Fii-lly Rrrrrotini!"

A logo for 'The Pony Fii-lly Rrrrrotini' appears with Golden curling her neck like a spring. The audience made sounds of amazement. Rainbow comment, "Check this out, an ocean of pesto stuff!"

Green stuff is thrown at Golden Harvest, making her yelp in annoyance, "Hey! That isn't part of the act!"

We see Granny Smith with some of the green liquid drilling down from her mane, saying eagerly, "Yes, sir; it's part of mine; Lalalalalalalaaaaaa!"

Granny sucks in the liquid as we go back to Rainbow who spoke, "Now if you direct your attention to the Kitty Stage..." The mare moves aside to show a curtain that now says 'OPALESCENCE - AND HOW! PART LION;' "...the flea circus has left town and its inmates are getting restless!"

The audience ooohs as the curtain is lifted, revealing Opalescence, manacled and not happy at all. The mare calls out, "Gather strong at Opalscence's Flea Prison Riot!"

As the words appear, we see a magnifying glass focusing on Opalscence, showing a tiny prison in her fur with small black dots rioting and squabbling. The prison got some flames coming out of the window with a siren being heard.

Rainbow is now in front of a curtain that reads 'Trixie Lulamoon - BIG EGO! DO U DARE' with a symbol that is supposed to look like Trixie. The mare boom, "And let's not forget Trixie Lulamoon's hooves of wonder...if you can."

The audiences go 'ahhh' as the curtain is moved up, showing Trixie wearing a blue dress...and a beard. We see a paper that said 'stupid's stupid horsecrap that I hate' for a moment. The unicorn uses her magic to reveal her hooves, much to the gasp of the audience.

"Trixie calls them 'soolnds'." Trixie said with a smirk.

"And finally, so ghastly, the ate-thh wonder of Equestria!" Rainbow exclaims. The curtain shows 'Spike - ATE THH; BIG,' "Dragon-mouth!"

As the curtain lifts, we see Spike in a loincloth, the logo 'DRAGON-MOUTH' appears. As the audience gasps as the baby dragon growls, "ROOOOOOAR," He opens his mouth very wide that takes up most of his body, making a dragon shape. The audience gasps once more.

Rainbow pops in while shouting, "This land-locked dragon can subsists only on outdated stuff!" The mare booms as she ducks away. Sure enough, the Flutterpony is thrown into Spike's mouth before he closes it. The baby dragon jumps as a sparkling sound is heard but gulps it down anyway. Rainbow pops in again as she throws her hat and can. "Yes, we did it; Lalalalalalalaaaaaa!"

The scene raises a curtain once more, showing the computer. Rainbow looks happy and for a good reason. Her AwesomeX is back in its rightful place on the desk.

"AwesomeX; you're back-y! You and I have some unfinished business, little filly." Rainbow said pleased as she sat down at her computer. Time to finish up what the mare fails to do earlier: the cliffhangers part. She begins typing; anywhere a comma is at as a dull tapping sound is heard. "Well, Dodo-ula, all the cliffhangers are solved for real! Well, AwesomeX buddy, hope your battery is resolved because I'm about to take you out for those hush puppies that you always wanted."

Rainbow takes the computer as she trots off.

As Rainbow held the AwesomeX and flies across the sunset, we see ghostly images of the Lardy and the Flutterpony appearing over them, the Bad Graphics Ghost and a dancing skeleton appears on the two respectively.

Just then the music stops as the AwesomeX points out, "Uh, Rainbow Dash? I don't even like hushpuppies!"

"Really; huh, I could've sworn that one of you liked hushpuppies." Rainbow said puzzled. If the computers doesn't like hushpuppies then who did?

Just then the paper come down, reading 'It was me, I like them'. The music starts once more...but stops with a record scratch.

"Can we find my toe now?" AwesomeX ask Rainbow who stops walking to look up at the ghostly images which speed away upwards.

At a familiar carnival, we see a curtain with an apple that shows Granny Smith's head. It reads 'Granny Smith - ONE DER; APPLE PONY?"

Rainbow is heard yelling out, "Half pony, half cholestrol! Can I get an 'ooh-ahh' for Appledor?!"

The curtain lifts up showing Granny Smith behind a counter with a frying pan. The machine arm hold up a toothpick above it as the words 'APPLEDOR!' is shown.

"Eeew, ugh," The audience members exclaims in disgust. Granny burps, showing one odd colored bubble that float towards the frying pan. The machine arm juts forward to grab the bubble and makes innards of egg that fell right into the frying pan.

The audience gasps in amazement as Granny Smith remarks, "That's nothing! If you like my burps, then see my..."

Rainbow cuts in front of the scene as she exclaims quickly, "...seen enough of that one, folks; Lalalalalalalaaaaaa!"

The End

Author's note
All right! Rainbow saved her AwesomeX, pretty cool! In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare discusses crayons and goes to Twilight Sparkle's cult...err, I mean, classroom, yeah. Read, review and suggest.

42. coloring

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: coloring

Rainbow begins typing in to bring up her newest e-mail while singing once more, "Sippin' on a bottle of email, cold, having a picnic lunch with some co-workers."

well Rainbow its Christmas Eve here and Santa is already delivering presents anyway though think you can tell me what you get when you open your presents RD? I'd like to know also what you think of the sequel to My Little AJ known as My Little AJ II its pretty good so far AJ has regained her memories about her human parents which explains your situation RD well at least i think so .

Your's truely

Adam

Rainbow blinks then types in while saying, "Must be an old e-mail because Christmas or Hearth's Warming Eve is probably done by now. Anyway, if you must know, I got some Wonderbolts merchandise, the latest Daring Do book, some tortoise wax for Tank, an apple delivery cart, and so on. Now as far as the sequel, eh, it got promises; next e-mail!"

Subject: bad crayon namers
Dear 20% awesome
ever thought of how lame some crayon names are...like 'blizzard'...how stupid...and 'Laser lemon'...?
-much love
Turkey
Artdover, MN

When Rainbow reads 'Dear Rawson', the mare comments, "Oh yeah! Somepony got it right at last!" At the first ellipsis, she adds, "Oh, you mean as in 'Rainbow Iculous'?" We see a 'Dear Awesome colored crayon' along with 'Some Crayon' colored crayon.

When Rainbow got to 'Laser lemon', the mare repeats surprisedly, "Laser lemon?! Oh man!" She grabs a phone and yells into it, "Spike, stop production at once!"

Spike is in a garage using a soldering iron and an oscilloscope to make a laser that has lemons in it when Rainbow yells out over the PA, "Those folks at Crayola had beaten us to the punch! Better shift focus to...'Laser Limes'!" The dragon looks annoyed as a black 'cloud' appears or over his head. "Or maybe just laser beam would work."

"Ugh, fine, okay!" Spike remarks with a groan of annoyance. This dragon has to do everything around here due to some changes.

Rainbow resumes reading her e-mail, reading 'Artdover, MN' as 'Art over, and over, and over 'M.N.'. The mare asks curiously, "Turkey? What, that's a nickname or something like Turkbert; Or Turklliam; Or Turkhew?" Weird!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she remarks, "Well, pal, the crayons of my youth got some 20% awesome names...especially the ones that came with my Knightshade 1989 'Fillies, We're Staying in Room 302 at the Roltada' Tour coloring book!" We now see the coloring book which has a drawing of two members of Knightshade on the cover. A certain crayon appears as Rainbow say the following color names, "There's awesome names like Leather Black, Ripped Denim Blue, Groupie Lipstick Red, Skin Flesh (pink), Hairspray Blond (yellow) and of course the Tight Shiny Purple! Hay, this baby got a cassette tape that has a song on how to color!"

We now see a yellow cassette that is labeled 'Colorin' (Right outside the Line'. We see a view of the book's first page that shows Lefty and Juley performing. Below the two is the text 'Lefty and Juley rehearse their moves'. The page itself has been colored to make it look like that Lefty's guitar is on fire while a laser is drawn firing from the guitar with the word 'vpoo' over it.

During this time, Lefty is heard singing...

Lefty: Grab a box of sixty-four,—

We now see the next page that shows Knightshade with the text 'We are in an awesome band called Knightshade!' Tamby's coat has been colored green with him having a blue mane, Lefty has a black eye and blood dripping with the words 'be tup' colored on his shirt, while Merry has been to colored to have an extra set of arms coming out of his head doing the evil fingers. The words '2' sets are also colored above the stallion.

-with a sharpener a-built right in,—

Now the next page shows Lefty with two fillies (that are re-colored to look like stallions). The text now says 'Lefty Rainbow Dash always hang out with the 'of-age' stallions after the show'. Sure enough, Lefty's face has been colored to look like the mare with wings added to him. The text of course has some words added in.

-Dump 'em all out onto the floor,—

On the next page, Merry has his face drawn on his abdomen, the text shows 'Even Drummers almost never wear shirts during a big show'. The rest of the page is colorless.

-and let the party begin!

We now go to the next page; it shows Juley jumping into the air while on the guitar. The stallion has been colored to wear a LA Seaponies uniform, having a dark coat and somehow is holding a basketball. A basketball hoop and defending player was also drawn in. The text reads 'Juley's playing some 'air' guitar. Get it?'

Knightshade: Colorin'!

Lefty: Outside the lines!

On the next page, Tamby is with Mitt Obamney at the soundboard, the text reads 'Producer/manager/roadie/webmaster Mitt Obamney shows Tamby how to weak the reverb'. The two ponies are colored to look like old mares with wrinkles, grey hair, lipstick and hooves colored in.

Knightshade: Colorin'!

Lefty: Inside your heart!

The next page shows Lefty and Tamby, the latter is wearing an Ursa Minor mask. The mask reads 'That Ursa Minor mask gotta go!' shouts Lefty'. They have been more or less perfectly colored in.

Knightshade: Colorin'!

Lefty: Those crayons of mine!

In the next page, Merry and Lefty are barbecuing, we see a large, vicious looking monster standing behind the two. Spike is seen drawn in peeking behind the BBQ. Merry's coat has been colored blue. The text reads 'Back home from the road, Merry and Lefty say 'It's Grilla Time, Yo!'

Knightshade: Colorin'!

Lefty: Hey, hey, let's go back to the start!

The final page shows Lefty, Juley and Tamby performing...but not colored like the other pages. The texts reads 'Lefty is screaming like a monster while the other two are just playing guitars'. The music soon came to a stop.

"Dang, I missed one apparently! Well, as much as I respect you ponies artists, time to melt your faces right off." Rainbow comments as she uses the Skin Flesh crayon to drawn on Lefty's face; the music from the first drawing of Metal Iron the Invincible plays. Unfortunately, the crayon breaks. "Aw horse apples! My Skin Flesh broke! Where the hay am I goin to get another one of these at this hour? Wait, hang on! I betcha Twilight is teaching one of her classes at the Ponyville high school right now. Those ponies there are known to eat crayons as if they were paste!"

Indeed, at a school for bigger ponies, Twilight is teaching right now as we see a blackboard that reads 'SKINNING IS ALSO MURDER'. The mare finishes a monologue, "Okay, that way, you could feel guilty no matter what."

Rainbow came in while calling out, "Hey, Twilight. All right if I borrow some crayons? I broke my Skin Flesh."

"Ssh, come on, Rainbow, not in front of the class!"

The class of course consists of Derpy Hooves, Big Macintosh and Pinkie Pie; all of them are wearing yellow shirts. Derpy is stacking a stack of blocks right on her desk that reads 'MUFFIN'.

"Teacher Sparkle; Can I use the restroom?" Pinkie asks Twilight happily.

"Okay, so why can't I say 'Skin Flesh' in front of these...uh...foals?" Rainbow asks Twilight puzzled.

"First off, Rainbow Dash, we don't call them foals, they are 'life blossoms'." Twilight remarks to Rainbow with a scoff.

"Life blossoms; Oh man, what kind of cult are you running here anyhow?!"

"Let's not go there, Rainbow Dash. Anyway, we don't use the term 'Skin Flesh'. The color that you want is "Dermal Discoveries'."

Sure enough, a pink roll loosely resemble a crayon appears that has the words 'Dermal Discoveries' on them, with some notes played on an acoustic guitar. Rainbow, unamused, ask, "What is that mess? What about 'Lipstick Red'?"

"No, no, Rainbow Dash, that is too gender-specific. We use 'Crimson Suggestion'." Twilight explains as we see a red roll that has the words 'Crimson Suggestion' on it, causing more acoustic notes to play.

"Well, how about 'Hairspray Blond'?"

"Vague Pigmentation!"

A yellow roll with the words 'Vague Pigmentation' shows up as more notes are heard. Rainbow frowns as she then ask, "Leather Black?"

"Oh, we just called that one 'blue'." Twilight explains as a black roll with the word 'Blue' appears, with more acoustic notes being heard.

Just then, Pinkie Pie appears, asking, "Teacher Sparkle, are we going to talk about Elements all day?" We see the logo for 'L.U.R.N.' or 'Life-Blossoms Undergoing Re-Programming Naturally'.

"What the hay?" Rainbow asks, in confusion by what Pinkie just said.

"Elements, you know! For coloring, a box of elements," Pinkie explains, making Twilight laughs by what she just say. Even Rainbow finds Pinkie bad choice of word to be amusing.

"Wait, you mean 'crayons', right; 'Cray-ons'?"

"Awww phooey! I don't need this; I'm heading to the library to read me some cupcake comics!"

As Pinkie storms off, Rainbow curiously ask Twilight, "So what kind of grades does Pinkie Pie get in here?"

"Well, just roots and grass probably." Twilight answers with a shrug. We see Pinkie's record card briefly.

"Oh, roots and grass? So what, those are D's or D minusesses?"

"Nah, just F's."

We go back to the last page of the coloring book as Rainbow comments, "Okay, stallions! Time to make some dermal discoveries the Rainbow Dash way," The mare prepares to draw with the Dermal Discoveries 'crayon'. One problem: nothing's happening, "The hay? What's wrong with this lame element...on?"

Twilight, who is with Rainbow at the table, explains, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. Our crayons don't really color so that no one life blossom shines brighter than any other. That way, they will be so special like Celestia has made them."

"Ugh, never had any doubts that your students were 'special' in anyway, egghead."

"Plus, they are made from 100% pressed bunson so they also work as a healthy, snack; Mmm!"

Twilight eats a 'Crimson Suggestion' as he heads off, leaving Rainbow at the table. We see a bundle of the purple unicorn's 'crayons' in front of the Pegasus Pony as Lefty sings, with his words appearing under the bundle.

Pressed bunson, you know it's pressed bunson. Preeeeow!

When Lefty sang the last word, the paper comes down. Rainbow frowns while asking, "What the horse crap is pressed bunson?"

The End

Author's note
Well, the coloring e-mail is now done. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains the 4 branches of the random things that Pinkie Pie has done. Read, review and suggest.

43. 4 branches

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: 4 branches

Once again, Rainbow is singing while bringing up the first e-mail of her show, "Start your day the Rdemail way, and never get out of bed!"

Rainbow Dash

You flithly egotisical organic waste. Your time is expiring very soon. Consider this a warning.

Rainbow of course scoffs this off while typing this response, "So who are you supposed to be? One of my lame former computers; I could've sworn that I blew you up not so long ago. I like to see you try. And change your initials, don't go stealing mine; Next e-mail!"

Subject: random-est
Hey there Rainbow Dash
I was wondering as to what the randomest thing that Pinkie Pie has ever done, said or imagined?
ur bigest fan
Lanky elgroucho N.Y.

Rainbow reads 'Hey Rainbow Dash' in a bored time while reading the rest of e-mail the same way, the mare got bored of praises by now apparently. She also draws our 'ur' before biggest fan and say 'N.Y.' as 'Nueva Yolk'.

Rainbow clears the screen as she begins to type in, saying, "Well, my good, Lank, that whole thing is way too broad a subject and would take a several days or so just to scratch the surface of that icy cloud, especially when it comes to imagining stuff. That one has its own spreadsheet for Celestia's sake." We see a spreadsheet that is title 'One Awesome Idea for a Personal Style'. Across the cells is a drawing of Pinkie's head wearing candy and veggies, with a hoofwritten caption that says 'GRYFFIN CANDY WIG'. "Anyway, nah, we will have to be more specific in order to cover any random Pinkie Pie stuff in one e-mail. Time for you ponies to learn all about..."

We now see a Canterlot like building topped with a dome that looks like Pinkie's head. There's a banner that shows what Rainbow's saying, "The Four Branches of Random Things Pinkie Pie's done."

"Yay, I am one neglected official!" Pinkie exclaims happily on top of the building.

"Okay, now the first branch is in charge of keeping ponies informed." Rainbow continues as we see a dotted line traced to a TV with Pinkie's head on the screen. A caption appears under it that the Pegasus pony explains, "It's the 'House of Doing Random Stuff on Equestrian T.V.'"

We see Pinkie on her show while the mare say, "Well, isn't that a tasty makeover, pony friends?" A crowd full of ponies cheers on, "Huh, huh; From Drab to Fab with nothing but the cake frosting!"

We see pictures of the Mayor appearing on the left and right sides of the screen, the one of the left is labeled 'Drab' and features a normal picture of the mare. Meanwhile, the picture on the right is labeled 'Fab' and shows the Mayor covered with cake frosting.

Pinkie holds up a cake frosting container with the word 'Cakey' on it, making the crowd cheers. Once the pictures are gone, the mare continues, "All right, my next guests say that their employee doesn't be responsibility on the job...but I think they are just big meanies!" We see the Cakes frowning as the words 'Alleged Big Meanies' appearing on the screen's bottom. "All right, let's bring her out, folks!"

As the crowd boos, Pinkie turns to a curtain...before a spotlight appears on her. She is now wearing an ugly hat that is backwards, a fake beard, undereye bags under her eyes and a n apron with the words 'DENIED; Ponyama City Beach'.

"Right, whatever, you know you want some." Pinkie said in a creepy voice. A chair is thrown at her, knocking the pony down. The crowd cheers.

Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Yeah, that's right. Pinkie had put herself on his own 'Random Sometimes Lazy Employee' talk show secretly."

We go back to the list as a dotted line is traced to a coffee mug that has Pinkie's face on it. Rainbow's voice said, "The next branch tracks the random things that Pinkie Pie has done on her job. It's called 'The Bureau of Doing Random Things at Sugarcube Corner'."

At Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow was talking on her cell phone while typing on her corner. We can see a Dullhead computer while the mare speaks, "Yeah, yeah, of course this is the password that you gave me for safe keeping. Listen, it could be the last four digits of your dog...or your mother's maiden credit card number..."

"Hey Dashie; There's a Cupcake Party at the water cooler!" Pinkie is heard calling out to Rainbow Dash hopefully.

"Pinkie Pie, as much as I would love some cupcakes, I can't. I'm talking to a Phone Tree Survivor Number 13. Now then, yeah, the whole password..."

"Dashi!; Free Apple Cider at the cooler!"

"Whoa, forget that, madam! There's free Apple Cider happening!" Rainbow exclaims excitedly as she flew out of her chair that made the Getting up Noise, leaving her cell phone behind. The Pegasus pony can't turn down a chance for free Apple Cider!

Of course, when Rainbow arrives at the cooler, she saw the most weirdest and most random sight ever: there's Pinkie stuffed into the cooler with one of her legs hanging out a water dispenser. There are paper cups scatted across the floor of course.

"Oh, horse feather. What gives? There isn't any free Apple Cider." Rainbow said to Pinkie with a frown. "Pinkie Pie, what did you make me come out here for now?"

"Well, there is a free...ing Pinkie Pie from the water cooler." Pinkie said to Rainbow much to her disbelief. "Pretty super duper fun, right?"

"Okay, so tell me, what were you doing when this happened?"

"Well, I was in Barbed Wiredados, trying to hang a picture on a wall..."

"Okay, on second thought, that's everything I need to know, you are so random, Pinkie Pie. How about we try this?" Rainbow suggests. She goes up to the water cooler and press the nozzle button in hopes to somehow squirt Pinkie out of here.

"Owie, ow, stop, OW!" Pinkie yelps a bit causing Rainbow to stop what she's doing. "Wow, Celestia, that hurts! On second thought, Dashie, never mind. I guess I will stay here in forever. Just stack my mail on me and watch over Gummy, okay?"

Rainbow shrugs as she heads off. Pinkie Pie will get out of there eventually; the pink pony smiles while saying, "Thanks, Dashie; Super duper; so where are we going for lunch today; any veggie buffet?"

As we return to the list, we see a scoreboard that rolls up to its high number limit of 999,999 before resetting to zero. Rainbow's voice asks, "Ever play video games that if you get the highest score possible, it eventually flips back to zero? Well, sometimes, Pinkie does something so random, she flips back to being...well...non-random."

The scoreboard disappears as a dotted line now goes to a picture that has Pinkie with a graduation cap on. A caption under her says 'The joint Sub-Committe on So Random it's Non-Random-ities'.

We see Pinkie on a soap box talking to Cherry Berry whose is in the foreground. The words '14 times' is written on the soapbox. The mare says, "Really awash with flavor!"

"Okay, Pinkie Pie, here's another one. What is 2 plus two?" Cherry ask Pinkie curiously.

"Wow, that's easy..." Suddenly Pinkie begins to speak quickly as we hear computer-type music in the foreground. "...the force between any two charges is equal to the absolute value of the multiple of the charges divided by 4 pi times the vacuum permittivity times the distance squared between the two charges."

"Uh, no, Pinkie Pie, that's Coltomb's Law."

"Oh, right, right, sorry. 2 plus two...easy! 22!"

We return to the list of 'Random Things Pinkie Pie's done' Rainbow said, "And finally there's the most powerful branch of them all: The 'Boudoir of Doing Random Things While inside a College Mascot Costume'."

We see a dooted line that goes to a football helmet with Pinkie's face on it, the caption that appears under it shows what Rainbow has mentioned.

We now see Pinkie inside her Sugarcube Cupcake costume, apparently setting up a campfire inside it. The pink pony smiles while saying, "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy; why, moving into this super duper and least locking myself out of my home-enest decision that I have ever made!" The mare holds up a stick that has a juice box stuck on one end over the fire, "Yep! This juice box is going to roast up good and nice; Dark, lovely. Bed, Bath and who knows where else be-yond!"

Just then Caramel came up, looking horrified as he ask, "Pinkie Pie, what are you doing?! Are you crazy?! That costume is made out of flame pro-tardant Polymascotfoamalate!"

"Polymascotfoamalate?!"

We now see Surprise in the field standing next to Beezen; his cart is crashed in the background. The villain remarks, "Pony, we don't have polymascotfoamalate where I came from!"

"Simple, you are a magic creepy fool, Beezen." Surprise points out to Beezen with a shrug, much to his shock.

We now see Surprise and Firefly dancing with a banner over their heads that reads 'Polymascotfoamalate!', which background singers sang to, "Polymascotfoamalate!"

Surprise is seen dressed up like a baby while saying, "Feed it to the foals."

Beezen joins the ponies on stage as the background singers sang once more, "Polymascotfoamalate!"

Firefly has sour cream on her face while holding baby powder on her back along with a cup of soured cream, saying, "Or maybe a top on Soured Cream too!"

We see the globe that has the words 'POLYMASCOTFOAMLATE' written on front of it along with its chemical formula. The announcer spoke up, "Polymascotfoamlate, helping Equestria..." We see some certain words appear as he said them. "...ingenuitize the Future all over!" A record scratch is heard.

Pinkie pauses to think then shrugs while saying, "Oh, that. Well, I should be perfectly safe, right?" The mare begins to sing. "Polymascotfoa-"

Pinkie was cut off as an explosion happens, sending Caramel packing. After a while, we see the mascot costume disintergrating as we hear breaking glass happening.

Back at the list, Rainbow stands up in front if, speaking as music plays, "All right, there you have it, ponies! It's up to you to make your own informed decisions about the randomest things that Pinkie Pie has done! Get involved." We see banners appearing as the Pegasus pony continues, "Write a letter to your local Pinkie Pie-Piny or throw a trash can through a plate glass window, whatever doesn't get you into trouble." Rainbow then leaves.

"And that's how I become a law!" Pinkie Pie the capital building sang as firework appears in the air, "Ptoo, ptto, and all those other gun shots!"

The paper comes down to bring this chapter/e-mail to its close. More fireworks appear.

On a weird planet, Knightshade is on it with Beezen, hanging near a snake-like creature that came out of the ground. We can see a ringed planet in the background.

Beezen, stamping feet, said, "Well, Knightshade-in-space-things, they don't got hot blonde groupies with weird bangs on my planet, eh?"

"That's not so complicated! You don't have polyhairsprayteasealate!" Lefty explains to Beezen madly.

Merry, holding a tentacle in a hot dog bun, mumbles with his mouth full, "Plus you are one magic creepy fool." He took a bite out of the sandwich while chewing, disturbing his pals.

The End

Author's note
And that, my friends, is the 4 branches of the Random Things that Pinkie Pie has done. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow decides to get a new chair with help from Time Turner. Read, review and suggest.

44. the chair

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: the chair

''A-just scrape some email off the top, and I'll help you out toniiiight!'' Rainbow sang as she begins checking up an e-mail on her computer and sees what questions that she herself has gotten today.

Well Rainbow so you ready for the new year? i know i am anyway though see ya in 2013 Dash . Anyway though ever attemped to cook pasta? but either way just wanted to wish you a happy new year . Ever thought of doing your own news show? it would kinda help

Youres Truely,
Adam

Rainbow pauses then types in while saying, ''A few days late, Adam, as it is the New Year already, but thanks anyway. Now then, I don't cook much so I wouldn't know. And if you checked out a lot of e-mails ago, you would know that I got a news show...of sorts; Next e-mail!''

Subject: the chair.
D to the ear Rainbow Dash,
No offense but I think that chair you got doesn't look comfortable at all. When are you ever going to get a new, less hardwood, big office manager-style comfortabe and cool computer chair?
Yours truely,
Pete, PA

Rainbow pronounce 'D to the ear' as 'Duh to the ear' and anything else in a funny way, especially the mare saying 'Pete, PA' as 'Pete and Pa'.

''Ah, a father-son e-mail picnic!'' Rainbow exclaims with a smile. The mare begins to type, ''Y to the ou doesn't know what you're talking about, Petekiowski. Why, Satty here is one flank's hunky dream, so cottony squish and pillowy fresh.'' The mare jumps off the stool as if to prove her point. ''Why, check it out n...WHOA!''

The reason Rainbow say that is because the seat is now filthy with the word 'STINKS' seeping out at some spots. Rainbow said, ''Horse feathers, this baby have been updated to stinks...'' A fade fades into the seat of the stool, coughing. ''Gah! Okay, maybe I guess it is time for the re-imagining of my e-mail checking chair.''

''Oh, I need a lozenge pronto...'' Satty groans a bit while coughing like mad. Yep, time for a new chair all right.

Rainbow heads over to the place where she can get a new chair: Time Turner's place. The stallion was at work as the mare arrives, calling out, "Yo, Time Turner!''

''Hey, customer, what can I do you for?'' Time Turner ask Rainbow Dash with a grin.

''Any chance you got anything that I can sit on while I check e-mails? I need a new one.''

''Luckily for you, I just got this.'' Time Turner said as he put a box onto the country. ''This pre-owned of Foals' Jacks that just came in, right now!''

''Okay, okay...but got anything that doesn't get my flank hurty for a week?'' Rainbow asks Time Turner uneasily, wanting a better option than the box.

''Well, I do got this Winged Elephant album.'' Time Tuner suggests while holding up a record case, offering it to Rainbow.

''Hmmm, yeah, that is less hurty...but what I'm looking for is a chair of some kind.''

''Ahhh! In that case, take a step right into my laboratory, I got some of the latest in stock!''

Time Turner leaves the counter and opens the door to allow Rainbow into his lab. Inside the place, the mare trots around then a portion of a wall fall outward, revealing a conveyor belt. She saw Time Turner riding on it while standing on the belt on one hoof.

''Zzzzziiiiiiiiip,'' Time Turner booms while jumping off the conveyor belt. ''Yes, madam, this isn't the 30th Century yet, we will start at the tip and work our way to the tup.''

''Hay, Time Turner, you make less sense any day.'' Rainbow remarks to Time Turner on how the Doctor seems to make sense nowadays.

''Boomabunga!''

The wall flips up and falls down again. There is something on a conveyor belt...some sort of Rainbow Striped seat on a conveyor belt. Needless to say, Rainbow herself isn't impressed as she recognizes it right away.

''Whoa, whoa, whoa! This isn't a chair, that's Rainbow Seat, my one bicycle seat!'' Rainbow exclaims in annoyance as she inspects the seat closely. We now see a film-project of the mare as a filly riding the bicycle seat on her bicycle outside a porch. ''I used to ride that thing during the paper route all the time!''

Sure enough, we see Rainbow happily firing a newspaper on fire with a lighter while throwing it at the house. As it bounces off the door, it begins to emit smoke making the mare laugh a bit. She is too young to understand though.

In the present, Rainbow shakes her head while remarking, "Forget it, I'm passing on that. I already have a few wipeouts on that thing as a foal and some complaints from the folks of Cloudsdale which almost got me grounded...literally.''

''Geez, Rainbow, you are just a brat sometimes.'' Time Turner mumbles to himself while shaking his head.

''Excuse me?''

Time Turner quickly causes the wall to rise again; it fell down with a chair that is shaped like Derpy Hooves falling onto the belt now.

''Time Turner, what gave you the pony picking idea that I want to check my e-mails on chair shaped like Derpy?'' Rainbow asks Time Turner skeptically.

''Come on, give it a try, you may find that sh...err, I mean it won't mind.'' Time Turner said with a smile on his face, insisting to the mare to try the chair to see if it works.

Rainbow was skeptic at first but did as Time Turner insisted. The mare jumps onto it...causing Derpy to yelp out, ''Ouch!''

''Gah,'' Rainbow yelps in alarm as she flew out of the chair in fright. That chair sounds like it's alive...and is really Derpy!

''Oops, seen enough of that one!'' Time Turner yelps as he quickly causes the wall to rise and falls, this time showing a weird gray lump that is supposed to look like a chair.

''Whoa, your snow pony died.''

''This isn't a snowman! This here is a Dacolt Largo original!'' Time Turner exclaims as we see a logo for Styleron Equestrianchair, along with the poster of the designer, "The Styleron Equestrianchair!''

''No offense but I don't really care for this kind of chair.'' Rainbow said to Time Turner with a frown. ''I got no need for a giant albino whiny thing!''

''Come on, always a hit at parties...''

''Time Turner, gimme a break here! Don't you got anything more...I don't know...executive; One chair that can scare my underlings and eliminate those who are my overlings!''

''Well, luckily for you, I just got this pre-owned...'' Time Turner said as he made the wall fall again, showing a familiar box of Foals' Jacks.

''Not a box of Foals' Jacks!'' Rainbow scowls angrily causing the conveyor belt to rise up immediately.

''Oh, Right. In that case, behold!'' Time Turner exclaims with a smile. The conveyor belt falls once more...to Rainbow's amazement and joy, a large leather chair rolls out which obscure her from sight, it glows as a chorus sounds briefly. We see a golden ''Le Liontige' plaque appearing briefly, 'Le Liontige!''

''Holy...Equestria! Style and awesomeness! Please tell me that leather is Griffin, come on! Tell me!''

''Crab apples!''

Rainbow chose to ignore Time Turner's comment; she is so going to enjoy this! The mare sat in the chair while asking, ''So Time, buddy, what kind of options does this foal baby has?''

''If its options you want, then you will love this!'' Time Turner exclaims as he opens a compartment in the arm rest. It reveals a red button that the stallion press causing a buzzing sound to be heard. A pair of metallic arms came out from behind Rainbow, putting a pair of gray sweatpants onto her.

''Whoa...awesome! A sweatpants button! And thus begins my huge rise to the top of the pony ruler ladder. Now let's see how well this chair checks e-mails!''

And thus, Rainbow brought the chair to her home, putting it right in front of her computer. The mare begins checking her e-mails...or at least we think so because the Le Liontige is taking up nearly the whole screen.

Rainbow doesn't seem to notice as she is bringing up an e-mail, singing, ''Hey, hey, hey; it's e-mail.'' The mare brings up an e-mail...which is almost completely obsured by the chair which she begins to read. '''Dear Rainbow, how come you never take your mane off your head?'"'

Rainbow begins to type while saying, ''Buddy, my mane isn't a wig, it's part of my head...but I guess I could give it a shot.'' The mare then pulls on her mane a bit...until it comes ripping off, with her screaming as she wave the mane above the chair for a seconds. Rainbow put the mane back on barely, groaning some more. ''Ugh, I will not do that again ever! Got to make a point to ask Twilight to magically recover my mane or ask Rarity for some mane restorer. Also, here is a picture of my parents if you ever wanted to ask.''

Rainbow shows a photo, though only the corner is visible and we can see the words 'nice try, dorko'. The mare then say, ''Okay, time for me to unwind with a pair of awesome executive sweatpants,'' The mare opens the compartment and pushes the button, expecting another pair of sweatpants. The buzzing sound is heard...but suddenly the metallic arms that appear got out of control, piling sweatpants on her like mad. ''What the hay?! Hey, what's going on here; Uh; WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!''

Rainbow ends up being tossed into the air, falling down with a bunch of layered sweatpants on all of her legs with another on her head. She groans, ''Ugh, so many...sweatpants...can't feel my parts...''

Rainbow decides that it's best to go back to the stool after all especially as the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close.

In Fluttershy's cottage, the mare is trying to balance as she tries to sit in the Equestrianchair, the poster for it is on the wall behind her.

''Whoa, whoa, whoa, eeek,'' Fluttershy yelps as she falls backward, appearing to hurt herself. ''Oh dear, can't feel myself...''

The End

Author's note
Sorry to you Fluttershy pants. Anyway, perhaps the stool is best for Rainbow Dash, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, the cyan Pegasus pony reveals not only what she wants for Hearth's Warming Eve but what the mare doesn't want. Read, review and suggest.

45. what I want

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: what I want

''Ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-dong, ding-ding-'' Rainbow sang as she checks up the first e-mail to see whom is sending her a message now.

Rainbow Dash

So you decide to Ignore me. So typical. Your arrogance will once again prove to be your downfall.

Rainbow snorts a bit as she comments, ''Oh, so it's you again, huh faker who used my real name? I know what to do with you...'' She quickly delete the e-mail causing the usual buzzing noise.

DELETED!

''Deleted,'' Rainbow laughs cruelly at erasing the e-mail. ''Honestly, whoever this bimbo thinks he is can go bite my tail feathers. Okay, next e-mail!''

Subject: hearth's warming eve

Dear Rainbowdash,
Whatcha want for Hearth's Warming Eve?
your holiday spirit
Talent Jardro
Des Ponies, IA

Ranbow sings through the part with 'Dear Rainbowdash', pauses between 'Jar'' and 'dro' but doesn't say the name of the city, state. The mare then types in, asking, ''Come on, where did you get that name? George Coltcas? Ta'lent J'ar-dr'o from the computer lame animated planet of Des' Pon-iesía; I would've come up with a way cooler creative name than that!''

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Now then, everypony knows the cool stuff that I want, Ta'lent. One catapult that send out balls of Bushwoolies...'' We see a board game that is called 'BUSHWOOLIE-PULT!' ''...One incredible awesome chainsaw cloud..." We see the blueprints for the mentioned project, ''...subscription to Wonderbolts, a hot step-brother...that e-mail writes itself big time. Now then, it's more important to show what I DON'T want for Hearth's Warming Eve.'' She types in 'Hearth's Warm-E Eve'.

Now we see the TV shopping channel for 'Celestia ShopCan' as we hear Rainbow's voice saying, ''Now our first item is this perennial all-star of lame awful Hearth's Warming Eve presents: the ornament of course!'' We see an ornament in question.

We see Rainbow with Rarity, the unicorn smiles while saying, ''Yes, darling, there isn't any better way to say 'I don't get what your interests are' than to give somepony a present that won't be of any use once it's opened.''

Rainbow smiles while saying, ''Yeah! Nothing like opening a gift just in time to put it in a box in the attic for a year that can ruin one holiday; And when next Hearth's Warming Eve comes around, once you get it back out...well, it's still just an awesome snowpony surfing the net.''

''Right, Internet is so hot this year.''

Just then the phone is heard ringing making Rainbow say, ''Hang on, we got a caller.'' The mare put one hoof to her head as if answering the phone. ''Go ahead and talk to me, caller. How many bits or whatever shall I put you down for?''

"Rainbow Dash, did you put wild beast stuff in my laundry again?!'' Bon-Bon is heard on the line along with some wild beast noises. ''Gah, no! Lyra, look out! Gah,'' Soon the dial tone is heard, meaning that the mare was forced to hang up. Rainbow chuckles a bit in amusement.

''Yes, another satisfied customer! All right, next off is we got one of metal dancing musical bot thingies, the kind that you can activate by accident just by getting too close.''

Sure enough, Rainbow got too closer, causing a Dancin' Rainbow Dash Musicial Bot to sing in a heavily distorted voice, ''Been dreamin'; I been waitin'; to fly with those great ponies; The Wonderbolts, their daring tricks; Spinning round and having kicks.'' As the bot's music fades, the Pegasus pony frowns as she covers her ears to drown out the music. ''Perform for crowds of thousands. They'll shower us with diamonds. The Wonderbolts will see me right here at the Gala!''

''My, listen to that moldy oldy in the glorious drive through stereo style,'' Rarity comments as we see a sign that reads 'Drive through Stereo' appearing over the white unicorn.

''Yeah, who can appreciate the song when all you are hearing are the plastic gears and motors clanking together in one efforty to barely bust some sort of move at all?'' Rainbow asks with a grin to the camera.

''Yes, these things can only scream 'I dropped at the pawn store on my way over'.'' Rarity adds in. Of course, Rainbow looks at the bot thing as if in some sort of trance as per the swirly eyes. ''Now then, to our next item...uh, Rainbow darling? Are you all right?''

''Oh sorry, Rare...I am completely entangled by these...hypnotically swaying hips...'' Rainbow said while looking at the robot shaking its flank wildly. The mare shakes her head violently to snap out of it, ''Ahem. Our last gift items involves the fake idea of that if you made something yourself, it isn't a worthless piece of horsecrap!''

We see some sea shells as Rarity explains, ''Yes, these sea-shells has gotten some office supplies that are hot-glued to them for no reason but to be annoying.''

''Yeah, and the more globs of hot glue that I can see, the quicker that yours truly wanna throw it in the garbage...or eaten by a bear.''

''Yes, this clothes-pin reindeer ornament is indeed forgettable precious.''

We see the mentioned ornament as a record is heard scratching. Rainbow remarks, ''Whoa, homemade and an ornament; that is defintely what I called an anti-gift; Any pony who gives you one of these things, you definitely gotta pay them because it's so blasted poor...maybe it's because those ponies are so poor.'' We hear a white noise now.

We see Rainbow back in her computer, speaking as she types, ''As you can see Ta'lent, my young apprentice friend, that's my 'Please Great Aunt Whatever You Are, Don't Get Me This Pathetic Item For Hearth's Warming Eve' list. I highly suggest that you make your own. But in the event off that not happening, make sure you take advantage of all the temporarily help that retailers hire at this time of year. Those ponies will refund anything, trust me! Hay, last year, I returned one omelet to a hardware store for nigh on 50 bits. Well, ponies, from me to you, Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!''

As Rainbow Dash leaves, the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close.

We see a Dancin Twilight Sparkle Musical Bot Thingie that sings in a heavily distorted voice, ''My Little Pony, My Little Pony Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahhh…..(My Little Pony) I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me.''

The End

Author's note
Okay, folks, those are the gifts that Rainbow Dash doesn't want for Hearth's Warming Eve. In the next chapter, does the Pegasus pony need an image overhaul when it depends on how old she's getting? We will find out. Read, review and suggest!

46. looking old

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: looking old

Rainbow is at it once more, working on checking on her e-mails. As clock ticks are heard, the mare slowly say, ''Boom, tick. Tick a tick a tick, e-mail. Boom, tick some more. And some more tick. What; Didgeri...''

Rainbow

it seems that new years is going to be tonight hope ya ready to ... ring it in cause i know i am so anyway though you think you can ever be friends with Trixie ? she seems really caring on the inside and basically it was Snips and Snails the brought in the Ursa Minor thus driving poor Trixie out (Kinda feel bad for her) i think for her she needs friends instead of fans

Your's Truely,
Adam

Rainbow answers as she explains, "'Well, to be honest, I don't know about that. That depends on my mood...and if I am in a forgiving mood; Next e-mail!''

subject: looking old?

Dear Rainbowdash,
You must really look old, how old are ya anyway?

Your faithful awesome fan,
Andy Coltiao, Marewan

Rainbow reads the sender's name as 'Andy, C-O-L-T-I-A-O and maybe Y, from Marewan'. She then types in while explaining, ''I will be honest, Andy, my age is a closely guarded secret, one that is protected by a secret order of closely guarded monkeys that live on top of the Death Mountains.'' We see a picture of the Three Keepers of Metal Iron from a certain game standing around a chest wearing brown robes while on top of a mountain that shows lightning in the sky.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Those ponies would rather dance with a timber wolf than give out my age. Of course, they may give you some crusty guarded bread if you're lucky.'' We see a sample of the beast. ''Now then, what do you mean that I look old? Come on, are you suggesting that the nightly nacho cheese masks that Pinkie Pie gave me aren't working at all?''

We now see Rainbow looking in a mirror in the bathroom, the mare got nacho cheese on her face as she covers her eyes with two corn chips, adding in some jalapeno slices; Weird, eh?

Rainbow yelps as she exclaims at her computer, ''No way! I can't let foals think that yours truly is old! Am I really losing the youth vote here? This calls for one EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!'' The mare then made a siren while yelling, ''Whaaaa donk; Click click click click click click click!''

Spike was watching TV when Rainbow's voice is heard echoing all over, ''Attention this isn't a drill!'' The baby dragon in concern got off the couch and heads off to see what his friend wants.

Applejack was working at her stand when Rainbow is heard calling out echoingly, ''Whaaa-donk; Click-click-click-click-click-click-click. This is not a drill.'' The cowpony leaves the stand, much be important!

At a desk, Rainbow held a paper cup of coffee as she stood in front of an easel that has a piece of paper that said 'EMERGENCY MARKETING MEETING!' The Pegasus pony say, ''All right, thanks for coming on short notice and because I demanded it.'' We see Spike holding another coffee cup, Big Macintosh with a one gallon jug of coffee and Applejack with a half-empty plastic cup of coffee. ''You all represent the best, the brightest, and ponies whose I can depend on image stuff...well, except you Fluttershy.'' Indeed, we see the yellow mare smiling as she held a box of some tea. ''You're here for legal reasons and because we needed something cute to keep me going.''

''Yay; Word booty,'' Fluttershy said to Rainbow with a smile.

''Okay, I need an image overhaul, something to reconnect yours truly with the foal youth of today. A couple of words that says...'' Rainbow then moves the front piece of paper on the easel today, showing a picture of herself badly drawn, on a skateboard while it is near a pony on roller skates. The real Rainbow herself reads the caption that is on it, '''Yo, what's up, young pony? I am so on the go that I drink yogurt from a tube.' So whatcha guys got?''

''Well, I think I got something that can really help! Check this out!'' Spike exclaims as he turns on an overhead projector then puts on a transparency which has these following words...

YOUTH THOUGH
MAGIC EDITING
MANE QUICK CUTS
INCESSANT MUSIC
DISORIENTING CLOSE-UPS

Rainbow looks interested as she ask Spike, '''Youth through magic editing'? Well, this Pegasus pony is on board and is not bored. So how does it work?''

Spike smiles as he hit a button on a remote control. Soon a remixed version of the e-mail places. It shows techno music that consists of a drum track and some Spie noises. We see several quick repetitions of Rainbow bringing up the e-mail play, with the tilt angle changing and zooming in on the screen further on each one.

We see a shot of Rainbow's head as we can hear her say, ''Didgeri...dear...'' Now we see extreme close-ups of her eyes, moving across the screen. ''Didgeri...dear...'' The mare is now seen with an extreme close-up of her mouth which is upside down, ''Didgeri...dear Rainbow Dash.''

Now we see a side-on show of Rainbow at her desk, the left side of the screen is mirrored on the right. The mare is heard commentating while reading the e-mail, ''You must really look old.'' Now the last two lines of the e-mail on the computer slide into the top third of the screen, Rainbow's hooves on the keyboard slides into the bottom third. We now see a close up of her eyes that slides into the center third. ''Your faithful awesome fan...''

The top and bottom third slides away that shows Rainbow's face as she finishes the e-mail, ''...from Marewan,'' We now see her hooves as the mare types in while saying, ''I will be honest, Andy...'' We zoom in at the computer screen, tilted at an angle. ''...my age is a closely guarded secret...''

Now tracking lines show up, the shot rewinds to just after 'I will be honest, Andy...' was typed, the preceding line plays in reverse. Soon in a split-screen shot, we see the same shot of Rainbow in all four corners, each with a different color tint, red on the top left, yellow in the top right, green in the lower left and blue in the lower right.

''Now then...'' Rainbow said in a normal shot while type. ''...what do you...'' We now see a close up of her mouth. ''...mean that I...'' We see a close up of her typing hooves. ''...look...'' We see a side view of Rainbow's head, ''...old?''

Now we see a close up of the electrical outlet under the desk before all goes staticy. Back at the emergency marketing meeting, we can hear weird sound effects from 'car' playing in the background as Rainbow tries to look straight, having trouble while doing so.

''So Rainbow Dash, does that sound so cool or what?'' Spike asks Rainbow with a slight smile on his face.

''Okay, Spike...not sure if I should either throw up or have a seizure...'' Rainbow said with a gulp, a piece of paper is put onto the easel that shows the mare throwing up and seizing that is labeled 'STYLE 1' and 'STYLE 2'. Obviously, the mare is freaked out from that little slideshow.

Applejack, holding up a folder that is labeled 'GOODBAD IDEAS', explains, ''Well, sugar cube, Ah done noticed how foals love anything wit' a lowercase 'i' in front of it. 'Dat's how it done works fer me at mah stand!''

At the stand, the desk has a sign that reads '10% OFF A LOT OF iTems. Pinkie Pie and Derpy is in line right now, the bottom of the marquee that says 'STAND (IN LINE) Y'ALL!'

''Hey Derpy, what color iTem will you get?" Pinkie asks Derpy with a grin on her face. The pink pony can wait to get her iTem!

Back at the meeting, Applejack continues in the pitching idea to her friend, ''Shucks, if necessary, we could try iRainbow or iDash or...''

''No way, forget it! We tried that with lowercase 'e' a week months ago and look where that got us.'' Rainbow grunts a bit as we see a large number of boxes, all of them are labeled 'eRainbow Vague Online Investments'. The wind is heard blowing through as Tank crawls in. ''Next idea!''

''Well, Rainbow Dash, I do got a few ways to spice your luck and adds 100s to your resale value...if you don't mind me giving out my idea.'' Fluttershy said while taking out a piece of paper that shows a diagram of Rainbow's head

''Yeah, well, I am legally obligated to ask you to move on...as well as a gesture of friendship too.''

''Thanks, squee!'' Fluttershy shows the diagram of Rainbow's head. As she suggests the change, they appear on the diagram itself. ''Well, we are going to start with a flagstone path that leads up to your chin, like so. Then we will fill up the negative space around your head with some Forsythia...and maybe some veggie sauce. And finally, we will install a water feature right here on the forehead. I think that it will make a great focal point when entertaining guests for the summer.''

We see some outdoor tables and a deck chair. Rainbow roll her eyes as she flew up to Fluttershy remarking, ''Oh yeah, Fluttershy, that will work great...if I was a BACKYARD!'' The mare screams so loudly that a strong wind came out of her mouth, causing the yellow mare's mare to go glowing around while ripping her cheeks. ''Okay, next!''

Big Macintosh took his turn, pulling out a card that is labeled 'wear a diaper, eyup!'', it has a diaper that has pictures of an alien that hangs from the middle that is labeled 'duct tape' and pictures on the right that are of 'grass', 'rocks' and 'mounds'. We see a cloud that flies across the top of the screen while towing the words 'WEAR A DIAPER!'

''How about wearing a diaper?" Big Macintosh suggests to Rainbow with a grin.

''Well, nice try, Big Guy, but that is too younger than I was looking for. Ugh, hay. These ideas are terrible, all of them! What am I not paying you ponies for anyway? Time for me to resort to extreme measures; Like Gene Coltman, time for a lace lift!'' Rainbow exclaims with a smirk. We now see a new piece of paper on the easel that has a diagram of the back of her head, an arrow points away from her maNe with the caption ''FIX THAT SUCKA TIGHT'. ''Spike, Big Mac! Get ready for surgery!''

In a lounge room, Rainbow, Big Macingtosh and Spike came from above in surgical gowns and masks. Time for the Pegasus pony to get one huge image overhaul!

''Right, on three, Big Mac,'' Rainbow insists. Big Macintosh nods as he grabs the mare by the mane, ready for the anything, ''1, 2...aaaaahhhhh!''

Big Macintosh pulls on Rainbow's head so hard that his friend's head got deformed, stretching out her facial features. Her mouth is now severely stretched while her speech sounds weird and subtitles. Big Macintosh looks surprised, wondering if this is a good idea or a bad one.

''Oh yeah, I feel at least 10 years younger.'' Rainbow said with a smile while looking excited. "Time for me to go relate to the younger ponies.''

Rainbow trots off a while through Ponyville until she arrives at the school. Cheerilee is eating some lunch just as the mare spoke up, so to speak, ''Hey, Cheerilee! What's up, my fellow young pony?''

Cheerilee blinks in surprise upon seeing Rainbow then ask, ''Why Great Grandma! When did you get here?" Obviously, the mare's face has made the school teacher think that she is her great grandmother.

''What? Come on, I am not Great Grandma! I am a young pony like you! Come on, I eat yogurt from a tube, really!''

''Hee hee, of course you do. You always eat everything through a tube. Well, time to take you back to the home that you escaped from again.''

''Wait, hang on! Cheerilee, I'm a hip young pony, really!'' Rainbow protests in alarm as Cheerilee grab her by the hoof, taking the mare. This is obviously one bad case of mistaken identity here!

''Yes, I saw your new hip. Looks great,'' Cheerilee said happily, not heeding Rainbow's protests as the mare is dragged right out of the school. ''How about telling me again about how the Depression fought Celestia naked in your front yard; Silly crazy great grandma.''

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

At the eRainbow warehouse, Pinkie grins while calling in an echoing voice, ''I will take it! Hay, I will take 12!''

The End

Author's note
Poor Rainbow, being mistaken to be an old mare by Cheerilee; Oh well. In the next chapter/e-mail, the residents of Ponyville participate in the Equestrian-athlon! Read, review and suggest!

