Romance and the Fate of Equestria

Finished this chapter early! For future reference, I didn't start writing it until after I posted the previous chapters, but it's still November 22.

So, um… Sørmur dï Mitgaeard, needless to say, is loosely inspired by Norse mythology's Mitgard Sormr, the World Serpent. I mention this because since I created her it's been brought to my attention that the World Serpent itself made an appearance somewhere in the Friendship is Magic comic book series. How about that? I wouldn't know, see, because I haven't read the comic books. And I don't intend to, because they're a vile betrayal of the franchise.

Wow, that felt weird to say. I never say stuff like that. My usual attitude toward entertainment media is that everything is great, all of the time, and everything new is better than what came before it. When Equestria Girls was announced, it never occurred to me to be outraged. I thought it was a great idea. And it was, it was very true to the overall message the show had been giving us for the previous three years. In the end, it was still the same show.

The comic book, on the other hand? It seems to be aimed squarely at the Hot Topic goths, to make them feel better about their favorite hangout being flooded with My Little Pony merch. Every page I've seen, every quote from the story I've heard, suggest to me that it's really macabre and gruesome, full of sociopathy and black comedy, no sweetness or love anywhere. It's a heartless mockery of the world and characters. It disgusts me.

I mean, if I'm wrong, tell me. I'd love to hear it. I probably still won't read the comic books, don't really have the money or time, but I'd be delighted to find out that my assessment is wrong. I prefer to avoid the habit of hating things.

EDIT: I'm happy to report that I've been asked to print a retraction of my above statements. Hey, that's what I wanted in the first place: to be able to take that all back. To my dear friend Jon, thank you for informing me I was wrong, and thank you also for the story's 200th review. It's somewhat soured by the fact that it contains a threat to leave me forever but, meh, really I'm just glad to find out that the comic is, apparently, that good. Thanks, brother!

Chapter Seventy-Five

Pinkie Pie hopped down the halls of Ponyville's recording studio, approaching Octavia, who was waiting outside the door to the booth.

"Hey, Tavi!" she chirped.

"Hi, Pinkie, thanks for coming by," said Octavia. "I wanted a chance to talk to you."

"What's up, little sister?" Pinkie said brightly. "I've been seeing you around here a lot more often. Did you finally move back to Ponyville?"

Octavia shrugged. "Kind of. I'm bunking with Vinyl a few days a week while we work, going back and forth between here and Canterlot. I might situate myself here more permanently, who knows?"

"That's great!" Pinkie squealed, hopping up and down. "I can see my little sister every day! What more could a pony ask for?"

Octavia smirked. "Funny you should say that. I was at the farm the other day."

"Oh yeah?" Pinkie said casually. "Which farm?"

"The Pie family farm, Pinkie," Octavia retorted. "Mom and Dad tell me that whenever they come into town, they can never find you. That struck me as odd, since my experience with Ponyville is that you're… how can I put this? Everywhere. Nopony can go five minutes without bumping into you… except our parents and sister, apparently. It's a real mystery. Would you care to explain it?"

"Um… sure," Pinkie said uneasily. "I hide."

"You hide?" Octavia demanded.

"Yup. I hide. Don't want them to find me."

Octavia's lips thinned. "See, now, I thought everypony in Ponyville was your friend."

"Yeah."

"Except for Mom and Dad and Blinkie?"

Pinkie thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Well, that's a bit weird, isn't it?" said Octavia. "Claiming to love everypony but avoiding your relatives like the plague. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of Mom and Dad and Blinkie. Haven't you been listening?"

Octavia looked at her elder sister disdainfully. "You're afraid of your own family."

Pinkie tried to form a response, before finally deciding on, "Not you."

Octavia rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you know what else I'm afraid of?" Pinkie said conversationally. "The word 'watashi'. That's a first-person pronoun. You'd think the whole purpose of a pronoun would be to be shorter than a noun, but apparently not. Freaky…"

"Pinkie," Octavia sighed, "what's going on?"

Pinkie bit her lip and looked away. "I… I don't like talking about this. It gets me really upset. And when I'm upset, it kills the ambience of the whole town."

"Understood. Start talking."

Pinkie breathed deeply, looking up at Octavia with big, pitiful eyes. "You want the truth?"

"Please."

"I… I consider the Cakes to be my real parents," Pinkie forced out. She looked away in shame. "Yeah."

Octavia didn't respond, except to edge closer to her with acceptance and expectation on her face.

"Family isn't who you came from," Pinkie mumbled. "It's who cares about you. Mom and Dad, they didn't… I don't feel like they raised me, not really. Or you, for that matter. You and I didn't fit in, until… you know, until we left. They liked Blinkie just fine. Her, they got right. Third time's the charm and all that. And she can keep 'em. I hope they're all happy over there on the farm. But…" Pinkie grimaced and tossed her head. "She's not my sister, and they're not my parents. I'd rather just forget about them completely. I don't want to think about them ever again. That's why I avoid them."

