Romance and the Fate of Equestria

So, as you can see, I fulfilled my earlier promise of lots of "hanging out" scenes. But it's not called Hanging Out and the Fate of Equestria, now is it? The primary romantic plots were those of Twilight/Snick and Flutter/Mac, both of which are now out of commission. So how could I avoid the title becoming obsolete?

The answer came from a very unexpected place: the invention of a new location. Most of Part Two is stuff I've been planning since before the story began, but most of the goings-on at this location is fairly new material. Not only does this new material take up a full quarter of the Part Two chapters, but the location managed, completely by accident, to maneuver each and every one of the Mane Six into a romantic situation of some kind or another. So the title is still relevant for the time being, maybe even more so than ever. Yay me!

But enough oblique references to this location. You want to actually know about it. Let's go.

Chapter Fifty

"Hey Silver Spoon, knock-knock."

Silver Spoon stared, shocked, at Truffle Shuffle, in the desk next to hers. "Um… what?" she said blankly.

"You heard me."

Silver Spoon coughed and shook her head. "Sorry, give it to me again."

"Knock-knock," Truffle Shuffle prompted.

"Who's there?"

"Control freak," he said. Before she could respond, he hastily said, "Now, wait, wait, this, this is the part where yooooou say, 'control freak who?'"

She blinked in surprise. "Control freak who?"

He stared at her disdainfully. "Yeah," he said decisively. "I can't hang out with you."

"What?" Silver Spoon demanded. She turned to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "What just happened?"

Truffle Shuffle sighed. "You really don't get it? Fine. You weren't supposed to actually say 'control freak who'. The joke was over, by way of me saying 'control freak' and then acting like a control freak. Me telling you what to say next, that was the punch line."

Silver Spoon inhaled sharply with sudden comprehension. "Ohhhh…"

"Yeah," Twist said. "We found it in a magathine a long time ago and thought it wath the funnietht thing ever. We thtarted telling it, but we found out that an alarming perthentage of ponieth will actually thay 'control freak who'."

"Yeah, the wrong kind of ponies," Truffle Shuffle said, flipping the pages of a book. "So we use it as a litmus test to figure out if ponies are worth our time."

Silver Spoon turned back to the Crusaders desperately.

"He's kidding, Silver Spoon," Sweetie Belle assured her.

"Come on, it's Truffle Shuffle," Scootaloo added. "You know he's only messing with you, he couldn't be that mean if he tried."

"Yeah, nopony's gonna stop hangin' out with you over that silly joke," Apple Bloom said. "Scootaloo didn't get it either."

"Is that supposed to make her feel better?" Scootaloo muttered.

"Well, we don't want her to feel stupid," Apple Bloom muttered back.

"And comparing her to me is the way to do that?"

Silver Spoon stifled a snort. Scootaloo beamed at her and leaned back triumphantly, front hooves behind her head. "It's all about knowing how to laugh at yourself, yo."

"I'll keep that in mind," Silver Spoon said. She reached over and tapped Twist's desk. "Hey, so, when are you gonna start coming to school with the new look we came up with?"

Twist bit her lip nervously. "Um… I dunno. It'th a lot of work to do every morning. Maybe at a thpecial thcool function? If we have one of thothe coming up?"

Silver Spoon shrugged. "All right, well, I'll be here. Waiting. Any old time."

Cheerilee entered the classroom then, and the noise calmed down significantly. "Good morning, my little ponies!" she said. "Today, I think—"

She stopped abruptly as Diamond Tiara entered the classroom, looking fairly smug about the sudden silence at her appearance. She proceeded to her desk.

"As I was saying," Cheerilee said uncertainly, "in light of certain announcements that have been made across Equestria, which I'm sure most of you have heard, I think it would be appropriate to open with a very special geography lesson. Who here can tell me about the Bazaar?"

Twist's hoof shot into the air; surprisingly, so did Silver Spoon's.

"Twist?" Cheerilee prompted.

"It'th an enormouth marketplathe," Twist said eagerly, "that rethts upon a floating landmath ath big ath a thity, and travelth all around the world to buy and thell goodth to all kindth of creatureth!"

"That's correct," Cheerilee said. She paused. "I'm sorry, Silver Spoon. Such a rare treat to see you volunteer, I should have called on you."

Silver Spoon shrugged. "I couldn't have said it any better. I really couldn't have."

Cheerilee turned on the overhead projector, displaying an image of the enormous flying island, hanging above a barren desert. The Bazaar was an immensely colorful and chaotic city, bereft of nature or any single architectural motif, divided in tiers like a wildly uneven pyramid, with streets that spiraled haphazardly until reaching the golden palace at the city's peak.

