Bad Things, Maybe

BY: cleverpun

Luna awoke with a start. She wasn't in her bed, and her muscles all felt incredibly stiff. She sat up, and felt an immediate and potent headache swirl across her brain.

"Ahh… what in the world did I do last night?"

She finally examined her surroundings. Lots of frilly bits and lace and purple fabric.

Then it all came flooding back. Gushing. You might say the memories exploded all over her. Repeatedly.

"FFFFFFF—!"

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

The words surprised Luna. She nearly fell out of the bed. She quickly regained her composure and turned to Rarity. The unicorn was grinning smugly, her head propped up on one hoof, another draped over her stomach. The lower half of her body was just barely covered by a blanket.

Luna leapt out of the bed, too irate to worry about composure. Clearly it was too late to worry about that now anyway. "Where is my royal regalia?"

"Oh, come now. What's the rush?"

"I must return to Canterlot immediately. I need to order a platoon of stall—of mar—I must muster a battalion of eunuchs to take out a rogue changeling."

Rarity chuckled.

"And what is so funny? You brainwashed an entire town and you expect me to do nothing?"

"I didn't brainwash anypony, Princess. I don't know how. All I did was help you relax."

"A likely story." Where in Tartarus are my clothes!

"Oh, but it's true! I never did figure out that whole mind control thing. Given the rampant sexual repression here, I never needed to."

"Hmph."

"You were certainly enjoying yourself last night, believe it or not."

"Tricking me into enjoying myself doesn't make your actions any less reprehensible. Where are my clothes!"

"I only give ponies what they want. I am the Element of Generosity, after all."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself."

"If you stay, I could ask Twilight to come back in."

Luna paused, but a sudden twinge from one of her sore muscles returned her to reality.

"Nice try. Twilight Sparkle is far too studious and intelligent and clever to succumb to your carnal manipulations."

"Oh really? Oh, Twiliiiiight!" Rarity called in a singsong voice.

Moments later there was purple flash and a pop and Twilight was at the foot of Rarity's bed.

"You rang, Rarity?"

"Yes. Princess Luna was going to leave, but I knew she'd want to say goodbye to you first."

Twilight's ears drooped. "Oh…you didn't want…anything else?"

"You may have fooled me once, but your changeling machinations won't sway me again. I am unswayable. No matter how attractively you dress up Chrysalis." Luna was careful to avoid eye contact with both ponies, though her search for her clothing remained unsuccessful

"That's not Queenie." Rarity whistled a short tune, and seconds later an undisguised Chrysalis barged into the room.

"Yes, Miss Rarity? You wanted…something?"

"Just your presence. You may go." Rarity waved her off.

"Oh." Chrysalis' ears drooped. "You sure you didn't need anything else? Something a little more…physical, possibly?"

"Hey, I got here first!" Twilight protested.

"Enough!" Luna shouted. "Try as you might, I will not let myself fall for your tricks…again. I'm a sex addict—not! I'm not a sex addict, like you've forced the rest of the town into being! Becoming!"

"She didn't force me into anything, Princess. Sex is just…well, it's pretty great."

Luna gave up on finding her clothes and turned to the window. "Do not worry, Twilight Sparkle. I will return with a large number of sexually incapable guardsponies and solve this mess once and for all."

"There's no mess to solve, Princess." Rarity patted her sheets. "Come back to bed and let Twilight and I take care of you."

"I would rather remain celibate than be part of this depraved illusion you've constructed."

Twilight blushed and looked away. "Well, you sure didn't feel that way last night."

Luna's hoof froze mid-step. She tried to keep walking. That's not Twilight Sparkle. Not really, She told herself. I just need to get the guards. Yes, then I can free her from this nightmare, and she'll be so grateful she'll dive into my arms and start crying and we'll become lovers and live happily ever after.

The lie was not as convincing as she had hoped.

Rarity noticed the hesitation. "Oh, Twilight. Why don't you help the Princess relax? Then we can all have a properly enjoyable morning."

Twilight eagerly trotted over to the Princess.

"No, stay away from me. You aren't yourself." Luna's voice was quiet and unconvincing.

And then the window shattered, a pink blur crashing through it like a cannon shell.

"Princess Cadance!?" Luna shouted in surprise.

Candence stood up, non-chalantly brushing flecks of glass off her wings.

"Why, Princess! How nice of you to…drop by." Rarity leapt out of bed, only slightly shocked by her shattered window.

"Save it, changeling scum." Cadance glared at Rarity.

"A changeling? Moi?"