47. equestrian-athlon

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: equestrian-athlon

In the next chapter, Rainbow is once again singing while bringing up her next e-mail, ''I'm doin' a party, I'm makin' it happen, on Rainbow Dash E-Mail.'' The mare had trouble convincing Cheerilee that she isn't really her great-grandma but at least that trouble is now over.

Great I was loling all over after reading these! Oh rainbowdash how do you feel about pears... Time turner hates them...
Thunderdrop caliponya

Rainbow types in, answering, ''Well, I don't mind pears. They are good for some ponies. As for Time Turner, do I care what he thinks? Hay no; Next e-mail!''

subject: spike

Rainbow dash,
I was wondering about something for a long time. How far can you throw spike? And if you don't wanna do that, could you beat up pinkie pie just in a friendly fight?

Lewie Coltkin
Esstex, Mareland

Rainbow reads 'Esstex' as 'S X' as we see a video game based on his name 'Lewis Coltkin SX: Mareland'. The mare smiles as she types in, saying, ''Funny, how this always seems to work out, Coltkin old buddy...''

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, ''Because those two stuff you mentioned are the first two events in the Equestrian-athlon!'' We see the logo for the Equestrian, zooming in with Ponyville visible in the background as trumpet music plays. The mare then say, ''Unfortunately for yours truly, those two events ended up being my worst ones. The Spike Chuck is consistently dominated by the Kenyans...err, I mean Big Macintosh especially since he invented the Stallion Kick Slop.''

We now see Big Macintosh next a pile of dirt, kicking Spike covered in the stuff right out of the pile fast.. Rainbow is heard saying, ''Trust me, that big guy is unbeatable!''

The Mayor is next to the distance markers to see how far Big Macintosh throws Spike, the baby dragon is screaming while flying through the air, ''WHOOOOOOOA!"'

''Looks like it's a new record,'' The Mayor exclaims in amazement.

At a table, Fluttershy and Derpy were having tea, the former was talking happily, ''That gave me the reason that the DNA evidence was tampered with.''

Suddenly Spike lands onto the table hard, sending mud onto Fluttershy's and onto the lens of the camera, the mare yelps in alarm by this. Derpy on the other hoof exclaims happily, ''Hey there Spike! Glad to see you dropped by! Ha ha!''

At the result boards of the Equestrian-athlon, the results for the Spike Chuck are Big Macintosh with 211 points. Rainbow continues, ''Now then, the Greco-Pony Pinkie Pie Friendly Fight is one event you think I would be good at. Unfortunately, the reigning champ seems to have great knowledge of Pinkie Pie's weak points.''

We now see Pinkie wearing a sweat band and an athletic outfit coming onto the screen. With a glare, the mare...hits herself in the stomach, snapping, ''Come on, you little so and so!'' She then slaps herself in the face and hits herself in the stomach once more. ''Oh, is that all you got?!'' Pinkie punch herself in the side and then the face, ''Yeah, yeah? You think you got it like that?''

Pinkie hits herself 3 times while snapping to herself, ''So what do you think this is, you little doormat?" The mare gets hit in the face once, ''Magic school?!'' She gets hit in the stomach once more. ''Not a chance!'' Pinkie of course gets hit in the stomach once more. ''Yeah, that's pretty obvious!''

We return to Rainbow, typing in as she explains, ''Once again, my friend is soooo random. Still we oughta put those Pinkie vs. Pinkie fights on pay per view.'' We see a poster of the brief thing. ''Oh, speaking of pay-per-view...''

Rainbow is seen sitting on the couch, the words 'Remote Put' is seen in the upper hand corner as the mare is heard saying, ''Next up is the Remote Put.''

We see the TV with the word 'Ready?' on the screen. An announcer is heard as it reads the text that shows up, ''Cute little filly from annoying sit-com is now singing a long patriotic song.''

''Gah, hay, I stinking hate that filly! Why did they bring her on that show in the first place?! Argh,'' Rainbow screams as she throw the remote in hopes to turn the TV off. It instead hit the wall and breaks into two, sending the batteries flying right out. We now see the graphic appearing on screen that is accompanied with a buzzer noise; it reads 'DISQUALIFCATION! BATTERY FAULT,' ''What? Oh man, these games are fixed! Check the Minotaur's pants! Check the...''

We go through static as we return to the results screen. Besides the game that Big Macintosh won, we see the Greco-Pony Pinkie Pie Friendly Fight won by Pinkie Pie at 319 points. The Remote Put is won by Cherry Berry at 11 points. Rainbow is heard speaking, ''Now our coverage of this year's Equestrian-athlon continues with the Clean and Jerk...Harry the Bear's Undies...Over His Head. Luckily though no pony has to clean them.'''

We see Rainbow and the Mayor behind Harry the Bear, his underwear is sticking out of his butt with a ruler shown against his back. The Pegasus pony in concern ask the mayor, ''Uh, you sure that this bear doesn't have a wedgie that is illegal and insane by now?''

''No, that's the regular starting point.'' The Mayor explains to Rainbow with a smile on her face.

''Okay, enough. I am so boycotting these dumb games.''

Harry roars a bit as if saying 'Thanks Celestia for that!'

We go back to the results screen that shows who won what event so far, with the Clean and Jerk Harry the Bear's Undies over His Head which is won by Twilight Sparkle at 6 billion points (and live to tell about it). Rainbow is heard saying, ''And of course, there is my strongest event...'' We see a graphic appears which adds a new picture with each word, ''Probably Something with Guitars, lasers, Robots, and Hot Colts.''

We see a Activated by Spike cartoon which shows a version of the Equestrian-athlon turning into a cloud at the top right corner. Rainbow, with laser arms, attacks robots that walk in the background. A stallion in green and white trots by and he goes by the mare, she can be seen through the green part.

''Hey, wait, look, handsome!'' The AbS Rainbow exclaims to the stallion as he shoots robots with his lasers. ''I won it, the Good Medal, yeah'!'' Sure enough, the mare held up a 'Good medal' with one laser hand. Okay, maybe this event is a fake.

We now see the Activated by Spike version of Spike himself playing the guitar, the word 'Streisand' appears across the screen (going off to the right) as someone says it.

Rainbow types in on her computer as she says, ''And so, once all the medals are given to the wrong athletes, we come to the closing ceremony things, that celebrate poor sportsponyship, drug testing, and some ponies twirling ribbons for no good reason!''

On stage, Caramel and Fluttershy are twirling ribbons while singing for the closing ceremony things.

Caramel: Togetherness.

Fluttershy: Togetherness.

Fluttershy and Caramel: Encircling the World.

Without warning, Pinkie, wearing a white show suit, jumps down and knock Caramel and Fluttershy off the stage. As the mare sings, her legs move rapidly.

Pinkie: Just take those old glasses off the shelf...

As the song continues, fireworks go off in the background.

Rainbow types in at her computer as she say, ''There you go, Coltkin Shampoo.'' We see a bottle of Coltkin Shampoo that has this label...

COLTKIN
WITH GREEN TEA
AND CEREMONY
''So fancy, we don't have an opening!''

Rainbow continues onward, ''Those are a few days of glory we're talking about here. And once the ceremonies are done, most Athletes for the games at once begin filming product endorsements while their names are still in our minds in the meantime!''

In a kitchen, we see Rainbow with a box of cerel and a bowl, doing a commercial. The mare says, ''Wow, wipe my brow...'' She wipes the sweat off her face as she continues then held up a gold medal. ''You know, winning gold medals like this take a lot of hard awesome cereal as well as dedication! Which is why I eat...''

Rainbow held up a box as she continues, ''Substitute Crunch, it's the official cereal of athletes that you wouldn't remember in a few weeks anyway!'' We see a shot of the cereal near a bowl of cereal with two gold medals hanging off the side of it. ''Substitute Crunch,'' A speech bubble comes out of the box. ''''Cuz I Probably Won't Get Paid'.''

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close.

The End

Author's note
Man, those Equestrian-athlon games sounds like fun, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Time Turner grew 100 feet tall! Can the ponies deal with this unnatural disaster? Read, review and suggest!

48. unnatural

Author's note
After one big delay, Rainbow Dash's E-Mails is back. Ready for some fun; I hope so!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: unnatural

"I am the one and only Rainbow Dash and I am way too cool to make a 'I approve of this e-mail' joke." Rainbow remarks as she brings up the first e-mail of the show on her computer.

Rainbowdash...
Three words... GET A LIFE.
Oh and do you like bacon?
lavender

Rainbow roll her eyes as she types in an answer, "Ugh, I can't stand e-mails like this. Also, bacon; I ain't a cannibal, buddy. I am a pony. If you want cannibal ponies, read grimdark stuff...or don't. Trust me; Next e-mail!"

Subject: storms

Hey there Dashie,

What's up, my main mare? I was wondering, does Equestria has any natural disasters, just as hurricanes 'n stuff?

Rainbow enunciates some parts while reading the lack of a name as 'From, NoPony'. The mare dodges while remarking, "Whoa, hay! Watch where you're throwing those words around, nopony! You could hurt somepony...maybe even yourself!" The mare turns away from her computer as quiet music plays. She speaks as if giving a public service announcement. "Hey there, I'm just a regular Rainbow Dash. If you or a pony you love is somepony who throws words, please call our hot free number."

Rainbow waves a hoof as the number appears in yellow letting before she adds, "Or just give them a Charlie Horse...and he will deal with that person right away." The mare goes back to her computer as she adds, "All right, as for H.P. Hurricanenstuff, yeah, we have deal with disaster from monsters to snow storms to evil villains, but mainly the ones we got is decidedly UNnatural of sorts." We see a poster for 'The Perfectly Crazy World of H.P. Hurricanenstuff' that shows a Pinkie Pie Puppet that resembles H.R. Pufnstuf.

In Cloudsdale, Rainbow is having a party with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, grinning as the mare say, "...and of course, that's how yours truly has tampered with the DNA evidence."

"Whoa, I'm surprised that you got away with it!" Scootaloo exclaims with a grin.

"Yeah, shucks, if Ah done don't know better..." Apple Bloom was cut off as the whole area shakes with the table bouncing as the dish clatters, "Great horny toads!"

"Whoa!" Rainbow exclaims in alarm as the area shakes a second time, "What the hay?!"

"What's going on," Sweetie screams as the area shakes a third time. "Are we in a disaster?!"

"Whoa, looks like the Mayor is having a Mega Physical again and..."

Suddenly the four ponies screams as a huge brown hoof came from of nowhere and smashes onto the ground near Cloudsdale, destroying a section of a fence and send stuff flying. Rainbow and Scootaloo screams while Apple Bloom exclaims, "Yikes! What 'de hay is 'dat?!"

We hear Japanese music playing as we see that the foot belongs to a giant...Time Turner dubbed 'King Timegonzola Supreme'. We can even hear the singers, "King Timegonzola! King- King Timegonzola, Supreme!"

Time Turner roars madly as Scootaloo screams, "What's going on?!"

"Yikes! It's a giant Time Turner from outer space!" Rainbow screams terrified. "Or maybe he's mutated by chaos...or he came from the depths of the ocean! Or worst...Time Turner is flushed down the toilet!"

Pinkie Pie appears a few feet from Time Turner's giant hoof, exclaiming, "Horsecrap! Time Turner has turned us into ants! That fortune cookie must've known what he's talking about! Come on, we gotta steal some cake from that picnic table over there!" We see a fortune cookie that said this...

Time Turner is going to turn you ALL
of you ponies into ants!

Pinkie runs off as Time Turner continues stomping very crushing step, heading to the Mayor's mansion. Japanese music continues as the giant stallion roars like mad.

The Mayor meanwhile is sitting at a table inside her mansion...taking some bites out of the table. Suddenly the ceiling begins to fall as a concerned Mayor exclaims, "Whoa, yikes! What, am I getting my mega physical?!"

At a 'Free Arts Classes for Background Ponies' seminar, Fluttershy is painting a picture of an apple and a tree. Caramel right now is painting a yellow bar of soap with the word 'Applejack' on it. We can hear Asian music and Time Turner's footsteps as this happens.

"See, what did I tell you? The apple isn't giant, only in the foreground." Fluttershy assures Caramel with a smile. Without warning though, Time Turner's giant hoof kicks the sign and Caramel's painting away. The small stallion screams in fear as he runs away. The giant one roars madly though Fluttershy doesn't seem fazed. "See? Even Time Turner's hoof isn't a giant hoof, just in the foreground."

Rainbow continues typing as her computer as he explains, "Things are grim, especially since we can't contact the princesses. So we called an emergency town meeting. We needed an organized forum for ponies to shout out their ideas at the same time and see which one will work!"

At the town meeting, the ponies discuss how to resolve the problem with the giant Time Turner. Rainbow exclaims, "We must kill it, yeah, we gotta kill it!"

"We can't, we should try and understand this creature!" Twilight exclaims in concern. "He could be a friend that we have to help!"

"We have to destroy it or he will go on a rampage like I did!" Spike calls out with an angry tone of voice.

"How about we run a picket fence at the pony," Lyra suggests eagerly, much to Bon-Bon's annoyance.

"Come on, It's in the foreground, ponies, the foreground!" Fluttershy insists to the ponies making the suggestions, odd or whatever.

"We must take it down! Cutie Mark Monster Destroyers! Yay," The Cutie Mark Crusaders exclaims in determination.

"We gotta protect the princess! I got six legs!" Pinkie yells out over the noise as usual.

Rainbow roll her eyes as she continues speaking sarcastically at the computer, "Of course, then our library egghead had it all figured out."

Sure enough, Twilight stands near a chalkboard and boom box, figuring out a way to steal with the giant Time Turner. The purple unicorn explains, "You see, I knew we have to try to understand this poor creature. I took the liberty of recording his roars and played them back at high speed. Check out my extremely scientific findings. And don't laugh!"

Twilight uses her magic to press play; we can hear Time Turner roaring. The mare press fast-forward to allow everyone to hear a slightly faster roar. Twilight press fast-forward, soon we can hear Time Turner speaking slightly faster and semi-coherent, "Muffins!" She smiles as the mare press fast forward. "Don't touch my muffins!"

Twilight presses stop to explain, "Apparently, I think there's something in the muffins that Time Turner has eaten that transformed him. He's trying to warn us about..."

"All right, all right, cut to the chase, egghead!" Rainbow snaps to Twilight impatiently. "Any way we can kill it?"

"We can't kill Time Turner, he's a friend. Luckily, I was able to make an anti-muffin in the lab...which is actually a bowl of noodles." Twilight uses her magic to hold up the bowl. "It's kinda like muffins, so to speak."

Drums plays, this could be the way to stop Time Turner once and for all...

Lyra quickly work on a catapult with Bon-Bon and Applejack's help. Spike, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Twilight and Caramel are now ready to operate the thing. Time Turner has arrived so it's now or never!

Applejack activates the catapult, sending some noodles right into Time Turner's mouth...and it connects! The stallion is swallowing the stuff like mad. It's working! Time Turner is roaring as he begins to shrink back to his normal size until the stallion can say, "...don't eat my muffins!"

"We know, we know!" Caramel exclaims to Time Turner with a grin. "The muffins are the reason why you grew into a giant in the first place!"

"What? No, that isn't what I meant!"

"Huh? So why did you told us not to eat your muffins?" Rainbow asks Time Turner in surprise and confusion. If the muffins didn't transformed Time Turner, why is he telling ponies not to eat them?

Time Turner laughs as he explains, "They are a gift to me from Derpy of course! Plus, they are good!"

"So how did you grow into a giant in the first place?" Fluttershy ask Time Turner, puzzled as to how her friend transformed into a giant in the first place.

"Oh, that. Kinda embarrassing; I was shaving my coat when I accidentally flushed myself down the toilet...and unfortunately, I dumped my chemicals that were dangerous down it. Bad mistake there."

"Hang on, you shaved?" Rainbow asks Time Turner in confusion.

"You got a toilet?" Lyra asks Time Turner in amazement as she leans to him. "I thought we have to take a horse crap on the grass!"

"Don't be a Lauren Faust, Lyra!" Bon-Bon snaps to Lyra in annoyance.

Pinkie runs up with a bitten leaf on her head, exclaiming, "Come on, we got to jump in some pony's pants! Ponies, single file," The pink pony drops the leaf as she marches off, "1, 2, 3, 4, up!"

The ponies stare after Pinkie. She is so random. Time Turner shrugs as he said, "Well, better mosey on."

As we see some sort of island, Japanese music plays with the singers singing with Time Turner walking out to sea, "King Timegonzola! King-King Timegonzola, Supreme!" As we fade to black, we see a Neighponese symbol in gold.

"Of course, Equestrians are strong peoples. We will recover, rebuild, reduce, reuse and recycle!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile back at her computer. The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to a close. After a while, the Pegasus pony adds, "Also, we will be kind. We will rewind!"

We see a movie poster for King Timegonzola Supreme.

A while later, Rainbow does best best to flush herself down the toilet as the CMC watch on; The mare spins around in it grinning until the thing comes to a stop.

"Hey try it again! I think I'm mutating for a moment!" Rainbow exclaims to the fillies excitedly.

"Sure thing, Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo giggled as she flushes the toilet once more, causing Rainbow to spin around some more.

"Wheeeeeee!"

After the mutating has failed, Rainbow frowns as she glances at Fluttershy near a recycling box. The yellow mare insists, "No, Rainbow Stuff. I heard you say it."

"Come on, I was only saying stuff that starts with R-E." Rainbow protests to Fluttershy. Her friend wants her to recycle for saying the word 'recycle' as if she cares.

"Sorry, don't care. You said it so let me see your cans."

"My what?!"

The End

Author's note
And that's the unnatural disaster, folks as well as some weirdness added in. In the next chapter/e-mail, we go to the movies and see how Rainbow deals with annoying ponies who goes there. Read, review and suggest!

49. the movies

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: the movies

Rainbow is at it once again, bringing up the first e-mail of her show as she sings, "Caramel is not that cool; here comes an email."

Rainbow Dash ,In many fanfics what do you think of Trixie or 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' . Also if you found her out in the rain one night huddled under a tree scrawny underweight and malnourshed would you leave her to die or would you rush into the rain and take her in warm her up and let her get some sleep? I already know that your the element of Loyalty also what would happen if you were to bump into Paradise or Sparkler Rarities ancester ? now then one last Question . Is Princess Celestia getting parioid afraid that somepony will take the throne?

Your's Truely ,
Adam

Rainbow pauses to think then answers while typing, "Adam, buddy, while me and Trixie aren't actually the best of friends, I would at least get her help in some way. I mean, I ain't that type of jerk to refuse that. As for Paradise or Sparkler, that's an even good question. I will need to figure that one out later. And no, the princess isn't getting 'paranoid' though she has some critics who want her gone; next e-mail!"

Subject: movie

Dear Rainbow Dash,
I was at the movies last night and this annoying will filly that sits behind me will not shut up at all; have you ever deal with something like this?
Rob
Franklin TN

Rainbow reads the name and address as 'a pony named Rob, from the city of Franklin, in the state of Tennessee'. The mare smirks to Twilight who is nearby while saying, "Ha; told ya I could do it, egghead."

"Yeah, whatever," Twilight said while rolling her eyes at this. First time Rainbow chose not to make fun of an e-mailer's name for once. The Pegasus pony begins typing.

"Well, Robreme, I feel ya big time. Luckily for some ponies, they make ya turn your bazookas off before the movies begin or every one of my theater going experiences would end in one smoldering crater fashion."

In the lobby of a movie theater in Ponyville, the Mane Six came into the place to see a movie. We see posters for Dasheresque 3 and King Timegonzola Supreme in the background. Granny Smith, working on a co-job as a usher, is there waiting.

Rainbow's voice continues, "The experience starts out promising at first..."

"Good evening, ponies." Granny Smith mumbles as she takes the tickets while tearing them. "Your movie is forty-two will be on your left."

"Yeah, okay, Granny," Applejack remarks with a nod.

"Ha, just you watch, girls." Rainbow said to her friends with a smirk. "One of these days, I will be tearing tickets and telling ponies that forty-two will be on their left."

"Honestly, you must be very old to work here." Rarity commented causing Granny Smith to grunt a bit. "Err, no offense, Granny Smith."

The Mane Six, after getting their snacks and beverages, arrive at their theater to watch the movie. Caramel is in front of them in another row, watching as he fidgets and thinks a bit.

Rainbow's voice said, "First off, it begins with the smart pony who can't resist answering the so-called challenging film trivia slides that they show before the movie."

"Wait, wait, I know this one, I do!" Caramel exclaims excitedly. "The Rat Pack...err, pan and scan! Spencer Pony!"

"Will you keep it down? We're trying to watch this!" Rarity snaps to Caramel impatiently.

"Yeah, real impressive, Coltbert," Rainbow remarks sarcastically to Caramel, "Even though we have only saw this slide 10 times since we sat down."

"If you answered 'B', you are ready for film school." An announcer said much to Caramel's dismay.

"Oh man! It was ice cold refreshment!" Caramel said in dismay while hitting himself; We see the screen that shows this.

MOVIE & REFRESHMENT TRIVIA*

The correct answer was
B: Ice Cold Refreshment

*OKAY, IT'S JUST REFRESHMENT TRIVIA; WHATCHA GONG TO DO?

"Ugh, why didn't I know this before?" Caramel asks with a sigh.

"Maybe because yew is scatter-brained, Caramel." Applejack jokes a bit while eating some of her peanut candy.

We see another slide that has a picture with a bazooka with six tally marks on it which is labeled, 'Try To Be Considerate, Because Who Wants To Watch A Smoldering Crater?' The announcer said, "Try to be consider of others. Turn your bazookas off before the program."

Rainbow's voice spoke on, "Yeah, and when the movie starts, let's not forget the one pony who insists on explaining the complete filmographies of the actors in this film."

Sure enough, we see Twilight sitting next to Minuette. In the movie, someone is heard saying, "...but when I came back, the DNA evidence was missing!"

Minuette grins and points to the screen while saying, "Ooh, that stallion had a cameo as Stevemore #2 in the prequel and was in that car commercial with the wisecracking transmission; plus, he has a Daisy number of 4! The mare held up all hooves to prove her point.

"Honestly, do we need to hear that?" Twilight ask Minuette dryly.

Even Rainbow is annoyed as she got up and turns back to Minuette, holding a raised hoof while snapping, "And this here is my HOOF FIST! You probably remember it from Bloodied Pulp, the awesome amazingly true story of your face in 5 seconds!"

Rainbow sat back down as if she has proven her point...but Minuette comments while pointing to her, "Say; she was in Dasheresque 1 and 2!"

Pinkie Pie ate popcorn loudly, making Rainbow roll her eyes as we can hear her voice over, "Yeah, and if you think the pony sitting next to you eating popcorn loudly was bad enough, how about going to going to a theater where ponies often sneak in their own food."

Rainbow turns to Pinkie's direction and saw the Mayor holding a frying pan that has some fried flowers in it with a stack of similar pans in the seat beside her. Upon seeing the Pegasus pony's glare, she protest, "What, what? This was in my box of Milk Duds!" We see the Mayor's assistants behind her, playing instruments in a Mariachi melody.

"And of course, that brings to the little filly behind myself who won't shut up at all."

We see that the filly in question is Derpy, sitting in the previous row and wearing a Viking helmet while singing, "Ever and more; Ever and more; Ever and more!"

"Uh, Derpy? Mind quieting down; we must watch this." Fluttershy said to Derpy meekly.

"Yeah, this pony is the kind that talks to the movies. But not in the usual..." Rainbow's voice said as Derpy mouth what she's saying, "'Wait, don't go in there!' or..." The goofy pony mouths her words again, "'Oh no, he didn't' and all that. Nope, this kind of filly just likes to make small talk with the characters, chit chattering."

Later in the film, Derpy is in her seat with the Viking helmet in the next seat to her. A movie character comments, "I figure out their plan."

"Yeah, I figure I could cut up some iceberg lettuce, throw some tomatoes in there, perhaps a little Catalina. Nothing fancy, yeah." Derpy said happily. A while later in the film again, the goofy Pegasus pony is lying on her seat with her head resting on the helmet. "Wow, have you ever been to a ground breaking? What are those things' points?"

"Derpy," Rarity said to Derpy sternly. But a while later some more, the goofy pony is upside down on her seat, her legs are in the air.

"Hey, you know where the real bits are at? Phone books! Yahoo," Derpy exclaims happily as she shakes her legs. Now a while later once again, we see her sitting up normally. "I wonder how you spell tabasco." The mare stood up, "TABASCOooo!"

Rainbow has had enough. She stood up and turns around while yelling, "Argh! What is wrong with you ponies?! Do you not even see the giant movie over here?! I mean, are all the local sit down and stink out loud places closed?!"

"Now calm down, sugar cube," Applejack said to Rainbow in concern. "Derpy means nothing."

"No I won't be calm! Oh, that is it!" Rainbow scowls as she grabs a bazooka and held it next to her head like a cellphone, doing a ringtone. "Oh, di-a-lo-do, da-a-lo-do, di-a-lo-do, die!"

The ponies around the area, even Rainbow's friends, scream as they run off. The cyan Pegasus pony lowers the bazooka and opens fire, causing a huge explosion.

In the computer room, Rainbow types in while saying, "Yeah, that's why I am banned from the movies. At least until I paid off for the explosion, not bring my bazooka anymore and sit in the balcony all by myself. But who cares, right? I brought my own movie viewing to the next digital age! And yours truly really dig it all! Check it out!"

Rainbow grins as she runs 'karatecar dot exe' on her computer. This causes some sort of ASCII art movie to begin that shows a stick pony trotting through the streets, there are buildings in the backgrounds with a car driving across. The stick pony jumps and does a somersault to avoid the vehicle in time.

"Oh yeah, look out, Mister Slashy Pony! Oh, something cool is happening." Rainbow said quietly. The stick pony says 'Cool, that's a sports car'. He does some karate moving while shouting 'HI-YA!' "Oh horse feathers, I'm talking through this movie. I'm a hypocrite so I will shut up now."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

In the crater which used to be the movie theater, Derpy is still in her seat, with a frame of a movie poster protruding from the crater side. Not realizing that the theater is done and there's no film, the goofy mare smiles as she said, "Wow, this movie has it all; Cinema never Luked so Wilson!"

We see a film trivia screen...

MOVIE & REFRESHMENT TRIVIA*
What can you get at the concession
stand for 10 bits, 10 bits or 13 bits?
A. Luke Wilson.
B. 16:9 Anamorephic.
C. Hot, Very Hot Buttery Popcorn
D. 'Battleship Ponyemkin
*OKAY, IT'S JUST REFRESHMENT TRIVIA. WHATCHA GONG TO DO?

The End

Author's note
Well, Rainbow won't be going to the movies for a long time, I guess. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony makes plans for her funeral. Read, review and suggest.

50. your funeral

Author's note
To VISION-KING, I am still planning on a Discord as a villain in future fics...but for the good Discord, I'm going in a different direction. Wink, wink!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: your funeral

"Rainbow Dash, how you gonna check that e-mail? With my pony hooves, with my pony hooves," Rainbow sang as she is at her computer. Let's see which reviewer is next!

I must ask the Rainbow Dash a question! If you were to love somepony would it be Soarin or Fluttershy?
XOXO Alexandrite Iridescence (Or SonicLuva)

"Why do ponies want to know about my love life?" Rainbow ask herself puzzled then she respond, "Okay, I am completely straight here so I would go for Soarin'...though Fluttershy sounds kinda hot...gah! Err...next e-mail!"

Subject: funeral

Dear Screaming Cyan Rainbow Dash,
What do you think your funeral would be like?
Sincerely Yours,
Nukendum

We see a picture of the Snotty Duo as the Michelin Man each (aka Nukendum sort of) with a caption that said 'Chap Au Fan!' Rainbow types in as she say, "Oh wow, Nukey, yours truly's funeral is going to be all the following like the hook, chain, charts, grid and most importantly, the cart."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Now then, first off, I gotta deal with the most difficult decision a newlydead faces when dead: what to do with my stinking, rotten remains. I mean, I don't want to lie there by sweet smelling flowers..."

We see Rainbow, eyes closed and skin paler, surrounded by flowers in a coffin that has the word 'COUGHING' at the side. Organ music is heard as we see a fat pony in a ducky shirt. The mare is heard saying, "...and sweat-smelling followers; Ick."

"Wow, she looks so peaceful." A mare is heard saying sadly.

Rainbow woke up and turns her head while snapping, "Awww, shut up, you! Peaceful isn't how Rainbow Dash rolls here!"

At the computer, Rainbow smirks while saying, "Which is why Rainbow Dash is going to be taxidoimied; Nothing sums up my life's achievements like my stuffed corpse..."

We see Rainbow on a log that says 'Equestrian National Park' while holding a Timberwolf. The mare is heard saying, "...holding a Timberwolf." She spoke in a high voice, "Mrow!" In a normal voice, Rainbow continues, "Why it would be kept in a place of honor for all of Equestria to admire for years to come."

Of course it turns out that Rainbow's body is standing in Fluttershy's cottage, not much of a place to admire, is it? Pinkie bounces in happily ina brown hat and jacket, hanging onto the statue while calling out, "Hey Fluttershy!"

"Oh hey, did you find the DNA evidence yet?" Fluttershy ask Pinkie with a smile while helping out a raccoon.

"Nope, but I'm getting close, I can taste it."

Rainbow shakes herself at her computer as she said, "Perhaps I could preserve myself fetal ig-style in a huge jar filled with salty tears..."

We see a jar with liquid that looks like water with Rainbow, mostly preserved, inside. Her corpse is missing a several pieces of flesh and has a ribcage exposed. The mare's voice continues, "...of all the heartbroken Wonderbolts that will pine...uh for me...uh..."

"That way there should be something left to re-animate after the zombie pony uprising begins." Rainbow said at her computer. The mare speaks hurriedly, pausing between. "In 2046...on March 31st...at 2:03 p.m. Awesome!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues speaking normally, "Okay, normally yours truly is a big fan of the classic..." The mare sings to the tune of the funeral march, "dunh-dunh-da-dunh-Dunh-da-dunh-da-dunh-da-dunh," She continues normally, "My funeral dirge will be different! It will be written and performed by the Shadowbolts!"

In a field, we see Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, in black dresses, groaning as they have to carry Rainbow's remains in a jar on their backs as metal music plays.

"Ooh hoo ha ha haaa." The Shadowbolts is heard performing. As the two fillies continue struggling, the Cutie Mark Crusaders is following with Apple Bloom whipping the two bullies with a whip. The rest of the Mane Six and Ponyville are following, "Sister in a jar; Sister in a jar; Sisterinajar!"

"Hey come on, Apple Bloom, give one of us a turn with the whip!" Scootaloo whines to Apple Bloom, wanting a turn to whip the bullies.

"Not until mah hoof gits tired." Apple Bloom laughs as she kept on whipping Diamond and Silver like mad.

Rainbow continues onward on her computer, "Now, although I don't mind if my friends give out public speaking abilities, I pretty much prefer to pre-record my own eulogy and have it played back on 5 boomboxes..."

We now see five boomboxes, including a huge one and another made out of cardboard, stacked between two large vases of roses in them. Rainbow is heard saying, "...stacked on one another of course!"

Rainbow's voice then plays off of the boom boxes, "Greeting, admiring masses! Come on, pull yourselves together and turn the snot works off for Celestia's sake! We are gathered here to di..."

Suddenly electronic noises cut off Rainbow as we now hear Twilight's voice saying, "Hey, hope I am not recording over anything important! Okay, hit it!" The mare is heard saying, "I'm the T to the W I, T..." We see the unicorn and Applejack wearing black. The cowpony turns and glares angrily at her friend who, with bags under her eyes and looking down in embarrassment, moves her tail to the song a bit, "and ain't no other pony trollin down like me! I'm Twilightlicious!"

Pinkie, in a black suit, stands behind a pulpit between two vases of roses, spoke sadly, "Thanks, Rainbow." Regardless of the interruption, the funeral moves on as organ music plays, "And thus, a reading from the book of phone."

Rainbow put down a phone book onto the pulpit and spoke up, "Chapter 16..." She turns the page. "Pizzas; Pony Pizza; Mareaham Lincoln's Pizza Cabin," She turns the page. "Acupuncture and Pony Pizza..." We see an ad for the pizza place.

Pinkie's voice begins to wave as she continues, "Open late...free delivery." The pink pony sobs as she put the phone book away. "Okay, and thus, Fluttershy will do an interpretive dance based on the life of our pal Dashie."

We hear a gong and followed as Fluttershy dances in ballet clothes. But before she could do anything, shattering glass is heard, causing her and the music to stop with drops of water flying in from the left. The ponies gasps in shock as Rainbow's corpse came out of the jar, having broken out of it with her eyes messed up and her body disfigured. She came back to life!

Rainbow shakes her head as she spoke in a weird voice, "Sorry, ponies, this funeral is over. Not even death can stop yours truly from stopping my ballet wearing friend from prancing weirdly in my honor."

"But you didn't see my Chaup au Fan yet." Fluttershy protests to Rainbow in concern.

"Ha! Keep your chappy thing to yourself, okay?!"

Rainbow frowns as she continues on, "To be honest, a bunch of parasprites and famine got nothing on Fluttershy dancing interpretively. Brr. Well, I guess to spare Equestria the trouble, the best thing to do is not die...probably become an alicorn somehow. Anyway, I sure hope those zombie ponies would still allow me to fight on their side. I mean, I got my own tattered jeans and a mouthful of grape jelly. Anyone," The mare continues softly while typing smaller, "Zombies, jelly; Grapity?"

The paper comes down as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

The Year 2046...

Years later, in the year 2046, a zombie apocalypse has occurred in Equestria! Big Macintosh and Fluttershy are in hiding in a purple room with cardboard boxes and flickering lights, both are smoking cigars. Big Mac has a gray flat top and is wearing an ammo belt. The mare herself is stronger and got covered with her stubble.

"Fall back, those zombies got through our defenses." Fluttershy spoke in a deep and raspy voice.

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh said sternly. Enough, the ponies are watching a monitor that shows Rainbow in front of an open door, a part of a brain is stuck on the left side of her head and she is wearing ripped denim jeans. The mare groans madly as grape jelly came out of her mouth. Looks like Rainbow's wish has come true!

"We got to activate the doomsday weapon...get the ballet clothes!"

"Sisterinator," The Shadowbolts are heard. Looks like this is going to get messy!

The End

Author's note
That is what Rainbow's funeral would be like, so to speak. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow answers an e-mail...from work. Read, review and suggest.

Twilight's song of course is based on the Twilightlicious meme that is going on.

51. from work

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: from work

It is another day in Equestria...but this chapter doesn't start at Rainbow's computer. Nope, it started elsewhere. We see her looking to the camera, hushing us with one hoof while whispering, "Shh, quiet, ponies! Yours truly is checking e-mail at work together. Can't let the Mare know what I'm up to." Indeed, we see her at a computer. Rainbow is working at her co-shop at a corporation and is now doing work on something or another. The mare sings as she types in, "Oh, tiptoe your hooves 'cross the keyboard for the quietest email you can check."

Of course as Rainbow is trying to get to her e-mails, the DELETED! buzzer is heard. To the mare's annoyance, she saw an error message with a hoof blocking a basketball that said 'BLOCKED! Back to work, mare'; the box shakes as the buzzer plays. Apparently the head boss knew what she's up to now.

Rainbow types in while saying, "Aw, horse apples! They got everything blocked off now, as well as those 20% awesome pop-up insurance ads with those cool mini-games in them. I must've tasered that Changeling ten times." The mare stops typing as she looks thoughtfully. "Luckily for yours truly, I got Spike to hook me up with this Dragonware; Heh heh."

With a smirk, the mare held up a purple diskette with green spots that is labeled 'Spikeware ver. 2.1' with an ASCII-art like drawing of Spike on it. If this baby doesn't get Rainbow through to her e-mils, then nothing will. She puts the diskette into the computer, causing it to make a whirring sound.

Now the text 'Granny Vizier's Corporate Firewall Teleporter' appears on the screen as we see a picture of an old mare and a brick wall. Movie plays as we the screen now changes to animation of an old mare vaulting over the wall into an envelope. The words 'Running...' appears before it changes to 'Done and done' once the animation is done. The mare grins as the bottom progresses from yellow to red, showing that Rainbow has made it past the block.

"Oh yeah, nice work, pixel-granny; Undermine those corporate oppressors in witcha bad self!" Rainbow laughs eagerly as she brings up her first e-mail.

Dear Rainbow Dash:

What would Spike look like if he grows up?

Sincerely:
Michael Hammond.

"Hammond? Are you related to the guy from the Jurassic Park films or not?" Rainbow ask with a chuckle then she begins to type in. "Well, Doc Hammond, Spike would look the way he is when the little guy went rampaging...but that's when he was greedy and insane. Now that Spike isn't anymore, I can suspect that he will still be a huge dragon, but saner and more better. Next e-mail!"

Dear Rainbow Dash,
If you could have any awesome job in Equestria, no matter how much it pays, what would you have
From The Dimwon

Rainbow reads 'The Dimwon' as 'The Dittle One'. The mare types in as she explains, "You ask like I haven't told ya millions a million times already..."

As drumroll sounds are heard, Rainbow clears the screen as she explains, "Captain of the Wonderbolts of course!" The 'tada' sound effect is heard as the words 'Captain of the Wonderbolts' flash in many colors. "Maybe being one get to wear that awesome Wonderbolt outfit and uses some signal moves to lead those guys and kick some flank! Yeah..."

Rainbow pauses, waiting for her imagination to kick in...but all she's getting are cricket chirps. The mare looks around, confused as she ask, "Wait, shouldn't we see me as Captain of the Wonderbolts by now?"

"Baghh," A familiar voice spoke while imitating a buzzer noise. Rainbow turns to see Noteworthy nearby. "Sorry, Rainbow Dash, but the heads has me install a firewall on your imagination. Nothing personal but that free thinking of yours is wasting the company's cost bits!"

"What the hay?! Oh that is it! I am never EVER going to quit this job but will complain about it some more!" Rainbow exclaims angrily as she hits her desk with a hoof four times.

"Eh, go ahead. Meanwhile, I'm going back to tasering that Changeling...err, upgrading the...taserin' that Changeling...server." Noteworthy said nervously as he heads off, covering up what he's really doing.

Rainbow sighs as she types in while saying, "Well, the best I could do is try and describe it using work approved stuff. All right, let's see..."

The mare clears her screen as she brings up a blank graph. As Rainbow continues typing and speaking, the words appear in red above the graph, "'Why Captain of the Wonderbolts is my Dream Job'." An image of a Wonderbolt appears in the background, "20 percent pantsuit."

A green bar comes up from the bottom of the graph with '20%' written on it along with 'pantsuit' written under it. Rainbow continues, "17% Wonderbolt awesomeness..." A shorter purple bar comes up with '17%' written on it' and 'Wonderbolt awesomeness' is written under the text.

"Excuse me? Cube neighbor!" Derpy is heard speaking causing Rainbow to see the goofy mare peeking over the side of her own cubicle. We also see a Dullhead comic. "Uh, my work thingie is asking me if I should log off or log out. What shall I choose?"

"Bah, temps, go figure; what, can't tell the difference between logging off and logging out at all?"

"Well, not really. Well I was in charge of the schwa sound at dictionary dot come, they used to..."

Rainbow interrupts Derpy as she explains, "Look, all you gotta do is held down escape, control, tab, alt, both shifts, numb lock and that little squiggly thing until the screen turns blue. After that, stare at the screen itself until your shift is over."

"Oh, okay! Thanks, Rainbow Dash!" Derpy exclaims happily as she goes back into her own cubicle. The mare shrug as she goes back to what she's doing.

"Now then, where were we...oh yeah," Rainbow then types in. "2% Crudules...2%...4 budules..." She continues speaking some unintellible. "...speed milk privileges..."

As Rainbow continues speaking some stuff, a vacuum cleaner noise is heard drowning her out. It turns out Caramel is vacuuming her cubicle. As them mare continues typing and mumbling unintelligibly, the stallion sings a bit, "Doe-da-doot doo; Doo; Da-doo-da-doooo; A-reet-da-deet-dee; A-da-da-da-deeee," Rainbow stops typing and frowns as Caramel turns the vacuum off, "Oh, hey there, salaried Pegasus employee!"

"Ugh, hey, hourly wage Earth pony."

"I hope you don't mind but I notice that you're checking one of your e-mails. Man, I got some cool ideas for words to put into an e-mail."

"Caramel, not to be a jerk but I ain't taking any suggestions right now." Rainbow remarks to Caramel in annoyance.

"Oh, too bad," Caramel said with a sly smirk, having an idea on something. "I hate to be in your horseshoes if the boss finds out that you're checking your Rdemails while at work..."

"Ugh, fine, all right! What do you want me to type in?"

"Oh great, cool! Now let's see..." Caramel said, scratching his mane to see what to type in. The stallion then spells out his word which Rainbow types in, the said word appears superimposed over the frame's bottom, "P...f...a...r...g...t...l? That's a word, right?"

"Pfargtl," Rainbow scoffs in annoyance as she pronounces each letter while sounding it out. That isn't a word, that's dumb!"

"Right, is that a word or what?"

Rainbow scowls angrily as she hits her head on the keyboard, sending the superimposed letters flying off, "Look, does it sound like a word to you?!"

"Not sure." Caramel said with a shrug. "I only know a few."

"Oh, dang...err, dang! Say, I think some customer service has threw up her microwave lasagna! If I were you, I would go sprinkle sawdust all over that stuff."

"Oh, that is what I live for!"

Caramel laughs eagerly as he heads off to do the task with the vacuum cleaner in tow. Unknown to him, Rainbow has lied to get rid of him. He goes past Pinkie Pie who is in another cubicle with a poorly made mock-up of Rainbow Dash that has a cardboard word balloon that said, 'hey there, I work so hard and am not stuffed with frosting. Of course, the mock's up slowly falls over.

"Hey, what the pfargtl," Pinkie ask in alarm and annoyance upon seeing this happens.

Rainbow continues what she's doing on her computer, getting rid of the chart while saying and typing, "All right, back to the, back to rdemail. Now let's talk about dorsal ridges..."

"Oh, hey Dashie," Pinkie exclaims happily as she bounces up to her friend. "Wanna know what my dream job would be, huh huh huh?"

"Pinkie, not right now, really; I mean, not right now."

"Why, I would be the mare..." Pinkie begins to say. Suddenly we see a shot of blue sky with clouds while happy fantasy music plays in the background. "...that flies around..." We see the pink pony falling onto the scene while riding a large flying goldfish. "...on a cutesy big plastic goldfish!" An oversized toothbrush appears near Pinkie who uses it to happily paint in the sky. "I can also paint clouds with one oversized novelty toothbrush, oh cute!"

"Wait, what? How come your imagination's working?" Rainbow ask bewildered, causing Pinkie to stop painting clouds and for the music to stop before we return to reality. The Pegasus pony's imagination has been blocked by Noteworthy so how come Pinkie isn't?

"Oh, easy, you silly filly; I got admin privileges; Helps when one of your best friends is the Big Cupcake!"

"Ahem!" A familiar voice snaps in annoyance as we see Big Macintosh is nearby, frowning at the mare in annoyance while he's wearing sunglasses and is carrying a bike with the text 'BIG CUPCAKE' on his back, "Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie yelps and turns to Big Macintosh while saying, "Gah; the Big Cupcake!"

"Back 'ta what yer're doing, Pinkie Pie; be playful on yer own time; Not paying yew 'ta do 'dat at work; Nnope!"

"Right, yes, sir; Sorry, sir; Right away, sir, hallejuah, sir," Pinkie said with a downtrodden look. As Big Macintosh trots off, the mare follows him. "I will get you that DNA evidence on your desk by five."

"Ugh, never mind, dimwit. Checking rdemails at work isn't worth the trouble, how do those bloggers do it, I will never know. Well, better get back to work." Rainbow said as she clears her screen. A message appears that say 'would you like to:' we see two buttons, one that says 'Log off' with the other saying 'Log out'." The mare mumbles while doing typing noises, "'Scape... tab... squiggly..."

We see a word that appears 'esc dot ctrl dot tab dot alt dot shift dot shift dot numblock dot ~ ~ " }' Soon this message appears...

TEMP LOG OFF/OUT ERROR

See what you did? You are definitely not working here again!

The paper comes down, bringing this ee-mail/chapter to an end. Rainbow pauses as she say, "Wow, this will be a long one. I haven't even done my first sit in the mare's room and play Ponytris for an hour break yet."

We see some pony playing a game that involves tasering a Changeling.

The End

Author's note
This goes to shows that it's pointless to do e-mails from work, I guess. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tries to sue somepony for using her and Scootaloo in a comic, Pinkie makes some sort of fortune in flavored water while Fluttershy gets her revenge! Read, review and suggest.

Hammond is the name of the old man who owns a amusement park of dinosaurs that turned into a disaster in the Jurassic Park films and books. Michael Hammond has the same last name.

The scene with Caramel is based on the deleted scene with Coach Z of the actual e-mail.

52. rough copy

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rough copy

Rainbow once again is at work on her computer, bringing up an e-mail while speaking in a sing-song voice, "Sweetheart, get dressed and brush your teeth! It's time for e-mail!"

Dear Rainbow Dash,

What's all this talk about a DNA evidence? It's come up about five times throughout your emails so far.

SquirrellyJay

Rainbow answers while typing, "The DNA Evidence, that aged old question. Well, better make it six, SquirrellyJay because it's being mentioned again and will be resolved very soon; next e-mail!"

Subject: comics

Dear Rainbowdash,
I'd like to draw a few comics about you and scootaloo. First off, I'd need to know what type of promblems that you two would be facing. Once I get a rough copy done, I plan on sending it to you two to see if you like it. Hope you're interested.
Miyako

Rainbow reads the e-mails as written then types in while saying, "Well, Miyako, better hope you're interested in getting sued in the Ponyland ages by both me and Scoots; That would happen if you draw a few comics about us!"

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing, "Like the time Pinkie Pie started selling Rainbow Dash flavored water." The mare pronounces 'flavored water' queasily while typing in wavy blue-green font. "Right, we shut that place down very sonic rainboom fast!"

We see Pinkie in the field standing near a stack of bottles that are labeled 'RD20'. The mare held a bottle while calling out, "Got your Rainbow Dash like water here! R-D-two oh! Hee hee! Bottled at the source, pure as a mountain goat! Come, get it!"

And of course who to show up is Rainbow and Scootaloo, the filly is wearing a suit and dragging a suitcase with her. The mare glares while snapping, "All righty, Scoots! Let's sue her!"

"Right, Rainbow!" Scootaloo exclaims, opening her suitcase which is filled with a lot of water balloons. The Pegasus ponies didn't waste time in throwing them at Pinkie Pie like mad.

"Yay; the orders are flying in like rapid fruit bats!"

Rainbow chuckles as she types in at her computer, "Hay, I have got the best lawyer that cupcakes can buy, plus, she aims with those water bombs very crazy good. Scoots can hit Fluttershy from 3 football fields away!"

Indeed, Fluttershy is seen taking notes on a notepad at her cottage that has the RDTAU mascot painted at one end with a sign nearby that said 'Cutey's Home.' The mare is taking notes while saying, "All right, note to self..." She flips the page while continuing, "...get...a...big...g-ger..." Fluttershy flips the page once more. "...note...boo..." She flips to one more page, "...k."

Without warning, water balloons comes flying from behind some trees in the distance, hitting Fluttershy in the face and causes her to yelp, "Oh goodness!"

Rainbow types back at her computer while saying, "I think we were suing the mare for custody of her not-so-thin mints that day, I dunno. We apologize afterwards."

"Hey Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo exclaims as she appears to her friend while holding a manila envelope in her mouth. We see a box of Not So Thin Mints, "Got something from Miyako."

"Oh cool! An unmarked manila envelope; Probably Miyako's rough copy comic," Rainbow said as Scootaloo put the envelope down and snaps it open. The mare takes out a white piece of paper out and sees what that copyright Brony has made of her and Scootaloo. "Whoa!"

Indeed, it's Miyako's work...but it's two scribbles that are labeled 'Rainbow Dash' and 'Scootaloo', there are a few stains on it along with the signature 'm'. If this is supposed to be Miyako's work, she sure didn't do a good job in drawing the two ponies!

"Yeah, this is a rough copy all right." Rainbow remarks in annoyance as she turns the paper from side to side. "Actually, you don't need my help in finding 'promblems' for these ponies, Miyako."

"What the hay is those supposed to be?! Is Miyako trying to make fun of us or something?!" Scootaloo remarks angrily to Rainbow Dash.

"Tell me about it. These don't look anything like us. Geez, that filly was going to have a lot of pants on after we're done suing them off her. And now, she is going to strug around all on-panted waving her pant-covered legs in our faces. I mean, really!"

"Well, here's an idea. Why don't we look like the drawing? That way, when we do, we can sue Miyako!"

Rainbow, pleased by the idea, throws the paper into the air while exclaiming, "Hey, you are a genius, Scootaloo! See? That's what I pay you for! Open up!" The mare took out a cupcake as the excited filly opens her mouth wide. "Up, ah! Ah! Ah!" She throws the cupcake into Scootaloo's mouth who gulps it down. "Oh yeah, there you go."

Scootaloo grins and opens her mouth, clapping her hooves doing while imitating a seal, "Arf, arf, arf; More, more, more!"

"Okay, one more, fine." Rainbow said with a chuckle as she throws another cupcake into Scootaloo's mouth, the Pegasi filly ate it happily. It's time to sue!

Rainbow and Scootaloo put their plan of suing Miyako into action, walking in front of a cloudy sky on the field. The mare is groaning in pain as we can see why: the two ponies are now wearing barbed wire. It's painful but Rainbow is determined to sue the pants off of Miyako no matter what!

"All right, we should look like Miyako's claw scratchings." Rainbow said with a groan. "Yeah, this case of ours will be so air-tight. But why stop at pants? Yeah, perhaps we can sue off that hoodie she's wearing as well!"

"You think this stuff would work?" Scootaloo ask Rainbow, trying to ignore the pain of the barbed wire.

"Yep; this stuff makes me feel pretty tough. Oh wait, we could start our very action-packed credit sequence called...'Rough Copy'! Oh yeah, I can see it now."

Indeed, we see a title screen called 'ROUGH COPY'. It shows Rainbow and Scootaloo in barbed wire while holding gun. As big band music plays, the mare herself is flying across a bunch of buildings as the screen now reads 'with RAINBOW DASH' in the corner. We also see Scootaloo firing two bullets from her gun as the screen shows the words 'and SCOOTALOO' in a corner now.

Two video things show up that shows Rainbow flying through town and Scootaloo throwing a cupcake into her mouth. Next, we see a horizontally split screen, the cyan mare points her gun in each one. Now we see Rainbow and Scootaloo riding down a highway in the car, the mare is hanging out the passenger side with her weapon drawn with her friend riding on the car roof as if in a video game.

We see white silhouettes of Rainbow and Scootaloo holding their guns as the text 'ROUGH COPY' appears above them along with 'Promblem-Packed Action' below them. The music soon comes to an end.

