Romance and the Fate of Equestria

So, "Castle-Mania"… everybody saw that, right? It wasn't just a dream I had? Holy crap. The very day after I went on hiatus, the day after I debuted Annihilara, I found the official synopses for the first three or four Season 4 episodes, and I was like "WHAT THE HECK?" The ancient castle being home to a "Pony of Shadows"? Didn't I just write that? That is the craziest freaking thing that's ever happened to me!

It was amusing at first, but now I'm pretty upset. Every time something new happens in the franchise, it just cements what I've known all along: that this story stopped having any potential the day "The Crystal Empire" aired. Why am I still writing it?

Chapter Seventy-Seven

Apple Bloom crept along the edges of the library, spotting Silver Spoon poring over the selection of new magazines.

"Hey, Silv," she said quietly, approaching.

Silver Spoon turned. True to her word, she had returned from the Bazaar with a new manestyle; rather than her braid, her mane was simply held back by a large sky-blue ribbon, with three zig-zagging strands of hair artfully spilling out of the tie.

"Oh, hi Apple Bloom," she said, glancing around. "You here alone?"

"Yeah, it's just me," said Apple Bloom. "I was lookin' for you. Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course, friend!" Silver Spoon said gleefully, jumping out of her chair and galloping toward Apple Bloom. "Name it! Tell me what I can do for you."

Apple Bloom smiled faintly at Silver Spoon's enthusiasm. "I like your new mane," she said absently. "You look just like a Bazaar model. Real grown-up. And, um… sophisticated."

"Thank you," Silver Spoon said sincerely. "But what does this have to do with a favor?"

"I… want a makeover," Apple Bloom muttered, slouching in embarrassment.

Silver Spoon blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"A makeover," Silver Spoon said thoughtfully. "You, of all ponies? You don't seem like the type."

"I'm not," Apple Bloom said hastily. "I'm just… lookin' for a change."

Silver Spoon took a quill and paper off one of the tables. "Well, sounds good. I'd love to help you out. What kind of change are we talking?"

Apple Bloom averted her eyes. "I'm thinkin'… bleach my coat white, black streaks in my mane, and go crazy on the eyeliner."

Silver Spoon wrote that down, then did a double-take at what she had just written and stared at Apple Bloom in disbelief. "You're going goth?"

"I'm goin' partway to goth," Apple Bloom corrected. "Test it out, see if it's the right look for me before I get too far in."

Silver Spoon's expression didn't change.

"Commitment issues," Apple Bloom explained sheepishly. "I've been told it's a family trait."

Silver Spoon shrugged. "If you say so. So, a partial goth." She took another look at her sheet of paper, nodding thoughtfully. "Yeah, I can help you do that. I know what stores we can hit."

She paused to inspect Apple Bloom's cutie mark, then looked solemnly into Apple Bloom's eyes. "You do know that bleaching your coat won't make your cutie mark go away? It'll come back in an hour, tops."

"I know," Apple Bloom said hurriedly. "I'm fine with my cutie mark the way it is… I just want a new look that reflects my state of mind right now."

Silver Spoon pouted. "PCDAD?"

"Yeah," she said, surprised. "How'd you know?"

"How do you think?" Silver Spoon said sympathetically, nodding to her own cutie mark. "But if I may… am I right in thinking that Scoots and Sweets aren't in on this?"

"Nah, they'd just try to talk me out of it," said Apple Bloom. "I don't wanna be talked out of it. I wanna try it and live with the consequences."

"I like it," Silver Spoon gushed. "Our little secret! And if they don't approve… well, then you've got me!"

"Sure do."

"I can totally see it!" said Silver Spoon, wrapping an arm around Apple Bloom's shoulders. "You, the edgy goth filly, and me, your snarky little sidekick!" She leered and waggled her eyebrows. "I'm good at that sort of thing."

"Snarking?" Apple Bloom said blankly.

"No, sidekicking!" Silver Spoon said, pacing the floor excitedly. "I'm an expert in the field of sidekickery. My parents have already set me up at a college on a sidekickery scholarship. I got my damn cutie mark in sidekickery!"

Apple Bloom chuckled, then tilted her head. "Wait… are you serious?"

"Not about the scholarship," Silver Spoon said innocently.

"So, that's really what your cutie mark means?" Apple Bloom whispered.

"The spoon is sort of a family crest," she said, glancing at her mark again. "The little heart… I looked it up. It means I, and I quote, 'live to serve a friend'. That's my strongest skill."

"Wow," Apple Bloom breathed.

Silver Spoon hung her head. "I wonder, sometimes, if it had to be that way. If I'd spent less time sucking up to Diamond Tiara… you know, I do have other talents. Everypony does. I give an okay makeover. I play basketball, kind of. I write Daring Do fanfiction that gets published in magazines…"

"Really?" Apple Bloom said with interest.