"Do not bother to lie. Twilight already sent me a letter telling me how you seduced her. It was very detailed. Excruciatingly detailed, actually."

Rarity gave Twilight a dirty look, her composure finally broken.

Twilight shrugged. "Don't look at me like that, Rarity. You don't lose your virginity at twenty-four and not tell anypony! I mean, okay, maybe I didn't need to write a twelve page letter, but I had to tell somepony!"

Rarity facehoofed, loudly. "Virgins…"

"It's over, changeling. I've been monitoring your little sex-fueled fiefdom for several days, and I have more than enough evidence to take you into custody. Come quietly and they may go easy on you."

"So, you like to watch, do you, Princess?"

Cadance chuckled. "Do not bother with your pitiful attempts at seduction. I've done everything. Sex cannot control me any more than changeling magic can."

"Everything, eh? Upside-down?"

"When I was a filly."

"Oh, uhm…Manehattan rollercoaster?"

"Naturally."

"The dirty donut?"

"Who hasn't?"

"The reverse credit card?"

"Ha! I invented the reverse credit card! Well, refined it anyway; the regular credit card was so damn sloppy…" Cadance began to slowly advance toward Rarity. "Now stop resisting arrest."

Rarity put a hoof alongside her forehead. "Oh no, it seems you've defeated me." Without warning Rarity swung her head down and fired a brilliant blast of blue magic at Cadance. The laser made contact with Cadance's body, but quickly dissipated into a harmless cerulean mist.

"Uhm…"

"Shining and I combined our powers. Your magic is fueled by love, and we created a barrier specifically to stop it."

"Oh, well…huh." Rarity scratched her head.

Cadance turned her head slightly. "Aunt Luna, are you just going to stand there?"

"Well, should I be doing something?" Luna said.

"Yes! Help me arrest her!" Cadance didn't take her eyes off Rarity, still expecting her to do something inappropriate.

"Well, I sort of already tried that last night. It did not end in my favor."

"You sure ended in my favor…" Twilight said.

Rarity sighed. "Twilight, dear, that was awful."

Twilight blushed. "Sorry, still new to the whole seduction thing."

Cadance rolled her eyes. "Even if you were any good at it, clearly Aunt Luna isn't going to fall for that. Again…"

"Hmm, actually she might." Rarity was suddenly surrounded by a flash of green fire, and when it faded she was a perfect clone of Twilight. She turned to Chrysalis and flicked her head towards Luna.

"Oh, right." Moments later Chrysalis had disguised herself as Twilight as well. She turned around and wiggled her butt at Luna, as seductively as the view-blocking bed would allow.

Cadance sighed. She pointed her horn at Rarity and five glowing blue bands clamped around the unicorn's legs and neck. "Alright, Aunt Luna. I have this one, you take care of Chrysalis."

"You're not going to let her take me away, are you, Luna?" Rarity pouted. Her Twilight voice was impeccable.

Cadance flipped Rarity over mid-pout, though Rarity did an admirable job of not breaking character even while being rotated. That would make a good innuendo later, but for now she had to focus.

Twilight draped a hoof over Luna's shoulder and whispered into her ear. "It'd make me happy if she stayed, Princess. It would make both of us happy."

Chrysalis climbed onto the bed, mimicking Rarity's pose from earlier. "We could have a lot of fun together, Princess. You certainly enjoyed yourself last night." Her Twilight voice was equally impeccable.

Luna bit her lip. Her sore muscles had been reminding her why this was such a bad situation all morning, but suddenly they seemed to remind her why it was good. Really good.

"Aunt Luna! Focus!"

Luna heard Cadance, but she was having trouble looking away from Twilight's eyes. "Sorry, what?" They were such beautiful shade of purple, really.

"Aunt Luna, pay attention! Moments before I got here you were about to storm out indignantly! You're not a sex addict, remember?"

Twilight had draped herself mostly-seductively around Princess Luna, and Luna found herself staring at Twilight's rump.

"Right. Definitely…definitely not a sex addict…"

Cadance rolled her eyes. She pushed Twilight off Luna telekinetically, pinning the unicorn to the wall with another magic manacle. She then quickly fired another spell at Chrysalis, causing her Twilight disguise to flicker noticeably.

"Princess Luna!" Cadance reluctantly took her eyes off Rarity so she could properly project.

Luna finally tore her eyes away from Twilight Sparkle's fantastic body. When she looked at Cadance she saw Twilight, I mean, Rarity just behind her: still bound, still upside-down, and mouthing "I love you" directly at Luna.