Back in reality, Fluttershy appears while wearing reading glasses and carrying a very large 'Bigger Noootebook'. The mare spoke up, "Hello, my little ponies. I am here representing my client and friend Miyako and she isn't happy of how you're infringing on her highly intellectual property." The mare points upward on the 'highly' part.

"Oh come on! That's a joke right? There isn't anything intellectual about..." Rainbow begins to scoff at what Fluttershy's saying as she is pointing out how Miyako's drawing doesn't look like her and Scootaloo. But without warning, the yellow mare throws snowballs from her notebook at the cyan Pegasus pony, making her yelp in alarm as she covers her face, "Whoa, whoa! Ouch, agh! Where did you get the snowballs," The mare yells as Fluttershy throws more snowballs at her. "And how did you fit them in that notebook of yours?!"

"Oh, I've saved these in the freezer when I was a little filly. Nothing personal, just...actually, I fib a little. This is for your pranks, Rainbow Dash!"

The screen dimmed as a grinning Pinkie pops in front with a bottle while saying, "Drinko some Miyako; Crystal clear like Crystal Ponies; Hee hee hee!"

Rainbow returns to her computer, scowling as she shakes the snow off her head. The mare grumbles while typing in, "Miyako, come on! Can't you see that all this hot legal action is ruining what is our non-existent friendship?! Okay, we may as well settle this one out of court." The mare turns from her computer and begins eating a Zagnut bar, "Oh yeah, very good settlement, yum."

As Rainbow continues chewing, the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. Granny Smith leans in from the right while saying, "Come on, Pegasi! Don't bogart that settlement now!"

Pinkie sighs sadly as she sat on the couch in her home, windy noises are heard. The pink pony, after some time, said, "DNA Evidence..." When will this running gag be resolved?

The End

Author's note
Well, that's a lot of ways of suing somepony or else. In the next e-mail...actually, it won't be an e-mail! For this season, I will be doing a fanmake of the short 'DNA Evidence' as it's time to resolved the running gag involving DNA Evidence once and for all. Twilight is determined to find out what it's all about but will everything be answered? Read, review and suggest!

53. My Little Pony: DNA Evidence

Author's note
This time, I'm doing something different. In this chapter, it will be a Homestar Runner toon fanmake of the one short that ties in a certain running gag, so let's do this, shall we?

We see yellow letters on a black background that zooms out slowly with Pinkie's voice saying, "Previously on My Little Pony..."

We see the scenes of what happened in some e-mails that happened so far. In 'equestrian-athlon' at a table, Fluttershy and Derpy were having tea, the former was talking happily, ''That gave me the reason that the DNA evidence was tampered with.''

In 'unnatural' and in Cloudsdale, Rainbow is having a party with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, grinning as the mare say, "...and of course, that's how yours truly has tampered with the DNA evidence."

Inside the movie theater from 'the movies', sure enough, we see Twilight sitting next to Minuette. In the movie, someone is heard saying, "...but when I came back, the DNA evidence was missing!"

In an exempt of 'your funeral', we see Rainbow on a log that says 'Equestrian National Park' while holding a Timberwolf. Of course it turns out that Rainbow's body is standing in Fluttershy's cottage, not much of a place to admire, is it? Pinkie bounces in happily in a brown hat and jacket, hanging onto the statue.

"Oh hey, did you find the DNA evidence yet?" Fluttershy ask Pinkie with a smile while helping out a raccoon.

Now in an office from 'from work', Rainbow is sitting at her computer with a downtrodden Pinkie and a stern Big Macintosh leaving.

"Right, yes, sir; Sorry, sir; Right away, sir, Hallelujah, sir," Pinkie said with a downtrodden look. As Big Macintosh trots off, the mare follows him. "I will get you that DNA evidence on your desk by five."

Now in a scene from 'rough copy', Pinkie sighs sadly as she sat on the couch in her home, windy noises are heard. The pink pony, after some time, said, "DNA Evidence..." When will this running gag be resolved?

Well, it's about to be resolved...today! A guitar comes in to the music and plays a jazzy tune. We see a purple background with the title appearing onscreen, angled and in block letters...

My Little Pony: DNA Evidence

We now see the library as Twilight stood in front of an easel that has a chart of different ponies and the links between them. As a crowd is heard muttering, the purple unicorn held up a hoof while attention, "All right, ponies. Your attention if you please!"

It turns out that her crowd is actually Nyx, Spike, Owlowiscious and Peewee with a record that has the crowd noises playing nearby. The filly nods while speaking to the dragon, "Spike?"

"Oh right." Spike said as he turns the record player off, causing the crowd noises to cease, "Twilight; Your floor."

Twilight nods as she explains, "Okay, for some time now, there has been some sort of running gag that is called 'DNA Evidence'. I decided to do an investigation to figure out what this 'DNA Evidence' is all about." The mare points a hoof at the chart while continuing, "And after some extensive investigation, I am now ready to release my findings. First off, I spoke with my friend Fluttershy who brought this running gag to a start in the first place."

We now see a house as Fluttershy is speaking with Twilight at her cottage. The yellow mare spoke, "Well, it started several weeks ago..."

Flashback

We see Fluttershy coming into her cottage while wearing a toga, not noticing muddy hoofprints on the floor at first. We can hear the Pegasus pony voice-over, "I just came back home from my toga-yoga claw but then I saw that somepony has broken into my cottage. The culprit responsible has left behind some DNA evidence."

Marzipan gasps as she finally saw the condition that her cottage is in, somepony snuck in and made a mess of the place. The mare saw that her couch cushions are disarranged while a picture on the wall is crooked. Fluttershy notices that that the muddy prints stop right at the couch. Who could've broken in and what is it that he or she was looking for?

Fluttershy looks around and saw something made out of glass visible behind a cushion...

End Flashback

Twilight using her magic to hold a pen and notebook nods as she ask, "So what was is in the DNA evidence; Mane particles; Skin flakes; some blood perhaps?"

Flashback

"Actually, no; it was a little test tube that is full of green DNA evidence."

We can see Fluttershy in front of the couch and taking out a test tube that has some green liquid from it. The mare inspects the tube carefully, interesting.

End Flashback

"Ah, just like in the movies." Twilight said while writing something down on her notebook. "Go on."

Flashback

Fluttershy must find out what this DNA evidence is all about so she leaves her cottage, on her way to somewhere.

"I then took it over to Time Turner so he can analyze it and see what he himself can come up with..."

End Flashback

Fluttershy frowns as she held up a tube that has purple liquid that is stamped with a label that said 'TAMPERED WITH!' The mare continues, "...unfortunately, I got this back in return."

Twilight decides to talk to Time Turner in his laboratory to see what he knows. The stallion spoke up, "Well, it started a few weeks ago. I just got done teaching my..."

Flashback

Time Turner came into the laboratory while wearing a toga from the lessons that Fluttershy spoke up. As he took his toga off, we can hear him voice over, "...toga, yoga class, when Fluttershy herself shows up."

Fluttershy is wearing her toga as she came in with the test tube, speaking, "Time Turner. If it's not too much trouble, can you analyze this DNA evidence for me? Please?"

"Sure can, Fluttershy, but it's going to cost you a lot of bits though." Time Turner said to Fluttershy, warning his friend that he may have to bill her a lot for doing the task.

Fluttershy smiles as she gave the test tube to Time Turner. Perhaps the mare can find out what it's all about.

End Flashback

Twilight nods as she ask Time Turner, "So when you analyzed it, did you find out anything?"

Time Turner shrugs as he said, "Oh yeah, that. Okay, the next thing I knew..."

Flashback

"...that is when Rainbow Dash entered my lab."

Sure enough, Rainbow flew into the lab once Fluttershy is gone, smiling as she said, "Oh hey Time Turner! I would like one awesome green apple snow cone!"

"Sure, coming right up!" Time Turner exclaims as he heads into another room where he keeps the machines and supplies for the snow cones.

Of course, when Time Turner enters the room, he got a big shock. There is a shelf that has four hand-soap containers that are labeled 'Red', 'Purple', 'Green Apple' and 'Blue'. All of the containers held certain appropriately colored liquid for the snow cones...all but the 'Green Apple'. For some unknown reason, its container has a hole nears it bottom, which means that all the green stuff is gone.

"Yikes! Err..." Time Turner said nervously as he held up an unflavored snow cone in one hoof. The stallion got to get some green stuff but how? He then saw the evidence in the other while muttering, "Err, blaaaah..."

Time Turner has no choice: he pours the evidence onto the snow cone, got to keep up business. Returning the other room, the stallion said, "All right, here you go. One..." The stallion turns his head to the side to pretend cough. "...cough, cough..." Then Time Turner turns back to Rainbow, adding, "...green apple snow cone. Yeah..."

Time Turner gave the cone to Rainbow who takes it with a smile. The stallion will have to serve the purple stuff to Fluttershy when she comes back later.

End Flashback

Twilight, who wrote down what Time Turner said, stops and looks up, asking in shock, "Wait, you served DNA in a snow cone?! Are you serious?!"

"Yep! It sold like hotcake!" Time Turner exclaims to Twilight with a grin while holding up one hoof.

Twilight decides to question Rainbow next. The Pegasus pony is in Cheerilee's classroom, sitting at the desk while leaning backward in the chair. Interestingly enough, she is wearing her Dasheresque glasses with a bubble gum cigarette in an ashtray on the desk for some reason.

"Right, yeah, I brought that DNA snow cone." Twilight admits to Twilight who is in front of a window while writing with the pad and pen.

"Wait, hang on. You knew it had the DNA evidence in it all along?" Twilight ask Rainbow in surprise and disbelief.

"Well, yeah, duh!"

Flashback

As Fluttershy came into the lab with the DNA evidence, she fails to see Rainbow on the side of the place with her shades down. For some reason, the cyan Pegasus pony is taking an interest in the whole affair.

Rainbow is heard voicing over next, "I overheard Fluttershy having some DNA evidence. I decided to use it to continue my own genetic experiments with Scootaloo...for reasons I prefer not to explain."

One of Time Turner's windows are opened so Rainbow leans to the right, hearing Fluttershy talking with the stallion while holding the tub. The cyan mare rubs her hooves in glee, time to get to work so she flew off to an opened door nearby that leads to the room with the snow clone flavorings, the 'Green Apple' beaker is full then.

"So I decided to spring into action."

Rainbow smirks as she then uses a pencil to make a hole at the bottom of the container, ducking down as the liquid pours out. Now for the next phase of her plan; Once Fluttershy is gone, the mare flies in through the front door, saying, "Hey Time, keep, one green app 'sn'oc, on the rocks...and keep it rusty, got it?"

Rainbow returns to her computer room, with the snow cone, or what's left of it in hoof.

"When I got home later, the stuff was all melted..."

Sure enough, Rainbow, in her Dasheresque glasses, came in with a glass of green liquid, most likely the DNA evidence.

"...after that, I put it in a glass on my desk and went downstairs in my cloud home..."

Rainbow put the glass onto the desk with plans to experiment on it later before leaving.

"...so I can do one my high impact toga-yoga videos. Don't ask, really."

End Flashback

In the present, Rainbow finishes up her story, "Of course, that's the last that I saw of that DNA evidence stuff."

"So you left it on your desk, hmmm?" Twilight ask Rainbow in amusement while looking up. Hmmm, what pony would go in and take the DNA evidence...a certain pony who likes to come in uninvited...

Twilight nods arrives at Pinkie's home, since the pink pony likes to come into Rainbow's home uninvited and take some stuff (plus Fluttershy did asked her friend to look for the DNA evidence, so she's one of the characters in the running gag).

"Yep; I came to Dashie's place the other day. The yellow mare told me to looking for some DNA evidence or whatever." Pinkie explains, looking upset in one part then brightens up later.

Flashback

After Rainbow left her computer room, the vial of DNA evidence is still on her desk. Just then, Pinkie came in wearing a hat and trench coat, bouncing while saying happily, "Hiya, Dashie! I'm wearing a hat and trench coat for some reason!" The mare spots the glass, unaware of what the liquid is, "Yay! A tall, cool glass of soda! Don't mind if I do!"

Pinkie drinks the evidence, unaware of what it is still, happily...then she yelps in alarm and spits it out like mad. As the pink pony recovers, Pinkie saw that she spits the stuff right onto Scootaloo, who is on the computer's left side all dripped and green tined!

"Hey! What's the big idea?!" Scootaloo scowls at Pinkie angrily.

"Oops, sorry, Scootaloo; that stuff tastes like sour apples." Pinkie said to Scootaloo as the filly is using a gross towel to clean herself off.

"Ugh! As if being covered with tree sap isn't enough. Now I got to clean this stuff off with a gross towel that I found. Disgusting!"

End Flashback

Twilight, writing something down, looks up thoughtfully as she asks, "So, she wiped her face off with a gross towel, eh? Hmmm..."

Twilight visited Caramel at his home as for some reason he was around the office when the DNA evidence was mentioned. The stallion looks upset as the purple unicorn confronts him about this.

"Okay, okay! You figured it out, Twilight! My cover is blown! I am really..." Caramel begins to say as he pat his chest and put his hooves on his hips. As a heroic halo appears around her while accompanied by a heroic sound effect, we see a Mare Do Well comic that shows Caramel in some weird costume, "...Damp Towel Stallion!" He cups his chin in his hoof, "And his mild mannered alter-ego, Dan Towelstallion!"

"Caramel, no pony ever heard of those ponies." Twilight points out to Caramel in annoyance and disbelief.

"That's because Damp Towel Stallion is a super hero who likes to collect damp towels from all over Equestria!"

Flashback

A while after Scootaloo cleans herself off, the annoyed filly has abandoned a green spotted towel on the desk in the computer room. Just then Caramel shows up wearing a black mask while wearing a towel around his neck as if it's a cape.

"Holy moist molecules; It's a green-stained damp towel!" Caramel exclaims as he seizes the towel in triumph. "This is the rarest and most powerful kind, yeah!"

In the office, Caramel, who is out of his costume, rolls his janitorial cart across the hallway while the towel is still in it. We can hear him voicing over now, "I then took the towel to work the next day in hopes to find someone who needs some microwave lasagna stains cleaned up."

Caramel stops his caramel for a moment and begins working with a vacuum cleaner, humming while not noticing Pinkie, who shuffles from the right while looking upset. She is muttering to herself, "Ugh, stupid DNA evidence. How am I supposed to find that stuff by five?"

End Flashback

"Of course, when I came back to my cart, my towel was gone! I am thinking that it's none other than my arch nemesis..." Caramel remarks with a frown as he shakes a hoof. We now see another Mare Do Well comic book that has a character that looks like Time Turner. "...Dry Raga Turner or his mild-mannered alter ego, Coltfus Ragamoofin."

"Ugh, honestly Caramel," Twilight groans while shaking her head by what her friend is saying. "Your imagination needs work."

"Yeah, you're probably right...of course, I did nothing something else..."

Flashback

In the office, we see some muddy boots that is near Rainbow who is at her desk while Caramel is moving his vacuum back and forth.

"...the fact that Rainbow Dash has muddy boots right near where she was working."

End Flashback

"Eh, to be honest, I don't find that suspicious at all." Caramel remarks with a shrug, not finding the muddy boots suspicious at all. Twilight on the other hoof does.

Twilight goes back to interrogate Rainbow, demanding answers about the boots. The Pegasus pony remarks, "First off, egghead, my boots were not muddy at all, okay? I have been stomping in pumpkin pie all morning and decide to spread that stuff through Fluttershy's cottage as a joke."

"Aha! So it was your DNA evidence!" Twilight exclaims with a smirk. Looks like the mystery is solved, it was Rainbow's DNA evidence that she lost because the mare lost it when she broke into Fluttershy's cottage that day.

"Actually, no...it was yours."

"WHAT?!"

Twilight looks shocked upon hearing what Rainbow just said, that DNA evidence of the purple unicorn's?! Her friend chuckles while admitting, "Yeah, it's all true. I was swiping change from...

Flashback

A while before Fluttershy came back home, Rainbow was tracking pumpkin stuff through the place on her boots. The mare begins digging through the couch to find some change. A familiar test tube is seen exposed from Rainbow's feathers.

Rainbow is heard speaking, "...the cushions of Fluttershy's couch. I guess I must've dropped it by accident."

Sure enough, we see the test tube falling from Rainbow's person and landing into the couch, into the same area where Fluttershy will find it later on.

End Flashback

Rainbow shakes her head while holding up a hoof, saying, "Awww, man. I was this close to finding out the truth. You were performing all that awesome magic and did that studying under the princess. I was seeing if one day if you would turn into an alicorn."

"Rainbow, that's silly." Twilight snaps to Rainbow in annoyance. "If that was the case, I would have leave you guys to do some princess work or something like that."

"Yeah, well...I guess no pony will ever know for sure, would we? Now then, if you excuse me, the stairs of this place had been burned down by termites. So it looks like I'm going to have to fly!"

As Dasheresque music plays, Rainbow flies off in a hurry.

Twilight decides to end the case there, deciding that it will be forever be unknown. Of course, back in the library, the mare pulls something from under her bed: a box of her deepest secrets. She grins as she herself take out a test tube...full of familiar DNA evidence!

As Twilight held up the test tube, she smirks madly while saying, "Yes...no one in Equestria will ever know for sure. Heh heh...ha ha ha...HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HAA HO HO HO HO HO," The mare then laughs madly and insanely. It has been some trouble but the mare has gotten her DNA evidence back.

Flashbacks

As Rainbow was taking change from Fluttershy's couch, she is unaware that Twilight was peeking in through a window. The mare has suspected that her friend has taken DNA evidence from the purple unicorn to see if she will someday be an alicorn...and Twilight is determined to steal it back and keep Equestria, even herself, from ever knowing.

As we continue hearing Twilight laughing madly in the present, the mare of the past was waiting patiently for her chance, seeing Fluttershy giving the test tube to Time Turner and so forth. Finally, we see Twilight smirking as she hide behind Caramel's cart and swipes the towel, stealing the DNA evidence back at last.

End Flashbacks

Rainbow continues laughing madly, no one will ever find out if she will be an alicorn. The mare kept on laughing...but then slows down and stop as she realizes that Spike, Nyx and the pets are in the room, watching and finding out the revelation that she has stolen her DNA evidence back,.

Twilight chuckles sheepishly as she saw the group, with Spike crossing his arms. The mare then say, "Oh, hi...forgot that you are here; Err, you all aren't going to say anything are you?"

"Hoo," Owlowisicious said as Peewee chirps a bit.

"Hey, I won't say anything. If it turns out that you're an alicorn, we will have to leave the gang and I ain't planning on leaving Rarity anytime soon." Spike remarks. The baby dragon decides that it's for the best that no one in Equestria will ever find out if his 'big sister' would be an alicorn someday or not.

"Yep; anyway, mommy, you got your secrets, I got mine." Nyx said as she held up a familiar treasure box happily. Twilight chuckles in relief; Looks like her secret is safe...for now.

As two ascending notes play, accompanied by a screen that turns black, we see a purple background that shows two familiar words in block letter that zooms out slowly.

The End

Author's note
Well, so it's Twilight's DNA evidence and she stole it back. Looks like the world will never know if she will be an alicorn or not...and Twilight is going to make sure that no pony will ever know. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains how to tell others about embarrassing social mistakes. Read, review and suggest.

This chapter references the rumor that the season 3 finale would have Twilight transforming into an unicorn and the fears of it.

54. underlings

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: underlings

"My e-mail song! Where would I be without my e-mail song?" Rainbow sang as she is at her computer, bringing up the first e-mail of the show.

Hey describe to me, what your most humiliating experience? And honestly, I have to tell somepony, i promised not to but... SORIN HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!... ooopss... Please don't let him read this.
Tropic Storm, fillydalpia

Rainbow blinks while saying, "Whoa. Sorin likes me? Never knew that. Are you sure you don't mean 'Soarin'?" The mare types in. "As for humiliating experience, I already covered this. Seriously, don't ask me again; Next e-mail!"

Subject: Handling Smelly Underling?
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I am a manager and have been told to speak to one of my underlings about their stench. I'm sure that you are the foremost expert in dealing with smelly underlings ponies. I must ask, what is the best way to deal with this problem? I wish to do so with some tact & professionalism.
Sinicerely,
PlasticDiverColt
Dartmouth, Colta Scottish

Rainbow nods as she types in saying, "Man, that Colta show is lame, boring and dull, but I would watch a show called Dartmouth anyday of the week."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "Well now, PastyDiverColt, this is the right mare that you came to. Why, I got so many underlings or friends, I have to deal with nearly every awkward social situation under the awkward Celestia social sun. I'm an exploit!" We see an 'Awkward Celestia Social Sun CD'.

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "First off, nothing say tact and professionalism like sending one huge subtle hint with a funny novelty shirt. In your situation, perhaps you should wear one that got something like..."

We see a blank T-shirt as Rainbow is heard saying, "Some kind of..." A pony scientist appears holding a test tube on the shirt itself. "...egghead scientist pony on it, with a clothespin..." We now see a clothespin that appears on the scientist's nose. "...right on his nose of snout for ponies. Underneath it would say 'Man, you Stink!' The mentioned words appear on the shirt.

Back at the computer, Rainbow types on while saying, "That way, your smelly underling, or smunderling as I would like to call 'em, will get the idea from across the room and you will stay out of the stink's reach safely that way." We see a description of some sort of Smunderling creature...

SMUNDERLING
Alll this weirdo wants is to be your pal. He appears at office parties and in pony towns at random. He's vulnerable to harsh truths, criticism and Discs of Healing.
FREQUENCY: Rare
INTELLIGENCE: Low to whatever
ARMOR CLASS: +8

We now see Rainbow in a restroom reading a newspaper that said 'Ponyville Confidential.' As the mare looks up, she continues, "You know, I would probably watch a show that said 'Stink's Reach' too, probably." Rainbow continues looking at her paper.

Rainbow types on her computer while continuing, "Second off, nothing say tact and professional like slowly revealing one sensitive to a friend, loved one or something..."

We now see Lyra drawing on a piece of paper with a pencil. Rainbow's voice said, "...like a clever connect the dots kinda puzzle."

We now see a paper that has a crocodile with sunglasses on. It is holding a sign that said 'WE DEFINITELY NEED YOU TO FLUSH TWICE, HUMAN LOVER'. The connect-the-dots portion is the only rectangular outline of the sign.

Lyra stops drawing, looking puzzled as she ask, "Weird, what is Rainbow trying to tell me in this cryptic message?" The unicorn taps the pencil twice on 'cryptic', trying to figure it out.

Back on her computer, Rainbow types on, explaining, "Furthermore, nothing say pact and other stuff like breaking tough news to a pony with one reverse sunburn..."

In the pool, we see a sunburned Applejack facing away from Derpy who is in the pool itself. Rainbow's voice continues, "...on your cowpony's back, orange and huge back!"

As Applejack lowers a bit, her back shows the words 'your tiny bathing suit demeans us ALL, Derpy!' The goofy pony reads the message while saying, "'Your tiny bathing suit demeans us ALL, Derpy!' Oh, okay. I will take it off then."

Derpy reaches underwater, taking out a very small pink bikini, causing the water around her to turn black followed by an odd humming noise. A horrified Applejack noticed while yelling, "Gah, Derpy! Put it back on! Yew want 'ta make us y'all sick?!"

Rainbow types some more as she say, "Lastly and more importantly, nothing says tact and professionalism like one hidden message in your friend's condiments. Like so."

At a picnic, Pinkie is at a table smiling as Rainbow, wearing an oven mitt, is holding a plate with a tofu dog with a righ hoof and a bottle of ketchup in the left, some of it is spilled onto the ground. We see more tofu dogs on a grill nearby.

"All right, Pinkie, here you go." Rainbow said with a smile.

Pinkie takes the tofu dog, something small and green is in her mouth, while exclaiming happily, "Thanks, grill Dashie! I..." The pink pony puts the food down as she saw a message on it written in ketchup, "'you've had that piece...'" We see another tofu dog with words on it in mustard. "'...of cilantro...'"

Pinkie saw a cupcake with the frosting with more words on it in ketchup which she reads, "'...stuck between your teeth...'" She saw a waffle with an arrow written in syrup along with more words. "'...since we ate at that restaurant the other day...'" Now the mare saw three pieces of daisies with more words written on it with pedals. "'...or was it 2 weeks ago?''"

Pinkie, indeed having a small piece of cilantro in her mouth, gasps in shock, "Gah! Two weeks?! Teeth; And no pony told me until now?!"

Rainbow continues typing on her computer, speaking in a slightly high-pitched voice and in a forced manner, "Yes, in conclusion, these are the many things that nothing says tact, professional and the what now. Hope you enjoyed reading this baby as I did writing it. If I am elected Flight School class president, can't promise you soda in the water fountains, but I will see to it that a hard worker will make a difference...and try to get that jerk of a gym coach fired."

Rainbow, clearing the screen quickly, shakes her head while speaking normally, "Whoa! Sorry, I went back to Flight School for a moment and the golden days of the five paragraph essay. Well, DanceyDirtFilly, good luck with your smunderling. I gotta start making those stink shirts by getting Rarity to do them. Those things will be so 20% awesome!"

The paper comes down as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

On the TV, we hear music playing as the screen shows a sign that said 'You are now entering Stinky's Reach' with stink lines drawn above it. An narrator is heard saying, "In this town of 'Stink's Reach', no pony's record is ever clean..."

An announcer is heard saying, "Tuesdays at 8:30." The mentioned words are shown at the bottom of the screen before it turns to static.

We now see a screen that said 'We now return to Dartmouth'; the O in the 'Dartmouth' is a stylized mouth that shows darts flying out of it. Another announcer said, "We now return to Dartmouth already in progress!"

Rainbow wasn't paying attention as she is sleeping on the couch with the show on. A TV character yells, "Hey Dartmouth, the villain is getting away!"

"Out of the way, I know what to do here!" A character named Dartmouth booms in determination.

We now hear the sounds of something throwing up as a dart flew and hit a piece of wood. The villain groans out in pain, "Ouch; that is pointy!"

"Lost...Pony Vikings..." Rainbow mumbles as she continues sleeping while making some weird sounds.

The End

Author's note
And thus, that is how one deal with underlings. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow gives us a tour of the Equestrian Military Career Fair, where somepony could enlist in armies of Cloudsdale, the Pinkiestarmy, or the Celestia's government. Read, review and suggest.

55. more armies

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: more armies

"All righty, bring me one cool suitable e-mail." Rainbow said as she brings up an e-mail to see what's to expect. "That way, I may expect it down."

Dear Rainbow Dash,

If you (or Jussonic) ever had time, may I suggest watching a 3-episode story arc of the Internet show Atop the Fourth Wall. The episodes are Ultimates 3#5, Youngblood 2 and mighty Morphin Power Rangers? The main character, Linkara, reminds me of you a bit abs the ways you treat your computers reminds me of how Linkara treats his blue robot Pollo. If not, I understand (smiley face) (PS, Atop the Fourth Wall is a real Internet show)

Billy Arratoon

Also, to Jussonic, I actually would recommend watching these epsodes. They may give you some idea of hw to write the Rainbow Droid (I based him off Mechakara, Linkaras robotic double)

If not, I understand. (smiley face)

"Billy, that is tooooo long." Rainbow said in annoyance as she types down her answer. "Consider yourself lucky though. Those episodes seem a bit complicated for yours truly to take. And Linkara; don't compare me to him. I don't break my computers...all the time. And who's this Rainbow Droid; next e-mail!"

Subject: Cloudsdale's Army
Miss Rainbow Dash
I got three colts that wants to join the Cloudsdale army. Do you have any pamphlets, brochures, video info and such that could help.
Yours,
Raul, Perth
Western Coltralia

Rainbow reads 'Miss' as 'Missius', remarking "Hey, I ain't no mere Rainbow Dash, got it?" She also reads 'Raul, Perth' as one name.

Rainbow clears her screen, frowning as she types in her answer, "Look, Perthy Rauly, as I have been over this already a couple of e-mails ago, Cloudsdale doesn't have/need an army. If we ever needed any muscle whatsoever, we always give it out to our favorite band of shady missionaries...err, wait, I mean mercenaries, MERCENARIES, PONIES!" We see a Shadowbolts album of the same name. "Anyway, if your colts want so much to enlist, they can..." The mare doesn't type the next word, "...just..."

Rainbow continues typing as she said, "...swing by the Cloudsdale booth at the Equestrian Military Career Fair which is happening right now."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo interrupts as she is nearby, making Rainbow turns to her. "The fair won't be for 3 weeks."

"Oh...not for 3 weeks. Okay, I guess I can wait."

2 weeks later...

"All right, introducing..." Rainbow said, deciding to perform a show in Sugarcube Corner with her friends along with ponies watching. Scootaloo is on a chair with a cane, bowtie and top hat that has the word 'Chicko' on it. The mare turns left and right while reading, "Chicko the Orangeaticent! And her beautiful assistant..."

We see Big Macintosh behind a table with two basketballs in a shirt that he's wearing. As the stallion waves, Rainbow continues on, "Big Mac with two basketballs shoved down his shirt!"

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh exclaims with a smile

"Yaaaay, awesome!" Spike cheers on while clapping.

"Ugh, 'dis is sooooo embarrassing fer us Apples." Applejack groans in embarrassment by what her's brother is doing.

"Tell me about it. That top hat and bowtie doesn't suit Scootaloo." Rarity said in agreement while sighing.

1 week later...

Moving on, the fair has now arrived in the Canterlot Community Center where ponies go in to either enlist for armies or to check things out. Rainbow is there in a booth, wearing an eye patch and a mustache which appears to be taped. Her booth has a muffler, a lot of brochures and a pipe.

As Time Turner trots by, Rainbow speaks to a pony in a bad accent, "Hey there, Ganglo-Saxon. You seem to be a foal that gets his or her lunch handed to a lot. How would you like to be a lunch handerer for once?" The mare holds up a hoof that has a robot claw taped to it just for show. "We got the On Point Wonderbolts brochure just for you."

Rainbow puts a brochure on the table that has a logo for 'On Point Wonderbolts' on top of a colored background. The mare continues, "It's a Equestrian trifold..." She opens the brochure while continuing on, "...printed on 65 pound card stuff."

As we glances at the brochure, Rainbow continues trying to sell it, "15 point Helvetica, laid out using LightningExpress, a pirated version of LightningExpress!" We flip open to another side that shows pictures of the On Point Wonderbolts in action. "Cool, eh? We specialize in black sop, browns op and the usual beige op, depending on how you look at it."

In a footage of Cloudsdale (with a hopscotch grid that has been drawn into the clouds), we see Rainbow Dash, her friends, Big Macintosh and the CMC wearing fake mustaches (most to the embarrassment of most of them since it was the cyan mare who made them wear them). 'CLASSIFIED' is stamped onto the screen though we do see Sweetie Belle hopping across the squares.

"Hey, come on, Sweetie Belle! Go fer 60s, 60s!" Apple Bloom cheers on.

At the booth, Rainbow grins while showing off her features, saying, "Oh yeah, how else would you ever get an eye patch, a mustache or a robotic hoof like this, clank clank...unless you join our shady band of missionaries? Horse crap, I did it again!" The mare yelps as whoever she's talking to is leaving as if not interested. "Wait, come back! I meant mercenaries; we do bad stuff, really!"

At the booth for the Equestrian Royal Guard, an old veteran Royal Guard in his harm is sleeping while being fed some food through a mask and tube. Near him is a table with a sign that reads 'Out to lunch. Watch video' which has an arrow pointing to the TV. Two posters are on the wall near the old pony.

The video shows a silhouetted Shining Armor climbing up Castle Canterlot as the princess is heard speaking as if doing the narration, "The drive...the power...the skills...the motivation...and yes, the power again.." The stallion reaches the top, grabbing his sword. "...the fortitude..." Shining held his sword by his side, "…The strive as well..."

Shining laughs as he held his sword to the dark, cloudy sky with lightning flash, Celestia's voice continues, "As the ideals..." Lightning hits the shovel but luckily, we see the stallion in his armor. "The list of attributes..."

The video shows Shining on a black and white poster with five more Royal Guard members with him in the same gear. A Princess Celestia is in the center along with the words 'Equestrian Government' at the top.

As the video comes to a close, Celestia's voice continues speaking as the words that she say appears, "The Equestrian Government; Honor; Valor; Harmony."

At Pinkie's booth, she is wearing her orange bowl on her head while taping a spoon to a hoof. The mare is recruiting members for the Pinkiestarmy ever since the failed takeover of Cloudsdale. The table that she's using has a familiar Pinball Machine AKA William Clark, behind a sign that reads 'You Can't Play This. This Is a Memorial Statue, You Silly Pony'. Near the table are two posters on the wall, one of them shows Pinkie in the same outfit with the caption 'Do You Has' with another poster showing the bowl and spoon with an caption, 'Dooooo You Like?'

"Hey there, pony! Say, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony, pony!" Pinkie exclaims sternly while pointing a spoon at whoever is approaching. "You appear to be a pony to come from a long line of those with 5 bits! Well, the Pinkiestarmy has a career for ya in the baker forces! Are you good at video games? I do, just not the rough ones."

Pinie chuckles as she continues, "Hay, last time I fired up one of my video game tapes, all I got was a waffle." We see a picture of a waffle iron that has a video game controller and a cartridge in it. "Well, do you like pamphlets? Do you?!"

Pinkie holds up a book of 'Game Program Instructions' by a video company while continuing, "Here's an pamphlet." The goofy mare then rips it in half. "Now here's do. So do you have a colt-friend or a filly-friend? Well, what if they were a wooden spoon and an orange plastic bowl?"

Pinkie held a spoon and lifts her bowl off her head temporarily, then frowns while saying, "Wow, you are really random, mister. What kind of a screwed-up pony are ya anyhow? We don't recruit ponies like you here! Go on, get out of here!" The pony waves her spoon to motion the viewer away; Weird.

Rainbow, back at her computer, types in while saying, "Yeah, that's fair right Raulberg. You can send your coolest son off to join the On Point Wonderbolts. That way, he'll have to be jumped in. You can send your lazy fat son to join the Equestrian Government. He gotta be...stallionized in. Is that a word? And when you send your step-headed red maned colt to certain randomness in the Pinkiestarmy...well, I think your son will be jumped out. Well, gotta go find that bicycle pump. I think Chicko the Orangeaticent's beautiful assistant is looking lopsided."

Rainbow got up and heads off just as the paper comes down to bring this e-mail/chapter to an end. But something's wrong, it came down with an odd-sounding noise, looking crumpled up and torn. Rainbow peeks in, looking concerned while saying, "Hoo boy, that doesn't look good."

Rainbow leaves, unaware that a good friend of hers is about to meet his end very soon.

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are at a table at the fair, standing in front of a sign that bears the logo for the Pony Commando-Os and has the words 'Meet TV's Shep Ramsey and Friends!' Unfortunately, no pony is stopping to even see them, maybe because of Scootaloo's lame commando name.

"Sigh, no one wants to see us." Sweetie said with a sigh. "We can't get our fair cutie marks this way."

"Ah done told ye 'dat commando name o' yers was a bad idea." Apple Bloom remarks to Scootaloo with a frown.

"Ugh, I can fix this." Scootaloo groans after a long pause. The filly takes out a red marker and scribbles on the sign. The name 'Shep Ramsey' is replaced by the words 'Metal Iron'. Suddenly the CMC smiles with Scootaloo sighing as a large crowd of ponies gather around them, mumbling to each other. We can hear stuff like, 'Oh, look, it's Metal Iron, Metal Iron!' and 'he looks so tall, "See?"

"Yeah," Sweetie exclaims with a smile

The End

Author's note
Well, those are the armies, take your pick, folks. And what's wrong with the paper? In the next chapter/e-mail, the paper itself meets its end as Rainbow reminisces about the paper. Read, review and suggest.

56. the paper

Author's note
To Billy Arratoon, I don't know yet. That's a who knows on that part.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: the paper

"Oh yeah, check the deck, ponies; Press eject, ponies! It's another e-mail and I'm going to reject y'all!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile as she brings up an e-mail. Today is the one day that will change things for the worst, depending on how you look at it.

Dear Rainbow dash: if you had a broken wing and leg under a log and in the everfree forest and the only one there to help you was Pinkamena would you ask her to help you. like ask her to remove the log of your leg.

Your friend Greenrob.

Rainbow pauses then answers as she explains, "To be honest, if she wasn't trying to give me the brrs, I would ask her for help. I mean, Tank helped me one time even when I called him annoying. Could've left me there but what can I say? She could help me but we'll see; Next e-mail!"

Subject: The Paper...
Dear Rainbowdash,
Is it true that the paper is considered quiting? Could you tell me the best moment that you had with it?
Thanks
Andy Willers
North Coltdgen, U-pony

Rainbow reads the state's name as 'Eeew-pony' then begins to type while saying, "No way, the paper is not quitting, Andy, ya crazy Coltdenite. Why, the paper is at the top of his game, the prime of his time, the cusp of his stuff! Hay, nothing will make me...

Suddenly without warning, something shocking happen: the printer fell right onto Rainbow, causing her to scream in pain as she fell to the floor. The wrecked thing is on the floor as the mare groans, trying to recover from what happened. What's going on?

Rainbow gasps as the printer prints out a sheet with a sickly distorted sound. The words are these, 'rAINBow DDDasH, I tHiNK i'MM rEAlllyy GoinG ta QUIt.' It's official, the paper is at an end.

"No, paper, no," Rainbow screams while shaking her head in disbelief. This cannot be happening! "Why must every one of my 30 year old electric stuff keeps breaking on me?!" First her computers, now the paper is going! It isn't fair!

The paper prints out a very sad sight...more words that said 'wE definitely haDd A goOd RUN, rIGHT daShie'? Rainbow sniffs some tears as to what's happening. She has been hanging with the paper as if like forever.

"Yeah, we sure did, buddy." Rainbow said while sniffing. "Why I remember the day that you were born like it happen in some flashbacks that may or may not happen..." Harp music plays as we go into some flashbacks.

Flashbacks

In some flashbacks, Rainbow, who is filly back in the past, is helping Derpy, same with her with a computer and printer, the goofy mare is trying while the cyan filly exclaims, "Come on, Derpy Stripe! I wanna print out that awesome flank that I made out of hyphens and bits signs!" Derpy nods as she press a key, causing a familiar paper to come out of the paper, "Whoa, awesome! Derpy, did you hear that?!"

The paper came out of the printer with the world 'Preeeeow, Equestria!'. Rainbow grins while saying, "It said 'Preeeeow!' Awesome, I am soooo keeping this!"

Rainbow is heard saying, "Right, and you are always phenomenal over boards on defense."

We now see Rainbow, years older, at a stadium. The mare, in a headband, is in front of a basketball loop in hopes to block it from Pinkie Pie, holding a football while wearing kneepads and a purple shirt that reads 'Team Kneepads 15'. The scoreboard nearby has '?' for the Home Town and a '$' for the Visitors."

"Yeah, Pinkie got the ball on top of the key...Dribble, dribble..." Pinkie said as she bounces the football then throws it eagerly. "Yay! She shoots..."

Of course, the paper came from where reading 'Manute Bol' and blocks the shot in front of the hoop. Rainbow, looking up, taunts, "Oooh; so close; Yeah, get that weak flank out of here, yeah!"

"Oooh, geez; I wished that I had a piece of paper that can goes through time and space on my team."

We now see the Cutie Mark Crusaders behind Pinkie Pie, wearing the same shirts except with numbers on them. Scootaloo remarked, "Wow; that was awesome, Rainbow Dash."

"Yeah, I wonder if we could do that." Sweetie said eagerly.

We can hear Rainbow's voice, "Gotta admit, I wasn't crazy about when you had your Goth phase..."

In another flashback, Rainbow is in front of her computer as the paper, black version and designed to have bat wings, appears with a purple glow and a drop of blood that slowly drips off. It has the usual text printed in Gothic font but there is trouble reading it.

"Gah; Come on!" Rainbow exclaims in annoyance as she held her hooves up as if ready to fight.

In front of the computer, we see Rainbow while hearing her say, "Or perhaps your preppy phase too."

The paper comes down but it is wearing a pink polo shirt with a weird scarf, the shirt has the word 'Tennis' made in it along with an image of a tennis racket. The word 'golf' is seen on the paper itself while Rainbow glance at it, looking embarrassed before looking down.

Rainbow's voice adds, "But no matter what happened, you always made sure to watch out for your siblings." Another drop of blood came from the paper.

In another flashback of the paper, Pinkie is seen wrapped up in paper while dangling from the ceiling, a familiar puzzled is on it. The pink pony protest, "Come on, I was trying to pour soda on it..err, wait lemon juice. No, no! I mean Sprite; Fresca; Monkey!"

Rainbow's voice asks excitedly, "And who knows how many times you saved my cyan flank at times?"

Rainbow looks horrified; the island that she's on has a hole in it and is sinking like mad. The mare is wearing a bad bandanna and is surrounded by sharks, all of which are reading for her to land into the water so that they could eat her. Rainbow's wings are tired out so she can't fly right now.

"Oh this can't be happening!" Rainbow groans in disbelief and worry, "How could this island be sinking?! I didn't kill any end bosses yet!"

Just when it looks like all is lost, a familiar paper came down, with the text 'Hey, a pretty pony needs a lift'? Rainbow saw the paper and grins excitedly.

"All right, the paper! I thought you were still in Ponygpyangyang! Come on, fly!"

Rainbow jumps up and grabs the paper that reels upward, carrying her friend away from the island, saving her in the nick of time. As they go off into the sunset, we can hear video game music from 'Cloudsdale Population: Tire' playing as the words 'GAME OVER' and 'PROGRAMMERS' appear. After a while, the island sinks completely. It looks like this will last forever, right?

Nnope.

End Flashbacks

Back in the computer room in the present, Rainbow looks down in sadness while sighing.

"Oh, geez...I still can't believe that this is really it." Rainbow said sadly while shaking her head. After so many years, the paper is at its end.

The paper prints out in a dying sound, 'iT's Tiime. YOU kNow WhHat must be dONE.'

"Yeah, I know..." Rainbow said as she pat the printer, while shedding some tears some more. "Well...goodbye, forever my good striped friend..."

Rainbow takes her lighter out and burns it, resulting in ashes that show the final words 'BYE FOLKS'. The mare sighs in sadness, the paper is gone forever...

Rainbow in depressed sang while a spotlight shines down on her, "And the paper goeth into the niiIIiiIIiiIIght!"

With the paper now gone, Rainbow calls in Applejack to install a new printer with a new paper. The show must go on so the mare is sitting in front of her computer, ready for some action.

"So how is it coming up there, AJ?" Rainbow asks Applejack while looking up.

Applejack shows a hoof while saying, "Almost done!" We can hear some grunt noises along with some socket wrench ones, "All right, got it!" Rainbow nods as she begins to type.

"All right, new paper, hit us with some Preeow 2.0.!"

Sure enough, the new paper comes down while making shuffling noises. Needless to say, it is different from the one paper that we all know and love. It has a key with an 'at' draw on the left and an envelope that has Rainbow's face on it drawn on the right. The text and graphics on the new paper are slightly striped with white with the 'at' key striped in cyan, yellow and magenta colors on the bottom.

Needless to say, Rainbow isn't impressed as she types in while snapping, "What the hay; How am I supposed to pronounce that garbage?!" The mare made printer noises in attempt, looking annoyed by the new noises. "Heunh heownh heunh heownh vvvvvt eangt clonk-a-donk; Ugh, doesn't seem right. Okay, new paper, consider yourself on trial status so you better get to impressing me!"

The new paper came out some more, printing out some PSCII art flank with hyphens and dollar signs with '(but, a flank)' printed on it. Rainbow roll her eyes while saying, "Yeah, well, that's a start..."

We see Pinkie still tangled in the paper in a flashback, singing to the tune of a familiar movie, "The blood is rushing to my head... Blacking out, blacking out, blacking out..." The mare then blacks out.

In a stadium, Pinkie bouncing her football, saying, "Dribble dribble, shoot! Dribble dribble, shoot shoot!"

Time Turner appears, "Ooh, dang!" The stallion claps his hooves 4 times. "Ooh, dang!" He does so again.

Rainbow came in, looking annoyed as she said, "Look! We're not doing this again. Look! We're not doing this again." Soon the whole thing came to a stop, the mare yells in annoyance causing her pals to stop, "CELESTIA DANG IT! WE ARE SERIOUSLY REALLY NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!"

The scoreboard changes from '?' to 'G'. The last thing Rainbow wants is to do whatever it is that the ponies did before again.

The End

Author's note
Farewell, paper; you will be missed. Hello, new paper, who knows? In the next chapter/e-mail, we see Ponyville with its own golf course of insanity. Read, review and suggest.

57. mini-golf

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: mini-golf

It has been some time since the departure/demise of the paper. Rainbow is now putting up with a new one that doesn't please or impress her at all. Needless to say, the mare moves to reading her e-mails regardless.

"E-mail; I'm so in love with you! It's kind of inappropriate!" Rainbow sang while bringing up the first e-mail of the show.

So Rainbow been thinking ever thought of reforming Discord or Chrysalis ? it's been on my mind for a while you guys saved Nightmare moon turning her back into a filly of Princess Luna so why not reform either Discord or Queen Chrysalis it is a possibility . also somehing else has been on my mind for sometime Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon ever delt with those two you know like done something to them to shut them up for calling AB a 'blank fank' just because they got there cutie marks.

Your's Truely

Adam

Rainbow types in while answering, "Yeah, we did reform Luna and Nyx; As for Discord, not sure though Fluttershy has been talking about it for some time...not sure if that's cool or a dumb idea. As for Chrysalis, I won't ever forgive that witch for tricking us or turning against Twilight; Never. Anyway as far as the Snotty Duo go, I prefer to stay clear of those brats at all times, leaving the foals or Tough Apple to deal with them; Next e-mail!"

Subject: miniature golf course
Hellllooooooo Rainbowdash,
I was wondering if Ponyville or Cloudsdale had a miniature golf course. It would be awesome if either has one.
Hoping to play the Ponyville or Cloudsdale golf course soon,
Somepony no one gives a flank about in IA

Rainbow pronounces the greeting as 'Hell-la-la-la-la-looooo' and say 'Also known as 'Every Pony In I-pony' at the end. The mare types in, asking, "Really; you get paid for every time you say the words 'miniature golf course'? Because I'd miniature golf course would love to get in on that awesome ac-miniature golf-course-tion."

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing, "Of, miniature golf course, course, yours truly sell out for cheap. I usually get..." She types in orange. "Griffin Bowling..." A cha-ching sound of a cash register is heard before Rainbow types normally. "..50 bits every time I..." She then types in red, "That Pony Paintball Place down The Street." Another cha-ching sound is heard. Rainbow types normally once more, "...mention some kind of..." The mare then types in blue, "Canterlot Waterslide Stan's MoistWorld." One more cha-ching sound is heard as the mare types normally. "...an awesome fun-time place."

We see the scorecards from the mentioned places. Just then the new paper comes down, much to Rainbow's annoyance as she snaps, "Hey! No, no, no, not now! Did it sound like I was done?! Get your flank back up there!" It went back up making an 'eang clonky vvvvvt' sound. Rainbow shakes her head; this new paper is getting on her nerves.

The mare clears the screen as she types some more, asking, "Okay, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, mini-golf. To be honest, Ponyville or Cloudsdalle doesn't have a place of its own. So whenever we want to get our tiny golf on, we usually go to…"

We see a sign, a familiar theme song plays as Rainbow's voice said, "Amazing Harmony Elements, Puttiaiture Golf-Golf!"

We see a place that looks like something based off of the cartoon Amazing Harmony Elements. There are multiple miniature golf holes scattered around the sign, with one that has the Drive-Thru Manticore and three holes. A hug Luario stood on top of a large golf ball waving a putter while we see three regular golf balls bouncing up and down a piece of turf.

Rainbow's voice explains, "Yeah, this golf place is every bit as messed up as the cartoon that it's based on. Hay, we don't even know how to get there." As we see the three golf balls bouncing up and down, we see the hole to a metal version of Swipe-O lying on the hole with a mouth open. "It would be like one minute you're thinking about the miniature golf stuff..."

The Mane and Spike are on the couch in the library, doing some talking while the baby dragon is flipping channels. Rainbow remarks, "You ponies want to know what I love?"

"No, what," Pinkie ask Rainbow curiously.

"The smell of the putter's rubber handle that you know like a thousand other..." Without warning, the audio track begins to slow way down. "...ponies have touched..."

We fade to black as Rainbow's voice say, "...and without warning, you're there."

Suddenly the Mane Six and Spike yelps they arrive on the golf course itself. The Mane Six exclaims at once, "Whoa!"

"This is cool!" Spike exclaims in amazement and eagerness.

"Wow, that's weird." Twilight said as she and her friends look around, the purple unicorn scratch the back of her head. "I guess we should get a golf club, the usual golf balls and begin playing."

"Your descent into madness begins on the first hole." Rainbow's voice explains as we see Derpy standing in a circular piece of turf while holding the putter with her mouth. A sign nearby reads 'Par 2010' with her golf ball near her hooves. The metal version of Swipe-O is nearby, "The Rabbit Hole."

Derpy putts the ball towards the hole but then it moves to the right much to the pony's surprise. Bugsie came out of the hole, snapping as the words he says comes out of his mouth, "Get your own hole, pony!"

Bugsie then bites into the golf ball, the other end came out of the ball while biting the first. It then travels in a circle down the hole and back up out of the ball. Derpy blinks as she tries to contemplate what has happened.

"Hmmm, I say that's a birdie." Derpy said goofily as she bends over and squint at the rabbits before straightened up, "Yeah, definitely one." The crossed-eye Pegasus pony bends over while squinting two more times.

"Things calm down a little bit for the..." Rainbow's voice said as we saw a sign that said 'It's A Next Hole Luario'. The mare imitates Luario,"...It's A Next Hole Luario..." She then goes into her normal voice. "...hole."

Now we see a hole that has Luario moving his mouth up and down, revealing the said hole each time while making a quiet noise every time it opens and close. The turf has a hill that goes up and backwards. As the rest of the Mane Six and Spike watch, Fluttershy is at the starting mat, preparing to putt while not noticing Derpy examining the loop of rabbits.

Fluttershy prepares to putt but then a hoof that looks like Rainbow's reach in and taps her on the shoulder, making her ask, "Huh?"

The Mane Six and Spike saw Disc Burner Headed Rainbow with a putter; she is playing demo music and jumping up and down in annoyance. It's obvious that the heroes got in front of her by mistake and it was her turn, making the duplicate upset.

"Geez, okay, sorry! We didn't know that it was your turn, okay?" Rainbow snaps to the Disc Burner Headed version of herself in annoyance. "No need to play the whole demo to Fluttershy!"

"Honestly, some ponies even lookalikes of Rainbow Dash." Rarity remarks with a scoff.

Fluttershy moves aside to allow the Disc Burner Headed Rainbow to take her turn as she putts a hole in one. The real one voice's said, "And of course, if you sink the putt, the reward you get is an awesome heavenly sound."

