Romance and the Fate of Equestria

When I started planning out Part Two, I divided it into four sections: "Pre-Bazaar", "At the Bazaar", "Post-Bazaar", and "Post-Gathering". The Gathering is over, so here we are in the home stretch.

Knitzy… Ranger… thanks for taking this journey with me. As far as I know, it's just you two now. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without your support. I hope that with you guys inspiring me, I can breeze my way to Chapter 110 sometime before the story hits its second anniversary. You have my gratitude for making me believe that this story, which is often my only reason to stay alive, is actually important. And I hope that the two of you stay by my side for however many more years it takes for the story to end. God bless, if you're into that sort of thing.

And incidentally, if there's anyone out there besides Knitzy and Ranger, I would like very much to speak with you. Drop me a line, we'll talk. Just for the record, knowing that you were out there would have made me a whole lot less suicidal in months past…

Chapter Ninety-Seven

That same night, an assortment of guys was gathered around the poker table at Sugarcube Corner.

"So, Spike," said Mr. Cake, dealing cards out to the group, "I hear Peewee has been seeing the princess's pet."

"Yeah, I've had to get used to the idea," Spike sighed. "I always wanted them to meet, but I didn't think that would happen…"

"Yeah, and I'm sure he never thought a little guy like him could get a prize like that," Mr. Cake chuckled. "Do you suppose phoenixes mate for life?"

"You know, I don't know," Spike said thoughtfully. "I just know that things are pretty serious between them."

Discord scooped up his cards and raised an eyebrow at the others. "Is this really all we have to gossip about?" he sneered. "Isn't anypony getting laid around here besides birds?"

Spike shrugged. "Not as far as I know."

The door chimes rang out as Mrs. Cake entered, the twins toddling along at her side.

"We're home, honey," she called out, looking around the table. "Oh hello booooyyys." The last word was squeaked out in horror at the sight of Discord.

He saluted her. "Mrs. Cake."

"…Hi," she said blankly. "Carrot, can I have a word with you?"

"Um… sure," he muttered, getting out of his seat and walking over to the corner of the room with her. Pound and Pumpkin made a beeline for Spike and hopped up onto his lap.

"Hey, Pound Cake, WHAZZUP?" said Spike, sticking his tongue out and scrunching up his face.

"WHAZZUP?" Pound Cake replied, imitating the face.

Spike laughed uproariously, then paused and turned toward Mrs. Cake. "Oh, um… I hope you didn't just get him to stop doing that."

"It's fine," said Mrs. Cake. She leaned toward her husband and whispered fearfully. "What is Discord doing in our home?"

"I told you, it's poker night with the guys," he whispered back. "He's been here every Friday for a while now, honey."

"I guess it just never occurred to me that 'the guys' included the insane and evil god who turned our shop into a pit of magma last year," she hissed. "I'll never forget the horrid imagery of that day. I still have nightmares of the confusion and the terror…"

Mr. Cake was silent for a moment before lamely muttering, "It was lava."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, whatever."

"Look, sugarplum," he whispered tenderly, "I don't know whose side he's on, I don't know what's going to happen with him in the future, I don't even know whether or not I like him, but I do know he's good for playing cards with, okay? Plus, without these weekly card games, Twilight has to live with him all the time. So, can you have a heart, sweetie? Let him stay?"

Mrs. Cake bit her lip and thought about it. "I understand," she sighed. "Okay, honey. I trust your judgment. Just… please be careful with him. I can't shake the feeling he might be up to something."

"Yeah, I know," he said hastily. "I'm always alert around him, don't worry."

They both returned to the table. "Okay, kids, let's get you up to bed," she said.

"Aw, they don't have to go to bed," Discord whined.

Mrs. Cake laughed. "Yes they do," she said. "Sorry."

Pumpkin pounced on Mr. Cake and embraced him tightly, hanging from his neck with her hind legs dangling. "Goodnight, Daddy," she cooed.

"Aw, goodnight, baby," he gushed in return, lifting an arm to support her. He snuggled her and rubbed his nose against hers. "Love you, Pumpkin Cake. I'll be right up to tuck you in."

"Okay!" she squeaked, hopping back to the floor and following Mrs. Cake and Pound up the stairs.

Discord watched them go with interest. "Cute kids," he said.

"Thanks," said Mr. Cake, sitting back in his chair. "They are, aren't they?"

"They don't look a thing like either one of you," Discord remarked, rearranging the cards in his hand.

"Well, they don't look like much of anything yet, Discord," Mr. Cake chuckled. "They're toddlers."

"They look like little agents of chaos, that's what they look like," said Discord.

Mr. Cake laughed out loud. "Again: toddlers."

"No, no," Discord said darkly. "I mean in more ways than that."

Mr. Cake frowned. "What are you…?"