"Sorry, uhm… What were we doing?"

"Arresting these criminals!" Cadance jabbed a hoof at Chrysalis. "Restrain her!"

Chrysalis didn't break character. "You can do anything you want to me, Princess."

"Dang, she's good." Twilight muttered to herself.

Luna couldn't bring herself to do anything except bite her lip again.

Cadance barged over to her aunt. "Aunt Luna, get ahold of yourself! That's not Twilight, and you're not a sex addict, remember?"

Luna turned to Cadance, and her horn started to glow. "Sorry, Cadance."

Dark blue restraints suddenly formed around Cadance's neck and legs. The shock caused her to drop Rarity and Twilight.

"I guess I am a sex addict, after all."

"I expected this from Twilight, but not you, Aunt Luna."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Twilight asked.

Luna shrugged. "After thousands of years with just a telescope and the ponynet, my willpower was going to wane eventually."

Cadance rolled her eyes again, then twisted her head to look at Rarity. "You won't get away with this, changeling. I left very specific instructions for Shining and Aunt Celestia before I left. I may not have stopped you, but they WILL. Your reign of terror is short-lived."

"As I was telling Princess Luna earlier, I merely give ponies what they want." Rarity slowly brushed a hoof alongside Cadance's flank. "And I can tell that you want something new."

Cadance squirmed against her bonds, but nothing happened. "As we covered earlier, I've done literally every sex act possible. Every one ever invented, and quite a few that have not."

Rarity traced her hoof lazily along Cadance's cutie mark. "Every single one, you say?" Rarity put a hoof to her chin and thought for a long moment.

"Twilight, Luna, you're not just going to let her rape me, are you?" Cadance's question fell on deaf ears: Luna and Twilight had started to make out sloppily, and loudly, on the bed.

"Oooh, I know!" Rarity walked over to Cadance and pressed up against her back. "Have you ever been bucked all the way through?"

Cadance snorted derisively. "Of course not! That's anatomically impossible! It only happens in really terrible hentai, written by ponies who have no clue how sex actually works."

Rarity smiled. "Perfect." Her disguise shifted slightly, but only in the pelvic area. Well, alright, more than "slightly."

Cadance felt a familiar pressure in her body. She had felt the same thing only a few nights ago with Shining, actually. But it was slightly different this time. Longer. Wider. Bigger. "You know this isn't going to work, right?" She sounded almost bored.

"Oh, you'd be surprised, Princess. Changelings can bend quite a few anatomic rules."

Cadance felt the pressure moving up her body. She started to panic slightly, partly because she was afraid that Rarity might be right, and partly because it did feel pretty good.

"Oh, Twilight? Take care of the tip, would you? It should pop out of her mouth eventually. And Queenie, you can take care of the rest of her."

Twilight tore herself away from Luna and sauntered over to Cadance, unashamedly giving her the same inexperienced kisses she had been giving Luna moments earlier. Chrysalis positioned herself underneath Cadance, but she was a good deal more confident in her actions.

Luna wasn't sure what to do. Lacking a sexy distraction, her mind was starting to consider leaving for help.

"Princess Luna, feel free to take care of Twilight." Rarity said.

That was all the encouragement she needed. She wasted no time getting underneath Twilight's body. Twilight gasped slightly as Luna started licking her sensually. Cadance noted a salty undercurrent in Twilight's breath as the gasp hit her face, but before she could dwell on it very long her attention shifted back to the pressure crawling up her body.

It had gone through her stomach without much fanfare, but now it was sitting in her chest. It felt strange, but not in a bad way. It reminded her of eating hot soup, of choking, of being winded, and of many other feelings that she had never expected to be together.

The pressure began to crawl up her neck. She definitely recognized that feeling. Suddenly she gasped, and she was reminded of vomiting or dry heaves. She didn't have a gag reflex anymore, thankfully. She felt Rarity's organ sitting in her mouth, and after a few more thrusts she felt it push into Twilight's.

That wasn't that bad. She hated to admit it. It was not, however, as mind-shatteringly pleasurable as Rarity had implied.

And then Rarity started thrusting. Cadance felt the pressure drag down across her entire body, and then back up. The tip swept behind her lips, and then poked back out again, resting in Twilight mouth a few seconds before being pulled back.

It was indescribable. It felt bizarre, but good. It felt a thousand times better considering how jaded Cadance was when it came to insane, stupid, kinky sex.

Rarity was right. She admitted. She would've said so out loud, but her mouth was very full.