"It's-a me, Luario!" Luario is heard moving excitedly.

A title nearby opens up to reveal Ashleigh who shouts, "Roody roo roo and a froody frooo," The title closes once more. Most of the Mane Six doesn't even want to know what that means.

The screen dims as Rainbow's voice said, "I won't lie. This place isn't above some of the usual mini-golf transgressions though." We see a white statue of Ashleigh that has a sign that said 'Statch'. "Like the infamous 'statue hole'."

Spike is holding a putter as he and the mares stood at the hole's beginning. Rainbow frowns as she flatly say in sarcasm, "Oh no, Spike, watch out. There is a statue of a pony dummy outside the field of play...several feet away," Crickets sounds are heard. "Oh yeah, not moving at all...just stating. Hey, also, the hole is about one foot away from the tee."

Sure enough, there's the hole not too far away. Rainbow continues speaking what she's saying, asking, "Oh wow, isn't that so much, almost, fun to take?"

Spike putts the ball...and miss. Applejack remarks, "More like too easy 'fer 'dat much."

"Oh yes, even in this infernal place, you can't escape..." Rainbow's voice said as we see a shot of Huge Al that has water coming out of its mouth before we zoom out to reveal a hole with a bridge over the lake. There are bumps in the course that kept appearing and disappearing at random along with a sign that said 'Par 2O'. "...'the blue family recreation water'. Ugh, that stuff is practically begging foals to drink it, pee in it..."

One ball is putted across the course and stops near the bumps; one of them appears under the ball and sending it into the water. Rainbow is heard saying in disgust, "...or worse...booooooooooooth." On the right side, black letters crawl down into the lake forming the word 'BOTH' while making a cloud of blackness into the water.

Derpy came out of the water, slightly tinged blue while saying, "Yahoo! Didn't finds my ball but I did see some exotic marine life!"

Fluttershy coming up, looking uneasy as she said, "Derpy, there's nothing down there but cigarette butts."

"Yep and a bra!"

Derpy held up some sort of brassiere, making Rainbow grins and gave a hoofs up sign, exclaiming, "Oh yeah!"

Caramel meanwhile is at a circular hole with a rock wall with a sign that said 'Par something'. The pony is holding the putter as she concentrates on a red golf ball near his hooves. Rainbow's voice explains, "Now the 18th hole definitely put a twist on the standard bottomless-hole-that-takes-your-golf-ball-away-for-all-time kinda hole."

Sure enough, we see that the course is in the middle of space. Caramel putts his ball into the hole causing it to fall into the space...until it returns, hitting the stallions off the head before landing near his hooves again.

"Huh. I guess I forgot to port." Caramel said dumbstruck, unaware of what really happened. The pony putts the ball into the hole, causing it to disappear before falling off his head again, bouncing off and landing near his hooves once more. "Oh! I must've forgotten to prat!" Caramel putts once more, but the cycle repeats. "Ugh! Forgot to do...something," He kept putting and the cycle kept happening.

"The only way this will go on forever if you allow it too. In fact, we found a way to leave the Amazing Harmony Elements is to will ourselves back into reality." Rainbow's voice explains as the ponies and Spike came from opposite sides, ready to go back.

The Mane Six and Spike begins scrunching their faces and grunt...

...And soon the gang find themselves back in the library as before as if nothing happened. Rainbow speaks backward while Spike exclaims in surprise, "Whoa!"

"Hey, we're back." Applejack said while looking around. "Creepy!"

Rainbow shakes her head, smacking her lips while saying, "Whoa! That was weird. My mouth tastes like backwards or something."

"Yeah, my mouth feels something all right." Pinkie said while smacking her lips.

"Weird, my mouth feels like weird blue water." Spike said while smacking his own lips.

"Wait, your lips feels like what now?" Rainbow asks Spike, getting a bit uncomfortable. Sure enough, the baby dragon opens his mouth showing that his teeth is now dyed blue...like the water back at the golf course. "Ugh, Spike! You didn't!"

"Sorry, the water tasted so good!"

"Eeeeew," The Mane Six exclaims to Spike in disgust. Their friend has drank the blue water! Gross!

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. Rainbow remarks, "There you go, see? That was a punch line. And another thing, are you ever not running out of ink?"

"The old paper was better." Twilight remarks dryly. Even the purple mare can't stand the new paper.

At the golf course, Rainbow is arguing with the Drive-Thru Manticore that is on a green with no hole with a sign that said 'Par, please'. The mare snaps in annoyance, "Come on, the hole. Where is the hole?"

"Pour gravel on your stump, miss." The Drive-Thru Manticore said, much to Rainbow's confusion.

"Wait, did you tell my mom to pour gravel on her stump?"

"Cave your brown."

"Cave my brown? Princess, that's you, right?" Rainbow asks in annoyance thinking that Celestia is speaking through the Drive-Thru Manticore to troll her.

Suddenly Celestia flew by, making Rainbow look at her as she say, "Not this time, my faithful student's friend!"

The End

Author's note
Looks like a crazy golf course, ain't it? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow recalls how a lame band became one of her favorite...and now his least favorite...bands of all time. Read, review and suggest.

58. concert

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: concert

Rainbow is having one of her usual days as she is at work on her computer, dealing with the annoying new paper as she is singing, "I'm running through a field of e-mails; Paranoia; Paranoia!"

Dear Rainbow Dash: who you think would win in a fight to the death. the figure that lives in pinkies dungens or Psycho pie.

Greenrob

Rainbow respond with this, "Let's see...that depends on who doesn't want to make me into cupcakes afterwards...and if I'm far away as possible when the fight happens. In either case, I would go either figure. All it takes is a couple of certain words and Psycho Pie will get the brrs. Brrrrr! Brrr! I mean...next e-mail!"

Subject: concert
Hey there Rainbow Dash
Ever been to a Concert? If so what type of concert was it?
Your Main Dragon,
Metal Iron (smiley face)

Rainbow's speech became depressed while reading the signature. The mare then types while demanding, "Look, pal, wipe that smiley face off the words 'smiley face'. No one impersonate the Invincible Dragon, got it?" As this was said, a sprite of Metal Iron came onto the screen and burninate the e-mail signature while his arcade theme music plays. "Yeah, I go to concert. Why else would yours truly own a pair of movie star boulevards?"

In Ponyville, Rainbow grins as she is wearing a pink tiger pattern bandanna and very unusual shoes, ready for a concert. Just then Lyra, wearing a simpler outfit, came onto the scene, grinning while saying, "Hey, human shoes! Whatcha all gussied up for?"

"Oh shut up, I always dressed like this!" Rainbow snaps to Lyra in annoyance. "If you must know, I am going to see Knightshade tonight; never heard of the headliner but I suspect that they are very lame. I am going to show up late; so how about you? What are you all gussied down for?"

"Oh, well, I'm going to see a show tonight too. Bon-Bon was busy so I'm going by myself. Never heard of the headline so I will leave early just to see if they're cool or not."

The ponies heads off, ready to attend their concert, which is going to be a weird yet interesting one indeed.

At the computer room, Rainbow types in while remarking, "Hey, interesting fact: they were related. Apparently Knightshade has decided to expand their audience into ponies that goes to college or something. So they got this band called 'mushi mushi' to open up for them. Unfortunately, Knightshade end up cancelling! You know why?"

As a paper labeled 'Knightshade Contract Riders' appears, we can hear drums playing as Lefty is heard saying, "Our audience has got to be 94% hot young mares with bangs higher than or equal to our own!" The drums got more intense, "Also, a deviled egg tray!" The mentioned words appear handwritten with horns and a tail on the contract.

You folks can guess that the band didn't get either. The paper disappears.

Rainbow types in as she continues, "As a result, Knightshade ended up hanging out in their tour bus and watched Ponyland Classic all night. mushi mushi ended up playing both sets. Needless to say, I became perplexed...and interested."

The concert is down as Rainbow and Lyra are heading home, the Pegasus pony is in her concert outfit while the unicorn is wearing a mushi mushi T-Shirt with the band being heard in the background.

"So try to help me out. Are those ponies missing some members?" Rainbow asks Lyra a bit confused about the band. "I mean, what happened to their lead guitarist?"

"To be honest, that was the whole band." Lyra explains to Rainbow, much to her disbelief.

"Are you kidding?! No ponies are allowed to have a band with only 3 members! And there's something off about these guys; Where's the bassist's sunglasses; did his lenses fall out or something?"

"Nope! Those were just regular glasses that he was wearing."

"Whoa, shock and horror," Rainbow said in disbelief yet amazement. This is the start of a new friendship between the two ponies.

The ponies hang out at Lyra's house, playing video games with Bon-Bon, Rainbow has taken off her unusual ones that lied by the couch. As they play, the Pegasus pony asks, "So, those ponies must be a brand new band, right?"

"Nope, they have been around for 5 or 6 years now." Lyra explains clearly to Rainbow.

"Watch your flank!" Bon-Bon calls out to the two ponies, warning them to watch their back in the games.

"Then how come they haven't grown their manes long yet?" Rainbow asks Lyra curiously.

"I think those are just mane cuts, Rainbow Dash." Lyra explains to Rainbow some more.

"Is that so?"

"Honestly, you two ponies are getting obsessed with that lame band that Lyra's into." Bon-Bon said to Rainbow and Lyra dryly.

In the bathroom, Lyra was brushing her teeth with Rainbow, holding a toothbrush of her own for some reason, stand there, talking some more, "Did some pony stole their costume trailer? That must be tough. They couldn't wear any of their spandex, latex, or Tex-mex...kinda stuff."

Lyra, annoyed by Rainbow's constant questions and the invasion of the privacy, removes the toothbrush to explain, "Rainbow Dash, the band doesn't even wear costumes! They probably wear what they usually wear all day, either clothes or nothing at all!"

"But...the music rocked..."

"Yep."

"And those stallions weren't wearing costumes." Rainbow said, getting more amazed and interested by mushi mushi by the second.

Lyra removes the toothbrush out of her mouth to speak some more, shaking her head as she said, "Nope!"

"Interesting, very interesting..."

Rainbow and Lyra's friendship appears to be getting stronger. The two are now hanging out at the mud-bath area at the Ponyville spa, wearing towels on their heads and cucumber slices on their eyes. Lyra's horn is exposed from the towel.

"And there were no high leg kicks or choregraphed spin moves...and that one stallion even had his back to us all night." Rainbow said with a sigh. "I mean, wow. It's like those ponies don't even care about me. Just like when they played that song that is called 'We don't really even care about you'?"

Rainbow is now playing Pony Commando-Os with Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner while a mushi mushi CD in a CD player plays the just-mentioned song. The Pegasus pony is wearing a T-shirt with the mentioned band's name on it.

As Rainbow and Pinkie plays with Pony Command-Os toys, the pink pony ask her friend, "And no pyrotechnics or fire stuff?"

"Afraid not! They strung a bunch of Hearth's Warming Eve lights all over their bass drum!" Rainbow explains to Pinkie excitedly.

"And...those ponies still rocked?"

"Yeah, totally! Also, those guys can't be bothered to play solos so they always leave a space that you can sing your own. Check out these mow do mows!" Rainbow then begins to imitate an electric guitar solo, much to the amazement of Pinkie, "Mow-do-mow; Mow-do-mow; Moodly-mow, moodly-mow, moodly-mow; Meedly-meedly-meedly-mow, meedly-mow; Mow-do-mow; Mow-do-mow, mowdow, mow-dow-do-mow!"

Just then Lyra trots up, smirking as she exclaims, "Hey there, mushi-ay!"

"mushi-ay to ya, sister."

Pinkie blinks while remarking, "Wow, you silly fillies are lamey damey."

Rainbow grins as she prepares to finish up her e-mail as she types in, "And thus, that's how mushi mushi became one of my favorite metal bands."

Rainbow was doing her e-mail in the park as Lyra, standing nearby while holding a mushi mushi vinyl record, spoke up, "Actually, Rainbow Dash...I wouldn't exactly call them 'metal'."

"What are you on about, Lyra? Come on, those ponies are metals. Look at the awesome facts. No costume." Rainbow said as a costume appears on the screen which has an X on it, crossing the thing out. "A short mane..."

A long yellow mane appears which begins to turn into the short brown kind. Rainbow continues, "They also got a logo that isn't jaggedy or drippety..." We now see a jagged upside rendition of the mushi mushi appearing which turns upside down, became normal. Just then, Rainbow is slowing down, suddenly became annoyed and less impressed. "They also got songs that aren't about mares...just some town...or good times..."

We see a CD that has a track listing which reads '1. Smokin' fine honey-foal; 2. Sunset Strip Ponies; 3. Pony Party Patrol appearing before changing into '1. ok, whatever; 2. Unripe; 3. Art elf'; It didn't take Rainbow to realize what mushi mushi really is...and she is very ticked off!

"What the hay; Hey, hang on!" Rainbow exclaims angrily to Lyra. "You set me up! mushi mushi isn't metal at all!"

"Hey, who said anything about tricking you? I was only helping you broaden your horizons." Lyra explains sheepishly to Rainbow. "Besides, with Bon-Bon busy, I needed somepony to hang with and..."

"Oh, I will broaden your horizons and hang you!" Rainbow exclaims furiously. She grabs the mushi mushi records and breaks it over Lyra's head, leaving a piece in her mane. The unicorn groans, perhaps it was a bad idea. Rainbow goes back to her computer while typing in annoyance, "And that's how mushi mushi became one of my least favorite bands...and why I dislike Lyra even more."

The new paper slide down, making Rainbow scowls, "Aww, man; that sound of yours got no punch at all, you just slither out like a tongue out of Gummy if he's ever boring! Try this."

Rainbow gave a flip disk into the new paper, chucking it right now, sticking the whole thing at the top of the screen. The new paper prints out some more, saying the word, 'How do you like me now, filly?' We can hear a grinding sound instead of the normal one, plastic chunks fall to the ground. The floppy disk got grind all right.

"Yeah, there we go. We will be good until you completely shred that disk." Rainbow said in satisfaction. The new paper retracts slightly as we can hear more grinding sounds with more plastic chunks falling.

Granny Smith, standing on a lawn mower, does a commercial as she said, "Hello there, Missy! Check out my Ponygeway." We see the Ponygeway logo appearing near the mare before disappear. "And don't tell no Applejack..." The words 'Don't Tell No Applejack' flashing for a while. "This lawn mower thing turns backways. Help me buy it and I will cut ya in!"

Of course, Rainbow flies over, excitedly exclaiming, "Hey, let me help you buy it, let me," Granny Smith mumbles as she drives the lawn mower offscreen, not wanting to deal with the young mare right now.

Merry Ponyrocini sat on the couch in the tour bus watching a classic episode of Ponyland on Ponyland Classic. Lefty is standing nearby, watching but looking very annoyed. A whistle blow is heard.

"Hay, that Applejack pony just plain clumsy," Merry comments while eating some hay chips.

"I am very mesmerized by that Wind Whistler's mane!" Lefty remarks as he made gestures with his hooves, "Oooouch!" The pony punches the air with one hoof.

Remove Formatting

We see Rainbow and Lyra in their mud baths, the Pegasus pony curiously ask, "Where do the mud baths come from anyhow? These things are awesome!"

Suddenly Big Macintosh came out of Lyra's bath in a snorkel and goggles, causing the mares to scream. The stallion protests, "Shucks, my mud ain't that bad; Nnope!"

The End

Author's note
This proves that mushi mushi really stunk. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow helps Susan with her hygiene video problems by making one with the help of Derpy. Read, review and suggest.

59. hygiene

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: hygiene

"Step 1: You check an e-mail down. Step 2: You tell some foal he's a dork." Rainbow raps as she begins starting her e-mail for her show.

Is there a Tiger tank that can destroy a town?

Private J. Heli

"No there isn't...but if there is one, that would be so awesome!" Rainbow remarks as she types in her answer. "Imagine all the cool things I can do to those griffins; Next e-mail!"

Subject: hygiene movie
Dear Rainbowdash,
In 5th grade I have to watch a very uncool lame hygiene movie. I figure that you could make a better one about hygiene than the lame school version.
Your friend,
Susan Duckula

Rainbow pronounces 'Duckula' as 'Duckulalalalalala'. The mare frowns as she types in, "Wait, fifth grade fillies?! Ugh, what happened to the hot college stallions that can e-mail me? Hey guys! Stop your crazy hot rodding and drop me a line!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Yeah, I suppose I could make one cruddy hygiene movie for ya, Susan. But...maybe it would be most satisfying to make one...about you; Heh heh heh."

After some static, we see a blue background as disco music plays. Some words flew into view leaving a rainbow after images after them. They are 'Equestrian Embarrassing Educational Films', with the 'EEEF' letters lighting up. The word 'Presents' appears below the four words.

Now we see another background with the yellow test 'LESSON 1: SAY 'HI' TO HYGIENE'. As a yellow background appears, Rainbow is heard saying, "Meet Susan." The text 'susan' shows up as we see Derpy, in the role of Susan, appearing all dirty and unkempt. "Susan is one cruddy 5th grader; Hi, Susan!"

The text 'hi' appears over the text 'john' as Susan, voice breaking, say, "Hey, I'm one latchkey champion!"

"Now meet Jean!" Rainbow's voice as the text 'jean' appears. Rainbow now flies in in the role of Jean wearing awesome blond hair and a pink shirt "Jean here is a beacon of light..." We see the mare in a lighthouse that is shining and grow smaller, appearing in a stink cloud made by Susan, "…shining right that stink cloud of disaster that is made by Susan. Hey Jean!"

The text 'hi' appears over the text 'jean' as the mare said, "TCIJ, yo! In other words 'Thank Celestia I'm Jean'! Yeah," We see her standing near Applejack, Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie, who appears to have the same haircut as she is.

"Now Jean here is popular and doesn't have any good grades." Rainbow's voice explains as we see a huge fridge that has a piece of paper that has the words 'G-, but is sooooo cool'. Going back to Susan, the mare continues, "Susan on the other hoof doesn't have any friends..." We see the goofy mare in a desk surrounded by two empty desks. "…and always sit in the front row."

Susan and Jean sat on the other sides of the screen; the side that the former is on is light brown while the other is blue box. Rainbow's voice continues then, "Now then, what is Susan missing that Jean has gotten? Besides cool rich parents," Three bags of huge bits dropped in front of word. "You got it; Hygiene!"

The word 'HYGIENE' appears as Jean smiles, saying, "Hi stallions!"

"Hygiene..." Rainbow's voice said as a dictionary appears. A note is taped over the definition of hygiene while the following is read. "...is described as 'how close ponies would want to stand next to you'."

We see a close up of Susan's chest which has a weird shirt. Rainbow's voice continues, "Susan here wears shabby clothes that smells like chocolate milk and not the kind made by the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony Discord..." We see a chocolate milk carton with a thermometer in its mouth and squinted eyes fading in. "...with one bad stomach virus to boot." Susan blows her nose onto her shirt before putting it back on, showing mucus on it while moving around.

Now we see Jean in front of the mall with two bags falling in front of him that reads 'styles upon styles'. Rainbow's voice continues, "Jean's mom buys her clothes...but she is too young and hot enough for that to be okay."

An exaggerate mare hoof with a hoof came from the left, holding a pair of keys. We hear Jean's mom saying, "Hey, mommy got one huge headache, Jeannie. How about taking the boat out for a while?" The mare in question eagerly takes the keys. Awesomeness!

In a bathroom, Susan walks up, holding up a washcloth and a bar of soap before dropping them uselessly. Rainbow's voice remarks, "Now every morning, Susan wakes up and forget to wash her stupid..." We zoom in on the mare's face with each word. "...lame, stinking, FAT, SMELLY..." The goofy Pegasus pony looks surprised now. "...EVEN MORE STUPID, DU..."

We of course see static before Rainbow continues. Now we go back to Jean's face that radiates energy. The narrator continues, "Now every morning, the radiant energy from Jean's face..." We notice her face being attached to two electric cables, connecting them to a red light bulb on a pad. "...can power a small light bulb..." We see the bulb in question making a buzzer noise before lighting up.

Back to Susan, Rainbow said, "Susan's face is one huge ecological train wreck..." The said mare's mouth opens up, revealing a spider web in it. A green nasty cloud came out of it along with black liquid that drips out badly. "...and has a nest of Parasprites living inside it."

Susan burps causing a Parasprite to fly out. Undaunted, the mare said happily, "Make sure you come back before dinner, Charlie!"

Now then, on Jean's face, the proud mare's face is shining. Rainbow's voice continues, "Jean's mouth is an incredible national park..." A sign appears, showing a smile, two trees, two mountains along with the words 'Jean's Clean Mouth National Park' that also has her hair on top. "...with her saliva sold..." Jean spits out, showing an outline of a continent, her saliva turns into a bottle that said 'El Gene's Spit'. "...in South Equestria as one amazing wonder drug."

In Susan's room, the mare is on her bed where there are milkshakes, fries and a bowls of cereal almost all over. Rainbow's voice adds, "Susan leaves food all over her room with a family of squatters taken up residence in a laundry cave in there." Sure enough, we see some orphan foals in front of a pile of laundry that looks like a cave.

Jean's room on the other hand is different. There's a pennant that reads 'Wonderbolts' and a wardrobe nearby. Rainbow's voice said, "Jean's room has a cool 16 car pile of up racecar beds..." We see 16 racecar beds on top of another one. 5 special effects arts with 'EQUESTRIA on their chests, 5 maids appear above the pile over the next line. "...as well as a family of 10 maids and special affect arts to keep it so realistically smoldering and burning."

The pile of race car beds are now set on fire as Rainbow's voice adds, "And yeah, they also lives in a nearby cave." We see a cave that the mentioned servants are standing in front of.

We now see a tube and a bunch of jars of cream, powder and the whatnot. Rainbow's voice continues, "Okay, what can Susan do to change her hygiene to win approval?" Susan is seen holding the tube and two jars before dropping them, "Unfortunately for her, nothing at this point." The goofy mare looks shocked and sad. She can't do a thing? "By 5th grade, the damage is soooo already done..." We now see a pie chart that has this heading 'What 5th Graders Will Remember You for Forever'. 'Your Stink' has the biggest section, 'Your Stonk' being the second biggest and 'Hot Mare', 'Video Games' and 'Cool Headband' following. "...and ponies will always remember her as one smelly loser no matter what happens."

As we return to Susan, two pennants shows out that said 'Out-of-Equestria U!' and 'Go Non-Residents!'. Rainbow's voice adds, "This mare will have no choice but to wait and go to a college outside of Equestria. That way, she can reinvent herself."

Sure enough, Susan herself fades into a more typical looking Derpy, better eyes and a college shirt that said 'OoEU Non-Residents'. The mare smiles while saying, "Hey!"

"Jean on the other hoof got to keep up the status quo at all times." Rainbow's voice said sternly as we return to Jean, a giant hoof appears and poking the mare, much to her concern. "Why, if she mess up one bit and get lice..." We see the mare's mane with lice jumping up and down on it. "...or even get an accident at school..."

Jean looks horrified as she has to cover herself due to an accident. And as if that isn't enough, her formers glare at her angrily as if no longer seeing her as cool or a friend. The background turns red with the music becoming menacing as Rainbow's voice add, "...those fifth grader pals of her will descend on her like a ravenous..." We now see Jean looking nervous. "...pack of hygiene Timberwolves and rip her to pieces..."

"Hooray..." Jean said with a gulp as we see her next to the words 'bye jean'.

"Bye, Jean!"

We return to the blue background as disco music plays once more; The familiar yellow letters saying ''Equestrian Embarrassing Educational Films' appearing, leaving the familiar after-images with 'EEEF' lighting up and the word 'Presents' appearing. Now we see another blue background that has this yellow test 'LESSON 2: WING PROBLEMS'. Of course, we see static, cutting this short.

Back on her computer, Rainbow types in, "Right, Susan, all done. Hopefully your classmates will like my video. And not to worry, who knows? in 8 or 9 years, you can hide behind your net identify as a raver, a greaser or whatever you Equestrian teenagers like to call yourselves. Now scram! Those college hotties can't show up you're around, Mothmouth."

The new paper comes down, showing alternating colors below the words 'Calibration', the e-mail part isn't seen. Rainbow roll her eyes while saying, "New paper, the way you keep stinking just stay interesting."

We see a tribute to someone's dead cat along with a Mare Do Well comic cover about Moth Mouth.

In a classroom, Rainbow stood next to a TV stand that shows the mentioned educational film that played. Pinkie is in a chair in front of the TV, smiling while exclaiming, "That is awesome, Dashie, I love it; any chance that I can get some of this 'hygiene' thing?"

"Pinkie Pie, for someone so random, you should at least be more familiar with a home with a shower." Rainbow remarks to Pinkie dryly.

"Shower?"

"You know, that big titled room that has a shower head coming out of the wall."

"Really; I thought those were drippy broken speakers! I got mad four-inch tweeters!" Pinkie comments as Rainbow roll her eyes. Her friend is sooooo random.

The End

Author's note
Well, folks, hope you know the lesson in 'hi jean'. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow discusses what happens to the original Applejack and how she was replaced by the one mare we all know and love. Read, review and suggest.

60. original

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: original

"Gropin' around in the dark, tryin' ta find an e-mail! Da-da-da-blue-got-an-dow," Rainbow sang on her computer. The mare still has that annoying new paper to deal with but has to put up with it unfortunately. Rainbow brings up her first e-mail of the day.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

now i know for a fact that you love to read Daring Do don' get me wrong like the time you thought reading was an 'eggheads' thing . Anyway though do you read anything else besides Daring Do like like Harry Potter ,Star wars or Back to the future ? jus wondering me i just read and write MLP fanfics (mostly the human in Equestria fanfics) so thoughts on Reading .

Your's Truely

Adam

PS knowing you ,you would freak if you met Daring Do for real just like with Spitfire of the wonderbolts i think she's kinda cool in my opinion seeya

Rainbow begins typing in her answer, "Yeah, I would freak if I do met Daring Do for real. As for other stuff, I read some awesome comics books and other stories, here and there. Like any fairy tales made back in Ponyland times or whatever Megan brings from Earth. Okay? Okay; next e-mail!"

Subject: Another Actors
Hails and Wings Rainbow Dash, /m/
Ever watch your favorite shows and sequels and begin to realize that your favorite character has been unscrupulously replaced with another actor?
Jom & Terry
Lansing, Ponyigan

Rainbow makes a rock-ish scream in place of the emoticon. The mare types in, asking, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, you ponies are really asking me that? Come on, we do that to you ponies all the time! There has been 12 Mayors of Ponyville."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "And what, you ponies are telling me that you have forgotten about the original Applejack?"

We see Pinkie at Sweet Apple Acres, speaking to what looks like Applejack in the foreground, "Hi, Original AJ! How's the original business going?"

The pony turns around, she resembles Applejack except her hat is missing and she has seven number of apples with green leaves on her flanks. When the mare trots, she fells and knocks stuff over. 'BY ORIGINAL APPLEJACK' is seen on a stand nearby, along with two papers taped to it that said 'CHEAP THRILLS!' and 'CHEAPER TRICKS'.

When Applejack spoke, she sounds a bit like Firefly, "Hey there, Pinkie Pie! I can see you from here!" The mare stood up, holding her hooves apart, so to speak.

"Wowie, that's some nice eyesight, Original AJ!" Pinkie exclaims with a smile.

"Of course, it isn't all good eyesight and good apples." Rainbow's voice said as the screen became inverted grayscale with spooky music starting. "Behind the scenes is a thick bubbling pit of crude...turmoil!"

Once the colors are back, we see the Mayor and Original Applejack behind a table with an ice tea container, paper cups, a box of Cupcakes and a Tupperware box of some stuff. The original mare looks upset while pointing at the box, demanding, "Okay, who ate the mayo off my celery?! And how did that happened?!"

Original Applejack gave a suspicious glance to the Mayor who protests, "Now, now, that is one technique that even a mayor like myself cannot reveal. Honest!"

"Ugh, all righty, this is the first and only straw! I am out of here, you amateur ponies!"

After poking the Mayor on the face twice on the last part, the Original Applejack, with a hoof pointing, trots away as amateurish music plays, the mare kept on tripping and knocking down stuff while she does so. It's obvious that this could be the last time that we see of the Original Applejack.

Back on the computer, Rainbow types on while saying, "And with the future of Original Applejacks unsure, we had to come up with pretty creative ways to write her into stories. That way, the viewers won't realize that she's gone."

Back at Sweet Apple Acres, both Pinkie and Rainbow are in lederhosen while standing near a large cardboard box that reads 'FRIDGERATE AGAIN'. The pink pony happily say, "Well, according to the Original Applejack, who is really behind that fridge box thing, I won the yodeling contest!"

Static appears as we see the duo dressed like mountain cops near a box that said 'DEESH WARSH', the trees are changed to their fall colors.

Pinkie grins while saying, "Well, Original Applejack, who is really behind that dishwasher box..."

After some more static, we see Pinkie in a poncho and sombrero near a box that said 'KLEENLOAD'. The mare then say, "...behind that washing and drying thing..."

After some more static, Pinkie is wearing a weird police unicorn near a box that reads 'HOT20'. It is now night time with the landscape covered in snow. The pink mare remarks, "...that hot water heater whatchacallit it..."

And of course, more static. Pinkie is wearing some jungle clothes, there is an upside down shoe box labeled 'sugarcube corner's' with a tower made out of toothpicks on top.

"...behind that..." Pinkie blinks, looking clearly confused. "...err, toothpick sculpture? Yeah, I don't think this is working." We now see more static.

Back at the computer, Rainbow explains, "It soon became obvious that Original Applejack was gone and she is never coming back. So there was an interim period of rotating guest Applejacks just like when talk show hosts have surgery or go to prison."

At Sweet Apple Acres, Pinkie trots up to see Granny Smith in a cowboy and an orange shirt with apples on it. She smiles while saying, "Hey, Granny Smith! Can I have some apple pie?"

"Oh, uh..." Granny Smith said in confusion. "Err...I should think I should eat a pony."

Pinkie flinches with surprise. That was both surprising and creepy!

We see some static before showing Rainbow and Scootaloo at Sweet Apple Acres. They are talking to the Pony Command-Os actor Zapp Cracker who is playing Applejack. The sign nearby has 'Zapp Cracker' posted over the word 'ORIGINAL'.

"BLAAAAAAAAAAH," Zapp exclaims as he jumps forward to Rainbow, almost scaring the wings off her. "What can I get for you two fine fillies; BLLLLAAAAAH!"

"Ugh, forget it, Zapp Crack-Applejack." Rainbow said in annoyance. It isn't worth talking to an insane actor of a kids show.

"Oh...well, I should eat a pony!"

Rainbow flinches in surprise; that was creepy! As the scene darkness, the mare is heard saying, "And let's not forget the fan favorite though we sometimes hate the real thing..." We now see an onion that has Trixie's face drawn on it on a stand's counter, "Onion Trixie!"

A crowd is heard cheering wildly; one voice screams loudly, "Yahoo! Onion Trixie! Onion Trixie," This goes on for a while.

Rainbow continues typing on her computer, "Yeah, finally, we have to settle with a unknown Applejack with zero experience, a cowboy hat and a weird accent. Things went bad since then."

"Ahem!" A familiar voice heard is snapping angrily. Rainbow turns to see Applejack, glaring angrily while holding her upper forelegs, waving them menacingly as if wanting to fight.

"Oh, new Applejack; what's up?"

"Right now, we gotta need a new Rainbow Dash soon! Yew know 'dat 'de Original Applejack was mah ancestor an' she has passed on generations ago!"

"Oh cool, Original Applejack used to make threats and stories like that. Doesn't sound cool coming from you," Rainbow chuckles; Suddenly Applejack hits the mare four times in the face, before putting her forelegs on her own sides. "Ouch. Okay, okay, Original Applejack used to beat me up senselessly like that. Doesn't sound..." The Earth pony growls as she held up a right hoof menacingly. "Gah! Okay, okay, okay! You win!"

"Good! Now tell 'dese ponies 'dat Ah is 'de original Applejack o' today! Got it?" Applejack demands to Rainbow sternly.

"All right, you're the original Applejack of today!"

Applejack, satisfied, tips her hat while looking at the camera, saying, "Eeyup, 'dat's right, sugar cube!" The background turns orange as the following words appear above and under her, "100% All Original Applejack! If Ah have hands, Ah be sticking in mah armpits if Ah have any right about now!" The mare puts the end of her upper forelegs over her legs as if demonstrating.

We see the camera closing out, encircling Applejack's face with a blue background. An announcer said, "100% All Original Applejack! If she have hands, she be sticking in her armpits if she have any right about now; Errr, right."

We return to the computer with Rainbow typing in, saying, "Of course, we do replace ponies or stuff. Like the new paper for one. Come on, new paper, go ahead and disappoint met." Sure enough, the lame replacement of the original paper comes down with a long 'vvvvvvt', the entire page falls off the screen top with an 'eangt'. "Whoops, yeah, when it comes to disappointing, you never disappoint in doing that!"

We see a field that has graves for the Mayors of Ponyville, including one for 'Onion Mayor of Ponyville, replacing one for 'Mayor of Ponyville IV'.

In a field, Pinkie sighs sadly while kicking a can by her feet. As she kicks it away, Twilight came in, asking, "What's wrong, Pinkie Pie? You look a bit sad."

"Oh, I miss Original Applejack." Pinkie said with a sigh.

"Uh, first the original Applejack died generations ago...and anything of us with her was made up by Rainbow Dash."

"Still, you can't make up an eyesight that good and sees me from over there...and...and her clumsy antics were so funny!"

Pinkie sobs some more, making Twilight stares at her friend flatly. She never could understand that pony.

The End

Author's note
Well, folks, Applejack that we know of is the original one of today. Let's relax. Now in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow reveals how to steal other ponies' bikes via some secrets. Read, review and suggest!

61. bike thief

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: bike thief

Rainbow is on the task today, bringing up her e-mails despite the presence of the annoying new paper. The mare raps a bit, "Letters. And words; E-mails get absurd, I just gotta jump back?"

So Rainbow What do you think of the story Rocket to insainity or Rainbow Factory? creepy stories don't get me wrong and ell me you guys got any rock n roll in Equestria ?

YOur's Truely Adam

PS so who called you dashie besides Pinkie Pie ?

Rainbow shudders as she types in her response, "Seriously? Those stories are creepy! I don't know why Earthlings make them. And yeah, we got rock 'n' roll. Why else do we have Knightshade or the Shadowbolts? Awesome! Also, AJ calls me Dashie, though I don't know why; next e-mail!"

Subject: bike thieves
Hey there Rainbow Dash,
I am a college pony and I need to know how to keep my bike from getting stolen. I figure if I think like a thief, I can know how to protect it. So, how would you try to steal my bike
Furiginia
MI

Rainbow reads MI as two letters, we see a pennant for the Mediocre Institute. Looking disappointed, the mare types in while answering, "Oh, I see. Not smart enough for MIT, eh; Just MI; honestly."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "First off, how do I even know that your lame-o bike is worth stealing at all? How many pegs do you got on that thing; Mag wheels? White tires? A worthless baseball card in the spokes," We now see a baseball trading card. "What kind of self-respecting bike thief would steal a...shudder...10 speed; or a...shudder some more...mountain bike? I mean, those kinds of bikes are the ones that get you tired. Any bike with a water bottle holder is a complete waste of bike to yours truly."

Rainbow clears her screen once more as she continues, "But for the sake of this e-mail, let's pretends that you do have a cool bike of sorts. I would first go to my old thieving standby, as in dress up like a bush."

Sure enough, we see Rainbow hiding behind a bush that has berries and cartoon eyes, we can see her hooves and wings. The mare shuffles to a pink bicycle while taking her disguise, she will get that bike. Upon there, Rainbow takes the bike through the bush and begins carrying it away.

"Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch," Rainbow groans a bit then she notices Cherry Berry on a phone nearby, talking until she turn and glare at the Pegasus pony as if wondering what the 'bush' is doing with that bike.

"What's this?" Cherry Berry asks suspiciously. Rainbow yelps as she heads away, making different noises.

"Err, I mean...bushes, bushes, leaves, branches and...berries."

Rainbow's voice said, "Also don't forget, dressing up as a bush is one great way to get some free pizza!"

At a familiar restaurant, Rainbow goes to the counter in her bush costume, asking, "Hey, Firecracker Burst, how about some free pizza?"

"Yeah, no problem, bush," Firecracker remarks as she takes out a pizza box from behind the counter before dropping it onto the bush. Rainbow leaves, satisfied. The mare didn't suspect a thing!

Rainbow's voice continues, "Variations on this approach..."

In the field, Rainbow is standing in the middle as her voice continues, "...includes dressing up like a cactus..." The bush is now replaced by a cactus, though the mare isn't concealed very well behind it, with cartoony eyes. "...a trashcan..." Now a trashcan replaces the cactus, "...or a barrel."

The trashcan is replaced by a wooden barrel. Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, depending on your physique..." Sure enough, Spike appears near the barrel. "...you could also dressed up like a hideous pile..."

Spike is now turned into a pile of some pink goof with scales, a crushed, a plank of wood, a circular saw blade...and two weird eyes. Now Big Macintosh appears on the other side of the barrel.

"...or maybe a huge factory, perhaps," Rainbow's voice adds as Big Macintosh turns into a factory building that is signed 'ELAP', also with cartoony eyes.

Back at the computer room, Rainbow types in, "Of course, if I were you, I would not bother with anything that has cartoon eyeholes; that is creepy. If that method didn't work for me, I go for the awkward swindle approach. This works on college campuses."

At the Tree, college students are doing what they normally do (we know that it's a college due to to RDTAU building in the background); going to classes, hanging out, etc. Derpy was wearing a backpack and a backwards cap while chaining her bike to the Tree, the chain loops over the top branch. The mare is preparing for classes for the day.

Rainbow trots in with her mane in a ponytail while holding a clipboard in her mouth. Time for one of her trips as she spoke up, "Yo, sister, my bromide; you sounds like an awesome mare who likes to progress. I am wondering if you're interesting in signing this petition to ban roll-on..."

Derpy begins to speak, "Yeah. Not to be rude but sorry, I've got a class..."

"...free vegetables..."

"...and my roommate is like, you know…"

Rainbow continues her magic in hopes to chase off Derpy, saying, "...fellowship..."

"And my parents, uh.." Derpy said, getting very uneasy by Rainbow's persistence that the goofy mare signs her petition.

"...drum circle?"

"Gotta go to science lab; Eeek!"

Rainbow smirks as Derpy rush off, leaving her bike away. Success! The voice is heard saying, "Yeah, so effective! This idea allows me to steal ponies' lunches...their colt-friends...even dogs too!"

Rainbow got rid of the clipboard and heads over to the bike. She kicks the tires as the pony prepares to take off with the bike. But then Fluttershy, with multicolored dreadlocks, came to her with her own clipboard, saying, "Hey there, bromide. Want to sign this..."

"Gah; Meal plan," Rainbow screams as she flies away, not wanting to sign anything and forgetting what she is doing.

"Ooh, cool, man, free bike. Not my style but..."

In the computer room, Rainbow types in, saying, "Of course, my favorite thiefnique of all time has to be the best use of wearing black turtlenecks and suction cups ever made: cat-burgling!"

We see what appears to be an orange wall as all is dark, Rainbow is using suction cups to climb up it while wearing a black turtleneck and a beanie. The mare groans, "Almost to the top...grrr, that bike seat is as good as mine; Ha ha ha ha!"

Of course, as it turns out, Rainbow is climbing up the couch in Twilight's library, appearing from behind it. A bicycle seat of rainbow colors is the couches with two laser guns duct taped to the couch on either side of it. Twilight works on making sure that no pony will make off with it, not even her friends.

Rainbow took out a spray can that is labeled 'Weather Factory Fog' and sprays it into the air, showing two laser beams. The mare, frowning, snaps, "Awww, horse feathers; Laser tech security; I will have to do some Wonderbolt aerobatics to steal this baby!" She prepares to fly off...only to find that she herself can't. The mare's suction cups has gotten her stuck, "Oh, hayseed! Stupid suction cups! Got me stuck to the side of this thing; Errr, anypony; Spike? Hey, can you come over here and put the bicycle seat in my mouth...gently?"

To Rainbow's horror, the lights in the library are turned on. Rainbow groans, "Oh Celestia! Light tech security"! She is caught!

Twilight trots into the room, giving a disapproved look to Rainbow while saying, "Honestly, Rainbow Dash, this whole thing is silly. If you have agreed to play Animals the musical, instead of cat-burglar, you wouldn't be stuck to the back of my couch again."

"Hey, I would rather get turned into stone!"

Rainbow types back at her computer as she finishes things up, "Yeah, that's how I do it, College Bike Owner. So my advice is stay away from bushes, never talk to any ponies with a clipboard, and avoid putting our bike on the top of the roof of glass buildings." During the next part, the mare types in while saying the other lines 'Yeah, your bike is totally safe if you listen to me. I am a good pony that gives out sound advice; Bike on, ponies, bikes on, "Secret message to bike thieves!"

The words 'SECRET MESSAGE' appears on the screen as Rainbow continues, "Bolt cutter, Bronies, just use them!" The mentioned words appeared. "We will spilt the pawn-shop money 50-60!" The money split flash on the screen as well. The mare types in, "Right, see ya next time!"

As the e-mail/chapter comes to an end, that new paper comes down, printing a picture of the real paper in hopes to win Rainbow over. The mare on the other hand remarks, "Yeah, nice try, new paper. Of course that does make me feel a little better...he was so stripedy." But suddenly the computer begins moving slowing to the right. "What the hay?"

Rainbow turns and saw Derpy dressed up like a trash can, the mare is trying to make off with the computer. She speaks in a monotone voice, "Garbage, garbage. Rubbish...err...murder weapon."

"Derpy, are you supposed to be a trash can or some weird robot?"

"Errr..." Quickly Derpy takes out a petition that reads 'The Bromide Solution'. "Wanna sign this petition, bromide Dash?"

The End

Author's note
Well, folks, that should get you on your way of stealing bikes (seriously, don't). In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow, in hopes to impress some college stallions, opens up a fake pizza joint which ends up being a success by accident. Read, review and suggest!

62. pizza joint

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pizza joint

"Let a lil' e-mail into your heart, and it'll clog your arteries!" Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of this show. Time to get this said show on the road!

Well Rainbow I do have a question or two . Ever read anything else besdies Daring do ? like maybe something Scientific or something Romantic or something fille diwthadventure tha doesn't involve Daring Do besides i already know your a die hard fan of Daring Do besides i'm a real die hard fan of Power Rangers always have and always will . Anyway ever watched Batman or Superman or are hey boh ponyfied in Equestria ? now i kow tha my qeustions are weird sue me if Pinkie is random han tha makes me weird and random and that's a good thing

Your's Truely
Adam

Rainbow types in, asking, "Like I said, I have read anything else, though not anything for eggheads or mushy stuff. The adventures are where I'm at. As for Batman, Superman or anything 'ponyified'...who knows? You Adam are so random. Let's see if the next e-mail is better."

Subject: rdemails!
Hey Rainbow Dash,
As a typical college stallion, I am wondering if there's a pizza joint in Equestria somewhere...you know, if you, me and the colts can hang out sometime.
Hopeful in Coltslyvania,
David

Rainbot got more excited as he reads the last two lines. Yes, yes, finally! College stallions, e-mailing her!

"BLARG," Rainbow screams excitedly as she types in. "Yes, yes, we have a pizza joint!" The mare flails her arms like mad, "I gots me a pizza joint!" She fell off her chair and flops away more excited. "Always been at the pizza joint, come there with me!"

And thus, Rainbow begins opening up her pizza joint, a fake one to impress the college stallions. As she stood behind a cardboard box in Cloudsdale, Scootaloo works on writing 'Rainbow Dash's Cloudsdale PIZZA'. The two mares are surrounded by pizza boxes, Neighborhood Style!

"Come on, Scootaloo, hurry up with that sign!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo impatiently.

"I'm going the fast that I can!" Scootaloo snaps in annoyance as Rainbow flies to the front of the box. "This name isn't that complicated."

"Whoa, no way! That's way too long already! We got to have something short, catchy and awesome that David and his colts can read real quick. You know awesome stuff like 'The Sam' or 'The Coliseum'. It won't work if they have to be like..."

In a Teen Colt Squad scene (with slower version of the music), we see the cast talking to a stallion wearing a robe with 'Dave' on it. Football Jock and Hum Dum are wearing robes too; What's His Flank is in his regular clothes while the Ugly Mule is in a sarcophagus dressed like a mummy.

"Hey boys; How about we cool off and meet up at..." David begins to explainsas the words appear on screen that are said slowly, "Rainbow Dash's Cloudsdale pi..."

"Ugh, this is taking too long!" Football Jock exclaims in annoyance. The stallion doesn't want to go to a place with a long name like that!

"I'm bored already!" What's His Name adds in frustration.

"I am heading home." Hum Dum remarks with a nod.

"I belong in a museum!" The Ugly Mule remarks, his voice muffled due to him in the sarcophagus.

"Nah, cool college colts don't have that time." Rainbow said while shaking her head. "We gotta strike while the colt is still hot."

"Ugh, fine, how about this?" Scootaloo ask with an exasperated sigh. The filly scribbles out most of what she put down, then add in 'The' over 'Dash'. The sign now reads 'The Dash'. "Cool enough for ya?"

"Oh yeah! The Dash! Short and to a point! I love it!"

For a moment, it looks like Rainbow's scam is going to work without a hitch. But then a familiar goofy mare appears, saying, "Hey, yeah! Can I have a slice of tp-roni, some tomato sauce and...mushrooms!"

"Derpy, go home!" Rainbow exclaims with a frown. "This isn't really a pizza place at all, only a front to meet some stallions!"

"Ooooh, okay! I will have a calzone then, with some tp-loaf and some m-cheese!"

Without warning, the phone on the cardboard box rings, much to Rainbow's confusion. The mare asks, "What the hay? Hang on." She picks up the phone to answer it, "Yeah? The Dash; Thanks for calling?"

On the other end, while Derpy leaves to the left, is Cheerilee, calling out, "Yes; I would love 50 of the Thanksgiving Lover's pizzas delivered to the school; the class is having a party and I need some food, fast!"

"What the hay?! Cheerilee, how did you even know about this place?!"

"For your information, I spend all day calling random numbers in hopes to finding a new restaurant that serves tofu pizzas! And your place happens to be one that I don't recognize!"

"Come on, this isn't a real place!" Rainbow snaps to Cheerilee over the phone as we can hear wings flapping towards her. "We're..."

Suddenly Rainbow looks shocked as she saw a 'you got to be kidding me' sight: there's Derpy nearby in a shirt and hat for the Dash. As Scootaloo, also wearing a hat, heads off, the goofy mare spoke up rapidly, "Madam! Table 44 needs more breadsticks! Those soccer foals left without paying and one of our delivery ponies caught a flat!"

"What the hay are you on about?! Weren't you a customer a few seconds ago?"

"Uh yeah, but Scootaloo hired yours truly for the lunch rush! Hey, somepony got to make those bits, right; Right!"

Derpy zips off, making Rainbow sighs a bit. This isn't right! She only made this pizza place to bring some stallions over, not make it into a successful fast food place!

"Oh man, this is soooo wrong." Rainbow said in frustration. "Scootaloo, we were trying to make a pretend pizza place to score some colts. But instead, we somehow made a successful and well-reviewed actual pizza place!"

We see static before seeing Rarity in front of a sign that said 'Review Divine. As music plays, the white unicorn say, "Hello, darlings! Rustic and filled with that old cardboard charm..." The Dash's logo rolls in from the bottom right. "...the Dash serves up Equestrian style pizza at a price that won't leave a dent in your saddlebags!"

As Rarity points upward, we see a green check mark and the text 'pick' appearing with a ding before going through static once more.

"Perhaps we are doing this wrong, Scootaloo." Rainbow said thoughtfully in Cloudsdale. "I mean, who said that guys want to meet ponies in person anymore, right? They want to meet them online!"

In a view of the computer with a nondescript web browser open, the test for something called 'virtualdash' is typed into the location bar. We can hear Rainbow's voice, "Welcome to Virtualdash dot biz!"

The screen turns green as we see a logo for 'Virtualdash dot biz' along with a button that says 'login'. A cursor moves over the last one, clicking it. The screen now shows a picture of a pizza with eyes, arms and legs. To its left is stuff for 'EYES', 'MANE', 'MOUTH', 'NOSE', 'TOPPING' and 'CRUST'.

"Cool, that's where typical college colts can make their own slice of pizza for some serious social network," Rainbow's voice said as the cursor moves around, clicking the 'eye' button twice, the 'mane' button twice', the 'nose' one 3 times and the 'topping' button twice, causing the features on the pizza to change with each click.

The screen now zooms in to see two slices of pizza in Clousdale with Rainbow, with the lower left corner saying 'Dash points $500.' Rainbow's voice said, "With me!"

The computerized Rainbow Dash booms in a weird voice of the real mare's, lines appear in orange bubbles above her as she speaks, "Hey, hotties! Welcome to the Dash!"

Of course, when the slice of pizzas talks, they spoke in familiar voices that are weird with lines appearing above them; The left one spoke in red bubbles and like Derpy's, "Hey, pony, can I get a slice of tp-roni?"

The pizza on the right, in a weird version of Cheerilee's voice with purple bubbles appearing above it, says, "Yeah, I would like a pick-up order for my class."

"Hey, you ain't David! You're pizza trolls, consider this a flame war!" The computerized Rainbow booms as she made both slices of pizza catch fire, making them both run off.

"Ugh, it burns, it burns!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh," The slice of pizza on the left screams in alarm.

"Well, may as well spend all these Dash points." The computerized Rainbow Dash remarked with a shrug. May as well not make these points go to waste, right?

As the number of Dash points decreases, objects appear in Cloudsdale. There's an arcade game and the couch as well as Pinkie Pie's dresser and cow lamp. The right fence is painted in Wonderbolts colors with the left one pink with three dots. As this happens, the avatar's $500 in Dash Points drops with each item, ending at '$-51'.

We see static as a disappointed Rarity is seen saying, "Well, darlings, with a uncouth UI and a played out avatar system, Virtualdash dot biz..." The mentioned website's logo appears from the bottom right as she points up ward. "...really miss the marks."

A red X with the text 'Miss' appears over the logo, followed by a buzzer sound. Rarity continues, "Plus, every time I tried to add Rainbow Dash to my Dash list, she called me 'unfashion'. The nerve," This ends with more static.

Rainbow sighs as she types in on her computer, saying, "Hoo boy. I am all out of ideas. Not sure how to get David and his colts over to my pizza joint now. What..."

"Oh, hey Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo calls to Rainbow as she came to the right of Rainbow. "David and his pals are over at my pizza joint if you wanna see them!"

"Wait, what? They're at your pizza joint? The Dash has competition; since when?!"

"Just follow me, Rainbow Dash. I think you will be surprised."