"As Twist said, the Bazaar travels the world," Cheerilee said. "Every night at midnight in its current time zone, it teleports—sometimes a mile, sometimes ten, sometimes fifty. No one knows why it chooses the exact path it takes, and where it will end up in the future is very difficult to speculate upon, and nearly impossible to get perfectly right."

She produced a globe, and touched the tip of her pointer to a spot on the polar ice cap just north of Equestria. "Right now, the Bazaar is here, and will enter Equestria tomorrow or the next day. It will then proceed south past Canterlot and over Ponyville, before turning westward at the Everfree Forest and making its way toward the Whispering Desert, across the western sea, spending some four weeks total within Equestria's borders… at least, that's probably what it will do.

"On average, the Bazaar returns to Equestria once every five years or so… but that's an extremely variable period of time, not stable at all. For instance, by what we can assume is pure random chance, the Bazaar hasn't been seen in Equestria for over eighteen years… meaning, I think, that none of you has ever seen it before. Well, that's certainly exciting! You're very lucky, my little ponies. If it follows its projected path, it's going to end up right on top of us."

Most of the little ponies nodded with enthusiasm, muttering to each other in eager anticipation.

"The Bazaar has no culture of its own," Cheerilee said, indicating the slide and tracing the outlines of the random architecture. "Ponies and other creatures from all over the world go there not only to buy and sell, but to live and raise families. It's its own teeny-tiny country. I'm sure that when you go there, you'll see all manner of creatures that you never knew existed, each using his or her own customs that you never imagined. Though, of course, most of you won't be going there to learn… you'll be there for the shopping. But there isn't anything wrong with that. The place will most certainly broaden your horizons in terms of fashions and hobbies."

"Ooh!" Sweetie Belle said eagerly, leaning forward. "Um… what kinds of hobbies?"

"I couldn't begin to tell you, Sweetie Belle. You'll have to see for yourself."

The simplicity of that statement left Sweetie Belle looking extremely impressed.

"Now, for the most part, ponies and other creatures go to the Bazaar to shop," Cheerilee continued. "However… you'll find that the citizens of the Bazaar will often come down to earth to do their own shopping, particularly in Equestria… or really, any place with a significant population of earth ponies, since those are invariably the places with the best farms. For you see, the folk of the Bazaar require immense storages of food, in order to sustain themselves while their home city passes over oceans, deserts, and other uninhabited areas—because, due to the short-sightedness of their extreme urbanization, it's nearly impossible to grow food anywhere at the Bazaar. This means that, despite the large amount of buying the citizens of Equestria shall surely do when the Bazaar gets here, it's likely that they will leave us far more money circulating within our economy than we leave for them. This, of course, presents me with the perfect opportunity to start teaching you some of the basic principles of economics…"

As Cheerilee prepared her next lesson, the rest of her sentence was drowned out by a flurry of whispers from all the eager students.

"Can you believe it?" Diamond Tiara hissed. "I've been waiting for the Bazaar to come to Equestria since before I could walk. Now it's finally coming!"

"That is exciting," Silver Spoon agreed. "I wonder how ponies wear their manes up there? I'm totally gonna get my mane done in the most popular style the Bazaar has."

"Pfft, aiming way too low, Silver Spoon," Tiara said haughtily. "I'm gonna get my hooves on all their latest things. You know how? The retail geniuses at the Bazaar invented credit cards. I bet every single store there takes 'em." She held one up. "I'll finally get to put this baby to some real use."

"You have a credit card?" Silver Spoon said, revolted.

"Well, yeah. It's only the latest thing. And don't I deserve only the latest thing?"

Silver Spoon didn't answer.

"Well, don't I?" Tiara snarled.

"Yes, yes you most certainly do," Silver Spoon said dispassionately.

Scootaloo leaned toward her fellow Crusaders. "Are you two thinking what I'm thinking?'

"Exotic multicultural interests to pursue?" Sweetie Belle suggested.

"Crazy-ass cutie marks from foreign lands?" Apple Bloom added.

"That's it exactly!" Scootaloo squealed. "Booyah!"

The Crusaders high-hoofed each other.

"This might just be the opportunity we've been waitin' for all these years!" Apple Bloom gushed, quivering with excitement. "Cutie Mark Crusaders are back in the game!"

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Endnotes

…No, I'm not an economist. So if the economic situation presented wouldn't work, if it would in reality leave the Bazaar a poverty-stricken wasteland… I don't know either way, and I don't wanna hear about it. Let's talk about the cool part.