Discord leaned toward him across the table. "Do you remember the day I took over Equestria?" he said sinisterly. "I believe your wife mentioned it during that private conversation that I wasn't supposed to hear but did anyway."

"Well, it's not an easy day to forget," Mr. Cake muttered.

"Oh, I know," Discord chuckled. "I know it, brother. Now, think back to that day, then think about how many months elapsed between that day and the day your twins were born."

"…What are you saying, exactly?" Mr. Cake said nervously.

"Oh, what do you think I'm saying?" Discord taunted. "Among other things, I'm saying that it's pretty unlikely, regardless of family history, that two earth ponies would produce a pegasus and a unicorn. The spawn of chaos, on the other hand… anything could come out of that…"

"T-tell me the truth," Mr. Cake stammered. "What are you really getting at?"

Discord leaned back and held his hands behind his head. "Well, I always tell the truth, my dear Carrot, and the truth is, I'm totally messing with you."

He sat there smugly as Mr. Cake stared blankly, unmoving apart from his rapid blinking. "W-what?" he finally forced out.

"I was kidding," Discord said simply. "I was heavily implying that I was the father of your twins, but I never actually said it, did I? Of course not, that'd just be a flat-out lie. Haha, you should have seen your face."

Mr. Cake kept sitting in stunned silence for a few more seconds before he burst out laughing. "Oh, man!" he crowed. "You really had me going! Oh, that was awesome!"

"Well, it certainly was," Discord said smugly. "Thank you."

He kept laughing, shaking his head in disbelief. "Ah, yeah," he sighed. He turned to Spike solemnly and put a hoof on the dragon's shoulder. "Spike… thank you so much for bringing him along to these things. It's been so great."

Discord gaped. "Well, I… I…" He lowered his eyes. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Yeah, I like having him here too," said Spike. "And it's really paid off, if you know what I mean." He held up two poker chips and rubbed them together.

"Oh, shut up," Discord muttered, shoving Spike lightly. "Don't think that's anything but a lucky streak. I seem to recall that in all the previous weeks, you might as well have just given all your fellow players blank checks for all the good it did you coming here." He grinned toothily at Spike, then turned back to Mr. Cake. "Seriously though, the twins, they're great. And I can assure you, I've checked their genetic makeup, they're yours."

"Thank you," Mr. Cake said dryly.

"Pumpkin does have your exact coloration," Discord noted.

"I noticed," said Mr. Cake. "That's one of the only reason I was never suspicious…"

Discord nodded seriously, looking over his cards. "From what I can tell by looking at her bone structure and her body's overall chemical composition, she will end up looking an awful lot like you."

"Really?"

"Yes indeed."

"Huh," Mr. Cake said thoughtfully. "Not sure how I feel about that. I wouldn't look very good as a girl."

"No, no, she'll be able to pull it off," Discord assured him. "Wanna see? I can conjure up an illusion for you…"

"No, I don't wanna see!" Mr. Cake said frantically. "Of course I don't want to see what my daughter is going to look like when she grows up. That's supposed to be a surprise." He grinned and tossed a few chips in the pot. "But thanks for the offer."

"Hey, no problem," said Discord, adding a few more. His ears perked up and he looked out the window. "Hmm, I think the Gathering of the Goddesses is over."

"Really? Already?" said Spike. "Huh, we could have gone and made poker night."

"Well, I'm glad we didn't," Discord said bitterly. "I've been a god for too long to play a subservient role. You wouldn't understand."

Spike shrugged and pushed a few chips into the center of the table. He pondered for a moment, then added a few more. After another moment of silence, he muttered, "Sure I would."

Discord stared at him incredulously.

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Endnotes

I didn't want to overload you with notes, so this is broken off from the endnotes of the previous chapter.

A final note about etymology… Annihilara's name was originally going to be spelled "Annyhilara". However, something occurred to me: here I was, introducing four original characters, each of whom has Celestia-like levels of power in both the political and physical sense, and one of whom was not just a very close blood relative of Celestia and Luna but their favorite relative, was dark and brooding, considered likable by other characters despite certain glaring flaws, and who, just for the record, could easily go five-on-one against all the other goddesses and win in seconds even if her power was at one-eighth its normal capacity. So the Mary-Sue throttle was already turned up pretty high; the last thing I needed was a misplaced letter Y to kick it up a notch. The letter Y where it doesn't belong kind of pushes the concept of a Mary-Sue to its limits. It was a step further than I was willing to go, one line I couldn't cross. I have some standards. However, despite changing the spelling to something more conventional, the name still retains its odd pronunciation… so, just for the record, here's a guide to some of the weirder names I've cooked up:

ah-NEE-il-la-ra

ko-LAH-sa

oh-KAH-pee-OP-ter-ix

sohr-MOOR dee mit-GAY-ard