Rainbow reluctantly follows Scootaloo over to the Ponyville school. May as well see what this so called pizza joint is all above. The filly stops in front of the basemen doors that are labeled 'SCOOTS PIZZA' that is written on a strip of masking tape on them.

"Wait, that's your pizza joint?" Rainbow asks Scootaloo skeptically. "I mean, the school basement?"

"Yep, sure do! We open this place after school hours!" Scootaloo explains to Rainbow with a smile.

"I will believe it when I see it!"

Rainbow opens the doors and got a big surprise: balloons and confetti came out of the doors while loud excited noises are heard. The cyan Pegasus pony looks amazed. This is a pizza joint, Scootaloo has truly out done herself big time!

After closing the doors and cutting out the sound effects, Rainbow excitedly exclaims, "Whoa, Scoots! This is awesome! I am so in! Any chance you take Dash points?"

"Rainbow, we take everything in this place!" Scootaloo remarks to her idol with a grin.

"Again, I amso in!"

Rainbow laughs as she open the basement doors and jumps into the basement, followed by Scootaloo who closes the doors behind herself. They open out as the filly came out, looking dazed.

"Oh yeah," Scootaloo said happily as she goes back into the basement, closing the doors. Unknown to her and everyone else in there, Cheerille came in with some school supplies, some tools and some Apple Cider.

"Hopefully I can get this stuff into the basement. I'm glad to come back right after school closing." Cheerilee said with a smile, unaware of what's waiting for her in the basement.

Back at the computer, the new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

Back at the review place, Rarity points upward while saying, "Rainbow Dash phones this one in with Rainbow Dash E-Mail 179." rdemail179 dot html slides in at the screen's bottom right. "Despite a strong showing from fan favorite Rarity..." The unicorn touches her mane while continuing. "...the e-mail ultimately fizzles due to some heavy reliance on what ponies called 'internet pizza jokes'.

A red X and the text 'MISS!' appears on the logo itself.

Derpy smiles in her 'The Dash' uniform, dancing on a blue background while singing, "Party; Scoots Party!"

The End

Author's note
Wow, awesome e-mail, ain't it? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow gives out advice on slumber parties. Read, review and suggest.

63. slumber party

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: slumber party

"Gary... I hope this e-mail's from Gary..." Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of the story. Once it's up, the mare exclaims, "Ha! Oh, oh man..." Turns out that the e-mail isn't from Gary but oh well.

Rainbow Dash

So who's more awesome Wind whistler or Surprise? I'm curious though so you guys going on any more advenures any time soon (To save Equestria from danger and what not?) and while I"m on that note i know in many many sories hat you adopted Scooaloo ,is that true?. Anyway just wanted o let you know that Your 20% Cool but you need to be 20% cooler hehe as for me I'm not sure anyway when's he next Grand Galloping Gala I should atend if the Princess could provide an extra ticket

Yours truely Adam

OH and PS: Don't Tell Twilight this about me going to the Grand Galloping Gala I'm serious

Rainbow chuckles as she types in, "Adam, what if Twilight were to be watching this? Then I won't be telling her, you would do so. Anyway, I think Surprise is more awesome. Wind Whistler is egghead central like some unicorn that I know. As for adventures, who knows? Our lives isn't about saving lives and kicking flank, we just do our activities and learn lessons from them. As for the adoption, that's a TBD kind of basis. Now as for the next GGG, same there; I will see if I we can get the princess to give an extra ticket...but if the GGG is always boring like every time that it's held, I HIGHLY don't recommend it. Whoa, I did a long one; next e-mail!"

Subject: slumber parties
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I have attended a slumber party but there is nothing but a lame game of Uno. I must ask ya, what types of slumber parties should one attend or not bother with?
Sincerely,
Thomas C. from NY

Rainbow reads 'NY' as 'eh-why'. The mare types in while asking, "So what, just you and a game of Uno? As in no other ponies, sleeping bags or R-rated movies? Yeah, you should've skipped that one. Family card games are always known for hosting the worst slumber parties ever."

Sure enough, we see Blossomforth at a table; her eyes are half closed as we see a deck of cards sitting across from her. An annoyed Rainbow remarks flatly, "Thanks for inviting me, Blossom-Bo."

Back at the computer, Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Now then, let's say, and not Pinkie Pie literally, that you do get invited to a slumber party by a carbon based life form. The first thing you got to look at is how popular the host is."

We see a blackboard that has the words 'COOLPONY'S LAW' drawn on it, along with a drawing of Rainbow's head wearing glasses and a mortar board. The mare's voice said, "According to Coolpony's Law, the popularity of the host in question is inversely proportional to the amount of what fun you can have at their place." We see the formula appearing as she speaks.

Rainbow continues typing in on her computer, saying, "You definitely don't have anything to lose there! Hay, you can even tear that place apart and dislocate all the foals' shoulders that you want. May as well since you probably won't go back there again afterwards."

In Pinkie's house, Pinkie and Rainbow are having a slumber party which shows sledgehammers embedded in the walls. The Pegasus pony is holding one as her friend ask puzzled, "Say, Dashie, what did you say that this family card game is called again?"

"I called this 'Find the Load-Bearer'; what, never played this game before?" Rainbow asks Pinkie as the pink pony glances at two axes embedded in her bed.

"Nah; 'Find the Load Bearer', 'Bad Axe', etc. Nope! I have never heard of any of these games that we're playing."

Rainbow shrugs as she throws another axe into the bed, cracking it further. What fun!

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in while saying, "Normally ponies who are unpopular has dads who can definitely still play video games. So try and locate..."

Rainbow opens up a dresser and pull out some games, looking excited. Her voice is heard continuing, "...his stash of Rated M for Mature titles."

"Whoa, I hit the Jackpot!" Rainbow squeals as she held up various games with gruesome images on them. "'DNA Bleeder', 'Pony Chopper 2', 'Wound Battles', 'Blister-blaster'?! These things have been taken off the market by the Royal Sisters!"

"Actually, Mr. Cake told me that those are off-limits, he has me hid them here and never to let anypony played them. We're only allowed to play 'Hoof Clapper Party'." Pinkie explains happily as she begins to play the mentioned game. It involves two hooves clapping against a blue background. They clap 3 times then the words 'ROUND clear' appears in a red background with confetti, 12 left hooves rapidly appears at the bottom, each one right in front of another.

Back at the computer room, Rainbow continues, "Next thing you got to check out and consider when going to a slumber party is the menu of what they're serving."

We now see a blue screen that has the words 'TYPICAL SLUMBER PARTY FARE' at the top with a filly's head at the bottom. As Rainbow spoke with things appear, the pony got fatter, "The typical slumber party fare includes stuff like a six-foot party sub..." A huge sub appears. "...a huge amount of tofu pizzas..." We see 14 boxes of tofu pizzas appearing in stacks of 8 and 6. "...and enough candy and ice cream soda..." The mentioned candy and 3 mugs of bubbling cream soda appear. "...to make even your spit hurt."

The colt sticks out his tongue that is now bumpy and rainbow colored, a rainbow drool drop forms.

At a table, Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, if you go over there..." The Pegasus pony flew in from the sky. "...and they are probably doing something scary like having a meal at a table and those ponies are serving stuff like..." A chicken leg in a pan moves towards the mare as we can hear her continue speaking uncertainly, "...chicken...in a pan?"

A plate that has salad in it moves towards Rainbow, making her uncertain as her voice said, "With some salad..." Milk is poured into a glass onto the table. "...as well as a glass of milk to drink? Then start galloping off!" The mare screams as she runs off, "Because that is definitely one family with serious health problems!"

Back at the computer, Rainbow continues while typing, "Of course, if you ponies are looking for one guaranteed good time, try to get invited to an OLDER PONY's slumber party. If I remember right, anything goes at those things!"

Of course, we see Mr. Waddle having a slumber party with Rainbow in attendance, along with Granny Smith and the Mayor. The old stallion said, "My cousin Louie is head...so is my cousin Harry for that matter."

"Ugh, my back still hurts and so do my knees." Granny Smith remarks with a groan. "My head still hurts too!"

"Government ain't right, government ain't right!" The Mayor whines a bit.

"Anyway, my escrow carries over into my lumbargo, but then my sciatica begins acting up." Mr. Waddle said tiredly.

Rainbow has her eyes half closed, standing near a sleeping back on the ground while asking, "Any chance you old ponies can start using words that were made after technology was made?"

"Now don't be like that whipper snapper! The ponies and I are going to start playing a game of chance." The Mayor said while holding up some dice, shaking them. "Wanna play?"

"Uh, let me guess, that doesn't involve Bed Axe." Rainbow, eyes completely open, said uneasily as she held up an axe.

Rainbow blinks uneasily as she types in some more on her computer, "Actually, you may wanna put a cap on what you define as 'older ponies'. Of course, other than that, you can always look forward to endlessly making fun of the pony whose get picked up early because he or she misses his or her mom. Heck, Blossomforth used to do that when we have slumber parties!"

Blossomforth, one of her wings is in a sling, frowns as she stood nearby protesting, "Come on, that only happened once!"

"Uh huh..."

"A week..."

"Keep going." Rainbow said to Blossomforth with a mischievous smirk, knowing that the mare is fibbing about that.

Blossomforth looks down in embarrassment while adding, "Fine, for 10 years. Happy?"

"Oh yeah, there you go," Rainbow chuckles before turning back to her computer to type some more, "On, one more thing. If by any chances your PJs happened to be...oh I don't know...a V-neck undershirt with a pair of questionable red stuff underneath, do yourself a favor. Don't wear those at a slumber party. Don't ask me how I know this. Please, PLEASE, I insist..." The mare hangs her head down in shame. "...DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS."

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, that's it; how about I relieved you of your located shoulder; YAH!"

Rainbow, outraged by Blossomforth mocking her, flies off her chain after the Pegasus pony as we can hear her screaming. The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see a game of Hoof Clapper Party that is being played. After 2 rounds are clear, the 'Blister-blaster mode' got unlocked which shows an unpixelated pony ghost in a hockey mask attacking the hooves with a chainsaw, causing nasty unpixelated blisters.

We now see Pinkie in a T-Shirt with cupcakes on it, wearing bunny slippers and a sleeper cap while holding a rolled up sleeping bag. The mare dances in a blue background while exclaiming, "Party, yay! Slumber party! Listen to some Shade; at my slumber party!"

The End

Author's note
Well, folks, the slumber parties look...kinda interesting. In the next chapter/e-mail, a few ponies ask Rainbow on how to make a web comic. Read, review and suggest.

64. web comics

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: web comics

"My Rainbow Dash E-Mail goes down smoothly and clean like Apple Cider." Rainbow comments as she brings up the first e-mail of the fic.

Dearest Rainbow Dash ,

if there is one thign i hate it's going to be Valentines Day ... reminds me too much of my past . Did you ever have any relationships in your life? anyway though in a few days it's going to be Valentines day or Hearts and hooves day. Which reminds me ever been on a date with a 'special somepony'? cause count me out of the romance department . other than that ,
Ever wrote your own story and published it? also How many breakups have you went throug

Yours truely
Adam (sad face)

PS I feel like a hopeless bonehead unable to get a parner for the rest of my own life (sad face)

Rainbow couldn't help but feel sorry for Adam. The mare responds as she types, "There, there, you aren't a hopeless bonehead, Adam. You can find someone someday. I don't have much relationships, breakups or dates since I haven't dated much. Look, if you want a date, just pop in and we may work something out. As for stories, that's a need to know basic; next e-mail!"

Subject: story ideas
Hey there Rainbow Dash,
My pals and I are thinking of making a web comic together. I wonder if you got any suggestions for us. Thanks a lot
Wingkiller
Standing right behind ya

Rainbow remarks 'for not using punctuation, dummy' after 'Thanks a lot' and said 'Wingkiller' as 'Wingk-iller'. We see a Pony Command-Os figure named after him.

Rainbow types in as she asks, "So who are ya? Uni-Corn's evil twin brother; Well, I don't need your sisters today, pal! All my gunk is plenty ill already!"

The mare clears her screen as she continues, "As for web comics, Uni, those are easy! Nowadays, they are about video games, game nerds, web geeks, dork nerds, game wads, nerd games, web webs and of course gnomes. How about pick one of those guys and start tableting? Like the one where the slickly drawn college roommates make nothing but video game inside jokes?"

The scene shows a shot of a comic with two characters. One of them loosely resembles Rainbow Dash with a black Mane and a green shirt while the other looks like Twilight with a short blonde hair and is holding a hoof-held video game.

The Rainbow character speaks in Rainbow's voice, the text appears in speech bubbles above her, "Hey, did you try to case mod that hay you're making?"

The Twilight character respond in Twilight's voice, "Not really, why," We now see the next panel are looking at a burny brick in a baking pan that the Rainbow-like character is holding.

"Because this thing has got BRICKED!"

We now see the next panel of the comic as both ponies stared wide-eyed with computer sounds playing. The Twilight character said, "3.2ghz cell processor with 3 dual-threaded cores, 1.8 TFLOPS, 256mb XDR..."

The Rainbow-like character begins a short way through the previous line and continues simultaneously with it as she say, "Light bloom, floating point frame buffers, volumetric effects, high dynamic range rendering... "

As the scene fades, an annoyed Rainbow's voice comments, "Yeah, I wish I knew what that stuff means."

Back at the computer, Rainbow continues her typing, "Now another approach to use is to just ask for input from your viewers and rip that off for content." We zoom out a bit as the mare turns around to face us, "Pfff. That's a cop-out. The paper comes down very quickly.

On Spike's computer, Rainbow's voice continues, "Spike has one of those. He get ponies to send him names of weird senders from spam e-mails..." The baby dragon is seen clicking the menu for 'E-mail' and brings up a list of names that has subjects as well. "...and then he makes interpretive drawings based on them!" Spike double clicks on the name 'Crash R. Seriousing'. "Just classics like..."

The scene changes to show an undersea image that shows two sharks crashing into one another. Swimming below them is a creature that is made up of a glass dome and a propeller. Under the then is the text in yellow called 'Crash R. Seriousing'.

"...Crash R. Seriousing!" Rainbow's voice exclaims. Back with Spike, the mare continues on, "And of course..."

We see the baby dragon double clicking on the name 'Wisest J. Drawingbridges'. The scene now shoes a stallion in sports clothes outside a mostly-raised drawbridge over a moat; he has a mane and horns. His left foreleg is extended into the moat itself and back up to knock onto the drawbridge which has eyes, a tongue and some sharp ugly teeth. We see the text in white 'Wisest J. Drawingbridges' at the top.

"...Wisest J. Drawingbridges," Rainbow's voice adds in. We go back to Spike as he looks at the current picture on his computer. Rainbow, now with him, adds, "Wow, that stuff is seriously mess. That gunk is really ill there."

Rainbow is back on her computer, commentating, "Of course if Cartoony or Spikey drawings aren't what you're looking for, try your cracked serial numbers for 'Rampage & Escape: The Fantasy Photoshop Awesomeness Comic'!"

We now see an image of a character whose heads looks like Rainbow Dash's, except she has a beard, big muscles and is holding a buckler and a sword. We see a creature that looks like Spike with a pointy tail and bigger horns on his head

"Halt!" The Rainbow lookalike known as Balrog the Awesomeswordness said as the words appear above her in a speech buble, "Hold it; Balrog the Awesomeswordness shimmers for no colt!"

"Whoa!" Spike exclaims in alarm and worry. We see him behind Balrog who hold her sword defensively in front of her.

We see a figure in a black cloak across from them and held out a right hoof, speaking in Rainbow's voice, "LENS FLARE!" She made a lens flares appear on her mentioned hoof, ready for battle.

"Okay, PLASTIC WRAP," Balrog exclaims, causing the scene to be covered in plastic wrap, Photoshop effect.

Back on her computer, Rainbow adds, "But for those ponies who can't draw for brains, no problem! Just steal some graphics from your fave video game! Just add yet another unlicensed pixel comic to the overcrowded overstunk landfill of web comics."

We see a panel that looks like Crono in a sprite form from her My Little Pony Anime game on green land. As theme music from the first level plays, the mare spoke in a speech bubbles, "Sometimes, I wish I could challenge myself, you know?"

We now see the next panel where the scene is dark. The text 'ZAP' appears in red near the top as if something has teleported in. Once the scene is back to normal, a second Crono appears, facing the first and jumping while in Wild Milly's voice, "Hey, I'm Crono!"

"WAAAAAAAH," Crono exclaims with an eager squee. Finally, she can challenge herself!

"Of course, when your pixel comic isn't funny..." Rainbow's voice said as the next panel looks like the same as the previous. But we see two dark eyes with green iris adding with various shapes and colors, "...then MS Paint your way to a non-punch line." The scene fades out.

Rainbow said at her computer, "Well terrible as this is, I guess some web comics are better fate for video games than Saturday morning cartoons were."

We now see a cartoon scene that shows a purple dragon thingie with spikes on back, near a yellow colt with a shirt that said 'Colt' and a surfboard and a dog wearing sunglasses.

"Yo, come on, Spike Collect," Colt insists to the dragon known as Spike Collect. "Let's go surfing inside that evil castle and have a Surfing Time!"

"Yeah, dudede..." The dog said stupidly.

As the scene zooms in on Spike Collect, the dragon shudders, "Oooh, not sure about this; Collect, collect, collect some more."

We now see a scene of a warlock with red eyes, a brown cloak, a beard and three jewels on his tail looking at the previous scene in a crystal ball in his castle. He remarks sinisterly, "Oh yes...once the final spike is collected, the sweepstakes will be mine!"

We now see a picture of a clay alien in a kitchen with a speech bubble that said 'Spike Collect will be right back'. Above it is a small picture of Spike Collect with a bubble of the text 'Saturday Morning Games' at the bottom right.

"Spike Collect will be right back." An announcer is heard on the screen. The scene shows a smiling animated Thy Dungeonpony and the text 'The Animated Adventures of Thy Dungenpony'. "And make sure you stay tuned for 'The Animated Adventures of Thy Dungepony'!"

Now we see a background with houses that aren't drawn good; There are two characters in front with the text 'Go North' and 'Get Sword' near them, both are in green letters, eyes and legs.

"Cousin is coming to visit soon." Get Sword remarks in a weird kind tone of voice.

We now see a text character called 'Take Sword' coming near 'Get Sword', saying, "Hey ponies!"

Two more green characters are seen running behind the trio. Now we see a scene that shows a text character called 'John' chasing after one called 'Ye Element', the former yell angrily, "Get back heeeeeeere, you bum!"

Rainbow types up on her computer, saying, "Now then, Uni, to answer your question...DON'T MAKE A WEB COMIC EVER! Just make an original one! Any smart pony knows that putting 'web' in front of the word 'comic' will automatically make them crappy! Just look what happened to 'page', 'cams' and let's not forget the fall of the might 'isode'; Oh, the tragic."

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. We see a chance to make your own Crono Comic using sprites from the My Little Pony Anime game. We now see a drawing of a blimp above a stadium that has the words 'GO BRONY' over it.

In a scene, the cloaked figure takes on Balrog as he yells out, "OCEAN RIPPLED!" Another effect is applied.

"FIND EDGES," Balrog exclaims as another effect is applied, changing muchj of the color.

"SHARPEN MORE!"

"Er...nudge!"

More effects as the image gets...well, let's say this is kinda lame to you folks, so let's not explain, okay?

The End

Author's note
Well, for those who wanna make web comics, either don't or do. Either way is fine. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow goes on a business trip with Derpy. Read, review and suggest!

65. business trip

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: business trip

It's another day in this neighborhood...when Rainbow is working on bringing up an e-mail as she is singing, "When I was sixteen, I sold all my e-mails and hit the road."

Rainbow if you wanna know why people make those kinds of stories it's because they ahve sick and twisted mind. anyway there is a story called My Little Pinkie Pie and another called my little Fluttershy and yes a sequel to My Little AJknown as My little AJ 2 and i'm going o be working on the sequel to WHO AM I once i can find the time . Now then a question . What do you hink of Turnabout Storm so far in part four your friend or should i say EX friend Gilda confessed to framing you right in front of he court (Not to mention lying on the stand as well) but at least Phoenix has the 'super awesome evidence' and cleared your name now it boyals down o putting away Sonata should be interesting to see how that turns out i know this email is long forgive me . and yes she comitted several crimes as well mail fraud ,lying under oath ,tampering with the crime scene . And several othesr i can't think of

YOur's truely

Adam

Rainbow types in her answer, "Thanks for telling yours truly on how sick some Earthlings can be. Now then, more 'Little' stuff? Are you Bronies trying to put me and my friends up for adoption; would've sounds cool either way. As for Turnabout Storm, it would be awesome, ten times. And the crimes that Gilda has made are nothing than what I did...that I didn't; Heh heh; next e-mail!"

Subject: have you ever? PLEASE!
Have you ever made a rdemail about going on a business trip or something serious? try to think about it, kay.

NYXIE~VA

Rainbow pronounces 'rdemail' as written, with the ~ accompanied by a sound of a cassette playing unevenly. The mare then types in, saying, Honestly, Nyxie, we definitely seriously need to talk about your name, since it sounds like a nickname that Shining Armor gives Twilight's kid Nyx. Your career chices could be limited to a groupie for Knightshade or maybe an Equestrian Gladiator, give or take."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Something that involves you wearing less clothing. You don't meet any cool Professors of Mare Studies called Nyxie. As far as business trip goes, Rainbowshine and I are being sent to a conference in a few seconds here." The mare stops typing. "Hey, Rainbowshine, you ready to get going?"

"Ready to go, Rainbow Dash," A familiar mare exclaims happily as she stood next to the computer. Of course, it isn't Rainbowshine but a certain goofy pony.

"What? Derpy; you ain't Rainbowshine! She is supposed to be here!"

"Not, not really! Rainbowshine has got promoted to..." As Derpy spoke, we see a portrait of Rainbowshine smiling, "...Junior Executive of Not Going on Pointless Business Trips."

"What the hay, Rainbow asks in shock and disbelief. Rainbowshine is not going because she got promoted to a certain job? "But I was trying to get that job for years!"

"Bad luck, Rainbow Dash! Looks like it's going to you and me; sleeping out under the stars on clouds; roasting some marshmallows!"

"Derpy, this is a business trip, not a camping one."

"Oh,m okay. I guess I shouldn't bring these, huh?" Derpy ask as she motions to a stack of cakes nearby labeled 'Cakes' Awesome Cakes' nearby.

Rainbow sighs a bit; it's going to be one long business trip.

The two Pegasi flew all the way to Canterlot where the business trip is supposed to be at. THey go past a sign that said 'Annual Symposium Conference Seminar Series Registration'...or whatever you call it.

"All right, Derpy, do not forget. We must start talking loudly about our business. That way, ponies around us know we're on one." Rainbow reminds Derpy. The mare then begins speaking loudly to prove her point, "Continental breakfast; More like in-continental lame-fast; Blech!"

"Right, seal the deal, seal it!" Derpy exclaims angrily. Rainbow blinks a bit as she saw her friend wearing the cake boxes on her hooves. "Seal!"

"Derpy, what are those jangles?"

"Oh, just airport security. Y ou know how it is nowadays; Roll eyes; Hee heee."

Derpy roll her eyes. Rainbow groans, "Well, hurry up already! We got to get there before the keynote starts. That way, we can ditch out five minutes after it started!"

The ponies are now at the seminar where Jet Set is wearing glasses and holding a clipboard. As he stood on a podium (though one of her lower hooves punched through the top), the unicorn said bored, "All right, welcome to 'Reducing Your Business's Carbon Hoofprint Is Not A Matter Of Buying Every Pony's Smaller Horseshoes; Time for me to begin."

"And that's our cue." Rainbow whispers to Derpy. The two mares nod as they sneak out. Jet Set saw them leaving, knowing that the seminar is over; ponies are more interested in leaving than listening.

"Huh, I guess we will go ahead and break for lunch now."

Rainbow and Derpy stops by the donut shop owned by Donut Joe to get some donuts while resting. The cyan Pegasus pony comments, "Man, there isn't like a couple of donuts to have while on a business trip."

"I'll say!" Derpy comments while wearing 6 lanyards. "I have been going nuts with our lanyard der diem."

"Okay, what's next on the agenda?" Rainbow takes a look at the agenda of what she and Derpy got to do on this business trip. As items are checked off, check marks appear. "Let's see...remove hoof rings, check it. Complain about our hotel mattress, check. Talk about how our dogs are killing us..." Squiggly lines show up, "Not there yet. Wait, collect branches for kindling?" The next one is in blue ink, showing a silly pic of Derpy drawn next to it.

"A check a roony!"

"Meet cool stallion executive for drink." Rainbow looks around a bit then shrugs. "Mostly check? Gah, oh horse crap!" The words 'mostly check' is a heck made from a dotted line on the checklist, but that isn't what the cyan one is worried about. We see an assortment of hockey player trading cards. "We got to seal a deal with the foreign ruler in 10 minutes!"

Derpy happily jumps into Rainbow's upper foreleg, saying, "Well, not a moment too soon! I think I heard an Ursa Major in the woods!"

Inside the throne, a gong is heard as Celestia is now talking with Rainbow and Derpy to seal a deal that can make things better or worst. The alicorn, wearing a tag that said 'Foreign Ruler' smiles while saying, "My little ponies, this is how this will work. I shall write a number on this piece of paper."

Celestia grins as she uses her magic to give the paper with an obvious bulge to the ponies. Rainbow blinks as she saw what it is, commentating, "Princess, I think wrote a piece of daisy sandwich on this piece of paper."

"Of course, I ain't budging, Rainbow Dash. Now tell me where those units are."

"Units, what units? Aren't we here to seal the deal?"

"I got this! Rainbow Dash wouldn't let me bring all of them." Derpy said happily as she took out two cake boxes. "I did manage to get these two by the Royal Guards."

"Wait, what the sense make?" Rainbow asks Derpy in confusion and concern.

Surprisingly, Celestia lick her lips while saying, "Very well, I shall take it! You ponies drive a soft bargain. Captain Armor, get the cake room ready!"

"Huh, well cramp my style. We did seal the deal! Well, can't believe that I'm saying this...but go ahead, Derpy. You've earned it."

Derpy with a grin put her lower legs onto the table, saying while smiling, "My dogs are really killing me; Yeah!"

Back on the computer, Rainbow types in saying, "But the real reason for business trips to buy the last minute peanut brittle and lame souvenirs from the airport gift shops for your foals or friends!" We see a box of 'Last Minit Peanut Brittle'.

Of course, Scootaloo is on the computer table, looking at a windup airplane that says 'I heart St. Filly' that is floating ina fish bowl. Needless to say, the Pegasus filly isn't impressed at all.

"Ugh, Rainbow Dash; This must be the most lamest souvenir ever!" Scootaloo exclaims to Rainbow in frustration. "THis isn't even a real airplane!"

"No, no, it is an airplane, see, that swims and loves St. Filly!" Rainbow insists to Scootaloo who groans and trots off.

"That souvenir is not worth extra attention from me!"

"Fine, then. Maybe Tough Apple would appreciate it."

"NO I WON'T!" Tough calls out to Rainbow from somewhere, making the mare wonder how he did that.

As Rainbow glances at the airplane sinking, the new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. The Pegasus pony groans, "Honestly, the peanut brittle would've swum better than that."

We see an advertisement for Donut Joe's donuts. An announcer is heard saying, "Cool, tasty Donut Joe's Donuts will make everything go down smooth...especially that goofy mare from Cloud 9 that they sent you on the road with. Right, he just made a 'You Girl, Filly' joke."

The End

Author's note
Rainbow has a cool road trip, even though it isn't as she expected. In the next chapter/e-mail, in the memory of the fangame 'My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic', the mare demonstrates costumes and gimmicks from her short-lived fighting career. Read, review and suggest!

66. yes, fighting

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: yes, fighting

Rainbow is once again singing, bringing up her e-mail while doing so, "E-mailin' from the left and to the right, e-mailin' on a Tuuuuesday night!"

So RD you say that i'm random ? that's a good thing guess i rank up there with good ol Pinkie . Also wha are your thoughs on Sonic The hedgehog 'The Fastest thing alive' and to top that he too can break the sound barrier . anyway i've seen you and sonic on the ponynet via google (yes there are pics abou you and sonic not to mention stories as well) anywho I'm random your random were all random top that pinkie . anyway one other question ,I was thinking ,if Im random then what's that make pinkie ?

Adam

Rainbow answers in, "Yes, I am saying that you're random thing so I guess that is a good thing, huh? As for Sonic, never met the hedgehog but he probably sounds cool. Pics of me and this guy; I oughta see those. As for Pinkie, she's the Queen of Randomness; Next e-mail!"

Subject: none
Dear awesome Rainbow Dash.
Can you please show us some of your awesome fighting moves?
Animallover
Bfn SA

After 'Rainbow Dash', the mare comments, "Period. Best sentence ever written." She reads the location as in 'Best friend never, South Aquestria.' Rainbow types in as she said, "Okay, Animallover. I gotta admit, I am one awesome fighter. As a crafty veteran of the fighting game, I will let you in on a little secret: being an awesome fighter doesn't got anything to do with awesome fighting moves!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Nowadays, it's the awesome costumes, gimmicks and any pony fighting fueled ranting and raving! My friends and I got our first big break with Ponyville's unlicensed fighting organization: Ponyville Mid-Pro Shirtless Championship Stuff or PMPSCS for short. Of course, that was before a licensed fighting organization gave them a cease and desist order so my career was sadly short-lived. Those guys want me to be one of those lame fighters but yours truly got gimmickier plans."

We see a photograph of Rainbow who wears a crown and an outfit that has one printed on it. The picture s as Rainbow's voice describes it, "Lady Awesome Dasher and her signature move..." We see the mare in her Turnbuckle outfit behind Fluttershy, Rainbow grabs her friend below her own arm. The picture is labeled 'Master of the 1/8 Pony Nelson'. The cyan Pegasus pony describe it, "The 1/8 Pony Nelson!"

Rainbow resumes her typing on her computer as she say, "Back int he days, pretending to be one cool fighter was considered a premium gimmick. Once I got more popular during my short-lived career, my next incarnation was..."

We are inside the arena for the unlicensed thing with a piece of paper with the place's logo taped on sideways. An announcer booms, "And now, hailing from the age of exploration, the namer of nations, the rescuer of artifacts..." The doors swing up as we see Rainbow in an outfit similar to Daring Do's with her coat covered in the same color as he's. We see her fighter name at the bottom, "Daring Do!"

Rainbow poses, wanting applauses but all she got was singers and Gilda who snaps from offscreen, "Booooooo!"

Backing Singers: Daring Do!

Leader Singer: She's plannin' the plans!

Backing Singers: Daring Do!

Lead Singer: She's takin' no crap!

As Rainbow steps forward, throwing pieces of paper at the empty seats, the mare is heard voice-over, "One of my gimmicks that I do is that I always come out of the ring throwing..." One of her papers stop in front of the camera, showing a map of the arena, showing the way from one seat ('here you are') to 'the stall' where the toilet is at; the map is labeled 'Ye Olde Restroom Trail'. "...maps for the crowd that leads to the restroom!"

In the ring, Rainbow held a flag while saying, "Yeah, I claim this weird ring in the name of Daring Do!"

Rainbow taps the flag as it unfurls itself, flapping in imaginary wind that shows the mare's cutie mark with 'the awesome-est' written below it; Gilda, unimpressed, yells out, "Boooooo!"

Rainbow's voice adds, "Back then, my friends would fight me for fun or the whatnot, like my fights with Pinkie Pie!"

We see Pinkie's torso as it shows the mare in read pants that reads '4TH WALL!' in white letters. As the slow turns black, the announcer now says, "Ladies and gentlecolts! Joining me backstage in this arena..." We see a pony standing near the pink pony whose is facing away from the camera. "...is a pony with no introduction needed! Allow me to introduce you to...the 4th Wall Smasher!"

The fighter's name is seen as Pinkie turns to the camera; the mare has cinnamon on her face. She grin while saying, "Oh yeah! Announcer pony, you got that right! Hoo baby! Yeah, 4th Wall Smasher, arena..." Pinkie held up a belt with cupcakes and cakes carved into the buckle. "...my Sugar Belt is on the line! Yeah, right, that's correct! That's what I'm talking about, ponies! I got the drive, the commotion! Wowie, I cannot believe it, hoo, right! Hey, Daring, whatcha goinna did?"

Pinkie raises her mane one each word while continuing, "When you get smashed?!" The mare snaps the elastic band that muffles her speech, "By the 4th Wall Smasher?!"

Back at her computer, Rainbow continues her typing, "That fighting thing often carries into my tag ream phase with Applejack. Naturally, we deal with several misfires before finding our harmony."

We see Rainbow and Applejack...dressed like tourists. The cowpony is in a purple Hawaiian shirt while the Pegasus pony is wearing sunglasses and sunscreen smeared on her face; both ponies are in fishing hats and cameras.

"No pony can stop the Wild Tourists!" Rainbow booms as the name of her team appears at the screen's bottom.

We see a blip and now saw Rainbow and Applejack in black spandex outfits. Rainbow has a headband with a plastic knife in it with pants that has a wooden board, a wrench and the whatnot. Applejack meanwhile has a razor blade tape to her forehead, a tamer tucker into her singlet and an outline of a gun inside it. We see a chainsaw blade behind the cowpony.

"Ye best not 'ta mess with 'de Foreign Object Sisters," Rainbow spoke in a foreign accent as the team's mentioned name is seen at the bottom of the screen.

After another blip, the scene now shows Rainbow and Applejack wearing spiky shoulder pads, the cowpony's singlet is red and has the word 'APPLE' written on it. Her partner has a green Mohawk.

"Shirley and Lurem: The Sanctum of Spiky Ponies!" Rainbow boom as the next team's next is seen at the screen's bottom.

As we go to the announcer, Rainbow's voice said, "Of course, AJ and I finally settled on..."

The screen now shows the two ponies with heavy facepaint, Applejack's singlet reads 'MARE PAINT ACTION'. Rainbow exclaims madly, "The Mare Print Action! 4th Wall Smasher, Gator Legend, once we get into the ring with the insane Miss Unicornia..." We see Rarity in a princess crown and face print that looks like something out of a Disney film. She is holding a can before we go back to the team. "...you two better hope that your guts and your mercy...err, can save your flanks at this Sunday's PayPerViewer Series, yeah!"

The words 'PayPerViewer Series - Sunday PM' appears at the bottom while Rainbow continues, "I didn't flew through mountains and breathe the face printed fumes so that you two can walk away with the title! I'm done, so take me off the air. TAKE ME OFF THE AIR RIGHT NOW!"

After some static, we go back to Pinkie, in her 4th Wall Smasher while holding a microphone. As she speaks, we see T-Shirts, a bumper sticker and a foam thumb promoting her, "Right, yeah! Mare Print Action! You can't resist the power of the screaming 4th Wall 'Emites and 4th Wall 'Emettes out there once I pin you to the ground which is how matches in this unlicensed fighting organization can be legally won when I checked! Gator Legend, take it away!"

Pinkie passes the microphone to her partner...which is Gummy in a wrestling outfit. Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Oh, almost forgot. Gator Legend is actually Pinkie's pet gator Gummy."

"Oh boy, you tell me, Gator, you tell them; Yahoo!"

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, adding, "After some problems with AJ, I begin fighting as myself, as did the rest of my friends. I have finally gotten what every cool fighter wanted: my own in-ring interview segment; never before had two chairs and a potted plant so transformed the game!"

In a room somewhere in the arena, the announcer is heard, "And now, for another installment of..." The segment's name appears with one part dripping blood, "...Rainbow Dash's Ultimate Awesomeness Fighting!"

We now see the ring that has Rainbow with a microphone. There is a table with a potted plant and a skull on it along with two folding chairs. A red rug sits underneath it all. The mare spoke out, "Oh yeah! Welcome back to the awesomeness darkest craziest regions of my ring! My guest is the current sugar belt holder: Pinkie Pie!"

Pinkie, in her costume for some reason, jumps into the ring, cheering, "Yahoo! Hoo, yeah!" Rainbow hits her with a folding chair, knocking the pink pony right out.

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, saying, "Yeah, we had a good run until that licensed place forces us to stop our operations. We still manage to do fighting in a secret underground fighting place that I will never tell you ponies where it is in a million years. Now then, Animallover, just stop trying to perfect whatever move you want and get yourself an animal controller stick, a hat, maybe some animal food and begins screaming of how your opponents are mad gophers!"

At the (closed down) arena's doors, we can hear singing as they open to reveal Fluttershy wearing a hat while holding a stick and animal food.

Backing Singers: Animallover!

Lead Singer: She's lovin' the animals!

Backing Singers: Animallover!

Lead Singer: She's starin' out the pests!

Backing Singers: Animallover!

Lead Singer: She's gonna bring ya to your knees!

Backing Singers: She's Daring Do, I mean, Animallover!

"Okay, you gophers. Bring it on!" Fluttershy exclaims in determination, ready to rumble. "Err, if that's okay with you..."

Fluttershy held out the food that shoots out two flames. The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

The announcer is seen interviewing AJ as he ask, "AJ, do you got anything you wish to add?"

"Yep! Apples apples, five fer five," Applejack calls out to the audience with a grin.

In a field at night, we see Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack and Fluttershy in their Daring Do, a Mare Print Action outfit, Animallover and the 4th Wall Smasher outfits; The pink pony smiles to her cyan Pegasus pony friend while saying, "Hey, Dashie! Like your Diamond from Fat Donkey outfit."

The End

Author's note
Good chapter; this chapter is in the memory of the fangame 'My Little Pony: Fighting is Magic'. May it rest in peace sorta; in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow shows us how to make a 'Middle School Appropriate' diorama. Read, review and suggest!

67. diorama

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: diorama

Meanwhile on Earth

Adam and the others were standing out in the back yard of the Seville home. "Guys listen, you too Dave, it feels like adventure is calling me so I'm going to be moving not down the street or to another house but to another dimension where true love is waiting for me we had a good run Britt, don't get me wrong but I think it's time we end this, don't cry, I have a DVD that you should all watch once I'm gone, Dave is all my stuff loaded inside the TARDIS?" asked Adam.

"Yea it's going to be hard without you in school and in the music business," said Dave with a small tear rolling down his cheek. Some of his brothers and sisters were crying as well but Brittany was going to slap him but instead told him it was alright.

"Thanks Britt. I'm glad you understand remember to look for the right guy. Believe me and I know you can do it, well this is it. I wish you the best of luck guys." said Adam giving each of them a final hug each. He stepped inside the TARDIS and closed the door. Adam stepped over to the main controls and entered the MLPFIM universe, Ponyville and sure enough he selected the right location: RD's house. "'m coming ...Rainbow," said Adam as he pressed the start button. The TARDIS faded in and out several times before it was gone headed toward MLPFIM universe and to find his true love.

Ponyville, Equestria

RD's house

The black and red TARDIS started to materlize in her back yard, thankfully the 'American doctor' scanned for anything else. "Scans show I'm in the right location, let's hope RD is here, ya know a date wouldn't be so bad, in fact I'm game, oh snap, better freshen up." said Adam. He sprayed himself with that cologne and sure enough, the boy was ready for the day; all he had to do was just take the back way through her house. "Ain't I smart." smirked Adam as he finally near her house. "Here I am Rainbow, you game for a date?" asked Adam to nopony.

"I baked you one awesome special e-mail which has...raisins." Rainbow comments as she types in on her e-mail.

Well RD as we speak i'll be heading over via TARDIS you would be surprised its had some work done to the inside like a whole nother set of bedrooms (if you six ever want to come along for advenuring) so anyway its like your home away from home and that's not the best thing we are also adding in a holographic version of Ponyville and what not so moving on i'll be visiting you sometime and if you or your friends wanna come dimension hopping with me or my siblings then yea we have bedrooms repiclacted much like the real thing (though yoru cloud bedroom was the hardest to repiclate). curious though . I think you will acheive your dream of becomng a wonderbolt one day trust me i know this email is long but roll with it

your truely Adam

Rainbow types in saying, "Well, if you're here, that means you're arriving right about..." A knock is heard on the back door. "Ah, good timing!'

Rainbow flies over to the back door and opens it, finding a familiar boy waiting for her. Adam grins while saying, "Here I am Rainbow, you game for a date?"

"Hey Adam; I was now reading your e-mail and I was finishing it up; Nice to see you again."

"Thanks."

As the two goes back to the computer, Rainbow say, "We will do something after this show." The mare sat down while continuing, "Okay. Hologram version of Ponyville. Awesome; Dimension hopping; Yeah, I see that happening. How about we go for that?"

"Sounds good," Adam said with a grin of excitement.

"Next e-mail!"

Subject: Diorama
Hey Rainbow Dash,
I have to do some lame crappy, really stupid diorama this year. I wanna make it be bloody and gory but those dimwits want it to be 'Middle School Appropriate'. Ugh. Or whatever. Got any ideas?
Rita M..
Charlotte, N.C.

Rainbow reads 'Charlotte, N.C.' as 'Charlote, Not Charlotte'. The mare remarks, "Well, sounds like to me that you are no place!"

"Heh, good one." Adam chuckles as the mare begins typing on her computer.

"So what you're telling both me and Adam here Ms. Hardboilereggs or whoever it is told ya to make a crappy, lame and very stupid diorama for a school assignment? That is what I call 'edjakashum!'".

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Well, no sense in thinking about this one since you are on the bus on the way to school on the day that it's due. Time to whip out my old standby-orama..."

We see a desk that shows a diorama with pencils, pens, an erase as well as a bottle of grue that fell down. Rainbow's voice remarks, "The Craziness World of Pony Supplies!"

"Cool!" Adam is heard as we go back to the computer.

"But diorama like this shouldn't be wasted, Rita Pony. This is probably the most school approved opportunity to melt small plastic animals and shamed our beloved literary characters that you will ever gonna get. So embrace and deface it!"

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing, "Now then, here are my tips. First off, behind every good diorama is an even gooder shoebox; So unless you wanna be called the Stride-Rite Foal forever, better go buy a pair of...Adam, will you assist me?"

"Certainly," Adam said as he goes to a desk and takes out a red shoebox that reads 'Air Cloudsdale' with the logo printed on its cover sliding in from the right.

"The most coolest and most expensive shoes on the market!" We see a price tag with '12345' on it that appears with a ding. Rainbow's voice continues, "Or maybe modify a...Adam?"

"Right," Adam said as he takes out a lime green shoebox with the word 'Dr. Soft-Ponyland's Tan Medical Shoes'; written on it that slides right in front of the Air Cloudsdale one.

"...box of cheap, generic shoes that look expensive."

Adam slaps a piece of paper that has the words 'Slam Dunking' written on it on the shoebox over the words 'Tan Medical'. We now see the Air Cloudsdale box along with scissors and a hot glue gun. Rainbow and Adam came in as the mare comments, "Now then, we will talk about topics. If the assignment calls for a science diorama, all you gotta do was slap on some cotton balls and boom!"

Adam takes out the Air Cloudsdale diorama that has a field and a sky. Rainbow's voice said, "Effects of cumulonimbus clouds..." The man puts in cotton balls into the sky, forming a cloud like shape. "…on sheep..." Adam now put in sheep made out of cotton balls onto the ground. "...snowponies..." He puts in a snowpony made out of the same stuff on the right. "...aaand of course cotton balls."

Adam put a pile of cotton balls onto the left on the diorama s Rainbow continues, "But in case you ran out of cotton balls, real chunks..." The cotton balls themselves transform to become more 'jaggedy', some got red stains. "...of an old pony's mane will work fine."

"Ick, I hate to be on the receiving end." Adam comments, being grossed out a bit as some blood trickles out of the manecloud.

We see the Mayor, whose Mane has been gruesomely ripped. The mare remark, "I do deserve it for eating all the cotton balls of course."

Back at the desk, Rainbow and Adam stood near the Air Cloudsale diorama, scissors, hot glue gun, colored paper and glue bottle as the mare say, "Now, if you need to make some historical diorama, only one way to go: leader assassinations."

Adam slides in the diorama for the Dr. Soft-Ponyland's Tan Medical Shoes on the left. Rainbow's voice said, "Okay, you can immortalize such tragic moments in Equestrian history..." We see a cardboard Canterlot Castle being put in by Adam in the background, "...as...the robot that mercilessly offed Jimmy Colter." The man put in a robot made out of a toilet paper roll along with a Jimmy Colter doll made out of a clothespin, the robot's lights are starting with computer sound effects. "And if it's a book report diorama that you're doing..."

"Which made often be the case," Adam comments to Rainbow.

"...then the most easiest way to get around reading an actual book is to make one up yourself. Let me tell ya, I can't tell you how many dioramas that got me out of."

Adam is now working on the Air Cloudsdale diorama with now has a purple sky, Castle Canterlot, as well as Princess Celesltia and a half-eaten cake in the foreground. The mare's voice boom, "Princess Celestia's Adventures in Giant Tortoiseland," We see tank going around the cake, knocking the fake princess down, "Books one through seven."

"Nice." Adam comments in amusement.

"Of course, with the internet, it's probably easier for teachers to check your sources than in my day. So to get away with that now, you also have to make..." Rainbow says as we go back to the computer. "...a fake website for the book in question."

We now see a website for a book place, showing information about 'Princess Celestia's Adventures in Giant Tortoiseland' by Adammartin Realpony. Rainbow's voice add, "And the author..." We see a bio and a silhouette with a question mark appearing next to book information to put in fake author. "...as well as the publisher." We now see a logo for a fake company called 'Hasbro Publishing Place' at the bottom of the screen, "And just to be safe." The button for downloading the fake eBook appears as well. "...it's probably best to go ahead and write the book." The badly done made cover for the fake book appears.

Adam comments, "Wow, I'm surprised no cops did some investigating."

"Tell me about it; it has gotten so hard to cheat nowadays." Rainbow said to Adam in agreement.

Scootaloo past by in the background, carrying the computer while saying in agreement, "I'll say. I have to convince Cheerilee that I got this cool computer of yours."

"Finally, let me address your concerns about the blood and gore part. There's an easy loophole to use here, Rita, it's a little something that I'd like to call...dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs, really," Adam ask Rainbow in interest.

"Yeah; No teacher can argue..."Rainbow said as we go back to the Air Cloudsdale diorama which now has a prehistoric setting, "...that an Allosaurus..." The actual dinosaur appears. "...tearing part its prey..." Now Adam put in a rubber duck. "...has got to be quite gruesome."

Adam drops spaghetti and pasta sauce onto the duck, ground and the Allosaurus's mouth. The mare continues, "And if that prey..." The man removes the rubber duck. "...happens to be the signers of the Treaty that I don't know what it is..." A table and four clothespin ponies appear. "...well, okay, that's pretty messed up as well."

"Not really, this sounds a bit cool!" Adam laughs as he drops pasta sauce and spaghetti onto the ponies, much to Rainbow's approval as she smiles. "Awesome, ain't it?"

"I know; this is too awesome; Hey, I gotta get in on that action!" Rainbow remarks as she brings in her Peanut Rainbow Dash that has a cocktail sword made from an olive. "Yeah, take that, Nicholas Twister, representative for leader James K. Colt! I will teach ya to mess with my Rio Dale; And my Rio Bravo!"

Adam laughs as Peanut Rainbow Dash pokes and hits the Nicholas Twister clothespin, knocking it down. In satisfaction, Rainbow returns to her computer and resume typing, "Well, Rita-denum, you think you got enough to go on? You definitely will dioRAM their hooves off! Now if you excuse me, I am going to help that robot wipe out that Old Public Functionary."

"Yes, and I'm going to help before we head on out, Rainbow Dash." Adam comments as he and Rainbow, after making a familiar getting up noise, leaves.

We now see a green diorama that has a toilet paper robot shooting a clothespin pony. Peanut Rainbow Dash is standing by while booming, "Boltron, yeah! Hit him with the Blue Cannon Thing!"

"Right, beep beep beep!" Adam's voice said as he put in a toilet paper roll with the words 'Blue Cannon Thing' written on it; Blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue!"

The Blue Cannon shoots red lights at the clothespin pony; the date appears to be doing well. The new paper come down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

Spitfire, holding a shoe in one hoof and a basketball with the other, comments, "Oh hey there, who are these bad boys?!"

As the mare looks at what she's holding, we see an image of the shoe alone, "Yeah, All New This Year Air Cloudsdale! Only a bunch of bits," We see the mentioned price on a price tag, "Only in various shoe stores in Equestria!"

Back to Spitfire, she shrugs while saying, "Yeah, not what I'm signed on for." The words that she said appear in a speech bubbles next to her head.

We see Derpy holding a notepad with a cell phone drawn on it. She appears to be speaking into it while saying, "Hello, Adammartin Realpony! It's Derpy here, just giving ya a call on my new cell phone! Eh? What's that? Yeah, flattered, pal, but I got a cool colt-friend. I think he's the Doctor pony."

The End

Author's note
Very nice and Happy Valentine's/Hearts and Hooves to you all, especially you Adam pal! I hope you like your appearance. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow describes the night life of Ponyville. Read, review and suggest!

68. nightlife

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: nightlife

Rainbow hums as she sat on her computer, ready for another e-mail. She has a good date with Adam the other day (yeah, they remain good friends but the mare can have another option if Soarin' isn't available) and is ready for some fun.

"Another week, another e-mail scandal; Rainbow Dash gonna fly off the handle!" Rainbow sang while bringing up an e-mail.

Dear Dash.
While i was listening to the song I Don't Wanna Wait sung by Paula Cole, i noticed that she was constantly saying "do do do do" in the song, but i don't know if it was her or the background singers. I know this is a weird question, but can you at least tell me who it is?

Michael.

Rainbow blinks and answers while typing, "Uh...Paula Cole? Is this a trick question? I don't listen to weird music; I just listen to Knightshade, Shadowbolts or any other rock and roll stuff; Next e-mail!"

Subject: rainbow dash email
Hey miss R to the D
I wonder what nightlife in Ponyville is like. What kind of hip clubs and fun hotspots are there to check out?
Somekindacolt
Sosh CO

Rainbow reads some parts, especially Sosh CO as 'SoshCO!', adding 'makers of weird products and funnier slogan'. We see a 'The Horn Yourself' product from 'soshCO'.

Rainbow types in, explaining, "Well, we only have one cool hotspot in Ponvyille. You may have guessed already that I am talking about..."

We see some hill as Pinkie and Fluttershy are standing on it with Rainbow's voice explaining, "Apple and Mutton Hill."

"Whee." Pinkie said in an unemotional kinda way.

"Yeah, good times," Fluttershy said with a slow nod, getting a bit bored.

Rainbow types some more while saying, "Yep, the hill was jumping all right. Now as far as clubs go, the Ponyville Club is about as kind of hip as it gets! Some towns got party clubs but we got our very own 'bona fide' pwaty cloughb!"

We see a flyer as music is played in the background. The words are 'The Ponyville Club/Ponyville, Equestria's Premiere/PWATY CLOUGHB'/ (not a place for meat eaters'). Rainbow's voice explains, "When I'm going out to that club, I always take off..."