Octavia smiled sadly. "Pinkie…" She shook her head. "No wonder you're depressed."

"I'm not depressed," Pinkie said quickly. "And if I am depressed, it's because nopony comes to my parties anymore because they've all seen the movie Cupcakes and they think I'm going to murder them with a hacksaw while humorously contemplating why they call it a hacksaw." Her voice became increasingly shrill, and her words more rapid, as she spoke.

"No, you're depressed," Octavia said seriously. "You and all your friends, ever since the castle was robbed… maybe even before."

Pinkie mumbled something indecipherable.

"Pinkie, you're meant to bring joy and laughter, to embody it," Octavia said gently. "And yet you've spent your entire adult life blocking out three of the ponies who love you the most? Cutting them out of your life completely? That kind of negative attitude builds up in your heart. Casts a shadow… makes you weak. If you want to live a happy life, you can't carry around that taint. You should reconnect with them. With that load off your back… I can't imagine what other loads you'll bear. You'll be loadless."

Pinkie bit her lip. "You… you really think I should go back to the rock farm?"

"It's a sweet potato farm, Pinkie."

"And… and talk to Blinkie Pie?"

"I don't know how to do it either, but yes."

Pinkie looked Octavia deeply in the eye. "Only if you come with me."

"Of course," Octavia agreed. "I want our family back together."

DJ P0n-3 approached them from down the hall. "All righ', we're on in a minute," she said. "'Ey, Pinkie, good to see you."

"Hey, Vinyl," Pinkie said, trying to sound chipper.

"So, you and Fancypants, ah?" DJ P0n-3 said, elbowing her slyly.

"What?" Octavia said blankly.

"Oh!" Pinkie exclaimed. "That's right, I completely forgot—yeah, I'm dating Fancypants."

Octavia blinked slowly, then began cleaning out her ear with a hoof. "Excuse me a moment, I think I have something in my ear…"

"No, you 'eard righ'," DJ P0n-3 said gleefully. "Your big sis 'ooked the big guy! Ahhh yeah!"

"That's… incredible," Octavia gaped. "Is it serious?"

"Serious?" Pinkie said in confusion. "As in grim and stoic? No, we're both pretty cheerful about the whole thing."

"I mean… is it going somewhere?" Octavia asked.

"I dunno. I just like the way the blood rushes to my face when he talks to me. I didn't at first, but it grew on me."

"Pinkie…"

"What?" Pinkie demanded. "No, I know, I know, I get it… but just because I've never thought about getting myself into a big relationship before, that doesn't mean I didn't have one in me."

"That's wonderful, Pinkie," Octavia said lovingly, hugging her. She looked around as the hug ended. "Um, we're on now… as in, we should be in there right now… but you will tell me more about this relationship."

"Yes!" Pinkie declared.

"And we'll talk about reuniting the Pie family."

"Oh…" Pinkie said, dejected.

DJ P0n-3 and Octavia quickly rushed into their recording booth, the microphone on the table between them, and scripts in front of them. DJ P0n-3 hit a button.

"Okay, sorry for the delay, folks," she said hastily. "Welcome to The DJ P0n-'free Hour. I'm DJ P0n-'free, deligh'ed to, as usual, 'ave Octavia 'ere in the studio wiv me. So, mate…" She looked down at her script, and read: "'Ow's it going?"

That was the only thing written on her script. She quickly crumpled it up and tossed it aside.

Octavia looked at her own script, and read her own solitary line: "How's what going?" She, too, threw her script away.

"Oh, you know," DJ P0n-3 improvised, "your family, your career, your fake Can'erlot accent, 'ow's all tha' 'olding up?"

"My fake Canterlot accent?" Octavia demanded. "It's a heck of a lot realer than yours. I've spent several years living in Canterlot. I could conceivably have the accent. How do you explain your Canterlot accent? You've been there maybe twice in your life."

"I don' 'ave a Can'erlot accent, I 'ave a DJ P0n-'free accent. Ahhh yeah!"

"Oh, so you're totally unique, is that what you're saying?" Octavia taunted. "And yet, every grime artist ever to come out of Canterlot sounds exactly like you."

DJ P0n-3 leaned toward the microphone. "Er, you 'eard it 'ere firs', my li'l ponies, Octavia listens to grime."

"That's what you took away from that?" Octavia demanded.

"Yes," she said bluntly. "Now let's see what's on our playlis' today…"

"Agh!" Octavia roared, throwing her head back. "Vinyl Scratch, you aggravate me so!"

"Do I, Inkie Pie? Do I?"

"Yes, and do you know what else aggravates me? The word 'watashi'…"