"Yeah," Silver Spoon said seriously. "It's really sexy. I bet if I changed the names of the characters, I'd be able to publish it as a real book. But instead, I got this. The mark of a lowly sidekick." She shrugged. "Now you know why I've always been so bitchy."

"I'm sorry," Apple Bloom muttered.

"I was happy with it at first," Silver Spoon said wistfully. "Figured I'd be some kind of big investor or something like the rest of my family. But then I made the mistake of finding out what it actually meant… It's kind of like getting a violin cutie mark and then finding out it's actually a viola." She sighed. "Yeah, I know all about PCDAD. Thing is… I think I'm over it now."

Apple Bloom brightened. "Are ya?"

"Yeah," Silver Spoon said. "Look, I love Diamond Tiara… but I never wanted to spend my life as her beta bitch. But now… yeah. Now I get it. It's you, Apple Bloom. I'm meant to be your sidekick. Serving a friend is a great destiny if it's you." She shoved her face, with an impossibly wide grin, into Apple Bloom's, their noses nearly touching. "I think that's what my cutie mark has been trying to tell me the whole time."

Apple Bloom blinked and took a slight step back. "Um… gee, Silver Spoon, I'm flattered, and you're an incredibly attractive filly, I just don't consider myself mature enough for that kind of relationship, and if I was, I'm pretty sure I like colts, so, uh…"

Silver Spoon scowled. "Really? You too? That's where you go with that? Ugh, you're just like Tiara. Yeah, everypony knows 'sidekick' equals 'sycophantic lesbian love slave'! Har-dee-har-har-har! Yeah, thanks a lot…" She turned away angrily.

"I'm sorry," Apple Bloom whispered.

"It's okay," Silver Spoon mumbled, turning back to her. She looked up at Apple Bloom plaintively. "Giving you a makeover would be the most meaningful thing I've ever done. Can we get started?"

Apple Bloom nodded. "Yes, let's. Please. Oh, and, uh, could I ask you another little favor?"

"Anything," Silver Spoon said instantly.

"Could you go five minutes without saying the B-word?"

Silver Spoon seemed taken aback. "Um… what are you saying, exactly?"

"That you can't do it," Apple Bloom said mischievously.

"Fine then, challenge accepted," Silver Spoon giggled. She thoughtfully reached out and touched Apple Bloom's bow. "But what I was saying before, it's… destiny. Destiny is, like… it's not always obvious. You know?"

"I think so," Apple Bloom muttered. "You're sayin', nopony ever said that everypony has their life all lined up as soon as their cutie mark appears."

"Yeah," Silver Spoon agreed, nodding. She grinned. "Didn't anypony tell you? Destiny is a bitch. But like any bitch, it's possible to befriend it and make it work for you. You did it with me, after all." She clapped her front hooves together. "Anyway! What would you say if I told you I totally know where to find a hair bow just like yours, but black and with a bunch of little metal studs in it?"

"I'd say, 'I want to go to there'," said Apple Bloom, entranced.

"Booyah! Let's do it!" Silver Spoon declared, jumping into the air. The two of them raced out of the library, giggling manically.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Endnotes

There are two topics for today's endnote. The first is homoeroticism.

Do I have your attention? Thought so.

Despite the urgings of a certain someone whose name I won't mention (Jon), who thinks I'm setting up a ship every time I have two females interact, I've always taken pains in this story to avoid the rampant mare-on-mare sexual tension that goes on in this fandom. I didn't realize I'd gotten to "epic fail" status on that promise until I saw just how amorous Silver Spoon's attachment to Apple Bloom had become. I had to have AB kill the moment.

There has, admittedly, been a bit of electricity between girls throughout the story. But it's my experience that any two friends, regardless of their respective genders and orientations, will eventually flirt with each other as a gag. I figure each character has a pre-determined sexuality, and as in the real world, the vast majority are straight. Just putting that on the record. Choosing Rainbow Dash as the one member of the Mane Six who isn't totally heterosexual could draw some criticism for stereotyping, but… well, I gave that a good lampshading back in Chapter 20.

I pride myself on keeping it consistent. Let's just say that Rainbow wouldn't be nearly as hung up on Derpy if she didn't know for a fact that Derpy was also bisexual. Additionally, the fact that the only confirmed same-sex couple I have in the story are evil and crazy is… unfortunate, and I apologize, but that's neither here nor there.

My second topic, briefer because it's not as fun, is this: I realize that, due to certain events, I could have been, and could still be, interpreted as preaching a "cutie marks are bad" message… I hope this chapter displayed that this is not the case.

Really, though, all of the above is just a bunch of justification for stuff that's not really my doing. This story has been writing itself since, like, Chapter 12. I'm not responsible for anything that's happened since then. Tee hee.