We see Rainbow messing with a shirt in her bedroom as we hear her continue, "...my best shirt, which I put on first."

Rainbow removes her shirt that has her rainbow cutie mark on it with a laugh, popping a button. The mare begins spraying herself with body spray, much to the curiosity of Fluttershy who came in and asking, "Rainbow Dash? Are you putting on body spray?"

Rainbow, holding the black can, snaps, "No way! Cool ponies like me don't wear body spray. This is...uh...the blood...of slain...warrior...Minotaurs, yeah."

"Oh my."

As the scene darknes, Rainbow sprays the 'Minotaur Blood' on herself. Her voice continues, "Of course, the cloughb club place only let the freshest and awesomest ponies inside. But my name must've been laser-etched onto the guest list by now."

Somewhere in Ponyville is Tough Apple, working as a bouncer at the cloughb. He stands behind a velvet rope as Rainbow flies up. The stallions snaps, "Name!"

"Hey, Tough Apple, come on! Drop the act! I got to get into this place." Rainbow insists as Tough hold up a grease-stained bag for Ketch-Up's.

"Hey, yew isn't on 'de list!"

"List; that's just a ketchup-stained bag you're holding!"

"Shucks; don't be hard on yerself!" Tough remarks to Rainbow while laughing like mad.

"Wait, what? Was that a joke that you just made?" Rainbow ask Tough in disbelief before laughing. "Yeah, good one. Okay, how about letting yours truly in, hu?"

"Name?"

"Fine...uh...Spicy Vegetables...Johnson?"

"Eh, close enough! Nice 'ta see ya again, Mr. Johnson!" Tough comments as he unhooks the rope, allowing Rainbow into the club.

Inside the club, Applejack, Golden Harvest and Derpy are dancing with DJ Pon-3 doing some Dj'ing. As dance music is heard, we hear singers singing, the second singer has a robotic voice, speaking under the first, "Smart drinks. These are smart drinks. (These are not smart drinks.) Smart drinks.-" At the bar, Rainbow came in as Applejack slides in behind the bar itself. "—These are smart drinks. (These are definitely not smart drinks.) Have another round. (Don't have another round.) Have another round! (Do not have another round.) These are smart drinks. (These are not smart drinks.) These are smart drinks. (These are definitely not smart drinks.)"

"Howdy! If it ain't mah main mare Spicy Vegetables," Applejack greets Rainbow with a grin.

"Give me the brightest, glowiest drink in the place, AJ." Rainbow said to Applejack with a grin.

"How about one nice Hydra Pants?"

"Oh yeah! I am taking that!"

Applejack reaches under the bar to take out an eyedropper with some green liquid in it. The cowpony comments, "Okay; that would be 17 and 50 bits!"

"Whoa! Sounds like you ponies are having a sale!" Rainbow remarks, impressed by the price of the drink.

On the dance floor of the club, Golden Harvest and Fluttershy are standing, the latter is wearing gloves. Her friend comments in concern, "Doesn't sound like you're having any fun, Fluttershy."

"Oh, I am having a great time. This is my favorite club to go to...and not dance." Fluttershy said to Golden Harvest with a squee. "Sometime I would even think about dancing then not do it. And if I'm feeling really nuts, I would go out on the dance floor and bust some fresh not-dancing."

"Okay, then how about I start busting out some fresh not hanging out with you if you're going to be like that?"

As Golden Harvest heads off, Rainbow Dash dances on the dance floor as the singer continues, "Smart drinks. These are smart drinks."

"Hey there, Dashie," Pinkie is heard saying happily. Sure enough, we see before Rainbow, looking like the pink pony just got up. Pinkie has cinnamon on her face and is wearing her PJs, she is having her eyes closed

"Pinkie, come on! I'm doing my mating dance here!" Rainbow protests to Pinkie whose mumbles some more.

"...more, more...badges..."

"What?"

"Because I got more badges than you." Pinkie mumbles as if having no idea where she is or what she herself is doing.

"Uh, Pinkie Pie; Are you sleeping?" Rainbow asks Pinkie a bit uncomfortable.

"I sold more cookies than you do..."

"Or are you sleeping and dreaming that you're a filly scout.

"Nah, madam; Just Troop in Ponyville," Pinkie mumbles sleepily some more. Rainbow sighs a bit, her friend can be so random when she herself is sleeping.

As DJ Pon 3 continues DJing in her booth, Rainbow's voice said, "And some point at this point during the night, we all gets treated to Spike attempting to freestyle."

Sure enough, we see Spike holding a mic, grinning as he freestyle, saying, "1, 2, 1, 3...about to freestyle...1, 2? 1, 2?"

"As in counting to 2 over and over again."

"Yeah, 1, 2, 1, 2! Here I go! Hang on, 1, 2..."

Rainbow's voice continues, "And of course, no night at the Ponyville Club is complete without me getting thrown out onto my cyan rainbow cutie mark flank."

Sure enough, Rainbow screams as she is thrown out of the club, in some weird undies. As the mare got out, she protest, "Hey, come on, it isn't my fault! It's those lighted floors! I think my pants that I brought for some reason are drawn to them!"

Of course, Rainbow's pants are thrown out, landing on her head and unfolded.

Rainbow types some more on her computer, "And so, that's the nightlife in Ponyville, whoever you are. Of course, there's also the pour rotten milk on Golden Harvest's prized flowers while she's sleeping kind of nightlife, but that's for another e-mail at another time. This has been Rainbow Dash with Rainbow Dash E-Mail 185. Thanks for listening!"

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see a bag for Ketch-Ups, logo and all in a red background. An announcer exclaims, "Mmmintroducing the Spicy Vegetables; because you ponies just stopped buying the crispoy kind."

At the hill, Pinkie, still sleeping, mumbles, "Okay, fillies, we are in the woods and got no troop leaders. Time to decide who we eat first," The mare takes out a kazoo and opens her mouth as if she's about to eat it.

At her mansion, the Mayor is speaking, "I call to order this meeting of the Ponyville Club. As he you can see..." The mare grins as she held up a motherboard dipped in chocolate. "...I dipped this thing in 70% chocolate!"

The End

Author's note
There's the nightlife in Ponyville; Pretty awesome, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains how she's helping the environment but has to deal with Lyra and Bon-Bon who wants her computer shut down for good. Read, review and suggest!

69. environment

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: environment

"I'm chicky-checkin' e-mails in something eight! Stricky-stricky-Rainbow Dash fit to regulate!" Rainbow sang as she begins checking on her e-mails per usual.

Dear Rainbow,

thanks for the date i really enjoyed it oh which reminds me i'll be doing my own season of emails coming in so yea if you don't mind that is (pulls a Fluttershy). anyway i'll be staying here in Ponyville so that way i can get my own show going mostly in my TARDIS setting a few things up other than that i'll be hanging arund (knowing Twilight she'll send me an email same with Rarity Luna Doctor Whooves and maybe Pinkie oh sweet Celestia i sure hope not) anyway if and when i get my first season posted i can' wai for an email to be sent

Yours Truely Adam

PS: as always Onwards and Upwards

Rainbow types in, saying, "Oh, I see; Some competition, eh? Well, I would love see you do better, Adam, and that ain't sarcasm or mean...thing. Anyway, good luck on your show. You will need it; next e-mail!"

Subject: high time
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Listen, I know you are one busy mare, but my pal and I cannot help but think that you should do more to help the environment. Equestria is your home too, of course.
Lid and Jewels,
ID and MO, respectively

Rainbow reads 'ID' as 'idiot' and 'MO' as moron. We now see Illipony and Mootana dance with weird looks on their faces. We see Moontana turning into another state with the words 'Idiot and Moron' changing into 'Mike is a Moron'. The mare types in while speaking, "Well, mares, I do help the environment. Besides keeping up with the weather...I mean, no ponies gave me credit for my most significant contribution."

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing, "Every morning, besides my work, the first thing I do is NOT drop hailstones on anypony's head. I mean, who knows how many greenhouse gases I would've rescued as a result of not mortally wounding anypony? And let's not forget my New Year's resolution stop watering any plants with bleach. Now I water them with strictly..."

We see a house and the flowers as Rainbow continues, "...recycled cigarette butts."

As cigarettes are dropped onto the floor, one flower cough, "Oh yeah, good stuff..."

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, "There you go possibly, mares. My boat take..."

Suddenly Rainbow was interrupted as two familiar voices are heard outside protesting faintly, "Eliminate-X the AwesomeX! We think it's really crap-x! Eliminate-X the AwesomeX," The mare looks confused as she looks outside to see Lyra and Bon-Bon outside with two picket signs.

"The hay?"

Rainbow flies down to the ground and saw Lyra and Bon-Bon holding protest signs, the former holds one that said 'Eliminate-X the AwesomeX' the latter's sign said 'AwesomeX, Take The Dirty X!'.

"We think it's really crap-x!" Lyra and Bon-Bon exclaims in protest some more.

"Okay, what's going on here, you two? Are you picketing my computer or what?" Rainbow asks the two ponies with a frown.

"You know we do! That AwesomeX is an energy Sappy-Nex!" Bon-Bon remarks to Rainbow sternly, making the mare roll her eyes at this.

"Oh, very clever; what, it took you long to think up that..."

"It took us 3 days!" Lyra exclaims to Rainbow with a proud pose.

"Aaaaand, how come there's only two of you protesting?" Rainbow asks the two ponies dryly. "No one else wants to join?"

"They don't believe in our cause! But that isn't important! Look at your power bill from last month!" Bon-Bon exclaims to Rainbow as Lyra took out a stack of paper marked 'BILLS' to Rainbow.

"Right, the bill itself uses 8 trees' worth of paper!" Lyra exclaims in agreement with her roommate.

"So wait, you're telling me that 70,000 bits worth of power bills isn't on the norm?" Rainbow asks the two ponies skeptically.

"Rainbow Dash, every time you press enter on your AwesomeX, the rest of us loses power!" Bon-Bon remarks sternly, much to Rainbow's surprise. Her computer could do that?

"Whoa, seriously?"

We push wipe back to the computer as we see a list that is labeled 'Okay for Mom' on the screen with various euphemisms for flank within it. Rainbow types in on the list, "Tuckus..." When the mare presses enter, a circuit breaker is heard clacking and blowing each time. Rainbow kept pressing enter a few times, "...hinder, bwathom, boontockle..."

Pinkie is playing on her video game, exclaiming happily, "Yay! I'm about to win!" The room goes dark. "Awww..." The lights are turned back on. "Yeah, I'm about to win!" The room darkens once more. "Awww..."

We see that the TV's image actually says 'PLEASE INSERT GAME PAK, PONY'. Pinkie is random enough to forget to insert a game pak into her console. The mare exclaims, "I'm really about to win now!" The room darkens once more, "Oooh. Once more with the awww..."

Rainbow groans, "All right, fine. If you wanna be that way, I will use the AwesomeX's battery instead."

"Sorry, not a chance," Lyra remarked to Rainbow with a frown, "Because every time you use that battery, 45 acres of rainforest are burned to the ground! Actually, if it was the Everfree Forest, it may not be a problem, but anywhere else..."

"Whoa! Cool! I knew that the AwesomeX was awesome but never to the point of her destructive power! I should make a point of getting Time Turnet to help me to overclock it and see if we can't get that up to an even number of 50 acres!"

"Rainbow Dash, you should do something!" Bon-Bon said to Rainbow in worry. "Why, even Big Macintosh is doing all his cooking with hydroelectric!"

In a shower at the Apples' farm, Big Mac is holding a wet an apple while saying, "Eeyp, the world famous Big Macintosh..." A logo appears in the upper left corner. "...Apple!" More words appear on the screen as he says them, "Eeyup, mmmmm! Eat it in!"

"Wait, so all I gotta do is take something I already do and word it differently so it sounds ecto-friendly?" Rainbow ask Lyra and Bon-Bon, wondering what it will take to continue using her computer without any fuss over the environment.

"Yeah, that's what we do mostly." Bon-Bon said, satisfied that Rainbow is getting the idea.

"Right, check out my awesome sustainable CP3 player!" Lyra exclaims as she held out a CD player.

"As well as my organic Wilma and Betty DVD."

"Right...well, okay...say hello to my 65 mile-per-gallon hybrid hailstone!" Rainbow exclaims with a devilish smile as she flew upward. The two on the ground gasps as a huge hailstone is coming their way, forcing them to gallop out of the way in time.

"Celestia's Mane," Lyra and Bon-Bon exclaims at once as the hailstone smashed into the field where they were.

To satisfy the whiners, Rainbow made some adjustments to her home to help the environment. She continues typing while saying, "All right, there, there, THERE we go, maybe fillies. Rainbow Dash and the environment are having a 20% awesome time in her home of a solar-powered cloud house. Hay, take a look at the AwesomeX's new environmentally complaint sticker compliance sticker!" We see a close up of the mentioned sticker on the computer. "Also, it got a picture of a little leaf on it. That way, you know that it's for the environment. So until next week, my boat take..."

Just then familiar dragon noises are heard as the computer's screen goes dark. We see Spike, painted green, in hamster wheel hook up to the AwesomeX in hopes to be 'environment' friendly.

"Come on, green Spike!" Rainbow insists to Spike who groans as he runs in the wheel some more. "Good, that's good. Only 17 more hours and I can press send...or until I can talk the egghead or one of the Royal Sisters to use a spell so that I won't rely on electricity or other stuff all the time to avoid more complaining!"

The new paper comes down reading 'Click gently to eco-mail Rainbow Dash; printed on 100% post-consumer pony paper with green ink'. After a while as the hamster wheel sound effect fades out, Rainbow comments, "Wow, that must be one whisper quiet hamster wheel."

We see a button that extols of the virtues of GreenSpike. Rainbow types in his 'Okay for Mom' list on the AwesomeX, saying 'Boat take'... She then presses enter.

As Pinkie continues playing her video game, her lights and TV come on, commentating, "I gotta say. This must be the most easiest video game that I've ever played." The room darkens.

The End

Author's note
Well, Rainbow may be having trouble with the environment for a while. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow experiments with the pool with some Jello stuff to show how it can be used during the winter. Read, review and suggest.

70. winter pool

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: winter pool

It took a while but Rainbow was able to convince Twilight into casting a spell so that her computer won't cause any further trouble to the environment (as well as making Lyra and Bon-Bon leave Rainbow alone). This gives the mare enough opportunity to check another e-mail.

"oh, e-mails make me tremble, so I'll keep my body nimble." Rainbow sang as she brings up her first e-mail of the show.

Dear RD ,

Ever since the Ace Swift case has anything changed since Phoenix Wright cleared your name ? ya know when ya think about it his mentor Mia fey helped in the case against Larry Butz and the old saying goes 'when something smells it's useally the butz' anyway after Larries name was cleared his mentor Mia was strick with a blunt object 'The thinker' it became the murder weapon of another trial but he got her sister Maya he cleared her name . But anyway the thinker is a table clock . Did anypony ever become a defense attorney after Phoenix left ?

Your's truely,

Adam

PS: Did you know Ace Swift the very pony who tried to 'Blackmail' you?

Rainbow responds by typing in, "Yes, Adam, I did know that...and drop a huge hailstone on him. Serve that creep right. Anyway, I don't know any defense attorney after Phoenix left. I don't do much in law; next e-mail!"

Subject: drained pool
Dear Rainbow Dash
What do you do with that pool during winter? Do you drain it and use it for skateboarding or whatever?

M. Hazard, IN

Rainbow reads the state as 'in' and says it as though there were more words coming. The mare types in, asking, "So in what; In Spork; in huge debt; in repose; well, maybe I will never figure out Mr. 'Hit-Enter-Too-Soon-Stallions."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "All right, Hasbro..." We see the latest issue of the Mare Do Well. The mare continues in sarcastic tone of voice, "Sure, we usually drain it and yeah, I usually skateboard 30 different kinds of shred all over that baby, making awesome skate videos that accidentally got recorded over with the cooking ones."

Rainbow then continues in a different tone of voice, "But I digress. This year, we're doing something 20% more awesome and less pretend. Pinkie Pie finally got paid for all those Jello commercials that she did! And guess how much those ponies paid her? That's right! With a lifetime supply of Pony Jelly Gel-A-Ton, that dessert related substance!" We see the box of he mentioned stuff appearing.

We now see static before seeing a commercial for Liquidy Red Jello where Gello, with a visible brain in his head, appears, booming in a voice slightly distorted, "I AM ONE HUGE ABOMINATION!" The words 'Gello' appears. "And I'm coming over to your house after school!"

Rainbow's voice remarks, "You know, those kind of Jello commercials should be rated NC-17." We see a ratings advice label in the top left corner which reads 'NC-17, Needless Creepy times 17' before we see static.

At the pool, the ponies has proceeded in pouring the Jello stuff into the pool, we see a pile of empty boxes nearby. Rainbow, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie glances at the pool filled with red gelatin while we see a kitchen timer shaped like a chicken. The purple unicorn uses her magic to hold a clipboard while wearing glasses.

"So how are we doing, egghead?" Rainbow asks Twilight curiously.

"Didn't get that one," Twilight said while glancing at her clipboard. "All right, if my calculations are correct, we should achieve maximum jiggle any second now."

"Oh wowie, you three! I'm glad that I chose this instead of that million bits stuff! That wouldn't even half fill this pool up!" Pinkie remarks happily and ironically. Soon an alarm is heard on the timer.

"Good, that's it! We're ready!"

"Oh yeah," Rainbow exclaims then looks around as if expecting someone. "So, where are they?"

"Where are who?" Twilight asks Rainbow, not sure what her friend means.

"Come on, I thought with this much gelatin, it could've at least attract some swimsuit wrestlers!"

"I thought it would naturally attract the oiled up Bill Coltby!" Pinkie exclaims in confusion.

"Hey Caramel, yew heard 'de latest news?" Applejack asks Caramel with a grin while the latter is leaning on the counter of her stand.

"What?" Caramel asks Applejack curiously.

"Mah pony friends has filled 'dat there swimming hole wit' red Jell-Os!"

"Wow, cool! You know, I once have a student in my class that I attend to one time named Mighty Reddo! True story, that's what his parents named him! He had a sister called Grape Flavored Jello with A Lot of Daisies in It! No horse crap!" Caramel exclaims. Applejack frowns in annoyance, his story is getting annoyed. The mare appears to be descending as if in an elevator. As her stand darkens, lit with overhead light, the stallion continues unknowingly, "Plus, if you flash your lights at a car with the headlights on, the gangster will shoot ya!"

At the pool, Rainbow stood in the middle of it on a toilet seat while Big Macintosh stood at the pool's edge. The Pegasus pony calls out, "Okay, Big Mac, buck it around!" The stallion nods as he hits the pool surface with his back feet, causing a small wave to ripple across. As it pass by Rainbow, she exclaims, "Hang ten, gnarly! Endless summer! Oh yeah, do ti again, but this time, smack it like a newborn's muffin!"

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh remarks as he hits the pool surface much harder. This time, a much higher wave comes at her; the force of it knocks the pony off her board.

"Whoa!" Rainbow lands headfirst into the pool then she begins to sink. Her toilet seat lands in the gelatin, sinking as well. "Err, lifeguard? Some help here?"

Soarin', in a lifeguard chair with sunscreen on his snout, exclaims, "Oh yeah, this is what I like best about this job!"

Soarin' jumps right at Rainbow and lands onto the gelatin...only to go bouncing right into the sky, disappearing into the distance. Rainbow continues to sink to the pool's bottom. To her surprise, there's Pinkie with her. A meter in the background shows that they are 10 feet below the surface.

"Awww, cupcakes; I hope you were Bill Coltby," Pinkie, voice slightly distorted, said to Rainbow in disappointment.

"So what are we doing breathing down here for anyway?" Rainbow, voice slightly distorted as well, comments puzzled.

"Not sure, I haven't thought that far ahead really."

"Right and how did you get down here, Rarity?"

Sure enough, we see Rarity also at the pool's bottom, saying, "Fell in by accident, darling. No worries, I got this covered." The mare then presses a button on some sort of remote control.

At the Cutie Mark Crusaders' tree house, the CMC was sucking something out of a bowl through crazy straws while watching a familiar show on TV. Coltsworth exclaims, "Hey, you can't grow a ZZ top beard!"

Just then an alarm went off with red flashing lights. The trio, as their straws fell, saw a sign that is flashing 'Eat a Lot of Food Alert'. Apple Bloom exclaims, "Our talents are needed, Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

"Yeah, time to eat some food!" Scootaloo exclaims as she and her friends grab their straws, rushing out.

"Yeah," Sweetie squeals in delight.

At the pool's bottom, Rarity comments, "Help should be here...providing nothing goes wrong."

"Rainbow Dash, this is it, I just know it." Pinkie said to Rainbow in sadness. "Why, when I die, make sure to have my body preserved in red Jello, okay?"

"Trust me, that won't be a problem, Pinkie Pie." Rainbow remarks to Pinkie dryly, especially since the two and Rarity are in Jello anyway.

"You are always a good friend, Dashie."

"Ponies, it's all over," The familiar voice of Apple Bloom is heard as her voice is slightly distorted. Above the pool, we see her, Scootaloo and Sweetie holding their crazy straws above the pool surface. "Help is here, everypony close yer eyes!"

"Right, this won't be pretty!" Scootaloo remarks as she bends over for a close up then leans back up. "Ready?"

"1, 2, 3," The girls exclaims eagerly as they stick their straws into the pool...and starts sucking. We fade to black...

...we came back to the computer with Rainbow limping in with red gelatin patches all over herself; The mare looks disgusted as she sat back at her computer. Rainbow has survived that one, but boy, is it disgusting!

Rainbow types in, explaining, "All I could remember after my eyes are closed, was that first, it got real loud, then it got real hot and slimy. Then it got quiet and then...it got unspeakable. Once my eyes are opened, the pool was empty and 3 pays has passed. Worst yet, Soarin' still hasn't landed! Where could he be?"

In outer space, a space station, labeled 'CELESTIA', is seen as Soarin' floats by, cheering, "yeah, this is awesome!' An alien floats past making an unusual noise as the new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

Back at the stand, Applejack comments, "Well, e-mail 197 is in 'de can."

"1...8...7; Gah! Get down!" Caramel screams in alarm as he covers his head, much to Applejack's annoyance.

"Caramel, what 'de hay are yew doing?"

"There's a 1-8-7! Break yourself, AJ!"

"Ah would break yew, ya vermint!" Applejack remarks to Caramel with a scowl.

"Oh, I knew I shouldn't flash my brights at the place full of griffins!" Caramel adds with a groan of despair.

The End

Author's note
Lesson learned? Never filled a pool with Jello; in the next chapter/e-mail, we meet Rainbow Dash's fanclub 'The Rainbow Dash Fan Club'! Read, review and suggest!

71. fan club

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: fan club

Rainbow is up to her tricks, bringing up her usual e-mail while singing, "Green green grass... A pleasant ghost...Rainbow Dash E-mail, make us some toast!"

Hello Rainbow Dash,
You see, I'm trying to look for a girlfriend to date, but I can't get one because most girls already seem to be taken or are pretending to be taken, but wanting to stay single. Do you have any advice? I'd like to know.
Brayden

Rainbow remarks, "Whoa, one not made by Adam." She types in, saying, "Well, if you want some advice, either make an ad out looking for a mare or find one that isn't single and grab her. Trust me, both shall work; Next e-mail!"

Subject: Rdemail Fan Club?
Any chance yer e-mail show has it's own fan club, lass? If so, who is the president of it? An' what do they do?
Best regards,
Brave Heart, Eatinburgh, Scotland

Rainbow stutters the 'it''s' then remarks, "Cool, my cousin send me an e-mail." The mare types in, "Oh yes, fan clubs; Sweet, innocent, restraining order inducing fan clubs. Don't get me wrong, fans are great. But the addition of the word 'club' kinda ruins it."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "Which ironically is the opposite of how it usually works. For instance: turkey =..." The word is type in a dull brown color which other voices accompanying her. "...mrenh, turkey club =..." Rainbow next word is in a rainbow color. "...mmmMMRENHhhhhh!" The other voices cheers on. "But yeah, there is an rdemail fan club. It's the 'Rainbow Dash Fan Club' whose members call themselves 'Dashers'. And in a great orange flyless irony, their president is my fan Scootaloo!" We see a member card for the said club.

We see Scootaloo in the CMC tree house standing at a table, wearing hat that is styled against Rainbow's man. The filly is singing, "Popa-ulation: Tiii-iii-iiire!" She sat down, making a familiar getting up noise. "Okay, Dasher, it's been a week for our fan club."

We see the fan club considers of Big Macintosh, the CMC and various colts and fillies, wearing the same Rainbow style mane hat. Scootaloo announces, "We finally switch over from our web hosting from Coltfire to Equestriacities." We see a screen of the Dashers website called 'The Rainbow Dash Club Website' that pops up. It shows a pixelated picture of Rainbow Dash dancing along with links to 'Our pal Skippy's website'. "Plus, they've upgraded all of our dead links to hyperlinks!"

Once the website screen drops again, we see Scootaloo as she remarks, "We also has several interesting discussion in the ongoing debate series 'Non Sequitur Champion: Smith or Derpy'.

We see Derpy, wearing a Rainbow style hat, remarking, "Hay, my name is Derpy and I'm a son of a Pegasus Unicorn thing!"

We also see Granny standing near a duffel bag, remarking, "Carrageenan, Monteljohn; All right if you young'uns detect me to the nearest bus whatever."

"Right, so that debate is over. Also, I have received confirmation that Alan LaDude who sent the very first Rainbow Dash E-Mail is a lock for this year's Equestrianfest." We see a flier for the mentioned fest. Once it's done, the filly continues, "There is also a rumor that Rainbow Dash herself might show up to sign autographs!"

We see Rainbow flying by a window, carrying one huge submarine sandwich, going b the window as the mare remarks, "sorry, can't make it." As this continues, we see that somehow Sweetie Belle, still wearing her hat, is holding onto the other end.

"Also, try not to forget to send a lot of e-mails to Rainbow Dash on Sunday night. I think we should go with asking about Time Turner's first real name; some good potential there; A firebrand that one!"

Back at the computer, Rainbow continues her typing, "That's fan clubs, folks. Of course, the next worst word that you can couple with the word 'fan' is, yeah, you got it...the word..." As ominous, eerie music plays, her voice slows down as the camera zooms in on what she's typing in. "...fiction." Then Rainbow's voice went normal, "Which is much better than fanmake if you think of it."

We now see a sheet of paper; words appear on it as Scootaloo says them, "'A Grade A Awesome Day', a rdemail fanfic by Scoots." We now see the AwesomeX as the filly's word appears above the scene now. "The AwesomeX hummed quietly to itself."

We now see Rainbow Dash rubbing her chin, looking at tit puzzled. The mare mouths the dialogue that her fan is giving her, "'Curious,' said Rainbow Dash, 'Very curious indeed.'"

"Especially since that's how I really talk." Rainbow remarks to the camera. We now see the message on the screen saying, 'Your inbox has no new messages'.

"Her inbox flicker 'no new messages' back at her."

"Okay, this is definitely fiction, not really. There's no way..."

Just then Pinkie Pie bounces in, mouthing the dialogue that Scootaloo is writing (though the words stop appearing after the word 'striding'), "'Hey there, Rainbow Dashie,' said Pinkie Pie striding casually into the room. 'Guess what? You don't have to answer another e-mail anymore!' 'Grandiose', replied Rainbow Dash with her eyelids lowered." Sure enough, Rainbow lowers here yes lies, "'What did you do this time?'"

"Hey, Dashie, check out my Scootaloo impression. Ahem." Pinkie whispers to Rainbow as she clears her voice, allowing Scootaloo to voice over.

"'I turned all over them over to 12 Times a Day Mare!'"

Sure enough, in an empty space on the left side comes 12 Times A Day Mare...which is Scootaloo herself in a yellow mask and cape, with a logo having '12' on the chest. She flew down and lands behind Pinkie, booming, "I can do it! Why, I can do it 12 times!"

"Oh hey there, Scootaloo," Pinkie said to Scootaloo happily.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! '12 Times a Day Mare'," Rainbow asks Scootaloo skeptically. "Look, I am into meeting new OCs and all but you can't make up terrible new characters that may act like Mary-Sues or Gary-Sues...ignoring any persecution towards little Nyx."

"...she said while putting on a bonnet." Scootaloo is heard saying. To Rainbow's horror, the mare finds herself wearing a bonnet on her head. The mare tries to take it off but to no prevail, "And giving Pinkie Pie one deep-tissue message."

As the computer flew out of the way, Rainbow finds her upper forelegs rise as she is unwillingly approaching Pinkie. The mare screams in horror, "Gah, no; Stop!"

"Ho boy, this is going to be great!" Pinkie squeals, turning around to get a bad rub.

"Okay, Scootaloo, that's it! I didn't want to do this to you but you forced me into it! Two can play this extremely nerdy game!"

Rainbow prepares to get revenge as a piece of notebook paper came down. As the mare spoke, her words appear as she speaks them, the dialogue appears in word balloons, "'INTO the REVENGESPHERE!' A dashers fanfiction..." The following doesn't appear. "...because I got a lot of time to say both syllables." The following words do appear, "By Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow begins as we see a rough drawing of Scootaloo at the table with a poorly drawn Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, an angry weird shape that is supposed to be Big Macintosh with a scary drawn on his head, and weird shapes that looks like foals.

Rainbow is heard speaking as Scootaloo, "'and that's why I like them Star Wrecks'"! The mare then spoke normally, "said Scootaloo as an entire bag of chicken fell out of her mouth."

"Wait, what? I can't eat chicken! What the hay," Scootaloo protests to her idol in shock. Suddenly we see a drawing of her being attacked by a cupcake with eyes and fangs.

"Suddenly without warning, an huge eight four cupcake constrictor eng...sm...exploded from out of nowhere!"

The caption 'engsmplkode' is added to the drawing with a burst around the cupcake constrictor for emphasis. This ends up confusing poor Scootaloo.

"Rainbow Dash, you can't start making up terrible new words no matter how cool they are!" Scootaloo protests to Rainbow in alarm.

"...whined Scootaloo,-..." Rainbow's voice comments as we see a picture of the cupcake constrictor partially wrapped around Scootaloo, ready to eat her. "...who is already up to her waist in a braided frosting roll."

"Okay, I get the idea, Rainbow Dash! I will go easy on the fan fic from now on!"

"Just then,-..." Rainbow's voice adds. We see Pinkie coming in from the left with her pink coat gone; a bunch of leaves are covering her private parts. Rainbow didn't want the word 'fan fic' to be used and wants Scootaloo to change it. "...Pinkie Pie bounced in, naked without her coat."

"Fiction, okay, I mean fiction!" Scootaloo exclaims frantically and horrified. "I will go easy on the fan FICTION, please!"

"Hey 12 Times a Day Mare," Pinkie exclaims happily to Scootaloo while leaning to the filly who looks away in terror. "You're going to eat all those chickens, right?"

Rainbow, satisfied, types on her computer while saying, "Ohh, grandiose, very grandiose 20%. Hate to do that to Scootaloo but she gotta learn. But maybe fan clubs and fan fiction aren't all bad. In fact...I think I will go dabble in some Princess Celestia fan fiction right now!"

"...said Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo's voice is heard. The mare got up and leaves, making the Getting Up noise, "...said Stool Scooter." The new paper comes down to bring this chapter/e-mail to a close, "...said the new paper that no pony, not even me, likes."

We see a picture of Derpy's 'parents': a Pegasus and an Unicorn.

In a scene with Vector Rainbow Dash, she booms, "YOUR HEAD ENGSMSPLODE!"

Rarity is playing a game of paddleball game but kept missing. The unicorn sighs, "Oh, dear. I can only do it 11 times today."

For some reason, 12 Times a Day Mare flew in from out of nowhere, booming, "I can do it! I can do it 12 times!'

"I don't even want to know how you fly when you don't know how to yet, Scootaloo."

We see a roughly drawn cartoon of Celestia with a puddle in front of her as well as an unknown substance around her mouth. Rainbow's voice speaks as the princess, "I cannot believe that I ate all that cake!" The mare then spoke in her normal voice, "...Said Princess Celestia."

"Sometimes I wish that was fiction." Celestia said with a groan. Eating all that cake is stuffy!

The End

Author's note
Cool work from me; Ironic that Rainbow Dash is in a fan-fiction right now; in the next chapter/e-mail, the mare herself enters Tank the Tortoise in the Ponyville Pet Show. Read, review and suggest.

72. pet show

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pet show

"I am continuing to roast your Rainbow Dash e-mail until it reaches a huge temperature of 189," Rainbow remarks, bringing up the first e-mail of her show.

Dear Rainbow Dash: if you ever wish to see a battle that would make the Gates of Tartarus feel safe what would the battle be
your friend Greenrob

Rainbow types in, answering, "Good question; I definitely say Pinkie Pie vs. anyone who breaks a Pinkie Promise. And I think we know who will win that one; Next e-mail!"

Subject: pet show
Haihai Rainbow Dash
Ever thought of entering Tank in a pet show?
Have fun,
Kristy, QLD

Rainbow reads QLD as 'Quick, Look Down', making her ask 'Look down?!"

Rainbow turns and saw Pinkie near her hooves, holding a spoon with relish on it while saying, "Ahhh..." The mare in annoyance kicks the pink pony away.

"Braugh," Rainbow snaps as Pinkie is heard being send flying, hitting something. The mare remarks, "Thanks for the warning, Kristy. Pinkie is trying to give me the old relish foot, I can never understand why."

Rainbow goes back to typing, asking, "Have I ever entered Tank in a pet show, as in my tortoise? Not really. But I have entered Lightnlord's Scratchitchy Bookmonger Tank in plenty. That's his show case name of course.. Yeah, Tank has got papers. He has won Best in Show 4 years in a row!"

We see Rainbow and Scootaloo are work rubbing Tank with some doughnuts, the tortoise's eyes are larger than they usually are. Rainbow comments, "Just sit still, Tank! There are 3 dozen more where these babies came from! Last year was way too close a race and that's when I entered Scootaloo as a pet! This year, we will need a secret weapon. Scootaloo, get the cream stuff."

"Got it, Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo remarks as she holds up a cream stuff doughnut, making Tank sigh a bit. This could take a while to get used to.

In her cottage, Fluttershy was waxing Tank's shell while speaking, "So I told him, if he wants to show up 30 minutes late..." The tortoise nods in respond. "...then he should find somepony else. Not to be mean but my time is valuable. Yes, I am taking these night classes, must have an education." Tank nods as the mare holds up a mirror. "The back is okay, right?"

On the couch back at Rainbow's home, Scootaloo looks over the back as her idol and the tortoise are on it. The mare comments, "With a rusty fork and a guitar string. Good response! Yeah, me too, actually; All right; if they were to ask you about the world situation," Tank nods his head making Scootaloo smiles widely, "'Nod'. Very classic! Oh, that will knock them dead for sure, especially that stodgy old Madame Fillymore. That filly got it in for us. I mean, yeah, you chew on her dress one time; Geez!"

"I said I was sorry!" Scootaloo exclaims to Rainbow in frustration. "What more does she wants?"

We now see a Pet Mess trophy with pet food bags along the side. The announcer announces, "And now, welcome back to the Pet Mess International Pet Show." We now see that the show is taking place right in city hall, panning along the table. "The hotly contest Best in Show competition is just getting underway!"

We see Pinkie grinning as she stood near Twilight, announcing, "Oh yes, Twilight! We're going to clean house this year! Hay, we're going to clean apartment and the dorm room! We're going to clean time share!" The unicorn roll her eyes as she put a leash onto the pink pony for some unknown reason best not to ask for.

Rainbow smirks devilishly as she mumbles, "Okay, Tank, this will be a piece of cake for you. As well as a piece of pie, cobber, anything else cool! Okay, get out there and do what must be done!"

Tank nod as he quickly heads off to do just that: cheat so that the tortoise can win the pet show. The tortoise put a drop of Sick Pukes into water that belongs to Madame Fillymore. He then uses a poster of a stallion to distract Rarity long enough for him to throw a bubble gum bomb right onto Opalescence. Then she breaks a low fat grill's power cord that belongs to the Mayor (don't ask) before dancing in front of a sign that says 'Dance Competition?'

Anyway, long story short, Tank helps cheat long enough to return to Rainbow before the announcer spoke up; we can see the Pet Show logo while the camera goes to Rarity and a shaved off Opalescence.

"We are now ready for the judges' score! For Rarity and Opalscence: 3.5! Good pet degree..." The announcer announces as Rarity smiles eagerly. "...terrible pet show score."

"Oh dear, well, better luck next time, Opal," Rarity said to her cat sadly. The camera now goes to the Mayor.

"The Mayor of Ponyville and an As Seen on TV Low-Fat Cooking Device...come on, you aren't supposed to be here!"

The Mayor, surprised upon hearing the result, turns to the grill angrily while snapping, "I told you that you will never amount to anything! Hay, I am not even your real father!" The camera goes over to Pinkie on her knees with a leash.

"And Fluffy's Marshmallow Crunchies' Truffles Pinkie Pie!" The announcer said while announcing Pinkie next.

"My pals call me Crunchie!" Pinkie exclaims to the announcer happily and randomly.

"8.5!" The announcer announces. The camera goes to Rainbow and Tank, the mare smiles eagerly. "And of course Lightnlord's something something Tank...disqualified for flagrant use of relish foot!"

"What?" Rainbow asks in shock and confusion. Sure enough, one of her hooves got relish on it. Apparently, that's against the rules or something!

"And thus, Crunchie's wins!"

Rainbow and Tank looks shocked and disbelief, after all that, they lost to Pinkie Pie who came in on her leash, which is still on her, while she held the trophy in triumph.

"Hey, Dashie; Looks like you got a taste of your own medicine! A taste of your own potion! A taste of your own elixir! A taste of your..." Pinkie was cut off when Tank throws a toy at her, sending the mare falling down to the floor.

Back at the computer, the mare types in while saying, "Not to worry, we are still appealing the decision of the judges. We also are a-peeling..." We see what Tank is peeling in a pile of, "POTATOES!"

With that, Rainbow laughs as she jumps headfirst into the pile as banner and confetti came down as if nothing terrible has happened. The new paper comes down as the screen darkens, ending the e-mail/chapter.

After a while, Rainbow curiously ask Tank, "Hey, Tank, you think we manage to glossed over the fact that we lost the competition?" The tortoise made a nod in affirmative. "Wow, is there anything potatoes can't do?"

We see a series of takes on Rainbow's other interpretations of QLD. In one, the Pegasus pony herself reads, "'Have fun, Kristy; Quarter leg, dark; what, you trying to order a fried meal or something?"

We hear a beep as the scene restarts; Rainbow said, "'Kristy; Quiet loser dork'; Eh, nice of you to admit that, loser!"

Another beep. Rainbow now said, "'Quivering Live Dwarves'; Uh...that is my new album name."

Another beep is heard as the scene restarts once more. Rainbow said, "'Quit lumbering down'; Hey, who said that I am?!"

Rainbow is now seen saying, "'Quickly losing dignity'. Yeeeeeah, you definitely are, pal."

In Ponyland, we see Firefly with her pet turtle 'Bazooka', putting on a 'plague show' as the mare remarks, "Yeah, good show, Bazooka! You must've got more sick stuff than any other animal here!"

The End

Author's note
Well, so much for Rainbow and Tank winning the pet show. Oh Well. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare herself discusses what merchandise stuff that she licensed. Read, review and suggest.

73. licensed

Author's note
The rest of these chapters take place after 'Cloudsdale The Free'.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: licensed

Rainbow is having one of those days of answering e-mails and singing, "Save the gross stuff up at the back of your throat, and hock it at an unsuspecting e-mail."

Dear Rainbow ,

Is it true that Cloudsdale couldn't host the Equestria games when you were a filly ? I find that puzzling to no end ,Anyway how fast can you clear the weather some say 'in ten seconds flat' can ya do it in five or less? and do you drink tea or coffee in the morning?

Your's Truely ,
Adam

Rainbow sighs, shaking her head as she types in, "Yeah, it's true; Boy, was it disappointing to most of Cloudsdale...mostly me; Anyway, very fast for 10 seconds; 5 or less? That's a challenge! Also, who needs tea or coffee? Soda is the best; next e-mail!"

Subject famous
Okay, you and your friends are probably famous by now, but how come you haven't licensed anything yet; as in where are the rainbow Dash novels and fluffy pillows? I want more Rainbow Dash in my day, come on, babe! Help me out!"
From yours truly
Polka Faced Bill from receiving

Rainbow reads the name as written. The mare frowns while protesting, "Hey, come on! I already paid that dumb Polka Faced Bill months ago! Tell that lamey Flathead Butted Alanis from accounting to update her records for the love of Celestia!"

Rainbow clears her screen while continuing, "Now then, as for being famous and licensing stuff, hay, you got it all wrong. No one needs to be famous to license cool stuff. Why, take a look at Trixie to a paper towel company..." We see a shot of a paper towel roll that got pictures of Trixie and an Ursa Major on it. "...weeks after she ran out of town and no one still don't know who the horse crap she is."

"Get this, Velma, its extraordinary absorbent." An old mare is heard speaking.

"Aw, shut up, lady!" We go back to Rainbow on her computer. "Nah, the true sign of being famous and awesome is the unlicensed stuff! And we're all over that! In fact, we got our own application process for becoming an official licensed unlicensed seller of Rainbow Dash and friends knock-offs!"

We see now see an application form that flies onto the screen that has the header 'So, want to be an official licensed unlicensed seller of Rainbow Dash & Friends knock-offs, eh?. There's entries for 'Name', 'Number' and 'Let me get back to you, okay?'

"The main requirements are that the country of manufacture has..." Rainbow said as the 'Country of Manufacture' page comes up with a country-like shape in the middle; the names kept appearing and crossed out. "...definitely change named 5 times since I dropped out of Flight School, that you sell your wares from a..."

We see a 'Type of Store' page coming up with a note '(Circle one)' as Rainbow continues, "...blanket," (we see a 'Dirty blanket' appearing and watches filling it. "or inside a trench coat," We see a 'Dirty Trench coat' appearing with watches filling it. "...that you always refer to the selling of our items..." We see a page labeled 'gotta yell this' that has a cartoony figure of a colt wearing a snow hat and a table with 4 watches, "...as a 'number one bargain'!"

The mentioned phrase appears in a speech bubble. Rainbow continues, "And that..." We see the 'Mane Six' page that has pictures of the Mane Six themselves who are respectively, 'Rainbow Dash', 'AJ', 'Pinkie Pie', 'The Whiner', 'The Cute One' and 'The Egghead'. "...two of us have to have horns and two of us have to have wings." We see wings and horns drawn on certain ponies.

Back at the computer with a clear screen, Rainbow continues, "One of our..." The mare skips typing the word 'our'. "...primary unlicensed licensees ponies are shady daycares. The kinds that are always open 24 hours and are surrounded by barbed wire." We see a postcard from 'Shady Pony Daycares National Park'.

We see an outside view of Sweet Apple Acres where a stylized version of Rainbow is holding a 24 HRS. book, a picture of the Mane Six as mice with antennae and cupcake pots, a young-faced Granny Smith saying 'I TAKE FOALS' and one cross-eyed monster wearing a 'SUN' T-Shirt' are being drawn. Above the entrance is the word 'OUTHOUSE' which has been crossed out. We also see a chalk tracing in front of Sweet Apple Acres indicating that there's a dead body here.

"Yeah, they love to illegally use trademarked in hopes to win the trust of desperate parents." Rainbow explains.

Granny sings to the tune of 'Frere Jacques', "Where is Tompkins? Where is Cole Slaw? Here I am!"

"Wow, if I ever have foals, I cannot wait to drop them at that place every morning on my way to the Wonderbolt shows." Rainbow chuckles back at her computer with a clear screen. "Also, another great knock off is DVDs. The ones that are slight variations of slightly animated foal films; you know; the kind that they put next to the checkout line so that your grandma might mistake it for the real thing by accident. They have titles like..."

We see an orange background as each movie appears when Rainbow mentions it, "'...The Secret Alicorn and Her Oppressive Huge Figure 4' and the always popular 'Everfree Forest Animals in Decidedly Non-Forest Incidents'." The scene dims as she continues. "...Novelty confections have to be my favorite growth sector of the unlicensed merchandise thing..."

We see a box with four 'SPIKES' as Rainbow remarks, "...like these sugar-crusted marshmallows, or this gummi..." We see a blob that looks like Rainbow with wings. "...gel-ular from 'Rainbow Dasher: The Movie'." We see a logo for said movie appearing in the bottom right. "Oh yeah, who doesn't want to rot their teeth..." The blob is gone, replaced by a 'Rainbow Brush"...right out of their teeth with the spinning sugar toothbrush of a spinning Rainbow Dash?"

We see the head of the toothbrush spinning around until it falls of, revealing a screw. Just then a familiar mare is heard speaking, "Hey Rainbow Dash!"

Suddenly Rainbow looks like to see Derpy bringing in a piñata that looks like her friend. The goofy mare grins while saying, "Check this piñata out!"

"Wait, a Rainbow Dash piñata?! Where the hay did you get that?!" Rainbow asks Derpy in shock and alarm. The mare doesn't recall giving licensed unlicensed ponies permission to sell something like that!

"Oh, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are selling them!"

"Wait, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scoots is selling them?!"

"Sure are!" Derpy exclaims happily. "Those ponies who are looking for cutie marks and are running their tree house..."

"I know who those three are! They are unlicensed UNLICENSED sellers! I was trying to shut those girls down for years!" Rainbow grabs her phone, dial a number into the thing and snaps into it. "Fluttershy, meet me at the Cutie Mark Crusaders' tree house on the double! And bring the other girls!"

"Oh dear, of course, of course," Fluttershy is heard on the phone as Rainbow flies off her stool, heading out. Those fillies got a lot of explaining to do!

"Ahhhh, what else," Derpy ask playfully, unaware of what's about to go down soon.

Outside their tree house, the CMC are wearing trench coats, speaking with Pipsqueak. Scootaloo said, "...and we got this shipment of Rainbow Dash brand ferret ointment." Sweetie opens her coat, showing some merchandise. "Pretty awesome, ain't it?"

"Wow, that's wicked cool!" Pipsqueak remarks with a smile. "I'd like some of those!"

"There they are!" Applejack is heard yelling, making the CMC members yelp in alarm. Not good.

"Sorry, store's closed!" Apple Bloom exclaims in alarm as Sweetie quickly closes her coat. The former points to the right as Pipsqueak trots off.

As the Mane Six came in, a suspicious Rainbow snaps, "Okay, girls, what's with the trench coats?"

"Oh...we're looking to be...Cutie Mark Crusader Public Flashers!" Sweetie said nervously.

"YAY; CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PUBLIC FLASHERS," The little fillies exclaims at once and together.

"Girls, do you even know what 'flashers' are?" Rarity asks the CMC skeptically.

"Uh...they take pictures?" Sweetie asks Rarity cluelessly. Apparently she and her friends had no clue as to what 'flashers' are.

"Yeah right," Rainbow snaps while waving a hoof at the little ones. "You obviously don't know what 'flashers' are to make up an excuse that lame; so open up!"

"Okay, okay, you got us." Scootaloo said with a sigh as she and her friends open their coats. May as well admit it, they are caught.

"I thought so! Totally legit looking stuff! Where are the wings, the horns; the misspellings and the choking stuff?"

"Oh, we didn't have time to put those in." Dinky admits to Rainbow sheepishly. "We usually sell those at the stands."

"Eeyup! Any 'dat we don't have 'time 'ta put in, we sell them at mah sister's black market!" Apple Bloom admits as she and her friends close their coats.

"Black market; Applejack, you have a black market like Pinkie Pie does?!" Twilight ask Applejack in shock and disbelief.

"Shucks, we y'all have our own dark secrets. Rainbow found 'dat out during our civil war thing." Applejack admits to Twilight with a shrug.

"All part of my black market thing! Don't tell the Cakes!" Pinkie exclaims, giving a 'hush' to her friends.

"Oh, I see...so wait. Applejack, you and Pinkie are running a shady bootleg operation that peddles awesome goods while your legal store fronts sell foods?" Rainbow asks Applejack puzzled. "And now, you got the Cutie Mark Crusaders in on this whole thing?"

"Eeyup; Not a word, we done got reputations 'ta withhold," Applejack said to Rainbow sternly, not wanting any ponies to know that a honest pony and a fun pony is running a shady operation and are having foals do the same thing.

"Ah, well, in that case, would any ponies have a weird reaction to that ointment that you're selling?"

"Anypony will swell up like a balloon." Scootaloo said to Rainbow with a grin.

"All right, give us two cases!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly as she pays for two cases of ointment.

"Me too, I wanna try some!" Pinkie exclaims with a happy smile on her face.

Back at her computer that has a clear screen once more, Rainbow spoke up on a bench, "Anyway, Applejack and Pinkie have to suspend the Cutie Mark Crusaders from the operation. Not because they were unlicensed unlicensed sellers or that the foals are too young. Nope. Turns out all those piñatas were fulled of...wait, Big Mac?"

Rainbow didn't type in the last part. She saw Big Macintosh nearby with a lot of cuts on his face; some has bits of glass protruding from them. The stallion sings weakly, "Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass; broken glass." The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an answer. "Eeyup, that junk was still my best birthdays ever."

In a field, Big Macintosh, face still covered with cuts and glass shards, saw Pinkie floating by, puffed up like a balloon. The stallion shrugs this off as he sings on, "Ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird, ugly bird..."

The End

Author's note
Weird; Even the foals are in on the shady operations that Pinkie and Applejack are doing. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Mane Six tries to discover what secrets are hidden in Cloudsdale (Rainbow's that is). Read, review and suggest.

74. buried

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: buried

"Oh, who's checkin' e-mails without her pants, who's checkin' e-mails without her pants!" Rainbow sang while bringing up another e-mail on her computer. Let's see who is sending her a suggestion today.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

Who would be a good colt-friend for Derpy? Time Turner perhaps?

Nobodiez

Rainbow pauses to think then types up her answer, "To be honest, I don't get into Derpy's love life. But Time Turner does sound like someone for her. Or was his name Doctor Whooves? Eh, whatever works; next e-mail!"

Subject: Ancient Ruins?
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Do you know whether or not there are ancient ruins buried somewhere within your own Cloudsdale?
Thanks,
Raul M. Pasquella

Rainbow reads 'Pasquella' as Pathquaya' before she answers while trying, "Well, Rauly Pasqually, I know definitely that there is a lot of stuff buried deep within my own Cloudsdale. Probably because I rent out the clouds to unsavory ponies who wants somewhere to stash, ditch, or make disappear the evidence of their choice." We see Rainbow Dash's business card promoting Cloudsdale as just thing.

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Never thought that these might be an ancient ruins in the clouds though. Well, I believe this calls for Equestria's coolest foals' game show consolation prize: the metal detector!"

As music begins to play we see a blackboard which has the words 'BOOM! TRASH! PUZZLE' written on it. An announcer booms "That's right, our not so lucky contestants will receive the Shadowbolts brand Black Metal Dete-ctor!" We see the Shadowbolts' logo and the mentioned detector. "From Pony Electric Games Kids...Sx!"

We see a picture of a stallion named Scrawny McColt giving an 'OK' sign as we hear him say while his words appear, "Yeah, foal; Find some bits!"

The Mane Six (Twilight uses cloud magic so that she, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie can walks on clouds) stood in a large, shallow depression in the clouds with shovels. Pinkie is wearing a pith helmet while Rainbow held the Shadowbolts metal detector.

"So what are we doing again, Dashie?" Pinkie asks Rainbow curiously.

"I already told you girls! Whers there's ruins, there's riches! As well as booby traps that we can steal ideas from," Rainbow explains to her friends eagerly.

"Rainbow Dash, these are a bunch of clouds. I doubt there are any ancient ruins buried in here." Twilight remarks to Rainbow skeptically.

"Come on, Twilight, lighten up! We done saw weirder things." Applejack said to Twilight with a chuckle. "Who knows? We may be surprised."

"Ugh, fine. But don't be surprised if all we're doing is making holes for ponies to fall into Ponyville in."

"We're ready, Rainbow." Fluttershy said as she and Pinkie gave Rainbow a salute.

"All right, time for us to do thiiiiiiiiiis!" Rainbow exclaims on a high pitch. The mare turns the metal detector on, moving it around. Soon heavy metal beats are heard in changing frequency. "Cool, getting warmer!" After a trot forward, the metal detector made a guitar solo, "Yeah, got something!"

Rainbow steps back as Rarity uses her magic to sweep some clouds with a small brush, causing a small red object to appear. The white unicorn asks curiously, "My, my, what is this curious looking object?"

"Whoa! Awesome, it looks like the top of an enormous riches filled structure thing! Wait, there's an inscription!" Rainbow puts the metal detector down as she reads the object. "'Col...donesdry...' gotta be an ancient civilization name!"

"Gasp, of course! That was an ancient civilization here one time!" Pinkie exclaims in amazement.

"Uh, Rainbow Dash; I think that's just the cap of a bottle of an Apple Cider Dry one time." Twilight said skeptically as she points a hoof at the bottle cap in question. "You could probably just pick it up before that thing falls through all the way and hit somepony."

"What, you crazy? I ain't touching that thing!" Rainbow snaps to Twilight, making the egghead frowns at her. "It's booby-trapped! It could shoot a bunch of poison-tripped magic zebras at me!"

"Yeah, right. Or it's just a bottle cap and you're random as Pinkie Pie."

"What's wrong with being random?" Pinkie asks Twilight curiously as she manages a muffin tray on her mane.

"Come on, Twilight. Just let Rainbow have her own imagination." Applejack remarks to Twilight, wanting the mare to lighten up and not ruin Rainbow's imagination

"Yep. And Twilight, you may be half right." Rainbow said while picking up the metal detector. "Now help me find some riches!" The mare moves the metal detector around the clouds. Then it makes heavy metal beat in changing frequency. "Uh..."

The metal detector makes the guitar solo exclaims, making Fluttershy gasps, "Oh my!" Rainbow drops the said detector to the clouds. "What is this?"

"Check out this futuristic sheet of paper!"

We see Rainbow picking up a sheet of metal foil that has a picture of a smiling alien head with arms, legs and the caption 'FOALY ALIEN'. Rarity in amazement exclaims, "My goodness! This looks like something...unseen!"

"Holy Celestia, yes, I knew it! Cloudsdale was originally colonized by extra-pony aliens!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly. "Oh yeah, that is why I'm so awesome and brilliant! As well as all the beings look the same except for slight differences of our foreheads."

"No, Rainbow Dash, that's just piece of tin foil that has a picture that Scootaloo drew of you a few weeks ago but lost. Why, there's even a petrified flower in there that she left you." Twilight said with an annoyed sigh as Rainbow pulls the said flower out of a fold in the foil's edge.

"Awww, stop ruining my ruins, Jurassic Egghead; This clearly says 'Foaly Alien', which must be the name of my true mother who left me here as a young foal 100s of years ago until someone, I betcha an elderly cupcake enthusiast, somehow disturbed my cocoon!"

"Okay, 'dat is a bit disturbing." Applejack said to Rainbow uneasily while we see the scene described in a thought bubble by Scootaloo-style drawings. Even this mare's imagination is too much to take this time.

"Oh, daddy; why must you keep me stranded here," Rainbow sobs in despair.

"Oh, sorry, Rainbow Dash," Derpy exclaims while appearing from the side. "Was I supposed to come earlier?"

"What? Uh, no, no, I said 'daddy', not your name 'Derpy'; 'Daddy'."

"Daddy, Derpy, whatever; I can take what I can get."

"Huh?" The ponies ask a bit confused by what Derpy just said.

"Anyway, I'm here for my weekly...ahem...'delivery' that Time Turner wanted me to deliver for him." Derpy remarks while clearing her own throat.

Derpy motions to a bunch of barrels labeled 'inTOXICatingly good OOZE' near her, making Fluttershy gasps, "Oh my!"

"Oh right, just bury it wherever." Rainbow said to Derpy with a shrug. "But don't forget, if you find any ruins, hot stallion aliens or riches, those are mine, got it?"

"Uh, what about fellas named Rich as in anypony related to Filthy Rich?" Derpy ask Rainbow cluelessly.

"Huh, what," Twilight ask Derpy in bewilderment. "Mr. Rich doesn't have any other relatives besides his daughter and wife! As far as I know that are still alive."

"Oh, okay! Then he can stay where he is!"

"Ugh, any chance that I can unhear the last few sentences?" Rarity asks, a bit uneasy by the conversion that Rainbow and Derpy just spoke of. "Or years of my life?"

Back at her computer, Rainbow types in while saying, "Anyway, no, Rascual Perez, there isn't any ancient ruins within Cloudsdale...or not one foot under the surface anyway. I mean, digging is so hard! Ever you have tried to dig a hole? It isn't all wipes and montages like in the movies, it takes forever! But who knows what cool wonders lie one and a half feet within Cloudsdale? Or, pause for special effect, a few feet within it! Why, it staggers my cool imagination!"

We see an illustration of what might be a few feet within Rainbow moving onscreen. After a while, the new paper appears, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We can hear the Mayor speaking, "Oooh, that thing looks delicious! I would take two slices of that, a piece of the igneous pie and a molten core tart!"

A mare remarks, "Wow; that looks sinful."

"Shut up, filly!"

We see a promo for Apple Cider Dry as a bottle cap for one move across a purple background. An announcer booms, "Apple Cider Dry, the official beverage of the Shadowbolts!"

Now we see a picture of Scrawny McColt with a word balloons, words appear in it as he speaks, "Yah, ponies, Ypple Cider Vry!"

"Right, Scrawn, try to speak Equestrian!"

The End

Author's note
Who knows what secrets lies within Cloudsdale? No one knows...for now. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow reveals her shape shifting powers but shows why it isn't attractive as it sounds. Read, review and suggest.

75. shapeshifting

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: shapeshifter

"All right, ponies, back again and checking e-mails from my pals...I mean, the Bronies that write me." Rainbow said as she brings up the next e-mail of the show.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

What would you do if a group of giant transforming robots appear in Equestria? Would you trust them?

nobodiez

"So you mean the Autobots that the egghead and the princess met right? Hmm, well, I haven't seen them yet but if I do, I will see." Rainbow answers while typing in her answer, "Next e-mail!"

Subject: e-mail
Dear Rainbowdash, if you could shapeshift just like the Changelings, waht would you turn into?
From Baxter Eastergard Anachovies, Washinpony

Rainbow reads 'waht' wrong with high infection as well as 'Baxter Eastergard Anachovies, Washinpony' as the sender's full name. We see a picture of Fluttershy as a weather forecaster. The mare rolls her eyes while saying, "Oh brother. You can't be a weatherpony with a name like that? So how about Paco East," She begins to type while continuing, "Well, you think that I of all ponies would be all over this shafeshifting thing, Paco, especially since those dumb Changelings can do it. But if comic books, movies, cartoons and Sci-Fi Original Movies has shown me anything, it's that the power comes with a bunch of boring lame rules and restrictions that limits it potential Turn-Into-A-Bulldozer-Whenever-I-Wantity."

Rainbow clears the screen as she spoke in a mocking tone of voice, "Yeah, you can turn into a pony machine gun but not bullets, contemporary jazz turns you back to normal; you must turn into gifts knitted for you by your grandma." The mare spoke normally, "Other horsecrap like that. For example, let's say that I could turn into any species...THAT ARE BALLOON ANIMALS!"

We see Rainbow standing near Rarity along with Spike; his hair is messed up while his body got polka dots. He appears to be foaming at the mouth.

"Look out, a rabid Spike!" Rainbow gasps in Rarity in alarm. "Let me handle this!"

The scene soon pauses like a video tape as we hear Rainbow saying, "Yeah, another thing about shapeshifting? You gotta have a cool trademark sound effect that happens every time you change forms." The scene is in pause.

"Shapeshift into...a huge Manticore; DWAYNE," Rainbow exclaims. The word 'DWAYNE!' appears above the mare and fades, it continues to do so everytime Rainbow shapeshifts. Right now, the mare turned into a pink, four-legged balloon animal, "Gah! I didn't say a poodle, I said 'Manticore'! DWAYNE!"

Rainbow turns into a blue balloon of the same shape, but this time with a different tail and a droopy nose. The mare snaps, "A Manticore, not a donkey! Dwayne!" The sound effect appears in lowercase and with an even more annoyed tone to it. Rainbow turns into an orange balloon animal. Still the same shape but she got shorter ears and muzzle, "Oh yeah, much better! Stand back!" Of course, the wind chose that time to show up, blowing the balloon mare away, "Oh boy."

Rarity gasps as the mad Spike jumps right at her. But the scene is paused in the nick of time. Rainbow's voice is heard again, "Ooh, but what if I could turn into legal tender?"

We see Rainbow approaching Time Turner's place as her voice continues, "You know, one of the only good legal things in existence?"

"Hey Time Turner? How much for that awesome Equestrian hot tub you got back there?" Rainbow asks Time Turner with a smile.

"The what," Time Turner ask puzzled, not sure what Rainbow meant at first; then he looks down and saw the hot tub in question, "Oh, that thing! Yeah, it's back here. But it will run you one hundred..." The two ponies jerk their heads back twice. "...bits."

"Oh yeah, Coltish deals! Shapeshift into...a 100 bits bill! DWAYNE!"

Rainbow turns into a 100 bits bill that floats down onto the counter. Ironically, the wind chose that time to return, sending the mare flying away from the place. Not her luck.

"Yeah, apparently wind can be one big problem for most shapeshifters." Rainbow's voice admits in a bit of annoyance.

Sure enough, Pinkie bounces in, spotting Rainbow floating by while saying, "Nice! A 100 bit thing," She grabs the shapeshifting mare from the air and puts her in...who knows where, causing drops of liquid to go flying. "I can put you right into where I keep my sweaty-sweat-sweats; Okie dokie lokie!"

Pinkie hits her waist for emphasis, causing more liquid to go flying. Kinda...disgusting, don't you think?

Rainbow, lying on the floor next to her computer chair, looks disgusted and distressed. She didn't want to imagine that! The mare groans, "Blaaaaaaaggghhhh! Hang on, I can do this again. Maybe I could turn into...almost any pony in Equestria. Hey, the Changelings can do that. Is that too much to ask?"

We see Rainbow and Spike in the field, standing next to a large structure made from round objects. The mare exclaims, "No worries! I think I know how to get us through this 10 foot thick wall of chocolate cakes! Shapeshift into...Applejack! DWAYNE!" The pony turns into Applejack, though her voice stays the same with a Southern accent added in. "Hee-yah! It worked! Ah done betcha 'dis could take a few seconds!"

Rainbow leans forward and makes chomping noises. One problem, the chocolate cakes are unaffected. The mare in annoyance exclaims, "Hey! Why isn't this working?" She took a look at one side and saw the problem: half of her isI missing, much to her bitterness. "Oh yeah, I get it..." Spike of course screams in terror, running off. "Yeah, I can turn into almost anypone. Okay, two can play at this lame, dumb rules of shapeshifting!"

Rainbow, in her normal form, is back at Time Turner's lab, the stallion is no around. With a devilish smirk, the mare asks, "Hey Time Turner? How much for that awesome Equestrian hot tub you got back there? Shapeshift into...TIME TURNER!" She turns into...a human that kinda resembles Time Turner. "What the hay? I turned into a human version of Time Turner, the wrong 'almost'. Oh great, this place was supposed to be foalproof! The ponies don't know what Time Turner was once was before..."

"Hey Time Turner, Time Turner; Coming to your place to speak with you," Pinkie is heard counting.

"Gah, wait. I can still make this work!" Rainbow exclaims as she jumps behind the counter and put on a bag that looks like Time Turner's face, stallion version. She did this just in time as Pinkie bounces happily onto the scene.

"Hey, good bag, Time Turner! I'd like one Equestrian hot tub!" Pinkie exclaims as she take out some familiar bits from her own person. "How about I used this moistened bits that I found earlier?"

"Wait, what?" Rainbow asks confused, recognizing the money as herself in her bits form. Just then the balloon animal that she turned into in another imagination floats past.

"Neat, a giraffe!"

Back in reality, Rainbow sat at her computer, looking confused as she types in, "Wow, that was confusing. See what I mean? Shapeshifting is filled with confusing problems and a severe lack of hot tubs! Not worth..."

"Hey Rainbow Dash," Derpy heard is saying speaking, making Rainbow turn. "Coming into your home to speak to you!"

"Oh horse feathers! DWAYNE!"

Rainbow quickly turns into a colorful scarf that got the tag on it which is labeled 'From: Granny'. Derpy chose that time to walk in with a chessboard with vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top of a muffin, along with other chess pieces. No Rainbow Dash however...just a scarf.

"Awww, horse apples; you again, scarf from Granny! Forget it!" Derpy exclaims angrily. She didn't want to play with a scarf, the mare wanted to play with Rainbow!

Derpy turns around and flew away out of the house. Rainbow in amusement said, "Phew. Perhaps shapeshifting isn't all bad after all...once I control it right. Thanks, grandma."

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. We now see Rainbow turning into the forms from before like the balloon donkey, a $100 bits thing, Time Turner's human form, Rainbow and back to the scarf each time with the 'Dwayne!' shape shifting sound effect. We also see something for a giveaway for some reason.

The End

Author's note
Well, well, maybe not all shapeshifting is bad, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains her favorite movie genres as she tries to get herself into a higher rated movie. Read, review and suggest.

76. rated

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: rated

"My e-mail is a cell phone. No it's not! My e-mail is a CAR-phone! That's right." Rainbow sings as she brings up the first e-mail of her show.

Dear Rainbow Dash

What would you say if you witnessed somepony running through the market yelling "I'm a vampony!" over and over again?

John SJ Toongamer

"Then you saw Pinkie being random again. Next e-mail," Rainbow answers the next e-mail which is aligned to the right side of the screen.

Subject: Fav Movie?
Dear Rainbow Dash,
What movie is your all time favorite and why; And where, if applicable.
Sincerely,
R. Ightformat

Rainbow in annoyance types erratically over the page, snapping, "Oh, you think you're pretty darn clever, eh? -e. email lamey," She doesn't find this amusing at all.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on in a normal tone of voice, "To be honest, I don't have a favorite movie...which means I do but the list is a lot. I do have a favorite genre of films! The R-rated ones! A-can I get a..." The mare speaks in a high-pitched voice, "'restricted'?"

"A-restrict..." A familiar pony is heard as we see Fluttershy in a white shirt that said 'Restricted' on it with a tent behind herself. The mare is also holding a sign that said the same word…"

"Fluttershy! Sorry, but I don't mean you!"

"Awww, I have waited 3 days to do that."

Rainbow, turning back to her computer, resumes typing as she said, "The only thing better than the R-rated films are the double and triple R-rated kind! How about I break down the subtle difference for you ponies? In an R-rated movie, the hero always blows folks up in self-defense. But in double R..." The mare types in RR. "...rated movies are allowed to blur the line! Wow, I saw this one double R-rated movie where the hero steps on this griffin and he didn't kill it...but later in the film, that bum wishes that he did! The GOOD GUY, I mean, come on, how messed up is that? You can't let foals watch that kind of thing! Now in triple R..." Rainbow types in RRR. "...rated movies, you can show bullets going all the way through creatures!"

We see a street crossing sign that shows a stallion with one bowler hat. Rainbow's voice explains, "In the front, through their guts, organs and breakfast, all of it come out right out the back door! Wow, nasty, Brony!" As the mare said this, a bullet goes through the horse, making a rip through his back and causing two organs (probably a stomach and a heart), his breakfast and anything else to go out the back. The bullet appears, flying right out of the scene.

The scene fades to show this green rating card...

THE FOLLOWING FILM HAS BEEN APPROVED
FOR CERTAIN AUDIENCES
BY SOME PONIES WHO KNOWS WHAT'S BEST

IT BE RATED RRR FOR EXPLICIT BREAKFAST BREAKING BULLETS

Rainbow's voice adds, "Yeah, there are some triple-rated stuff that even yours truly cannot stomach."

Rainbow continues typing at her AwesomeX as she explains, "Only 3 films had ever been made..." As the mare lists them, we see posters for each film. "'Mare's Prison Saling Disaster', The Horns of Power series and 'Axe-Gun: Legends of the Brain Alicorn Killer'. Wow, they even banned films like those in the Griffin Territory where you are required by law to eat some puppies for breakfast." We see a box of 'Crispy Puppy Griffin Cereal'. "And if any theater somehow manages to show it, like ours is in which I am no longer banned after I paid off the damages for blowing up the theater and promised to sit by myself afterwards, you must be 60 years something older to buy tickets."

Granny Smith stood waiting to tear tickets then spies Rainbow who is wearing a weird hat and is carrying a suitcase. She trots up, drops the said suitcase and rubs her back saying, "Ouch, my wings. Oh, hey, good mare. Just taking my two fillies here whose are home from college to see their first triple R-rated movie."

We see Lyra, in a white baseball cap, a headband and a backpack, standing with Bon-Bon who is wearing a Disco like sweatshirt. The former remarks in a college voice, "Yo, daddy; All right if I borrow the car?"

"Hey, daddy, Buddy and I are like moving in together!" Bon-Bon remarks to Rainbow, trying to pretend to be older.

"Hey, I will deal with you two brats later!" Rainbow snaps to Lyra and Bon-Bon. She turns back to Granny Smith, smiling while giving out a nervous laugh. "Heh, what can I say; those two ponies that are old enough for me to be in my 60s; Whatcha going to do, eh?"

"Fine, but I wanna see some ID first?" Granny Smith ask, making Rainbow yelps as she pat her wings and rubs her head vigorously. She has forgotten to get a fake ID!

"Oh...well, yeah, I seem to have left my ID in my other, old and more professional briefcase...well..."

"Eh, nice try, young'un, but come back when you're grown up or something."

Rainbow, Lyra and Bon-Bon stood behind a brick wall, leaning against it. As the Pegasus pony groans in defeat, her pals, still in her college outfits and with Rainbow's hat next to herself, sighs. Bon-Bon said, "Told you that dumb plan wouldn't work. We should've been your parents, Rainbow Dash!"

"What? No way," Rainbow snaps to Bon-Bon with a frown. "Hay, I am too awesome for anyone to believe that I'm your kid! Plus, Lyra looks like she could be my mom, but uglier!"

"Thanks! Want me to shave my hooves?" Lyra asks Rainbow with a grin.

"I will ignore that, okay? Well, only 1 thing left to do now..."

In the library, Rainbow and Lyra sat on the couch while Bon-Bon stood behind it, all of them are watching a movie. Two bags of chips, the hat and briefcase are on and around the couch.

"Oh yeah, nothing like watching lowercase R-rated movies on scrambled cable to make things awesome." Rainbow said with a pleased look on her face. Of course, the truth is the ponies are watching blurry, colored swirls of static, scrolling up across the screen.

But the trio can hear the movie as a stallion is heard snapping, "Come on; blast it! Stop eating the grass!"

"I think I saw a puppy got eaten." Lyra comments on the film.

"Creepy blood, whoa." A filly's voice is heard from the TV.

"Wow, one luuuurid sale." Bon-Bon commented.

"Real gross wound." A stallion mumbles a bit.

"Wow, gross! Look at all that breakfast!" Rainbow's voice remarks in disgust.

"Broken skull puncture!"

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close as a girl is heard saying, "Two undies..."

In her home, Gilda is watching Rainbow's show on her TV, her former friend comments, "Wow, they even banned films like those in the Griffin Territory where you are required by law to eat some puppies for breakfast!"

Gilda in surprise exclaims as she turns to her left, "Yo, Bucky! Get my bags ready, got it? And don't forget my metal claws!"

In the computer room, Fluttershy and Scootaloo stood in yellow shirts while holding signs, both of them read 'Holy Horsecrap'. The former commented, "Just a couple more days, honest! She is waaaaaay overdue!"

The End

Author's note
Well, there you, the rated films, folks. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow educates us on the toys that can be found in the cereal boxes. Read, review and suggest.

Bucky is an OC made by Nobodiez.

77. specially marked

Author's note
Almost forgot to respond to nobodiez's question: the princess met the Autobots in the side stories to an author's 'The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds' which can be found at fimfiction.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: specially marked

Guess what, folks? Rainbow is at it again as she sat in front of her computer, singing, "If everypony in the world checked their e-mail, the Internet would probably break."

Dear Rainbow ,

I was thinking how many timeshave you been pranked? it's been givng me some ideas i was thinking pranking Pinkie maybejus for fun nothing cruel just fun also i have a question. Have any Stallions asked youout on a date in your life ? now keep in mind that it's my cruiosity blame that ,Anyway you up for another date?

Your's truely .

Adam

Rainbow pauses then answers as she types in, "Timeshave? You mean how many times I was pranked? Probably a few times, I guess; as for stallions besides you, none so far but that doesn't mean that they don't want me; As for another date, I will checked my date book and get back to you; Next e-mail!"

Subject: cerial box toys
Hey ho, Rainbow Dash!
What kind of free toys would you put in specially marked cerial boxes?
PB
Over the edge

Rainbow reads 'Hey ho, Rainbow Dash' as 'Hey! Ho! Rainbow Dash' as if in a hi hop and 'cerial' as 'cerial'. The mare types in as she explains, "Well, Problem Brian, glad you asked. I have been wanting to give those kind of boxes one specially marked of my mind for some time now." We now see a book by a certain book company.

We see a dotted line near the top of Rainbow's head. Two lines appear, going from a circle to a new one, this time large and in front of her head. In the bigger circle is a picture of Rainbow Dash's brain.

"Okay, I choose...this piece." Rainbow commented as an arrow points to the spot on the left side of her brain. Once the mare clears the screen, the circles disappear. She types in, "Anyway, before you can get the so-called cool toys inside, you gotta navigate the treacherous, jaggedy rock filled class 6 rapids of specially marked cereal box fake outs! Fortunately, yours truly is a lame sandal wearing hippie with a ponytail that has been these rapids with a bunch of tourists all the time!"

In Cloudsdale, we see Rainbow and Scootaloo, the filly is wearing a ponytail and a helmet, in the 'Cloud Voyage Amazing Adventure' box with the usual hose running in front of it.

"Okay, ponies, I need you all to lean hard to the right!" Rainbow exclaims as she takes out the non-working microphone, making a clicking noise.

In Rarity's kitchen, Rainbow trots in from the right as she speaks, "Now the first hazard you gotta deal with is anything grown in Io-Colt in the name. You know..." As music plays in the background, we see boxes of 'Corn Crunch', 'Wheat Laugh', 'Oat My!', 'Crispy Pig Crunchies', and 'Equestrian-O's' as she speaks them in that order. "...stuff like corn, wheat, oats, pigs, stuff with fundamentally sound college basketball players. Stay away from these. Those cereals only put fitness related horsecrap in specially marked boxes."

We see a step counter against a blue background. The flashing letters on the bottom say 'One Free TakeTrottaTM Trot Take Monitor!' Rainbow is heard speaking sarcastically, "Oh wow, I count how many trots that I took today. Nice." We also see a picture of some sort of defibrillator appearing. On top of the screen is 'Clear?! One Free-OTM Defib Kit Inside!' "Oh yeah, if my heart stops, I can always restart it!"

Back in Rarity's kitchen, Rainbow's face is on the box of 'Awesome-Os' as she say, "What you definitely be looking for are cereal that got sound effects in the name." The box flies and as the mare names the sound effects, boxes of Fruit Smacks, Chocolate Breakfast Candy Bars Booms, Rainboom Puffs, Magic Power Blasts and Sugar Rittled Wings in a Crowded Mall appears in order. "Like Smacks, Booms, Rainbooms, magic and uh...wings in a crowded mall."

We see Rainbow standing in the kitche. X, explosions, boxing gloves, squares, horseshoes and Jello shaped marshmallows appear around her while the mare continues, "You know the kind with the weird sugared pieces of stuff that they claim to be marshmallows? These babies are guaranteed to have a..." One of her hooves reaches into a box of Pony Commando-Os. "...reach your nasty unwashed hoof straight to the bottom of the box kinda toy in it." Rainbow takes out a Sergeant Jello figure in its blister pack.

As Rainbow stood in the kitchen with a box of Fruit Smacks on the table, she continues, "Now the, up next are the three most useless letters in the specially marked alphabet. U...P...C...If you spot these wastes of serif on a cereal box..." We now see the bar code for a moment. "Then turn and trot the hay out of there pal! Because not only does this mean that they got to make you buy..." Six more boxes of Fruit Smacks appear. "...several more boxes that you gotta cut the bar codes off of, but you gonna..."

We now see a close shot of Cereal Stuff. There is red text above that reads 'FREE PLUSH CEREAL BOX' with the black text reading, 'WTIH 25 PROOFS OF PURCAHSE AS WELL AS $15 SHIPPING AND HANDLING.' Rainbow continues, "...have to get your mom involved to write a check for the shipping and handling if she's back from Los Pegasus!" A record is heard scratching.

Rainbow stood, talking angrily as she slams a hoof onto the table, "Oh, those lame cereal boxes! Leave my mom out of this, okay?!" We see a box of Pony Commando-Os once more. "Now then, some cereal can't be bothered with toys anyway. Nope, they try and pass off the back of the box..." The box flips showing a cut out of Zapp Cracker's head that has holes at the sides to make it into a mask. The top left shows that it needs scissors to be cut out along with the words 'snip cut', "...as some kind of prize. That dotted line you expect me to cut along is one big toyless slaps in my face! Stuff liked masks..." The Zapp's face turns into a maze that shows Uni-Corn at the maze's entrance in the bottom left with a caption 'Help! I'm lost!' "...mazes..." The maze's top part became a word search, most consists of uncommon letters like 'Q' while the words 'BUY MORE CEREAL' appears in bold. We also see Blast-nold in the upper right with a caption reading 'Find 3 words!' "...word searches, blah! I mean, some Bronies may find that stuff amusing but not me!"

Rainbow throws the box as she continues, "Yeah, I also know the kind of ponies who would enjoy these kind of fun stuff on the cereal boxes' backs. And I will say this; they are real easy to beat up!"

Of course, we see Derpy in a Zapp Cracker mask, saying, "Boo, Rainbow Dash, boo! I'm a cracking Zapp!"

"You know what kind of toys that I would put in specially marked boxes?"

"Yeah?"

"Anything...heavy...pointy enough to do lasting damage to your face," Rainbow exclaims as she reaches into the cereal box, throwing out what appears to be a chainsaw like carriage then throws it at Derpy, sending her backwards onto the floor, "Sorry, Derpy; Just letting out frustration!"

"No problem, Rainbow Dash! Also, while I'm down here, can you help me finish this word search? I can't find 'dextrose-flavornoids'." Derpy said happily. The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. We see a printable Zapp Cracker along with the cereal boxes seen in this e-mail.

The End

Author's note
Listen to Rainbow Dash, folks. She knows well. In the next e-mail/chapter, the mare writes love poems for the hopeless romantics. Read, review and suggest.

78. love poems

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: love poems

"Colt, where's my money that you owe me from all those e-mails that you wrote me?" Rainbow sang while bringing up an e-mail. Let's see what pony is e-mailing her this time.

Miss Rainbow Dash:

We know it was you who trampled all the DNA Evidences, we will come for you soon with an aprension order.

Signed: The Equestrian Bureau of Investigation, "Party Cart" Special Weapons Assault Tactics team

Rainbow roll her eyes then say sarcastically, "Oh no, it's the EBI, they found me out; Well, I guess I got no choice but to...DELETED!" The mare does the usual deleted technique.

DELETED!

"Ugh, I hate these trolls, you know." Rainbow snaps in annoyance before bringing up the next e-mail.

Subject: love poem
Dear Miss Rainbow [Dash],
I am in love. Sadly, I am absotively blunderous when it concerns the words for when I speak. Can you help me to write a love poem?
Sincerely,
Another Hopeless Romantic

Rainbow pauses before reading '[Dash]' and read 'hopeless' as 'youngless'. We see a book written by Granny Smith.

The
YOUNGLESS
ROMANTIC

verses from the barn
and alarming recipes for
apple stew

by
Granny Smith

Rainbow types in as she say, "Well, get your cloudy stained jacket on, buddy, and gather around the fire in the barn, Youngless Romantic. The Dash [Doctor]..." She put in same pause duration as before. "...is here to help you out!"

In the classroom, Rainbow stood in front of a blackboard with some weird turtleneck and a familiar captain's hat. The word 'Dash' is written on the blackboard next to an arrow that points downward.

"Hey there, Doctor Hurricane Dashdown here; Do you know that writing love poems is easy as telling fillies or colts that she is so hot with the most frou-frouest words that you can think up of? Well, for poetic inspiration, I would swipe the names of scented candle fragrances!" The mare exclaims. We fade out.

As we fade back, we see Rainbow in front of a gray background. As she held up a lit orange and green candle with a labeled 'Equestrian Staged Sunset', echoes are heard as the mare said, "Oh, your eyes...they flicked like an Equestrian Staged Sunset."

Rainbow put her hoof down before holding up a lit white candle with a label saying 'Fresh Cotton Cloud' in her right hoof, saying, "Your mane flows like Fresh Cotton Clouds that hang right in the sky." She put the hoof down before holding a lit brown candle labeled 'Granny's Apple Cinnamon Cider' in her left, "Granny's Apple Cinnamon Cider is how I described your mouth."

Rainbow put her hoof down as she says, "As for your nose...why, it's like an unscented emergency candy..." The mare held up a white candled that is unlabeled, "...when the power goes out."

Back in the classroom, the echoes stops as the mare continues, "Okay, another way of fancying a love poem up is to replace random letters in the middle of the words with apostrophes." We see the background where 'Dash' and the arrow had been erased but remain faintly visible. As Rainbow speaks, the words in quotes appear on the blackboard in chalk, the mare's voice slightly echoes again. "'It is never ever over, my lover of clover' can become 'Tis ne'er e'er o'er m'lo'er o' clo'er.'"

Applejack is leaning in from the right, the echoes stop as she remarks, "Hoo doggy! Now yer're done speaking mah language!"

"Applejack, get out!" Rainbow snaps to Applejack who leaves quickly. "Stallions or mares love it when you speak all Celestian." The word '-Celestian' appears to the right of her. "But you shouldn't be too afraid to get all Luna'..." '-Lunan' appears under the first word on the blackboard. "...Or Meganan..." '-Megan' appears under '-Lunan'. "...if the time calls for it."

We now see a Teen Colt Squad scene with Football Jock and Hum Dum, the former has an annoyed look that has the shirt reading 'poi fect' on it while saying, "I really can't stand how Megan talks!"

As the Football Jock looks annoyed and Hum Dum frowns, we see a filly named Megan, bending backwards with a happy look on her face while her tongue sticks out. She says, "I'th hath a cruth on ethry colt'th!"

As the two TCS members looks annoyed, Megan looks puzzled, not sure as to why they're annoyed. A different filly named Luna, her mouth wide open and her mane flying behind her, rush in, saying, "I herly berly on ferly werly!"

Arrow'd Eagle appears as Billie Goat Shakespeare, spearing Megan and Luna, much to the pleasure of the Football Jock and Hum Dum who watched on. Narrator Rainbow Dash boomed, "Shakespeared!"

"Of course, if that olde age stuff is too olde schoole for you, how about a more contemporary approach with an overweight R&B make out jam?" Rainbow asks in the classroom with music playing. "Just make sure that your tone is well-dressed enough and sweaty enough. It wouldn't matter what you say if you do."

We now see a Activated by Spike background with yellow lights shining out of it. A stallion named Lawrence Lover held a microphone in the lower the right as he drifts to the upper left, he begins to sing.

Lawrence Lover: This is Lawrence Lover with a sweaty overweight jam!

The stallion disappears, reappearing in the lower left as he drifts to the upper right.

My name is Lawrence Lover with a sweaty overweight ham!

Lawrence disappears before reappearing in the upper center, drifting down.

It may be five pounds...

The Pound sterling symbol appears in Lawrence Lover's right sunglasses lens, the number 5 is in his left ones.

...ten pounds,

The 5 change into a 10.

twenty pounds,

Once the 10 turns into a 20, Lawrence disappears with two versions of him appearing on both sides, drifting towards the center.

Just a little bit overweight, now welcome, filly, to sweaty town!

Back in the classroom, Rainbow adds, "And when that will get you slapped and removed from the building by security, which normally happens with some annoying rappers, you can always buy a 14 pound bag of extra long..."

Just then, Derpy flew in from the left wearing a similar turtleneck, interrupting as she says, "Ah ha, Rainbow Dash! Funny when you try to speak grown up pony!"

"And what are you on about, Miss Doo?"

"Well, everypony knows that I'm the only one around here with any hooves on experience with the stallions! Just listen to this make out inducing number that I threw together this mo'ning!" Derpy smiles as she begins to dance and speak in rhythm, "This mo'nin'." The whole thing became catchy as even Rainbow is dancing along, "This mo, re-mo; re-mo-mo'ning!"

"Okay, go ahead, but only because that little song was kind of cool." Rainbow said with a shrug; May as well see what rhythm that her friend has made.

"Thanks! Ahem!"

We fade out...

...and fade back in to show Derpy, now with a rainbow mane similar to Rainbow's, in front of a gray background. The mare is on the left. To her right is a paper with the word 'TIME TURNER' written vertical.

As Derpy's voice slightly echoes, she speaks, "Time is for tortillas..." We see 'tortilla' appear next to the 'T' on the paper, "The real stuff, not brand! I is for not-organic ice cream..." 'ICE CREAM' appears next to the 'I', "Pesticles, ahoy! M is for melons..." 'MELONS' appears next to the 'M'. "...that is hard to swallow! E is too hard so I will pass on this one." 'PASS' appears next to the 'E' on the paper. "T is for tacos!" 'T' appears next to the word 'tacos'. "...and..."

"Derpy!" Rainbow is heard snapping in annoyance.

Back in the classroom, the echoes stop as Derpy's rainbow is gone. The confused mare asks, "Huh? What's wrong, Rainbow Dash?"

"That isn't a love poem! That is just some grocery list that you made there!" Rainbow remarks to Derpy in annoyance as the latter hold up a small piece of line paper, the words 'amazing thing' is written four times on the other side.

"Nah; this is my grocery list! Amazing thing, amazing thing, amazing thing, and of course, amazing thing!"

"Geez, where the hay have you been shopping?"

"The Cloudsdale Mall, of course!" Derpy exclaims happily to her friend.

Rainbow blinks and asks skeptically, "Uh, are you and Time Turner even dating right now?"

"Are we dating right now?" Derpy ask with a chuckle while smiling. "Yeah, are we even d...are we even d..." The mare pauses then spoke quietly and sadly, "Actually, no. I haven't got the nerve to ask him out yet."

"Never?"

"Yes, not even..." Derpy begins dancing and singing, "This mo'nin'!"

Both of them begin to sing together, "This mo'nin'! This mo, re-mo, re-mo-"

Rainbow back on her computer types in as she said, "So there you have it; My Youngless Roma'ic. Love Poems 101. Oh the hearts you could win..." She held up a plug-in air freshener. "Like this cloud scented plug in." The mare put its down. "All right, new paper whom I still can't stand, come and get some."

The new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see Spike looks eager as he jumps up and done, holding book of poem titled 'Rarity Poem Tome by Spike'. We see a phone nearby as the audio of the e-mail can be heard faintly in the distance.

"Come on, why isn't Rainbow calling me in on the Rainbow Dashphone?!" Spike asks eagerly and anxiously. "This e-mail was made for a hopeless romantic like me!"

We can hear Rainbow in the background, "...Well, get your cloudy stained jacket on, buddy, and gather around the fire in the barn, Youngless Romantic. The Dash..."

The End

Author's note
Well, folks, Rainbow has given out some advice to you love poem people. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare helps out with the whole Hide and Seek game. Read, review and suggest.

79. hiding

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: hiding

"Junk it, and check it, send me an e-mail and I'll wreck it!" Rainbow sings while checking up on her latest e-mail. The mare is getting closer to e-mail 200, she can smell it...

Dear RD,

I've wondered have you ever had feelings for somepony and they would give there life for you i've been curious my whole life . Still i think I like you as a friend or maybe more than a friend i don' know your beautiful loyal to the end and i would give my life to proect you if you get my meaning anyway i'm no Twilight bu i have my moments anyway no matter what if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or somepony or 'somebody' to talk to i'm here besides something tells me that you and me are going to have an interesting life (smiley face)

Your's Truely

Adam (smiley face)

PS: have you ever travled all of Equestria ?

Rainbow types in saying, "No, I haven't travelled all over yet. Come to think, why the hay didn't I? I didn't go much further than I normally would. What the hay is wrong with me? As for somepony, that's for me to know." The mare coughs, "Soarin'!" She coughs once more. Anywoo, thanks for the nice words, next e-mail!"

Subject: hide n seek
Dear Dudette,
What is your most awesome hiding place when playing hide and go seek? I'm sure you can just stand somewhere and no one will ever find you right.
20% Awesomely Yours,
Dudette 1
Scarlette, MO

Rainbow reads the second sentence after 'I'm sure you' with a monotonous rhythm. After right, the mare remarks, "Hey, pal; Noone can find me wrong if he's good looking enough." The mare always reads 'Scarlette, MO' as 'Scar, Lette Moe'. We see a book that is ttiled 'Scar, Lette Moe!'

Rainbow types in while saying, "Well, anypony that has a little filly or a Pinkie Pie knows, hide and seek can be so more useful than just playing it…"

We see Rainbow talking to Scootaloo as the mare said, "Prestigious monk, but I..."

"Hey Dashie, hey Scoots!" Pinkie exclaims happily as she bounces in on the right, much to the two ponies' notice. "Guess what? I'm here to make all your Super Duper funny dreams come true!"

"Pinkie Pie! Scootaloo and I are in the middle of something cool here!"

"How about 15 bits? I can make 15 bits come true?"

Pinkie happily throws a bunch of bits onto the ground. Rainbow sighs. As much as she doesn't want to be mean, the mare wants to get away from her friend for a while...or get Pinkie Pie away!

Rainbow, getting an idea, say, "Say, I got an awesome idea, Pinkie. Let's play hide and seek!"

"Oooh, that is way better! I will hide, you seek, Dashie!" Pinkie squeals happily as she rushes off to the right. Rainbow sighs a bit. At least she's gone.

"Pinkie Pie, she is so random. Anyway, Scoots, back to what we were doing..."

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, asking, "Yeah, pretty darn effective, eh? Unfortunately, there are some unpleasant side effects from playing these pleasant games of Hide and Seek...or in this case, just Hide n'."

Rainbow mumbles as she goes into her bathroom which is dark, all tired. The mare mumbles, "Sleepy...mumble...must pee...sleepy..."

As the lights are come, a familiar voice shouts, "Wowie, you found me, Dashie!" Rainbow yelps awake as she jumps in disguise. There's Pinkie in her bathtub with cinnamon on her face and she is wearing a torn shirt!

"Gah; Pinkie Pie; What are you doing in here?!"

"Oh, remember earlier yesterday? You asked if I wanted to play hide and seek, you silly filly!"

"Oh yeah..." Rainbow said, recalling how she promised Pinkie Pie to play hide and seek with her, just to get the pink pony away. The Pegasus pony has since forgotten. Rainbow scratches her mane while asking, "But...didn't I taken 3 baths since then?"

"Oh, I have been in here." Pinkie said a bit tired. This causes Rainbow to jump up and scream in fear. Her friend has been in here during that time?!

The scene fades out, Rainbow still in the air with Pinkie sinking in her bathtub. The Pegasi's voice is heard saying, "Yeah, it works the other way too."

Outside Pinkie's home, Rainbow and Scootaloo held a rope next to a cage, beneath is a plate of cupcakes and a glass of lemonade. The mare, straining as the cage creaks, groans, "I don't get it! Where is she? Pinkie usually falls for this one by now."

"I am not sure...maybe Pinkie decides to look elsewhere for us." Scootaloo remarks with a grunt.

"Ugh, stupid clever hide and seek ploy! This thing is getting waaaaay too heavy; Time for the Lyra Heartstrings bait!"

"Right!"

Scootaloo drops a fake hand onto the top of the other items. Lyra is heard exclaiming with glee, "Sweet, hands!"

Back at the AwesomeX, Rainbow types in, "There was a time when I used to try to play that game. But it isn't easy with all the obvious ponies around here."

We see Big Macintosh attempting to hide by turning his back to the Tree. Rainbow appears standing in front, sighing, "Big Macintosh, pal? That's the same spot you hid in every time we play."

To Rainbow's surprise, Big Macintosh leans out from 'himself', which appears to be a fake Big Mac, saying in disappointment, "Aw shoot; Almost won!"

"Whoa! Did you make a hiding spot of yourself hiding in your usual hiding spot; to hide behind!'

"Eeyup; Stayed up all night to work on it too!"

"Well, it was worth your time." Rainbow remarked, impressed with Big Macintosh's handiwork.

At night, Rainbow was flying around, waving her hands in frustration while saying, "All right, fine, I give up, Fluttershy! You win! Olly olly oxen free!"

Just then, Fluttershy appears holding a sign that has a picture of an ox that reads 'OXEN FREE!' The mare demands, "Right, Ollie, set those oxen free! Oxen free, Oxen free!"

"Put your sign away, Fluttershy. We're only playing a game here."

Fluttershy pauses then turn her sign around to show the other side that shows the ox playing baseball that said 'PLAYING A GAME'. Rainbow shakes her head while her friends chant, "Playing a game, playing a game!"

In the library, Rainbow stood balancing motionless on one leg on a podium that has the words 'RAINBOW DASH' on it. Spike stood on the left while saying, "Cool! Check out this extremely awesome statue that looks like Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow sighs in annoyance as she turns to Spike, saying, "Spike, you found me. Looks like I'm 'it' now."

"Cool; An animatronic Rainbow Dash that talks back!"

"Say, that's a great idea! Spike, I think your weird stuff is paying off at last!"

Rainbow flies off to the right in excitement. Spike raises his arms up while exclaiming, "Yeah, it was so worth it!"

Out in the field, Pinkie bounces from the left, trying to find Rainbow. The mare grins as she saw something, exclaiming, "There you are, Dashie! I definitely found you!"

At least, Pinkie thought she was talking to Rainbow, but the truth is, she is speaking to a crude animatronic that looks like her, with a balloon head and rods moving the limbs. It stood on a soapbox that has a speaker on it, it has the words '16 FOR YA' written on one side.

"I'm 20% awesome!" The Animatronic Rainbow remarks with a boom.

"No you're now! I found you fair and then square!" Pinkie insists, talking to the animatronic, not seeing the real Rainbow sneaking away from the scene.

"Sit on a stool!"

"Rainbow Dash, I haven't been playing this game of hide and seek for 6 weeks just for you to have poor sportsponyship all over the place! I got half a mind to..."

Back at her computer, Rainbow chuckles while typing, "Yeah, I rest my case...rest nothing! My case is in one huge coma! As for my awesome hiding place, nowadays I used it to hide from Hide and Seek...as well as Kick the Goat Can, Capture the Tribe Flag and of course the infamous Paint Tag. Sorry, but this is one hiding spot that I'm taking to the grave!"

Of course, we see what the hiding spot is: at the library, Twilight is working on some homework with a bottle of apple cider and a bowl of chips. As she wasn't looking, a familiar cyan arm came out of a book from the bookshelf and grabs the bottle, swiping it away.

Twilight in confusion turns her head as if sensing something then shrugs a bit. Weird; the new paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close.

We see the Animatronic Rainbow Dash talking to the Cupcake-Oats cereal robot, bragging, "Mom loves me more!"

"Yeah, you're adopted!" The Cupcake-Oats robot remarks dryly.

The End

Author's note
Odd hiding place but if Rainbow wants to keep it a secret, who are we to force her to speak? Anyway, in the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony realizes that she may be losing her edge and prepares to get it back. Read, review and suggest.

80. your edge

Rainbow Dash's E-mails: your edge

Rainbow sings some more as she brings up the next e-mail of the show, "Another freakin' e-mail, another freakin' e-mail song." The mare is still all so excited for her 200th e-mail show that is coming up very soon.

Hey Rainbow,

I just have a few questions...
Which is your favorite DP/MLP crossover?
Do you think Discord will do something funny prank wise with Pinkie?
What other nicknames besides "Dipcord" do you have for Discord? Mine's are Dorkord and Dork of Chaos. (The Dipcord thing was funny; and sorry, but Discord doing things to you, except for making you unloyal, was pretty funny).
Have you ever tried to do two Sonic Rainbooms in a row?
What do you think of Pinkie's songs?

Okay more than a few... I

princessbinas

"Ugh, too much, questions, princessy." Rainbow remarks with a groan while typing in. "So I will make this short. 1, I dunno; 2, Maybe; 3, Dis, Chaos Lord, and other weird nicknames; 4, Never thought of it but it sounds cool; And 5, Very cool; Next e-mail!"

Subject: a little concerned
Hey there Rainbowdash-
I am worried that you could be losign your edge since I haven't seen any shenanigans from you or Scootaloo in a while.
Yours, etc
Gar Ri, Los Coltbankos, CA

The mare rushed the e-mail and then types in, looking shocked as she ask, "Wait, losing our edge?! That's crazy! Our shenanigans make the cover of Ponyville Edge Times Magazine about every month!" We see the mentioned magazine with the two on it, "Why, this other day, both me and the filly..."

In the field, Rainbow and Scootaloo trots up when they saw a deflated basketball on the ground. The mare voice overs, "...trots past this deflated basketball...and didn't even bother re-inflating the whole thing!"

"So...what is your opinion, Scoots?" Rainbow asks Scootaloo curiously while looking at the basketball.

"Let's not re-inflate it!" Scootaloo exclaims eagerly to her idol.

"Cool, we're talking now! Come on; let's beat it before the Royal Guards come!"

The two ponies rush off to the right eagerly, thinking that they're edgy!

Back at her computer, Rainbow types in, explaining, "And yesterday we feathered..."

Inside a familiar unicorn filly's bedroom, the two are at their craziness once more. Rainbow and Scootaloo stood on the purple unicorn's bed, throwing feathers from a torn pillow at Sweetie, making quiet bored sounding 'ows' as the orange Pegasus filly made little excited noises.

"...the living Tartartus out of Sweetie Belle!" Rainbow's voice is heard excitedly, trying to assure that she and Scootaloo aren't losing the edge.

"Yeah, Scoots, the tar is prohibitively expensive!" Rainbow remarked with a shrug, getting excited by the moment sort of.

Rainbow continues typing on her computer, saying, "But the most edgiest of them all is THIS morning, we were spreading frosting…"

We see what the two are doing now: spreading frosting onto cardboard boxes. Rainbow's voice adds, "...on all these cardboard boxes. Then we waited 30 minutes to clean that mess up..." We now see the mayonnaise with Rainbow herself vacuuming and Scootaloo using air freshener, the room twinkles a bit. "...vacuum and uses air freshener to get rid of the lame odors left by the mayonnaise!"

"30 whole minutes; Wow, can you be..." Rainbow exclaims excitedly at her computer...then frowns in embarrassment. "Aw, hay, who am I kidding? We are losing our edge. We gotta get it back. Scootaloo, get in here!"

"Hey Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo exclaims as she came into the computer room, wearing an apron. "You called!"

"Ugh, take that thing off!"

"Awww! You mean we aren't doing 'pretend-we're-at-granny's-baking' time?"

"No, it is not that time! And it won't be again...see me after this e-mail." Rainbow said, whispering the last part. As Scootaloo takes the apron off, her idol exclaims in determination, "Yeah, time for us to do some real damage, Scootaloo! Time to get our shenan on! Again!"

"All right, finally!" Scootaloo exclaims excitedly. It's about time that she and Rainbow get into some edgy stuff once more!

Rainbow and Scootaloo set out to get their edge back, standing in a room with their items: an carton full of eggs in stacks, a lot of battle axes, a stack of toilet paper rolls and two bottles of 'Sonic Rainboom' brand lighter fruit need a wall. There is also a saw, a casserole and a can of gas onto the floor.

"Oh yeah, check out this arsenal of edge right here, Scootaloo! We can't go wrong here!" Rainbow exclaims proudly and excitedly. This is enough to prove to the fans that she and Scootaloo haven't lost their edge.

"So what are we doing?" Scootaloo ask Rainbow puzzled.

"Shenanigans of course; Now then...you start sawing a hole in the floor and I will stomp on this casserole!"

"Yeah, cool!"

The two ponies got to work on whatever it is that they are doing. Rainbow stomps on the casserole like mad while Scootaloo begins sawing a hole in the floor around her. The mare laughs in triumph, "Oh yeah! Casserole, your crusty layer of fried onions is no match for my...'

Of course, Rainbow didn't have time to finish. That's because Scootaloo finally got her hole done, causing it to collapse. Rainbow screams as the two ponies and the gasoline can fell right it the new hole. Soon they recover, finding themselves in a dark room with faint light appearing above. Nothing else can be seen besides Rainbow and Scootaloo's eyeballs.

"Oh, where are we?" Rainbow groans, followed by 'yugga da yugga' noises of lips flapping while her hear is shaking. "Suddenly I feel so...easy to animate here."

"How are we going to get out of this one, Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo ask Rainbow in concern.

"Don't know, but we got to stay edgy. Can't let this deep dark hole get us down in...well...a deep dark hole, yeah. How about I kick ya? That is a classic shenani like move."

"What?"

Rainbow's eyes moves in a way that shows her about to kick Scootaloo. But the filly's eyes move in a way to get out of the way in time, causing her idol to miss, flipping over and falling right to the door.

"Gah; Oh man, Lucille, stop moving," Rainbow groans as she tries again but a hitting noise is heard. Scootaloo is obviously hitting her.

"Forget it, you ain't kicking me! Scootaloo snaps as another hitting sound is heard, followed by a popping one. Rainbow's left eye disappears; in its place is a round white ball that appears to be the same size. It fell fromt he mare's face level, rolling away onto the floor.

"Ouch! My eye!"

"AAAAAH! NO, RAINBOW DASH! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I..."

But then Rainbow's left eye reappears, the mare laughs, "Gotcha! It's a ping pong ball! Ha ha ha ha," The mare made another white ball appears. "Yeah, I always keep a spare pack in my wings." Rainbow throws the white ping pong balls eagerly. "Yeah, some would say 'pocket' but I prefer wings."

"Hello? Anypony down there," A familiar voice is heard speaking. Sure enough, there's Sweetie near the hole from above, having discover it earlier.

"Not now, Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo and I are down here shenanigan-ing one another in the dark alone by ourselves!"

"Uh, you sure you wanna go on record with that explanation?"

"Of course! Don't see how that could possibly be taken out of context!" Rainbow snaps to Sweetie in annoyance in the dark. "Either go find a Cutie Mark or leave!"

"Fine," Sweetie remarks, rolling her eyes at this, "But don't blame me for..."

"Hey, uh, Sweetie Belle; Quick question: any chance you can get on the internet and check to see if cutting a hole in a floor is considered edgy as well as falling in?"

"Eh, sure, why not," Sweetie remarks with a mad smirk. Maybe this is her chance to get back at Rainbow and Scootaloo for throwing feathers at her the other day. She mimes typing, "Tappity-tappity-tap. Yeah, I just checked. Yep, it is!"

"Oh yeah, I thought so!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly in the dark hole. "Did you check 'Have Most Edge Pony' or edge tangle dot come, one of those?"

"Sure, all of those popular sights. You know what? They also suggest staying in the hole for a few days too...so I can finish reading my book or something."

"Oh yeah! We got hoof stomping casserole down here, so we should be good! Any chance you can toss down something for us to drink though?" Rainbow calls out to Sweetie from the dark hole. Of course, the little filly giggles as she trots away to the left, leaving her and Scootaloo in the dark hole, "Sweetie Belle? Eh, forget it. How about we drink that gasoline? Doesn't get edgier than that, right?"

"Yeah, edgier as getting cutie marks through crazy means," Scootaloo exclaims eagerly.

"High wing, Scoots!"

"Yeah, high wing!"

Scootaloo's eyes move that shows her jumping up to slap one of Rainbow's wings; the mare grunts, "Ha, that fan thinks we're losing our edge, ha!"

The new paper is heard coming down, but it's too dark to see it unless one hover a mouse over where it is, revealing the text that is normally printed.

Three Hours Later

"So sonny, wanna see me used flower water for butter?" Scootaloo is heard imitating a grandmother.

Rainbow, imitating a grandma as well, adds, "Oh, Alice, you demon; Substituting flower water for butter? If only my Sam knows..."

Suddenly, the lights in the room are turned on. It turns out that Rainbow and Scootaloo (who is wearing her apron), as well as the circle of flower that they're on, has collapsed into a room where Rarity has decided to spend the time at. The white unicorn is wearing her robe, her façade stuff and cucumbers.

"Will you keep it down?!" Rarity snaps to the surprised ponies angrily before turning the lights off. We now see Sweetie on the cover of Ponyville Edge Times Magazine as if she pulled a fast one on Rainbow and Scootaloo before.

The End

Author's note
Ha ha ha! That Sweetie Belle, pulling a fast one on Rainbow and Scootaloo like that. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow herself shows off different kinds of magic (despite not being a unicorn). Read, review and suggest as we get closer to the 200th e-mail!

81. magic trick

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: magic trick

"I'm gonna check my uhngh, and then I'll check my uhngh, and then we'll turn it out." Rainbow sang while bringing up the first e-mail. The mare is psyche due to the fact that she is closer to getting to her 200th e-mail everyday.

Dear Rainbow Dash ,

Ever sice i came to Ponyville my life has changed for the better since i met you overall I think that coming here was a good idea . anyway question . How did you meet Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy ? This has had me curious for a long time I suppose Rarity would be a ... Different story? now Twilight that's interesting but i'm curious Why were you called Rainbow Crash ? I"m meanin this as an insult just curious and Fluttershy she was called Clutzershy makes me wonder if bullyng will ever cease. tis sad to see bullying happen here in Equestria

Your's Turely Adam

PS: if you ge angry over that question i would know it's sensitive .

Rainbow types in, explaining, "I believe I already covered Pinkie Pie...unless that's a lie. As for Fluttershy, I first met her at Flight School. She was being picked on and I chase the bullies off. Rarity, I met her while looking for some awesome outfits. Twilight, you know how I first met her. Rainbow Crash...ugh! I rather not bring it up ever! Anyway, I'm calm now; next e-mail!"

Subject: Rinbowdash e-mail
Hey there. I am one filly from another country and likes magic even though I am not an unicorn. Although you aren't an unicorn too, can you do a magic trick? Yeah, I would be so happy and could visit some days. Got some tips for you: Take derpy hooves in a box, take a saw and saw her.
From Hages in another country

Rainbow pauses briefly after 'hey there', then says 'ok' after 'take Derpy Hooves in a box', says 'yes, awesome' after, 'take a saw' and sounds more excited after 'saw her'. The mare then exclaims 'From Hages in another country!?'

Rainbow types in while saying, "So you're a filly who is not an unicorn from another country and you want me to take a saw to Derpy. Oh yeah, we should definitely hang out!"

Rainbow clears the screen while continue, "Of course I can do a magic trick, buddy! Who said that only unicorns can do the magic scene? But what kind are we talking about; as in the community center talent type magic? You know the kind with..."

We now see a page of book that opens up, showing your usual magician with two cups that has two balls in front of him. Below him are the words 'Cups and Balls' with Fig. 1a' to the left and the words 'The How-to Book of How to Do Magics like Unicorns'. A thought bubble next to him says 'Both'.

Rainbow is heard continuing, "...cups and balls or those weird metal rings that has the guy going 'jingle jangle!'. We see another page that shows the same magician holding two rings close to each other. 'Fig. 6a' is to the left while 'Jingle jangle!' is in a word bubble. "And now they are separate rings!" As Rainbow says this, we see the magician taking the rings away from each other causing him to say 'Omigosh'. The caption now reads 'Fig. 6k'.

"Oh, and let's not the weird live woodland creature..." Rainbow's voice continues as we now see the magician holding a squirrel in one palm. 'Fig. 17f' is to the left of him, "...cleverly smooshed into the lining of one's jacket or pants!" As she says this, the magician himself shoves the squirrel in the front of his pants, saying, 'Sorry about that, mom!'. The text now reads 'Fig. 17g.'

"But nothing say low-grade lame magic substitute like..." Rainbow says as we see hear on stage with purple curtains, somehow holding a cone of newspaper. There is a table with two balls, two rings and a glass of milk near her. "The magical and mystical Newspaper Cone!"

The crowd gasps in amazement as Rainbow grabs the glass of milk, continuing, "Watch carefully while I pour this full glass of white milk into this cone of newspaper for no reason!" The mare shakes the newspapers before pouring milk into it. Crickets chirp as nothing seems to happen, "Huh, huh? Err...say, does anyone even Trixie remembers what this trick is supposed to do?"

Milk then drips from the newspaper's bottom. Rainbow frowns as she looks at her wings and shakes them, causing SPike to fall out somehow.

Back on the computer, Rainbow continues, "But maybe I could take a few hoof steps up from that Trixie amateur stuff and goes to the ponies whose are willing to blow their life savings in the name of magic...or as I love to call them...bitgicians!"

In the field, Rainbow stood on a small crate that reads '17 FORE FREE' with a Rainbow colored box with stars and an exclamation mark is on the left with another box on top that has a hole and a square hole with red curtains. So far, her only audience appears to be Derpy, Fluttershy and Caramel.

"You got it, ponies! Be amaze in gazement as I totally ordered Magic Stuff..." Rainbow exclaims while pointing a wing at an object on the right. "...and Amusement Catalog Item #1407B, make it and read instructions on how to use it and you didn't!" We now see the item's catalog place in the amusement catalog which is called 'Grimmore's Toilet' that sells for 'Just 6 thousand bits'.

Of course, Fluttershy and Derpy are standing to another Item #1407B as the latter comments, "Sorry, didn't mean to burst your bubble, Rainbow Dash..."

Rainbow types on her computer, saying, "There is also the subcategory of flowy-sleeved bitgicians, the kind of ponies with really cool assistants, really high production values and really...not a lot of magic. They might as well just spend their money paying the audience to think that they really did magic, like Trixie, and not bother putting on one big pointless show...like Trixie."

We see Rainbow talking to Pinkie who is wearing a jacket that flows in the wind due to a face in front of her. As the mare hands some bits to her friend, the cyan Pegasus pony booms, "Here is a thousand bits! I made this building disappear!"

Sure enough, we see the word 'POOF' being painted onto Sugarcube Corner, making Pinkie exclaims, "Wowie! That's gazemazing, gazeDashie!"

The scene darkens. As Rainbow speaks and mention 'street magic', we see an easel propped up against the Cinder Block that is shown reading 'street', 'magic', 'today'' with an arrow pointing right, "Or maybe I could go with that recent trend of street magic...but it usually descends into ponies who does stupid horsecrap to themselves in public...just like Trixie."

Rainbow, wearing a greasy shirt with a can labeled 'tips' to her right, say, "For six straight days, I won't drink, blink or think! And I will definitely not do any magic whatsoever while standing on top of Sugarcube Corner!"

Sure enough, we see Rainbow on top of Sugarcube Corner. Derpy watch from below while exclaiming, "Wow! What magic!"

Rainbow types on the computer, remarking, "But let's not bother with the different kinds of magic tricks. Time for me to take Derpy into a box...take a saw...and saw her; Oh yeah, this is going to be awesome!"

Rainbow stood on a stage while holding a saw in her mouth while wearing a flowy jacket with a fan behind herself. Derpy stood next to her, wearing a box labeled 'This Side Brony' upside with an arrow pointing towards her head and some fake hooves. The latter is excited about doing this weird magic trick.

"Okay, we didn't met before, right filly?" Rainbow asks Derpy eagerly while winking an eye to the weird-eyed Pegasus pony to follow along.

"Nope, good pal Rainbow Dash. Never said we have met," Derpy exclaims to Rainbow happily.

"You look like a mare of many wings and hooves by my guess."

"Yep! I am like an octopus!"

The time has come. As a drumroll is heard, Rainbow booms, "Okay, hold still...this might hurt a lot but..."

However Rainbow was interrupted as the fake arms fell off the box, apparently exposing the ruse. Derpy said sheepishly, "Oops; My bad!"

"Gah! That saw didn't even touch her!" Caramel is heard from the audience much to the disbelief of the other ponies. "She's evil, I tell you, pure evil like the Changeling Queen!"

Rainbow types in on her computer, saying, "Okay, sweet filly Hages, that didn't turn out what I expected. Of course, not only does Caramel think I am a good magician without a horn, but he also thinks I'm a class 3 dark enchantress! Oh, Hages, one more thing," The mare smirks devilishly as she held up a card to the screen that shows 4 pictures of her flank that reads '4 my flank'. "Isssss this your card?!"

The crowd gasps in amazement; that was incredible. The new paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end...well, sort of but Fluttershy interrupts, "Wait, Rainbow Dash, you left out an important kind of magic."

"What?" Rainbow asks as he glances over to see a surprising, horrifying sight: there's Fluttershy on the desk in a blue leotard that has the words 'Pegasus Spandex' on it.

"The magic of illusion of course!"

"Ugh, horse apples! I hope to Celestia that outfit of yours is an illusion!"

Without warning, Fluttershy's head tilts forward...and falls off, shattering to the floor causing Rainbow to scream. But the mare calms down as the second Fluttershy appears on the other side, smiling as she said, "Illusion!"

"Gah," Rainbow screams again as she grabs the first headless Fluttershy. That was creepy!

In a Teen Colt Squad-style clip, a determined Caramel is speaking to a stallion named DVD Gregor, the former ask, "Oh master, how can I defeat her?"

"First off you must get some root of mandrake powder!" DVD Gregor booms to Caramel sternly.

"Really; Ooh, I got plenty of that stuff lying all over! I used it to defeat the dark fungus from the Everfree Forest."

"Uh...leave my parents' basement...now..."

The End

Author's note
Wow! That magic is amazing...sort of...I think. In the next chapter/e-mail, a parent asks Rainbow for advice on how to teach his kid to...not be like her. Read, review and suggest.

82. being mean

Author's note
Okay, folks; this season has 3 more chapters to go, you got it, 3! After a long time, I could finally get this baby done! Now continue onward!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: being mean

Rainbow is getting excited even more. Her 200th e-mail is getting closer by the day (the extra ones don't seem to count). The mare can't wait as she sings while beginning her next show, "I had to pay the doctor just to have this e-mail removed; A-so smooth."

Dear Rainbow ,

from what I know your he element of loyalty that's something to be proud of but it puzzles me to no end why would somepony frame you for murder yoru a great pony all around besides in the story MLIP:CCK Pinkie Pie and AB have comited murder and blamed it on Berry Punch besides i'm already working on replacing the chapters anyway and one other thing your 20% awesome anyway all of ponyville was evacuated to Canterlot and now it's up to Twilight myself and the attorney Phoenix Wright to clear Berries name and find the real killer (much like the ace swift case) and the new chapters are going to be awesome

Your's Truely

Adam

PS:I was bullied too because of my two front teeth i'll tell ya abou it in another Email

Rainbow in concern types in while saying, "Wow, Adam, sorry to hear about the bullying. That's some interesting plot you made there and why would somepony frames me? Because they are jealous; next e-mail!"

Subject: being nice
Dear Rainbow Dash,
While you seem to think that being mean is nice, right now I'm teaching my foals that being a jerk isn't good at all. Can you say something about being nice and explains why being means isn't always the best choice. Thanks!

-Nice Mom

Rainow blinks a bit as if reading the most craziest question ever. Then the mare types in, asking, "So wait, you're coming to me for nice lessons? What, you wanted me to tell your wimpy foals that being mean isn't the best choice? I mean, what other gems are in your sent mail outbox?"

Rainbow types in 'other_gems dot exe' and brought up another e-mail that is accompanied by a ding.

Subject: chum
Dear Hungry Manticore
I am doing my best to teach my wounded, bleeding lions that ripping other creatures apart isn't the answer. I automatically thought of you!
Your Buddy,

Nice Mom

Rainbow picks up a drawing that shows a bloody mouth Manticore at a laptop with the caption 'HUNGRY MANTICORE E-MAILS' when the mare says 'thought of you'." The mare remarks, "And there is probably one like..." Rainbow types in 'more_other_gems dot exe' while saying this, bringing up a third e-mail.

subject: role model
Hey 42 year old online game playing weirdo who still lives with his former wife's parents, It's-a me, Nice Mom! My colts need a lesson about responsibility and personal hygiene. Got time to stop by tonight between Moblin Keep Invasions?

-N.M.

Rainbow picks up a drawing of a Moblin with the caption 'MOBLin KEEP iNVASIONS' when she say the last part. The mare comments while typing, "In fact, one of the many times that I know of when being mean isn't the best choice is when a pony nearby is holding one big ice cream cone."

In the field, Pinkie and Rainbow are, the latter is licking an ice cream cone...one that is so huge that is towers above the top of the screen. Rainbow smiles for some reason as we hear ice cream truck music. She wants that ice cream.

"Say, Pinkie, wow; that is one awesome mane that you got there today." Rainbow said to Pinkie with a smile.

"Thanks, Dashie!" Pinkie exclaims happily. "Want some of my..."

Of course, Rainbow flew in and pokes her, knocking the mare over, causing the pink pony to fall to the ground with a yelp of pain. The ice cream cone flew into the air and lands onto her face in pieces. As Rainbow laughs a bit, the pink pony, not seemingly upset, licks her ice cream again.

Rainbow types in as she continues, "Wait, I guess being mean is the best choice there too, I guess. Okay, I can be nice but sometimes...look, Nice Mom (translation: Uncool Mom), this job isn't for me. Why, when it comes to teaching foals and choices as well as various other words from parenting books, there's only one place that can help: the Pony Drama Club!"

In the classroom, we see Cheerilee. On a chalkboard behind the mare, we see a gun labeled 'BANG' drawn on the right side of her with a large blob labeled 'BRAINS' drawn on the left side'. The camera 'rotates' around until it faces the mare straight-on as if the gun is shooting Cheerilee in the head. We see the image switching from the main one to a stadium with a torch bearer setting the teacher's head on fire, two striped horns on her head that are labeled 'croissants?', a creature that has Cheerilee's mane as its lower jaw, some ice cream in the mare's mane that is labeled 'ice cream 99 bits' and a spear impaling Cheerilee labeled 'THUCK!'.

"Okay, class, listen. Instead of doing your usual lesson, I have got a special treat for all of you!" Cheerilee exclaims to the class who groans at this. "The drama club is going to perform a state-required skit about being nice so that way, we can avoid losing our accreditation. Now give it up...for Caramel's Nicetown Pony Actors!"

The lights dim as Caramel, Fluttershy and Big Macintosh came into the room, going into various still poses and smiles. We hear a couple of claps though Rainbow is heard snapping, "Boo! You stink!"

Slow music begins to play. As the spotlight goes onto Caramel, he speaks while acting, "Wow, what a great party. I wonder what foal's house this is."

Once the spotlight is gone, another one comes onto Fluttershy who spoke, "I wonder if he likes some. Oh, you think I will make the team? I sure wish my parents stop fighting."

The spotlight disappears as a third one comes onto Big Macintosh who looks puzzled while asking, "Uh, is this my cue? Eeyup?"

As the lights go up, Caramel smirks while saying, "Hey, Pants Pull-Upper; Nice pulled-up pants; Ha ha ha!"

"Oh, I don't want to be mean but laughing but I wish to fit in." Fluttershy said as the show goes on, "Nice one, Head Male Cheerleader; Squee!"

Big Macintosh pretends to run away as if his feelings were hurt. As the room shakes, the stallion calls out, "Boo hoo hoo hoo! That's mean!"

Caramel gave a grin to Fluttershy who leans away from him as he leans against the wall, remarking, "Say, my parents' room is out of town in my car...I think that's my line. Anyway, wanna go park out?"

"Err, what about the poor nerd?" Fluttershy ask Caramel, concerned about Big Macintosh and his reaction.

"Oh, who gives a buck about..."

Of course, before Caramel could continue, Big Macintosh came back with a huge baseball bat with spikes on the end as if wanting to hit the little stallion on the head for the bullying. He swings at him while Fluttershy screams. Luckily, before the bat could hit Caramel on the head, everyone froze as the light dims.

A short pause later, Big Macintosh then taps Caramel on the head with the bat lightly, he smiles mischievously and laughs quietly though Caramel himself groans while saying, "Owie, stop it, come on."

Fluttershy steps forward as she spoke up, "See? This is why being mean isn't always the best choice."

As Big Macintosh raises the bat, the lights are back up as Caramel calls out, "Yeah, kick it!" He begins to do a rap beat.

Caramel: Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!
My name's Caramel and I—

However, Cheerilee cuts him off, appearing in front of Caramel as the lights dim, saying, "And we're out of time. Sorry!"

"You still stink!" Rainbow is heard yelling out once more to the drama club.

Rainbow, rolling her eyes, types in on her AwesomeX, asking, "See how lame that was, Nice Mom? Yeah, betcha your kids could learn all sorts of horsecrap-beaten-out-of-them-lessons from superbly acted dramatizations like that. But of course, don't take my word for it. Let's hear it for our resident parent expert, Hungry Manticore!"

Rainbow holds up the Hungry Manticore E-Mails picture again as he said, "Yeah, the taste of the blood in the water is so sweet. It makes me wanna...I gonna..." His voice no longer becomes gravelly. "Err, I gonna eat your foals."

The new paper comes down as Rainbow moves the picture down so that the 'HUNGRY MANTICORE E-MAiLS' caption will be visible.

We now see an album, cover labeled 'CARAMEL GETS NOTICE' that has an inset that says 'Learn all sorts of horsecrap-beaten-out-of-you-lessons!' that shows him holding a large Ice Cream cone like Pinkie did. The stallion booms, "Yeah, kick it!" He begins to rap beat once more, this time with no interruptions.

Now being mean ain't the greatest choice!
My name's Caramel and I likes to get notice!
If you don't believe me, listen to my voice;
I'll tell ya why being nice is the greatest choice!

The End

Author's note
If you want to be nice (and like getting the horsecrap beaten out of you), then listen to the drama club. If not, who cares? And now, it's time for the next e-mail, which is the 200th one! But when Rainbow discovers that another pal of hers (hint: she's pink) has another e-mail show and appears to be stealing her thunder, all Tartarus breaks loose! Read, review and suggest.

83. e-mail thunder

Author's note
2 more chapters of this season to go...and the 200th e-mail show!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: e-mail thunder

The day has arrived, Rainbow's 200th e-mails how! As we begin, we see a red curtain with 'rdemail 200' on it. A drumroll is heard as the curtain opens to show the AwesomeX with a pixelated bugle on it. As trumpets place, we see Sugarcube Corner as ponies gathered for the big show with roses on the floor.

As the Cutie Mark Crusaders appears, playing a trill on some flute, a singer is heard singing.

Singer: Two hundred rdemails, exhausting just to think about.

As the song continues, '200' appears in the fonts of the previous computers including the current one, 'rdemail_email dot exe' is typed out. Rainbow came into Sugarcube Corner on the red carpet with roses being thrown. Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy watch her enter proudly.

How can we face two hundred rdemails?

Rainbow approach her waiting her computer as Mr. and Mrs. Cake are in the room, preparing things. We now see who the singer is: Derpy who is wearing a bowtie and holding a microphone, finishing her song right up.

Derpy: The thought of all those rdemails makes me weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ak!

As the audience, especially Rarity, watch on, Rainbow stood on her stool and finish the song somewhat, "Puke!" The mare clears her throat while saying, in an echoing like voice, "Right, you can now sit down."

The ponies sat in their seats or just stood. Rainbow with a smile nods as she normally say, "Oh yeah. How about Derpy, eh? Using her other voice to perform my 200th rdemail intro song! I am almost..." The mare wipes her eyes a bit while her voice waves. "...not totally weird out."

Derpy grins as she gave a hoof up to Rainbow, some slime came from herself; The cyan Pegasus pony smiles as she sat down at her computer, speaking, "Right, never mind." Rainbow types out 'rainbowdash_email dot exe'. "Okay, here we go ponies!"

The e-mail is pulled and this is what it said...

subject: college colts?
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Me and my college pals that lived in my dorm were wondering if you like to come over and have a pillow fight sometime. We think you are soooooooo funny and cool.
All the college dorm colts at MO
Bobby, Tommy, Michael, Richard, Louis, George, Morton and the rest of use

A bomb sounds like it is made in the distance. Rainbow didn't read the e-mail but is shocked at the contents, causing her to yells out, "Duh...duh...duh...DEAR PINKIE PIE?! W.T.C.; is that pink pony trying to steal my e-mail thunder?!"

"Now calm down, sugar cube, Ah is sure 'dat 'dis is a misunderstanding." Applejack said to Rainbow trying to calm her down.

"Right, I'm sure that this e-mail was sent to you by mistake." Twilight said in agreement. "Pinkie has the right to answer e-mails like everypony else is. You let Adam..."

"Oh, no no no no; Adam is a beginner, this is different! When somepony has an e-mail show of her own that sounds like it has been going on for a long time and one of her e-mails ends up on my show, I get nasty! New paper, print me a hard copy!" Rainbow snaps furiously as the new paper prints out a hard copy of the e-mail. She grabs it while snapping, "I will show Pinkie not to steal my 200th e-mail thunder!" Thunder is heard booming, "Hooyah!"

Rainbow flew off, much to the concern of the crowd. She came back, asking the Cakes, "Uh, Pinkie Pie lives on the top of this place right?" Mrs. Cake nods a bit. "I thought so."

Rainbow flew off again, Fluttershy said meekly, "Oh my. This may not end well."

Pinkie Pie is at work in her home...typing on her Pinkie Bouncy 9000, typing in while saying, "...a protected landmark with surprisingly clean bathrooms! That's so much fun!"

"Hey, Pinkie Pie," Rainbow exclaims angrily as she flew into the room to confront her friend. "A bunch of lame-o stallions that could be colts accidentally e-mailed me..."

"Rainbow Dash; How do you keep getting in here; I gotta get some new locks."

"Huh? What the hay are you on about? I just..."

Pinkie interrupts her friend while saying, "Can't talk. I'm in the middle of checking my e-mail."

"What do you mean, 'your e-mail'?" Rainbow asks Pinkie with a frown, somehow the mare suspects that her friend has an e-mail show of her own. "I'm in the middle of checking my own e-mail."

"Well, duh! Obviously you aren't the only pony around here that answers e-mails from her fans with funny results, I might add."

"Since the horse crap when?"

"Gee, I don't know. Since forever I guess." Pinkie said happily to the frowning Rainbow. "Come on, you remember, right? You are in a bunch of them. Like that old classic of when some fans asked about burgular who breaks into my house?"

We see Pinkie in a familiar darkened living room and in her PGSs. The mare grins as she held up a cinnamon dispenser, saying, "Perhaps if I were to act like I was sleeping and throw a bunch of this cinnamon neat stuff on my face, that oughta throw them off." Pinkie then removes the lid and throws the cinnamon onto her face, "Pooey and pooey! This is going to be so much fun."

Suddenly the light is turned on as Pinkie came in, wearing PJs...and does she has a five o'clock shadow? As Rainbow looks around madly for an escape while Scootaloo put her hooves in the air frantically, Pinkie yawns, or pretending to in this case, sleepy, "Hey Derpy, Little Boy Wonder; Whatcha doing in my house?"

The screen dims as Rainbow's voice is heard asking, "Whaaaaaaaat?!"

We now see a familiar scene from 'long pants' as Pinkie is wearing the Daisy Dukes in front of Rainbow. The pink pony is heard asking, "And who can I forget the time when I took some of the pills meant for Screwball?"

"Pinkie Pie, calm down, I didn't mean to..." Rainbow was cut off as Pinkie jumps into the air, convulsing onto the desk of her good friend.

"Long pants, Dashie; The longest pants; Everypony everypony, longest pants," Pinkie exclaims in a panic.

Now Pinkie is upside down under the desk and goes back to where she was at first, the pony is tired and out of breath while saying, "Long long long long long long pants!"

The screen dims once more.

We now see a shot of Rainbow sitting on her couch while Spike stood to the left, wearing a fondue pot on her head and a weird Manticore like tail. The pink pony is heard saying, "As well as the one where I dressed up real good like Spike."

As the screen brightens up, Spike spoke up, "Say, Dashie? I think I may have ruined your fondue pot!"

"My fondue pot," Rainbow ask Spike boredly. Is that baby dragon serious?

Rainbow has had enough, she stood on the table in frustration while snapping, "Hang! On! Shut! It! Those were my e-mails and you random your way into them!"

"Well, glad to see that you believe that, Dashie. Okie dokie lokie, let me check out that e-mail!" Pinkie exclaims happily as she took the e-mail from Rainbow, reading it. The pink pony rolls her eyes in annoyance as she exclaims, "Oh give me a break; another pillow fight; really? What, these fans haven't seen ppemail #49?"

"ppwhat mail?"

"Ppemail! You got rdemails, yours truly got ppemails."

As the pink pony says 'rdemails' and 'ppemails', they appears over the mare as text as if somepony is typing them. Rainbow looks confused as she asks, "Wait, do you even have an e-mail address?"

"Again duh! Everypony knows that it's..." Pinkie explains while typing in her e-mail address, "Randomponycandy at pinkiepie dot com." Rainbow leans off the table, standing on her head by hearing that. Her friend has an e-mail address?

"Honestly? There's a good chance that my brain is going to blow up right now."

"Geez, don't worry, old timer. It ain't so bad. Wanna help me check this e-mail? We are friends after all..."

Rainbow on the other hoof got into her face, poking Pinkie Pie while yelling, "Pinkie Pie, no way am I going to check your e-mail! We may be friends but I don't forget when someone tries to steal my e-mail thunder! I will instead help myself...ruin your e-mail! Whooyaa," The mare flew off in determination then came back with 3 ice cream sandwiches. "As well as help myself to your ice cream stuff; Booya!"

Rainbow flew off, leaving one of the sandwiches behind that spins in mid-air. That mare is ticked off big time. It's payback!

Rainbow returns home with her computer, having stopping by Sugarcube Corner to pick it up, and put it onto her table. As the mare sits down, she snarls, "Oh, I will see to it that Pinkie Pony won't steal my e-mail thunder again!" Thunder booms as she types out the following e-mail.

to: Randomponycandy at pinkiepie dot com
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I am so a big fan of your ppemails. I was wandering if you can give us a tour of your not-in-front-of-your computer?
Randomly yours,
Andi

"Okay, send!" Rainbow exclaims as she types in, sending the e-mail to Pinkie. As the screen clears, the mare waits. "Okay, a few seconds for the DNS to resolved, server, SMTP...she should be reading it and...ding! The mare has taken the bait; Hooyah!"

Rainbow flew away in determination. Pinkie should be away from her computer, it's payback time!"

Pinkie, falling for the e-mail's question, is carrying a clipboard on her mane, approaching a wooden sign that said 'Historic Not-In-Front-Of-My-Computer which has a laptop with an X on it.

"Okie dokie lokie, look on the left, you can see the Historic Not-In-Front-Of-My Computer, which is a protected landmark with surprisingly clean bathrooms! That's so much fun!" Pinkie exclaims happily, failing to see Rainbow flying in to the right, laughing. The pink pony had no idea that she was fooled.

Rainbow flew into Pinkie's computer as rock music begins to play. With the pink pony away, time for her and her computer to pay...big time!

"Hello, random proof computer. Say, you look a little thirst. How about some long overdue allegedly soda payback," Rainbow laughs as she took out a giant bottle of Cloudsdale Dew. The mare knows that her friend did this to her second computer a long time ago, so consider this payback. As she rubs her chin, Rainbow remarks mockingly, "Now how does that old adago go? Oh yes...'apply liberally; Okie dokie lokie'; Hooyah!"

Rainbow laughs evilly as she pours the Cloudsdale Dew onto the Pinkie Bouncy 9000. Soon it begins to spark and smoke, making the mare smiles while exclaiming, "Whoa; Ha ha ha; Yeah, awesome!"

The new paper comes down...but to the mare's annoyance, it didn't show her e-mail address but rather the words 'Click here to e-mail Pinkie Pie' with the pink pony's e-mail address on the new paper. The two images of the 'at' key and Rainbow's head in an envelope are missing.

"Hey, you traitor; whose side are you on?!" Rainbow snaps to the new paper in annoyance. Suddenly the mare is startled as the traitorous paper is pulled back off-screen as some blows are heard. Rainbow's smile came back as a familiar old friend of hers appear, thought to be long ago, "The paper! You came back! I knew you..."

Rainbow was cut off as a spark hits the paper, burning it to a crisp. She said sheepishly, "Oops...spoke too soon."

As the screen clears to black, we see the words 'Rainbow Dash E-Mails' as the names of the first 200 ones scroll up from the bottom in the background. The show may not have turned out as one expected...but it helps. We see an image of various characters who appears in some e-mails like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Knightshade, the Mare Do-Well, the bad graphics ghost, the Teen Colt Squad, Crono, Metal Iron the Invincible, Luario, Granny Smith, the wagon full of pancakes and Rdolphence."

We see a tattered scrap of paper that has Derpy drawn on it along with the words '200 e-mail curse', 'legend tells...', 'Derpy Hooves' and 'old parchment.

A narrator is heard saying, "Legend tells that every 200 rdemails Derpy will speak in a better voice..." The drawing nose shows Derpy holding a mike while wearing a bowpie. The words 'Well, well, well, my Turner...' are added. "...and croon anew."

We see the band Knightshade with them booming out, "Congratulations, Rainbow, Dash, on your..." We suddenly hear another voice speaking over them as if editing the thing, "...200th..." The voice ends as the band spoke normally, "...e-mail!""

The band leader Leffy pauses a bit as he announces, "Yeah, we're from..." The voice is heard once more. "...a few months ago!" The voice ends once more.

"Uh, Leffy; It says that on top of the screen." His fellow band member Tamby points out at the band's name is indeed on top of screen, though the words 'a few months ago' are seen instead of the current year.

"Duh; I didn't know that!"

The band did various poses as the frame freezes. We hear the ending riff from 'Brain Sister' playing.

As we see Rainbow pouring more Cloudsdale Dew onto the computer, Pinkie bounces in, apparently not upset as she exclaims, "Wow, cool! How did you get it to do that; PSB; 4 pins; 8 pins? Oh, FireWall? Is it the FireWall? Must be that," The pink pony bounces out as her friend looks at her oddly.

Pinkie can be so random even when her computer is being poured soda onto.

Rarity is seen giving out a review on her review show, saying, "In a shocking 200th episode, Rainbow Dash turns the entire series on its ear. Any chance we will see a 201? Is the reign of PPemails here to stay? To get answers to those questions, darling, don't bother checking my blog. Why, I haven't updated that thing in years!"

We see a message from Pinkie Pie...

From: Randomponycandy at pinkiepie dot com
Subject: My Inbox Runneth Ova!

Hey there, everypony! For some reason mysterious to yours truly, I have been getting a super duper avalanche of e-mails! They are filling up my house and I'm running out of towels and napkins!

No worries, sit tight and ppemails will be back to normal very soon.

And thanks again to everyone who participated in my parties! You are a genius, folks!

Byie,
Pinkie Pie

The End

Author's note
Hoo boy, poor Rainbow Dash. Her 200th show got messed up by Pinkie's own e-mail show. In the next and final chapter, which takes place after the season 3 finale of the actual MLP show, Rainbow comes out of e-retirement to answer an e-mail about explosions. But this also means that a certain friend of the mare's will meet his demise. Read, review and suggest!

84. ppemails3184

Author's note
All right, it has been a long ride, folks, but it's time for Season 3 to finally close with a bang! Literally. NashWalker, yes, I have gotten your note. I don't know if I will vote, but we will see what happens.

Guest, don't know if I will do the Hremails ones, since there aren't many and some of them are a bit too short. Again, we will see what happens.

Now then, this e-mail comes right after the season 3 finale and right after when Ben Mare reunites with Twilight so let's do this!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: ppemails3184

Ever since Rainbow Dash's 200th e-mail, the mare's show...was on hiatus. Since then, Pinkie Pie's e-mail show is doing better and appears to be taking over. But that may change soon due to the pink pony not doing any good either.

Pinkie sat at her ppemail desk, with bags under her eyes and is slouching. As the mare slips further and further, she mumbles, "Right, that's why, Gordy Tiecollarsome...is how I'm deciding to call you that..."

"GAH; I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" A familiar scream is heard. Rainbow is nearby, ticked off and losing her cool. She hasn't done her e-mail show in a long time and the mare has had it with watching this dripple. "Someone give me a rake!"

Someone hands a rake to Rainbow who grabs it and hits Pinkie over the head with it. After a white flash and an explosive like effect later, we can hear Pinkie groans, "Raaaake!"

"Now somepony hands me a shovel!" Rainbow yells out frantically as she drops the rake, taking a shovel that someone hands her. The mare then smacks Pinkie hard with it.

"Shovel!"

"Now somepony hands me a Garden Gator!"

We see a tool with a spiky end being handed to Rainbow who hits Pinkie like mad. The results were so gruesome that when the pink pony came back up, we can see a 'CENSORED' sign covering her faces, though some bruises and a stream of blood can be seen around it.

"Gator..." Pinkie said calmly.

"Phew." Rainbow said in relief while wiping her brow. All that hitting has finally got rid of the stress that the Pegasus pony has been under due to not doing her own e-mail show for so long. "Hey, thanks, Adam for helping me out."

"No problem!" Adam exclaims as he stood nearby with a smile while holding the rake and shovel that the man has given Rainbow. "I don't hate Pinkie Pie but I hate seeing you under this so much stress."

"And Pinkie? No hard feelings, right?"

"Nope, have fun with your show!" Pinkie exclaims happily, despite the many injuries on her faces. At least seeing her friend calmed down has made her happy.

Rainbow smiles as she returns home to her AwesomeX, sitting down in front of it. With Pinkie's show out of commission for good, time for her to get back to checking e-mails on the air.

"Sorry, AwesomeX, but for my triumphant return to checking e-mails on the air, I gotta go for fresh blood here!" Rainbow exclaims as she closes the AwesomeX, leaving a faint backwards one in the wall behind it. After pushing it off to the side, Rainbow continues, "Tech nerds, feast your eyes on...Huge Daisy sandwich!"

Rainbow pushes...a sandwich in front of her in a triumphant fanfare. The mare explains, "Yes, sir, the Daisy Shakey 6 Millennium Edition..." We see a flower-shaped logo for 'this' in the corner. "...is one processing wonder horse that is capable of seeds..." Now a logo for 'seeds' appears. "...stems..." A logo for 'stems' appears. "And...on second thought, forget it."

The Daisy logo swivels as though its left side isn't supported while the other logos fall off the screen. Rainbow sighs in annoyance, "This is only a daisy sandwich, right? This means I am a little out of practice...well, AwesomeX, good news. You can stay alive for only one more."

Rainbow pushes the sandwich aside and put the AwesomeX back into its right place. After opening the computer up, the startup tone is heard as the AwesomeX said, "Another week with you is like 8 dog weeks in cat years."

"Wait, you sure that you ain't Granny Smith's computer?"

"Nope," A familiar mare is heard. To Rainbow's delight, there stood Granny Smith near her, holding the sandwich. "This Daisy Sandwich is my computer, Pegasus!"

"All right, Granny Smith!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly, not sure how the old mare got here unless she is on cloud magic. "Wanna help yours truly come out of e-tirement?"

"Nnope!"

Rainbow lowers her head in disappointment, she was hoping for some help from the old mare. With that, Granny begins to walk into place while her mare gets her mane slightly blown. Oddly enough, the sounds of traffic are head, much to Rainbow's confusion as she starts to nervously lean back.

"Okay, now I'm quite scared right now." Rainbow said uncomfortably. For once, she prefers Pinkie Pie's random nature. Turning back to the computer, the mare said, "Right, let's start over..." She types in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe'. "Hay, I haven't checked my e-mails in who knows how long. There must be a half-zillion messages waiting for me, right?"

After Rainbow presses 'Return', the following came up with a ding: 'Holy smokes! You have 3 new messages!' They are 'alicorn' from 'Adam', 'Coolness' from Jules' and 'Thanks for loaning me your rake, Dashie' from 'Pinkie Pie'.

"Oh...well, a half four messages waiting for me isn't so bad." Rainbow remarks with a shrug as she brings up 'alicorn'. "Let's see what Adam has to say."

Dear RD,

Did twilight become an Alicorn? and i know all of your cuie marks go swiched around YIKES!i don't i think i want that happening to me anyway though i've been thinking are you going to teach her to fly with her wings ? So RD you planning anything in the future maybe attend another wonderbolts show ? besides I hardly heard of the wonderbolts so maybe we could checkem out that is if your not busy

Adam

Rainbow types in, explaining, "Yes, it's true. Twilight did become an Alicorn...or Twicorn as we like to call her. We don't care what some dumb critics say: Alicorn Twilight rules. Anyway, the cutie mark switch around got freaking. As for teaching her to fly, that's a maybe. As for the Wonderbolts, I am planning to. All right, now for 'coolness'," The mare brings up the mentioned e-mail.

Subject: coolness
Dear Rainbow Dash
What was the most awesomest coolest explosion that you ever saw?

From,
Jules
USA

Rainbow echoes her own name, says Jules's name in a tough fall, leading into USA as 'Oopsa'. The mare remarks, "Cool, a filly from Earth." The mare begins to type in. "Well, that is kind of a vague question, don't you think? I mean, it's like me asking 'Jules, what is your favorite molecule of air that you've breathe'? I mean, duh!" The mare then, not typing it in, add, "Or..."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues typing, "'What is your favorite Rainbow Dash wing that you wanted to comb?' Gotta narrow it down; Like, do you want to know about the coolest looking explosion that I ever rigged up in Golden Harvest's org-ethnic breakfast pouch on a Tuesday?"

Rainbow is at Golden Harvest's place, pretending to eat from a cereal bowl with a spoon. The latter herself is next to her in a dress, looking at a toaster expectantly.

"Wow, this cereal is soooo cereal." Rainbow said, pretending to like the cereal though it's obvious that her acting is poor that even a foal can see through it.

A breakfast pastry came out with a weird red light on it. As Golden Harvest grabs it, the mare is unaware that the light itself is blinking faster on the pastry while making ticking noises.

"Ha! Sweet, I'm going to enjoy this Equestrian Pop-Tart with a vengeance!" Golden Harvest exclaims eagerly and in determination, unaware of what's about to happen. "Then I will trot around in a dress with a ven..."

Golden Harvest was cut off as the Pop-Tart explodes into green goo, causing the mare to scream as the stuff got all over her, leaving a couple of green stain drips everywhere. Rainbow laughs madly. Victory for her!

Rainbow continues typing in, asking, "Or do you wanna know of the coolest explosion that I ever saw that had one of those Sonic Rainboom around it which has become so awesome lately?"

In her bathroom, Rainbow held a newspaper, adding, "Because I definitely caused a lot of those."

Rainbow continues typing, saying, "But the coolest part was later on...when I told Applejack all about it; Heh heh heh!"

Applejack was working at Sweet Apple Acres, but stops to listen to Rainbow who came by, saying, "At first, there was a little explosion that was like 'Dooooooj!'" As she says it, the mare sends spit right onto the cowpony.

"Really; Yew don't say." Applejack said to her friend back in interest.

"And then secondly charges came at it, it was like 'Ka-plssshhhhh!'" Rainbow exclaims, sending more spit right at Applejak who draws back in amazement.

"Hoo doggy, really?"

"Yeah! And finally one of those Sonic Rainbooms that have become soooo popular lately that shot out and it was like 'PSSSSSHHHHH!"

As Rainbow draws out the explosions, she sends a wave of spit that fell right at Applejack for nearly 8 seconds. With a smile, the cowpony took out a bar of soap and a bottle of 'APPLE PLUS' and beginning cleaning her, rubbing the soap onto her body while dumping some shampoo right onto her mane and tail. She got rid of the bottle before rubbing her hat which becomes sudsy.

"YEEHAW; Great story, Rainbow Dash; Ah plum was gotta hit 'de showers but now Ah don't have 'ta!" Applejack exclaims to Rainbow who spits a few more drops onto her. That shows how great the story is involving the spitting.

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in, explaining, "Everypony knows that the more spit it takes to describe on explosion, the cooler the mentioned explosion is...and the cooler said explosion-talker-abouter is!"

Sure enough, we see Golden Harvest telling Applejack about what happened to her, saying, "And then my Equestrian Pop-Tart was like...'Ptoo'."

A single large of spit flew at Applejack. Needless to say, the cowpony wasn't impressed as she snaps, "Yew gotta be kidding me! Ah don't cane wash mah hooves wit' 'dat crud!"

Rainbow chuckles while shaking her head, typing in, "But if history has taught us anything, it's that we all know that coolest explosions happen...from my very own computers."

We now see a quick montage of the computers exploding in previous e-mails. We see the Lardy 2010 exploding, sending her back. The mare is seen knocking it off the desk with an inexplicable explosion. We see Applejack firing her shotgun at the Flutterpony 399 to save Equestria from a virus. We also see Spike gulping from a mini-explosion from Flutterpony while the Lardy explodes in a green pixelated mushroom cloud as Pinkie watching.

The AwesomeX, not liking the sound of this, looks worried as it spoke, "Wait, Rainbow Dash. Does this mean...?"

"Sadly yes, sweet AwesomeX; I figured that the USB self-destruct button that I bought a couple of weeks ago would've clued you in by now." Rainbow said as she motions to a big red button with the word 'dooj' on it that is connected to the computer via USB. The time has come for the AwesomeX to say goodbye. "It's time, buddy. I mean, why wait for somepony else to blow your computer up tomorrow...when you can do it so yourself, today?"

"You oughta put that on your business cards." The AwesomeX comments as we see a business card for a computer destruction business.

"You know...great idea, AwesomeX. Goodbye. Dooj!"

Rainbow presses the red button...

All of Ponyvillle were busy, minding their own business when suddenly an explosion came from Rainbow's house that knocks away trees, shatters windows and knocks down fruit stands. The explosion also blows the roof clear off the mare's home as Sonic Rainbooms appears.

"Yeah, so popular lately," Rainbow is heard eagerly. We see a ghostly image of the Male AwesomeX icon with fangs in the explosion; a beating heart sound is heard. The AwesomeX itself is no more.

Meanwhile, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity watches the explosion from where they are in amazement, exclaiming, "Ooooh, awww; Oooh, wow!"

Twilight flies in from the sky with Spike on her, landing while demanding, "What's the hay is going on here?"

"Hoo boy; Looks like Rainbow Dash blew up another computer," Spike said, seeing the explosion from Rainbow's house. "Figures it didn't take long for that to happen."

"Hoo doggy! Cannot wait fer Rainbow Dash 'ta tell me about 'dat one!" Applejack exclaims to her friends excitedly. "Ah is gonna go ahead an' strip down 'ta mah nude!"

"You never wear any clothes, gross!" Rarity exclaims to Applejack in annoyance and disgust while pointing at her.

Rainbow smiles as she stood next to her desk, unharmed. But the harm is broken in two due to the explosion as the paint has been torn away; All in all, a good way to end this season with a bang.

"Awww, yeah," Rainbow exclaims eagerly. "Now that..."

Pinkie poke in from the side, quickly saying, "Don't call it a comeback, Dashie."

"...is what yours truly call..."

"Don't Dashie; Don't!"

"...a..." Rainbow said, ignoring Pinkie who is trying to stop her from saying those certain words.

Pinkie disappears from one side, reappearing upside down while snapping, "No! Don't call it a comeback!"

"...a comeback!" Rainbow laughs as she flew upward, making Pinkie sighs and reappears right-side up, looking annoyed before disappearing. "Hmmm, I wonder if a paper survived that...can it come down now?"

Rainbow looks startled as black ashes fell from the top of the screen. Looking sheepishly, the mare remarks, "Yeeeeah, I think I will need a new one of those too."

Looks like it will be a while before Rainbow can answers e-mails...

In a familiar arena, the announcer is talking with Fluttershy in her Animallover identify. The latter exclaims, "That's right, announcer pony! All your meanie gophers out there better listen up! The awesome Rarity has stolen all of Animallover's garden tools and who cares if she's a mare's champion, a stallion's champion, a half filly-half colt's champion...err, we have one of those, right?"

"Yes, I believe we do." The announcer said with a nod.

"Oh...well, all right if I fight one of those? Please?"

The End

Cast list

Ashleigh Ball: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rainbow Robot, Vector Rainbow Dash, Various Talk Show Hosts, Football Jock, What's His Flank, Speaker, Mare Do-Well, Crono, Narrator Rainbow Dash, Classic Rainbow Dash, Teenage Rainbow Dash, The Cuuuuuuudge, Ashleigh, Hum-Dum, The Ugly Mule, David, Balrog the Awesomeswordness, Megan, Luna, The Animatronic Rainbow Dash, The Rainbow Robot
Andrea Libman: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Pinkamena Diane Pie, Filly Voice
Cathy Weseluck: Spike the Dragon, The Mayor of Ponyville, Golden Harvest, Cherry Berry, Minuette, Spike Collect
Chiara Zanni: Bon-Bon, Maggot Mare, Daring Do
Tabitha St. Germain: Rarity, Derpy Hooves, Mrs. Cake, Granny Smith, Filly Fan
Sandy Duncan: Firefly, Original Applejack
Peter New: Big Macintosh, Merry Ponyrocini, Announcer 1, Jet Set
Madeline Peters: Scootaloo, Scootball
Kirby Morrow: Time Turner, Calfeb, Mitt Obamney, Buck Webster, Stallion Voice, DVD Gregor
Daveigh Chase: Nyx
Tara Strong: Twilight Sparkle, Female Announcer
Chipmunkfanantic: Adam
Jesse McCartney: Theodore Seville, AwesomeX 567, Singers
Justin Long: Alvin Seville, Back-Up of Brainy Pony
Matthew Gray Gubler: Simon Seville
Rob Paulsen: Coltsworth, Singer of Brainy Pony, Juley Ponyrocini, Dave Colttenston, Commercial Guy 1, Voice in Crowd
Chuck Huber: Caramel, Dartmouth, Colt
Stephanie Anne Mills: Lyra Heartstrings, Mare Voice
Scott McNeil: Lefty Ponyrocini, Tough Apple, John
Jim Cummings: Nightmare Overlord, Schenkel McColt, Balding Mule, Drive-Thru Manticore, Zapp Cracker, Warlock
Frank Welker: Q-Cord, Pigeon, Getting Up Noise, Stool Scooter, Voiceover, Commercial Guy 2, Beezen, TV Characters/Villains, Scrawny McColt
Matt Hill: Tamby Ponyrocini, Stallion on TV, Soarin', Lawrence Lover
Rebecca Shoichet: Twilight Sparkle (singing voice)
Shannon Chan-Kent: Pinkie Pie (singing voice)
Kazumi Evans: Rarity (singing voice)
Claire Corlett: Sweetie Belle, Nello, Sweetie Lady
Michelle Creber: Apple Bloom, Gello, Apple Bomb
Trevor Devall: Iron Will
Nicole Oliver: Cheerilee, Princess Celestia
Phil LaMarr: Moses Mulene, Announcer 2
Maryke Hendrikse: Spitfire, Gilda the Griffin
B.J. Ward: Surprise
Jeff Glen Bennett: Don Coltts, Take Sword
Monica Stori: Feathermay
Kathleen Barr: Trixie Lulamoon
Billy West: Bugsie, Get Sword
Charles Martinet: Luario
Cathy Cavadini: Firecracker Burst
Jason Lee: Dave Seville

Author's note
That's one way to an end a show on an exploding bang! And thus, another season of Rainbow Dash's E-Mails is now over. It may be a while before getting to the next one (which isn't much to work with). For now, I am planning on working on the next part of the fanmakes of the 'Strong Bad's Cool Games for Attractive People' which is called 'Baddest Night Ever'. Here is the list besides Rainbow and Pinkie in their usual roles...

Strong Mad-Big Macintosh
Strong Sad-The Cutie Mark Crusaders
The Cheat-Fluttershy
Coach Z-Spike
Bubs-Twilight Sparkle
Marzipan-Rarity
Pom Pom-Sapphire Shores
King of Town-Applejack
Homsar-Derpy Hooves
LimOzeen-Knightshade (from the first MLP series, only as a band)
Drive-Thru Whale-Drive-Thru Manticore (MLP OC)

That's all for now. Hope you enjoy this season. Until next time, read, review and suggest.